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Send your anonymous gripes and grouses to [email protected], or to Dig Department of Gripes, 242 E. Berkeley St., 2nd Flr., Boston, MA 02118. Crybaby.

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laura dargus | [email protected]

Secret high school democracy man My name is Steven, and my friend Alan and I are running for our high school’s class student council, for president and VP. Alan had previously seen your comic strip, Secret Asian Man, and we have all agreed that the main character has an unmistakable resemblance to him. For our campaign, we will be creating campaign buttons and, whilst brainstorming the design, the idea was brought up that we should use the comic strip character. We looked through your archives online and found one that worked well—even the white guy looked like me after a little alteration. We would be grateful if you gave us the permission to go ahead with our plans to make

these buttons and to distribute them around our school. We are requesting non-exclusive rights to produce and re-create your design and to distribute them for no profit. Steven and Alan Via email

Tak said, “Fuck yeah,” for the record.

COVER ARTIST | Allyson Haller is an illustrator living in Los Angeles, Calif. Her collage process incorporates digital and traditional techniques to create strong visual narratives that seduce the eye and encourage scrutiny. For more information, visit allysonhaller.com. Want to be on the cover? Email Tak Toyoshima, at [email protected].

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Send your thoughts to [email protected] or 242 East Berkeley St., 2nd Flr., Boston, MA 02118. All letters may be edited for length, clarity and accuracy. Please include all contact information.

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Dear Citizens Bank teller, Times are tough. My employer and I are playing Russian roulette with our bank accounts, which is why I have to come to you every two odd weeks to cash my paycheck in full before depositing it either at my member branch (time given) or booking it back to the office. Look, you and I both know we don’t work in the best of neighborhoods. When I ask for you to put my cash in an envelope, I don’t mean handing me my wad (hundreds on top!) with an envelope on the side. I’m trying NOT to get jumped on my harrowing walk to wherever. Making me repeat myself when I ask for $500 in 20s is always a nice touch, too. Put it this way: If this is your attempt to get me to open an account, I’d rather drag my bloodied/broke ass back to your window to explain how you could help me avoid a mugging in the future than satisfy whatever quota you’re trying to fill. I didn’t feel my request was unclear or too much to ask, but know that in this economy, customer service like yours certainly won’t be forgotten! Thanks for the heart attack this afternoon, asshole.

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Friday, March 27-6-8pm Screening & Artist Talk

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oh, cruel world!

I am an emotional moron. The fun and craziness that was St. Patty’s Day weekend turned into the drama that would never end; my boyfriend and I had lots of “talks”—which I raged about, publically; it took four tries to verify some of the facts for one of our stories—which I again raged about, publically; on the final stretch of a Monday deadline (more, but at least expected, raging), I learned my Mom went in for an unscheduled angiogram this weekend, and because my phone had died, no one in my family was able to get in touch with me about it. Fuck, man. In fact, why the hell didn’t I get someone else to write this damn thing? It’s time for an adult beverage or several. And aren’t I in luck, with it being our “5 Drink Minimum” issue and all. For the uninitiated, 5 Drink is the Dig’s answer to more traditional nightlife guides, giving you the party perspective from the front lines. To dispute the claim that we’re merely egotist writers on Hunter S. Thompson-esque benders, I can attest we went out on very structured, rules-based benders, thank you. Also in this issue: The LUPEC ladies do their bar crawl with more class than the rest of us and Bayles explores the Yelp business model. Wildman spells out how movie producers do their jobs, and Luke O’Neil defends dance bands. Thank god someone was able to get their work done.

Saturday, March 28, noon-1pm w/ Mike Pope

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03 25 09 – 04 01 09



Transliterated names dropped between City Hall and the State House It may sound dry, but it represents a long-standing battle between government officials and immigrant communities that has led to court orders, charges of racism and last week, quite a bit of yelling. The special primary election for former House Speaker Sal DiMasi’s 3rd Suffolk District seat has reconjured the tired debate over how to translate ballots for non-English speakers using non-Roman alphabets. A home-rule petition passed unanimously by Mayor Thomas Menino and the Boston City Council last session calls for bilingual ballots (English/Chinese and English/Vietnamese) as well as transliteration of candidates’ English names into characters, but has been sitting on Beacon Hill for months without the State House passing it as law. So, to ensure there would be bilingual ballots in the upcoming special election for DiMasi’s seat, Menino filed another version, without the controversial transliteration mandate. Before voting on the second draft, the Council held a hearing on Wednesday, where Boston residents vented their concerns. Boston’s immigrant communities have been pushing for transliterated names on ballots for years, but even home-rule petitions (which would change ballots in the city of Boston only)

have failed to go through the State House. Many attribute this to the known opposition of Secretary of State William Galvin, who claims transliterated names would be too confusing for voters. Councilor Maureen Feeney insisted throughout the hearing that the Council didn’t want to muddy the waters in the State House. Geraldine Cuddyer, chair of the Boston Board of Election Commissioners, maintained that this bill is intended “strictly to maintain the status quo,” as the upcoming special election is slotted for May. Councilor Bill Linehan said he believes the bill earned support because it will pass in time. “It will make it through the process in time for our elections in May,” he said. “We can get this through because it’s non-controversial.” Many Chinese-speaking residents filled the audience, wearing headphones to listen to the hearing translated into Chinese. Lydia Lowe, executive director of the Chinese Progressive Association, took a poll of the all of the Chinese-speaking residents in the audience. Lowe asked if given the choice between a bilingual ballot without transliteration or receiving an English or Spanish ballot, which they would prefer. Every member of the audience raised their hands in favor of an English

or Spanish ballot, signifying that a bilingual ballot without transliteration would be of no use to them. Henry Yee, a Boston resident, had strong words for the councilors. “Becoming a citizen, the most important responsibility is voting,” Yee said through a translator. “A bilingual ballot without Chinese names is not a bilingual ballot. A ballot without Chinese names takes away the civil rights of Chinese voters.” Other residents told the Council that the community would become more involved in the voting process if the ballot was transliterated, and that bilingual ballots without transliteration are useless. Feeney became visibly frustrated, and repeated many times that the Council is for transliteration, but cannot control ballots for state-level elections, which require the approval of Beacon Hill. “The problem is not in Boston,” said Feeney. “The problem is at the state level.” Feeney said she believes that if Chinese- or Vietnamesespeaking residents cannot have a fully bilingual ballot that includes transliteration, at least they can have a bilingual ballot. Menino’s revised bill goes before the City Council this week. If it passes, it will move on to the State House, where it will await approval alongside the original draft.

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Every year, after the governor compiles a preliminary budget for the next fiscal year, a swarm of people and institutions storm the State House to testify before the Joint Ways and Means Committee about how they’re getting screwed. This year was no different, though it was perhaps more dramatic, thanks to the governor’s effort to close up a $3.5 billion budget gap projected for 2010 with cuts to Health and Human Services. Proposed cuts include millions from the Department of Mental Health, the Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission and the Department of Developmental Services. Hundreds of people turned out to testify. Gary Blumenthal, executive director of the Association of Developmental Disabilities Providers, would see his organization’s budget slashed if this budget passes. “To make these cuts is not just pennywise and pound foolish, but penny-wise and tons foolish,” Blumenthal testified. “Please do not balance the budget on the backs of the most vulnerable people in the state.” Many complained about the negative effects their organizations had already felt as a result of Gov. Deval Patrick’s budget cuts earlier this fiscal year—emergency fund reductions intended to close 2009’s giant budget shortfall. Rev. Edward Burks, of the Greater Love Tabernacle in Dorchester, spoke of his experience living with AIDS and the importance of HIV/AIDS prevention funding, which already saw a $1.7 million cut last year. “We must have prevention education, or the numbers [of those infected] you see now will climb beyond your imagination,” Burks said. “People’s lives are at stake. No more cuts to this line item.” After four and a half hours of testimony, committee assistant vice chair Sen. Harriette Chandler, D-Worcester, said the annual grievance session was “democracy at its best.” “I think everyone is familiar with the larger needs—the school problems, the town and city problems—but these are really real to the people who are impacted by them,” Chandler said. “It’s life and death to them.” Though many at the meeting requested the state use funds expected from the federal stimulus package to fill budget gaps, vice chair Rep. Barbara L’Italien, D-Andover, said it’s still unclear how much money will come to Massachusetts and what it can be used for. As both legislators return to their respective committees to review the testimony and begin drafting their own version of the budget, Chandler said this budgeting process would be a particularly sobering one. “This is a very difficult budget year,” she said. “I’ve never seen a budget this difficult.”

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Budget backlash at the State House

arts + entertainment

by morgan keenan

lost in translation

Transportation Secretary James Aloisi, defending his sister against the bullies at the Globe who wrote that her $60,000 legislative job involved no work. 3.17.09

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“I didn’t think that it was ever appropriate for the press or others to take shots at me through members of my family, but it seems that the rules of the game have changed.”

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Zippy Duvall, the almost completely bald president of the Georgia Farm Bureau (and our hero), when he was mistaken by a throng of reporters for shamed AIG Chairman Edward Liddy and peppered with questions. 3.18.09

by anne baker

“If I knew I was going to get all this attention, I’d have gotten my hair cut.”

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The gov on UMass fees

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the dig’s quality-of-life index

Evil twins, fat firefighters, babies: Biology!

Bernie Madoff will remain in prison until his sentencing, though his lawyer argued in favor of his release last Friday. He was exiled from his cushy house arrest to jail after confessing to fraud last week. Mmmm … justice. PLUS 1 Five-hundred toddlers raced in the American Baby Derby trials last week. Expect a ballot question to end baby racing this fall. EVEN Lawmakers from New Hampshire and Massachusetts gathered on Beacon Hill to protest proposed toll booths at the New Hampshire border of I-93. Leave it to Massachusetts to somehow put a tax on our tax-free shopping … EVEN Madame Chubie Wubie, an escaped Jamaica Plain macaw, reunited with her owner last week. The MSPCA is grateful that the owner reclaimed the bird, as many owners are abandoning their pets due to financial problems. The MSPCA added that there are many other birds available for adoption and ready to receive equally ridiculous names. PLUS 1

The question is, how do you report on this as a health issue without creating a new firefighter body image disorder for the DSM?

State treasurer and gubernatorial-hopeful Tim Cahill is facing an ethics inquiry over allegations that he awarded a $21 million state contract to Scientific Games, a company that was secretly paying Cahill’s friend and fundraiser, Thomas Kelly, tens of thousands of dollars in consulting fees. This could hurt Cahill’s chances of becoming governor. Then again, DiMasi did this, and he was re-elected speaker … just before he resigned in shame. MINUS 2 If their union doesn’t approve a wage freeze, 212 Boston Public School teachers could lose their jobs by the end of the week. Can’t you just feel the youths getting dumber? MINUS 1

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But! If you’re miraculously smart enough to matriculate to college, it might actually be affordable! Gov. Patrick announces he’s planning to distribute $162 million in stimulus money to public universities, thus slashing a proposed $1,500 fee hike at UMass. PLUS 2 After five (four?) years with the Red Sox, Old Man Schilling decides it’s time to hang up the bloody sock for good and announces his official retirement from pitching. At least now he can devote full work weeks to playing World of Warcraft developing his upcoming online role-playing game! EVEN This week’s total: PLUS 1 Last week’s total: MINUS 169

Photo of the week Random photo submitted by Aaron Morris. Submit your photos to [email protected].

IT’S SORTA LATE in the game to point this out, but you know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you walk into work and someone is wearing the exact same outfit as you, and you’re all, “Dammit, why did Suzie have to wear a sweater vest with suspenders today?!” Yeah, that’s how we felt when Johnny Diaz had a story in last Wednesday’s Boston Globe extolling the virtues of female anchormen (we mean, anchorwomen, uh, we mean anchorpeople of the female persuasion), who, much to Diaz’s amazement, can do their jobs as well (read: crappily) as men. The story ran the same day as our column tearing 7 News’ all-girl!girl!girl! anchor team apart for dressing in clown suits and not raising the bar a little. All we can say is that if we share brainwaves with Diaz, we’d like to think of ourselves as his evil twin. While we don’t do much in the way of interviewing big fat talking heads, we do sneeze at quotes like this: “The fact is that the average woman coming out of school, if you dress her up and put makeup on, she looks like an adult. The average guy coming out of school looks like he’s coming out of puberty. It’s not discrimination. It’s biology.” Uh? Is Professor Bob Papper, the brilliant mind at Hofstra from whose mouth this quote oozed, suggesting that station owners like Ed Ansin are sneaking around j-school graduation ceremonies, sniffing for fresh, young anchorblood? Gross. But biology does bring us to the theme of today’s column … biology! Because it’s time for another newspaper comparithon! Science edition! You see, a study last week found that Boston firefighters are … how shall we put this delicately? They are mammoth creatures, and nearly half of new recruits can’t pass the treadmill exercise test recommended by the national fire safety organization, and only

one in five were at a healthy weight. The question is, how do you report on this as a health issue without creating a new firefighter body image disorder for the DSM? Well, Globe is to Herald as Diaz is to Farm. The Globe’s headline reads, “Researchers stress fitness for firefighters, EMTs: Obese recruits found in study,” and then there’s a corny “sounding the alarm about physical fitness” joke in the lede. Very polite. And the Boston Herald? “New study: EMT, firefighter recruits too fat.” Zing! Meanwhile, the Scientific American blog wrings its hands and asks, “Are firefighters and EMT’s [sic] too fat to rescue us?” And WBUR’s Sacha Pfeiffer relishes in being a bit nasty, especially for the public radio crowd: “The researchers say there’s a misperception that some firefighters and ambulance workers are heavy because they’re muscular. But the study finds that three-quarters of them are Just. Plain. Fat.” Ironically, reporters aren’t exactly the fittest professionals in the world. Known for deadline binge eating and free buffet partaking, we can’t all be Anderson Cooper. But no one’s going to do a study on that, because journalists aren’t exactly known for public service, so if we get heart attacks reaching for our notebooks, it’s not exactly tragic. IN OTHER BREAKING biology news, the Globe reports that cases of shaken baby syndrome have “at least doubled in the last few months,” adding later that this boils down to “nine infants with shaken baby syndrome in the last three months, compared with four in the same period last year.” First of all, we’re pretty sure that’s more than doubling, not

at least doubling. C’mon, Globe, we know math is hard, but we’re dealing with single digits here … which, of course, begs the question, how small does a trend have to be for the Globe to not report on it? (Answer: If you can blame it on the recession, they’ll print an article about your toe jam.) AND FINALLY, a warning to a certain state spokesperson out there with a blog about potty training her kids: We seeeee you, and all the ins and outs of your children’s bowel movements. We recommend you password protect immediately, before some entity more heartless than ourselves finds it. If your children grow up with accounts of their potty-training performances (complete with photos!) splashed across the internet, they will NEVER FORGIVE YOU, no matter how well you can spin it. TIPS? THOUGHTS? [email protected]



