Running Head: Common Syndromes Of Graduate School

Running head: COMMON SYNDROMES OF GRADUATE SCHOOL

Common Syndromes of Graduate School: Symptoms and Remedies Tyler L. Renshaw University of California, Santa Barbara

Author Note Tyler L. Renshaw, M.Ed., is a third-year doctoral student in the combined Counseling, Clinical, and School Psychology program at the University of California, Santa Barbara. He can be contacted by phone at (805) 453-4855 or via email at [email protected].

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Common Syndromes of Graduate School: Symptoms and Remedies We school psychologists are helpers. Typically, our helping revolves around preventing or remediating syndromes—unfortunate or “bad” conditions that are characterized by a particular set of symptoms. Such conditions are found in various flavors, shapes, and sizes, yet we could probably group them within a single meta-category: Syndromes of Childhoodi (SoC). As school psychologists, some of the most common SoC that we’re concerned with are the Failing-Out-ofSchool Syndrome (FOoSS), the Not-Very-Good-at-Making-or-Maintaining-Friendships Syndrome (NVGaMoMFS), the Social-yet-Quite-Destructive-Behavior Syndrome (SyQDBS), the Appearing-Somewhat-Emotionally-Imbalanced Syndrome (ASEIS), and the Don’t-Like-Schooland-Don’t-Want-to-Do-Anything Syndrome (DLSaDWtDAS). These conditions may be complex, but even newbie practicum students can easily identify them. We know them when we see them because we’ve read, talked, and lived them. Indeed, our experiences have convinced us that these syndromes actually exist, and that they’re worth worrying about. With that said, there’s another group of students and another meta-category of syndromes that I think are just as worry-worthy: graduate students and Syndromes of Graduate School (SoGS). Just as my experience in primary and secondary schools has convinced me of the reality of SoC, so has my experience in graduate school convinced me of the reality of SoGS. Interestingly, however, SoGS seem to be much less well known than SoC, although they might be just as common. If your training program is anything like mine, you likely haven’t discussed the nature and origins of SoGS in your developmental psychopathology seminar, and it’s unlikely that you talked about how to assess or intervene with them in your practicum courses. Nevertheless, SoGS still exist. I know this because I’ve had one—or two (or a few)—during my

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graduate years. And because I believe that my experience isn’t singular, I’m assuming that you and your friends have too often been afflicted by SoGS, too. Given my insider’s knowledge about these unfortunate conditions, as well as the lack of contemporary literature and discussion surrounding them, my purpose here is to delineate the symptoms of some common SoGS and recommend some effective remedies. By engaging in such consciousness-raising, I hope to empower graduate students with knowledge and intervention ideas that’ll allow them to better deal with their personal SoGS and the SoGS of others. And by doing so, I also hope to facilitate more enjoyable—and less symptomatic— graduate school experiences for us all. With that said, I embark on a non-exhaustive discussion of four common SoGS that seem to plague graduate students across the Nation. And as I do so, I offer this preface: these syndromes, although slightly silly sounding, are very real and worth worrying about, too. Being-the-Busiest-Person-on-the-Planet Syndrome The most common and undisputed of all SoGS is the Being-the-Busiest-Person-on-thePlanet Syndrome (BtBPotPS). The key symptoms of this condition are (a) running and tripping out of your door on most mornings; (b) having a planner full of obligations that you don’t remember committing to (and that you’d prefer not to show up for); (c) forgetting—temporarily or even semi-permanently—that you actually have friends and family who care about you and would like to hear from you; (d) prefacing all answers to queries regarding your extracurricular activities with “Well, before graduate school . . .” or “If I had some free time . . .”; (d) talking about your personal hobbies as if they were good friends who had died tragically and prematurely; (e) having seemingly never-ending have-to-do and should-do lists; (f) experiencing

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recurring nightmares wherein you’re chased by evil, anthropomorphized deadline-zombies; and (g) really believing than you’re busier than anyone else you know. If you have two to four of the aforementioned symptoms, you’re likely at-risk for developing BtBPotPS. And if you have five or more, you’re out of luck: you’ve probably got a full-blown case of this unfortunate syndrome already. But whatever the case may be, whether you’re trying to prevent it or remediate it, I recommend the same three trusted remedies. One, find someone who is actually busier than you are, become friends with that person, learn of their woes, and then think often about how grateful you are not be in his or her shoes. Two, learn to just say “No!” (at least sometimes) to the wonderful, endless, non-mandatory opportunities that surround you in both the academy and in the field. And three, purposefully schedule a few hours of “unscheduled time” every week, during which you can regress to spontaneity and do whatever you feel inclined to in the moment: take a nap, make and drink a smoothie, write in your journal, watch a documentary, or knit a pair of leg warmers. When implemented faithfully, these three strategies will temper your busyness and therefore enhance your quality of life. One-too-Many-Frozen-Foods-for-Dinner Syndrome Typically, but not always, BtBPotPS is accompanied by One-too-Many-Frozen-Foodsfor-Dinner Syndrome (OtMFFfDS). The hallmark symptoms of this condition are (a) having frequent stomachaches, headaches, or other strange body-aches; (b) feeling incredibly and grossly lethargic—all of the time; (c) having a severe phobia of organic or so-called “health foods”; (d) believing, mistakenly, that all foods taste just as good and are equally healthy, no matter what their ingredients or by what means they’re prepared; (e) planning your meals only minutes (or seconds) before actually eating them; (f) having a large callous on your right index finger that’s the sole product of repeatedly and relentlessly pressing the “Auto Defrost” button on

