My Collections

My collections

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compiled by: tharik rasheed

Murphy’s Law If anything can go wrong, it will. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Everything takes longer than you think. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value Everything goes wrong all at once. Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse. If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers. Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want. Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone. Where patience fails, force prevails. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly. Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought. If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up. The other line always moves faster. No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper. page 2

Every solution breeds new problems. There is no limit to how bad things can get. You get the most of what you need the least. If you don’t care where you are, you ain’t lost. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got. He who smiles in crisis has found someone to blame. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught. A man in the house is worth two in the street. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. If you want to relax you really have to work for it. Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live. If you like it and it fits, you cannot afford it. Nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it. Behind every satisfied woman there is a tired man. page 3

If you must choose between two eveils, pick the one you have never tried before. Bore is a person who has nothing to say and says it. PERFECT WIFE: ONE WHO HELP HUS WITH THE DISHES.

Quotes Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. Albert Einstein Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. Albert Einstein Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T. S. Elliot Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no delay, no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Earl of Chesterfield The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything. Theodore Roosevelt Remember, happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have, it depends solely upon what you think. Dale Carnegie Every human has four endowments- self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change. Stephen Covey The secret of getting ahead is getting started page 4

Mark Twain People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. Dale Carnegie Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves. Dale Carnegie Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. Jim Rohn It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going. Brian Tracy “The knowledge of yourself will preserve you from vanity.” MIGUEL DE CERVANTES

Beauty is the difference between your expression and the impression you leave Look for the good in every person and every situation. You’ll almost always find it. Brian Tracy Begin with the end in mind. Dr. Stephen Covey If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. Anthony Robbins It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld The truth is more important than the facts. Frank Lloyd Wright (18681959) Well done is better than well said. Benjamin Franklin (17061790) A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation. H. H. Munro (Saki) (18701916) The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows. page 5

Aristotle Onassis (19061975) Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. The Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. Thomasn Alva Edison (18471931) Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. Plato(427347B.C.) Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns (18961996) Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right. Henry Ford (18631947) I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. Thomas Jefferson (17431826) In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Motivation is what gets you started; habit is what keeps you going. It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to others. To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act. The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it. Michelangelo When you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail. Roosevelt There is nothing either good or bad- thinking make it so Perhaps only limits to the human minds are those we believe in. page 6

Wisdom denotes pursuing the best of the ends by the best of means. Good lovers always make sure that other person is having nice time too. Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality. Courage is mastery of fear not absence of fear. Happiness leads to success a lot more than success leads to happiness. The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person’s determination. Success is neither fame, wealth, nor power; rather it is seeking, knowing, loving, and obeying God. If you seek, you will know; if you know, you will love; if you love, you will obey. Success in life depends upon three I’s: integrity, intelligence, and industry. Money speaks sense in a language that all nations understand. Failure is a condiment that gives success its flavor. I have such poor vision I can date anybody. Garry Shandling Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. ‘Yes’ is the answer. Swami X Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. Michael Sinz Men spend years trying to get a woman. Women, on the other hand, spend the rest of their lives trying to keep a man.-anonymous Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right. –Woody Allen What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.” -Murphy’s Law on Sex Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy? - Benny Hill (when asked why he never page 7

married) I found myself by losing myself in the service of others- M.K. Gandhi Honest differences are often a healthy sighs of progress. I learned more from my mistake than from my success. To accomplish great things we must dream as well as act. “It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But it is better to be good than to be ugly.” –OSCAR WILDE “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” –HARRIET BRAIKER Love quotes Your love is like sunshine after the rain There is only one happiness in life – to love and to be loved Our love is like a misty rain – that falls softly but flood the river Your love is comfort in sadness, hope in despair, quietness in tumult, rest in weariness. All I have is your love.. I have everything. I like my body when it is with your body I love you more today than yesterday ABOUT MONEY WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A CLOCK BUT NOT TIME WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BED BUT NOT SLEEP WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BOOK, BUT NOT KNOWLEDGE WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY SEX BUT NOT LOVE WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY BLOOD BUT NOT LIFE WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A POSITION BUT NOT RE-

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SPECT WITH MONEY YOU CAN SEE A DOCTOR, BUT NOT GOOD HEALTH Seven things that will destroy us according to M. K. Gandhi – Wealth without work Pleasure without conscience Knowledge without character Politics without principles Science without humanity Commerce without morality Worship without sacrifice Quotations of Albert Einstein Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. Imagination is more important than knowledge Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity. Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

