2008-6.wpnov-dec

{ Volume XXIII, Number 6 } November & December 2008

A Publication of the Women’s Community Center of San Luis Obispo County

Janet Roberts: “My Inner Territory” mixed media on canvas, 48 x 96”

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Nice Girl Syndrome

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Interview with Outgoing Editor

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The Hormone Dilemma

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Voices Around the Table

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Introduction from New Editor

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Upcoming Workshops

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Women’sPress

Women’s Press | November & December 2008 | [email protected]

Drum Circle Magic Dear Readers, I write this on the morning after the election and my heart is full. I am hopeful. We have elected a leader who says “we” more he says “I.” Watching the variety of faces in Grant Park during his speech, we could see who the “we” are. All ages, all colors—all moved by his call to hope— and accepting that change will be possible only if we work together. For me, Obama’s appeal has always been his ability to speak with an awareness of both the yin and the yang—in a world in which there is way too much yang. He was the only candidate who appeared to embrace both his masculine and feminine aspects. Yes, he showed assertiveness, an ability to control and take charge, but he also exhibited gentleness, tenderness, patience, and receptiveness. He has a grace, a serenity, a lightness of being— and his message of hope has always been one of inclusion, relationship. In a world crying out for balance, he responded, and we responded to him. Our theme for the Women’s Press workshops has been “Gather the Women – Save the World,” which is another way to say that honoring the feminine is necessary for planetary salvation. The voices of women in the Press have always reflected that wisdom—and so does Obama’s. His election is a confirmation that our country’s collective energies are poised to find ways to heal Mother Earth and serve the common good. This is my last issue as editor. In January, this column will be Courtney’s Quill and Courtney Brogno will take over as managing editor. She is as committed as I have been to make sure that women’s voices are heard and that women in our community make connections with one another. She introduces herself on page 9. My life has been so enriched over the last six years as editor as the women in the county have entered my life in their words and spirits. Some have become treasured friends. I will continue to write for the Press, support Courtney as she takes on her editorial tasks, and work with many of you to organize events that will bring us together to make connections and build community. Thank you to all of you who enable an independent newspaper by, for, and about women to exist in our county. In the challenging times ahead, we will need your support, especially financial support. Click occasionally on the Donate button on the Women’s Community Center website, www.wccslo.org. Keep in people’s hands our ideas and visions. My best to you all in these “interesting” times,

Part Four: The Heart Beat

“With Arms Wide Open” Painting by Janet Roberts

A Word from the Cover Artist by Janet Roberts Photos by Richard Gormley

By Francesca Bolognini  Welcome back to the circle. In the first three installments, I have shared with you our universal rhythmic heritage, intimate connection to rhythm, and various options for exploration and shared experience. Part four will connect you to the center of the circle, the heart beat. Playing solo, the heart beat may be your own. Try playing to your own heart for a few minutes and notice the difference in how you feel. This practice is very centering and calming. It will positively affect physiological processes as well. You might offer to drum gently for someone who is ill or severely stressed and observe the changes which take place. In the ancient world, women were trained in great temples to use sophisticated forms of this very principle to do healing work throughout their communities. When we drum, we resurrect and renew our rightful powers to serve the greater good. There are logical reasons for this transformational effect of rhythm. Before a woman is born, all the eggs she will produce are formed while in her mother’s body. So the first sound to which you are exposed, at cellular level, is your grandmother’s heart beat, then the polyrhythm created by the addition of your mother’s heart and then your own. Throughout prenatal development, these fluctuating vibrations dominate. It is no surprise how soothing the sensation of resting ones’ head against the breast of our beloved is. Often in a drum circle, this centering function is filled by a leader who plays what is called, quite appropriately, the mother drum. Frequently larger, louder, and deeper than the other instruments, it should always

predominate sufficiently to be heard, at least slightly above all else, providing a clear and steady pulse for all others to follow. The mother drum is the reference point for time and tempo as well as volume level and general feel of the round being played. In some cases, people will take turns beginning and leading a round. Whoever has such responsibility should be respectfully heeded. This prevents chaos and cacophony and helps to create that magical goal, the groove. When the groove forms, it seems as if you cannot make a mistake, as if some higher power has entered your being and guides your hands from one beat to the next, connecting you in a beautifully intimate way to all the other players as if you play with one heart, a collective inspiration, and pure spirit. As with all matters of the heart, this requires a balance that allows one’s ego to open to the connectedness of all things, dissolve boundaries, and welcome communication on an elevated level. Even one such experience can be life changing, a spiritual awakening. It is like falling in love, in that once you have done it, you will forever want to do it again. So create and share a groove to heal our planet, and until next time, keep the beat!

Uncertainty is my welcomed comrade. Its presence allows me to stand before a 6 x 7 foot piece of linen and discover who I am and who I can become. That though I am a 50-year-old woman, a four-time cancer survivor, a mother of four daughters, an accomplished horsewoman... these things, though intimately precious, are not what absolutely defines me or limits me. I continue to take risks, manifesting change, growing, and experiencing new fertile moments every day I paint. Uncertainty is the inevitable and most valuable companion to any artist’s desire to create important art. www.janetrobertsfineart.com

Letters to the Editor Hi,

I enjoyed your paper—it’s the first time I saw it. I was interested in the Avoiding Breast Cancer Article by Marleen Walmsley and looked at the referenced YouTube search on cell phones and popcorn. Checked it out on Snopes (http://www.snopes.com/science/cookegg. asp) and it was found to be a hoax by someone promoting Bluetooth sales. An editing trick. Clever. Thanks, Lana Beatty

From Marleen:

Drum Circle Keeps Growing! We now have 84 women on our drumming e-mail list. We have been meeting in South County but if you want a gathering in your area of the county, let me know: womenspress.slo@gmail. com. Also use that address to ask to be put on the notification list.

Her information is incorrect. Bluetooth devices, for one thing, act as antennas they do not protect from EMFs/RF. Snopes has caused much confusion on a number of topics.

From Kathleen: Looks like we all need to do some careful reading and research on this for ourselves!

Women’s Community Center Board Angie King, President Sonia Paz Baron-Vine Robin Rinzler 5000 free copies distributed in SLO County. Subscriptions available.

MAILING ADDRESS: Women’s Press Women’s Community Center 880 Industrial Way San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 805.544.9313 Managing Editor: Kathleen Deragon [email protected] Layout & Design: Benjamin Lawless Photographer: Lynda Roeller Distribution Manager: Charlene Huggins Advertising Team: Beverly Cohen, Carol Dawn, Benjamin Lawless

Submissions Welcomed!

Articles, essays, opinion pieces, letters, artwork, poetry wanted & appreciated. The Women’s Press reserves the right to edit all submissions for content, clarity & length. Contact [email protected] or call 805-544-9313. The opinions expressed in the Women’s Press are those of the authors & do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Women’s Community Center. The Women’s Community Center does not necessarily endorse products or services advertised in the Women’s Press.

Contributors

Beverly Engel Jeanie Greensfelder Ali Hatcher Hilda Heifetz Charlene Huggins Laura Grace Angie King

Evelyn Adams Barbara Atkinson MaryAine Cherry Bailey Drechsler Anne Dunbar Cynthia Fatzinger Ani Garrick Angela Henderson Margaret Hennessy Jane Hill Susan Howe Roberta Youtan Kay

Dianne Legro Heather Mendel Berta Parrish Adele Sommers Jill Turnbow Jacqueline Turner Andrea Zeller

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November & December 2008 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press

Women’s Community Center Family Law Action Committee Our mission is: • TO maintain an accessible center to collect and exchange information of interest and concern to women • TO organize and facilitate workshops, clinics, seminars, classes, and support groups on subjects of interest and need • TO engage in and facilitate interaction among local, state, and national agencies and organizations working to benefit women

Call for Volunteers Hear ye, hear ye! The Women’s Community Center is looking for a few volunteers to help with several projects. We could use some help with general office duties and to monitor family court proceedings (Court Watch).

Dealing With Divorce 3rd Wednesday of each month – 7 PM Upcoming: Nov. 19, Dec. 17 and Jan. 21 Talk with other women who have been there, done that in a supportive, non-judgmental environment. $10 donation

Self-Represented Litigants’ Clinic 4th Tuesday of each month – 5:30 PM Upcoming: Nov. 25, Dec. 23 and Jan. 27 Get family law advice from local attorneys and/or paralegals. Reservations required. $40 donation Call 544-9313 for information

Entitlement, or What Works? By Robin Werderits A frequently asked question, one I get as a divorce mediator almost more than what I charge for my services, is the question that goes something like this: How will I know what I’m legally entitled to? The beauty of mediation is that you can take entitlements and, to some extent, disregard them. But, you might say, “Wait, why shouldn’t I be concerned about what I’m entitled to?” Some entitlements are obvious: we live in a community property state, so we know that community property items should - more or less - be divided equally. But I often have clients who are willing to give up

more than their fair share of assets, or pay more than guidelines on support. Why do they do this? Because there is a feeling of fairness, negotiation, and compromise that takes place within the walls of mediation that does not occur on the battlefield of litigation. My mediation clients have an opportunity to sculpt their own divorce with the imaginary block of clay that is theirs to mold to their own personal needs and wishes. What you might be entitled to legally could be more than you would want or less than what you need. I encourage my clients to look beyond the question of what you are or are not entitled to, and ask yourselves what works for you.

Donating Blood, Saving a Life Every two months, I drive to a pretty building on Broad St in the Creekside Center. As I enter the building, and then Suite 100, I enter a clean, bright, and friendly office, where 90% of employees are women. Once I answer the questionnaire, I am taken to a comfortable chair where I lie down and a professional nurse pinches my arm once, which hurts about as much as having a simple blood test. I am then connected to a little machine that collects my precious blood, my gift of

life, for 6 to 10 minutes. After the tube is removed, I get to relax for about 15 minutes, reading magazines, eating cookies, and drinking juice. At the end of my 15 minutes, I say goodbye to all these great sisters and leave feeling filled of goodwill as I drive home. I invite you to donate and tell your friends to donate as well. Warmly, Sonia Paz Baron-Vine WCC Board Member

We need more blood donors. Every three seconds, someone needs blood. It could be an accident victim, a person undergoing surgery, or a child receiving cancer treatment. Your family and friends are counting on us, and we’re counting on you! Every day we need at least 270 blood donors to care for those in need in our community. And there is only one source of blood: Volunteer blood donors. With your help, United Blood Services supplies 100% of the blood and blood components used in San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, and Ventura counties, and the communities of Salinas and King City. Caring community members such as you, donate the blood that is transfused to local patients, including those you love and know.

United Blood Services Creekside Center (between Tank and Fiero Lane) 4119 Broad St, Suite 100 San Luis Obispo 543-4290

Donate now. People can’t live without it. A blood donor must be 17 years of age, weigh at least 110 pounds, and be in general good health.

Women’s Press Says Farewell to the Outgoing Editor Read an interview with Kathleen Deragon on page 8

And Welcomes a New Editor

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Courtney Brogno introduces herself on page 9

Join our advertising sales team and earn a commission Contact [email protected]

Join the Staff of the Women’s Press Keep the Women’s Press in Mind for Your Holiday Giving Subscribe or send donations to: Women’s Community Center 880 Industrial Way SLO 93401 Remember to put Women’s Press in memo line Or go to www.wccslo.org and click the Donate button!

