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The Senior

I O C V E March 2009

Local Attractions • Scenic Places • History • Money • Health • News

Poudre Ghost Canyon Pioneer Town People

In Northern and Places Colorado

Liquid Longs Gold Peak Last Water Hole in Pioneer the West Climbers

Frontier Outlaws Town In Early Early Loveland Colorado Remembered

Cover Picture: Steamboat Marmots Springs in the Mountains

Skiing

2 • March 2009 • The Senior Voice

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Places on the Poudre

Published Locally Since 1980 VOL. 29, NO. 4

Advertising: [email protected] Editorial: [email protected] Website: www.theseniorvoice.net PUBLICATION INFORMATION The Senior Voice newspaper has been published locally the first of each month since 1980 for residents age 50-plus.

ADVERTISING Ad deadline is 20th of month. For rates, call 970-229-9204; email [email protected] or see www.theseniorvoice.net.

Wolfgang Lambdin Advertising Director Associate Publisher Fort Collins (970) 229-9204 [email protected] SALES OFFICES:

Ft. Collins and Greeley (970) 229-9204 Loveland and Estes Park (970) 482-8344 The Will Barnes family, Poudre Canyon pioneers. Loveland Museum. By Bill Lambdin

T

he Cache la Poudre River is one of the few remaining wild and scenic rivers in the West, undamed and untamed. The canyon through which it runs west of Fort Collins has numerous places associated with northern Colorado’s pioneers. The small village of Rustic contained one of the Poudre Canyon’s first hotels, the Rustic Hotel. It was built shortly after 1881 by pioneer Samuel Stewart, who homesteaded in this part of the canyon. Stewart chose the name Rustic to match the primitive setting in which he built his log hotel. It was a stage stop when first constructed and later a popular hunting and tourist lodge. Stewart also built much of the road up Poudre Canyon that we drive today west of Rustic, including part of the road over Cameron Pass to Gould. He was an enterprising pioneer who believed gold mines in the mountains above Poudre Canyon would need a wagon road so supplies could be hauled in and ore hauled out.

He charged a toll for each wagon that used his road. Some gold and silver strikes had been made at Lulu City in 1880; so Stewart extended his Poudre Canyon road to that camp high in the Never Summer Range of what is now the northwest corner of Rocky Mountain National Park, just on the west edge of Larimer County. To build the Lulu City road, Stewart had to hack out a trail from Cameron Pass south over the Continental Divide at 12,000-foot Thunder Pass, then down to the headwaters of the Colorado River. This was a monumental task with nothing but picks and shovels, horses and wagons, in a rugged mountain range famous for fierce winter storms and some of the deepest snows in Colorado. But Stewart did it. Unfortunately, the mines at Lulu City contained low-grade ore and played out quickly. Stewart’s work on that road did not pay off. But his Rustic Hotel was successful. For many years, it was a favorite spot with northern Colorado residents who wanted to get to the mountains.

Later an Iowa millionaire named Norman Haskins bought the hotel, remodeled it and gave it to his mistress, Mary Luthe—which caused quite a scandal in the canyon. The old Rustic Hotel was torn down in 1978, but you can still see where it once stood, just east of the Glen Echo building and on the opposite side of Highway 14. You can also hike up Stewart’s old mining road from Cameron Pass, over the Continental Divide at Thunder Pass, and down the Colorado River headwaters to the location of the ghost town Lulu City. Local Forest Service maps will help you find the route, which is described in Stan Case’s book “The Poudre: A Photo History,” available at local bookstores. ________________ COVER PICTURE: Marmots in Rocky Mountain National Park. Taken by Fort Collins professional photographer Gregory Mayse. See his photographs at Trimble Court Artisans in Fort Collins and www.gregorymayse.com. Email him at [email protected]; phone 970-412-3600. I

EDITORIAL DEADLINE Announcements and stories must be received by the 10th of the month.; ads by the 20th of the month. READER INFORMATION Subscriptions $48 a year. The Senior Voice welcomes readers' letters and contributions. The Senior Voice assumes no responsibility for damaged or lost material submitted by readers.

