Samples Bn
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- Pages: 7
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 1
Bad News Message – Poorly Written Letter Notice the emphasis on “we” and the overall impolite tone. The focus must always be on the customer, even in bad news letters. Do you really want to lose his/her business forever, just because of some temporary problems?
Tylar’s Tulips 777 Tiny Town Road Tejada, Texas 22210 April 29, 20xx
Ronnie’s Nursery Mr. Tyler Brown 144-14 182 Place New York, NY 11413
The WORST way to start a business letter is to begin with “I” or “we.” It tells the reader from the very first word that the most important person in this letter is I the company and not who it should be: YOU the customer.
Dear Tyler:
Polite letters use “please,” avoid “there are,” and provide the name of a person to call and a phone number
We regret to inform you that due to the changes in your financial status this year, we have sufficient reason to believe that you will not be able to maintain credit in good standing with us. Therefore, we are no longer able to extend you credit. We will only accept cash for any orders you make in the future. We are sorry for the inconvenience. However, as your financial status improves, we will be happy to re-establish your credit with us. Call if there are any questions or concerns. Sincerly,
Rhonda Morgan Owner Incorrect business letter format – notice how the date is right justified and the signature block is indented. Such inattention to details makes the difference between a professionally designed letter and an amateurish one
Hurley Sum07
Misspellings make you – and the company your represent – look sloppy By not signing your letters, you give the impression that you are avoiding taking responsibility for your words
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 2
Bad News Message – Improved Letter Notice how the overall tone has improved – positive, and polite with an eye to keeping the business
Tylar’s Tulips 777 Tiny Town Road Tejada, Texas 22210
Modified Block letter format
April 29, 20xx
Ronnie’s Nursery Mr. Tyler Brown 144-14 182 Place New York, NY 11413
Dear Tyler:
Indirect approach starts with something positive
Over the years Ronnie’s Nursery has been a valued customer. However, because of several late payment bills (see attached copies), all future orders must be made by cash only. Negative news is handled tactfully yet honestly. The customer deserves to know the reasons for bad news We understand that the economy has adversely affected so many small businesses. However, you can understand that we must be able to collect payment on a timely basis. Like you, we also have bills to pay. These lines appeal to the reader’s sense of fair play
Your preferred status will be restored after a positive record of payment is re-established. If you have any questions, please call our credit manager, Jerry Akiona, at (213) 1234567. Polite, forward- looking close
Sincerely,
Rhonda Morgan Owner
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 3
60 Scissors Lane Craftland, CA 95111
March 3, 20xx Ms. Janet Albertson My Computer Crafts 111 Felt Avenue Somewhere, US 12345
Modified Block Letter Format with Indented First Lines
Dear Ms. Albertson:
Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Thank you for your continued support as a valued customer. We are pleased that you have chosen Craft Supplies Unlimited for all your crafting needs. Because the manufacturer has discontinued the item, we will no longer be offering the colored poly foam sheets (SKU# 115325, and 115330). However, we have located a new supplier with a superior product who can ship your order within two weeks. To keep the customer from canceling the order, the writer gives a last sales pitch You will appreciate the quality of the new colored poly foam sheets (SKU# 231125). Tear-resistant and colorfast, the new foam sheets come in color packs of 12 brilliant and 10 pastel colors. And the price is right; the new sheets cost 10% less than the discontinued sheets. Please call me at (650) 567-8900 if you would like to have these outstanding foam sheets sent to you. If you have any questions or would like more information, please visit our website at www.craftsunlimited.com. Notice how the overall tone of the letter is positive and polite with an eye to keeping the business
Sincerely,
Jade Miles Sales Relations Manager
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 4
Block Letter Format
December 7, 20xx
Mr. Henry Hennesey 344 Stratham Rd. Freeport, AL 67890 Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Dear Mr. Hennesey, Thank you for your interest in contracting Hawaiian Hog Wild’s hunting guide services. We are committed to providing all interested parties with an exciting hunting experience on the Big Island of Hawaii. Negative news is handled tactfully yet honestly.
