My Hand Can Write

My Hand can write. Introduction

In June of 2006 I attended a telephone Deeksha of Sri Raniji. Shortly, that is within a couple of weeks, I felt an opening which also informed me that I am finished the information of the death of my self, the ego. I wanted my then three year old son. It informed me the second time instantly that I will be completely gone – my little self will be gone. I responded that I will be well and as well as get my son well, which however felt nothing short of a fight to the moment of opening and information. Perhaps with in only a couple of days, I heard myself saying ‘I have a destiny to create through writing’. I knew those words did not come from me. I got those words noted down in writing intending to keep them, if not treasured, and at the least memorized in my mind. Prior to this receiving of the blessings - it was in the year 2003 - I came to a point when I figured I had done all that I needed to do and yet felt nothing functioned in my life. It was at that time I attended for the first time through telephone a reading from Sonia Choquette, after having connected to her through the myss.com forum called ‘Ask the experts’. In the session she asked me to write. She gave me a plan – write ten points to make chapters. Add ten sub-points for each chapter. She opened me to express that I write this as a beginner. Sonia inspired me to write saying that if I write down the work into a book, it will be published. To hear those words at that time felt inwardly to be nothing short of a ‘feat’, something ‘remarkable’. I now have reached an understanding of human life. It is an experience of bliss. Bliss from a union. Writing is the act of my contact with God - it fulfills me. It is the spark that creates the union of my human living with human lives. I discover it is the bliss I am born with.

Quote 1 Experiment with your life; that is what you have it for. Gary Zukav. God is miracle. God is bliss. God puts a spark of miracle in each one to live the human life. When a life allows the spark of God, God touches others. It allows for God to take over in the world. When I was around nineteen years and having just then had finished reading the autobiography of Gandhi, as I would later come to recognize I had stepped into experimenting with my life. When I would go into victim’s thoughts or saw it through the eyes of my loved ones, I seemed to have challenged it through recognizing the way of Gandhi, that is of one’s own power to experience one’s own moments of liveliness. The results turned to be unexpected by me and Gandhi became to me more dead and past than alive until, I saw Gary Zukav speaking on the Oprah’s show. Fifty years after Gandhi’s passing away, I saw he was not that dead and a life of the past. Upon watching Zukav speaking, I saw Gandhi well, real and alive again. The spark of Gandhi was perhaps through his Liberator archetype. Reading his work of autobiography liberated me enough. It would begin me into stepping into experimentation with my own life. It was the spark of God in the use of language by Gary Zukav that set this spark of life on me. If God’s spark is this contagious, why will it not send me to experiment with life? Why will I ever want life to be any other way than to experiment it? I do not know how many more were inspired to experience the power that Gary Zukav radiated through his direct call to experiment with life, through the dexterity of his use of the language.

Quote 2 Creating your own religion Bhagavan Das. As Bhagavan Das says that there are as many religions as there are human beings. So do Sri Bhagavan when He talks that the personal experiences as unique in the natural phenomenon of enlightenment.

It is through my personal life of becoming a parent that I came to discover the value of tradition, culture and religion. However following even one tradition and religion is a blissfully unique experience. I went and was at a Darshan of Amma. After the blessings, I can now say that I have religion, and it is that God is Definite. I was amidst one batch of crowd of perhaps fifty or so. Waiting through delays for Amma’s appearance was not moving through lack of faith. I could sense even intellectually something was miraculous every moment at this place. It was at the actual darshan when I would put my face down. In the very instance the familiar insignificant feelings to behold Amma’s face giving darshan, my head dropping to floor, I figured even the dust and ant that so many people’s feet covered does not escape Her guard and embrace. The next moment, my face was up beholding Her face of giving darshan. “In Amma’s presence one experiences supreme comfort” – did I not experience the comfort of the Supreme Mother at this day? It was not because I was good at feeling worthy, it was Amma grace that held me in a worthy place, in Her love. At yet another instance, I walked as guided - I walked back and forth the conference hall at the Oneness University Power Deeksha course. Each one was guided to define all of one’s goals. I did – while I could define I wanted to be a mother, wife, daughter and daughter-in-law, I could not conceive of any goals of writing. As instructed I began walking as becoming all of these goals I had for for my life, especially from becoming a parent. Then I do not know when it exactly happened - something opened me as naturally as if to saying ‘here I am’, which I myself was struggling to do it myself, that is to bring the picture of me to becoming a ‘writer’. :Eckhart Tolle’s act of listening is more important than what you listen to:

Quote 3 “Until one is able to shed tears at they very name of Hari, one should not shed the ritual of daily spiritual practise”. Sri Ramakrishna.

