Self Awareness

JESUS YOUTH – Changing the face of the youth

DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING PROGRAMME, MUMBAI, MAY 2007

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SELF AWARENESS Self Awareness is all about knowing oneself as a person in totality, identifying strengths and weaknesses. Prerequisites of Honesty and Courage Some people are not prepared to face the truth about themselves. For example, a student may use his perceived self-image as a fun-loving person as an excuse for doing poorly in his school grades. In reality, he is a procrastinator ... put off doing his homework or studying for the exams till the last minute (Prov. 26:13-16). When you know who you are, you may have to change; and some people just do not want to change because changing demands effort! Self-awareness requires honesty and courage... to get in touch with what we are thinking and feeling and to face the truth about ourselves. Benefits of Self-awareness The better you understand yourself, the better you are able to accept or change who you are. Being in the dark about yourself means that you will continue to get caught up in your own internal struggles and allowed outside forces to mould and shape you. As we move toward the 21st century, the knowledge-based economy demands that we upgrade our knowledge and skills to keep up with the ever-changing society. However, the starting point should be the knowledge of oneself as a unique individual and how one relates to this new economy. The clarity with which you can answer these questions: Who am I? Where have I been? Where am I going? determines your capability to chart your own destiny and realize your potential. Above all, knowing oneself plays an important role in shaping up the spirituality of a person. Realistic View In your quest to know yourself, do not think of yourself more highly than you should (Rom. 12:3). In other words, no superiority attitude. Rather have a sober view of your strengths. On the other hand, do not exaggerate your weaknesses and look down on yourself. Also, do not excuse or rationalise your weaknesses. We need a realistic view of both our strengths and weaknesses if we are to know our true selves. How we see ourselves may be clouded by the feedback messages we received about ourselves from others. But how could anyone know more about you than you? They do not feel your emotions or think your thoughts; they do not face the issues that you wrestled with. No one except God (Psalm 139:1-6) could know you better than you! Therefore, do not let others look down on you (1 Timothy 4:12). Parents / Sincere Friends Remember what I said earlier that some people may not be prepared to face the truth about themselves. This may be true of you. Therefore, you must be prepared to listen to others, especially your sincere friends, allowed them to jolt you to re-examine your own perceived self-image. There are no perfect people and there are no perfect parents. Nevertheless, from a practical viewpoint, our parents, who gave birth to us have the opportunity to observe us at close quarters over many years, would have a clearer insight of our character than anybody else. You don't have to accept their views but at least listen to them. Self-awareness Questions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? How do your friends describe you? Do you agree with their descriptions? Why or why not? List two situtations when you are most at ease. What specific elements were present when you felt that way? What types of activities did you enjoy doing when you were a child? What about now? What motivates you? Why? What are your dreams for the future? What steps are you taking to achieve your dreams? What do you fear most in your life? Why? What stresses you? What is your typical response to stress?

JESUS YOUTH – Changing the face of the youth

DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING PROGRAMME, MUMBAI, MAY 2007

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9. What qualities do you like to see in people? Why? Do you have many friends as you just described? Why or why not? 10. When you disagree with someone's viewpoint, what would you do?

