Secret Vows

Secret Vows By Peggy Toolen Copyright 2004

Prologue I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Amy said as she got up from the couch to go fix some popcorn for them to enjoy with the scary movies they were about to watch. Amy’s dad had made the basement into a really nice game room and furnished it with pool table, ping pong table, jukebox and pinball game. And on the other side of the basement he had included a big screen TV with VCR, cable and a nice comfortable couch and lazy boy chair surrounding the entertainment center. The plush red carpet felt good beneath Kayla’s bare feet as walked over tot he couch and sat down. 3

She was spending the night with Amy while her dad went out of town. They were already wearing their pajamas and settling down for a long fun night of watching movies, gossiping about boys and giggling, just a typical Friday night for a couple of fourteen year old girls. Kayla sat down and got comfortable on the couch and started changing the channels on the TV. Bruce, Amy’s sixteen year old brother crept in quietly and sat down on the couch next to Kayla. She didn’t mind too much because she had a little crush on him. “Hi,” he said. “Hi,” She said back. He was buff for his age, because he worked out a lot and 4

played on the football team at school. He always smelled good when Kayla was around him, except when he first came home from football practice. Then he smelled like sweat. “You look sexy in your pajamas,” he said as he flipped the long strand of blond hair out of her green eyes. His eyes looked a bit bloodshot, Kayla thought, and he seemed to be slurring his words a little. Kayla suddenly felt uncomfortable being alone with him. He moved closer to her and put his arm around her shoulder and started kissing her. Kayla would have enjoyed being kissed by him if he hadn’t smelled like cigarettes and beer so strongly. “Bruce, don’t,” she said as she 5

pushed him gently. “We’ve known each other for a couple of years now and I know you like me. Why don’t you show me just how much you like me?” “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” “What if I have? Come on give me a kiss like you mean it.” he said. “Amy will be right back you know. She just went to get some popcorn.” “Yeah well, we’ve got time,” “Time for what?” He pulled her tight against him and kissed her on the mouth, hard. He tasted like beer, and smelled like an old ashtray. Kayla had never kissed before and this wasn’t how she imagined it. 6

She had thought it would be soft and gentle and she would have a choice if she wanted to kiss or not. He forced her down on the couch and started pulling at her pajamas. “NO Bruce, Stop it!” I don’t like this!” “Yeah you do. You know you like it, you’ve wanted me like this for a long time.” She squirmed and pushed at his hard muscled body as she tried to get away from him but he held her tight. “I’m going to scream if you don’t stop it.” He just yanked his t-shirt over his head and tied it around her mouth so she couldn’t scream or say anything else. She tried to pull the t-shirt from her mouth as he 7

tied it on but he was stronger than she was and it was no use trying to stop him. He grabbed her wrists and held them together in one hand. “The only other person here is Amy anyway and she won’t be coming in here because I locked the door. Mom and Dad are out for an evening of dinner and a movie, so you might as well just enjoy this because it’s going to happen one way or another.” Kayla shook her head and tried to scream but not much sound penetrated through the t-shirt that was tied around her mouth. He reached down and unbuckled his belt with one hand and whipped it out of the loops and used it to tie her hands 8

together. Then he unbuttoned her pajama top. Kayla’s heart pounded hard and she began to feel sick at her stomach. He pushed her tied hands above her head so he could get to her bare breasts. She felt his rough hands squeezing and pulling at her breasts, then his mouth on her sucking hard. She closed her eyes and began to cry. Tears streamed down her face as she finally just gave up the struggle and hoped that he would stop soon. When he left her breasts she almost felt relieved until she realized that he was moving to a different part of her body. He pulled at her pajama bottoms and panties and she began to struggle again making it hard for him to strip her. He slapped her 9

and told her to cooperate and he wouldn’t hit her anymore. The doorknob moved as if someone was trying to get in but couldn’t. There was a knock. “Kayla? Why’d you lock the door?” The TV was a little loud and she could barely hear Amy’s voice on the other side of the door. Bruce froze and waited for Amy to go away. Kayla tried to scream but it wasn’t quite loud enough for Amy to hear. “Kayla, are you in there?” Kayla wiggled and tried to kick something to make noise so Amy would know she was in there but Bruce grabbed her legs and held her down so she couldn’t move. After a few tires of opening the door Amy gave up and went away. Bruce smiled and went back to 10

getting what he wanted. As he tried once again to remove her pajama bottoms, Kayla squeezed her legs together and mad it hard for him to do it. He grabbed her hair and yanked hard, Kayla started to cry again and let him do what he wanted in hopes that it would all be over soon. When he finished doing everything he wanted to her he got up and gathered her clothes and threw them at her and untied her hands and said, “Get dressed and don’t say anything to anyone about what just happened or I’ll come after you again.” He took the t-shirt from her mouth and told her again to get dressed. She sat with tears streaming down her face. “You can tell Amy you fell asleep and that’s why you didn’t answer when she 11

called out to you.” He snatched his t-shirt from her hands and she slowly put her clothes back on. He went to the door and just before he left the basement he said, “Remember, you fell asleep.” Then opened the door and left the room. Kayla sat on the couch not sure what to do. Should she tell Amy what just happened or was he serious about coming after her if she said anything to anyone? Amy came back to the basement, “Were you just in here with the door locked?” “Yeah,” Kayla said trying not to sound as if she had been crying. But when Amy came around the front of the couch she could see that something was wrong. “Kayla, what’s wrong?” 12

“Nothing...” “Yeah, something’s wrong, you’ve been crying. Why didn’t you answer earlier when I knocked?” “I... I was asleep,” Kayla said not sounding very convincing. “Why?” “I was tired and I just fell asleep.” “Kayla, you’ve been crying. What’s really wrong?” Amy sat down on the couch next to Kayla. Kayla looked at Amy wanting to tell her what had just happened but was so afraid that Bruce would come after her if he found out she told Amy. Finally she said, “If I tell you something, will you promise never to say anything to anyone?” 13

“Okay.” “Your brother... was just... he just...” and she broke off and started to sob. Amy hugged Kayla. “What is it? What did my brother do? He’s such a jerk! I’ll kill him! He hit you didn’t he?” “No,” “He said something really mean to you?” “No, he raped me.” “What? What do you mean?” “Shh, you promised you wouldn’t say anything to anyone.” “But, you have to...” “No! He said he’d come after me again if I told anyone. Please don’t say 14

anything to anyone!” “Kayla, if that’s true you have to tell my parents or your dad or someone.” “Shh, he’ll hear you!” “Is that why the door was locked? He locked it and then...” Kayla nodded her head and started to cry again.

15

Chapter 1 “You’re not wearing that to church, are you?” Kayla’s dad, Gregg asked as he stopped and looked at her loose jeans and oversized t-shirt that said, “WWJD” on the front and Ranchland Heights Youth Group on the back. It was the official youth group t-shirt. The youth group wore these t-shirts whenever they did projects or any kind of missions together. Sometimes they just wore them to class like Kayla was tonight. Kayla wore that kind of clothes most of the time, except on Sundays when her dad made her wear a dress. He shook his head as he turned out the lights to the little used bookstore he owned. 16

“Daaaad,” Kayla whined. Everyone wears this kind of stuff on Wednesday nights.” “Still I just think everyone should dress nice when they go to church, be it Wednesday night or Sunday morning.” “Dad, I’m not wearing a dress to church on Wednesday night. Sometimes after class we go out and play basketball and stuff, I shouldn’t wear a dress to do that in should I?” “No but...” he continued to state his point as he locked the door to the bookstore. “You could at least wear something that looks more feminine. Couldn’t you at least do something pretty with your hair?” She had pretty hair. It was 17

long and naturally wavy but sometimes it looked a bit unruly because of the curls. “I wish your mother was around to help you learn to fix your hair the way other girls fix their hair. Your mother was great at fixing hair. She had the most beautiful hair of anyone I knew.” “Dad, I don’t want to be like all the other girls! I like wearing my hair down like this.” As they walked around the corner they continued to argue. They only lived a block away from the bookstore. Mike made sure they got a house close enough to the store when they moved there from California. His wife had died when Kayla was only five years old and he had done his best to raise Kayla on his own. He 18

hadn’t found anyone he was interested in dating since she died eleven years ago, so he remained single and all his attention went to Kayla and the bookstore. He had always wanted a bookstore so when the opportunity to buy the small bookstore in Texas arose, he jumped at the chance. “Can Lana’s Dad pick you up for church tonight?” “He probably will. Why? Aren’t you going to church tonight?” “Not tonight. I’m tired. I’ll just stick with Sunday mornings.” “Ok, I’ll call Lana and see if they can come by and pick me up.” Gregg unlocked the door of their small wood frame house and went inside. 19

“Thanks sweetheart,” he said and kissed her on the forehead and looked at her face. You know you look a lot like your mother. You’re a beautiful young woman. You should do something to accentuate that. You cover up by wearing tomboyish clothing. Girls your age wear make up. Why don’t you wear make-up?” Kayla just rolled her eyes and let him talk. When he had finished what he was saying he hugged her and sat down on the couch.” The church youth band played delightful music as they celebrated Jesus. Kayla had a good time worshiping and celebrating Jesus. She was sixteen years old now and loved Jesus and loved church. She grew up in church. To Kayla it was just 20

something you were supposed to do. Kayla was average height for her age and slightly thin. She had a good figure, but she was shy and tomboyish. Her curly auburn hair hung past her shoulders, and she had auburn eyes that matched her hair. Most people didn’t know what color her eyes were though, because she looked at the floor most of the time, due to her lack of self-confidence. She was pretty, but she needed a female role model in her life to teach her how to dress and behave like a girl. On Sundays when her dad made her wear a dress, she wore a denim dress that hid her figure and went down past her knees. Kayla stood talking to Lana, her best 21

friend, after the preacher prayed and dismissed the group. Six other girls in the youth group came over to Lana and Kayla. They all had their hair pulled back in a partial ponytail. They were all wearing new, tight fitting jeans and t-shirts that looked as if their bodies had been melted and poured into a mold. They looked as if they were members of some kind of group or gang that wore look-alike outfits, or uniforms to prove what group they were part of. One girl named Angela seemed to be the leader of the group. “You know a lesbian is a sinner. Don’t you?” She said and started to walk away. Lana turned around and said, “So? What’s your point?” “My point is that you two need to 22

repent and change your ways,” the girl said and walked off giggling with the other girls about what she had just said. Kayla stood looking at the floor, trying hard to hold back the tears that were stinging her eyes. All she wanted was to have friends, but because she was so shy and unsure of herself, no one wanted to be her friend, except for Lana. Kayla was trying to be strong. She hated the fact that she was so sensitive, buy she didn’t know how to deal with it. Lana on the other hand wasn’t that sensitive and she wasn’t going to stand by and let them hurt her best friend’s feelings like that. She ran up behind Angela and shoved her down and shouted, “You better apologize to Kayla for what you just said, 23

Right now!” Suddenly there were teenagers all around them waiting for a fight. “See?” Angela said, “She even takes up for hr. I told you they were...” Just then Lana punched Angela right in the face. Angela put her hand to her nose and cried out, “She even fights like a boy!” Pastor Quinn who was on th other side of the youth room heard the commotion and rushed over to see what was going on. “Break it up!” he shouted as he worked his way through the crowd of cheering teens to the center of the ring. Angela had a fist full of Lana’s hair and Lana was swinging her fists at Angela and screaming, “Apologize to her now!” 24

Kayla was yelling, “Stop it, stop fighting!” And some of the teens that were watching were cheering them on. Pastor Quinn grabbed Angela’s wrist and made her drop the fistful of hair. Then he grabbed Lana’s swinging fist as he yelled “I said break it up!” The yelling and cheering stopped as the crowd of teens backed away. “Show’s over,” he said as he looked around at the kids who had surrounded the fight and were cheering it on. “I’m ashamed of all of you! This is no way for Christians to act! Would Jesus stand here and cheer a fight on or would he break it up?” The teens quickly collected their belongings and left the room, all 25

talking among themselves about the fight. “Somebody tell me what’s going on here!” He said in an angry fatherly voice. Both the girls started talking at the same time and Quinn couldn’t understand a thing they were saying. “Okay, Stop!” He shouted. “Both of you... in my office... now!” he sternly commanded. As they both headed toward his office they started shoving each other again. “And don’t touch each other on the way! Don’t even look at one another!” He turned to see who was remaining that might have some insight on what went on, but everyone was gone except for Kayla who was standing there with her arms wrapped around her bible and notebook with them tucked up 26

under her chin and sobbing. He went over to Kayla and put his arm around her shoulder and asked. “Do you know what happened here?” Kayla nodded but could only manage to say, “It was may fault.” and began to sob again. “Come into my office,” he said as he put his arm around her shoulder, as if he were a friend she could trust her deep dark secrets to, and led her to his office. “You two sit here in these chairs until I get through talking to Kayla,” he said to Lana and Angela as he pointed to two chairs outside his office. When they entered Quinn’s office he reached over to his desk for a tissue and handed it to Kayla. “Sit down,” he said 27

offering her a chair by his desk. She sat down and looked at the floor. He sat down in another chair close by and looked at her. He put his finger on her chin and tilted her face towards his. “Can you tell me what happened out there?” “How was it your fault?” “I let it hurt my feelings and I started to cry, I don’t know why I’m so sensitive, I wish I wasn’t though. Anyway that’s why Lana pushed Angela and that’s how it got started. She wiped her nose with the tissue he had given her. She looked into his eyes as she waited for his next question. She had never noticed his eyes before. Probably because 28

she ha never looked up from the floor long enough to see his eyes. They were a beautiful electric blue and full of compassion and understanding. His eyes are beautiful, she thought. She felt as though he could see right into her very soul. She began to notice how very handsome he was as her eyes traced his facial features. She had never noticed how many dimples he had on his face. His cheeks were both dented with deep dimples that grew even deeper when he smiled. His chin had a hardly noticeable dimple that was deeper when he didn’t smile. Even his long straight nose had a tiny dimple on the tip of it. His dark straight hair accentuated his 29

light electric blue eyes. She wondered if Lana had ever noticed all his dimples and the color of his eyes or if it was just that she was seeing him for the first time because she was up close and personal with him. “If you think you’ll be all right, I’ll let you go so I can talk to the other two girls.” “Ok,” she said calmly. She had become mesmerized by his eyes, but managed to pull herself away to leave the room. Quinn talked to Angela and Lana separately and got their stories and then he talked to them together and made them make up. He told them he wanted them to 30

write two hundred times, (Do unto other’s the way you would have others do unto you.) And turn it in on Sunday morning. “Are you’re parents here tonight?” He asked. Lana and Angela both said, “Mine aren’t.” “Okay then, we’re going to call them at home before you leave here,” he said. Pastor Quinn handed Angela the phone and said, “Dial your home number.” Angela looked at the phone in horror and said, “Do we have to call them? I promise I’ll be nicer from now on.” She pleaded. Lana agreed that she’d do the same if she didn’t have to call her parents. “You both know you were wrong. Don’t you?” 31

“Yes,” they said in unison, and waited for pastor Quinn’s answer. “Okay, this time we won’t call your parents, but if anything like this ever happens again, we not only will call your parents but you won’t be allowed to go to camp this year.” They both agreed that they would try harder to get along. Lana’s Dad dropped Kayla off at her Dad’s bookstore. “Hi Sweetheart,” she heard her dad’s bass voice coming from the back of the store, where his office was. “Hi,” she said as she walked through the dark store. Only the light from the office lit the pat from the front of the store to the office. She watched him from the doorway as he finished counting the profits of the 32

day and put it in the safe. “How was church?” he asked “It was okay.” “Just okay?” “The worship was good, the message was good and I enjoyed being with Lana. But that’s all.” “What happened?” “Nothing happened.” “Come on, I know you better than that. Something happened.” He tugged on the safe door to make sure it was locked then turned around and took Kayla in his arms and hugged her. “What happened?” he asked again. “It was just those girls again, the ones who are always making fun of me and 33

Lana. Only tonight Lana punched one of them.” He held her out at arms length and looked at her face. He was attractive for a man in his forties. He had a full head of salt and pepper hair and dark brown eyes and was tall and thin. He had dated from time to time, but never really found anyone he wanted to settle down with since Kayla’s mom died. Nor did he find anyone who he thought would make a good mother for Kayla. Kayla and Gregg had a really great relationship when they were able to spend time together, but Gregg worked a lot of overtime at the bookstore he owned, so the time they really had to spend together was when Kayla helped him out at the 34

bookstore after school. Kayla spent a lot of her time with Lana and her family. Lana was Kayla’s best friend and they hung out after school, did homework together, and went places together. In short they were inseparable. Lana was the same height as Kayla but more average weight. She had long straight dark brown hair, light green eyes and dressed the same as Kayla, but Lana’s dressed that way because she was a tomboy not because she lacked female influence in her life. “Are you serious? Right there in the church? Did she hurt the girl,” Gregg asked trying not to smile. “She knocked her down but she 35

didn’t break her nose or anything like that.” “Where were the adults?” He asked a little concerned that something like that could happen right there in the middle of church. “Didn’t the adults try to stop it?” “Pastor Quinn saw it after it happened and came over and stopped anything else from happening. Then he made me, Lana and Angela go to his office and talk to him.” “Wow, sounds like you had a pretty exciting evening.” He turned off the office light and then they headed toward the front door. After locking up the store they walked down the street and around the corner to their house. The next Sunday after church, Pastor 36

Quinn asked Kayla if he could speak to her in his office. Kayla felt as if she was being called into the principal’s office. She wondered if it had something to do with the fight on Wednesday night. As she walked into his office with her head down, he gently said, “You’re not in trouble,” He walked over to the door where she stood and closed it behind her and offered her a chair. “I just want to talk to you about a couple of things,” he said. “I’ve noticed that you aren’t signed up again this year, to go to youth camp.” “No sir,” she said still looking at the floor. He couldn’t stand seeing her stare at the floor anymore and walked around to where she was sitting and stooped down on 37

his heals in front of her, put his finger on her chin and tilted her face toward his. “I like to see your eyes when we talk,” he said and then winked at her. “They really are pretty,” he said and smiled showing his dimples. “Is it because of money that you aren’t going to camp?” he asked getting back to the subject. “Mostly,” she admitted. “Is there something else?” “My dad, he’s kind of protective and doesn’t want me to go.” “Oh I see... would you want to go if you could?” “Yes sir, I’d like that.” she said calmly as if she didn’t believe it would ever 38

happen. The last two years Lana got to go and she didn’t, which always made her feel left out and alone when they were gone. And when they got back she felt left out because everyone was talking about it. “I’ll have a talk with your dad. Is he at church tonight?” “Yes sir,” she said smiling. “Thank you” She stood and started to leave. “You’re too polite, you know. You don’t have to call me sir.” “My dad says it’s polite.” “Well you can call him sir, but you make me feel old when you call me that.” Kayla smiled a shy smile, giggled softly and said, “Okay, I’ll try to remember not to call you sir.” 39

“Wait a minute,” Quinn said, “There’s one other matter I’d like to discuss with you.” “Oh,” Kayla said and sat back down. “Erica Miller is going to teach a class for young women around your age, to help them with... well... girl stuff. She wants to do something like a charm school kind of thing. You know fashion, make-up, talk about boys. The kind of things that your dad can’t really help you with,” she heard him say. “I know that young women need other women to help them through their teenage years and I thought...” No one had ever looked at her the way Pastor Quinn was looking at her before and she loved it. He looked directly 40

into her eyes and it made her feel all warm inside. Kayla’s eyes traced his face and all of the sudden she thought he was the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen in her life. He was thirty years old and very available as far as she knew. “So what do you think?” Would you be interested in the class?” “I don’t know,” she said shyly as she looked back to the floor. “The class won’t start until after youth camp so you have time to think about it. Just let me know what you decide. We need to know how many girls are going to be attending." He smiled as he walked her to the door. After that day Kayla couldn't think 41

about anything but Pastor Quinn. She thought about his beautiful eyes and how it felt when he looked into her eyes. She thought about his cute dimples and she fantasized about him every chance she got. Kayla knew she didn't have a chance with him. He was older and more mature than she was, but it didn't hurt to fantasize. She thought about the class he had told her about. Maybe if I learn how to dress and act more feminine and wear make-up, maybe some day, when I'm older I would have a chance with him, she thought. Kayla rode to church and home with Lana and her family that day. "Lana, I've got a secret I'm dying to tell you," she said as they sat in the car waiting for Lana's 42

parents to get to the car. "Don't laugh when I tell you. OK?" "Okay," Lana said. "I think I'm in love with Pastor Quinn," Kayla admitted. "What? That's silly! You're kidding, right? He's old enough to be your dad," she said suppressing a laugh. "He's a few years older than me, but he's not quite that old. "A few years? He's like... thirty-two or something like that isn't he?" "I think he's thirty, but that's not old enough to be my dad. My dad is forty." "That's only ten years difference between him in and your dad." "Oh well, it doesn't matter. He’d 43

never date me anyway. It doesn't hurt anything to think about him. I mean after all you say you’re in love with Johnny Depp and you'll never have a chance with him." "Well, yeah but I don't let it keep me from dating real guys." "What real guys? I don't see you dating any guys at all real or not real." "That's beside the point. If a real guy asked me out I would go out with him. Well if I liked him I would. Are you going to let being in love with Pastor Quinn keep you from dating real guys?" "Not if a real guy asks me out. But you know nobody's going to ask me out. I just wish I was a few years older and a lot 44

prettier." "You're pretty." "Not like the kind of women Pastor Quinn would be interested in." "How do you know what kind of a woman he would be interested in?" "I don't know, he just seems like he'd go for the self-confident, beautiful, classy kind of woman. Anyway I just can't help it. i think about him all the time. Have you ever looked into his eyes?" "No, i can't say that I have," Lana said and then realized Kayla asked that question because she had actually looked into someone's eyes. "And you have?" she asked shocked "Well, yeah but he made me." 45

"How does someone 'make' you look into their eyes?" "I don't know, he said he liked to be looked at when he talked to someone, so I looked at his face and his eyes were so beautiful that I couldn't help but look into his eyes. He has the most beautiful eyes in the world. They’re a gorgeous translucent blue color and they are full of compassion. He looked me in the eyes the other day when we had that talk in his office about you and Angela and I thought I was going to melt!” Today, he did it again and I felt the same way. I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind since that first time he looked into my eyes. And don’t you think those dimples of his are cute?” 46

“Well, yeah I admit he is goodlooking, and he is compassionate toward people, but he’s supposed to be compassionate, he’s a pastor.” “Yeah, but I’ve known pastors who weren’t compassionate. And compassion isn’t something you can fake. I mean you can fake it, but most people can tell when someone’s faking it. You know?” “I guess so. Hey, did you hear about the class that Erica miller is going to teach for girls only?” Lana asked.” “Yeah, are you going to go to it?” “Yeah, I think it might be fun. Anyway if it isn’t we can always just stop going.” “Yeah, but you know how I feel 47

about looking like everyone else and I think a class like that might end up making me look like everyone else.” “Come on let’s just give it a try.” “Oh all right. I guess you’re right, we don’t have to keep going if we don’t like the class.” Ding-ding was the sound of the bells above the bookstore door as Quinn entered Gregg’s Books. Gregg was sitting at a table close to the check out stand. He was drinking coffee and scribbling something with a pencil. He looked up and saw Pastor Quinn and stood up to greet him. “Hi Pastor, How are you?” He shook Quinn’s hand and asked, “Is there something I can help you find?” 48

“I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.” “Ok, have a seat,” Gregg said as he motioned toward a chair on the other side of the table he had been sitting at. Quinn took his offer and sat down. ‘ “Is there something going on with Kayla?” Gregg asked. “It’s nothing serious. I just wanted to talk to you about Kayla going to camp this year.” Gregg held up his hand as if to say he didn’t wan to talk about it. “Look, I can’t afford to send her to camp, it’s just too expensive. I don’t really make a big profit here at the store. As you can see business isn’t exactly booming,” he said waving his hand around the empty 49

store. “I realize that,” Quinn said, “A wealthy gentleman in our church gave the youth group a lot of money this year. He gave enough for every member of our youth group to go. He said he remembers youth camp when he was a kid and doesn’t want anyone to miss out because of lack of money. I believe Kayla really wants to go and I think it would be good for her. Not just spiritually, but socially. She’s awfully shy. I think it would help her overcome some of her shyness if she could go.” “You’re probably right about that. The thing is... I’m afraid to let her go.” “She’s sixteen, you really need to start letting her do more things. Why would 50

you be so afraid to let her go to church camp?” “I’m afraid because...” he stopped and looked down at the table they were sitting at, then cleared his throat and continued, “Because just a couple of years ago before we moved here she was raped. The guy was caught and is in Jail but he was someone we thought we could trust. She had just started her freshman year in high school and he was a senior. We knew his family pretty well and I trusted them. They were members of the same church we went to back then and Kayla was a friend with the boy’s younger sister. She stayed with the family one night when I was out of town on business. I never dreamed she 51

would be in any kind of danger with that family.” Tears came to his eyes as he talked about it and his voice became thick with emotion. “I’m sorry,” Quinn said, “I had no idea.” “I believe that’s one of the reasons why she’s so painfully shy. She was shy before but after that happened she became so extremely shy that she actually withdrew from most people. She’s been through so much in her young life. I just want to protect her from anything else happening to her. We went to therapy for a while but it didn’t seem to help her much. I decided that we needed to move and get a fresh start with new people in a new place. I found 52

this ad about this book store being for sale and that’s when we moved here to Texas. She met Lana in school. Lana and her family invited us to church and they’ve been good friends ever since. Lana’s her only friend, you know. She doesn’t have any other friends that I know of.” “That’s why it would be good for her to go to camp,” Quinn said, “Kids tend to make long lasting friendships at these things.” “I would love for her to make some new friends but I just don’t know if I can let her go.” “You’re going to have to let her grow up sometime, Gregg. If you want her to go on with life and try to get over her rape 53

then you’re going to have to do the same thing. She told me today that she wants to go. I really think you should loosen up a little and let her go to camp. It’s a church camp there’s nothing to worry about.” “Yeah, well the family whose son raped her said they were Christians too. I almost quit going to church because of that.” “Does Kayla ever talk about it?” “No.” “Does she ever give you any kind of indication that she might be thinking about it?” “No, I don’t think she remembers it. I think she might have just wiped it out of her mind so that she could go on with her 54

life.” “It’s good that she can go on with her life but, I’m not so sure wiping the whole thing out of her mind is a good thing. Suppressing something like that can be really bad for a person’s mental health. If she’s wiped it out of her mind and then something happens that reminds her for it, it could be devastating. You’re right, that may be the reason she’s so awkwardly shy, but does she realize that’s why she’s shy? She told me the other day that she felt she was overly sensitive sometimes and didn’t understand why and wished she wasn’t that way.” Gregg looked thoughtfully at the paper he had been scribbling on and then 55

looked up to meet eyes with Pastor Quinn. “What kind of supervision is there going to be at this camp,” he asked. “There are several adult sponsors who are going. And each girl will be in a room with two or more girls and at least two adult women sponsors. There won’t be a chance for her to be completely alone with anyone. So even if there was someone who we couldn’t trust, there wouldn’t be a chance for anything to happen.” “If I let her go, will you keep an eye on her for me? I trust you and I’d like to know she’s with someone I trust.” “Thanks for trusting me. I’d be honored to keep my eye on Kayla for you. It must be hard for you to trust anyone after 56

that kind of incident. I promise that I’ll take good care of her.” They talked for a while and by the time Quinn left the store Gregg had agreed to let hr go to camp. A couple of days later Kayla went by Pastor Quinn’s office to tell him that she had decided to go to the class. “Where’s Pastor Quinn,” she asked Ruby, the church secretary. “He’s down in the gym. I’m sure that if you wanted to talk to him it would be alright if you went down there.” When she walked into the gym, Quinn was lying on his back pumping a heavy looking set of barbells. He was 57

wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of red gym shorts. His muscles bulged in his white t-shirt as he pumped the weights. Watching his muscles work through the tshirt made Kayla wonder what he looked like without a shirt. His dark brown hair and t-shirt were damp with perspiration, and his legs were tan and muscular. He sat up when he noticed her standing in the doorway. “Hi,” he said a little out of breath, “come on in.” He wiped his face with a nearby hand towel. “Is there something I can do for you?” he asked. “I just wanted to tell you that I wanted to go to that class you told me about.” “Great,” he said, “I’ll tell Erica.” 58

“Is that all you wanted?” “Yes-sir, I mean yes.” “You didn’t have to come down here to tell me that,” he said as he thought about the fact that they were alone in the basement of the church and she might be a little nervous being alone in a basement with a man. It could have brought back some bad memories. “You could have just left a message with Ruby.” Kayla suddenly felt odd standing there and for a moment she felt like he was telling her he didn’t want her there and she should have just left a message for him instead of bothering him. As she wondered if that’s what he meant by what he said, her 59

sensitive side started to show again and she turned quickly to leave, hoping Quinn didn’t see the tears in her eyes. “OK, well I told you what I came to tell you and now I gotta go. Bye,” she said in a slightly shaky voice. She hoped Quinn didn’t notice the quiver in her voice. “Kayla? Is everything ok?” he had noticed. She tried to hide by answering “yeah... why do...” she stopped short because that lump seemed to grow larger in her throat. “Are you crying,” he asked. She wanted to say no but she couldn’t do it without bursting out in tears so she kept her eyes to the floor, stayed facing the doorway and shook her head. The next thing she 60

knew he was standing by her with his arm around her shoulder looking at her.’ “Is there anything you would like to talk about,” he asked. Kayla shook her head again and said with a shaky voice, “I don’t know why I’m crying. I told you before I get emotional for no reason. I’m just very sensitive and I don’t know why. I hate it!” She almost shouted as she hid her face in her hands. “Why don’t we set up a time together to talk?” “About what?” “About anything you want to talk about, anything that might be bothering you. Maybe we can try to find out why you’re so sensitive.” 61

“What do you mean? Talk about what things,” she asked as she looked up at him, tears starting to spill over the rims of her red eyes. Quinn wiped her tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “Let’s just set up a time and we’ll talk then.” Kayla didn’t really know what she needed to talk about but if he could help her get over her sensitiveness she would be so grateful, and besides she liked being with him and that would just give them more time together. “Ok,” she agreed. They agreed on a time and he patted her on the back and said, “Everything’s going to b all right. I promise.” Kayla started out the door and Quinn stopped her again. “Oh Kayla, I talked to 62

your dad about camp. Did he say anything to you?” Kayla shook her head. “It took some convincing on my part, but he finally said he would let you go.” Kayla turned around and exclaimed, “He did?” Her shyness suddenly disappeared as she ran back in the door and hugged Quinn. “Thank you, thank you.” she said and ran out of the gym. Quinn stood looking after her as she ran out of the gym. He smiled a big smile as he realized he had made her a very happy girl. Helping people and helping them find happiness, that’s what he loved doing and there was no greater reward than moments like the one that just happened. He hoped that he could help her with her 63

other problem. Kayla started meeting with Quinn a few days later. Kayla had thought about why he thought they needed to talk and came to the conclusion that her dad must have mentioned to him that she he been raped when she was fourteen. She hated the thought of him knowing that. She still felt like she had done something to cause him to rape her and it made her feel dirty. She didn’t want Quinn to think badly of her and she thought if he knew those things about her he would think badly of her. She slowly walked toward his office door but she stopped when she got to it and just looked at the closed door. Afraid to go in because 64

she didn’t want him to know any more about the rape than he already did. She stood staring at the door for a moment and then turned and started to walk away. But just as she turned to leave Quinn opened his office door. “Hi, Kayla, You’re not leaving are you?” “Um... no. I just thought of something I forgot and was going to get it. But I guess I can get it later,” she said and turned back around to go into Quinn’s office. “Come on in,” he said smiling. She entered his office and sat in the same chair that she had sat in the night that he talked to her about Lana and Angela. “I’ll be right back,” he said and walked down the hall. Kayla sat quietly and 65

nervously looking around his office. There was a drawing of Jesus with children all around him hanging above his desk and on another wall was what looked like college degrees with Quinn’s name on them. One was a degree for counseling and the other was for ministry. She realized that her dad must have asked him to talk to her about the rape. He was always trying to find someone for her to talk to about it. Only this time it made her furious. She didn’t want Quinn to know about her past. What would eh think of her? Would he think she was a freak? Would he think of her as a tramp or a hypocrite? Quinn came bad in the door and smiled as he sat down in his black leather swivel chair. 66

“So how have things been this week,” he asked. “The same as always,” she said. “Is that good?” “It’s not bad.” “Why did you want to meet with me,” she asked abruptly. “You said you hated being so sensitive and I just thought maybe I could help you somehow.” “My dad told you. Didn’t he?” “Told me?” “You know, about what happened to me when I was fourteen.” Quinn wasn’t sure how to answer the question. He didn’t want her to know that he knew if she didn’t want him to know. 67

But he didn’t want to lie to her and have her find out some other way either, so he just answered with the truth. “Well... yeah he did say something to me about it, but...” “And now you think you’re gonna be able to help me?” “Well... I would like to try to help you but...” “I’ve been to counselors and therapy and all kinds of stuff and I’m still shy and afraid of people. I’m still overly sensitive and I hate it!” “You don’t seem afraid of me.” She looked up into his face and into his eyes. “I’m not afraid of you. I feel safe with you.” 68