I had been at the workshop for studying the ‘Sacred Contracts’ as taught by Caroline Myss. It is wonderful to be embraced of one self along with the journeys one undertakes and further than that be guided and be known that I am supported. At this

particular time, something was unspeakably phenomenal. The guest speaker was James Finley. It was a workshop of grace and miracles as the Divine has become the phenomenon of specialization of Caroline Myss. ‘I talk about mysticism but he is that mystic’ – these words are all that I would require from this teacher at this course to take me to the Divine. After hearing those words I relaxed into reverence and humility. Thereafter I did not feel I needed to be taught and guided into as in a regular lecture. With James Finley around, my body cells pulsated and the familiar energy of the Divine rushed. When I am the Oneness blessings, seeing Amma at a Darshan or gathering in a home of Oneness blessing givers, these experiences happen. For this kind of a being, I now recognize, contemplation on the wonder that he is, is a spiritual practice by itself. I did not practice going into the act of listening as he gave his speech. I did not stop myself from making myself feel ok! His speech did the work of carrying me into listening as I became attached emotionally, I guess. His illustration of some story here and there, would melt me into tears and into the experience of God. As he spoke, it will become clear to me that the journey to one’s soul and to God is the same for everyone. Around him I was not keen in practicing to be a student. I later felt that at those moments I ‘became’ the student. The beingness of the student role happened. I now recognize that I could say, around sacred beings like Him, there is no need to practice presence or practice any kind of action that one normally does. Rather, all that the practices to which they lead to happens. God was present for one self intensely. It is not required to call upon God. One becomes God. Everything is perfectly suited for the Divine to pierce the human in entirety. I went there as a student. I did not have to attempt to learn, for I experienced to which learning is required to lead. I did not have to practice anything. Contemplating upon Him, gives me all that he teaches.

Time to live deeply and meaningfully does come for everyone. For me, I could shed the practice of learning, upon being able to connect to the sacredness, which was impossible being around the Holiness of James.

Quote 4: “You should be able to look back the eyes of God when he appears in front of you” Bhagavan Das

It is only later, that I would come to realize the experience that the God of oneself is a two-way traffic. Intimacy is connecting to God – through giving and receiving. It has been such that my thoughts of connection to God was during fearful moments. I seemed to have then become confident when things got well when I remembered to act through his compassion and Light. Connecting to God then was comforting. Soon I came to learn of Acceptance and Surrender which sent me to think of God for a variety of emotions and life situations, that is not reserving God’s connection for my fears but also for joys. Upon embarking on Gary Zukav’s ‘Emotional Awareness’ path, it did not take long to dawn upon me that actions can connect me to God. I have nothing much to write other than what has inspired me in my own life and other than for my need to write itself.

Quote 5 “There is no fear except our own fear” Bhagavan Das “There is nothing to fear except the fear itself.” Moving through millennia, the human mind is known to be tyrannical. Life is absolutely out of reach off my heart when I am in the hands of this mind. Perhaps it is the same mind that needs to see in itself its own tyranny. Stories and wisdom abound that there is no reality in fear, and there is only God and love. Nevertheless being in the midst of the hold of fear in one’s being is nothing less of a reality. There is no way above it or below it or around it – only through it, Gary Zukav said. He too had the thought that the authentic power that he talks of was devoid of fears.

