Why Should I Disciple My Sons_proverbs

Why Should I Disciple My Sons? Personal Reflections Lately I have been thinking about what I want for my sons. Because I am a preacher and teacher of God's Word, I began thinking of certain desires for them regarding God's Word, passionate love for God, and familiarity with God's Word. I would like to see these things in my sons. Actually, even if I wasn't a preacher, I would still want to instill these values into their lives. Is this not a Discipling Sons an Intro calling of the father?! Discipling Sons Getting Started Proverbs 4:1-4 Listening to Dad I asked myself, "What skills, Proverbs 4:5-9 Acquire Wisdom desires and values should my Proverbs 4:10-13 Staying on the Path sons possess to be able to live as a Proverbs 4:14-19 The Two Paths godly man in this crooked and Proverbs 4:20-23 The Springs of Life perverse generation?" I should Proverbs 4:24-27 Body Participation share with you that as a family, we do have regular morning and evening family devotions. Furthermore, with our home schooling curriculum we do teach a good portion of biblical and topical studies. But I know this is not enough. Three things were missing. •

Firstly, I was not being responsible as a father to train up my sons. There are so many biblical teachings instructing Dads to teach their sons. This conviction has been swelling up for years. Scripture Passage

Short Comment

Deuteronomy 6:7 (Also see 11:19) and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. (, NASB).

The instruction of our sons is to be constant and touch upon every area of life. With today's entertainment opportunities and travel, we need to purpose some quiet time together. This is the only way to be diligent to teach them.

Proverbs 1:8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction, And do not forsake your mother's teaching;

The only way they will value our instruction is that we 1) show them the biblical commands that support our words and 2) teach them the practical reasons why

this law is best. 3) Live it before them.

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Proverbs 3:1 My son, do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments; ( NASB).

We are not just talking about instruction as in "do this" or "don't do that." We are talking about fathers actually teaching their sons. Yes, we have many substitute teachers today, but it is the father who is responsible that their sons get the right message. We need a special time for this.

Leviticus 10:11 "... Teach the sons of Israel all the statutes which the LORD has spoken to them through Moses."

We have the example of God teaching the 'sons' of Israel through the Levites. We see the purpose for clergy but realize 'church' time is often inadequate.

1 Timothy 1:1-2 1* Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus according to the commandment of God our Savior, and of Christ Jesus, who is our hope; to Timothy, my true child in the faith: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

Timothy was Paul's spiritual child. 1 & 2 Timothy were where Paul, the spiritual father, instructed Timothy. Notice the attention of needs and the use of scripture to direct him in these books. Remember real discipleship programs are built around the father-son teaching situation and doesn't substitute it.

Secondly, what we were doing with our family in general, would not keep him from much confusion that I experienced. I personally became a Christian when about 12 or 13. Only by God's great grace did I start studying the Bible properly during university days. Those studies revolutionized my life. And honestly, they still do. But I had already picked up so many bad thought patterns and habits that I was trying to put the pieces back together. I didn't want my son to go through this period of confusion. Of course, he had more than I had at that age, but I have seen the hardened preacher son who knows but does not value those teachings. I need to get to his heart. Thirdly, I knew that what we were doing would not bring my son to where he needs to be. I sense what God wants of him. He should be ready at age 16-18 to embark on what God has for him. He doesn't really need university or seminary. Those trainings are expensive and often teach the wrong things. I keep thinking about the three years the disciples spent with Jesus. I need to treat these years as special times of training. Just as I got my sons to work with me on a small wood project the other day, so I need to do this with God's Word.

My oldest son can now read. I realized that he is already 8 years old. He is getting bigger and bigger. He knows the Lord. So what am I waiting for? As a result, I have recently been praying about how to disciple him. God put Proverbs 4 on my heart. And so this is where we have started. Furthermore, I feel a burden to share what I am doing with others. I believe there are many other fathers like me who don't know what they should be doing or how to do it. This is my first son I am training. I am just beginning but if you would like to join in, and see what this practically means, please join in. Just remember, if we don't disciple our sons, who will? We need to put knowledge to action. Perhaps the reason the Lord has waited 18 years for my son to reach this age is because I am so slow in learning from my Heavenly Father's way with me.

Getting Started Points before you start! There are many things that need to be done before starting discipling our sons, but if we do them all perfectly, our sons will be all grown up! It will be too late. My son already can read. This fact in itself Discipling Sons an Intro shook Discipling Sons Getting Started Proverbs 4:1-4 Listening to Dad me up. This means he can read Proverbs 4:5-9 Acquire Wisdom His Bible but probably doesn't Proverbs 4:10-13 Staying on the Path know how to sense God's glory Proverbs 4:14-19 The Two Paths in it. Or if so, he can be easily Proverbs 4:20-23 The Springs of Life distracted and discouraged. Proverbs 4:24-27 Body Participation Daniel, my son, started his own reading the Bible by reading Daniel. But I know he would get lost. He did. He hasn't been reading lately. I don't need these things to compel me to train him. The scriptures are very clear. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4, NASB). I would like to list a number of things that need to be done as one gets ready. Some might seem them trivial, but none should be left out or just assumed. • Preparation Prayer Pray for your son's warm receptivity to spending time alone with him and the Lord. The degree of difficulty doing this will reveal how poorly we have been doing our job

