Copy Of Pupils Book

Introduction Over a time I have been inspired by others to write of my trials and experiences of life and child development and how I applied the wisdom and knowledgeable experience of old age to my young knowledge and my young family. In this book i the author try to be self critical of my experience’s and have used a book of research on child development to help me through my difficult times. The book I refer to is backed up by psychology research studies and, as all books set the scene in the first chapter so to does this one but it was necessary to be “technical” therefore the first chapter of this book reads a little like a text book. This however will enable you the reader to realise that all parents are not necessarily good or bad at their job. Rather the case that all adults parenting skills are carried out to peoples best abilities with the knowledge they have, there childhood as guidance and the advice they have been given. This book will enhance and further your knowledge regarding babies and parenting skills and put to rest any “old wife’s tails”, it will also reveal that every baby is born with a different personality that needs developing and guiding. With this in mind I have deliberately used and explained technical terms to enable you, the reader to be able to understand “why” a child is behaving in a particular manner and “how” (if you feel it necessary wish) you can steer your child into a more desirable and productive behavioural pattern. The knowledge I refer to in this book is not “old hat” or modern hypnosis, it is straight forward comprehension of cause and effect and if applied will enable your child to aim at being a confident successful person. In this book I endeavour to make it apparent that the most important aspect of a child’s development is to display at all time continuity, unity and nature and nurture and be aware of cause and effect, put simply Mum and dad stick together and don’t allow your child to “play” one off against the other and to encourage your child. All too often a Parent will reprimand there child because of an effect, (eating sweets at the wrong time) when the cause, (you left the sweets out) is your doing. Further I explain the cause and effect of “the terrible two’s” and how, ironically, it can actually be fun! I hope that reading this gives you the piece and harmony with your children, when you have one.

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W1

Babies do come with a hand book Chapter 1

I know all there is to know and the last thing I need is the likes of midwifes, parents and in laws telling me how to bring up my child. Well that was what I believed then but to know then what I know now and now it was late to fix the damage done to my baby, I thought. It was one of the most proud days of my life, I became a parent, our baby’s room was now all set up ready for our child. Of course I didn’t need tuition in rearing my child I had a nice childhood so, I just duplicate what my parents did, was I so wrong. I did not realise all children have there own personalities. Some are extroverts, others are introverts yet they all have one thing in common, they copy there parents. After being loaned a book on child development by a friend I was overwhelmed and to my regret shamed once I read about the “development of children”. In this book research and studies had been carried out on the development of children and their parents and it revealed that how the parent was brought up dictated how they would bring their children up. This for me was confusing because I had a happy childhood therefore my little darling should be the same, theoretically but there was my wife’s childhood to be entered into the equation and how we interacted in front of our child. I was like many new parents going through the delights of highs and lows, I thought for the first two years I was doing alright. I had been warned about “the terrible two’s” and they were coming, when they came tantrums did not come in to it my little darling was becoming a monster who had no respect for me, would not do what she was told and unless I did what she wanted “it” screamed. By this time I was so mad and frustrated all I could do was call my flesh and blood “it”. Where we were did not matter she through a tantrum unless she got her own way. Life was a living hell and she had a radar, the moment she noticed marital difficulties off it went “I want, you give, or I WILL scream and scream and punch and smash the house up until I get my way. I was accustomed to seeing parents like myself walking about with there children holding there heads down in shame rather than in pride hoping people didn’t see their children instead of Wanting them to. Constantly expecting degrading criticism about my parenting skills was making me paranoid and house bound, I didn’t want to be seen out with my child. I would often as I walked past the local school see parents trying to sneak in and out hoping not to be associated with there child and being called into school by the Headmaster. Oh how I was hoping that I would not become one of those types of parents. I would often think of ways to work with my child to improve her behaviour, I knew that certain drinks and foods sent her hyper active but, apart from banning her from these drinks and foods what could I do. It was down to my parenting and my wisdom (and that can only be achieved through age and experience) or was my child in need of medical assistance.

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W2 In desperation I spoke to a friend who was twice my age and had two young “ladies” for children, he if anyone I thought would have wisdom and experience. He told me about the attachment theory; we discussed the evidence provided as to whether or not attachment theory provides a sound basis for advice on how to bring up children and on the strength of that research, my brain was off on a tangent. How right my friend was as I read the book the words jumped out at me, these researcher’s gave varied opinions into how the theory of attachment contrasts for both child and adult accordingly. In the book the elaboration and contrast of the attachment theory overwhelmed me. This book covered cause and effect of security and insecurity behaviourism leading to mid life attachment and revealed the attachment theory to be sound advice showing me exactly where I was going wrong with my baby, the first of which was that I wouldn’t sit and listen to my daughter. The more I read I began to wonder can a child ever be shown too much attention. Surely (I thought) if it screams I can pacify the child with a lot of attention. That way I can work out what she wants and give her whatever she wants. The further I read the attachment theory *1 I found that the research into child development had two central issues, continuity and nature v’s nurture. These words alone I needed to research least of all the attachment theory, once I became aware that nature was what it was born with and nurture was what I gave I was left with continuity. This one was a bit of a shock yet so obvious, children continue to learn, and my first lesson was to stop calling my child it as that apparently was not a good thing to do as it would destroy her self confidence. Although within these issues the quantity of attention was believed to affect the out come of the child the theories that influence nature v’s nurture covered many areas. The social growth and how ones interaction develops had to have a starting point, this for my baby was found within its genetic nature and a thing called a first relationship (carer). Surprisingly this is one of the most important things in a child’s life, as if it were starting with a blank slate. From this a child only has its genetic nature, then, from a first relationship interaction a child can elaborate with social behaviour and develop there personality. It is at this point continuity can be absorbed from the nature and nurture, social living environment and become prosperous, yet if the first relationship is a person not having continual interaction of physical, social and environmental elements there is a possibility of the infant’s continuity being damaged permanently. The quantity of attention is disputed as for me the most important aspect of child rearing is to for fill my child’s individual genetic natures and nurture. This was where I realised that I had to encourage my baby’s interests and emotionally reward my baby for doing well and trying. If we are separated from our children during the first couple of years it is considered detrimental thus in my case it activated my child’s attachment ques of performing, my child like others became curious as to what was around the corner and strayed off. I soon came to realise that as she is growing older my child will be in pursuit of furthering her continuity and identity although needing the security of knowing her parents are there for her. *1 see page 29

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W3 It was when half way through the book I became aware that at this stage my baby actually held its self consciousness and identity as being me! This was were, if something needed to be retrieved from the floor such as toys she would presume that my arms were hers and want me to pick up. This was a real eye opener for me because, when my baby would not do what I said I used to shout, my baby would cry and sulk so I would shout more. In this manner the attachment theory gave me good advice for child rearing due to its broad coverage of cause and effect. From the offset I was bemused flattered and frustrated that my little infant would not leave my side, this however is the attraction behaviour of attention seeking. OH how the heavens opened and bright lights shun, yet by now for me and mine it was to late. I had lost the critical first year of age to form a relationship and bond with my baby. It was apparent from research that, up to five months old a child’s needs for intensity is not as great as from the age of five to sixteen months. Actually this point a child needs to form a strong development and the utmost attention normally found by the carer/ mother. After this period for the first few years of life a child will endeavour to seek intensity within responses to personal relationships away from the initial carer. This is demonstrated in my friend’s book by reflecting observations of fostered children, where by children fostered before they were five months old were more developed in social skills and cognition than those of a later age. These children were finding social, sensory and cognitive skills lacking in comparison. Most importantly for a child up to two years of age is the need to be given love and attention from the figure head of the fist relationship. This will establish the child’s emotional development and stability in future life and allow it to duplicate these emotions through out development. This for children outside a nuclear family (2.5 children) is difficult and affects a child’s ability to form trusting, loving relationships as not all children will have had the fortune of such emotional stability. They can end up being the child in school who is the social misfit a worry guts or very slow to learn needing special lessons, an introvert or even cover up there differences by being an extrovert. The quality of mother-child relationship in the book (categorised in Ainswoth’s “strange situations”) showed that the quality of care towards a child reflects the mother-child relationship in later life. In this light for a child to develop self worth and confidence it will require a cooperative and understanding mother. The books researcher looked into a child’s reaction towards their carer/mother when the carer/mother left the child in a room with a stranger. The research found types, either a seeking of contact, maintenance of contact, an avoidance of contact or resistance of contact. This research was, for me a shock, to realise how detrimental a bad word or reaction can cause endless damage to the child I love. The findings were anxious/ avoidant. This type of child will only half heartedly acknowledge the parent on their return or the stranger in the room, this is considered as an insecure attachment.

