My Life: An Autobiography

MY LIFE Adebayo Mabayoje [email protected]

CHILDHOOD AND EARLY EDUCATION Three things have always occupied my mind in life. Thoughts about them are quite overwhelming that I think I just have to express them somehow. Who am I in life? What does life means to me? And the future; my future- what is my outlook of it? For the most periods of my childhood my friends popularly called me ‘Bayo’- short for Adebayo; my first name. My surname is Mabayoje. I was born in Surulere, Lagos state; but I hail from Osogbo, Osun State. I started as an average Lagos kid privileged to have access to good primary and secondary education. I was born in Lagos, on the 24th of August, 1975, and was the third son of Adetunji Mabayoje, the owner of the only bicycle store in Igboshere Lane in Lagos Island. My father, also a son of a popular petty trader in his

time was a boy, when he was recommended by his abilities and talents to the notice of the chairman of Igboshere Traders’ Union; Prince Ademola Adelabu Onibiyo and was sent to University College, Ibadan at the expense of a fund generated by the Union for such purpose. My father there went through the usual course of study, and graduated as an accountant, but never followed the profession; having satisfied himself with the talent of petty trading he had developed from his own father. My father could not believe the idea of working for someone else to be later paid some ‘little Pounds’ at the end of thirty days when he could move about to get some wares from places to sell to people from places and make better ponds there from; even before the count of a thirty-day. In this period of my father's life there are two things which it is impossible not to be struck with: one of them unfortunately a very common circumstance, the other a most uncommon one. The first is, that in his position, with no resource to start his business as desired, but the precarious one of the small savings he made as an apprentice accountant in an accounting firm in Orita Beere, in Ibadan. My father learnt the practical of the accounting business every week-end; Friday through Saturday night. With the little he had, he married and had a large family; conduct than which nothing could be more opposed, both as a matter of good sense and

of duty, to the opinions which, at least at a later period of life, he strenuously upheld. The other circumstance is the extraordinary energy which was required to lead the life he led, with the disadvantages under which he strived from the first, and with those which he brought upon himself by his marriage. It would have been no small thing, had he done no more than to support himself and his family during so many years of trading, without ever being in debt, or in any financial difficulty; holding, as he did, opinions, both in politics and in trade, which were more lovable to all persons of influence, and to the common run of prosperous Igboshere men in that generation than either before or since. My father was not only a man whom nothing would have induced to do anything against his convictions, but one who invariably put every thing he has into his trading activities. He wrote, as much of his convictions as he thought the circumstances would in any way permit: being, it must also be said, one who never did anything negligently; never undertook any task, literary or other, on which he did not conscientiously bestow all the labour necessary for performing it adequately. But he, with these burdens on him, planned his life in relation to what he wants his family members to become, especially we; his children. And to this is to be added, that during the whole period, a considerable part of almost every day was employed in the

instruction of us; his children: in the case of one of whom, myself, he exerted an amount of labour, care, and perseverance rarely, if ever, employed for a similar purpose, in endeavoring to give, according to his own conception, a good order of intellectual education. My father who, in his own practice, so vigorously acted up to the principle of losing no time, was likely to try to pass on the same rule in his offsprings as he brings them up. I have no remembrance of the time when I began to learn ‘good English’ like he would say. I have been told that it was when I was three years old. That was when his contemporaries would see him as ‘an isolated mind’. My earliest recollection on the subject, is that of committing to memory what my father termed ‘vocables’, being lists of common English words, with their uses in English, which he wrote out for me on cards and some on the corner of his bicycle store. Of grammar, until some years later, I learnt no more than the concords of the nouns and verbs, but, after a course of ‘vocables’, proceeded at once to some little lengthy constructions; and I faintly remember going through Brighter Grammar part one to five. I crammed a lot of examples from the books. I learnt very little of Arithmetic at this period, until my eighth year. At that time I had read, under my father's guide, a number of poem and story books.

