Second Draft

Almeda 1 Ryan Almeda Ms. Wilson English Block 1 3 March 2019 Personal Narrative In sixth grade, my first year of middle school, I was quite popular. I had a diverse group of friends and I was well liked by my peers. It was rare to see me alone, without my coterie of classmates. During this time I was confident, authentic, and genuinely happy. I was not scared to be myself. I was living on Staten Island, New York City, with both of my parents, my older sister and younger brother. My childhood best friend lived around the corner. My cousins down the street and my grandparents just over the Verrazano. I was surrounded by family. Once sixth grade ended, however, this all came to a crashing end. After sixth grade my family decided to relocate. We traded the packed city for the quiet suburbs of North Carolina. I had an uncle that lived there and my dad had gotten a good job in Raleigh. The movement was rather abrupt; it was only two weeks after my family had decided to migrate south that I was actually living there. My father took me and my older sister down right away to prepare for the new school year, while my mother and little brother stayed behind to sell the house. This may have seemed like a great option at the time but we all soon came to regret it. Splitting up put a massive strain on the family. Not only that, but North Carolina was not all that we had expected. The first problem my family encountered in North Carolina was not something we had anticipated. We hated each other. Temporarily living in my uncle’s cramped, two bedroom

Almeda 2 townhouse was awful. There were far too many people in the tiny house and we were living on top of one another. My sister and I were constantly fighting and my dad was too busy with his new job to break it up. My aunt was not particularly fond of us living there and she became quick to anger as well. The house felt like a pressure cooker, slowly increasing the heat until we were all ready to explode. Our house was taking surprisingly long to sell and it would take almost a year of living in these conditions before we finally tasted the freedom of separate rooms and bedding. This privilege that was once taken for granted now felt like a luxury. Unfortunately for me, things still were not great. I was face to face with difficult problems such as loneliness, insecurity, and depression. My inability to make friends in school became a wall separating me from happiness and I slowly lost confidence and self-esteem. I was also extremely homesick. Things were so different in North Carolina and I was struggling to adapt. The lack of public transportation kept me couped up in the house all day and I spent most of my time alone, in my room. Not to mention, I was used to diversity. It seemed to me that everyone here shared the same point of view and culture. It was a culture that I didn’t necessarily fit into. I desperately struggled to keep the friends I had in New York, but staying in touch was a challenge. Everyone had things going on in their own life. Who had time to console that kid who moved to the South? Things steadily moved downhill, and I became depressed. In order to talk to people at school I felt that I needed to act differently and change who I was. This only led to intense feelings of discontent and insecurity. I begged and begged my parents to move us back to New York, but it was too late. I was stuck in this miserable state, without a friend, and far from the place that I still considered my home.

Almeda 3 I had the additional misfortune of moving to North Carolina during a very political time. The 2016 election was approaching and, even in middle school, tensions were high. Coming from New York City, an extremely liberal place, moving to a southern state was an eye opening experience. It should have been beneficial, experiencing new points of views and encountering people that were raised differently than I. However, the political atmosphere and high tensions made people toxic and their strong feelings made them quick to dismiss any ideas other than their own. In Wakefield Middle, I was abashed for my slightly more liberal ideals. Listening to ignorant children bicker about politics everyday was vexing, to say the least. I was also subject to repetitive jokes that, looking back, can only be classified as bullying. A few people would chant phrases such as, “Build the wall!” in my face or say things like, “Go back to your country!” This was infuriating not only because it was bordering on racism (something I hadn’t seen in the melting pot that is New York), but also because these people overlooked the fact that I was a Filipino boy born in Brooklyn; not Mexico or any other country. Thankfully, it was only a small group of people treating me this way and it stopped towards to end of middle school. Still, once high school came around, I decided to leave the people of Wakefield and go to Heritage. Moving to North Carolina was one of the biggest changes I have ever experienced. Everything about it was different from what I was used to. Yet, despite the adversity I faced here, I do not regret moving. It has helped me meet new people, see different perspectives, and live through experiences that I never would have in New York. Though I struggled for a long time, these experiences were character building and have made me who I am today. Of course I will face challenges throughout my life, but after dealing with depression, loneliness, insecurity, and racism, I believe that I am now better prepared for these struggles that lie in my future.

Almeda 4

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors) Name:

Score: 44.5/50 W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and well-structured event sequences.

Standard 3.a​. ​Introduction​ Engage and orient the reader by setting out a problem, situation, or observation, establishing one or multiple point(s) of view, and introducing a narrator and/or characters; create a smooth progression of experiences or events.

Exceptional (10-9) ❏

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Establish an insightful, original, or creative point of view

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Introduce a ​complex and/or creative narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize ​two or more (teacher discretion) narrative techniques with purpose: dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, multiple plot lines, etc…

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Develop experiences, events, and/or characters and to clearly develop a purposeful theme

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Use ​purposefully narrative techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks in a ​highly effective manner​ ​to

8.5

3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a variety of techniques to sequence events so that they build on one another to create a coherent whole.

Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation in a compelling and/or creative manner

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9

3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use narrative techniques, such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines, to develop experiences, events, and/or characters.

Effectively hook the reader with a creative, original, and compelling hook

Proficient (8-7) ❏

Hook the reader with a compelling hook

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Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation

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Establish an insightful point of view

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Introduce a narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize narrative techniques such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines

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Develop experiences, events, and/or characters in attempt to convey theme

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Use appropriately techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks

Emerging (6-1)

Not Evident (0)

Almeda 5 create an original plot structure

8.5

3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use precise words and phrases, telling details, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture of the experiences, events, setting, and/or characters.

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical and engaging

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical, ​creative, and sophisticated ​and that uses ​highly engaging devices

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Use precise, detailed and ​sophisticated words, phrases, and sensory language​ to engage the reader ​and convey a​ ​vivid picture

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Use precise and detailed words, phrases, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Extends the meaning and purpose to connect to the audience ​and​ ​convey a complex and original theme

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Extends the meaning to convey a theme

10 3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide a conclusion that follows from and reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved over the course of the narrative. 8.5