Script 5

CHILD8 [spoken] I know! I know! Ii's that beach at DawlishWarren, isn't CHILD9 [spoken] in London!

Everyone knowsit's

Stupid!

it sir?

(lIhererer the InSllllrs hive got to, by the time the lIusi,-- relches hi~ PrinLoeOonald just butts in, playing to the 1':1155.)

PRINCE DONALD [spoken] I've been there a nuMberof tiles, snorkelling over forests of coral I found Australians rather uncouth I tried to delonstrate howa sophisticate should behavein this day a' But it's no good! I don't knowhow an Australian would survive in high society Basically I had to realise they are not civilised humans! FINNE6ANFLUODE[spoken]

~

Thankyou. Donaid, for that insight, 1'1 sure we're grateful indeed! "aybe you wouldbe so kind as to allow ae to proceed! PRINCEDONALD[spoken] Be IY guest. FINNE6ANFLUDDE[spoken]

Let's postpone Geography,let's do sole English Lit, instead Nowcan anybodynaMeone famouspoet who's not dead? CHILD10 [spoken]

Willi.. Shakespeare. Sir! CHILD11 [spoken] WHUII lIordsllorth, Sir! CHILD 12 [spoken] Willia.

8roll'" Sir!

~

OonnieBrown, Sir!

He wrote.

pOel once, I siW it on telly!

CHILD 13 [spoken] He writes poels!

I do not!

DONNIEBROWN [spoken]

CHILD 13 [spoken]

Do too!

CHILD14 [spoken]

Jessie John,on writes love poems,Sir! JESSIE JOHNSON [spoken]

Whata liar! CHILD 14 [spoken] ,.,all

over the toilet

walls, Sir!

38

JESSIE JOHNSON[spoken]

I'll get you for that! (Again, Prince ODnaJdbutts in) PRINCE

DOMALO [sung]

Who'sthat bloke, that Irish guy? He just won sole HI cale round for tea with the Queen

H. wat 10 ignorant! WhenIllid did he want To hear IY albUls of" Wet, wet, wet" He just looked dulb Did not know a single one of ' You lust all agree with le he is no poet and I bet I (lpoKen) The things people get away with!

-

UPrincl /kfMld prDc,«fs to set up SOH "isdeMeal FJlJdde, The children uteh in flSeil7dtion Ind sil7i ,-,0 tille, IS Oonnie - Ibsorbed in Ms Dtln tll ,isgivings)

-

DOMNIEBROWN[sung] This is not what 1 drealed of, This boring, brattish big head does not fit Myexpectations, the nation's hero prince is just a 00 1 want to take hit place? Do1 want to wear that face?

Theysaid after 1 at cured There'll have to be sole plastic surgery Before wedo the swap I'll have to look "ore like hit than like le! 1 just did not think it through I'll not be le, I'll be you! I don't think 1 can do what they want le to do Wherewill DonnieBrownhave gone once they have si I'll walk again but I'll have sold IY personality, [Prince OoI7dJdhis driven Ifr FJudde into I frenzy '-""'0111"~nner, ,aybe chlSing the Prince IrDUM the r He thinks

this

is bad

Look at nr Fludde Just think aft

-

,...there has neverbe U Who'd have Prince Donald, fill star, fu1 And ae

{roUolling Unel over 'runty Ju/Jlby riff'} FINNE6AN FLUDDE [spoken]

Class!

Control

yourselves!

Sit down!

Sit down!

{Frightened by his g8nuine Inger, they aJJ do is lie bids, but Prin", Oonlld ,i,ics hi, cruelly}

Clals!

Control yourselves!

PRINCEOONALD [spoken] Stand up! Stand up!

FINNE6ANFLUODE[spoken] 6et back to your seats!

This is outrageous!

{SOH of till children obey tlllir lurious tllcher, Dut sole continlJl to ignore hi". Princl Oonald tlores Ifound ttle roo" and shouts out instructions to groups of children ~hil:h they delightedly obey, ill pretence 01 dil"ipJine gone. All is "hlos and noise. J PRINCEDONALD [spoken] Do the Twist!

This is outrageous! Do the can-can! Rockand roll! '-'

FINNE6ANFLUDOE[spoken,

Shut up, you horrible

little

Perf on SwanLake!

in despair and out of co~trol]

squirt!!

PRINCEOONALD [spoken in the lanner of a director] Kick higher! Thrust those hips! Let's see sole sweat!.

there!

Cole along,

FINNE6ANFLUDOE[spoken, his

head in his hands, defeated]

1 give up! PRINCE DONALD [spoken] Higher! Falter!