instructing our children. Prayer will throw off the enemy in keeping the time from becoming a confrontation rather than a time of great joy and closeness. • Confess Confess your sins if there is anything between you and your son. It is urgent that these things have to be properly dealt with or resentment will build. Focus on what you might have done to disappoint him, or ways that you have not been a good example. You might start by saying something like this, Son, you know I love the Lord, but I have made some recent mistakes that I would like to clear up with you. I already have found God's forgiveness, but now I need yours. ...... • Share your vision. Share your vision about what you want for him. Tell him about your past, and your struggles with growing up in the Lord. I told Daniel about the lack of my father sharing anything of this sort with me. I also explained how because of this, I went easily astray. Share with him what you would like God to do through your times together. I kept it real short, by the way. I found it much easier to share more during the study itself. • Set a time aside. Plan ahead when to meet. Have him anticipate this time. Don't all of a sudden jump in and command your son to meet with you. But when you set a time, don't forget it!!! Let's do this right. Make it like a work appointment. Serious. Important. • Get Bibles. Each person should be using the same version. Don't complicate things by reading your version, making it difficult to follow along. Our house is littered with different versions. For Christmas, I bought everyone the same version (NASB), a good study Bible, in paperback version. They might not use it a lot, but when we are doing something together like memorizing or reading, we all are working in the same wavelength. • Anticipate God's grace. Expect God's grace to come on the both of you. This is very important. God loves this discipling (Deuteronomy 6). It does not depend on your skills but your sincere dependence on Him to teach you both. Don't have an agenda but a burden. The Spirit of God is your teacher. You might want to refer to "Spirit Dependent Teaching." • Pick a passage. Pick a passage by praying and seeing if God would lay anything special on your heart. The Lord led me to start with Proverbs 4 because it helped set the right tone between the

father and son. It helped explain my vision. Obviously, we should start off with simple passages rather than something like Romans or Hebrews. Let the message be straightforward. • Get Ready Get ready by having a couple of pens and paper or notebook. My son repeated one of our family's poison statements that float through the house, "I don't know how to take notes." I said that is fine. I will take them and show you how. I did. I wrote right in front of him on the desk. He saw what notes were. He saw the usefulness of them. He actually helped me draw a diagram of an ear. • Pray Begin with both of you praying. I asked him to pray, but our children are shy at doing something new. He didn't want to pray. He didn't know what to pray. I told him, but he whimpered. I hardly wanted this to be the main attraction of the study. So I just asked him to repeat after me. (Our family uses this method quite often when we memorize scripture together). Just pray that God will teach both of you. Make the prayer simple. • Close in prayer Always close with prayer. My son had warmed up a lot during the study. We had good sharing over the Word and life. But when we came to closing in prayer, he said he didn't know what to pray. I said that is fine. I took out our notes and pointed at two or three things we could pray for. He picked up on that right away and prayed away. • Good Location Choose a good place to meet. I chose my study because of the big desk, privacy and computer Bible search if needed. You might go outside or meet at a restaurant. But if your environment holds you back from publicly praying, choose another place. I refuse to answer the phone. My son is important. • Study I will share how to study together as we go through each lesson. I have our first six lessons uploaded all from Proverbs 4. The notes are given in detail, more in the first lessons, so that you can get a good handle on how to lead your son to study. Many people, including fathers, have never been discipled or discipled anyone. I will share with you the basic steps. Some of you might not need any more challenge or direction than what has been given above. That is fine. The most important thing is that we disciple our sons as God commanded us. But if you would like to join us in our study, please do! (Thanks to Daniel who didn't mind me putting these notes up to help other fathers.)

Lesson #1 Proverbs 4:1-4 Listening to Dad 'Listening to Dad' describes the first lesson I took my son on in learning how to disciple my son. Below is the basic Bible Study time I had with my son as I remember it. This is only a suggestion. I am sure God will lead you differently at points. But for those who have weak knees, I have been very explicit. Write to me if you have questions.

1) The first thing we did was pray. I have discussed this elsewhere. 2) Then I had him read the text out loud. I would read parts of it later too as we studied together. Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding, For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, Then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; (Proverbs 4:1-4, NASB). 3) We then looked at verses 1-2. I would have him read it again and then I would read it. 1) Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding, 2) For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. (Proverbs 4:1,2, NASB). I asked him what did the passage tell the sons to do in these two verses. As he listed them, I wrote them down and made some comments. Let me share some with you . •

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Verse 1. Why is it that the father is suppose to tell the son what to do rather than the son what the father should do? ( I was trying to have him understand why God gave the authority to the Dads rather than to the sons. We need to explain the why and not just the what.) In his response as to why God did it this way, he said that dads know a lot more than sons. I continued on by sharing how much trouble I got into because my Dad didn't spend time talking to me. I didn't blame my Dad but spoke in the sense that his instruction would really have helped me. My own Dad didn't tell me the problems of lying, stealing or looking at girly magazines. I knew it was wrong but just did it. I could see my son warming up to me and God as he better understood this. So on my notes I wrote the first thing the son is to do.

"Hear, listen to Dad's instructions." •

The second command was in the second line. I asked him, "What was that?" As he answered, I wrote it down.

"Give attention that you may gain understanding." He shared with me a recent event on how his Dad had more experience. He remembered the time I went out to ask a neighbor to turn down the radio. He shared how I (Dad) had experienced many more things. I affirmed that was true and that was a good illustration. I then filled him on some other experiences. 4) Verse 2. I wasn't' getting out my grammar book, but I did notice that in verse two the "for" indicates an explanation. So I asked him "Why?" Why does a son listen to a Dad? What does he say about it in verse 2? He said that there was sound teaching. I knew he didn't know what that was. Part of a good Bible study is defining terms. I explained that sound wasn't something one heard but like a foundation one builds upon. It was solid like a rock. I used the illustration of jumping around in a yard. When one came to jump on a rock, he knew it was firm, hard and trustworthy. That was sound. So I summarized what we have been saying with a simple diagram on my notes.