The new editor will be pulling together a team of interested women to get the work of the paper done. Join a committee to manage the monthly workshops, yearly women’s film festival, and events yet to be planned! Or do one of these tasks on your own or with other volunteers. • • • • • • • • • • • •

Decide on themes and seek out content Oversee a section of the paper Edit and proofread Maintain the database Solicit ads (get a commission!) Publicize workshops and film festival Keep website content updated Develop relationships with local women’s organizations Prepare paper for mailing Distribute paper in your area of the county Market the Press Participate in fundraising activities

Contact [email protected]

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WomenatWork

Women’s Press | November & December 2008 | [email protected]

Getting Unstuck: Tips for Overcoming “Decision Gridlock” (Part 1) By Adele Sommers Have you ever felt so stymied by your choices that every time you stared down at your “chessboard of life,” you weren’t sure where you could possibly make a move? If so, you’re in good company, since that’s where many of us find ourselves at one time or another. And whether that feeling of being stuck relates to your business, personal matters, or both, it can serve to encumber your progress. This article discusses the first of two patterns of “decision gridlock,” and what to do about it. Pattern #1: Worrying Incessantly about Making the Perfect Move I call this pattern “pondering perfection” because every possibility appears to have potential yet none stands out as the best candidate for action. You may want to be so absolutely, positively sure that you’re heading in the right direction that instead, you experience “analysis paralysis.”

Take Anna’s situation, for instance. She sees a myriad of possibilities for starting a business. Yet without knowing how to identify a business purpose that’s ideally suited to her life passions and strengths, she doesn’t have enough information to make a selection. She’s uncertain of whether to simply choose a direction because it could be expensive to switch later if her first choice doesn’t work. Robert, on the other hand, dreads the idea of failure if he picks any direction that doesn’t produce immediate success. His parents always insisted that he should decide what he wanted to do in life before leaving high school. But Robert is multi-talented with many different interests. Ever since high school, he’s been unable to pinpoint any single direction. For Anna’s and Robert’s situations, I recommend breaking the situation into much smaller pieces that present little or no risk. The first step can involve gathering more information -- an extremely powerful

action! So, ask yourself the following: • What steps can I take to investigate, study, or “test drive” my interests? Consider conducting some Internet research to become more familiar with the options. If you’re considering a new business, start researching your target audience and learn what competing or comparable businesses have to offer. • Whom can I interview, observe, or assist to see what kindles my interest and seems most aligned with my strengths? Consider contacting some of the subject matter experts whose information you read online. Most people would be flattered to answer sincere inquiries about their areas of expertise. Local experts might happily let you observe them in action and may even endorse your writing an article about your findings. They, or members of professional groups, could become your most supportive advisors or men-

tors. In Part 2 of this series, we’ll explore another pattern that can keep us stuck! Adele Sommers, Ph.D. is a business performance consultant who helps entrepreneurs align their life passions with their business purpose. She also guides organizations through “tactical tune-ups” and “strategic makeovers” in individual or group sessions. Contact her today for a free initial consultation at Adele@ LearnShareProsper.com, or 805-462-2199.

Speaking to Create and Attract What You Want, Part II The Contagious Nature of Passion By Dianne Legro The power of speech, either spoken aloud or voiced in our heads, combines sound and purpose. Tone of voice, pitch, and choice of words all come together to manifest your reality. Hence, the power of speech is a major factor in creation. Each word spoken is a vibration of sound and since scientists have proven that vibration is never lost, the spoken word sets our intention in motion and brings things we want to life. The Law of Resonance determines what you draw toward you using the Law of Attraction. Scientists have long known that every object, even those that seem solid, is made up of particles that are moving. The vibration of this movement - also referred to as the vibratory pattern or frequency - can be affected by your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. The frequency that you project activates the Law of Attraction, since this projected energy can only harmonize with energies that vibrate or resonate at a similar frequency. This harmony is what determines the physical results that you create. So how can you use these laws as a speaker? Here is a place to start: • Follow one of the four agreements that Don Miguel Ruiz speaks of in his book of that name “Be impeccable with your word.” What you say reflects and defines who you are and where you are going. • Tell yourself that you are wealth, you are health, you are intelligence, you are unbounded energy and you are love. According to the Universal Laws, you will become those things and draw like people and energy toward you. However, telling yourself you are wealthy when you are not sets up a conflict in your subconscious that could work against you. • Talk about what you want, not what you don’t want. Pay attention to your habits and stop each time you are talking aloud or to yourself about what you don’t want. Quickly revise the thought so that it’s about what you want to create.

By Andrea Zeller

• Choose to speak the language of your brain. The language of the brain is pictures, sounds, smells, and tastes. The brain can’t process negative pictures —images of “not doing” or “not seeing”—it can only work with positive information. Examine your personal explanation style. Do you explain things in a positive fashion or using negative words? Remember that your experiences become words, your words become actions, your actions become habits, your habits become character, and it is your character that becomes your destiny. What destiny are you creating with the words you choose to exchange in your daily habits of speaking and thinking? Changing your words can transform your life, your business, your health and relationships, and the lives of those around you. What you say is the single biggest factor that determines your success and your happiness in life. You can learn to use the transformational power of your words to skyrocket your success and attract what you most want by encouraging success every day with every person you meet. Dianne Legro is a national speech coach to individuals and corporate groups. She is a keynote speaker and will help you to speak like a pro and increase your business. Contact her at [email protected].

What actions inspire you and keep your optimism flowing? How is your mood affected by those around you? Think about it for a moment. We all face struggles during our lives. And today, many are struggling through the current economic downturn. Business leaders have an inspirational effect on us, especially during difficult times. Leaders are likely very passionate about their work and the people that work with them. Their passion inspires and is contagious. A passionate leader has a positive effect upon everyone that comes into contact with her; it is hard to stay down in the face of passion. I see this demonstrated all the time at our Women’s Business Partner’s Center. Many of our clients have faced domestic violence, serious setbacks from health issues, divorce, financial crises, etc. The list is long and daunting. Yet I consistently see our clients synergizing and becoming inspired by the confidence, successes, and passion of our successful business owners and leaders. Aspiring business women catch the fever of passion through the stories of San Luis Obispo accomplished business women at our Roundtables. Mentors consistently nurture protégés providing encouragement to help the nascent business owners grow, develop, thrive, and be successful. And MCSC’s small business advisors and instructors provide tools and engage innovative minds, building hope and optimism every day at the Center. Clients learn to leave adversity behind them and focus on growth and possibilities. No doubt, these feelings of enthusiasm and inspiration stay in their mind for a long time, allowing passion to grow and deepen. Our passion is contagious to those around

us: our families, friends, professional peers, employees, customers, and suppliers. So remember passion inspires others, stimulates creativity and innovation, and can be the seeds of hope for tomorrow. With the current economic stresses, passion is the solution for restoring our communities – reach out support and inspire one another! Wealth in spirit (as well as our pocketbooks) sprouts from healthy surrounding influences within close-knit communities. This is a time to exude passion and confidence, a time to believe in one another, a time to reach out and support one another. Sow seeds of hope today by living your passion! Andrea Zeller, Executive Director of Mission Community Services (MCSC), coordinates Women’s Business Partners (WBP) to ensure all community resources are leveraged and optimized to support entrepreneurial women. WBP serves everyone interested in establishing self-sufficiency through small business ownership. WBP can take you step by step towards success and can help those who speak only Spanish. Visit www.MCSCorp.org or call 595-1357 to find out more.

One of the most difficult things a family can go through is to watch their loved one struggle with the use of alcohol or other drugs

A SUPPORT GROUP for families dealing with substance abuse

For More Information Contact: Pam Miller, LMFT Lic.#MFC35690 (805) 473-8311

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Unleashing Your Inner Strength: Self Defense By Ali Hatcher, SARP Center Education Services Coordinator & Self Defense Instructor

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hen you think of self defense, what do you envision? When you think of protecting yourself, does that involve carrying a weapon? It’s possible that what we consider self defense may actually be putting us at greater risk for assault. The reality is that carrying a gun, knife, pepper spray, or any weapon makes us reliant upon that weapon, and then what happens when we aren’t equipped? We no longer feel safe. Experts agree that about 73% of all sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. So, when we walk down a dark street with pepper spray in hand, are we really protecting ourselves? Of course, it is always important to be vigilant and aware when we walk alone, especially at night, but what is most important is to develop a few key skills and a deep belief that at any moment, we can protect ourselves on our own. The most powerful weapon that every woman has is herself: her mind, her voice, her body and her spirit. We must be aware and assertive: two traits we have been taught to ignore. Awareness includes awareness of the realities of sexual assault. It also includes awareness of our body and of our environment. Consider your environment. How well do you know your way around your house, your work, your town? If you were cornered in your home, do you have an escape plan? Consider the people in your life: do you know them well? Do you trust them? Fortunately, our body has a built in defense mechanism, our instincts. Sometimes, an individual will set off those instincts. It can take only a few seconds before we conclude that someone makes us feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, as women, we may have been taught to be polite, and this often conflicts with our gut feeling. Often we ignore vital instincts that are our body’s way of telling us “danger.” As we begin to acknowledge our own beauty and our instincts, we naturally begin to take action to protect ourselves. This may mean leaving an uncomfortable situation or asking someone to leave us alone. Regardless, when we honor our instincts we are perceived as more confident and aware.. Assertiveness is the ability to exercise one’s own rights while respecting the rights of others. Fortunately, as much at 95% of sexual assaults can be stopped by an assertive response. Unfortunately, in our culture women are not taught to be assertive, but instead passive, and are taught to place the needs and wants of others over our own. But, just as we have learned to be passive, we can unlearn it. Practicing assertiveness requires commitment and time. Begin to listen to, honor, and act on your own needs and desires. Assertiveness is especially important because most perpetrators test their victim. This may be in the form of sexual harassment, suggestive offers, or just observation. When we show strength and resiliency, a perpetrator will most likely lose interest and seek a more vulnerable target: someone who will not fight back. Therefore, assertiveness becomes a far more important skill than physical techniques. Rarely is assertiveness not an option and a physical attack unavoidable, but in this situation, you must trust your body. Every woman has built in weapons: elbows, fists, knees, and feet. These “hard parts” can be used very effectively against a perpetrator’s “soft parts.” It is not true that a woman who is smaller and weaker than her attacker can’t protect herself. Perpetrators are not looking for a fight. If we impose a few simple, instinctual moves against an aggressor, we will create time and space to escape – and that is the ultimate goal. Research has shown that sexual assault is directly related to perceived vulnerability. The higher one’s self esteem and confidence, the less she is perceived as an easy target or a potential victim. Every woman has the ability to protect herself. To learn more about self defense, please sign up for a community class, offered the first Monday of every month. For more information or to sign up for a self defense class, contact the SARP Center at 805-545-8888 or online at www.sarpcenter.org.

Are You Too Nice For Your Own Good? Or Are You Raising Your Daughter To Be? By Beverly Engel

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n this day and age, you would think that women have learned enough about assertiveness, boundaries, and codependency, that they would end any attempt to be used and abused. There certainly are enough books on the subjects. So why is it that women continue to be victimized and taken advantage of by lovers, partners, family members, friends, and coworkers? The main reason these statistics exist certainly lies in the fact that we still allow men to abuse women. Although there has been some progress when it comes to exposing and treating abusers, and we have come a long way since the time when men believed that their wives and daughters were their property and they had the “right” to treat them any way they saw fit, there are still far too many men who believe they have the right to abuse “their” women, and there needs to be more pressure put on abusive men to get the treatment they need. In addition to not enough being done to expose and treat abusive men, I propose that another reason women continue to be victimized is that women tend to be too nice for their own good. This niceness attitude, otherwise known as Nice Girl syndrome, attracts the wrong kind of people and sends the message that they are an easy target to be taken advantage of, controlled, and even emotionally, physically, and sexually abused. It also prevents women from standing up for themselves and keeps them in relationships that are unhealthy or abusive. What characterizes Nice Girl behavior? Nice Girls are more concerned about what others think of them than they are about what they think of themselves. Being a Nice Girl means that you are more concerned about other people’s feelings than you are about your own. And it means you are more concerned about giving people the benefit of the doubt than you are about trusting your own perceptions. Nice Girls are also compliant. They do what they are told. They’ve learned that it is easier to just do what someone asks than to risk an argument. Nice girls are passive. They are often too afraid to stand up for themselves and therefore they are easily manipulated and controlled. Nice Girls are wishy-washy. Because they are so afraid of confrontation, they say one thing one time and another thing another time. They want to please everyone all the time and because of this they agree with one person and then turn right around and agree with someone else who has the exact opposite belief. And because they are afraid of telling others how they really feel, Nice Girls can be phony. They pretend a lot. They pretend they like someone when they don’t. They pretend they want to be somewhere when they don’t. Nice Girls tend to put up with inappropriate or abusive behavior, to minimize the damage they are experiencing, and to make excuses for their partner. The hard truth is that women cannot afford to be