© Copyright 2009 The Senior Voice EDITORIAL OFFICE:

1471 Front Nine Drive Fort Collins, CO 80525 (970) 223-9271 email [email protected] www.theseniorvoice.net No material may be reproduced by any means without permission of the publisher.

Dr. William Lambdin, Publisher

4 • March 2009 • The Senior Voice

About Family Financial Issues By Scott Burns Financial Writer

T

hese days, many women have a life expectancy of 100 years. Many of them want to leave something behind for their children or grandchildren. In fact, some deprive themselves and are hoarding money for their children. But that’s a problem. The children won’t be children. They will be old people by the time the will is read. Here’s the math for my family. If no money is distributed until my wife reaches 100, our youngest child will be 75. The oldest will be pushing 80. In many families, the next generation will be inheriting money long after they would be inclined to blow it on a new Ferrari. They will also be inheriting it long after they have passed most of the financial hurdles in life—and too late to truly make their lives better. What can we do? Give early; give often. Put the leverage of time in their hands. Here are a few examples. None are

unusual, but their leverage is immense. Give home down payments when they are ready. Accumulating a down payment is a long and difficult process. A down payment begets future price appreciation and years of future tax deductions. If the price of the house is two times your children’s income, annual appreciation of 4 percent a year will grow their net worth by 8 percent of their income a year. Prepay grandchildren’s tuitions. This does double duty. It educates the grandchildren, and it allows the parents more financial freedom because they won’t have to save the money themselves. It may allow them to fully fund their 401(k) plans. Contribute to a Roth IRA for your children. With young children at home, most people are hard-pressed to maximize their tax-deductible 401(k) plan. But funding a Roth IRA for an adult child allows your money to grow tax-free in their name. Every $1,000 given today is like providing an inheritance of $8,000 in 30 years or

$16,000 in 40 years, adjusted for inflation. Contribute to a charitable fund; meet with your children to decide gifts. Between community foundations and the charitable funds established by most of the major mutual fund firms, it is very easy to make a gift that becomes the basis for future annual giving by your children. They receive no tax benefits because it’s your money, but it may

augment their charitable giving. Take everyone to the beach. With families increasingly spread around the country, the role of convener is priceless. Finally, if you can do this, be thankful. Today and tomorrow are a lot harder for most people. ________________ Scott Burns is a longtime financial writer for the Dallas Morning News and other papers. I

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

C

hronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) affects over 1 million people. Researchers think they might know what causes it, though they don’t yet have a cure for it, according to a report in the Journal of Clinical Pathology. CFS sufferers feel tired and lethargic constantly. Many of them also complain of stomach pain, and that’s what led researches to conclude that CFS is caused by viruses in the digestive tract—specifically chronic antiviral infections.

Enteroviruses are viral microorganisms that live in the digestive tract, said the researchers. They might not be the only cause of CFS, but this is the first time researchers have found anything they are reasonably sure is linked to CFS. Researchers think the problem begins with a virus that enters the body through the gastrointestinal tract and then infects other tissues, and remains as a chronic infection that results in CFS. I

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The Senior Voice • March 2009 • 5

Remembering Early Loveland Editor’s Note: Years ago, Phyllis Hershman wrote about her grandfather, David Hershman, a Loveland pioneer. By Phyllis Hershman

D

avid Hershman arrived in the Big Thompson Valley in l865. He and his brother, John, had loaded a harvester and mowing machine in Illinois and creaked toward Colorado in a covered wagon. That first fall, David planted 10 acres of wheat and 6 acres of oats. Hay brought $l00 a ton at Black Hawk and Central City (where miners were). David bought a ton of potatoes for 7 cents a pound, hauled them to Central City, and sold them for l2 cents a pound. In l869 David married Lydia

Kreutz and, along with crops and livestock, he began raising children. Lydia died in l877. In l879, he married Mary Gruner. In l877 he acquired 40 acres north of Derby Hill and another 40 north of that in l885 to own all the property along Highway 287 from Derby Hill north to the 400 block of South Lincoln Street in Loveland. In l882 he bought l60 acres southeast of Loveland, plus another ll0 acres just north of that in l894. This land, known for years as Hershman Hill, was east of Derby Hill. At the turn of the century, he built three houses on East Third Street. A store at the corner of East Third and Railroad, known as Harrison and Hershman Grocery, was operated by George Harrison, husband of David’s daughter.