But there is only one way and that is through it, which he said as he then did discover as such. How we try to be not this and not this – Sri Anandagiri. In the midst of fears comes the calling that Sri Bhagavan calls as the art of experiencing another, whether it is your spouse, your child or your parent. I have often teared my eyes to God, and asking to take me over. It is only today that I will know how much I am stuck in my own prisons of not being able to be truly experimenting. However how aptly a truth it is that it exactly these fears that requires the life skill of experiencing another. [James Finley explains in His work the need for a healthy ego. This is where the myths of the sacred come to play, as in my own life. If I am attached in the role of the maternal figure, I ground in humility my ego, and stand as Parvathi Devi, Mother of the Divine children, Ganapathy and Muruga, and who is also the consort of Lord Shiva. Through this I recognize my roles with my loved ones without attaching to them, attachment being a core plague as taught in the spiritual teachings]. Quote 6: I was born to learn and use language. Gary Zukav. I was born to serve God’s poor. Mother Teresa.

When I first came across Mother Teresa’s words about her work, I was stunned by her clarity, if not for anything else, for her living through the work of her own life. God is power, joy and compassion. If only silently, I sensed in that subtlety her feeling of power. Her words brought me wonder. Gary Zukav was living in the same power. He had put down in his own work of writing, his knowledge of the power and love within him through which he could live himself. They were unlike me, who was unaware of these subtleties of the experience of God, not knowing what I was good at and felt far away from my own self. Through her engagement of her life work, Mother Teresa served the poor, moving within her self in the depths of this power. It is the union of her human self with the human lives. This union is compassion. It is also joy – the ecstasy of God’s union with a human self.

I have no purpose in writing this book other than for writing it. I have a destiny to create through writing. I have used my life and its experiences to move it through my hand into writing. As I have stepped into writing here, in the knowledge that this is what I am meant to do, I have begun to bow in humbleness to this power of purpose toward bliss seated in each human. As I develop determination to wade through my life and give the gift of writing in me as an expression, I begin to notice the unique gifts manifesting uniquely in each one. What else can I do if not bow in humility as they come up to my viewing? I see it as the very blessing of God. It is the blessing of the very light of God. I too discover that my hand can write. I have come to this period of time in my life where I have uncovered that I can write and I must write. Here in this item I lay down the spirituality that has walked me into this place - of conviction, of love, of meaning, of joy.

I am grateful to have come to this place of knowing what to do and wanting to do what I need to do - and that is 'write'. Perhaps one will find the song of his/her own heart reading this. I wish to say I have no purpose in this writing here other than my need to 'write'! It gives me meaning and joy to just have my hand moved into writing. It is my perception that for any one reading this, God will work to move into places of joy in their own hearts. God wants me to write. I have been born to write. I have often thought I became clumsy whenever I was wanting in communication through voice and speech so I could write, as I must. Since childhood, writing letters on papers would often be noticed and expressed as something extraordinary as if I can write in the finest of the qualities like that of the printing stations. It is the gift from God. My cousins would notice my handwriting in my thank you cards sent to them for their sending me my birthday wishes. My high school teachers even in their hectic pace would elaborately notice an invitation card that I designed with my writing on it. A senior at the Software industry I worked with, would go agape and notice it for me that something has happened to my hand and the keyboard – my hands would just pick up incredible speed typing documents for the software codes.

Quote 7-1 Human birth requires work. The Earth plane is karma bhoomi – Sri Amma. Quote 7-2 Thought without action and action without thought – Caroline Myss Neale Donald Walsch on Saying about value Every work that I do, I value. Neale Donald Walsch’s works has taught me to experience vulnerability that is innately human, toward letting the guard down.

I have gone through materials of co-dependency but it surprised me only at a later time when I uncovered in my thought pattern the sense of ‘neediness’ in my interactions. It is now interesting to note that this unconscious thought series did not surface to my attention until I had stepped into taking action in some areas of my life. Fortunately a clear vision of what I need to act upon unfolds a journey worthy of life – in this context, it is a journey from being ‘needy’ to being ‘needed’. So my recent journey is uncovering in me a needy personality so that I can become needed. I am coming to recognize that at times humiliation in my awareness is not harsh on me much, any more. Perhaps it is because I now have the confidence to choose differently that there is a lack of non-resistance inwardly. So I do not now fight the needy personality in me – although it first surprised me to acknowledge the invisible law that if I am in pain and feel burdened by life, so am I then burdening to life in turn which includes actions and interactions. Each time now I focus on my goal – in this instance of self-reliance – and determined to act upon it a burden I create for others by the pain I carry inside – which I all along thought was directed against me by others – begins to unwind. I come to recognize that there is power that resides in me that makes the journey toward a place of

