What is the difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying... & the other ensures you Continue to do so!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------U r a Stupid Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand... -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sugar is sugar, Salt is salt, God made you dumbo, not my fault! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Whn you r alone, Whn you r crying, whn you r upset, Don't think of me!! just call me Bcoz incoming is free for me... my friend!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why did God Create 'you' before Me....? Ans: B'cause he wanted to Create a 'Sample', Be 4 Creating A *Master-Piece* -----------------------------------------------------------------------Days are 2 Busy, Hours are 2Fast, Seconds are 2 Few But there's always Time for Me 2 disturb You -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door. -----------------------------------------------------------------------SMS Heaven! Q) Why do Gods stay up in heaven? A) Because they are afraid of what they have created! -----------------------------------------------------------------------A woman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. Hi, honey, he says. Want a little company? Why? asks the woman. Do you have one to sell? -----------------------------------------------------------------------There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed! And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Do you take me 2 be ur lawfully loveable fren, 2 have and 2 hold, 4 rich qoutes or corny jokes, in text meassging & in poor signal, till low batt do us part? -----------------------------------------------------------------------Husbd: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Wife: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Why is your nose red? Max: I smelled a b-rose. Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose. Max: There was in this one! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I have to leave, I can't find a brain. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I have to leave, I can't find a brain. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Confidence and Confidential Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident. Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!". -----------------------------------------------------------------------A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother". -----------------------------------------------------------------------Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them ur age...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later." -----------------------------------------------------------------------Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." -----------------------------------------------------------------------God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother-in-law. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged. -----------------------------------------------------------------------A good friend is like a computer I 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory! -----------------------------------------------------------------------sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing a cards and I lost the joker -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an EarthQuake? A:) MilkShake -----------------------------------------------------------------------After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn't notice." -----------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. -----------------------------------------------------------------------When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist! -----------------------------------------------------------------------When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist! -----------------------------------------------------------------------r mosquitoes religious? Yes They first sing over u & then prey on you -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friedship is just like wine.. as it gets older it gets sweter.. just like you and me.. you are gettind older and i am getting sweeter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I want u... To be with me In a nice Restaurent To have candle light dinner.... & to say say those sweet three words to U.... "Pay The Bill" -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friedship is just like wine..as it gets older it gets sweter..just like you and me..you are gettind older and i am getting sweeter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Unlike others, ur brain is a masterpiece. it has 2 halves the left & the right The left has nothing right in it & d right has nothing left in it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------We've known Each other 4 Quite a while now, do u think we can be more than Frnds? Will u be my Partner 2 rob a Bank? -----------------------------------------------------------------------I saw U on Road today. U were lukin SO fine, Ur face SO divine, Ur walk SO perfect. My Heart started singing a Sweet Song: Who Let The Dogs Out! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Do u know that your Smile takes 1000 People to Death ? Save The World......... So Plz start brushing regularly -----------------------------------------------------------------------When u get ths SMS, snd it to 1 person U luv, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of & 1 u wish to kill. now keep guessing why I send it to u!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------My Life was in darkness before i met u, but now it is bright.u know why? Coz u r a "Tubelight -----------------------------------------------------------------------Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Last night was my fault, my wife asked, "what's on the TV?" and ..... I said, "dust!" -----------------------------------------------------------------------The smile is like a simcard & life is like cellphone, Whenever u insert the simcard of a smile, a beautiful day is activated Keep Smiling. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Difference: It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered -----------------------------------------------------------------------so sweet is ur SMILE..... so sweet is ur STYLE..... so sweet is ur VOICE..... so sweet is ur EYE....... see how sweetly I LIE!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Some Love Golden-Ship, Some Love Silver-Ship, But I Love One Ship, That Is Your Friend-Ship -----------------------------------------------------------------------Based on Newton's 1st Law: Law of love Love neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can be changed frm one girlfriend to another girlfriend. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I know you think I'm cute, I know you think I'm fine, but like the other guys take a number and wait in line!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why r Women are like the stock market... Coz they're irrational n can bankrupt u if u're not careful. -----------------------------------------------------------------------r mosquitoes religious? YES They first sing over u & then prey on you -----------------------------------------------------------------------wen tings go rong, wen tears flow 4rm ur eyes, wen sadness fills ur heart, plz inform me-coz my frnd sells tissues BUY ONE GET ONE FREE -----------------------------------------------------------------------Remove your Shirt, Remove your Pants too, ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur kurti now ahhh.... Finally the suitcase is closed. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Birds love u, Giraffe love u, Goat love u, Elephant love u, Go to zoo, They all miss u. ------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want U 2 know dat our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry I cry, U Lauf I Lauf, U Jump out of da window... I look down & den.. I lauf again -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Every 1 can c it but only U can feel its true Warmth, Thank U 4 being the pee in my pants.. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Wht's d similarity between a girl & petrol? 1. both r explosive 2. both r hot 3. both r dangerous when kept in open -----------------------------------------------------------------------Eyes: To look at you Hands: To pray for you Mind: To care for u Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick u if u forget me. -----------------------------------------------------------------------The big tomato said 2 the slow little tomato: ketch up!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------A group of elephants were sitting on the street. A sexy female elephant passes by... What does the loafer elephant say? Wow... 3600-2400-3600 -----------------------------------------------------------------------What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage. -----------------------------------------------------------------------A Friend is like a GAS blown from the ASS, Which creates noice n nuisance to others but gives Me RELAXATION and COMFORT. Thanks for being the GAS of my ASS. -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Jokes (Page # 5)* Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U -----------------------------------------------------------------------Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I butter not tell you, It might spread!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Cute… Good looking… Easy to handle… Cool… Sexy… Nice structure… Its my mobile. How about your? -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is the height of Bravery, Patience & Laziness combined? A: Sitting on the sea shore waiting for TSUNAMI to clean up ur ASS -----------------------------------------------------------------------Will, Marry, I & U are going for a party. Whats the best & worst arrangement u can make. Did u get... Best: Will, U, Marry, Me Worst: I, Will, Marry, U -----------------------------------------------------------------------Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Boy: what will u give me as reward if i climb Mt.Everest? Girl: A push. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sincere Apology: If u dont like ny of my SMS or dont like 2 read or if my msgs disturb u,then plz dont hesitate,feel free 2 Throw Ur Mobile!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sweet fruits r nice 2 eat.. Sweet words r nice 2 say.. But sweet people r really hard 2 find..My goodness, how da hell did u manage 2 find me! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Advice Always listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice :99% Sound & 1% Advice....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids -----------------------------------------------------------------------Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams.. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Woman: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Jokes (Page # 6)* A sardar falls in luv wit a nurse.. After much thinking, he finally writes a luv letter 2 her: "I LUV U SISTER" -----------------------------------------------------------------------The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut! -----------------------------------------------------------------------This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on ur name and didn't even tell me? Animal Planet! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Phonebook Dilemma Why r there no phone books in China? Coz there r so many Wing's and Wong's, they r afraid u will Wing the Wong number. -----------------------------------------------------------------------If u read dis, I'm SMART. If u save dis, you agree dat I'm SMART. If u fwd dis, u r spreading dat I'm SMARt & if u delete dis, u r jealous coz I'm SMART -----------------------------------------------------------------------3 Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi, I’m Peter, not a saint. I’m Paul not a POPE. I’m John not a Baptist. The girl replied. Hi... I’m Mary, not a VIRGIN. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Hubby: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q:- what do u get when u cross a librarian and a lawyer? A:- "All the information you want, except you can't understand it." -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q:) Why do Gods stay up in heaven? A:) Because they are afraid of what they have created! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Funny Answering Machine Messages Please leave a message However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. -----------------------------------------------------------------------They say Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Seeking luv iz a mission... finding luv iz a complexed ambition... so y
not go wiv the asian tradition, and let the parentz make the decision... -----------------------------------------------------------------------Regular Naps Prevent Old Age... Especially If You Take Them While Driving! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Jokes (Page # 7)* I'm sorry that I'm running late! There is a power failure and I am stuck on the escalator. -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is the difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying... & the other ensures you Continue to do so!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------U r a Stupid Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand... -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sugar is sugar, Salt is salt, God made you dumbo, not my fault! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Whn you r alone, Whn you r crying, whn you r upset, Don't think of me!! just call me Bcoz incoming is free for me... my friend!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why did God Create 'you' before Me....? Ans: B'cause he wanted to Create a 'Sample', Be 4 Creating A *Master-Piece* -----------------------------------------------------------------------Days are 2 Busy, Hours are 2Fast, Seconds are 2 Few But there's always Time for Me 2 disturb You -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door. -----------------------------------------------------------------------SMS Heaven! Q) Why do Gods stay up in heaven? A) Because they are afraid of what they have created! -----------------------------------------------------------------------A woman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. Hi, honey, he says. Want a little company? Why? asks the woman. Do you have one to sell? -----------------------------------------------------------------------There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed! And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Do you take me 2 be ur lawfully loveable fren, 2 have and 2 hold, 4 rich qoutes or corny jokes, in text meassging & in poor signal, till low batt do us part? -----------------------------------------------------------------------Husbd: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Wife: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Why is your nose red? Max: I smelled a b-rose. Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose. Max: There was in this one! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I have to leave, I can't find a brain. -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Jokes (Page # 8)* Confidence and Confidential Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident. Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother". -----------------------------------------------------------------------Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them ur age... -----------------------------------------------------------------------What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later." -----------------------------------------------------------------------Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." -----------------------------------------------------------------------God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother-in-law. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged. -----------------------------------------------------------------------A good friend is like a computer I 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory! -----------------------------------------------------------------------sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing a cards and I lost the joker -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an EarthQuake? A:) MilkShake -----------------------------------------------------------------------After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn't notice." -----------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. -----------------------------------------------------------------------When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist! -----------------------------------------------------------------------When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Jokes (Page # 9)* What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friedship is just like wine.. as it gets older it gets sweter.. just like you and me.. you are gettind older and i am getting sweeter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I want u... To be with me In a nice Restaurent To have candle light dinner.... & to say say those sweet three words to U.... "Pay The Bill" -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friedship is just like wine..as it gets older it gets sweter..just like you and me..you are gettind older and i am getting sweeter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Unlike others, ur brain is a masterpiece. it has 2 halves the left & the right The left has nothing right in it & d right has nothing left in it. -----------------------------------------------------------------------We've known Each other 4 Quite a while now, do u think we can be more than Frnds? Will u be my Partner 2 rob a Bank? -----------------------------------------------------------------------I saw U on Road today. U were lukin SO fine, Ur face SO divine, Ur walk SO perfect. My Heart started singing a Sweet Song: Who Let The Dogs Out! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Do u know that your Smile takes 1000 People to Death ? Save The World......... So Plz start brushing regularly -----------------------------------------------------------------------When u get ths SMS, snd it to 1 person U luv, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of & 1 u wish to kill. now keep guessing why I send it to u!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------My Life was in darkness before i met u, but now it is bright.u know why? Coz u r a "Tubelight -----------------------------------------------------------------------Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Last night was my fault, my wife asked, "what's on the TV?" and ..... I said, "dust!" -----------------------------------------------------------------------The smile is like a simcard & life is like cellphone, Whenever u insert the simcard of a smile, a beautiful day is activated Keep Smiling. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Difference: It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered -----------------------------------------------------------------------so sweet is ur SMILE..... so sweet is ur STYLE..... so sweet is ur VOICE..... so sweet is ur EYE....... see how sweetly I LIE!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Jokes (Page # 10)* Some Love Golden-Ship, Some Love Silver-Ship, But I Love One Ship, That Is Your Friend-Ship -----------------------------------------------------------------------Based on Newton's 1st Law: Law of love Love neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can be changed frm one girlfriend to another girlfriend. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I know you think I'm cute, I know you think I'm fine, but like the other guys take a number and wait in line!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why r Women are like the stock market... Coz they're irrational n can bankrupt u if u're not careful. -----------------------------------------------------------------------r mosquitoes religious? YES They first sing over u & then prey on you -----------------------------------------------------------------------wen tings go rong, wen tears flow 4rm ur eyes, wen sadness fills ur heart, plz inform me-coz my frnd sells tissues BUY ONE GET ONE FREE ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remove your Shirt, Remove your Pants too, ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur kurti now ahhh.... Finally the suitcase is closed. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Birds love u, Giraffe love u, Goat love u, Elephant love u, Go to zoo, They all miss u. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I want U 2 know dat our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry I cry, U Lauf I Lauf, U Jump out of da window... I look down & den.. I lauf again -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Every 1 can c it but only U can feel its true Warmth, Thank U 4 being the pee in my pants.. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Wht's d similarity between a girl & petrol? 1. both r explosive 2. both r hot 3. both r dangerous when kept in open -----------------------------------------------------------------------Eyes: To look at you Hands: To pray for you Mind: To care for u Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick u if u forget me. -----------------------------------------------------------------------The big tomato said 2 the slow little tomato: ketch up!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------A group of elephants were sitting on the street. A sexy female elephant passes by... What does the loafer elephant say? Wow... 3600-2400-3600 -----------------------------------------------------------------------What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage. *SmS Jokes (Page # 11)* A Friend is like a GAS blown from the ASS, Which creates noice n nuisance to others but gives Me RELAXATION and COMFORT. Thanks for being the GAS of my ASS. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U -----------------------------------------------------------------------Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I butter not tell you, It might spread!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Cute… Good looking… Easy to handle… Cool… Sexy… Nice structure… Its my mobile. How about your? -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is the height of Bravery, Patience & Laziness combined? A: Sitting on the sea shore waiting for TSUNAMI to clean up ur ASS -----------------------------------------------------------------------Will, Marry, I & U are going for a party. Whats the best & worst arrangement u can make. Did u get... Best: Will, U, Marry, Me Worst: I, Will, Marry, U -----------------------------------------------------------------------Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Boy: what will u give me as reward if i climb Mt.Everest? Girl: A push. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sincere Apology: If u dont like ny of my SMS or dont like 2 read or if my msgs disturb u,then plz dont hesitate,feel free 2 Throw Ur Mobile!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sweet fruits r nice 2 eat.. Sweet words r nice 2 say.. But sweet people r really hard 2 find..My goodness, how da hell did u manage 2 find me! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Advice Always listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice :99% Sound & 1% Advice.... -----------------------------------------------------------------------Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids -----------------------------------------------------------------------Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams.. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. -----------------------------------------------------------------------*Free SMS Jokes* U r the 1st thing that comes 2 my mind. I wish I could start my day with U in my bed. I jus luv ur feel to my lips. U just make my day, I love U NESCAFE! -----------------------------------------------------------------------New style of proposing a girl: I have spent many sleepless nights in ur love, & I don't want my son to do the same 4 your daughter, So lets make them brother & sister. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Its difficult 2 understand GOD, He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Court Order !! U R Accused of Crawling into my inbox & Hijacking My Smile with your cute massages. U R Sentenced 2b MY SWEET FRIEND 4 LIFE -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is the similarity between CIRCUS and a BEAUTIFUL GIRL'S HEART? Both have space for 1 more clown... -----------------------------------------------------------------------What do I do when I see someone extremely Gorgeous, Attractive, Terrific, Cute, Fabulous.... I Stare, I smile, And, when I get tired..... I put down the mirror ! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Never think of the past It brings tears... If you think of the future It brings fears... So, live life in the present And drink chilled beers! -----------------------------------------------------------------------True Love is like a pillow U could HUG it when u r in trouble U could CRY on it when u r in pain U could EMBRACE it when u r happy Want True Love? Spend Rs50 BUY A PILLOW -----------------------------------------------------------------------Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy by the time she gets ready no other place is open! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*Online SMS Jokes* Museum administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you've broken. Banta Singh: Thank God! I thought it was a new one! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why do men like smart women? Rare things are always sought after!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------A Mother makes her son Intelligent in 20 years, but a Girl can makes him
Stupid in 2 minutes. -----------------------------------------------------------------------When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake? Answer : On their Wedding !! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why dogs don't marry? A: Bcoz they are already leading a dog's life! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why doesn't the India law permit a man to marry a second woman? A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Life Paradox what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u don't njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not permanent(galfriend), what is permanent is boring (wife) -----------------------------------------------------------------------"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me I just can't stop my hands shaking!" "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really - I spill most of it!" -----------------------------------------------------------------------Santa (reading from book of facts) "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't u use a mouth wash?" -----------------------------------------------------------------------To live a life, one needs brains, reflex, perception, looks, IQ, knowledge, way of expression & many more mental qualities. Hats off 2 u coz u manage 2 live without them!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Jokes* "Room Service? Can you send up a towel?" "Please wait someone else is using it." -----------------------------------------------------------------------"I hear that you drop some money in Stocks. Were you a bull or a bear?" "Neither, just a plain simple ass." -----------------------------------------------------------------------A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows -----------------------------------------------------------------------Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Advice Always listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice: 99% Sound & 1% Advice.... -----------------------------------------------------------------------A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." -----------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Peter, why r u late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football & the game went into extra time. -----------------------------------------------------------------------A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly ? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Text Jokes* What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH! -----------------------------------------------------------------------GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest. BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple -----------------------------------------------------------------------I want to share Everything with you. Your JOYS, Your SADNESS, Your HAPPY MOMENTS Every single second of day Let us START with your ATM Password first. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Dating process: 6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U. 6 months : Of course I love U. 6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose? -----------------------------------------------------------------------There is always a "DRIVE SLOW" board near boy's schools, but n ot near girl's college.. Why? COZ vehicles automatically go slow.... -----------------------------------------------------------------------History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ? Student: Sir, I am not sure but I think from page 15 to 26. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What kind of food does a race horse eat? A: Fast food -----------------------------------------------------------------------hey listen she asked me u r details...so i gave her u r cell number. so she will meet u soon.... her name is smile.... i think she came. -----------------------------------------------------------------------2day, 2morrow & 4ever, there will be 1 heart that would always beat 4 u. U know whose?? YOUR OWN -----------------------------------------------------------------------Heartbeats are countless .... Spirits are ageless .... Dreams are endless..... Memories are timeless.... A friend like you ....... Shameless!!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SmS Humor* Funny Answering Machine Messages Please leave a message However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. -----------------------------------------------------------------------They say Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Seeking luv iz a mission... finding luv iz a complexed ambition... so y not go wiv the asian tradition, and let the parentz make the decision... -----------------------------------------------------------------------Regular Naps Prevent Old Age... Especially If You Take Them While Driving! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Think Well Work Well Eat Well Sleep Well Play Well and also put ur Mobile inside the same well Because you r not messageing me... well -----------------------------------------------------------------------I'm sorry that I'm running late! There is a power failure and I am stuck on the escalator. -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is the difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying... & the other ensures you Continue to do so!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------U r a Stupid Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand... ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sugar is sugar, Salt is salt, God made you dumbo, not my fault! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Joke Hi Joke* A good friend is like a computer I 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory! -----------------------------------------------------------------------sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing a cards and I lost the joker -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an EarthQuake? A:) MilkShake -----------------------------------------------------------------------After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn't notice." -----------------------------------------------------------------------Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. -----------------------------------------------------------------------When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist! When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist! -----------------------------------------------------------------------r mosquitoes religious? Yes They first sing over u & then prey on you -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friedship is just like wine.. as it gets older it gets sweter.. just like you and me.. you are gettind older and i am getting sweeter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------SMS Jokes Humor* I want u... To be with me In a nice Restaurent To have candle light dinner.... & to say say those sweet three words to U.... "Pay The Bill" -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friedship is just like wine..as it gets older it gets sweter..just like you and me..you are gettind older and i am getting sweeter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Unlike others, ur brain is a masterpiece. it has 2 halves the left & the right The left has nothing right in it & d right has nothing left in it. -----------------------------------------------------------------------We've known Each other 4 Quite a while now, do u think we can be more than Frnds? Will u be my Partner 2 rob a Bank? -----------------------------------------------------------------------I saw U on Road today. U were lukin SO fine, Ur face SO divine, Ur walk SO perfect. My Heart started singing a Sweet Song: Who Let The Dogs Out! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Do u know that your Smile takes 1000 People to Death ? Save The World......... So Plz start brushing regularly -----------------------------------------------------------------------When u get ths SMS, snd it to 1 person U luv, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of & 1 u wish to kill. now keep guessing why I send it to u!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Life was in darkness before i met u, but now it is bright.u know why? Coz u r a "Tubelight -----------------------------------------------------------------------Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Humor Jokes* Last night was my fault, my wife asked, "what's on the TV?" and ..... I said, "dust!" -----------------------------------------------------------------------The smile is like a simcard & life is like cellphone, Whenever u insert the simcard of a smile, a beautiful day is activated Keep Smiling. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Difference: It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered -----------------------------------------------------------------------so sweet is ur SMILE..... so sweet is ur STYLE..... so sweet is ur VOICE..... so sweet is ur EYE....... see how sweetly I LIE!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Some Love Golden-Ship, Some Love Silver-Ship, But I Love One Ship, That Is Your Friend-Ship -----------------------------------------------------------------------Based on Newton's 1st Law: Law of love Love neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can be changed frm one girlfriend to another girlfriend. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I know you think I'm cute, I know you think I'm fine, but like the other guys take a number and wait in line!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why r Women are like the stock market... Coz they're irrational n can bankrupt u if u're not careful. -----------------------------------------------------------------------r mosquitoes religious? YES They first sing over u & then prey on you -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Jokes Comedy* wen tings go rong, wen tears flow 4rm ur eyes, wen sadness fills ur heart, plz inform me-coz my frnd sells tissues BUY ONE GET ONE FREE -----------------------------------------------------------------------Remove your Shirt, Remove your Pants too, ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur kurti now ahhh.... Finally the suitcase is closed. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Birds love u, Giraffe love u, Goat love u, Elephant love u, Go to zoo, They all miss u. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I want U 2 know dat our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry I cry, U Lauf I Lauf, U Jump out of da window... I look down & den.. I lauf again -----------------------------------------------------------------------Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Every 1 can c it but only U can feel its true Warmth, Thank U 4 being the pee in my pants.. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Wht's d similarity between a girl & petrol? 1. both r explosive 2. both r hot 3. both r dangerous when kept in open -----------------------------------------------------------------------Eyes: To look at you Hands: To pray for you Mind: To care for u Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick u if u forget me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------The big tomato said 2 the slow little tomato: ketch up!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------A group of elephants were sitting on the street. A sexy female elephant passes by... What does the loafer elephant say? Wow... 3600-2400-3600 -----------------------------------------------------------------------What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage. -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Humor Comedy* A Friend is like a GAS blown from the ASS, Which creates noice n nuisance to others but gives Me RELAXATION and COMFORT. Thanks for being the GAS of my ASS. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U -----------------------------------------------------------------------Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I butter not tell you, It might spread!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Cute… Good looking… Easy to handle… Cool… Sexy… Nice structure… Its my mobile. How about your? -----------------------------------------------------------------------What is the height of Bravery, Patience & Laziness combined? A: Sitting on the sea shore waiting for TSUNAMI to clean up ur ASS -----------------------------------------------------------------------Will, Marry, I & U are going for a party. Whats the best & worst arrangement u can make. Did u get... Best: Will, U, Marry, Me Worst: I, Will, Marry, U -----------------------------------------------------------------------Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Boy: what will u give me as reward if i climb Mt.Everest? Girl: A push. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Sincere Apology: If u dont like ny of my SMS or dont like 2 read or if my msgs disturb u,then plz dont hesitate,feel free 2 Throw Ur Mobile!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Jokes Humor Comedy* Sweet fruits r nice 2 eat.. Sweet words r nice 2 say.. But sweet people r really hard 2 find..My goodness, how da hell did u manage 2 find me! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Advice Always listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice :99% Sound & 1% Advice.... -----------------------------------------------------------------------Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids -----------------------------------------------------------------------Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams.. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Woman: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high. -----------------------------------------------------------------------For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used. -----------------------------------------------------------------------How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head. -----------------------------------------------------------------------What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool... -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Text Humor* I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes. -----------------------------------------------------------------------As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. -----------------------------------------------------------------------What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings? A: Because they don't have any. 1 -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What is the thinnest book in the world? A: What Men Know About Women. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half. -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Jokes For Mobile Phones* A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." -----------------------------------------------------------------------What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing? -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator. -----------------------------------------------------------------------How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any. 1 -----------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth -----------------------------------------------------------------------What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant -----------------------------------------------------------------------God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested -----------------------------------------------------------------------News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message. -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Jokes For Cell Phones* My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too... -----------------------------------------------------------------------Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. -----------------------------------------------------------------------First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac? -----------------------------------------------------------------------Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy. -----------------------------------------------------------------------This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime? -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Laughing Jokes* CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this. -----------------------------------------------------------------------A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here". -----------------------------------------------------------------------What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field. -----------------------------------------------------------------------What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle. -----------------------------------------------------------------------I took an IQ test and the results were negative. -----------------------------------------------------------------------How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut. -----------------------------------------------------------------------Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV. -----------------------------------------------------------------------The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. -----------------------------------------------------------------------*SMS Free Humor* What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! -----------------------------------------------------------------------Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" -----------------------------------------------------------------------If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. -----------------------------------------------------------------------All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you. -----------------------------------------------------------------------We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...! ------------------------------------------------------------------------