“Why is that?” She looked as if she was contemplating the question then answered, “I’m not sure. You have just always made me feel safe. I’m not sure why. You don’t like me now that you know, do you?” “Why would you think that?” “Because I’m not the nice Christian girl you thought I was.” Tears rimmed her eyes. “Kayla, what happened to you wasn’t your fault. And it didn’t change you from being a Christian.” “How do you know ti wasn’t my fault?” Maybe I did something that made him do that to me.” “I doubt that. And besides no matter 69

what you’ve done, it didn’t give him a right to do that to you.” “I know. I’ve heard that all before from other counselors.” “Well, they’re right.” “How could you or anyone else know that?” She shouted. Quinn was a bit surprised to hear a bit of anger coming from this girl who always seemed quiet, but then maybe that’s what she needed. Maybe she needed to let out some of that anger that she’d been holding in for the past two years. Maybe he would be the punching bag for her anger so to speak. “Ok, so then you tell me what it is that you might have done that caused that 70

boy to rape you.” Kayla looked down at her shoes and sat very still and didn’t say a word. “Kayla?” “Maybe I dressed in a way that made him think I wanted him to do that.” Quinn listened. “Maybe I said something that made him think I wanted him to do that.” “Maybe...” “Kayla, how did you dress back then?” “I dressed more like the other girls in the youth group dress.” “None of them have been raped. So why would that be what caused him to do that to you?” 71

“I kinda liked him. I told his sister I thought he was cute.” “Girls like boys and boys find out everyday that girls like them and they don’t get raped.” “Then why me… I must have done something to make him choose me!” she shouted through her tears. Quinn eased over to where Kayla was sitting, sat on his heals and looked into her face; her eyes were full of hurt and anger as well as tears. As Kayla looked in his eyes she noticed he had such a look of concern not only on his face, but also in his eyes where you can’t fake it. What she saw in his eyes touched her so deeply that she 72

found herself wanting to hug him. His eyes said I wish I could feel your pain for you and let you leave this office free of all the pain, free of all the bad memories. “Kayla, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He is the one that was bad, not you.” She started to sob. Quinn pulled a chair up and sat down close to her and gently pulled her head to his chest and stroked her hair. “Go ahead and cry. Cry all you need to. If you could just get all the negative feelings out when you’re here with me or home alone in your room, it might help you to not be so sensitive when you’re around other people. Let the anger out! Shout about what makes you angry. Don’t hold it in anymore.” 73

Chapter 2 July rolled around and the youth group was on their way to camp. Kayla, Lana and another girl named Carol rode with Pastor Quinn in his bronco. He had promised Gregg that he would keep an eye on Kayla, so he did. Kayla was excited about riding with Quinn. That meant she got a chance to see him more, and not in the same old office atmosphere. Carol was new to the church and didn’t actually have any friends yet. The three girls talked and giggled, played silly games and sang silly songs all the way to camp. Quinn even joined in when they played games and sang song. Quinn was 74

happy to see Kayla making a new friend. He thought she seemed a bit more at ease since their several meetings. The first night they arrived at camp a rock and roll Christian band did a mini concert. The teens clapped sang and danced to the music. All Kayla’s inhibitions seemed to disappear as they enjoyed the band. Quinn was happy for Kayla as he watched her dancing and singing and laughing with her old friend Lana and her new friend Carol. This was just what she needed. He had not seen her so carefree since he’d known her and realized what a great idea it really was that she came to camp. That night after the concert they all 75

joined around a huge campfire and the camp counselor talked about the itinerary for the rest of the week. Afterward the teens all stood around and talked about the concert and told scary stories and sang some silly camp songs. Some roasted marsh mellows and made smores. Kayla watched the fire crackle and sparks fly up into the dark night sky that was lit up only by the half moon and the diamond like stars that cluttered the sky. She knew she would always remember the smell of the campfire and roasting marsh mellows. And anytime she would smell that certain smell it would remind her of this night. A boy from another church walked 76

over to Kayla, “Hi, I’m Ben,” he said. Even though Lana and Carol were right there with her it was obvious that he was talking to Kayla. He was cute. He had dark hair and dark colored skin and brown eyes. “Hi,” she answered, “I’m Kayla.” “I saw you dancing in the concert tonight,” he said admiringly. Kayla looked down and blushed. “No, you were good! I thought you danced really well. Have you ever taken any lessons?” “No, but we learned some dance steps in my gym class a few years ago.” “You look like a natural.” He heard his group leader calling him so he had to go. He smiled and said, “I’ve gotta go, but I hope we can find another time to talk 77

soon.” Kayla smiled and waved as he walked away. The air was warm and the birds chirped happily the next morning. As they hiked along the path the morning sun shined through the trees and the smell of the pine trees was strong and refreshing. Kayla watched Quinn as he hiked along a few yards ahead of her. She loved watching the way he walked. They all stopped to rest beside the stream. Kayla sat down by a tree that was near the stream and took off her shoes so she could dip her tired, hot feet in the cool water. She closed her eyes and listened to the beautiful sounds of nature. The birds chirping happily, the splashing of the stream as it moved along its way, the 78

wind whistling through the pine needles on the tall pine trees. Quinn noticed Kayla over by the tree with her feet in the stream and walked over and sat down next to her. “How’s it going?” he asked. She opened her eyes and smiled and answered cheerfully, “Everything is great, and I really love camp.” Quinn noticed that she seemed to have more confidence than he had ever seen her have. “I’m really glad you got to come to camp this year,” he said smiling at her. “Me too, thank you so much for talking to my dad. I don’t know what you said to him but I’m so glad you did.” Tears started coming to her eyes, but this time they were tears of 79

joy, not sadness, frustration or intimidation. “You’re welcome,” he said smiling. Quinn looked up and noticed that the rest of the group was starting to head back to camp. “You’d better get those shoes back on or you’re gonna get left behind.” By the time she got her socks and shoes back on the rest of the group was nearly out of view. Even Lana and Carol had left her. She guessed they had seen she was talking to Quinn and didn’t need their company. As they walked along Kayla stepped on a rock wrong, twisted her ankle and fell to the ground. Quinn, who was walking along behind her rushed to her to help her up. 80

“Are you ok?” Kayla felt her emotions welling up inside her and she tried to choke them back but her emotion was more than she could deal with as usual and she burst into tears and said, “I’m sorry, I’m such a klutz!” “Kayla, its ok you’re not the first person to trip and fall while hiking,” he consoled. “Come on,” he said as he held out his hand to her. “When you fall down the best thing to do is to just get back up and keep going.” Kayla wiped her eyes and took his hand, but when she tried to stand she realized she had really hurt her ankle worse than she thought. 81

“I can’t. I’ve hurt my ankle. It hurts to walk on it.” She sat back down on the ground and pulled the sock from around her ankle to look at it. Quinn took a closer look and saw that it was already beginning to swell. Meanwhile everyone else in the group hiked on ahead without any knowledge that anyone was being left behind or even hurt. “It looks like you might have sprained it,” Quinn stated then looked ahead to see if anyone was still close enough to call out to, but he couldn’t see anyone. “Ok, I’ll just have to carry you.” “I’m too heavy; you can’t carry me all the way back to camp.” 82

“You’re not heavy; you couldn’t weight more than ninety pounds.” “That’s not heavy?” “Not really. I can always stop and rest when I get tired. Come on, we better get moving or we’ll really fall behind,” he said as he picked her up in his strong arms. Kayla looked at his handsome face and wrapped her arms around his neck as he started walking toward camp. After walking a little way she could feel his heart beating against her as she clung tightly to him. He was her hero and she was falling in love with him more and more every minute. They stopped and rested a couple of times on the way and finally made it back to camp about an hour 83

after everyone else had gotten there. Several teens had noticed that Kayla and Quinn were missing and were getting ready to go back looking for them. But didn’t have to when Quinn hiked right into camp with Kayla in his arms. “What happened,” Lana and Carol exclaimed as they ran up to them. “I twisted my ankle on a rock and may have sprained it,” Kayla explained as Quinn marched toward the nurse’s station, Kayla in tow. Once the nurse had examined Kayla’s ankle, she diagnosed that it was in fact a sprain. “You need to stay off that ankle for the rest of the day,” the nurse said. “How can I do that? We’ve got all 84

kind of things planned for today.” “I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to miss out on participating in those things today.” “Man! I finally get to come to camp and I do something so stupid that I can’t even participate while I’m here.” she exclaimed. “It’s only one day. You still have three more days to participate.” Lana and Carol took turns staying with Kayla and keeping her company, playing cards with her, doing crossword puzzles with her and other things. Lana had sneaked a Gameboy along on the trip and decided now was a great time for it. She took it out of her luggage and let Kayla use it. At lunch time Quinn brought her some 85

lunch and sat with her while she ate it. Kayla kept apologizing for causing so much trouble. “If I hadn’t come this wouldn’t have happened.” Quinn took her chin gently in his hand and looked into her eyes and said, “I don’t want to hear you talking like that. Things like this happen sometimes. Don’t worry about it. Okay? You need to learn that things just happen in life, it’s nobody’s fault.” Kayla smiled, “Okay.” Quinn smiled back. She loved being with him, he always made her feel that everything was going to be ok no matter what happened. He made her feel safe and comfortable. “Hey I’ve got an idea,” he said, “since you can’t participate in the games 86

today, how about if I carry you out to sit nearby so you can at least watch the games. It’s better than sitting in here all the rest of the day.” Kayla smiled. “Ok, that’s a great idea,” she agreed. The next day her ankle was a little sore but the swelling was gone and she joined back in with the rest of the kids with most of the activities. The last day they were there, they had a field day where they had Olympic type games all day long. They had running and jumping games during the morning part of the day when it was slightly cooler and then after lunch they had water sports. They played water volleyball, had 87

swimming races, water balloon fights and many other kind of games. Kayla was enjoying herself more than she had even imagined she would. That night after the games they all gathered around a huge campfire again and one of the members of the Christian band they had heard the first night got up and talked about Jesus and how he had become a Christian. Kayla sat on the ground Indian style listening to the guy talk when Ben came up and sat down between her and Carol. He was sitting very close and it was making her very uncomfortable, but she didn’t say anything. She tried to move over but every time she scooted over a couple of inches, he 88

scooted too. Finally she turned to look at him to say how he was making her uncomfortable when he unsuspectingly kissed her on the lips. Flashes of rape filled her mind in an instant and she jumped to her feet and screamed as she ran off toward her cabin. Every eye was on her as she screamed and ran from the campfire. Though only a few who sat around them knew what had happened. Ben was completely embarrassed and his pride was a bit hurt. He hadn’t kissed a lot of girls in his time but of the girls he had kissed none of them had ever reacted that way. He was a little confused and just wanted everyone to quit looking in his general direction. Quinn stood up and said, “Go on with 89

the activities I’ll take care of this.” When Quinn got to Kayla’s cabin he knocked on the door and called out her name, “Kayla.” “Go away,” she shouted. “Kayla it’s me... Pastor Quinn.” “I know who it is! Just go away! I don’t feel like talking right now!” Quinn opened the door slowly and looked in to see Kayla lying across one of the beds. He slowly walked in and sat down on the bed next to her. “I said I don’t feel like talking,” she said softly and then sniffed. “What happened out there?” There was silence as she ignored his 90

question. But then as he waited patiently for her to feel like talking, she finally said, “I’m never gonna be able to have a boyfriend.” “Yes you will, it’s just a matter of time for you to get over what happened to you.” “I couldn’t even stand for him to sit close to me. It made me so uncomfortable. And then when he kissed me...” she started to cry again. “Am I always going to have images of that creep raping me in my mind when someone touches me or kisses me?” “Give yourself some time. You’ve just started to come out of your shyness. Don’t expect everything to happen at 91

once.” She sat up and looked at Quinn, “But what am I supposed to do when a boy wants to kiss me? I’m sixteen; boys my age like to kiss girls! And I can’t take it!” “Maybe you can just tell them you’re not ready to kiss yet.” “They won’t understand that. I’m sixteen! What sixteen year old girl isn’t ready to kiss boys?” “You aren’t.” “So should I just avoid boys till I’m ready? They won’t understand. They will just think I’m weird like they do already because I’m shy and sensitive.” “I think the more you’re around boys the quicker you will heal.” “Then how am I going to make them 92

understand I’m not ready to be kissed? I probably hurt Ben’s feelings just now by the way I reacted. I don’t want to be hurting boy’s feelings by acting like that.” “Well, maybe you should try just saying no, you don’t have to explain. If they don’t respect your decision then they aren’t good enough for you anyway.” Kayla just looked at Quinn and wished he was closer to her age and that he was a boy who would be interested in kissing her. He would understand when she said no. He would respect her even if he didn’t know why she wasn’t ready to be kissed. The next morning they all packed up to go home. Kayla had enjoyed camp more 93

than she ever imagined. Even with the few bad experiences, she wouldn’t have traded any of it for anything in the world. She realized she would always cherish that time at camp when she made new friends and learned new things about herself.

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Chapter 3 “Quinn, I need to talk to you,” Pastor Paul said as he poked his gray head in Quinn’s office just after Kayla left from their weekly meeting. Pastor Paul was a wise man and Quinn respected him and his opinions on everything. Paul was an older man in his sixties. They had not only worked together for years but they had been friends for years and Quinn looked to him kind of as a fatherly figure. “Sure, come on in.” Pastor Paul came in and sat down in the chair in front of Quinn’s desk. He didn’t look too happy. “Is something wrong,” Quinn asked “Yeah, something is wrong. I’ve 95

heard things about you and Kayla Stevens.” “Like what?” “Things like, you’ve been spending a lot of time together.” “Well, yeah, I promised her dad I’d keep an eye on her at camp and we’ve been having weekly counseling sessions.” “You need to have someone else in the room with you when you do your counseling sessions.” “Why?” “Because there are rumors that you’ve... well, that you and she... uh. I don’t really know how to say this and I don’t believe it but. There’s a RUMOR!” “Paul! What are you talking about? What kind of rumor?” Quinn had a 96

sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had an idea what Pastor Paul was trying to say. “Listen Quinn, it’s been said that you took her in your own personal vehicle to camp...” “Yeah, and two other girls.” “And it was said that you carried Kayla from the hiking trail at camp and it was just the two of you.” “Yeah that’s true but I can ex...” “And someone said that you were alone with her in her cabin while the rest of the camp was together at the camp fire one night.” “Paul! All those things are true but I can explain! Nothing was going on that 97

was anything to be ashamed of!” “I believe that, Quinn, but not everyone does.” “Paul, what exactly are you saying?” “I’m just saying that there’s a rumor that you may be sexually involved with Kayla.” “That’s crazy! How can anyone think that?” Quinn exclaimed. “I can’t... I don’t... Why...” Quinn didn’t really know what to say but he felt that he should defend himself. “Quinn, calm down. We have to stop this before it gets out of hand. We have to stop it before it gets to the local papers or to Kayla’s dad. “That’s horrible! If her dad hears 98

anything about it, I don’t know what he’ll do! He trusted me with his daughter after two years of not being able to trust anyone with her. It will be devastating to both Kayla and Gregg! Paul, we’ve got to make sure Kayla or Gregg neither one hear anything about this rumor!” “I don’t think there’s anything we can do to insure that they don’t hear these rumors,” Paul said, “The only think we can do is to make sure more rumors aren’t started. That’s why you have to stop counseling Kayla. Find someone else who can counsel her but you have to stop doing it yourself.” “I actually think you should just steer clear of her before this gets out of hand.” 99

“I’m not sexually involved with Kayla! She’s a kid for god’s sake!” “Well, yeah but still the rumor...” “I don’t care about the rumor. It’s not true!” “Look, Quinn, I’m not saying I believe any of it is true. What I’m saying is that you just need to stay away from Kayla Stevens as much as possible before this thing gets out of hand.” Quinn combed his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Fine, if that’s how it has to be then that’s how it has to be.” “It’s for your own protection, Quinn.” “I know, and the churches protection too, right?” 100

“Right.” Pastor Paul quietly stood and walked out of Quinn’s office. Kayla was hurt when Quinn told her he couldn’t counsel her anymore. She was hurt when he stopped paying attention to her, and acted like she was no one special. Tears filled her eyes when she realized she meant nothing to him. She had thought they had something special. Not necessarily something romantic but just as friends. She thought they had something special there that he didn’t have with the other teens, something that she needed, something that she desired in a relationship with someone other than her dad. She went home after 101

Church that night and went straight to her room. Gregg noticed that something seemed wrong with her so he went to her room and knocked on the door. “Kayla? Is everything all right?” “Everything is fine.” she called back through the closed door. “Honey, are you sure? You seem a bit upset about something.” “I’m upset at Pastor Quinn. Don’t worry about it.” “Pastor Quinn? What did he do?” “Nothing!” she shouted and started to cry. Gregg opened the door and came into her room. Kayla was lying on her bed with her face in her pillow. Gregg sat down on the edge of her bed and put his hand on her 102

back. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.” “It’s just that Pastor Quinn said he couldn’t counsel me anymore and it hurt my feelings.” “Did he say why he couldn’t counsel you anymore?” “No, he just said he couldn’t do it anymore. I really liked going to counseling with him. He understood me more than any other counselor ever did.” “You want me to go talk to him?” “No, just forget it. I don’t need counseling anyway! Dad, I just want to be alone, Okay?” It bothered Gregg that Pastor Quinn 103

had quit counseling her without saying a thing to him about it. He also thought it was odd that he would just quit without explaining why. So he had made the decision to go talk to him tomorrow weather Kayla wanted him to or not. She didn’t have to know about it. He would close the store for lunch and go talk to him while Kayla was in school. He wouldn’t let it go until he understood Pastor Quinn’s reasons for dropping the counseling sessions with Kayla. The next day at the book store, Gregg was shelving books when he over heard someone talking in the store a few isles over from where he was. “I think they should fire that man.” he heard an older 104

lady say to another. “He shouldn’t be allowed to work with teenagers. He shouldn’t be allowed to be counseling them alone in his office.” Gregg felt sure they were talking about Quinn and so he stopped and listened. “I can’t believe he was doing that to that girl,” one of the ladies said. He couldn’t stand the suspense anymore so he walked over to the isle the ladies were on and spoke to them. “Good morning ladies, is there something I can help you find?” “Oh, no thanks, we’re just seeing what kind of Christian books you have here.” She said smiling. “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but I over heard you two talking just now 105

and I was curious as to whom it is you’re talking about.” “We’re talking about Pastor Quinn at Ranchland Heights Community Church.” “Has he done something wrong?” Gregg asked. “Well, I’d say so. I’ve heard that when the teen group went away to camp that he attached to this one girl, they were very close, if you know what I mean. The man must be fifteen years older than that girl!” “You mean he, sexually abused a girl at summer camp?” “Well, maybe, but it seems that she was as willing as he was.” “Even so, she’s a minor and he 106

should be sent to jail for that!” “Do you know who the girl was that was with?” Gregg asked “Some girl named Kayla Stevens.” One of the ladies offered. “Ladies, could you possibly come back later? I have some important business to take care of and I need to close up the store.” “Right now? Can’t it wait?” “Well, no because you see, that girl, Kayla Stevens, is my daughter.” “Oh no, I’m sorry. You didn’t know about it?” “No but I need to do something about it as soon as possible, don’t you think?” “Yes, most definitely.” 107

The ladies both left the store with more to talk about than when they came in. Gregg put a sign in the window that said he would be back later, and locked the door and walked over to the church. It was a few miles to the church from the bookstore but Gregg’s anger had his energy built up. When he reached the church he walked into the front office and asked to speak with Pastor Quinn. “He’s in his office, down the hall.” Ruby said as she pointed to the second door on the left side of the hall. The door was closed but that didn’t stop Gregg. He didn’t even knock; he just opened the door and walked in. Quinn was sitting at his desk with his eyes closed and his head bend down as if he was 108

praying. His bible was opened on his desk as if he had been studying. “Tell me,” Gregg said sarcastically as he entered Quinn’s office, “are you asking God for forgiveness?” “Excuse me?” Quinn said looking up from his prayer and then standing up. “Oh Gregg, it’s good to see you.” he said as he reached out his hand toward Gregg for a friendly handshake. But Gregg didn’t shake Quinn’s hand; instead he punched him right in the face. Quinn fell back into his chair and reached up and covered his eye with his hand. “What was that for?” Quinn asked. “You know what it was for. And I’m going to have you arrested for child 109

molestation!” Gregg said through clenched teeth. “What? No, you don’t understand! You’ve heard rumors and none of them are true I assure you.” “Well, I would expect you to say that. You wouldn’t come right out and admit it now would you.” “Gregg, I promise you nothing ever happened between Kayla and I! Please sit down and let me explain things to you. First off, did you ask Kayla about it?” “No, but last night she came home from church crying! And she didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe you had done something to her and she was crying about that.” 110

“Look, I had to quit counseling her because of rumors that are going around about us. I know she was hurt by that but that’s all it was. Unless she over heard the rumor from someone and that was upsetting her. Please, Gregg. Let me explain things to you.” Gregg was still upset, his heart was pounding and his ears were burning but he sat down and listened to Quinn’s explanation. Quinn told him all the things that had happened at camp and when he was done; Gregg was not as upset as he had been when he first walked into the office. “Gregg, I hope you know I would never betray your trust, and I would never do anything like that to Kayla or anyone 111

else. Please go home and talk to Kayla about it. She will tell you the same things I just told you.” Gregg could see by the compassion in Quinn’s eyes that he was telling the truth. He somehow knew he could trust him. H had always known that, but he let the gossip of the two old ladies get the better of him and it consumed his thoughts until he believed it. “Sorry, Quinn, I guess I shouldn’t have listened to gossip. It’s just that with Kayla acting so strange last night after church, I didn’t know what to believe.” “It’s okay and completely understandable. I’m sure I would have done the same thing as a protective father, 112

especially if my daughter had been through what your daughter has been through. Quinn stood up and offered his hand once again for a friendly handshake. This time Gregg shook Quinn’s hand, smiled and said, “You’d better get some ice or something on that eye. It looks like it’s going to turn black.” Quinn laughed, “That’s the least of my problems right now.” That afternoon when Kayla came by the store after school, Gregg talked to her and told her what happened that day, and how he went to see Pastor Quinn. He explained to Kayla why Pastor Quinn had quit counseling her so abruptly. Kayla felt much better that she knew the reason for 113

him quitting. The next year and a half passed quickly as Kayla focused on getting the best grades she could and graduating so she could go to college to be a minister. She had the same crush on Quinn the whole time and she knew she had to stay away from him so that ugly rumors wouldn’t start back up again, so she did. She talked to him only when needed because of youth group. She had wanted to tell him of her decision to study to become a minister, she knew he would be proud, but she didn’t tell him. She also wanted to tell him how he had been a big inspiration for her decision but she didn’t do that either. 114

Gregg had taken Kayla to her new dorm room and helped her move her stuff in and left. Kayla was unpacking her luggage and beginning to settle in, when she met her new roommate. This tall, thin, beautiful, young blonde woman walked through the dorm door carrying suitcases in both hands and followed by an older lady who looked almost identical to her who was also carrying luggage. “Hi,” Kayla said to the ladies. “Hi,” the beautiful two women said with smiles. They seemed warm and friendly. “I’m Kayla, I guess we’re roommates.” 115

“Yeah, I guess so, the tall, thin younger blond replied with a smile. I’m Katrina and this is my mom, Annette.” Kayla reached out a welcoming hand and they shook hands. “What are you in for?” Katrina asked and then laughed as she realized the way she phrased her question sounded like they were in prison. “I meant to ask, what your major is.” Kayla laughed along with Katrina and answered her question, “Ministry, What’s yours?” “Cosmetology,” Katrina announced. “Oh, hair and nails and make-up and stuff like that?” “Yep,” Katrina acknowledged. “That sounds like fun. And you look 116

like you’d be good at it.” Kayla flattered. “Really, you think so?” Katrina asked smiling a perfect smile and acting as if she didn’t know she was beautiful. “How come you don’t go into modeling or something like that? You’d make a perfect model.” “I’ve done some modeling, but it doesn’t last forever. They only accept young perfect people for modeling.” “And you’re not young and perfect?” Kayla asked. “Oh I’m still doing some modeling but, I just want to learn some kind of trade to fall back on when they quit calling me for modeling jobs. You know?” “Oh I see,” Kayla said, “That makes 117

perfect sense.” “It was either cosmetology or Interior design, I like doing both but I think I like cosmetology the most.” “Hey, maybe you could give me a few tips. I could use a beauty consultant,” Kayla suggested. “Sure I’d love to. I love helping people with their make-up and hair. That’s the whole reason I decided to go into cosmetology.” Kayla liked Katrina and felt lucky to have her as a roommate. In the meantime back at home, Quinn and Erica had gotten pretty close. Quinn decided he would ask her out to dinner. “I don’t do this much, he said to 118

Erica, but would you go out to dinner with me Friday?” Eric was honored that he asked. She knew he didn’t do much dating. Quinn had dealt with the problem of having single women in his church throw themselves at him before. That always just turned him off and he would gently turn them down saying he needed to keep his mind on the Lord and he couldn’t do that and date at the same time. That always seemed to work. Quinn had decided that Erica wasn’t like the other women who threw themselves at him. She just seemed to be around a lot and he got to know her in the office and decided he’d like to get to know her better. “I’d love to go to dinner with you.” 119

She said smiling. Kayla got into her studies and she really enjoyed it. One Friday night when she was studying for a history test, Katrina asked her if she’d let her do a make over on her. “I need the practice,” she said. “Besides its fun and it reminds me of when I used to have sleepovers at home. It’s Friday night! Why are you studying on Friday night anyway?” “I guess I don’t have anything better to do.” Kayla admitted. Katrina laughed and said, “I guess I can’t say much about that because I’m sitting here talking about doing homework 120

too.” They laughed together about how pathetic they were. They moved over to Katrina’s vanity, which she brought from home. Kayla sat in a chair and Katrina pulled out a large case with all kinds of make-up in it. “Wow! That’s a lot of make-up,” Kayla said. “The more the better,” Katrina said as she pulled Kayla’s hair back out of her face and up on her head, then started applying some make-up. She didn’t put a lot on her though. “You have a natural beauty that just needs just enough make-up to accentuate it. It will look like you don’t have make-up on 121

to most people and it will draw out your natural beauty and accentuate your eyes and cheekbones.” Kayla was amazed as she watched her face transform from the plane-Jane look to something she never imagined her self looking like. “This is great! Can you teach me how to do that so I can do it everyday?” “Absolutely,” Katrina said as began showing Kayla the make-up she had used on her and what its purpose was. As she showed her what to do she noticed a small photo on Kayla’s cork board. “Who’s that?” She asked pointing to it. “That’s the man I’m in love with.” Kayla answered. “He’s cute! Are you engaged or 122

something?” “No... I wish.” “Oh I see.” “He’s the only guy I’ve ever known who I would want to marry. He’s sweet, considerate, caring, understanding. He respects people and people respect him. He’s even my hero.” “What did he do to become your hero?” “He did many things actually. He talked my dad into letting me grow up when no one else could. And once when I was at a church camp and twisted my ankle while hiking, he carried me back to camp. It was well over a mile back to camp too.” 123

“Ooh yeah I can see how that could make him your hero,” Katrina said smiling. “I’d fall in love with a strong, handsome guy who carried me back to camp too,” she said giggling. “And he’s the only guy who I’ve ever trusted enough to talk to about serious things in my life. He’s the only guy who has ever really respected me as a person besides my dad too.” “So you don’t have a relationship with this guy?” “Well, not that kind of relationship. We’re friends.” “So what are you going to do to make your relationship more than friends?” “Nothing, he’s quite a bit older than 124

me and I’m sure he thinks of me as a child still. I’ve known him since I was thirteen.” “But what if he didn’t think of you as a child?” “He does, I know he does.” “Well, what if you looked so different when you went back home that he didn’t think of you as a child anymore? Do you think you would have a chance with him then?” “I don’t know, I’d love to try it though.” “How did you meet this guy?” “He’s the youth pastor at my church back home.” “Ok then what you need to do is change everything you can change about 125

yourself that has been the same since you were thirteen.” “What do you think about cutting your hair?” Katrina asked. “I don’t know,” Kayla said hesitantly. “What if it doesn’t look good when you get done? You can’t put it back.” “How long have you had your hair this way?” “All my life.” Kayla looked at herself in the mirror and imagined her hair shorter then looked at the picture of Quinn. “Ok... let’s do it!” She said decisively. “Make me look classy; I think he likes classy women.” They looked through some hair books that Katrina had and decided on the hair cut 126

that they thought would look best on Kayla. When Katrina was finished cutting Kayla’s hair she handed her a hand mirror so she could see all sides of her hair. It was a lot different than she had ever thought of wearing her hair before but she liked it. It did make her look more classy; it made her look... sexy. The natural curls looked good short and it hung just past the collar on her shirt. She decided that with a new sexy haircut and new make-up, she also needed sexy clothes. Katrina loaned her some clothes and when she was done, she was so surprised and excited she could hardly contain herself. “I love it! It makes me look older.” She said as she looked at herself and then 127

at the picture of Quinn. “I think Quinn and I would make a really great couple now!” “Yeah, you would look cute together.” After Kayla’s make over, several guys asked Kayla out, but she turned them all down. It scared her having so many guys asking her out. In the past guys never noticed her. Or if they did notice her it was to notice that she was a tomboy. Besides she only wanted to date one person and that was Quinn. She thought about him constantly, and she daydreamed about being with him. She couldn’t wait to go back home and see what Quinn’s reaction to her new look would be. 128

“Where would you like to go eat?” Quinn asked Erica. “You mean you haven’t already chosen a place,” she asked. “No, I wouldn’t want to choose a place you didn’t like.” “That’s so nice of you. Most men would have just chosen a place they liked to go and expect the woman to just like it too,” she said. Quinn smiled and asked again, “So, where would you like to go?” “Let’s go to Captain Cooks Seafood restaurant, they have the best seafood,” she exclaimed. “You like seafood don’t you?” “Yes, I do like seafood. I’ve never been to that restaurant before. I’m willing 129

to give something new a try.” They sat in a booth in a dim corner of the restaurant, Erica had requested it. “You come here often?” Quinn asked. “Yeah, I love this place,” she said energetically. They discussed the items on the menu as Erica recommended several different things, but when their server arrived at their table, she said, “We’ll have the lobster dinner, with baked potatoes and coleslaw.” Quinn looked at Erica in unbelief. After the server left their table Quinn said, “I kind of wanted the shrimp dinner,” he said. “Oh no, you have to try the lobster, 130

it’s the best you’ll ever eat,” she said. Quinn would have told the waiter to change his order but he didn’t want to make Eric look bad and just kept his mouth shut. Although he did wonder how she couldn’t see that she was doing to him what she had told him she didn’t like men doing to her. She didn’t even seem to realize that she hadn’t even let him choose his own meal. “You know,” she said, “we really are made for each other.” “How do you come to that conclusion?” Quinn asked. “We just have so much in common.” Eric said moving closer to him in the booth and tracing his lips with her index finger. Oh no, Quinn thought, I hope she’s not 131

going to be one of those temptresses that I’m always trying to avoid. She lightly touched her lips to his and said, “You need a woman like me.” “Oh? So now you know what I need?” Quinn asked backing away from her. She was beginning to annoy him. “I think so,” she answered. “I don’t think you know me at all,” he remarked, “because I really don’t like to display affections in public. And I like for the first few dates to be more on a getting acquainted kind of basis, kind of just friends for now kind of thing.” “What are you talking about? We’re in a dimly lit booth in the corner of a restaurant and no one can see us,” she said 132

as she went back to trying to seduce him. “And we have known each other for years. Why do we need to get more acquainted?” “We’ve gone to the same church together for years but we have never taken time to get to know one another.” Quinn retorted. “Oh I think I know you. You see? You need a woman like me to help you out of your shell.” “I’m not in a shell, and you are a completely different person than I thought you were.” “Well you don’t expect me to be this way at church, do you?” “No, but... I didn’t realize you were such an aggressive person. I didn’t really 133

expect you to be this way on a date either.” “I go after what I want,” she said, “is there anything wrong with that?” “No, I guess not,” he said as he dropped the subject. After dinner Quinn decided to take Eric home. He walked her to her door and as he turned to leave she said, “Where are you going?” Come in and have a cup of coffee with me,” She said as she grabbed his arm and pulled him into her house. She started a pot of coffee. Oh God, what am I supposed to do now? He mentally prayed. “I need to be going, I have a lot of work to do,” he said. “Your work can wait,” she said as she 134

wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips. “What you really need is for a woman like me to love you,” she said and kissed him again. “Why don’t you relax, you’re all tense,” she said as she ran her fingers through his hair, and started to loosen his tie. Quinn reached up and stopped her from loosening his tie and said, “I’m not sure where you’re going with this but I don’t think it’s where we need to go.” “Oh come on Quinn, loosen up. It’s the millennium for Pete’s sake. We’re not in public anymore; you can stop worrying about what people will think.” She walked over to the window above the kitchen sink 135

and pulled the blinds, and started unbuttoning her blouse. “See,” she said, “if I can loosen up, you can too.” “I’m not really worried about what people think, but I have my beliefs and I’m sticking to them.” he said as he watched her slowly slide her blouse off her shoulders. “When’s the last time you made love?” She asked ignoring what he was saying. Quinn cleared his throat and felt his face begin to turn red. “I... I don’t think that’s any of your business. I don’t think we’ve known each other long enough for that to be any of your business and I don’t think we should be intimate without being married. Fornication 136

is a sin. You know? I preach that to the teens all the time and I believe in practicing what I preach.” Oh God, help me with this. He prayed again mentally. “But they’re irresponsible teens, and they’re too young for this kind of intimacy. We’re adults, we can handle it,” Erica said as she grabbed his tie and pulled him to her and began to kiss his lips again. “I’m sorry Erica, You’re a nice woman. You’re a beautiful woman and I like being with you. And God knows you certainly know hot to excite a man, but I don’t think we should be intimate without being married. That would make us just as irresponsible as teens that do it. Besides weather you’re fourteen or a hundred and 137

fourteen, it’s still a sin. It says so in the bible.” “You can’t tell me you’re a virgin. A man as sexy as you and you’ve never been attracted enough to a woman to make love with her?” She asked as she reached under his tie and unbuttoned a couple of buttons and slipped her hand in his shirt and began to caress and play with the hair on his chest. Quinn stepped back and grasped her wrist and pulled her hand out of his shirt. “I never said that. I’ve been celibate since I became serious about God and the job he’s called me to do. And I plan to stay that way until I find the right woman and marry her. “And when did you become serious 138

about God,” she asked. “I was twenty-one years old,” he answered. “You mean to tell me you’ve been celibate for eleven years and I can’t convince you to make love with me? I can’t even convince you to make-out with me? What’s wrong with me? Or maybe I should ask what’s wrong with you! Are you gay?” “No, I’m not gay! Erica, I have to admit I’m a little disappointed in you. I thought you were more serious about God yourself. I would have thought you knew fornication was a sin and I never would have dreamed you would come on to me like this. I have to go,” he said as he headed for the door. He opened the door and then 139

turned and looked at Erica. “If we’re going to see each other anymore, it... it can’t be this way,” he said and walked out, closing the door behind him. Kayla went home for Thanksgiving. She was so excited about going to church Sunday morning. She couldn’t wait to show her new self off to Quinn. Kayla called and talked to Lana on Thanksgiving Day. She told Lana all about her make-over and how the guys started asking her out. Lana was excited for Kayla, “How many of them have you gone out with?” she asked. “None, I’m waiting for Quinn.” “You mean you haven’t gotten over 140

him yet?” “No, and I bet he’s going to think of me differently now that I look so different.” “Kayla, I don’t know how to tell you this... but Quinn is seeing someone.” Kayla’s heart fell. “Who?” “Erica Miller.” “Oh.” there was a long silence. “Are you OK?” “Yeah, I always thought they would end up together. They probably make a cute couple,” Kayla said with a lump forming in her throat. “Kayla, he really is too old for you anyway. Why don’t you give some of those other guys at school a chance? Do you 141

remember what I said that first day you told me you had a thing for Pastor Quinn?” “No, what?” “I said that you shouldn’t let your fantasies of him keep you from dating real guys. He’s too old for you. He never even knew you had a crush on him.” “Maybe you’re right,” Kayla said sounding downcast. Kayla didn’t go to church that Sunday after all. She really didn’t want to see Quinn and Erica together. She returned to school Monday and it was business as usual. She took the picture of Quinn off her cork board and put it in a drawer under some clothes. She decided it was time to forget him and get on with her life. 142