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Alternatively, during this period the child who has little to do with the stranger in the room and derives little comfort from the stranger until the parent returns is a secure attachment. During this the child cries for the carer, mother, is easily comforted by them on their return and stays in close proximity to them. Another measure of insecure attachment is where the child will resist comforting yet seeks a close proximity to the parent on return. Some children may reveal anger at the carer for leaving them resist Solis from a stranger and, overall appear to be not bothered at being left. This Type is anxious/ ambivalent. Further tests in the book found Child abuse and social risk. This is found to be largely due to pathological carer’s. The children appear to be dazed and confused and have no logical system of dealing with separation and reunion. This form of attachment is considered as disorganized attachment and will reflect in their social-emotional welfare. In my friends book I found varied works however they both agree on one issue, this being the biological roots and the need for parents to protect children from danger. Although universally there are cultural indifferences such as attitudes towards day care the attachment theory is applicable for universal advice on bringing up children. What I did find surprisingly shocking was that the use of day care centres for children less than three years of age would “result in permanent damage to the emotional health of a future generation. This point however was countered after thorough reviews offering little support for the claim that day care disrupts the child’s tie’s to its mother. This made me think that there was a light at the end of the tunnel because, by now I was feeling very low with my parenting skills (and yet it is all so obvious when it’s in front of you) I thought to myself. These windows of possible insecurity had I realised, in the attachment theory studied guide lines of cause and effect. Dependant upon the sinario displayed by a child and being aware of the parental history, solutions and advice could be given to improve the child’s/parents life style. Therefore if a parent has a genetic history of over caring/ smothering there children the continuity and nature/nurture of the child and its social behaviour can be monitored and altered accordingly to what is considered “normal” (socially acceptable) dependant upon its culture.

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W4 It gradually became so obvious to me that these varieties of attachment theories have a cause and long term effect, “can a child be shown too much attention”. I began to realise that too much attention restricts a child from developing its own identity and personality. The important period is of five to sixteen months where a child needs the attention and yet during the period of two years and older the child must be allowed to seek its own response and intensity’s. This is where parenting and parents must not enforce their identity onto the child thus making the child a copy of the parent. This same situation (I realised) could be found in the child’s adolescent years where the child is open to peer manipulation and may well copy friends. Although the excessive attention is supplying the child with physiological and cognitive stimulation I didn’t realise that there was a risk of social and emotional damage. It didn’t take me long (rightly or wrongly) to put my lovely child in a type and it set me thinking “what TYPE am I and what could I do to correct it if needs be. Alternatively I could ignore my child’s symptomatic behaviour and leave it to become a type or worst still for me to become socially pathological. These researched theories into nuclear families and the resulting adults who come from these childhoods will in turn have there own issues dependant upon the nature, nurture and continuity derived from there own childhood and first relationship. The physiological, emotional, social and cognitive aspects, through the guide lines of attachment theories do prove the ideal strategy of child rearing and the desired effects. By using the attachment theory’s I was learning cause and affect my eyes were opened and I began to learn about myself (what type I was) and what I was passing on, genetically inherent attributes from parent to child! (This hadn’t taken into account my child’s innate personality though) The study in this book has four attachment responses applicable to adults which were noted; 1] autonomoussecure 2] dismissing-detached 3] preoccupied-entangled 4] unresolved-disorganised. The response found in number one was that these people held a value on friends and felt free to express themselves. In number two the dismissing-detached were just that, they detached from relationships and dismissed attachment. Reciprocates of number three were dependent on there parents and lived to please them. Number four are people who are living in an unresolved mourning period for there attachment figure conceivably caused by neglect, trauma or separation. The children of these people are insecure/ disorganised when outside there normal environment. This “eye opener” set me thinking “what and where is my baby’s innate concept of self consciousness, identity” *2 and where in society would my child stand, more over what effects will this have upon any child’s socio cultural abilities and therefore there self esteem. I was nearing the end of the book when it struck me that children have to figure out what gender they are and how that effects there play in developing self awareness, self esteem and where in society they slot in. Did they see themselves as aggressive or shy, an introvert or an extrovert? The most important thing I found children needed was a role model who will give

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guide lines, love and set an example to them on how to develop relationship’s, (that’s a lot to learn in so few years i thought). *2 see page 30 I reflected on the book, “I should behave in front of my baby” when children copy what they see I could not discipline my baby for copying me, I made a mental note. The significance (I thought) behind the theory of attachment showed great credence towards child rearing for prospective parents/carer who would become a child’s first relationship. The theoretical significance leads me to pursue the methods behind alternative attachment theories and features within the topics identified in the book. The study showed me an interesting contrast of cause and effect in later life and how behavioural pattern’s are past on through generations. Therefore the attachment theory and the evidence provided would give me good advice for bringing up my children and how to understand them, also the possible genetic behavioural patterns and how to overcome them. For a first time carer/parent the study of the attachment theory would (for both child and carer) answer my questions such as “can a child ever be shown too much attention” and find the answer to be of a great benefit. I became aware of my child becoming a dependant character throughout life and I also would stand a chance of affecting the next generation of genetics if I didn’t alter the TYPE i came from. Both baby and I had to change, I had to learn to nurture and encourage continuity and nature (though I thought to late) and my adorable child had to learn all over again. This book to me and my child was a true God send, it clearly showed what is best to do for the child, how to do it and what happens if you do or don’t thus proving the attachment theory a sound basis for advice on how to bring up children.

