Building And Maintaining Relationships.docx

BUILDING AND MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS? “Our lifelong dependence on one another puts relationships at the core of our existence. Aristotle called humans “the social animal.”

same favorite place (Bossard, 1932; Burr, 1973; Clarke, 1952; McPherson & others, 2001). - Look around. If you marry, it may well be to someone who has lived or worked or studied within walking distance. FAMILIARITY - Mere exposure is the tendency of something to be more likable after someone has been repeatedly exposed to it.

Indeed, we have what today’s social psychologists call a need to belong—to connect with others in enduring, close relationships.” — David Myers, 2012 PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS How are the following terms different and similar to one another? — ATTRACTION, LOVE, COMMITMENT.

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ATTRACTION - A feeling that makes someone romantically or sexually interested in another person. (Merriam-Webster) - A feature or quality that makes someone or something interesting or enjoyable. (MerriamWebster) - “Liking” something or someone.

Why does familiarity promote liking? 1. Evolutionarily adaptive. 2. Improved recognition is a first step to liking. 3. Familiar is more predictable. 4. Something familiar is assumed to be similar to self.

FACTORS THAT LEAD TO FRIENDSHIP AND ATTRACTION: 1. Proximity 2. Familiarity 3. Similarity 4. Physical Attractiveness 5. Desirable Personal Attributes PROXIMITY - Refers to geographical nearness. - Proximity breeds liking because of availability. - The best single predictor of whether two people will be friends is how far apart they live. - Frequent interaction allows people to explore similarities and sense one another’s liking – “functional distance.” - Even just the anticipation of interaction boosts liking. - Proximity can also breed hostility but much more often, proximity prompts liking. - Sociologists long ago found that most people marry someone who lives in the same neighborhood, or works at the same company or job, or sits in the same class, or visits the

Participants were shown photos of different faces. The number of times each face was seen was varied. The more people saw a face, the more they liked it (Zajonc, 1968).

Limits to Mere Exposure 1. Most effective if stimulus is initially viewed as positive or neutral. 2. Pre-existing conflicts between people will get intensified, not decrease, with exposure. 3. There is an optimal level of exposure: too much can lead to boredom and satiation. SIMILARITY - We like others who are similar to us in attitudes, interests, values, background, and personality - Newcomb (1961) assigned roommates to be either very similar or very dissimilar and measured liking at the end of the semester. Those who were similar liked each other while those who were dissimilar disliked each other. - In romantic relationships, the tendency to choose similar others is called the “matching phenomenon.” o When people tend to choose someone whose attractiveness roughly matches their own, but in cases when someone

is less attractive, the latter often compensates with other qualities.

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 People tend to select as friends, and especially to marry, those who are a “good match” not only to their level of intelligence, popularity, and self-worth but also to their level of attractiveness (Taylor & others, 2011).

Physical-attractiveness stereotype” o The assumption that physically attractive people possess other desirable traits. -

SO DO OPPOSITES REALLY ATTRACT?   

Complementarity, or the tendency of two people to complete what is missing in the other, may develop as a relationship progresses. But people are more likely to be attracted to and marry those have similar attitudes, beliefs, and values. As a general rule, opposites do not attract.

Why do people prefer similar others? 1. Similar others are more rewarding. 2. Interacting with similar others minimizes the possibility of cognitive dissonance. 3. We expect to be more successful with similar others. Limits to Similarity 1. Differences can be rewarding. 2. Differences allow people to pool-share knowledge and skills to mutual benefit. 3. Similarity can be threatening when someone similar to us experiences an unfortunate fate. DOES PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS MATTER? PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS - Attractiveness is whatever the people of any given place and time find attractive. - Example: o For cultures with scarce resources, plumpness seems attractive. o For cultures with abundant resources, beauty more often equals slimness. - Whether we like it or not, physical attractiveness is a modestly good (men) to moderately good (women) predictor of how frequently a person dates (Berscheid & others, 1971; Krebs & Adinolfi, 1975; Reis & others, 1980, 1982; Walster & others, 1966). Why do people gravitate towards physically attractive people?

Studies show there is some truth to this, in that attractive people were found to be more outgoing and self-confident because they are valued and favored. Therefore, it is not simply about how you look but rather, how people treat you and how you feel about yourself.

 Being associated with an attractive other leads a person to be seen as more attractive.  According to evolutionary theory, attractiveness may provide a clue to health and reproductive fitness. WHO IS ATTRACTIVE? - Culture plays a large role in standards of attractiveness. - However, people do tend to agree on some features that are seen as more attractive: o Statistically “average” faces o Symmetrical or balanced faces SEX DIFFERENCES IN MATE SELECTION - For both sexes, characteristics such as dependability, maturity, and pleasantness are most important.   

Men rank physical attractiveness higher. Women rank financial resources higher. Men prefer younger partners, while women prefer older partners.

DESIRABLE PERSONAL ATTRIBUTES - Within the U.S., the most-liked characteristics are those related to trustworthiness, personal warmth, and competence.  Personal Warmth - People appear warm when they have a positive attitude and express liking, praise, and approval. - Nonverbal behaviors such as smiling, attentiveness, and expressing emotions also contribute to perceptions of warmth.  Competence - We like people who are socially skilled, intelligent, and competent. - The type of competence that matters most depends on the nature of the relationship (e.g.,

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social skills for friends, knowledge for professionals). However, being “too perfect” can be offputting. The personal qualities that initially attract us to someone can sometimes turn out to be fatal flaws to a relationship. For example: o The “fun-loving” boyfriend who is later dismissed as “immature” o The “fashionable” girlfriend who turns out to be “vain”

 About 30% of breakups fit this description.