Table For One

"table for one" Dominic Jenkinson

Copyright WGAw [email protected]

FADE IN: INT. GARDEN - DAY SUPER: "Beth & Sarah, 1979, 1st slice" A woman’s angry voice. An argument rages. Muted, but nearby. An Action Man doll sits alone at a table. He’s dressed in a pastel cardigan, more appropriate to Barbie’s Ken. Moving along the unkempt lawn, several Barbie and Ken style dolls sit as couples at tables. Two girls muse over the single doll from a set of swings. BETH, 10, skinny, serious, teary eyed. Glances to a nearby, shabby house, source of the argument. SARAH, 10, chubby, freckles, a frizz of red hair, chomps on gum as she studies the dolls. Looks to Beth and shrugs. YOUNG BETH I think Marco is better suited to Kristell. Sarah nods as Beth leans forward and switches two dolls. YOUNG SARAH That still leaves Brian. Beth turns from the crashes and shouts of the house to the lone Action Man doll. She bites her lip. A tortoise plods past the toy couples. Beth leans forward and picks him up. His head retracts into his shell. YOUNG BETH Room in there for me? The argument is reaching a climax. Beth places the tortoise next to lonely Brian. Looks to Sarah. More crashes and screams from the house. YOUNG BETH Nice to have a friend, at least... They turn to a PUNKY WOMAN, 25, orange leggings, Sex Pistols T-Shirt, who storms from the house with a bulging suitcase.

2.

YOUNG SARAH I don’t think that’s a good match. Beth’s DAD, 45, defeated and tired in a beige cardigan, watches Punky stomp away. She stops abruptly by the swings, leans down to Beth. PUNKY WOMAN I’m sorry, Beth. But I can see why your mum couldn’t stick it. Beth puts her hands to her eyes. Sarah places a comforting arm around her shoulder. In the doorway, Beth’s dad looks to a piece of toast he holds. A thick end slice, a crust. He takes a bite. Smiles. Sarah nods toward him. Beth jumps from her swing. YOUNG SARAH Beth, wait. Beth turns back to her. YOUNG SARAH (earnest) I know you’re only ten, and I’m ten and three quarters, but I’ll be your best friend for ever and ever. Beth smiles through her tears and runs to her dad. YOUNG BETH Has she gone, Dad? Has auntie Sharon left? DAD She wasn’t your auntie. YOUNG BETH I know... Has she gone? DAD Afraid so, love... On my own again. He rubs Beth’s head with one hand and takes another bite from his thick crust of toast. FADE OUT.

3. SUPER: "NOT BY BREAD ALONE" FADE IN: EXT: BUILDING SITE - DAY - PRESENT DAY DAVE JACKSON, 40, sits against a brick wall. A big man, he wipes sweat from his brow with tanned forearms covered in faded green tattoo ink. He concentrates on a paperback, "Roti and Rye by Pat Patel." Six builders crash by, punting a football. They shout in Polish. A small builder with a limp, struggles after them. Dave shakes his head at the book. Places a bookmark a single page in, rubs his temple and checks his watch. He takes a package from a battered leather satchel. Unwraps brown paper and holds up a magnificent sandwich. He admires the thick slices and takes a bite. LATER The builders slop mortar and add bricks to a section of wall. They laugh and joke in Polish. On his own section of wall, Dave works in silence. He checks his watch. His shirt is covered in sweat and grime. EXT. PORTABLE TOILET - DAY A fat BOSS, 50, in a shabby suit and a hard hat, bangs on the door of the single toilet. Builders pass and nod goodbye. BOSS (Polish accent) Come on, come on. Too long. Too long. DAVE (O.S.) Almost done. The Boss shakes his head. Checks his watch. He fishes a coin from his pocket and uses it to twist the lock open. Dave stands naked from the waist up. He washes soap suds from his lathered up face and body.

4. BOSS I fuckin’ told you. You do this at home! Get! He jabs his thumb to point which way he wants Dave. He squeezes past him, pushes him out. DAVE Okay! It’s just... I’m meeting someone. BOSS Don’t care. Same every day! Wash at home! I bostin’ for a shit! The Boss slams the door. Dave pulls a towel and fresh shirt from his satchel and wipes the suds from his body. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Dave towers above the rest of the queue. His mouth forms each word as he reads his novel. He checks his watch. INSERT: Digital watch, 5.48pm. A double-decker rises over the brow of a hill. The number on the front illuminated: 41. Dave allows an old lady to board before him. INT. BUS - DAY The DRIVER gives Dave a smile and wink of recognition. Dave shows his pass and walks to the empty rear bench seat. He checks his reflection in the window. Straightens his collar, gives each arm pit a tentative sniff. Satisfied he sits back and stares out of the window. A framed moving picture of grey factories, warehouses and chimneys, punctuated by the brown scrub of dead land. The bus slows to a halt. Dave looks forward, fidgets with his satchel, straightens his shirt. A petite and pretty Indian woman in a red sari, CHHAYA, 31, boards the bus. Dave watches her, spellbound. She walks down the aisle to the wheel arch side-on-seat, and steals a diagonal glance at Dave.

5.

He nonchalantly gives her a smile and nod. Chhaya smiles back, almost relieved. She nervously searches her handbag. She takes out a battered copy of "Roti and Rye" and pushes her long dark hair back over her shoulders. He stares away from her, out of the window. His fingers grip his book inside his satchel. LATER A smoggy sunset. Chhaya stands, a coy look to Dave. He nods his head, she smiles and exits. The bus pulls away. Dave takes out his book and turns to his bookmark. A moment. DAVE (to self, slowly) "She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And what was suggested? A friendship? Surely such a petty notion as friendship, was of no use here." Dave looks back out the window as he muses these words. INT. SUPERMARKET CHECKOUT - DAY Dave places a microwave meal for one, some beer, and a bag of yeast on the conveyor belt. He glances at a young couple, their shopping piled high. A colourful array of fruits, vegetables and produce. An old man in a pork pie hat, ERIC, 72, has his back to him. The CASHIER scans his tin of tomato soup and loaf of bread. Eric offers her a lottery slip. CASHIER Lotto’s at the kiosk. She idly pokes a thumb over her shoulder. ERIC Oh, sorry. Kiosk yes. Got the special numbers here. He smiles, waves the slip. She ignores him. Turns to Dave. Her eyes to the heavens a shake of her head. Dave opens his mouth, but doesn’t speak. A deep breath.

6.

INT. DAVE’S KITCHEN - NIGHT 1970’s style. Dave drops his satchel wearily on the table, beers in the fridge, meal in the microwave. A cupboard is opened, various bags and containers are placed neatly on the counter next to a gleaming white bread maker. Big hands work fast and precise. Flour and yeast measured by hand and eye. A switch flicked, the machine churns. DAVE’S LOUNGE Dave sips a beer and reads a newspaper. His finger traces along situations vacant. He circles a few adverts. EXT. BUILDING SITE - DAY Dave sits alone against his wall. He mouths the words from his novel as he reads. Other builders punt their football. The small builder hobbles after them. Dave replaces his bookmark and takes a package from his satchel. He inhales the bread deeply and smiles. The ball breaks to the small builder. He punts it for all his worth. It flies high and off the site. The other builders shout at him in Polish. A tough looking builder walks over and grabs him by the lapels. He looks fearful. Dave looks around. The other builders laugh. Dave slowly rises. He changes his mind, sits back down. The smaller man is thrown to the floor. The others walk away. Dave looks down at his sandwich in silence. EXT. PORTABLE TOILET - DAY Dave clutches his satchel. A heavy padlock and chain secure the door. The Boss walks by, laughing. BOSS Let’s have the last week on the job with no bullshit, huh?

7.

EXT. BUILDING SITE - DAY Dave stands in his undies next to a rusty tap. Water spatters onto the dusty soil. He wets his soap and goes to work on his chest and armpits. He stoops under the tap and into the freezing water flow. DAVE Jesus! Out of the water, he pulls a towel from his satchel. Dries off and puts on a fresh shirt. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Dave joins the queue, out of breath. The old lady taps her watch. Dave smiles as the 41 bus arrives. INT. BUS - DAY Chhaya glides down the aisle like an Indian Princess. She takes her side-on-seat, looks nervously to Dave. They exchange embarrassed smiles. Dave looks out of his window. He fidgets with his satchel, realises he’s fidgeting, and places it on the seat next to him. CHHAYA (O.S.) (slight Indian accent) You’ll lose your book. Dave turns to her, she nods at his satchel. The seam has split and half of his novel protrudes. He looks at Chhaya guiltily. She holds up her copy. CHHAYA Are you enjoying it? DAVE What’s that? CHHAYA The book, do you like it? Dave tucks the book back into his bag. DAVE Yeah, yeah, it’s good. Just started it. I’m a slow reader.

8.

Chhaya shows him an inquisitive smile. CHHAYA I never saw you read on the bus before. DAVE No... I just like to, you know, watch the world go by. Dave smiles and turns back to the window. Chhaya looks to the ugly landscape. CHHAYA Not such pretty scenery. Not like in the book. Chhaya smiles warmly and holds up the novel again. Dave smiles nervously, shrugs and turns to the window. Chhaya looks disappointed. Looks to her book. Dave stares toward the window, not at the landscape, at Chhaya’s reflection as she reads and plays with her hair. INT. DAVE’S KITCHEN - NIGHT Dave pours ingredients into his bread maker. He sits down to a microwave meal for one. He opens a letter. INSERT: Letter with logo: "Johnston’s Bakery." DAVE (slow and precise) "Dear Mr. Jackson, unfortunately you have been unsuccessful with your application on this occasion." He opens another envelope and scans the letter. Disappointment. He opens a drawer and places both rejections on a pile of similar letters. The bread maker churns. DAVE’S LOUNGE Dave sits on his sofa. He concentrates on his book. The room is completely silent and still.

9. DAVE (to self) "Friendship and no more, the Ambassador has advised. Friendship? Again, he scoffed at the idea, but now he realised that time may be his greatest threat..." Dave shakes his head, stands up and walks to his mirror. He looks at his reflection, licks his lower lip. DAVE (to self) Four days... Four days. He closes his eyes and leans his head against the mirror. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Dave reads as he stands next to the bus stop regulars. He checks his watch. INSERT: Digital watch "5.48pm" The 41 climbs over the brow of the hill. INT. BUS - DAY Dave stuffs the book into his satchel. Chhaya walks down the aisle, she gives Dave a smile that could melt hearts. She sits down on the side seat, holds up her book. CHHAYA Nearly finished. A bookmark protrudes from the last few pages. Dave smiles, licks his bottom lip. CHHAYA What attracted you to this one? DAVE I just saw it. Liked the look of it... It’s different. Interesting... You? CHHAYA (smiles) Honestly? I found it on here. She points behind her seat.

10.

CHHAYA But it was a book I wanted to read. You need to hurry up and finish. I want to talk to you about it. DAVE Alright’, should just be another decade. Chhaya smiles again. A pause. She looks at Dave, almost expectant of conversation. Dave licks his lower lip again, looks at his shoes, then turns to the window. The reflection shows Chhaya watch him for a moment, then open her book, disappointed. INT. SUPERMARKET CHECKOUT - DAY Dave stands next to items on the belt. A four pack of beer, a microwave meal, a bag of flour. In front, COLIN, 45, fidgets and scratches his bald head. He nervously fusses with his items, a large bottle of vodka, a microwave chicken dinner and a box of paracetamol. INT. DAVE’S KITCHEN - NIGHT Dave traces a finger down the small ads. He circles a few bakery jobs. He turns to the bread maker as it churns. EXT. BUILDING SITE - DAY The builders chase their football. Dave takes a bite from his sandwich. He picks up his book and opens it. The football knocks the book from his hand, his sandwich falls in the dirt. Dave looks up at the builders. One laughs. Another BUILDER smiles and walks over to Dave. BUILDER (Polish accent) Sorry, mate. Dave stares at him, clenches his fists, takes a deep breath... relaxes. The builder runs after the ball as Dave brushes the soil from his book.

11.