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W5

What was it my parents told me? CHAPTER 2

I was by this time still concerned, knowing how and what are the best researched methods to aid child rearing was one thing but by now it was more than apparent that damage had been done and some sort of correction was needed, (if only I could turn the clock back). I devised a plan, if I started to review the book again from the research and recognise my down falls as a character I would appreciate where and hopefully why I had gone wrong. This was a very hard task, for every time I read the research and recognised a down fall I would instantly (in my mind) come up with a counter argument and deny the down fall as being mine. After all I was then only a child myself and what happened to me was a result of my parent’s parenting and the society we were all involved with at that time. It was at that very moment of excusing myself when I recalled my father saying to me “everything we have and do will be passed onto the next generation of children, we are like links in a chain, yet the chain is only as strong as the weakest link”. When my father passed this immortal analogy onto me I already thought I knew ever thing therefore I never bothered with it. Yet, in a week moment whilst looking for answers this analogy had to come back and haunt me. What did my father mean “links” then, just as I was beginning to relax and have five minuets to myself, right on cue, my baby screamed. Normally my reaction to that noise is “oh no not again what’s it after now” but then it dawned on me, that’s the link. I was in shock and my mind went off in a thousand places (none of them nice) link, link, I link, link, that word almost became a chant I visualised a chain link and I visualised my baby, where’s the connection Dad I muttered. Dad was no longer around to help me unfortunately and I did not know of “books of analogies” so I knew I was, again on my own with it. That night I sat at the table with my partner and spoke of links and chains. The expression I received at first made me think I was mad, “ive finally cracked under baby’s demands and tantrums” I screamed, then, my partner sat back and just stared at me. “What a clever man your dad” have I missed a punch line here, what have I missed out on I thought “what your dad meant was he and your mum are the first link, what they taught you, you will teach baby, baby will teach next generation and so on, that’s the chain. “So what of the week link, I asked”, “easy, if we don’t stop baby misbehaving the next generation will behave like baby does”. Oh no what a daunting thought, we just sat and starred at each other as it sunk in. It took me a very long time and made me very distraught; my partner who could understand what was going on tried to explain further. Very later on that night after sorting bed time out for our baby I began to explain to my partner what I had recognised in the book and, with my fathers links how it had opened up a long suppressed past. It was not nice realising that my baby’s behaviour was the result of my childhood, I new then that nothing would change for us and our baby unless I changed. I vowed that night that, come the morning I would be a different person.

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W6 The following morning came and so did my regular groom in the mirror, I stood and stared into my eyes “today’s the day” I thought to myself, new person new life. I kept everything crossed that I would be strong enough to stand up to my baby and show the way forward, more so that my partner would be strong if not stronger to adapt to change. The first of these changes was to understand “the terrible two’s” what had gone wrong this really was the beginning of our down fall my cute little baby had become a monster, so did I. Having been warned about the terrible two’s I took no notice “it won’t happen to my child” but- once I understood that by two children have a grasp of language, they just don’t know how to speak it I remembered being abroad. I only wanted a drink yet it ended up as a grand inquisition for ten minuets, it was at this time I realised how frustrating it must be for children not to be understood. “How do infants come to understand and produce their first words” I pondered in the mirror. Whilst inside me my child was susceptible to being coherent to what i spoke and what people next to me said hence once born my child had an innate aptitude towards communication. This being the case by being spoken to my baby’s aptitude is furthered and, once my child grasped the ability of communicating baby became inquisitive “what’s that” she would say, then the production of actual speech began to follow. To have a comprehension of words before being able to produce them must have been acquired through being spoken to and having attention drawn to the spoken topic like pointing to the written word when I read a story book. At the beginning my baby started pointing, gazing and picking up then my baby started babbling words and picking up things to draw attention to what she wished to speak of. However at four months my baby, through vocalization began to vocally play with familiar sounds. It was at that point in the production of the spoken word that speech streams began by beginning to play at production through repetition, association and attempted speech. Between the age of eight months and sixteen months word comprehension began and baby came to understand and produce her first words. My baby’s use of words was, from the off set predominantly a copy of my conversations. The first words baby spoke were of objects and names by starting to point and ask “what’s that”. This is where social interaction was of a great importance to my baby’s production and progression of spoken words. Through carefully watching my lips to see how the spoken word was being formed and asking the name of an article my baby through repetition and usage begin to form the spoken word. Although to start with these words were abbreviated (banana becoming nana) this was a major step up from babbling. The next stage that came was for both me and my baby to understand each other; this was very confusing as some words were used in different contexts and adaptation. For example, nana could be grandma or banana as to my first words were “baby 9

talk”, (maternal speech) both me and my baby had to completely re learn/ teach the language again. This in turn influenced the language development of my baby. With out the foundation of comprehension my baby struggled to come to an understanding of and be able to produce her first words. The problem for both me and my baby was that Teddy had four friends and when i said “get Teddy” she didn’t know which one to go for. As baby did not realise that, in essence all bears are called Teddy that was until she was of an age to be aware of definition then she called her favourite Teddy nowe. Although this emphasises the flexibility and problems contextual use can cause it also revealed the importance of definition when talking to my baby for this was partly how baby come to understand and produce her first words. The starting point for me should (I came to realise) have been to explain everything and answer all of those aggravating “why’s” I was asked (even when baby couldn’t talk,) because without an understanding of a situation all babies natural inquisitiveness leads them to push and push until it is explained after all that’s how they learn or they are told to shut up.

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W7 Whilst walking down stairs to make breakfast I started thinking and planning the day, it was then at that very moment I came to understand the importance of communication for both me and baby, I could understand why baby had tantrums and I would blow up. No good now I thought but at least I could follow the down hill pattern we had been on. A clean blank slate I thought to myself, the past has gone and damage is done, no more self denial either. Between my partner, me and my baby we all had to start a fresh routine, a structured life where by we all spoke our minds and stuck to what we said the hardest part though would be standing up to our little monster who when all said is only that way because of what and how we brought our baby up. The breakfast table was very quiet that was to say until our sweet little darling baby kicked off, I just sat there looking. “Sarah”, (I spoke very quietly) “Sarah darling child of mine”. To our surprise our baby responded by being quiet as she sat there looking at me “Mummy and Daddy and Sarah are going to start a new game today”, “GAME” she shouted, (in her own way) “I love games” not this one I thought to myself. “What is it, tell me now, what do I get” OHH I nearly said a thick ear but I stopped myself just in time when a certain page of the book flashed by my memory. “This game Sarah is called consequences” she just stared at me “but before we start our game we need to put all your toys into the toy box”. Surprisingly enough after breakfast she went of and did just that, when she came back however it was a different story. “Done it give me my present now” OH how I bit my tongue “now Sarah (keep it calm and quiet I thought to myself) when Mummy and Daddy ask you to do something it is because we want you to help us, if you can do that then we can help you, do you understand” the look said it all “then what do I get”. I glanced over at my wife for help, sitting there with her biggest smile yet she said “remember!!” uh “we have to stand up to her and tell her what to do, why she should do it and what will happen if she doesn’t otherwise she will become out of control and in prison before she leaves school”. Women and the battle of wills I thought to myself “hormones are next Dad” “thanks a lot love” I said sarcastically. “Sarah love, let me explain this game another way, when you get board you get into trouble don’t you” yep “and Mum and me have to tell you off don’t we” yep “SO when you play at school in PE you all work together in a team don’t you” yep. “Well what we are going to do is give you jobs to do so that you help us, like a team. When we ask you to do something you do it for Mum and me that means we will have time to take you out so that your not board getting into trouble, good ah.” “What if I don’t” “that’s what our game is about” hu “consequences? It means if you wont help us you have to give us your best toy from the toy box” I looked at my wife who was looking at me “Ahh, I hate this game” screamed Sarah. By this time we had finished breakfast so the game began. “Guess what, I tell you now Sarah stop screaming and clean the table please that will help us, and then all of us will have time to go to the park”. This was as time and days progressed a real battle of wills, Sarah’s wills and plenty of wants but, like all things as time progressed so did her attitudes; we were at last beginning to become a happy family who

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understood each other. The maddening thing is that on reflection these past years of torment could have been avoided if only my wife and I spent time to explain and listen to Sarah and, more so stick together when we asked Sarah to do something, such as going to bed. I thought of the times I belittled my wife by allowing Sarah “an extra five minuets” only adding to Sarah’s attitude and our problems. That night my wife and I sat down to reflect, what started as a sombre moment where we both just sat and looked at each other over the kitchen table suddenly transformed into hysterics. What made it even more amusing was that neither of us had said a word to each other it was for me the look on my wife’s face that said “if I knew it was that straight forward” followed with what felt like one of my stupid grins. “Monkey see monkey do” we started laughing again but we both knew that our indifferences must never be seen by Sarah again.

