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All I ever wanted was everything 4SHARES000 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

- Francis J. Kong (The Philippine Star) - February 2, 2013 - 12:00am What is the one thing you ever wanted in your life? Do you ever take the time to ask yourself this question or, better still, take the time to seriously think about it? Marion Preminger wrote about where lasting happiness is to be found in her autobiography All I Want Is Everything. Born in Hungary in 1913, Marion was raised in a castle, surrounded by wealth, servants and the notoriety of an aristocratic upbringing. At a Viennese ball, she met a handsome young man, the son of an Italian doctor. They rushed into a marriage that lasted only a year. She returned to Vienna to embark on a career of acting. There she fell in love with the German director Otto Preminger. They married, and she followed him to America where he began a promising career as a Hollywood movie director. But her new Hollywood lifestyle could not sustain her marriage, and Preminger eventually divorced her. Marion returned to Europe to live the life of a Parisian socialite until 1948. Then everything changed when she read that Dr. Albert Schweitzer was visiting Europe from his home in Africa. She determined to meet with the notable missionary doctor. She first encountered Schweitzer doing one of the things he loved to do best while visiting Europe — playing a church organ for his own enjoyment. He invited her to dine with him. After the meal, Marion knew she had finally found what she’d been looking for. She accompanied Schweitzer every day during the remainder of his European visit. He invited Marion to come back to Africa with him and work as an untrained staff member in the Lamberene Hospital. She left her life of status and ease, and moved to Africa. Once there, the girl who was raised like a princess became a servant. She changed bandages, bathed bodies and fed lepers. She gave her life away to the poor and, because of it, found the happiness she’d craved for so long. It was Albert Schweitzer who asserted, “One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.― Happiness is not in the taking and the receiving. It is always in the giving and the sharing. A life of service makes happiness possible. The world is overpopulated with self-serving people. Their vocabulary is filled with “I” and “me.” These individuals will never have a servant attitude without a transition in their thinking. Croft Penz, the author says it well, “If you would have a change of attitude you must develop a new view of yourself and a willingness to treat others with love and forgiveness. You’ll find that this transformation is not only good for those in contact with you, but it’s good for you too.― A startling study makes the point clear. Social psychologist Larry Scherwitz at the Medical Research Institute of San Francisco discovered that there is a link between self-centered behavior and heart disease. Sherwitz reports, “The people who referred to themselves using pronouns ‘I, me, and my’ most often in an interview (who were talking about themselves the most) were more likely to develop coronary heart disease, even when other health-threatening behaviors were controlled.― The highest goals in life, health and personal success are reached by those who choose to serve. To be successful, all you need is to follow the advice you give to others. We should employ our passions in the service of life, not spend life in the service of our passions. For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to offer His Life as a ransom for many. A life of service should always be predicated on these words said by the Master Himself, Jesus Christ. In other words, “Don’t worry, be Happy. Serve!―

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2013/02/02/903790/all-i-everwanted-was-everything#JULLQyPXI1JoUyCw.99 The search for meaning and purpose 87SHARES1200 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

BUSINESS MATTERS BEYOND THE BOTTOM LINE - Francis J. Kong (The Philippine Star) - November 4, 2018 - 12:00am I came across a famous quote from Henry David Thoreau as he said, “The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.” While in my car and caught up in traffic, I see people walking like lifeless souls with wires plugged into their ears and eyes glued to their screen. It’s like a scene from The Walking Dead. Rarely today would you see people in friendship holding hands and conversing animatedly. I wondered if this is a picture of quiet desperation that Thoreau is talking about? Living from paycheck to paycheck, slugging through the week, only to feel the exhilaration of “Thank God it’s Friday,” go to happy hour, binge on TV series, play some video games, then repeat the same process year in and year out. I go to church. Sunday is always church day for me and family. Now that my kids are all grown up and fairly successful in their chosen fields of business and profession, we still go to church together, and then have lunch after. These are precious moments for me as there are times when my daughter Hannah has to be at weddings assisting the brides with the gowns she created, and would mean that she won’t be able to join us for our weekly lunches. In church, I would oftentimes come across this biblical teaching that quotes Jesus Christ: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10). How would we reconcile these two? That of Thoreau’s “Quiet Desperation” and Jesus’ promise of “Life to the full?” A businessman said that what he would like to be seen in his tombstone with the words: “He made a difference.” engraved on it. Maybe this is a person’s greatest need. Whether we speak of achieving our full potential, or only of surviving until the next paycheck, a person’s most innate need is his or her need to be significant—to find purpose and meaning. This is why we often hear people say: “I want to make a difference.” “I want my life to count.” “I want my life to have meaning.” “I want to have an impact.” “I want to make a contribution.” “I want to do something important with my life.” “I want to conquer, achieve, excel, and prove myself.” “I want to be somebody.” “I want my life to be significant.” Meanwhile, others talk about “leaving a legacy”. Would this not be the reason why people donate funds for buildings and leave their name there? The difference in men is in how we go about satisfying our need to be significant.