LATER Dave tentatively washes under the tap. He towels off and takes a fresh shirt from his satchel. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Dave checks his watch. INSERT: Digital watch "5.58pm" Muttering and silent consternation from the bus stop regulars. The old lady checks her watch, shakes her head. Dave looks to the horizon. A 41 appears over the hill. He smiles. Another 41 appears close behind, and then another. Dave and the regulars exchange puzzled looks. The buses all pull to a stop. Some people get off. Dave looks into the first at an ELDERLY DRIVER. DAVE Is this the five forty eight? ELDERLY DRIVER Your guess is as good as mine. Bit of trouble up the hill. All got backed up. All forty ones though. All the same. DAVE I’ll try the other one. The Elderly Driver shrugs. Dave dashes to the second bus. Sees the regular Driver. Dave steps aboard. INT. BUS - DAY Dave nods at the Driver. DRIVER Thought you were jumping ship on me then. DAVE Not likely. Only two more days on this job... This is the five forty eight?

12.

The Driver nods. DRIVER Not that it makes any difference. Accident on the hill. A crash. Thirty eight and me got backed up. All the same though? Dave’s expression shows he doesn’t think so. He goes to his regular seat and takes his book from a new satchel. He reads, but his attention is distracted. He looks to the bus in front and behind. He drums his fingers nervously. EXT. ROAD - DAY The three buses pass by in close formation. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Chhaya, in a purple sari. The three buses pull to a stop. A few passengers get off each bus. Chhaya looks puzzled. Tries to see through a window on the first bus, just sees her reflection. INT. BUS - DAY Dave looks out of the window. He sees Chhaya step on to the bus in front. The doors close. He licks his bottom lip, fidgets with his satchel. A moment. His bus edges forward. DAVE Hold on! He jumps up, runs down the aisle. The Driver looks puzzled. EXT. STREET - DAY Dave dashes to the bus in front. It pulls away. He bangs on the door. The Elderly Driver looks to him puzzled. The doors open.

13.

DAVE Sorry, I changed me mind. The Elderly Driver shrugs his shoulders as Dave boards. INT. OTHER BUS - DAY Chhaya, sad, in her familiar seat. She sees Dave, gives a winning smile. Dave takes a deep breath and sits down. DAVE How’s the book going? CHHAYA (laughing) You swapped buses! Dave shrugs his shoulders... but smirks. CHHAYA Almost the end of the story. DAVE I hope it’s a good ending. Getting close. CHHAYA I’m sure. I won’t say a thing until you’re finished. A moment’s silence. Dave licks his bottom lip. DAVE Funny about the buses, eh? CHHAYA (enthusiastic) Yes, I didn’t know which one you would be on. Dave looks surprised, pleased. Chhaya realises what she said, looks slightly embarrassed. CHHAYA To... See how you’re enjoying the book... Dave blushes. He smiles and nods. Busies himself fiddling with his satchel. The bus stops. Two men board. CHUNKY, 19, over-gelled hair, and SKINNY, 19, bad skin, bad moustache.

14.

They pay and noisily push each other down the aisle. SKINNY YOUTH Move it, ya nob! CHUNKY YOUTH It was you who lost me my fuckin’ bike, ya bender. They bounce aggressively onto the side seat opposite Chhaya. Dave looks at his feet. Chhaya reads her book. The youths shove each other a few more times. Skinny looks at Chhaya. Nudges Chunky, conspiratorially. CHUNKY YOUTH Whatcha’ reading, love? Dave’s eyes flick up momentarily. Skinny stares at Chhaya. Chhaya angles her book. The cover shows an Indian woman folding roti bread. SKINNY YOUTH It’s a fuckin book, innit. CHUNKY YOUTH I know that. Dave steals a glance at Chhaya. She stares at her book. CHUNKY YOUTH It’s a Paki book, innit? Chhaya takes a deep breath. Her eyes don’t leave her book. The youths stare at her. SKINNY YOUTH Not talking are ya? Dave takes a deep breath. Clenches his fists. Looks from Chhaya to the youths. DAVE Leave her, or I’ll get the driver. SKINNY YOUTH The fuck asked you?

15.

DAVE Just shut up and get off the bus. The youths laugh. CHUNKY YOUTH Who made you inspector? Your girlfriend is she? He punctuates the last word by flicking his scrunched up ticket at Chhaya. It bounces of her shoulder. Dave’s fist slams into Chunky’s head, propelling it into Skinny’s face. Blood. Chunky goes down. Chhaya gasps. SKINNY YOUTH Fuckin’ hell! Passengers spin around as Chunky hits the floor. Skinny spins toward Dave, straight into a fist in his stomach. He falls forward, into an upper cut that sends him down. The bus slams to a halt. Chunky slowly rises, Dave stomps on his back, and again. CHHAYA Stop! Chhaya is crying. Dave seems to snap out of a haze. He swallows, looks at the youths at his feet. Chhaya jumps up. She runs down the aisle in tears. PASSENGER 1 Somebody call an ambulance! PASSENGER 2 And the police! Dave looks around him. He shuffles over to the emergency exit, flicks the handle. The ALARM sounds. He jumps out. EXT. STREET - DAY Dave watches Chhaya run away. He takes a step in her direction. Pauses. He turns away and heads toward an alley. SIRENS in the distance.

16.

EXT. BUILDING SITE - DAY Dave slops mortar on a wall. Places a brick and taps it into place. He checks his watch, walks away from the wall. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Dave, in his unchanged, stained work shirt. A different set of people in the bus queue. INSERT: Digital watch "5.28pm" A bus climbs over the hill. INT. BUS - DAY An Asian bus driver nods at Dave. Dave heads up the stairs. INT. SUPERMARKET CHECKOUT - DAY Dave stands next to his items on the conveyor belt. Four pack of beer, a microwave curry, a packet of yeast. In front of him, ANDY, 30, scruffy suit and yesterday’s stubble. On the belt, twenty or so bottles of red wine. INT. DAVE’S KITCHEN - NIGHT The bread maker churns. Dave sips a beer. He opens a letter. INSERT: Letter, a logo "Dougal’s Bakery." He reads the letter. A look of defeat. A drawer opens, Dave drops his letter in with a pile of rejections. His copy of "Roti and Rye" lies amongst them. He sits down at the table, looks at the small ads. What’s the point? He screws the sheet up and throws it away. His hands go to his face, he tries to hold back the tears. FADE OUT. FADE IN:

17.

EXT. PAVEMENT CAFE - DAY SUPER: "Beth & Sarah, 3rd slice" Beth, now 30, pretty, petite, slightly intense behind fuck-me glasses. A ponytail hangs forward over one shoulder. Opposite, Sarah, also 30, chunky, freckles, frizz of red hair, in smart business suit. They both sip champagne. SARAH Okay, so you’re sticking with Tom? BETH Yes. No doubt in my mind. SARAH In the whole universe of Beth, your best relationship was with a tortoise? BETH I used to pretend we would get married and live happily ever after. SARAH Tom the tortoise... What ever happened to him? BETH He ran away. Sarah cracks up. Beth affects being hurt. BETH I’m glad you find it so funny. SARAH Tortoises can’t run. BETH Technically they can’t. But they can walk really fast. And anyway, he left me. SARAH Awww, that’s so sweet. She holds up her champagne flute. They clink glasses.

18. SARAH Okay, o’ fellow singleton. Forget best, what was the worst? BETH That I was involved in? SARAH Yes, otherwise it would have to be the time that you set up Vicky and Mike. BETH You’re just jealous. You know they’re perfect together. SARAH Yes. They are. How does that help me again? Beth smiles and shrugs her shoulders. BETH He’s not your type. Well, you might of fancied him, but trust me, it wouldn’t have worked. That’s solid gold Beth dating advice. SARAH Like don’t trust a tortoise, they’ll run out on you every time. BETH Yes. The little bastards. A handsome CAFE WAITER, 25, glides by the table, smiles. SARAH (whispers) That’s the one, did you mention me to him? BETH Yes, but he looks about twelve years old... Apart from the married face. SARAH The what? What’s a married face? BETH He just looks married. I can tell... And yes, I know that’s never stopped you before.

19. SARAH Well... Healthy relationships can blossom from the most complicated of situations. BETH Um, name one healthy relationship you’ve had with a married man? SARAH (thinks) Mmmm, Justin? BETH The guy from the gym? Are you insane? His wife turned up at your office. How was that healthy? SARAH I got a free six month membership. Beth makes the drum roll/cymbal noise. BU-DUM-TISH! SARAH Sorry, we shouldn’t be talking about failed relationships. Not today. BETH This is true. Sarah pours two glasses and raises a toast. SARAH To business. BETH Relationships. SARAH Both. They drink. The Cafe Waiter walks over, smiles at Sarah. CAFE WAITER Can I get you ladies anything else? Sarah gives subtle nods and looks to Beth. BETH (reluctant) We’re fine... This is my friend I told you about, Sarah. From the marketing firm?

20. CAFE WAITER (to Sarah) Oh yeah, how you doing? Beth was telling me you paint. I’m a bit of a wannabe artist myself. SARAH Well, I’ve been known to dabble. Beth raises her eyebrows slightly. BETH She’s very talented. CAFE WAITER I’d like to see your work. SARAH Oh, really? It’s pretty amateurish. CAFE WAITER Hey, me too. Here, give me a call sometime. He winks and takes a card from his wallet. Hands it to her with his left hand. Sarah takes the card. Beth frowns. BETH Thanks. Can we get the bill? CAFE WAITER Sure... Be right back. He winks at Sarah and exits. Beth shakes her head to Sarah. BETH Married. SARAH What? Beth holds up her left hand. BETH Took his ring off. SARAH Serious? BETH Yup. White patch. Beth taps her ring finger.

21. SARAH Good spot. Shit, I should of got that. Where’d I be without you? BETH Either involved in an incredibly bad affair with a married man, or a complete stop-at-home internet addict. Sarah laughs and throws the screwed up card at Beth... Just as the Cafe Waiter returns. He sees the screwed up card, raises his eyebrows and backs away toward the cafe. Beth and Sarah look like a couple of naughty schoolgirls. Unable to hold back any longer they crease up laughing. FADE OUT. SUPER: "STALE" FADE IN: INT. ELEVATOR - DAY Last seen at the supermarket checkout, Colin’s male pattern baldness, spectacles and unfashionable suit contrasts with a group of younger, cooler EXECUTIVES. FEMALE EXEC Mari’s bringing people. Does she know where we’re going? Colin looks to a MALE EXEC. Awaits his response. MALE EXEC Well, the eternal question. The Parrot or The Grapes? Colin muses the choice. Looks to another FEMALE EXEC. FEMALE EXEC 2 Just make a decision already. I need to text Maz. Colin looks to the heavens, a subtle shake of his head. MALE EXEC Okay, The Parrot. Do it. Colin nods. A wise choice. The elevator doors open to an OFFICE LOBBY

22.

The Execs exit in a breeze of chatter, oblivious. Colin trudges behind them. An elderly, uniformed Doorman smiles at him. Colin smiles, approaches him, holds out a cardboard box. COLIN Some cakes, from the meeting. For the kids. Thought it a shame to waste. The Doorman gives him a big smile and takes the box. EXT. STREET - DAY Colin strolls past the buzz and chat of bar and restaurant patios. City types drink, smoke and wind down. Diners laugh and chat. A tray of sizzling plates are placed on a barrel table. An expectant "whooo" from the diners. The Execs from the elevator, under a patio heater, clink glasses and chat. Colin smiles, watches for a moment. MALE EXEC Saw he took the bloody cakes again... Odd bod. I bet he indexes his porn collection! Laughter. Colin, unseen by them, moves away. EXT. PATIO - DAY Colin places a pint of beer on a barrel table and turns on a patio heater. He takes a sip and looks around. Not the bar, a domestic patio, at the rear of his house. He steps through patio doors. INT. COLIN’S LOUNGE - DAY Immaculate, almost clinical. Old school TV and sofa. COLIN’S KITCHEN Chicken breast, vegetables and gravy sizzle on a stone plate. Kitchen gloves place it on a tray. COLINS’S LOUNGE

23.