Early Loveland fishermen. Loveland Public Library. David moved to Boulder later so his younger girls could attend the university. From there, he moved to Long Beach, California, where he died in l92l. He was a quiet, refined

gentleman, very particular about his vocabulary and appearance. He often walked from town clear out to Hershman Hill to visit his son, and always asked for a brush to dust off his suit. I

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6 • March 2009 • The Senior Voice

New Book About Estes Park’s Historic Ranch By Peggy Hunt

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stes Park historian James Pickering has written a new book titled “The MacGregors of Black Canyon: An American Story.” It is about the pioneer family of Alex and Clara MacGregor, who came to Estes Park in 1874. The young, just-married couple established a ranch, post office, and the first road built into the area. The ranch survived the Great Depression, wars and family tragedies to become one of the major historic attractions in Colorado. It is one of the few places where you can see what a pioneer mountain ranch looked like. Buildings, personal family items, and other things have been preserved exactly as they were the 1800s. Pickering’s book is an interesting account of this unusual Colorado family who deserve to be remembered. He traces the dreams

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n experimental medicine called MK-677 might someday help mature people overcome some of the appearances of aging, according to a report in the Annals of Internal Medicine. MK-677 helps people gain muscle mass that the body naturally loses through age. “As we get older, our body composition changes,” said researcher Dr. Michael Thorner. “Fat is distributed in the center and the abdomen, and (we) lose a lot of muscle mass.”

This is associated with a decrease in growth hormone secretion. MK677 causes the body to release naturally produced growth hormone, which in turn increases muscle mass. Human growth hormone is produced by the pituitary gland. Researchers say the new muscle mass may not increase muscle strength; but it does give the body a more youthful looking shape, especially the arms and legs. More research will have to be done before a product might be available. I

Drug Tests Stopped Too Soon

T

ests of new cancer drugs are sometimes stopped prematurely, and the drugs are put on the market before anyone knows what harm they might do. That’s the conclusion of a recent report in the medical journal Annals of Oncology. If a drug appears to be an important benefit in clinical trials, tests can be halted and the drug approved for sale sooner by the FDA. This allows the public to benefit from the drugs sooner.

But researchers in this study said the quicker approval process sometimes means the drugs are not tested long enough to determine if they are safe. “Without such evidence, unsafe and ineffective drugs could be marketed and prescribed, and patients’ health could be jeopardized,” said researcher Giovanni Apolone. “This suggests a strong commercial component in stopping trials prematurely,” he added—meaning drug companies benefit by selling the drugs sooner. I

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It’s Called Liquid Gold for a Reason By Bill Lambdin

A

fter the establishment of Greeley in 1870 by Nathan Meeker and the Union Colony pioneers, probably the most important event in Weld County’s history was the Big Thompson Project that brought water from Colorado’s west slope to front range farms and towns. Without the Big Thompson Project (named for the Big Thompson River), Weld County would not have become one of America’s richest agricultural areas. Before the project was completed in 1947, the farms around Greeley were nearly blown away during the Dust Bowl years of the early 1900s. The idea of bringing water from the west slope through a tunnel was first proposed in 1889 by state legislator Hiram Prince. But it was such an enormous

undertaking that it took 20 years to get the project started and another 20 years to complete it. The reason it was so enormous? Builders had to figure out how to divert water across the Continental Divide by tunneling under the high mountains of Rocky Mountain National Park. They did that by building the Alva B. Adams Tunnel, an engineering masterpiece that runs deep under the mountains for 13 miles, linking Grand Lake on the west slope to Mary’s Lake on the east slope near Estes Park. Crews bored a huge 9-foot hole from both sides of the mountains. When the crews met, the tunnel was only one-sixteenth of an inch off center line and only three-fourths of an inch off grade. News reports worldwide praised the achievement, which was completed without the sophisticated technology of today.