In all his teaching, my father demanded of me; not only the utmost that I could do, but much that I could by no possibility have done. What he was himself willing to undergo for the sake of my instruction, may be judged from the fact that I went through the whole process of preparing my vocabulary lessons in the same store in which he kept his many business wares, and on the same table he used for his personal accounting jobs. In those days English language as a form of expression in the Igboshere community was wanting. But my father was more than just an unlettered trader, so I must be seen as expressing the personality of my father. I was forced to have recourse to my father for the meaning of every word which I did not know. Then later in this part of my childhood, I learnt arithmetic: this; my uncle, Toyeshe whom I’m fond of, taught me, taking it as the task of the evenings, and I well remember its disagreeableness. But the lessons were only a part of the daily instruction I received. Much of it consisted in the books I read by myself. Uncle Toye’s health required considerable and constant exercise, and he walked habitually before breakfast, generally on the field behind our house. In these walks I always accompanied him, and with my earliest

recollections of green fields and wild flowers, is mingled that of the account I gave him daily of what I had read the day before. To the best of my remembrance, this was a voluntary rather than a prescribed exercise. While reading, I made notes on slips of used paper packets of items that my father sold to his customers, and from these, in the morning walks, I told the story to him. My greatest delight of the story books I read then and for long afterwards was Reverend Bakko and the Seven Lambs; part one to five. Next to it, my favourite reading was The Seven Hunters in the Demons’ Forest. My father had more or less narrated the story in the book to me rather than me reading it myself. I told the story as my father narrated it to me; and my uncle pretended as if he did not realize that book was still a little complex for my understanding that much as I explained it to him. So as I grew, I enjoyed myself in the company of my father’s small brother; ‘uncle Toye’ as I fondly called him. He was fond of putting into my hands; books which showed men of energy and resource in unusual circumstances, struggling against difficulties and overcoming them. Of such works, I remember Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart which I first laid my hands on in my first year in secondary school. I never get tired of Things Fall Apart; especially when I watched it screen-played on the

Nigerian Television authority. The Lord of the Flies was also fascinating. We were actually literally forced to like it by Mr Samuel Kwame; our Literature master from Ghana. He taught us in his Ghanaian accent which we played upon each time he left our class. I scarcely had any serious novel except those that were recommended for pupils to get for lessons in English Literature; but I have a number of story books some of which came from occasional gifts from relation or acquaintance: among those I had, Reverend Bakko and the Seven Lambs was preeminent, and continued to delight me through all my boyhood. It was no part however of my uncle's system to exclude books of amusement, though he allowed them very sparingly. At that time, he possessed of such books next to none, but he borrowed several for me; especially each time he feels I needed to keep myself busy; like a bee. So each moment my uncle feels like whiling away his time or when he wanted to maketh the man in himself the more; he would call me out and we used to sit under the mango tree on the field behind our house. ‘Bayo’! He used to call out the short form of my name. Then he would say ‘continuous reading maketh the man in a man’; and I would get the message.

I started attending Arabic class in my tenth year, in conjunction with a younger sister, to whom I taught it as I went on, and who afterwards repeated the lessons to my father. Other sisters and brothers later joined us as pupils, a considerable part of my day's work consisted of this preparatory teaching of the language of a religion. My father compelled me. ‘Pass what you know to those you know more than’; he used to say. It was a part which I greatly disliked; the more so, as I was held responsible for the lessons of my pupils, in almost as full a sense as for my own. I was compelled to teach them part of what they learned in their various schools. As time went by I derived great advantage of learning more thoroughly from this discipline the; and more lastingly retaining the things which I was set to teach: perhaps, too, the practice it afforded in explaining difficulties to others, may even at that age have been useful. In other respects, the experience of my boyhood is not favourable to the plan of teaching children by means of one another. The teaching, I am sure, is very inefficient as teaching, and I well knew that the relation between teacher and taught is not a good moral discipline to either. I went in this manner through the my own Arabic lessons. In the same year in which I began Arabic, I made my first commencement in French lessons. It was a special arrangement organized

by the head teacher of my school for ‘those who had interest’. After I had made some progress in my study my father bought an interactive video ‘Parle de Frances’. It was my first ‘direct contact’ with French conversation I had cared to take part in, and it became a great experience which for many years I most delighted. I think I must have watched the video so many times that I lost counts. Soon after this time I commenced the learning of some building blocks; in preparation for my common entrance examinations. From my tenth to my twelfth year I realized I was growing into more vivid realities. I saw some seniors in our neighborhood who were living some lifestyle I used to think that I should live it better when I get to their age. For most weekends of my primary five, I was usually busy representing my school in debate contests. It later appeared that I did not have the competence for mathematics as much as I do for English language. For my father, not having kept up this part of his early acquired knowledge, could not spare time to qualify himself for removing my difficulties, and left me to deal with them, with little other aid than that of books; while I was continually incurring his displeasure by my inability to solve difficult problems for which he did not see that I had not the necessary previous knowledge.