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by cara bayles [email protected]

They yelp me,

WEEKLYDIG.C0M

03 25 09 – 04 01 09



The review site straddles the line between company and community, wrangling businesses, reviewers and the elite

Ever since San Francisco’s East Bay Express ran an article entitled “Yelp and Extortion 2.0,” accusing the review site’s salespeople of essentially blackmailing businesses into advertising in return for a good web image, the 5-year-old company has dealt with a slew of media coverage. But as Yelp answers questions about its advertising, it’s clear that the young company is still negotiating its identity as a review service, an online community and a business among the different groups it connects. And as its Boston community grows and adapts, it will affect local consumer and business communities alike. The Boston Yelp community—founded during the second wave of the company’s expansion in 2005—is very active, with lively message boards discussing everything from the Obama administration to the best place to get a rabbit spayed. Yelpers police the site as well, consulting one another about whether to flag suspicious reviews (where the author has only reviewed one business and

they yelp me not maybe its rivals). In fact, “spelp,” a cute word-blend with “spam,” originated here in Boston. Yelp started out as a review site in San Francisco in 2004, whereby anyone could review the plethora of foodie institutions that dot the Bay Area. “Looking around the web, our co-founders asked, ‘Why is it that it is so difficult to find objective reviews about doctors or mechanics? How is it that in this day and age of the internet, in this medium, there isn’t one place you can go to, to find out this type of information?’” explains Yelp spokeswoman Stephanie Ichinose. “It was about bringing word-of-mouth information to help consumers make better local purchasing decisions.” And that service still exists; anyone who visits the site can peruse reviews generated for free by users in dozens of cities. But Yelp has also morphed into a social-networking site, with users meeting on the internet and becoming flesh-and-blood friends. And then there’s the Elite Squad, a group (the number of Elites remains undisclosed, Ichinose says) of rabid reviewers who

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Full disclosure: Neither Dig Publishing nor Yelp paid / was paid for the “Yelp” column, which appeared regularly in the Dig until 1.7.09.

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Photography (a feature that allows business owners to contact reviewers, write an “about me” section and view pageviews), she immediately started getting calls from Yelp’s sales department. “They call me all the time. The first couple times they called, it was like, ‘We really think that we could really benefit you, we really think you should really do this,’” she says. “It’s gotten to the point where I recognize the area code, and I’ve stopped picking up the phone when I know it’s them. I don’t return their phone calls. I get it. They want me to advertise.” Then, in January, she lost her Elite status, thanks to a new company rule that business owners cannot be Elite due to what Farrelly terms unspecified “conflict of interest” concerns. It left Griffith feeling “a little miffed.” “I don’t understand what the conflict of interest could be. … I still can’t review myself, no matter how elite I am,” says Griffith. “I think they’re really trying to just drive the business owners toward the paid sponsorship, and I kind of get if you’re Elite and a paying sponsor, how that would be a conflict of interest. But I have no intention of becoming a sponsor.” Ichinose said there was no truth to allegations that Yelp coerces businesses into advertising, adding that the sponsorship program has drawn so much heat because people don’t understand it. “It’s kind of counterintuitive to the way a lot of businesses have looked at advertising and marketing programs in the past, where it’s strictly pay to play. Prior to this, there was the Yellow Pages. You got an ad and you knew exactly the messages being delivered, it was very controlled,” she says. “But Yelp is a new platform. All these businesses that are doing really great work and delivering great products and services and food, we’re more than happy, whether they pay us or not, to drive a lot of traffic to them. Ultimately, we’re about connecting businesses.” Even as Yelp sells itself as a public resource, it is a privately owned space, and is within its legal rights to cut out reviews, court businesses aggressively and strip users of their Elite status. The question is, is Yelp being transparent about its practices? Yelp may strive to cultivate a community of consumers and businesses, but it is, itself, still a corporation.

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Blanchard’s Yelp rating fell, as many revised their reviews to give the store one star. Some Yelpers who had not previously reviewed the store (and, in at least one case, someone who’d never been there), gave the store poor reviews, referencing the animal abuse incident. Several of these were taken down. “Hearsay reviews from people who have never stepped foot inside the business don’t address the average customer experience and therefore fall outside our review guidelines,” says Leighann Farrelly, community manager for Boston Yelp. “The reviews were flagged by the community and our customer service team removed the reviews that fell outside our guidelines. This rule applies to all reviews, regardless of whether a business is an advertiser or not.” But the response was overwhelming. Reviewers manipulated the rules, with comments like: “If you want to kick it with some Red Dog, Blanchard’s can’t be beat!  Just stop by and pick up a crate, er, case.” Some called out Blanchard’s status as a Yelp sponsor, saying, “YELP HAS DELETED MY REVIEWS 3 TIMES! SO I DECIDED I WOULD GO INTO THIS PLACE AND PURCHASE SOMETHING SO I COULD 100% SAY I HAD A CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE IN THE STORE! IF THIS REVIEW GETS DELETED IT’S BECAUSE BLANCHARD’S HAS SPONSERED [sic] YELP AND IS A COMPLETELY BIASED SITE!” and, “Yelp—don’t sell out. Keep these reviews … people need to know the truth about Blanchard’s.” The Yelp page for Blanchard’s still features one five-star review on top, the “sponsor’s favorite,” followed by several one-star reviews. Blanchard’s overall rating is now three stars. Corey didn’t respond to the Dig’s request for comment. The East Bay Express article alleges that Yelp salespeople can move around all the reviews on a business’ page, and there are business owners in Boston who claim to have been extorted by Yelp. There’s a lot at stake here; if members believe Yelp is manipulating reviews, that would undo the very appeal of the site: the perceived honesty of random people sharing their experiences. David Ciccolo, who owns The Publick House in Brookline, said that when he read the East Bay Express article, it described his experience. Ciccolo says that three months ago, he got a call from a Yelp salesman. “He said, ‘Your reviews are fantastic.’ And I’d looked at them the day before, and I knew our reviews weren’t fantastic, and I was like, ‘Why is this guy telling me this? He’s full of crap,’” Ciccolo says. “So when I got off the phone with him and looked, the best [reviews] are on top. And that’s when I was like, ‘Oh, you gotta be kidding me. They have the power to move this stuff around to make a sale.’” The next day, the Yelp salesman called again. “When I hung up with him and made it very clear that no way would any of our businesses ever advertise with him because of their tactics, I went downstairs, literally an hour later, and guess what? The good [reviews] were off the top and the bad ones were in the top position.” Ciccolo says he already harbored a certain degree of disdain for websites like Yelp and Chowhound, which don’t allow business owners to respond to inaccurate reviews in a public forum. “We’re defenseless as business owners. It’s really hurting us,” he says. “Especially in this economy.” When Kelly Griffith, who has been a Yelp reviewer since December 2007, clicked a box on her company’s Yelp page last year to indicate she owns Closed Circle

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have been recommended to their local “community manager” (each location has one such web referee). Once a member attains Elite status, their reviews appear higher up on pages of venues, and they get perks like invites to Elite parties sponsored by Yelp and hosted by local businesses. Shannon Sweetser has been a Boston Yelper since the early days in 2006, and soon became an Elite member, attending the second-ever elite event held in Boston. “I suppose the benefit of having these Elite events would be to kind of make it so the users get addicted to the site,” she says. “It’s like a benefit to the user—you write reviews and get these awesome privileges, and Yelp gets to make connections with the community. … Yelp is becoming close and building relationships with these businesses that, in turn, would be willing to work with Yelp in the future, and do sponsorship programs.” Among the allegations recently brought against Yelp is that the site is pay to play. Yelp—which has not yet earned back its capital investment, but expects to be profitable by 2010—generates most of its revenue by getting local businesses to sign up for the sponsorship program, whereby a business pays Yelp anywhere between $300 to $1,000 per month—depending on how many impressions (search results) it wants—to come up in searches and to pick one review to appear at the top of its page. But, Ichinose points out, the top review is clearly demarcated as the Yelp sponsor’s favorite, and when you search for, say, Mexican food in Boston, only the first review is a sponsored link … whether the reviews after that first one are sponsors, she says, is completely random. Downtown Wines & Spirits in Davis Square has four and a half stars on Yelp. According to general manager Daniel Parsons, the store has been a sponsor for a few weeks now, though it’s felt the effects of Yelp reviews for at least a year. “It’s been a huge boom for us,” he says. “For whatever reason, our store gets reviewed more than most liquor stores. It’s just nice to have a conversation going online about it.” About a month ago, Downtown hosted a Yelp Elite event. A few weeks later, it hosted its own independent tasting. “We engaged with people as they came in, because we’re tasting and talking about the wines, and we asked them how they heard about it, and they’d say, ‘Oh, I heard about on Yelp,’” he said. “That was what tipped the balance to convince us to [become a sponsor], just the sheer volume of people that came in at once in that one day. We thought about it previously, but it’s sort of hard to quantify that stuff.” So why pay to be a sponsor, when the store already benefits from exposure on Yelp for free? “For our thinking, it was a mere range,” Parsons says. “The sponsorship gives us a banner for searches within a certain zip code, so it broadened the reach.” Some have argued hosting Elite events guarantees good reviews. Several of the reviews on Downtown’s main page make reference to the Elite event. Ichinose insists Yelp Elite parties have their own review pages separate from those of the venue itself. Yelp users have, at times, clashed with the company itself, and its sponsors. Take Blanchard’s Liquors in Allston. Last month, a YouTube video surfaced that allegedly showed security camera footage of the store’s owner, John Corey, stomping on his son’s puppy. The video immediately went viral, with many animal advocates encouraging others to boycott the store.

There’s a lot at stake here; if members believe Yelp is manipulating reviews, that would undo the very appeal of the site: the perceived honesty of random people sharing their experiences.



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03 25 09 – 04 01 09

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What better to hold your pot with than these fabulous … potholders? Hang them on the wall to add color to your kitchen, or coordinate them to match your apron, and you’ll be out-styling Betty Draper in no time. [Vintage potholders available for $5 each at Artifaktori. Handmade potholders available for $10/set at Buckaroo’s Mercantile]

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We thought about spinning aprons as a way to extend the life of your clothes—then took a pin to the “recession-buster quota” balloon. So after playing June Cleaver all afternoon, trying on every frilly, flowery frock we could find and LOVING IT, we decided to just show them to you. You’re welcome. Vintage half apron, gray with yellow trim ($16) and vintage, Mexicanthemed, embroidered half apron ($28), available at Poor Little Rich Girl [166 Newbury St., Boston. 617.425.4874. shoppoorlittlerichgirl.com] "/34/.

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Vintage striped, tulip-print half apron, available for $14 at Buckaroo’s Mercantile [5 Brookline St., Central Sq., Cambridge. 617.492.4792. buckmerch.com]

’50s kitchen-themed full apron by Jessie Steele, available for $33 at Davis Squared [409 Highland Ave., Davis Sq., Somerville. 617.666.6700. davissquared.com]

Blue pleated half apron by Ever-pleat ($20) and vintage orange tea apron ($14) available at Artifaktori [22 College Ave., Davis Sq., Somerville. 617.776.3708. artifaktori.com]

Brookline

Once called the “richest town in America,” Brookline now plays host to both families and students alike. It’s an attractive and accessible place for respite from Boston’s constant hustle and bustle. Brookline Booksmith [279 Harvard St. 617.566.6660. brooklinebooksmith.com] is a must-see, a perfect neighborhood bookstore with kickass titles and super-frequent author appearances. Another gem, across the street, is Good Vibrations [308-A Harvard St. 617.264.4400. goodvibes. com]. This sex store’s got everything from highly engineered vibrators to in-store sex workshops. But perhaps one of the best things to do is check out the gorgeously restored Coolidge Corner Theatre (pictured) [290 Harvard St. 617.734.2500. coolidge.org], a haven for film

aficionados. Along with regular independent flicks, it hosts special programs and also offers a diverse selection of often overlooked foreign films. Need a drink? The Wine Gallery’s [375 Boylston St. 617.277.5522. wine-gallery.com] got rare beers, exotic wines and other intriguing liquors to entice the palate, plus they offer free wine and beer tastings. If you wish for boisterousness with your brew, look no further than Matt Murphy’s Pub [14 Harvard St. 617.232.0188. mattmurphyspub.com]. This joint features live music nightly and all the traditional Irish grub you can scarf down in a sitting. Or hit up beer-geek central at The Publick House [1648 Beacon St. 617.277.2880], which also includes a Belgian bar, The Monk’s Cell.

myspace.com/ dearjaneco Boston-based, two-person company Dear Jane proffers aprons by local designer Melissa Copeland. A racy spin on countrystyle motifs like cherries, gingham and polka dots, the aprons range from $22 to $40. “Mood: Flirty.”