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W8

How could we fix it? CHAPTER THREE

It took long hard weeks but finally we had achieved the impossible, Sarah was behaving herself and “wanting” to do jobs for us. Our board child was no longer a naughty child; she was a child who had something to do and a purpose for doing it. Ironically Sarah was getting satisfaction and happiness out of helping us help her, the miserable unhappy sulky little brat had become a happy little girl who didn’t ask for something every time we went shopping and valued what treats we did get hershe even said thank you. Equally and as important my wife and I had realised the mistakes we were making and where we had been letting Sarah down, when all said and done don’t we all like to be thanked for helping someone. Shorly then does not a child deserve the same gratitude, this simple action changed Sarah attitude and behaviour, the understanding family being a team working together. This attitude change luckily was just in time before she started school for her school friends were just like Sarah used to be. To look at the other parents and there children pulling and screaming like Sarah used to do sent a chill down my spine, it often left me wondering if I should tell people about the book I read and acted upon but hay who likes a stranger telling them there doing it wrong after all its nothing to do with me, right. That was right until someone got at my little girl then as all proud fathers do thy step in a say something, the only problem was how is it best said for the utmost impact. It was then it hit me, that night after putting Sarah to bed I sat down with my wife and spoke of my concerns, fears and feelings. There was a quiet still in the air as we sat there looking at each other, me wandering what my wife was thinking and thinking “I recognise that look on your face darling”. Together without any prompting we both looked over at the book and then at each other smiling as we did. We hadn’t spoken to each other and yet we both knew “tomorrow afternoon we would make an appointment to speak to the priest at Sarah’s school”. Once Sarah was asleep we got “the book”, note pad and pen out, sat at the table together and stared at each other with an ironic grin. “Is this going to back fire on us, should, oh lets do it” I said to my wife. We were up until the early hours of the morning writing out a lecture on parenting “I really hope people don’t think were being judgmental with this”, encouragingly my wife just sat back in her chair smiling “it will be fine, there are a lot of mothers who would want to here this”. On the strength of that assurance I crossed the t’s and put the full stops in and closed the note pad, it was ready to show the priest our draft. The following day we both accompanied each other to Sarah’s school, after taking her to her classroom we went to see the local priest who, surprisingly invited us in to his office there and then. “So, what can I do for you and Sarah” he spoke in a very

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assuring voice and yet, when I tried to reply nothing came out at first. I cleared my throat and tried again, “my wife and I have what we believe to be an extremely good book upon which we have remoulded our parenting skills. This for both of us and Sarah has completely turned our family life and more importantly Sarah’s attitudes”. “Very good” started the priest “and this book is”, “IF I MAY” I had to jump in and make it at least look as if I knew what I was on about “based upon this book of parenting and practical experience we have drawn up an evenings lecture for which we would like to use your church hall and notice board. “ohh that’s a good one” said the priest “leave it with me to look at your work and ill let you know very soon”. My wife and I just stared at each other for a split second, “sure” she said and at that we handed over our note pad and took our leave.

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W9 A week had passed and we had not heard from the priest, I began to wonder if we had gone into to much detail in our notes but, when I mentioned this thought to my wife she chuckled and said “just wait until the teacher sends it back with a big red cross through it”. I could always rely on wife’s humour to relieve a tense moment and, it wasn’t until that moment I realised just how tense I was getting over this proposed lecture, this however was short lived for when I came home from work, sitting on the kitchen table was an envelope. “something on the table for us from the priest” said my wife “I thought we would open it together”. I stood there bemused and visualised “sorry but”, by this time I felt like a teenager waiting exam results, my hands were actually quivering. With great haste I pulled open the envelope and took out a piece of paper from within, “he wants it” I shouted “shh, come on then lets phone up and confirm it” said my wife with a grin bigger than a Cheshire cat. That night and until the early hours of the morning we both beavered away with pen and paper creating our master piece, the possible influence upon so many people however kept pulling us both up short. We would keep looking up at each other “are we, should we, it was harder than we both thought possible “I think we should have this lecture of ours approved before,” “your right dear”. A week had passed and we were nearly completed but we were both aware that our new found peace was being disrupted and by the time I came home from work Sarah was playing up again. I took my wife aside, “what has gone on today”, she sat there looking at me “US that’s what’s been going on, for all we have learned, put into practice and. We have been so obsessed with our lecture we have not been practising what were going to teach, good lesson ah”. The room was silent besides Sarah throwing an apparent tantrum in the other room; of course by now we new it for being attention seeking and that was our fault not Sarah’s. OH BOY I said aren’t we the clever one’s, I thought quickly and said to my wife “if you don’t mind I will put the lecture away and spend some valuable time with our daughter and after dinner I will explain to her what we are doing and that we would like her to help us is that ok with you”. She stood there smiling “you’ve got the idea I’ll go and make some dinner. Once we had finished eating I looked over at my wife who was sitting there looking at me “ok” I thought. “Sarah, I said, your mum and i have been very busy this week and have not been playing the way we all normally do, we have nearly finished our work but we need you to help us”. Would you like to help us in our team, she pondered for a moment “what do I have to do”. I wasn’t expecting that question I looked at my wife who had an inquisitive grin on her face which said “dare you”. After explaining as well you can to a five year old what we were doing I said “what you could do as a real big help for me and mum is (I looked over at my wife) help mum with the cooking and getting ready for school”. “Is that all” Sarah said “ok” the room went quiet for a split second Ahh well thank you very much Sarah, thank you for being clever and understanding and thank you for being helpful. For something so simple to bring tranquillity and happiness back to the family I was waiting for a BUT or BY THE WAY but no. Such a simple conversation did the trick and we were

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all able to resume family life; the lecture however only came out once Sarah was in bed-asleep. W10 That night I started with categories, child’s temperaments and how they affect their development and the importance of child’s play. Coming up with these was easy but then I had to write about them, that wasn’t easy but, I became a child and thought like one “if I had a bad temperament I would—be bad, very bad and by being so I would not be receptive in school or at home so I would constantly get into trouble so I would constantly argue back and get into more trouble so I would only learn trouble “hay I thought, so I wouldn’t develop. The grim reality suddenly hit me, if a parent didn’t pick up on temperament behaviour by there child at eighteen months off age the child’s whole life could be ruined, ow. That frightened me and made me think harder about “child’s play”. OH NO it hit me hard and hurt, if a child’s first relationship, normally its mother, did not play, show and teach how to express its self a child’s whole ability of self confidence, self awareness, self assurance would not develop positively and the child would end up being a timid, self centred insecure person or even the complete opposite by ending up aggressive and violent. What a horrible thought but when I sat back and looked at it all again it hit me hard; child rearing is so important it’s not like bringing up a toy doll. As a parent you have to be aware all the time and be able to predict the Child’s next move and have an answer for it before they do it by being there. “HONNEY” I called “can you look at this a minuet AHH can we err shou um” funny you should say that I was just thinking myself on the lines of HEEELP can we really say all this in a church hall lecture. The room went very quite, so quite in fact we could hear Sarah upstairs breathing. “It’s time to show this to the priest anyway im shore he will say yes or no soon enough; after all he won’t want a riot in his church”. The day came soon enough and we along with Sarah went to school, once we arrived at the play ground where we normally leave Sarah we stayed waiting for school to open. “Are you coming in to school to learn today” Sarah asked, we laughed “no love were going to see your school priest” “oow have you been naughty” Sarah asked. Somewhere amongst our laughter we managed to say no just as we were saved by the school bell calling Sarah and her friends in. We looked at each other still grinning from Sarah’s comments, “well its now or never I said as we grabbed each others hands and went to see –THE priest. Sitting there in his room waiting for us he, with a big grin said “come in and grab a chair, ive been looking forward to this day. With some hesitation we handed over our speech and waited for a reply. After some time, just as he started to look up he went back into our speech. “This is good” whilst sitting there tapping our paper work with his pen “a week Friday ill put out a notice to all the pupils parents”. We looked at each other elated, for about two seconds then the fear or heaven and earth fell upon us. As we looked back at the priest he was calmly sat there watching us with a big grin. “Would it be better for you if someone else did this in your name” we pondered “you can” with great relief we laughed whilst looking at each other. The day came and very nervously we, along with hundreds of others gathered in the church hall. “good evening everyone” the priest called very loudly, As you will know 16