Nice Girls. It simply is not safe. Nice Girls are far more likely to become victimized— emotionally, physically and sexually—than those who are not so nice. While not every Nice Girl gets raped or is emotionally, verbally, or physically abused in her relationships, every Nice Girl is putting herself at risk by continuing to believe and act as she does Turning Nice Girls into Strong Women Unfortunately, no matter how old a woman becomes, she still may have some Nice Girl in her. Whether you still have some Nice Girl left in you or you have a daughter that you want to help avoid becoming a Nice Girl, the following actions steps (taken from my new book, The Nice Girl Syndrome) will help you on your way. ɶɶStop playing sweet, gullible, and naïve. It’s outdated and it invites people, especially men, to take advantage of you. ɶɶStop giving people second (and third and fourth) chances. If someone shows you who he or she is, pay attention and act accordingly. Stop being “fair” and start being strong. Women’s need for fairness often gets them into trouble. Their tendency to want to look at both sides of a situation often blurs the real issue, and they can be easily manipulated. ɶɶLearn that setting limits and boundaries and expecting others to take care of their own needs can be the greatest “act of kindness” you can perform. You don’t do anyone a favor by allowing them to take advantage of you. ɶɶLet others know when they have hurt or angered you. By not speaking up when someone insults or mistreats you, you are inadvertently giving permission for them to continue to treat you in the same way in the future. ɶɶConfront your own anger. Sometimes under all that niceness lies a huge storage bin of repressed and suppressed anger. ɶɶAcknowledge that often the real reason you take care of others is because you secretly want to be taken care of. You hope the person you’ve been taking care of will turn around and take care of you in the same way. ɶɶAcknowledge that sometimes it is easier to sacrifice yourself for others than to focus on your own problems or take the risk of going after your own goals. ɶɶBe honest with yourself about your real reasons for being a Nice Girl. When we look for the motive for our “niceness” we often find guilt, shame, fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, and an intense fear of being alone. ɶɶAllow yourself to be bad sometimes. It’s not only okay to be bad, it is healthy. In fact, if you don’t allow yourself to be bad at times you will continue to attract people into your life who will act out your “badness” for you.

Domestic Violence Services in Our Community By Kelsey Kehoe, M.A.

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omestic violence is an epidemic that not only affects our country as a whole, but also our small San Luis Obispo community. Domestic violence knows no boundaries or limitations; it affects people from all socio-economic backgrounds, all ethnic groups, and both the heterosexual and LGBTQ community. Domestic violence is about one person in a relationship using a pattern of behaviors to control the other person. It can happen to people who are married, divorced, separated, living together, or simply dating. Many people believe that domestic abuse is only physical, but in fact, it includes emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual, and financial abuse as well. All types of abuse are detrimental to the victim and catastrophic to the children of these families. The patterns of abuse within these different types of relationships often follow a cyclical pattern called the “Cycle of Violence” (shown on page 14). Due to the prevalence and nature of domestic violence there are many resources available, some of which

are in our very community. The Women’s Shelter Program of San Luis Obispo County is a non-profit organization that promotes healthy relationships and violence-free lives for adults and children in our community. The services provided within this organization include: ɶɶ24-hour hotline ɶɶSafe house ɶɶTransitional housing ɶɶIndividual and group counseling services in both San Luis Obispo and South County for adults and children through our program called the Center for Alternatives to Domestic Violence (CADV) ɶɶCounseling services in many of the local schools ɶɶLegal services that help with Temporary Restraining Orders (TRO) ɶɶCHAT- Child Abuse Treatment Program

Continued in DOMESTIC, page 14

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LocalPerspectives

Women’s Press | November & December 2008 | [email protected]

Less Paper. More Happy By Elizabeth McGregor For years, I’ve been gradually drowning in paper. I had fallen into the “I’ll deal with it later,” and “I might need that someday” traps, and the results were frightening. My incoming mail file became a mailbox, then a mail cabinet, and when it was in danger of becoming a mailroom, I decided something had to be done. So I’m going paperless! Or, at least paper less. I called all of the catalog companies, credit card companies, and every other business I could think of, and asked them to take me off their lists. And best of all, I have discovered the miracle of online banking and bill paying. Now, I know this isn’t exactly a new resource. Many of my friends have been doing it for years, but if you’re a latebloomer like me, allow me to give you a gentle shove off that fence upon which you’ve been sitting. I’m neither a computer expert nor a financial whiz, but this online banking thing is easy. Much easier, in fact, than plowing through a stack of bills every couple of weeks with a checkbook, a calculator and fortune in stamps. The biggest error I made when I began the process was to try to set up online accounts through all of the individual companies. Huge mistake! Keep it simple – one site. I found a bank that offers free checking and online bill paying (most of them do) and set up all of my accounts through them.

After I jumped through all the hoops to prove I’m not a terrorist, they walked me through the process of setting up my bills, scheduling payments, and stopping my paper statements. Oh, and I’m giving myself bonus points for finding a bank with a phone number requiring less than a threebutton journey to speak with a human. And, that’s it! I’m adding new bills as they come in, and so far there have been no major snafus. It’s like having a staff. I feel like I have this little virtual assistant dude living in my computer who gently taps me on the shoulder and says, “Um – excuse me, but your car payment is due on Monday. May I send it in for you?” All I need to do is give him the OK and he sends the bill and adjusts my balance accordingly. But that’s not all; from this one magic place, I can check my balance, transfer funds, and view old statements. And I don’t have to do any math! That’s huge, because I hate math. This is the greatest thing since the self-adhesive stamp. So I have entered the world of electronic banking, and I’m never looking back. What’s next – day trading? Online dating? Who knows, but I am sorry I waited so long to do this. And sure enough, there is more room in my curbside mailbox, I spend a lot less on postage, and I’m feeling pretty green about all of the beautiful, oxygen-giving trees I’m saving. But most of all, my mail file is once again a mail file. Elizabeth McGregor is a freelance writer and marketing consultant. You can reach her through her Web site at www.finelineswriting.com

Our Past Is Made Up of All Our Best Efforts By Judy Guarnera “He meant well,” said a friend defending the behavior of an acquaintance. I was instantly irritated. How could she excuse his dreadful behavior? Next she would be saying, “He did the best that he could.” It has always aggravated me how we excuse poor behavior. Isn’t it true that some behaviors should not be tolerated? Doesn’t tolerance beget more of the same insufferable behavior? After 30 years of marriage, my husband and I began a painful divorce. I needed an outlet, so I joined a divorce support group. At one of the meetings, the speaker was discussing the importance of forgiving our spouses and ourselves for the demise of our relationships. She stated that each of us had done the very best we could in our marriage. Most of us could accept that for ourselves. The dilemma came when we tried to apply that axiom to an ex-spouse. The speaker surmised that once individuals had gone through the grieving process for the “loss of a dream,” getting on with life is difficult if they can’t forgive the former partners and/or themselves. Somehow, in spite of the anger and disappointment I was feeling, the idea that both my ex-husband and I had done the best we could appealed to me and helped me to move forward. Two friends whose husbands had abused their children were so outraged at what they had discovered, so angry with themselves for not recognizing what was happening, that they refused to label such heinous offenses as “the best.”

They seemed to equate accepting this definition of behavior with approval. The speaker pointed out that it was important to separate the past from the future. The horrible and painful past behavior, though it was the best those individuals could do, was not an excuse for future behavior. She stressed that abusive behavior is criminal and should be reported. She contended that labeling behavior as criminal does not preclude simultaneously labeling it “the best that the person had been able to do.” Sometimes my self-talk is negative – “I can’t believe I did that; I should have known better.” At times I wish I could backspace, as I do on my computer, and just delete certain behaviors. When I tell myself that “I did the best I could,” I don’t see it as an excuse for my behavior, but rather an acknowledgement that, flawed as my actions might have been, it was my best for that moment. Such thinking gives me the courage to evaluate my actions and to plan how I might act or respond differently in the future. I am able to visualize a door opening to a better future. As we grow older, our past is full of events and people who have enriched our lives or caused us unhappiness. It is also made up of our own actions and behaviors, some of which bring joy and others that bring sadness or regret. I don’t want to squander what time is left to me, regretting or resenting people or myself for past behavior. Knowing it was the best that they and I could do is a powerfully freeing belief.

Home For The Holidays By Jill Turnbow While attempting to “be in the moment,” I can’t help but look ahead to the future. I would love to focus on nothing but now, but Christmas will be here before we know it and while things might change, right now it doesn’t feel very merry. By nature, I’m a fairly optimistic person, eager to wear the rose-colored glasses, but I can’t recall a time in my life where the prospects seemed more bleak. Please note that I am writing this prior to the election. So by the time this issue is on the newsstands, my outlook could be different. I could be either dancing in the streets, filled with hope, or packing for Canada. How does our gross consumerism survive this economic crisis? And by “gross consumerism,” I mean Christmas. How do you graciously give to charity, buy gifts for the family, and overload the postal service with Christmas cards when you are in danger of losing your home? Maybe we can finally do away with the excessive gifts and guilt and get back to the reason for the season. Back to the basics. We should be able to say, “I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything this year, but I love you!” Or “I give you my friendship and wish you nothing but happiness and joy”. Think how

much we can save on the wrapping alone. Instead of using all of our gas traveling to another county to prowl the malls, maybe we could spend time caroling in a retirement home, holding someone’s hand, hugging a child, or doing something kind for a stranger. It feels good, and it doesn’t cost a thing. As I review my bank account and contemplate the ability to make my mortgage payment, I refuse to grieve over the holidays. I am pretty sure my friends will understand as I know many of us are in the same sinking ship. But know that I will give what I can and share what I am able to. It won’t be much, but my heart will be in it.

Nurturing “Thank You” Moments By Jeanie Greensfelder I ran into a neighbor’s daughter, said, “Hello! So good to see you.” “So good to see you too!” she said with equal enthusiasm. This genuine connection reminded me of Elie Wiesel after his concentration camp release. On a train to France, he looked out the window. With each person he saw, he said, “Thank you for being alive. Thank you for being human. Just thank you, thank you.” After hearing Wiesel’s story, I looked at people differently. When I’m at a stop light and people are passing, I often say his words. How fortunate we are to have each other with all our diversity. We may be passersbys, but we are fellow humans sharing time on this amazing planet. Thich Nhat Hanh taught me a mantra I treasure: “Yes, yes, yes. Thank you, thank

you, thank you.” When I remember, I say it on walks, noticing plants, trees and views that speak to me. Sitting quietly I say it to center myself and express gratitude for being alive. This time of the year calls for appreciating all we have, especially in a challenging economy. Being grateful lifts our spirits and actually supports our immune system. What fresh ways can you imagine to express thanks? Does looking at strangers and wishing them well appeal to you? Would you like an eye-to-eye moment with family members for mutual appreciation? Perhaps sit quietly, take a few deep breaths and give yourself a hug for all you do.

Voices

November & December 2008 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press

Voices Around the Table: Sonia Paz Baron-Vine In my family, we join forces. Everyone cooperates with one area of the celebration, and thus we can all get together and provide the presents for the little ones, while the adults enjoy each other’s company. One idea for presents is to make a video online, using old family photos, then make a DVD and bring one copy for each guest. Lynne Levine Yes, yes, yes, but this year is not different from any other year. I think the holiday spending spree is a uneeded sickness and we should all get over it!!! Peace and love. Karen Hale Having time with friends and family are my priority every year. Volunteering to support others and enjoying this time of year creates immeasurable and unforeseen experiences, twists, and turns. We might create an overnight camping experience for friends in our yard. Margaret Hennessy As we approach the holiday season, those near and dear to us will receive gifts to show our love. What if some of the “gifts” included our time? Time for ourselves is hard to come by. When we offer it to others there is no way to retrieve it. That is why it is such a profound thing to give away. I will make time this holiday season to spend with my new granddaughter and be fully present. I know that this will be more valuable than any presents she will receive. I will give us both the “gift” of precious memories, which always “fit” and never need to be returned!

