Augustine Daily Reflections

Daily Reflections for Augustine Augustine 1 An autobiography is a self-narrated history of one’s life, and a spiritual (i.e. beyond the physical world) autobiography addresses one’s journey in his or her own faith and religion(s). By their very nature they are subject to the writer’s ideas, interpretations, perspectives, etc.- all of which are also instrumental in the development of one’s faith. Chadwick’s introduction to Augustine’s Confessions provides context for Augustine’s life to help the reader grasp the motivations for his thoughts and actions (it also addresses Augustine’s bible, since the work often quotes it). The work is described as a, “prose poem addressed to God, intended to be overheard by anxious and critical fellow Christians (Chadwick ix).” The first book in Augustine’s work starts as a conversation with God. It uses a stream of consciousness coupled with abundant scripture quotes to ask questions about such things as the nature of God and how to believe. It then takes on the form of a prayer, praising God while acknowledging the writer’s faults and asking God personal questions using both true happenings from life and imagery/metaphors. McKnight and Ondrey’s Finding Faith, Losing Faith is a more structured reflection of conversions /apostasies of faith. The authors set a template of six aspects in this process (context, crisis, quest, encounter, commitment, and consequences) and discuss each in detail. They believe these can be applied to virtually all conversions, and the book later goes on to address the spiritual autobiographies of multiple third parties rather than just that of the authors. Augustine 2

In The Confessions of Saint Augustine, chapters 2-4, Augustine outlines his life in his mid teens to twenties. It shows the context of his life-both those who were immediately around him and larger movements- had a great impact on his behaviors as a youth. Early on, he finds himself in bad company. He seems to indicate that his theft (even though he is well off) and lust were attempts to find fulfillment by following in the same behaviors as his friends and thus find belonging with them. He seems to be yearning to be part of a group or movement. Next, he attempts to become part of a movement by studying the gnostic doctrines of Manichaeism/Astrology (while maintaining a relationship with a woman), another big movement presented by the context of Augustine's early life. But he does not find a strong active connection with it and spends a considerable amount of effort denouncing it. A turning point came when a close friend died. Augustine discovered that all friendships and relationships in the physical world must be rooted in God because God is the only thing that won't change or die (this may have been linked to the fact that the friend was baptized into Christianity) shortly before is death. The movements in his early historical context were transcended by the eternal nature of God. In chapter 1 of Finding Faith, Losing Faith, the focus is on the loss of faith. Having grown up a conservative Christian, I can easily relate to the arguments made. People who have been blindingly accepting faith will eventually come to question the origin of the rituals they follow and the validity of religious doctrine when put up against modern findings. It seems too convenient that religion can alter its views (ex. creation vs evolution) as science progresses, yet expect followers to believe in the views of that day. I also agree that loosing structured religion can help one find a more intimate relationship with God that focuses on the big picture of morality and virtues, rather that little details that have grown out of hundreds of years of

customs. Structured faith may have been necessary in times when people were less able to think for themselves, but there definitely validity to finding faith through losing faith just as Augustine had to lose the faith in his sinful friends and gnosticism to find what he felt was best for him. Augustine 3 Augustine's description of his early life is clearly not accurate when taken in a factual sense, but rather seems to take the form of worship to God. Augustine expresses excessive guilt and overdoes his denounciation of his earlier sins all in the context of his current state as a devout Christian. This is exemplified when he says, "Lord, judge of my conscience, is my memory correct? (79)" He may be confessing so vehemently to try to help clear his conscience in an absolute fashion the same way that some students may overstudy for small quizzes just to be absolutely certain they will do well because they love the class (just as Augustine loved his faith). Additionally, throughout the book (on virtually every page) Augustine has been using excessive praise of God in what seems to be a reflection of the tremendous attachment he feels with God. Excessive repentance may simply follow with this mindset to try to reflect on the tremendous attachment, because mentioning the bad aspects of his early youth just in passing may seam inadequate for Augustine. Thus, the confessions may seem skewed to a reader while at the same time effectively portraying the mindset of Augustine at the time of the work's writing. Additionally, it would be easy for Augustine to embellish (which sometimes seems to be the case) his stories with vaguely perceived details to further his mission of praising God, since the work had not been intended to take a strictly factual slant.

