That Infernal Noise

[Type text]

[Type text]

[Type text]

That Infernal Noise By Scott Schultz

Louis

Vetinari,

one

of

the

laziest

and

the

newest

of

servants in the DuVait family's employ, enjoyed the taste of a red apple plucked from the kitchens earlier that morning.

He

bit surreptitiously into its tasty flesh as he sheltered himself from the harsh sun and his duties under the branches of a mighty oak tree.

In the distance, he saw the clock tower which tolled

two in the afternoon as he took the last bite. The lazy servant threw the core toward the garden, landing straight

into

her

ladyship's

prized

yellow

outstretched arms, he gave a prolonged yawn.

tulips.

With

Louis shifted his

eyes to ensure that his supervisor, the butler, could not see his undeserved rest and allowed them to shut.

He drifted into a

deep sleep as he lay in the cool, freshly cut grass. Meanwhile, deep within the dusty bowels of Heartfelt Manor, something

stirred.

What

began

as

an

indiscernible

tapping,

[Type text]

[Type text]

Schultz/Noise/2

became a constant drumming that echoed throughout the halls. The butler, Richard Rinaldi, knew full well that the banging came from somewhere within the pipe work that had recently been installed

in

an

attempt

to

modernize

the

household.

The

reverberating sound must be perturbing his lordship, and so he sent

every

footman

he

could

find

to

investigate,

but

to

no

avail; none were small enough to fit into the tight air ducts where the culprit was likely to be.

He remembered that Louis

Vetinari, whose figure verged on miniscule, could fit into the ducts.

Rinaldi, who sat inside of his office beside the great

entry hall, His

bony

checked the duty roster for the servant's location.

fingers

perused

the

file

until

he

found

the

entry

marked "Vetinari" next to the location "Library." Rinaldi walked to the library, a few minutes' walk to the room on the other side of the house, to see the young mistress and master at play.

He stood inside the doorway, with arm fold

behind his back, and bowed before his lordship's children. "Good afternoon, dear children, how are you doing today?" his

congenial

tone

felt

forced

under

the

annoyance

of

the

constant thumping behind the walls knocking the dust off books on the lofty shelves. "Rinnie!" squealed Bethany, the youngest daughter of the DuVait clan.

She ran toward the elderly butler, interrupting

the intense Parcheesi match in progress with her older brother.

[Type text]

[Type text]

Schultz/Noise/3

With greater force than her four year old frame should command, Bethany embraced Rinadi, cracking the bones in his frail frame. Her

brother,

Marcus,

lifted

himself

from

the

relaxed

position he took by the lit fire, and walked toward the butler. A look of vexation filled his pudgy cheeks, "Sister," he hissed, "Why have you interrupted our game?" he asked, "If you are not serious about playing, I would prefer to spend my

time absorbed

in my studies." Bethany

removed

herself

from

the

butlers

position,

and

walked dejectedly toward her brother, "Yes brother, I apologize." Marcus

continued,

"I

only

did

this

as

a

favor

to

you.

While we both are not invited to the party tonight, I was only asked to keep you company.

It is not required of me to spend

time with you." The young girl sobbed gently, her lavender dress moistened by the dripping tears, "Yes brother, I apologize." The irritated young master raised his gaze to the butler, "Rinaldi, what happened to the discipline you once employed on our staff?

I have yet to receive my morning meal, which I sent

Vetinari for hours ago," the room shook with the sound of the banging as he paused, "and what is that infernal noise?" Rinaldi

retained

his

composure,

"I

was

unaware

Vetinari's absence, as I have come here to find him.

of

Young

[Type text]

[Type text]

Schultz/Noise/4

master, if you bid me farewell, I shall look into the matter forthwith." Marcus gestured toward the door, "Yes, yes," As the butler left the library, the two children resumed their game

of

Parcheesi.

Rinaldi

briskly

strode

toward

the

other side of the manor, down the long marbled corridor to the kitchens.

He opened the swinging doors to find Chef Chelsey

Patrice standing in despair, with a cigarette in hand.

She

exhaled one final puff of smoke, and hid the cigarette at the sight of Rinaldi. "Richie!" the chef exclaimed, "Thank goodness you are here!" Rinaldi looked down toward the cigarette still smoldering behind her, and looked with disgust, "What have I told you about smoking in the house? The lord forbade it!" Chelsey sighed deeply, "You don't understand the morning I've had, Richie.

I have the state dinner to prepare for, and

I'm short-handed and without all my ingredients," she paused, allowing the butler to look at the state of the frantic kitchen, "My sous-chef quit on me this morning, after she knew that I had this

banquet,

filth.

and

left

me

with

this

awful

group

of

kitchen

The grocer this morning had just enough apples for my

famous pies and the apple cider I was to serve tonight, but he didn't

have

extra.

We

were

especially

careful

apples we used, but we seem to be two short!

of

how

many

Two of twenty is a

[Type text]

bad sign.

[Type text]

Schultz/Noise/5

This is not going to end up alright tonight," she

paused, her voice frantic, "Oh please, help me Richie! some of your staff. apples,"

the

Give me

I just need someone to run and get more

drumming

echoed

through

the

walls,

"That

damn

thumping!" "Calm down, Miss Patrice," Rinaldi placed his bony hand on her shoulder, "I promise I will send someone to assist you, but I have my own matters to attend to first," he paused, "Have you seen that sniveling

excuse

for

a

man,

Louis

Vetinari?