With the economy in turmoil, how do you plan to make this holiday season memorable without spending money?

Dorothy Segovia Make my own presents! I’ve loved making presents ever since I was a kid. Back then, I’d start in the summer because I sew or do embroidery. Now it’s fun to burn songs onto CD’s and write liner notes about why the song is special. It’s a good way to share stories with my friends/family. Robin Rinzler I am right up there with Scrooge... I hate the holidays mainly because I hate the pressure of having to shop and not knowing what to get. I typically wait until the last minute and then wander around aimlessly, picking through left over items in all the wrong sizes. This year, I am anxious to try out a new recipe that I got from Sue McMean: it’s a cake in a cup that is microwaved, and I’m looking forward to making that with the kids. Jeanie Greensfelder Not to spend money at Christmas is the best gift! The best present we can ever offer is time, attention, and having fun together. Stories of past holidays can be shared along with olden days memories. My mother, born in 1897, grew up on a farm in Kentucky and she was thrilled Christmas morning to receive an orange. We are so wonderfully spoiled, but we have lost the joy of simple pleasures. Shopping makes holidays stressful when what we want is to love and be loved. Tender notes of appreciation to each family member will be a lovely gift. Wrapping up items we already have is another way to show thoughtfulness and inviting family members to brainstorm ideas together will be fun and fruitful.

Cynic’s Corner: It’s PROJECT AMEND Time! By Jackie Turner Wake up, folks! When you go to sleep at night and peacefully dream that you are living in paradise on the Central Coast, think again. There is an insidious virus going around our town. It is not on your computers, and there are no flu shots or easy fixes for this epidemic. The problem here is drugs, and it is rampant, and it is affecting your lives even though you do not think so. Addiction is spoken about in whispers, behind closed doors. People don’t want to talk about it; they think that addiction could never affect their personal lives; they think that drugs are other peoples’ stories. Well, think again! If drugs/alcohol do not affect you at your home front, then look at the large picture: tax money spent on prisons, robberies to homes and businesses, homelessness, families torn apart, abusive situations, failures to protect our kids. Fast forward to Project Amend: a men’s sober living home, which is currently awaiting licensing approval for residential detox/ treatment. It will house ten beds. Project Amend counsels patients on their core issues and encourages them to new levels of understanding, acceptance, and a degree of resolve. The project offers educational lectures on various topics such as health and nutrition, family dynamics, and life skills.  The Executive Director, Michael Axelrod, is a state and internationally certified counselor, and a state certified prevention specialist. Project Amend is a hard-core, no-nonsense charity... it doesn’t come with a pretty pink ribbon, but it is fierce, important, relevant, and significantly under-funded. Project Amend is in crisis mode! Without

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financial and social support, the only nonprofit male drug facility in San Luis Obispo County will not survive. Wake up to the fact that drugs (methamphetamines) and alcohol addictions are killing families, destroying lives, and causing unspeakable crimes to our SLO community. Do we need a facility like Project Amend?  Yes, we desperately do. And we need more facilities like Project Amend. Start shouting your outrage! Our County has one of the leading drug problems in California, and we do not have even one rehabilitation and treatment facility to help restore addicts to society. Shame on us for speaking in whispers about our addiction problems here in San Luis Obispo.  Please, go out and do something! Offer your financial support for Project Amend. Let’s work to fund charities that are not “designer” in nature, but necessary... charities like Project Amend. For more info or to learn how to help, please contact Executive Director, Michael Axelrod, at (805) 782-9600 or e-mail [email protected]

Mary Heacock I believe the holidays can always be memorable without being dependent on spending money. The most important thing is to be with the ones we love. Personally, I plan on putting together more gifts of food and taking the time to visit those I love. Another great gift is the gift of time. Babysitting for a busy mom, helping a friend move or planting a vegetable garden...things like that. I love it when my kids make me coupon books for a neck rub, foot massage, or pedicures. MaryAine Cherry This is a perfect time to remember the ones less fortunate and spend a little money on them. My grandson and I pick out a tag at one of the many stores to get something for a child really needing it. We both feel the gifting is better than the getting. Giving more attention to elderly neighbors or anyone alone that you know is a very rewarding gift for them and for you. For the family, we draw names. The homemade gifts are always the best. Another very fun party idea is to have a white elephant gift exchange. That is bringing something of value, wrapped up and each person gets to pick a package from the wrapped packages or from someone else that has already picked a gift. It’s great fun. One year a brick with California stamped in it was ‘the hot item’. Everyone wanted it. Kathy Bond “The best gifts are tied with heart strings,” says Susan Branch in her Days From the Heart of the Home. I opened this book to remind myself to print out my writing from the Cuesta course Bits & Pieces and put it in notebooks for our children last year. Our oldest said it was one of the best gifts she’d received. I knit pink and purple scarves for our granddaughters, buy walnuts to make whiskey cakes, frame calligraphies for friends, and may make jewelry gifts after taking a bead class in a local craft store. I enjoy doing these things and hope they make loved ones feel cherished and happy. Jackie Turner Christmas has never been a holiday that I understood or enjoyed, so it is not a big deal to me that I will not be spending a lot of money... I never did anyway! The holiday is supposed to be about spending time with loving friends and family; eating good comfort food; helping people who are alone, hungry, or needy. Those things do not change because of a bad economy and cost very little money anyway—so I plan to spend this year like all others ... in the company of friends and strangers. Mary McNally My mother may be terminally ill. We’re waiting for test results. So the money and the material things are drastically unimportant. I will make a point to spend time. And that is something I will never regret spending.

Nancy Lee Grantham By spending it with the people that I love the most. Jill Turnbow I really wish I had an inspiring answer, but my holiday plans just recently fell through and I have nuthin’. Probably just pull the covers over my head and stay in bed most of the day. That shouldn’t cost too much. Diane Schuetz On behalf of my that are voting “Yes on to “No on 8” in their again, that’s spending

family members 8” I will donate names. But then money isn’t it?

Francesca Bolognini Since this is culturally a time when people get together with family members at Christmas or Hanukkah, I organize an event around the Winter Solstice, an event of planetary significance. We usually celebrate with a pot luck, a drum circle, a sharing of the meaning of this time for us, perhaps a bit of what we are grateful for from the past Solar Season, and our appreciation for each other. There is often dancing , singing, and a bit of flute and guitar. Fellowship is a more appropriate way to express our love of each other than any material item. Renee Sante I’ll be getting together with my family and friends, enjoying good food, taking walks, helping one another with projects we’d like to get done as a gift or trade. In my family, we used to do a Chautaqua at Christmas time, which was especially fun and entertaining. On snowy days in the mountains, we’d sing, play instruments, dance, and put on skits. We’d make snow-ice cream, sled, and play fox and goose. Playing games and being creative is very important. I like connecting with my adult friends in that way still. Doing things that warm the heart and soul is a great way of spending time together. (I find the less I shop, the more joy and peace I have at this time of year, especially.) Susan Howe Thinking of gifts for the holiday, I know I appreciate getting a promise of time from a friend, to be spent in walking, talking, and playing games. I’ll give statements of time to be shared, helping with kid care, cleaning house, or playing games. I’ll write notes of appreciation to people, hopefully in the form of poetry. Some yummy low-cost food items will go to a few folk. Michele Brooks I will be spending money, but not so much on gifts. I like to light the candles for Hanukkah and have a lovely smelly Christmas tree as well. The presents are in honoring the change in seasons, thinking of rebirth and miracles and keeping expectations low and easy. A nice meal with friends and family. Last year my son and I volunteered in helping feed some of our homeless in the community and that was such a gift. Really helps put things in perspective...

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Women’sStories

Women’s Press | November & December 2008 | [email protected]

An Interview with Kathleen Deragon, Our Outgoing Editor By Sonia Paz Baron-Vine, WCC Board Member I interviewed Women’s Press editor Kathleen Deragon on the Day with Creative Women 2008. We sat under the sycamores and took a look back at her life and her work with the Women’s Press, and in this, the last issue she will be producing for us, we give our thanks to Kathleen for a job well done! Kathleen was born in Albany New York, moved around a lot growing up, and ended up in Colorado, where she went to college, married, had two daughters, and worked as an editor and instructional designer for a nonprofit educational organization. In 2001 she decided to move to California, where her family had settled and where now her daughters also lived. She found SLO because one of her brothers lives here. Able to bring her job with her, she knew this is where she wanted to settle. But working out of her home was isolating. She wanted to meet other women, do some creative writing and community service. She called the Women’s Community Center, and wouldn’t you know, they needed an editor for the Women’s Press! So she volunteered, got some guidance from outgoing editor Sandra Pendell, and worked with Judy Hastings, another new resident of

the county, who was able to do the desktop publishing that Kathleen did not have the skills to do. With Judy and later Rebecca Brown, the paper got a new look, expanded its variety of content, and increased distribution from 2000 to 6000 copies. Further visual improvements were made when Ben Lawless took over from Rebecca two years ago. One of Kathleen’s talents has been to find women in the community to help her realize her vision for the paper. That was especially important in 2006 when the paper needed money to continue. One of the regular columnists, Heather Mendel, suggested a women’s retreat and worked with a team of women to offer a day of workshops titled “Gather the Women— Save the World.” The signature event drew 75 women and brought in enough money to keep the paper going. In 2007-2008, she and the retreat committee decided to offer monthly workshops instead of a one-day retreat and the workshops will continue to “gather the women” in 2008-2009. But money was still needed and Margaret Hennessy, who had run a small newspaper in Colorado, volunteered to help develop the business and advertising aspects of the paper, pulling together an advertising team and establishing the processes and paperwork to support that activity. Our ad

revenue continues to increase (but we could use more women on our team!). Another project Kathleen and Women’s Press volunteers have participated in for both fundraising as well as intergenerational community building is LUNAFEST, collaborating with Cal Poly women. LUNAFEST, put together by Luna Bars, offers independent films by, for, and about women, and its proceeds are divided between the nonprofits that sponsor the event and the Breast Cancer Fund. The event has been held on campus for the past two years in March to coincide with International Women’s Day. Kathleen’s newest venture is drumming. Wanting to learn hand drumming, she put a call in the paper for other interested drummers, met Francesca Bolognini, who was willing to facilitate a group, and since April this year, she and 5-15 women have been meeting every other week, having fun and building community. 82 women are now on the list of interested women! I took a video of the group who were the opening “act” at Day With Creative Women. You can view it at www.wccslo.blogspot.com. Kathleen is retiring from managing the Women’s Press to write a book about how single middle-aged women can begin to create options for their futures, finding likeminded women, pooling their assets, and building communities among themselves.

Recently a group of women, who write and work with Kathleenand the Women’s Press, got together at the SLO Country Club and celebrated Kathleen with a farewell dinner. The Board of Directors of the Women’s Community Center presented her with a crystal plaque that reads: To Kathleen, For the many dreams you made possible, to the many women you guided with your words and your deeds and to the many dreams to come... We are looking forward to reading her book and wish Kathleen much luck! We love Kathleen and thank herfor being a super editor and friend!