Although you have submitted all of your documentation within the required time period, we cannot offer our services to you at this time for the following reasons: •
Your Certificate of Completion for a Hunter’s Safety Education Course is not from an officially recognized branch of the International Hunters Education Association (IHEA). Only certificates issued by IHEA affiliates are accepted by the State of Hawaii’s Department of Land and Natural Resources as a valid proof of completion.
•
The firearm you declared in your firearms inventory list is illegal in the State of Hawaii. You listed your 12-gauge shotgun barrel’s length at 17 inches. The minimum legal shotgun barrel length in the State of Hawaii is 18 inches.
We encourage you to register and complete an IHEA recognized Hunter Safety Education course. They have many affiliates worldwide, and you can find the branch closest to you via their website, www.ihea.com. Upon completion of an officially recognized course, we will be happy to provide our services to you. Alternative actions so the reader can accomplish goals As for your firearm, you have two options: you can bring an alternate, legal firearm or you can hunt with a knife that we provide at no extra cost. Our hunting dogs' abilities at
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI Henry Hennesey
2
December 7, 20xx
capturing a wild boar makes it possible to use a knife instead of a firearm. The knife is actually the preferred method of hunting among local pig hunters in Hawai’i, and it is an experience that is much more exciting and adrenaline pumping. Notice how the overall tone is positive and polite with an eye to keeping the business
If you have any questions or require further assistance in meeting the legal requirements to utilize our services, please email me at: [email protected] or call me at: (808) 968-8296. Sincerely,
Gabriel Yamahira Gabriel Yamahira Hunting Guide
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 5
Rx RX Pharmacies 1200 Pali Highway #45 Honolulu, HI 96814
Modified block Letter Format
November 20, 20xx
Constance E. Masunaga, Pharm.D. 1212 Nuuanu Avenue #PH1 Honolulu, HI 96817 Dear Dr. Masunaga:
Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Thank you for interest in the Pharmacy Manager position. Your application and resume were received at our Human Resources office and given careful consideration. Negative news is handled tactfully yet honestly. The customer deserves to know the reasons for bad news.
The job criteria require three years experience as a Pharmacist and a current Hawaii State license as a Registered Pharmacist. Your resume indicates that you recently graduated from the University of the Pacific, School of Pharmacy, and therefore we are unable to offer you a position at this time.
An alternative is offered whenever possible to help the applicant achieve her goals
If you are interested in a staff pharmacist position, we are currently recruiting a full-time day shift position at our Women and Children Outpatient Pharmacy. The staff pharmacist position also includes a $2500 sign-on bonus. Please call the human resources office 535-7400 if you would like to schedule an interview. Your outstanding academic record makes you an excellent candidate for the staff pharmacist position. Thank you again for your interest in RX Pharmacies. We look forward to hearing from you soon. Sincerely,
Walter Chang Human Resources Director
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 6
June 4, 20xx Ms. Iris Arakaki, Director Hawaii Food Bank 2345 Mokapu Drive Pearl City, HI 96782 Dear Ms. Arakaki,
Modified block format
Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Thank you for your letter inviting me to participate in your worthy cause. As a nutritionist for the Hawaii Health Organization, I agree with your concern for people in need of basic necessities. The negative news is presented tactfully, and the reasons for refusal offered (the reader should know why the favor can't be granted)
In October, the month of your campaign, I will be in New Guinea to help establish a health facility there for the under-nourished people in that area. I am scheduled to leave in September and return in January. So as much as I would like to help, I will not be available. So that the reader can still accomplish his/her goals, an alternative is offered whenever possible
May I suggest a replacement? I spoke to Thomas Carroll, the assistant director of the local chapter of the World Health League. He has done fund drives on the mainland, and because he is new here, would like to connect with your group. He has the available time and experience to carry out this year's campaign. His phone number is 555-3487 ext. 456. You may be assured that he and I would like to help your campaign in any way we can. Best of luck to you in this year's annual food drive. Notice how the overall tone of the letter is positive and polite with an eye to keeping good relations. The writer may not be able to help now, but that doesn't mean she can't (or won't) help in the future
Hurley Sum07
Very truly yours,
Doreen Kaniho Nutritionist
Bad News – Sample 1
Bad News Message – Poorly Written Letter Notice the emphasis on “we” and the overall impolite tone. The focus must always be on the customer, even in bad news letters. Do you really want to lose his/her business forever, just because of some temporary problems?