Colin carries the meal toward his patio. A phone RINGS. He jumps. The tray wobbles, he tries to grab it, the plate slides off the tray, hits the sofa. The contents slide down the back of the cushions. He turns slowly to a dresser. RING. He opens a drawer, moves some papers. An old 1970’s dial telephone. It RINGS. Colin picks it up. COLIN Hello? COLD CALLER (V.O.) (Indian accent) Hello, is that Mr. Jackson? COLIN No, this is Colin. COLD CALLER (V.O.) Oh, well may I speak with Mr. Jackson, please? COLIN There isn’t a Mr. Jackson. Just me, Colin. COLD CALLER (V.O.) Well, Mr. Colin, I’m sorry to disturb you, good evening -COLIN No, that’s okay... Is this call, um, originating in the U.K? COLD CALLER (V.O.) Excuse me, sir? COLIN Are, are you calling from the U.K. or from an Indian call centre? COLD CALLER (V.O.) Sir, we are based in Mumbai, in India. Colin smiles, leans against his wall. COLIN Really? What time is it there?

24.

COLD CALLER (V.O.) Sir, it’s just half past eleven. COLIN Really? How’s the weather? COLD CALLER (V.O.) Sir, I’m sorry, I have to make another call now. COLIN Oh... Just wondered if monsoon -Click. The line goes dead. He replaces the receiver. Replaces the papers and closes the dresser drawer. COLIN’S KITCHEN Colin opens a cupboard. Rows of cleaning fluids and polishes, perfect height order. Clipped to the side, a dustpan and brush, dynotaped "DRY." Opposite, another set, labelled "WET." COLIN’S LOUNGE Colin bends over the sofa. He places items from his meal into a bin. He takes a sponge from a bowl of soapy water. COLIN’s KITCHEN Colin tidies items away. A pair of disposable gloves are dropped into a bin. He opens a freezer. Six large Tupperware containers, individually dynotaped "Sunday" to "Friday." He removes "Monday" and places it on the table. He opens the lid. An identical, but frozen chicken and vegetables dinner. He looks to a calendar. The days of the week are neatly circled in ink. Today is Sunday. He looks to the dinner, considers for a moment. Shakes his head, replaces the lid, and puts it back in the freezer. He opens the fridge. Similar containers labelled with each day of the week.

25.

EXT. COLIN’S FRONT GARDEN - DAY Colin, in hat, coat and scarf, closes the door and checks it is locked. His garden is neat, without extravagance. He bends and picks up a single leaf from the grass. A short distance away, a bus shelter. Chunky and Skinny sit on a bench. Chunky nudges Skinny, nods at Colin. SKINNY YOUTH Oy, mate! Colin, head down. Not again. Ignores them. SKINNY YOUTH Oy, mate! I’m talking to ya’. Chunky passes a cigarette to Skinny. Colin looks up. SKINNY YOUTH Get us a pack of fags, will ya’? COLIN Sorry? SKINNY YOUTH Can-you-get-us-a-packet-ofcigarettes-please? COLIN I’m, I’m not -- I’m going to dinner. SKINNY YOUTH Yeah, well get the fags, and bring ’em back here on ya’ way back. I’ll give ya’ the dosh later. Chunky looks away as he sniggers. COLIN Okay. SKINNY YOUTH Don’t be long. I wanna get a bus before they finish. Colin walks past the youths at a pace. Laughter behind him.

26.

INT. INDIAN RESTAURANT - DAY Colin walks into a cosy but garishly coloured reception area. An Indian WAITER, 59, smiles at him, a bit puzzled. WAITER Hello, my friend. How are you? COLIN (smiles nervously) I’m good. Fine thank you. INDIAN WAITER I wasn’t expecting you until next Saturday. Two nights in a row. What do we owe this pleasure? COLIN Oh, you can’t live life to a strict routine, can you? The Waiter raises his eyebrows. A tight lipped smile. COLIN Sorry, do you have a table? WAITER Just for... The Waiter holds up a single finger. COLIN Yes. WAITER It’s Sunday, it’s quiet. We can always accommodate you, my friend. He leads Colin to a table in the almost empty restaurant. WAITER The usual? Colin considers for a moment. COLIN Yes, I think so. The Waiter nods. WAITER Very well.

27. He smiles and exits. Colin drums his fingers nervously on the table. He stares at a picture on the wall. He unrolls his napkin, refolds it. Drums his fingers on the table, scratches his bald head, looks at his watch. Fingers drum nervously on the table. He stands up, walks toward the exit. WAITER (O.S.) My friend? Colin turns to him. COLIN I’ll be back in a minute. Well, five or so, to be more accurate. WAITER (puzzled) Okay. It’s no problem. Colin exits. EXT. STREET - DAY Walks at a pace to a newsagents. INT. NEWSAGENTS - DAY A young Goth-lite female ASSISTANT. COLIN A packet of cigarettes, please. ASSISTANT You what? COLIN Um, a packet of cigarettes, please? ASSISTANT Duh, which ones? She sarcastically holds up her hand to indicate the multitude of brands behind her. COLIN Oh, yes, I see. Um... He looks at them, studies the various labels and logos.

28.

COLIN Which are the best? ASSISTANT The best? COLIN Which are most popular? With young folk? She hands him a packet of 20 "Bastards." COLIN Thank you. He heads for the exit. ASSISTANT Whatever. Her rudeness almost causes Colin to pause. EXT. STREET - DAY At a pace Colin dashes past shops. He cuts down an alleyway, like an Olympic speed walker, turns into a residential street and sees the bus shelter. A bus pulls up. The number: 41. COLIN Wait! Not hearing, the youths get on the bus. Colin breaks into a jog toward them. The doors close, the bus pulls away. He stops, holds the cigarettes up as it pulls away. He turns to his house, looks back the way he just came. In two minds which way to go. He looks fed up. A door opens on his neighbour’s house. An IRISH MAN, 29, peers out. He holds a letter in his hand. IRISH MAN Colin? COLIN Yes.

29.

IRISH MAN Thought so. The postman put this through the wrong door. He hands Colin a letter. It’s been opened. COLIN Oh, thank you. Colin looks up. COLIN Sorry, I didn’t get your name -The man has turned away to his door. He doesn’t stop. Colin waves to the man’s back as he enters his house. Colin puts the letter and cigarettes in his pocket and walks away from his house. EXT. INDIAN RESTAURANT - DAY A large tourist bus idles outside the restaurant. Colin eyes it suspiciously. He opens the restaurant door and peers in. It is now packed. The tables are chock-full of German speaking tourists. Some stand at the small bar area, several waiting staff buzz around the tables, serving drinks. The Waiter hands out menus at the far end of the restaurant. He sees Colin. Colin gives a half wave. The Waiter shrugs his shoulders, holds out his hands apologetically. Indicates no space. Colin waves it away and smiles. He exits the restaurant. EXT. STREET - DAY An ELDERLY TRAMP shuffles past. He smiles at Colin. ELDERLY TRAMP Haven’t got a spare ciggie, have you, son? COLIN I don’t know, I haven’t lived all my life yet.

30.

ELDERLY TRAMP You what? COLIN (smiles apologetically) Sorry, just -- Rita Rudner. Sorry, I don’t -Colin remembers. He reaches into his pocket and takes out the "Bastards" and hands them to the surprised Tramp. ELDERLY TRAMP Bless ya, son. You’re a real gent. Colin reaches back into his pocket and takes out the letter. He pulls it from the envelope. COLIN (V.O.) "Dear Sir, thank you for taking the time to register with our agency, and your recent query. As discussed at your interview, our organisation prides itself on the ’human touch’ and hands on expertise of our highly trained professionals. On occasion, this leads to periods where we are unable to find a suitable date for some time. Despite this, we acknowledge that four months is longer than we would expect to find a match. Please find enclosed your cheque for forty five pounds. This represents your registration fee and initial six months membership. Should you have any..." Colin reaches into the envelope. It’s empty. He drops it to the floor. He holds the palms of his hands to his eyes, as if he has a migraine. He remains still for a moment. He moves his hands away. A look of clarity. A decision made. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Colin carries a shopping bag toward his house. He glances at the empty bus shelter. Two leaves lie on his lawn. He bends and picks them up.

31.

INT. COLIN’S KITCHEN - NIGHT Colin’s microwave pings. He takes out a plastic tray containing a poor imitation of his prepped dinners. He spoons the food onto a plate and sits down to eat. LATER Colin stares at his calendar. He takes a red pen and circles Friday. (5 days away.) He opens a cupboard, takes out a Tupperware container and dynotapes a label "Friday." He takes his shopping bag and removes a large bottle of vodka. He places it in the "Friday" container. A pause. He takes a box of tablets from the bag. INSERT: Tablets box "PARACETAMOL" They join the vodka. More boxes, different brands of paracetamol are placed in the container. He affixes the lid, and places it in the fridge. Walks past the calendar and turns out the light. INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY Colin sits in a cubicle. One of countless uniform cubicles in a vast office. He fills in cells on a spreadsheet. A young manager, WALLACE, 29, leans over his cubicle wall. Looks disdainfully at Colin. WALLACE I need your report on the Cartaino account wrapped by Monday. COLIN Monday won’t be a problem, Mr. Wallace. WALLACE Good. I liked the redraft of the Chironi account. You know, you could be quite the business man... If you just got some balls. He walks away. Colin looks at his desk. Immaculate and orderly. He straightens a single pencil next to his PC.

32.

A hand passes over a thick file of papers from the neighbouring cubicle. MARI (O.S.) (Dutch accent) Don’t let him bug you, Colin. Colin takes the file. COLIN I won’t. MARI (O.S.) The Hale business plan. As always, your figures, projections, all spot on. Good job. COLIN Thank you, Mari. A tiny moment of pleasure for Colin. MARI, 28, super cute, peers into Colin’s cubicle. She wears a fashionable, boyish blue suit MARI You should be running this place. Keep up the good -She looks away, distracted. A big smile appears on her face. MARI Ooh, look who’s back. Mari paces off past rows of cubicles. Colin looks disappointed. He stares at his spreadsheets. Drums his fingers on the desk for a moment. From across the far side of the office, a commotion. SHOUTING MAN (O.S.) That’s my fucking girlfriend! My fucking girlfriend! People stand up in the adjoining cubicles. Colin bows his head and taps nervously on his keyboard.

33.

INT. COLIN’S KITCHEN - NIGHT Colin takes the container marked "Monday" from the freezer. He opens the fridge and takes out some juice. He looks at the "Friday" container. EXT. PATIO - DAY He stands at his table, under the heater. Sips his juice. A melodramatic, slightly cheesy play on his radio. FEMALE VOICE ON RADIO (V.O.) (Indian accent) And when you think back was it worth it? MALE VOICE ON RADIO (V.O.) (English Accent) Worth it? I rate every second of being of the utmost importance. FEMALE VOICE ON RADIO (V.O.) And on that day, that fateful day, when you boarded the train as it pulled out of Bombay Station... You don’t regret anything? MALE VOICE ON RADIO (V.O.) When I saw the train, I just knew. When I took you in my arms. I knew I could die right there, my life complete and full. Full of a unique love. Some light Indian music plays. CONTINUITY MAN ON RADIO (V.O.) And Roti and Rye by Pat Patel concludes on Sunday at five o’clock. -Colin clicks the radio off. Dismissive, above that. He allows himself a smile, a moments consideration. It’s replaced by sobs. He puts his hands to his face and cries his eyes out. Through patio doors, the calendar, Friday circled in red.

