The Seahorse Effect - Blood-gem

The Seahorse Effect (Matsu HItsu) Author: blood-gem Host: LJ mood:

hyper

music: the devil's dance floor by floggingmolly My odd, twisted imagination knows no bounds. Especially when it comes to torturing Hitsugaya. I can’t help it, he’s just SOO adorable and squishy and easy to annoy. And Matsumoto’s the perfect one to annoy him- they just have such a great chemistry together. SUMMARY: Matsumoto will do anything to avoid paperwork…even claim she got Hitsugaya pregnant. (NOT an actual m-preg) DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Bleach WARNINGS: erm…insinuations of m-preg, but there’s no actual m-preg (well, aside from the seahorses). And crack. Lots and lots of crack. And not the kind plumbers show when they bend over. Special thanks to the awesome squidgeesushi for betaing this! Much lurve! &&&&&&&&&&& THE SEAHORSE EFFECT By Neko Oni Matsumoto crunched loudly on a bacon and sour cream flavored potato chip as she sat sprawled on Orihime’s couch, watching the TV screen intently. She’d spent her day off in the real word, shopping with the other big chested girl. Whether or not she was allowed to sneak in her gigai into the realm of the living was completely beside the point; it was all for a good cause. The stores were having a lot of good end-of-the-summer clearance sales, and this TV show was absolutely fascinating. “Seahorses and pipefish are noted for being the only species in which the male becomes pregnant. The female inserts her ovipositor into the male’s brood pouch, where she deposits her eggs, which the male fertilizes. The fertilized eggs then embed in the pouch wall and become enveloped with tissues." Matsumoto swallowed, blue eyes going wide and full lips curving into a mischievous smile. &&&&&&&& “Taichou! Guess what! Guess what!” Matsumoto bounced up and down on the balls of her feet in front of Hitsugaya’s desk. She’d just set a tray down with two teacups, knocking over a stack of budget reports in the process. Her cup wasn’t steaming, and it wasn’t full of tea. She felt no need to tell Hitsugaya it was sake. Hitsugaya growled at the sound of papers fluttering to the floor. He raised his head and pointed the tip of his writing brush at Matsumoto’s desk, which was cluttered with piles of untouched forms and reports. “I don’t care what it is, Matsumoto. It’s the end of the month, and all THAT-“

he jabbed his brush at her messy accumulation of paperwork “is due in the sotaichou’s office.” “Yes, yes, in a minute.” Her voice was vague and she waved her hand dismissively. She stepped to the side to block his view of her desk. Out of sight, out if mind. “Ne, taichou.” She squealed excitedly, leaning over the front of his desk and placing her hands on top of his work so he had to look at her. Look, glare, either way, she had his attention. “Did you know that if we were seahorses, you’d be pregnant?” Hitsugaya’s expression was flat, save for a raised eyebrow. He was expecting some off-the-wall, get-out-of-paperwork scheme, but this…”This is insane, even for you. And there’s not much I’d put past you. So, you. Paperwork. Now.” He lowered his head and went back to his own. “But, taichou!” Matsumoto whined, bouncing and causing her monstrous breasts to quiver threateningly at the small captain from within the confines of her uniform, ready to pop out at any inconvenient moment. “You’d be the one having the babies! In your cute, flat little tummy. But it wouldn’t stay flat for long!.” She giggled. “It’d be SO cute, my little taichou pregnant!” Hitsugaya twitched, and a big, black ink stroke blazed across his neatly written kanji. He sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. “Matsumoto, we’re NOT seahorses. I’m a male. I can NOT get pregnant. Besides, I thought if you ever had kids, you’d adopt.” Matsumoto pursed her lips in thought. “Well, yeah. I don’t want to ruin my gorgeous figure.” She straightened up and glanced down admiringly at herself. Hitsugaya rolled his eyes. “Besides, that way we can pick the kid. Pregnancies in Soul Society are rare, afterall.” Hitsugaya regarded her thoughtfully. “It was hard, living in the slums of Rukongai. Living out of garbage heaps and eating rotten food. Momo and I would’ve died if the old lady hadn’t taken us in. She gave us a happy childhood.” Matsumoto’s face echoed his as she stared at him. “I would’ve starved if it wasn’t for Gin. We helped each other survive. But it would’ve been nice if someone had taken us in, raised us right. Maybe then Gin wouldn’t have…” She trailed off, then shook her head. “But that’s neither here nor there.” The tenth division taichou and fukutaichou had spoken of children before, when reminiscing on their own childhoods in Rukongai over tea (sake in Matsumoto’s case). Due to their own experiences struggling on the streets, they both wanted to adopt, to save a child from the miserable, unforgiving slums of the lower districts. Matsumoto smiled gently, and Hitsugaya returned it. Her grin grew, eyes lighting up, and she tilted her head to one side. “I still think you’d look cute with a baby belly, though.” Hitsugaya’s expression darkened murderously. “MATSUMOTO!!!”