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BY COURTNEY COX [email protected]

Thicker than normal rubber gloves, Gloveables come in pretty much every color—choose from patterns like leopard, lace and rooster for your ruffled fringe. If manicures have survived your personal budget cuts, these are an investment. The rest of us just think they’re cute. [Available for $16.95 at Monroe Salt Works, Westin Copley Place, 10 Huntington Ave., Boston. 617.236.0045. monroesaltworks.com, gloveablesinc.com]

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david bechle

review | by patrick main WEEKLYDIG.C0M

03 25 09 – 04 01 09

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Ten Tables Cambridge The JP darling stretches its legs For those who had never been to the original location of the Craigie Street Bistrot, the new Ten Tables, which opened in the Bistrot’s old spot in February, can be a little hard to find. Nestled garden level in a residential neighborhood right outside Harvard Square, the interior has been freshened up into a bright, cheery (dare I say, Parisian) space with a few more than 10 tables available for you to enjoy chef/co-owner David Punch’s French-influenced cuisine. Descending into the dining room, we’re quickly greeted and shown to our two-person table. For those who have heard (or experienced) that the original Ten Tables in JP isn’t really set up to accommodate larger parties, rest easy, as there are several options for larger groups now. The one-page menu is tucked behind a four-page wine list, which helpfully designates any of the wines that have been produced by either organic or biodynamic methods. We select a biodynamic Moulin a Vent paul janin ($38), which, based on a quick survey, seems to be right about the median price. For an appetizer, we opt to split the house-made Merguez sausage ($10), presented on a bed of roasted red peppers, sliced fennel and feta. The sausage is tender and juicy without being underdone, and the marinated salad beneath is nearly the equal of the main ingredient. For the main course, I choose the Portuguese monkfish stew ($21). I’m not usually a fan of

fish chowders (a by-product of a childhood where this dish was usually the result of a slightly unsuccessful fishing trip), but this was heavenly. Two big chunks of bright white monkfish in a rich, buttery broth filled with herbs and accompanied by three extremely fresh littleneck clams satisfied even this skeptic. My date opted for the Bavette steak with pomme gratin ($25). This uncommon cut lived up to its reputation as slightly tough but extremely flavorful, and was delivered as ordered with an accompaniment of butter. The superstar, however, was the starch—neither of us could identify the cheese(s) used, but it was hands down the richest, most flavorful, best-executed au gratin we’d ever had. My date commented that it was good enough that she would have ordered it as a main course itself. This Ten Tables doesn’t have a full liquor license, so the aperitifs are limited to some Ports and sherries. To accompany the sticky toffee pudding with vanilla rum ice cream ($8) we finish our meal with, there’s a coffee service for two ($6), served in a French press right at the table. The pudding itself is definitely rich enough to split, slightly warmed and perfectly balanced. In all, there’s been nothing lost in the expansion from the original location, and much (space) gained. Ten Tables its is sure to thrive here in their new environs, and we welcome the addition to the gastronomic landscape on the other side of the river.

phenomenal added to the regular rotation solid cuisine, presentation + taste average meh TEN TABLES 5 Craigie Circle, CambridgE 617.576.5444

MON-THU 5:30PM10PM, FRI-SAT 5:30PM10:30PM, SUN 5PM-9PM TENTABLES.NET

“For those who have heard (or experienced) that the original Ten Tables in JP isn’t really set up to accommodate larger parties, rest easy, as there are several options for larger groups now.”

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Ladylike imbibers all In the annals of literature on “how to be a proper lady,” there is no volume that instructs how to have a well-mannered bar crawl. We borrowed a page from history to see how a recent night out in search of female bartenders fits the “rules of decorum.” “A necessary qualification … is the possession of a palate.” - Mrs. Humphrey, “Madge of Truth,” Manners for Women What better bar to explore the palate than Drink [348 Congress St., Boston. 617.695.1806. drinkfortpoint.com], where our newest member, Joe Rickey, is behind the stick. I find Pink Gin there sipping an amped-up Alaska ($10.50) made with “extra special bitters.” I’d like something tart and ginny, for which Joe Rickey prescribes a Pegu Club ($10). Joe Rickey feminizes us as a group

Ideal conversation relies upon equal give and take, but as Emily Post advises, “too often it is all ‘take.’” In light of this, we’re armed with questions to engage our female bartenders: In relation to your profession, what is the most common preconceived notion about you? “If I’m not always upbeat, people think I have ‘the weight of the world on my shoulders.’ I love being the ‘serious bartender,’ but I can’t do that here,” Joe Rickey explains as she stirs a pitcher of Vieux Carré (served in pitchers, $10/person), then strains it into delicate cocktail glasses, “in an effort to feminize us as a group.” “Good taste is another essential point.” - Mrs. Humphrey, “Madge of Truth,” Manners for Women Before heading off to Toro to meet Bourbon Belle, we ask: What is your guilty pleasure cocktail? “I have several,” Joe Rickey replies, but narrows it down to the Brandy Alexander and vodka with pickling spices. “All people in the street, or anywhere in public, should be careful not to talk too loud.” - Emily Post, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home

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Soon, Hanky Panky and Pinky Gonzales arrive, begging pardon for their tardiness: “We had a little champagne at The Field [20 Prospect St., Central Sq., Cambridge. 617.354.7345. thefieldpub. com] before heading over.” The champagne of beers, that is: Miller High Life ($3.50) and a shot of Bushmills ($5.75). “The girl of today, with … her bright, cheery nature is an immense development on the girl of yesterday.” - Mrs. Humphrey, “Madge of Truth,” Manners for Women

Fortunately, Toro [1704 Washington St., Boston. 617.536.4300. toro-restaurant.com] is loud enough to drown out our cackles. The lovely Kristina is working the packed bar; she mixes us an El Gitano ($10), a couple of Sicars ($11), a Verdad y Amor ($10) and a Cava Cocktail ($9). The most common preconceived notion Kristina encounters is that mixing drinks is all she does: “Like I have nothing else going on in my life.” (“Funny,” Hanky Panky notes, “I have

the opposite problem.”) Kristina’s guilty pleasure cocktail is “an Espresso Martini, or maybe a Bailey’s on the rocks. But I’d never order that in a bar. Ever.” “Do not attract attention to yourself in public. This is one of the fundamental rules of good breeding. Shun conspicuous manners, conspicuous clothes, a loud voice, staring at people, knocking in to them, talking across anyone.” - Emily Post, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home Was it conspicuous to honk at Garrett Harker when we drove by him en route to Eastern Standard [528 Comm. Ave., Kenmore Sq., Boston. 617.532.9100. easternstandardboston.com]? We’d hoped to find Nicole bartending, but tonight’s staff is entirely male, a situation Kevin offers to rectify by bartending in a wig. Soon, Hot Toddy, Saucy Sureau and Mimi arrive, and before long the bar is lined with a pair of Sazeracs ($10), a Frisco ($9), three Last Words ($10), an Ampersand ($10) and a Negroni ($9). “When one guest leaves, they all leave—except those at bridge tables.” - Emily Post, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home

Photos by Pinky Gonzales + PINK LADY

BY PINK LADY

LUPEC BOSTON’S WELL-MANNERED BAR CRAWL

At the witching hour, Pink Gin bids us farewell. We sit tight at Eastern Standard with Kevin and Kit—surely they have guilty pleasure cocktails to discuss? At first, the gentlemen scoff at the notion, as though they were fed rye in their baby bottles. But when we unveil our guiltiest concoctions—Grape Crush, Malibu & Pineapple, Nutty Irishman and Kahlúa Colada—Kit opens up: “Scooby Snacks are actually really good: Midori, Malibu & milk.” Kevin smokes us all with his Miami Vice: half strawberry daiquiri, half Piña Colada. “The problem is, you need two blenders to make it.” Yes, that’s the problem with that drink. “On leaving, it is only polite to express pleasure in the entertainment.” - Frances Stevens, The Usages of the Best Society We bid a boozy farewell after last call, in Emily Postian fashion: “Thank you so much, Kit and Kevin, everything was really great. Of course, it would have been better if you had a rack.”

Kristina Tang pours a Sicar at Toro

cin-cin!

“Shun conspicuous manners, conspicuous clothes, a loud voice, staring at people, knocking in to them, talking across anyone.” - Emily Post VISIT LUPECBOSTON. COM FOR DRINK RECIPES.

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Grafton Street Pub & Grill

1230 Mass. Ave • Harvard Square

graftonstreetcambridge.com • 617.497.0400 s ava g e l o v e

Food. Drink. Nightlife.

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BY TYLER BALLIET

Roll Deep Without Deep Pockets Where the winos roam Just because [Guess what?!—Ed.] the economy is in the crapper, doesn’t mean you need to shop exclusively from the bargain bin. While showing financial restraint during these trying times is the responsible and prudent thing to do, sometimes you just need to say, “Fuck it,” and roll like a baller— without going too crazy, of course. We chose four restaurants that all offer an unprecedented quality-to-price ratio, so you can throw around a little coin but also get unbelievably delicious wines for only a few extra bucks. For the record, these are the establishments our staff members have decided to hole up in until our boy, Obama, can pull us out of this economic shitstorm.

UNDER 35 NIGHT

Thursday, April 2, 7:30

pre-show party at 6 p.m. Use code UNDER35 for $25 tickets!

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The Savant Project: Mission Hill’s source for fried polenta logs and dirty trivia also has a small but totally rockin’ wine list. Most bottles on this ever-rotating list are in the $20 range, but offer up some serious quality. With such affordable prices, splurging means shelling out only $32 for the 2006 Luigi Bosca Single Vineyard DOC Malbec. This is big, bold badass from Mendoza, Argentina’s land of plenty, is the perfect accompaniment to the steak frites or housemade veggie burger. [1625 Tremont St., Mission Hill. 617.566.5958. thesavantproject.com] Green Street Grill: Only a block off Central Square, this joint is a favorite neighborhood watering hole. Best known for mixing cocktails and serving bistro-style food in an unpretentious, publike atmosphere, Green Street also offers a creative wine list. Heavy hitters like Chianti Classico, Bordeaux, Burgundy and enough small-production “grower” Champagne rest on the shelves next to microbrews and small-batch bourbons. Splurge on the 2005 l’Ecu Muscadet Expression de Granite from France’s Loire Valley for just $37. Crisp, clean and full of mineral flavors, this biodynamic wine is a great match for the steamed mussels or potato leek soup. [280 Green St., Cambridge. 617.876.1655. greenstreetgrill.com]

Silvertone Bar and Grill: The Financial District’s favorite place to down Miller High Lifes and sip cocktails also happens to have the best-priced wine list in the entire city. Boasting a small, Old Worldheavy selection, Silvertone can hook you up with most bottles for less cash than any wine store in town. Right now, they’re serving up a 2000 Chateau Barde Haut from France’s Saint-Emillion appellation in Bordeaux for only $54. The 2000 vintage is touted as one of the best in decades, making this high-quality, 9-year-old bottle a steal. We suggest sipping it with the steak tips. [69 Bromfield St., Boston. 617.338.7887. silvertonedowntown.com] Upstairs on the Square: This Harvard Square staple has a large and extensive wine list filled with small-production wines made in eco-friendly ways. The wine prices are definitely fair, but hidden among the 27 pages of the wine list are some gems sliding in significantly below the standard markup. The one we don’t think you can live without is the 2003 Revello Barolo Gattera from Piedmont, Italy, for a mere $45. This “King of Wines” is difficult to come across for less than a Benjamin on most restaurant lists. Slowly sip on this bad boy with the seared prime sirloin steak. [91 Winthrop St., Harvard Sq., Cambridge. 617.864.1933. upstairsonthesquare.com]

“While showing financial restraint during these trying times is the responsible and prudent thing to do, sometimes you just need to say, “Fuck it,” and roll like a baller—without going too crazy, of course.”

DRINK MORE WINE! THESECONDGLASS.COM

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BY JASON + TODD ALSTRöm

McSorley’s Irish Black Lager “Beer good or be gone” Last week, we bathed in some personal beer nostalgia and tasted McSorley’s Irish Pale Ale, a revised version of the old McSorley’s “Light” and a bit of a made-up beer style (which is cool, and a somewhat new marketing trend used to distinguish oneself from the rest of the six-pack). This week, we taste the revised “Dark,” which is now an Irish Black Lager. Never heard of one, but we’re familiar with the German Schwarzbier (aka Black Lager). We’re going to assume McSorley’s is along the same lines, being a lager and black. Personally, we love Black Lagers. It’s a great beer for that person who wants to fool their brain into thinking it’s drinking something heavy, when in fact, the beer is quite light—in comparison to, say, a Stout or Porter. Most are moderate in sweetness, bitterness and alcohol, too. Let’s see how this “Irish” take on a beer brewed in Pennsylvania for a US-based bar in New York City lives up to its motto of “Beer good or be gone.” Now, we’re guessing that’s an old rule for McSorley’s Old Alehouse patrons and not directions for consumers, but it’s just a guess. The Taste Pours seemingly black, but apply some light and you’ve got a deep, dark, ruby color topped with a creamy white foam head that sticks and laces nicely. Soft malts

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in the nose; a bit powdery with a hint of roastiness, followed by some leafy, noble hoppiness. Carbonation is nice and tight up front, and lively, inducing a creamy feel on the palate. Well attenuated with very little sweetness. Thin and watery, with a drop of caramel and malty sweetness. Light, semi-acrid roastiness. Steely in spots. Dry overall. Hops jump in, offering a bit of zest, citric smack and some herbal goodness, but it’s tame and not overly bitter—just enough to keep things interesting. Some oiliness is left behind. Leaf. Finishes fairly clean, yet we want another sip to quench the bone dryness. Final Thoughts Again, this ain’t the dark we had at the Alehouse when we visited, but it’s not too bad. In fact, it’s better. Nothing to get excited about, but it’s certainly drinkable. We’d like to see a touch more sweetness to help balance out the hops and dryness. Oh, and no word back on who’s actually behind the “McSorley’s Brewery” company. We’ll just have to assume it’s a marketing company (that is, an entity that hires a physical brewery to produce their beer) working with The Lion Brewery in Wilkes-Barre, Penn. But none of this probably matters if you dig the beer.

FOR MORE INFO: MCSORLEYSNEWYORK.COM Respect beer. BEERADVOCATE.COM

Beer events New England Real Ale Exhibition Mar 25-28 In its 13th year, NERAX returns to the George Dilboy VFW Post in Davis Square to feature caskconditioned ale (so-called “real ale”) from upward of 80 firkins from the UK and US—roughly a 50/50 split—plus the odd surprise firkin here or there. Beers are served in quarter ($2), half ($3) or 20ounce Imperial pints ($6). [George Dilboy VFW Post #539, 371 Summer St., Davis Sq., Somerville. 617.666.8794. Wed $10, Thu & Fri $15, Sat $5. nerax.org]

Smuttynose Prix Fixe Beer Dinner Mar 30 & 31 Join Atwood’s Tavern for a delicious four-course meal paired with tasty offerings from Smuttynose Brewing Co. out of Portsmouth, N.H. [Atwood’s Tavern, 877 Cambridge St., Cambridge. 617.864.2792. 6pm-10pm/$45. atwoodstavern.com]

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Drink 4: least expensive top-shelf cocktail Drink 5: writer’s choice

150 HIGHLAND AVE., SOMERVILLE. 617.625.1131. HIGHLANDKITCHEN.COM

Drink 1: Gordon’s gin & tonic ($6). The drinks at Highland are fairly affordable for a bar with a signature drink menu and a cool, casual clientele that doesn’t smell like day-old vomit. The cheapest cocktail is a $6 mixer, and there are plenty of options within that category. Plus, at the places I go, Gordon’s is considered top shelf. Then again, at the places I go, the clientele smells like day-old vomit.

