7 Times 13

1. 13 x 7 = 28 Takes place in a kitchen on a ship. 28 doughnuts have just been baked. Costello and another man place the doughnuts on a table. Abbott reaches for a doughnut when the dialoge starts. COSTELLO: No, no snookie dont. . dont ABBOTT: Aw, c'mon one doughnut COSTELLO: I haven't got enought. I can't afford it. I've just baked 28 of these things. ABBOTT: Well. . . COSTELLO: I mean. . after all, I've got seven officers that I have to feed and I've got just enough to give them. . 13 a piece. ABBOTT: What? . . COSTELLO: 13 a piece. ABBOTT: 13 a piece?? Seven officers? COSTELLO: Yea! ABBOTT: Each gets 13? You've only got 28. COSTELLO: Yea, that's right I've got 28 doughtnuts 'n 7 . . 13. . 'n I got to give it to them. CONTINUED

2. CONTINUED ABBOTT: Seven 13's are 28? COSTELLO: Yeah. ABBOTT: That's ridiculous. 7 times 4 is 28. . not 7 times 13. COSTELLO: 7 times 4 is 28? ABBOTT: Sure COSTELLO: (Talking to Dizzy) 7 times 4 is 28. Must have went to a cheap school (now talking back to Abbott) I'm mean 7 times .uh . .7 times 13 is 28 ABBOTT: That's ridiculous COSTELLO: Com'here. . (walking to blackboard) . . .I'll figure it out here. ABBOTT: What's a matter with you. COSTELLO: I've got this all figured out. Look here. ABBOTT: You have? CONTINUED

3. CONTINUED COSTELLO: Yeah. I've figured it out myself. ABBOTT: Prove that to me. COSTELLO: (eracing board) I'll prove it to ya. . dont worry. ABBOTT: That's ridiculous COSTELLO: No it aint, no it aint. ABBOTT: Aw, come, come. COSTELLO: No it aint. It's not ridiculous ABBOTT: There's no sense to your argument. COSTELLO: Is that so. ABBOTT: Go ahead. COSTELLO: You'll see. Now . There were seven officers. ABBOTT: That's right. COSTELLO: There's a 7. Now I'm going to divide and prove it to ya. Now . .28 doughnuts. CONTINUED

4. CONTINUED ABBOTT: 28 doughnuts. Now wait a minute. . you claim that 7 goes into 28. . 13 times. COSTELLO: Uh.huh. ABBOTT: Prove it to me COSTELLO: Now 7 into 2. ABBOTT: What d'ya mean 7 in to 2? COSTELLO: 7 will not go into 2 no matter how much you try. ABBOTT: We know that. COSTELLO: You could not even push that big 7 into that little bit of 2. ABBOTT: Certainly not. COSTELLO: Therefore we can't use the 2. ABBOTT: What are you going to do with it? COSTELLO: I'm going to let Dizzy hold it (now talking to Dizzy) Dizzy, you hold that 2. . wont you please. Thank you. I'll use it later. CONTINUED

5. CONTINUED ABBOTT: What is this all about? COSTELLO: Now, 7 into 8 ABBOTT AND COSTELLO: One! COSTELLO: Now, were going to carry the 7. ABBOTT: Carry the 7. COSTELLO: Now carry the 7. ABBOTT: So carry it. COSTELLO: It's getting a little heavy. . so I'll put it right down there. 7 from 8 . . ABBOTT AND COSTELLO: One! COSTELLO: Now, a minute ago. . .We didn't use the two. ABBOTT: What do you mean? COSTELLO: I'm going to use it now. ABBOTT: Use it? COSTELLO: Dizzy. Give me back the two. Thanks. hehe. Put it right down there. CONTINUED

6. CONTINUED ABBOTT: So? See.

COSTELLO: Now, 7 into 21? ABBOTT AND COSTELLO:

3 times. COSTELLO: 7 . . 28. . .13 ABBOTT: Aw, now wait a minute. Come here. Did you ever go to school, stupid. COSTELLO: Yeah. . and I came out the same way. ABBOTT: Nevermind that. Multiply this. Put down 13 up there. COSTELLO: Put down 13? ABBOTT: Yes. Now you claim that each officer gets 13 doughnuts? COSTELLO: (mumbles) ABBOTT: Now, wait a minute. There are 7 officers? Put down 7. COSTELLO: 7 ABBOTT: Now draw a line. COSTELLO: Sure. CONTINUED

7. CONTINUED ABBOTT: Now.. . 7 times 13 is what? COSTELLO: 28 ABBOTT: Prove it. COSTELLO: 7 times 3? ABBOTT: 21 COSTELLO: 7 times 1? ABBOTT: 7 COSTELLO: 7 and 1? ABBOTT: 8 COSTELLO: 2 ABBOTT: Aw. . no. come on. COSTELLO: It comes out right every udda time. ABBOTT: Well, it shouldn't come out right. COSTELLO: It's gotta come out right or I go into the brig. That I now.

CONTINUED

8. CONTINUED ABBOTT: Just a minute. Just a minute. Here. We add this up. Put down 13 seven times. COSTELLO: Okay ABBOTT: We'll add it up . .that'll straighten this out. One. Six.

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO: Two. Three. Four. Five.

ABBOTT: No no. . wait. wait. wait a minute. COSTELLO: Oh. . I forgot Dynamite. ABBOTT: Yes COSTELLO: Oh. . I don't want to forget Dyanmite. ABBOTT: No. There are seven officers. Now we're getting it. Now you claim all this added up amounts to what? COSTELLO: 28 ABBOTT: Now give me the chalk. COSTELLO: No. If you take it, it's liable to come out right. CONTINUED

9. CONTINUED ABBOTT: Sure. . sure. There's something wrong. yes. Three . six . nine. . 12 . .15. . 18. . 21 COSTELLO: 22...23...24...25..26..27..28! ABBOTT: Aw! COSTELLO: See?