SELF-IMAGE Importance of Self-image Self-image is how one perceives himself ... positively or negatively. Self-image is important because how one feels and thinks about himself affects the way he acts. For example, when ten of the spies (who were sent to explore the land of Canaan) perceived themselves as grasshoppers (in comparison to the tall inhabitants of the land) they concluded that they were unable to take possession of the land. They acted in fear (Num. 13: 31-33). Low selfesteem may lead to behavioural problems. Weak or Strong Foundations? The important question in self-image is, "What is the basis of our self-image ... our own preconceptions ... the evaluation of others?" What is the true foundation of our self-image? Our world deems appearance as important in life. There is no escape from this reality! Take a look at the billiondollar beauty and media industries. Besides physique, the other sources of self-image for many are performance and possessions. We live in a performance-oriented society ... you get praise and reward based on performance. People are also admired for their material possessions especially branded goods. Physique Physical appearance cannot be a strong foundation for self-image because we age. Moreover, God values a man's inner disposition and character rather than his outward appearance. "... The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) Performance Performance is undependable in that our performance can deteriorate. If our self-image is based on our performance then our self-esteem rises and falls with our performance. Moreover, others can out-perform us ... does this mean we are less worthy? What does God say about my performance as a believer in Christ? • Past: God has forgiven me (Colossians 2:13) and remembers my sins no more (Hebrews 10:17). I have been accepted by God. • Present: He loves me unconditionally (Romans 5:8). I am a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17) and I have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16). • Future: I can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13; Ephesians 3:20). Possessions Possessions is another shaky foundation for self-image because in an economic downturn, we may have to give up some of our possessions. Our possessions are not permanent ... they can be stolen or destroyed (2 Peter 3:7,10). Life is more than possessions. Jesus said, "... a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:15). As a believer in Christ, I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). I am a joint-heir with Christ (Rom. 8:16-17). Don't forget that God is the Owner of the cattle on a "thousand" hills (Psalms 50:10). Unshakeable Self-esteem

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DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING PROGRAMME, MUMBAI, MAY 2007

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True self-esteem is rooted in our relationship with God ... If you are a child of God (John 1:12) then you belong to Him (Col. 3:4). In Christ, you have been made complete. Come what may, your relationship with Christ is not going to change. Do I believe ... ... what God says about me? ... my own self-perception and the evaluation of others?

SELF ESTEAM What is Self-Esteem? Most people's feelings and thoughts about themselves fluctuate somewhat based on their daily experiences. The grade you get on an exam, how your friends treat you, ups and downs in a romantic relationship-all can have a temporary impact on your wellbeing. Your self-esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal "ups and downs" associated with situational changes. For people with good basic self-esteem, normal "ups and downs" may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel about themselves, but only to a limited extent. In contrast, for people with poor basic self-esteem, these "ups and downs" may make all the difference in the world. Poor Self-Esteem vs. Healthy Self-Esteem People with poor self-esteem often rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them. Even then, the good feeling (from a good grade, etc.) can be temporary. Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of being human) and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations. Where Does Self-Esteem Come From? Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. Experiences during our childhood play a particularly large role in the shaping of our basic self-esteem. When we were growing up, our successes (and failures) and how we were treated by the members of our immediate family, by our teachers, coaches, religious authorities, and by our peers, all contributed to the creation of our basic self-esteem.

Self-esteem is largely developed during childhood. Childhood experiences that lead to HEALTHY SELF- Childhood experiences that lead to LOW SELF-ESTEEM ESTEEM includeinclude being praised

 being harshly criticized

 being listened to

 being yelled at, or beaten

 being spoken to respectfully

 being ignored, ridiculed or teased

 getting attention and hugs

 being expected to be "perfect" all the time

 experiencing success in sports or school

 experiencing failures in sports or school

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DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING PROGRAMME, MUMBAI, MAY 2007

 having trustworthy friends

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People with low self-esteem were often given messages that failed experiences (losing a game, getting a poor grade, etc.) were failures of their whole self.

What Does Your "Inner Voice" Say? Our past experiences, even the things we don't usually think about, are all alive and active in our daily life in the form of an Inner Voice. Although most people do not "hear" this voice in the same way they would a spoken one, in many ways it acts in a similar way, constantly repeating those original messages to us. For people with healthy self-esteem the messages of the inner voice are positive and reassuring. For people with low self-esteem, the inner voice becomes a harsh inner critic, constantly criticizing, punishing, and belittling their accomplishments. THREE Faces of Low Self-Esteem Most of us have an image of what low self-esteem looks like, but it is not always so easy to recognize. Here are three common faces that low self-esteem may wear: The Impostor: acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. Lives with the constant fear that she or he will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out. The Rebel: acts like the opinions or good will of others - especially people who are important or powerful - don't matter. Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority. The Loser: acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. Uses selfpity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships. Consequences of Low Self-Esteem Low self-esteem can have devastating consequences. • • • •

It It It It

can can can can

create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression. cause problems with friendships and relationships. seriously impair academic and job performance. lead to underachievement and increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.