Father => Son Sound Teaching => Wise Son Sound Teaching => Foolish son

My diagram of an ear hardly looked like an ear at all. I mentioned this and he immediately tried drawing a better one. And then we put an X through it to show that the foolish son didn't listen. 5) Verses 3-4. This was the best part.

I could see from our above discussion that he really caught on to why he should obey. My commands are not just the 10 commandments but whatever I say. This is the way you can take a 46 year old man's experiences and bring that wisdom to a small boy. I used this to introduce what these next verses were saying. I was going to teach him about wisdom and how Solomon got it. When I was a son to my father, Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, Then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; (Proverbs 4:3,4,). Earlier on in verse 1, I asked him who was this father that was speaking. He told me Solomon, which was right. But then I asked him how could he be sure? I turned to Proverbs 1:1 and showed him. That paid off. When I asked him who Solomon's father was mentioned in this verse, he at first didn't know. But then he remembered from 1:1 that it said that Solomon's father was David. We just went on speaking about some of David's great experiences that he probably shared with Solomon. This happened when he was still small. We also talked about being the only son of his mom. I shared with him about the Bathsheba incident and why Solomon was the only son. His older son was taken by the Lord because of David's sin. Solomon meant a lot to him. I didn't plan this ahead so I quickly checked on my free computer Bible program and affirmed this. We found a powerful verse. Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and went in to her and lay with her; and she gave birth to a son, and he named him Solomon. Now the LORD loved him. (2Sa 12:24 ) We see that Solomon was also tenderly loved by the Lord. This was God's amazing grace. It was a perfect time to describe how God is so gracious and good. And that at times wrong is done, God does forgive, and we need to go on. This of course also affirmed that our time together is good and right. But I took one more big step. I wanted to plant before him the vision of gaining wisdom before the Lord. We could have focused on the wisdom that the Lord gave to Solomon (1 Kings 4:29-34), Now God gave Solomon wisdom and very great discernment and breadth of mind, like the sand that is on the seashore. And Solomon's wisdom surpassed the wisdom of all the sons of the east and all the wisdom of Egypt. For he was wiser than all men, than Ethan the Ezrahite, Heman, Calcol and Darda, the sons of Mahol; and his fame was known in all the surrounding nations. He also spoke 3,000 proverbs, and his songs were 1,005. And he spoke of trees, from the cedar that is in Lebanon even to the hyssop that grows on the wall; he spoke also of animals and birds and creeping things and fish. And men came from all peoples to hear the wisdom of Solomon, from all the kings of the earth who had heard of his wisdom. (1 Kings 4:29-34, NASB). But instead we focused on how he got that wisdom (1 Kings 3:4-13). And the king went to Gibeon to sacrifice there, for that was the great high place; Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings on that altar. In Gibeon the LORD appeared

to Solomon in a dream at night; and God said, “Ask what you wish me to give you.” Then Solomon said, “Thou hast shown great lovingkindness to Thy servant David my father, according as he walked before Thee in truth and righteousness and uprightness of heart toward Thee; and Thou hast reserved for him this great lovingkindness, that Thou hast given him a son to sit on his throne, as it is this day. “And now, O LORD my God, Thou hast made Thy servant king in place of my father David, yet I am but a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in. “And Thy servant is in the midst of Thy people which Thou hast chosen, a great people who cannot be numbered or counted for multitude. “So give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Thine?” And it was pleasing in the sight of the Lord that Solomon had asked this thing. And God said to him, “Because you have asked this thing and have not asked for yourself long life, nor have asked riches for yourself, nor have you asked for the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself discernment to understand justice, behold, I have done according to your words. Behold, I have given you a wise and discerning heart, so that there has been no one like you before you, nor shall one like you arise after you. “And I have also given you what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that there will not be any among the kings like you all your days. (1 Kings 3:4-13, NASB). We talked back and forth a bit. He brought up what he knew of this incident where he asked God for wisdom. We both sensed God speaking to us. Wisdom is what we need. 5) Conclusion I closed with writing verse 4 on my notes. Then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; (Proverbs 4:4). I shared how important it was that his heart is changed. That he holds onto my words as Solomon did to David's. 6) We closed in special prayer. 7) Dad's perspective He just soaked up the conclusion in his soul. He knew he wanted to be wise. He knew it came from listening to dad and asking for more wisdom from God. I instantly noticed a deeper intimacy with my son from that day on. I saw the strings of loyalty made stronger. This was a great time the Lord gave to us. In one sense it was just a Bible study, but it was God, my son, and me together. We saw what more God wanted to do in our lives. I closed wondering why we didn't start earlier.

Lesson #2 Proverbs 4:5-9 Acquire Wisdom

'Acquire Wisdom' describes the second lesson I took my son on in these very first times I had discipling my son. Below describes the Bible study time I had with my son as I remember it. This is only a suggestive model. God will lead you differently at points. But for those who are not sure how to go through the scriptures with his son, I have listed the steps in great detail. Write to me if you have questions.