usefulness, to myself and others at the same time as a genuine and truthful experience. I am in the process of uncovering the power of action. Swami Vivekanada has engaged himself working hard all of his life – one of the greatest and holiest of the human beings is said to have been engaged in work how much ever the gods of time had planned to invest in him! One of the great yogis of humanity has said of himself that if he keeps idle, his mind becomes slavish to unwanted thoughts. When work is taken upon rightly and directed appropriately it may just bring the quality of freedom and lightness as one’s way of life. I know that if I write, God uses me and it is good to feel God makes use of me, as if He needs me for His work perhaps in reestablishing qualities like freedom or happiness in life. It will be a reward to give myself to take upon the journey from being needy to being needed. It will be a life worth lived.

Quote 8 Be your own speed keeper. The only thing you can control is self-control. Caroline Myss

Amma – miracle worker – Blesser of the light of destiny. I had uncontrollably put my thoughts into the deep pit of negative momentum. I let it take hold of me with the people I related to in my life. I did my best to detach. In this moment, the realization came – I was awakened that all this is happening inside me. I was unable to go outside the top of my head! This struck me. I really could harm no one other than my own self, if not my inner self. Just as it is, it struck me that to control anything outside the boundaries of my physical being is impossible. Just as it is, it struck me that I was fully within, and only within that I could control nothing other than the one internal world. ‘The only thing you can control is self-control’. There are many a time I experience I have no breath in me – there is only suffocation. Anger and hatred become forces uncontrollable. When I get out of the grip, it makes me to cry of this helplessness. I cannot conceive why I have taken human form if I expend myself channeling sheer destruction through my parts of being such as emotions, body and thoughts. Many a times, I clearly see I invite suffocation through my

destructive emotions or words or actions. However even if I have had kept clean, ‘none of our hands are clean’ while going through living our human condition. Yet there is one way that I get a chance to be – to fall at the feet of God. It has been at times possible for me to let go and surrender. Many a time, I can feel that I am taken care by the earth, held in the home of an earth mother. Things do not change the way I want it to. I am only allowed into a willingness to explore the possible, “passion for the possible”. We can talk to our minds to find for itself the taste of God’s love. It has been said that it is very easy to turn to God – just ask God for a devout connection with Him. Before being introduced to deekshas, life was manageable into touching peace. Long stretches were ok. Then things broke down, fell apart. There is actually a living now. The ups and downs in life that everyone I had looked up to has adviced about, has become real. Life does seem really a journey now. There are truly difficult moments but somehow there are also no dead ends. See more of Deeksha in ‘Awakening Into oneness’ by Arjuna Ardagh (September 21,08)

Quote 9-1 “Set right your relationship with your parents” – Sri Bhagavan. Quote 9-2 A power struggle collapses when you withdraw your energy from it – Gary Zukav. “Power struggle” Heart of the soul. It is a shame I fail as a living human when I Cannot respect elders and respond with compassion It is a shame I fail as a living human when I Cannot hold peace in family that I want to lead through the model of love It is a shame I fail as a living human when I Cannot fill the heart inside each day with gratitude It is a shame I fail as a living human when I Cannot see other humans as children of God It is a shame I fail as a living human when I Cannot expand in peace of mind but pick only conflicting thoughts It is a shame I fail as a living human when I Allow only to struggle, when all life is only light, bliss, joy and wisdom.