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Women’sStories

November & December 2008 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press

An Introduction from Courtney Brogno, Our New Editor A couple of nights ago, just as I settled down after putting both my kids to sleep, the phone rang and a Gallup pollster asked me to participate in their newest political poll. Although tired from a long day, I was excited to contribute. Little did I know I would be answering questions for over 20 minutes, deeply trying to identify who I was as a citizen, a voter, and ultimately I realized, a woman. The questions started off innocuous enough: my age, gender, vocation, and political leanings. All of this was easily answered; I had no problem explaining that I am a mother of two kids, one 9 years old, the other 6 months old; that I am a writing instructor at both local colleges; that I check the age box of 30-34 years old; and that I am liberal, though I do have some conservative views. I did, however, have a more difficult time answering the questions that had a prescribed answer. I could tell you exactly how I feel about our current economic situation, but I could not find my answer in the four choices I was given. I tried to explain this dilemma, but the pollster gently urged me to pick a choice. I hemmed and hawed, and finally, the pollster declined asking me any further questions. At first I felt a little bit like a failure, but then I realized that I just couldn’t fit my views into a neat and tidy box. Trying to answer questions about the environment, the war, and education prompted me to think about my children and my community, and even my own little street. How do my views on the environment help not only myself and my family, but also my neighbor? How about children living in China? Or India? Or Guatemala? I realized, as I frustrated the pollster with my questions and ponderings, that this is one of the

unique attributes to me, to women, and to Women’s Press. I, like many women, think about every possible way I can constantly give back to my community and the world around me, which is why I am so drawn to Women’s Press. This paper is more than just an independent, local press; it’s a statement about life, spirituality, and movement… a statement about who women are and aspire to be. And so, in this political landscape, when our country will herald in a new leader, we here at Women’s Press are also heralding in a new leader and saying goodbye to Kathleen, the beloved editor of Women’s Press for the past six years. I take the reins from Kathleen with trepidation and excitement. Although I will do a better job than I did with the Gallup people, I can only hope to do as good of a job as Kathleen. I hope to further the goals of Women’s Press—to create community, encourage positive change, and spread a feminist worldview. I hope to expand readership and organize more community events. I hope to survive! And most of all, I hope to get to know all of you.

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Dancing for America 2008

Artist Josephine Crawford paints from her heart. Her theatrical canvases mirror her love for music and dance, the excitement of crowds, cafés and nightlife. Her dancers are earthy maidens at home in forests and fields as well as behind the footlights. Josephine is a colorful expressionist painter using oils, acrylics, oil pastels and prints to share her energy and love of life. She says she painted the dancer because of her excitement over the possibility that Barack Obama might be president. www.josephinecrawford.com

When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens my life. Because of the unfortunate circumstance, I realized a roommate was just not possible and I decided to give my 30-day notice to move myself. I was also trusting that my gut instinct was accurate. A month ago, I would have felt very depressed about this conclusion to my renter situation. Thankfully, as I closed that door, a new and wonderful change presented itself to me. I am moving to a place that will be very comfortable for me and decreases my mileage to my office and grandson’s house. I see this experience as a blessing and my week-long roommate as a catalyst for my change in an easy and elegant manner. So when one door closes, yes, expect wondrous and happy things are behind the next door you will open.

By MaryAine Cherry Sometimes I feel like I’m sitting in the hallway waiting for the next door to open. And eventually it does. I’m finally getting it! I have to close the first door – make the choice to close it – before I find out which other door is ready to open. Here’s a recent example of that. I moved into a beautiful and cozy two-bedroom house with breathtaking views of the coastline and the mountains. I moved for the therapeutic value of the views, knowing a roommate would ease the high-rent amount. The owners and I interviewed prospective roommates and recently decided on one because we know and love her boss. She was asked to leave three days later by the owners. This created a big disruption in

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Body&Soul

Women’s Press | November & December 2008 | [email protected]

Faith-In-It As You Make It By Laura Grace One of my favorite workbook lessons in A Course in Miracles affirms: “Love is the way I walk in Gratitude.” Although the lesson teaches, “You have been given everything,” it acknowledges that it is difficult to be grateful for all that we have been given when we see the world “amiss.” Exactly what does this mean? It means that it is a matter of what we choose to look at. The financial crisis has been dominating the news and pummeling our consciousness. When you see your stocks dropping value, do you see a financial calamity or a chance to practice patience and faith? And if you really want to tune into your inner abundance, do you see it as a chance to tithe your time, talent, and treasure? When you are given notice of a layoff from your company, do you choose to see it as a horrible disaster or an opportunity to do something that you’ve been wanting to do, but perhaps, have been too afraid to try? All possibilities exist at all times. Gratitude is the dimension in which we can clearly experience these infinite possibili-

ties. Gratitude is an aspect of love; we cannot experience one without the other. As we experience the winter months and the season of giving, I invite you to take the Gratitude Challenge, to be willing to see the lesson, meaning, growth, and light in every single situation in your life. This isn’t merely about becoming conscious of the good in your life, but being able to face the areas of your life that you’d rather not look at. Remember: not facing a situation gives it power over you. And I’m not talking about faking it until you make it. I’m talking about faith-in-it as you make it. No less than that will set you free. No less than that will allow you to shift from fear to love. No less than that will inspire feelings of gratitude and abundance within you. In my own life, I’ve been using a spiritual practice for many years that has never failed to create a radical shift in my perception—a miracle. #1 Notice the situation that disturbs your inner peace, bothers you, annoys you or irritates you in any way.

#2 Ask for guidance from your inner Self to see the highest Truth within the situation. #3 Surrender your perception and attachment to seeing the situation a certain way based on past experiences. Am I willing to release my preconceived notions, doubts, cynicism, and be willing to have a little faith that I may not be seeing all of the possibilities within the situation? #4 Appreciate the shift in perception that is on its way. This is a form of pro-active gratitude which includes being willing to see all of the good in your life, especially those frequently over-looked blessings that are happening all day long. The technology to transport man to the moon had always been there; it just needed the scientists from NASA to discover it— and they did because they had faith in it until they made it. The acronym for the four steps I shared with you is N.A.S.A. It’s a reminder that everything is also there for you. You need only to have faith in IT as you make it.

Laura Grace is the Spiritual Leader of the Circle of Spiritual Enlightenment in San Luis Obispo, CA: www.spiritualcircle.org. Laura is also the author of the books Gifts of the Soul and The Intimate Soul. Visit Laura at: www.lauragrace.net or call: (805) 748-7506

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Many women facing or entering menopause are confronted with what seems like a dilemma without a solution. They must tolerate the mood swings, sweats, insomnia, and hot flashes of “The Change” or risk hormone replacement therapy. Many women assume the risk, while others just suffer the symptoms. There is an alternative however. Thousands of years ago, Chinese doctors started experimenting with hormones derived from urine much like what Western doctors currently prescribe with Premarin (pregnant mares’ urine). In the case of menopause, these Chinese doctors, like their current Western counterparts, were dissatisfied with the use of hormones alone because it failed to address all of the symptoms or imbalances they were seeing. Today those imbalances have become even more profound. Our lives are stressful and our diets less than perfect. Girls reach puberty early. Hormone levels are commonly imbalanced by the time a woman reaches her thirties, as demonstrated by increasing complaints of PMS. Stress and diet play an important role in menopause due to the interrelationship between the adrenals, the thyroid gland, and levels of hormones available. Menopause symptoms are becoming more common and more severe. Menopause without adverse symptoms, otherwise known as “ideal menopause”, is becoming increasingly rare.

Menopause is not just about hot-flashes and night sweats. For some, these symptoms never occur. Instead, some women experience depression, insomnia, memory loss, anxiety, weight gain, and joint pain among many others. Menopause may also increase a women’s risk for osteoporosis and cardiovascular disease. So what are your options? Oriental Medicine works for menopause by treating each woman as a unique individual. The pattern of symptoms tells us where to look for weakness in the body. Other signs, like an individual’s pulses or even tongue, show us where the body needs to be strengthened and where things need to be moved. Everyone is different. If stress in your life has caused depletion of your adrenals, it may not be able to make even the small amount of hormones you need for an ideal menopause. The same stress affecting a different part of your body could cause anxiety and mood swings. What you eat may also cause problems. Caffeine can cause hot flashes while sugar can be the cause of your joint pain or memory loss. It all depends on where your body is weak. In my practice, I use Oriental Medicine, acupuncture, and herbs to locate your body’s weaknesses and treat them. Along the way I can offer some healing alternatives for menopause and its many symptoms. Melody Pickell is a licensed acupuncturist who practices a gentle form of Japanese acupuncture at Healing Alternatives in San Luis Obispo.

Want to know more about hormonal health from the natural perspective?

Come hear Melody and four other local practitioners speak on Hormones 101.

November 15th 9am - 2pm Ludwig Center, 864 Santa Rosa St., SLO Registration is $49 (includes a light lunch)

For more information or to register for the event, contact Fran Edwards at 544-6285. Net proceeds will go to EOC’s “Forty Wonderful” Program, which provides no-cost preventive health screening services for low-income, under and un-insured women of SLO County.

Women’sStories

November & December 2008 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press

Perchance to Dream

presents

By Hilda Heifetz In the late sixties, I used to go up to Esalen, Big Sur, for their “Human Potential” weekend seminars. Fritz Perls was a main attraction; well-known Rollo May and Alan Watts were also frequent presenters. There would be encounter groups, soul-searching dialogue, psychotherapy, and massage. When I came home, my family and friends would expect reports of what took place. I was even sought out to speak on some of these experiences. (In one case, I was invited by a church group to tell about Buddhism, and I observed that “only in America” would Episcopalians ask a Jewish woman to talk about Zen!) It was during this period of Big Sur activities that I had a dream that haunted me for a long time: I was in the Hollywood Bowl, seated on the shell-shaped stage, a huge crowd in attendance. I was obviously a guru being bombarded with urgent questions. I saw myself wave my arm dramatically for silence, then spoke importantly: “Be mindful. It’s all very simple. I can sum it up in one word…” and I woke up…. As you would imagine, I tried every which way to get back into that dream to finish my sentence. I kept asking people to help me, to suggest what that word might be. The dream pursued me for months

Motherhood By Patti Sullivan A simple refusal to sign would have made us a pair But what does a teenage girl know of signing anything except a school year book ...have a great summer— hope we get math together next fall... ...to a girl with the brightest smile... I’d wish you luck, but I don’t think you’ll need it... I did sign sending you one way me another ...have a great life ... be careful out there... now that you’re no longer mine.

A Monthly Series of Spiritual Workshops

Save the World Congregation Beth David, 10180 Los Osos Valley Road, San Luis Obispo Third Thursday of Each Month • 7-9 pm • $20 Contact [email protected] or (805) 541-6874 for more information. without delivering the missing part. Then, one night at a meeting of a local discussion group (known as the San Luis Obispo “SLO Thinkers”), the subject of my dream came up, and I described it. A wise look brightened the face of one of the members: Member: “Ah, it speaks to me, but in action not in a word.” I: “It does?” Member: “Yes. It’s so obvious that you did finish your message. All teachings are about this. You did better than speak the word. You did the word… Awaken! Awaken! do it!” Well, to be or not be believed? I, for one, accept his interpretation. It wraps up my dream.

Autumn Again...  By Sonia Paz Baron-Vine Outside my window I can see the lawn covered with golden and red leaves The houses in my town, are decorated with pumpkins and the little ones are getting ready for Halloween...   It is Autumn again, time of cold mornings and crisp night air the hills are gold and slowly the trees are changing colors..   Time to bring the logs inside, to clean the fireplace, to sit by my window with a hot cup of apple cider listening to soft music and enjoy the colors mother nature brings...

Thin By Dorothy Segovia The last time I saw youyou were unconscious, gasping, wiggling and jerking, tied to that hospital bed. I lay down on you, spread eagle. My arm straight out on your arms, my legs pressed down against your legs to hold you still. Together we formed a weird human cross. My tears streamed down our faces in the terrible farewell of a “beautiful baby sister” to her oldest and favorite brother. Though it has been over 12 years, even now I feel your skeleton beneath me. Your body had been ravaged by a disease so cruel that Mom is still too embarrassed to name it out loud.

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Last night I dreamt that you were alive but sick. You were a secret that Mom kept from us because you were ashamed of being so damned skinny. You were afraid that your bones would poke anyone brave enough to come close enough to hold you. I’ve dreamt this dream before and I’m always pissed at Mom for keeping you a secret(she is still so good at it, you know) and I always wake up mad. Then slowly, as I am pulled into morning my anger dissolves into the cold ache of astonishment that you have grown so thin. Thin enough to disappear from my life, thin enough to slip into that wispy void between consciousness and sleep.