Monday after history class, a guy in her class approached her. He was about six foot tall and had a dark complexion. He had dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. “Hi, my name is Philip, I sit behind you in history class,” he said with an Italian accent. “I know, I’ve seen you,” she said. “I just wanted to ask if you would like to go out with me sometime, maybe this weekend.” “Philip was really good-looking. All of the girls were always talking about him and how they would love to go out with him. “Yes, I’d love to go out with you.” 143

Kayla said and that was her first date. Until then she had only wanted Quinn. Philip was a gentleman. He opened doors for her, pulled out chairs for her, and took her coat for her when she took it off. “I didn’t know guys still did all these gentlemanly things,” Kayla said as he took her coat at the restaurant. A waiter showed them to a table that had already been reserved for them. “You made reservations for us?” she asked. “Yes, you have to in this restaurant. This is the best Italian restaurant in town. They cook almost as good as my own mama.” “Really,” Kayla said laughing. 144

“Does your mama cook delicious American meals?” Philip asked. Kayla looked down. “My mom died when I was really young,” she said. “I wish I would have gotten to know how she cooked,” she continued looking down at the table. “I’m sorry,” Philip said. “I didn’t mean to bring sadness to you,” he said in his Italian accent. “No, it’s okay.” she said. “I think it’s great that your mom is such a great cook.” They had dinner and then he took her dancing. Philip was a great slow dancer, but he wasn’t much for the faster ones. Kayla had a really good time with Philip 145

and he had a good time too. When the night was over and he took her back to her dorm, he walked her to the door and said, “I had a really good time tonight.” “Me too,” Kayla said. He took her hand in his and looked in her eyes. It was nice, but it wasn’t the same as when Quinn had looked into her eyes. There just wasn’t any sparks for her. Then before she knew it was happening their lips had met. He was warm and tender, but she couldn’t’ help wishing he were Quinn. “What’s wrong,” he asked when he finished kissing her. “Nothing,” Kayla lied. “You seem distant. Didn’t you like my kiss?” 146

“Yeah, your kiss was great. It’s just that...” she wasn’t sure she should say anything, but then she thought, I should be honest with him. I shouldn’t lead him on. “It’s just that... There’s someone back home that I keep thinking about.” “Oh I see someone whom you’re in love with. Am I right?” “Yes,” “Well, he is a very lucky guy and I’m jealous.” Kayla smiled at Philip and said, “Thanks for understanding. And thanks for a wonderful night out. I had a great time.” “If things don’t work out with this guy, you let me know and we can try another date,” Philip said and walked back to his car. 147

When Kayla entered her room she closed the door and beat her head against it. “Kayla, what’s wrong?” Katrina asked. “I’m so stupid!” Kayla answered. “Why? What did you do?” “I thought about Quinn the whole time we were on our date.” “You though about Quinn while you were out with the most gorgeous guy on campus?” “Stupid huh, I mean we had a great time and everything, but then when he looked into my eyes, I felt... well... I felt nothing and all I could do was think about the first time Quinn looked in my eyes.” “Yeah but, when Quinn looked into 148

your eyes it wasn’t romantically. There’s a difference.” “I know, but I couldn’t help it. And then to top it off when he kissed me I kept wishing he were Quinn. And then I told him there was someone else in my life back home.” “Kayla! You better find a way to get Quinn out of your mind or find a way to just plain get Quinn. You’re gonna end up an old maid if you don’t do one or the other.” “I know, but he’s seeing someone else who is closer to this age and beautiful and classy. How can I compete with that?” “Has he seen you yet?” “No.” 149

“When he sees you, he’ll forget all about this other woman. You won’t have to compete. Just be yourself.” “You think so?” “I know so.” Katrina took Kayla by the shoulders and led her over to the mirror and said “Look at yourself girl, you’re beautiful! What red-blooded guy could resist you?” “Yeah but, Quinn knew me before when I was just a shy little girl. And even though I look different, I still feel the same inside. I’m still the same person I just look different.” “That’s true, but you’re not that shy little girl anymore. You’re a beautiful young woman. You’re totally transformed 150

from a shy little girl to a confident young woman.” Kayla tried to talk her self into going to church every time she went home for a holiday or weekend, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t really want to know how it would feel to be rejected by whom she considered to be the most wonderful man alive. And she didn’t want to give him a chance to make himself look any less than perfect in her eyes. She would rather live forever without him than to see him as anything less than perfect. She tried to date other guys, but all she ever did was think about Quinn. After a couple of years she finally started being able to date without thinking about him as much, but 151

from time to time she still thought about him when she was dancing close with someone, or when a guy would kiss her. After all he was her fist love even though they didn’t really have a romantic relationship. She knew she would always think of him fondly but she also knew she needed to get on with her life. He would never be hers to have and to hold. It was just a childish dream… a crush… puppy love if you will.

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Chapter 4 Kayla had been home a couple of weeks before she decided to go to church. Her dad had suggested it several times, but she just didn’t want to go. It wasn’t really that she was afraid to see Quinn, because she was sure she had matured enough to know that nothing would ever come of the fantasy she had of them being together. She imagined that he had already married Erica by now anyway. She thought about going to a different church but all her friends were at Ranchland Heights Community Church. Whatever happened, she had to get back to church somewhere. It was what she 153

spent the last three years of her life studying. It was her life. She was going to be a youth minister and to do that she had to go to church somewhere. Wednesday night rolled around and Kayla not only decided to go to Ranchland Heights Church but she called Lana and asked her to meet her in the foyer of the church so they could hang out together at church. Kayla arrived that night a little early and waited for Lana in the foyer. Lana entered with her latest boyfriend, Derk. Lana had turned out to be very pretty and dated lots of guys. She didn’t really believe in dating one guy for very long. When they had all arrived they all 154

hugged and said their hellos. They were twenty-one now and they had all changed. Derk didn’t have all the zits he had before and he had gained a little weight. He had turned out quite good-looking. He was tall and thin but not too thin. His hair was jet black and his eyes were brown. They all decided to go to the youth group that night, just for old time sake. When they entered the room, Kayla noticed a guy standing close by flirting with some teenage girls. She watched him for a few minutes feeling a little confused. He looked a few years older than she did and he had dark longish hair that hung down slightly past the collar of his blue jean jacket. He was kind of shabby, like he hadn’t shaved 155

in a few days but there was something very sexy about him. He turned and looked her way and his electric blue eyes haunted her. It couldn’t be. Could it? Not Quinn. He would never dress like that at church. He would never come to church without shaving and he would never let his hair grow that long. That’s not his style. Kayla nudged Lana and said, “Who’s that? That’s not Pastor Quinn is it?” She asked as she looked directly at him. “Oh I forgot to tell you about him. That’s Glenn Daniels, Pastor Quinn’s younger brother. I think he’s twenty-seven. He’s single. Why don’t you go for him? He’s even hotter than Pastor Quinn if you 156

ask me.” “Wow, if he cut his hair and dressed a little differently and shaved, he could pass for Pastor Quinn.” Kayla said He had the same blue eyes, the same dimples on his cheeks and even the same dimple on his chin. Glenn left the teenagers he was flirting with when he saw Kayla and started over to where she was standing. She was wearing a stunning black spaghetti strap dress that came just above her knees, with a red sheer blouse over it. Her hair and her make-up were fixed the way Katrina had taught her to fix it and she was a knock out. Collecting himself he walked over to the door and took Kayla’s hand in both of his 157

hands and said, “Who do I have the pleasure of meeting?” Kayla smiled. “I’m Kayla Stevens I’ve been away at college the last three years. I used to go to this church.” “Well, welcome back Kayla Stevens,” he said and kissed her hand. His goatee tickled her hand when he kissed it. Just then Quinn walked over to Glenn and said “All right Glenn, stop flirting with girls and go play the drums. “The name’s Glenn,” he said as he headed up to the platform at the front of the room where the band was. He kept his eyes on her all the way to the drums. Kayla watched Quinn. He was still just as gorgeous as she remembered. A new 158

excitement started growing inside her. “I’m the youth pastor here,” Quinn said turning to Kayla. You can call me Pastor Quinn. You look like you might belong in the young adult class though. This was going to be fun; Kayla thought when she realized he didn’t recognize her. “You don’t recognize me do you?” She asked smiling and looking directly into his eyes. “Uh, yeah I recognize you,” he lied. “You’re a bad liar, Quinn Daniels.” “It’s been a few years and I’ve changed a little, but you know me,” she said. Quinn stood looking at her with a half embarrassed, half confused look on his face. Then just as he was about to figure it 159

out, Erica walked in and said “Hi, Kayla you’re looking wonderful. College agrees with you.” “Kayla?” Quinn asked, “Kayla Stevens? I can’t believe it!” He stood looking at her with his mouth open for a couple of seconds. “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you! You’ve changed so much!” Erica noticed Quinn looking at Kayla in a way she had never seen him look at a woman. “Come on Quinn, it’s time to start class,” she said as she pulled him away from Kayla. As Quinn turned and walked toward the front of the room with his bible under his arm, he said, “I can’t believe it! Look how grown up and beautiful she is!” 160

When church was over, Glenn went directly over to Kayla whom he had been watching through the whole service, and asked, “Will you go with me Friday night as a chaperon to the youth spring dance?” “No, I can’t,” Kayla said as she looked over at Quinn. Lana nudged Kayla causing Kayla to look at her. “What are you doing?” Lana mouthed without making a sound. “Go out with him.” Kayla looked back over at Quinn who was standing with Erica whose arm was looped through his, claiming him as her own. “Yes, I can.” Kayla said changing her answer. “What time is it and where is it being held?” She really wished it was 161

Quinn asking her, but she decided that maybe if she dated Glenn she could get Quinn’s attention or if not maybe Glenn could take her mind off of Quinn. She thought she had gotten over Quinn but apparently she hadn’t. She decided she wouldn’t chase after Quinn; she was going to make Quinn chase after her. “It’s being held at the youth center and it’s at seven o’clock. I can pick you up around six pm if you want. We have to be there early so we are there when the kids start arriving,” he said looking at her as if he had never seen anyone more beautiful. “Ok that’ll be great.” she said. “I can’t get over how you’ve changed!” Quinn said as he walked over to 162

where Kayla was standing. “I didn’t recognize you at first! You’re all grown up! You really look wonderful!” Erica came up and put her arm through Pastor Quinn’s arm once again claiming him as her own as she looked at Kayla. “You really have grown up,” she said in a cool tone, and looked at Kayla as if to say I’ve got him and you can’t have him. Kayla wore a nice spring colored dress to the dance Friday night. It was April and sometimes cooled off at night. Glenn picked her up at exactly six o’clock in his red convertible Corvette. He was wearing a new pair of dark blue jeans, a white t-shirt 163

with a gray blazer, and a gray pair of cowboy boots that matched his blazer. “What do you do for a living?” Kayla asked. “I’m a photographer.” he said. “You must be a very successful photographer to be driving such a nice car,” Kayla observed. “What kind of photographer are you?” “I take pictures of celebrities for different magazines. Its fun and I get to travel a lot,” he said. “Wow, that’s awesome, but what celebrities do you take pictures of in Texas?” “I’m kind of on vacation right now; I 164

spend a lot of my time in Hollywood, Los Angeles, and that area. Sometimes I go to other states and even out of the country. I take pictures for celebrity magazines and I even sell stuff online. They got there a little early and helped finish setting things up. The kids soon started arriving and the spring dance was off to a start. Glenn got Kayla and himself a can drink. They stood watching the kids dance and mingle with one another. “Would you like to dance?” Glenn asked. “I thought you’d never ask.” she teased. They danced to a couple of fast songs 165

and then a slow one came on. Glenn pulled her close to him and looked into her eyes they way she had fantasized about Quinn looking into her eyes. Is eyes were beautiful, but there was something in them that scared her. His dimples slightly indented his cheeks with a slight grin of pride and satisfaction. “You’re so beautiful.” he said finally. The music ended and Glenn pulled her closer to him and pressed his lips firm against hers. Her heart pounded but she wasn’t sure it was a good kind of pounding. It felt like that old fear creeping up on her. She hadn’t felt that fear in at least a year. But here it was that old familiar fear back again. She wasn’t sure why, what it was 166

about Glenn that caused her to feel that fear again but she didn’t like it. She thought maybe it was how forward he was. How forcefully he kissed her. It scared her so she pushed away from him. “I don’t even know you, and this is our first date. I don’t kiss on the first date. Besides I thought we were supposed to be chaperoning. Should we be setting an example for the kids?” “Yeah, you’re right.” he said putting his arm around her waist and leading her off the dance floor. “We can stand over here in the shadows and watch the kids and when no one is watching we can sneak some kisses like this...” He nuzzled her neck and kissed 167

her with small kisses trailing from her shoulder to her ear causing shivers to crawl up her spine. He looked around and then planted his hot lips on hers. He parted her lips with his tongue, but Kayla pushed him away again. “Didn’t you hear me? I don’t kiss on the first date,” she repeated. “You’re a little too old fashioned aren’t you? No one’s that old fashioned anymore. It’s silly to be that old fashioned.” He started to sound a little frustrated. “Well, you’re just a little too bold for my taste.” She said. “That’s ok, I can play the old fashioned, hard to get game, but I’m 168

warning you, I always get what I want.” He smiled a wicked kind of smile and winked at her. It sent chills up her spine. She wanted the date to hurry up and end. That night when Glenn took Kayla home, he walked her to her front door. He had been a perfect gentleman since he had told her he would play her game of hard to get. But she still wasn’t sure what to think of him. Kayla was still living at home with her dad until she could find a job and her own place. When they got to the door, he turned her toward him and pressed his lips to hers. He slipped his tongue in her mouth. This time Kayla didn’t protest. She tried to pretend he was Quinn. She tried to enjoy 169

the feeling of his mouth on hers, and the feeling of his hands caressing her, but she couldn’t’. His face was scratchy on hers and he didn’t smell the same as Quinn. Quinn always wore nice smelling cologne but Glenn smelled of smoke. He had smoked on his way tot he dance and on the way to take her home. And the taste of his mouth was that of an ashtray. Finally after a long kiss he pulled back and said, “I had a great time tonight. But would you go on a real date with me?” We can go to dinner and a dance club or something.” She decided she should give him another chance, “Ok,” she said. “How’s next Friday at six?” he asked. “Ok.” she said again. 170

Sunday morning as Kayla sat reading the paper after church she found an ad for a new youth minister at Ranchland Heights Community Church. Her stomach did flips at the thought of Quinn leaving the church. He can’t leave, she thought as she read it. But on the other hand maybe he just needs an assistant. She decided she would go in and check it out on Monday but Sunday night Quinn beat her to it. When she walked into the church office she saw Pastor Quinn. “Kayla.” he said walking toward her. “I need to talk to you in my office.” “Ok.” she said feeling like a child being called into the principal’s office. She 171

remembered the first time he called her into his office. They entered his office and he offered her a chair. “What’s up,” she asked. “I just wanted to talk to you about Glenn before you two get too involved. He doesn’t stick with one woman for very long. Don’t get too hung up on him. He’ll break your heart. And be careful, he has some problems that a lot of people don’t know about.” “What kind of problems?” Kayla asked. “Well, I don’t want to go into all that. That’s for him to tell you, but I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. If you ever need anything 172

at all, I’m here. OK? He seemed serious, wise and fatherly as he spoke. “Ok.” Kayla said feeling a little confused. “Oh yeah and the other think I wanted to ask you was... You don’t have a job yet do you?” “No, not yet.” “You majored in ministry didn’t you?” “Yes.” “I need to talk to you about a job here at this church then. “Yeah, I saw that in the paper this morning,” she said. “Why do you need a new youth 173

pastor? Are you quitting?” “Not really. The church has grown so much that they think we need and assistant pastor to help the senior pastor. And I got the job. Anyway it’s a step up for me and I thought you would make a great youth pastor. “What’s the pay?” “The pay is $25,000.00 a year to begin. I know it’s not much but it’s really not bad for a single person and ministry doesn’t really pay as much as people think anyway. Besides that the church offers a retirement plan and insurance. And if you decide you would like to go further in the ministry, the church would pay for any further education as long as you stay here.” 174

“Well, it’s the best offer I’ve had yet, and I think I would like working here. I’ll take it. When do I start and what do I do first?” I’ll be working with you for the first few months to get you trained and acquainted with everything, but after that you’re on your own. You can start eight o’clock Monday morning if that’s not too soon for you.” “Sounds great, I’ll be here eight o’clock tomorrow morning,” she said as she stood and offered her hand for a handshake. She was so excited. This was working out just great. She would be near him everyday and working at a church she 175

loved and with people she already knew. Thanks Lord, she whispered as she looked up at the ceiling as she left Quinn’s office. “Good morning!” Quinn said as Kayla walked into the main office Monday morning. He looked bright eyed and bushy tailed. His blue eyes sparkled and his dimples deepened as he smiled. “Kayla’s going to be our new Youth Pastor,” Quinn said tot he secretary who was fixing a pot of coffee. Kayla already knew Ruby, the church secretary. She was an older, plump, black lady, with a friendly face, in her sixties. She was old enough to be retired but she refused to give up and stop working. She loved working at the 176

church and she loved the Lord. “Welcome aboard!” Ruby said with enthusiasm as she shook Kayla’s hand. “I remember you when. It was only a few years ago when you were a young shy teenager, seemed afraid of your own shadow back then. You seem to have grown up quite a bit and outgrown your shyness as well as your insecurities.” “Yes, I have outgrown most of it. I still have insecurities from time to time as most people do. But I’m working through all of that and hoping to make the best youth pastor since Pastor Quinn.” She said smiling and looking at Quinn. “I’m sure you’ll do a great job,” Pastor Quinn said as he led her down the 177

hall to his office. “Let’s go to my office and get started on the paperwork that you have to fill out for any new job.” They worked on paperwork and then worked the rest of the morning on a message for the Wednesday night youth group. After that they had lunch together at a nearby restaurant, and after lunch she sat in on a counseling session Quinn had with a young couple preparing to get married. Later they went to the hospital and visited a sick teenager. Kayla really enjoyed everything they did that day. She and Quinn seemed to share a passion for people. They ended the day in Quinn’s office. “I think we should end this day with a prayer.” Quinn said 178

“Sounds good to me,” Kayla agreed. Quinn took her small hand in his and began to pray. As he prayed Kayla could only think about being alone with him in his office and holding his strong, warm hand. That night after Kayla left Ruby stopped Pastor Quinn on his way out. “Excuse me, Pastor Quinn. Does anyone else know about you hiring Kayla Stevens as the Youth Pastor?” “No, I was told to take care of it myself and they would go with whoever I chose. Why?” “Well, did you think about the problem you had back when she was a youth here? Did you remember about the rumors about the two of you that were 179

going around?” “I didn’t actually think about it but that was three years ago. I’m sure people aren’t going to remember that from that far back.” “I hope not. Because you’re just asking for trouble if they do.” “I’ll pray about it. But thanks for bringing it to my attention, Ruby.” “Goodnight, Pastor Quinn.” “Night, Ruby.”

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Chapter 5 Kayla and Glenn had a date Friday night. They went out to eat and to a movie afterward. Glenn had a couple of drinks and got a little looser than she was use to. When they were in the movie theater, Glenn put his arm around Kayla’s shoulder and moved as close to her as he could get in the theater seats. He blew in her ear and nibbled her earlobe. Kayla wasn’t sure how to react to him. She didn’t want to lead him on but she wanted to keep going out with him in hopes that it would get Quinn’s attention. He kissed her with small kisses on her neck, which caused Kayla’s skin to tingle. Then he put his other hand on her 181

cheek and turned her face toward his and pressed his lips firm to hers. He moved his hand down her shoulder and then down her arm. He slowly moved his hand to her breast and started to squeeze. Kayla pushed him away and stood up. She was shocked that he would try something like that especially in a public place. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back down in the chair. “I’m sorry,” he said and he started kissing her again. “Glenn, let’s just watch the movie.” “This is more fun.” he whispered seductively in her ear. Then started kissing her neck again, he put his hand on her knee and slowly moved it up her thigh toward her panties. Kayla pushed his hand away 182

again and jumped up and hurried toward the door. “Kayla! Where are you going?” Kayla didn’t respond and kept walking. “Kayla! Come on Kayla!” People around him shushed at him, but he ignored them and kept calling her name as he got up and went after her. “Kayla!” He jogged a little to catch up to her and grabbed her arm. “I’m sorry!” He said. She whirled around to look at him. “I didn’t appreciate what you did in there!” She exclaimed and then looked around to see who could hear them. “You have no respect for women! Do you? Women are just playthings to you! Aren’t we?” Glenn looked down at the 183

floor and said “No,” like a shy little boy who was being scolded. “I just wanted...” “I know exactly what you want, and you’re not getting it! I can’t believe you or any guy would be so bold as to try that after only knowing a girl for a couple of days!” She said and turned toward the door and started walking again. “Come on, Kayla, what cave have you been living in? Girls go to bed with guys now days on the first date.” He said as he caught up with her again. “Well, I don’t and I don’t believe all girls do either.” “Come on, I’ll be good. Come back in the theater and let’s finish watching the movie.” she stopped but still faced the 184

door. “How are you going to get home anyway?” he asked “I’m a big girl I can get home without you.” “Come on Kayla, I promise I’ll behave. She turned around and looked at him. He had a sad puppy dog look on his face. Kayla couldn’t resist the big blue eyes, dimpled cheeks and the pouting bottom lip. “Ok” she agreed. “But keep your hands where they belong. Wait let me rephrase that, Keep your hands to yourself. “Ok, I promise.” They finished their date and Glenn did as he promised. Kayla closed the front door behind her as 185

she entered the house from her date with Glenn, and leaned against it as if stopping for a rest, and took a deep breath. Monday Quinn let Kayla try her hand at writing her own message for Wednesday night. She sat at the computer with her bible. She read a while and then thought a while and then typed a while, read some more and thought some more and then typed some more. Quinn walked by the door and Kayla called out to him, “Quinn.” He poked his head in the door and raised his eyebrows. “You called?” “Will you look at my message and tell me what you think before I print it?” 186

“Sure,” he said walking over behind her chair to look at her computer screen. He put his hand on her shoulder and leaned down to see the screen. He got a whiff of her magnolia scented hair. She smelled so good, he wanted to put his nose in her hair and breathe her in. He caught himself looking at her instead of the computer screen. Finally Kayla said, “Why don’t you sit here. It will be more comfortable.” Quinn accepted her offer and sat down and began to read her message. As Kayla moved away from the chair she knocked some books and papers onto the floor. Kayla bent over to pick up the mess she had made and Quinn bent over in the chair 187

and started to help her when his eyes inadvertently focused on her well-rounded backside. He shook the lustful thoughts, which were launching in his mind, out and sat up in the chair and focused on the computer screen. God, what’s wrong with me? I don’t usually let things like that get to me. He tried to keep his attention on the message, but he could see her out of the corner of his eye as she moved to put the stuff back on the desk. As she sat the books and papers neatly back on the desk, she knocked some more papers on the floor next to the chair Quinn was sitting in. “I’m sorry,” she said as she bent again to pick them up. The top button on her satiny blouse had worked itself loose with all the 188

bending and moving she had been doing and he could see her cleavage as she knelt beside him. His heart began to pound and his forehead began to bead with sweat. Oh God, I gotta get outa here, he thought. When she stood up she unintentionally brushed her soft breast against his arm, which caused him to immediately stand. “I... I... I think I should look at this later,” he said as he moved quickly out of the room. Kayla stood looking at the empty doorway, wondering what happened. Quinn hurried to his office, closed the door, took out his hanky, wiped the sweat from his forehead and took a deep breath. He sat down at his desk, frustrated; he ran his fingers through his hair. He took 189

another deep breath and picked up his bible and started trying to study where he had left off before, but his mind kept wandering. Every time he would close his eyes he saw Kayla bending in front of him and her cleavage and before he knew he was doing it, he was wondering what kind of lover she would be. His heart pummeled as thoughts of being with Kayla raced through his mind. “God, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’ve never felt temptation this strong for a woman before,” he whispered in his empty office. He was staring off into space when he was disturbed by a knock at his door. He shook the thoughts from his head and said, 190

“Come in,” It was Kayla. “Are you Okay?” she asked. “Did I do something to cause you to leave?” “Uh... uh... NO! I... I... I just realized I was working on something that I needed to get back to.” he said. Kayla looked at him as if she was seeing a stranger being from another planet. “Okay then, I’ll just go back to my office and print it out and you can read over it later, when you get a chance,” she said. “That’s a great idea.” Quinn said feeling a little relief. They worked together every day for several weeks. They counseled together, wrote messages together, visited sick 191

people together, had lunch together and even preached together. They enjoyed each other’s company and they laughed a lot. They had so much in common. They even had the same passions in life. They both wanted to help people, and they made a great team. One evening after they had visited people at the hospital and counseled several people they had to stay late to work on a message. Kayla noticed Quinn looking tired and rubbing his neck and shoulders. His eyes looked red and tired from looking at the computer screen so long. “Maybe we should call it quits for tonight.” she suggested. “I’m kinda on a roll here and want to 192

finish up on this,” he said “You can go home if you want. I’ll see you in the morning.” He started typing again then he rolled his head as if he had a headache or a neck ache. Kayla went around behind his chair and started kneading his shoulders and neck. He stopped typing and closed his eyes and rolled his head as she massaged. “Mmmm, that feels great,” he said in a groggy voice. The sound of his voice excited her. She enjoyed the feeling of intimacy she got as she moved her slender fingers up his neck and the back of his head and then back down again. “Lean forward,” she ordered. He did as she said and she moved her massaging fingers down his spine to the middle of his 193

back. He was completely enjoying it and wanted her to keep on massaging, but was beginning to relax just a little too much. “You’re putting me to sleep,” he said. “You better stop so I can finish this and be able to drive home.” “Okay.” she said as she dropped her hands from his back. “But don’t stay too much later. You need to get home and get something to eat and relax.” She left him there to finish his work. Later she called to see if he had gone home yet. He was still there and answered the phone, “Ranchland Heights Community Church,” he said when he answered the phone. 194

“Quinn! Why are you still there,” she asked in a motherly tone. “Kayla! I’m almost done and I’ll be going home then.” “That’s what you said an hour ago.” “It’s been an hour?” “I’m bringing you something to eat.” “You don’t have to do that. I’ll be leaving here in just a little while.” “No you won’t. You stay right were you are. I’ll be there in a few minutes with some supper for you.” And she hung up. She arrived not long after they hung up. She came in with a Tupperware dish and a can coke and sat it down on this desk. Quinn looked up and smiled his dimpled smile. 195

“Thanks, what would I do without you to take care of me?” “I don’t know, doesn’t Eric take care of you?” He looked at her with a disapproving look, and changed the subject. “Did you cook this?” he asked as he opened the Tupperware container. “Yep,” she answered. “It smells wonderful. Mmmm roast and vegetables. When did you have time to cook this?” “I have a crock pot and I know how to use it.” she said. Quinn laughed as he poked a bite of meat and vegetables in his mouth. “Mmmm this is really good,” he complemented as he chewed a bite of roast. 196

“Thanks. Now what is taking you so long with this message?” She asked as she went around the desk to look at the computer screen. “I’ve changed my mind three times about what I wanted to speak on.” he was going to give his first message tot eh church on Sunday and he was a little nervous about it. “Oh I see. I think you should let it rest for tonight. You still have a couple of days before Sunday.” “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He agreed as he poked another bite of carrots and potatoes in his mouth. “Maybe my perspective will change if I take a break from it tonight.” 197

Chapter 6 Kayla was beginning to feel like Glen was Quinn’s evil twin. He may have looked as gorgeous as Quinn but he definitely wasn’t Quinn. He was exactly opposite of what she thought she knew about Quinn. It was like Quinn was Dr. Jekyll and Glenn was Mr. Hyde. Everything Quinn was, Glenn was the opposite. Quinn didn’t drink as far as Kayla knew and if he did it couldn’t have been much. Glenn liked to drink just a little too much. Quinn was against sex before marriage. Glenn was for it all the way. Quinn was understanding and caring. Glenn was just plain selfish. Every time Kayla and Glenn went out 198

together he had to have several dinks. One night they went out to eat and to a dance club. Glenn as usual had several drinks. Kayla had two glasses of wine and started drinking coke after that. Kayla was beginning to get a little annoyed with him because as they danced he started to fondle her and put his hands on her butt. A short flash of her experience when she was fourteen flashed through her mind and the scared feeling along with it. “Glenn, stop it! You know how I feel about that, especially in public.” When he kept on she pushed him away and started walking away. “Hey,” he yelled, “Come back here. You’re always walking away from me like 199

that.” He caught up with her and grabbed her arm and whirled her around angrily. “Look, you just need to chill out!” He said. “Are we going steady?” Kayla asked. Glenn stood looking at her with a confused look on his face for a minute then with a slight slur asked, “What the hell are you talking about?” “We date other people besides each other right?” “So?” “Well, I don’t like just anyone touching me in the ways you want to touch me.” “Oh I see now. You want me all to yourself and then we can get intimate. Is 200

that right?” “Well, I want some kind of commitment from a guy who thinks he can touch me anywhere on my body in public or in private. But honestly, I don’t want a commitment from you. I just want you to stop touching me where you know I don’t want to be touched. I don’t like you when you drink. You’re a lot different when you drink than you are when you’re sober.” He grabbed her and pulled her closer to him. “Stop it! You’re hurting me!” she yelled. He covered her mouth with his and kissed her violently. She struggled and pushed away from him and finally slapped him. A big guy dressed in a security guard 201

uniform came up and asked, “What’s going on here?” “Nothing,” Glenn grunted sarcastically, “Absolutely nothing, as usual,” he said then he turned and walked back to the table they had been sitting at. “Thanks,” Kayla said to the security guard. “No problem,” he said, “just doing my job.” Kayla, a little shaky from her ordeal with Glenn, went to the pay phone and called Quinn at home. “Quinn?” Kayla said when she heard his voice on the other end of the line, and then a big knot stuck in her throat. “Yes, this is Quinn.” Kayla didn’t say 202

anything for a minute while she tried to get the lump in her throat to go away. She hadn’t been sensitive in over a year. She had managed to work through her feelings enough to where every little thing didn’t make her cry anymore and she hated that she was about to start crying over the stupid incident with Glenn. “Hello? Who is this?” Quinn said. Kayla cleared her throat and said with a slight quiver in her voice, “It’s Kayla. I’m sorry to bother you but...” “Kayla? Is something wrong?” He could hear the quiver in her voice. “I’m... um at Boogie Night’s Dance Club... could you come get me?” “What are you doing there?” He 203

asked “You brother brought me here.” she said and then started to cry as she thought ab out how Glenn was not at all like she had hoped he would be.’ “Kay what’s wrong?” Did he hurt you,” Quinn asked suspiciously. “I’ll be there as soon as possible.” he said and hung up the phone. Quinn was just about to go pick up Erica when Kayla called, so he called her. “Erica, its Quinn. I’m going to be a little late picking you up; I just got a call from someone who needs my help.” “Is there something I can do to help?” Eric asked. “No, it probably won’t take long. I’ve 204

just got to go pick someone up who is stranded.” “Okay, are we still going out when you get back?” “Yeah, like I said it shouldn’t take long. I’ll be over in a little bit.” Kayla pulled herself together and walked to the door. She walked outside to wait for Quinn. Then suddenly a hand, a strong masculine hand, grabbed her from behind and covered her mouth tightly. She was dragged out into the parking lot and into a nearby car. After the door shut she saw it was Glenn. He didn’t say anything, he just started kissing her hard and pulling at her clothes. 205

