Wholly Book Of Cliches And Cabbages

The Wholly Book of Clichés & Cabbages By Prince Mu-Chao

A Discordian RPG based on the RISUS System

The Wholly Book of Clichés & Cabbages by Prince Mu-Chao Introduction (You call these) Rules Clichés Adventures Appendectomy A: Reference Material Appendectomy B: Summary of Risus Appendectomy C: Optional Rules Appendectomy D: Magix Twix Appendectomy E: Thanks Version 1.1 INTRODUCTION Discordia is a loose disorganization of Eris Freaks. A better definition is impossible. If you are unfamiliar with Discordia, please read The Principia Discordia before attempting to embark upon these misadventures. Other possible sources for information regarding Discordianism itself are listed in Appendectomy A at the end of this book. If, on the other hand, you are reading this because you are a Discordian and are unfamiliar with RISUS, please visit the RISUS Website at Cumberland Games: http://www222.pair.com/sjohn/risus.htm, or read Appendectomy B: Our Summary of RISUS before continuing.

YOU CALL THESE RULES? All rules in this supplement (and in reality, for that matter) are subject to change by any Meta-Technician. All rules remain as outlined in RISUS, with the following changes: All known "Optional Rules" for Risus are fully available BUT keep in mind that RISUS is a very simplified system for a reason - to cut out all of the tracking and rolling that inhibits roll-playing. On one level this is good - it frees the characters and GM to do what they want and not have to keep track of things and roll dice every time something comes up. On the other hand, Discordians sometimes find enjoyment in complexity. Pick and choose the optional rules that work for your group (or mood). It is not out of the question for some people in the group to play with optional rules in effect while others do not. All known rules ever introduced to the game by Meta-Technicians are still in effect. Players should attempt to choose clichés that they will be able to roleplay. For example, if you are unfamiliar with Conspiracy Theories, you should not choose "Paranoid" as a cliché, or it you do, research it a bit in real life. Every player automatically gets the cliché "Pope" (since every man, woman and child is a Pope). A Pope's chief weapon is surprise... Surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Their two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency... Their three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to Eris... Their four... no... Amongst their weapons... Hmf... Amongst their weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... and nice red uniforms. Well, you get the general idea. Optional Rules specific to this Discordian Supplement may be found in Appendectomy C: Optional Rules.

SOME DISCORDIAN CLICHÉS Absurdist Sometimes referred to as a "Rutabaga Discordian", this cliché applies to such abilities as Absurdity, Random Output, ChaoSpeak, Confusion and Being Irritating. Tools of the Absurdist can include Computer With USENET Access, Mondo-Creation and Implementation, A Pocket Dictionary, Jellybeans, and "FNORD!" T-shirts. Examples of Absurdist Discordians are widely available at Alt.Discordia. Anarchist Anarchy is deeply ingrained within Discordia, and most Discordians are somewhat anarchic automatically. This cliché refers to those who are pipe-bomb making, Molotov-cocktail throwing, anarchist cookbook-writing wackos. Think of them as MacGyvers on Crack (or Tyler Durden, I guess). Very often, Discordian Anarchists are the only Discordians that bother to be politically active and actually show up for protests (and get beaten and arrested). They are usually pretty resilient in a fight. Tools of the Anarchist include: a bunch of little things that, when assembled correctly, cause destruction and chaos (or make soap). Tyler Durden, Brad Pitt's character in Fight Club, is the best example of an Anarchist Discordian. Chaos Majix-er A Discordian Chaos Majix-er is the same as a typical, every day Chaos Mage, but with an even higher developed sense of humor and preposterousness. Some examples of Majix Twix are included in this document as Appendectomy D: Magix Twix. Tools of the trade to be determined by need. Example: Imagine Peter Carrol or Austin Osman Spare performing the Turkey Curse. Chaosopher A Chaosopher is a Discordian philosopher. They should be versed in semantics, religious philosophy, science, and general philosophy. They probably also have a better-than-average understanding of mathematical principles. The Chaosopher's only tools are internal, aside from the probability of a huge home library. Examples of Chaosophers may be found among most of the more intelligent members of Discordia.