I have been existing in this planet for so long that I have seen men, eager for the spoils of this life, pursue significance by gratifying only their own ambitions. Others, trained by the Scriptures, find it by obeying God and blessing others. One sobering thought is that no matter what we have accomplished, you and I will be forgotten. At the very best, if you were a giant in your time, the most you could expect would be a couple of paragraphs in Wikipedia and I doubt if the page would get people excited many years from now. One of my favorite books in the Bible happens to be the Book of Ecclesiastes. Penned and authored by the “wisest man” who ever lived, the books said that a man’s ultimate desire is for immortality. “He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). That’s part of what we mean when we say we want to be significant. We want something to survive us. The thing we need to consider is the quality and durability of that significance. Man’s memories are too short. Whenever we ask ourselves, “Who am I?”, in terms of fame and worldly accomplishments, we may have selected an identity that will quickly fade into oblivion. When we build our identity based on worldly possessions, the novelty wears off quickly. That expensive Swiss watch that you are supposed to keep for the next generation, that high-priced ostrich skin bag with the alligator handle inside the orange brown bag in the closet no longer make you happy. The new-car smell dissipates and suddenly other possessions that are not yet ours begin to catch our attention and makes us wish to have them too. When possessions and money become a surrogate for our real identity, who we are is tied to things that rust and rot away. The promise of a “life of fullness” as promised by Jesus is that in Him, we experience significance. In obeying Him, we fulfill our purpose and achieve meaning in life. As the infomercial says, “and there’s more...” Meaning, more to the life beyond this planet as The One who rose back from the grave promises that in Him, by faith through grace, the serious follower will also have the same life in eternity. During this long weekend, there is a timely reminder for all of us is from someone who says: “A sure cure for arrogance is a visit to the cemetery where eggheads and boneheads get equal billing.” This is why I look forward to the life beyond the grave as I trust He who rose from it certainly has the right to claim it.

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2018/11/04/1865585/searchmeaning-and-purpose#GgovC47if7DRby3A.99 What can make or break you 50SHARES1100 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

BUSINESS MATTERS BEYOND THE BOTTOM LINE - Francis J. Kong (The Philippine Star) - January 27, 2019 - 12:00am I am not sure whether this list of statements actually do come from people in the work place or are mere comedic lines meant to be funny. When my boss told me this is the fifth time I’m late, I smiled and thought to myself, “This is great. This means it’s Friday! As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course, retirement. image: https://video.unrulymedia.com/native/images/in-art-close-icon-128x128-16481b937f87b244a645cdbef0d930f8.png

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Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments. Listen to this story expressed by a businessman. The story goes like this: “Late one night, I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a freshly brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. “How old is the coffee you have here?” I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter.?She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve only been working here two weeks.” What is wrong with these people anyway? Perhaps there is an answer to this question. According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace report studies, they have determined that across the globe, 85 percent of employees are either not engaged or are disengaged at work, which estimates approximately $7 trillion in lost productivity. And it has been said that companies around the world are not performing as well as they could. They are leaving money on the table. Why is this so? Rick Miller, writer and publisher on Forbes.com says, “But the problem is not with financial capital—it’s human capital, where too many companies are missing a key component of the growth equation. In my experience, looking at an additional, least-understood “horizontal” approach can deliver huge returns. Research supports what I have experienced personally. It starts with the understanding that any employee can impact the engagement of every employee in a group.” And Miller calls this “viral engagement.” When I read his article, it simply fortifies what I have suspected all along. Thanks to Miller, he provides additional proofs of his findings. Miller says: A foundational study by James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis out of the University of California and Harvard, respectively, demonstrated that cooperation spreads from person to person. Significantly, and to the surprise of many, they found that positive emotions actually spread further—from person to person—up to three degrees of separation, even among people who are not acquainted. But it’s the breakthrough work of another researcher who proved that positive emotions spread from person to person in a work environment. Specifically, Yale researcher Sigal Barsade authored the study that linked the spread of positive emotion with improved cooperation, decreased conflict, and increased task performance in the workplace. And then Miller concludes: “When you understand that viral engagement is possible—and that it happens when you shift your focus from top-down to side-to-side—you have the power to fill in the missing piece and unleash a whole new paradigm in your organization.” At this point I will ask you some questions. Do you have a set of corporate values and have you taken the time to articulate them, emphasize them and train your people to understand and apply them? Or are they mere ornaments in your web sites neatly printed in small fonts behind your employee’s ID’s expecting them to apply them by default? Have you invested and provided soft-skills training for your people? Was there a time when soft-skills were scoffed at, mocked at and considered as a waste of time and money by hard-nose old-school managers and bosses that still believe that they can push their people around without losing them to the competition and insist that management by intimidation and coercion still work in this current time? Have your leaders been sent to leadership seminars that provide them with current, pertinent and effective information and lessons that can update and upgrade their leadership skills?