Drink 4: Narragansett draft ($3.50). ’Gansett is craft, right?

Drink 2: Charlatka ($7). Our bartenders are pretty cool. Lind-

çao, almond syrup and lime juice makes for one sweet and tart combination, and a bartender recommendation. The place fills up fast (on a Sunday night, no less!), with a crowd around the bar and people scarfing down the comfort food in the dining section. It’s clear: Highland’s a fun juke joint with impressive menus, no matter where you sit.

sey wears costume glasses with drawn-on eyeballs, and Beau is patient when our eyes go wide staring at the drink menu. I finally point to this Slavic wonder and say, “I’ll have the that one.” “Poland doesn’t have a national drink,” he says, “but this is like their gin and tonic—you can get it anywhere.” It’s just apple juice and Zubrowka vodka, but I’m a girl who loves her juice box, and I might just vodka up my next carton of Mott’s. Apple juice is a surprisingly refreshing mixer.

Drink 3: PBR ($3). The tallboy is definitely the biggest bang

for your buck, and goes great with their “gastropub” food (in my case, the largest bean burger I’ve ever seen, paired with crunchy fries). But as always, we vegetarians are missing out, since Beau, who hails from West Virginia, says Highland offers the best fried chicken he’s ever had. And Mondays, they pair DJs spinning classic ’60s and ’70s Southern soul with fried chicken and bourbon cocktails.

Craft is all about the size of the batch, and even the BeerAdvocate brothers have reviewed it. Lindsey offers everyone at the bar a sample of the day’s special … a basil gimlet. If you think cucumber drinks are light and summery and refreshing, then you just don’t know, my friend. You simply do not know.

Drink 5: Mai Tai Dragon ($7.50). Sailor Jerry Rum, orange Cura-

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Highland Kitchen sneaks up on you. Its exterior looks so unassuming, my designated carry-homer drove right by it, but once you walk in, there’s a rather large dining area and a comfy bar surrounded by exposed brick, tons of natural light and a killer soundtrack from the jukebox. The drinks and the time you spend at Highland creep up on you equally fast. Before you know it, you’ve been there four hours and you’re showing your friend how to program swears into her cellphone’s predictive text and you’re in a High Noon-style headbutt standoff with your copy chief (surely, when you go, you’ll have this exact same experience … wear a helmet).

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Drink 3: least expensive cocktail, period

Or, abiding by the well-tested adage “beer before liquor …” some of us opted to swap Drinks 1 & 2 with 3 & 4. And some of us really aren’t all about rules, man, in which case the guilty parties have been appropriately chastised and you, the reader, will just have to follow along.

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Life rolls along no matter what the state of the state may be. There are still special occasions to celebrate, sporting events to watch and general revelry to be had. We know our readers cannot resist the warm embrace of an empty barstool, ’cause truth is, neither can we. For this installment, we endeavored to find the most fun you could have on any budget, whether that’s top-shelf booze or cheap-ass beer. Our rules of engagement were pretty simple:

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Tavern at the End

of the World

108 CAMBRIDGE ST., CHARLESTOWN. 617.241.4999

WORDS BY AMANDA NICHOLSON | PHOTOS BY BENJAMIN DARFLER

I asked the head bartender, Tim—formerly of J.J. Foley’s and most recently, The Field— why this bar was named Tavern at the End of the World. “Cuz it is,” he replied. Aptly named, the tavern is situated a block from Sullivan Square in the no-man’s land that is the border between Somerville and Charlestown. My septuagenarian bar buddy, the “Famous Walter Troy,” tells me not even the detail cops realize that the four-block area is part of Boston. Tavern, sister bar of the Squealing Pig, opened just this January, but you can tell by the beer selection (many Belgians) and the excellent service that the proprietor and staff are pros of the Boston bar scene.

Drink 1: PBR ($3). We sit down at one of the

tables in the bar area and peruse the menu. I’m tempted by the many solid offerings—Sam Winter ($4.50), Dogfish Head 60-Minute IPA ($5)—but decide to start off slow and go with the old standby, PBR on draft. It’s a perfect way to ease into a relaxing evening with friends.

Drink 2: Rogue Dead Guy Ale ($4.50). Yeah, $4.50.

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With its slightly fruity smell and sweet, malty goodness, my wallet and I are in heaven. Walter asks me not to hype the place up too much for fear of ruining its quiet charm and relaxed, chill atmosphere. But I can’t resist. We set about choosing some food: a chipotle cheeseburger, Tuscan fries with parmesan and truffle oil, and the codfish sandwich with bacon. “Genius. Should be done more often,” my date, Brian, says gleefully.

Drink 3: Sloe Charlestown Screw ($6). As the sun sets, conversation turns to the posters decorating the walls of the bar: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Dr. Strangelove (Major Kong rides the Bomb), the earth being struck by a meteor, and The Killing of a Chinese Bookie, starring and signed by Tim Carey (our bartender’s name twin). Tim recommends a drink with local flair: sloe gin, orange juice and a slice of orange for a garnish. This sweet nectar is delicious, and I slurp it down way too quickly.

Drink 4: Jameson 12 yr ($6). It’s time for the good

stuff—neat! This whiskey is smooth and warms my insides. Walter explains that Tavern used to be a blue-collar, townie bar, complete with Keno and riffraff. He misses the Keno, but raves about the Irish breakfast. “This place is bringing the townies and the tunies together,” he explains, expanding the townies’ horizons with foreign beers, and bringing the yuppies down to earth. It sounds like my kind of utopia. Indeed, since sitting down I’ve seen everyone from construction workers to young professionals (read: yuppies), to a young dad with son and Cheerios in tow. I’m definitely diggin’ the place.

Drink 5: Unibroue La Fin Du Monde ($5). Tavern

boasts an up-to-par Belgian beer selection. Even Walter experiments from time to time. I can’t resist ordering this bar’s namesake beer and one of my all-time favorites. It’s a perfect end to the evening. As we leave, the hipster crowd filters in for that night’s live band, Philosophy of Time Travel. I love this place. I’ll see you there on Thursday.

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Drink 3: Magic Hat Roxy Rolles ($4—seasonal offering, no longer

available). Faced with decisions between beers, the choice was soberingly clear. The cheapest macro beer, Coors, weighs in at $4.25. So I get to preserve that quarter and give a nod to Harvey Milk’s boycott of the former, and roll with the Rolles, not only getting a higher alcohol content but supporting Vermont brewing! In the third room, we discover empty foosball tables. Conveniently located rules keep us from spinning the knobs and destroying my key strategy.

Drink 4: Wassil Wheat Brown Ale ($5—seasonal offering, no longer

available). Staying local with a New Hampshire beer on the “beer stimulus package,” I grab this hop-heavy brew. Ryan returns from the restroom to inform me of classic sports bar news: “There’s a lot of dick art on the walls. I like dick art. It’s so basic.”

Drink 5: Mickey’s 40-ounce malt liquor ($7.25). Yes, I attempted to finish with Mickey’s. I was hoping to inspire a wave of paper-bag lushery, but the malt finished me. Mike humored me by writing “Hobo” on the packaging. I did my best to finish it: I poured some in every glass on the table, but it was like pushing green beans around on my dinner plate. I left the establishment defeated, leaving behind a quarter-full bottle ... along with my cellphone and notepad. Don’t worry—both were recovered, along with my journalistic integrity!

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mix, I notice they have the gaudy, plastic beer yard glasses typically found on the Vegas strip. “They’re contagious. Once one orders it, you’ll get eight more requests,” Mike tells me. I ask about a 40ounce Mickey’s; “They’re another novelty that spreads like a rash.” We migrate toward laughter surrounding Morgan White’s trivia. The sunglassed trivia renegade stumps many and entertains all! Ryan’s nerd knowledge wins him a prize, but knowing Simpsons’ character Üter isn’t obscure enough for me to win.

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Drink 2: Wild Turkey Honey and Coke ($7). Sipping on this sweet

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Drink 1: Malibu Bay Breeze ($5). Our bartender, Mike, feels pressured as I mention the evening’s boozing is for work. He forewarns, “Full disclosure—this is my first month.” I assure him my writing will not get in the way of drinking. The first pick is a local’s favorite coconut concoction. Next to hockey highlights, another flat screen flashes images of famous people’s birthdays. March 12th is Darryl Strawberry. Unfortunately, he’s wearing shackles and prison garb. Why can’t they all be red goggle-wearing legends like Chris Sabo?

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Up the steps from the Sunset Grill, deep in the heart of Allston, is Big City. Like their brother on the bottom bunk of this building, they serve a wide selection of brew on tap and in the bottle. Should you want more than just idleness and beer, Big City offers mild activity. Possibly best known for their pool hall, it is the foosball, Thursday trivia and Big Buck Hunter that are the prize ponies for Ryan, Taylor and I tonight. Contrary to my motivational speech to not loaf up to the bar, that is precisely how we begin the night.

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WORDS BY SCOTT MURRY | PHOTOS BY TAYLOR SEIDLER

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138 BRIGHTON AVE., ALLSTON. 617.782.2020. ALLSTONSFINEST.COM

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Maker’s Mark

Crossing

AT TD BANKNORTH GARDEN, 100 LEGENDS WAY, BOSTON WORDS BY ALBERT FORSYTHE | PHOTOS BY DEREK KOUYOUMJIAN

If you were not looking for it, you might not know it was there. Formerly The Hub Express, this tiny little watering hole is tucked to the side of the cavernous hall that is North Station. At first glance, it looks like a food court, offering sandwiches to go and several other premade entrées, but just beyond the cold cuts and pressed offerings, there lies roughly a dozen or so barstools, several draft lines and a fully stocked bar. As I grab my perch and eye the offerings, my barkeep, an extremely attractive woman named Lisamarie, approaches and asks, “What would you like?” Besides your undivided attention, I think to myself … I respond, “I’ll have whatever you’re making me.”

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Drink 1: Maker’s Mark Manhattan ($9). A signature choice, considering this is Maker’s Mark Crossing, this toddy comes sweet and delicious, complete with a sidecar of seasoned ice and the remaining pour. I smile as I lift the day’s first libation to my lips and draw from the serve. Lisamarie describes to me how she adds just that little extra cherry juice to make it perfect, and I couldn’t agree more. Drink 2: Harpoon IPA ($4.50). Finished with my cocktail, I move

on to an old standby; IPA. No need to say Harpoon in this town, it’s understood. And while so many beers today clamor for hoppy hedonism and higher and higher ABVs, it’s nice to know this beer doesn’t try to be anything but what it is: a kickass India Pale Ale. The place is still empty aside from me and one other guy. March Madness plays on the flat screen.

Drink 3: Tequila Sunrise ($7). Not that many people order this

drink anymore, or at least it doesn’t seem like it. A dreadlocked commuter saddles up next to me and agrees. He then orders a Blue Moon and Guinness, or a Black and Blue. “Nice choice,” I tell him as the perfectly poured concoction is delivered. It’s almost 3pm now, and the place is suddenly starting to fill up. Lisamarie tells me she has a lot of regulars. “They stop in for a few drinks before heading home to their wives,” she tells me as a few more people set themselves up at the bar.

Drink 4: Absolute Martini ($7). Heading back into the high octane

world, I choose one of my favorite drinks. Three olives, cold as hell—it’s perfect. As I sip gently around the rim, the man next to me catches my attention. He’s clearly a regular and definitely not doing well. It turns out he’s just come from the courthouse where five years of litigation ended … and not in his favor. As we chat a bit, a deeply personal and unimaginable story unfolds. This total stranger quickly becomes an important part of my day. I buy him a drink. My mood darkens as the booze soaks in. I’m completely caught off guard by this moment. He soon leaves, fading into the now bustling train station.

Drink 5: Sam Adams Lager ($4.50). I order my final drink, an ice

cold beer that now mirrors my thoughts. As I sit there contemplating what just happened, three loud, suited men settle in next to me and order beers. I’m not sure how it happened, but before long, I’m arguing with the guy closest to me about the Iraq War, and he calmly asks me, “Have you ever killed a man, son?” I close my tab while stating that I haven’t, and finish the last drop of my beer. How the hell did I end up here answering that question? As I walk out and say goodbye to Lisamarie, I slip her a 20 and buy those three men a round of beers. It seems like the right way to end my stay.

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E , JO

FRID AY, APRI L 10 BERK LEE PINK FLOY D), ECLI PSE: A PINK FLOY D TRIB UTE (FOR MER LY THE MAN AKIN CICA DA, SING TREA SON

IL 16 S Y, A P R I R A D I O S TA R P YA N K E E A D S R F AM THU O W CT), S CAB, L GYPSY EW LONDON, N 23 (FROM TA R S Y, A P R IL T H U R S D A O C A S IN O , S O A P S N , I, P IS T O L

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, A P R IL 9 T H U R S D AY MOSES N D , K E L LY A B Y V E L N

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TH UR SD AY, AP RIL 2 AL , MY LU CK Y STAR S , NY ), JO YA , KID CO LO SS ME RIT (FR OM SY RA CU SE

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FR ID AY, M AR CH 27 RE SE AR CH ” NE FI T FO R CA NC ER BE A N: RU D AN K “R OC IL D A M AC HI NE , TH E VI TA L M IG HT, BU SP EC TATO R FO RG ET FU L JO NE S,

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THURSDAY, MARCH 26 “OLD FOLKS HOME RE CORDING BIRTHDAY PA RTY” STREAMLINE, MY STUPID FRIENDS (FO RMERLY PG DISASTER), MORGAN KNOCKERS

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1625 TREMONT ST., MISSION HILL. 617.566.5958. THESAVANTPROJECT.COM WORDS BY COURTNEY COX | PHOTOS BY JOSHUA PITTS

To the bar-scene neophyte, The Savant Project may seem daunting—between their storied Sex & Drugs Trivia nights and the salaciously themed libations (I didn’t get to sample the Tijuana Tea Bag, but alas), let’s just say it’s a safe place to test run an experimental outfit you’d get shanked for wearing at your local dive. Turns out, the unassuming façade is across from a gas station, and the servers have a sincere Southern hospitality thing going on. My party of eight arrived, windblown and primed for imbibing, to a giant circular booth (with heat coming from the floor!!) waiting for us … secure all valuables, designate drivers, GO!