One of the greatest lessons that I have assimilated from the Teachings of Sri Amma Bhagavan is setting right relationship with parents. Sri Bhagavan teaches that one should not try to judge or condemn them. One should not try to advice or argue with one’s parents (or any elders), because parents want only to be their children. Never give struggles with any elders. It has been phenomenal to grow up assimilating these teachings as personal values, which I derived from growing up in my own family. As I mature in the sense of moving into an adult of my own, I do not fail to be in awe of the teachings of Sri Bhagavan about one’s relationships with one’s own parents. Life is more or less miraculous since practicing humility and developing an internal sense of deeply valuing elders. I am sure as I write that Sri Bhagavan is keeping his promise of doing His work and Amma doing Her work, ‘very, very powerfully’ on my self that is taking toward the abundance in sacredness. I cannot say that it is because I do not take my relationships with my parents and elders for granted. When I don’t, I experience suffering sometimes immediately, sometimes at a later time of life situations. Grace is flowing through in abundance. Bhagavan also says, the common love for another in today’s world is about ‘begging for love’, instead of knowing you are that love. To think about the personality buried in me that begs for love while I am that love itself and that I can actually give that love… What if I am begging for love – from parents, teachers, children, not to mention the partner – without my knowing it? What if there is a way to be that love that I am unconsciously begging for – uncovering such jewels of the natural life is a journey that I will consider worthwhile to walk.

Depression: I also have a suspicion that even some of the most common clinical experiences such as depression is linked toward the healing through Bhagavan’s message of setting right your relationship with your parents. Through my personal experiences, I see that during some days there is a kind of static nature that I hold in me. I always believed I was an active person, at times overly functional or rajasic, as the Vedantic terminology teaches that to be. It is one of those moments when any one and every one could be blamed for all of life’s pains thrown at me.

Within each one there are mother god and father god, male principle and feminine principle, that is of life. Depressions come from the feminine part of a person – from the emotional aspect of one’s self. They are also parts of the structure of the brain. I discovered that I could at times journey through the experiences of depression by Bhagavan’s insistence on the importance of relationship toward one’s parents. It is through a sense of bonding with one’s mother through many ways can get one a sense of flow amidst the experiences that distress. Sometimes anger ‘connects’ although there are better ways of which Thay Thich Nhat Hanh teaches, that is, anger can be transformed. Anger is also only better than disconnection as Swami Vivekanada says. Ideally, connecting experiences are through loving and serving. There is an order in the divine’s existence in human lives. Learning and practicing to access this wisdom in the details of one’s personal life is worthy. For it will relieve much of the suffering that now spins the modern mind. For example, Dr.Phil talks about children needing a sense of continuity in their family as his wife Robin Mc Graw explains how it matters to her for nurturing her own parents’ legacies of loving connection toward her children. Siva Baba calls it Soul Genetics. We are each one connected to seven each of our generations past and of the future. Our actions are affected by those who came before us and our actions will affect for seven future generations. To me, parenting is also more about letting my life be altered by the order of the divine, especially in relating towards parents and elders. This I know in my gut as I have also assimilated its truth through being raised so and when I align with this truth, my relationship with the younger generation brings in a balance for themselves as much as it brings life to a balance personally. I am embarking on a discovery – that life is what you make out of it. Gary Zukav calls the journey of life as the earth school. So does Bhagavan who says that life is what you make out of it – a school, battlefield or playground.

Quote 10 Since when spiritual growth took place when we remained in the place comfortably – Bhagavan Das (How it comes together) (Humility and service)

God has the immense space to be who we are. God has the immense space to be who we are. God fulfills our need as his own need. I often turn to God to write this book. Writing this book is inconceivable. I turn again and again to God – Who is the awakener of destiny of one’s life, Who is the phenomenal space of fulfilling one’s deepest desires born out of the sacred. Turning to God again and again shows the open doors. I do not know why or what I am meant to do with my efficiency of writing. I turn to God again and again to fulfill the deepest longing for my writing path to take over me. Keeping this sacred longing alive, I see that life is a humbling experience. That life is also nothing but being of service. I will never be alone or ever feel abandoned for too long. Because I can lean on writing that is the gift that has come to keep me company as long as I am alive in this world. Likewise, one never need to be left feeling abandoned by God’s love or feel alone through furthering from God. God forgives. Only a thought away in one’s life, repeatedly turning to God as Mother or Father, a Child or a Friend, or a Beloved – a growing take place within. Keep longings alive and sacred! God is only a breath away from these.

END