The Alva Adams Tunnel brings water from northern Colorado’s west slope to Greeley and other areas. The tunnel was named for U.S. Eventually it took $160 million to Senator Alva B. Adams, a complete the tunnel, dams, Colorado Democrat who secured pipelines and canals that make up $43 million to start the project as a the Big Thompson Project. joint effort between the U.S. West slope water is stored in Bureau of Reclamation and the Grand Lake, Shadow Mountain newly formed Northern Colorado Reservoir, Lake Granby and other Water Conservancy District. lakes. Then it is diverted through the tunnel and pipelines to Mary’s Lake, Lake Estes, Horsetooth Reservoir and other east-slope lakes. From the storage lakes, an extensive system of canals carries water to farms and towns along the Front Range. The water also runs power plants and provides numerous fishing and recreational activities at Horsetooth Reservoir and other lakes. For Greeley, the water that comes across those massive mountains has been a precious, life-sustaining force. It allowed a dry, arid land to blossom and become a productive place. Newcomers to Colorado often don’t know how important water is here. Many don’t realize that most of the front range would be a barren, treeless desert without water storage projects like the Big Thompson. In Colorado, water has always been more valuable than gold and all the other ores mined from the mountains. If our rapid population growth continues, we may someday face water shortages and understand why author Daniel Tyler called the Big Thompson Project “the last water hole in the West.” I

The Senior Voice • March 2009 • 9

Information on Estate Planning By Ron Rutz, Attorney Legal Correspondent Q: Where can I read about what the Personal Representative is expected to do? A: Let’s look at not only the Personal Representative’s position but the three other major fiduciaries that often need to be selected—Trustee, Guardian, and Agent. Personal Representative: Called an executor or administrator in other states. The job consists of settling the estate. Normally, he pays bills, files tax returns, locates estate property, handles the legalities to transfer assets, and makes sure that the legal and personal matters of the deceased are properly completed. Children are often selected as the Personal Representative, with the oldest child usually demanding the position. But be realistic and select a person who pays attention to details. Trustee: A Trustee is like a quarterback or agent for a trust (a legal document setting out how to handle assets). The key elements for a good Trustee are judgment and a desire to handle the trust according to the

wishes of the person who set up the trust. Specialized knowledge is not necessarily needed. If a Trustee has tax issues, investment choices, etc., a CPA, attorney, or financial adviser can be hired. The Trustee needs to have the ability to bring in such people when necessary. Another significant Trustee activity is to interact with the beneficiaries of the trust. Guardian: When selecting guardians, especially for minors, think in terms of a surrogate parent—someone who has your same moral, religious, and family values. The person needs to be able to handle the physical and emotional tasks of being a “parent” for a minor. For an older individual, a Guardian should have the loyalty and focus to be available to meet the unique issues presented by an adult who needs a guardian. Too often a relative is selected without a thought as to the unique pressures that are added to the relationship. Agent: This is the individual you have empowered to act on your behalf under a Durable Power of Attorney. Trustworthiness is the key,

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followed by the Agent having the time and being able to handle things promptly. Like a Trustee, specialized knowledge or talents are not as important as having someone who realizes when to hire an expert toaccomplish certain matters. Just one person can act as Personal Representative, Trustee, Guardian, and Agent. But try to match talents with job requirements and do not just

pick a family member automatically. Be careful not to be like the little league baseball coach who has his son pitch when maybe being the batboy would have been a more appropriate position. ________________ Attorney Ron Rutz will answer questions sent to 2625 Redwing Road, Suite 180, Fort Collins, CO 80526; phone 223-8388; email rutz@ronald rutz.com. I

