Building Relationships: Week 2

Week 2 BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS 1

OUTLINE OF THE COURSE • Eight week course: • • • • • • •

A Vision For The Family; Building Relationships; Love, Marriage And Communication; Family Influences; Guiding And Shaping; Taking Corrective Action; Keeping the Vision in Mind.

• A social reunion – some time after! • Opportunity to discuss issues and answer questions….

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When very

They are

Young

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SHAPING THEIR HEARTS • We need to ensure: • Our relationships with them are strong; • That channels of communication are always open; • That they know we love them.

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BUILDING FOR THE FUTURE • Spending time with our children; • Effective communication; • Building strong relationships

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The word

Relationship

is spelt

T-I-M-E!!

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TIME

Quality

Quantity

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QUALITY TIME • “A key to communicating with children is to put in a lot of quantity so that some quality time can happen”

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“The best thing a parent can Spend on their children is Time not money”

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WHAT IS A GRANDMA? “……they never skip a page and neither do they mind if it’s the same story again…..”

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What

Time do you spend

with your

Children?

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COMMUNICATION • What can we do to encourage communication when we are with our children?

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Communication is about drawing out the

Thoughts of

Others

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LEARN TO LISTEN • Physically get down to their level; • Kneel or sit when they are talking;

• Look them in the eye; • Show them they have your full attention;

• Don’t try to do two things at once; • Reassure them that they have your attention; • Touch them on the face or arm;

• Wait for them to finish what they are saying. • It may take a while but it’s worth it!!

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THE END RESULT “Sensitive communication with your children enables them to understand the complexities of life. They learn that life is concerned with both the world of feelings and the world of ideas. It means understanding yourself and others. It means having long term vision as well as short-term goals. It means we become concerned for more that the ‘what’ or ‘what happened’ but also the ‘why’…..” Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Ted Tripp (1995)

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Communication is a long term in their

Investment Character

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THREE WORLDS

Private

Public

Personal

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Allow into

Your children

Your World

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What can we do to

Build Relationships with our children and

Ensure

that they really do feel that we love them? 19

DO THINGS TOGETHER

Play a game Go for a walk Go swimming Watch TV Eat a meal Read a book Bake a cake 20

ENCOURAGE WITH WORDS • “Encourage one another and help one another” 1 Thessalonians 5: 11

• Encourage = to instil courage; • Children need our praise to inspire and encourage them; • Thank them for their help – look for positives in their actions!!! • Words are powerful!!!

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Allow the

Our children

Freedom

to

Fail

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GIVE PLENTY OF HUGS • Hugging is a very effective way of making our children feel loved; • Relationships must be physical as well as verbal; • Hug to congratulate as well as to comfort • All children need a physical expression of love – both sexes!!!

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Fully-returnable

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KEEP YOUR PROMISES • To build trust we have to be trust worthy! • Our memories are all too short – but our children’s are not; • If we are trustworthy and people of our word then our children will likely grow to be the same.

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TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM • All children need to be told that their parents love them; • Tell them regularly!!! • Use special signs – family ways of communicating…

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A WORD TO DADS “Fathers who devote time to their sons – even as little as 5 minutes a day – are given them a far greater chance to grow up as confident adults a parenting research project has found…...Boys who feel that their fathers devote time especially to them and talk about their worries, school work and social lives almost all emerge as motivated and optimistic young men full of confidence and hope” Article in The Times, 28 January 1999

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Building boys is better than mending

Men

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Build relationships with

Your Children while you have the Chance

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Our

Experiences as a

Family

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Early Childhood experience has life-long

Implications

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SHAPING • The people our children become is a product of two things:

Their life

Experience

How they Interact with that experience 32

OUR FAMILY MAKE-UP • • • • • •

Family Family Family Family Family Family

structure; roles; conflict; failure; history; values.

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It is never an indication of Failure to see a need to

Changes in Family Life – and it is never Too Late make

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FAMILY IDENTITY • If family identity if strong – children are more likely to hold to its values and principles; • Children who feel uninvolved in their family are more likely to look outside the family for a sense of identity and values; • We can lessen the impact of peer pressure by having a strong family identity! • How can we build family identity?

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BUILDING FAMILY IDENTITY • Be a TEAM!! • Being a team encourages a family to be interdependent; • Interdependency encourages family unity and identity; • Everyone is important in a team; • Being a team means supporting and encouraging all the members!

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BEING A TEAM

Entertain together Tidy up together Clean the car together Help others together Sponsored projects 37

GEESE AS AN EXAMPLE

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FAMILY TIME • The place for parents to bring up things they want to talk about; • The place for children to bring up things they want to talk about or ask questions; • The place to teach or introduce something new; • The place to talk about important events; • The place to laugh together; • The place to pray and be together.

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FAMILY JOBS • • • • • • • •

Set the table; Feed the pets; Make drinks; Make beds in a morning; Help clean up; Pack the dishwasher; Cook a meal; Empty the bins.

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Giving our children jobs to do Builds a sense of

Responsibility

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FAMILY QUOTE BOOK • Creates a family history; • Creates a sense of belonging.

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FAMILY PHOTOS • A great way of recording family history • Gives family identity.

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FAMILY TRADITIONS

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BE TOGETHER “Families that spend significant amounts of time together as a unit are also more likely to turn out confident children” Tomorrow’s Men (Oxford University research)

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MEAL TIMES

High

Low

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Make the family a real

Holiday

Priority

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SUMMARY • How much time are you spending as a family? • What are your relationships like? • Are you cultivating a sense of team spirit? • Is your family one that your children are proud to belong to? • Do your children feel involved and part of a family?

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DISCUSSION • Think back to your childhood – what was communication like in your family? Did you feel listened to as a child? • How do you spent time with your children and what do you do to invest in relationship building? • Can you share anything from your own childhood experience that had a negative or positive effect on you are you grew up? • Did you grow up in a family with a strong identity? 49

TAKING IT FURTHER • Book some time to reflect: • Sit quietly; • Have a cup of coffee; • Discuss with your partner – or friend;

• Read Chapters 3 and 4 from the Handbook; • Complete Pages 20 and 24/ 25; • Feel free to bring observations back next week.

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