we are all here to”. At that stage I must have gone into a trance I herd “A research child at nappy changing would hold her arms up once the new nappy had been put on” this started by the mother saying to her child “are we finished and ready to go”. Simply by repetition and recall the child new when her mum made that pattern of noises she would lift her arms up ready to pick the baby up, monkey see monkey do. And if we ignore or ill treat each other including our children, what will our children do to us and each other. For children however it doesn’t just stop there because they are still developing and finding out there self confidence, self worth and many, many other aspects about there self’s.” and from then on in I became deaf, the next thing I knew was that people were patting us on the back and grabbing our hands to shake them. “Went well don’t you think” “ah, oh yes it must have” we were both dazed and in awe of the situation.

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W11

Chapter Four The Community comes together

Luckily I thought for us with the lecture being on a Friday night things would have calmed down by Monday when we took Sarah in to school, OH how we were so mistaken. The feed back and constant comments that came to us were endless and poor Sarah was almost isolated so that everyone could watch how she behaved and acted. Although it was all constructive comments and questions from people wanting to know more and gain a better insight as to how they could change to be able to “have there child behaving like Sarah does” it was really to exhausting. By the time we had done our school trip and got back home we were both run down, we made a drink and found ourselves sitting there over the kitchen table. Without breathing we stared at each other and at the same time said “what have we done” if it carries on like that we will be the one’s needing help and advice! That afternoon when school was near an end we looked at each other “dare we” “we do” I smiled at my wife who was looking more than apprehensive. All will be well, I have a plan, if it happens again I will tell ever one that we will write another lecture, with your help of course (after saying that there was a distinct look of “oh no” in my wife’s eyes). With a very big grin (although by now my wife knew that was my way of hiding my feelings) I said to my wife “for our lecture to be of any help we have to show a continuity in our behaviour”. That in itself was a good distraction strategy to get every one off our case but deep down, as we looked at each other in a long, sombre moment we both knew damn well that we would end up having to do just that, but who would read it and where would the lecture be held this would be a pending query. Very cautiously and what felt like a slow walk to a hang mans noose we walked to the school yard to pick up Sarah. As we walked around the street corner and glanced over at the school yard we saw what we thought to our relief was a normal congregation of parents gathered and talking to each other. Unfortunately as we got nearer we began to hear the topic of the parents conversations, it was based on our lecture and how they were implementing it in there homes. With a big sigh and a cheesy grin whilst looking at each other and squeezing our hands I said to my wife “OHH well, ill start that lecture tonight ah”. From out of the school yard a big mouth shouted very loudly “there doing another lecture” at that I span round with what must have been a total discontent written all over my face and shouted “what big mouth said that”. As deep down I expected there was no reply but at least the school yard went quiet, ceasing such an ideal opportunity I said “I now know how celebrities feel, we are not celebrities and we want to be left alone but we will do another lecture soon, OK, now can we all carry on as normal please. At that there was a murmur in the school yard and a lot of buried heads that slowly lifted and looked around in shame, but hay it got everyone of our case. This apparent pause in the school yard gave us time to grab Sarah and walk home, very quickly. We had no sooner finished our tea and started playing with Sarah when there was a knock at the door; I looked at my wife as she looked at me. After a few oh no’s and I

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wander if’s I opened the door, to our surprise, very pleasant surprise stood the local priest. “I hear that your going to write another lecture, I” “come in, sit down, move in, have a brew” I couldn’t stop myself I was so relieved it wasn’t a parent from school. This priest was one of those chubby, middle aged men who always have a big grin on there face and the moment you saw him you want to laugh and tell him your life history. He had no sooner sat down and started playing dolls with Sarah than my wife appeared with a brew; I was still hovering over him in delight and relief about his calling on us. “Might I take you up on your offer of moving in” we looked at each other in shock, laugh, the priest couldn’t stop laughing at our reaction, “just for tonight, we need to talk after Sarah has gone to bed”. That soon stopped us laughing “it’s about your lecture none’s died or anything” phew I exclaimed very loudly.

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W12 After a very jovial relaxing evening we put Sarah to bed and began to talk what I presumed to be about business. “A lot of the parish have already started to implement there home life stiles based upon the glimp’s of daylight your lecture has given them so I would like to offer you both full use of the community hall again and all its advertising facilities”. We stared at each other and then looked at the priest who by now was waiting for a reply, “well that answers our pending query” I said to my wife with a big grin. “Yes please” I said to the priest, with posters advertising the theme of attachment theory providing a sound basis for advice on how to bring up children, how to implement it and Infants First Comprehension and verbalization of words. At that we were made aware of and discussed the actual affect of family lives our lectures would have and how cautious and thorough we had to be with the priest saying that he would like us to read our lecture to him before we go public. By the time the priest left we were feeling very worried at what we had started and how we were going to carry it on. First and for most this lecture could not interfere with our time with Sarah and so we allocated a few hours each night after Sarah had gone to bed. After a couple of weeks had past by we made an appointment to see the priest, we had a draft to read to him at last. On arrival at the vicarage we were met by the priest who almost dragged us into the building, “so good to see you here, sit down and show me”. Slowly and cautiously I produced our draft “good, good, get reading”. With a cough and a splutter I opened up the first page, “This lecture discusses the evidence provided as to whether or not researched attachment theories provides a sound basis for advice on how to bring up children and how morals and discipline are important factor throughout all of this topic. The studies carried out will show how the theory of attachment contrasts for both child and adult accordingly. Through the use of patterns of attachment i intend to elaborate and contrast the attachment theory. This will cover cause and effect of security and insecurity behaviourism leading to mid life attachment and reveal the attachment theory to be sound advice”. “read on” “This lecture will be based upon the first but this time, as there is a great interest in wanting to know all about the topic In question I will be going into detail. Can a child ever be shown too much attention? As the attachment theory is researched it is found that child development has two central issues, continuity and nature v’s nurture, although within these issues the quantity of attention is believed to affect the out come for the child. The theories that influence nature v’s nurture cover areas of behaviourist, social-constructivism, nativism and constructivism. It is at this point where great stress has to be placed at the Need of a child for it to develop all its SELFS, for now self consciousness, self esteem, self worth and self awareness will do. All of this starts from three months of age; this is where continuity comes in, encouragement, understanding, reliability and company. These elements are a necessity from a child’s mother and this is where first relationship comes in along with other family member. It is as simple as child’s play when you know how and why, for example when playing with your child all of the self’s can be developed by simple feel good factors such as aren’t you clever, haven’t you done well, don’t you look good, these simple words Develop Self esteem. Simple tasks as the child gets older such

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as could you, it would be nice if you, do you think daddy would like it if you, this develops self awareness and consciousness. This social growth and how ones interaction develops has to have a starting point, which for an infant is found within its genetic nature. From this a child only has its genetic nature, then, from a first relationship interaction it can elaborate with developing behaviourism so the child will learn when and where to behave or scream thus social constructive behaviour and the personality is developed. Separation from the carer/parent is considered detrimental as many will have found by now if they nip out for a minuet the child activates it’s attachment ques and for example start crying or screaming. Eventually the child will become curious as to what is around the corner and stray off but don’t think your off the hook they still need to know your there when they come back. The child at this time will be in pursuit of furthering its continuity and identity but still needing the nurture of a carer”. Gasping for breath I glanced over to my wife who was sat there with a big grin “sounds better than how we wrote it” she said. “Any chance of a cuppa please” smiling at the priest “hum, oh, yes”.