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10 • March 2009 • The Senior Voice

A Pioneer and a Buffalo By Robert Munkres

F

or most emigrants, buffalo were a novelty, an annoyance or a source of food. Occasionally, however, a traveler responded to the huge animals in a somewhat more feeling manner. One who did so was Julia Anna Archibald [Holmes], who detailed her actions in a letter written from Fort Union, New Mexico, on January 25, 1859. While her party was detained by a rain-induced flood the previous

summer on the Santa Fe Trail, Mrs. Holmes’ husband “went out buffalo hunting and returned bringing with him a buffalo calf apparently but a week old. She said, “It was a great curiosity to us all, and in the fullness of my compassion for the poor little thing, I mixed up a mess of flour and water, which I hoped to make it drink. I approached it with these charitable intentions, when the savage little animal advanced toward me and gave me such a blow with its head as to

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Buffalo on the plains long ago. Colorado Historical Society. destroy the center of gravity. “His hair was wooly in texture, and of an iron grey color. Unlike the young of our domestic cows, he seldom cried; and when he did, only made a faint noise.” The young calf had, of course, been captured only upon the death of its mother who, in Mrs. Holmes’ words, had “made a heroic stand and presented a beautiful illustration of the triumph of maternal feeling over fear. “She was in a herd of many hundreds of buffaloes, fleeing wildly over the plain before the hunter. After a few miles chase, the calf gave signs

of fatigue. At its faint cry she would turn and come to the calf, but at sight of the hunter bounded off to the herd. “This she did two or three times during a chase of as many miles, the calf falling behind more and more, and his mother wavering between fear for his life and her own. “At last her decision was made, and she determined to defend her offspring alone on the prairie. She died in his defense.” ________________ Robert Munkres, Ph.D., lives in Estes Park and has written extensively about the early West. I

The Senior Voice • March 2009 • 11

Colorado Crosswords By Tony Donovan

ACROSS 1.

6. 9. 12. 13. 14. 16. 17. 18. 19. 21. 23. 25. 26. 29. 30. 33. 34. 37. 39. 40. 42. 43. 45. 46. 48. 50. 52. 53. 55. 56.

Fred ___ , purchased with #43 down, and published The Denver Post from 1895 into the 1930s Terrier talk Bottom line Apple spray Kick an extra point, say Lines or marks in printed material which shows where something is to be inserted Popular police, forensics series Jefferson Davis’ org. According to Newton, the opposite of “in motion” “Quakies,” more formally Gardener’s need frequently St. Vrain of Bent’s Fort fame Not many Spicy cuisine “The Ballad of Baby Doe” for one “Ski the ___,” ad slogan Phoenix’s river 1840s to 1860s migration route which led from Missouri to the Pacific Ocean Canyon or cave phenomenon Indians native to Missouri Agave fiber used in making ropes and rugs Little piggies Word before can or horn Occupation of #23 across “___ ___ old cowhand,....” Bladder-like sacs containing fluid A compound similar to, but not identical to, another Utah’s capital (abbr.) Rocky peak Fate Occupation endorsed by the NEA

ANSWERS

57. 58. 59. 60.

Yield to Tax payer I.D. “The Big Easy,” of the PGA “Yes! We have no ___.”

DOWN 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 15. 20. 22. 24. 25. 27. 28. 31. 32. 34. 35. 36. 38. 41. 43. 44. 47. 49. 50. 51. 52. 54.