Worst of all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively self-destructive behavior. Three Steps to Better Self-Esteem Before you can begin to improve your self-esteem you must first believe that you can change it. Change doesn't necessarily happen quickly or easily, but it can happen. You are not powerless! Once you have accepted, or are at least willing to entertain the possibility that you are not powerless, there are three steps you can take to begin to change your self-esteem: • •

Step 1: Rebut the Inner Critic Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing

JESUS YOUTH – Changing the face of the youth

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DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING PROGRAMME, MUMBAI, MAY 2007

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Step 3: Get Help from Others

Step 1: Rebut the Inner Critic The first important step in improving self-esteem is to begin to challenge the negative messages of the critical inner voice. Here are some typical examples of the inner critic's voice and how you can "rebut" that voice.

The Inner Critic's Voice: Is Unfairly Harsh:

Your Rebuttals: Be Reassuring:

"People said they liked my presentation, but it was "Wow, they really liked it! Maybe it wasn't perfect, but I nowhere near as good as it should have been. I can't worked hard on that presentation and did a good job. I'm believe no-one noticed all the places I messed up. I'm proud of myself. This was a great success." such an impostor." Generalizes Unrealistically:

Be Specific:

"I did poorly on this one test, but I've done O.K. on all the "I got an F on the test. I don't understand anything in this homework. There are some things here that I don't class. I'm such an idiot. Who am I fooling? I shouldn't be understand as well as I thought I did, but I can do the taking this class. I'm stupid and I don't belong in college." material-I've done fine in other classes that were just as tough. Makes Leaps of Illogic:

Challenge Illogic:

"He is frowning. He didn't say anything, but I know it "OK, he's frowning, but I don't know why. It could have means that he doesn't like me!" nothing to do with me. Maybe I should ask." Catastrophizes:

Be Objective:

"She turned me down my proposal! I'm so embarrassed and "Ouch! That hurt. Well, she doesn't want to share her life humiliated. No one likes or cares about me. I'll never find with me. That doesn't mean no one does. I know I'm an a girlfriend. I'll always be alone." attractive and nice person. I'll find someone." Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing Rebutting your critical inner voice is an important first step, but it is not enough. Since our self-esteem is in part due to how others have treated us in the past, the second step to more healthy self-esteem is to begin to treat yourself as a worthwhile person. Start to challenge past negative experiences or messages by nurturing and caring for yourself in ways that show that you are valuable, competent, deserving and lovable. There are several components to self-nurturing: Practice Basic Self-Care Get enough sleep, eat in a healthy fashion, get regular exercise, practice good hygiene, and so forth. Plan Fun & Relaxing Things For Yourself You could go to a movie, take a nap, get a massage, plant a garden, buy a pet, learn to meditate-whatever you enjoy. Reward Yourself For Your Accomplishments

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You could take the night off to celebrate good grades, spend time with a friend, or compliment yourself for making that hard phone call. Remind Yourself of Your Strengths & Achievements One way is to make a list of things you like about yourself. Or keep a 'success' file of awards, certificates and positive letters or citations. Keep momentos of accomplishments you are proud of where you can see them. Forgive Yourself When You Don't Do All You'd Hoped Self-nurturing can be surprisingly hard if you are not used to doing it. Don't be critical of yourself-remember that inner voice!-when you don't do it just right. Self-Nurture Even When You Don't Feel You Deserve It "Fake it" until you can "make it." When you treat yourself like you deserve to feel good and be nurtured, slowly you'll come to believe it. Step 3: Get Help from Others Getting help from others is often the most important step a person can take to improve his or her self-esteem, but it can also be the most difficult. People with low self-esteem often don't ask for help because they feel they don't deserve it. But since low self-esteem is often caused by how other people treated you in the past, you may need the help of other people in the present to challenge the critical messages that come from negative past experiences. Here are some ways to get help from others: Ask for Support from Friends • • • •

Ask Ask Ask Ask

friends to tell you what they like about you or think you do well. someone who cares about you to just listen to you "vent" for a little while without trying to "fix" things. for a hug. someone who loves you to remind you that they do.