November Workshop Yoga Prepares the Receptacle. Thursday, November 20 Eckhart Tolle’s teachings are transmitting the wisdom of a new consciousness to anyone receptive. See how a balanced blend of basic physical exercise, conscious breathing, eating, and simple meditation can accelerate the flow of consciousness into your life. A video of Tolle followed by a short practice of some of the exercises he recommends will demonstrate how they shift one’s perspective. Combining the practice of presence with thoughtful exercise, breathing, eating, and meditation can prepare us for whatever life might hold in these times of change. After nearly thirty years of practice, Eve Neuhaus was writing a book on crea (kriya) yoga and her guru, Ganesh Baba, when she came across the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The receptacle was ready. Her book will be published by Inner Traditions in the fall of 2009.

December Workshop Will You Still Like Me If I Say NO? Thursday, December 18 Are you a good girl that can be counted on to say yes even when you mean NO!? Together, we will redefine what good girls do and say. At the completion of this interactive workshop you will each establish some new and comfortable boundaries. Say yes to yourself. • Learn, notice and listen to your own inner guidance • Recognize when you’ve heard it before and use it • Identify comfort zones past, present and future • Establish comfortable boundaries for the coming season and New Year MaryAine Cherry helped people believe in themselves with self development coaching for twelve years. She is a Rapid Eye Technician-Trainer, Health Educator, Massage Therapist and the founder of RETurn to JOY! in Pismo Beach.

January Workshop Dancing with Your Shadow Thursday, January 15 Let 2009 be the year to feel less confused and conflicted and more fulfilled and energetic. By relating to your shadow, the disowned, undeveloped, and denied aspects of your personality, you can improve all your relationships and make more satisfying choices. Trip the light (and the dark) fantastic to understand your hot buttons, blind spots, and projections. Learn how other people mirror our shadow elements, thereby, becoming important teachers. Through journaling, dialogue, awareness, and reflection, we discover the sacred purpose of the shadow, not as an enemy to be vanquished or an enigma to be solved, but as a fascinating partner in the rhythmic, improvisational dance of life.

Berta Parrish, Ed.D, is a college educator, writer, and workshop leader with a strong background in Jungian and Archetypal Psychology. She has published articles on spiritual journaling, women’s issues, and Cronings as well Wise Woman’s Way: A Guide to Growing Older with Purpose and Passion, a book that offers an initiatory experience to a vibrant third stage of life. Berta also offers Practical Jung, Dream Questing, Elder Tales, and Myths Women Live By workshops for civic organizations, worship communities, Osher Lifelong Learning Institutes, and Grandmother Gatherings.

Body&Soul

Women’s Press | November & December 2008 | [email protected]

Spiritual Awakening for the Highly Sensitive, Empathic Nature (HS/E),

Part II By Barbara Atkinson Resources and Tips Tools: healing the trauma of stored emotion • Therapy with Jungian and/or bodycentered therapist • Educate yourself (Myers-Briggs; Owning Your Own Shadow; Resource list books, et. al) • Energy healers • Use processes like The Work with Byron Katie; The Journey or Focusing; See life as a metaphor – any that resonate with you • Learn to come to a point of nonjudgment and forgiveness (If judging someone, ask yourself, “How am I like that?”) • Protect yourself with the image of a 2-way mirror – you see out, but nothing comes in • Check your cortisol and DHEA levels and take amino acids and DHEA supplement • Experiment with the MAP program (self-healing energetically) as devised by Machaelle Small Wright at Perelandra farms

• Flower essences as proposed by Dr. Mesich in her book (see resource listing) • Food – protein and carbs can often ground and soothe, but need to watch food issues • Writing/journaling Flower essences as a tool Essences are an alternative health remedy that can specifically target emotional healing. (They are not essential oils or aromatherapy.) They can rebalance your empathic ability, release years of painful overload (the build-up) and help you feel more protected and less overwhelmed by your sensitivity. Reminder: empathy doesn’t go away; you need to connect with its positive power once build-up is dissipated. Machaelle Small Wright, the expert in flower essences, states, “Flower essences are liquid pattern-infused solutions made from individual plant flowers, each containing a specific electrical imprint that responds in a balancing, repairing, and rebuilding manner to imbalances in humans on their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual…levels.”

Spirituality Matters: In the Stars or Genetic Memory? By Heather Mendel Is it in the stars or far closer— in our own genetic makeup? What shapes us and forms the basis of our interests, likes and passions? Like the answer to all paradoxical questions, I guess the answer to the dilemma is “yes.” Having had a detailed astrological chart drawn up, we realize that in the interconnections of the various constellations at the time of our birth lies the blue print to all that interests us. This came as an amazing insight when I had my chart drawn up several years ago. It was all there— from my penchant to calligraphy to an abiding call to investigate the mysteries in our lives from the world of myth, mysticism, and in particular, the meaning and influence of the Sacred Feminine in human affairs. Then I watched the movie “Signs Out of Time” that tells the story of Marija Gimbutas, amazing scholar, thinker, archeomythologist and teacher who introduced a novel way of viewing antiquities that makes pre-patriarchal culture come alive. The possibility that the patriarchal worldview of hierarchy and separation (of ourselves from Divinity, from one another and from nature) was not always the way human beings interacted, gives us great hope for the future. Marija was born in Lithuania and through her profound wisdom, she was able to take the knowledge of the language, the songs, the stories and mythology of the region, and craft an intuitive vision of the past. As I watched the movie, I realized that my grandparents all came from Lithuania. They were forced to flee at the end of the 19th century because of rampant anti-Semitism at the time. I have no idea of how long my family roots connect back to this geographic location as it is very diffi-

cult to trace our genealogy. What struck me was how deeply moved I was when I first heard Riane Eisler talking about Gimbutas’ findings some 25 years ago and how it resonated within me. I was very aware of being in the midst of a paradox - history as it was taught to me, or ‘herstory’ as felt real when I started studying Gimbutas’ book Language of the Goddess. In the stars or our genetic memory? I celebrate the dilemma and the result. In December 2009 my book, Dancing in the Footsteps of Eve: Retrieving the Healing Gift of the Sacred Feminine for the Human Family will be published and in anticipation, I have started a blog, found at http:// sacredfemininematters.blogspot.com/that I invite you to visit and share your thoughts. Heather Mendel has focalized women’s spirituality groups for the past 15 years. She can be contacted through her website at www.wordartist.com, and also e-mailed at [email protected] or called at 544-4933.

For the highly sensitive, empathic nature’s emotional build-up, the following essences are recommended: • Yarrow • ETS+ (only from Machaelle Small Wright at www.perelandra-ltd.com) Where to get flower essences • Featherhawk Essences in Indiana (877/226-7858) www.featherhawk.com • Melinda Forbes in Garden Farms, SLO County (805/438-5077) • Star Essence in Santa Barbara for “Strength of Achilles” (their name for White Yarrow) www.staressence.com (805/965-1619) • Perelandra ETS+ when overwhelmed and for trauma at www.perelandra-ltd. com Flower essences are traditionally put into an alcohol base. You can request a non-alcohol alternative. There are many more sites listed in Kyra’s “...Survival Guide” book listed above and on line. Books: • The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. www.hsperson.com

• The Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide by Kyra Mesich, Psy.D. www.kyramesich. com • You Are Psychic! by Pete A. Sanders, Jr. www.freesoul.net or for an interview with the author go to http://thirdmill. com/html/pete.htm (This is an older book that I include only because of what he says about the “feeling” sense.) • Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates (Google “Myer Briggs Test” and you’ll get a slew of sites.) • Owning Your Own Shadow by Robert A. Johnson • The Dream Book by Betty Bethards • After the Ecstasy, the Laundry: How the Heart Grows Wise on the Spiritual Path by Jack Kornfield These are just a few books I include as essential reading for the HS/E nature. There are many other wonderful books to which you may be drawn. Barbara Atkinson is a spiritual teacher with a website that includes information on the HS/E nature, www.theblisspapers.com

Where to find Women’s Press

All Libraries and the following exceptionally fine establishments! • NORTH COUNTY: Atascadero – The Coffee House and Deli, Starbuck’s at Von’s Plaza, Green Goods, Player’s Pizza, Harvest Health Food Store, North County Connection, Senior Center, Women’s Resource Center/Shelter Office, Curves. Paso Robles – Cuesta College North Campus, Café Vio, Curves, DK Donuts, Panolivo French Cafe, NCI Village Thrift Shop, Paso Robles Health Foods; Templeton – Twin Cities Hospital, Templeton Market & Deli, Affinity Chiropractic, Kinship Center, Jobella’s Coffee; Santa Margarita– Santa Margarita Mercantile. • NORTHERN COAST: Baywood – Coffee & Things; Cambria – Cambria Connection, Cambria Pines Lodge, Chamber of Commerce, Gym One, 7 Sisters, Azevedo Chiropractic, Lilly’s, Alloco’s, Cambria Drug and Gift, Bob & Jan’s Auto Shop, Linn’s, Donna’s Nail Salon, Cookie Crock, Rainbow Bean and Coffee Shop; Cayucos – Cayucos Super Market, Kelley’s EsPresso & Dessert, Ocean Front Pizza, Chevron Station, Mobile Balloons; Los Osos – Starbuck’s, Baywood Laundry, Cad’s, Carlock’s Bakery, Chamber of Commerce, Copa de Oro, Garden Café, Los Osos Deli Liquor, Volumes of Pleasure; Morro Bay – Backstage Salon, Coalesce Bookstore, Coffee Pot Restaurant, The Rock, Southern Port Traders, Sunshine Health Foods, Two Dogs Coffee, La Parisienne Bakery. • SAN LUIS OBISPO: Broad St. Laundry, Cool Cats Café, La Crepes, Edna Market, Art Café, Booboo Records, Creekside Center, GALA, Marigold Nails, Palm Theatre, Susan Polk Insurance, Utopia Bakery, Unity Church, Zoe Wells, Naturopath, Cal Poly Library and Women’s Center, Center for Alternatives to Violence, Chamber of Commerce, Cuesta College Library, EOC Health Services Clinic, HealthWorks, Healing Alternatives, Laguna Laundry, Linnaea’s, Monterey Express, Natural Foods Coop, New Frontiers, Nautical Bean, Outspoken Beverage Bistro, Phoenix Books, Planned Parenthood, Rudolph’s Coffee & Tea, San Luis Obispo Housing Authority Office, SARP, The Secret Garden, SLO Perk Coffee, Spirit Winds Therapy, The Studio Fitness for Women, Uptown Cafe, Yoga Centre, Ahshe Hair Salon, Apropos Clothing, Soho Hair Salon, Hempshack, YMCA, KCBX, Fairchild Salon, Jaffa Café, Med Stop (Madonna Plaza), World Rhythm and Motion, Steynberg Gallery, Correa Chiropractic, High St. Deli, Sunset N. Car Wash, Jamaica You, United Blood Services. • SOUTH COUNTY: Arroyo Grande – Mongo’s, Act II Boutique, Central Coast Yoga, CJ’s Restaurant, Curves-AG, Cutting Edge, EOC Health Services Clinic, Girls Restaurant, Grande Whole Foods, Kennedy Club Fitness, JJ’s Market, Chameleon, Brave New Wares; Avila Beach– Avila Grocery, Custom House, Sycamore Hot Springs, Inn at Avila, Joe Mamma’s; Grover Beach – Back Door Deli, Cindi’s Wash House, Nan’s Pre-owned Books, Therapeutic Body Center, 30-minute Fitness; Halcyon – Halcyon Store; Nipomo – Anna’s Creekside Coffee House, Healing Touch Spa, Curves, La Placita Market, Healthy Inspirations, World Gym, Trendy Sister Salon, Senior Centers; Pismo Beach – Honeymoon Café, Pismo Athletic Club, RETurn to JOY!; Shell Beach – De Palo & Sons Deli, Seaside Cafe, Steaming Bean. • SANTA MARIA: Café Monet, Hunter’s Landing, Library, Curves on Main and on Broadway, Lassen’s. • ORCUTT: Loading Dock, Oasis Spa.

