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No. 18 Examples of Limericks
A bather whose clothing was strewed By winds that left her quite nude Saw a man come along And unless we are wrong You expected this line to be lewd
I went to the staffroom one day For a nice cup of tea during play But a troll had got in And was making a din Even though he had nothing to say.
An artistic male cat called Greebo, To an evening class he decided to go. The teacher said, "That's not right Your page is all white!" Grebes said, "It is a polar bear in the snow."
No. 18 A mosquito was heard to complain, 'A chemist has poisoned my brain! 'The cause of his sorrow was paradichlorotriphenyldichloroethane.
I once had a blind date with Cilla. I took her to watch Aston Villa. She sang to the crowd And she sang very loud And that's why they threatened to kill 'err.
A flea and a fly in a flue Were caught, so what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee." "Let us fly," said the flea. So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
No. 18
Limericks For Chris On the Occasion of Her Fiftieth Birthday John firmly believed that Christine, At age twenty-two was pristine, Yet this sleazebag of Hokum, Seduced the poor Yokum, By mooning and gestures obscene!
What he didn't know, the poor clown, Was her bad reputation in town, For an olive she swallowed, Was straight away followed, By seven young men leaving town!
The advantage John took of Christine Was not just penny-pinching, but mean, For he fit her out snug, In a Volkswagen bug-An "Iron Maiden"-like driving machine!
No. 18 But alas and alack, this poor Dumbo, Little knew that Christine was Columbo, And determined to fix, The cad up for his tricks, That is--dice the dude like a shrimp gumbo!
So his Volkswagen driving was marred, When the clunker blew up in his yard, And he barely recovered, When next month discovered, Nitroglycerine on Chris' Visa card!
But rather than spend beaucoup boodle! Johnny bought her another, (the noodle), Then forced her with tears, To drive twenty five years, And that's when she poisoned his strudel,
Though he lived, Chris, with desperate striving,
Dispatched him, through careful conniving, In her German machine, And he was last seen, In Old Blue with the cat, Blossom, driving!
A Menorah of Limericks
No.
For the Wedding of
18
Becky and Ken Christine's praises are great and far-flung, Its the on the tip of each tongue, Let's payword homage to Becky and Ken, That Chris Morley As a couple the two rateisa neat, "10"! And I we needn't Yet for years haverepeat, harried, That she's growing more sexy and young! The two to get married, So where in the world have they been?
No. 18
There isn't a task beyond Ken, He is clearly a man among men, Though some others do well, He is bound to Excel! Each achievement's not "whether"
Valentine's Day Love but "when?"
Limericks To My Wife To Reliance As Rebecca's every friend knows, She will go kissed just asme far when as Kenwe goes, Jenny met, Far more lovely than artwork though youthat can't tell, and yet, I'veAnd always loved poem of faience, From sell," Nowher thatmicro she's"soft my valentine, Breathing vigoro-Pen and charm I predict that she'll I think tonight at halfWindows! past nine, and defiance, We'll do a good deal more than pet! The woman I toast, Is the one we lovenee most, Our dearest Rebecca, Winter, Inimitable darling Reliance! A homeowner--no longer a renter, Kindly let's her guest choose,
No. 18
Fie on the law--statutes and regs, Are nothing more than lees and dregs, I much prefer, My Jennifer, With sexy eyes and lips and legs.
Cholesterol? It's not a hex! The answer's really not complex, Defeating a lipid, With diet's insipid, Instead we use marathon sex! There once was a man from Beijing . All his life he hoped to be King . So he put on a crown, Which quickly fell down. That small silly man from Beijing .
No. 18 There was an Old Man of the Wrekin Whose shoes made a horrible creaking But they said, 'Tell us whether Your shoes are of leather, Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?'
There was an Old Person of Hurst, Who drank when he was not athirst; When they said, 'You'll grw fatter,' He answered, 'What matter?' That globular Person of Hurst. A diner while dining at Crewe Found a very large mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, "Don't shout And wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one too. There was a young woman named Bright Whose speed was much faster than light. She set out one day In a relative way, And returned on the previous night
No. 18 There was an old man of Peru Who dreamt he was eating his shoe He woke in the night With a terrible fright To find it was perfectly true.