My father was not too happy. Lacomb; the Mathematics book which I remember reading least was bought for me by my father on the recommendation of the specially hired home teacher. I used to manage to pass it at average success; but English language brilliantly.

CLOSE TO ADOLESCENCE From about age twelve, in the second term of my secondary education I started to realize what my father had been worried about in relation to my poor penchant for mathematics. I was being groomed for science because my father wanted it; although at a time I deliberately developed more penchants under the influence of pair group. So much as I could have made good blending into the science fold, some realization downed on me- during this part of my childhood, one of my greatest challenge in school was experimental science. In the theoretical, however, I managed a position among the best ten in the class. Today experimental science is a kind of discipline which I have often regretted not having had -- nor even seeing, but merely reading about them. I have laid my hands on a number of things outside my eventual discipline and profession; most of which my non-inclination to certain basics have become hurdles I long to

cross. The Holmes Law, the Boyle’s Law and many more were active in theory in my knowledge of them, but not in application and practice. I was recalcitrant to my father's criticisms of the bad reasoning respecting the first principles of physics, which abounds in the early part of that work. I devoured treatises on Chemistry; but that was not enough for me to end up as a scientist by profession. I entered into another and more advanced stage in my course of instruction; in which the main object was no longer the aids and appliances of thought in pure science but in social science. Adams Smith was a great economist; whose theory of scarcity and want overwhelmed my interest. Realizing that he should allow me to be what I could be, my father supported me in reading the whole or parts of several of the economics, Business Methods, Commerce, and so forth. Giving each day to him, in our walks, a minute account of what I had read of these knowledge, and answering his numerous and searching questions about them, my father was not too convinced that I was ‘there’ yet. I well remember how, and in a particular walk, in the neighborhood of Ikate in Surulere, Lagos state (where we were on a visit to his old friend Mr Aderounmu, the then President of Igbosere Traders’ Union) he first attempted by questions to make me realize that he was no longer against what I feel like becoming as

far as my education was concerned. He was unusually silent at a time; then he cleared his throat, and framed some conception of what life seemed like for great writers like Chinua Achebe, Wole Shoyinka who was then recently nominated for a Nobel Laurel, and the likes of them. At first the style did not make the matter at all clear to me at the time; but it was not therefore useless. What he tried to discuss remained as a nucleus for my observations and reflections to crystallize upon; the import of his general remarks being interpreted to me, by the particular instances which came under my notice afterwards. My own consciousness and experience ultimately led me to appreciate quite as highly as he did, the value of an early practical familiarity with reading novels and story books; attending literary competitions, etc. I know nothing, in my education, to which I think I am more indebted to than this habit he ensured that I imbibe as early as my childhood which started in his bicycle store and on his table in the corner of his store. For whatever capacity of writing and oratory I have attained today, the books of literature and styles my father encouraged me to read; coupled with the support of uncle Toye, remained the impetus that made it for me. Today, whatever good level of intellect I attained was due to the fact that it was an intellectual exercise in which I was most perseveringly drilled by my father, yet it is also true that the school

experience and the mental habits acquired in studying with my uncle Toye. I learnt many things in my first and second levels of education in life. But what I learnt from ‘uncle-Toye’, are responsible today for most of my idea of life as a growing young man. From him, I understand that an opportunity is like a double edged sword that should be very well managed to achieve a goal; otherwise trouble comes. Regarding this I remember two particular occasions. I arrived home unusually early the Friday that I got my third ‘report card’ in primary four. I came second in my class and was promoted to primary five. I could not wait to show my result to my uncle- Toyeshe; whom I was really fond of. He speaks the type of English I think by then, was great and I had always wanted to speak like him. He had promised to take me to Apapa Amusement Park if my position in class was between the first and the third. So as our class teacher called out our names and handed over our ‘report cards’ to each of us, I could not control my ecstasy. I sneaked out of the school as the janitor ranged the bell for break period. I was eager to break the news of my success to my uncle whom I believed would be at home. So I rushed home. There was no one at home. My mother had gone to her workplace; ‘Daddy’ too. Taye and Koinde- my siblings are apparently still in their school. My uncle had gone to my