“I told you before; I always get what I want!” He slurred. Kayla started to scream but he covered her mouth with his hand again. She tried to bite him but his hand was too tight against her face. She kicked and struggled to get away as he ripped her blouse and pulled at her bra. He reeked of smoke and liquor and he had anger in his eyes. Kayla suddenly felt sick to her stomach and found she nearly hated Glenn. She had so wanted him to be like Quinn and she was so disappointed to find that he was completely different. She never dreamed it would come to this. He may have been a bit of a rebel but she never would have believed he could do such a think to her or anyone else. 206

Kayla struggled until she was leaning against the door handle. She managed to push the door handle and the door fell open and she fell out, scraping her face on the gravel parking lot. Glenn fell partially out of the car with her and grabbed her by the ankles to keep her from getting away. She wrestled until she got free and ran screaming from his grasp. Her heart pounded in fear. Her head swirled with memories of the rape when she was fourteen. It hadn’t been as violent as this date was turning out to be but it had been an unwanted intrusion of her body just as tonight had been. She felt hot tears streaming down her face as she ran across the large parking lot toward the street. 207

About that time Quinn pulled up in his blue bronco and saw Kayla running toward him and slammed the bronco into park, jumped out and rant toward her. Kayla collided into his arms and burst into sobs. Right behind her was Glenn storming angrily at them. Quinn pushed Kayla to the side to keep her from getting hurt. Glenn walked right up to them and before Quinn could move or say anything, punched him right in the face. Quinn fell back from the unexpected force of the punch. Glenn grabbed for Kayla and she started to run again. Quinn had caught his balance before he fell completely to the ground and nabbed his brother by the back of the shirt collar and got him in a bear hug. “Stop it 208

Glenn!” Quinn shouted as he tried to get him to calm down. But Glenn had, had so much to drink that he wasn’t even himself and refused to listen to Quinn or anyone else. Kayla ran back inside and told the woman at the bar to call the police. About that time the big security guard approached her. Before he could say anything she seized him by the hand and pulled him out the door. When they got outside the door the security guard saw Quinn and Glenn fighting and immediately tried to stop them. Glenn had punched Quinn in the stomach and kneed him in the face when he bowed over in pain from the punch in the stomach. Quinn fell to the gravel and Glenn 209

kicked him in the ribs. Then the huge security guard nabbed him from behind. He had his arms wrapped around Glenn, pinning his arms down by his side. He held Glenn in a bear hug as he yanked him far enough away from Quinn that he couldn’t kick him again. The police must have been close by when the bartender called them because they arrived just as the security guard was asking, “What’s going on here?” Two policemen got out of their car and hurried over to them. One officer pulled out his handcuffs and put them on Glenn as he read him his rights, while the other policeman helped Quinn up off the ground and started to handcuff him. “Wait a minute!” Kayla shouted. “He didn’t do 210

anything but try to save me from him!” She exclaimed as she pointed to Glenn. Quinn’s nose was bleeding and his white shirt was not only dirty but also bloody from the cuts and scrapes on his back and elbows. His right eye was already starting to turn black. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on here,” the police officer suggested. “I came here tonight with Glenn, that’s the guy you already put in the squad car,” Kayla stated. She noticed that her blouse was all open in the front and the buttons were gone from her blouse so she pulled it together in the front and held it in place as she continued telling the police what had happened. “He drank too much and started 211

treating me badly, so I called Quinn to come get me,” she continued. “While I was waiting for Quinn to get here, Glenn came out and grabbed me and pulled me into that car over there and started attacking me sexually. “Did he rape you?” the officer asked. “He didn’t, but he would have if Quinn hadn’t shown up when he did,” Kayla said. The officer was taking notes the whole time Kayla was talking. “Is that the way you saw it,” the officer asked the security guard.’ “I came out to break up the fight between these two men. And I know that the other guy was treating this lady badly when they were inside the club. That’s all I 212

know,” the security guard answered. “Do you have anything you’d like to add to this?” The officer asked Quinn who was holding a handkerchief to his nose and tilting his head back. “I assume he’s your brother, since the two of you look so much alike.” “Yes sir,” Quinn said. “Has he ever done anything like this before?” “He gets a little violent when he drinks too much, but he’s never gone this far, as far as I know.” Quinn said. “Do you want to press charges? We’re going to take him in for the night for public intoxication, but unless you press 213

charges, he’ll be out tomorrow. “No, I don’t want to press charges!” Kayla said. “You should press charges!” Quinn said. “No, he’ll be different when he’s sober,” Kayla said. “What about you, do you want to press assault charges?” the officer asked Quinn. Quinn looked at Kayla. Kayla was looking at him as if saying... Don’t do it. “No,” Quinn said. “She’s right he’ll be different when he’s sober.” “Are you going to be ok,” the officer asked Kayla, “Do you need to go to the emergency room?” “No,” Kayla said, “I’m fine. I don’t 214

need a doctor.” “How about you sir, are you ok? Or do you need to see a doctor?” “I’m ok,” Quinn answered. “Ok then,” the officer, said. “My job is done then.” And he got in the squad car with the other officer and they drove away with Glenn in the back.’ Quinn looked awful. His eye had developed into a full-blown black eye; his clean white shirt was now bloody and torn. Kayla didn’t look much better. She had a scrape on her face where she had fallen on the gravel out of the car; her blouse was tore and a little bloody too. Once Quinn’s nose quit bleeding, he took Kayla back to her new apartment. 215

Quinn noticed that Kayla was extra quiet on the way to her place. He glanced over at her and noticed she had her arms wrapped around herself and was staring blankly out the window. “Kayla, are you okay?” Kayla didn’t say anything, but he noticed a tear making its way down her cheek. He pulled the bronco over to the side of the road, parked it, jumped out, ran around to Kayla’s side and opened the door. He gently too her in his arms and held her close. “Everything’s going to be okay,” he promised as he held her and smoothed her hair with his hand. “Go ahead and cry, Kayla, its okay to cry.” 216

There was such a gentleness in his voice and she knew without a doubt that she was safe with him. Kayla let go and sobbed as she buried her face in his chest and held on to him as if she was holding on to life itself. As her tears began to subside, she just rested her head on his strong chest. She could hear his heart pounding and it had a calming effect on her. Quinn knew she had been through a lot with Glenn that evening but in the back of his mind he wondered if Kayla was thinking about when she was molested as a young teen. He really had no way of knowing unless she mentioned it so he just held her and let her cry as long as she needed him. 217

After she calmed down she looked up at his face and he looked into her eyes as if looking for answers. She didn’t say a word but thankfulness and admiration were in her eyes. She reached up and touched his face wanting to just stay wrapped in his arms and protection for ever. She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. Quinn felt slightly guilty for enjoying the feeling of holding her the way he had been holding her while she pulled herself together. He found himself wishing that kiss on the cheek would have been on the lips. “Are you going to be okay,” he asked. She nodded and loosened her grip on him, allowing him to back away from her. “Are you ready to go home now?” 218

She nodded again. He closed the door and got back in the driver’s side and drove the rest of the way home. Once they reached Kayla’s apartment, Quinn walked her to the door. He tried to make himself look better by tucking in his torn, bloody shirt and running his fingers through his hair, before getting out of the bronco. “I’m sorry about everything that happened tonight,” Kayla apologized as they walked. “It’s not your fault,” Quinn said looking at her compassionately. His compassion was one of the things she loved the most about him. “I just feel so bad that I got you into this mess,” she said 219

“Kayla,” he said as he stopped and took her hand in his and looked into her eyes, “None of this is your fault. Stop blaming yourself. I’m just glad you called me when you did and I was able to be there when I was.” “This wasn’t what you were talking about when you told me he had some problems that not many people knew about, was it?” “Yeah it was,” he said looking down as if ashamed. “I should have told you that when he drinks too much he gets violent. “Why didn’t you?” “I thought he had quit drinking and I didn’t want to stick my nose into your relationship and mess things up. He moved 220

here because he had quit drinking and needed a new place to start over. This seemed to be a good place,” he said looking into her eyes again. Kayla turned and unlocked the apartment door. “Why don’t you come in and let me put something on those cuts and scrapes?” “I’ll be all right,” he said. “You really ought to put some ice on that eye.” He felt around his eye. “Does it look bad?” “Well... yeah, it’s black. Does it hurt?” “Yeah, it’s kind of sore.” “Please let me get you an ice pack and put something on your cuts. It’s the least I could do for the guy who just saved 221

my life.” Quinn laughed a short laugh and then squeezed his eyes shut as he brought his hand up to his ribs, “I hardly think I saved your life,” he continued. “Come in.” she said as she took his and backed up into her apartment while looking in his eyes. “Okay, if it will make you feel better,” he said when Quinn bent to sit on Kayla’s couch he grimaced and groaned at the pain in his ribs. He looked around while he waited on Kayla to return with the ice pack. There were boxes stacked around here and there, and the walls were bare. There were no curtains on the windows, just mini blinds. A small TV sat over in the corner of the living room on a large box. 222

Kayla returned with some antiseptic, cotton balls, bandages and an ice pack. “Take your shirt off,” she commanded as she put everything down on the coffee table. “Excuse me?” “Take your shirt off, I can’t nurse your cuts with your shirt over them.” “Oh yeah… it’s just that you sound as if you’ve been taking bossy lessons from Erica,” he said as he removed his shirt. The sight of his muscular arms and chest caused Kayla to ache inside. “Is she bossy?” Kayla asked as she daubed a cotton ball with antiseptic. “Well, she wasn’t when we first started dating,” he said as he sat back down 223

on the couch slowly and carefully. “But a few months ago she really started getting bossy. I don’t know what the deal is with her.” “Why don’t you break up with her?” “I don’t know. I guess I don’t want to hurt her.” “If you keep dating her she’s going to expect you to ask her to marry you eventually.” “Yeah, I know.” “You don’t want to marry her. Do you,” she asked hoping the answer would be no, as she touched the soaked cotton ball to a cut on Quinn’s back. “Ouch! Take it easy! That stings! No, I don’t want to marry her. If she’s this 224

bossy now, I’d hate to see what she’d be like after a few years of marriage.” “Do you love her?” Kayla asked hoping he would say no once again. There was a short silence while he thought about her question. “No, I don’t think I love her,” he said. After she nursed the cuts and scrapes on his back, she handed him the ice pack and he leaned his head back and put it on his eye. She doused a clean cotton ball in the antiseptic and dabbed it on the cuts on his ribs. “Ouch! That hurts, don’t be so rough!” “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be rough.” He watched Kayla’s face as she 225

played nurse to him. She had such compassion in her eyes, and he wondered how she could be that way after what she had just been through. I should be the one being tender and compassionate to her, he thought. “Are you OK?” he asked as he brought the ice pack down from his eye so he could see her better. “I’m fine,” she answered as she stopped what she was doing to look into his sensitive eyes. “Just a little while ago you looked like you were going to have a nervous breakdown and now you’re acting as if nothing happened and trying to take care of me. I’m worried about you.” He said as he 226

picked up a clean cotton ball and put some antiseptic on it and touched it to the scrape on Kayla’s cheek. “You have some scrapes too,” he said. Then he slowly lowered his arm and gazed into her eyes. They sat gazing in each other’s eyes for a minute then slowly he moved his lips close to hers. He wanted so desperately to kiss her. His lips lingered so close to hers, he could feel her breath on his face. But he didn’t touch her. He wanted to kiss her but his mind kept telling him it was the wrong thing to do. She’s a former student. She’s just a kid in comparison to you, he thought. She probably wouldn’t appreciate an old guy kissing her, especially after what just 227

happened to her. As his lips lingered close to hers he thought about how she had just been nearly raped by his brother who looked almost identical to him. He wondered how she felt about him kissing her. And as he thought about all those things he decided that kissing her wouldn’t be the best thing to do and instead of kissing her he closed his eyes and moved his lips away from hers and pressed his cheek to hers. His heart pounded at the thought of being that close to her as the war raged in his mind. One part of him wanted to kiss her senseless but the other part of him said no and was trying to be rational but before he knew it he found himself with his lips lingering near hers again. She 228

didn’t try to back away from him so she mist not mind. He swallowed, wet his lips and then parted them slightly as if preparing to kiss her, but he still didn’t touch her. He wanted to pull away but was drawing by some strong force at the same time. Their short hot breaths intermingled as they each waited for the other to make a move. Finally Kayla made a move by slowly touching her lips to his, which turned out to be the sign he was waiting for as he let out a long heavy breath, and relaxed. Her lips were soft and hot as he gently teased her lips with his. The long awaited kiss sent a ripple of passion through his body. He had never thought of her in that way before but 229

now she was older and so beautiful and mature for her age. She was sweet and the taste of her lips was just as sweet. Quinn wondered if he should have let the temptation to kiss her get the better of him. But it was too lat now, he couldn’t take it back, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to take it back. Kayla’s eyes were full of adoration, something he never saw in Erica’s eyes. Kayla combed her fingers through his hair brushing it into place. He touched her hand as he continued to gaze in her eyes. He moved her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. His heart pummeled as he through about kissing her again. His breath became rapid as he leaned closer and 230

pressed his lips gently to hers, this tie wrapping his arms around her and pulling her warm body firm against him. The pain in his ribs was almost unbearable but his desire to hold her against him was stronger than the pain. Her hands caressed his bare back and caused his skin to tingle. He felt a tightening in his pants and realized he shouldn’t have let it go this far. He wanted to make love to her but knew he had to stick to has morals. He had been with Erica all this time and never once been as physically attracted to her as he was to Kayla right now. The thoughts in his mind made him dizzy as he slowly and tenderly removed his lips from hers and looked into her eyes. Her green eyes were dark with 231

passion. He knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have let that happen. I’d better go,” he said as he stood and picked up his shirt. “Why shouldn’t you have done this?” she asked as she stood and met his eyes with hers. “You just said you didn’t love Erica. You agreed you should break up…” “No, it’s not that,” he said as he closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath of air. “What then? It’s not Glenn…” “No, it’s not that either,” he said. “I use to be your youth pastor. Doesn’t that seem wrong?” 232

“Not to me. I’ve never felt anything so right in my whole life,” she said as she tried to get him to look in her eyes again. “I’m fourteen years older than you, for god’s sake. I’m almost old enough to be your dad. Doesn’t that seem wrong?” “You’re not my dad though. And I’ve had romantic feelings for you for the past five years. I thought about you all through college. I tried to get over you but couldn’t do it. Don’t tell me this isn’t right. I’ve waited all this time for a moment like this. You’re the only man I’ve ever actually wanted to kiss.” He looked as if he was going to kiss her again, but then looked away from her. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you and it’s not that I’m not attracted 233

to you. It’s just that I’m not sure what the deacons of the church would say about a relationship between us. I mean there was that rumor that spread about us back then that almost got me fired.” “Why do you care what the Deacons or anyone else think? It’s really not their business anyway,” Kayla said hoping he would change his mind. Then it hit her, “What rumor that almost got you fired?” “The rumor about us. The reason I quit counseling you.” “I never knew there was a rumor about us.” “After camp that summer people started saying something was going on with us and then when they realized I was 234

counseling you every week they really started talking. I don’t know who started the rumor but I was told I needed to quit counseling you. So I did.” “Ok but that was then and this is now. I’m an adult now. I’m not your student now. It’s none of their business what we do now. Quinn turned to look into Kayla’s pleading eyes and put his hand on her cheek “I’ve been a pastor in this church now for ten years. Ministry is all I know. I couldn’t do anything else if I wanted to and I don’t want to. If we get involved with one anther they may fire us both.” “I don’t see how it’s any of their business.” Kayla stated again. “Tell me where it says in the bible 235

that you have to be the same age to have a romantic relationship!” she argued. “We’re both adults and we are both technically single, so why should it make a difference about our age?” Quinn kissed her on the forehead and said, “I’m going home now, if you need anything at all you know my number. I don’t care what time it is. Call me if you just need to talk. OK?” She nodded and he turned to leave. He left her apartment and walked slowly down the hallway and around the corner. He felt Kayla’s eyes on him until he turned the corner. He thought about her soft hungry lips and how sweet they tasted and how he ached to taste them again. He thought about how he desired to hold her all night and 236

taste her soft skin on her neck and other things he knew he shouldn’t be thinking about. When Quinn returned home the phone was ringing. It had been several hours since he had left to go pick up Kayla. “Hello?” Quinn said as he put the phone to his ear. “Quinn! What’s going on? Where have you been?” “It’s a long story and I’m really tired. If you don’t mind I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you all about it.” “I do mind! I want to know right now why you stood me up.” “Erica, I’m sorry it looks like I stood you up, but it couldn’t’ be helped. I’ll tell you all about it in the morning.” 237

“Oh so you can have time to make up some story?” she accused. “Are you calling me a liar?” “Well? Why won’t you tell me why you stood me up?” “Calm down and think about what you’re saying. When have I ever lied to you?” there was a short silence. “Ok so you’re not lying.” “It’s late and I’m tired and I bet you’re tired too,” he said. “Let’s go to bed and we can talk about it in the morning when our minds are fresh and clear.” “Ok, but I probably won’t be able to sleep until you tell me what happened.” “Alright, I had to pick up Kayla Stevens from a bar that my brother took her 238

too. She was upset and didn’t know who else to call.” “So why did that take so long?” “When I got there, I saw Kayla running from my brother who had too much to drink and was acting crazy. My brother and I got into a fistfight and the police came up. We were there for quite a while answering questions. They finally took Glenn to jail for the night and now I’m home, my body is aching and I’m tired. Can you sleep now…because I’m going to bed now, goodnight,” and he hung up the phone. He was too tired and in too much pain to be polite. Quinn didn’t sleep well that night. He kept thinking about how he was going to 239

explain his cuts and bruises to the congregation Sunday. He was supposed to preach his first sermon to the church and he really wanted it to be perfect. He also kept thinking about Kayla and her sweet lips and how much he wanted to be with her and couldn’t for so many reasons. He kept thinking about how he should break up with Erica even if he didn’t have a relationship with Kayla, and on top of all that he couldn’t’ sleep because of the pain in his ribs. No matter what position he lay in, it hurt. After Quinn left Kayla couldn’t get her mind off him. She couldn’t get his gentle yet passionate kiss and the surge of electricity it sent surging through her body 240

out of her mind. It was as wonderful as she had fantasized for years that it would be. It was the first time she had ever kissed when it didn’t cause her to think of the rape. All she could think of was how wonderful his lips felt next to hers. He was so tender and he kissed her that it made her quiver. She wanted that moment to last forever but he pulled away from her and looked into her eyes, she remembered the mixture of desire and uncertainty in his eyes. She wished thing could be different and they could be together without the church having a say in it. Kayla changed clothes and went to bed but as she dozed off, she caught a whiff of stale cigarette smoke mixed with 241

whiskey. The familiar smell frightened her and as she turned around her fear got stronger as she stood face to face with Glen. “I always get what I want,” his voice echoed. He grabbed her and ripped her clothing, the whole nightmare was beginning again. Kayla shook herself awake and sat up on the edge of her bed in a cold sweat and started to cry. She slowly walked to the bathroom and stripped off her night clothes, turned on the shower and stepped into the hot spray of water. She stood there letting the hot water run over her body and began to cry again as she thought about how Glenn had almost raped her. She remembered his hands touching her in places she didn’t 242

want to be touched, which in turn brought back all the bad memories of her friend’s brother molesting her when she was younger. She suddenly began to feel dirty as she thought about it and grabbed the bar of soap and began to lather. She scrubbed harder ad harder as she tried to wash the filth away. She stayed in the shower until the water turned cool. She tried to watch TV to take her mind off of things but it didn’t really help. “Call me even if you just need to talk, I don’t care what time it is, call me if you need to.” It was Quinn’s voice she heard echoing in her head. She picked up the phone and dialed his number. “Hello?” Quinn’s voice on the other end sounded 243

groggy. “Quinn, it’s me… Kayla.” The soft delicate sound of her voice made his heart skip a beat and he stood up quickly. “I can’t sleep and I just need to talk. You said if I needed to talk to call you.” “Kayla? Is everything OK?” “Yeah, its just that tonight brought back bad memories of when I was fourteen. And every time I got o sleep I dream about being attacked.” “Let’s talk about something that will take your mind off the events of tonight,” Quinn suggested. “Ok,” Kayla agreed. Quinn mad small talk and tried to be witty to take her mind off things. His voice 244

was gentle and calm and a sweet sound in Kayla’s ear. His voice soothed her and she soon felt as if she could sleep again. When she finally went back to bed she decided she would force herself to think about something good. So she thought about Quinn and his gentleness as he kissed her earlier. She hugged her pillow and pretended she was safe and secure in Quinn’s arms and it calmed her and she dozed off. Quinn called Pastor Paul the next morning and told him the whole story of how he went to pick up Kayla and got into a fight with Glenn. “Do you think you can preach tomorrow? I know its short notice, but I 245

feel awful and I haven’t been able to sleep.” “Sure, Quinn, I can preach Sunday, It’s no problem. You just get some rest and get better and I’ll see you Monday morning.” “Thanks,” Quinn said.

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Chapter 7 Monday morning Quinn walked into the office as he always did. “Good morning,” he said a little less cheerfully than usual. Kayla followed him into his office. “Are you ok,” she asked. He groaned and grimaced as he sat down at his desk. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?” “You don’t look fine.” “I’m all right. I’m just a little tired. I haven’t slept well since Friday night. I can’t sleep for the pain in my ribs.” “Maybe you should see a doctor 247

about that.” “Yeah, I am. I have an appointment this afternoon.” Kayla walked around behind Quinn and massaged his neck and shoulders. Quinn closed his eyes. “Mmmm that feels great,” he groaned. “You’re gonna make some lucky guy a wonderful wife someday.” Kayla couldn’t resist the opening. She bent down and put her lips close to his ear and whispered, “You’re the only one I want to be a wonderful wife to.” As soon as she said it she wished she hadn’t. She felt her face turn red. She couldn’t believe she had actually said that to him. Quinn turned in 248

his chair and looked at Kayla. “You know we can’t be more than friends.” “I know,” she said as she turned from him so he couldn’t see that she had embarrassed herself. “Kayla, I understand your feelings,” he said as he reached out and took her hand and made her turn and look at him. She knelt so that she wasn’t towering above him and looked into his eyes. She wanted so desperately for him to kiss her. “But I think you want to be more than friends as much as I do,” she whispered. “I do, but you know that can’t happen,” he responded. Kayla felt his body lean slightly towards her as if he was about 249

to kiss her, but there was a sound of a throat clearing and Quinn and Kayla jumped like children who had been caught doing something naughty. The look on Quinn’s face gave it all away. “The door was open,” Pastor Paul Taylor said, trying to suppress a grin. Behind him was Erica and she wasn’t grinning or even trying to suppress one. As a matter of fact, she didn’t look happy at all. As Quinn started to stand up, the pain in his ribs caused him to bow over and grimace. The grin on Pastor Paul’s face disappeared when he noticed the pained expression on his face. “Quinn, are you all right,” he asked. “I’ll be fine,” Quinn answered 250

through clenched teeth. “You need to get to a doctor,” Pastor Paul said as he rushed over to help him sit back down. “I know, I’m seeing one this afternoon.” “I don’t think you should wait till this afternoon,” Pastor Paul said. “Come on Kayla help me get Quinn to my truck. “I’ll do that,” Eric said as she pushed Kayla away from Quinn and put her arm around Quinn. They helped Quinn to Pastor Paul’s truck while Quinn protested the whole way. “I’m fine… really… it can wait till my appointment this afternoon.” 251

“Kayla,” Pastor Paul said ignoring Quinn’s protesting. “Tell Ruby to answer my calls and take messages for me. I’ll take care of them when I get back.” On the way to the clinic, Quinn sat quietly. “So, tell me again how this happened.” Paul said. “It happened Friday night in the parking lot of that night club my brother took Kayla to. Kayla called me and asked me to pick her up. My brother was drunk and not being a gentleman at all. Kayla had called me just because she didn’t like where he took her. When I got there, Glenn was attacking her in the parking lot. Kayla was trying o get away from him. I 252

stepped in and wasn’t very good at it. I’m just not a fighter. Never was. Even though he’s several years younger than me, Glenn always got the better of me even when we were kids.” “Is something going on between you and Kayla,” Paul asked. “No, why do you ask?” “It’s just the way you two were looking at each other earlier in your office.” “Oh that, I had just told her I hadn’t been able to sleep because of the pain and she rubbed my shoulders for me.” “But when I looked in your office, she wasn’t rubbing your shoulders. You two were looking into each other’s eyes as 253

if you were about to kiss.” “No! You were imagining things. I’m much too old for Kayla.” There was a short silence and then Pastor Paul said “You know if anything were going on between you two, you could talk to me about it. Don’t you? It’s not a sin to have feelings for someone younger than you, you know.” “Yeah, but she’s 14 years younger than me.” “She’s still a very pretty woman. She’s not a child anymore,” “I know, but it seems wrong because she was a teen in my youth group only a few years ago.” “So you do have feelings for her.” “Well… yeah… but I don’t think we 254

should get involved because she was in my youth group just a couple of years ago and that thing with the rumors that was going on back then… I just don’t want to open up an old can of worms. Besides what would the deacons thing, would they fire me because I was seeing an ex student?” “I don’t think you need to worry about that. Maybe you should have a talk with them if you are concerned about what they think.” “What about the congregation? What would they think?” “Quinn, I’m going to give you some advice about the congregation. You can’t please all of them at the same time. The congregation is made up of many different 255

kind of people and they all have different ideas about everything. Probably right now you’ve already done or said something that someone doesn’t agree with or approve of. You might have even offended some of them and don’t even know it. When it comes to your own life, you have to do what you feel is right. Pray about it and see what kind of decision you come up with then. “Thanks Paul, I’ll keep that in mind.” “But now my question is… what about Erica?” “I’ve been thinking about breaking it off with Erica for a while now. You know she’s just gotten a bit too bossy for me. I don’t know… something just isn’t there in 256

our relationship. I’m not sure what but I just know it’s missing something important. Maybe it’s passion. I think I’ve just settled for her because it’s a comfortable relationship.” Kayla walked back into the building to give Ruby the message that Pastor Paul had told her to give to her. Then she went back to her own office, only to find Erica there. “What’s going on with you and Quinn,” she asked. “What do you mean,” Kayla asked innocently. “You know what I mean. I was standing there when the two you f you had your eyes locked onto each other. I know what was bout to happen. I’m warning 257

you… I’ve invested over two years of my life in getting Quinn to marry me and you’d better not mess it up,” Eric said through clenched teeth. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but Quinn doesn’t intend on marrying you. He says you’re too domineering for him. He told me just the other night that he hasn’t broken up with you yet because he didn’t want to hurt you.” “You’re lying. He loves me and if it weren’t for you we’d get married I’m warning you… you stay away from him!” And then she stormed from the room. Quinn walked out into the waiting room of the doctor’s office and saw Kayla. “Where’s Paul?” He asked surprised to see 258

Kayla. “He had something important he needed to do and asked me to be here to take you home when you got out.” “Oh.” “So what’s the verdict?” “I have two cracked ribs. He bandaged me up and gave me some pain killer so I could sleep.” They pulled up in front of a small white, wooden frame house. “It’s the parsonage, Quinn said. Pastor Paul hasn’t lived here for years because his family has gotten too big. It’s only a two bedroom house.” “It’s cute,” Kayla responded. It was white with blue trim and a white picket fence around it. It looked like the kind of 259

house her mother would have settled down in when she first got married back in the fifties. But it was cute none-the-less. Kayla helped Quinn get into the house. “Are you hungry?” She asked. “A little,” he answered “I can fix you some lunch if you want.” “No, don’t go to any trouble.” “It’s no trouble. Besides I haven’t eaten yet either. We can have lunch together… how about some soup and sandwiches. “Ok, I have some vegetable soup in the cabinet in the kitchen.” He said as he headed to the kitchen. 260

“No, you just sit down and rest. I’ll find everything just fine by myself.” She searched through the cabinets until she found the soup. Then she looked in the refrigerator and found everything she needed to make ham sandwiches. When she returned to the living room, Quinn was stretched out on the couch with his eyes closed. “Are you awake?” She asked as she entered the room carrying a tray with their lunch on it. “Uh yeah,” he said as he sat up. “I think the pain killers might be starting to work. I feel a little groggy.” Kayla sat next to Quinn on the couch and put the tray down on the coffee table. 261

“Ham sandwich and vegetable soup,” she announced. Quinn picked up his sandwich and began to eat. After eating they sat quietly on the couch and watched some TV. Kayla took a throw pillow and put it on her lap and patted it, inviting him to lay lie down and put your head right here and relax.” Quinn looked so tempting that he couldn’t resist. He smiled and laid his head on the pillow on her lap. Kayla couldn’t resist touching his hair and began to rake her fingers through it. Butterflies fluttered lightly inside her stomach as she watched him slowly fall asleep. It felt so right sitting there with him, taking care of him. They belonged together 262

like this and she was going to make it happen somehow, someway. When she left Quinn was sleeping peacefully on the couch. She had quietly cleaned up their dishes and left him a note saying she would be back at supper time with some food. When she returned at supper time with fried chicken and mashed potatoes, she knocked on the door and then pushed it open and peeked in. “May I come in,” she called through the door. “Yeah, come in,” Quinn called back from the living room. He was sitting on the couch in his jeans and no shirt. His chest was tan against the white bandage that wrapped around his ribs. Kayla had a 263

sudden desire to run her fingers through the dark hair on his chest and slide her hand over his rippling muscled arms. God he looks good, she thought as she brought the food over to the table. “Smells wonderful.” “I just picked up something after work,” she said. “Chicken?” “Uh-hu.” “Let’s eat at the dining room table.” Quinn suggested. “Do you feel well enough?” “Kayla, I’m fine. Really, I don’t know why you’re making such a big fuss over me.” He stood and took the box of chicken 264

from her hands walked to the kitchen. Kayla followed. She stood looking at him as he pulled some paper plates from the cabinet and set them on the table. He proceeded to open the box of chicken, and then he stopped and looked at Kayla. “Is everything OK?” he asked. Kayla was just admiring every little thing about Quinn. His beautiful eyes, his cute dimples, his masculine body, his succulent lips (god how she wanted to kiss his lips.) He took Kayla by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Hellooooo,” he sang. Kayla blinked. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said. “Are you OK,” he asked. Kayla took a deep breath. “I’m fine,” she replied. 265

“You look a million miles away.” “Oh, I was just thinking about something.” Quinn brushed her hair back from her face as he thought about the talk he had with Pastor Paul. He really wanted to pull her close to him and hold her, and smell her hair and whisper sweet things in her ear. He wanted to feel her lips next to his. But he was still afraid. And he knew he needed to break up with Erica first if he was going to pursue a relationship with Kayla. He pulled a chair out from the table. “Have a seat,” he said, “I’ll get a shirt on.” He came back buttoning a blue shirt. They had dinner together and talked about work among other things. When Kayla got ready to leave, Quinn walked to the door 266

with her. “Will you come over tomorrow for lunch,” he asked as he reached for the doorknob behind Kayla. “Yeah,” she answered as she turned and found herself face to face with him. They were standing so close she could feel the warmth radiating from his body. Her heart palpitated as she noticed him studying her lips, then before she knew it his hand was on her jaw, tilting her face toward his and pressing his lips gently to hers as he adoringly invaded her mouth with his. An electric current generated from him and circulated throughout her whole body. She moaned at the feeling. Quinn’s breathing became heavy as 267

he thought about making love to her. Every fiber in his body said take her to your bedroom but every part of his mind and spirit said no, so he stopped. He looked into her eyes still breathing heavy and swallowed hard. If only things had been different a few years ago. If she hadn’t been in his youth group… If only, he was a few years younger or she was a few years older. “You should leave now, he said, or something may happen that we both will need to repent for in the morning.” As Kayla looked into his eyes she knew exactly what he was talking about. She never wanted to be with a man in that way as much as she did at that moment. As a 268

matter of fact she had never wanted to be with a man in that way at all. The thought of it had always been revolting to her but now she was thinking of Quinn in that way and id didn’t make her sick to her stomach. She slowly turned and opened the door and walked to her car. Quinn watched her drive away and slowly closed his door. He had known temptation before, but this was almost more than he could stand. “God, I’m in love with her. What am I going to do?” he whispered out loud in the empty house, as he looked at the ceiling. Quinn decided to call Erica and break up with her. He couldn’t lead her on anymore. He knew he didn’t love her, not the way he loved Kayla. He sat down on 269

the couch with the cordless phone in his hand and began to dial. “Hello,” said the voice on the other end of the phone. “Hi Erica, this is Quinn.” “Hi Quinn, how are you feeling? Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over and take care of you?” How could he do this when she was being so kind to him? “No thanks, I’m fine.” “What did the doctor say?” “I have two cracked ribs and I’m supposed to stay home for a week and get some rest. I have to take painkillers in order to get some sleep, but other than that I guess I’ll live. Thanks for asking.” “Why wouldn’t I ask? I care about 270

you.” “I care about you too…” there was his opportunity but he couldn’t finish his sentence. There was a short silence. “Were you going to say something else,” Erica asked. “Uh… no,” Quinn lied. What am I doing? He wondered. I should break up with her because I don’t really love her and I’m leading her to think there’s more between us, he tried convincing himself. I do love Kayla. I should be with her not Erica. But on the other hand, there’s the problem of our age difference and the deacons won’t approve of a relationship between Kayla and I. “God, what am I going to do?” he whispered, forgetting he 271

was on the phone with Erica. “What,” she asked. “Uh, I said what am I going to do… you know for a week while I’m home.” “I can come over and keep you company if you want.” He thought about how Kayla might come over for lunch on the days he was home. “Well… you know this medication just makes me drowsy. I should go lie down and rest I guess. I’ll just go watch TV or something.” “I can still come over and take care of you.” “No, that’s not necessary. I’m fine. I’m just going to watch TV for a while and go to bed early.” 272