Soft-skills training matter. CEO Chris Jones of City and Guilds UK says: “Unfortunately, some people believe that soft skills aren’t that important. However, almost every employer I’ve ever talked to about this disagrees. In a world where job roles are changing rapidly, soft skills will be one of the few constants…” Neil Carberry, Director for Employment and Skills at CBI says: “Business is clear that developing the right attitudes and attributes in people – such as resilience, respect, enthusiasm and creativity – is just as important as academic or technical skills. In an ever more competitive job market, it is such qualities that will give our young talent a head start and also allow existing employees to progress to higher skilled, better paid roles.” Soft skills are not “soft.” They demand more respect and attention. On the bright side of things, many of my corporate clients have been investing in soft-skills trainings and they are now seeing positive results that has reduced conflicts, lowered attrition and have contributed to business growth. Author Peggy Klaus says: “Soft skills get little respect, but they will make or break your career.” And I totally agree.

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2019/01/27/1888376/what-canmake-or-break-you#GlgOwrg9gLWOqOJv.99 Being happy 2SHARES000 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

- Francis J. Kong (The Philippine Star) - June 30, 2012 - 12:00am You and I are living in a culture of performance. Comparing ourselves with the next person has become a norm. Advertising has convinced us that we should always look better, feel better and make others eat our dust. Thus the excessive pursuit of pleasure and work. What used to be luxuries once enjoyed only by the rich and famous – like spas to vacation packages to underarm whitening by laser – are now available to the common person, thanks to coupons offering 50 to 70 percent in discounts. After all, we should always look better, feel better and make others eat our dust. Meanwhile, at work, we put in more and more hours each day, in the desire to be more “successful” in life. Besides, we need to pay off all the coupons we’re getting. This lifestyle can be exhausting, and yet, the truth is, neither work nor pleasure can be solely relied on to give a lasting happiness. What makes you happy? When I ask people this question during my talks, they get real quiet and still. I guess it’s because, as simple as the question is, it forces them to think and hard. So what makes you happy? If you really think about it, happiness, the genuine, lasting one, cannot be confined to just one single thing. I believe happiness is the sum total of our positive relationships, good health, productive and meaningful work, the respect we get from the community, challenges and even failures in life, seasoned with laughter and joy. Happiness isn’t really pursued; it happens. Because happiness is a by-product of living a godly life. Happiness is like a puzzle. Let’s talk about each of its pieces:

1. Positive Personal Relationships. Men and women are not meant to be alone. You may have all the finer things in the world, but without someone to share them with, you’d feel empty. Even God said that “it’s not good for the man to be alone…” Life is not a DIY (Do-It-Yourself) thing. The people I love and those who love me play major pieces in my happiness puzzle. 2. Good Health. If you wake up in the morning and find yourself in your own bedroom rather than in an Intensive Care Unit which charges an arm and a leg per day – good for you! Enjoy your good health. Get out of the house. Catch the sunrise or the sunset. Eat good, clean food so you won’t have to mind so much your sugar and cholesterol level. This way, you’ll get more fun out of life. 3. Meaningful Work. Work is not a curse. We will never be happy unless we’re productive. Vacations may be lovely, but people also want to use their skills and talents to do something worthwhile. Work grows a person’s character. Honest labor gives him honor and dignity. 4. Finances and Resources. Financial independence, and the ability to think and work like ants are important. Ants invest for the future. They think winter all summer and think summer all winter. They carry loads heavier then themselves, and they don’t allow anything to stand in the way of accomplishing their goal. Managing finances well opens opportunities, eases worry and provides security during hard times. 5. Spirituality and a Moral Compass. Having a vibrant, personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the biggest piece of the happiness puzzle. I’m not talking about religion – I’m talking about relationship with our Maker. Through this relationship, we have a moral reference for doing the right thing and avoiding the wrong. There are people out there who spend all their time climbing up the social ladder. There are people who foolishly spend their money and health on things that do not matter. Some live life with careless abandon, without any sense of causality and effect. These people’s decisions only lead to loneliness. But we need to make sure we make the right decisions, for after all, life is simply a summary of the choices we make from day to day.

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2012/06/30/822719/beinghappy#0DoEUQjPS7Jpx6S3.99 Toxic people in the work place 3SHARES000 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

- Francis J. Kong (The Philippine Star) - June 10, 2012 - 12:00am I heard a “philosopher” once say that most people are really good; it’s just their behavior that’s questionable. It’s like saying that most people are good, but they sometimes like to shoot others with their guns.