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your microwave; and (g) eating frozen foods for dinner at least once a week, and then bringing the left-overs to school for lunch the next day or, more seriously, the next several days. If you have at least symptom (g), then you’re probably at-risk for developing OtMFFfDS. And if you have (g), (f), and any combination of the other five symptoms, then you’re cooked: you’re already afflicted with this health-threatening, debilitating syndrome. With that said, if you’re only at-risk for this condition, I recommend a simple remedy that is bound to add years to your life: avoid the frozen food aisle at the grocery store like you would an outdated cognitive assessment battery—because nothing good will come of it. But if you believe that you’re fully afflicted already, I recommend a brief, potent, four-step solution. First, throw (or give) away all frozen foods in your possession; second, go to http://mypyramid.gov and do some “research” (i.e., click at least three links and read for at least 30 minutes); third, use your newfound knowledge to plan meals for the upcoming week; and lastly, go grocery shopping with your new, health-conscious plan in hand. If used with fidelity, this multi-step intervention is foolproof for enhancing dietary health, cognitive alertness, and physiological well-being. Computer-has-Sucked-the-Life-Force-Out Syndrome Of the SoGS discussed herein, the Computer-has-Sucked-the-Life-Force-Out Syndrome (ChStLFOS) is the newest, having emerged primarily within the past two decades. The key symptoms of this condition are (a) being joined at the hip with your laptop—taking it with you everywhere you go, including into the restroom; (b) checking your email first thing after awaking, last thing before sleeping, and at least 100 plus times in between; (c) holding your computer hostage—never turning it “off” or letting it “sleep”—for one month or longer; (d) naming your new pet hamster “Mac” or “PC”; (e) believing that your laptop from graduate school may one day make a great family heirloom; (f) inappropriately classifying your time spent

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reading blogs, watching YouTube videos, and cruising the iTunes Store as “recreation”; and (g) preferring Facebooking over real-life socializing because it’s more efficient, less stressful, and can be done in your pajamas and, most importantly, while brushing your teeth. Similar to BtBPotPS, if you possess two to four of the aforementioned symptoms then you’re likely at-risk for developing ChStLFOS. And if you’ve got five or more of these symptoms already, then there’s no use living in denial any longer: you’re computer has officially taken over your life. Either way, I recommend the same two remedies to regain or re-find or recreate (however you prefer to conceptualize it) your Life Force. One, go somewhere and do something, everyday, where computer usage is viewed as taboo or burdensome—go hiking, swimming, running, biking, speed-walking, speed-dating, kayaking, or fishing. Two, reconnect with real people in real-life and real-time—linger after class to chat, spend time talking with (not just at or to) the children you work with, and take a car, train, or plane trip to visit your long-lost friends and family. When used in tandem, this pair of interventions will rekindle your Life Force more than any instant message or Facebook “poke” ever could, guaranteed. Forgetting-that-there’s-More-to-Life-than-School-Psychology Syndrome Perhaps the most serious of all SoGS is the Forgetting-that-there’s-More-to-Life-thanSchool-Psychology Syndrome (FttMtLtSPS). The hallmark symptoms of this condition are (a) thinking about school psychology when you’re spending time with best friends or your significant other; (b) reading only school psychology related literature or, more seriously, forgetting that literature actually exists in other fields; (c) declaring in public (and while sober) that school psychology can solve all of the world’s problems; (d) being more excited to celebrate School Psychology Awareness Week than your are to celebrate your grandmother’s 90th birthday; (e) reasoning that the two most important letters in the alphabet must obviously be “S”

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and “P”; (f) feeling like a child in a candy store while reviewing special education law or the latest norm update for any given assessment; and (g) believing, mistakenly, that everything that’s important to know about a child can be found in a psychoeducational report. If you have any two of the aforementioned symptoms, then you’re probably at-risk for developing the formidable FttMtLtSPS. And if you’ve got any combination of three or more, it’s due time to get concerned: you may have a lively case of the most serious SoGS on your hands. But whether you have it yet or not, I recommend the same four fantastic remedies. One, before tripping out of the door every morning, chant the following lines, with gusto, at least three times: “There are more important things in life than school psychology! Hurrah! Hooray! I’ll prove it today!” Second, query other people in other fields about what they do and why they think it’s important. Third, make a list of all the things in life that are important to you but are unrelated to school psychology. And lastly, think up all of the stuff that’s important to know about a child but may not be included on a psychoeducational report, and then go learn about such stuff. If implemented well enough, after a few weeks you’ll form a more balanced perspective and will start believing that school psychology is just one of many important things in life—not life itself. Conclusion The four common SoGS discussed herein—BtBPotPS, OtMFFfDS, ChStLFOS, and FttMtLtSPS—are real and worth worrying about. Now, I’ll readily admit that these conditions aren’t as severe or debilitating as the SoC that we school psychologists spend most of our time preventing or remediating. Nevertheless, they do have detrimental effects on graduate students’ quality of life and seem to significantly hamper their prosocial development. Given this, as a graduate student who is striving to (but isn’t yet) completely SoGS-free, I offer my unwavering testimony that the remedies presented herein work. And the reason they work is because they

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emphasize the importance of self-care and the need for a variety of experiences, both of which are anathema to the life-drainingness and sameness inherent in all SoGS. So, for your sake and the sake of your fellow graduate students, let’s spread this knowledge and try out these remedies: let’s do all we can to facilitate a more enjoyable—and less symptomatic—experience for us all.

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Syndromes of Childhood isn’t an official category from an official categorization system—I made it up. Similarly, I also fabricated the syndromes that make up this category (although they are grounded in real-life experience and are somewhat related to those found in officialized categorization schemes).