Louder!

(PrincI fkJnlld slIddenly bee""es ulre 01 Oonnie, rrt1lking IIlroe. He points ,nt! bIlks ollt In order. 1

the only "hild not

PRINCEOONALD [Ipoken]

Heykid!

I said -DANCE-!

{lIithin 2 or J """nds the rholl ,:llss fills silent, ratclling Prince Oonlld alld Oonnie.

}

~

PRINCEOONALD [spoken]

On your feet, kiddo! {plaIt! then speaking "itll real aggression tint! nlStiness} NOIrII {fkJnnie pushes lIi"self Dick Iroll the des~' so thl t PriMe fkJnald sees the "hHJchlir for the first tillll

-

PRINCEDONALD [spoken] Yuk!

A cripple!?

In IY class?!

£Thereis , stunnedsilene'eIS the lights fidel

SCENE TWO

-

ahis scene t.kes pl.c, in no specific location soloists or groups ire picked out by lighting IIh8n tlley sing, then merge Dack into the glo"", There is in iir of darkness, tl/(J(J{lhtfulness and sadness through disi JJusionunt, There could be IIse of choreographed moveMent to iJ/ustrlte till developing relationships bet~en char.cterl, Specificaiiy, action to sI/or!th.ft Prin~.eOonald'sinitial popularity hGSdisilppeared and he is a lonely, frightened boy ttI/o doesn't knot'hot! to get on flith others,} ,

CHORUS Clung]

Whoaa I? Whatpart should I learn to play? Shall I knoway ownself one day? 1 try to follow the signs (repeat several tillles as the foJlotJing Try to louth appropriate lines.., lines are sungand spoken) PRINCE OONALD Csung] \ c; don't understand hownorllll people think, 1 don't undentand hownornl people live 1 a. like an alien visiting from another planet I have no guide

-

1 want to be part of this strange beast I want to be liked Just for being me...

- a family'

THE JOHNSON6IRLS (JULIE, JEANNIE,JESSIE)[sung] It seeMed like a dreaM come true a real live prince to stay in our hole A superstar, a hero of the nation, oh, we had drealls of Royal rOMance Of being lade a Queen one day, but barely half a 8Irwas quite enough To show our hero's feet were IIIde of clay.,. l.r~

-

HARBELLA [spoken] Juno, 1 have to talk to you about soMething. JUNe (spoken]

It's Dad you should be talking to hilt,

- see if

you can get sole sense out of

HAR8ELLA[spoken]

~'s

the last person I can talk to about this.

Not anotl/er

JUNe [spoken]

confession. ..

HARBELLA(spoken]

00 you relelber

when you were about five. Dadand 1 split up for a while? JUNO [spokenJ

Sort of, it just seeled 1ike a long holiday", HARBELLA(spoken]

00 you relelber Ruch about it? I re.e.ber

JUNO[spoken] spending loads of tile on the beach...

"ARBELLA [spoken] Nothing else? JUNe[spoken]

1 relelber you getting rather porky. "ARBELLA (spoken] Juno",

That's putting it lildly,

JUNO[spoken] Youdon't lean""

MARBELLA [spokenJ I hac a baby, Juno, Your Dad doesn't know. adopted, gave Iyself a couple of weeksto reco hole, JUNO[spokenJ

,m, "UI".

"ARBELLA [spokenJ I've felt guilty about it ever since

Well, that's

JUNO[spokenJ isn't it?

your speciality

"ARBELLA [spoken] Whatdo you lean? JUNO[spokenJ Youalways do Just what you feel like, you don" you lie your wayout of trouble, then you go ar And that's IUPPOIlC to lake it okay, You f: anyone else, you know, No wonder Dad's a en twenty years, "ARBELLA [spokenJ ~hat's Just your opinion, Juno, but I haven't "--'1\OWabout it.

There's

solething

lore iaportal

watching Prince Oonald." JUNO[spoken] ",you lean the fake Prince.,. "ARBELLA [spokenJ ",yes, of course,I , well I've beenwatchinghi! the Johnson's next door, JUNO[spokenJ

600d for you, "UM, beUer King.

He's

a

colplete

git,

you ~

MARBELLA[spokenJ

The point is, Juno, he looks just like you,

JUNO[spoken] Enoughof the insults,

lother!