1) Review. We started by seeing if he remembered any key words from the first lesson. He mentioned four key words: father, lesson, son and Solomon. I encouraged him for remembering so well and asked if he memorized any of the verses that week. He didn't (I didn't assign any either. I just wanted to prod him into memorizing on his own). He did, though, on his own start reading Proverbs and showed me what he read. I complimented him. 2) We continued with prayer. He still wanted me to lead him in prayer. This means I would say a line, he would repeat after me. I was glad to do this. 3) Before the lesson, we began to share a little how this week went. I can see how much he wants to talk about things. I am usually very busy; he is too, though. I got a piece of paper out for notes. He said, "Oh, oh." I said, "Don't worry; I'll take the notes." 4) Then I had him read the text, Proverbs 4:5-9. We would read one or two verses at a time later as we got ready to discuss them. Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. “Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. “The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding. “Prize her, and she will exalt you; She will honor you if you embrace her. “She will place on your head a garland of grace; She will present you with a crown of beauty.” (Proverbs 4:5-9, NASB). 5) We continued by focusing on verse 5. He would read just this verse first. 5a) Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! 5b) Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. (Proverbs 4:5, NASB).

We started our discussion by trying to understand the meaning of acquire. I listed some synonyms such as "buy, purchase; get and obtain." I reflected that sometimes we need to exchange our money to obtain some things in life. In this case, though, money didn't seem to help. Later it would discuss how to get this wisdom. We noticed that the words 'wisdom' and 'understanding' were used once before. My son seemingly got off the topic by talking about the sun. He wondered at times whether heaven was located in the sun. He explained how the streets of heaven were gold. I told him that this is the right attitude we are to have when we search for wisdom and understanding. This is the eager spirit of understanding that brings us to understand much of this world. I also mentioned that the sun is not where heaven is. This sun is yellow not golden. Other suns are red. But heaven is a place we can't see yet. We went on noticing that 'Acquire wisdom' was his first command in these verses. Verse 5b mentions a second. We discussed verse 5b more. He said, "Do not forget," and "(do) not turn away." I asked him what was it that was not to be forgotten? He mentioned (from last week) the ten commandments. I expanded on this by having him look specifically at what it said. He read the answer, "my words." We again went back to last week and mentioned that no doubt it included the ten commandments but also many other very specific instructions from the father to the son. The father knows specific instructions that will protect and help the son. I realized that we were moving a bit slow. So I tried to keep moving through the rest of the lesson. 6) We then read verse 6. We saw that there were two main statements, each with a result. ”Do not forsake her ... > she will guard you; Love her ....> she will watch over you. We joked around a bit with the word 'guard.' Wisdom would act like three guards. I mentioned how riding his bike up and down the street and how these three guards would be right beside. He would be well protected which these 'chubby' (son so described) guards with him. However, if we left them home, then they would do him no good. We needed to desire wisdom in order for her to be with us. 7) We read verse 7. The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7). My son after reading this jumped in and excitedly mentioned how this is like we read earlier in verse 1: wisdom and understanding. And then again in verse 4. I took the old

Bible I was using and mentioned how some people like to study the Bible by taking notes in it. I put one line under each time acquire was used starting in verse 1, a double line under understanding and circled wisdom. We could see it all very clearly then. I also mentioned how verse 7 uses the synonym 'get' for acquire. I went off in a quick speech stating how Hebrew poetry often used synonyms like this to emphasize and help memorize. We talked a bit about people who don't want wisdom. Some of them are the kids in our neighborhood. I also took this time to mention a drug bust down the street and how drug pushers often influence younger children. We went into the details about how they do this. 8) I had him read verses 8-9. Prize her, and she will exalt you; She will honor you if you embrace her. “She will place on your head a garland of grace; She will present you with a crown of beauty. (Proverbs 4:8,9). When I quickly read these verses, I saw the pattern. I reviewed it with him and wrote it down on my notes. She will ..... was the pattern. She was of course wisdom. So we observed the four things mentioned. 1) Exalt you if we prize her 2) Honor you if we embrace her 3) Place on your head a garland of grace 4) Present you a crown of beauty I could see he was getting a bit edgy so I quickly concluded here after discussing what a garland was. 9) Conclusion I wanted him to understand how wisdom actually brought these things to a person's life. I mentioned the process. God's knowledge would be passed on through the Dad and then enter his son's mind. When the son prized this wisdom rather than rejecting it, it would control what he would do. This control would result in the making of wise decisions. That wisdom would guard and keep him. I emphasized this by making an illustration about playing with matches. Dad's instructs him not to play with matches. If he was wise, he would accept this. Then a fire would not start by accident. The home would be protected. My son interrupted me by mentioning a time when he saw a box of matches near our neighbor's home. He asked her if she needed them. I used that to follow up just what this verse was speaking of. I went back to the pattern discussed beforehand. God > Dad> Son> Son's decision process

I charted it out on the note paper and mentioned each stage. (Actually I neglected on telling him how God taught me). Dad told him before not to play with matches. This thought went to the son's mind. From there it helped him in his decision making process when he discovered the matches. He knew they were dangerous and shouldn't play around with them so he decided to see if they were his neighbor's. What a beautiful way the Lord ended this lesson. None of it planned by me. 10) We closed in prayer. He said he didn't know what to pray. I took out our notes and pointed to three items he could pray for. After he prayed, I close. One thing he did pray about was for the neighborhood friends that they might want wisdom.

Lesson #3 Proverbs 4:10-13 Staying on the Path 'Staying on the Path' is a basic Bible study time with my son on Proverbs 4:10-13. This is the way I remember it. This is only a suggestive model. I am sure God will lead you differently at points. But for those who have are not sure how to go through the scriptures with his son, I have been very explicit. Write to me if you have questions.