If this is the case, then most people in the work place are essentially good. It’s just that, sometimes, they kill others with their toxicity. You and I, at one point or another, may have been one of those “most people” without our knowing it. Highly possible – most of the time, the people guiltiest of toxic behavior are also the ones most oblivious to their behavior. Here are examples of toxic people with obnoxious behavior. Fictitious names are used, but the characters portrayed here are very real. You meet them in the work place, in civic organizations and even in religious settings. Dolores is our first example. She sits next to you and talks to you to death. She talks about her problems, her house, her husband, her pets, the vacation she took… And she never bothers to ask you how you are or what’s happening in your part of the world. Then there’s Johnny. He’s the sweet talker who begs you to help him with a project presentation. You do help him and end up doing the whole thing. After the presentation, Johnny is given pats on the back and congratulations for a job well done… And he takes full credit for everything! He doesn’t even call to say thank you. Uh- oh, here comes Dennis. Talk about a nuclear explosion – that’s Dennis. One wrong word, one wrong question, one wrong remark or opinion, and especially a criticism – no matter how constructive – and he’ll blow his top, big time. Lastly, there’s Annie. She’s always all-smiles at you, always sweet. But you have this gut-feel that she’s the one who started the nasty gossip against you. (You just don’t have enough proof yet to pin her down). These are just a few examples of toxic people in the work place who drive us at times to wish that they (or we!) were working somewhere else. Leaders should not ignore the presence of such people. In my leadership workshops and seminars, I teach that leaders are not only accountable to their people’s performance – they’re also accountable to their people’s behavior. But the greater challenge perhaps is if, knowingly or unknowingly, we’re the ones perceived to be toxic. What do we do then? More important, how do we keep ourselves from developing toxicity? Here are a few ideas: 1. Learn to celebrate your co-worker’s success. Acknowledge others’ achievements, but don’t use those achievements as a standard by which to measure your own. Make sure you kick envy out of your system. Being envious is a sign of toxicity. With envy, one is naturally inclined to undermine a successful person’s reputation and the way others gravitate towards that person. When you do this, you taint even your own reputation. Worse, if news gets to the other person, you can develop a potential conflict. Rid yourself of envy. Focus on being a team player. Convert any negative energy into positive passion that will drive you to your own success. 2. Learn to climb correctly. Climbing up the corporate ladder of success doesn’t mean stepping on people just to reach the top. Do your work excellently so people will notice your performance. Then they’ll notice you. Work with your team towards innovation and productivity. While you’re at it, make sure you’re taking the lead in building a positive team climate. Making everyone look good on a project will make your whole team look good, and will make you look good as a team player. 3. Focus on the long term. Do not work for quick, short-term gains. Understand that long-term, sustainable success is a process, not an event. So don’t secretly harbor hatred for your boss. And don’t try to use your position to punish others, demand their loyalty or take credit for their work. And don’t fight with your co-workers! A person you’ve offended or insulted may just one day turn out to be your boss. 4. Show respect and professionalism. Watch your behavior carefully. NEVER flirt in the work place. Keep your wants in check. Lust in the workplace isn’t limited to office romance. You can lust after a nicer workspace or even your boss’ position. Constantly focusing on what you don’t have and salivating at what others have rather than working to further your career – that’s a sure career-killer. 5. Work real hard. I’ve never met anyone truly successful who’s not hard working. And I’ve never met a lazy person in life who’s without reasons and excuses on why they never succeed. What you sow is what you reap, Scriptures say. This is very true in farming, in the work place and in life in general.

A wise person once said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” And may I add that loving may have to include the people you work with as well.

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2012/06/10/815374/toxic-peoplework-place#8WzJo8cMi0MDWs72.99 Novice prodigy Focus on your strengths 2SHARES000 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

- Francis J. Kong () - February 5, 2011 - 12:00am Every person comes with certain strengths and weaknesses. That’s a factory-provided package deal that comes with this earthly body of ours courtesy of our Maker. Some people may be weak in public speaking; others may be good at it. Some people are so artistic they bring life and beauty to an empty canvass; others are like me - can’t draw a straight line even with the help of a ruler. Others are good in reading but poor in math. Others are good with both song and dance. Strengths and weaknesses - we all have them. Now here’s the key to maximizing your strengths-weaknesses set: Focus on your strengths. I have heard some people say that we are to work on our weakness to make it into a strength. This is important, this is noble.. but this is also not very practical. Because our fast-paced life and the scarcity of time do not give us the luxury to do it. Conventional wisdom says that we should work on improving our weaknesses, but this could turn out to be a terrible waste of time, talent and opportunity! And no matter how hard we try, it’s highly unlikely that we can go beyond average in those areas we are really unskilled in. Highly successful entrepreneurs, as well as top scientists, artists, athletes and entertainers throughout history, have achieved greatness by focusing on their areas of strength. The good news is, everybody has a natural aptitude in a particular area. It took us a long time to realize that man can’t be justly labeled as intelligent or dumb based on IQ alone. The theory of Multiple Intelligences states that there are other areas, aside from the traditional notion of intelligence, that people could excel in. These areas are where we should fix our focus on. We should be honest about our areas of strengths and weaknesses. When it comes to our strengths, we should highlight, focus and work on them to provide greater benefit to everyone in the organization. When it comes to our weaknesses, we should ask for help. But the ability to ask for help comes only after the humility of admitting that we need it. Trouble comes when we hide our weaknesses. And when a situation blows up in our face, we point the finger to somebody else.