County in extreme southeastern Colorado West slope locale noted for its sweet corn Partner of straight Lets loose ___ Chance in Washington County Boston College conf. ___ Parks of desegregation fame Breckenridge neighbor Bad news for the kids in the morning! (2 wds.) Tangle up Earl Grey Disease source in Africa ___ Center: Home to the Avalanche and Nuggets Town southeast of Ft. Collins whose name comes from Biblical village ___ Meeker of the Union Colony Roosevelt National ___. Community southeast of Limon Andy’s radio partner Child’s question: What makes ___ ___? Family follower Anthem beginning Trail Ridge, et. al. Home of St. Francis Wagon formations, sometimes “___ ___ games begin!” (See #1 across), Harry ___. “___ ___ ___ vacation!” (End of year lament) ___ Pass in southern Colorado (fly, in Spanish) Make dirty Swedish retailer with strong U.S. sales AAA recommendations Lines on city maps ICU staffers

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Local Events and Exhibits Red Feather Lakes Library The library received national recognition in the March issue of Women’s Day Magazine for assisting Red Feather Lakes resident Carol Strazer with research on a serious health matter. Carol’s article was published in the magazine, which asked readers to explain how a library helped them improve their health.

activities at Spring Canyon Park (west end of Horsetooth Road) in Fort Collins, April 25, 10 am to 4 pm. Call John Farrell, 226-5945.

Kite Flying Festival Help children fly kites or bring your grandchildren, see kites decorated by local artists, make kites, and enjoy other

Fort Collins Library Annual used book sale March 2729, Harmony Library at Shields and Harmony streets. Call 232-9490. I

Greeley Newcomers Meet March 10, noon, at the Eaton Country Club, program on European travel. Call Marilyn at 353-2777, or Darlene at 336-1233.

Retirement Benefits M

ost state and local governments have not set aside enough money to pay future health care costs for their retirees, although those government agencies have obligated themselves for more than $1 trillion in retiree’ medical benefits nationwide. That’s according to a national survey by USA Today Newspaper. Unfunded promises by the agencies will affect teachers, policemen, office workers, and most other city, county and state workers. Colorado has unfunded liabilities of $1.1 billion, said researchers who

examined states’ financial reports. Wyoming has $0.2 billion of unfunded liabilities. Until last year, state and big city budgets were not required to include health benefits promised retirees. Now they are, and many state officials say they simply will not be able to meet promises made for future benefits. Their most likely option: Reduce benefits or stop paying them. The benefits will become “crippling for some governments,” said Portland, Oregon’s finance chief. I

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The Senior Voice • March 2009 • 13

Dedicated Teacher By Arlene Ahlbrandt

A

book was recently published as a tribute to a dedicated Fort Collins teacher and principal, Miss Merle M. Bennett. It was written by her niece, Carolyn Goodwin, and by Janie Arnold, who retired from Bennett Elementary School. That school was named in honor of Miss Bennett, who was born in 1882 at Herman, Nebraska. She attended the state teachers college in Greeley (now UNC) and began her teaching career at Remington kindergarten in Fort Collins in 1918, the first kindergarten west of the Mississippi. She was with the Poudre School District for 35 years as both a teacher and principal. During the 1918 influenza epidemic, schools were closed for three months; and Miss Bennett volunteered for nursing service in an army hospital that was set up at Colorado A&M College

(now CSU). She loved children, music, poetry and roses. At her red-brick home at 314 East Mulberry Street, she had over 100 rose bushes. She compared children to roses, saying, “You need to feed them, nurture them and trim out the rough spots.” Many of her students blossomed into successful citizens. When Bennett Elementary School was dedicated to her in 1963, she said, “Teaching was my life for many years, and I loved every day of it.” Her house was designated an historic landmark in 1994. Today her niece Carolyn and Carolyn’s mother, Jane Goodwin, live in Miss Bennett’s house; and that is where she died in 1964. Copies of the book, “Merle M. Bennett: Gardener of Excellence,” are available at the Fort Collins Museum or from Carolyn Goodwin, 314 E. Mulberry, Fort Collins, CO 80524, phone 970-482-0025. I

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14 • March 2009 • The Senior Voice