34. MONTAGE - COLIN’S LAST DAYS -- Circles Tuesday on the calendar. -- Drops a box of indexed porn DVD’s into a wheely bin. -- Rides the bus to work, reads a book. -- Opens "Wednesday’s" container and removes his frozen dinner. -- Reads on the bus. Closes the last page with a satisfied smile. Places the book behind his seat. It’s "Roti and Rye." -- Opens freezer. Looks at "Thursday’s" container. Short pause. Closes freezer and exits kitchen. -- Out of his house in hat, coat and scarf. -- Walks into the Indian Restaurant. The Waiter holds up his arms, surprised to see him. -- Colin tucks into a feast of Indian cuisine. -- Shakes the Waiter by the hand as he exits. -- The Waiter clears his table. Lifts and opens the menu. A few hundred pounds in twenties fall out. He’s shocked. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Colin gets off a bus at the stop by his house. Skinny and Chunky sit on his garden wall, smoking. Colin sees them. They see Colin. CHUNKY YOUTH What happened to our fags? SKINNY YOUTH Yeah, our fags. COLIN (ambivalent) You can’t hurt me any more. There’s nothing you can do. The youths look at each other, puzzled. Shocked. Skinny jumps up, grabs Colin by the lapels and pushes him against the conifer bushes. He leans in close. Colin is no longer ambivalent.

35.

SKINNY YOUTH I can fuckin’ hurt ya’, ya’ cheeky twat. I can fuckin’ hurt ya’. He twists Colin’s shirt, strangling him. Buttons pop. Chunky takes two paces back to the pavement. Keeps watch. COLIN Wait, wait. You want cigarettes? Come and see me at the weekend. SKINNY YOUTH Whatcha’ mean, weekend? Weekend’s no good. I asked you a week afuckin-go. Colin breathes rapidly. Scared. He glances over Skinny’s shoulder, momentarily distracted by a leaf on his lawn. COLIN (unconvincing) Um, a chap at work. He’s just um, won a lot of cigarettes, in a competition. SKINNY YOUTH You what? COLIN He doesn’t smoke. So I said I’d take them off his hands. They’re yours. SKINNY YOUTH (believing, warming) Yeah? That’s a bit mad. Fuckin’ fair play to ya’, mate. (magnanimous) That’s good of ya’, mate. He lets go of Colin’s shirt and straightens his tie. SKINNY YOUTH Now, carry on. I’ll see you the weekend for me fags. Or you’re fuckin’ dead. Colin nods his understanding. Enters his house.

36.

INT. NEWSAGENTS - DAY The Goth-lite Assistant looks up at Colin. COLIN Twenty Bastards, please. She reaches behind her, takes a pack and rings it up. ASSISTANT Five forty three. COLIN Whatever. Mimicking her from earlier. He takes them and walks out. ASSISTANT Hey! The Assistant is dumbfounded. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Colin ensures he’s alone. He sprinkles the cigarettes at his feet and joyfully stomps them. He twists, 60’s style, grinds them to the bus shelter floor. A satisfied smile. INT. COLIN’S KITCHEN - DAY He circles Friday on his calendar, turns to the fridge, and without ceremony removes the "Friday" container. LOUNGE He sits on his sofa. In front of him is a coffee table. The bottle of vodka, a small glass and neat rows of tablets. He switches on his radio, classical music. He pours a glass of vodka, pops a pill into his mouth and takes a sip. A slightly disappointed smile as he swallows another pill. The neat row of pills shows several missing. He takes another and pours another vodka. Another pill, another sip. The telephone RINGS. Colin freezes, pill midway toward his mouth. He looks to the dresser, looks at his pills. He pours another drink as the phone continues ringing. FADE OUT.

37.

FADE IN: INT. THE OAK PUB - DAY SUPER: "Beth & Sarah, 4th slice" Brown and beige decor. Four empty stools at the bar. At a table, Beth and Sarah, out of place in their business suits. SARAH This better be the best gin and tonic ever poured. She takes a sip. SARAH No, distinctly below average. Why are we in "The Oak" again? She holds up a beer mat with the words "The Oak." BETH A, it’s close to my office. B, the drinks are incredibly cheap. And C, it’s quiet. Easy to talk. Sarah looks around. They are alone. SARAH Yup, no chance of anybody ear-wiggin’. This must be the world’s loneliest pub. Didn’t your dad used to come here? Beth gives a half hearted smile. SARAH Oh -- You’re still on for the weekend? BETH Oh, yeah. Definitely. SARAH Good. If it wasn’t for you I’d never leave the house. Or the office... Why we here again? BETH ’Cause it’s cheap and I’m paying?

38.

SARAH I’m sorry, hon’. You still quiet? BETH I expected it for the, first few months. But, I dunno. Just real quiet. SARAH I won’t say "I told you so." BETH What, because you didn’t? SARAH Yes, there is that, but in retrospect, isn’t this all done on the internet nowadays? BETH Well, maybe. But some computer generated results are never going to compete with -SARAH Your mad skills? BETH Yeah, who was it who said everybody is good at one thing? SARAH You hear Yazmin and Frotty are getting married? Beth nods. BETH What can I say? SARAH You certainly do have a talent. BETH This is true. But not for us, eh? A moment of silence. BETH I haven’t had a single customer today.

39.

SARAH Tell me again about your marketing? BETH Well, you know, I’m just generally putting myself out there. SARAH Oh okay... Don’t go into that much detail. BETH (smiles) Sorry, I’m just a bit distracted with the whole thing. It’s on my mind twenty four seven, then I get these moments of clarity and it’s like -- What the fuck am I doing? SARAH Okay -- That’s not clarity, that’s negativity. Are you making money? BETH Some. Just sort of paying the bills at the mo’. SARAH Are you enjoying it? I mean, how long did you want to do this? BETH An age. SARAH And now you’re there, in that office, no boss, is it what you want? BETH I don’t know. I mean, I’m fine with my own company, and I know you’re on the end of my speed dial... SARAH But not the same as just turning around and having someone to chat with. BETH Yeah, damn it. Never thought I’d miss all those arses.

40.

SARAH When you’re a success, you’ll be employing your own arses. BETH Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. An ELDERLY BARMAN appears like a spectre behind the bar. Beth smiles at him. He stares back, the faintest of smiles. BETH Quiet for a lunchtime? ELDERLY BARMAN It’s always quiet. Lunchtime, dinnertime, any time. BETH I’m sure things will pick up later. ELDERLY BARMAN I doubt it. He shuffles off. SARAH There you go. Head hunt him for the business. Your first employee. BETH I don’t think so, but I might give him a card. He looks like he needs some encouragement. SARAH He needs something... Oh, if you do, I’ll disown you forever. BETH Can’t be too choosy. SARAH Yes. Yes you can. Think of your female clientèle. She reaches into a bag at her feet. SARAH I’ve got a present for you. Promise you won’t and it’s yours.

41.

BETH Ohhh, pressies. Cool. Promise. SARAH Okay. Going back to our earlier conversation. It’s all about marketing. So, me and the guys had a little buzz session, and... Sarah holds up a sheet of paper. Beth puts her drink down. She looks shocked. BETH You did that, for me? Sarah nods. SARAH We also pulled a few favours with the Express. They owe us some love. They’re running it for the next two weeks. Beth puts her hands to her face. Sarah drops the sheet to the table, gets up and hugs Beth. BETH (crying) Thank you. You’re beautiful. The sheet shows an advert. A big red heart with the caption: "LOVE MATTERS." Sarah hugs her tight. The Elderly Barman shakes his head, behind the bar. ELDERLY BARMAN Women. He raises his eyebrows. FADE OUT. SUPER: "THE GREATEST THING SINCE..." FADE IN:

42. INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY Colin’s office. Cubicle based workers hunched over keyboards. Each a carbon copy of the last. Except for one. Pictures of a pretty twenty-something girl. Polaroids, photo-booth and studio shots. Excessive, but not obsessive. Last seen at the supermarket checkout, Andy, leans forward slightly, talks over the top of his screen to an unseen cubicle beyond. ANDY ... it’s like pop tarts. Where did they come from? What did we do before them? All of a sudden it was 1990 and we had a market for toaster pastries? In America they’re eating two billion a year. You know they dropped two million on Afghanistan at the start of the war? What’s that about? An employee walks by. Andy turns to see who it is, revealing his friendly, stubbly, slightly tired face. Turns back, his eyes come alive. ANDY But I’m losing my train of... What was I saying..? I got my one shot, my big pitch coming up... and oh, yeah. Something new on the market. Create your own niche product. Red Bull style. People always want something new, quirky. Doesn’t matter what it is. And you know what else they want? He stands up to lean over the divider. There’s nobody there. ANDY (to self) They want something different. He slumps back in his chair. Looks at the photo of his girl. Mari, in super short skirt, knocks on his cubicle wall. Mari bears a slight resemblance to the girl in Andy’s photos. MARI (Dutch accent) Not long to your vacation now, Andy.

43.

ANDY We call them holidays. But yeah, Will be good. MARI (smiles) Any exciting plans? ANDY Well, you know... MARI I was thinking, if you’re bored, we could catch a movie or something... ANDY (unconvincing) Well, I’m sort of, I’m going away. MARI (suddenly cold) Oh. You never said. You kept that quiet. ANDY Yeah, L.A. See her parents. He nods at the pictures on his cubicle wall. ANDY Didn’t want to show off, you know? Yeah, a whole week in the Sunshine State. MARI Golden State. ANDY (smiling) What? MARI It’s the Golden State. Florida’s the Sunshine State. ANDY Is it? MARI Yeah? Jeez, haven’t you been studying your guidebook?

44.

ANDY Yeah, but I think I’ll be okay without my state nicknames. MARI How is Juliane? She looks to the pictures. Andy looks uncomfortable. ANDY Yeah, yeah... So, a holiday, but maybe a bit of business too. MARI (sarcastic) Really? What is it this time? A new concept in pies? ANDY No... That wasn’t a well thought out idea. But seriously, I set up a pitch meeting with a massive company. My new concept in -Wallace walks by, clipboard in hand. WALLACE Mother’s meeting? You do know we’ve got head honchos in this week? We need all hands to the grindstone. ANDY I know. It’s work related -WALLACE Well good. We all need to crack on. Pacifically we need the Cartaino account boxed off. ANDY Yes, we know. Our ’pacific’ problem seems to be keeping the printer working for more than a single day. Mari thaws a little, amused. WALLACE Yes, well, let’s crack on. Wallace exits with a spin of his clipboard.

45.

ANDY Why does nobody wanna listen? A moment. Mari, concerned. MARI Hey, you know where I am, you wanna talk. Okay? Andy, embarrassed or nervous? Tight lipped smile. Back to his PC. Mari walks away. LATER Andy taps figures into a spreadsheet. A quick glance around, plugs in a memory stick. Another glance over his shoulder. INT. PUB - DAY Andy sits at a corner table of a cheap pub with a notebook, a pint and a packet of crisps. Takes a sip of his pint. INSERT: notepad "To do list. 1 - SORT PITCH!! 2 - Pay bills?! 3 - ’vacation’ shopping. 4 - Flowers for Juliane." He looks at his watch. ANDY Shit! He downs his pint and exits at a pace. INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY Wallace leans over Andy’s desk. Andy enters. Sees Wallace. ANDY Bollocks! He approaches. Wallace studies the pictures, turns to Andy. WALLACE (checks his watch) Extended lunch breaks? ANDY Five minutes. Come on, when did you ever see me leave on time?

46.

WALLACE Um, yesterday? ANDY Okay, that was an exception. WALLACE Moving forward, as best practise dictates, observe stricter time-keeping. ANDY Yup. Best practise. Will do. Andy slides dejectedly into his chair. Mari passes by. MARI (sings) "Andy’s in trouble, Andy’s in trouble!" Andy smiles at Mari, but can’t hold her gaze. ANDY Yeah, like I’m scared of wanky Wallace. MARI So, anyway. A bunch of us cool kids are going to The Parrot or The Grapes for drinks after work. You coming? ANDY I’m not really drinking at the mo’. Plus I got shit loads to do. MARI (surprised) Not drinking? You seeing Juliane, or up to some crazy scheming? ANDY Kind of a combination of the two. MARI Like your exercise bike/electricity generator..? Andy grimaces and looks to the heavens. They both smile.

47.