Let me tell you a story. A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Dad,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.” His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?” “Oh yes, very much,” he said. “But you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiancé will be put off by them.” “No problem,” said the dad, “All you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed.” To the groom-to-be, this seemed a workable solution. Now the bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her own problem to her mother. “Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful.” “Honey,” her mother consoled her, “Everyone has bad breath in the morning.” “No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiancé will not want to sleep in the same room with me.” Her mother said simply, “Try this: In the morning, get straight out of bed and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.” “I shouldn’t say ‘Good morning’ or anything?” the daughter asked. “Not a word,” her mother affirmed. “Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” the bride-to-be thought. The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband woke up with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searched the bed. This of course woke up his wife, and without thinking, she asked, “What on earth are you doing?” “Oh, my,” he replied, “You’ve swallowed my sock!” Be honest with your weaknesses. And don’t spend a lot of time working on your weaknesses that you neglect working on your strengths. Do not focus on your deficiencies. Develop your natural talents instead. This is rewarding and motivating, allowing you to continually realize higher and higher levels of ability, achievement and success. And this lets you experience the immense satisfaction that comes with being superb at something.

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2011/02/05/654105/focus-yourstrengths#fXQMdVEXZPRR40qm.99

Daily inspirations 2SHARES000 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

- Francis J. Kong () - February 6, 2011 - 12:00am In my seminars, I ask participants, “How many among you are stressed?” Hands will shoot up faster than a rocket, and nervous laughs will ensue all over the ballroom. Times are really stressful these days. I know I need inspiration to help me make it through each day. How about you? Today, I will do something for the first and the last time: I will feature some of the inspirational quotes, stories and humor that have been well-received by people who have subscribed to my daily Inspired messages. Regular readers of this column know that I plug my public seminars, and this has brought many participants from all over the country to the said functions. And when I started plugging my daily inspirational text subscriptions (with the help of ZED’s TV plugs), I was amazed to see the same warm reception of the public subscriptions shot up! So here are samples of messages you can receive when you subscribe to the service: You cannot make the poor man rich by making the rich man poor. (Lincoln) Some people are blessed with the ability to create wealth. There is no need to envy them. Know what your talents are. Your talents are God-given. Your skills are what you acquire for yourself. But in everything, build up character so your success is secured. Money is always the acid test for character. It is fantasy to believe that we’re living in a morally neutral environment. We face offers and choices daily that either add value to our lives or set us up for future defeat. “0% Financing! For those who are struggling to make ends meet.” “The titles of the movies you select will not be listed on your bill.” “Girls Gone Wild!” Offers so enticing but disaster lurking behind. Choose your choices correctly. The Ilocana (my wife) and I had a clean bill of health after our executive checkup. It was our 30th wedding anniversary treat. As I walked out the lobby, I realized that keeping myself healthy is the best favor I can do for my family. Every person I know who has undergone a health scare says the same thing: “I should have started exercising years ago.” Shouldn’t exercise be part of every person’s life goal then? Allan and Barbara Pease say, “Under pressure, men drink alcohol and invade other countries; women eat chocolate and go shopping.” Women criticize men; men criticize women. But this should not be. God created men and women equally, but He created them differently. Celebrate the differences. Lead them according to their design. Attend seminars on gender differences, and learn to lead better. Ask the right questions. Asking “Who caused this to happen?” and asking “How did I get myself into this situation?” are two different things. One fixes the blame, the other one fixes the problem. Some people are experts in blame-storming, and this is why they never recover. Others learn from mistakes, and this is why they succeed. The question you ask determines the outcome for your life. My apologies usually come from my propensity to react in the moment without taking the time to control my temper and contemplate the proper response to the situation. I also tend to make jokes in an effort to appear funny, but in the process unwittingly offend someone and make myself appear insensitive to others. Take the time to think. And respond instead; do not react. Used-textbooks-for-sale notes were posted on the college notice board at the beginning of the semester. One read: “Introduction to Psychology, 300 Pesos, never used.” The card was signed, “Must Sell.”