There once was a clover named Kate, Who sat on the edge of a plate, The fancy folk dined, On foods of all kind, Then tossed her at quarter past eight. There was an old man with a beard A funny old man with a beard He had a big beard A great big old beard That amusing old man with a beard I favor the limerick form, For serious work not the norm; A new way to capture, A feeling of rapture, Or visions of wild thunderstorm. From the hag and hungry goblin That into rags would rend thee And the spirit that stands by the naked man, In the book of the moons defend yee.
No. 18 Hickory, Dickory Dock, A Mouse ran up the Clock, The Clock Struck One, The Mouse fell down, And Hickory Dickory Dock.
My name is John Wellington Wells. I'm a dealer in magic and spells. In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses In prophecies, witches and knells. There was a young curate of Salisbury Whose manners were Halisbury-Scalisbury He wandered round Hampshire Without any pampshire Till the Vicar compelled him to Warisbury Well, it's partly the shape of the thing That gives the old limerick wing; These accordion pleats Full of airy conceits Take it up like a kite on a spring.
No. 18 There was a farmer from Leeds, Who ate six packs of seeds, It soon came to pass, He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds! There was a man called Bob Who has a very big gob His brains as small as a pea He hasn’t even heard of the word tea That’s why he has never had a good job.
There was young man called Phil, Who loved and liked to kill, He loved Mars bars, And got knocked down by cars, And that’s why he lives under a hill.
No. 18 There was young man from Perth Who looked just like a smurf He was very blue
And smelt like glue And he dug up the Earth. A decrepit old gas man named Peter, While hunting around for the metre, Touched a leak with his light. He arose out of sight, And as anyone can see by reading this, he also destroyed the metre. There was a young woman from Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. They returned from the ride with the woman inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger. I sat next to the Duchess at tea. It was just as I feared it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were simply abominable, And everyone thought it was me. A wonderful bird is the Pelican. His beak can hold more than his belly can. He can hold in his beak Enough food for a week! But I'm damned if I see how the hellican There once was a young man from Kew Who found a dead mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, “Don't shout Or wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one too!” Philippine Normal University College of Education Taft Avenue, Manila
Submitted by:
Bascon, Jiralden T. III – 5 BEEd
Submitted to: Prof. E. R. Callo
A bather whose clothing was strewed By winds that left her quite nude Saw a man come along And unless we are wrong You expected this line to be lewd
I went to the staffroom one day For a nice cup of tea during play But a troll had got in And was making a din Even though he had nothing to say.
An artistic male cat called Greebo, To an evening class he decided to go. The teacher said, "That's not right Your page is all white!" Grebes said, "It is a polar bear in the snow."
No. 18 A mosquito was heard to complain, 'A chemist has poisoned my brain! 'The cause of his sorrow was paradichlorotriphenyldichloroethane.
I once had a blind date with Cilla. I took her to watch Aston Villa. She sang to the crowd And she sang very loud And that's why they threatened to kill 'err.
A flea and a fly in a flue Were caught, so what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee." "Let us fly," said the flea. So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
No. 18
Limericks For Chris On the Occasion of Her Fiftieth Birthday John firmly believed that Christine, At age twenty-two was pristine, Yet this sleazebag of Hokum, Seduced the poor Yokum, By mooning and gestures obscene!
What he didn't know, the poor clown, Was her bad reputation in town, For an olive she swallowed, Was straight away followed, By seven young men leaving town!
The advantage John took of Christine Was not just penny-pinching, but mean, For he fit her out snug, In a Volkswagen bug-An "Iron Maiden"-like driving machine!
No. 18 But alas and alack, this poor Dumbo, Little knew that Christine was Columbo, And determined to fix, The cad up for his tricks, That is--dice the dude like a shrimp gumbo!
So his Volkswagen driving was marred, When the clunker blew up in his yard, And he barely recovered, When next month discovered, Nitroglycerine on Chris' Visa card!
But rather than spend beaucoup boodle! Johnny bought her another, (the noodle), Then forced her with tears, To drive twenty five years, And that's when she poisoned his strudel,
Though he lived, Chris, with desperate striving,
Dispatched him, through careful conniving, In her German machine, And he was last seen, In Old Blue with the cat, Blossom, driving!
A Menorah of Limericks
No.