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Drinks 1 & 2: PBR ($1.42) / Narragansett tallboy

($3.33). When former Dig intern/bartendrix extraordinaire Maureen finds out I’m doing a 5 Drink, the girl actually claps. “I’m gonna kill you!!” she exclaims. I grip my pen tighter. At first, I order a Narragansett from Kyla, our very patient food server. Whoops. As I’m halfway through the can, Maureen delivers a PBR, the night’s special and actual cheapest beer. We feel more at home already.

Drink 3: Rapscallion Honey ($4.29). OK, so Nar-

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South end reStaurant & bar

Lunch & Dinner 7 days a week SUNDAY BRUNCH Trivia Tuesdays@ 8:30pm 617-728-9101

117 E BErkElEy St, BoSton, ma 02118

ragansett is a craft beer, but oh!—already had one. Rapscallion draft it is. In anticipation of the cocktails to come, my friends order the teriyakiglazed chicken with lemongrass, soba noodles and tempura mushrooms ($15) to go with our complimentary chips and fresh-fruit salsa. A debate on how to cook fish gets heated, and it is agreed: “Salmon is a wet, wet fish.”

Drink 4: Miller Mimosa ($5.24). “The champagne of beers with a little OJ and blue Curaçao,” it tastes like Blue Moon with a kick (read: delicious). It’s always interesting to see a bar get creative with their cordial license, and Maureen delivers quite the bang for your buck.

Drink 5: Frenching an Asian ($9). “I have this

whole awesome cocktail list in my head—is that illegal?” Maureen asks. Um, no. When green Chantreuse meets lychee-infused gin, Lillet Blanc and lime juice, is there really a more apt name? The fruit flavor cuts the sour bite, and after a

round of sampling, the table orders three more. Maureen sends over two plates of guac-oozing nachos, to which a certain unidentified news editor and I attempt a high five … and fail.

Drink 6: Chimay Red Ale ($8.10). Hey, the name

of the game is “minimum,” and our table is hopping! We collectively realize there’s been a live jazz band (The Normalists) playing 5 feet away from us for a half hour. The bar is lined with drinks, and extra chairs seemed to have been pulled up to every table; thankfully, the space is big enough to accommodate, and it feels cozy rather than cramped. My notes on this drink read: “tendonitis”; “I forget”; and “STEAMCLOUD!” Which is to say, don’t knock the cordials—this place delivers.

I order my next drink. The glass that materializes in front of me is none other than “America’s Best Beer of 1893,” Pabst Blue Ribbon. I think, “Alright, it’s still a college bar if they have PBR on tap,” and find myself feeling more comfortable amid my surroundings. This timeless brew accompanies my greasy, yet perfectly crispy chicken fingers rather nicely and winds up disappearing even faster than my food.

Drink 3: Hawaiian Seabreeze ($5.50). An inquiry to Morgan

about what goes into the cheapest cocktails reveals a bottle of Somerville’s own Gilbert’s vodka. Morgan mentions a Cape Codder, and that sounds good … but a combination of no cranberry juice and his ethics of not wanting to serve a boring drink results in my getting the Hawaiian Seabreeze instead. I lose cool points for a minor slip-up while squeezing the lime wedge, but this drink is a pineapple-infused breeze that goes down easily.

Drink 4: Grafton Goblet ($22—serves four!). Hell-loooo! Where

have you been all my life? This miraculous drink is best described as an Irish scorpion bowl and is served in a massive ceramic goblet loosely resembling a tree. Tangy, fruity and sweet, with a suspicious lack of alcohol taste, makes the largest drink on the menu disappear the fastest! Ingredients are a mystery, but the menu states the drink is “believed to be an elixir of life.” After experiencing this potion, I might actually believe it.

Drink 5: Berkshire Brewing Co. Coffeehouse Porter Draft

($5.50). A good friend of mine rants and raves about BBC, so I feel compelled to give this Happy Valley craft brew a try. I’m not normally big on heavy beers, but it’s a nice finishing drink. The coffee flavor helps cleanse my palate and goes down effortlessly. By now, it’s getting late, and an old woman is trying to interrogate my brother and me, so we pay, give thanks for the drinks and part ways with Morgan.

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Drink 2: PBR draft ($3.50). Along with some chicken fingers,

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Drink 1: Cherry Rye ($10). Morgan quickly suggests the Cherry Rye, noting it was concocted by Cara, his co-bartender. This potent blend of rye whiskey, cherry herring and absinthe is an assertive drink, reminding me of two things with each sip. One: It’s been years since I’ve had whiskey. Two: Absinthe tastes a lot like Jäger. I have to take it easy with this drink, despite my Irish heritage. After a cocktail of that caliber, I need pub grub, stat!

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Upon entering Grafton Street, I pondered, “Do I belong in this place?” Let’s face it: It’s a bar full of Harvard hipsters and business folk, and here I am, a young twentysomething with a mere state college education and not a BMW to my name. Regardless, I moseyed up to the corner of the bar with my brother to start in on my 5 Drink. I introduced myself to a clean-cut and straightforward-looking bartender. His name was Morgan, not Morton (the Radiohead was a little loud). Getting right to the point, I asked, “What do you recommend?”

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WORDS BY JIM LANDRY | PHOTOS BY JASON BERGMAN

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1230 MASS. AVE., HARVARD SQ., CAMBRIDGE. 617.497.0400. GRAFTONSTREETCAMBRIDGE.COM

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The PourHouse

907 BOYLSTON ST., BOSTON. 617.236.1767. POURHOUSEBOSTON.COM WORDS and photos BY DAVID DAY

I have been going to the PourHouse for some time, so the opportunity to drink there on the Dig’s dime was not one I was about to pass up. Always blaring grunge, always populated with a ceaseless cycle of coeds, it’s known as the neighborhood bar of Boston. On a crowded Thursday during round one of the NCAA tournament, my friend and I go belly to the bar before I head out to DJ (I had already conceded it was going to be a sloppy set of tunes). We looked up to see the familiar face of Buzz, a PourHouse bartender going on 23 years.

Drink 1: Gilbert’s gin & tonic ($6). As the folks around me order Harpoon IPA, I’ve gone to the well on an empty stomach. My pal orders the Around the World on Wings platter ($8.45) to save my insides. The bar is stocked to the ceiling with vintage ads, from still-glowing Rolling Rock promos to a mug for something called “Knickerbocker Natural.” My friend notes: “This is like your grandad’s mancave.” Drink 2: Passion Tea ($6.50). The first three months of the

year, Thursday nights are luau-themed, complete with Malibu girls, inflatable palm trees and blaring reggae music. A sweet blend of passion fruit rum and tea, and all of a sudden I’m at the beach. Aloha yourself, buddy. I grab a fat teriyaki wing and wolf it down. Buzz props a full roll of paper towels up in front of me. I’m going to need them—for such a great price, the two of us won’t even get through all these wings.

Drink 2 1/2: Malibu rum sample (free). Here come the Mal-

ibu rum girls, complete with some dude banging on a bongo (“When does that stop?” says the guy next to me): mango rum, peach Schnapps, pineapple juice and blue Curaçao. “Did I just drink that?” I ask Buzz. He nods.

Drink 3: PBR ($4.25). The 22-ounce frosted drafts are the

real reason this place rules. Greg, a PourHouse regular, starts talking about how many bartenders have come through the PourHouse. “It’s the boot camp of Boston,” says Buzz, who would know. “Every bartender or waitress has, at one time or another, worked at the PourHouse.” And I believe him.

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Drink 4: Harpoon IPA ($5.50). “Wow!” exclaims the bar as

the 10th-seeded American University goes up by 10 points on third-ranked Villanova with a big three-pointer. “It won’t last,” I provide, as Greg and I both harass Buzz to put the Bruins on, which he does so graciously. The Bruins are up by two going into the third period.

Drink 5: Miller Lite ($4.25). What I always get at the Pour-

House. Coincidentally, the new Miller Lite campaign promoting its “triple hop brewing” pops on the screen. “They’re not really pushing that Miller Lite is hoppy, are they?” says my buddy. “Oh yes,” I come back, taking a big frosty slurp. The Bruins eventually lost, and my DJ set? Came out pretty good, actually.

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House of Blues

15 LANSDOWNE ST., BOSTON. 617.960.8332. HOUSEOFBLUES/BOSTON WORDS BY LAURA DARGUS | PHOTOS BY ANTHONY O’BRIEN

My BFF, Eve, is in town. I’ve got tickets to parade Sunday’s Dropkick Murphys show. This is obviously the best-case scenario for my 5 Drink Minimum to go down in. Quick note: All the drink prices, varieties and availabilities are different from the restaurant to the music hall to the super swanky Foundation Room, and our evening took us to all three.

Drink 1: Well gin & tonic ($6) in the restaurant. We’re pregaming in what used to be The Modern. As expected, people are sporting their St. Patty’s finest, and only one gentleman thus far has been escorted out due to “excessive revelry” (we’re guessing from earlier in the day, somewhere in the vicinity of the Dropkicks’ mural on West Broadway).

Drink 2: Hendrick’s gin & tonic ($8) in the

restaurant. One more before entering the mêlée. Even here in the other side of the building, you can hear the roar of the crowd and the opening bands. It’s clear that the sound in this place is as expansive as it is expensive.

Drink 3: Samuel Adams Lager ($6.50) in the

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music hall. We set up shop inside the massive club to the right of the stage (so the photog can find me amidst the craziness). It’s a vantage point that serves us well. “The Foggy Dew” begins, and the hometown crowd—hanging from balconies and getting antsy in the pit—goes apeshit. The Dropkicks fill the stage with Irish step dancers, and for “The Spicy McHaggis Jig,” a team of bagpipes join Scruffy Wallace’s on the upper levels of the stage. After witnessing what local boys made of the space, I’d have to say that the national acts playing here ought to take note.

Drink 4: Can o’ PBR ($5) in the music hall. Eve and I spend 2.2 seconds with our fourth drinks, singing and swaying with the now über-boisterous crowd. The boys start playing “Kiss Me I’m Shitfaced” and two burly men to the right of the stage (!) are pulling ladies from floor level onto the massive platform. My boyfriend propels us into the crowd

and after losing my beer (understandably, as I’m not about to shower the pit with my libation), we’re happily bouncing around and singing to the balconies with a couple dozen other ladies, oh, and the band—whom we’re crowding. Amazing!

Drink 5: Screwdriver with Chambord in the

Foundation Room. (My boss got us in—what?) After the last jig is danced, we head up to the Foundation Room for one more. The scene is incongruous: the Dropkicks and their families sitting by the fire and on couches amid tapestries and rugs in an overall plush setting. We get lost on the way out, giving us a chance to explore the labyrinth of hidden back rooms, most of which are elegantly set private dining rooms. We empty into the street, asking ourselves, “Do you think they’ll play ‘Pipebomb on Lansdowne’ for any of the remaining shows?”

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Bond

250 FRANKLIN ST., BOSTON. 617.451.1900. BONDBOSTON.COM WORDS BY TOM DOHERTY | PHOTOS BY DEREK KOUYOUMJIAN

up as I grab my second beverage. When I first arrived, there was much more of a dining crowd starting to filter out. One amenity that I’m appreciating, but seems a little out of place, is a giant plasma TV behind the bar. Tonight, it’s showing March Madness action, a welcome distraction as the night crowd arrives.

Drink 3: Budweiser ($6). Here comes the scene I was prom-

ised. Well-dressed ladies are gathering around the scattered couches waiting for the DJ to start. The guys, like myself, are tending to belly up to the long, curved bar. The two gentlemen next to me and I start lamenting our bad luck with the brackets this year, one eye on the TV, but of course not neglecting to scan the room periodically.

OPENING FOR LUNCH MARCH 30! LOOK FOR OUR PATIO TO BE OPENING AS THE WEATHER GETS WARMER

Drink 4: Harpoon IPA ($6). Finally my friends show up, over

an hour late. (Thanks, guys!) The DJ is good, keeping a downtempo vibe in line with the crowd’s low hum. Everybody’s still chatting and the din makes for a great background. I was worried with the tall ceilings and hard marble it would get unbearably loud, but it’s just right.

Drink 5: Ketel One & Red Bull ($9). Thank goodness I started

early and went slowly, as I seem to be loosening up at the same pace as the crowd. Small dance parties are breaking out as the mingling intensifies. Wandering about, my friends and I engage a similarly sized group of attractive ladies in some warm-up small chat. Things seem to be going well, until I’m “rescued” by my buddies, having struck out, imploring, “Let’s go get some food,” and off we go, past the now substantial line formed out the door.

OPEN 7 DAYS • 11AM - MIDNIGHT 69 KILMARNOCK ST. • FENWAY CHURCHOFBOSTON.COM P 617.236.7600 • F 617.236.1066 AND ON THE 8TH DAY HE CREATED 40 FREE PARKING SPOTS IN THE BACK

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Drink 2: Ketel One & Red Bull ($11). The bar is starting to fill

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Drink 1: Jose Cuervo Margarita ($8). Walking into this space is certainly impressive. A collection of enormous chandeliers light the room with a soft glow. Marble columns, exquisite wall tapestries and a giant mirrored backdrop behind the bar certainly work to impress. The bartender doesn’t know how much of the décor can trace its history back to when a previous generation of “masters of the universe” were trying to pull the country out of the (first?) Great Depression in this very room, but just the architectural details suggest that it was always designed to be imposing.

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Nestled in the Langham Hotel, deep in the heart of the Financial District, Bond occupies the space that was once a conference room in the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston, originally constructed in 1922. It’s become by reputation somewhat of the new “it” place, so I ventured down there on the early side on Saturday night to get the feel of the scene.

