Twilight Parody

twilight parody!! by:alicia sanders

Hey, I'm Bella Duckling. Today is a crappy day. I've been forced to live with my dad, Cheesy, in this lame-o town called, "Dorks". I hate the town Dorks! When my mom had got married to Chessy in Dorks, she had got pregnant with me. The reason why she left was because of me! When I was in her tummy I constantly shouted and protested. "Move to phoenix. Dorks is boring. Don't you wanna live in the sun? Don't you just hate the rain? "The rain just brings depression along with it when it falls down from the dreary sky, blanketed and smothered in gray, dull clouds. Get out there man! I mean...woman. Sorry! You are a fun-loving athletic wanna-be teenager! Girls just wanna have fun!" Then she all just bolted out the door. And I was singing in her tummy. "sweeeet, sweeet, sweeeet victory!" I had remenbered the dumb tune from when my mom, Creenie was watching spongebob. Anyways, Creenie got remarried to this gay guy phillie. His career was baseball! He can't even play. I can't say I dislike phillie though.....Well...Maybe i can? He always where's Creenie's shirts, and mini shorts. Creenie just says, " Phillie has a....different type of taste. Maybe he's......bi?" LIKE THAT'S ANY BETTER! I think. Creenie is a kid. She doesn't understand. But apparently i understand everthing and I'm PERFECT! Because later in this suckish movie, I'm supposed to be the only one that this vamp.......oops! I've said too much. "That's because I'm a stupid lamb. Hey guess what? I'm gonna fall in love with a sick masochistic lion! Isn't that great! When I was riding on the plane to Dorks, this fat rocker guy, sat next to me. He kept farting to much. Then guess what!? He started hitting on me! I was like, "Dude?! How old are you 79?!" He was quiet then. But then he whispered to himself saying I had a chance in being a professional stripper one day. When he said that, I got warned for harrasing, and hitting other riders on the plane. Then this lady.........ish person sat next to me. Come to find out she was transgender! Dang-it! What was with this day?! Anyways I got to the airport where Chessy was waiting "hey, bellie?" "It's Bella....Dad." He frowned. "So how was your plane ride?" He asked. "Abslultly positively dreadful!" I answered. He said know more. We rode to the small house in Cheesy's dumb truck. "So how's ya mom doing?" "I really don't know.....Or care." I answered. "How's Phillie?" He asked in a softer jelous tone. "He's being his gay usual self." "Oh....You mean bi?" He asked. "What iss with you people?" I said. I rode to school in the old wore down chevy. Thinking about how I was gonna be a huge dork! ( I was instantly popular, surrounded by eager teens.)

So I met some.....Freinds. I met a girl named Jessica. But she was more a hater then a Friend. I met mike, a boy who was practicaly bowing down at my very prescence. He was a huge dork. He thought his ugly spikes looked cool. Keep dreaming Mike! I met this nice girl Angela. Nothing to say about her except you could easally tell she was all over Eric! I sat with the weird group in the cafeteria. "Who's the albino sexy boy right there?" I asked Jessica. "OH HIM? I was practically drooling over him before you came. I fantasized about him everday, He is so fine! I wish we were married...."okay....jessi...jessica? I don't care, i asked you a question remember?" I reminded her. "Yeah...oops! I'm sorry. Oh yeah that's Edward." Then I started ignoring her. "HEY EDWARD! YOU'RE SO GORGEOUS YOU KNOW THAT?! YOU WANT TO DATE ME? HEY UMM WHY ARE YOU SO ALBINO?" He said, "Because I'm a vampire." I didn't know he had moved in closer and started to whisper in my ear. "Oh yeah and i'm a freaky gal." I started to lauph. "heee huh, hee huh hhheeeee huuuuh." Then, Edward whispered, "Uh, Bella? you sound like a dying donkey." "I get that alot." I informed him. "So, uuh when is this game over?" "Bella! what's wrong!? Bella ar you....Deranged?! No! Bella! Dang it! I'm going home to, masterbate! "Ooh Edward. you are freaky? I like it! Lets make out!? I said. "Wait!" Screamed Edward. "Come with me." I was appalled. "I...Uh....OKAY!" I said. "to meet my familky Bella." Edward informed me. "Oh. Well sure anyways." He picked me up and we dissapeared out the cafeteria when no one was looking. We got to the house in 1.6 seconds. "Hey bella." Said Edwards dad. "Wus up dog?!" I said. Edward looked at me like I was crazy. Edward's dad stalked off. I saw the piano. "You play?" I asked Edward. He nodded. "You inspired this one." he said. We walked over to the piano and Edward sat down on the stool. He started to play the tune to a song that i knew, so I started to started to sing along. "don't you wish your girlfreind was hott like me?" I sung. Edward's eyes widened. "You know this song?" He asked. "Well, of couse." I said. He said no more and i followed him to his room.