school to fulfill the promise he made to pick me up after school; especially because school would close on that day for the session. I had forgotten about the promise. I was too happy to remember. I rushed home before the school bell rang! My ‘little success’ of that day caused some big problem for the school. The situation turned out as a case of a missing student. Later on when it was discovered that I was not missing after all, my uncle fulfilled his promise to me the next day; but not without admonishing me. ‘Don’t mishandle your success so that it doesn’t turn to failure’, he told me. Taye, Kionde and I get fifty kobo every morning from our mother each time we are ready to go to school as our pocket money. When we return later in the day, uncle ‘Toye’ as we fondly call him; would ask of our ‘little drop of water’. I was most consistent to bring back one naira, fifty kobo, because I just liked to impress my uncle. Then, came a year that all of us cannot forget easily. Our long school holiday coincided with ‘Ileya’ festival. Daddy said he did not have enough money to buy new shoes for the three of us, after buying the ram for the festival and our clothing for the celebration. We felt bad, even though each of us still has two pairs of shoes that were close to new ones. Three days to the festival, uncle Toye called for me; and I was in his room. Then he asked if I could imagine how my

‘little drops of water’ had turned into an ocean! After explaining many things that I could not really comprehend then; beyond the understanding that he would be able to buy a new pair of shoes for me from my savings he had kept on my behalf, my uncle took me out to Teju-osho shopping complex, around Ojuelegba. I was happy. I am even more happy today as a young man each time I gather a number of thousands of Naira from ‘drops of rain’ that I keep from the ‘remains’ I get from some commercial transactions I make.

LIFE FROM AFTER HIGH SCHOOL Life is like a piece of furniture; a bed. It assumes what you care to make it look like. An individual is the maker of his bed and he sleeps on it accordingly. My early adult life was built on realities. Part of it has been mere stroke of luck; yet Fijabi; my best friend’s elder brother, by no less mean tried to always prove to us that luck is facilitated by strong effort and willingness. Looking back now, I see those beautiful days of mine in Gombe, Ngeria. I see thse great guys- John Ibitoye, Lasun Adams, Arith Odu, Mudathir Salami; he is a medical doctor who did a quick diagnosos of a major infection that could have held me down for several months. My friends and I; during my adult age are really fond of ourselves. Arith Odu

was very close. She would stay in my apartment till close to midnight. We belonged to the same Community Development (CD) group- the Information and Orientation group. So we would plan our quarterly newsletter; and some other flimsy talk we used to have. Arith came from Bayelsa state, she taught me many things about her tribe and people; although not without an exchange with a little of information regarding the Yoruba culture she would be keen to get from me in return. Like me, she is the first child of her parents, and the first daughter too. She is not privileged to taste the urban experience I had during childhood. After six months of our National Youth Service Corps experience we both became very close; intimate was our relationship that many people were shocked to know that we only liked one another; and not beyond that. I have had course to speak with her fiancé several moment, even before meeting him physically. John Igemode was tall like me. A Bayelsan though; he speaks impeccable Yoruba dialect because he had his childhood experience in Lagos until he went for his university education in his state of origin. The two of us have had a particular reason to run into one another like to waters without noticing it- we attended Igbobi College together. It was shocking for many corps members to know that Arith was going to be taken to the

altar by another individual apart from the guy they have always observed her intimacy with all the while. By my experience with Arith, I learnt self restrain. By a number of my friends I learnt some idea about leadership; about mature relationship. ‘Life is all about people around you’, I remember my mother often say. The reality never sunup on me like it did during my National Service experience.