Photo by Anne-Mette Jørsfeldt

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NOWNews

November & December 2008 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press

This Page Presented by the

National Organization for Women The purpose of NOW is to bring women into full participation in the mainstream of American society NOW !

Coordinator’s Corner

NOW news

By Angie King How did it get to be so late so fast? Can it be the holidays already? For those of you making up wish lists for presents this year, let me wish you all good health and peaceful hearts. We’ll need them next year if things don’t get better. This is the last issue of the year of the Women’s Press, and of our newsletter. By the time you read this, the world may be completely different than it is when I’m writing it! It’s hard to keep up with the news and the impact on women. What’s happened in 2008? Start with two undeclared wars, leaving close to 5,000 US families mourning the death of a service member; move to the scandal, corruption and greed that brought capitalism to its knees, worldwide impoverishing our middle class in ways not seen since 1929; and add the savage ravaging and plundering of the earth without regard to the consequences on our own continued existence, to name only a few problems, and the list goes on. And it’s not just the deregulating anti-government Republicans who are to blame. We are all complicit. As they used to say in the civil rights movement, if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. It’s hard to remain optimistic, but we must. Negative thinking only wears us down and prevents creative energies from bubbling up with new solutions. So, at this year’s end, cherish your friends and family, love Mother Earth, and keep your eyes on the prize (another slogan from the 60’s). On another topic, we print a calendar in these pages each month, to mark important milestones in feminist history as well as publish our meeting dates. A lot of the women mentioned are not household names, although they should be. If you are not familiar with who these women are, I urge you to educate yourself. At least check out Wikipedia and look up your feminist heritage. You’ll be surprised at the rich, diverse stories of our foremothers all over the world. Happy Holidays.

NOW Chapter # CA 565 PO Box 1306, SLO, CA 93406 SLONOW @ kcbx.net http://groups.myspace.com/~slonow

Calendar November 8: • Birthday of Margaret Mitchell, 1900 November 12: • Birthday of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, 1815 November 18: • NOW regular meeting, 6 PM November 19: • Birthday of Indira Gandhi, 1917 November 26: • Death of Sojourner Truth, 1883 November 30: • Birthday of Shirley Chisholm, 1924 December 14: • Birthday of Margaret Chase Smith, 1897 December 16: • Birthday of Margaret Mead, 1901 December 16: • NOW regular meeting, 6 PM December 23: • Birthday of Madame C. J. Walker, 1869 December 25: • Birthday of Clara Barton, 1821

Get Involved — Join NOW! San Luis Obispo Chapter National Organization for Women Every woman doesn’t have to join NOW, just the 142 million who are discriminated against!

Goals • Support reproductive choice • Work to eliminate ALL violence against women • Fight against sexual harassment • Encourage tolerance and diversity • Promote feminist issues

• Commemorate Roe v Wade (Jan 22) • Celebrate Women’s Equality Day (Aug 26) • Participate in Farmer’s Market • Support feminist politics

Name: _ ______________________________________________ Address: _____________________________________________ City/St/ZIP: ___________________________________________ Phone: ________________________________________________ Regular Dues ….$40 Sliding Scale…..$15-39

Send your check and this form to

PO Box 1306 SLO, CA 93406 Chapter # CA 565 [email protected]

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Amount enclosed: ________________________

General Meetings 11573 Los Osos Valley Rd, #B, SLO

3rd Tuesday of every month at 6:00 pm

While the election is the big news, there are still bills moving through Congress. Some of the pending legislation NOW supports. 1. United States Cadet Nurse Corps Equity Act (H.R. 3423), clarifies service in the Cadet Nurse Corps as active military service and recognizes the members as veterans. This change in status would give Cadet Nurse Corps members access to services administered by both Federal and State Veterans’ Affairs departments. Over the past decade, numerous Cadet Nurse Corps Equity Acts have been introduced and sent to committees where they were left to languish. 2008 marks the 60th anniversary of the graduation of the last class of Cadet Nurses, and the small, hearty band of surviving nurses deserves our support! These women are mostly in their 80s and 90s and have waited long enough; we need to help them achieve equal veteran status NOW! 2. There is bi-partisan support for the Federal Employees Paid Parental Leave Act (S.3140), which will guarantee four weeks of paid leave for federal workers for the birth or adoption of a child. The federal government -- the nation’s largest employer, with more than 1.8 million civilian employees -- should set the example of workplace policies that truly meet the needs of today’s working families. When enacted, a paid parental leave bill for federal workers will serve as a critical benchmark for achieving paid family and medical leave for all workers. This legislation is a first step toward providing economic support for new families, because no worker should have to

choose between their paycheck and their new child, especially in these tough economic times. In June, the House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed their version of the Federal Employees Paid Parental Leave Act (H.R.5781), but the Senate has yet to pass S.3140. If there is no vote before the Senate adjourns, the bill will die when Congress goes home this fall. Sen. Webb has said he will reintroduce this bill next year if necessary. 3. A month after the Supreme Court denied Lilly Ledbetter’s claim for pay discrimination in May 2007, the House of Representatives passed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. The Senate version of the bill, the Fair Pay Restoration Act (S.1843), has been held up by partisan bickering. The bill would fix the Court’s misinterpretation of Title VII and ensure that pay discrimination victims get their fair day in court. This Act will simply return us to the longstanding rule that treated each and every discriminatory paycheck as a new act of discrimination. It’s sad enough that women are still paid only 77 cents or less to men’s dollar, even though civil rights laws banned wage discrimination more than four decades ago unless redressed by this bill. The Supreme Court’s decision could push back much of the progress that women have been making in closing the wage gap. Check out NOW.org for more about these bills, and about NOW’s activities in the legislative arena.

Reproductive Rights Update The assault on women’s bodies might be coming to an end, at least in Congress. There are a number of issues we hope will move in a more progressive direction under the new Congress. We’ll have more to say in the January issue when the dust has settled. But here is some of the damage of the last 8 years that could easily be undone: #1 Repeal the global gag rule (Mexico City policy), which prohibits any US government funding overseas for any organization that provides (even with its own funds) or discusses the option of abortion. #2 Repeal the Hyde Amendment, which forbids the use of US government money for abortion services here at home, for instance service members, Indians on reservations, prisoners, women on Medicaid assistance, and others under federal jurisdiction. #3 Restore funding for UN population fund. It’s part of our commitment to the UN, yet Bush has refused to make the money available. #4 Increase money for family planning, provide access to contraception, and change the abstinence only sex education concept. We all need truthful factual information about our reproductive systems and access to quality health care in order to make informed intelligent choices and lower the unintended pregnancy rates. Here in California, of course, while the legislature is solidly pro-choice, the people

are not. This is written before the fate of Prop 4 is known, but it is the 3rd time in 4 years the right wing has tried to restrict minor’s rights in California, this time using deceptive tactics even the Tribune couldn’t stomach. In an editorial it pointed out that the backers have distorted and lied their way to claim such a law is needed. See more at NOW.org. Roe v Wade will certainly continue to be a topic of discussion next year. The next president will nominate at least one, and possibly more, new justices to the high court. NOW will continue to monitor all judicial nominees for their positions on this issue. Has science outstripped the analysis of the Supreme Court in 1972? What now? When, if ever, can the state place restrictions on that right? Yet the basic constitutionally protected right to privacy, the right to make personal decisions personally will still remain. Speaking of Roe v Wade, the San Luis Obispo chapter of NOW is now planning for its annual rally in January commemorating the decision in Roe. Look for more information in January, but save January 22, 2009 to help us keep this issue in peoples’ minds. As Ellen Goodman recently noted, at least 1/3 of all American women will have had an abortion by the time she is 45. Over half of these women already have families and are making their decision in that context. This isn’t something that only happens to “them”; your friends and neighbors, your professional colleagues are likely to be in that 33%. It could be you next. Keep abortion legal!

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CommunityBulletins

Women’s Press | November & December 2008 | [email protected]

Bulletins SLO Vocal Arts Ensemble 2008-2009 Concert Season Begins! The SLO Vocal Arts Ensemble presents a World in Harmony! beginning with their holiday concert, “Christmas from Around the World, Dec. 5th, 6th, and 7th. Then for spring they will offer “Spring Into a New World, April 24th, 25th, and 26th. And this year they are expanding their venues to include Cambria and Paso Robles. Coming in June of 2009, the Vocal Arts Ensemble will once again participate in the California International Choral Festival and Competition. These three performances are sure to be glorious, so become a season ticket subscriber to get first choice seating and special discounts. Go to www.vocalarts.org to order tickets or call 805-541-6797.

Houselights Theatre Has Gone to the Cats Allied Arts presents Houselights Theatre’s next production, INDOOR/OUTDOOR by Kenny Finkle. Opening November 7th and playing thru November 30th, this heartwarming romantic comedy is being directed by Adrian Balbontin and features Janet Stipicevitch, Kelli Rodda, Thom Waldman, and Tim McManus. Showtimes are Friday and Saturday at 7:30pm and Sunday at 3pm. Tickets are $18 and a portion of the proceeds will benefit HART (Homeless Animal Rescue Team). Houselights Theatre is located at 1350 Main, in TOGS (Theatre at the Old Grammar School) in Cambria. Reservations can be made by calling 805-927-4667 or by e-mail at [email protected].

Annual SLO Poetry Festival The Annual San Luis Obispo Poetry Festival, Corners of the Mouth, will open November 7th and run thru November 16th at the San Luis Obispo Art Center, 1010 Broad St. Celebrating 25 years, the festival is sponsored by the City of SLO, Cal Poly WriterSpeak, Poets & Writers, Inc., and Glenna Luschei. All events begin at 7pm and tickets are $5 for general admission, $3 for students or seniors. The festival also highlights the California Poet Laureate Project with a photo exhibit by Ronna Leon, which will hang at Linnaea’s Café throughout November. For more information, contact Kevin Patrick Sullivan at 547-1318 or go to www. languageofthesoul.org.

Boasting a host of Hollywood VIP personalities and famous musicians, the Paso Robles Digital Film Festival will not only be webcast worldwide, but filmed for a special DVD, showing an inside look at a film festival and the film business itself in the Digital Age. Scheduled for November 20 through 25, seasoned event director Benford Standley will produce what promises to be a first-class film festival. The theme is “Music In Film,” meaning there will be a number of outstanding Jazz, Rock and Country performances, screenings, a 3-D Indie Film Expo, an art show, and panel discussions held at the Martin & Weyrich Winery and in various locations in Paso Robles, CA, in Cowboy Wine Country just South and Sideways of Sundance. For more info on schedules, screenings and performances, go to PRDFF.com

The Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONSCentral Coast Chapter) meets to address the potentials and powers of consciousness, including perceptions, beliefs, intention, and intuition. New meeting date is the fourth Sunday of every month at 1:30pm to 3:30 pm at Coast National Bank, 500 Marsh Street, SLO, 93401.

Habitat for Humanity’s ReStores are Bulging with Great Deals! Open to Contractors and the Public You can save money on your home improvement project by shopping for building materials at the Habitat for Humanity ReStores. All proceeds from the ReStores are used to build new Habitat homes in San Luis Obispo County. Penny Rappa, Executive Director, states “Since opening the Templeton ReStore in 2005, and the SLO ReStore in 2007, we estimate over two tons of materials have been diverted from the local landfills annually.” Both locations are open Thursday thru Saturday from 9am to 3pm. Visit the website for location and more information. www.hfhsloco.org Original graphic provided by the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Habitat For Humanity To Build Four Homes in Grover Beach The City of Grover Beach has approved plans to build four Habitat for Humanity homes in 2009. Similar Habitat homes have been built in Atascadero, Paso Robles, and Cambria. Habitat for Humanity uses donations of funding, materials, professional services, and volunteer labor to build simple, decent homes, which are then sold to qualified, low-income families. All home buyers must complete 500 hours of volunteer labor on their home. All donations are greatly appreciated. For information on how you can donate or volunteer, visit www.hfhsloco.org or call 805-782-0687. You can make a difference!