“Okay. Are you sure you’re OK? You sound a little funny.” “I’m fine; it’s probably just the medication making me sound funny. I’m getting tired so I guess I really need to go lie down.” “Okay, but if you need anything call me. Okay?” “Okay.” “I love you,” Eric said hoping to hear him return the words. Quinn had never told her he loved her and he certainly wasn’t going to say it now. Not when he finally realized he didn’t love her. I really need to break up with her soon before she gets any more serious, he thought. “You know maybe you should come 273

over tomorrow sometime. We need to talk.” “That sounds serious,” she said. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” he said, “I’ll call you when I feel like having company tomorrow.” Kayla was eating lunch when Quinn when Erica arrived. Quinn wasn’t expecting her because he had told her he would call her when he was ready for her company. What was she trying to do, he wondered? Eric was furious when she pulled into his driveway and saw Kayla’s car parked there. She went to the door and beat on it until Quinn answered. “Erica! What are you doing here?” “Are you surprised,” she asked sarcastically. “You said you wanted me to 274

come over so we could talk. Remember?” “Yes but I also recall telling you I would call you.” “Oh, and now I know why you wanted to call me before I came over. Quinn, what’s going on here,” she asked as she looked over at Kayla sitting on his couch with a plate of food. “Kayla and I are just having lunch. That’s all. She had told me she would bring me some lunch today and I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression. That’s why I wanted to call you before you came over. “Why should I get the wrong impression? Is there something going on between you two that I should know about?” 275

“I’m leaving,” Kayla said as she walked past Quinn and Erica to the door. “I think that’s a good idea,” Eric said. As Kayla walked out the door and closed it behind her Eric stood looking at Quinn as if waiting for him to say something. He ran his fingers through his hair and said, “Come in and have a seat.” He had planned to break up with her when she came over, but for some reason he couldn’t do it now. Maybe it was because she had caught Kayla there and he didn’t want her to think he was having an affair with her while he was supposed to be exclusive with her. Maybe he was still afraid of hurting her, maybe he was afraid of being alone or maybe he was just plain chicken. Whatever 276

the reason, he just couldn’t do it yet. They sat in awkward silence on the couch. Then finally Erica said, “I thought we were going to talk about something.” “We were, but I wasn’t expecting you yet, so I’m not ready to talk yet.” “I’m not your congregation; you don’t have to prepare a sermon for me. I’m your girlfriend. We should be able to talk without notes.” “I know. You’re absolutely right. It’s just that what I wanted to say…” “Quinn! Just say what’s on your mind,” She exclaimed. He turned and looked at her but didn’t say anything. His heart was pounding with uncertainty. “I don’t think… I mean we aren’t… What I 277

need to say is…” “What you need to say is that you don’t think we should see each other anymore,” she finished for him. He looked surprised and was silent for a moment. “Yeah, that’s what I was trying to say. I’m sorry. It’s just that our relationship isn’t going anywhere. And I think we shouldn’t keep trying to make it work when we obviously aren’t right for one another.” “It’s Kayla isn’t it?” “No, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. It’s not fair to you,” he continued, “for me to keep leading you on like I’ve been doing. I mean you’re a young, beautiful woman…” “But Kayla is younger and more 278

beautiful than I am and you would rather…” “Stop it!” “I saw the way you looked at her the other day in your office. She’s young and you think she’s going to make you look younger.” “No! That’s not true! Erica, I was thinking about this before Kayla ever came back from college. You deserve someone who intends to spend the rest of his life with you. I just don’t love you that way.” “Why are you just now telling me this? If you were thinking about it before Kayla came back, then why did it take you three months to tell me?” “I just didn’t want to hurt you. I 279

didn’t know how to…” “Oh but you want to hurt me now?” “No, I just think it’s not right for me to keep you hanging on to hope for a future with me when there’s no future for us. I’m sorry if it hurts you but you should have someone who loves you. We aren’t right for each other. Can’t you see that?” Erica stood and quietly walked to the door and opened it and left. Quinn stood looking at the door after she had left. He felt awful for hurting her but if he continued on pretending that everything was fine with them it would only drag out the inevitable. He knew it had to be done and not because of his feelings for Kayla but because of his lack of feelings for Erica. It wasn’t fair to 280

him or her to continue on with that relationship. One week later Quinn was doing much better and was back at the office. He sat in his office studying his bible when Kayla poked her head in his office. “Hi,” she said, “how’s your first day back going?” “Not bad,” he replied, “and seeing you only makes it better,” he said smiling. “Come in here and sit down.” She entered and sat in the chair that was directly in front of his desk. “I want to take you out for a special lunch Saturday. You were so sweet to come over every day and fix lunch and help me out while I was at home.” 281

“You don’t have to do that,” she said, “I had selfish reasons for being there everyday.” “Oh? And what was that selfish reason,” he asked. “I wanted to be with you.” He looked into her eyes and could see such admiration in them. “What I want to know is,” she said, “where was Eric all that time? Did she even bother to come see you? And if she’s so in love with you, why wouldn’t she come see you more?” “It probably had to do with the fact that I broke up with her.” “You did?” “Yep, you were right; I don’t love her 282

so why should I keep leading her to believe that I did? But I don’t want to talk about Erica. Are you going to let me take you out to lunch Saturday or not?” “I have selfish reasons for saying yes, but Ok, I’d love to have lunch with you Saturday.”

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Chapter 8 It was a beautiful spring evening as Quinn and Kayla walked down an old village street, window shopping after their dinner. It was still early and daylight was still shining. “Ice cream,” Quinn said as he noticed a street vender. “Want some?” Quinn asked. “Sure,” Kayla answered. As they walked up to the vender, Quinn held up two fingers. “Two single scoop cones please. One vanilla and the other…” he looked at Kayla waiting for a flavor. “Chocolate,” she said. They walked with cones in one hand and holding hands with the other. They 284

reached the end of the block where a park stood. Birds were singing and children laughing. A woman with a poodle walked past as they entered the park gate. They walked over to a big oak tree to enjoy its shade. Kayla leaned against the tree as she watched some nearby children on the swings. They were swinging as high as they could go. “I’m going to swing all the way around the pole,” one exclaimed to the other. “You can’t do that,” the other shouted back. Quinn stood watching Kayla’s face as she watched the children. He had a grin on his face as he watched her. “Do you want kids when you get married,” he asked. 285

“Yeah, I think kids are great.” She said keeping her attention on the children. “What about you?” “Yeah, I’d like to have a couple of kits someday.” Quinn answered then poked his vanilla ice cream on the tip of her nose to get her attention. “Hey,” she exclaimed as she looked at Quinn who was smiling a big dimpled smile. Kayla poked her chocolate ice cream on the tip of his nose to get him back. “Now you’re asking for it,” he said teasingly as he dumped the ice cream out of his cone into the palm of his hand. “Oh no, what are you about to do with that,” She inquired as she started to back away smiling. Quinn slowly started 286

toward her holding the ice cream up as if he was going to throw it at her. “Oh no you don’t,” she said turning and starting to run, but Quinn caught her around the waist with his free arm and smashed the scoop of ice cream right in the middle of her face and smeared it around. They both tripped and fell to the ground laughing. Kayla picked up the chocolate scoop of ice cream that had fallen to the ground and smashed it in Quinn’s face. She was extremely pleased with herself and she lay laughing a wicked laugh. Quinn lay on his stomach with his arm across Kayla. His laugh subsided as his smiled faded into a more serious expression and he looked into her eyes. Their lips met and they soon 287

became enthralled with one another. Quinn withdrew his lips from hers and quietly stood up holding her hand and pulled her to her feet. They walked over to the fountain that was in the middle of the park, hand-in-hand with sticky ice cream on their hands and faces; they looked at each other and laughed. When they got to the fountain they sat down on the edge of it. Quinn pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wet it in the fountain. As he brought the handkerchief to her face he smiled again and started snickering at the sight of her ice cream covered face. He then proceeded to wash Kayla’s face. When he finished Kayla took the handkerchief and wet it and did the same for him. 288

Quinn pulled Kayla close to him and their lips met again. The sweet taste of ice cream still lingered on their lips. Kayla’s lips parted slightly and he took the opportunity to probe her mouth with his tongue. Soft sighs escaped Kayla’s lips, which aroused Quinn as much as the kiss itself. His fingers entwined gently in her hair as they kissed. He moved his lips from hers and just held her close with his nose in her hair just taking in her scent and enjoying being close to her. When they pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex that Kayla lived in, Quinn found a place and parked the bronco and killed the engine. He turned and faced Kayla and put his hand on her cheek, 289

looked admiringly into her eyes. “I hope you don’t think I’m premature in saying this, but…” he stopped and searched her eyes before he spoke again and wondered if he should say what he was about to say. He wondered if it was too soon to be saying it… too soon after breaking up with Erica… too soon since they had only just actually dated one day. But he knew in his heart, in his mind and even in his soul that he loved Kayla. He knew they belonged together no matter what other people would say about it, about their age and their short time of dating. His heart pounded with anticipation of what she would say. Then slowly he said it, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” He sat gazing into her eyes 290

as he waited for her response. Kayla couldn’t say anything at first due to the large lump in her throat. She was so happy to hear him say that and wanted to tell him she felt the same, but she just couldn’t manage to get anything to come out. Her lips quivered as she opened them to speak. “I don’t think you’re premature in saying that,” she managed to say. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” she said as she gazed lovingly into his eyes. “I wasn’t sure how you would feel. I know how you feel about people at church finding out and…” “No, I’m over that,” he said. “I really don’t care what they think. I can’t make everyone happy, and the only one I want to 291

make happy is you. We do need to be discreet for a little while though. I don’t want to hurt Erica and it will hurt her if she thinks I broke up with her to be with you. You‘re part of the reason I broke up with her, but she doesn’t need to know that.” “Lying by omission… hmmm, you’re really turning into a sinner, Pastor Quinn.” Kayla teased. “Yeah I know and it’s entirely your fault,” he teased back. She watched his face as his gazed moved to her lips and he lowered his head to kiss her. He pressed his lips gently to hers and lavished her lips with kisses. He moved his hot kisses to the velvety crook of her neck. She could feel his hot breath 292

on her skin, causing her body to tingle with a passion that filled her to her very core. No one had ever made her feel such a fiery passion. Quinn was so different from Glenn. Glenn had been harsh and demanding of her. But Quinn was gentle when he held her or touched her and his kisses were tender, yet passionate. She felt loved by Quinn. She wanted to be in his arms and covered with his kisses forever. “Quinn’s breath became rapid as Kayla moved her hands softly over his back and down his robust arms; to his chest where she fumbled with the buttons until the top three were unbuttoned. She then slid her hands inside his shirt and over his 293

soft chest hairs. A moderate groan eluded his lips as her hand passed softly over his bare chest. “Kayla,” he breathed aloud. He moved his lips to her ear. “I love you,” his hot breath entered her ear as he whispered the words. And then he found her mouth with his again and kissed her deeply. Then suddenly he pulled away from her and leaned his head back on the headrest. “I can’t take this,” he said between breaths. “We both know where this is leading and we have to control ourselves. We have to practice what we preach.” “He looked so sexy to Kayla with his dark hair tousled and his chest hairs glistening with moisture in the slowly 294

fading sunlight. She was seeing a side of him that other people weren’t permitted to see, and that aroused her even more. Quinn looked over at Kayla, her full lips were rosy and wet from his kisses and it made him want to kiss her more. “I know… you’re right. Maybe I should go inside and you should go home,” Kayla said. “I had a wonderful time today,” she continued, “but we need a break from one another before we go too far.” “I’ll walk you to the door,” he offered. “No, you don’t have to, we need to be discreet and you don’t want to be seen at my apartment by someone who lives around here who might know you. I’ll be 295

fine,” she said as she opened her door to get out of the bronco. “Kayla.” Quinn said as he touched her hand. She turned back and looked at him. “I really do love you,” he said “I’m not like my brother.” “I know you’re not like Glenn. The two of you are as different as night and day. I remember the first time you looked into my eyes; I saw gentleness, kindness, protection, purity and compassion. The first time I looked into Glenn’s eyes I saw danger, rebellion, anger and arrogance. Even if you and Glenn cut your hair the same and dressed the same and everything, I could tell you two apart just by looking in 296

your eyes “If you saw all those things in his eyes when you met him, why did you go out with him?” “Well, I wanted to go out with you, but I thought that was impossible. You were already dating Erica. Besides I didn’t think you would want to date me, so I guess I just took what I thought was the next best thing,” she said. “Oh I wanted to date you, I just wasn’t sure I could. I don’t just want to date you; I want you to be my steady girl.” “You do?” “I do… would you?” “Would I,” Kayla exclaimed as she jumped back into the bronco and planted 297

one right on this lips. “You know I would,” she exclaimed as she got back out f the bronco and closed the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she shouted as she skipped up the sidewalk toward her apartment. Quinn watched her with a smile until she was out of his sight. “Hello,” Kayla said when she answered the phone Sunday afternoon. Church had only been over for an hour. “I love you,” said the voice on the other end. “Hi Quinn…” “Hi Quinn… Is that all you can say when I say I love you? I was hoping to hear something else.” “I love you too,” she said 298

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s what I wanted to hear.” “You haven’t had lunch yet have you?” he probed. “No.” “Do you want to go get a pizza?” “Sure.” “I’ll be over to get you in a couple of minutes.” “I’ll be waiting.” Kayla was waiting on the steps when Quinn arrived. They walked out to the parking lot together. Quinn had driven the church van instead of his bronco. “Why are you driving the church van?” “I started having some trouble with 299

the bronco on my way home from church this morning, so I went back to the church and got the van. It’s nothing really. I’ll get it fixed Monday.” When they parked in the parking lot of the pizza place, Quinn got out and walked around to Kayla’s door. Kayla had already opened her door and was getting out of the van, when Quinn got to her side. He gently put his hands around her slender waist and helped her down, then quickly pressed his lips to hers. Something is different. Kayla thought, as he kissed her. His kiss wasn’t as warm and loving as it had been the night before. As a matter of fact his kiss was suddenly a little harsh. He hadn’t even 300

looked into her eyes at all the way he had last night. What’s Wrong, she wondered. She wondered if maybe Erica had found out about them and was giving him a hard time about it, or if he’d had second thoughts about them since last night. Whatever it was, something had changed since last night. He pulled away from her and took her by the hand and led her to the restaurant door. “What’s wrong?” Kayla asked. “Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think something’s wrong?” “I don’t know… you seem like you’re upset about something. Did something happen at church to upset you?” “No, I’m fine.” 301

“Are you sure? Did I do something to upset you?” “I’m sure. Nothing’s wrong. Now come-on and let’s get some pizza, I’m starving. They sat down at the booth in the corner of the restaurant. A rap song was playing loudly on the jukebox and there were lot’s of noisy, giggling teenagers. They decided on the pizza they wanted and placed their order with the waitress. “I guess this wasn’t the most romantic place I could have picked.” Quinn said. “Anywhere with you is romantic to me, except when you’re in the mood you’re in right now. Are you sure there’s not something you want to talk about to get off your mind?” 302

“I’m sure. What do you mean anyway? What’s wrong with my mood?” “I told you, you seem upset about something. I don’t really know what it is, I can’t really put my finger on it but there’s something different about you today somehow.” “Nothing’s wrong, and I’m the same man today that I was yesterday, I promise.” “Then come over here and sit with me on this side of the booth.” “That’s no problem,” he said as he got up and moved to the side of the booth Kayla was sitting on. “Now look me in the eyes and tell me there’s nothing wrong,” she said as she put her hand on his chin and turned his face 303

toward her. “Quinn raised his eyes to her face, but didn’t look her in the eyes, he looked at her lips. Then he kissed her with short kisses and said in between each kiss, “Nothing… is… wrong.” Then he captured her lips with his and kissed her deeply. Kayla desired to have him look into her eyes the way he had the night before. When he pulled away, Kayla looked closer at him. When did you cut your hair,” she asked. Quinn looked a little startled at the question. “What do you mean?” “Your hair… it looks a little different somehow. Did you cut it or did you brush it differently. 304

“I don’t know. I had it cut a few days ago.” “I guess I’m just not very observant,” she said. “I didn’t even notice until just now. You just look a little different somehow. “Will you stop with the, “You’re different thing?” Their pizza arrived and they ate. They tried to talk but it was hard to hear over the noise so they just sat quietly and ate their pizza. “The quiet was deafening as they left the pizza place. As they drove, Quinn mentioned that he needed to stop by the church and pick something up. “You don’t mind, do you,” he asked. “No, go ahead,” she said. 305

“Come in with me,” Quinn said as he pulled up in the deserted parking lot of the church. “Is it going to take very long,” she asked. “No, not very long, but it’s too hot to sit out here in the van.” “Ok,” she said as she opened her door to get out. They walked up to the church doors, which were locked. Quinn unlocked the door and held the door for Kayla as she entered. When they got inside he turned and locked the door. “Come-on,” he said as he put his arm around her waist and headed toward his office. When they got to his office he opened the door and told Kayla, “Wait here for a minute. I have to go get 306

something from the sanctuary,” he said Kayla sat down on the couch as she said, “Ok,” he left the room for a few minutes. Kayla relaxed on the couch, with her feet up on one end and her heard on the other. A little while later Quinn returned. “You look comfortable,” he said. She sat up when she heard his voice. He had closed the door to his office and was moving over to where she was sitting, and sat down next to her. He still didn’t look her in the eye, but he kissed her on the neck and then the jaw and then finally on the lips. He took no time in moving his hands to her breasts, as he pressed his lips hard against hers and probed her mouth with his tongue. Kayla 307

pushed him away and slapped his hands from her breasts and stood up. “What’s wrong,” he asked. “You didn’t have a problem with me touching you last night.” “Well, you didn’t touch me like that last night! And even if you had touched me like that last night it would have been different! I would have felt differently about you touching me there last night because you were different last night!” “What was different?” “You were different!” “Will you get off that? I’m not different.” “Yes, you are. You’re more demanding and harsh when you touch me 308

and kiss me. Last night you were gentle and you looked in my eyes. Last night I felt like you loved me. Today I feel like I’m nothing more to you than a plaything. You remind me of…” She stopped as her heart began to pound at what she was about to say. “I remind you of whom?” “You remind me of Glenn. And besides it just doesn’t feel right here in God’s house. I would have thought you would feel the same way. I thought you had more respect for God than that.” She said trying to inspect him closer to see if she could tell if it was really Glenn that she was talking to. “No one is here, and they won’t be 309

until the morning.” “I know, but it’s just not right. Last night it just happened. Today it seems planned. “What’s wrong with that?” Then she saw it… a tiny hole in his left hear. A sudden wave of fear shot through her as she realized it wasn’t Quinn at all. She had been spending the afternoon with Glenn. That must be why he seemed so different. He was different, she thought. She backed away from him and toward the office door. She opened the door when she got there and started down the hallway. “Kayla, what’s wrong?” “Nothing,” Kayla insisted, “I just thought we should go. You got what you 310

came for didn’t you?” “No, not really,” he answered, as he started toward her. It echoed in her brain, what he had said to her once before. “I always get what I want.” “I was hoping you and I could get a little closer. As he moved faster toward her she started to run. Then suddenly she slipped and fell and hit her heard on the hard concrete floor, which knocked her unconscious. “Kayla! Kayla! Are you all right?” Glenn ran to her side and tried to wake her. Her forehead was bleeding. “Oh God, what have I done,” he said out loud. Then he picked her up and carried her to the sofa in Quinn’s office, and laid her down. “Kayla,” he said tapping her cheeks 311

as he tried to wake her up. He hurried to the phone and dialed 911. Quinn whistled as he walked in the church doors and down the hallway toward his office. He noticed blood on the floor and stopped to look. He heard a voice coming from this office and hurried to see what was going on. “Glenn!” He exclaimed when he got to the door. “What are you doing here?” And before Glenn could answer he asked another question. “What happened to Kayla,” he asked as he rushed to her and knelt by her side and brushed her hair back from her face. “Kayla, say something,” He exclaimed. He jumped to his feet and bolted to the bathroom that was built-in his 312

office. He got a wash cloth and wet it with cool water and hurried back to her. He cleaned her head where it was bleeding, but it continued to bleed heavily. “Have you called 911?” he asked. “Yes, I already called them. They should be here in a minute.” Just then Kayla stirred and opened her eyes. When she saw Quinn, she thought she was seeing Glenn and started to scream and tried to get up from the couch to get away. “Kayla, it’s ok. Calm down it’s me, Quinn.” She saw that there was no earring hole in his ear and calmed down. “Quinn, she said, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tightly. She started to cry, I was so afraid. 313

“It’s okay. You’re going to be all right. Just calm down and lay back down. You fell and hit your head, but you’re going to be all right.” He put the wash cloth back on her head when she lay back down. “I remember slipping in the hallway,” she said “Shhh,” he said gently as he smoothed her hair and looked into her eyes. She felt such peace with him there. That was the look she had been missing all day. The feeling of peace and safety that she knew she had felt the night before and didn’t feel with Glenn all day today. The paramedics arrived and began to check Kayla over. While they were taking care of Kayla, Quinn grabbed Glenn by the 314

arm and yanked him out of the office door and down the hall to another office. “What did you do to her,” he hissed. “Nothing!” “Then what happened to her and why are you dressed like me and why was she so afraid of me when she thought I was you?” “I wanted to apologize to her for the other night and I knew she wouldn’t talk to me so I dressed like you to…” “Did you even try to talk to her before you did this?” “No, but…” “You stay away from her! You hear me? She’s had a hard enough life without you adding problems to it!” 315

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know I was going to upset her! I didn’t do anything to her, honest!” The paramedics did a couple of stitches on Kayla’s head and bandaged it up. “She has a slight concussion so she needs to get to bed and stay there for the rest of the day. You might want to take her to the doctor tomorrow and have him check her out though.” Quinn took Kayla home and helped her to bed. “You want me to call your dad to come over and stay with you tonight?” “No, he’s out of town on vacation. He won’t be back for three weeks.” “Okay, do you want me to call Lana 316

for you?” “Okay,” Kayla croaked as she held her head. “Are you alright?” “I just got this terrible headache,” she responded. Quinn called Lana but there was no answer. “She’s not home right now. I’ll call her back later. I’ll just stay with you until I get hold of her.” “Can’t you just stay with me?” she asked. “Well… I… don’t…” “Please stay with me. I feel safer with you here.” “Okay, I’ll stay.” “Thank you,” she said. Quinn helped 317

her take her shoes off and get under the covers. He looked into her eyes and ran the back of his fingers gently across her cheek and kissed her lips lightly. “I’m not sure you would feel so safe if you knew the thoughts that went through my head when we’re alone together. I mean if you weren’t hurt…” his eyes traced her face. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered then kissed her cheek and then turned to leave the room. “Quinn?” He stopped at the door and turned to look at her. “I have the same kind of thoughts when were alone together and even when we’re not together at all.” Quinn smiled and said, “Get some rest,” and closed the door on his way out. Quinn called his brother from the 318

cordless phone in the living room. “Glenn, do you want to tell me what went on this afternoon?” “I called her and asked her out for pizza. I didn’t plan on hurting her. I swear! I just wanted to let her know I was sorry for what happened the other night.” “Why’d you cut your hair and dress like me?” “I knew she wouldn’t go out with me or probably even just talk to me if she knew right off it was me, so I cut my hair like yours and shaved and dressed the way you dress to get close to her and then I was going to try and explain the reason I acted the way I did the other night an apologize. She didn’t know I wasn’t you at first.” 319

“Are you crazy? And why were you at the church?” “We couldn’t talk at the pizza place because it was too noisy, so I told her I had to pick something up at the church and was planning on talking to her there.” “I didn’t do anything to her. Really I didn’t. I hadn’t had anything to drink either. I’ve quit again. She just suddenly got freaked out about something and started running from me and that’s when she slipped and fell.” “What did you do to make her run? You must have done something to make her realize you weren’t me.” “I don’t know… I kissed her. I think maybe that’s when she realized I wasn’t 320

you.” “I just want another chance with her. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, that’s all.” “Then why didn’t you do that? All you did was lie to her and show her how much more you can’t be trusted.” “I think maybe you should just keep away from her,” Quinn said, sounding a little jealous as well as protective. “What’s going on with you and Kayla?” Glenn asked. “Nothing!” “Yeah, there’s something going on between you two. Does Erica know you got a think for Kayla?” “What I do is no longer any of Erica’s business.” 321

“Why? You broke up with her? Not for Kayla did you?” “Yeah, I broke up with her, but it wasn’t for Kayla, I broke up with her for me!” “Then why are you so upset with me right now?” “I just think you need to keep your distance from her, that’s all! You’ve hurt her enough! You’re not her type so just leave her alone!” “Oh and you think you know what her type is?” “Yes I do.” “You’re in love with her, aren’t you? You think you’re her type?” “Don’t go spreading rumors like that. 322

Just stay away from her.” “I think she needs to tell me that herself, not you.” Glenn said and hung up. Quinn hung up the phone feeling more frustrated with his brother than he had before he called him. Quinn watched TV for a while then read his bible for a while until he started to feel sleepy. It was around eleven O’clock when he heard Kayla shouting something from her bedroom. She sounded frightened. Quinn quickly went into see if she was OK. He opened the door and saw Kayla thrashing around in her bed shouting, “Stop it! I don’t like it! I want to go home!” Quinn went over and sat on the edge of Kayla’s bed and touched her head and 323

smoothed her hair as he gently called her name hoping to calm her dreams. She quit thrashing around and lay quietly. Quinn watched her sleep for a few minutes as he thought how sweet she looked while she was sleeping. He slept on Kayla’s couch that night and had an alarm clock to wake him up every three hours to check on her, but he didn’t really need one because it seemed that every three hours she would start shouting and thrashing around with nightmares. At five in the morning he was woke up by her screaming at the top of her lungs. He ran to her room where he found her pressed against the wall with a frightened look on her face. He could tell she was dreaming even thorough her eyes 324

were open. The pupil of her eyes was almost as big as her eye, which he knew usually meant a person was sleep walking or just sleeping with their eyes open. He went over to her and gently took her hand and led her back to her bed, as he said, “You’ll rest much better in the bed.” She allowed him to lead her to the bed and she hugged him before getting back in the bed as she said, “Ok daddy. I’m safe now that you’re here.” Once she snuggled back down in her bed under the blankets and closed her eyes, he sat up on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep peacefully. She was so beautiful, her dark curls framed her face, and her dark eyelashes lay soft against her cheeks, her lips parted slightly 325

as she breathed softly through them. Quinn brushed the back of his fingers lightly across her cheek and she stirred. The billow next to her looked so comfortable and he desired to sink his head down into it for only a few minutes. So he did and within seconds was fast asleep lying next to Kayla. At eight o’clock Kayla woke up to find him lying next to her. She was feeling well and rested except for the slight headache. She rolled over to her side and kissed his forehead and brushed her finger through his fine soft dark hair. He looked so cute with his hair and clothes all riffled. Even in his sleep his dimples showed. She supported her head with her hand and 326

propped up on her elbow as she lightly traced her finger along his dark eyebrow and down his sandpapery cheek to the indention on his chin. She saw the dimple on his cheek deepen as a faint smile crossed his lips. He kept his eyes closed as he said “Good morning,” with a raspy voice. He opened his blue eyes and took he hand in his and kissed her fingers. “How are you feeling this morning,” he asked. “Better,” she said still propped up on her elbow and smiling at him. So this is what it’s like to wake up next to him in the morning, she thought. “What are you thinking?” He asked softly as he propped his head up in the 327

same manner as she had. “I was thinking about what a sensational sight you are to wake up to in the morning.” Then she realized he was looking at her as much as she was looking at him. “Oh my god,” she exclaimed, I must look awful,” she said as she quickly rolled over and leapt out of the bed. Feeling dizzy, she fell back on the bed. “Take it easy,” Quinn said as he helped her lay back down. “You’ve got a head injury. You have to take it easy. Besides I think you look beautiful, even with that big bandage on your head.” He smiled then continued, “I would love to wake up to see your sweet, beautiful face 328

like this every morning. Not that I want to see you bandaged every morning, but I’d love to see your natural beauty every morning.” He was looking in her eyes when he said it. Then he lay down beside her with his body pressed against hers and gently pressed his lips to hers and brushed his hand through her curls. She felt him growing hard against her as their kiss became more passionate. His lips lingered near hers as he whispered, “What are we doing? This is torturous. We have to stop this before we make a mistake.” He turned away from her and sat up on the edge of the bed, and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Then he saw the clock. “Oh no! It’s after 329

eight,” he blurted. “I’m late for work. He slipped his loafers on, threw his tie around his neck, and headed for the door. “Kayla you should stay home today, I’ll call you later to see how you’re doing,” he called back to her as he hurried out the door and down the hallway toward the parking lot. Quinn’s clothes were wrinkled from sleeping in them and his shirt was hanging out of his pants and the top few buttons had come undone in his sleep. His tie was just hanging around his neck, his hair was a mess and he needed to shave. He tried to straighten things as he headed to the bronco. “Hi Pastor Quinn,” a voice from an apartment door came. It was a young man 330

in his twenties. Quinn couldn’t remember the young man’s name, but he knew he had seen him at church before. “Hi,” Quinn said trying to smile as he finished tying his tie and ran his fingers through his hair. “What are you doing here so early in the morning?” The man asked. “You don’t live here. Do you?” “No, I was here helping a friend in need.” Quinn answered. “I’m kind of in a hurry so I’ll talk to you later,” he said as he hurried on to his bronco. “On his way to his house to change, Quinn wondered about the young man who had recognized him. He wondered if he knew Kayla and where she lived. He 331

wondered if he saw him come out of Kayla’s apartment. He wondered what the guy thought about him coming out of her apartment if he did know her and saw him coming from there. He wondered if he was going to blab that he saw him there that early in the morning and looking the way he did.