Get Help from Teachers & Other Helpers • •

Go to professors or advisors or tutors to ask for help in classes if this is a problem for you. Remember: They are there to help you learn! If you lack self-confidence in certain areas, take classes or try out new activities to increase your sense of competence (for example, take a math class, join a dance club, take swimming lessons, etc.)

Talk to a Therapist or Counselor Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to overcome that the professional help of a therapist or counselor is needed. Talking to a counselor is a good way to learn more about your self-esteem issues and begin to improve your selfesteem.

From the Scriptures… WHO AM I ? By Creation/Origin

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   

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Created in the image and likeness of God himself (Genesis 1:26) Given dominion over all the creatures of the earth. (Genesis 1:26, 28) Got the personal certificate from God that I am very good. (Genesis 1:31) Created with imperishable nature (Wisdom 2:23)

By Covenant/Call  Precious in God’s eyes, honoured and loved (Isaiah 43:4)  Not be forgotten by God even if a mother forgets her nursing child (Isaiah 41:15)  Known, dedicated and appointed as a prophet to nations long before I was formed in the womb of my mother (Jeremiah 1:5)  no longer a stranger and sojourner, but a fellow citizen with the holy ones and members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone. (Ephesians 2:19-20)  A member of "a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation (1 Peter 2:9)  Forgiven of all my sins, and strengthened so that I have conquered the evil one (1 John 2:12-13)  Called a child of God, and indeed I am so. Genesis 1 26 Then God said: "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle, and over all the wild animals and all the creatures that crawl on the ground." 27 God created man in his image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them, saying: "Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth." Genesis 1 31 God looked at everything he had made, and he found it very good… Genesis 2 7 the LORD God formed man out of the clay of the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and so man became a living being. Wisdom 2 23 For God formed man to be imperishable; the image of his own nature he made him. 24 But by the envy of the devil, death entered the world, and they who are in his possession experience it. By Call/Covenant Isaiah 43 1 But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, and formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are mine. 2 When you pass through the water, I will be with you; in the rivers you shall not drown. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned; the flames shall not consume you. 3 For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in return for you. 4 Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you, I give men in return for you and peoples in exchange for your life. Isaiah 49 15 Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. 16 See, upon the palms of my hands I have written your name; your walls are ever before me. Jeremiah 1 4 The word of the LORD came to me thus:

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5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you. 6 "Ah, Lord GOD!" I said, "I know not how to speak; I am too young." 7 But the LORD answered me, Say not, "I am too young." To whomever I send you, you shall go; whatever I command you, you shall speak. 8 Have no fear before them, because I am with you to deliver you, says the LORD. 9 Then the LORD extended his hand and touched my mouth, saying, See, I place my words in your mouth! 10 This day I set you over nations and over kingdoms, To root up and to tear down, to destroy and to demolish, to build and to plant. Galatians 6 14 But may I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Ephesians 2 19 So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the holy ones and members of the household of God, 20 built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone. James 1 22 Be doers of the word and not hearers only, deluding yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his own face in a mirror. 24 He sees himself, then goes off and promptly forgets what he looked like. 25 But the one who peers into the perfect law of freedom and perseveres, and is not a hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, such a one shall be blessed in what he does. 1 Peter 2 9 But you are "a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you may announce the praises" of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 John 2 12 I am writing to you, children, because your sins have been forgiven for his name's sake. 13 I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have conquered the evil one. Repeats the same in the next verses 1 John 3 1 See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are God's children now; what we shall be has not yet been revealed. We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3 Everyone who has this hope based on him makes himself pure, as he is pure. 1 John 4 4 You belong to God, children, and you have conquered them, for the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5 They belong to the world; accordingly, their teaching belongs to the world, and the world listens to them. 1 John 5 10 Whoever believes in the Son of God has this testimony within himself. Whoever does not believe God has made him a liar by not believing the testimony God has given about his Son. 11 And this is the testimony: God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12 Whoever possesses the Son has life; whoever does not possess the Son of God does not have life. Jude 1 Jude, a slave of Jesus Christ and brother of James, to those who are called, beloved in God the Father and kept safe for Jesus Christ: 2 may mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance.

