Supermarket Madness

Supermarket Madness by Sarah-Jane Irwin CARLOS is a Mexican with bad English who works in a supermarket. The song he sings can be in any tune. SONYA is a worried mother, not in the mood to deal with CARLOS. SONYA: (taps Carlos’s back) Em, you haven’t seen a little boy anywhere have you? CARLOS: I see lots of little boys! Everywhere! Is there one in specific you want or will any do? SONYA: (clearly horrified) No! I want my own! His name is Pat, I last saw him beside the tinned food, I was reading the spaghetti tins like always when he just disappeared. He’s small, with cropped brown hair, green eyes and last seen wearing a red hoodie and jeans. CARLOS: OH! Your sons name ist Pat? As in Pat the baker? Oh my god! I love his bread! Tell your son he make excellent bread! You read da spaghetti tins too! I read them to help my English, I learn song to! 30% sugar! 40% carbohydrate! SONYA: Oh look, I’ll ask someone else, ok? CARLOS: NO! I help I help! I have dog too! I help look. You say he’s small? When my dog go missing I look in small spaces! He like small spaces! SONYA: Yes, but Pat is not a dog! And he’s claustrophobic! CARLOS: You go that way si? (As Sonya leaves CARLOS picks up a box of cereal and shouts into it) CARLOS: PAT! PAT! You hear me si? Come out Pat dis cereal is not tasty! Try dis one! (Holds up another cereal box) SONYA: (Standing in corner looking shocked, comes over) Why are you shouting into that box of cereal? CARLOS: I look for Pat! He like cereal si? Well I figure that every little boy wants to hide in cereal box! I love zi cereal! (Hugs cereal box) SONYA: (About to argue but MANAGER walks in) MANAGER: Ah! Carlos! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! The doctor said you ran away again. Put the cereal down. (CARLOS runs off) SONYA: So he was some sort of escaped mental patient all along? MANAGER: No! God no! He works there!