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Chapter 9 Kayla returned to work on Wednesday. It had started out to be a very good day. She was feeling well, no headache, no dizziness, and no nausea. Quinn was in a happy mood, whistling the tune of “I’ll Fly Away” as he moseyed down the church hallway. He quit whistling when he came to Kayla’s office. He mischievously slipped into her office and quietly closed the door, tiptoed up behind her. (She was seated at her desk with her back to the door.) He lowered his head and kissed her on the neck. Kayla jumped do to the fact that she didn’t realize 333

he had entered the room. Then he whispered in her ear, “I love you Kayla Stevens.” She turned her face to him and kissed his lips, “I love you too,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better,” he said as he sat on his heals and turned her chair to face him. “Me too,” “I just want to let you know that I talked to my brother. He told me he wanted to apologize for what happened. He didn’t mean for you to get hurt,” he said. “He wanted you to think he was me at first so you would talk to him, but it backfired on him before he had a chance to talk to you about what he really wanted to talk to you about.” 334

“And you believe him?” “Why shouldn’t I? He hadn’t been drinking that day… had he?” “No, not that I could tell, but did he tell you the part where he locked your office door and started kissing me and fondling me?” A frown came across Quinn’s eyebrows. “He was kissing and fondling you,” he asked jealously. “Yes, I thought he was going to rape me right there in the church.” Quinn stood up and walked over to the door and turned around. “I can’t believe him,” he said gritting his teeth, “he lied to me.” “Maybe he had good intentions to begin with,” Quinn said as he tried to make 335

excuses for his brother. He walked back over to Kayla and knelt down in front of her again and took her hand in his. “Yeah, that’s probably what happened. He had intended on telling you who he really was and apologizing about the other night, but when he got you alone he just couldn’t help himself. I know you have that affect on me,” he said looking into her eyes, and then to her lips and as he leaned in to kiss her she backed away. “So you’re saying it’s my fault that he nearly raped me? Maybe you think it was my fault the other night at the bar and the time it happened to me when I was 14!” “No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying he felt the need to kiss you…” 336

“No! He didn’t just kiss me! He fondled me as if I was his plaything! He didn’t treat me as if I was a person who had feelings or whom he had feelings for! He treated me as if I was something to use to fulfill his own sexual urges! Why do you think he had to get me alone and lock the door? His intentions weren’t anything except…” “Kayla! He just wants to talk to you!” “No, he doesn’t want to talk to me at all. I don’t know how you two came from the same family because the way he treats a woman is so different from the way you treat a woman.” “I know he has his problems and I know he doesn’t know how to treat women 337

but can’t you give him a chance?” “A Chance, You want me to give him another chance? He tried to rape me twice! You know that! Why would you want me to give him another chance? I don’t even want to talk to you about this! You know he doesn’t deserve another chance! He’s evil!” “I wouldn’t go that far.” “I would and if you expect me to give him another chance then maybe you’re not the person I thought you were!” “I’m sorry. Kayla. Maybe you’re right maybe he’s lying to me and he did have other intentions. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to imply that you were lying about any of what happened to you. I just thought 338

maybe you misinterpreted some of it because you were afraid.” “No, I didn’t misinterpret anything. I know what happened both times.” “Okay. So why don’t you tell me the whole story. When did you realize he wasn’t me?” “I thought something was strange with him right from the beginning when he picked me up. He had an attitude about him that you never have. At first I thought you were upset about something but he kept saying he wasn’t upset about anything. Then he kissed me and he never looked me in the eyes. It was as if he was kissing something not someone. But when it really dawned on me who he was and what he 339

was up to was when he locked the door in your office and started fondling me and it was then that I saw the hole in his earlobe, it all began to make sense then.” “Is that when you ran from him?” “Yes and I slipped on something in the hallway and bumped my head and that’s all I remember.” “You’re right he only had one intention and it wasn’t to apologize to you. I don’t know why I keep trying to make excuses for him. Or why I want so desperately to believe him when all he’s ever done is lie to me and our family.” Later that day, not long before church started, Kayla was in the ladies room in a stall, when she heard two ladies come in. “I 340

just don’t know about him.” “Why do you think he was there so early in the morning?” “I can’t think of any other reason for a man to be coming out of a woman’s apartment that early in the morning except that he spent the night with her. Especially looking the way he did.” “How’d he look? I didn’t hear that part of the conversation.” “His clothes were all wrinkled, his shirt was halfway unbuttoned, his hair was uncombed and he needed to shave. He literally looked like he had just crawled out of bed.” “I can’t believe he would do something like that.” 341

“I’ve known him for years and I’ve never known him to be that way. He hardly ever even looks at women, much less sleep with them. I don’t even think he ever slept with Erica.” “How would you know that for sure?” “You never heard about him coming out of her apartment early in the morning looking that way did you? I can’t believe he would cheat on Erica anyway. They’ve been together for two years. Are you sure it wasn’t his brother? They do look like twins you know. Except for the difference in the way they wear their hair and his brother hardly ever shaves.” “No, it was Pastor Quinn because 342

when Dan called him Pastor Quinn, he turned and spoke to him and told him he would see him at church.” “I heard Glenn cut his hair and now looks identical to Quinn. Maybe he…” “No, it was Pastor Quinn! Dan had no doubt.” “There must be some explanation.” “Maybe, but I just think that tramp has seduced him. She used to be such a shy, sweet little girl, but since she came back from college she’s been hitting on him. I even heard he broke up with Erica to be with her. Remember when she was a student in his youth class? Remember when he was counseling her and they made him stop because of the rumors about them? I 343

just wonder if something really was going on back then.” Kayla stood in the stall listening to it all with her hand over her mouth, not knowing weather she should confront these women or just go tell Quinn what she had just heard. Finally Kayla got up the courage to come out of the stall. She walked over to the sink and started washing her hands. The two women looked shocked and embarrassed. Then she turned to dry her hands. She looked at the two women and said, “Fornication is a sin, and Quinn tries his best not to sin.” Her insides were shaking and her ears were burning. She wanted to cry but did her best to hold it 344

back. “He also practices what he preaches. On the other hand, gossip is a sin so you’d better ask the Lord to forgive you for your sin.” Then she walked out of the ladies room and down the hall to Quinn’s office. She was so angry that the shaking was now no longer just on the inside of her but it was also on the outside. She walked into Quinn’s office and shut the door behind her, with her back to the door leaned against it, put her hands to her face and began to cry. Quinn immediately rose from his desk and moved over to Kayla. “What’s wrong?” he asked, as he put his arms around her. Kayla put her arms around his neck and buried her face in his 345

chest and cried. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s going to be OK.” He could feel her shaking as he held her. “Kayla, you’re shaking, what’s wrong?” Once she regained her composure, she told him about the women in the bathroom and their gossip. “I hope you don’t lose your job over this,” she said “Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll take care of this,” he said as he held her close. “Have I seduced you?” she asked, sniffling and looking into his eyes. “Well… yes, he said smiling, but I don’t think you planned to… seduce me. I mean I just look into your innocent, auburn eyes and get seduced. It’s an inadvertent 346

affect you have on me.” He touched her cheek tenderly as he gazed into her puppydog eyes. “You shouldn’t worry about what those women said,” he whispered. “I’m a big boy and if I didn’t want to be seduced by your beauty, charm and innocence then I wouldn’t be. You haven’t done anything to me that I haven’t completely enjoyed.” He bent his head to hers and touched her lips lightly with his. He wanted to kiss her deeply but he didn’t want anyone to walk in on them so he settled for the light kiss instead. That night in the church service Quinn spoke. He had a message ready to give, but he disregarded it and spoke about 347

gossip instead. He canceled the youth service and had Kayla sit in the front row of the pews. “There’s a bad epidemic going around our church,” Quinn started. The congregation began to mumble and turn in their seats as they started to discuss with their neighbors what the epidemic was. He waited a minute until everyone settled down and then continued. “This epidemic is bad because once it starts it’s hard to stop. It’s bad because it spreads quickly from one person to another. It’s bad because it can ruin lives. You may already have been attacked by this epidemic and you don’t even know it. This epidemic is called gossip. Yes that’s right… gossip. Let me tell you how you 348

can tell if it’s gossip or the truth. If someone tells you that someone told them something and they proceed to tell you what it is that someone told them. Then you know its gossip. If a person has seen something and they don’t know the whole truth about it and they say it looked like this or that, then you know its gossip. Has someone tried to pass this epidemic on to you?” As he glanced around the sanctuary at the people, he saw some guilty looks, he saw some angry looks, and he even saw some bored looks. “Those of you, who’ve been involved in this particular rumor that I’m talking about, know who you are. I’m telling you tonight that you don’t know the whole truth and you don’t know what 349

you’re talking about. I’m asking you to put a stop to this rumor now before someone gets hurt. If you haven’t been involved in this rumor and you begin to hear something that sounds like a rumor, let it stop with you, because there is no truth in it.” Once again the expressions on the faces were mixed. Some looked as if they didn’t believe him, other’s looked guilty, and some looked shocked, and still other’s looked bored. Quinn instructed the music minister to come to the podium and lead the congregation in some hymns while people who needed to repent of their sin of gossip prayed and asked God to forgive them. And for the rest of the congregation to pray for those who needed to stop gossiping and 350

help them put a stop to it if it comes their way.” Glenn stopped Lana after church Sunday morning. “Lana, I need some advice from you,” he said “You need advice from me? What kind of advice?” she asked suspiciously. “Advice about Kayla,” he responded, “What can I do to make up for what I did Friday night?” “I don’t think there’s much you can do to make up for what you did Friday night. Why did you act that way?” “I don’t know. I do stupid things when I drink and I had been drinking that night. I acted like a fool and I’m 351

completely embarrassed by what I did. What can I do? She must hate me.” “You did more than act like a fool… you acted like a rapist. You really do have a problem with drinking if that’s the way it causes you to act. If I were you, I wouldn’t expect to apologize to her about that and think she’s gonna be alright with you just because you apologized. You know she was raped when she was fourteen.” “I didn’t know that.” He said quietly as he rubbed his brow. “Well, that’s not the sort of thing you go around telling people.” “God… I’m so stupid! What’s wrong with me? I’ve got to quit drinking! Do you think she will ever see me again if I quit 352

drinking? “I doubt she ever wants to see your face again as long as she lives. You don’t honestly thing she’s gonna want to date you after the way you acted do you?” “No,” he said with his head bowed. “You’re gonna have to just forget about Kayla and move on to someone else but you really need to quit drinking and you need someone to teach you how to treat women. Women aren’t your play toys. They aren’t objects that you can use and do with as you please! Women are people. They have feelings and dreams and desires just like men do. I can’t believe you are Quinn Daniels brother and you don’t know these things.” 353

Glenn kept his eyes to the ground, “I know… you’re right I don’t treat women right. I need help in quitting drinking and I need lessons in how to treat women right.” “I think maybe I can help you. I’ll go with you to AA meetings and help you quit drinking. And I’ll teach you how a woman wants to be treated and respected.” Glenn looked up from the floor to Lana, “You’ll help me? I will if you’re really serious about it.” “I am serious. I’m tired of living the life I’ve been living. It’s gotten me nowhere. When can we start?” “We will start tomorrow. Meet me here at the church in Quinn’s office at Ten o’clock in the morning.” 354

That night Glenn called Kayla. She was getting ready for bed when the phone rang. “Hi Kayla, this is Glenn.” He said when she answered the phone. “Oh, hi,” Kayla said sounding disappointed. Her heart pummeled with fear and anger as she waited to hear what Glenn was going to say. “I just wanted to call you and apologize for my actions on both Friday and yesterday. I’m an idiot. I’m an alcoholic and I’m getting help for that.” “If that’s the truth… its good. But I really don’t believe anything you say. I can’t believe you told Quinn you did what you did Sunday so that you could apologize 355

to me. You had no intention of apologizing to me.” “I’m apologizing now. And I don’t really expect you to accept my apology but I really am getting help. Lana is going to go with me to AA meetings and help me quit drinking.” “Drinking is only a part of your problem, Glenn.” “I know, Lana is going to help me with that to.” “How?” “She’s gonna teach me how to treat women and how to respect them.” “Really? I better not hear that you’ve done anything to her while she’s trying to help you. I swear I will have you put away 356

so fast your head will be spinning. I’m not going to press charges for the things you’ve done to me but if you do anything to Lana I will make sure you’re locked away.”

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Chapter 10 It was the end of July and time for youth camp. The teens were all hustling around getting their luggage loaded into the church van. Glenn was going to drive the van, full of teens and a couple of parents. Quinn was driving his bronco and Kayla was riding with him. The kids were all excitedly chattering as hey se tout for their four hour drive to camp. Quinn pulled out behind the van and they were on their way. “Are you ready for this teenage excursion,” he asked smiling. God he has the most beautiful smile. Kayla thought. “I’m ready. Are you,” she asked 358

smiling back. “Yep.” There was a short silence as they drove and Quinn looked at Kayla as if he wanted to say something but then changed his mind. “Is there something you want to talk about,” she asked. Quinn smiled and looked at her inquisitively. “How’d you know that,” he asked. “I guess I’m getting pretty good at reading your facial expressions,” she said. “You’re amazing,” he said shaking his head. “Everyday you amaze me more. Yeah, there is something I want to talk to you about, but I’m not sure how you’re 359

going to feel about it.” “Well, if you don’t tell me, you’ll never know how I feel about it,” she said, “I want us to be able to talk to one another about everything. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. You know that. You tell young couples that everyday,” she said as she touched his cheek with the back of her fingers. “You’re right. I do know that and I want that for us too,” he said as he glanced into her eyes and back to the road. “What is it you’re trying to say,” she asked. “I want us to elope,” he said and then looked at Kayla as if waiting for her to get upset. 360

“Elope? What about our families and friends? They will want to be there for one of the most important days of our lives.” “Yeah, you’re right,” he said. “The real truth is I don’t want to wait that long to be with you as husband and wife.” Kayla opened her mouth to say something but before she could say anything Quinn said, “I know, I know, ‘Good things come to those who wait,’ right?” He took her hand in his and kissed it and looked into her auburn eyes. “What if we elope this week and didn’t tell anyone, and then announced, Sunday, that we were getting married. We could still have our friends and families come to the church ceremony and we can be together as husband and wife in God’s 361

eyes before the church ceremony ever happens.” “How would that work?” she asked. “How could we be married and no one know about it? What would be the purpose of that?” “Think about it. The purpose of it is pretty obvious. You know… we could be together… and it would be right in God’s eyes.” “We could still live in our own places and you could sneak over to my house at night or I to your place.” There was a brief silence as Kayla thought about what Quinn was suggesting. “Well, I guess that would work for a while. Sneaking around though… It just 362

sounds so… sinful,” “Yeah but it wouldn’t be, and well… It kind of makes it sound fun. Don’t you think?” he raised his eyebrows and smiled a devilish smile. “Quinn,” she exclaimed as if shocked. “You have such a dirty mind for a minister.” “I just want to be with you and I want it to be right in the eyes of God,” he said. “I want to be with you too.” “I love you,” he said “Okay then, how are we going to elope this week while we’re at youth camp?” “I’ve been thinking about it. I think when we all go to one of the concerts they 363

are having this week, we can slip out and meet somewhere and drive to a nearby church.” “Do you have a church in mind and will the minister be there?” she asked “Yeah, I actually called a little church just a few miles from the camp and talked to the minister. I told him who I was and what I was thinking about doing and he agreed to marry us.” “You really have this all planned out. Don’t you? Ok, let’s do it,” Kayla said decisively. “I wish I could kiss you right now,” he said smiling and looking at Kayla and then back to the road. Kayla leaned over and kissed him. 364

“When’s the first concert? There’s going to be three of them this week aren’t there?” “The first one is tonight to kick off the week.” “Then they are having one Wednesday night and one Friday night,” he said “Which one are we going to sneak out of? She asked. “How about the one tonight?” “Ok. What should I wear?” “Dress up, but not so much that you would look conspicuous,” he advised. Everyone had a cabin that they shared with one or two other people. Kayla shared a room with the two other adult women 365

chaperones. Then cabins all looked like authentic log cabins on the outside. The inside had bathrooms that consisted of a toilet, sink, bathtub and running water. There were three, old antique looking twin beds in the cabin Kayla was staying in, with old antique quilts on each one. Kayla dropped her suitcase on the twin bed she decided she was going to sleep on, opened it and began to unpack. A woman who looked in her thirties walked in. She had short brown hair, brown eyes and was only about four foot ten. “Hi, she said, I’m Anita Wilkinson.” She had a friendly face with a joyful smile and the beginnings of crow’s feet around her eyes. “Hi, I’m Kayla Stevens.” 366

“Yeah I know.” “I’m Ruby Ray,” a voice from the door rang. It was the church secretary. “Hi,” Kayla and Anita chimed. As the women began to unpack their suitcases, they chatted. “You’re really a lucky lady,” Anita said. “Pastor Quinn seems like such a gentleman and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but… he’s SO goodlooking.” Anita sighed as she put her hands on he chest as if keeping her heart from beating out of it. “Yeah, he is a gentleman in every since of the word, and he is definitely good looking.” Kayla agreed while smiling broadly. 367

There was a knock at the cabin door. Kayla was the closest to the door so she opened it. “Hi Babe.” It was Quinn. “You ready to go get some lunch? They’re serving lunch until two in the cafeteria.” “Yeah I’m almost ready. Come on in for a minute and let me finish unpacking.” “Hi Ms. Wilkinson,” he said as he entered the cabin, “Hi Mrs. Ray,” and nodded her way. “Hi Pastor.” The women said in unison as they went about their business of unpacking. Kayla finished unpacking and they walked up to the cafeteria hand-inhand. As they passed a big shade tree on the way, Quinn looked around to see if anyone was around and pulled Kayla over 368

underneath the tree. “I’ve been waiting for a moment like this,” he said smiling. He enfolded her in his arms and captured her mouth with his and kissed her ardently. Kayla felt her blood run hot with passion as his tongue forayed her mouth. “I love you, he said as he released her mouth and looked at her adoringly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. He knelt down on one knee and opened the box and held it up to her and asked, “Will you marry me?” Kayla gasped at the sight of the ring that was inside the box. “It’s beautiful! How could you afford a ring like that on your salary,” she asked Quinn stood up and pulled her close to him and said, “I’ve been saving for this 369

moment for years. I knew that when I found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I wanted to be able to buy her a really special engagement ring, so I just put a little away every payday just for that reason.” “Has anyone ever told you how romantic you are,” Kayla asked as she gazed dreamily into his eyes. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world.” “I don’t believe in luck. I believe that everything happens to us for a reason.” “Ok then… I’m the most blessed girl in the world. I have the most sensitive, romantic, sexy guy in the world.” Quinn’s ears burned and he said, “Stop it… you’re embarrassing me.” 370

“Well… you haven’t answered me yet,” he said changing the subject. “Will you marry me or not?” “Of course I’ll marry you! I’d have to be out of my mind not to marry the most sensitive, romantic, sexy guy in the world! Every girl in the world is looking for a guy like you to ask them to marry them!” Quinn smiled and kissed her again. Then he took the ring out of the box and placed it on her finger. “I think we should meet right here under this tree tonight. Once the music starts you should get up like you’re going to the bathroom or something and a few minutes later I’ll get up and leave too. We don’t want to leave at the same time. It 371

would be too obvious.” Kayla stood waiting for Quinn by the big shade tree as they had planned. She was wearing her baby blue, sunflower printed, sleeveless dress that buttoned all the way down the front. The length of the dress was jus below her knees. Quinn thought she was a sight from heaven as he approached her. He was wearing his dark blue suit and a yellow tie with tiny blue stripes. “You’re beautiful,” he said as he reached out to her. “You look pretty fabulous yourself,” she said. “We look like we planned what we’re wearing,” she said. Quinn laughed as he looked at what she was wearing and then at 372

what he was wearing. “Yeah we do. Don’t we? I guess great minds think alike,” he gave her a quick peck on the lips and took her by the hand and said, “Come on, we don’t have a lot of time to waste,” as she led her to the bronco. They got to the little church that was only a few miles from the camp and went inside. An older minister was waiting at the alter. He turned around when he heard the doors open. “Come in,” he said in a friendly voice. “You must be Pastor Quinn Daniels and his lovely fiancée, Kayla Stevens.” Quinn smiled proudly when he said those words. “Wow,” Kayla said, “I’m impressed. You know our names.” “Well yes,” the older minister said, 373

“This young man and I had a long talk on the phone a few days ago. I feel like I know the two of you.” And older lady entered the sanctuary and the older minister turned to her and said, “This is my lovely wife of fifty years.” “Hi kids, I wish you as many happy years as we’ve had so far.” She said. “Well, enough chit chat, let’s get started,” the minister said. The older lady sat down at the organ and started playing the wedding march. “You two stand here and I’ll just get my bible and we can get this show on the road.” Quinn and Kayla stood facing each other, holding hand s and looking into each other’s eyes and smiling, while the 374

wedding march played. Kayla’s stomach was doing somersaults, and the butterflies that had been fluttering around in Quinn’s stomach all day felt as if they were about to come out of his mouth. The music stopped and the minister said, “Quinn, do you have any personal vows you’d like to say to Kayla?” “Yes, as a matter of fact I do,” Quinn said as he looked more seriously into Kayla’s eyes. “The love I have for you fills every part of my being, I promise to love you until the end of eternity, I plan to protect you and take care of you in everyway and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.” He looked at the minister. Then the minister said, 375

“Quinn, do you take Kayla to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, honor and obey for all the days of your life?” Quinn looked back into Kayla’s eyes, “I do,” he said. Then the minister said place the ring on her finger. Then he turned to Kayla and asked, “Do you have any vows you’d like to say to Quinn?” “Yes,” she said as she looked earnestly in Quinn’s eyes. “I’ve never known love as strong as ours, and I feel blessed to have found you. I promise to love you forever and always be faithful to you. I promise to take care of you in the ways a wife should take care of her 376

husband. And I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life loving you,” she turned and looked at the minister. “Kayla, do you take Quinn to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, honor and obey all the days of your life?” Kayla looked deeply into Quinn’s blue eyes, “I do.” She said. “Place the ring on this finger. I now pronounce you husband and wife. Quinn you may now kiss your bride.” Quinn gazed steadily into Kayla’s auburn eyes and held her face in his hands as he gently pressed his lips to hers and kissed her for the first time as husband and wife. The old minister’s wife sobbed, “I 377

never can make it through a wedding without crying. You two are beautiful together and you have such beautiful vows to each other. Now remember your vows and always be to your partner the way you want your partner to be to you.” “Stand right there and look at each other the way you have been throughout the ceremony and let me get a picture for you to remember this day with.” There was a flash as she took a picture. Then she said one more picture with you holding each other and looking at me.” They did as she said and she took another picture. “We’ll send these pictures to you as soon as we get them developed.” They paid the old minister and his wife and shook their hands 378

and walked out with their arms around each other. They stopped at several different hotels and asked for a room, but they were all filled up doe to the camp and a big convention that was going on that week. Quinn turned down a dirt road to turn around but stopped and looked at Kayla, I’m tempted to just park this thing right here and make love to you in the back seat of this bronco, but I really don’t want our first time together to be like that. “Quinn?” Kayla said looking off behind him. Quinn turned around and there stood a big red barn. “What are you thinking,” he asked. “I’m thinking about Jesus.” “What?” 379

“Yeah, when Jesus was born there were no rooms in the inns for Mary to have him. If a barn is good enough for Jesus to be born in, it’s good enough for us to consummate our marriage,” she said earnestly. Quinn smiled. “You’re so sweet and so beautiful! I love you,” he said smiling.

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Chapter 11 “Are you sure you want to do this,” Quinn asked as they walked across a field toward the big red barn in the evening sunset. “Let’s see what it’s like before I say I’m sure.” Quinn smiled and put his arm around her waist. When they reached the barn, Quinn looked around to make sure no one was around and then slowly opened the barn door. He looked in to see a barn full of hay. He opened the door wider for Kayla to see. “What do you think,” he asked. “I think it will be all right since we brought this blanket. That straw looks like 381

it would be pretty uncomfortable.” As they entered the barn Quinn looked up to see a ladder leading up to the loft. He pointed at it and moved toward it holding Kayla’s hand. He started up the ladder and looked around when he got to the top. There were several bales of hay and a lot of loose straw. He climbed up and motioned for Kayla to join him. She climbed up with the blanket over her shoulder. When she almost reached the top, Quinn reached out and helped her up. He moved to the wall of the loft and opened a small door and looked out. “Come here and look at this view. It’s beautiful.” Kayla shuffled through the straw to where Quinn was standing. She stood looking out the 382

door at the sun setting over a pond with a big tree by it. It looked like a photograph on a calendar or a postcard. The sky was streaked with pink and orange clouds and the air was warm. The birds were singing. It was a perfect day. Quinn stood close behind Kayla and wrapped his strong arms around her and kissed her neck softly. “Alone at last he said in a low seductive voice.” Kayla turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, gazed into his eyes and slowly teased his lips with hers by placing her lips close to his but not touching them. He moved closer to touch his lips to hers but she backed away teasingly. “You tease.” Quinn joked and then pulled her tight against him and 383

pressed his lips to hers and explored her mouth with his. Kayla’s heart pounded with excitement and anticipation. His kiss seemed even more ardent than usual, yet he was still as gentle with her as always. They spread their blanket and sat down on it Quinn lay down and propped his head up on one elbow and patted the blanket beside him as he looked at Kayla. “Come lay here beside me Mrs. Daniels,” he said smiling. She lay down on her back beside him and looked up into his eyes. “Have I ever told you how beautiful I think your eyes are,” she asked. “No, I don’t think you have.” “When you look into my eyes with those translucent blue eyes of yours, I just 384

melt on the inside.” “Have I told you how beautiful you are all over,” he asked. “Well, how would you know? You haven’t seen me all over yet.” “Not yet,” he said as he slipped his hand up to the top button on her dress and slowly unbuttoned it. Kayla watched his face as he unbuttoned her dress. Her heart pounded at the anticipation of his hands touching her. And yet a dreaded feeling came over her. He unbuttoned another and then another until only her bra covered her breasts. “Are you nervous,” he asked still looking into her eyes. “A little,” she said and then 385

admitted,” OK, a lot.” “Me too,” he said and then looked away from her eyes and down at her breasts. He glided his finger softly along the edge of her bra. Then he looked back at her face as if asking her permission to touch her. She seemed relaxed as she lay gazing into his eyes and waiting for his next move, yet there seemed to be a reserve in her eyes. “Are you OK,” he asked. “I’m fine,” she said as she tried to stay calm and told herself she was just nervous because it was her first time. There was a raging flame that flickered and leapt and surged at his every move. Even the sound of his breath excited her. The only sounds other sounds were the birds outside and the 386

beating of their hearts. “I can feel your heart beating,” he said as he traced the lace on her bra, then bent to kiss her along the edge of that lace and then down into her cleavage. He moved his hand lower and unbuttoned some more of her dress to where her stomach was exposed. He slid his hand softly across her flat stomach and down to the top edge of her panties. He felt her stomach twitch a little as he eased his finger along the inside of the elastic of her panties. He moved his lips to her stomach and kissed her there, and slowly moved back up her body to her lips were he lingered with hot passionate kisses. “Quinn,” Kayla said in a shaky voice. Quinn stopped kissing her and looked into 387

her eyes. “I have something to tell you.” “What is it?” “I’m scared. I want to make love with you but at the same time I don’t.” “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be gentle.” “It’s just that… she looked into his eyes and paused before going on. “What is it,” he asked. “It may sound silly to you but it’s a real fear to me.” Quinn sat up and took her by the hand and pulled her up to a sitting position too. “I’ve thought about you and me being together and actually fantasized about us being together, but when it comes right down to the real thing, I keep having flash backs of the time I was raped and the 388

times Glenn did what he did. I’m sorry I have this problem and I wish I knew what to do about it, but I can’t help what’s going on inside of me.” Quinn gazed into her eyes and said, “I’m sorry those things happened to you. He reached up and touched her cheek. “I love you and would never do anything to hurt you in any way.” “I know that,” she said feeling silly for her feelings. He took her hand and guided it to his necktie and said, “Will you untie my tie for me?” Kayla slowly undid his tie. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with,” he said. She moved her fingers to his buttons and closed here eyes and started unbuttoning 389

them. “Kayla, don’t close your eyes. You’re making it easy for thos images of your past to come into your mind. Keep your eyes on me. Look at me and see that it’s me you’re about to make love with. And remember how much I love you. He removed his shirt and threw it over to the side. Then he helped Kayla remove her dress and bra. She lay with only her panties on, disrobed before her new husband. He eased his hands slowly across her soft shoulders and down her chest to her perky breasts. Kayla slid her hands across the soft hairs on his chest. Quinn removed his trousers, leaving only his briefs. He lay down on his side facing Kayla and enfolded her in his arms 390

as he rolled over to his back to where she was laying on top of him. He loved the feeling of her soft bare breasts pressing into his bare chest. He pressed his lips to hers and feverishly kissed her. His breath became heavy and she could feel his heart beating beneath her breasts. She loved the feeling of his hands caressing her and touching her in places she never knew she wanted to be touched. He caressed her whole body gently as he kissed her mouth. She could feel him growing hard against her, and he rolled over to where he was on top of her. Then he slowly moved his hands down her body and slid her panties down her legs to her feet and off. He kissed the top of her foot 391

and began to work his way back up her leg with kisses. Kayla couldn’t stand it any longer… she wanted him so much she ached. Her legs quivered as he kissed her inner thighs and then her stomach. He removed his briefs and began kissing her lips again. He whispered, “I love you, Mrs. Daniels.” He looked into her eyes and asked “Are you OK?” Kayla couldn’t believe the way he had of making her feel more at ease and yet she had never felt such burning desire. Quinn gently placed himself between her legs while looking into her eyes. He slowly entered her as he gazed in her eyes. Kayla’s breath caught when he did. “Quinn!” she breathed aloud. He kissed her quivering lips. “Sweetheart, look 392

into my eyes and remember how much I love you.” He kept his eyes fixed on hers as he began slow strokes, in and out. She thought she might die with pleasure. Kayla closed her eyes and tightened her grip on him to keep from screaming with pleasure. Watching her, he seemed to know when she was about to peak, and at the same time couldn’t stand it much more himself as he thrust deep into her and began to move his hips faster and harder against hers until she thought she was going to faint. Kayla’s breath caught again and then she moaned loudly, causing Quinn to climax with a moan of his own as he reared his head back and closed his eyes at the intense pleasure. Afterward they snuggled in each 393

other’s arms. Kayla thought how he seemed to know just what to do and wondered how he had known so much about making love when he had never done it himself. But the emotion that filled her at that moment washed that thought away. “I love you, Mrs. Daniels.” He said with a low husky voice between breaths. He felt a tear fall on his chest and smoothed her hair as he said, “Baby, look at me.” She opened her eyes and looked into his blue eyes. Tears were filling eyes. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked gently. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said through her tears, “I couldn’t have asked for a tenderer lover than you. You made my first 394

time so wonderful. I’m so blessed to have you for my husband. I’m so glad that you’re God’s choice for me,” she said as she laid her head back down on his chest. His chest was still rising and falling with each breath as she listened to his heart pounding after their loving making. “Quinn?” “Hmm?” “You’ve never done that with anyone else have you?” There was a short silence. “Quinn? Did you hear my question?” “Kayla, don’t get upset when I tell you this…” “Don’t get upset about what/” “That wasn’t my first time.” She rose up from his chest, and looked in his eyes. 395

Then she snatched up her clothes and began to put them on. “Kayla, I was 16…” “I don’t want to know about your sexual excursions with other women. I thought you were different than other guys!” “Kayla it’s not what you think, I was… Listen to me!” “I’m not listening.” She turned and looked at him, “How could you sit there in youth group and tell us to wait till we were married and you, the whole time having your own sexual adventures…” “You’ve got it all wrong. If you would just let me explain…” “What’s to explain? You and Erica 396

probably did it too!” She exclaimed as she climbed down the stairs. The thought of that was too much for her to stand. “Kayla, that’s not fair! And it’s not true,” he said as he quickly put his pants on, grabbed his shirt, tie and blanket and headed down the stairs after her. “Kayla, where are you going?” “I’m going to the bronco! I want you to take me back to the camp right now!” “Kayla, please let me explain!” “Don’t talk to me! I don’t listen to hypocrites!” Quinn slowed down and let her rush ahead of him. If she was going to the bronco he would pin her down there and make her listen to him. He stopped to put 397

on his shirt and tie. When he got to the bronco she was standing by the passenger’s side waiting for him to unlock the door. Quinn slowly walked around to her, but she stood facing the door and wouldn’t look at him. Quinn wrapped his strong arms around her and whispered, “How can you be angry with me when we just made such beautiful love together?” “Because I’m not the only one you’ve ever mad such beautiful love with,” she said stubbornly. “How would you know how beautiful…” Kayla put her hands over her ears and exclaimed, “I’m not listening!” Quinn gripped her wrists and pulled 398

her hands from her ears. “You’re acting like a child,” he shouted and then dropped her hands and unlocked her door, then went to the driver’s side and got in. She was already in the bronco when he got to the other side. He started the bronco angrily and pealed out as he pulled out onto the highway7, all the while mumbling things to himself. “What else would I expect from someone your age? This is what I get for marrying someone so young.” Once Quinn stopped mumbling to himself, the rest of the trip was silent. They said absolutely nothing to one another on the way back to camp. The concert was still going on when they got there. Quinn parked the bronco 399

and got out. “I guess you’re going to get an annulment so you can move on the next girl. I guess that’s why you didn’t want to tell anyone we were going to elope,” Kayla said as she turned and walked toward her cabin. Quinn was exasperated, he ran up to her and grabbed her arm and turned her to face him so he could look into her eyes. “No, if you want an annulment you’ll have to get one yourself!” He said indignantly, “Because when I choose to marry someone it’s for life and then let her go and walked away. “It probably wasn’t even a real minister anyway,” she shouted. She felt horrible. She didn’t know if she felt 400

horrible because of the way she had treated Quinn, and then things she accused him of or because she really believed he would do that to her. She went into her cabin and fell down on her bed and cried herself to sleep. Quinn returned to his cabin and paced the floor. He was seething. He couldn’t believe the things Kayla was accusing him of. How could she really believe the things she was incriminating him with, and why wouldn’t she let him talk? The more he thought about it, the more irate he became. Ruby entered the cabin she and Kayla were staying in and saw Kayla lying on her bed. “Are you feeling all right?” she asked. Kayla sat up on the edge of the bed and looked at Ruby. “You missed the concert,” 401

Ruby announced. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve been crying.” “He lied to me.” Kayla said dryly. “Who are you talking about, Pastor Quinn?” “Yes.” Ruby looked concerned as she sat down on the bed next to Kayla. “I’ve never known Pastor Quinn to lie,” she said, “And I’ve known him since he first became a youth pastor.” “There are a lot of things you don’t know about Quinn,” Kayla said. “You just haven’t caught him in a lie yet.” “I’ve known him for 12 years. You would think I would have found out if he was lying about something by now.” “Maybe you just misunderstood 402

whatever it is that he said. Would you like to tell me about it?” “No, I don’t even want to think about it right now.” “Ok,” Ruby said, “but if you ever do want to talk about it, I’m a good listener.” “Thanks,” Kayla said. Quinn sat down to read his bible, but he was just too distracted by the things that happened between him and Kayla earlier. “Why does it always seem I’m asking you to help me out with problems with women,” he asked as he looked at the ceiling. “What should I do? Maybe she’s calmed down enough that she will listen to me by now,” he said still looking at the 403

ceiling as if waiting for an answer. He decided he would try to talk to her one more time, so he walked over to her cabin and knocked on the door. Kayla opened the door and took one look at Quinn and said, “I don’t want to talk to you! Go away,” And slammed the door in his face. “You don’t have to talk to me,” he shouted through the door. “Just open this door and listen to me!” “Go away you hypocrite!” Ruby opened the door and said gently to Quinn, “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I think maybe you should give her a little time to cool down.” “You’re right and I need time to cool down too. I thought I had given her time to 404

cool down because I had cooled down, but then I get around her and I get angry again because she won’t listen to me,” he said as he turned to walk back to his cabin with his hands in his pockets.