The next day, a note was added: “Good price. Are you sure it’s never been used?” Signed, “Prospective Buyer.” Written below was, “Positive!” Signed, “Professor Who Graded His Exam.” Are yours used? If you found these helpful or able to give you some much-needed inspiration today, then send “Inspire” to 288 for Smart or Sun subscribers and 2889 for Globe to receive your daily regular dose of inspirational quotes and thoughts. This investment will cost you only Php2.50 per day. “Today’s column is actually a plug?” some wag would probably say. You bet it is. And if you know a good thing and don’t tell others about it, you’re actually doing others a disservice. Wouldn’t you think so? This is why today... I’m just telling.

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2011/02/06/654397/dailyinspirations#zP4KxkFostu6bFuz.99

Is it really love? 2SHARES000 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

- Francis J. Kong () - February 13, 2011 - 12:00am The price of roses (and other kinds of flowers) is about to rise. Shops will most likely run out of stocks of cho-colates, cakes and pastries by tomorrow. Concerts in hotel ballrooms and fine dining restaurants will be fully-booked. It’s big business every Valentine’s Day, especially in this love-crazed country of ours. But do we really know what “love” is? What does “love” really mean? A group of professionals posed the question “What does love mean?” to a group of 4- to 8-year-olds. The answers the kids gave had more depth than any of them had expected. Think about their remarks: 1. “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” 2. “Love is when someone hurts you, and you get so mad, but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.” 3. “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” (I actually like this one.) 4. “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”

5. “When you tell someone something bad about yourself, and you’re scared they won’t love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more.” 6. “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” 7. “My Mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” 8. “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” 9. “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” 10. “I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes, and she has to go out and buy new ones.” 11. “I let my big sister pick on me. Mom says my big sister only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.” 12. “Love cards like Valentine cards say stuff on them that we’d like to say ourselves, but we wouldn’t be caught dead saying.” 13. “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” What then is love? Love is when you wish the best, do the best and offer to serve your best for the object of your love. But the word love is greatly misunderstood. You don’t use the word “love” if your sole intention is to consume. You cannot actually say, “I love my chocolate cake” because you do not desire the best for your cake; in fact you want to eat it. Love in this context is just a desire to consume for your own pleasure and delight. But when an overseas Filipino worker says, “I love my children” and is willing to face the pain of working in a foreign country just to earn a few dollars to feed them, you know that the love there is the desire to provide the best, do the best and offer themselves to serve the children the best. That’s true love. “In our company we work as a family because we love our people.” Great line designed for employee or talent retention. But do you see the leaders in the organization wishing, doing and serving the object of their love? During this “Love Day Celebration” we should take time to remind ourselves of the model of True Love – when the Father sent the Son to die on the cross, so you and I may have eternal life in Him. Now that is wishing, doing and serving the best for the object of the Father’s love. Happy True Love’s Day to all of you, tomorrow!

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- Francis J. Kong () - February 19, 2011 - 12:00am How do I describe the times? I say, this generation is a time-starved generation where every single precious minute has to be carefully planned or people will fall into the “lack-of-time” sickness trap. There’s just too many things that need to be done, but with so little time available. Let me share with you ideas that have worked for me as far as making the best use of time is concerned. I do hundreds of talks and seminars a year, the venues of which are spread out all over the country and abroad as well. Here are some things I practice to help me manage my seminar schedules. I hope you find these useful as well. 1. PREPARE YOUR CLOTHES THE NIGHT BEFORE. Deciding on an outfit in the morning when you are in a hurry to rush to the office actually requires more time. And when you’re not confident with the clothes you’ve chosen, when you feel that the colors do not match, or you’ve settled for something because you couldn’t find the particular piece of garment you really wanted to wear, you end up stressed. And while we are on the topic of clothes, you might want to prepare a selection of outfits specifically for special occasions. These are clothes that make you feel confident and fabulous. The right clothes increase our confidence. When we are confident, we work better. Unless you’re Popeye’s girlfriend Olive Oil, who doesn’t have a problem choosing what to wear for the day because her closet is full of the same clothes, learn to plan the day’s outfit the night before. Yes, including your underwear. Speaking of clothes... 2. ORGANIZE YOUR CLOSETS AND DRAWERS. You don’t need to color code your clothing like many OCs I know. I am the exact opposite of Obsessive Compulsives or OC’s; I am messy! But I do organize my closets and drawers according to the way I think. Some people think in terms of garments when they get dressed; others think more by occasion, like work clothes, weekend clothes, dress-up clothes. How about you, how do you prefer to organize your closets? This really saves you a lot of time thinking. 3. MANAGE YOUR TECHNOLOGY HABITS. Don’t live in denial. There are many people who mindlessly go about their social network habits thinking they’re putting time to good use. They check their email every 10 seconds. They practically live in their Facebook world, farming or building a cafe. Then there are those who use cell phones as a procrastination device. In reality, such habits take up a lot of precious time away from things more substantial. Things like, you know...letting the kids know you’re alive or letting the spouse know you care. Eliminate such habits, and you’ll save some precious hours each a day. Don’t even check your email in your first hour at work. Work on the important things first, and declare that you are in control, not technology. 4. CURB YOUR TV VIEWING HOURS. Many people spend hours watching TV or DVD movies. This is one major time-consuming activity that robs them of being able to do more productive things. Substitute screens with books. If you have to surf the Net, make sure you’re surfing for information that adds value to your work life and personal life. 5. DO QUIET TIME.