Chauthor Chauthors (pronounced Kay-ow-thers) are skilled Discordian propaganda writers. They are especially apt at vaguely disturbing scrawls and shaggy-dog stories, but in a pinch they can write other things such as fake news, inflammatory articles and Jake letters. The tools of a Chauthor are primarily internal and the only thing they are likely to have on them that other clichés do not provide is a pen and a notebook. Examples of Chauthors include Robert Anton Wilson and R.U. Sirius. Game Master A Discordian Game Master is a Discordian who is extremely knowledgeable and proficient at Discordian Games. Although there is no single complete list of known Discordian Games and their attributes, many may be found here on 23AE. A Game Master would be able to beat a non-Game Master at a game of Sink, hands down. He could probably even sink Cthulu. The great thing about this cliché is that many Discordians think LIFE ITSELF IS A GAME. Do with it what you will. The tools of a Discordian Game Master vary widely. Hacker A Discordian Hacker has the abilities of the pulp hacker, but utililizes them much differently. Instead of putting up a hack page, for example, a Discordian Hacker would change little bits of information or plant things that would lay undetected for a long time. They are much like a Discordian Mindfucker, and may in fact BE a Mindfucker as well, but their preferred method involves hacking/phreaking to mindfuck. Tools of the Discordian Hacker can include a laptop, servers, lots of IP addresses, usernames, passwords... Example: Adrian Lamo (http://www.securityfocus.com/news/254) Idealistic Acolyte This person is a perpetual student who doesn't actually know anything, but has a wealth of esoteric/trivial knowledge about completely unrelated and sometimes surprising things, and a canny ability to relate unrelated things (but not believe a word of it, even if they made the relation themselves). They are in between majors, in between religions, and in between political parties. They are out of place but strive for self actualization because it sounded good in

psych class. They want to improve everything but are completely dumbfounded due to the wide variety of mediocre choices. Abilities can include the knowledge mentioned above and multiple connections in underground scenes (ravers, dealers, weirdos, hackers/phreakers, and such). The key to this cliché would be that this person would be smart, knowledgeable and crafty, able to come up with data and plans as needed, but would have no faith that the data was correct or that the plans had a chance in hell of working. Their tools would probably include an address book and cell phone. Mad Tinkerist A Discordian Mad Tinkerist enjoys taking things apart and sometimes even putting them back together (likely in a bizarre fashion, though). Many Mad Tinkerists design and build machines which serve questionable purposes. The machines may turn out to help in some sort of way, but don't count on it... they are just as likely to blow up (or feed the cat... who knows?). This cliché is run a bit differently than the others. For disassembly and reassembly of any complex item, roll as you normally would against a cliché. For inventions, however, a higher cliché number merely means that the invention is that much more complexly assembled than those of a lower cliché number - it speaks nothing to the success of the invention (at least not in the way it was meant to succeed). The tools of the Mad Tinkerist include everything they can get their hands on, because they KNOW it will come in useful SOMEDAY. Examples: Rube Goldberg, Red Green, Wile E. Coyote. Mindfucker All Discordians have a degree of ability in mindfucking, but Mindfuckers are the elite Discordians that drive Operation Mindfuck. Mindfuckers are likely to be slick and smooth - perfect shoplifters, they instead (or additionally) use their abilities to tweak normality in such a way as to cause astonishment and hopefully enlightenment of the cabbages. The tools of a Mindfucker vary depending upon their favorite mindfucks, but most will have weird stickers, markers, small disguise kits, and/or fake ID on them. Examples of Discordian Mindfuckers are Hagbard Celine and Markoff Chaney in the Illuminatus! Trilogy, and the Billboard Liberation Front.

Meta-Technician Meta-Technicians are aware that they are merely fictional characters in a role-playing game created for the mere entertainment of "the Gods". With successful rolls, they are able to change the rules of the game, or even the reality they are faced with within the game. MetaTechician points cost double what other points cost. If an odd number of points is applied to the Meta-Technician cliché, record as .5 and round up for purposes of dice rolling. There are no tools associated with a Meta-Technician. Examples of Meta-Technicians include anyone who realizes that they are part of a role-playing game that Eris is playing with Eric, Coyote and Loki. Paranoid Paranoid Discordians are the masters of Occult Knowledge and Conspiracy Theory. They usually twitch a bit and sometimes dress like history professors. Their talent lies in making connections between unrelated bits of data. They will quickly sniff out a conspiracy, even (especially) if there isn't one there. Tools of the trade include charting software and lots and lots of meaningless scraps of information on post-it notes. An example of a Paranoid Discordian would be a cross between Mulder of X-Files and Robert Anton Wilson. Pope (Free!) Every person in the world has the cliché of Pope(1). All players (i.e. Discordians) get the free cliché of Pope(2) due to the fact that they KNOW they have the cliché, while most others do not. After the initial free points, the rest of the Pope points must be purchased as other clichés are. The points represent the degree of understanding one has of what the title of Pope MEANS and what it enables one to do. These details of what the Pope cliché is good for will not be revealed here. Consult your pineal gland for usage. Sex Kitten/Hunk/Slut A Discordian Sex Kitten/Hunk/Slut (pick the name that best suits) is a sex maniac. The character with this cliché can be either male or female; straight, gay or bi (most likely bi, if for no other reason than to increase their options). Not any old sex manic, the Discordian Sex Kitten/Hunk/Slut has a certain enthusiasm and naturalness to their obsession. They enjoy sexual situations and bare bodies and just can't understand why other people have hang-ups about these