Tylar’s Tulips 777 Tiny Town Road Tejada, Texas 22210 April 29, 20xx
Ronnie’s Nursery Mr. Tyler Brown 144-14 182 Place New York, NY 11413
The WORST way to start a business letter is to begin with “I” or “we.” It tells the reader from the very first word that the most important person in this letter is I the company and not who it should be: YOU the customer.
Dear Tyler:
Polite letters use “please,” avoid “there are,” and provide the name of a person to call and a phone number
We regret to inform you that due to the changes in your financial status this year, we have sufficient reason to believe that you will not be able to maintain credit in good standing with us. Therefore, we are no longer able to extend you credit. We will only accept cash for any orders you make in the future. We are sorry for the inconvenience. However, as your financial status improves, we will be happy to re-establish your credit with us. Call if there are any questions or concerns. Sincerly,
Rhonda Morgan Owner Incorrect business letter format – notice how the date is right justified and the signature block is indented. Such inattention to details makes the difference between a professionally designed letter and an amateurish one
Hurley Sum07
Misspellings make you – and the company your represent – look sloppy By not signing your letters, you give the impression that you are avoiding taking responsibility for your words
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 2
Bad News Message – Improved Letter Notice how the overall tone has improved – positive, and polite with an eye to keeping the business
Tylar’s Tulips 777 Tiny Town Road Tejada, Texas 22210
Modified Block letter format
April 29, 20xx
Ronnie’s Nursery Mr. Tyler Brown 144-14 182 Place New York, NY 11413
Dear Tyler:
Indirect approach starts with something positive
Over the years Ronnie’s Nursery has been a valued customer. However, because of several late payment bills (see attached copies), all future orders must be made by cash only. Negative news is handled tactfully yet honestly. The customer deserves to know the reasons for bad news We understand that the economy has adversely affected so many small businesses. However, you can understand that we must be able to collect payment on a timely basis. Like you, we also have bills to pay. These lines appeal to the reader’s sense of fair play
Your preferred status will be restored after a positive record of payment is re-established. If you have any questions, please call our credit manager, Jerry Akiona, at (213) 1234567. Polite, forward- looking close
Sincerely,
Rhonda Morgan Owner
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 3
60 Scissors Lane Craftland, CA 95111
March 3, 20xx Ms. Janet Albertson My Computer Crafts 111 Felt Avenue Somewhere, US 12345
Modified Block Letter Format with Indented First Lines
Dear Ms. Albertson:
Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Thank you for your continued support as a valued customer. We are pleased that you have chosen Craft Supplies Unlimited for all your crafting needs. Because the manufacturer has discontinued the item, we will no longer be offering the colored poly foam sheets (SKU# 115325, and 115330). However, we have located a new supplier with a superior product who can ship your order within two weeks. To keep the customer from canceling the order, the writer gives a last sales pitch You will appreciate the quality of the new colored poly foam sheets (SKU# 231125). Tear-resistant and colorfast, the new foam sheets come in color packs of 12 brilliant and 10 pastel colors. And the price is right; the new sheets cost 10% less than the discontinued sheets. Please call me at (650) 567-8900 if you would like to have these outstanding foam sheets sent to you. If you have any questions or would like more information, please visit our website at www.craftsunlimited.com. Notice how the overall tone of the letter is positive and polite with an eye to keeping the business
Sincerely,
Jade Miles Sales Relations Manager
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 4
Block Letter Format
December 7, 20xx
Mr. Henry Hennesey 344 Stratham Rd. Freeport, AL 67890 Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Dear Mr. Hennesey, Thank you for your interest in contracting Hawaiian Hog Wild’s hunting guide services. We are committed to providing all interested parties with an exciting hunting experience on the Big Island of Hawaii. Negative news is handled tactfully yet honestly.