Many people miss this. As for me, the first quality hour of my day is spent doing quiet time – a time to pray and meditate on Scriptures. Talking to God and hearing Him talk. This builds my internal strength which I need to deal with the challenges of the day. This also affords me quality “think-time”. My best usually comes after my quiet time. Meanwhile, hugging the kids, sharing stories with them, enjoying dinner with the family – these are not time wasters. These are the reasons why we want to manage our time well. After all, the way we spend our time is the way we live our life. Spend your time well and live life well.

Read more at https://www.philstar.com/business/2011/02/19/658360/do-more-thingsless-time#AGC2EzAbt0i2UeDT.99 Is your boss a jerk? 2SHARES000 image: https://www.philstar.com/images/authors/1325498.jpg

- Francis J. Kong () - March 8, 2009 - 12:00am The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!” Some bosses just don’t get the respect they deserve from their direct reports. Maybe IT IS because they do not deserve the respect from their direct reports. Once in a while a good book comes along. Reality Check by Guy Kawasaki is one of those books. You need to get a copy of this book. I enjoyed it from cover to cover. (This line sounds so familiar.) In one of the sections of his book Kawasaki talks about bosses who are jerks. (actually Kawasaki uses another word that I consider as not too appropriate to use in this publication….) Allow me to share his material with you as he has given me permission to do so. Question: How many bosses does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: One. He holds up the lightbulb and expects the universe to revolve around him. Kawasaki says: Is your boss rude? Does he keep people waiting? Do they yell and scream at people and think they can get away with this because they HAVE gotten away with this? Society somehow tolerates these behaviors from the rich and famous. Your boss is a jerk if he: 1. Thinks that rules are different for him.

2. Doesn’t understand the difference between a position making a person and a person making a position. 3. Requires handlers. 4. Requires the fulfillment of special requests in order to be happy/productive/efficient. 5. Relates to people primarily in terms of what they can do for him. 6. Judges people by his own values, not the employees’ or society’s values. 7. Judges employees’ results but his own intentions. 8. Asks you to do something that he wouldn’t do. 9. Calls employees any time of the day. (and not for emergencies…) 10. Believes that the world is out to get him/her when faced with criticism or even omission. 11. Slows down or halts your career progress. If the company is progressive…. maybe they are the lead in their industry….. If the pay is above industry scale…. if the top honcho is dynamic and charismatic…. if the perks and the benefits are there and when good people leave, (the only exception of course is when there is an irresistible counter offer from another company or another place…..) then you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that the main reason behind the departure is that these people bosses have not treated them right. PEOPLE DO NOT LEAVE ORGANIZATIONS…. PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR LOUSY BOSSES. And guess what? These are the same jerks who would not want to attend leadership seminars and trainings in order to improve the way they lead their people. Wake up people! These jerks are costing the company a lot of money. Kawasaki says these mean-spirited morons are still running much of the workplace. Most nastiness is directed by super-iors to subordinates. Not only do these jerks quell enthusiasm and stifle creativity, these jerks are the main reasons why good people leave their company and work for their competitors. Leading people is a privilege and a responsibility. The Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu says it correctly: “To lead the people, walk behind them.” Entertainer Dolly Parton says: “If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, then, you are an excellent leader.” But here is the best description of what a great leader is: He who is willing to be a servant as Jesus Christ Himself not only said but showed. So to all the jerks out there…start acting like a leader but better still start BEING a leader.

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- Francis J. Kong () - November 15, 2008 - 12:00am I train. I speak. I give keynotes and this is why I meet people all the time. I see different kinds of people all the time. I see people who are so happy and productive with their jobs and then I see people who look like they have entered their career as the cruise director for the Titanic. After my talks participants would come to me for advice. Our conversation would go like this. And as I share this with you I want you to think it through as it may carry the answer to your questions about your own work and fun issues. Participant: “I’m not happy with my job with my job Francis. I’m thinking of resigning should I or shouldn’t I?” Francis: “Well show me a job where you can be happy all the time and I will resign and join you!” Participant: “But there is no fun with my work Francis.” Francis: “Sure. That’s why they call it work. And that’s why they pay you to do it. Had work been fun it would have been called “Fun!” Participant: “So what should I do? I hear a lot of speakers tell me that I need to love what I do but I simply don’t?” Do you get the point? Now let’s be real. You want fun? Go to the circus. But if you want to be paid, go to work, Duh! Work in itself is never fun. That’s why it’s called labor. Fun is the feeling part in you and work is the doing part you have to deal with. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Do you like to be promoted? Do you want to stay employed? Do you use your pay check to pay for luxuries such as paying off your loans and buying food for your family? Then it’s got nothing to do with your job. It’s got everything to do with you. Get this. It’s not what you feel. It’s what you do with what you feel. Maybe there’s something lacking in you in what you do and this is why you’re not happy. There are people doing the same job and they are happy aren’t they? Maybe age has caught up with you. You’re bored and you’re tired. And you want to try something else. It’s not a bad thing. But you have to be practical. Times are tough. Jobs will be hard to find. If you carry the baggage of “not being happy with your current job,” you will bring it with you wherever you go and you will become more unhappy wherever you are. Now let’s go back to our typical conversation. Maybe by this time the participant is convinced and he or she changes the conversation: Participant: “So what should I do?”

