Nurture Guide

The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

Deciding how to care for the senior in your life can often seem overwhelming. Feelings of stress, guilt, exhaustion often overwhelm the love we feel for this special person—we all feel these things from time to time. That’s why we have created the “Nurture Your Spirit” guide. It is designed to help bring a smile to your face, brighten your outlook, and give you practical skills for balancing your life. We surveyed caregivers and asked them what they’d like to see in this guide—what would help, what would heal, what would give them hope. As a result of this survey, we have included pearls of wisdom, gems of humor, information about caring for elderly parents, suggested readings and activities, stress-busters and meditations, and just plain fun stuff. So sit back, grab a cup of tea, breathe deeply, and enjoy!

DISCLAIMER The use of trade, firm, or corporation names in this publication is for the information and convenience of the reader. Such use does not constitute or imply an official endorsement or approval by The Wesley Community of any product or service to the exclusion of others that may be suitable.

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

words of WISDOM FAVORITE QUOTES ON SUCCESS !" “Carpe diem.” !" “If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.” –Henry J. Tillman !" “Measure twice, cut once.” !" “Success: To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition. To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson !" “The only ‘no’ in my vocabulary is ‘no problem’.” !" “Failure is impossible.” –Susan B. Anthony !" “Failure is not an option.” –Gene Kranz !" “Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there isn't a way, I'll make one.” !" “The only difference between try and triumph is that extra little umph.” !" “Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.” –Will Rogers !" “Success is a journey, not a destination.” –Anonymous ON MAKING A DIFFERENCE !" “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you to not be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” –Nelson Mandela, from his 1994 inaugural speech as president, Republic of South Africa !" “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” –Margaret Mead !" “To generous souls every task is noble.” –Euripides ON SPIRITUALITY !" “To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And eternity in an hour.” –William Blake from Auguries of Innocence !" “May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.” –Numbers 6:24-26 !" “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” –Reinhold Niebuhr !" “Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light." –Helen Keller !" “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” –Ephesians 4:32

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

“What you are is God's gift to you. What you become is your gift to God.” –Anthony Dalla Villa !" “Lord, make my life a window for your light to shine through and a mirror to reflect your love to all I meet.” –R. Schuller !" “Forgiveness is God’s eraser.” –R. Schuller !" “Coincidences are God’s way of staying anonymous.” –David Smith

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ON HOME AND FAMILY !" “There's no place like home.” –The Wizard of Oz !" “Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.” –Lady Bird Johnson !" “Behind every great man is an even greater woman.” !" “If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!” !" “You have two choices for dinner: one—take it, two—leave it.” ON SELF !" “I'm here because I'm not all there.” !" “Those who are traveling light are occasions of hope already.” !" “Don't sweat the small stuff.” –Richard Carlson !" “No one can make you feel badly without your permission.” –Eleanor Roosevelt !" “And this above all: to thine own self be true; and it follows as the night to the day that though canst to no other be false.” –William Shakespeare, Hamlet !" “It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” !" “If you can't control the wind, adjust your sail!” –Unknown !" “Out of my mind, back in 10 minutes.” !" “Go somewhere new every year.” –From the twenty points from the Dalai Llama !" “Sing as if no one were listening; Dance as if no one were watching; And live every day as if it were your last.” –An Irish Proverb !" “Love and death are our two greatest gifts, too often we pass them on unopened.” – Rilke !" “We find that we begin our soul work when something most precious to us is taken away.” –Unknown

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

words of WISDOM BOOKS & AUTHORS

We asked our community of women to suggest some books and articles. We wanted to know what resources have helped them figure out some issue, what their favorite self-improvement and educational books are, what authors they read habitually, or what single book has had a profound effect on their lives. Here are some responses.

HEALTH, FOOD & WELLNESS Books: !" Balch & Balch: Prescription for Nutritional Healing !" England, Pam: Birthing from Within !" Gaskin, Ina May: Spiritual Midwifery !" Greene, Bob (with Oprah Winfrey): Make the Connection !" Ross, Elizabeth Kubler: On Death and Dying Authors: !" Weil, Dr. Andrew Magazines: !" Bon Appetit !" Cooking Light !" Prevention !" Gourmet !" Health !" Muscle & Fitness Hers !" Self !" Shape !" Weightwatchers Websites: !" DrWeil.com: Author of Spontaneous Healing and 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. Offers questions and answers from Ask Dr. Weil, advice on supplements, and more. !" WebMD.com: Provides medical information and services for consumers, physicians, and other health providers. SELF, FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS Books: !" Al-Anon Family Group Head: Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II !" Beattie, Melody: Codependent No More !" Carlson, Richard: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff !" Coburn, Karen Levin: Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years !" Covey, Stephen R.: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People !" Deak, JoAnn: Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters !" DeMello, Anthony: The Way to Love !" Gould, Jean: Dutiful Daughters: Caring for Our Parents As They Grow Old !" Gray, John: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus !" Hendrix, Harville: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples !" Kurcinka, Mary Sheedy: Raising Your Spirited Child !" Parent, Marc: Turning Stones: My Days and Nights With Children at Risk !" Peck, Scott: The Road Less Traveled !" Ruiz, Don Miguel: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