MARI Okay, your loss. I got a "free short with a pint" voucher. Mari presents a voucher like a game show assistant. It shows a short and a pint. Andy looks at it. Takes it from Mari. MARI So I’ll see you there? ANDY Let me work my five I owe Wallace, and I’ll catch up. MARI Yay! She snatches the voucher back and scribbles on the back. MARI My new number. I’ll let you know which pub we’re in. She smiles and holds up her thumb. LATER The office empties. People exit with coats and bags. Mari walks past Andy, pokes his chair. MARI Shall I hang on for you? ANDY No, it’s okay. Be there in a minute. Andy smiles. Sees Wallace walking toward him. Andy turns back to his spreadsheet. Wallace puts a hand on his shoulder as he passes. WALLACE Wheel stone, Andy, the wheel stone. Andy shakes his head. Wallace follows the other staff. Andy looks around. Alone, he plugs in his memory stick. INSERT: Computer screen

"BUSINESS PLAN/PITCH"

He places his drinks voucher on a table clock. Reads: 5.12pm. He types. Words appear on screen.

48.

LATER He pauses. Clicks save. He takes the voucher from the clock. Looks at Mari’s number. The clock reads: 8.15pm. ANDY Oh. He retrieves his memory stick. EXT. CITY BUILDING - NIGHT Andy checks his watch. Sees a bus coming toward him. The 41. A moment of decision. He flags the bus, and jumps on. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Andy walks past broken down buildings and factories. The last lonely house on the edge of town. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT A single bare bulb lights the hall. Shoes and trainers lay strewn along the misplaced carpet tiles. An overflowing recycle box of wine and beer bottles. He kicks off his shoes, drops his bag and enters. ANDY’S LOUNGE Papers, files, charts and graphs cover the floor. Post-its, charts, and business cards are plastered to the walls. Against one wall, stacks of hundreds of newspapers. Some bound, many loose, flow onto the carpet. A computer desk in a corner, stacked deep in papers, empty wine bottles and overflowing ash trays. He takes a seat boots up his PC. He opens a bottle of wine and pours a glass. Inserts his memory stick. Checks his mobile phone. INSERT: Mobile phone screen -- "4 missed calls"

49.

ANDY Bollocks. He sighs, clicks DELETE, and looks at his monitor. INSERT: Computer screen "BUSINESS PLAN/PITCH" He takes a sip of wine, and types: "CRUSTS." INT. ANDY’S LOUNGE - DAY Sun filters in through chinks in the curtains. A tongue on parched, wine stained lips. Andy opens his eyes. ANDY Bollocks! He jumps up, two empty bottles of wine fall off his lap and CLATTER on the floor. He jumps at the noise. ANDY’S BATHROOM It’s a wreck. Loo roll tubes, bottles of shampoo, an old dingy shower curtain. Andy strips off. Throws his shirt and suit on the wooden floor. Turns the shower on, steps into the water. ANDY F-f-fuck that’s cold. He grabs a pip of soap and tries to manufacture a lather. His pits get a soaping, and he splashes his face with water before venturing south. Jumps out, wraps a hand towel around himself and into a BEDROOM in need of an industrial tidy up. He looks in a cupboard. A few metal hangers and a football shirt. He lifts a white shirt from a laundry basket. Sniffs it, turns his nose up. ANDY’S BATHROOM He looks at his crumpled shirt and suit on the floor. Picks it up.

50. INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY Andy enters the rows of cubicles. He looks like he spent the night drunk in a computer chair and came to work in those clothes. Mari walks past. MARI You okay? Wallace is on one. Andy grimaces. Heads for his desk. He sits down, stares at the pictures of his girl. His clock shows: 9.23am. A calendar lands on his desk. He turns around. WALLACE You know what that is? Andy picks it up. Looks at the space shuttle picture. ANDY The geekiest calendar ever? WALLACE It’s a calendar. ANDY Okay... WALLACE You may note, your holiday doesn’t start until seventeen hundred hours on Friday. ANDY Okay, look, I’m sorry I’m late. I was stuck here until late last night. I just overslept. WALLACE You look like it. ANDY What can I say? I need this break. WALLACE Yes you do. I’ll be looking for a marked improvement in your attitude, work rate and time keeping upon your return. Your tardiness is out of control. Andy looks to the heavens.

51.

WALLACE It seems the more hours you’re here, the less work you’re doing. Have your final work on the Cartaino account prepped for this arvo’. I’m meeting with the directors and they may spin in that direction. Wallace struts off. Andy rests his head on his desk as he boots up his PC. LATER He checks his clock. 1.08pm. He stands up, looks across to the furthest cubicles. Mari stands by her desk. Andy looks from Mari to the pictures of his girl. A moments thought. He takes out his wallet. A solitary five pound note. A shake of his head. No. He gets up and heads for the exit. INT. PUB - DAY Andy, at the bar. The BARMAN hands him a pint. ANDY Thanks. Can I use this? The voucher for a free short. The Barman smiles. BARMAN That’s not really for daytime -He looks at Andy. Pauses, a hint of pity. BARMAN Keep it. What can I get you? Andy smiles and pockets the voucher. LATER Andy sits alone. His table is covered with sheets of paper. He sketches, screws it up and puts it to one side. Checks his watch, downs his pint and gathers his papers into his briefcase.

52. INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY Andy at his cubicle. Mari taps the side wall. MARI Hey. ANDY Hey... Sorry I didn’t make it last night... Waves her hand and shakes her head. MARI No worries. Another time... You all packed and ready to go? ANDY What’s that? MARI For your trip? ANDY Oh yeah. Just a bit of shopping on the way home. Last minute supplies. I can’t wait to get out of here... MARI Yeah, and you’ve got Wallace out of your hair this afternoon. She nods toward Wallace, who escorts a group of austere looking Directors into a glass windowed boardroom. ANDY Shit, yeah. He cups his hand to his mouth and addresses the cubicles. ANDY (slightly louder) All hands to the wheel stone, gang! No larking around or horseplay today. We don’t tolerate tardiness! The other workers carry on as if nobody is there. Andy shrugs, Mari laughs. ANDY I wonder if anybody’d object to me machine gunning him to death?

53.

MARI Do you know anybody more than two cubicles away? Andy thinks of a retort. Nothing. A moment of silence. MARI I best go fiddle with the printer some more. Have a good holiday, Andy. ANDY Thank you. I will. LATER The office has emptied. Andy checks his clock. 5.08pm He looks over at the boardroom. Wallace, animated as he conducts a presentation to the Directors. Andy looks at his screen. INSERT: COMPUTER SCREEN -- BUSINESS PLAN. (CRUSTS) He clicks print. "PRINT 46 pages?" He clicks "YES." Mari walks by with a toner cartridge. ANDY Still here? MARI Yeah. Print-mare. I’ve hooked the network to the boardroom printer, so don’t send anything to -ANDY You’re joking. Please, you’re fucking joking. Mari looks worried. MARI No, Wallace needed the T’s and C’s on the -ANDY Fucking hell! Andy looks through to Wallace. Mari follows his gaze.

54.

Wallace looks distracted, as do the Directors who look to a printer churning out sheets. BOARDROOM Andy opens the door and walks in. Wallace, shocked, pauses his spiel. ANDY Apologies. Just grab these. The printer churns pages out at the foot of the board table. Some Directors crane their necks toward the pages as they slide onto the desk. The printer stops. Andy squares them together. Wallace watches him, open mouthed. Uncomfortable silence. Andy pulls the printer tray open. Empty. He grabs a stack of printer paper and drops it in the tray. He stands in silence as more pages slide out. Wallace and the Directors stare at him. ANDY Please, carry on. He gathers the last page from the printer and exits. EXT. CITY BUS STOP - DAY Andy stands, laden with shopping bags. A 41 pulls to a stop. The contents of Andy’s bags CLINK as he boards. INT. BUS - DAY The Driver smiles at him. DRIVER Not in a rush I hope? ANDY What’s that? DRIVER Not in a rush? There’s been an accident, apparently. Up on Hill Street.

55. Andy looks pale. Blank. He stares at the driver. ANDY Accident... Andy looks overly concerned. DRIVER Just heard on my radio. Bus in front. Gonna get backed up a bit, I reckon. A crash, they said. Andy just stares. Licks his lips. He steps off the bus. DRIVER (shouts after him) Still quicker than walking! Andy’s gone. The Driver shrugs and pulls away. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Andy trudges to his front door, laden with his bags. He rests them on the floor and fishes out his keys. INT. ANDY’S KITCHEN - NIGHT Andy unloads his supplies. Twenty or so bottles of red wine. He opens one, pours a taster. He looks shook up. Exhausted. ANDY I’m sorry, Juliane. He sips. MONTAGE - ANDY’S HOLIDAY -- Sits down at his desk with a glass of wine. -- A computer screen: CRUSTS BUSINESS PLAN. -- Walks around room, sticks post-its to various surfaces. -- Wakes up at his desk, face on keyboard. -- In dressing gown, reads: "The Perfect Pitch." -- Scrawls words on a whiteboard. Taps on a calculator. -- Staggers around lounge drunk, pulls charts from the wall screws them up.

56.

-- collapses onto the stacks of newspapers and passes out. INT. ANDY’S LOUNGE - DAY Andy wakes with a start. Looks at his whiteboard: "PITCH MEETING, DON’T BE LATE!" He looks at his watch, can’t believe the time. He puts his head in hands and collapses back on the floor. INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY Andy’s walks dejectedly past cubicles. MARI (O.S.) Hey, stranger! Andy turns, Mari walks across the office toward him. She wears the fashionable, boyish blue suit. ANDY Hello, Mari. MARI How was the trip? The pitch? ANDY Oh... You know... Okay. MARI Where’s the tan? They walk past the rows of cubicles as they talk. ANDY Oh. Too hot to sunbathe. Spent most the time inside. Shopping, with friends, in cars. You know? MARI No beach time? Anyway, you look, um, rested. ANDY Yeah, I needed the break. Andy’s desk. Cleared of all photos. ANDY Where’re my pictures?

57.

MARI Oh yeah. Wallace went nuts over your last day print job. Instigated a "clear deck policy." ANDY (too loud) What the fuck? That’s his words, right? Almost as if it’s a real, regular used phrase? Wallace walks over to Andy and Mari. WALLACE Andrew, good to see you back, and on time -ANDY Where’re my pictures? WALLACE Ah, yes. As a business we decided that online with company regulations, a clear deck policy -ANDY (fuming) Where are my fucking pictures! Mari and Wallace stare at Andy. WALLACE They’re quite safe. I, I, I merely put them in my office. ANDY That’s my fucking girlfriend! My fucking girlfriend! Get me my fucking pictures! Tears well in Andy’s eyes. Wallace is scared. He walks away. MARI Andy -ANDY No. He stalks after Wallace without saying a word.

58.

EXT. CITY BUILDING - DAY Andy exits. he clutches a box. Mari runs out after him. MARI Andy, wait! He pauses, turns around. ANDY I’m sorry. I’ve had it with that place. I just need to be alone. MARI Are you drunk? ANDY What? I -- Fuck off. MARI Yeah? I’m not blind you know? What are you doing? ANDY Nothing -MARI Yeah? Well first off do yourself a favour. Find somebody to talk to, on the alcohol. Someone to help. ANDY Look, I’ve had enough, that’s all. What do you want? MARI You to get real. And maybe ask me out? For fuck’s sake I’ve been leaving enough hints. ANDY (shocked) But, I’m already in a -MARI Don’t give me more lies, Andy. I know about Juliane. I knew all along. I’m so sorry, Andy, but I read all about it. A moment. Andy looks at his shoes.

59. MARI I know what happened. ANDY Why didn’t you say anything? MARI It wasn’t for me to. I saw you in the supermarket, a few months ago. Buying up all those newspapers. So serious. I was worried for you. I went to a newsagents down the road, to see the papers. They were all gone. The guy told me someone had come in and bought them all. It was you. Andy’s gaze returns to his shoes. MARI I know what you were trying to hide. It makes no sense... And why? You think any of them are interested in your life? She jabs a thumb over her shoulder at the building. MARI You don’t have to hide anything... Also it wasn’t your fault. It said the other driver was drunk. ANDY I was drunk. Okay? I was drunk and I was at the wheel. Mari looks shocked, and puzzled. ANDY Stopped, at some lights. He came out of nowhere. Three witnesses. They didn’t even breathalyse me. So there it is. Both drivers drunk... Yet I walk away without a scratch or blame. How is that? MARI You can’t blame yourself. ANDY Yes I can. I’m to blame. Andy turns and walks away. Mari shakes her head.