MY BIG SHOCK So far, by my experience of life has been quite interesting. I cried very much when my beloved mother died on 31st of August, 2003; exactly seven days after my birthday celebration. Incidentally too it was the day I wrote my last examination in my third year in the university. She did not have much education than National Certificate in Education NCE. She started as a teacher in a public secondary school. She stopped as soon as she conceived her first child- me. The experience was a little much for her to bear. She was often advised to take some bed rest almost every week. After her delivery of her first child, trading took over from teaching as a mean of livelihood. Indeed she became successful in the business of selling and buying provisions. I remember my primary school days- a number of

my friends started friendship with me because my mother sells biscuits anD chocolates. I ‘steal’ some to school every morning in addition to what ever my mother gives to me from her preference. Mother tried to prod daddy to develop a tradition of getting new school uniform for us at the beginning of every term. A student’s outlook has influence on his psyche; she believed. Even when daddy refused at a time, mother bought new uniforms for us; even before the end of a term. She would spoil us; daddy used to say. She knew what she was doing. According to her belief; mother works because of her children. Our neighbors repose a lot secretes in mother because of the trust they have in her. We did not really understand her attitude towards people then. I was particularly small, my uncle Toye once told me; to know that she gives out as mush as she gets. I remember though that each moment we had to invite people for certain celebration or the other our compound was always filled with crowd. But mother died! She just died; no explanation more than she gave in to this heart ailment she had really spent much to get rid of. After my last exams in the session, I traveled to Ede, Osun state to se a friend before going home- to Lagos. By the third day, one of my siblings surprisingly appeared to us in a classroom where I was with my

friend in his school. Taye entered and beamed a smile at us. I was happy but surprised to see him. I had sent another friend of mine; a school mate to inform my family of my plan to take some few days off with my friend in Ede. Taye broke a surprising news- not the one of my mother’s situation, but my elder brother’s. ‘Kayode was traveling to Germany for his master programme’. He would be taking off that night so I have to hurry home that day to see him off at the airport later in the evening. I rushed to Lagos; happy. Sad; vary sad I latter became when I knew that Taye stealthily took me home to know that mother had gone ‘home’. Mother died. She was gone. And that is history; but I remember every bit of her love. I took a lot from her. From her I got it that having good people around one are of great essence. I had a high degree of influence on most of my friends. No other reason is attached to this than the fact that they enjoy my philosophy of relationship- straightforwardness. I actually got much of them from my mother- ‘No double standard’. In fact they had almost succeeded in nudging me to become the next president of our faculty associationFaculty of Arts Students Association FASA, University of Ilorin. The death

of my mother at that period unfortunately caused the death of that political ambition.

EFFECT OF SHOCK In fact, her death affected many things because she was strong and showed us more care. Yes, more than daddy did. She could not complete the payment of her mortgage. Tunde’s education almost suffered, and so forth. Three years later, life appeared to me in full glare. Right from my national youth service experience, I started to experiment some of the philosophies I had ‘acquired’ from childhood. A spirit started to grow in me, like wild fire in a hot harmattan in a northern Nigerian state; where I did my National Youth Service. The zeal to succeed in life started to grow. I started some friendship with a number of individuals right from my first day in the orientation camp as a youth corps member in Malam Sidi Camp, in Nafada Local Government Area of Gombe State. The best of my friends was Arith Odu- a lady from Bayelsa state, Mudashir Salami, a graduate of medicine. He graduated from University of Ibadan. I graduated

as a Linguist from University of Ilorin. It did not take ‘Doki’ (as I fondly call him) any trouble to notice the way I speak. He liked the way I speaklike my uncle; ‘Toye’. So when there was an announcement on the orientation camp that there was going to be a recruitment of announcers that would ‘work’ in the OBS- Orientation Broadcasting Service he rushed down to our room (we shared one). ‘Bayo they want you!’ he shouted from outside of the room. That was how my first significant success started as a young graduate. I took part in the try-out conducted by the organizers and came out top on the list of successful candidates. Mallam Sidi camp became more interesting starting from June 8th, 2005. By 5am I was awake. I could not wait to go on air on the OBS. My duties for the day usually begin with announcing the brake of a new day, and the schedule of activities. Then I would play some marshal instrumentals, then announcements and so forth. I loved every thing I did on the orientation camp. My diary was full of records of my daily experiences. I had more and more friends. I was careful not to let the euphoria of my status drawn my consciousness and focus. I worked harder to the admiration of the officials, especially the orientation camp director. I got some commendations. After the third week on camp, I was posted to serve in the state radio station as my place of primary assignment.