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W13 Whilst we were having a breather the priest glanced through our draft, “this should be a book” he said, we laughed “if only he knew ah” my wife whispered in my ear, humm. “Are we ready” I looked at the priest in dismay “ok” “ Up to five months old a child’s needs for intensity is not as great as from the age of five to sixteen months. After this period for the first few years of life a child will endeavour to seek intensity within responses to personal relationships away from the initial carer. Most importantly for a child up to two years of age is the need to be given love, moral fibre to base its foundations upon, discipline to show cause and effect of a child’s actions and attention from the figure head of the first relationship. This will establish the child’s emotional development and stability in future life and allow it to duplicate these emotions throughout development and have respect for people as well as its own self respect. This, according to research is especially applicable for children in a broken home. It is difficult and affects a child’s ability to form trusting, loving relationships as not all children will have had the fortune of such emotional stability such as loosing a parent and having a step parent move in therefore more time and care is required in there growth period. The attachment theory looked into a child’s reaction if its carer left the child in a room with a stranger. The research found the child either, looking for its mother, not letting its mother go, ignoring its mother when she came back or pushing mother away if she tried to come in close contact. In the attachment theory studied guide lines of cause and effect are dependant upon the scenario displayed by a child, from this solutions and advice could be given to improve the child’s and parents life style and bonding. The attachment theories have guide lines for cause and long term effect, that is to say that too much attention restricts a child from developing its own identity and personality and that not enough results in a child running wild wanting and getting its own way, in other words the child will rule the house and everything you do making yours and everyone else’s life a misery, including its own”. Well I said to the priest that’s half of it, and then there is speech development and the important’s of parents listening fully to what there child has to say and being sure they understand. “That all sounds good, I think for tonight we should have a rest from it and cover the speech development until another day”.

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W14

Chapter five Comprehension and talking to much

That night deep in the dark of our bedroom I lay there thinking, the harder I tried to sleep the very thought of speech development haunted me. “How do infants come to understand and produce their first words”? Most people would be thinking sweet thoughts and dreams at night, in bed, but all I could think of was the communicating inquisitiveness shown by babies through the use of innate nature and nurture and how it forms the ability of speech. Knowing how inside the mother a child is susceptible to being coherent to what is spoken by the mother and people next to the mother lead me to realise that once born the child has an innate aptitude towards communication. This being the case by being spoken to this aptitude is furthered and, once the child grasps the ability of inquiry the production of actual speech follows, but how could I put this valuable concept over in a lecture format without insulting people’s vocabulary. That weekend I took a pen and pad and went to the garden shed for piece and solitude to work on another lecture. “To have a comprehension of words before being able to produce them is acquired through a prolonged and frustrating process of speech streams; this is called prosody and phonology”. What an introduction I thought to myself but I could not stop laughing at the thought’s of Sarah “ma ta and be-ing” as she was trying to create her first words and then sentences. It was at that point I realised what the famous writers block was. What seemed to be three coffee’s two weeks and one “come in for your tea” later I was able to progress as the image of getting ready to put Sarah to bed and read her a story that brought me to a realisation that, through being spoken to and having the child’s attention drawn to the spoken topic for example pointing to the written word when reading a story book to a child I was able to progress with the lecture. “It is researched to be a most productive method of learning, whilst this method is most productive the child however is further learning through familiarization phrases, syllable stress and social nature and nurture at the same time”. Researched Speech sounds and streams is a type of method assumed by infants as a means of distinguishing words and sentences. These streams on a pre-natal child were researched and written of in “the book” by having the mother read a selected section of story to the unborn baby then once born, through the use of a pressuresensing dummy the story was read to the baby again to test for a response of recognition. The findings of this research were a child’s preference to the mother’s voice and recognition of the test phrase. This both for me and the lecture creation was a mile stone, to prove the point that you have to be care full what you say and without me insulting people’s vocabulary.

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W15 The further I researched and wrote I came to a realisation that how people generally speak to children about social family, objects and events contextualise the daily family environment. This environment I found personally was a commanding asset for our child to learn her native language. Both my wife and I had not realised that these very events and objects that are spoken of to a learning child enable the child through association to comprehend (normally at seven to eight months old) the meanings and names of articles. Furthering this process of talking and pointing at what we were talking about when speaking to Sarah made us understand that the association of prosodic cues are of valuable use to enable a child’s comprehension of its native language. Also that by differentiating pitches and tones in an individual’s voice furthered the child’s learning. The frequencies of these spoken cues (for the learning child) help distinguish the difference between pitches, tones and languages. As I lay in bed, thinking that my last lecture was socially difficult I had a daunting thought that this one would be the equivalent of putting my neck in a hang mans noose. Out of the silence came “Your not here are you”, I could always rely on my wife to interfere- I mean help me when im troubled. “Let’s have a look then” ah “your lecture” Oh. Putting the bed side lamp on and gathering up my notes we began to read through it all. I was bothered this time though due to it being in more note form than a lecturing format. “Every child’s need for continuity and routine is as important as food, drink, love and affection, to begin to be aware of a child’s notoriety of comprehension and learning familiarization phrases were spoken of and later on with our child we called upon her to fetch her tea pot, she did. The point of this exercise shows us, the parents, that comprehension and learning is taking place and that, through routine and explaining to as opposed to talking at, children will begin to learn word association”. A notable time for Sarah was at three months of age, she began to experiment with the use of her vocal cords due to her approximate level of comprehension. The interaction with piers and siblings on a daily basis that Sarah had was encouraging and teaches all of our children familiarization with phrases. In doing so all children will start babbling as it begins to learn how to produce words, familiar phrases such as pa, ti, bu, la, and pauses are an example. Added to this process children will pick up and use cues through drawing attention to what they wish to speak of. Both my wife and I throughout our extended family found that this is done by children pointing, gazing and picking up. Based on our observations of Sarah and other children we were in contact with we begin to be aware of children’s notoriety of comprehension and learning. With this in mind a routine was established where once finished at changing time our child’s arms would be waved from side to side and the question asked “are you ready”. The result of this process was that our child eventually, once finished at changing

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time did this of her own accord. Here in this apparent simple play the process of “social”, and “familiar phrase cues” have all preceded each other clearly showing that Sarah is not only learning commanding assets of her native language but also emotional development and stability for her future life. This in turn will allow her to duplicate these emotions throughout development and therefore have respect for other people”.

