Permit

PERMIT TO BE ILL Name: .................................................................................................................. .................... Address: .......................................................................................................... ........................ (if you don’t have an address, state whether you wear jeans, kaftans, or Y-fronts) Occupation: (If teacher, state “Part-Time”) ...................................................................... ..... Date of Birth …………………… Age at Birth ………Reason for Birth ............................ . Fathers occupation (If in Civil Service, state “Not fully employed”) .................................... Fathers Address (If unknown, state name of likely prison) ........................................... ........ Name of Doctor/Vet/Analyst ................................................................................ .................. Notes: 1. 2. 3.

Should you die before this application is delt with, please notify an officer who will issue an APPLICATION TO DIE form (1.2.R.I.P) which must be completed before burial A PERMIT TO BE ILL is not transferable – unless it is a special “Family Common Cold” permit, in which case all colds (up to 10) must be caught within 14 days of issue To prevent the spread of infectious diseases, please boil both this form and your writing hand in disinfectant for 15 minutes before handing it to a Social Welfare Officer

___________________________________ _ PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS FULLY, OR AT LEAST COMPLETELY.

1. I hereby make application to be ( ) sick, ( ) not sick, ( ) sick everywhere, ( ) examined, ( ) certified, ( ) terminated, ( ) remembered

2. I have a pain in my ( ) body, ( ) mind, ( ) soul, ( ) bottom, ( ) limb, ( ) right side, ( ) left side, ( ) inside. My tongue is ( ) coated, ( ) swollen, ( ) purple, ( ) long, ( ) choking me. My nose is ( ) blocked, ( ) streaming, ( ) ruptured, ( ) off centre My eyes are ( ) cloudy, ( ) watery, ( ) bloodshot, ( ) crossed, ( ) falling out My complexion is ( ) clear, ( ) pimply, ( ) embarrassing, ( ) like the moon’s surface 7. My bowels are ( ) free and easy, ( ) gummed up, ( ) embarrassing, ( ) musically talented, ( ) what are bowels? 8. I have ( ) strained, ( ) sprained, ( ) drained, ( ), lost……. My ( ) leg, ( ) arm, ( ) muscle, ( ), gland, ( ) organ, ( ) balance, ( ) husband, ( ) wife 9. I am off my ( ) food, ( ) drink, ( ) feet, ( ) rocker …. And am running out of ( ) energy, ( ) patience, ( ) breath, ( ) this city 10. I have vomited ……………. Times in the last 24 hours and plan to vomit ……….. times in the next 24 hours 11. I am going to ( ) die, ( ) not die, ( ) commit suicide (Note if suicide intended by firearms, a special permit must first be obtained from the Firearms Licensing Office) 12. I am in ( ) bed, ( ) side, ( ) agony, ( ) gaol, ( ) my pyjamas 3. 4. 5. 6.

13. I have pimples/rashes on my ………………………….. and they ( ) itch, ( ) don’t itch, ( ) itch like … ……….. when I ( ) scratch them, ( ) cannot reach them 14. Before my eyes I can see ( ) spots, ( ) girls, ( ) pink elephants, ( ) guys, ( ) beautiful girls riding pink elephants, ( )spotty guys riding pink elephants, ( ) grave stones, ( ) ACC forms 15. I have been taking ( ) pills, ( ) medicine, ( ) liberties, ( ) poison 16. I am willing to take ( ) pills, ( ) medicine, ( ) more liberties, ( ) poison (State whether fast or slow acting) 17. I am being cared for by my ( ) mother, ( ) my priest, ( ) myself, ( ) a Salvation army lady, ( ) beautiful girls riding pink elephants 18. I request the services of a ( ) doctor, ( ) midwife, ( ) vet, ( ) undertaker, ( ) celestial choir 19. I request admittance to ( ) a hospital, ( ) a bathroom, ( ) an asylum, ( ) medical school, ( ) a morturary, ( ) heaven 20. I believe my complaint to be ………………………………………………….. and that is caused by ( ) work, ( ) the present government, ( ) TV commercials, ( ) my husband/wife, ( ) Coca Cola, ( ) OHMS forms

I DO HEREBY DECLARE THAT THE ABOVE IS THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND ANYTHING BUT THE TRUTH Signed …………………………………………………............. Date……………….………….