Unsafe Medicine

Patients Can’t Sue If Harmed

M

ost patients don’t know that they cannot sue a medical device company if a device they use proves to be unsafe or causes harm. The U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that a device manufacturer cannot be sued through state courts if the FDA approves the device. The court’s logic was that, if the FDA approves a device, it must be safe and consumers have no right to question the FDA’s actions. Senator Frank Pallone (D-N.J.) and other legislators believe that is

wrong and are introducing legislation that would allow consumers to sue. “Consumers face the worst of all possible worlds,” said Pallone. “The FDA has shown itself incapable of keeping dangerous products off the market, and now the Supreme Court has said patients can’t sue companies for redress.” He added, “The FDA has limited resources and can’t assess all the risks that a device poses once it gets on the market.” I

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ow safe are the medicines we take? In the past, there were few problems. But health researcher Gardiner Harris believes there could be problems in the near future because many of the ingredients used in our medicines are now produced in China. That country has a history of exporting unsafe products that end up in tainted heparin (blood thinner) that killed 81 people, toys with lead paint, toxic baby formula, and other things recently exposed. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration rarely inspects any of the many Chinese plants that produce chemicals that end up in medicines. Harris said, “Last year, generic drug applications to the FDA listed 1,154 plants providing active pharmaceutical ingredients: 43 percent of them were in China, and another 39 percent were in India. Only 13 percent were in the United States.” Harris has been a health

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researcher for over 10 years and wrote his latest report for the New York Times. It is an expose of the serious problems we could face as drug companies increasingly use Chinese chemicals because they are cheaper than those produced in the U.S. or elsewhere. He says the FDA cannot begin to inspect all of the medicines containing Chinese products. In fact, the FDA’s former general counsel told Harris that the agency is a “fundamentally broken agency, and it needs to be repaired.” Harris interviewed several U.S. pharmaceutical officials for his report and found that most did not want to talk about using Chinese chemicals in medicines. They didn’t like talking about “the difficulty of regulating factories across several time zones, 6,000 miles and a vast linguistic and cultural divide.” Having low-cost drugs like generics is a great benefit to many Americans who otherwise could not afford the medicines they need. But they also need to know those drugs are safe, said Harris. I

The Senior Voice • March 2009 • 15

Laughter Is the Best Medicine Y

oung Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse, but he showed up and said, “Sorry, son, I have bad news. The horse died.” Chuck replied, “Well, just give me my money back.” “Can’t do that. I spent it already.” “Then bring me the dead horse.” “What are you gonna’ do with him?” “I’ll raffle him off.” “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!” “Sure I can. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.” A month later, the farmer saw Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?” “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece.” “Didn’t anyone complain?” ”Only the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.” Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He’s the one who figured out how the bailouts will work. The president of France answered his phone, and a boozy voice said, “This is Paddy at O’Leary’s Pub in

Ireland. We’ve decided to declare war on your country.” “Really?” said the president. “How big is your army?” There was a silence, then Paddy said, “There’s me and my cousin Sean, our neighbor Thomas, and the whole darts team at the pub.” “Well, I have an army of 100,000 men, 6,000 tanks and 5,000 fighter planes.” Another silence, then Paddy said, “I’ll get back to ye.” The next night, Paddy called again and said, “The war is still on. We have 20 more volunteers from the pub, a bulldozer, Murphy’s tractor and a combine.” “Well, I have another 100,000 military reservists I can call up, making my army 200,000 men.” A long silence, then Paddy said, “We’ll have to call it off. There’s no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.” A man visiting a mental hospital asked the director, “How to you determine if a person should be put in this place?” The director said, “We fill a bathtub with water, ask the person to

See Your Best...

empty it, and offer him a teaspoon or a bucket.” “I see,” said the man. “A sane person would use the bucket.” “No, a sane person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with a window?” A waiter told a woman in a restaurant, “Our lobster is flown in fresh daily.” She said, “Oh, good! I’ve never

had flying lobster before.” Within this vale of toil and sin Your head grows bald But not your chin. -Burma Shave Does your husband misbehave Grunt and grumble Rant and rave Shoot the brute Some Burma Shave. I

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