60.

MARI (shouts after him) Crusts, eh? The new big plan? That’s you. Just an outside layer -- a barrier, letting nobody in. I just wonder if there’s anything on the inside. Andy barely breaks stride. INT. ANDY’S LOUNGE - DAY Andy walks straight to a bottle of wine on his desk. He upends it in a stained glass and downs it. He staggers over to the pile of newspapers. He sits down on them. The headlines stare back at him. INSERT: Newspaper "American killed by drunk driver. Boyfriend survives." Andy picks up a paper, he pulls the cover off, screws it up and throws it. He takes another, repeats, throws the coverless paper to the floor. And another, and another. FADE OUT. FADE IN: EXT. CEMETERY - DAY SUPER: "Beth & Sarah, 2nd slice" Beth and Sarah dressed in black, sit on a bench. Frosty breath, leaves around their feet. Beth’s eyes are red. She’s been crying. SARAH Ciggy? Sarah takes a pack out of her bag. BETH You don’t smoke any more. SARAH I know. Thought you might want one. Beth glances at the gravestones.

61.

BETH Not inappropriate, here? SARAH Suppose so. She puts them in her handbag. Beth takes them out. BETH Go on. They won’t mind. She lights the cigarette. Coughs. BETH One vice Dad didn’t care for. I wonder if I get it from my mum. SARAH Did she smoke? BETH Don’t know. I think Dad said she used to. Before she met him. I bet she started again soon after. A moment of silence. Beth looks at her lit cigarette. SARAH You ever wonder why he never married again? Beth shrugs. Sarah lights her own cigarette. BETH Who’d have him? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I loved him -- love him. But he wasn’t an easy person to know. She takes a drag. Coughs a little. BETH He was a loner. Liked his own company. Telly, pub, an occasional doomed romance. That’s all he needed. I think... maybe that’s all he wanted. SARAH And you. You were important to him.

62.

BETH Yeah, no, he just wasn’t cut out for fatherhood -- any social relationship really. He didn’t get on with his sister, no friends to speak of. SARAH No friends? BETH No. I don’t know if he was happy with that, maybe he just didn’t have the attitude, or skills. Without the basics -- the basics of social interaction, what chance romance? They both take a drag of their cigarettes. BETH The world’s longest rut... There’s a whole world out there. Why just decide to live on your sofa? SARAH (hint of a smile) Dunno. I’m surprised you’re not more fucked up than you are. BETH It’s cause I hang out with fuck-ups. She elbows Sarah. Takes a look at her watch. BETH I’m not looking forward to the wake. Don’t suppose I can just bugger off. SARAH You are joking. BETH Yeah. I’d rather see some random aunties than those arses at work. Seriously. SARAH Still thinking about leaving?

63. BETH Thinking? I draft my resignation letter in my sleep. SARAH Still thinking about running your own business? Beth nods. SARAH Still got no idea what you’d do? Beth laughs. BETH Yup. That’s me. I want to run my own business, just no idea what I want to do. A PRIEST, 32, walks toward them. Beth stubs her cigarette out on the bottom of her shoe. The Priest stops, clasps his hands together and gives a tight lipped smile. Beth stands up and shakes his hand. BETH Thank you very much. Lovely service, Dad would have been proud. He waves away her compliments. BETH This is my best friend, Sarah. Sarah stands, shakes his hand. SARAH Pleased to meet you. PRIEST Indeed, indeed. He looks her up and down. BETH Sarah’s in marketing. PRIEST (to Sarah) I guess that makes two of us. He and Beth laugh.

64.

SARAH (to Priest) I think you’ve got the harder gig at the moment. BETH I dunno, what is it at the moment? Condom -(realises) m -- m -- iniums? SARAH (eyebrows raised) Yes... We do do some um, property work. PRIEST (none the wiser) That’s good. Very good. It was lovely to meet you, Sarah. Beth. He shakes hands again, and goes on his way. Sarah shakes her head in mock disgust. SARAH I’m just glad you didn’t venture onto the subject of flavours. BETH I’m so sorry. He was kinda cute, don’t you think? SARAH Always the matchmaker, eh? You should start a bloody dating agency. Beth looks up at the sky. Looks to a new gravestone. BETH Do people still go to them? SARAH Dunno. All on the net nowadays aren’t they? All web-cams and wanking. BETH Come on, I’m serious. That would be a good idea.

65. SARAH You? The terminal singleton, telling other people how to get together? Actually, what am I saying? That’s all you ever bloody do. BETH This is true. You know I hooked Yazmin and Frotty up? SARAH Yes, I did hear that rumour... I tell you now, that’ll go nowhere. They walk along the church path. Beth muses. BETH Dating agency..? Maybe today isn’t the day to be thinking straight... SARAH Maybe. But don’t be too hasty. One good thing could come of it. BETH What’s that? SARAH You might find yourself a decent fella, and earn yourself a bit of dough. They laugh as they get into a car FADE OUT. SUPER: "A BIT OF DOUGH" FADE IN: INT. ERIC’S LOUNGE - DAY Last seen at the supermarket checkout, Eric, a face wrinkled by years of expression, frowns as he spills most of a spoonful of tomato soup down his shirt. ERIC Bugger... Alright, apart from a clean shirt, what more could I want? He dunks a thick toasted crust into his soup.

66. An austere female CARE ASSISTANT, 39, in a blue nurse’s uniform sits on a sofa, pen and clipboard in hand. CARE ASSISTANT (mild hint of German accent) It’s not a case of what you want, it’s what you need. You’re not getting any younger, change is inevitable, Eric. Eric picks up a white envelope from his coffee table and pockets it. Grunts as he stands up. ERIC You need to cheer up. You’ve been spending too much time ’round old moaners. I’ve told you, I’m not interested in any care home. Eric walks slowly toward his kitchen. CARE ASSISTANT It’s a senior retirement community, not a home. Somewhere to do something new, something different. Not just stuck in here. A chance to meet people, make friends -Eric stands in the kitchen doorway. ERIC Something new? Something different? You think just because I can’t climb stairs any more I’ve got to be in a home? He steps further into the kitchen, slightly out of sight. CARE ASSISTANT Stairs? You didn’t tell me you couldn’t use stairs. She flips through pages on her clipboard, concerned. Eric, unseen, shifts something metallic in the kitchen. CARE ASSISTANT How long is it since...? ERIC (O.S.) Oh yes. I’m not getting any younger. The Care Assistant scribbles notes.

67.

CARE ASSISTANT Then how are you using the toilet...? The sound of water pissing into a metal bucket. Eric leans back so his head pokes around the door, guilty smile. CARE ASSISTANT Oh. ERIC Sorry. What were you saying about retirement community? The steady tinkling sound continues. CARE ASSISTANT Eric, this is your kitchen, I, this... unsanitary... I’ll have to put this in my report you know. Eric muses as he leans back around the open door. ERIC Put it in your report. Bloody clipboards. You know it was the Nazis that invented them. CARE ASSISTANT And what is that supposed to mean? The tinkling continues. ERIC Oh, nothing. Just part of that authoritarian uniform thing they used to be so good at. CARE ASSISTANT Eric, I don’t know why you have to bring the Germans into everything we talk about -ERIC Hold on. The pissing sound gets more intense. The Care Assistant looks away. The tinkling becomes gushing. She raises her eyebrows. Turns back to Eric, concerned.

68.

Eric steps out of the kitchen with a kettle and a bucket. He pours the last drips into the bucket. Gives a little shiver. ERIC Ahhh, that’s better! He bursts out laughing. The Care Assistant is not amused. CARE ASSISTANT You think wasting my time is funny? You think ruining my report sheets is funny? ERIC Oh come on. That was funny... Cup of tea? He holds up the kettle. Bursts out laughing again. The Care Assistant gets up and packs her things away. CARE ASSISTANT I’ll send you the paperwork for the retirement community. Have a read. I’ll be back next week. ERIC Oh don’t get your knickers in a twist, it was only a joke. You know, ever since you’ve been coming here, I haven’t seen you crack your face once. How about a little smile? CARE ASSISTANT I’m here to care, not to smile. Change is inevitable, Eric. ERIC Yeah? Is that what you tell your private patients? Or do you have a little more time for them? She walks out, nose in the air. ERIC (shouts after her) If I was one of your rich private patients you’d have five minutes for a chat, wouldn’t you? The door bangs shut.

69.

ERIC Goodbye, Ms. Mueller! Eric looks at a large framed British Union Jack flag. ERIC (mimics Care Assistant) "Not here to talk, Eric. Don’t have time. Inevitable change, Eric." He makes a "Hitler salute." Lets out a deep breath. Walks over to a framed picture. A young man. ERIC What am I going to do, son? He closes his eyes and puts his hand on the picture. INT. BANK - DAY Eric, in pork pie hat, sits in front of TIM, 25, as denoted on his team leader’s badge. Tim smiles across the desk. ERIC So you’re not the assistant manager? TIM Well, as I said, sir. There is, as such, no function of an assistant manager, as it were. But, I am a team leader. ERIC What does that mean? TIM I lead a team. ERIC Where to? TIM To excellent customer service and the leading banking service on the high street, we hope. He laughs at his own intelligence. Clicks his pen. ERIC Team leader? Anybody’d think you were leading an Arctic expedition. (MORE)

70.

ERIC (cont’d) Climbing Everest... Excellent customer service, eh... Tim looks annoyed. Glances to a clock. ERIC Well, anyway. I’ve been a customer since before you were born, in all those years, this is the first time I’ve asked to see the manager. I asked about this two weeks ago, and now you tell me, he’s not here. Is that excellent customer service? TIM Sir, as I explained. Mr. Rogers has met with unfortunate delay on a conference call. I’m sure I can provide you with every assistance. Now, something about a change of address and deposit? These are simple -Eric stands up. ERIC Unfortunate delay? Hmmmph. Tell your manager, bugger it! Eric walks out. TIM (to self) Yes, I’m sure he’ll be devastated, Mr. Balance-of-thirty-four-pounds -and-eight-pence. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTRE - DAY Eric stares at a cold exterior. ERIC Something bloody new? Different? INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE - DAY Ten members of a support group sit in a circle of chairs, bored, in a bland function room. Eric slowly stands.

71.

ERIC Hello. SUPPORT GROUP (mumble) Hello. ERIC My name’s Eric, and I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for thirty six years. An attendee looks up vaguely. Is he taking the piss? ERIC I started drinking when I lost my son. I stopped drinking when I lost my wife. One’s dead, the other lives in Malta. I’ve never been to one of these. But I just thought I’d pop along to say, there are ways to beat it, and life’s better without the bottle. Eric looks to the group. They stare at their shoes or into the distance. He turns to the SUPPORT COUNSELLOR. ERIC Was that okay? The Counsellor glances at his watch. Looks up and nods. Eric turns and walks toward the exit. INT. BURGER RESTAURANT - DAY Eric, just inside the restaurant, takes in the polished brightness. A female BURGER ASSISTANT in a tacky outfit. BURGER ASSISTANT Welcome to Chunky Burger, how can I help you today? ERIC Today? well, let me see, what is a combo? BURGER ASSISTANT Sorry? Eric points to the menu options behind her.

72.