Although you have submitted all of your documentation within the required time period, we cannot offer our services to you at this time for the following reasons: •
Your Certificate of Completion for a Hunter’s Safety Education Course is not from an officially recognized branch of the International Hunters Education Association (IHEA). Only certificates issued by IHEA affiliates are accepted by the State of Hawaii’s Department of Land and Natural Resources as a valid proof of completion.
•
The firearm you declared in your firearms inventory list is illegal in the State of Hawaii. You listed your 12-gauge shotgun barrel’s length at 17 inches. The minimum legal shotgun barrel length in the State of Hawaii is 18 inches.
We encourage you to register and complete an IHEA recognized Hunter Safety Education course. They have many affiliates worldwide, and you can find the branch closest to you via their website, www.ihea.com. Upon completion of an officially recognized course, we will be happy to provide our services to you. Alternative actions so the reader can accomplish goals As for your firearm, you have two options: you can bring an alternate, legal firearm or you can hunt with a knife that we provide at no extra cost. Our hunting dogs' abilities at
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI Henry Hennesey
2
December 7, 20xx
capturing a wild boar makes it possible to use a knife instead of a firearm. The knife is actually the preferred method of hunting among local pig hunters in Hawai’i, and it is an experience that is much more exciting and adrenaline pumping. Notice how the overall tone is positive and polite with an eye to keeping the business
If you have any questions or require further assistance in meeting the legal requirements to utilize our services, please email me at: [email protected] or call me at: (808) 968-8296. Sincerely,
Gabriel Yamahira Gabriel Yamahira Hunting Guide
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 5
Rx RX Pharmacies 1200 Pali Highway #45 Honolulu, HI 96814
Modified block Letter Format
November 20, 20xx
Constance E. Masunaga, Pharm.D. 1212 Nuuanu Avenue #PH1 Honolulu, HI 96817 Dear Dr. Masunaga:
Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Thank you for interest in the Pharmacy Manager position. Your application and resume were received at our Human Resources office and given careful consideration. Negative news is handled tactfully yet honestly. The customer deserves to know the reasons for bad news.
The job criteria require three years experience as a Pharmacist and a current Hawaii State license as a Registered Pharmacist. Your resume indicates that you recently graduated from the University of the Pacific, School of Pharmacy, and therefore we are unable to offer you a position at this time.
An alternative is offered whenever possible to help the applicant achieve her goals
If you are interested in a staff pharmacist position, we are currently recruiting a full-time day shift position at our Women and Children Outpatient Pharmacy. The staff pharmacist position also includes a $2500 sign-on bonus. Please call the human resources office 535-7400 if you would like to schedule an interview. Your outstanding academic record makes you an excellent candidate for the staff pharmacist position. Thank you again for your interest in RX Pharmacies. We look forward to hearing from you soon. Sincerely,
Walter Chang Human Resources Director
Hurley Sum07
Eng 209/WI
Bad News – Sample 6
June 4, 20xx Ms. Iris Arakaki, Director Hawaii Food Bank 2345 Mokapu Drive Pearl City, HI 96782 Dear Ms. Arakaki,
Modified block format
Bad news messages use the indirect approach and starts with something positive
Thank you for your letter inviting me to participate in your worthy cause. As a nutritionist for the Hawaii Health Organization, I agree with your concern for people in need of basic necessities. The negative news is presented tactfully, and the reasons for refusal offered (the reader should know why the favor can't be granted)
In October, the month of your campaign, I will be in New Guinea to help establish a health facility there for the under-nourished people in that area. I am scheduled to leave in September and return in January. So as much as I would like to help, I will not be available. So that the reader can still accomplish his/her goals, an alternative is offered whenever possible
May I suggest a replacement? I spoke to Thomas Carroll, the assistant director of the local chapter of the World Health League. He has done fund drives on the mainland, and because he is new here, would like to connect with your group. He has the available time and experience to carry out this year's campaign. His phone number is 555-3487 ext. 456. You may be assured that he and I would like to help your campaign in any way we can. Best of luck to you in this year's annual food drive. Notice how the overall tone of the letter is positive and polite with an eye to keeping good relations. The writer may not be able to help now, but that doesn't mean she can't (or won't) help in the future
Hurley Sum07
Very truly yours,
Doreen Kaniho Nutritionist