MARBELLA [spoken] No, 1 lean it! Listen, he's supposed to be the sale age as Donnie, but actually he looks a bit older, he lust have colle frol an orphanage or solething and he looks just like you,., JUNO[spoken] Oh no, are you thinking what 1 think you're thinking? "ARBELLA[spoken] He's IY son, Juno, 1 know he isl JUNO[spoken] You're

as crackers as Dad! What a pair! "ARBELLA[spoken]

ba11 just don't knowwhat to do about it." JU\IIO[spoken]

Let ae out of here!

lJuno 1#lv#s~ Iflru//I

r#lI,in. d/!ep in thought, J OO\ll\llIE[sung]

I would like to walk again

I would like to reclai..y lelories of early childhood Being rich and falous would be good, 1 suppose But only if I could be le Only if 1 could be le... 6ERAINT[sung] Wonder what 1 did, layb. in a previous life To deserve a fate like this, Knowing 1 will die toMorrow, knowing just the tile ".,~ knowing I'l disbelieved by those 1 love ~wing I will never knowif Juno is IY daughter Knowing I will never see IY Ion walk.., {Juno Ipped"

",d,

It's

,nd puts her Irll "(JUnd 6erlint

IS she hinds hilll i birtMiY

The tt/o of the. 1Nl Ilone in the dirk, J

Midnight,

Dad.

JUNOBROWN [spoken] Happy birthday",

43

SCENE THREE

(fin/legin fludde is discovered prepiring his clusro(Jllf on lJIednesdlY lfternoon. In colAplete contrist to the previous clusroollf scenel he is in buoYlnt /100ft tlMstling ind doing little dances IS goes about his tasks. His coJJ"guel Hiss Shirpe enters Ind witches hi" for I IIOfiIentlIMused. SUddenlyhe notices her Ind, I Jittle elloirrl5sedJ spelts. J Afternoon

l1iss Sharpe,

FINNEGANFLUODE[spoken] Good lunch? 111SSSHARPE [spoken]

Voulre looking very jolly,

I1r Fludde. FINNEGANFLUODE[spoken]

AI 11 I1ISS SHARPE[spoken]

~

You've been skulking around the school like a thunderstorM the hst days, colplaining about your newpupil, FINNE6AN FLUODE [spoken] it's his last day,

l1iss Sharpe

Soon to be ex-pupil, weekof real life!

A cause for celebration

-

Couldn't take

two

a full

111SSSHARPE[spoken] by all accounts,

FINNE6AN FLVDDE[spoken] You know Ite, Pliss Sharpe, try to see something good in every pupil, but that Prince Donald is a stuck-up, self-centred, arrogant, bullying, bigoted brat and lid gladly batter the little blighter but for one thing", 111SSSHARPE[spoken]

Whatls that! FINNE6AN FLVDDE[spoken] Can you keep a secret? I1I5SSHARPE [spoken] Absolutely! FINNE6AN FLVDDE[spoken] You know today is the 6rand Royal OpenDay? 111SS SHARPE [spoken] Of course! The King and Queen are coming to, witness treasure'j triumphs in the land of the co..oner,

Well, I had a visit Fro. who?

FINNE6AN FLVDDE [spoken] last night. 111SSSHARPE[spoken]

4-4.

their

little

.Who.", Miss Sharp.,

"fro.

FINNE6AN FLUODE [spoken] who," MISS SHARPE[spoken]

1'1 sure.

Sorry,

FINNE6AN FLUDDE [spoken] FroM Incorporated DreaMs. MISS SHARPE[spoken]

What's that when it's at hale?

FINNE6AN FLUDDE [spoken] That, so 1 learnt last night, is the world's leading testing equipllnt and their representative was none 0 Doctor Alison Hubble. MISS SHARPE[spoken]

W~

FINNE6ANFLUODE[spoken]

-

"Who" not "whom",Miss Sharpe, MISS SHARPE [spoken]

Yes, all right, just get on with it.

FINNE6AN FLUODE [spoken] Well, she's the genius that grew our darling lUte I then launched hi. into the world with no warning, Re MISS SHARPE [spoken]

1 do, as it happens, though I vas rather young at the FINNE6ANFLUDDE[spoken]

Mm.I... 1

suppose so.,. MISS SHARPE[spoken]

A~hat

did Doctor Hubble want?

FINNE6AN FLUDDE [spoken] She wanted to offer le a large SUI of money.

Nice...

MISS SHARPE

[spoken]

FINNE6AN FLUDOE [spoken] 1 would allow Incorporated DreaD' to sponsor tl and use the occasion to launch their new produe "Thicker Than Water", though don't ask mewhy.

.,. if

MISS SHARPE[spoken]

Isn't co.lereial

sponsorship of education rather agai:

FINNE6AN FLUDDE [spoken] Not when 1111earn enough in one lesson to payoff thl 45