Christmas Pdf 2008

Who-ville Gazette

Special Christmas Edition

December 25, 2008

Volume 1

Christmas Theft! Authorities suspect green mountain dweller, possible accomplice When every Who in Who-ville awoke this morning, he discovered that Christmas had been stolen–literally. Every wreath, stocking, light, tree, and roast beast had disappeared from every house in Who-ville. Authorities caution against jumping to conclusions as to who the perpertrator of this heinous crime might be and allow them to conduct a thorough investigation. But no one in the police force is denying that Mr. Grinch, who lives just North of town, is at the top of its list of suspects. “It’s a well-known fact that old Grinch has never been a fan of Christmas. I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like this,” Augustus Maywho, Mayor of

by Mindy Who Who-ville, said without hesitation, when asked who he felt might be responsible. A possible witness has come forward who further incriminates Grinch. “My daughter saw him shoving our Christmas tree up the chimney,” Betty Lou Who, mother of the witness said. Betty Lou Who said the suspect told her daughter he was fixing the lights. “But when we all expressed our surprise this morning when all the Christmas decorations were gone, she told us the whole story. Cindy-Lou said she didn’t think Santa Claus was green but he had seemed convincing.” Despite the shock of finding their Christmas stolen, all of the

Mr. Grinch, a mean one, is purported to have a heart two sizes too small.

Whos are handling the incident remarkably well. “Christmas isn’t just about the decorations,” Dagmar Who, a local insurance salesman said. see Grinch, pg. 4

Feline Arrested for Trespassing, Vandalism

The Cat, whom psychiatrists believe may suffer from acute mania, takes a spot of tea, as one of his captors looks on disapprovingly.

by the Vipper of Vipp Police ended an hour-long standoff yesterday, after two children and a fish were released. The home invader, a cat who wore a striped top hat and a bow tie, coerced two small children into letting him enter their house while their mother was away. The family pet, Norval the fish, said it was a harrowing experience. “First he balanced my bowl on the end of an umbrella. By the end he’d let two trolls fly kites in the living room!” The children were equally disturbed. “I did not like the way that he played. If mother had seen it, oh what would she say!” Sally, the eldest child, said. The two blue-haired trolls, which the cat referred to as “Thing 1” and “Thing 2,” are still at large. Authorities believe the cat escaped from a local veterinary asylum. The cat faces a life sentence in the local pound.

Elephant hears pronoun, see pg. 12

Boy finds Wocket in pants, see pg. 72

To our friends and family: May you have a good feast, full of laughter and joy and a nice carved roast beast. Merry Christmas, The Watsons

Julie; Thomas; Margaret, 18 mos.; Thomas, 5; Helen, 4

4 Who-ville Gazette

December 25, 2008

Grinch uses reindeer impersonator continued from pg. 1

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Detour to Lurch proves worthwhile As regular readers of this travelogue may recall, I ended my travels last week deflated. I had taken the lead in the hotair balloon race, until my dirigible hit a Bang-up, and was punctured and hanging precariously on a branch hanging off the edge of a cliff. Though I didn’t know it at the time, I had been left in a Lurch. It took me a while to get downfrom this prickle-ly perch, only to find that I’d fallen into a Slump. Un-slumping myself was not easily done. I then came to a city where the streets were unmarked. While some windows were lighted, most were darked. I raced down some long wiggled roads until I came to the Waiting Place. This dreadful place was filled with unhappy people, waiting for things to go their way. One was waiting for Friday night; one for Uncle Jake. Another watched a pot boil; another wanted a Break. Fortunately, my journey this week ended on a high note. I escaped the waiting and staying and found a place where Boom Bands were playing! Finally, I was flip-flapping and riding high! That’s all for this week, dear readers. Until next time, get on your way!

Grinch allegedly outfitted his pet dog in reindeer attire to carry out his devious plan to steal Christmas from the citizens of Who-ville. The investigation remains ongoing.

“We’ll still sing carols and enjoy each other’s company today. I always tell my kids that Christmas doesn’t just come from a box.” No relatives of Grinch could be located for an interview. He does have a cardiologist in town whom Grinch has seen for many years to treat a chronic heart condition. “Grinch was born with a heart two sizes too small. I’ve often wondered if that is the reason for his deep-seated distaste for com-

panionship and joy,” Heinrich Who, Grinch’s doctor, said. Christmas festivities will continue as planned for the day. “We look at this as an inconvenience but certainly not the end of Christmas. Everyone knows the true meaning of Christmas is Christ’s birth. No Grinch could steal that,” Maywho said. Authorities are also seeking Grinch’s pet dog for questioning, as some eyewitness accounts place him near the scene of the crime.

EAT AT SAM’S ONE DISH. SO MANY WAYS TO EAT IT!

• in a box • with a fox • in the rain • on a train • in a house • with a mouse • with a goat • on a boat • here or there • ANYWHERE! FOR A LOCATION NEAR YOU, DIAL (800) 4-SAM-I-AM