ERIC It says Chunky Burger Combo Deals. What are they? BURGER ASSISTANT Oh, you get your choice of Chunky Burger burgers, fries and a drink. ERIC Oh, alright, which one do you recommend? BURGER ASSISTANT Huh? ERIC I’ve not been in one of these before. What’s good? BURGER ASSISTANT Oh, they’re all good. Several Youths gather behind Eric... Chunky and Skinny. ERIC Alright. I’ll try one of those cheese burgers. A limp thing. Low end of the menu. Eric fiddles with small change from a battered old wallet. He drops some pennies. BURGER ASSISTANT Is that with the salsa or the ketchup? ERIC Oh, the ketchup. Please. BURGER ASSISTANT Would you like to mega max? ERIC Would I like to what? The Youths become restless. Skinny nudges Chunky. BURGER ASSISTANT Do you want to have large fries and large drink? ERIC Um, yeah. Why not?

73.

SKINNY YOUTH (whispers to friend) Dickhead don’t know what mega max is. The other youths laugh. Eric bristles. Eric takes his meal, walks past the giggling youths. LATER Eric, alone at his table, eats his meal in silence. The youths sit nearby. Loud and obnoxious. One throws a fry at another. It lands near Eric. Eric looks at the youths. Chunky bites his nails, pretending to be afraid. The others make a rising ’whoooooo’ noise. Eric eats his meal in silence. EXT. BURGER RESTAURANT - DAY The youths lean against the outside glass, smoking. A mountain bike leans against a road sign. Eric emerges from the restaurant. CHUNKY YOUTH (fake sneeze) Ah, ah, ahhh DICKHEAD! The youths crack up laughing. Eric holds their glares. ERIC Winston Churchill promised us a nation of heroes... Where are they? SKINNY YOUTH Who? ERIC Winston Churchill. You’d all be talking Kraut without him. A few blank looks from the youths. CHUNKY YOUTH War geezer, from history. The others nod, impressed at Chunky’s wisdom.

74. SKINNY YOUTH You’ve got some bollocks, mate. Anyway, war’s over. Don’t need no fuckin’ heroes. CHUNKY YOUTH Yeah, granddad. Jog on! Eric smiles at them and walks away. He looks to their bike. The youths have forgotten him already. He moves the bike away from the sign: "HILL STREET." Pushes off on one pedal. He looks back over his shoulder. ERIC Why jog? Chunky looks up from lighting a cigarette. Shock. CHUNKY YOUTH He’s nicking your fuckin’ bike! HILL STREET Eric hits the brow of a steep hill. The youths chase, shouting. Eric laughs, picks up momentum, gains distance. The youths give up as they see he’s getting away. ERIC Dickheads! He laughs. The wind blows through his white hair. OTHER STREET A double decker bus, a 41, turns into a street. HILL STREET He hurtles down the hill at an alarming pace. A slight wobble, a look of fear, he steadies the bike and relaxes. BUS The driver crunches gears as he climbs a hill. HILL STREET Eric chuckles as he passes cars coming the opposite way. The bus picks up speed up the hill. Eric flies down the hill, a smile on his face.

75. From a side road a car pulls out. It’s Eric’s Care Assistant. She sees Eric fly past. INT. CAR - DAY Shock. CARE ASSISTANT (in German) Shit! She stares after Eric, heads straight for the bus. EXT. HILL STREET - DAY The bus brakes, the bus and car skid. CRUNCH! Care Assistant and bus driver lock angry glares. Hill Street is blocked. Traffic builds behind them. Eric free-wheels down the hill, oblivious. INT. ERIC’S LOUNGE - NIGHT Eric sits on his sofa. He listens to some modern, melancholy music. He gets up and walks to the picture of his son. ERIC You’d have known what to do, eh son? Not sure your old man can do this on his own. He holds the plain white envelope up before him. EXT. CITY BUILDING - DAY Eric, in a smart new pork pie hat, looks up at a gleaming glass building. He checks the address on the white envelope. INT. LOBBY - DAY He peruses a floor guide, runs his finger down the list of offices. CORRIDOR Eric knocks on a door.

76. BETH (O.S.) Come in. Beth sits behind a desk in a smart office. A large heart with a logo inscribed "LOVE MATTERS" forms a backdrop. BETH Hi, how can I help you? Beth’s warm smile. Eric is a touch apprehensive. BETH’S OFFICE A Polaroid camera flashes. Eric relaxes his smile. Takes a sip from a mug of tea. BETH How old are you Mr...? ERIC Please, Eric’ll do fine, and I’m seventy two. BETH Really? You don’t look a day over sixty. ERIC I’ll take that as a compliment. BETH As it was intended. May I ask how you heard of us? Was it the advert? She holds up a three quarter page advert. A big red heart, "Love Matters" and a tear off application form. ERIC Not really, I was just sort of passing to be honest. The important thing is, I’m here. BETH This is true. Okay, so you know what we do here? ERIC You’re a dating agency. BETH That’s right. Matchmakers of sorts. Finding the right person for the, um, right person.

77.

ERIC Alright. I’ll have one of those. BETH What’s different about Love Matters, is we don’t just feed your personal details into a computer and see what it spits out. It’s all done by our team of -- well, by me, really. ERIC I like that. Beth pulls a pack of Hob Nobs from her drawer. BETH Biscuit? Eric smiles and takes one. BETH I guess the first thing I need to know is a bit about you and what kind of person you’re looking for? ERIC Well. I’m tired of staring at four walls. I’m entering an interesting time in my life. Got a lot of inevit -- a lot of changes coming. I think it would be nice to share them with somebody. BETH Changes? ERIC Well, I think I’m going to be moving out of my house, for a start. BETH Okay. But you’ll still be looking for someone in this area? ERIC Yes, I think so. Beth dunks a biscuit in her tea.

78.

BETH Good. You’re never too old for romance, I say. ERIC Maybe. But it might be more simple than that. You know, sitting here and talking to you, I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation. Nobody wants to talk any more. You get on the bus, everybody’s plugged in. I don’t want you to think I’m a moaning old bugger, I’m not. But you go into a restaurant nowadays and it sounds like they’re reading off the back of a card. Beth smiles as Eric holds up an imaginary cue card. ERIC What happened to conversation? To actually giving a shit -- excuse my French -- to, you know, caring how people are doing, how their morning is going? It would be nice to have someone who can listen and someone who can talk... I don’t mean two different women, by that. A twinkle in his eye. Beth’s smile is warm and genuine ERIC People go on about how everything was better in the olden days. Not true. Good and bad, like anything. But you know what? You could walk into a pub in any town, not know a soul, not a clue who you’re sitting next to, but a smile and a bit of conversation didn’t cost anything. You were only a stranger until they’d shook your hand and told you their name... A conversation. Not just talk, but using these. He taps an ear. ERIC On the way up here, two fellas’ in the lift. Talking about some big business deal cock-up or something. One of them said. "It’s just a (MORE)

79.

ERIC (cont’d) breakdown of communications." The other one says. "No, no, they’re just not listening to each other." He holds his hands out. Beth nods. BETH I know what you mean, Eric. ERIC The thing is, you get to a stage where you start to accept it. Think -- this is it. I’m going to go all week and the only question I’m going to be asked is, do I want any help with my packing? Have I got a loyalty card? And the truth is, first you realise the little conversations have gone and then you remember the big ones have as well. There are people that’d I’d give all the money in the world to sit down and talk with, but I can’t. I can’t do anything about that now, it’s too late. but I don’t have to sit around moping about it. It’s down to me to change it. Beth takes a deep breath. BETH I know what you mean. You’re exactly right. Let’s do something about it. Eric smiles and nods. Got that off his chest. Beth picks up a business card from the desk. Reads from it mechanically. BETH Do you have a loyalty card? She cracks up half way through, Eric too.

80.

EXT. STREET - DAY Eric walks slowly down the street. He stops outside an Indian restaurant. He stops, peers at the menu. He walks in. INT. INDIAN RESTAURANT - DAY Eric enters the cosy but garishly coloured reception area. The Indian Waiter smiles. WAITER Hello, my friend. How are you? ERIC Very good, thank you. I think I’d like to try my first ever curry. The Waiter is surprised. WAITER First curry? Well, come. It’s Sunday, it’s quiet. We prepare a feast, fit for a king. He leads Eric through the practically empty restaurant. LATER The Waiter places poppadoms, onion salad and dips on the table. Eric picks up a poppadom and smiles. ERIC Thank you. Like a giant crisp. The Waiter smiles. His attention switches to a tour bus that pulls up outside the restaurant window. The bus door opens, forty or so tourists exit and head into the restaurant. WAITER Oh my. ERIC Bloody hell. The tourists chatter in German and start to fill the restaurant tables. Eric looks on. Furrowed brow. The Waiter shouts in Punjabi to the kitchen. Other waiters appear, show people to tables, hand out menus.

81.

Two German tourists, HANS and HELGA, 20, look for a table. The restaurant is now packed. They walk to Eric’s table. HANS (German accent) Sir, would we be able to join you? His female companion smiles at Eric. Eric is taken aback. ERIC (cold) Are you... German? HELGA (German accent) Ya, but we can pretend to be Swiss if you like? She smiles. Eric’s furrowed brow... relaxes into a smile. ERIC Well it was good timing. Have a popatop. Eric offers the poppadoms. They sit down, relieved. HANS Thank you. Our bus broke down. We haven’t eaten since the breakfast. HELGA I’m starving. They munch on a poppadom each. Eric passes the dips. ERIC You’re tourists? HANS Yeah, heading to Cambridge, but we asked for a stop. Get some dinner. Is this a good restaurant? ERIC Well, I’m not the best to say. This is my first time. But they are very friendly. HANS Best Indian restaurants in the world are in England.

82.

ERIC Really? Surely in India? HANS Ach, no. Much better here. One reason I love England. Best food. Eric laughs. ERIC I thought we were meant to have the worst food in Europe. HELGA Well, I don’t know about your English food... But your ethnic restaurant, mmmm. ERIC Ha, thanks to the empire. Eric bites his lip. ERIC Sorry, I didn’t mean no -HANS Ha, is okay. We tried at the empire building thing too. Not so successful. Eric looks at his plate, a tad uncomfortable. HELGA Tell me, were you alive in the war? ERIC Alive? Yes, I was. I served. HELGA You don’t look that old! ERIC Thank you. I wish I wasn’t. I joined at fifteen in nineteen forty two. HANS Wow. That’s amazing. Did you go to Germany.

83.

ERIC Yes I did. I parachuted into -sorry, I know you don’t want to hear this. HANS No, no. We would. I’m very interested in the War. Especially to hear from those involved, please, go on. Eric looks shocked. Helga smiles, and pours him some water. LATER The diners tuck in to their meals. A buzz of satisfied and animated German chatter. Eric talks MOS, he pauses to mop his plate with his naan bread. Hans and Helga listen to him with rapt attention. LATER Eric stands. ERIC Hans, Helga, thank you very much for your company. I very much enjoyed talking to you. Again, sorry if I bored you. Hans stands and shakes Eric’s hand. HANS Thank you. The pleasure was all mine. Thank you for allowing us to dine with you. Helga gives him a winning smile. Eric shuffles toward the Waiter at the cashier’s desk. The restaurant buzzes with chat and diner enjoyment. Hans and Helga smile and chat as they tuck into their food. They tap their beer bottles and drink. The Waiter stands frozen at the cashiers desk as Eric walks away and out of the restaurant. An OLD WAITER walks up to the Waiter. He stares at him, clicks his fingers in his face.

84.

OLD WAITER You sleeping on the job, is it? WAITER What? Sorry, no. Sorry. Oh my. He picks up a glass and a spoon, taps the glass rapidly as if to make a speech. The restaurant slowly falls silent. The other waiters look around, puzzled. WAITER Hello, ladies and gentlemen, sorry to interrupt your meals, but just to say, that the elderly gentleman who just left. He’s paid for all your dinners. All of them. Thank you. Silence. There is a look of shock on the diner’s faces. They look around puzzled. Hans and Helga stare at each other in amazement. Amazement turns to smiles as two more beers are placed on their table. FADE OUT. SUPER: "THE LAST SLICE" FADE IN: INT. BETH’S OFFICE - DAY - FLASH BACK Eric in his new pork pie hat, exits Beth’s office. A moment. She puts her hands to her face and weeps. Just a moment, then wipes her eyes. Hits a speed dial button. BETH (into phone) Are you free? LATER Sarah sits opposite Beth. They sip take-out coffee. Sarah helps herself to a Hob Nob. SARAH You said yourself it would be tough.