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WED 3.25

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FRI 3.27–SAT 3.28

SUN 3.29

Hot Jazz Cool Neighborhood

3rd Annual Alt Country Extravaganza

Official Unofficial Moz Afterparty

get on your old stag and ride

guns of brixton, texas

panic on the streets of allston

Been to Egleston Square? We’re not surprised. Our music editor, Dave, lives up there and we’ve never been near his house. All that is about to change though with Egleston Square Main Street and Bitches Brew. The group re-creates Miles Davis’ signature sound, and they are doing it to raise money for the nonprofit devoted to putting Egleston (back) on the map. The Sam Adams Brewery is up there, too.

What is alt country? Well, imagine if George Jones grew up in London and met Mick Jones in 1977, as opposed to Saratoga, Texas, and Tammy Wynette. This two-day festival includes no fewer than 12 bands, many with great names like The Bees Knees, Rev Bob and the Darkness and Golden West Motor Lodge. It’s curated by local alt C&W guru Mike MacDonald, so you know it’s all good.

Didn’t buy your tickets in time for Morrisssey at the House of Blues? Dave did, but didn’t realize he could be on the guest list (he’s a dum dum). The next best thing is this: an all-Moz, all-Smiths DJ music night at the hippest bar in town. Or head there afterward, of course. Bring whatever roses you have left and throw them at Charlie.

[Old Stag Tavern, 3171 Washington St., Egelston Sq., Roxbury. 617.524.9867. 6pm/21+/$10. eglestonsquare.org]

[Church, 69 Kilmarnock St., Boston. 617.236.7600. 6pm/21+/$8 adv, $10 dos, $15 2-day pass. churchofboston.com]

[The Model, 7 North Beacon St., Allston. 617.254.9365. 10pm/21+/ free. myspace.com/modelcafe]

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SUN 3.29

TUE 3.31

WED 4.1

Wuthering Heights

Elaine Showalter

Maestro Hugh Wolff

because the original wasn’t weird enough

blood on the apron

allegro con spirito

Susan Glaspell wrote the short story “A Jury of her Peers” almost a century ago; it was only rediscovered in the ’70s, when scholars began dredging up writings by women that had been yellowing in archives for years, buried by the patriarchy. Princeton professor and feminist critic Elaine Showalter discusses her new book, which borrows Glaspell’s title and surveys American female writers both famous and forgotten. Also, it’s your last chance to redeem yourself for not celebrating Women’s History Month this March.

Your New England Conservatory brought Hugh Wolff on board to take their orchestral studies to the next level, and tonight he gets a shot behind the podium. As he himself has said: “We’re going to stir it up.” Well, tonight the cauldron contains some bits from West Side Story and Antonín Dvo˘rák’s Symphony No. 6. Wolff’s résumé is pristine—the man does not fuck about. Here’s hoping his kids keep up.

Only Kiju Yoshida—the celebrated Japanese director enjoying a retrospective at the Harvard Film Archive—could make an adaptation of Emily Brontë’s novel of doomed love even more creepy, by turning it into a ghost story set in medieval Japan with a lesson about an unnatural obsession with the past. Seriously, check out this brooding black and white masterpiece, and try not to get chills. [Harvard Film Archive, 24 Quincy St., Cambridge. 617.495.4700. 3pm/$8, $6 non-Harvard students, free for Harvard students. hcl.harvard.edu/hfa]

[Harvard Book Store, 1256 Mass. Ave., Cambridge. 617.497.1158. 7pm/free. harvard.com]

[Jordan Hall, 30 Gainsborough St., Boston. 617.585.1100. 8pm/all ages/free. concerts.newenglandconservatory.edu]

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TROJAN BARBIE DOLL ART CONTEST WINNER: LEISE JONES (left) Pieces 1 + (right) Pieces 2. 24” x 30” each (Nine 8x10 silver gelatin prints, mounted on individual masonite board and then hung together) Leise’s pieces as well as runner ups will be on special exhibit at Space 242 this Friday. Come and damage your sweet childhood memories.

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love, debbie

Reports of who is going to star in the Activision’s DJ Hero game are leaking. Among the confirmed are DJ Shadow and Z-Trip. Rumors of Daft Punk, DJ AM and Mixmaster Mike are out there, while (hooray!), DJ Tiesto’s inclusion has likely been nixed. Might we suggest people who, you know, created the whole DJ thing?

[Animation Block Party. Fri & Sat 3.27.09-3.28.09. Coolidge Corner Theatre, 290 Harvard St., Brookline. 617.734.2500. midnight/18+/$7.75. coolidge.org] more 36

WED 3.25 If the indie-rock revival is in full swing, Piles are here to greet it with a full-body bear hug, wrestle it to the ground, give it a noogie and buy it a banana split. One part Slint, two parts Sebadoh and a lot of slashing and swooning makes for a rollicking night at Church. As the bill-sharing The High Seas sound like the Minutemen in a pinball game and openers White Problems would make J. Mascis proud, it’s like 120 Minutes 10 years later. [69 Kilmarnock St., Boston. 617.236.7600. 7pm/21+/$5. churchofboston.com]

Whether you’ve been freakishly obsessed with pottery ever since you saw Ghost or it’s just a “healthy curiosity,” you’ll enjoy Japanese Restraint and Western Minimalism with local pottery master Malcolm Wright. In it, he’ll discuss “the development of his pottery and sculpture in the context of intercultural influences.” He apprenticed under a Japanese potter for eight years in Karatsu, Japan, and was one of the first to build and fire a woodburning kiln in the states, so bring your notebooks! [Marran Theater at Lesley University, 47 Oxford St., Cambridge. 617.349.8579. 7pm/free. theturnpikeroad.com]

STARTING OUT, WERE YOU SURPRISED AT WHO GAVE YOU PROPS FOR THIS HIPPIE-JAZZ SOUND? It was a mixture of b-boys, the celebrity scene and such. I met Uma Thurman, Crazy Legs—it was a collective group of people. Then Rosie Perez, who was the talent coordinator for In Living Color, liked our song a lot and put us on the show. After that, so many people were like, “Damn!” We had Q-Tip, Rakim, a lot of different people giving us props. It took that mainstream push for people to feel what we were doing. “COOL LIKE DAT” LED TO A GRAMMY AWARD. WHAT’S HIP-HOP AT THE GRAMMYS LIKE NOW? Back then, rap wasn’t a new phenomenon, but it was new to the industry. I think Tone Loc or Young MC won the first-ever rap Grammy, and they didn’t even broadcast it. When we were nominated, we got some backlash. KRS-One was saying, “Digable Planets shouldn’t have won it,” and so on. But now, rap music has become an asset of the music industry. Back then, a Grammy officially made you mainstream. But that’s what everybody wants now. DO YOU STILL SEEK OUT AND LISTEN TO HIP-HOP? Not as much as I used to. I still collect music, and I still collect wax and buy records. Back in the day, anything that was going on in rap, I was all over it. [Digable Planets with Common Market. Wed 3.26.09. Paradise Rock Club, 967 Comm. Ave., Boston. 617.562.8800. 7pm/18+/$20. thedise.com, digableplanets.org]

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HOW EASY WAS IT FOR YOU GUYS TO GET BACK AND START WORKING TOGETHER AGAIN? The first time we hit the stage together again, everything just flowed. It’s like riding a bike.

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about two film students who hang out in a diner, aired on the Sundance Channel. The festival showcases some local talent, with Alex Cormack’s Burnout, probably the most intense paper cutout death-race to date. The lion’s share of the content, like Roommates, Puke Bug and Kid Show is good for big laughs, while A Letter to Colleen, a powerful account of a boy’s 18th birthday in a room full of strung-out teens, is sure to leave viewers feeling uncomfortable. Other entries just need to be seen, like I Live in the Woods, described as “a woodsman’s manic journey and confrontation with America’s God.” Both animation fanatics and casual moviegoers craving something different could drop into this wildly creative array of shorts. Some are funny, some embody deep personal expression, but they all contribute to an insane smorgasbord of eye candy.

Digable Planets come from an alternate universe where creative songs win Grammys (“Rebirth of Slick”) and people find KRS-One’s ramblings fit to print. But 10 years spent apart from the group hasn’t dampened Cee Knowledge’s (formerly Doodlebug) enthusiasm for music, even if it’s not necessarily hip-hop. The Dig on Digable.

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Those who want everything from a night at the movies—humor, car chases, social commentary, zombies, Ed Asner—will get it at Animation Block Party. Brooklyn’s annual festival celebrating the best of the year’s independent animation is making a local stop to screen this year’s cream of the crop at two showings. ABP has been running strong since its inception in 2004. It originated as a single-day, single-venue showcase and over the years has evolved into its current form—a weekend-long event spanning multiple venues, enticing Thomas Bayne (of Adult Swim’s The Venture Bros.) and Amy Steinberg, co-creator of Nickolodeon’s Chickie Poo, to sit on last year’s jury. Some entries have gained notoriety from national exposure. Perfectland is an “environmentally charged” series shown on two of MTV’s websites and Breakfast (pictured), a “cereal” (sorry, couldn’t resist)

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Animation Block Party

BY MARTíN CABALLERO

BY JIM LANDRY

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ORIGINAL CAST RECORDING | SHREK: THE MUSICAL | 3.24.09 Ah, Broadway, so out of ideas they’re regurgitating pop-culture references for babies. Staying true, they’ve cast a black man as Donkey and made it terribly, unbearably, horribly awful.

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Our Rachael E. Katz gives her take on the new SJP vehicle Spinning into Butter (Wildman’s review p.40)

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profile | BY luke o’neil

FRIENDLY FIRES Panic at the disco It wasn’t so long ago that dancing to rock music wasn’t obligatory. During an obscure period known as the ’90s, a wave of stasis struck rock fans throughout the world. Independent rock as we knew it then was more about chin stroking, or, on rare occasions, a practice termed “moshing.” Ask your history professor. Shit was weird. Of course, some genius around the turn of the century happened upon the relics of a bygone age known as the ’80s. Back then, they had things called new wave and post punk, where people used guitars and drums to get people dancing. Next thing you know, we’re locked tight in the pocket of a new decade of four-on-the-floor and high-hat beats and warbling crooners trying to hit the high notes while doing aerobics onstage. Friendly Fires are the latest UK rock band to suckle from that historically fertile, dance-powered teat. Dance rock, new wave, disco rock, whatever. It’s chiming synths and bouncy basslines from a band that sounds like they spent a lot of time listening to The Cure, along with plenty of German techno, ’80s NYC post punk and the haze of shoegaze. It wasn’t always that way, says singer Ed MacFarlane on the phone from Prague: “We were really into

more avant-garde and experimental music.” Post rock? Yikes. That didn’t last though. “It got to the point where we said, ‘What is the music that we really like?’ And what we like is a catchy melody.” No shortage of those on their self-titled debut. But more importantly, you can dance to it. Especially if you’re listening to their breakout single, “Paris”—a controlled explosion of percussion, bells, snares, toms and the essential hand claps. The music sounds like the chargedup house beat playing in Club Wherever, circa whenever. “Our music definitely has a dance influence,” he says. “But I don’t think that’s the be all and end all. I prefer to think of it as romantic music, or epic. Dance is at the core of what we’re about, but we’re not just a party band. We’re a bit more than that.” Indeed. On “Paris,” the smooth vocal of the verse contrasted with

the soaring chorus illustrates the point. It charges the entire set with a grandeur and a layered beauty more akin to pedal-wanking shoegaze than generic thump. “The kind of dance music I like the most is more accessible dance music.” Music, he says, that you can dance to and have an emotional connection with. Trace the same pattern on the songs “White Diamonds” or “Jump in the Pool.” It’s as if the band pauses midway through a song, amidst the beat push and finger snaps and cowbell, to catch their breath, then get caught up gazing longingly at the clouds. Oh, and look, that’s a pretty sunset, isn’t it? There’s emotion in the details, and the ache of the vocals. But before too long, here comes the beat again. And the drums. The drums. The drums.

Duuude. Put that shit away. The bouncer might come and check our IDs! FRIENDLY FIRES WITH WHITE LIES AND THE SOFT PACK SATURDAY 3.28.09 PARADISE ROCK CLUB 967 COMM. AVE., BOSTON 617.562.8800 8PM/18+/$15 THEDISE.COM WEAREFRIENDLYFIRES.COM

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If you’ve got 12 bucks and have been feeling dangry or danxious, you should check out Dandemonium at Mottley’s Comedy Club this Thursday night. With seven comics—all named Dan—you can be sure that at least one of them will make you guffaw a few times. The tagline for this event on their website reads as: “It’s Dantacular. It’s the Danpocalypse. It’s Dandemonium!” While I admit that danarchy sounds appealing—(will we see the coming of the danti-christ?)—Danpocalypse and Dantacular are poor uses of the prefix. The danaphora just gets dannoying after a while. Aw, goddannit. [61 Chatham St., Boston. 877.615.2844. 8pm/21+/$12. mottleyscomedy.com] A lot of super-big DJs have hit Elements at the Phoenix Landing. So many, in fact, that a full-on debut of a big name is a rarity. That’s why Subfocus hitting the

club is something to write about. Starting out on a mix CD with a badly written phone number on top, by the time the tastemakers got to Mr. Focus, he was 10 times better than that mix indicated. Then: boom, boom, boom, stardom. [512 Mass. Ave., Central Sq., Cambridge. 617.576.6260. 10pm/19+/$10. myspace.com/ phoenixlanding] The ladies of Fresh Fruit, reopening this week at Club Café (Fresh Fruit Turns X), came into our offices and personally handed off a fruit basket (complete with pearflavored Grey Goose—which is to die for, btw). In their own words, “the people who called in sick today are going to be pissssed.” So true, ladies, so true. If talented musical parody and impressive female impersonation is your bag, you best book tickets before the fun ends on April 11th. [209 Columbus Ave., Boston. 617.536.0966. 7:30pm/21+/$25, $22 students. freshfruitproductions.com]

FRI 3.27 Despite their previous home, Z-Square, being closed, Bootie Boston has kept in good spirits and heads down to Good Life as a monthly. For those who missed out, Bootie is one of a series of international parties that celebrates the divisive art form called the “mashup.” While we don’t rock the form in the office, we know a lot of readers are into its po-mo style. This version features the president of the DC Bootie franchise, Solcofn, and more live vocals from Katie Enlow. Bootie everywhere! [28 Kingston St., Boston. 617.451.2622. 9pm/21+/$5. bootieboston.com]

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Wednesday, Apr 1 jazz vocalist Lovelysinger’s Jazz Experience w/ LYDIA HARRELL

Friday, Mar 27 Latin dance MANGO BLUE

upcoming shows: 4/2-Krista Youngs 4/3-Hot Day At Sat, Mar 28 The Zoo r&b / swing THE LOVE DOGS  4/4-Samba Tremeterra 4/7-NY Sunday, Mar 29 Songwriters Jazz Brunch w/ music 9:00 -2:30 PM 4/8-Michelle Blues Jam 4:30-8:30 Malone SANTA MAMBA -9:30 4/9-Fred Wesley 4/10-Entrain Monday, Mar 30 4/11-The Mystix FREE PIZZA  4/15-Eugene 8:30 PM (21+) Chadbourne TEAM TRIVIA - 8:30 17 Holland St., Davis Sq.