Augustine 4 Augustine’s books 7-9 continue in the same style he had been following previously. Now that he has given up Manichaeism and is starting to find his way into the Catholic Church, as his mom had hoped, he must deal with theological qualms he has about his new faith. One question that Augustine pondered that I found particularly challenging was how evil got into the world if God created the world and God is purported to be completely good. Augustine is eventually inspired to the answer when he reads some Platonic works that mirror the scripture- it is somewhat complicated following the lines of objects needing to be good in order to be corruptible and evil not existing as a substance or else it would have to be good from being created by the good that is God. He continues following the gospel path to Jesus Christ and let go of his reservations towards following God. He is inspired by the story of Victorinus and his conversion apexes when he breaks down and is inspired to read scripture. In book nine, he is eager to serve in his new faith. He was baptized with Alypius and Adeotus, and wanted to serve God in Africa. But His mother, Monica, dies and Augustine can’t keep the sadness within him. He prays for his mom and that she may go to heaven, saying, “…guilty of too much worldly affection, tears of another sort stream from my eyes. They are tears which I offer…for your handmaiden (203).” He finds strength in God and his mercy, a moment I found particularly inspiring. The second chapter of Finding Faith Losing Faith deals with Jews converting to Messianic Jews. This was particularly interesting because when one thinks of a conversion they typically think of going from one totally separate religion to the other (ex. converting pagans to Christianity). But all that was needed to become a Messicanic Jew- a Christian- was a belief that Christ was the savior. Since Christianity stemmed from Judaism, much of the culture and underlying principles are the same. As was demonstrated by the story of Stan Telchin, it often

times just takes a revelation of a different truth through the scriptures to initiate a conversion. But although Jew to Messianic Jew may seem a natural progression for those wishing to convert, all of the family/cultural opposition such a convert may face only compounds such a paradigm shift. Augustine 5 In books 10 and 11, Augustine concentrates on the sensation/perception and time in Genesis (respectively) as they relate to the philosophical nature of God and his divinity as per accounts provided in the bible. Augustine addresses our sensation of God. We have five senses for the physical world, but God is not physical. Therefore, how can we love that which we cannot sense to exist? The answer comes in our ability to perceive that which we sense, or, more directly, the gift of the mind which is the consciousness to which sensation feeds. Furthermore, based on these sensations our mind draws perceptions. These perceptions then become components of memory. This memory bank can draw emotions and feelings as if that which is remembered is actually physically present. Furthermore, the memory bank seems to be quite immense, and if not unlimited. Therefore, it may be bits of memory that are innately part of our being from the moment God created us that we later on put together and form our perception of God with (even though he doesn't physically exist). Time presents yet another challenge to understanding God's nature. This topic seems especially difficult for Augustine because he continually wanders in his train of thought and asks God for guidance with a particularly high frequency and intensity. Augustine makes is clear that Genesis is not to be taken literally. This section makes some ense to me because God is not physical. Time is inherintly dependent on matter and space. If God is not comprised of matter so it would

be unreasonable to think of him as temporal in any way. Thus, is is reasonable for Augustine to conclude that the eternal nature of God prohibits a framework of creation or a traditional idea of "crafting". But the divide between the physical and temporal and how it took place seems to be the most problematic part of the book. Augustine 6 In Finding Faith Losing Faith, McKnight and Ondrey recount the move of some Catholics to Protestantism. There are several main reasons apparent from the accounts provided. They parallel the mindset of people in modern times. For example, page 159 mention refers to the Catholic church's services as "anemic" because of an Exodous from Rome. People of today continually want what's new and fresh. Not many people keep cars to into hundreds of thousands of miles, wear clothes until it wears out, etc. They want to have anticipation for future growth and an overall sense of optimism for the same reason that Erie county's declining population is causing discomfort to native Buffalonians. Additionally, the topic of the authority of the Bible vs church leadership/tradition is brought up. On page 141, Adams mentions, "I realized that the man-made sacraments of my church and my good works were in vain for my salvation…" I can relate to this because my faith has three hour masses that seem very contrived and rituals that seem to have been instilled by tradition to fill a psychological void rather than a spiritual purpose. Protestantism offers comfort by taking the Bible as the primary authority and emplacing a willingness to accept Jesus as the primary key to salvation. One of the main point of the chapter as a reason for the exodus is described well on the first page of the chapter. Jim Haider says that the Catholic church is really good at "…developing a

conscience that never takes a moment's rest (123)." Some people may feel as though the Church is constantly putting them on a guild trip. The constantly wonder if they are doing enough good or donating enough resources to make it into heaven with minimal purgatory time. They also may feel that they are being made to jump though "loop holes" for forgiveness having to go through intricate rituals like reconciliation and confession to a priest. Protestantism seems to have a simpler and more relaxed ideology with relatively easy to achieve "assurance" for salvation according to some basic tenants one must follow (ex. accept Jesus, etc.). The last two chapters of Augustine's Confessions cover more reflections on Genesis and its meaning in relationship to the language used and the trinity. I found the writing vague and on rather abstract topis. An example is when he talks about God creating the world with his word, but a reflection on the existence of the word before the creation if creation created the word.

Augustine (Trans. Henry Chadwick. ). Confessions. New York: Oxford University Press, 1991. McKnight, Scot and Hauna Ondrey. Finding Faith, Losing Faith: Stories of Conversion and Apostasy. Waco: Baylor University Press, 2008.