1) Time. Today my son wanted to be short. It was a nice day. I told him that we didn't take too long, only about 15 minutes. Well out he pulls the kitchen timer. He promptly sets it for 15 minutes. I told him we don't go by time but met as long a we needed. And we did just that. After we got into the study, the timer went off and we kept going. I did try to keep it short, but he had all these questions and stories. I was delighted to see how he lost sense of time. 2) Pray We continued each with a short prayer. He just prayed on his own this time not mentioning anything of the past. 3) Review We went over the first two sessions again only picking out the key words in each section. I was being especially terse at first because he was talking about time. I wasn't positive how that reflected in his attitude. 1-4: Hear, sons, instruction, fathers 5-8: Acquire wisdom, understanding, Don't turn away 4) Reading. Then I had him read the text, Proverbs 4:10-13. We would read one or two verses at a time later as we got ready to discuss them.

Hear, my son, and accept my sayings, And the years of your life will be many. I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths. When you walk, your steps will not be impeded; And if you run, you will not stumble. Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. (Proverbs 4:10-13, NASB). 5) We continued by focusing on verse 10. He would read just this verse first. Hear, my son, and accept my sayings, and the years of your life will be many. (Proverbs 4:10). We went over who was talking and who the son was. Solomon was addressing his son. We took a bit of detour here after my son asked who was Solomon's son. I actually had to tell him about Solomon's large harem and many sons. We discussed how early in life Solomon sought God and this is when he wrote this book. But later, he went astray with the many foreign women and their idols. I told him that every man has to continue to follow the Lord or trouble will come about. Solomon was not consistent and therefore was judged. I told him the importance of a dad setting an example. I mentioned that later in life he would see Christian children who were bitter with their parents. I told him more than likely it would be because they saw inconsistency in their parents' lives. He should of course follow the Lord even if I went astray, but I assured him that my heart was to obey the Lord. After this I asked him how might he would live long? I didn't expect him to know the answer, but I did want him to think it through. I had him read Ephesians 6:1-3, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. (Ephesians 6:1-3, NASB). We as a family had memorized these verses. I pointed out to him that these verses also connect the child's obedience with living long on earth. Solomon was encouraging his children to obey the ten commandments. He was personalizing it. We got back to my question. The reason those who obey generally live longer is that they actually go by Dad's rules. He is protected by Dad's rules early on in life. Those that don't listen hurt their bodies and ruin relationships all bringing about an earlier death. My son asked about who lived the longest. I said it was Methusaleh. (Notice how his questions just kept us talking!) He asked me how old he lived? I went on and kept saying 968 but felt it was wrong. He suggested why not look it up on the computer Bible. In 2 seconds we found the verse - 969 years old. He must have lived by his parents' wisdom. 6) We then read verse 11. We talked a bit about the two paths.

I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths. I sketched him a road and tried to connect verse 10 and 11 together. I first drew the road and put the words into the path. I showed him that the parents will help him get ahead on this road. They want to help their children. If the child can listen and cherish this advice, then he will zoom ahead of others in life. I think I asked him, "What happens if he goes off the road?" We joined together in drawing big Xs showing that they would run into all sorts of trouble. Foolish people go off the road and don't think anything is going to happen. We talked together about this. He drew another diagram. 7) We read verse 12. When you walk, your steps will not be impeded; And if you run, you will not stumble. (Proverbs 4:12,). I started talking about how people don't like to stumble. Little boys don't either. We kept looking at the diagram and saw that if one stayed on the main way, then one wouldn't be held back. I illustrated this word 'impeded' in several ways. A person is tied up and can't run. David was impeded in his fight against Goliath with Saul's armor on. He took it off. I mentioned stepping into a big mud puddle in a race and having been held back because of the mud all over his feet and legs. 8) I had him read verse 13. Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. (Proverbs 4:13) Time was going on so I ended the study quickly. If we take hold of instruction, then we would stay on the road. But if not, then we would go off the road and spend most of life trying not to get hurt too bad. We need to guard her. So I jumped into the conclusion, asking him how was he going to guard her. 9) Conclusion There were two main lessons. 1) We were to stay right on the path and obey our parents. 2) If we started to run into trouble during the day, we should immediately ask ourselves, "Did I not obey my parents on some particular matter?" Then straighten out that matter. {Going off the path will lead one into trouble). 10) Prayer. We both prayed. He was much more confident. Afterwards, my son climbed on my lap, and we shared about all sorts of things. He particularly shared how I told him not to go over the hillside down by a nearby street. He asked whether he could, but I told him that he was not allowed. He mentioned how they

wanted to build a tree house there. He also mentioned one time that one of the boys almost fell over the cliff and would have if an older boy didn't grab hold of him. (The cliff is about 40 feet straight down). So my son was reminiscing how God's Word is true and best. Obeying parents is best even if it is not easy at times.

Lesson #4 Proverbs 4:14-19 The Two Paths

The Two Paths is a basic Bible study in Proverbs 4:14-19 I had with my son as I remember it. This is only a suggestive model. I have bee very explicit for those who want to understand how to do things. Write to me if you have questions or suggestions.

1) Time As we started, my son said, "Ah, no. Not today." I started to get discouraged until I remembered two things. •

After each study, we both know that it has been a very special time. Even after our closing prayer and it is 'officially over,' he sits on my lap and we keep talking. The weather is nice, the other kids are playing, but he stays on my lap talking about life with lots of interesting questions.

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For some reason I linked his comment to the difficulty of going to prayer meetings and evangelism. Then it dawned on me. Have you ever noticed it is not easy to go to a prayer meeting? I am always glad that I have attended, but before I go it is hard to actually get there. A sense of confusion and forgetfulness is stirred up (by the evil one no doubt) to such a degree that I forget the positive benefits from prayer. I believe the Lord had me remember this to show me that discipling others is spiritual warfare - even with my son. I did pray earlier for our time that day, but perhaps I was a bit naive in thinking he would not be hindered. I now know that our times together become good training in overcoming this 'spiritual inertia' that we all face.