Somerville (617) 776-2004 Directly on T Red Line at Davis www.johnnyds.com

mixtape

Thursday, Mar 26 a capella 5 O’CLOCK SHADOW Pitch Slapped

covers album

Tuesday, Mar 31 blues / folk  BERTRAND LAURENCE

long-player

Wednesday, March 25 jazz / world DAVE FIUCZYNSKI EASTERN BLOC

SAY HI | OOHS & AAHS GENRE | ADULT INDIE POP VERDICT | OOH AND AAH RELEASE | 3.3.09 LABEL | BARSUK SAYHITOYOURMOM.COM

CONDO FUCKS | FUCKBOOK GENRE | YO NO LA TENGO VERDICT | YO LA TENGO RELEASE | 3.24.09 LABEL | MATADOR RECORDS MATADORRECORDS.COM

DJ JAYCEEOH | SUPER 7 VOL. 2 GENRE | MULTI-USER MEGAMIX VERDICT | BLADERULERS RELEASE | 3.16.09 LABEL | SELF-RELEASED MYSPACE.COM/BLADERUNNERBIZ

Best just before midnight while desperately clutching a picture of “the one that got away,” Oohs & Aahs will have even the most cold-hearted androids longing for someone to love. “Hallie And Henry” and “Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh” are fast-paced, multi-dimensional rock with a hint of teenage giddiness. But try not to get heartbroken by Eric Elbogen’s sweet lyricism. Tracks like “Maurine” feature dreamy scenes whispered above gimmick-free, lo-fi sounds. Having released albums about vampires and Star Trek, Oohs & Aahs mark Elbogen’s coming of age and his first “officially signed” release on Barsuk Records. It’s got that beautifully painful ring so refreshingly sincere, but so hard to resist … like love. [JENNIFER CHOI]

This whole story is sort of mind bending: After an appearance in Brooklyn, it became clear that Condo Fucks are in fact Yo La Tengo. With their bevy of rockin’ covers, from Electric Eels to Slade, Condo Fucks exhibit YLT’s unprecedented knack for leaping between genres without sacrificing adherence to songcraft and inventiveness in style. Opener “What’cha Gonna Do About It” is a rough-hewn and straightforward number awash in distorted bass and jangling guitar—a spot-on kickoff into “Accident” and the daydreamy “This Is Where I Belong,” a track more closely fastened to YLT’s expansive oeuvre. Condo Fucks perfectly usher in that muchanticipated springtime ritual of more daylight. So set your status to cerveza and log in to longer days. Fuckbook is sure to be on top of the summertime playlist.

While JayCeeOh only a few weeks ago graced this spot with his dance mix, Goody! Goody!, Super 7 Volume 2 features seven DJs in all, including maybe our favorite party act in Boston, the BladeRunners. A full 50 tracks in, after dynamic turns from LA’s DJ Spider and Philadelphia’s DJ Excel, our crew starts to dominate (at 52:25). With six homemade edits in about 10 minutes, they serve it to the rest of these posers with expertly manipulated remixes of Biggie, Wu-Tang, Big Daddy Kane and a smoking re-tweak of Herbie Hancock’s landmark “Rockit.” Steve Picardi’s edit style is old-school Miami, with funk-fueled stuttering and mach-speed cuts. For more flammable edits, check their newly relaunched blog at replicheck. blogspot.com. [DAVID DAY]

SAY HI PLAY 3.30.09 AT THE MIDDLE EAST UPSTAIRS.

[SEAN YEATON]

DJ BEYONDER EVERY SATURDAY AT WONDER BAR.

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Name a medium—jewelry, clay, wood, leather, paper, rock, scissors—and you’re sure to find some awesome original creation made from it at CraftBoston. The World Trade Center will fill with over 100 artists who churn out some really cool work. [200 Seaport Blvd., Boston. 617. 266.1810. 10am-7pm/all ages/$15. craftboston.org/show-info.asp] Thirty-five of the country’s finest galleries, designers and dealers, all under one giant, dome-shaped roof that is the Cyclorama. At AD 20/21, you can shop/drool over furniture, jewelry, sculpture, print art and

more, from deco to modernist, to art nouveau. Plus, some “free with admission” talks on all things design. [Until Sun 3.29.09, 539 Tremont St., Boston. 617.426.5000. 1pm-9pm/all ages/$15. bcaonline.org]

Nobody likes having to dance at a party. Can I do the Robot? Does anyone in here know how to salsa? And what if I don’t like hip-hop music? The only people who like to dance at parties are dancers—like Chunky Move. A troupe from “down under,” tonight is the debut performance of I Want to Dance Better at Parties at the ICA. It’s a modern, multi-media dive into the psyche of those moments when the most danceable song ever is playing (“Billie Jean”?) and everyone’s looking at each other wondering who will set the beat. [100 Northern Ave., Boston. 617.478.3100. 7:30pm/$35, $31.50 members. icaboston.org]

sun 3/29 Evening show Team Shred presents Sex!, This Blue Heaven, In Memory Of Pluto $9. 8:30pm doors

Mon 3/30

Say Hi (Barsuk Records), The Broken West (Merge Records), Blind Pilot (fr. Portand, OR), Telekinesis (Merge Records) $9adv/$10dos. 8pm Doors

tue 3/31

NOMO, Superpowers, Natalie Bergman $10

Wed 4/1

DD:MM:YYYY (fr. Canada) $9adv/$10dos

DoWnstairs Fri 3/27

Rock On! Presents Appetite For Destruction The Ultimate Guns n’ Roses Tribute $15adv/$18dos

sat 3/28

Team Shred presents Nawset, Sizzlechest, Life’s Eyes, Project 18, Supertonic, Gardenside $10. 7pm doors

sun 3/29

The Middle East Garage Sale - details TBA

Mon 3/30

Asobi Seksu (Polyvinyl Records), Tyvek, Wallcreeper $12

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MassConcerts presents Making April, Jimmy Robbins All Ages $10. 1pm Doors

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sun 3/29 Matinee

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sat 3/28

Rock On! Presents Zach Deputy, Stacked $10adv/$12dos. 8pm Doors

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Fri 3/27

Onslaught Entertainment presents Meet the Day, The Self-Proclaimed Rockstars, Gypsy Cab $10adv/$12dos. 8pm Doors

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thu 3/26

Raw Radar War (members of Only Living Witness), To the Wolves (CD Release), Arabrot, Summerduck, Ehnahre $9. 8PM Doors

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Wed 3/25

Ezra Furman & The Harpoons (Minty Fresh Records), Close Friends, Akudama $9adv/$10dos. 8:30pm doors

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review | BY DAVID WILDMAN [email protected]

movie SPINNING INTO BUTTER Sarah Jessica Parker is worse than racism Hey, let’s make a movie about racism! Because, like, racism is bad! And I’ve met some racists once or twice. We could even get real black people in it! And I’ve got pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker in some drunken lesbian action at a Hollywood party, so she’ll do it for free! Okay, first we need a plot. Something compelling and dark (oops! Sorry). We’ve purchased the rights to this play that takes place at a college in Vermont that is all affirmative-action racially diverse, but it’s causing this tension because you know deep down inside, those white people in the Northeast are all closet racists pretending to have open minds. Then we have a sort of inciting incident that will send the entire place into a frothing madhouse ready to explode with crazy racial tension. Check this out: One of the black kids (Paul James) finds a note calling him LITTLE BLACK SAMBO! And maybe there’s a drawing of a noose on it. What do you mean that’s hardly enough to create a huge stir? You think of something, then. I’m waiting … See, couldn’t think of anything? This adapting movies

stuff is hard. You’d better just leave it to us professionals. OK, so they have a big meeting school-wide and because the white-ass administration consists of uptight dicks and the student body is under such intense pressure—being forced to go to classes with people from different races and all—the whole thing turns into a brawl. Now SJP is the dean of students, and she tries to be all PC, but it turns out she previously taught at a school in Chicago where there were lots of … BLACK PEOPLE! So she’s, like, the local authority, having experienced them in their native habitat. And then a reporter shows up (Mykelti Williamson), and he’s actually BLACK! And he witnesses the whole thing and gets it on TV and then it’s just flying OUT OF CONTROL! And to make it even crazier, he has a crush on her, and she ends up sucking on his BIG BLACK— No. Let’s not push our luck. But he reveals her INNER RACIST that was forged by the awfulness of having to ride the subway in Chicago. So finally, there is a big reveal, and you will absolutely never

guess who is really sending out the threats. What’s that? You guessed it in the first five minutes? Well fuck you. We’re going to make the movie anyway. Plus I’ve got a line on Beau Bridges as one of the uptight faculty members. He hasn’t done much beside Stargate lately, and will probably act for food. Same thing for Miranda Richardson as the uptight head of the school. I know a director, Mark Brokaw. He’s never really done anything before, but who cares? Directors aren’t important. Wow, making movies sure is fun! This one will be a hit, too, because it has such an important message. I bet they even give it a wide release right around Oscar time so we can all get nominated! UP YOURS, SLUMDOG!

Sex in the City money is running out. Guess I gotta do this crappy movie. SPINNING INTO BUTTER RATED | R OPENS | 3.27.09

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FRI 3.27

SAT 3.28

Revere High School’s Rock Ensemble does Dark Side of the Moon. Yah, dude. [Through Sat 3.28.09, Revere High School, 101 School St., Revere. 781.286.8220. 7pm/all ages/$6. myspace.com/rhsrock]

The generational divide in Boston’s art scene can lead the young folks having to do things all by themselves. The Cannytrophic Design Expo is just that, with the enigmatic Stripy Cat curating a serious review of nontraditional art in a nontraditional space. She secured the third level of the Leisure Hive near the Broadway T stop in Southie to show off works from hotshots like Kevin Driscoll (aka DJ Lone Wolf), Nadeem Mazen, Dan Paluska (aka Six Million Dollar Dan) and many others, consisting of works in video, Tyvek, robots and other detritus of our times. A must-attend for anyone interested in new Boston artwork. [36 West Broadway, South Boston. 3pm-6pm/free. cannytrophic.com] While the Elements night continues to go at full roar, the Basstown monthly at Great Scott is only into its second year. Last year, they hosted NYC star Lauren Flax in The Revolution Will Be Feminized, and this year’s version features Boston’s own drum & bass queen, Lenore. Joining her is female techno empresario Volvox and other like-minded ladies. Get ready to get down to the estro-sound. [1222 Comm. Ave., Allston. 617.566.9014. 9pm/21+/$5. greatscottboston.com]

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Bandwagon, in which Fred Astaire plays a washed-up dancer doomed to star in one of the most amusingly pretentious Broadway shows of all time, is the last of the Boston Public Library’s “Fred without Ginger” series—featuring all of that light-footed, big-grinning dancer’s films without his infamous partner— before it kicks off its “Fred AND Ginger” series. [700 Boylston St., Boston. Rabb Lecture Hall. 617.536.5400. 6pm/all ages/free. bpl.org]

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If you can dance, you can win some serious dough, but you better be able to really really dance. The Battle Boutique features dance competitions at high noon in Central Square, and we’re betting the price of admission is worth the looksee at popping competition and the b-boy/b-girl battles. DJs include Leanski, Neebor and Deckbros, and these judges ain’t no David Hasslehoff. The party goes until 6pm at The Attic. [563 Mass. Ave., Cambridge. 617.820.3509. 11am/all ages/$10. boston.going.com]

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The THE Winning WINNING ARTISTS Artists! Thanks to all who entered, here are

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BARBIE DOLL ART EXHIBITION

GRAND PRIZE WINNER - LEISE JONES

OPENING RECEPTION FRIDAY, MARCH 27, 6-8PM @ SPACE 242 To attend, RSVP at www.space242.com Gallery hours Friday evenings 6:30-8pm

242 E. BERKELEY STREET, 2ND FLOOR, BOSTON’S SOUTH END (between Albany Street & Harrison Avenue)

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03 25 09 – 04 01 09

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ReVIEW | BY DAVID DAY |[email protected]

RUNNERS UP

Lelia Weinstein • Gwendolyn Holbrow • Sarah Kim • Judith Klausner Vanessa Thompson • Ellen Wetmore • Lisa Gilman • Shannon Sullivan Veronica Hebard • Leigh Waldron-Taylor • Christina Ficano

TROJAN BARBIE Is not a Barbie girl, nor in Barbie’s world Whether she knew it or not, playwright Christine Evans is participating in the 50th anniversary year of the iconic Barbie doll with her world-premiere performance of Trojan Barbie coming up in Cambridge. “It’s just the strange randomness of the world,” she says on the phone in a charming Australian accent. “I was one of those horrible little girls who just wanted to play bow and arrows when I was a kid … I was not a Barbie girl.” And Trojan Barbie is not for kids. The play, written by the award-winning Evans, travels back through time, layering on allegories and modernizations of stories of Euripides’ Trojan Women. “The thing that really struck me was the condition of our post-modern lives. We live in a time where a lot of different years are colliding at once. One day there is a story about the cloning of sheep on the television and on the next channel, you see images that look like they could have come out of biblical times: women weeping in black beside graves.” Evans is serious business in the world of theater. On top of stints at Brown and Harvard, Evans’ won the Jane Chambers Playwriting Award in 2007 for Trojan Barbie. This production at the A.R.T.’s Zero Arrow Theatre is the latest in a series of shows this year written or directed by women, who are dominant in the American theater landscape these days. “This particular play is a pretty good fit for A.R.T. because they often work with classics and

modern interpretations,” she says. “And it has been a really collaborative process on top. I feel very welcome here to the company, I mean all rehearsals. And I’ve been talking with my director for a long time before we got into rehearsals.” Director Carmel O’Reilly has the challenge of staging the complex work, which begins with a girl building a sculpture out of broken Barbie dolls, and ends when the sculpture is complete. Sounds simple enough, but between those two events, Lotte Jones, our doll-repairing hero, has to travel to Turkey, ancient Troy, a Trojan detention camp and elsewhere. The characters are no Snoopy and Sally either: Hecuba, Andromache, Menelaus and Talthybius all make appearances. As Evans describes the staging: “It’s designed like an archaeological dig. There’s this idea that time is lying perfectly in way with the past at the bottom and the present at the top,” she says. “If you make the wrong step, you fall down through it.” But don’t expect Mattel to show up at the premiere. “The idea for the sculpture came from my niece. She has this idea to make a sculpture out of smashed up Barbies and glue them onto something pink in the shape of a heart and call it ‘Invention Jurassic Barbie.’” But that’s the extent of Barbies onstage. And there will be no merchandising tie-in. “I wish!” says Evans. “Then maybe I’d get rich as a playwright.”