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W16 “Well, my love” oh, she was giving me one of those “your kidding” looks, “I think this will make the point well without up setting anyone. I must have appeared very sombre as I looked at my wife, “I am bothered that a child’s notoriety of comprehension and learning familiarization phrases may differ in other languages due to syllable stress. For a child to come to an understanding of comprehension, as in where a word begins and another ends English content words have stress on the first syllabus but Italian and Greek does not thus making me wonder if all sixteen month old babies learn their native language quicker in England, Italy and Greece due to the consistency of stress patterns. She, as ever just sat there propped up on her pillows giving me one of those reassuring looks, “What comes next” she asked. Well my dear, I said (looking rather sheepish) ive found that phonology are the building blocks to learning how to comprehend and produce a spoken language so, by four months a child has a limited comprehension and is beginning to play at production through repetition, association, environmental and attempted speech. Also that between the age of eight months and sixteen months word comprehension for girls (her eye’s lit up) goes from thirty five to two hundred and thirty. “That my dear wife is why you women never shut up”! Boys however start at thirty five but only rises to one hundred and fifty. These statistics darling show the relevance of repetition, association, environmental and attempted speech due to the socially acceptable fact that girls talk more than boys. Ow, she just sat there staring, “so do you want my help or not! Sticking my head back in to my notes I read on. “However at four months a child is, through vocalization beginning to vocally play with familiar sounds. It is at this point in the production of the spoken word that speech streams through the possible aid of innate nativism are used to assist construction. In environmental play a group of girls will sit down together and (for example) talk their way through a scene with dolls or cooking thus repetition is inevitable. Boys however are more likely to run in a field and not hold much communication with each other. For active girls association can be endless due to their style of play where a boy is limited due to the masculinity and content of play time. Although this may slow down the learning process of how infants come to understand and produce their first word’s speech streams, prosody and phonology is the same for both boys and girls the only real difference is the amount of repetition, association and environment they are exposed to”. That morning, unbeknown to me an appointment for the priest to come calling had been made. Cortices and two coffee’s later “so how’s your paper going on”, I sat there both bewildered and stunned, ah um. I have facts that potentially limit and divide sexes in their learning curves the actual production process is physically the same for both boys and girls but! Given that a child has no learning difficulties such as being deaf or epileptic and the home environment is encouraging the comprehension of speech gathered is put into play at four to ten months with babbling. The theoretical significance of speech development though is

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distinguished between comprehension of the spoken word and actual production of the spoken word. W17 A dilemma I have is whether or not to mention that the actual production of speech from the vocal tracts in an infant are physically likened unto a chimpanzee, up until the age of three months. At this time the tongue and soft plate begin to develop and liken unto an adults tying in with a child’s natural process of beginning to babble and try to repeat words it hears. I was in shock on saying this because, although human and compassionate ive never seen a priest laugh-so much. Carefully picking my moment I read on that experiment’s found that a child’s use of words was, from the off set predominantly a copy of a child’s first relationship’s conversations. These words were of objects and names and furthering this process the child starts to point and ask “what’s that”. This is where “social” is of a great importance to a child’s production and progression of the spoken word. Through carefully watching the spoken word being formed by the lips of the first relationship and asking the name of an article a child, through repetition and usage will begin to form the spoken word. Although conventionally these words are abbreviated this for the child is a major step up from babbling. The next step is (through talking) for the child and first relationship to come to a comprehension of word association. This for both child and first relationship can be very confusing as some words are used in different contexts and adaptation. For example, if the child’s first words were “baby talk”, (maternal speech) both first relationship and child would have to completely re learn/ teach the language again. This in turn will influence the language development of the child. I found this scenario myself as I watched a group of children, they were aged from sixteen months to two years old and because I knew there parents and how they spoke to them there was notably a divide by the age of two by there speech development. The speech style of some parents had had an important impact upon their children both upon the social context and language development. A further, more defining stress point upon the importance of speaking to children (to my shame) is where a parent had only used object reference as it, or thing where as other parents used object names. Knowing the results of these children’s development is striking as I found that some had a delayed language ability in comparison to others. It became apparent that, without the foundation of comprehension infants will struggle to come to an understanding of and be able to produce their first words. Having comprehension of a word list can in turn cause problems for a child due to the child not knowing if the word is being used in the right context or weather it is context bound or flexible. As an infant a child would not realise that, in essence all bears are called Teddy that is until a child is of an age to be aware of definition then the Teddy may be given a name. The problem for both me and Sarah however was that if Teddy has four friends and mum says “get Teddy” which one should Sarah go for. Although this emphasises the flexibility and problems contextual use can cause it also 27

reveals the importance of definition when talking to an infant for this is partly how infants come to understand and produce their first words. As before and just like Sarah’s mother the priest sat there, oh how I hate those silent pauses, “any more”. In environmental play the co-operation of a child’s first relationship is essential. “social” is of a great importance for all children giving them the opportunity of interaction. Opinion’s that innate nativism (inborn) leads the curiosity of all children to seek out “what’s that” which, in turn will create familiar phrase and cues” aiding a child’s definition of the beginning and end of words and phrases, furthered by syllable stress will all come to aid and assist an understanding of comprehension. Without these the spoken word may not be established fluently thus restricting the child’s progress in production. In situations such as this a child would spend extra time learning to use alternative methods of communication such as sign language and lip reading to be able to develop comprehension and an alternative form of production. “Umm” (well that’s better than a silent pause I thought to myself) “whilst you put your notes into a lecture form I had better get the church hall ready for you ah”. I didn’t know if I was pleased or cursed to be doing another lecture, I was just sat there looking at Sarah’s mother, my beautiful wife who had such a grin on her, “in all the time we have been together I hadn’t realised how big your mouth is”. Oh, there are times when you should really think before speaking, that was one of them. The priest was sat there laughing I was trying not to and she, once she had sat down again started to grin.

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*1 Attention Theory The key features of a first relationship for infants are, according to many psychologists a means of furthering an already innate mechanism of adaptability towards social interaction. This in turn will further psychological development for both social and within child. The future prosperity of the child however is hinged on nature and nurture, (academic and emotional) and the way that they are brought up. It is now recognised there are two forms of IQ, academic and emotional and for a child to succeed in both areas it needs a key first relationship. Traditionally this task has been a mother’s job although culturally it is shared within a social group the association of this and the interaction’s within a relationship involving a child is of great importance. The ego at this stage of recognition can only go as far as toys and needs but a child’s “self” conception will through cognition (learning) and by pursuing mental and social development become a personality which could be suppressed or exceed its self. Through the use of baby talking (normally consisting of accentuated high and low pitches) a carer/ parent can begin to establish recognition of the beginning of conversations. This opportunity of attention also gives rise to establish games for the child to further its emotional/ mental development of self and social interaction and learning that mothers arms are not it’s own! From this a child only has its genetic nature, then, from a first relationship interaction it can elaborate with behaviourism, social constructivism and develop its personality. An infant at this stage holds its self consciousness and identity as being the carer where if something needs to be retrieved such as toys it could presume the carer’s arms to be its own and want the carer to pick up. In this manner the attachment theory gives good advice for child rearing due to its broad coverage of cause and effect. From the offset a new carer may be bemused flattered and frustrated that an infant will not leave their side, this however is the attraction behaviour of attention seeking. This will establish the child’s emotional development and stability in future life and allow it to duplicate these emotions throughout development. I imply that too much attention restricts a child from developing its own identity and personality. The important period is between five to sixteen months where a child needs the attention and yet during the period of two years and older the child must be allowed to seek its own response and intensities. This is where the carer must not enforce their identity onto the child thus making the child a copy of a possible devil helper. This same situation could be found in adolescent years where the child is open to pear manipulation and may well copy friends. Although the excessive attention is supplying the child with physiological and cognitive stimulation the social and emotional damage could be seen as damaging. Social interaction within family is as a child reaches adolescence of great importance, for girls it gives a security not to become dependant upon outside influences where as boys have a conflict of dependency. Therefore emphasising the importance of social interaction between a first relationship within a family/ social group. This socialization also enables a uniform bonding as far as innate differences allow. For a child to thrive and the attention/ behaviour between it and the care giver to develop certain aspects need to be established.