For the Wedding of
18
Becky and Ken Christine's praises are great and far-flung, Its the on the tip of each tongue, Let's payword homage to Becky and Ken, That Chris Morley As a couple the two rateisa neat, "10"! And I we needn't Yet for years haverepeat, harried, That she's growing more sexy and young! The two to get married, So where in the world have they been?
No. 18
There isn't a task beyond Ken, He is clearly a man among men, Though some others do well, He is bound to Excel! Each achievement's not "whether"
Valentine's Day Love but "when?"
Limericks To My Wife To Reliance As Rebecca's every friend knows, She will go kissed just asme far when as Kenwe goes, Jenny met, Far more lovely than artwork though youthat can't tell, and yet, I'veAnd always loved poem of faience, From sell," Nowher thatmicro she's"soft my valentine, Breathing vigoro-Pen and charm I predict that she'll I think tonight at halfWindows! past nine, and defiance, We'll do a good deal more than pet! The woman I toast, Is the one we lovenee most, Our dearest Rebecca, Winter, Inimitable darling Reliance! A homeowner--no longer a renter, Kindly let's her guest choose,
No. 18
Fie on the law--statutes and regs, Are nothing more than lees and dregs, I much prefer, My Jennifer, With sexy eyes and lips and legs.
Cholesterol? It's not a hex! The answer's really not complex, Defeating a lipid, With diet's insipid, Instead we use marathon sex! There once was a man from Beijing . All his life he hoped to be King . So he put on a crown, Which quickly fell down. That small silly man from Beijing .
No. 18 There was an Old Man of the Wrekin Whose shoes made a horrible creaking But they said, 'Tell us whether Your shoes are of leather, Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?'
There was an Old Person of Hurst, Who drank when he was not athirst; When they said, 'You'll grw fatter,' He answered, 'What matter?' That globular Person of Hurst. A diner while dining at Crewe Found a very large mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, "Don't shout And wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one too. There was a young woman named Bright Whose speed was much faster than light. She set out one day In a relative way, And returned on the previous night
No. 18 There was an old man of Peru Who dreamt he was eating his shoe He woke in the night With a terrible fright To find it was perfectly true.
There once was a clover named Kate, Who sat on the edge of a plate, The fancy folk dined, On foods of all kind, Then tossed her at quarter past eight. There was an old man with a beard A funny old man with a beard He had a big beard A great big old beard That amusing old man with a beard I favor the limerick form, For serious work not the norm; A new way to capture, A feeling of rapture, Or visions of wild thunderstorm. From the hag and hungry goblin That into rags would rend thee And the spirit that stands by the naked man, In the book of the moons defend yee.
No. 18 Hickory, Dickory Dock, A Mouse ran up the Clock, The Clock Struck One, The Mouse fell down, And Hickory Dickory Dock.
My name is John Wellington Wells. I'm a dealer in magic and spells. In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses In prophecies, witches and knells. There was a young curate of Salisbury Whose manners were Halisbury-Scalisbury He wandered round Hampshire Without any pampshire Till the Vicar compelled him to Warisbury Well, it's partly the shape of the thing That gives the old limerick wing; These accordion pleats Full of airy conceits Take it up like a kite on a spring.
No. 18 There was a farmer from Leeds, Who ate six packs of seeds, It soon came to pass, He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds! There was a man called Bob Who has a very big gob His brains as small as a pea He hasn’t even heard of the word tea That’s why he has never had a good job.
There was young man called Phil, Who loved and liked to kill, He loved Mars bars, And got knocked down by cars, And that’s why he lives under a hill.
No. 18 There was young man from Perth Who looked just like a smurf He was very blue
And smelt like glue And he dug up the Earth. A decrepit old gas man named Peter, While hunting around for the metre, Touched a leak with his light. He arose out of sight, And as anyone can see by reading this, he also destroyed the metre. There was a young woman from Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. They returned from the ride with the woman inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger. I sat next to the Duchess at tea. It was just as I feared it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were simply abominable, And everyone thought it was me. A wonderful bird is the Pelican. His beak can hold more than his belly can. He can hold in his beak Enough food for a week! But I'm damned if I see how the hellican There once was a young man from Kew Who found a dead mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, “Don't shout Or wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one too!” Philippine Normal University College of Education Taft Avenue, Manila
Submitted by:
Bascon, Jiralden T. III – 5 BEEd
Submitted to: Prof. E. R. Callo