Francis: “Aha! Now there is a good question and now “we’re getting somewhere.” Why not try something else with what you are and what you currently do? Here are a few ideas. 1. You can pretend to be happy with your work. And you’re probably saying “But that’s not me.” And you’re right. It’s that “you” that your office mates and co-workers do not like to associate with. If you whimper and whine and you moan and groan all the time, not only do you make other people unhappy they in turn will reinforce your not being happy. If you pretend to be happy you just might get to the point of really being happy. 2. Be grateful. Do not look at the things you don’t have. Look at the things you have and be thankful. Be satisfied with what you have but never be satisfied with what you are and what you are becoming which brings me to another point.... 3. Grow and learn-Learn and Grow. You need to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. Develop a positive attitude. Get out of your comfort zones. Read more books listen to more tapes attend more seminars and improve your skills. Accept more challenges and make yourself a lot more useful than you currently are today. The intensity of your happiness... those moments when you were given a promotion, when somebody swept you off your feet, when you won the jackpot in a game show are nice but they are not important. Frequency is. What matters are those moments of quiet happiness that comes to you as being content in whatever situation you are in your life. There’s a Swedish proverb that says: “Those who wish to sing always find a song.” Same thing. Happiness comes to those who will to find it.

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- Francis J. Kong () - October 18, 2008 - 12:00am An arrogant government representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer. “I need to inspect your farm.” The old farmer said, “You better not go in that field.” The agricultural representative said in a wise tone, “I have the authority of the government with me. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land.” So the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, the farmer heard loud screams. He saw the representative running for the fence, and close behind was the farmer’s prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and was gaining at every step. The old farmer called out: “Show him your card!”

Some people are just so difficult to deal with. I have been asked this question: “Francis, just how do you handle difficult people? And my two-word answer is: “Very carefully.” There will always be people who are simply difficult to deal with. Have you met people like these? I am sure you have and so have I. Now understand one important thing. Just because a person is educated is no guarantee that the person is cultured. I have met people who are brash, rude, arrogant, proud even though they are highly educated. These are people with impressive educational degrees. I mean these people have got more degrees than a thermometer but they sure act, talk and behave rude and crude. So how do you deal with people like these? My response is: “You have to be kind to bacteria.” Because to some people like these, bacteria is the only culture they have. I will not allow them to get on my nerves because I will not allow their rudeness to control me. He who angers you, controls you. We may not be able to control everyone but if there is only one person in the world we can control it’s the one you see on the mirror every day. My partners and I offer the licensed Dr. John Maxwell leadership training programs and we deal with this subject matter intensively. Dr. John Maxwell offers the 10 commandments for handling difficult people. 1. Use the 101-percent Principle. Find the one percent you agree on and give it 100 percent of your attention. 2. Love people more than policies, but love truth more than people. 3. Give others the benefit of the doubt. 4. Learn to be flexible where you can. 5. Check your own attitude. 6. Don’t overreact to conflict and disagreement. 7. Welcome the conflict. Make it a learning experience. 8. Provide an escape for the person in conflict. Let them maintain their dignity. 9. Take a risk. Give people a second chance. 10. Take the high road. Be generous and believe the best about others. Commandment number 2 is important to me. Love people more than policies but love truth more than people. While we try to be as friendly, diplomatic and civil there will come a time when the stand on truth takes prominence over people.

The truth is that people change. Some change for the better and others change for the worst. I have met both. I have met people whose lives were so messed up before and now they are all cleaned up. I have also met people who used to be trustworthy, respectable and humble and today, they have become some of the most arrogant and worst charlatans you will ever meet in your life. This is why the most important thing to remember is that you and I should make an effort in changing for the better everyday. Better in competence but more importantly…better in character. When the choice is presented before you. People or Truth? Choose truth over people all the time. Do not strive to be popular. Strive to be Christ like. You can handle difficult people when people trust you for who and what you really are.

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