!" Scott-Maxwell, Florida: The Measure of My Days !" Viorst, Judith: Necessary Losses !" Wholey, Dennis: The Courage to Change: Hope and Help for Alcoholics and Their Families Authors: !" Busgalia, Leo !" Dyer, Dr. Wayne !" Fulghum, Robert !" McGraw, Dr. Phil !" Paglia, Camille !" Peale, Norman Vincent !" Steinem, Gloria Magazines: !" Essence Websites: !" ChristmasOrganizing.com: Offers year round organization tips for the holidays. !" iVillage.com: An online village for women, covering a variety of topics SPIRIT Books: !" The Bible !" Clifford, Patricia Hart: Sitting Still: An Encounter with Christian Zen !" Kasl, Charlotte Davis: Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance With Life !" Myss, Caroline: Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential !" Wiseman, Neil B.: Growing Your Soul: Practical Steps to Increase Your Spirituality !" Zukav, Gary: The Seat of the Soul !" Zukav, Gary: Thoughts from the Heart of the Soul Authors: !" Dillard, Annie !" Cara, Anam WORK & HOME Books: !" Bolles, Richard Nelson: What Color is My Parachute !" Giuliani, Rudy: Leadership !" Mindell, Dr. Phyllis: How to Say it for Women !" Zander, Rosamund and Benjamin: The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life Magazines: !" Good Housekeeping !" Family Circle !" Parents Magazine !" Real Simple FINANCE & BUSINESS Books: !" Lee, Susan: ABC's of Money and Finance !" Lee, Susan: ABC's of Economics !" Orman, Suze: 9 Steps to Financial Freedom !" Ramsey, Dave: The Financial Peace Planner !" Ross, Charles: Your Personal Finance !" Williams, Dorian: The Discipline of Market Leaders !" Tyson, Eric: Personal Finance for Dummies

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

Authors: !" Orman, Suze Magazines: !" Black Enterprise !" Money !" U.S. News and World Report Websites: !" NYTimes.com: The New York Times on the Web COLLEGE & EDUCATION Books: !" Princeton Guide to the 330 Best Colleges !" Steinberg, Jacques: The Gatekeepers: Inside the Admissions Process of a Premier College Websites: !" Collegeboard.com: Brings together information and tools that students and parents need to plan for the transition from high school to college. NOVELS & LITERATURE Books: !" Brokaw, Tom: The Greatest Generation !" Chopin, Kate: The Awakening !" Ellison, Ralph: Invisible Man !" Follett, Ken: On Wings of Eagles !" Graham, Katharine: Personal History !" Heilbrun, Carolyn: Writing a Woman's Life !" Hurston, Zora Neale: Their Eyes Were Watching God !" Lapierre, Dominique: City of Joy !" Lee, Harper: To Kill a Mockingbird !" Lindbergh, Anne Morrow: A Gift from the Sea !" McCullough, David: John Adams !" Quindlen, Anna: One True Thing !" Rand, Ayn: Atlas Shrugged !" Rand, Ayn: The Fountainhead !" Rowling, J. K.: Harry Potter series !" Thoreau, Henry David: The Catcher in the Rye !" Tolstoy, Leo: Anna Karenina Authors: !" Allende, Isabel !" Angelou, Maya !" Barry, Dave !" Binchy, Maeve !" Bryson, Bill !" Cahill, Tim !" Cornwall, Patricia !" Delinsky, Barbara !" Eliot, T.S. !" Epstein, Joseph !" Giovanni, Nikki !" Goodwin, Doris Kearns !" Grafton, Sue !" Grisham, John !" Hillerman, Tony

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

!" Karon, Jan !" Kellerman, Jonathan !" Kingsolver, Barbara !" Lopez, Barry !" Marquez, Gabriel Garcia !" McDermott, Alice !" McMillan, Terry !" Merton, Thomas !" O'Brien, Patrick !" Patterson, James !" Reichs, Kathy !" Sparks, Nicholas !" Steele, Danielle !" Steinbeck, John !" Yeats, W.B. Magazines: !" Honey !" Outside

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

SPIRITED exchange We asked “Have you read or watched a biography that touched you in an important way? Who was it and why did it affect you so?” !" Evita. !" Madeleine Albright—because she came from a meager, difficult background and is so very accomplished. !" Katherine Graham’s Personal History (former editor of the Washington Post) because she overcame adversity after her husband committed suicide, pulled herself together and took over the business. !" West With the Night by Beryl Markum, an aviatrix. !" Oprah, for her humanity and ability to educate. !" I met Hillary Clinton who was very intelligent, creative and educated. !" Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave: Written by Himself !" Story of My Life: The Autobiography of George Sand—she surrounded herself with creative people and had the courage to launch her own creative writing profession despite the unwillingness of publishers to publish the works of women in her time. !" Judith Thurman's Isak Dinesen: The Life of a Storyteller, a beautifully written biography of writer Isak Dinesen that fueled my interest in Africa. !" The movie "Iris" about Iris Murdoch. It was heartbreaking to see a woman who had made her life through words lose them to Alzheimer's. It made me think about how we define ourselves and what makes us who we are. !" I admire Katherine Hepburn for her independence and tenacity. !" I love Helen Thomas. Her books are so interesting to me because I love politics. Ditto Barbara Bush, Katherine Graham. !" Harriet Tubman. I really learned more about slavery and the time period.