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*2 Self “Self” is categorized into four groups, these being Physical, Character, relationship and Inner self. Younger children refer more too physical activities as being self descriptive; this is proven as being the methodology applied by this age group to describe self. (“I am, bat man, princes snow white). In there world all there is are toys and family! The findings for older children score higher in the area of inner and character this is due to the older child developing an inner character trait of self and increasing reference to relations. Children were asked one question “do children believe the proudest thing they do can be done throughout there lives”. This revealed that there was an ability to establish at what age children become more aware of physical and conscious self instead of ideal self (“I am) ? “growing up and beginning to think for myself”, on which level of morality and social stance and respect is up to us to teach from birth. Like all things in life, you have to give to receive!

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Based upon the story “Babies do come with a hand book” answer the following questions. For each question there are several issues that can be covered some of which will be based upon your own views taken from the book. Each question has a word count to give you an idea of how much information is needed. Work sheet 1 Week (1) Role Play Read and discuss the introduction page and page two, answer part one question one Q (1) Why is it not good for your child to be raised in the same manner that you were? (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question one and how it relates to, teenage consequences. Question to discuss, I through tantrums as a child to get my own way can I still do it!

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Work sheet 2 Week (2) Role Play Read and discuss page three, answer part one question two Q (2) What is the important’s of the attachment theory with regard to bringing up children (150 words) NB nature-personality, nurture-care and encouragement, continuity-stable secure environment Talk about views and opinions on question two and how it relates to teenage relationships. Question to discuss, I did what ever I wanted and got my own way” will everyone still like me now im an adult”!

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Work sheet 3 Week (3) Role Play Read and discuss page four, answer part one question three Q (3) Why does a child endeavour to seek intensity? (100 words) NB intensity-relates self as being the first relationship Talk about views and opinions on question three and how it relates to teenage social activities. Question to discuss, my friend CID s/he was/ wasn’t allowed to do his own thing, what TYPE could she become and will it effect social activities

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Work sheet 4 Week (4) Role Play Page six to the end of chapter one and discuss, answer part one question four Q (4) For a child why is it of the utmost important’s that both parent’s are, at all times consistent and attentive with what they say and do. (50 words) Talk about views and opinions on question four and how it relates to teenage aims for the future. Question to discuss, what effects can I be the cause of if Im not careful with the amount of attention i give my child

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Chapter two Work sheet 5 Week (5) Role Play Read and discuss page eight, answer part one question five Q (5) Explain nature, nurture and continuity (week 3) and how these elements affect the amount of attention a child is given. (150 words) Talk about views and opinions on question five and how it relates to teenage motivational skills. Question to discuss, CID is given too much/ OR lack of nature (personality) nurture (how you were raised) and continuity (interaction) how will this effect his motivation skills.

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Work sheet 6 Week (6) Role Play Read and discuss page nine, answer part one question six Q (6) Account for the different “self’s” that children have to develop and how each of these types of “self” if not developed can affect a child. (150 words) Talk about views and opinions on question six and how it relates to teenage goals in life NB nativism-to be born with an inherent ability Question to discuss, if all of CID’s self’s (confidence, worth, esteem, identity etc) and nativism are low will CID be rich and famous!

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Work sheet 7 Week (7) Role Play Read and discuss page eleven, answer part one question seven Q (7) How does the “first relationship” affect a child’s “social growth”? (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question seven and how it relates to teenage social and professional motivation Question to discuss, would CIDs first relationship (traditionally mother) affect his communication abilities!

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Chapter three Work sheet 8 Week (8) Role Play Read and discuss page thirteen, answer part one question eight Q (8) Can social and environmental issues affect a child’s development? (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question eight and how it relates to teenage respect for others Question to discuss, if none pays CID any respect should he give respect to others, would he know how to

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Work sheet 9 Week (9) Role Play Read and discuss page fifteen, answer part one question nine Q (9) Why is it very important to involve a child with your daily activities and reward them for being involved? (150 words) Talk about views and opinions on question nine and how it relates to teenage social skills/team work Question to discuss, CID was always alone at home in his room, will he know how to make friends!

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Work sheet 10 Week (10) Role Play Read and discuss page sixteen, answer part one question ten Q (10) In play why would a baby expect the parent to pick things up (50 words) Talk about views and opinions on question ten and how it relates to teenage awareness of self development Question to discuss, CID has a bad/ good temperament, how will he develop!

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Chapter four, Part two questions Work sheet 11 Week (11) Role Play Read and discuss page eighteen answer part two question one Q (1) Explain innate nature and nurture and how it forms the ability of speech how does it relate to this reading! (150 words) Talk about views and opinions on question one and how it relates to teenage opinions, are they innate or a result of peer pressure Question to discuss, CID was always told to “go away and play in his/her room” if s/he does something wrong will s/he be a cause or is it an effect

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Work sheet 12 Week (12) Role Play Read and discuss page twenty, answer part two question two Q (2) Why does a child require cooperative and understanding parents? (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question two and how it relates to teenage coping mechanisms Question to discuss, CID parents did/nt have any continuity with him, how will her/his personality (innate) develop

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Work sheet 13 Week (13) Role Play Read and discuss page twenty two, answer part two question three Q (3) Explain the four “Types” (week 5) and to the best of your knowledge explain the causes for each of these. (150 words) Talk about views and opinions on question three and how it relates to teenage sexual relationships Question to discuss, can CIDs parents create/ his/her TYPE and affect CIDs view to relationships and sex.

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Chapter five Work sheet 14 Week (14) Role Play Read and discuss page twenty three, answer part two question four Q (4) How does the attachment theory account for “cause and effect” with regards to speech development. (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question four and how it relates to teenage attitudes and empathy to others Question to discuss, Cid is slow to speak and needs things explaining to him, will it help him if we ignore him or make fun of him, what could be the long term causes and the effects

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Work sheet 15 Week (15) Role Play Read and discuss page twenty four, answer part two question five Q 5) How do infants come to understand and produce their first words? (150 words) Talk about views and opinions on question five and how it relates to teenage comprehension Question to discuss, why does CIDs little brother speak better than CID

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Work sheet 16 Week (16) Role Play Read and discuss page twenty six, answer part two question six Q (6) How does a baby develop Comprehension and verbalization of words? (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question six and how it relates to the importance of teenage clubs Question to discuss, as a two year old CID was always told to be quite and never taken to play groups, how will this affect his command of familiar phrases

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Work sheet 17 Week (17) Role Play Read and discuss page twenty seven, answer part two question seven Q (7) What could be the out come for a baby if a parent doesn’t take time to understand what the child is saying? (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question seven and how it relates to teenagers rebelling Question to discuss, if CID was/nt given time to be understood will s/he go to someone else for attention

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Work sheet 18 Week (18) Role Play Review the book and discuss links and chains (starting at page nine), answer part two question eight Q (8) Explain the concept behind “links and chains” (week 9) and how this can affect babies. (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on links and chains and how it relates to teenage pregnancies Question to discuss, if im not shown affection will I look for it, if I look for it could I end up becoming a parent/pregnant.

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Work sheet 19 Week (19) Role Play Review the book and discuss the terrible twos (week 11) answer part two question nine Q (9) At approximately two years of age why are children referred to as being at “the terrible two’s” (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on question nine and how it relates to teenage confidence in social interaction Question to discuss, if CID is an extrovert/ introvert will s/he be happy in life

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Work sheet 20 Week (20) Role Play Review the book and discuss behaviour patterns, answer part two question ten Q (10) What is an innate concept of self consciousness and identity? (100 words) Talk about views and opinions on work and how it relates to teenage behaviour patterns Question to discuss, is how CID behaves a result of his/her parents skills, innate self or due to pier pressure. Would we take drugs, cigarettes or alcohol because our friends do or have we more sense not to be bothered?

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