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1 Timothy 1 12 I am grateful to him who has strengthened me, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he considered me trustworthy in appointing me to the ministry. 13 I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and an arrogant man, but I have been mercifully treated because I acted out of ignorance in my unbelief. 14 Indeed, the grace of our Lord has been abundant, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 This saying is trustworthy and deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. Of these I am the foremost. 16 But for that reason I was mercifully treated, so that in me, as the foremost, Christ Jesus might display all his patience as an example for those who would come to believe in him for everlasting life. 1 Corinthians 15 10 But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me has not been ineffective… John 1 19 And this is the testimony of John. When the Jews from Jerusalem sent priests and Levites (to him) to ask him, "Who are you?" 20 he admitted and did not deny it, but admitted, "I am not the Messiah." 21 So they asked him, "What are you then? Are you Elijah?" And he said, "I am not." "Are you the Prophet?" He answered, "No." 22 So they said to him, "Who are you, so we can give an answer to those who sent us? What do you have to say for yourself?" 23 He said: "I am 'the voice of one crying out in the desert, "Make straight the way of the Lord,"' as Isaiah the prophet said." 24 Some Pharisees were also sent. 25 They asked him, "Why then do you baptize if you are not the Messiah or Elijah or the Prophet?" 26 John answered them, "I baptize with water; but there is one among you whom you do not recognize, 27 the one who is coming after me, whose sandal strap I am not worthy to untie." John 2 25 Now a dispute arose between the disciples of John and a Jew about ceremonial washings. 26 So they came to John and said to him, "Rabbi, the one who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you testified, here he is baptizing and everyone is coming to him." 27 John answered and said, "No one can receive anything except what has been given him from heaven. 28 You yourselves can testify that I said (that) I am not the Messiah, but that I was sent before him. 29 The one who has the bride is the bridegroom; the best man, who stands and listens for him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. So this joy of mine has been made complete. 30 He must increase; I must decrease." John 6 35 Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst. John 8 12 Jesus spoke to them again, saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 10 11 I am the good shepherd. A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. John 11 25 Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 14 6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way and the truth 5 and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

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“God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change; COURAGE to change the things I can; and WISDOM to know the difference.”

Self Awareness Quotes “A man's true delight is to do the things he was made for.” “A tulip doesn’t strive to impress anyone. It doesn’t struggle to be different than a rose. It doesn’t have to. It is different. And there’s room in the garden for every flower. You didn’t have to struggle to make your face different than anyone else’s on earth. It just is. You are unique because you were created that way. Look at little children in kindergarten. They’re all different without trying to be. As long as they’re unselfconsciously being themselves, they can’t help but shine. It’s only later, when children are taught to compete, to strive to be better than others, that their natural light becomes distorted.” “Anyone will be unhappy until he recognizes his true calling.” “Be harsh with yourself at times.” “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” “Hide not your talents, they were made for use.” “Humility is to make a right estimate of oneself.” “Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves.” “O, happy the soul that saw its own faults.” “Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained, and man can find every truth connected with his being if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul.” “People of the world don’t look at themselves, and so they blame one another.” “People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.” “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.” “Retire into yourself as much as possible. Associate with people who are likely to improve you. Welcome those whom you are capable of improving. The process is a mutual one. People learn as they teach.” “The best you can do for someone else is to be yourself.” “The easiest thing in the world is to be you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.” “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” “The single most important thing you can do in business is to be yourself.”

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“The superior man is distressed by the limitations of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability that he has.” “The unexamined life is not worth living.” “We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.” “What difference does it make, after all, what your position in life is if you dislike it yourself?”