85. BETH I know. You must think I’m a wuss. SARAH Well, yeah. Not just because of now though. Beth smiles. SARAH You can’t let things get on top of you. BETH I know, I know. But it’s hopeless. I’m hopeless. No you’re here is a what am I vibrating something

SARAH not. What you’re doing good thing. I’m hopeless, doing? Marketing a love ring? You’re doing worthy.

BETH But it’s too personal. These people, I can’t help them. I’m too involved and I can’t find them anybody. They’re good people. Beth pushes a small pile of files toward Sarah. SARAH Hey... Come on. If they were that good, they wouldn’t be single. BETH We’re both single. Sarah flicks through a file. SARAH We’re just choosy. And busy. She looks at Andy’s Polaroid. SARAH He’s not bad. BETH None of them are bad. It’s just my portfolio’s so small I can’t match them up.

86.

SARAH Is that the only reason? Beth lets out a deep breath. BETH Lonely men, sitting in their lonely houses. EXT. OFFICE CORRIDOR - DAY - FLASHBACK Eric checks his envelope and walks past office doors. He checks the sign on the door: "NATIONAL LOTTERY COMMISSION." BETH (V.O.) Sort of stumbling through life without a plan. He raises his hand to knock at the Lottery office. Looks at the door opposite. A sign: "LOVE MATTERS." He pauses. He thinks for a moment, then steps over to that door. INT. DAVE’S KITCHEN - DAY - FLASH BACK Dave sits at his kitchen table. He screws up the small ads and throws them. Through a haze of tears he sees the newspaper advert for "Love Matters." SARAH (V.O.) Well, like I said, maybe you can’t find them somebody for a reason. INT. BETH’S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT Sarah rubs Beth’s arm, comforting her. BETH I can just see them, a Friday night, just stuck at home... They remind me of my dad. INT. ANDY’S LOUNGE - DAY - FLASH BACK Andy pulls the front cover from another paper and tosses it. He collapses back against the wall.

87. SARAH (V.O.) Well, you’ve said before, the last thing your dad needed was another woman. Andy stares at the newspapers, scattered across his floor. Covers missing, hundreds of Beth’s adverts are revealed. Hundreds of "Love Matters" hearts. Andy allows himself a smile. Picks up a newspaper. INT. BETH’S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT Beth looks like she’s having a moment of clarity. BETH Like my dad... She grabs a file from Sarah and opens it. She dials. Sarah peers over at a Polaroid of Colin. INT. COLIN’S LOUNGE - DAY Classical music plays. Colin stares as his phone RINGS. He puts his drink down next to rows of pills. Woozily walks to the dresser, opens the drawer and answers. COLIN Hello? BETH (O.S.) Hi, Colin. Beth, here. Love Matters. COLIN Oh. Hello. BETH (O.S.) Colin, I’ve got a potential date for you. I just wanted to check your schedule. COLIN A date? BETH (O.S.) Yeah, will you be around on Sunday? Colin looks at the rows of pills and vodka.

88.

INT. BETH’S OFFICE - DAY Beth puts the phone down. Sarah stares at her, puzzled. She leans over, looks at the file and Polaroid of Colin. SARAH (whispers) Please tell me you’re not going out with... Colin... I’m not... Beth smiles. Shakes her head, eyes alive with her plan. BETH Pass me those files. INT. COLIN’S BATHROOM - DAY Colin, two fingers down his throat, vomits into his toilet. BETH (V.O.) Colin’s a good man, Sarah. He spits in the toilet, blows his nose. EXT. BUS STOP - DAY Colin kneels down and brushes the crushed up cigarettes into the dustpan marked "DRY." BETH (V.O.) They’re all good men. And I think I know what they need. INT. DAVE’S BATHROOM - DAY Dave washes soap from his face in front of his mirror. He stands back, looks at himself. Deep breath. Can he do this? EXT. COLIN’S FRONT GARDEN - DAY Colin creeps warily from his house. Checks the coast is clear down the street. SARAH (V.O.) Always thinking of others, eh?

89.

INT. ANDY’S KITCHEN - DAY Andy in a smart jacket and colourful T-shirt. He considers his bottle of wine. He pours it down the sink. The wine swirls down the plughole. The waste pains him. He stops, grabs a glass, pours the last of the bottle and breathes it in. Takes a sip. SARAH (V.O.) I hope you know what you’re doing. EXT. THE OAK PUB - DAY A Rolls Royce pulls up. A Chauffeur sniffs and looks around. BETH (V.O.) Maybe I don’t. But what did my dad really need? Maybe this will be a disaster -- The whole business a disaster, but I know there’s one thing I can count on. Eric exits the Rolls Royce and opens the pub door. SARAH (V.O.) What’s that? Andy, Dave and Colin sit at three of the four bar stools. INT. BETH’S OFFICE - DAY Beth faces Sarah over the desk. BETH A friend. They embrace firmly. INT. THE OAK PUB - DAY Andy, Dave and Colin turn at the sound of the door opening. Eric smiles. All are dressed for a date. The pub is silent. They are the only four people there. Eric takes a seat at the bar, a nod and a smile.

90. Nobody speaks. All stare in different directions. Andy checks his watch. Eric looks at a ticking clock. Dave glances to the door. Silence. The Elderly Barman appears, like a spectre. ERIC A lemonade, please. The barman pours in silence. Places it before Eric and disappears into the back. A moment of silence. ERIC He’s a cheery bugger. A smirk from Andy, Dave and Colin. ANDY Don’t be offended. I got the same treatment. DAVE No wonder the place is so busy... Colin looks around at the empty pub. Checks his watch. Andy looks at the doors. Checks his watch. ERIC Still, I’ve been snubbed in better dives than this one. ANDY Yeah... Of all the lousy gin joints. Man, what a dive. Silence. The four stare at their drinks. A clock ticks. The four sit in silence. The second hand on the clock advances ten minutes. Four near empty glasses. Dave looks at his watch. Eric does likewise. ERIC Well, it looks like I’ve been stood up. Dave, Andy and Colin, slightly surprised at this.

91.

DAVE Well, I’ll say one thing for the place. At least the ale’s cheap. They all smile. The ice is warming. More silence. COLIN I think this is the first pub I’ve been to this year. What a place to choose. Dave looks at his watch. His empty glass. DAVE Well, I don’t get out that often me self, so who wants a pint? Andy looks a bit surprised. Colin smiles, Eric nods. ERIC Yeah, why not, if that extends to a lemonade. It doesn’t look like my... friend’s turning up. ANDY Barman! Andy turns to the others. ANDY Bag of peanuts for the person who can make him laugh. They all laugh as the stony-faced barman appears. LATER Colin sinks the last of his pint. Dave, Andy and Colin look a little worse for wear. DAVE So, come on Colin, have you ever been in a worse pub than this? COLIN Aesthetically it’s decidedly dated. But with its proximity to the city, a make over and some marketing could lead to a most successful business. They laugh.

92. ANDY You what? COLIN With a bit of TLC it could be a going concern. ANDY Yeah -- I always used to say if I hit it big time, I’d invest in a pub. ERIC Really? Is that what you’d do? COLIN Not sure what I’d "hit it big time" at, but I’d probably never work another day in my life. DAVE Really? I would. Just not in the building trade. Had enough of our Winters. COLIN The Summers aren’t much better, eh? ANDY You know what I’d do? ERIC What would you do? ANDY Crusts. There is a puzzled silence. Dave bursts out laughing. Andy acts offended. ANDY My great new business proposal. Andy’s crusts. COLIN It sounds marvellous. Who wants another drink? ANDY Yes, obviously. But seriously. Crusts... You know how the bestest most toastable bit of a loaf is the two thick end crusts.

93.

DAVE Without a doubt. COLIN Gives it a bit of backbone. Sometimes necessary with the excess moisture of, say, beans on toast. They crack up laughing. COLIN What? What did I say? ERIC Just the crusts? What would you do with the rest of the bread? The non-crust slices? ANDY No, I got it all worked out. Imagine a multi-slotted baking tray. The dough goes in, produces all these mini three inch wide loaves. Slice down the middle. Bang! Two slices of bread, both crusts. Bag a bunch of them, there you have it. COLIN Andy’s crusts. ANDY You said it. Silence. Dave, Eric and Colin seem deep in thought. DAVE It could work. ANDY Yeah. People want something new. DAVE You’d have to proportion your yeast, flour, water ratios just right. But it could work. They all laugh again. DAVE What? I know a lot about making bread.

94. COLIN I think I’d need to see a business plan. Maybe I’d be better buying this place? They chuckle. Colin raises his glass. COLIN A toast! A moment, they get it, they burst out laughing. They all raise their glasses and ’toast’ the idea. COLIN Bugger Dr. Atkins! More laughter from the four. EXT. PARK - DAY Beth and Sarah in conspicuous sunglasses sit on swings. Beth raise her fists in a subtle gesture of triumph. Sarah laughs, shakes her head. They embrace tightly. A short distance away, across the road, Dave, Colin, Andy and Eric emerge from the pub, animated and friendly. EXT. THE OAK PUB - DAY Colin staggers out. Dave steadies him. Eric and Andy follow. ANDY Well gentlemen, I must admit, a very different afternoon than what I expected. Most entertaining company. DAVE Agreed. COLIN Where can we get a taxi? ERIC Don’t worry. My man can drop you off. The Rolls Royce pulls up. Dave, Colin and Andy look shocked. Eric climbs in and rolls down the window.

95.

ERIC Do I have to ask twice? They smile and get in. EXT. ANDY’S HOUSE - DAY Andy climbs out the Rolls. Hands a card to Eric. ANDY I’m looking forward to it, speak to you soon, mate. ERIC You certainly will, Andy. The Rolls pulls away. Colin pokes his head out the window. COLIN Crusts! Andy laughs and puts his thumb up. He looks pleased. He takes out his mobile phone. The voucher for the "free short with a pint" comes with it. He sees Mari’s phone number. Looks to his phone, a moment of serious contemplation. Dials. EXT. STREET - DAY Dave and Colin wave to Eric as the Rolls pulls away. DAVE See you, pal! INT. ROLLS ROYCE - DAY Eric sits back with a satisfied smile. He takes a leaflet from his jacket pocket. INSERT: Leaflet, "ADVICE FOR LOTTERY WINNERS." He turns a page to a heading: "INVESTING IN A BUSINESS" He smiles again, opens a panel on the armrest and switches on a radio. Light Indian music from "Roti and Rye" plays.

96.

EXT. STREET - DAY Dave has a smile on his face. Colin staggers along, looks at the bus shelter, sees Skinny and Chunky. COLIN Oh dear. DAVE What’s up? The youths look up. Faded bruises and a black eye. COLIN These lads. I’ve had some trouble. The youths see Dave. They stand up. DAVE If I see you out here ever again -The youths are gone. Half way up the street. Colin looks shocked at Dave. DAVE Long story. Colin’s puzzled. Holds his hand out. Dave shakes it. DAVE So, you’ll be around next week? COLIN I’d say it’s a certainty. They shake hands. Colin walks up his path, smiling. Three leaves lie on his lawn. He looks at them, pauses. INT. ROLLS ROYCE - DAY Eric half reads his leaflet and listens to his radio. FEMALE VOICE ON RADIO (Indian accent) "So that is the question that will shape our future..."

97.

EXT. STREET - DAY Colin checks Dave isn’t watching, and picks up the leaves. MALE VOICE ON RADIO (V.O.) (English accent) Remember what came first. You once told me that we were so different. As different as roti and rye. But they have one thing in common -the sum of their ingredients is greater than their individual parts... Dave walks by the bus shelter. A double-decker approaches. The numbers on the front: four one. MALE VOICE ON RADIO (V.O.) So my answer is yes, love matters. But remember, before we found love, we discovered a friendship. Dave checks his watch. The right time, the right bus. A smile and shake of the head. He licks his bottom lip... He can do this. He raises his hand to hail the bus. FADE OUT.