( after that she went home with edward to meet her dad.) "Hey umm dad? I want you to meet Edward cinky." I said. "Edward cinky?" Cheesy asked. "Edward!!!!" I shouted. He came right in. "Nice to meet you cheif Duckling, I'm a freaky gal." Edward said smiling. "Umm- uhhh-okay? Are you gay, or bi. No offense because I know someone who's bi, his name is Philli...." "No sir." Interupted Edward. "Oh well...it's just....when you said that you were a freaky....and well, never mind!!" He started throwing a temper tamtrum on the couch. "You guys don't love me no more! boo-hoo!" He started to sob. Me and Edward burst out laughing. "I'll go get the eggs! haah!" I told Edward. We started pelting him with eggs and hurling up piles of laughs. "Cry baby! You fat baby. Cheesy fat cry baby!!!" We chanted at Cheesy. "You guys are so evil!" Sobbed Cheesy. We ran out the house snikering and hurling up laughs. "How bout' we go play baseball with my family?'' Asked Edward. "Sure Edward!" I replied. He put me on his back and ran to the clearing where the rest of his family was. "Hiya Bellie!" Greeted Rosaline. "It's Bella!" I corrected. "Anyways, I don't have time for a Dumb ol' stuck-up Hill-Billie!" I said to her. Edward chuckled under his breath. "Cha' do' gots ta' bay so mayn." Said Rosaline. I completely ignored her. "Hi Alice!" I greeted my Best Truest Smartest friend. "Hi Bella." Replied Alice. "So ummm you gonna watch the game, call em' as ya see em." Said the only normal one of the Cinky family. "Yeah, sure Alice!" I replied. Alice threw the ball to Rosaline. I pushed her out the way and she flew into a tree. She started to cry. Somehow It reminded me of Cheesy. "Stop!!" Alice chanted. Edward breath in a puff of air. "I'm a freaky gal." He whispered. "Edward would you shut up!!" Yelled the slut of the family, Esme. She was wearing a see through satin shirt, mini shirt, RED lipstick, a goth wig, ect, ect...ect. Then through the mist a vampire girl came out of the mist. She looked like ugly betty a little. Then a diffrent guy came out, he wore some glasses and he looked like steve urcul. One more guy came out, and he was in a wheelchair, but otherwise normal. "I'm Victorugly." Said the ugly betty looking girl. "I'm Dorkant," Said the Steve Urcul looking guy. "And I'm Jamie." Said the dude in the wheelchair. "What kind of name is Jamie? I'm a freaky gal!" Said Edward. Then we all had to lauph. Jamie smelled my scent. "ahhh" He said. "You brought a snack."Edward hissed at him like he was pretending to be drakula. Jamie rolled over slowly in his wheechair. "I'll kill you if I have to." Said Jamie to Edward. "How? you're in a wheelchair! Ha!" Said Edward. ( Edward soon Defeated Jamie, and Victorugly and dorkant stalked off somewhere, but nobody even really cares." "I love you Edward." I told him. "I love you too." He said. "Guess what?" Edward asked.

"What?" I asked. "I'm a freaky gal." He said smiling. I lauphed. "Bite me." I said. "No, I won't be able to stop and I'll eventually kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!, Bella! Shut-up! Okay! You don't know anything!!!!" "okay. geeesh. You have serious problems. you know that?" "yer." He said. "Can I take you to prom?" He asked. "As long as I'm with you." I said "Well then I'll pick you up at seven, okay?" Asked Edward. "Sure." I said "It's an an hour?" He said. "I think I know that, freaky girl. He opened his mouth and kissed me like Norbit's wife when they were getting married. Then he licked my face. My arms. My neck. My forhead. "Are you done eating me yet?" I asked him. "Not Quite." He answered.

We went to prom. My hater Jessica was there with Mike. She winked at me. Mike waved. Edward started to dance.........And I was instantly embarressed. He started popping, and crumping, and break dancing. I was the center of attention and I hated It!!!!! I was so perfect, I didn't want people to be jelous. So I ran to the bathroom and started smoking pot to relieve my stress. Edward didn't notice my abscence when he started doing the Electric Slide. Then, all of a sudden he was in the bathroom with me cursing. "You stupid hoe!! Do you know what this s*** does to your health?! I can't have you die!!!! you're the f****** love of my f******* life, and you're going to f******* love it!!!! okay!!!!!????" He started screaming. "Okay! Geesh! It's just pot....god damn! "JUST!!!" He asked. He took me home right away and I was high. I kept on laughing on our way home. "How do you expect me to be okay with this?! For goodness sake, I'm a freaky gal!!" He yelled when we were in the car. "Hun? haha! I go doo-doo!" I replied dumly. He was quiet, and I fell asleep drunky on the seats. When I woke-up, I was in Edwards arms, snuggled in my bed. "I'm a freaky girl." Greeted Edward. "Why do you say that?" I asked Edward. "Hmmm. I forgot. It's a habit." He replied. I started to kiss him. "No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed. If I have sex with you, I'll kill you!" "You want to kill me?!" I asked? I grabbed My knife and stabbed Edward in his chest. "b**** what the f*** is wrong with you?!

lots of laughs included!! ps: i wrote this!! please coment!!