He

has

an

appointment with my belt that I am sure he does not wish to miss," the very thought brought a demonic fury into his eyes. The chef placed slowly, her hand on her chin in thought. She turned to Rinaldi, "Now that you mention it, I did see him this morning," she paused, the memory returning to her, "Yes, he came

to

pick

up

the

breakfast

for

Master

Marcus,

but

he

disappeared before I could hand it to him..." she thumbed her chin,

"As

a

matter

of

fact,

I

think

he

went

out

into

the

gardens." "Miss Patrice, have you seen him come inside?" A kitchen hand spooned some strawberry soup into the chef's mouth to which she delighted, "No, Richie, I'd assume he's still outside.

You know, now that you mention it, that's about when I

lost my apples! You don't think..."

[Type text]

[Type text]

Schultz/Noise/6

The butler put his hand on her shoulder, "I am sure that we have our culprit," he gave a small nod of his head, "I shall investigate the gardens.

Farewell."

Rinaldi carefully walked through the hurried kitchen to the back door which lead to the gardens.

With mild difficulty, he

found the short, lazy servant napping underneath an oak tree. Rinaldi

plotted

foul

deeds

punishment would come later.

to

inflict

upon

him,

but

his

He knew that Vetinari couldfit

into the ducts, and his cooperation would be useful.

Still, he

thought, simply waking him to be too kind. The estate gardener had finished earlier that morning, and had left a hose to rest in the grass nearby. would later capable

form

chastise of

this

rousing

carelessness,

the

young

he

While Rinaldi

found

servant.

He

the

tool

dragged

a

the

snaking hose to the tree and released the water straight above Vetinari's head. "Aaah!" Vetinari shot straight up and hit his head on a looming branch, his face drenched in cold water. As he wiped his eyes,

they

adjusted

to

his

surroundings,"

M...mm...Master

Rinaldi!" The butler stared at the soaked man, his arms crossed in front of him, "Vetinari..." "I

was...

just

heading

to

master's breakfast," he explained.

the

library

with

the

young

[Type text]

[Type text]

Schultz/Noise/7

Rinaldi noted the chewed apple nestled in the yellow tulips nearby, "Mmhmm, spare me your stories. you are already

on

probationary

Must I remind you that

status,

and

such

refusal

of

duties can get you thrown out onto the streets?" "Sorry, sir," Louis answered meekly, "I'm just not used to working so much." The butler gave the young man a hand, "Well, you need to get used to it.

I will not tolerate it any longer," he paused,

"Now, I need your assistance in the house.

If you will help, I

shall even forget about your lashings this afternoon." Louis' ears perked up, "Yes, sir! Anything!" he shivered with fear at the thought of another lashing. "Good, then you shall follow me," elated Rinaldi. The two wait staff walked toward the front of the house, avoiding all the preparation for the party later that evening. When Vetinari entered the house, the first thing he noticed was the drumming inside the walls.

He smiled for having stayed

outside all morning, avoiding the noise. They journeyed through the foyer, past the study, down a long corridor, through the recreation room, and down the cellar stairs. basement.

Vetinari grabbed the dusty light switch, which lit the The pounding was at its loudest down there as they

walked toward the newly installed air conditioning unit.

[Type text]

[Type text]

"Mister

Vetinari,

please

Schultz/Noise/8

climb

into

that

air

duct

and

examine where that blasted noise is coming from," he removed the cover over the closest duct, which caused Louis to gulp in fear. The young man clacked his shoes against the cement floor, and crawled inside the tight passageway. Louis

crept

inside,

the

metal

crawled deeper and deeper.

dinging

Rinaldi smirked as and

deforming

as

he

Suddenly, he stopped and started

working his way outside of the duct.

Incidentally, the banging

stopped as well. Rinaldi

stood

beside

the

covered in dust as he emerged.

vent

to

assist

Louis,

who

was

A cloud erupted and covered the

butler, who noticed that Louis had a strange object in his hand. "What is that?" asked the butler. Louis presented the object before his master, "I think this is our culprit.

Do you notice that lack of banging?"

Rinaldi nodded, as he looked upon the object, "Is that a pear?" he asked.

Louis nodded. "Why is it carved like that?"

the fruit had two eyes and malignant teeth etched on one side. A

ribbon

completed

the

effect,

giving

it

a

oddly

demon

appearance, "How did this cause the banging?" "It seems someone had attached this to a string inside the duct, so that every time the air turned on it would bang against the metal," explained Louis, "What I don't get is who could be

[Type text]

[Type text]

Schultz/Noise/9

small enough to do this and why? Why would anyone take the time to create such a nuisance right before the party?" Rinaldi thought for a moment.

Who was small enough and

upset enough to want to do this? Aha! "Bethany!

She is the only

other person small enough to this," he paused, "Poor girl must have

been

trying

to

sabotage

her

father's

party

because

he

ignored her." Louis smiled, "Now that this is over, can I go back to my nap sir?" Rinaldi smacked him in the back of the head with his left hand, "You may have helped me, but it seems you have a date with the kitchen." "But..." "Good day, Mister Vetinari."