Energy Balancing Sessions Free of Charge in Templeton and Arroyo Grande The Global Alliance for Balance and Healing is offering free energy balancing sessions on Saturday, November 15 and Saturday, December 20 from 11am to 4pm. The free clinic will be held in two locations to better serve the community. In Templeton at Dancing Deer Ranch, 2975 Vineyard Drive. In Arroyo Grande, at Central Coast Yoga, 900 East Grand Avenue at the corner of Halcyon . No appointment is necessary. Visit www.globalalliance.ws or call 805438-4347 to learn about energy balancing or other free clinics held by the Global Alliance for Balance and Healing. For more information or to coordinate a clinic in your area, e-mail Wendy McKenna at [email protected].

DOMESTIC Continued from page 5 In addition to the intervention-based resources that the Women’s Shelter Program of SLO provides, prevention-based programs are also in place. Our prevention programs include: Presentations or trainings are offered to community groups and local agencies. Peer counseling and groups offered in the high schools. Also, the Domestic Violence Task Force (DVTF) of San Luis Obispo and many other agencies, including the Women’s Shelter Program, collaborate on a prevention campaign called, “Beat the Punch.” “Beat the Punch” is a prevention program that focuses on young adults in our community to give them knowledge, resources, and tools to lead violence-free lives. The focus is primarily on ending dating violence, since relationships don’t become abusive simply because of marriage, but rather the violence most often begins early on in dating relationships. The types of campaigns that “Beat the Punch” incorporates are dating violence prevention curriculums within the local high schools called Safe Dates, a media campaign that includes radio commercials, coasters with our logo on them distributed at local bars, a “myspace” page, website, and billboard, generously donated by Coast National Bank, during the month of October in SLO. You will also find “Beat the

Punch” and the Women’s Shelter Program at Farmer’s Market on Thursdays in October. To seek our services or if you are in crisis regarding domestic abuse here are the numbers to call: • Local Hotline (crisis line): (805) 549-8989 or 211 • Out of the area call: (800) 799-SAFE • Police: 911 • Counseling services through CADV: (805) 473-6507 • Legal services: (805) 781-6418 • North County Women’s Resource Center: (805) 461-1338 • To log-on to our Women’s Shelter Program’s SLO website go to http://www.womensshelterslo.org • To log-on to the North County Women’s Resource Center’s website go to http://northcountywomensshelter.org To log-on to the “Beat the Punch” website go to http://www.violencefreecommunity.com or to visit the “myspace” page go to http://www.myspace.com/beatthepunch No one deserves to be abused. Kelsey Kehoe is a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern and Dating Violence Prevention Coordinator for the Women’s Shelter Program of SLO.

Noted Acivists Coming to the Central Coast January 9-11, Joanna and Fran Macy (joannamacy.net) will conduct a workshop entitled “Guardians of the Future.” Sponsored by the Mothers for Peace and the Terra Foundation, this weekend will help local activists deepen their commitment to the world and future generations. This event is being held at Dancing Deer Ranch in Templeton (dancingdeer.org). For information on registration and accommodations, contact Linda Seeley at [email protected].

A subscription to the Women’s Press would be a nice holiday gift! Call 544-9313 for more information.

Resources

November & December 2008 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press

ABUSE

Hospice of SLO County (inc. miscarriage/stillbirth

Planned Parenthood



545.8888

Project Lifesaver

Stroke Support Group



781.6406

Safe and Sober Support Group



(inc. domestic violence support groups) 461.1338

Senior Peer Counseling



545.8888

Talk/Listen - Emotional support



545.8888

Transformations Counseling Center



545.8888

FINANCE/BUSINESS



781.6400 www.womensshelterslo.org



support) 544.2266 or 434.1164

Center for Alternatives to Domestic Violence



548.0909

North County Women’s Shelter & Resource Center,



473.6507

Rape Survivors Support Group, SLO



Free, trained in-home counseling for 60+ 547.7025, ext. 15

SARP (Sexual Assault Recovery & Prevention)



489.5481

Support Group for Sexual Assault Survivors



Free monthly workshops 541.7908

Adults Molested as Children Support Group (AMAC)

Women’s Shelter Program of SLO

ADDICTIONS AA Meeting

Consumer Credit Counseling Services



800.540.2227

GAY & LESBIAN

Gay and Lesbian Alliance of the Central Coast



541.3211



498.2176



534.9204



927.1654

HOSPICE



Women’s Recovery Home 481.8555



544.2266



544.2266 and 434.1164



782.8608

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)



541.4252

Al-Anon



438.3889

Cambria Connection (12 step support)



Mostly socializing! Call 474.9405

Casa Solana

Chemical Dependency intensive outpatient program



541-9113



546.1178



781.4275 800.549.7730



541.3164



461.6084



929.1789



http://www.womenforsobriety.org 215.536.8026

Compulsive eaters Anonymous, H.O.W.Concept Drug & Alcohol Services

PFLAG.Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays SOL (Single Older Lesbians)

AIDS Bereavement Group (Hospice) Hospice of SLO County

Hospice Partners of the Central Coast

JOBS/CAREERS AARP



SLO 549.9446



471.8102 (SLO)



544.2266 (SLO)



534.1101



544.4883

15

Caregivers of Stroke Survivors Women’s Support/Therapy v (general) Women’s Healthcare Specialists

POLITICAL Code Pink



[email protected]



545.8412; Dawn Williams



541.4252



543.2220



[email protected]

Commission on Status of Women Democratic Women United League of Women Voters

NOW (National Organization for Women)

READERS/WRITERS Adult Literacy



541-4219



748-2676; contact Gloria



549.9656; contact Shirley Powell



http://SinC-CCC.blogspot.com

Creative Writing Group Nightwriters

Sisters in Crime

SENIORS

Adult Day Care



788.2643



489.8894 (Arroyo Grande); 434.2081 (Templeton); 927.4290 (Cambria)



Jobline 756.7107



781.1790



http://calpolyjobs.org 756.1533



Computer help: 489.6230



http://www.cuesta.edu Jobline 546.3127



www.slocareers.org 788.2631 or 788.2690



In-Home Support 781.1790 Nursing help for the terminally ill 781.5540

CHILDREN & FAMILIES



549.3361



781-5821



546.3755 www.bbrn.org



595.1356 www.mcscorp.org



473.4747



541.2272 or 800.727.2272



www.jobhunt.org 788.2601



782.9200



“A child’s voice in Court in SLO County” 541.6542

LEGAL



489.5481 [email protected]



781.1847

Free, trained in.home counseling for 60+ 547.7025 ext. 15



781.4058; ask for Susan Hughs



462.0726; ask for Barbara

Overeaters Anonymous SCA, SLAA & SAA (Sex, Love & Romance Addictions) TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) Women for Sobriety

Birth and Baby Resource Center Childcare Resource Connection

Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) Children’s Services Network

First 5: Children & Families Commission Homeschooling in SLO County (HSC) La Clinica De Tolosa 238.5334 La Leche League

Cal Poly Foundation Cal Poly University Cuesta College

The Creekside Career Center

Adult Protective Services Computerooters:

Department of Social Services:

Department of Rehabilitation

Elder and Dependent Adult Advocacy and Outreach – Victim Witness Assistance Center

Mission Community Services Corporation Women’s Business Partners

Elder Law, Geraldine E. Champion, Attorney

Private Industry Council (PIC)

Core Mediation Services

Foster Grandparents.Senior Companions Senior Ballroom Dance club Senior Peer Counseling



544.6334 [email protected]

District Attorney’s Office – Victim Witness Center





Family Law Facilitator

781.5821

SPIRITUAL



546.3769

Circle of Spiritual Enlightenment



995.1390; www.spiritualcircle.org



788.2099



544.9313



Meditation Monday evenings 7-7:45 pm Open to all. 772-0306 awakeninginterfaith.org



543.5140



RC liturgy with womanpriest 546.8672



Mondays, 7:30–8:30 PM; 772.0306



Every Sunday, Coalesce Bookstore, MB



Sunday Services 995-1599

Lawyers Referral Services/Legal Aid Alternative Pro Per Divorce Workshop

Awakening Interfaith Spiritual Community



489.9128



544.4355 and 466.3444



473. 2548

MEDICAL SUPPORT/SERVICES



541.8666; ask for Beth



227.4785 or 674.4162



460.9016



781.1600



534.9234 (LO); 547.3830 (SLO); 547.3830, 534.9234 (SLO/Los Osos) 888.488.6555



473.6507



San Luis Obispo 543.1481 Templeton 434.3051



541.9113



892.5556



543.1481 ext. 3 for information



547.3830 (AG); 927.4290 (Cambria); 227.7135 (PR); 547.3830 (SLO); 543.7969



226-9893

OTHER WOMEN’S ORGANIZATIONS



www.endometriosisassn.org



481.1039; Cici Wynn, President



771.8640 www.enhancementinc.com



781-0922; Karen



no or low cost reproductive health services 544.2478 (SLO); 489.4026 (Arroyo Grande)



440.2723 www.campingwomen.org



No or low cost reproductive health services 542.0900



543.9452



3rd Thursday, SLO, 7 -9 pm 464-0564



544.3399 or 783.2383



785.0132



800.247.7421 or 489-5481



2nd Monday, 4-5 pm, 782-9300



466.7226 (Atascadero/Templeton) 481.7424 (Arroyo Grande) 541.8633 (SLO)

Migrant Childcare Program

MOMS Club of South SLO county Partnership for Children

Real F.A.C.T.S. (Forum on Abused Children) Social Services

Support for Kids Coping with Domestic Violence

EMERGENCY/CRISIS Hotline



www.slohotline.org 800.549.8989



545.8888 or 800.656.HOPE (4673)

Sexual & Rape Prevention (SARP)

Temporary Restraining Order & Victim Witness Program 781.5821

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

A.D.A.P.T. (Aid in Divorce Adjustment Problems Today)



543.0388

Alzheimer/Dementia Resource Center



434.2081 or 534.9234 or 888.488.6555

CALL–Concerned Agoraphobics Learning to Live



543.3764

Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)



542.0577 (SLO) 481.5093 (Grover Beach) 927.1654 (Cambria) 466.8600 (North County)



543.7969



544.9313

Community Counseling Center Dealing With Divorce

Depresson and Bipolar Support Alliance Group



927.3703



489.2990, [email protected]



546-3774; free, meets weekly in SLO



489.2990, [email protected]

Divorce Discussion Group

Eating Disorders Support Group Grief Awareness Group

Senior Legal Services

ALS Support Group (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) Alzheimer’s Support

American Cancer Society

Anorexia Nervosa & Bulimia Support Group Arthritis Foundation Cancer/ Breast Cancer Support Groups Caregivers of Aging Parents

Celiac Disease Support Group

Hungry Hearts Spiritual Community Meditation Group

New Beginnings Church

Self-Realization Fellowship

WOMEN’S CENTERS/SHELTERS Homeless Shelter



781-3993



543.4478



461.1338



786.0617



544.9313



549.8989 (crises), 781.6401 (business) www.womensshelterslo.org

Housing Authority North County Women’s Resource Center, Shelter Prado Day Center (for the homeless) Women’s Community Center, SLO Women’s Shelter Program of SLO

Endometriosis Association

Altrusa International, Inc.

Enhancement, Inc. (for breast cancer survivors)

American Association of University Women

EOC Health Services Clinics

Healthworks of the Central Coast

Camping Women Hadassah.SLO

OTHER GROUPS & GATHERINGS

IC Interstitial Cystitis/Painful Bladder Syndrome

Central Coast Peace and Environmental Council

Long-term Care Ombudsman Services of SLO County

Compassion & Choices (or Final Exit)

Lymphedema Education & Support Group Parkinson’s Support Groups

Please send additions, corrections or deletions to: [email protected] or leave a message at the WCC: 805.544.9313. Last update 11/05/08.

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