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Chapter 12 Two days had passed and Kayla hadn’t spoken to Quinn. Every time he would get close to her she would walk away. Kayla was subdued as she walked with Ruby and Anita to the cafeteria. Ruby noticed that Quinn and Kayla definitely needed someone’s help getting back on track. “I’m not just trying to be a nosey old woman and I’m not a gossip, but you really should talk about it. Come on you can talk to us about it,” Ruby said. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Kayla said. 406

“Well, if you won’t talk to us about it then you really should resolve things with Quinn,” Anita said. Just then Quinn walked up behind them. “Excuse me ladies, I really need to talk to Kayla alone,” he said as he took her gently by the elbow and led her off by herself. Kayla jerked her arm from him and said, “I don’t need or want to talk to you. You’re a hypocrite,” she yelled and walked away. Quinn looked around at the teens that were looking at them and was slightly embarrassed. “Kayla! We have to talk. You can’t just ignore things and expect them to go away!” He shouted after her as she walked on toward the cafeteria. “Pastor Quinn,” Ruby said as she walked over to him. “I’d like to help you. 407

You’ve been there for me so many times and I can never repay you for being there for me when my husband died. I can see you need someone there for you right now. I know Kayla is angry t you about something and I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.” “What did she tell you?” “She won’t talk about it. The only thing she told me was that you lied to her.” “I didn’t lie to her. You’re right… it’s a misunderstanding.” “Well, whatever it is, it’s none of my business, but I would like to help you two get back together if I can. I think you two belong together.” “If I could just get her to listen to me, 408

I could explain what she’s misunderstanding and everything would be all right,” he said running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Ok, here’s my plan,” Ruby said. “Tonight we will get ready to go to the concert. I’ll find a way to stall her until everyone else should have already left for the concert. Then when we walk out of the cabin to go to the concert, you should be ready to kidnap her.” “You’re just going to have to put your hand over her mouth to keep her quiet and be a little aggressive with her until she listens to you. She seems pretty stubborn and that’s probably the only way you’re going to get her to calm down and listen to 409

you. You should take her back in the cabin and talk to her there where you have privacy.” “Ok, it’s worth a try,” he said. Later that evening Quinn waited around the side of Kayla’s cabin, waiting for Ruby and Kayla to leave for the concert, everyone else had already headed that way. Kayla and Ruby walked out of the cabin and started toward the auditorium. Quinn snuck up behind Kayla and put his hand over her mouth. When Kayla started trying to get away, Ruby turned to her and said, “Stop try9ing to get away from Quinn. He needs to talk to you and you need to hear whatever it is he needs to say to you. 410

You know that communication is the most important thing in a relationship. You need to give Quinn a chance to talk.” After she said her speech, she turned and walked toward the auditorium, leaving Quinn standing behind Kayla with his hand over her mouth. He removed his hand from her mouth and she started to scream. Quinn quickly put his hand back over her mouth and as gently as possible tried to walk her back into her cabin. Kayla struggled the whole way but he kept a tight grip on her. “Ok,” he said, “I want to take my hand off your mouth but you have to promise you will be quiet. Do you promise?” Kayla nodded. He loosened his hold on her and released her mouth. Just 411

then Kayla ran toward the door screaming. Quinn grabbed her and whirled her around and put his mouth over hers and kissed her. Kayla struggled at first but the longer he kissed her the calmer she became. She couldn’t resist his kisses no matter how angry she was at him. Quinn picked her up and carried her to her bed and laid her down. She started to yell again so he put his hand back over her mouth. He straddled her and held her arms above her head with his other hand. “If you scream again I will take my handkerchief and gag you until I finish telling you what I need to tell you. Do you understand?” Kayla nodded. “I hate doing it this way but you leave me no choice,” he said. “Why are you so adamant 412

about listening to me anyway? You’ve always been a good listener. And you know how important communication is in a relationship.” Kayla lay still waiting for him to remove his hand. He slowly removed his hand from her mouth and said, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I need you and I’m not letting you go that easy, over something so silly.” Kayla opened her mouth to speak. “It’s not…” “Not a word,” Quinn said calmly raising a finger to her lips. “I was twenty years old when I decided to become a minister. I was only sixteen when I lost my virginity. I almost became a father at sixteen. The girl’s mother made her get an 413

abortion without me knowing it. That’s only one of the many reasons that I don’t believe in sex before marriage. I haven’t had sex with anyone since then. I’ve done everything I can to avoid any kind of temptation. But then you came along and just being in the same room with you is a temptation. I love you so much that I ache to be with you. Please don’t hold a mistake I made so many years ago against me now.” Quinn let go of Kayla’s arms and let her up. “Now if you don’t want to have anything to do with me, OK, but at least you’ve heard the whole truth and can make a decision on that,” he said with his back to her. Kayla stood up and went to him and put her arms around him and looked into 414

his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so stubborn. I’m sorry I wouldn’t let you talk. I’m such a fool,” she said “You’re forgiven,” Quinn said. “Just promise me something.” “Anything.” “Promise me that you’ll always give me a chance to explain myself before you jump to conclusions.” “I promise.” He gazed into her eyes and tipped her chin up and slowly lowered his lips to hers and gently kissed her as he entangled his fingers in her short auburn curls. It felt so good to have that issue resolved and it felt so good to hold her and kiss her again. He held her tight against his body and kissed 415

her neck. His mouth captured hers again in a slow insistent kiss that steadily increased in pressure, forcing her lips to part beneath his and setting off tremors of passion inside her. He slowly moved toward the bed. When they reached the bed he pulled the blanket back and looked into Kayla’s eyes and said in a low seductive voice, “Let’s consummate this right here and now.” Then he kissed her neck and slipped his hands under her blouse and unlatched her bra. “Here? Kayla asked. “What if someone comes in?” “They won’t. They’re all at the concert. Remember?” “Oh yeah,” Kayla said relaxing a little. He lifted her blouse over her head, 416

and slipped her bra straps off her shoulders. Kayla pulled his t-shirt over his head and slid her hands across his brawny chest. Their lips met and he gently laid her on the bed. They slipped into the bed and pulled the covers over them and made sweet love. Afterwards they held each other and talked. Quinn kissed her neck and ear while they talked. “I just can’t get enough of you,” he said. “I wish I could stay here with you all night. I missed you during the times you were avoiding me.” Suddenly Kayla remembered that they were in her cabin and if anyone came back to find them in bed together this way it could be disastrous. “Quinn, what time is it? As much as I wish you could stay all night I think you 417

should go before the concert is over.” “How about if we just get dressed and go for a walk?” “That would be nice,” she said calming down. As they walked on a nature trail through the woods they held hands and talked. “I want you to meet the rest of my family,” Quinn said. “My mom is having a birthday party for my dad in a couple of weeks. Would you go with me?” “Where do your parents live?” “They live a few hours from us and we would have to spend the night, but that would be okay.” “Of course since my mom doesn’t know we’re married yet, we’ll have to sleep 418

in separate rooms.” “Oh of course, that’s not a problem.” “I have two older brothers you haven’t met. Collin is two years older than me and Gavin is three years older.” “I can’t wait to meet your family!” While Quinn and Kayla were out walking, Ruby and Anita got back from the concert. “Well? What do you think?” Anita asked. “Do you think they made up?” Ruby looked around the room, and then said, “Yeah I think they made up more than we expected them to.” “What do you mean?” “Look at Kayla’s bed. It was made up when we left for the concert.” Anita looked 419

over at Kayla’s bed, the pillow and the blankets were all rumpled and covered her mouth with a slight giggle. Quinn walked Kayla to her cabin door before going back to his own cabin. “I’m glad you forgave me,” he said and pecked her on the lips.” “I’m glad you kidnapped me and made me listen to you. I didn’t like being mad at you. I didn’t like thinking you were a hypocrite. And I’m glad you forgave me for being so stubborn and stupid.” “I would forgive you of anything,” he whispered as he kissed her neck. Just then the door opened behind Kayla. Quinn and Kayla both jumped as if they had been doing something they shouldn’t have been 420

doing. “I see you two made up,” Ruby said. “Yeah,” Quinn said smiling and looking at Kayla. “I knew if she would only let me explain, she wouldn’t be mad at me anymore.” “Yeah,” Kayla said, “I was stupid; I should have let him explain.” “I hate to go but I need to get back to my cabin,” Quinn said. He leaned and whispered to Kayla, “I love you sweetheart,” and then pecked her on the lips and walked away. Ruby and Kayla entered the cabin. Ruby delicately said, “I could have sworn we cleaned up and made the beds before we went to the concert.” “We did,” Kayla said and then 421

remembered that she forgot to make the bed after she and Quinn made love in it. “Oh… uh… well…” Kayla stuttered as she tried to come up with a good lie. “You‘re not a good liar,” Ruby said. “Ruby, please don’t say anything to anyone.” “I won’t say anything. What do you think I am a gossip?” “It’s not what you think,” Kayla said. “It’s ok. I don’t need to know. It’s really not my business.” “We eloped Saturday night during the concert.” Ruby and Anita’s mouths fell open. “Well, congratulations!” Ruby finally said. 422

“Yeah, congratulations,” Anita agreed and then they both hugged her. “But why don’t you want anyone to know,” Ruby asked. “Because we know everyone will be mad at us for not having a big wedding, so we’re going to announce Sunday, when we get back, that we’re getting married and having a big wedding too. We just didn’t want to wait any longer.” The July night air was warm as Glenn and Lana went higher and higher into the night sky. Glenn put his arm around Lana’s shoulder as they slowed to a stop at the top of the Ferris wheel. Distant music and screams reached to their ears and the bright 423

lights shown all around below them. The smell of popcorn and pizza filled the air. Glenn hadn’t been tempted to drink the entire evening that he had been with Lana and he had treated her like a lady the whole time. “I’ve really enjoyed your company today,” he said. “I’ve enjoyed you company too,” she said. Glenn wanted to kiss her but found it hard to bring himself to do so. He had always had the false confidence that alcohol gave him before when he was on a date. But tonight he was on his own. The confidence he had in himself was the real thing. He was looking at her when she turned and looked at him. “I’ve never had trouble showing or telling a woman how I 424

feel…” he said. Lana pressed her lips to his before he could finish what he was saying. “You know,” Lana said when she stopped kissing him, “alcohol dulls the senses. Maybe that’s why you’ve never found anyone you wanted to be with for more than a few days. I bet the sensation of kissing is better without drinking.” “I don’t know, try it again,” he said teasingly. She pressed her lips to his again and this time parted her lips giving him the opportunity to explore her mouth. “Mmmm,” he said as the kiss ended and looked in her eyes. “You’re right, that was titillating,” he said seductively as his lips invited her for more. 425

When the Ferris wheel ride was over they decided to leave the fair. They had been there for hours riding rides, playing games, eating all sorts of food and watching the different entertainment. They walked back to the car with a large stuffed lion, a small monkey and two soft drinks. On the drive home Glenn bashfully asked, “Would you consider dating me exclusively?” “From the rumors I’ve heard about you, you’re much more demanding and forceful than you’ve been tonight. Am I seeing the real you? Or are you trying to impress me?” “I’m usually drinking when I go out so I guess you’re seeing the real sober me 426

and the others have seen the real drunk me,” he explained. “I’d like for us to go out a few more times before I say I’m going to date you exclusively,” she said, “because even though we’ve known each other for several years, we don’t really know each other outside church and people are different in church than they are in the real world.

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Chapter 13 They returned home from youth camp Saturday night around midnight. Kayla and Quinn hung around the church until all the kid’s parents had picked them up. After everyone was gone except for Kayla and Quinn, Quinn asked, “Are you going to stay at my place with me tonight or would you like for me to come over to your apartment?” “Your house is closer,” she said, “And besides it’s a little more secluded than my apartment. There’ are too many church members that live in my apartment complex.” “Good thinking,” he said as he turned 428

out the church lights and locked the door. “This’ll be our first time to spend the whole night together,” Quinn pointed out as they entered the front door of his house carrying suitcases. When they got inside the door Quinn dropped the suitcases and wrapped his arms around Kayla and kissed her ardently. They experimented in making love in different places all night long and skipped church the next morning. They woke to the phone ringing about two Sunday afternoon. “Hello? Quinn said groggily. Pastor Paul’s voice was on the other end. “We missed you at church this morning,” he said. “Uh well, we got in really late last 429

nigh and we just over slept.” “We? What do you mean ‘we’?” “We… you know the youth group got in late.” “Yeah but you said ‘We, overslept.’ What did you mean by that?” “What… I … I didn’t say we overslept. I said I overslept.” Kayla started kissing his neck and worked her way to his chest where she teased his hardening nipples with her tongue. “Stop…” he said out loud without thinking and then stopped. “Who are you talking to, Quinn?” “I’m not talking to anyone but you.” He answered. “Yeah, you are. You just said ‘stop.’” 430

“Oh that… I was about to yell at the dog.” “I didn’t know you had a dog.” “No… I don’t. I’m keeping a friends dog.” “Really? Why would you do that since you’ve been out of town yourself for the past week?” “Oh well, he knew when I was going to be home and brought him over so I could watch him this next week. Listen Paul, I’ll be at church tonight and I’ll talk to you then. I really need…” he let out a little chuckle as he said it because Kayla was kissing his belly and it tickled. He gave Kayla a stop-it look and then finished his sentence, “to get some things done before 431

tonight. “Quinn, who’s there with you?” “No one, why do you think someone’s here with me?” “Because you are acting strange.” “The dog was licking my feet and it tickled. Paul, I’ve gotta go the dog’s getting into the garbage and I’ve gotta get him out before he makes a mess,” he said and then said bye and hung up the phone before Paul had a chance to say another word.” “Come here Mrs. Daniels,” he said to Kayla. “Are you trying to get us caught,” he asked. “No, but would that really be so bad? Why should we keep our love a secret 432

anyway?” “We’ve talked about this before. You know why.” He drew her near to him and kissed her. That night at church they had a special service and all the teens that had been at camp got up and talked about their experiences at camp. Quinn walked up to the podium with Kayla’s hand in his and looked out over the sea of faces and said, “I’ve asked Kayla Stevens to be my wife and she said yes. We’ve set the date for October 28th. The congregation became loquacious, applause began to break out. When the applause stopped Quinn said, “If any of you ladies would be interested in helping with the wedding plans please give 433

Kayla or me a call. We would greatly appreciate the help. Quinn and Kayla went out to a nice restaurant after church to celebrate their engagement. They were escorted to an intimate table in the corner of the restaurant. The table was lit by candlelight. As they sat across the table from one another, Quinn held her hand in his palm and caressed it with his thumb. He looked into her eyes and said in a soft low voice, “I love you. Are you sure you want to be married to an old man?” he asked. “You’re not old. I told you before that you’re the sexiest man alive.” Kayla slipped her foot out of her pump and slid her toes up the inner side of his calf, and 434

back down again as she gazed enticingly into his eyes, daring him to do something about it. Quinn glanced around the room to see if anyone was looking their way, then partially amused by her boldness, whispered through clenched teeth, “Stop that, you don’t know what that does to me.” “Really,” Kayla said innocently. The alluring look which she had on he face just seconds ago had turned into a look of innocence. “What does it do to you?” Quinn felt his face along with some other parts of his body get hot. “I’ll explain later,” he said, “just stop doing it.” After dinner when they had walked out to the bronco, Quinn pinned Kayla against the door and poised his lips close to 435

her ear and whispered, “When you do things like you were doing in the restaurant, you drive me crazy. I want to make love to you so bad I can’t stand it.” He moved his hand to her hair and entangled his fingers in her auburn curls. He ran the tip of his tongue lightly along the edge of her ear causing her to shiver and then kissed her jaw. He left a trail of wet kisses from her ear to her lips and captured her mouth with his. Kayla let out a soft moan, which turned him on even more. His breath became heavy and his kiss passionate. He whispered breathlessly in her ear, “Let’s go home before I give in to my temptation to make love to you right here in the bronco.” He gave Kayla a 436

mischievous look and said, “Hey, what do you think? That blanket is still in there from the other day.” “I don’t know,” Kayla said hesitantly. “Come on, it’s dark and we’re parked out here away from the other cars. No one will notice.” “What’s gotten into you? You’re so amorous.” “You did it to me. I can’t get enough of you. If I had the energy I’d make love to you all the time. “But here in a public place?” “It’s no really public, we’ll be in a private place in the bronco. And we’ll have a blanket.” He opened the door of the bronco and pulled he seat down and 437

climbed in. “Come on sweetheart. It’ll be fun. You said you’d do anything for me. And besides, you started this and you need to learn three are always consequences for your actions.” He said teasingly. Kayla took a deep breath and slowly climbed into the back seat of the bronco and sat down. Her heart pounded with the thrill of what they were about to do and where they were about to do it. “I never dreamed you had such a ‘bad boy’ side to you.” “I didn’t either,” he said. His heart thrashed against his chest as he began to kiss and caress her, touching her in places he knew pleased her. 438

“Quinn, I need to see you and Kayla in my office as soon as possible,” Pastor Paul said over the intercom to Quinn’s office. Kayla and Quinn arrived in Pastor Paul’s doorway not long after that. “Is something wrong?” Quinn asked. “Yes,” Pastor Paul said. “Come in here and have a seat.” Quinn and Kayla both went into his office and sat down in the two chairs in front of Paul’s desk. He tossed a newspaper article on the desk in front of them. Quinn picked up the Daily Ranchland Heights news and began to read. “What’s this? These are out right lies! There is no truth to this at all!” 439

Kayla took the paper and began to read silently, “Oh my God! Who would say these things about us and why?” “I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that the elders had a meeting and they asked me to speak to the two of you before they present this as church business.” Quinn’s stomach began to burn and he could tell Kayla wasn’t feeling too well herself. Quinn took Kayla’s hand and held it tight as Paul went on. “They want you two to break off your engagement and quit seeing each other.” “Why, we didn’t do anything wrong!” Kayla interjected as she stood up. “We didn’t have any kind of sexual contact 440

when I was a teenager! Quinn didn’t even notice me back then! And how can anyone who knows Quinn, think he would sexually abuse a teenage girl? And the thing about me getting and abortion… It’s all lies!” Kayla’s eyes filled with tears. Quinn stood up and wrapped his arms around her to comfort her. Then without a word he led Kayla to the door. “Where are you going?” Paul asked. “We’re not going to sit here and listen to this,” he exclaimed. “You’re the one who told me not to worry about what everyone thought! You’re the one who told me to pray about it and do what I felt was right! Well, it’s right for Kayla and me to be together! If this church is going to 441

participate in spreading such lies and rumors then we don’t want to be a part of it,” He shouted and yanked the door open. “Quinn, Wait,” Paul interjected. “I’m not the enemy! I’m just the messenger! I don’t believe any of it! I know you better than that. I don’t think the elders believe it either. But they just want you to do this until we can clear your names. They’re only looking out for the reputation of the church as well as your reputations. Why don’t you two take the rest of this week and the weekend off and discuss it. It’ll give you a chance to calm down and clear your minds, pray about it and maybe come up with another solution. I’ll be praying about it myself. If you need to talk to me I’ll be 442

here for you both. I’m so sorry about all this.” “Okay,” Quinn said, “We’ll talk about it and let you know what we decide.” Then they walked out hand in hand They talked about everything over dinner and after everything was said they had decided that they would let everyone think they were breaking up until everything cooled down. They would continue to live their secret vows until then. They already had plans to go to Quinn’s parent’s house that weekend so they went ahead with their plans for the weekend.

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Chapter 14 They arrived at Quinn’s parent’s house about seven o’clock Friday evening. “Quinn, I have to admit, I’m a little nervous about meeting your parents,” Kayla said when they pulled up in the driveway. It was a big two story brick house, with brown and beige trim. And it overlooked a beach. “Don’t be intimidated because of the house,” he said. “It’s not the house, I’m just afraid that they won’t like me.” “Why wouldn’t they like you?” “Oh, I don’t know. Do they know about our age difference?” “Yes, I told them already.” 444

“What did they say?” “They’re excited about meeting you. Really they’re pretty down to earth people, I think you’re gonna like them and I know they’re gonna like you. Don’t worry,” he said putting his arms around her and comforting her for a minute. “Come on, it won’t be as bad as you imagine.” “Okay, I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” she said taking a deep breath. They walked up to the front door and rang the bell and then Quinn opened the door and stuck his head in and said, “Is anyone home?” “Quinn!” a woman with dark, gray streaked hair exclaimed as she came down 445

the hall from the living room. “We didn’t’ expect you until tomorrow,” she said as she hugged him. “Yeah I know, but I figured we could spend more time together if we came tonight.” She was a couple of inches shorter than Quinn and had the same electric blue eyes that he had. “Mom, I want you to meet Kayla, my fiancée,” he said proudly. “Kayla, this is my mom, Annie.” Kayla held out her hand to shake Annie’s hand but she didn’t move and her expression was unreadable. Kayla suddenly felt a little awkward. “I’m not going to shake hands with my soon to be daughterin-law,” Annie exclaimed. “Give me a hug,” she said with a sudden big smile. 446

“We’re going to start this relationship off right!” And she hugged Kayla. “So you’re the young woman that finally captured my preacher son’s heart! I’m so happy to finally meet you! Come on in here and meet Quinn’s dad.” She took them both by the hand and pulled them toward the living room, where Quinn’s dad sat in his easy chair watching television. “Ed! Look whose here!” He turned to see them and got out of his chair. “Hey boy, I didn’t expect to see you till tomorrow,” he said. He was tall and solid with totally white hair. His eyes were bluish green and he had dimples like Quinn’s and the same straight nose. “You’re looking good,” he said as he 447

hugged him. “Who’s this pretty young thing you got with you?” “This is your soon to be daughter-inlaw, Kayla Stevens,” Quinn said smiling proudly. “You’re even more beautiful then Quinn said you were,” he said as he took her hand and kissed it. Kayla was a little embarrassed at all the attention, she smiled shyly and said thank you. “Come on in here and sit down. I was just watching Jeopardy,” Ed said as he picked up the remote and turned the television off. “How was your trip?” Ed asked. “It was good,” Quinn answered as he took Kayla by the hand and lead her over to 448

the love seat to sit with him. “Have y’all had supper yet?” Annie asked in her thick Texan accent as she stood to go to the kitchen. “Yes Ma’am we had something about an hour ago,” Quinn answered. “Would you like some tea or coffee or something’?” “Not for me,” Quinn said looking at Kayla to see if she wanted something. “Me neither, thanks,” Kayla said and smiled. They made small talk and caught up on each other’s lives for a few hours. Then Annie took Kayla up stairs and showed her where she was going to sleep while she was there, while Quinn and Ed went out to the 449

bronco to get their suitcases. “This is the room you’ll be sleeping in,” she said as she went in and turned down the sheets on the wooden, antique looking, four post bed and turned the ceramic lamp on the nightstand on. It was Collin’s room. You haven’t met Collin yet have you?” “No, not yet… Is he going to be here for the party?” “Yep, Collin, Gavin and Glenn should all be here in the morning.” “You’ve met Quinn’s younger brother, Glenn, right?” “Yes, we’ve met. We even dated before Quinn and I got together.” “Oh you did? I didn’t know that! 450

Glenn never mentioned you.” “We only dated a couple of weeks.” “Quinn’s the sweeter of the two. Don’t you think?” Annie asked. “Glenn has always been a little rougher around the edges than Quinn,” she said. “It has always amazed me how two boys can look so much alike and come from the same family and be so different,” Annie said as they walked out of the bedroom into the hall. “This room here is Quinn’s room.” She said pointing to the room right next to the room she would be staying in. Then she pointed to the room on the other side of her room and said, “That one is Glenn’s room. And this is the bathroom,” she said taking her to the 451

doorway at the end of the hall. It was all decorated in flowers and frills and smelled sweet. “Whenever you get ready to go to bed, you just go right ahead and make yourself at home,” Annie said as they headed back down the stairs. Quinn and Ed were coming in the door with the suitcases. “Where do you want these,” Ed asked his wife. “Put Kayla’s things in Collin’s old room,” she said and Quinn knows where his stuff goes.” Quinn smiled and said “I’ll take them up,” as he took the suitcase Ed was holding and headed up the stairs. Kayla followed him. He dropped his suitcase in his room and took Kayla’s to 452

her room, sat it down and turned around to find Kayla standing in the doorway. He put his finger up to his lips to tell her not to say anything and then crooked his finger to tell her to come over to him. She quietly glided over to where he stood and he took her in his arms and held her close. “What do you think of them,” he asked in a soft voice. “I like them,” she said as she looked up into his eyes. “You were right; they are down to earth people. They both seem very sweet.” “I told you, you’d like them,” he said in a distracted voice as he looked at her lips. He had something else on his mind and it was diverting him from their 453

conversation. He then pressed his lips softly to hers. She sighed softly. He loved to hear her sigh when he kissed her. To know that he took her breath from her when he kissed her aroused him. He held her tighter against him and kissed her behind the ear and whispered, “I love you,” between kisses. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it tonight knowing you’re only in the next room. So close to me and yet not close enough.” He whispered. “Uh-um,” a clearing of a throat came from the doorway. Quinn looked up from Kayla’s neck and then backed away from her. “Mom,” he said. “I just came up to make sure y’all have everything you need for the night.” 454

“Yes we have everything we need,” Quinn said. “Dad and I are going to bed now,” Annie said. “You two don’t get into any trouble. I know I don’t have to separate you two,” She said teasingly. “Mom!” “I’m sorry, I know you’re a minister and are very serious about your ministry and wouldn’t do anything you shouldn’t, but when you’re in love sometimes temptation can get the best of you.” “You don’t have to worry about us. We can control ourselves,” Quinn said. “Okay, Goodnight. We’ll see you in the morning,” Annie said. 455

“Goodnight,” Quinn and Kayla said in concert. When Annie left the room Quinn turned back to Kayla. “Now where were we?” he asked as he pulled her back against him and looked into her eyes. “Oh yeah,” he said revealing his dimples along with his mischievous smile. “We were here,” he said as he started kissing her behind the ear again. “I’m not really tired yet… Are you?” he asked. ‘ “Not really.” “Let’s go for a walk on the beach.” “Okay, but let me change into something more comfortable.” They were both still wearing their church clothes. “Okay, I’ll change too,” he said, I’ll meet you downstairs in the living room. 456

Kayla changed into a white blouse with pink flowers on it that buttoned down the front, a pair of Capri pants and a pair of white Ked’s. Kayla met Quinn down in the living room like they had planned. Quinn was wearing a pair of cut-offs and a white t-shirt. “Cute legs,” Kayla said. “How does a busy man like you keep them so tan?” “That’s my secret. You’ve got some pretty cute legs yourself. As a matter of fact,” he said raising his eyebrows and looking around to make sure no one else was around, “You’ve got a pretty cute little butt,” and as he walked past her, he nonchalantly gave it a small pinch. Kayla jumped and said, “Hey!” and he jogged on 457

out the back door to the deck. Kayla chased after him. When she reached the edge of the deck she stopped and took in the view of the full moon shimmering on the ocean waves. “Oh Quinn,” she breathed. “This is absolutely beautiful! I’ve never seen anything so breathtaking.” They walked along the shore hand in hand. “I want to show you a place I used to go when I was younger. They walked up to a huge rock that stretched out into the ocean. They climbed up on the rock and walked out to the end of it. “Oh Quinn, this is beautiful.” “God has created some beautiful things. Hasn’t he,” Quinn said. 458

“Yes he really has created some beautiful things,” Kayla said in awe. Quinn stood behind Kayla and put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “Out of all the beautiful things I’ve ever seen that God’s created,” he whispered, “My favorite beautiful thing is you.” And then he kissed her neck. They sat on the edge of the rock and watched the moonlit waves roll in and out, and crash against the rocks. After a while they walked back to the house. When they reached Kayla’s bedroom door they stopped. Quinn slid his strong arms around her and pulled her close. He looked deep into her eyes, and without a word, he covered her mouth with 459

his. She slid her arms around his neck ad plunged her fingers into his soft hair. His hands drifted in a slow caress over her spine and bottom, his mouth moved endlessly over hers. Kayla heard herself moan when he tore his mouth from hers and buried his face in her neck. He then drew a long, labored breath as he entangled his fingers in her soft curls and held her face against his chest. She could hear his heart pummel against his chest, as she was well aware of her own heart pounding relentlessly. He slowly pulled away from her and looked into her eyes and said with regret in his eyes, “Goodnight sweetheart, I’ll see you in the morning.” They went to their separate rooms and 460

went to bed. Kayla tried to go to sleep, but couldn’t because she kept wishing she could be cuddled in Quinn’s arms, If for nothing more than to listen to his heart beat and to him snore softly. She tossed and turned as she listened to the roar of the ocean waves rolling in and out. What should have been a relaxing sound began to pound in her head. This went on for a couple of hours until she decided to go see if Quinn was having the same problem. She tip toed out of her room and quietly opened his door and whispered, “Quinn? Are you sleeping?” “No, do you need something,” he whispered. “Yes… I need you. I can’t sleep.” 461

“Come over here,” he whispered. Kayla padded across the bedroom to his bed and sat down. “I miss having you next to me too,” he said. “Come lay down here with me for a little while,” he suggested. She lay down next to him. He was shirtless and warm. She laid her head on his chest and they snuggled close and in no time they were both asleep. The next morning Kayla woke early to the sun glaring through the window and the sound of the seagulls, “Oh no!” Kayla exclaimed in a loud whisper, which woke Quinn. “What’s wrong,” he asked as he stretched and then realized where they were. “I must have fallen asleep and spent 462

the whole night in here with you. I hope your mother hasn’t been up here.” “What time is it,” Quinn asked as he reached across Kayla to the night stand for his watch. “It’s only 7 o’clock,” he said. “She’s probably not up yet. She likes to sleep in until around eight. He rolled out of bed and padded across the room to the door. “Wait here,” he said as he opened the door and looked over the railing into the living room. The lights were still off and it was quiet and there was no smell of coffee or breakfast cooking yet. The only sound to be heard was the humming of the central air coming on. He turned and walked back into his 463

room. “The coast is clear,” he said softly. You better go back into your room before my mom wakes up.” Kayla sat up on the edge of the bed and put her hand to her mouth as she was feeling queasy. “Can you get sea sick from just being so close to the ocean,” she asked. Quinn laughed. “No, I’m pretty sure you have to be on the water to get sea sick.” He then realized that Kayla wasn’t feeling well. “Are you okay,” he asked. “I don’t feel so good,” she said as she ran from his room and made a beeline for the bathroom. Quinn heard her throwing-up and became concerned. He went to the 464

bathroom door and waited for her to come out. When she finally came out he put his palm to her forehead and said, “You don’t seem to have a fever.” He took her by the hand and led her to her room and to her bed. “Maybe you should stay in bed for a while,” he said as she climbed in and he covered her with the blanket ad sat down beside her. He was so cute sitting next to her in his pajama bottoms and no shirt, morning stubble and ruffled hair. He put his hand on her cheek and gave her a concerned look. “I’m okay,” she said, “It’s probably just the ocean air I’m not used to or something silly like that.”