2) Review We went over the first three sessions. We very quickly mentioned the key words for each of the prior sections. 1-4: Hear,understanding, fathers, sons 5-8: Acquire wisdom, get understanding, Don't forget 9-13: Hear, son, wisdom, accept, don't let go

3) Pray I had him start praying. He protested that he needed help, but I reminded how well he did last time. He then said a good short prayer. I followed. 4) Reading the text He is getting used to the routine. He just automatically started reading the text, Proverbs 4:10-17. Later we extended the study to 4:19 for two reasons. 1) We covered the material quickly and 2) the path of the righteous was presented in verse 18 as the preferred choice of life. Since it was presented in this way, we should study it that way. Do not enter the path of the wicked, And do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they do evil; And they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness, And drink the wine of violence. But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day. The way of the wicked is like darkness; They do not know over what they stumble. (Proverbs 4:14-19, NASB).. 5) Verses 14-15 I asked him what are the commands listed in verses 14-15. We worked on discovering them together. He was more busy spotting theme; I was busy writing them down. We found four of them. • •

#1: Do not enter the path of the wicked, #2: Do not proceed in the way of evil men. We initially just looked at the first two commands in verse 14. We found the comparisons between these two commands. He caught on real quick.

I told him that the psalmist did this because it is easier to remember, and it is a point needing emphasis. At this point I drew two paths. My son promptly added the special features to my simply diagram – the end results: hell fire and heaven. • •

#3: Avoid it, do not pass by it; #4: Turn away from it and pass on

We did not talk much aside from the diagram. We did speak on the fact that if one see wicked deeds being done by your friends, then it shows they are wicked. We are to avoid that path way.

I decided with his agreement that we do verses 18 and 19 too because it is all one section. 6) Path of righteous (18) But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day. (Proverbs 4:18, NASB). I had to explain this verse a couple of times. He caught on to the main meaning of the deeds of the righteous being bright like light right away but was vague on some terms. I explained the concept of dawn to him and how the light got brighter and brighter. He kept wanting to say the end of the day. I told him that it only got lighter until high noon then it would start getting darker. This speaks only of the getting brighter part. 7) Path of wicked (19) The way of the wicked is like darkness; They do not know over what they stumble. (Proverbs 4:19, NASB). Again I shared that see the pathway of the wicked. It is pictured as darkness and stumbling. We closed by speaking about violence. On of the neighbors up the street has been bullying others around. We spoke about this. He told me how that boy took revenge when some girls didn't give him a turn on the public trampoline. The wicked just have to keep doing evil. They can't sleep without doing it. 8) We both closed in prayer. 9) Other important matters On my lap he discussed how he and his sister saved two chipmunks from Neil the cat. He also mentioned how some child neighbor tried to assert that the cat was theirs, but my son corrected him by saying this and that fact.

Lesson #5 Proverbs 4:20-23 Springs of Life This Father-Son Discipling session uses Proverbs 4:20-23 as a basis for a Bible Study time with my son as I remember it. This is only a suggestive model. I have been very explicit for those who want to understand how to do things. Write to me if you have questions or suggestions.

1) Time I called my son for our time together. He started to come but then stalled. After I called again, he played out

some silly 'we don't have to meet' scene. I insisted we still should meet. He came. He is sensitive, and I was trying to avoid a bad scene that would discolor our time together. After I mentioned that we were almost done with chapter 4 here, he said, "Good, then we don't have to meet together anymore." This gave me a great opportunity to teach what I learned last week. The fact is that during and after each class he likes to talk. But I still face initial reluctance or shyness. He is probably testing me on how much I really want to do it. Though, I also believe this hesiation is provoked through the distractions of the evil one. I might get discouraged, but I remind myself the same problem hits me when I go to a prayer meeting. I told my son how this is training time. When we have something good to do, we will often meet up with "I don't want to" or "I'm busy" feelings. We are not to pay attention to our feelings at that point but to do what is right. He said that he did like meeting with me. I also told him that I wanted to regularly meet him as long as I could (I meant until he grew up and left the house). Later I would show him the difference of our time together in 4:23. 2) Review We did very little review. We mostly talked a tiny bit about last week's two paths. I asked him whether he thought he was staying on the good path. I also reviewed what this good path was like. 3) Reading the text I had him read the four verses. 20 My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. 21 Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart. 22 For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their whole body. 23 Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. (Proverbs 4:20-23, NASB). 4) Pray We prayed. He opened with a short prayer. I followed. 5) Verse 20 I had him first note the way 'son' was used in this chapter. We noted the word 'son' is used in 4:1, 10, and 20. Verse 1 was the plural 'sons' while otherwise it was in singular form with the more personal 'my son.' We then discussed how he is again focusing on the previous themes 'give attention' and 'incline.' Afterwards, I started drawing a picture of a dad. It looked pretty sad. He promptly grabbed the pen and drew his better looking dad. I explained how the dad communicated to his son. From verse 20 I had him tell me the two things that were communicated. He answered 'words' and 'sayings.' Probably both were spoken rather than written. He drew a son at my request. My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. (20 ) I drew an arrow heading going down from the dad to the son which stood for the wisdom being passed on. I also drew an arrow from the son to the dad. This showed the actual attention the son was giving to his dad. I explained that the dad was passing wisdom on to the son so the son would be able to have the Dad's wisdom. He then, at my request, drew a baby. This shows how the son would pass this wisdom on to other people including any children he might have. I asked him why did the author keep saying this 'acquire wisdom' or 'listen to dad' speech over and over? I helped him to answer by explaining that a child often doesn't listen well. A parent needs to say it over and over again. I pointed out a few times during the week where he didn't pay close attention. One time was

