Why Dogs...

Essay on how they became. WHY DOGS NEVER LAUGH. Unlike a circle, all alliances have a beginning and end, even the strongest or most lasting. Dogs may truly be man's best friend but that wasn't always so. If you are curious about how that intense and mutually gratifying affection between man and dog began, this is the explanation. Although I wasn't there to witness that first discovery of reciprocal need, I have concluded what had to have taken place, based on overwhelming logic and observation of their diverse personalities. Early caveman feared the curious dog predecessor which circled his campfire, hungrily drawn there by the smell of fresh killed meat. Fido then looked more like hyenas of today and they were possessors of the capacity to

laugh. Not giggle or snicker but to laugh loud and sarcastically. That antagonistic affront to early man's dignity would have provoked him to fire off a bone at his circling tormentor. The laughter ceased as the animal happily seized the bone, beginning the symbiotic relationship which has evolved into a perpetual love affair between two animals that need each other and also explains why Dogs don't laugh at man, even when he deserves it. If Dogs ever regain their ability to put down their master, laughing like their uncivilized cousin, the hyena, that long and wondrous relationship will come to an end. WHY DOGS WILL NOT TALK Dogs, going more than halfway, in their partnership with man, learned to adapt indulgently to all man's

peculiarities. For a while they even surrendered silence to oblige man's guttural attempts to express each of his emotions with aparticular sound. This early barking and growling served man and dog very welluntil there was argument over who gave who fleas. Man, whohad fingers and could point, won the argument, and dogs no longer cared to argue, dropping their progression in languageand that quarrelsome aspect that forces guilty man to alwayspoint at someone else. My dog can neither read or write But edits my rhyme to give it bite I read him each line and raised leg or whine helps me be most erudite WHY DOGS WAG THEIR TAILS Long ago, when man still lived in trees, cats were big as small cows and had

teeth, long as large carrots. Dogs were very small and timid, and were the favorite food of thoseferocious cats. Because their fangs were so large, cats couldn't fully close their mouth. Any animal that has theirmouth constantly open ingests great quantities of dust, bugsand other miscellaneous garbage. Wide-open-mouthed creatures,are plagued with allergies, colds, hayfever and tickledtonsils which cause them to sneeze violently and for longperiods of time. Then as now, cats were crafty hunters, skilled at sneaking upon their prey. Because it was slight challenge for them tocatch their intended dinner, cats have always engaged inrelease and recapture tactics not intended to torment, butto increase the challenge of capture. Had this not been so,cats would still be giant, sabre-toothed monsters and wewouldn't have any dogs at all.

Because those small dogs hopped along erect, like kangaroos,they needed long tails to keep from tipping over on their nose. Those dogs that tried to escape cats were all caughtand ate. Dogs, being smarter than cats, developed a strategy which allowed some of them to survive. They would stop, turnand face their predator, while humbly kneeling with theirtail sweeping back and forth. This maneuver never failed togenerate enough insects, germs or dust to cause the cat with shorter noses and open mouths, great paroxysms of sneezing.Dogs survived, grew larger, learned to run on four feet andgenerally prospered but they never forgot to wag their tails.And they have never forgotten their enmity with cats! WHY DOGS PRETEND TO BE DUMB Animal Psychologists are unanimous in

their mistaken belief that Dogs are incapable of thought. This misconception hasbeen created by the continuing machinations of the canineworld who can not only think but plan, plot and scheme. Their apparent subjugation and domestication is but a ruse,part of a long term plan to teach humans to love, other thanthemselves.

WHY DOGS CIRCLE BEFORE SLEEPING Before Dogs became the best friend of man, they lived alonein the wilds. They avoided man because of man's proclivity toeat any other animal that they could catch. When ever dogsbecame aware they were being hunted, they would confuse theirpursuer with false signs. Pursuers only pursue when they feelthey

have the advantage, being stronger or bigger so the mosteffective dissuader was to indicate their size as being muchlarger, than the pursuing hunter cared to could deal with.This was how the trampling down of a large area for theirbed began. (The pursuing tracker was to be itimidated by themassive size of a dog's bedding down imprint.) This ploy wasso successful at enabling dogs to evade their enemies, thatdogs healthfully survive and most foes of dogs have abandonedtheir pursuit, however dogs still circle before resting.  This now traditional habit, has evolved into variations suchas dogs chasing their tails and their quick adaptation totricks like roll-overs and dogs dancing in circles on theirhind legs. Our use of the term tailing is one offspring ofdogs chasing of their tails, and the scientific proof of mytheory!

WHY DOGS HAVE SPOTS INSTEAD OF STRIPES

None of God's creatures have recollections of their existencebefore birth, which does not disprove pre-birth awareness. Do you believe a merciful creator would send his treasured creations out into a cruel adversarial world without a peptalk or a preview of the game plan? Have you ever heard a dog called Stripe? God Warned themthat they had the greatest numerical possibility of beingcalled Spot, which would be a stupid appelation unless the namee had at least one spot, they accomodated man by choosingspots on their pre-natal paint job.

WHY DOGS HAVE WHISKERS