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Chapter 15 Ed’s birthday party had been a big success. There were so many of Quinn’s relatives there that Kayla couldn’t remember half of them she was introduced to. But the ones she did remember were the most important ones anyway. “Kayla, this is my oldest brother, Collin,” Quinn said as he put his arm around his older brother’s shoulder. They didn’t really look much like brothers. They had the same light brown hair and long straight noses but Collin was slightly taller and had bluish-green eyes like his dad. He hadn’t inherited the dimples like Quinn and Glenn had, although he was just as good466

looking. “This is my soon to be wife, Kayla.” “It’s real nice to meet you, Kayla. You know it takes a special kind of woman to get my littler brother to settle down. He’s been so wrapped up in his church that he hasn’t made time for a real relationship with a woman in years,” Collin said then looked up and scratched his chin as if trying to remember something. “As a matter of fact, the last serious woman Quinn had in his li…” “Um I have some other people I need to introduce Kayla to,” Quinn interrupted. A slightly chubby woman with long brown hair walked up ad stood beside Collin. She was about a food shorter than Collin and 467

even though she was slightly chubby she was very pretty. She had big brown eyes and dark skin. Collin took her hand and looked at her lovingly and said, “This is my lovely wife Gail. Gail, this is Quinn’s fiancée, Kayla.” Gail smiled a warm friendly smile and said “Hi Kayla, it’s nice to meet you,” and shook her hand. “How’d you manager to get his mind off church long enough to get him to want to marry you?” she asked. Quinn smiled and rolled his eyes. “Why does everyone think you didn’t have a life beyond church before me?” Kayla asked. Quinn smiled and shrugged. “He was dating someone when I started working at the church,” she said. 468

“He was? Gail and Collin chimed. Kayla looked quizzically at Quinn. “You mean you dated Erica for three years and never introduced her to your family?” Quinn looked embarrassed and shrugged his shoulders again, then said, “I was never serious about her. I never intended to marry her, so why introduce her to my family?” “Well, I guess that just goes to show how serious he really is about marrying you, Kayla,” Gail said. “Yeah, Collins teased, He’s serious enough to introduce you to his family.” “We never knew he had been dating anyone, we were all getting a little worried that Quinn might be a little… well, you 469

know,” Collin said holding his hand in a limp position. Gail slapped Collin on the arm and said, “Stop picking on him. We never started thinking any such thing!” Kayla turned and looked at Quinn adoringly. “Kayla’s the new youth minister at R.H.C.C.” Quinn said trying to change the subject. “Oh that’s right, you got a promotion to Assistant Pastor didn’t you? How do you like that position?” Gail asked. “I really like it. I have a lot to learn but I’m getting there.” “So is that how you two met?” “Not exactly,” Quinn said “Well, don’t keep us in suspense, 470

How’d you meet? She asked “I was in his youth group about four years ago,” Kayla said. “Oh…” Gail and Collin said in unison as they looked at each other and then snickered. “So you’re a cradle robber, little brother?” Collin teased. “Yes, I’m a lot older than Kayla,” Quinn said rolling his eyes and taking his older brother’s badgering. “Hmmm, let me see, “Collin said scratching his chin again and looking up to the sky as if he were calculating something in his head. “So that means you were fourteen when Kayla was born. Ha! You were in 471

high school when your fiancée was born!” “Age really doesn’t matter when you’re in love,” Kayla pitched in, in hopes of helping Quinn out. She looked at Quinn adoringly again. “To be honest, I feel in love with Quinn when I was seventeen, but he didn’t notice me then.” “I noticed,” Quinn protested, “it’s just that I didn’t think of you in a romantic way back then. I mean after all you were my student and only seventeen, Quinn said leaving another opening for Collin to agonize him, but realizing what he’d done he continued quickly, “But you’ve done a beautiful job of growing into a beautiful woman.” He said looking at Kayla 472

affectionately. Collin cleared his throat loudly. “Excuse me, there are other people around here,” he said smiling. Quinn and Kayla realized how they must have looked. “Oh sorry,” Quinn said turning back to look at Collin and Gail. “Young love,” Gail said dreamily, “remember those days, Honey?” she asked turning to Collin. Collin put his arm around her shoulder and smiled. “Collin and Gail have been married for fourteen years,” Quinn explained, “and they have two kids, Brian is eleven and Alicia is six.” Glenn walked up beside Kayla and put his arm around her waist. “Hi,” he said. “I see you’ve met Kayla.” Kayla didn’t know how to react to Glenn with his arm 473

around her. “I dated her before Quinn did,” he bragged “You did?” Gail asked. “Yeah, he did but I knew her long before he ever dated her.” Quinn said. “Yeah well, it doesn’t matter anyway because we only dated for about four weeks.” “What do you think about these two?” Collin asked looking at Kayla. “Isn’t it amazing how much hey look like twins but they aren’t twins at all? Most people think they are twins.” “Yeah, it’s amazing all right.” Collin slapped Glenn on the back and said, “But our baby brother still has a lot of growing up to do.” Glenn just gave a sarcastic 474

laugh. “Yeah, you can say that again.” Kayla said. “Where’s Gavin?” Kayla asked hoping to change the subject. “I’ve met all your brothers now except Gavin.” “Oh you haven’t met our movie star brother.” Glenn asked. “You mean your brother is The Gavin Daniels? Gavin Daniels the actor? Oh my god! You’re kidding! Right?” “Uh oh Quinn, watch out you is going to loser her like I did,” Glenn teased. “Very funny Glenn, I don’t treat her the way you did. That’s why I’m not afraid of losing her even to Gavin.” “Gavin Daniels is a wonderful actor!” 475

Kayla continued, “I love his movies. I can’t believe this, I’ve known you all these years and you never once said anything about having a big movie star brother!” Kayla said looking at Quinn. “Sorry, it never crossed my mind to tell you,” Quinn apologized. “Don’t make a big deal over him when you meet him. OK? He hates it when people do that. He’s a down to earth guy. He’s just an average guy doing what he loves to do and he’s good at it,” Quinn said. “Yeah he doesn’t even live in Hollywood like all the other stars. He lives on a ranch right here in Texas,” Collin said.] “But that doesn’t mean he’s no good 476

at what he does,” came a deep sonorous voice from behind Quinn and Kayla. Quinn turned around. “Gavin,” Quinn said as he hugged his brother. Gavin was about two inches taller than Quinn, had sandy brown hair and bluish-green eyes. He didn’t have the dimples but he was just as handsome as his other brothers, only in a different way. “It’s been such a long time,” Quinn said. “What’s this I hear you’re getting married,” Gavin asked. “Yeah,” Quinn said, “this is your soon to be sister-in-law,” Quinn said putting his arm around Kayla’s shoulder. “Hi Gavin, it’s really nice to meet you,” Kayla said holding out her hand for a handshake. 477

“You haven’t figured out yet that we are a hugging family, have you?” Then he bent and hugged her. Kayla tried not to act impressed that he was a big star as he hugged her. Several people at the party had gotten up a game of volleyball on the beach just behind the house. “Come on Kayla,” Quinn suggested, “let’s join the game.” Kayla had been feeling slightly queasy all morning, but she didn’t want to spoil Quinn’s fun, so she joined him. Annie started up the grill and just the smell of the charcoal burning caused Kayla to feel more nauseous. Everyone was starting a second game when Quinn noticed Kayla looking pallid. He quickly went to 478

her side and put his arm around her waist. “Count us out of this one,” he hollered back as he walked her back up to the deck. “Are you okay, Babe,” he asked as he helped her down into a lawn chair. “I’ll be all right,” she insisted as she rested her swooning head in her hands. Quinn knelt in front of her looking distressed. “Do you need a doctor,” he asked. “No,” she exclaimed as she jumped from the chair, knocking it over as she ran to the closest bathroom. “What’s wrong with Kayla?” Annie asked. “I don’t know, but I’m worried about her. She’s been throwing up all day and 479

just then she looked like she was about to pass out.” “Do you want me to call my doctor? He makes house calls.” “Maybe you should,” Quinn replied. Quinn took Kayla up to her room and made her lie down. The doctor came and took a look at her. “I can’t tell that anything is wrong with her,” the doctor said. “She has no fever; her blood pressure is fine, she doesn’t appear ill in any way, except that she feels nauseous. I would have to do blood tests to know what it is. Would you like to make an appointment for Monday?” “No, Quinn said, we’re leaving to go 480

back home tonight.” “Ok, but she needs to make an appointment with her own doctor when she gets home.” “Ok, Doc, I’ll make sure she doest that.” “I’m sorry,” Kayla said. “No, don’t worry about it,” Quinn said as he sat down on the bed next to her and took her hand in his. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said. “I don’t want to spoil the party.” He kissed her on the forehead and said, “You just need to get some rest. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” “I don’t want to rest though; I want to 481

go back out there and get to know your family. But if I’ve got something contagious, I don’t want to give it to everyone.” “I don’t think it’s something contagious,” came a woman’s voice from the door of the bedroom. It was Gail. “Quinn, would you let me talk to Kayla alone for a minute?” “Sure,” he said and kissed Kayla’s forehead and left the room. “What do you think it is?” Kayla asked. “Well, you don’t have a fever, when you over exert yourself a little you get light headed and feel like you’re going to faint. Am I right so far?” 482

“Yeah.” “You woke up this morning feeling nauseous?” “Yeah.” “You probably feel extremely tired right now.” “Uh-hu.” “Did the smell of the barbecue make you feel nauseous too?” “Yeah, how’d you know that?” “Because I’ve felt exactly what you’re feeling two times before.” “I’m not trying to be nosey or anything when I ask this but, I just want to maker sure I’m on the right track when I tell you what I think it is. Have you and Quinn… slept together?” I won’t tell 483

anyone if you have.” “Are you trying to tell me I’m pregnant?” “That’s the way I felt both times I was pregnant.” “Gail, it’s not what you think.” “What do you mean?” “I mean Quinn and I are already married. We eloped a month ago; we are keeping it a secret for now because there are some complications at the church about is being together. It’s a long story.” “Oh I see. How do you think Quinn will feel about it if you’re pregnant?” Gail asked. “Considering the circumstances… I don’t know for sure but I don’t think he’s 484

gonna be happy. If I’m pregnant we both may have to quit our jobs at the church.”

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Chapter 16 Monday morning Quinn woke up to the sound of Kayla in the bathroom throwing-up. He went to the door and knocked. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” She didn’t say anything but he heard her crying and opened the door. She was sitting on the floor with her back to the bathtub, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her and pulled her head over to his shoulder and said, “Everything’s going to be all right.” “How do you know,” she asked with a stuffy nose from crying. “What if I’ve got cancer or something 486

horrible like that?” “I’m going to get you a doctor’s appointment this morning. It’s probably nothing serious. Probably just some vitamin deficiency or something like that,” he mollified.” Quinn offered to go with her to the doctor, but Kayla wouldn’t let him. “Don’t you think that would look suspicious,” she asked, “Just go to work,” she said, “I’ll let you know what the doctor says.” After her examination Kayla sat quietly in the doctor’s office waiting for the diagnoses. The doctor entered the office looking at her file. He removed his glasses 487

and looked at her. “You’re not married are you,” he asked. He knew she was the Youth pastor of Ranchland Heights Church and he had heard the rumors about her and Quinn. His granddaughter was a youth in her youth group. “Why do you ask,” Kayla stalled. She didn’t know if she should tell him the truth or not. “You’re pregnant.” “Are you sure,” she asked calmly. “I’m sure.” “I can’t… I mean I… I…” she didn’t know what to say and she started to cry. “It’ll be ok. Do you want to tell me who the father is,” the doctor asked. Kayla just sat for a moment not 488

knowing if she should tell him.’ “You can’t say anything to anyone,” she said as she looked up to his face. He nodded. “Quinn Daniels is the father. But we’re married and no one knows because we wanted to have a big wedding but we didn’t want to wait that long so we eloped and haven’t said anything to anyone. But now the church wants us to break up and stop seeing each other because of some awful rumors that are going around town.” The doctor scratched his gray beard. “How do you think Quinn’s going to feel about this?” “I don’t know. I’m not going to tell him right away though. Please don’t say anything to him.” 489

“I don’t think you should keep this from him. You don’t need to be worrying about his all alone.” “I’ll tell him, just not right now.” Quinn went to talk to Pastor Paul while Kayla was at the doctor’s office. “Hi Paul,” Quinn said as he entered Paul’s office. “Hi Quinn, did you and Kayla come up with a solution? “We’re going to quit seeing each other until things blow over or until we can find a way to prove that nothing in that newspaper article is true.” “I’m sorry, Quinn; I wish there were something else we could do. Maybe it 490

won’t last long and you and Kayla can get back together.” Ding-ding rang the bell that hung above the door as Kayla entered her dad’s bookstore. The familiar smell of old books filled the store and it made her feel at home. She had spent many days in the bookstore helping her dad with things when she was younger, and today it gave her comfort to be there with him again. He had just finished ringing up a sale when he noticed Kayla. “Sweetheart,” he sang excitedly when he saw her. “It’s good to see you! You don’t come around much anymore. Busy with your own life now I guess.” He walked 491

over and gave her a hearty hug. “I’ve missed you,” he said, “You’re never home when I call.” “I know,” Kayla replied. “I’m sorry I haven’t come by to see you or called you lately.” “What’s wrong,” he asked, “You seem distracted by something.” “You always knew when something was bothering me,” she replied with an unconvincing grin. “Okay, so what is it,” he asked as he took her hand and lead her over to a couple of comfortable chairs that sat in the corner of the bookstore. It was the slow time of day just before lunchtime. People generally came in or their lunch breaks to have a look 492

around. They sat down in the chairs as her dad said, “Talk to me. You used to tell me everything and I miss that.” “Do you remember, before I went to college, how I told you I was in love with Quinn Daniels?” “Yeah.” “Well, I never got over him.” “I knew that.” “I’ve been spending a lot of time with him since I’ve been the Youth Pastor at Ranchland Heights.” “I can understand that.” “I found out he’s in love with me too and we’ve been dating.” “I see,” he said. The wrinkles on his forehead deepened as he began to look 493

concerned. “Don’t you think he’s a little old for you,” he asked. “Dad, I love him and he loves me,” she stated. “Okay, so what’s the problem then?” “We eloped a few weeks ago.” “What, why… why wouldn’t you tell me?” She explained why they originally kept it a secret. “I’m still not really sure what the problem is,” he said, “Are you sorry you married him, do you want out of the marriage?” “No, I’ve never been happier!” “Then what’s wrong? You’re married. 494

You’re still going to have a church wedding, you’re happy. Even though he’s a lot older than you, I think he will make a really good husband. Is he happy?” “Yeah, we’re both happy.” “Then what’s the problem?” “The church wants us to break up and not see each other anymore because of a newspaper article about us that’s full of lies. If we don’t break up they want us to resign from the church. And now to make matters even worse… I just found out I’m pregnant!” Kayla covered her face with her hands and cried. “Oh… I see the problem,” he said as he put his arms around his daughter. “Have you told Quinn about this yet?” 495

“No, I just found out about it an hour ago. I don’t know how Quinn’s going to take it.” She sniffed. “You have to tell him. He’ll probably be thrilled. Maybe you should just tell the church what’s been going on,” he suggested. “The truth will set you free.” He quoted and smiled, hoping to lighten her mood. “I know, I thought of that too. I guess I should be discussing this with Quinn.” “That’s exactly what you should do.” “Why do my problems always seem so small after I talk to you about them?” “That’s what dad’s are for,” he said smiling. “But a grandpa is for spoiling 496

grandchildren,” he said smiling even bigger. Kayla hugged him and thanked him. “I’m going to go talk to Quinn right now.” “I think that’s a great idea. If he loves you the way you think he does, he should be thrilled that you’re having his baby. He won’t be thrilled about the timing I’m sure but together you will figure out a solution to this problem.” Kayla met Quinn at the church. “I have something important I need to talk to you about,” she said. “What is it? What did the doctor say?” “Can we go have lunch or something? 497

I’ll tell you about it over lunch,” she said. “Sounds serious,” Quinn said getting a little worried. They sat in a restaurant waiting for their food to come. “Well, what is it that you have to tell me? Is it serious?” “Yes it’s serious. It’s something we need to talk about, it’s going to change our lives and it’s going to cost a lot of money for many years to come.” Quinn stopped eating and took her hand in his and gave her his full attention. “Babe, what is it?” She looked into his eyes to make sure she had his full attention and said, “You… I’m … I mean…” Then she finally just blurted it out. “We’re going to be parents.” Quinn 498

sat there for a minute while the news soaked in. “A baby,” he asked quietly. “We’re going to have a baby?” Kayla nodded and her heart pounded as she waited for the true meaning of that to soak in. “You mean I… I’m gonna be a… a… daddy?” His throat worked as he swallowed and his eyes began to fill with tears. “That’s wonderful,” he said smiling. His dimples deepened and he moved his chair over closer to hers and hugged her as he cried. Kayla let out a breath and started to cry too. “I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it with everything that’s going on with us and the church,” she said. He looked into her 499

eyes and said, “It’s at the worst time ever, but I’m so happy.” “But what are we going to do,” she asked. “I don’t know, but we will pray about it and come up with something I’m sure.”

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Chapter 17 Quinn and Kayla decided to keep the pregnancy a secret until the bad publicity blew over. They figured eventually people would lose interest and move on to something else. At church they hardly spoke to one another. They didn’t do marriagecounseling sessions together anymore. They didn’t go visit sick people in the hospital together anymore and they didn’t even have lunch together anymore. Once the word was out that Quinn and Kayla had broken up and were not getting married, Eric started coming around again. She poked her head into Quinn’s 501

office early one morning, “Hi goodlooking,” she said with a smile. Quinn had a funny feeling she was going to be trouble. “Hi,” he said in return. “Would you consider having lunch with me today,” she asked. “I really shouldn’t,” he stated but then a thought crossed his mind… if he went out to lunch with other women it would be more convincing that he and Kayla had really broken up. “On second thought, a guy’s got to eat. Right?” he said. “I’ll be back here at…” “No, just pick a restaurant and I’ll meet you there at noon.” “Oh, okay then, how’s Italian sound?” 502

“Sounds good, let’s meet at that one down the street from here.” “Okay then, it’s a date,” she said smiling as she turned and started to walk away. “Erica?” She turned back, “Don’t think this is leading to anything serious. Okay? I just want us to have lunch as friends.” “Okay,” she said as she turned to leave. Quinn considered telling Kayla but then changed his mind when he thought about how jealous she might get. Of all the people he could go out to lunch with, Eric was probably not the one he should be going with if he wanted his marriage to Kayla to stay intact. 503

Noon rolled around and Quinn kept his lunch date with Erica at the Italian restaurant. At first their lunch was nothing more than a couple of friends having lunch together but after a little while Eric opened up and began to let her true feelings come fourth. “You know, Quinn, I forgive you for running off with Kayla, I knew it wouldn’t last. She was way too young and immature for you. You need a woman your own age who can make you happy if you know what I mean. I mean she probably had no experience at all. I can give you what you need. I’m your age, mature and experienced. I know exactly how to make you happy.” 504

“Look Erica, I told you this was just lunch as friends, nothing more.” “You don’t really mean that.” “I do mean it. I don’t want to have a relationship with anyone right now.” “Quinn you and I were together for three years. What went wrong?” “You and I were just wrong for each other, that’s all.” Erica went on and on all through lunch trying to convince Quinn that they should still be together and Quinn thought lunch would never end. He wanted so badly to tell her that he had married Kayla and they we happier than they could ever be, but instead he let her rattle on and on about how she was the woman for him and how 505

she knew exactly what he needed and she was it. While Quinn and Erica were at lunch Kayla ate a sack lunch out on the church patio. She didn’t eat much of it because her stomach wasn’t up to it so she ate more crackers than lunch. She saw Quinn when he returned to the church after lunch. She had no idea who he had just been to lunch with. She watched him as he walked confidently into the church and found herself aching to touch him, she desired to feel his lips against hers, or his hot breath in her ear as he whispered sweet nothings to her the way he did when they made love. But even if she couldn’t have all that she would settle for just a look and that 506

beautiful dimply smile on him. But that probably wasn’t going to happen either. They were playing it safe and that’s just how it had to be at work. Kayla went home early that night and parked her car at her apartment and then walked down the street to the corner convenient store and phoned a cab. The cab dropped her off on the street next to the street that Quinn lived on. She walked over to his house and went in the back door. She was careful that no one saw her. Once inside she fixed a nice romantic steak dinner with a salad and baked potato. She changed into a sexy night gown that she knew Quinn loved on her, turned the lights down low, lit two dinner candles on the 507

table and waited for him to come home. Quinn had similar plans only he didn’t know Kayla would be waiting for him at his house and went to her house to surprise her there. When he got there he saw her car and went to her apartment carefully making sure no one saw him. He knocked on the door but there was no answer so he used the key she had given him and went inside to wait for her there. He figured she was down at the laundry mat or at the mail box or somewhere like that. The night wore on and Kayla fell asleep on Quinn’s couch while the candles burned all the way down till there was nothing left on them. Quinn fell asleep on 508

Kayla’s couch while waiting for her to come home. When morning rolled around they both realized that the other had spent the night somewhere else. Kayla jumped to conclusions and thought of Erica right away. Quinn walked across the busy highway to get to his Bronco that he had parked in the apartment complex across the street from the one Kayla lived in. He ran home to take a shower and change clothes before work; Kayla was being dropped off in the cab at the convenient store at the corner. She walked home, took a shower and changed clothes for work, got in her car and drove to the church. 509

She was steaming by the time she got to the church because all morning, all she could think about was where Quinn had been all night. She knew his family didn’t live close enough to spend the night with them, except for Glenn but she knew they wouldn’t have spent an evening together, at least not an entire evening. Kayla gritted her teeth as she stopped at a red light. How could he do that to me? He had to have spent the evening with her! Her heart pounded with anger and as she thought about him being with anyone else. Quinn and Kayla reached the church at the same time and shot each other angry looks as they walked into the church building. They were the first ones there so 510

Quinn turned to Kayla and asked, “Where were you last night?” “Where was I,” she retorted, “Where were you? I waited for you to come home last night…” “You what?” “I was at your house last night waiting for you to come home; I cooked a romantic dinner and everything!” Quinn stopped after unlocking the church doors and looked at her. “Wait… you were at my house all last night?” “Yes I was, so where were you?” Quinn started laughing. Kayla looked at him angrily because she didn’t see what was so funny about it. “I was at your 511

apartment waiting for you,” he finally said. “My… You were waiting for me at my apartment?” They both laughed as they went inside the church. Quinn said, “We have to make plans to meet, we can’t keep missing each other like that.” “You’re right, so where are we meeting tonight,” Kayla whispered. “Meet me at my house,” he whispered and gave her a quick peck on the lips as he heard the church doors open and someone else come into the building. That night Kayla sneaked over to Quinn’s house the same way she did the night before. She quietly opened the back door and slipped into the house only to find 512

Quinn leaning against the back of the couch in his pajama bottoms and bare chest and bare feet. “Hey Mrs. Daniels,” he said smiling, “Welcome home.” Kayla smiled back, dropped everything in her arms and rushed over to him. “I’ve missed you so much!” she said just before she kissed him long and hard. “Mmmm,” Quinn said, “I’ve missed you too,” he said smiling again. He kissed her again but this time more slowly and with feeling. He slowly slid his hand up her side to her face and on into her thick auburn hair. She moaned at the wonderful tingling sensation he created in her. He moved his lisps from hers and whispered in her ear, “I’ve fixed us a nice romantic dinner,” then 513

he motioned to the table he had set for two with two candles burning in the center. “That’s beautiful but right now the only thing I’m hungry for is you,” she whispered back looking ardently at him. “Mmmm,” he said in a low growl. He took her hand and led her to the front side of the couch where she sat down. He knelt down and took her food in his hand and slipped her shoe off and massaged her food. He gave each of her feet an equal amount of attention while gazing admiringly into her eyes. Without saying a word he laid her feet on the end of the couch causing her to stretch out on the couch. He then moved his lips closer to hers again as he slipped his fingers to her 514

buttons on her blouse and casually unbuttoned them. Her breath became heavy and her skin became feverish and tingly as she anticipated his next move. He removed her blouse and bra and then stretched out on the couch next to her and pressed his body against hers to where she could feel what she was doing to him physically. Her soft breasts pressed against his chest as he pressed his lips to her neck and slowly moved up to nibble her ear. Then the doorbell rang and Quinn groaned. “Just ignore it, whoever it is will go away,” he whispered hoarsely and then went on kissing her. The person at the door didn’t go away and the bell rang again. “Quinn… I can’t ignore it.” 515

Groaning, he got up from the couch and went to answer the door, forgetting that Kayla should hide because they weren’t supposed to be together anymore. Kayla didn’t forget though. She quickly moved behind the couch and stooped down. “Uh… Erica, what are you doing here?” “Hi Quinn, I was in the neighborhood and I just thought you might need some company.” “Uh…well, no I don’t need any company. I was about to go to bed.” “At eight o’clock?” “Well, yeah I’m tired and I…” “Who’s here?” “What do you mean?” 516

“Well, a guy doesn’t just set a romantic table for two and then leave the candles burning and go to bed.” “Look Erica, I think you should go.” “You mean you broke up with Kayla and that quickly you already have someone over for a romantic dinner? How come you never dressed like that for me?” “It’s really none of your business what I’m doing.” Erica pushed her way thought the door and over to the table. When she turned around she saw Kayla sitting behind the couch holding her blouse to her breasts. “Oh my god, it’s true! It’s all true! You and Kayla have been having a physical relationship! And I be tit’s true 517

that you were having a physical relationship when you were counseling her when she was a teenager too!” “No! Erica, none of this is what it looks like!” “Oh really, how could what I’ve just seen mean anything else?” “Erica, I want you to just pretend you didn’t see any of this. Okay? Please don’t say anything to anyone.” “I came over her tonight feeling sorry for you. I wanted to be here for you and comfort you. I came over here thinking I had a second chance with you and I see you with Kayla in a way you were never with me the whole three years we were together, and you want me to pretend I didn’t see 518

anything? Do you have any idea how much this hurts me?” “Erica… I didn’t try to hurt you! Id didn’t invite you over here. I wouldn’t have wanted you to be hurt by this but it’s really not what you think it is!” “You expect me to keep quiet about something you’ve been warned about. You want me to keep quiet about something that you are clearly guilty of and lying about? What kid of minister could you really be when you lie about things like this?” “Erica! You’re not listening to me! Let me explain!” “You don’t need to explain! It’s all very obvious.” Quinn took her by the shoulders and 519

shook her and looked her in the eyes. “It’s not all very obvious! Kayla and I are married!” Erica stared at Quinn wither mouth open. “Married, she finally asked. “Yes, married.” Erica looked over to Kayla who was standing with her blouse clutched to her chest and asked again quietly with tears in her eyes, “Married?” Kayla slowly nodded her head. “And that’s not all,” Quinn continued, “she’s pregnant.” Erica stood in silence with her mouth opened looking back and forth between Kayla and Quinn. “So why don’t you tell them? You can’t continue this silly charade 520

if Kayla’s pregnant and why would you want to keep it a secret anyway?” “We stared out keeping it a secret because we were going to have a big wedding and everyone was so interested in helping us plan our wedding, but we didn’t want to wait any longer so we got married and kept it a secret so everyone could continue planning the wedding and our families would be happy with a big wedding. But then this stupid rumor that started back when Kayla was in my youth group popped up again and we didn’t know what do to. I’m afraid if we say anything about already being married, they’ll think that we’re just saying that because she’s pregnant. Or that they’ll think we really did 521

get married because she was pregnant. No one will believe the truth. And the truth is, we got married because we love each other and want to be together. I’m tempted just to go in and resign but that would make us look guilty too.” Quinn shoved his fingers through his hair and said, “I don’t know what to do!” Erica looked genuinely sympathetic and said, “You have to do something because eventually Kayla’s going to start showing and finally have the baby. There’s no hiding this for a very long.” “The think is… no matter what we do it’s going to look like we did something wrong. And we didn’t do anything wrong except try to hide our marriage in the first 522

place.” “I know you’ve prayed about this. I know you pray about everything.” “I have prayed about it and it seems like God’s not answering my prayers.” “Quinn, think about what you just said.” “What?” “You said he’s not answering your prayers for some reason. You have always said that God doesn’t answer prayers sometimes because he has a plan just ahead that we can’t see yet. And that we should just wait and trust him to show us the plan.” “Okay, you’re right but what do we do in the meantime, while we wait for God 523

to show us his plan?” “Tell the truth.” “But if we tell the truth…” “The truth will set you free…” Kayla spoke up from behind. “She’s right; we have to just tell the truth.” “Quinn,” Erica said, “Just do it, don’t worry about what people think. You and Kayla know the truth and God knows the truth, and that’s what counts. Besides if you’re innocent then God will let that come out some how.” Quinn looked at Erica in amazement, “In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never seemed as wise as you do right now.” “I’m only quoting things I’ve heard you say.” 524

“Well, thank you for reminding me of those things. You’re right, we can’t go on hiding.” “I’m glad I could help, I better go. You two have a lot to discuss,” she said as she turned to the door. “Erica…” “Yeah?” “Why are you helping us? Why aren’t you running to the church staff and telling them what you know?” “Well, I would have but it just occurred to me that you two really love each other. Only true love would make people crazy enough to go through what you two are going through to be together. And who am I to come between two people 525

in true love? I just hope that someday I find someone who loves me that much and someone I love that much.” She turned again to the door then stopped when she reached the door and turned around and looked at Quinn, “I’m sorry… I wish I could do more to stop this rumor.” “I do too, but it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t worry about it, unless you ca find out show started this rumor and make them confess.” “Yeah… well, I wish I could do that too.” After Erica left Quinn and Kayla sat on the couch holding each other, Kayla rested her head on his chest and they talked about their future. “I guess we are just 526

going to have to let the truth be known and whatever happens after that is up to God,” Quinn said. “You know I’ve had this dream for several years now and maybe this is just the time to make it happen. “I’ve had this dream of opening a non-denominational center for children and teens. We could have a day for children and a day for teens to come in and learn about the bible. And have regular services on Sunday. What do you think? I mean if they make us resign.” “I think that sounds wonderful… but…” “But what?” “But you’re being accused of molesting a teen and now you want to open 527

a church for teens and children? How do you think that’s gonna go over?” “You’re right!” Quinn exclaimed as he pushed his hand through his hair and then looked to the ceiling in frustration. “We have to clear our names! This is going to ruin us!” “But how, I don’t want us to lose our careers but I don’t want to lose you either.” “We have to figure out who’s doing this to us!” He said shoving his hands into his pockets. “Let’s go talk to Pastor Paul tomorrow,” Quinn said. Pastor Paul was in his office when they arrived. “Come on in,” he said as they entered his office. “We need to talk to you, Paul,” Quinn 528

said. “First I have to tell you,” Quinn said, “that Kayla and I’ve been married now for about a month. We eloped during the youth camp trip and a few days ago we found out that we’re pregnant.” “Pregnant? Wow! Under normal circumstances I’d say congratulations, but this is really gonna complicate things.” “I know.” “I’ve tried to talk to the Deacons but…” “They wouldn’t listen to you, would they,” Quinn asked. “They said if you could clear your name they would take you both back. But until then…” “Yeah I know. We’re bad for the 529

reputation of the church.” “Maybe you should just tell them everything you just told me. Maybe that would make them see things differently.” “You know, I’m not sure I want to work for a church that won’t stand up for its people,” Quinn said. “They know us! How can they believe that stuff?” “So what are you gonna do,” Paul asked. “I don’t know,” Quinn said taking Kayla’s hand in his and looking at her. “Somehow this has all gotten out of hand. We’ll clear out our things today. And I’ll move out of the house this weekend.” “I’m really sorry about all this,” Paul said sincerely. 530

“We’re gonna figure out who started these lies about us. I don’t know how but we have to.” “Good luck,” Pastor Paul said as he shook first Quinn’s hand and then Kayla’s The next Sunday, Quinn and Kayla went to church as parishioners instead of staff. Pastor Paul asked them to come up to the podium ad say good-bye to the church. Quinn and Kayla walked hand in hand up to the podium. “I just hope this is a good example to someone of how rumors can ruin someone’s life,” Quinn said into the microphone. “As you know, Kayla and I were asked to resign from our positions in the church because of an article in the 531

newspaper. Nothing in that article is true. But somehow… that doesn’t matter.” The truth is, Kayla and I are very much in love, and we just fell in love this year. We got married several weeks ago and we just found out a few days ago that we’re expecting a baby. We love you guys here and you felt the same about us. I know all things work out for the best of those who love God, which we do, so we are looking forward to whatever god has planned for us next.” Quinn looked at Kayla to see if she wanted to add anything to what he said. Kayla smiled. The congregation was still and quiet as they waited. Erica sat quietly with her head down, listening to 532

Quinn and Kayla saying their goodbyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she listened. “We just want you to know,” Kayla added, “that we don’t hold anything against anyone for this and we’re sorry it had to end this way.” Then they walked back to their seats hand-in-hand. Just then Erica stood up, with tears streaming down her face and said, “Wait! You can’t do this, you can’t leave the church! You belong here. I didn’t think you would actually leave the church. I thought you would break up with Kayla.” She stopped, swallowed hard and took a deep breath. I told those lies to the paper. I didn’t want Pastor Quinn to marry Kayla and I thought if there was some circumstance that would 533

make him choose between the church and Kayla… Well, I thought he would choose the church, but I was wrong. And I shouldn’t have ever done what I did. I’m sorry. None of it is true.” She bowed her head in shame and then sat back down in the pew and blew her nose into a hanky. The church was silent ad Quinn and Kayla sat staring at Erica as if she were an alien from another planet. Pastor Paul went back to the podium and spoke softly into the microphone, “Well… um... seeing new evidence in this case, I think we need to apologize to you, Quinn and Kayla and ask you to consider staying with us.” Quinn stood up still amazed at the confession he had just heard. “I… I don’t know what to 534

say, I didn’t expect anyone to confess today about anything. And we appreciate you coming clean here in front of everyone, Erica. Thank you… for that. But, Kayla and I have been discussing what we want to do if we were to be cleared of these charges and were still able to work as ministers. We have plans other than working at this church. Thank you for offering to take us back,” he said looking back at Kayla. “But we have to follow our dreams and the plan we feel that God has in store for us.” Once the service was over, Quinn and Kayla went over to Erica. “Thanks for clearing that up,” Quinn said. “Don’t thank me. I don’t deserve to be thanked. I should be rebuked for lying 535

about you in the first place.” “Don’t you want to know why I lied about you?” Erica asked. Quinn didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything right away. Erica let him off the hook by saying, “I did it to hurt you, to get back at you for breaking up with me. I thought you loved me and would eventually ask me to marry you. But then she…”Erica nodded toward Kayla and finished her sentence, “She came along and ruined it all.” “Erica, I’m sorry I hurt you, but its’ not Kayla’s fault that I broke up with you. I wasn’t in love with you and I knew it. I never intended to marry you because I knew I wasn’t in love with you. I just didn’t know how to break up with you 536

without hurting you. I’m sorry for being such a coward and stringing you along for so long. Will you forgive me for making you think there was more between us than there really was?” “Why should you be asking me to forgive you?” I almost ruined your life! You could have gone to jail for something you didn’t do. Although I wouldn’t have let it go that far. I would have confessed if things got that bad.” “I forgive you, only if you forgive me for driving you to do what you did.” Erica smiled, “I forgive you,” she said. Quinn smiled back and held out his hand to her as a peace offering. “Friends?” “Friends,” she said as they shook 537

hands. Then Erica turned to Kayla, “Friends,” she asked. Kayla smiled and nodded, “Friends,” she said and they too shook hands. A few weeks later Glenn, Lana and several teens from Ranchland Heights stood at Quinn and Kayla’s door. Quinn opened the door to see what was going on. “The kids came to me the other day with an idea, Glenn said. “They miss you guys so much that they think you should start your own ministry as youth leaders. They think we can all work together to get it going,” Lana said. “We have all the musicians we need. I play the keyboard, Glenn plays the drums Quinn, 538

Glen told me you play the guitar and we all sing. What do you think?” One of the teens stepped in and said, “You can do it on Saturday nights on the streets to get the attention of the kids who don’t go to church.” Quinn smiled and looked at Kayla who was standing next to him listening to it all. “Kayla and I have been talking about the same kind of thing. Come on in and let’s discuss it. I think this might just be what God had in mind for us when we went through everything we went through.

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Epilogue Quinn sat next to Kayla in the delivery room as the doctor said, “It’s a girl,” and turned the red wrinkled little newborn baby for them to see. Quinn smiled a huge dimpled, proud daddy smile and said, “She’s beautiful! Just like her mother! He smoothed Kayla’s sweat soaked hair back from her face and looked into her eyes adoringly then kissed her tenderly on the lips and said, “I love you babe.” Glenn continued to stay off booze. He and Lana fell in love, Glenn asked Lana to marry him and she said yes. They had a double ceremony with Quinn and Kayla 540

with Pastor Paul performing the ceremony. “Quinn, Glenn, Kayla and Lana all worked together to start a traveling youth ministry. It took a few years, but after some TV and radio appearances and a couple of CD’s they became extremely popular with the teenage and young adult crowd. And by the time they baby was old enough to start school they had settled down and turned their ministry into a youth center like Quinn had always dreamed of. God did have a plan for them after all.

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