Designer Holly was kicked off Trading Spaces because she was a one-trick pony. TROJAN BARBIE THROUGH 4.22.09 AMERICAN REPERTORY THEATRE’S ZERO ARROW THEATRE CORNER OF MASS. AVE. & ARROW ST. HAVARD SQ., CAMBRIDGE 617.547.8300 TUE-THU/7:30PM, FRI-SAT/8PM, SATSUN/2PM ALL AGES/$25-$52 AMREP.ORG/ TROJANBARBIE

TUE 3.31 It’s thriller meets romance at the Brattle with Just Another Love Story, which has got to be one of the most ironic titles ever. This Danish film noir marries vivid violence, dark cinematography and a plot that vaguely resembles a nightmarish version of While You Were Sleeping. [40 Brattle St., Cambridge. 617.876.6838. 5:15pm, 7:30pm, 9:45pm/$9.50. brattlefilm.org]

[GARRETT MARTIN]

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Hey, Albert Jack: I know you probably have led a sad and lonely life, and you’re probably self-conscious that you have two first names instead of a first name and a last name like normal people (and that one of your first names is Albert), and you’re not exactly from around here, but it still doesn’t give you the right to be a lying liar who lies. Here’s a tip: If you’re going to call your book The World’s Most Puzzling Mysteries Solved, maybe you should, I don’t know, actually fucking solve them? Making me suffer through four pages of inane comments about three dudes disappearing from some lighthouse in Michigan, only to tell me you have no idea how it happened—why do you hate me? I have a mystery for you—it’s called “How Albert Jack managed to get multiple book deals.” Ass. [DANIEL LUCAS]

arts + entertainment

Killzone 2 lets you kill the goddamn hell out of every preening alien asshole that stumbles into your precious zone of killing. There’s no trickery here, no deceit; this game is exactly what it says it is. If it all seems generic and uninspired, well, what did you expect? It’s a sequel to a first-person shooter about blasting endless waves of aliens called Killzone. Damn thing’s a grand cathedral of clichés. We can forgive, though, because the game looks amazing, sporting some of the most photorealistic graphics ever seen on a console. It makes the constant death feel realer. Like Gears of War 2, the single player compensates for a dearth of originality with a wellpaced escalation of tension, but the real draw is the multitude of fantastic multiplayer modes. Killzone 2 makes you wonder why designers don’t ditch FPS story modes altogether and focus solely on the multiplayer.

ALBERT JACK RANDOM HOUSE 3.10.09

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Holy formaldehyde flesh fiends! Capcom gets in on the current fascination to kill the dead by putting our character, photojournalist Frank West, in an infested suburban mall. With zombie shtick humor reminiscent of Evil Dead, West tries to get the scoop on this outbreak before it goes nationwide. A multitude of weapons makes Dead Rising shine. I dummied up a few zombies with a mannequin, plowed the outdoor promenade with a lawnmower and demolished a batch with the go-to zombie-kill weapon: a baseball bat. The delayed response of the Wii remote inhibits your character, but thankfully the A button keeps action alive. Another fault is the multiple loading points between play. The momentum of hacking and pillaging is significantly hindered, but fortunately, there is enough murdering to keep the slasher inside of you gurgling for more. [SCOTT MURRY]

NINTENDO WII CAPCOM 2.24.09

LOCH NESS MONSTERS & RAINING FROGS

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Harvey Pekar’s chronicle of the Beat movement reveals the instantly memorable characters: Jack Kerouac plays the straight man (delirium tremens aside), Allen Ginsberg, the rabble rouser and William Burroughs, the perverse eccentric. Pekar weaves them through the first act, from their rise to fame to the love triangle that constantly united them. Ed Piskor’s artwork perfectly captures their mania—see Burroughs’ feral facial expressions or Kerouac’s bloodshot eyes. The book goes a little off the rails in its second half, an exception being the chapter dealing with women in Beat culture. Written by Pekar’s wife, Joyce Brabner, it is a sharp-tongued indictment of the misogyny that at times ran rampant. Pekar promises a history of the Beats on the cover of this book, and he sure delivers, with every wart and minor detail he can. [ERIK

HARVEY PEKAR, PAUL BUHLE & ED PISKOR HILL AND WANG 3.17.09

PLAYSTATION 3 SONY 2.27.09

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WED 4.1 The ethnic-sound trend will eventually run out of styles to promote, but the newest groove to grab the ears of world music fans is the Balkan Beat Box. An outand-out phenomenon in Europe, they make a stateside appearance at the Paradise tonight. Basically, Balkan beats combine a Klezmerlike eclecticism with the gypsypunk cabaret romp of Gogol Bordello. It’s also been called “tuba ‘n bass.” Whatever you like to call it, it sure is a whole damn hell of a fun time. [967 Comm. Ave., Boston. 617.562.8800. 7pm/18+/$15. thedise.com]

The two things that I dig most on a woman are a nice big pair of… swim fins. Some of my earliest sexual fantasies revolve around Jacqueline Bisset in The Deep. It’s frustrating to have such a bizarre fetish. There is a small subculture devoted to scuba fetishism on the internet, but it’s a total sausage/ snorkel fest. One day I’m heading somewhere tropical like Hawaii, where I hope to meet scuba divas. Until then, what do you suggest? Give up my fetish and embrace vanilla? Or redouble my efforts to find one of the maybe half-dozen women in the world into this? -Fin Fun Fan It’s amazing how the sight of something as innocuous-yet-titillating as the poster for The Deep can, if a young man lays eyes on it at just the right moment, endow that boy with a lifelong/lovelife-complicating fetish. I ponder this phenomenon every time I see that ad for Old Spice’s new Live Wire body wash featuring an impossibly hot centaur soaping up in the shower. (While you regard your fetish as a burden, FFF, at least you can find scuba gear. Where are all the fetishists being created by Old Spice supposed to find centaurs?) The odds that you will one day meet one of the very few women out there who share your fetish are slim, FFF. But let’s say you manage to track one down. What are the odds that you’ll be attracted to her physically? And emotionally? Slim and slimmer. Your best bet is to

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date women you find attractive, demonstrate that you’re a decent and loving guy who can enjoy vanilla sex, and then roll out your fetish. Some would argue that withholding info about your fetish is dishonest. I would argue, however, that “withholding” info about a harmless fetish—FFF just wants to play dress-up, he’s not into shit or shunts or shin splints—demonstrates a certain degree of emotional intelligence. Wait until about three months in to say to prospective scuba babes, “Hey, I wanted you to get to know me before I told you this, because I realize that it might strike you as odd. And while I’m kinky, I’m not obtuse or insensitive.” I’m a 24-year-old guy, and I just got a blowjob from (and gave a half-assed one to) a transsexual male-to-female prostitute. It was no accident: I’d spent about two years looking at TS porn (as well as regular guys-doing-itwith-girls porn), and the whole thing seemed like a hot idea. But the plastic-surgery scars around her tits and her cock in my mouth kind of made me nauseated. I went through the motions only because I didn’t have the guts to walk out. (We both had condoms on.) I’m not sure if I can face my girlfriend of a year. I’ve been faithful to her until now, and I feel like crying. I don’t know if it’s because it was illegal (prostitution), because I was cheating

on her (unfaithful), or because I can’t say I’m totally straight anymore (cock in my mouth). I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend. She knows I look at porn, but she doesn’t know I look at TS porn—no one does. -Regrets About Gay Experience Paradoxically, RAGE, going down on a shemale escort shores up your heterosexual bona fides. Gay guys don’t frequent and/or fellate shemale escorts (on purpose or by accident); getting with shemales is an entirely straight-male pursuit. So you can go right on identifying as straight, RAGE. Of course you aren’t totally straight— try thinking of yourself as something more than straight, not less—but you’re close enough that you can round yourself down to straight with a clear conscience. (Offer void the day you start blowing hemale escorts.) As for the rest of your angst: If you’re serious about this woman, then cheating on her like this was a shitty thing to do. But you’re not married yet, RAGE, and now’s the time to get out there and satisfy any outstanding sexual curiosities—before marriage and before kids. And while unburdening yourself to the girlfriend may sound like the noble thing to do—honesty be-

Joe Newton

BY DAN SAVAGE [email protected]

SWIMFAN SEEKS ACCEPTANCE

ing the best policy and all—each of us gets to take at least one big secret to the grave. If this truly was a one-time, lesson-learned, never-again experience, let it be the secret you’re buried with. Finally, RAGE, good on you and your escort for using condoms. But there are a whole host of sexually transmitted infections you could’ve picked up from her, condom or no condom. Make whatever excuse you need to in order to get out of having sex with the girlfriend, go get a full STI screening, and refrain from having sex until you get the all clear from your doctor.

For the full text OF THIS WEEK’S COLUMN, go to weeklydig.com. DOWNLOAD DAN SAVAGE’S WEEKLY PODCAST, SAVAGE LOVECAST, EVERY TUESDAY AT THESTRANGER.COM/ SAVAGE.

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EDITORIAL

CORRINE AND JOE

MIX

AT THE MILKY WAY PARADE TO ITS NEW LOCATION AT THE BREWERY COMPLEX, 3.22.09

How are you enjoying the parade? Joe: Fantastic, we go to the Milky Way all the time, it’s definitely our favorite local hang out. Corrine: It’s both good and bad. They are now closer to my house, though, so I can crawl home if I have to. Joe: The mayor spoke. Did you understand what he was saying? Joe: [laughs] Yes. There were people who sort of teared up during the whole thing. So many things have happened there: weddings, first dates, breakups … Did any of those happen to you? Joe: Of course! I had lots of first dates there. You’ll miss the old location, but the spirit remains. Joe: It’ll still be a great hang-out spot. It’s in a great part of JP. Though it won’t have the candlepin bowling. But it’ll have Skee-Ball! Corrine: I don’t know how good I am at Skee-Ball. You’re going to learn! Joe: And the huge patio will be packed in the summer.

AND HIS BEARD OUTSIDE A CROWDED DJ NIGHT AT THE SAVANT PROJECT, 3.23.09

Who’s DJing tonight? There’s DJ Yay Buffet and DJ Internal. Collectively, they are known on the mean streets of Boston and in the tri-state area as the DeathStar DJs. Do they get into DJ battles? They’ve been in DJ battles, but they usually lose. What sort of music do they play? Bumpin’ dance music. They’re the new Paper DJs, I hear. You have some impressive beard growth, I must say. This is only five months right here. Why no mustache? I can’t do it. This mustache is only nine days of growth. What’s the story with your beard? I’m growing my beard for the next four years. With the intent of entering the World Beard Championships. You’ve got to have goals. There’s a lot of guys from Alaska who win.

editor Jim Stanton managing editor Laura Dargus music + arts editor David Day News + features editor Cara Bayles style editor/copy chief Courtney Cox contributors Jason & Todd Alström, Tyler Balliet, Joe Bernardi, Martín Caballero, Jonathan Donaldson, Debbie Driscoll, Ada Hutchinson, Brent T. Ingram, Brian E. King, Garrett Martin, Luke O’Neil, Jenna Scherer, Rob Turbovsky, Dave Wedge, David Wildman interns Jarrod Annis, Anne Baker, Jennifer Choi, Jordan Clifford, Meaghan Ford, Sophie-Claire Hoeller, Kristen Humbert, Rachael E. Katz, Morgan Keenan, Jim Landry, Miriam Laufer, Carly Lavoie, Lillian Ling, Nisha Maxwell, Tanya Pai, Kate Richi, Cole Rosengren, Aaron Shin, Lauren Wiegan, Ben Whelan, Victoria Zaleski, Erik Ziedses des Plantes

DESIGN creative director Tak Toyoshima art director Taylor Seidler Designer Scott Murry interns Sarah Kim, Melissa Newman-Evans, Kavi Williams

BUSINESS + ADVERTISING sales manager Alex Lappin Senior Account Executive Graham Wilson account executives Marc Ellison, J.R. Roach Interns Jennifer Kemp, Oleg Spektorov, Christina St. Pierre, Tori Carroll

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GREENPEACE Seeks Canvass Director to run growing street team. CD Experience Required. $35,400 plus benefits. Email [email protected]

Remodeling and Home repairs Lots of Somerville references for kitchens and bath remodeling. Reasonable costs and genuine collaboration with you to get a job you envision. Free advice. I love this work call Brad at 7:00AM to 6:00PM. We are also Tags Hardware Handyman service. To learn more, please call 617-549-7609

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VOLUNTEER FOR A VACCINE STUDY TO HELP END AIDS. We’re looking for some everyday heroeslike you- to volunteer to participate in a vaccine study. Don’t worry - it’s Impossible to get HIV or AIDS from this vaccine. So, if you want to see AIDS stopped in its tracks, step right up and volunteer. Please call 617-927-6450

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