1772 Wedding Edition

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fans,we know that all of you who could attendwerc on handfor perhapsthe most [FW"fl significantweddingof this or anydecade,that of fuidy andMargi Hofer, andThis Week In 1772n{was there,from the first rehearsalto the final lnrs d'oermre.Finding the coverageof the eventby The New Yorh firnes (a competitorof ours)to be be entirelyinadequate,the staff of our tlarford offrce workedaroundtheclock for daysto put ogether a suitabletribute o this great the pomp,andthe people event;both to commemoratcit and to give you a look at the prrcparations, who madethis day so spccialto all of us. In short,we've tried to bring you the kind of insight which our humblepublicationhasbeconrcso famousfor, while proving that, tnrly, nothing is sacrcd.This watershedissueis alsoour fint disuibutedthroughthe US Mail, causingno end of slecplessnights for our legal staff, but wc lnow that our public will be ablc, in the en4 to take the issuewith the apprcpriarcdegrecof seriousness, asthey havebeenforced to do so many times in the past.Wewelcomebackour old fans,anpng which we aneproud to count the happycouple,and at the sametirne we ar€pleasedto add a new andhopefully mre sophisticatedreadership.Enjoy! -- the editorial staffG rt

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( Sat20 June) As onewouldexpectat a weddingon the scaleof thatof Andyand MargiHofer,thecostumes of boththeguestsandtheweddingpartywerenothingshort -)-L4 of spectacular, andtheetfectwasheightened bythejewelrysportedby theseleaders a-) necklace; e of society.Thebridesmaids eachhada setof lovelyearringswitha matching theirsto keep,€lsourfashionreporterlaterfoundout.Similarly, the ushersanda few '6 - - ) given pairsof cufflinksboth were handsome othermembers of the 'groom'sentourage with to complete theiroutfitsandas mementos of the blessedevent.In accordance o guest, tftldition,however, the motherof the'groom,the mostimportant stoletheshow -/ witha [email protected], whitechokerfromthe Dior a magnificent -+ pour l'h6pitalcollection, wasa pictureof sleekness fittedto Mrs. andsupport,specially Hofe/sneckandclosedin the backwith Velcrom. Wecongradulate Adelineon her ---D whichwe aretoldis alsobulletproof. spendidornamentation, (

<x-_ TheFetiw, Tln Gun,eN TllnHoly Sptrft ( Sat20 June) Perhaps in farthest lromthe mindsof thebrideand'groom considering wasthe issueof security. Thesetwostarry-eyed theweddingpreparations kidscouldscarcelyhaveimagined famecouldcauseproblems at thattheirworldwide familiesdidtheirbestto downplay theactualceremony, the andthe respective potential dangersfromovezealousidolators, as wellas fromthe occasionalcrackpot. At the sametime,extensive measures wereputin place,executed covertsecurity largelyby a handpicked securityforcewho,atterbeingselectedonthe basisof their physical intimidating size,weredisguised as ushersso asto be inconspicuous. wascleverly Fictitious identities andcareerswerecreatedforthemandthe information programs guests honor were The disseminated of usingthewedding themselves. personally of the escorted to theirseatsbythesebodyguards, andthe positioning F

(TIp ffis, Tlp Gwt,cont.) ushersandbridesmaids wasdeliberately so as to different fromthatof mostweddings was confusethe implementation of anyplotsagainstthecouple.Aftereveryone seated,thecentralaislewassealedotffromthe pewsusinghighvoltageribbon fortheoccasion. specially Whatseemedat firsta paranoid designed concemwiththe safetyof the participants turnedout,however, to be entirelynecessary. Onlyseconds afterthe happycoupleweresafelyoutthedoor,havocstruck.An unidentified agent, perhapsdisguised as an orchestra member, senta deadlyhailof metalrainingdown fromthechoirloftontotheaisle,wherethenewlyweds hadstoodonlymoments earlier. Thecriminalgeniusresponsible alsodruggedsoloistMichaelAmory to createa diversion to shieldhisescape.ThehelplessMishawasleftparalyzed withlaughter andmissedthe firstfourmeasures of hissolo,apparently becauseof shock.The identityof the intruderremainsunknown, andof thosewhomighthaveseenhim,the musicians in thechoirloft,noneseemwillingto sing.

&.etuoring Doubg ( Sat20 June) All of youwhoattended mayrecallthatthe program thewedcling contained a briefhistoryof theAsylumHillChurch.We all readwithgreatinterest past,including aboutthechurch'sillustrious thedevotedmembership of MarkTrain. (WhyMr.Twain'sdevotion in to AsylumHilldidnotstophimfromusinghispseudonym however.) alldealingswiththe churchis opento speculation, TheprogramnegbAed to mention,however, thatdespiteits pastandpresentpopularity, thechurchhassome problems obviousstructural fromyearsof apparentneglect.Thecareful stemming observermayhavenotedthepreponderance of weedsgrowingin the aislesand pews,notto mentionall overthealtar.Eventhe scatfolding erectedoverthe center aisleduringthe repairprocess,strangely leftin placeforthewedding,hasbeenall but overrunby vinesandflowering weeds.Whetherthislackof attention to maintenance canbe connected recent PTL is in to the coruption unknown; anycase,we at the newsletter willbe happyto acceptanydonations for maintenance earmarked on behalf of the church.Makeall checkspayableto PeterAdolfat the addressbelow. .-ttW

Whowerethebestdancercat therccep0on? (Circle one) Andyand Maryl J. Stuartfutterconet al. TheCatercre TheGuyln the Grcenlacketand theUnklentlfld Brldesnnld BartoR (We apologiz.eforany possibleinsult o either Professo and lvIn. Bennes'sdog, or to anyonewe nray havcaccidentallyomitted.Weinvite our readcrsto scndin their picks. Write-in candidarcswil be consideredandignoed.)

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