when his mom was talking to him, but because he was not being attentive, a problem developed. He lost computer privileges for a while. 6) Verse 21 I first reread the verse. Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart. (21) I shared how it doesn't do any good to gain wisdom but not keep it. I asked him where was he to keep this wisdom. The verse mentioned two places. As he looked and told me, I drew a picture of each - eyes and a heart. I needed to explain about the heart. This is a key word in this section. The heart is not the organ. We talked about the heart's role in pumping oxygen and nutrition to all the parts of the body. It has a big role. If it breaks down, then the whole body freezes up and dies. The spiritual heart is not the physical heart. We did discuss this more in verse 23 but for now I just mentioned the heart as the chief source of ones desires. It is what we want to do. 8) Verse 22 For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their whole body. I asked him if he remembered what the 'for' meant. We had discussed this earlier in verse 2 and 17. 'For' explains the reason for something. Here in this verse it was explaining the result of keeping wisdom in our sight and in our heart. So I asked him the two results. He spotted them. (You should note that I give him easy assignments and help him more when I sense he can't quite find the answer such as in explaining the purpose for 'for.') He found the two reasons: life and health. I wrote these two words on the note page and explained each. We had talked about life before but health was a new result. I shared how so many people had health problems because of sin. They don't eat wisely, they are anxious and worried, they fear things, sexual sins, drugs, etc. From here I went back to our former diagram with the dad and the son. I explained that if the dad passed on wisdom to the son and the son responded by keeping it, then he would have life and health. Life would be the greatest for him. However, next to the other diagram, I showed that there were two possible problems. I drew a very simple dad (no hair) and a simply son underneath. I showed him that sometimes dads don't pass wisdom on to their sons. My dad, I explained, was so quiet. He didn't talk to me about the most important things of life. He often wasn't around. Because of this I faced a lot of extra problems in life. I tried to emphasize the importance of our time together so that I can pass on these important insights into his life so that he will be wise, healthy and full of life. There was a second problem. This is where the dad passes on the wisdom to the son, but the son doesn't keep it. This also is the big problem that was mentioned in verse 21. The son is inattentive. He doesn't keep the commandments right before him. So I told him it is so important to read God's Word and pray each day. I asked him whether he was doing this, and he said he was. I asked him what he read this morning, and he told me Proverbs 6. I highly encouraged him for this. This daily reading is the way to keep God, our Heavenly Father's wisdom, right before our eyes. To follow through our diagram, I showed what would happen if this wisdom was not being taught by dad or that the son was not keeping it in his heart. Actually, I asked him to draw what that person might look like. He drew a sad face with tears.

9) Verse 23 Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. I read this passage and pointed out this word 'heart' again. I asked him what he was suppose to do with his heart. He said watch over it with diligence. I mentioned this was not speaking of the organ heart but the soul heart - our chief love. I took this opportunity to share a basic discipleship concept. By keeping our heart it means that we are to keep our chief desires on loving God and His Word. I asked him what he loved the most. He said God and His word. I said that was great. I knew some of his difficult times during the past weeks and mentioned one. I asked him about the time I asked him to pick up stray paper along the sidewalk. I first asked if he knew what I expected when I asked him to pick up the paper. He said he did. So I asked him whether this meant I wanted him to pick up some litter or all of it. He knew I meant all the litter and said so. I know one time he didn't do a good job. So I said if your heart was being kept with all diligence, then he would do all that I asked. So I pointed out that even though he says he loves God and God's Word, he sometimes chooses not to follow his heart. He did not keep his heart that time. I drew a pathway showing how if he was being motivated by loving God, then he would pick up all the trash. The wisdom to listen to his dad's words would direct his path. Afterwards he would go off and play. Underneath, I drew another pathway of the self-heart. That heart doesn't like God. It is called the flesh. It will say, "Don't pick up the stuff. It doesn't matter." Or just pick up a little so when dad asks you whether you picked it up, then you can tell him youdid. But basically the self-heart just wants to play and was not listen to the wise words from dad or the Bible. The flesh encourages him not to listen to Dad's words. ( I used this concept to summarize the whole lesson). I told him that if he ever listens to the flesh, it will always go counter to what God wants. I closed with drawing another circle on the bottom of the note page. Inside I wrote the word 'lake'. I showed him that from this lake the springs (tiny rivers) would flow. The lake was like the heart. I told him if the lake had good fresh water like God's wisdom, the person that used the spring would drink fresh water and be healthy. But I asked him what would happen if there were some things by the lake that got into it that were not good. I asked him what might make the water unsuitable to drink. He mentioned a few pollutants. Then I asked what would happen to the person down the river that drank from that riber. He would get sick and die. He got the point that keeping the springs of life meant keeping a pure heart by reading God's Word and praying. 10) We both closed in prayer. We both prayed and closed. He prayed super short. I then reminded him that he needed to pray about the lesson and then did so. I then closed. 9) Other important matters He climbed on my lap and talked about different matters, though not as long as usual.

Lesson #6 Proverbs 4:24-27 Body Participation

Father-Son Discipling here uses Proverbs 4:24-27 as a basic Bible study I had with my son as I remember it. This is only a suggestive model. I have been very explicit for those who want to understand how to do things. Write to me if you have questions or suggestions.