things. Their main abilities are seduction and loss of self to hedonism. Fetishes are optional. Their tools include the obvious paraphernalia, leather and studs optional. Examples include most Discordians (at least in their minds). SubGenius Discordian SubGenii are usually not as intelligent as other Discordians and tend to be a bit more propheteering than others. Their major ability is the unceasing rant and the abilities that go along with it - such as salesmanship and televangelism. When multiple Subgenii congregate, they tend to take off their clothes, even if they are in public. They will always have a pipe with them. Examples of SubGenius' are much too easy to come by (try alt.slack). Trickster A Trickster is much like a Mindfucker, but the Trickster performs their feats of Trickiness for absolutely no reason but their own joy and happiness. This extends the Trickster's realm from mindfucking in order to illuminate, to screwing with people for any reason - or no reason at all. It opens more doors of possibility for situations in which the cliché will be useful, but is in general a more base and animalistic specialty. Also, the Trickster is usually a bit sloppy and doesn't have the finesse a Mindfucker does. The Trickster "Jakes", while the Mindfucker "Mindfucks". Tricksters cannot restrain themselves and will "attack" other Discordians just as likely as Cabbage. Examples of Discordian Tricksters: Ol' Man Coyote, Jakers, or "Trickster" in the movie Brainscan. Other Clichés Of course, as in any RISUS game, you may make up whatever clichés you like for your characters. If you develop an original Discordian Cliché or think of any important facets of these clichés that I left out, please let me know and I will include it with these. Before sending, please be sure that it is not covered by one of the others.

POSSIBLE ADVENTURES RPGs Destroy The Mind This is the best way to play Discordia - incorporate real life into the role-playing game and vice versa. If this path is to be taken, characters should be modeled closely after the person playing the character. Some elements, especially those difficult to duplicate in apparently-real life, should be roleplayed. Other elements, such as Jakes, Mindfucks, research, clue-hunting, puzzling out puzzles, writings, flyers, etc should be done in real life. The possibilities for this type of game are endless and can begin to warp the player's minds if the GM is witty enough. "Clues" could be made to be a major part of the campaign - and if you can sneak clues into a player's workplace or home, true paranoia will begin to set in and they will look for clues EVERYWHERE. The possibilities of this type of game are endless and infinitely amusing. This idea was originally put forth in the famous Discordian Game LARP Solitaire. Discordia in the Multiverse The Multiverse is open to your enjoyment. Think of the riotous laughs and general good times your characters could have with such superstars as Coyote, Loki, Shiva, Kali, Eric, even Eris Herself and all those other Wacky Gods you can think of (or make up) as they battle Aneris, party at Castle Chaos, and generally screw up the Multiverse. For more information on the Multiverse and a description of Castle Chaos, check out CastleChaos.com or the Babylon Project, but don't let that restrict you. Make up your own! Discordia vs. The Government Five years in the future, Discordia is underground. Due to an innocent, misleading clue found at a Major Crime Scene, The Authorities have declared Discordia to be a Dangerous Cult. Everyone is now aware of Discordia and this is NOT A GOOD THING! All Discordian cabals that still exist are underground and several discordians are on the run. A special government department has been created called the Agency of Cult Awareness. When the ACA began, it was chiefly responsible for cataloging cults and escalating information about those it deemed dangerous to the Agency responsible for “keeping them in line”, but they acquired a strong leader and their powers slowly grew...