For the only year that I served in GSBS- Gombe State Broadcasting Serves, I recorded additional success because I was able to develop great love for broadcasting as a profession. I met many more people, most of whom were quite older and more experienced in and outside the profession. I attended a number of trainings and workshops. The state award I won as one of the best youth corps member in 2006 meant that I had to stay behind in the northern state of Gombe while most of my friends; including ‘Doki’ had to go back to their various states. I got an automatic employment from the state government. For me, I look back at my ‘journey’ so far; especially from my secondary school days up till present and I am happy to note that life has been fairly good. I have seen some dark clouds amidst bright skies during my day times, just as I have experienced sparkling brightness at the turn of a number of dark burrows. In spite of all I could have had of life experiences, all I know is that life is about people.

IN LOCO PARANTIS My experience in the North for four years gives me a realization: life is all about relationship. People come together to do one thing or the other. As human being we come to meet people we have not met before

and we are bound to separate later on. One can only enjoy the period of togetherness s according to the extent of how much good relationship was maintained. My father, uncle Toye, my mother, Arith, ‘Doki’ and some other people have drawn some indelible marks in my records of life experience. Alhaji Maikudi- the General Manager of Gombe State Broadcasting Services; GSBS acted ‘in loco parentis’ for three years of my life in Gombe. From office my relationship with him grew right into his home: his family- two wives, six children, and a number of his friends. He smokes heavily. After five months that I stated my primary assignment at the GSBS, the GM had some bad health. I brought in my friend ‘Doki’ who confided in me that my GM was just developing some acute ulcer in the lower abdomen. ‘Nothing can really cure that baba unless he changes his eating habbit’; Doki confided in me. Without being a physician, I knew that Alhaji Maikudi was suffering from something else caused by another habit he had developed; apparently several years before I got to Gombe. I liked him beyond his role as a manager of my workplace. He was my adopted father in my service year.

Mudashiru- my Doki friend would do my bidding any time. We must build up some picture by which my desire would be achieved. Doki had told the GM that he would come to see how the Gm feared the next day. He did some checkups and suddenly raised some tension which was visibly felt by the GM. His ailment could turn terminal unless he stopped smoking. From no where the Hausa old man brought out a copy of Qur’an and swore never to smoke again. Alhaji Maikudi is retired now, I am aware. He enjoys great nicotinefree health. I use to wonder how he would fell to know how little change of habit made such big difference in his life. Change is constant; just as it is relative. Knowing when to make the right one is the obligation of the mater.

MY PERSPECTIVES OF LIFE AND THE FUTURE People I met ‘yesterday’ to a large extent have made ‘my today’. Four years after my service year have recorded another round of experiences. I am growing; I think more in experience than in my age chronology. Through previous contacts I have made more friends today that look out for me. When any one of us is having a bad day, we always have someone amongst us as friends to talk to.

I spend most parts of my day at work. I talk and talk to people on air as an announcer and a programme presenter. Then I talk together with my friends off air- no idle talk any way. And alone with myself when I get home, I ‘talk’ in my mind. I think about my future; both immediate and long future. Would I have enough time for my kids to take from my philosophy of life? How would my wife like it that she sees her husband only quite late at nights and he leaves for work early morning? No weekend holidays etc. More of these contemplations have been coming now. I have few years more to begin another life experience with my wife, my kids- my own family. Apart from the time I would have to think of how to create to be with my Folashade and the kids she would bear for me, I don’t see any uncommon worry when I start my family. I have an outlook of a more challenging future. The kind of future that would call for more dedication to responsibilities I am saddled with. I have always imagined my greatness- big, big success coming from consistent sought for it. I know I would need a strong support and understanding from no less than my only friend- my wife. Together with her and our children, I see great future. A life of bigger success enhanced by great relationship with good people I have and

would be having. I am positive of such successful future because my ‘Fola’ also has similar philosophy of life like mine.