1) Time Every time we start something unexpected happens. This time when he came into my study, I told him to sit down so we could start. He asked me, "Where, Daddy?" I told him in the chair as usual. But he nicely protested, "But the chair isn't here!" While turning around, I said, "What do you mean?!" The chair was gone. Evidently we had a chair swiper. I told him to get it. He protested he didn't put it anywhere. There must have been an accomplist! I asked if it was in their room. I remember hearing the boy's closet door close a few minutes before. I went into their room and discovered the chair in secret. What fun! This poignantly reminds me that a Bible Study is the growing of a personal relationship. In a sense he tests me how much I really love him. We got the chair, put it in place, and promptly started. 2) Review We did very little review. I shared with him that this was the last section in chapter 4. He said, "Good that means that we are done." I intercepted him and reminded as before that this is something that we will keep doing but in different places. He seemed content with this. 3) Reading the text (Proverbs 4:24-27, NASB). I started reading the four verses without me asking. 24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put devious lips far from you. 25 Let your eyes look directly ahead, And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. 26 Watch the path of your feet, And all your ways will be established. 27 Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil. . 4) Pray We prayed. He opened with a good but short prayer; I followed.

5) Verse 24 I was going to start by discussing the two words: deceitful and devious but delayed it to later. I instead caught myself noticing something more significant to focus on. I realized that verse 24, 25, 26-27 each spoke about a different part of the body needing special control. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put devious lips far from you. (24) I asked him what part of body was mentioned in verse 24. He mentioned lips. I spotted mouth. As I started drawing one, he took the pen and drew one. They of course work together. Wisdom only helps if we make our bodies do what they are suppose to. In this case, I explained, that our thoughts are expressed through what we say. We can say good thoughts or bad thoughts. If we put scripture in our minds, then we will more than likely speak forth good things. I took this opportunity and asked how his Bible reading (devotions) was doing. He mentioned good. I asked what he read today. He said Psalm 7 (I think). 6) Verse 25 He read this verse after I asked him. Let your eyes look directly ahead, And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. (25) As above, I asked what body part is mentioned here. He mentioned eyes. I asked him if he knew what 'gaze' meant. He didn't so I explained and showed him what it was by staring at something. We talked about some specific issues. I frankly told him that lots of men have trouble controlling their eyes. He needed to control his eyes now or he would too have a big problem later. We talked a bit about looking straight ahead. Usually, the things on the side of the road distract us. At first, we would not have thought about doing anything. But then, once we see a sign or a sleazy girl, then we start thinking about things that were not on our minds earlier. The eyes were opposite than the mouth. The mouth expressed what was on our mind. The eyes, however, bring suggestions and thoughts into our minds. The two pair up and make us want all the things we don't need. The eyes make us want it, and the mouth help us get it. We talked about a boisterous billboard coming home from church. It was terribly placed! Even looking straight ahead, one still would see it. Then I said, one almost needs to keep his eyes right on the road. I mentioned how ads direct our desires. If not careful, they rule us and tell us what to do. We also got into the computer screen. He is so easily fixed to any visual screen whether it be TV, video or computer. We already greatly reduce his time. He only has 20 minutes a day on computer (except Sunday - none). But I know he needed to know why we limited him. So I explained how we train his eye control by our

rules. I told him how many terrible emails I get each day. Each one leads down a dangerous path. He needs perfect control of his eyes. 8) Verse 26-27 Watch the path of your feet, And all your ways will be established. (26) Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil. (27) I asked what body part was spoken in these last two verses. (If he was older a bit, I could have asked him from the beginning to tell me all the body parts mentioned in these verses). After he found foot, he began to draw a foot. It didn't look quite right so he called it an alien foot. Later I mentioned how I had made web pages for these Proverb studies and the reason why. I wanted other Dad's to know how to help their sons. I asked him if he thought it was good that I do this. He thought it would. I asked if he wanted to see them. He did. So I quickly went to the computer screen and showed him the web pages. He was naturally more interested in the pictures. He wanted to see this alien foot on this page. We saw that it spoke about path again. I remember the word 'path' was used several times in Proverbs 4. Path has a lot to do with feet. Our feet take us where we will speak to others or see things. I showed him how to scan a page for the word 'path.' I took a pencil and kept it just above the page and zigzagged back and forth and had him search quickly for the word 'path.' He found one. I then went back over one section that had two more. He found another. The third one kept hidden so I focused in on the place that the third one was found. We discovered all four times it was used. 11 ... I have led you in upright paths. 14 Do not enter the path of the wicked... 18 But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn... 26 Watch the path of your feet... It was so important to go where Daddy and Mommy tells you. This is the wisdom that he talks about. If you obey them, then your are wise and are specially protected. I closed by asking him what it means to have ones ways 'established.' He didn't know what the word meant. I explained it was like starting something. Once started it was still there. Where you go determines the welfare of his life. This is why he needs (me too) to always go in the right places. We close by a few comments on areas that he specifically needs to work on. He needs to be diligence so not to be lazy and truthful so not to lie or deceive. 10) We both closed in prayer. Before we prayed, he climbed over into my lap - just barely fitting. He just started

praying and prayed quite specifically and confidently. I was encouraged by his prayers. I closed afterwards. 9) Other important matters We talked a bit more about different things and then he was off. Proverbs 4 is over. He suggested maybe Proverbs 5 next week. That is good I agreed but it gets into husband-wife relationships a bit more than I feel comfortable at this stage However, I thought, he needs to be fortified with the truth. Onwards we go.