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

SENIOR CARE information Books: !" Brackey, Jolene: Creating Moments of Joy for the Person with Alzheimer’s or Dementia !" Carlin, Vivian F., Ph.D. & Ruth Mansberg: Where Can Mom Live? A Family Guide to Living Arrangements for Elderly Parents !" Cohen, Donna, Ph.D. & Carl Eisdorfer, Ph.D., M.D.: Caring for Your Aging Parents: A Planning and Action Guide !" Gould, Jean: Dutiful Daughters: Caring for Our Parents As They Grow Old !" Lustbader, Wendy: Counting on Kindness: The Dilemmas of Dependency !" Marcell, Jacqueline: Elder Rage or, Take My Father...Please!: How To Survive Caring for Aging Parents !" Pipher, Mary, Ph.D.: Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders !" Pritikin, Enid, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. & Trudy Reece, M.S.O.T.: Parentcare Survival Guide: Helping Your Folks Through the Not-So-Golden Years !" Shelly, Judith Allen: Spiritual Care: A Guide for Caregivers (Includes such things as: How Does Spirituality Affect Our Health?, Assessing Spiritual Needs, Compassionate Presence, The Power of Touch, Caring for Yourself, Developing a Spiritual Care Team, and an excellent resource list) Articles: !" Cosgrove, Christine: “Parenting Your Parents: To be an effective caregiver, you also need to nurture yourself,” American Health, July/August 1999 !" “Taking Care of Our Parents,” a series of articles from My Generation, NovemberDecember 2002 Websites: !" iVillage.com: There’s a section called “Caregiving and Eldercare” where you can read articles and newsletters, and even participate in a message board.

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

PURELY selfish activities OUR FAVORITE PASTIMES We asked: “What activities do you engage in on a routine basis for self-improvement, relaxation, or recreation?” Exercise: !" A lot of people enjoy such activities as skiing, golfing, swimming, running and walking (especially with the dogs), exercising at the gym, yoga, Pilates, and bowling. !" Some interesting responses: “walking before the sun comes up daily,” “I just began pre-natal yoga,” “Nia—a mind, body, spirit movement class that incorporates Yoga, Akido, and Dance to music,” “Meditation—breathing or moving meditations ground me.” Getting out: !" Being active is essential. We had lots of responses like traveling, going to the movies and to the theatre, volunteering, going to art exhibits and antique shows, meeting up with friends, camping and hiking. !" Some interesting responses: “going to live symphony performances in the Eastman Theatre,” “driving out in the country and investigating new little villages and towns.” Relaxation: !" A piece of what gives us peace: cooking and baking, gardening, napping, reading, hot baths, writing, crossword puzzles, a hot cup of tea, renting movies, candles and aroma therapy. !" Some interesting responses: “relaxing on the couch after the baby is asleep with my feet soaking in warm soapy water,” “cleaning my house is relaxing,” “grocery shopping when I can take as long as I want,” “take piano lessons and practice,” “visiting the Conservatory in Highland Park,” “reading a good love story,” “my favorite is to wrap myself up in a blanket and read on the enclosed porch during a summer rainstorm.” Connecting: !" Making time for ourselves, our spirits, and those important to us: entertaining friends, family gatherings, attending church, napping, organizing family photos, and scrapbooking. !" Some interesting responses: “quiet dinner at a nice restaurant with just my husband,” “‘relaxing’ with my children,” “visit my mother,” “reconnect with my childhood by spending a week at the beach with 12 women I grew up with in [a] small town [in] Mississippi.”

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The Wesley Community Nurture Your Spirit Guide

PURELY selfish activities QUIET MOMENT MUNCHING

We asked what favorite snacks and beverages are for “quiet moments.” !" Wine (most people preferred red), Grand Marnier, a glass of wine with cheese and crackers !" Herbal tea, Starbucks caramel macchiatto, hot chocolate, green tea, hazelnut coffee, Sleepytime tea, Celestial Seasons flavored hot tea, Chamomile tea, hot water with a slice of lemon and fresh mint leaves !" Orange juice; cranberry juice and popcorn; cheese, crackers, and slices of apple; Pepsi; cookies; chocolate; Fresca; Diet Pepsi !" “Chocolate! Be it in beverage form or any type of solid.” “Tea and a chocolate graham cookie before 5 pm. Wine, cheese and olives after 5 pm.” “In the morning, a cup of coffee. In the afternoon, a cup of tea. After the kids are in bed, a glass of wine.”

THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT From our survey, the most popular television shows were: !" 32% watch “Friends” !" 26% like to watch various news programs !" “Oprah” and “Sex and the City” tied at 19% From our survey, the most popular magazines were: !" 23% read Gourmet, O The Oprah Magazine, or People !" 19% read Real Simple, Newsweek, or Bon Appetit !" 16% read Better Homes and Gardens, The New Yorker, or Parents

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