Discordia vs. The Illuminati The Discordians fight The Conspiracy in all of its forms. I would suggest the GM read the Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson for ideas about how to approach a campaign like this. Wandering Around Screwing Things Up Another recommendation is for the GM to have a starting point in mind and just let the players wander around and show off their wit, changing signs, passing out flyers, putting acid in evian bottles... and generally screwing around. The GM will have to stay on top of the situation, of course, and be able to move along the story when things begin to sag with a new NPC or opportunity. No Boundaries There is absolutely no reason why all of these (as well as many of your own) cannot be incorporated into the same game...

APPENDECTOMY A. Reference Material: 00001. RISUS RISUS: http://www222.pair.com/sjohn/risus.htm Illuminati for RISUS: http://www.angelfire.com/rpg/flamingskies/RIlluminati.html 00002. Discordia The Principia Discordia Hundreds of Discordian Webpages: www.23ae.com/links.asp The Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson Your Pineal Gland

APPENDECTOMY B. Summary of Risus This summary merely summarizes, as many summaries do. You will not be able to play the game until you read the rulebook located at http://www222.pair.com/sjohn/risus.htm (free!). This was included merely so you would have some inkling about what the hell we are talking about in this Book before reading the RISUS Rules. The key to RISUS is its scalability. It can be used for a campaign or a night of goofiness with virtually no preparation - the characters take about a minute to create. Instead of having abilities (like Speed or Intelligence) you choose quot;clichés". You have, say, 10 points to apply to as many clichés as you want. You might put four points toward one (so you are really good at that), two points toward another, and one point toward four others. You can have up to six dice per cliché, more if you are god-classed. Each point represents one 6-sided die. Therefore, if you have 3 points in one specific cliché, whenever you try to use that cliché in the game and the GM requires it, you roll three dice to try to accomplish the task. Target numbers follow this scale: 5: A cinch. A snap. A challenge for a Schmuck. Routine for a pro. 10: A challenge for a Professional. 15: An Heroic challenge. For really inventive or tricky stunts. 20: A challenge for a Master. Nearly superhuman difficulty. 30: You've GOT to be Kidding. Actual superhuman difficulty. If you are competing against someone, they roll the number of dice THEY have in the appropriate cliché. Highest number wins. Very simple. The thing is, you don't HAVE to roll for everything. Just what the GM determines your character might fail at. You can have a whole night of interactive story without rolling a thing. Characters are assumed to have the proper tools for their cliché. If you're a hacker, you have a computer. If you're a Harley Dude, you have a Harley (probably a leather jacket and a baseball bat as well).

The rules stress that conflicts can be verbal or conceptual - not necessarily physical. If you are playing chess, for example, you would role against the other player in the appropriate cliché (say you have Gaming and they have Military General - both are applicable). You may use inappropriate clichés, such as using Hairdresser to play chess, provided the role-playing is entertaining and realistic. If you use the Hairdresser cliché to, for example, somehow choke your opponent with that damn perm-smell and give them a headache so they can't concentrate, the GM may permit that. If you have no clichés that are pertinent but it is something that anyone can do, such as a fistfight, everyone gets two dice (including the people who have applicable clichés - Boxing(2) would go to Boxing(4), for example). Ongoing players may advance in their clichés. At the end of each session, you roll the number of dice you have in any clichés that were used significantly. If all dice are even you get a point to apply to THAT cliché. Also, if you do something especially entertaining during play, the GM may give you a free roll using the same rules outlined above at that point. Many other rules such as many sided dice exist and may be found on the RISUS website, but this should give you a general idea of what the game is like.

APPENDECTOMY C. Discordian Optional Rules 00001. Preyer On Eris When using this option, the player may at any time refuse to roll the dice and instead prey on Eris for guidance. This is chancy, to say the least. One person was turned into a slice of toast after doing just such a thing. On the other hand, True Chaos may be one's only chance when up against a superior foe. 00002. The Turkey Curse At any point during a confrontation instead of rolling against a specific cliché, a Discordian may elect to use his turn to cast the Turkey Curse on an opponent. The player must act out the Turkey Curse in full, with their bare face hanging out. The results of the curse depend entirely on the opponent in question and the degree of expertise achieved by the player in the curse itself. The GM should determine results accordingly.

APPENDECTOMY D. Examples ov Majix Twix What follows are some suggestions for Discordian Majix Twix. Players should be encouraged to develop their own Twix. As with the clichés, any Twix sent to us will be included in this section. 00001. The Ritual Discordian Mass of St. Joey Gabba gabba, we accept you We accept you - one of us! Gabba gabba, we accept you We accept you - one of us! Gabba gabba - HEY! Gabba gabba - HEY! Gabba gabba - HEY! Gabba gabba - HEY! [Then everyone down some thorazine.] by Rev. Dr. Hexar le Saipe 00002. Thee Rite of Pigpen Prepare your Area Thusly: Your Banishing Ritual should include carving all the soap in your house to look like various peanuts characters. Discard all soap pieces that have been carved off of figurines. Buy no new soap The Rite itself must be subconsciously performed over a period of two weeks. It consists of reminding yourself throughout the day that he is in reality no more powerful than your 5th grade teacher was - it just appears to you that he is from your position. At the end of the two weeks, arrange to meet this person. When he appears, make sure to spend much time as close to him as possible. This Rite has a difficulty rating of 2. Repeat if necessary.

00003. A Discordian Blessing Make the sign of the apple and murmur, "Dominus Odorous Orundus, Motherfucker." 00004. The Rant of the Hot Dog IO ERIS! IO DISCHORD! FFFFFRY! EVERT SINAH GAMUS NKEYA EEAPP! SILAN TIMOH ARIEA EYIHA POOOP! FFFFFRY! IO ERIS! IO CHAOS! FFFFFRY! IO DISCHORD! IO ERIS! AN EXPLAINATION The Rant of the Hot Dog becomes, in essence, a round pinkish square that contains the truth. When consumed, the truth resides outside of you. Activating the truth while at a 90 degree angle to it is much trickier, and is too complicated to go into here. See the original Principia Discordia (page 00122) for further enlightenment 00005. The Discordian Mouse-Banishing Ritual Chant "Eris, Goddess of Chaos, She what done it all... oh, never mind, I'll do it myself." Burn a black candle, for a banishing, and/or a brown candle, for the rodents you intend to banish. Or do the ritual during daylight, which works too. Chant "Rodents of my garage, I dig this hole to trap you, thank Goddess (and/or God - be specific if desired) that you cannot understand English. At least I hope you damned rodents can't understand English, and aren't bright enough to figure this out. But if you do, go along with it, or else I will have to get real mouse traps."

Dig a hole next to the entrance to the garage the rodents are believed to use. Put a bucket in it, so that the top is even with the ground. Cover the bucket with twigs and leaves, or even better, a piece of paper with rocks holding it down so it won't blow away, but leave it loose enough it will collapse into the bucket if a rodent is on it. Chant "Damned rodents, those which chew into my birdseed bags, those which infest my firewood, smell this peanut butter, fall into this bucket, so that soon, soon, I will be rid of ye." Place peanut butter on paper or leaves. Chant "O mighty Bucket of some hole in the ground, preferably with peanut butter, capture my rodents, but make sure they are rodents, in other words, don't catch me a SKUNK." Hide the birdseed so the rodents don't eat it instead. Remove the candles and leave. Wait overnight. Check for rodents periodically. When a rodent is captured, lift the bucket out by the handle. Walk a mile or more away, preferably into woods and not somebody else's yard, and empty the bucket. While walking, chant "Damned mice, o ye that eats my birdseed, chews my garbage, infests my firewood, be gone from whence ye came, or at the very least stay out of my garage." When emptying the bucket, don't drop the mouse on your foot. Go back home, and repeat as necessary. - by the one false haddock Twix Conclusion As you can see, some of these Twix do not inform the reader of the result of the casting. This is to be embraced as Nearly Erisian and emulated to the fullest extent in Discordian Mages.

APPENDECTOMY E. Thanks! Thanks to S. John Ross, for the creation and free dissemination of Risus. Thanks to Sunny, Bishop Squarepeg Roundhole, Gypsy, Hexar, Helga, and everyone else at ye olde Yahoo: Discordia who participated in the discussion refining the Clichés incorporated into this "fine" product. The Discordian Slut(k) was play-tested by Sunny and hundreds of innocent, unsuspecting young women. Thanks also to Hexar for permission for use of the Ritual Discordian Mass Of St. Joey and thanks to the one false haddock for writing the Discordian Mouse-Banishing Ritual, which we stole without permission. Thanks also to David Masad, creator of Illuminati Risus, for pointing out that I was missing a cliché for GAMES. (K) All Rights Reversed (except for RISUS and signed info (some of the Twix), Which Isn't Ours). Reprint What You Like.

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