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Jokes Sardari jokes Why did Santa Singh take his pregnant wife to “ PIZZA HUT “ Because they advertised “FREE DELIVERY “ A man walked into a ladies toilet. A lady who was inside got furious & shouted” THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN” The man, unzipping his pant said” THIS TOO !!!!!!!” Banta singh aapni biwi se kehta hai : “ maine ladka manga tha ladki kaise ho gayee.” Biwi : “ tumhare bharose rehti to ye bhi nahi hoti.” A Sardar was urinating beside a car. A Foreigner said to him “ AAPKE YAHAN POLICE NAHIN PAKADHTI ?” He replied,”NAHIN HAMAARE YAHAN KHUD PAKADHNA PADHTA HAI !” Child: “Daddy, how was I born?” Dad answered: “Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said You’ve Got Male!” page 10

Sardarji calls Air India. “How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?” “Just a sec,” comes an answer. “Thank you.” says the Sardarji and hangs up! Sardarji is buying a TV. “Do you have color TVs?” “Sure.” “Give me a green one, please.” Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled thecolumns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes Why can’t Sardar dial 911? They can not find the eleven on the phone How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it. What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh. What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh (‘T’ silent!).

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Mulla Nasrudin Jokes Mulla Nasrudin stormed into the Postmaster General’s office and shouted,”I am being pestered by threatening letters, and I want somebody to do something about it.” ”I am sure we can help,” said the Postmaster General. ”That’s a federal offence. Do you have any idea who is sending you these letters?” ”I CERTAINLY DO,” said Nasrudin. ”IT’S THOSE INCOME TAX PEOPLE.” Mulla,” said a friend, ”I have been reading all those reports about cigarettes. Do you really think that cigarette smoking will shorten your days?” ”I CERTAINLY DO,” said Mulla Nasrudin. I TRIED TO STOP SMOKING LAST SUMMER AND EACH OF MY DAYS SEEMED AS LONG AS A MONTH.” It was after the intermission at the theater, and Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were returning to their seats. ”Did I step on your feet as I went out?” the Mulla asked a man at the end of the row. ”You certainly did,” said the man awaiting an apology. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his wife,”IT’S ALL RIGHT, DARLING,” he said. ”THIS IS OUR ROW.” ”We want a responsible man for this job,” said the employer to the applicant, Mulla Nasrudin. ”Well, I guess I am just your man,” said Nasrudin. ”NO MATTER WHERE I WORKED, WHENEVER ANYTHING WENT WRONG, THEY TOLD ME I WAS RESPONSIBLE, Sir.” page 12

Mulla Nasrudin was looking over greeting cards. The salesman said, ”Here’s a nice one – ”TO THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED.” ”WONDERFUL,” said Nasrudin. ”I WILL TAKE SIX.” Mulla Nasrudin, asked if he believed in luck, replied ”CERTAINLY: HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN THE SUCCESS OF THOSE YOU DON’T LIKE?” ”Have I not shaved you before, Sir?” the barber asked Mulla Nasrudin. ”NO,” said Nasrudin, ”I GOT THAT SCAR DURING THE WAR.” Mulla Nasrudin had been placed in a mental hospital, for treatment. After a few weeks, a friend visited him. ”How are you going on?” he asked. ”Oh, just fine,” said the Mulla. ”That’s good,” his friend said. ”Guess you will be coming back to your home soon?” ”WHAT!” said Nasrudin. ”I SHOULD LEAVE A FINE COMFORTABLE HOUSE LIKE THIS WITH A SWIMMING POOL AND FREE MEALS TO COME TO MY OWN DIRTY HOUSE WITH A MAD WIFE TO LIVE WITH? YOU MUST THINK I AM CRAZY!” Mulla Nasrudin, a distraught father, visiting his son in a prison waiting room, turned on him and said: ”I am fed up with you. Look at your record: attempted robbery, attempted robbery, attempted burglary, attempted murder. WHAT A FAILURE YOU HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE; YOU CAN’T page 13

SUCCEED IN ANYTHING YOU TRY.” Mulla Nasrudin and his two friends were discussing what they would do if they awoke one morning to discover that they were millionaires. The Spaniard friend said he would build a bull ring. The American friend said he would go to Paris to have a good time. And, Mulla Nasrudin said HE WOULD GO TO SLEEP AGAIN TO SEE IF HE COULD MAKE ANOTHER MILLION.” ”It is being rumored around town,” a friend said to Mulla Nasrudin, ”that you and your wife are not getting along too well. Is there anything to it?” ”NONSENSE,” said Nasrudin. ”WE DID HAVE A FEW WORDS AND I SHOT HER. BUT THAT’S AS FAR AS IT WENT.” ”My wife talks to herself,” the friend told Mulla Nasrudin. ”SO DOES MINE,” said the Mulla, ”BUT SHE DOESN’T REALISE IT. SHE THINKS I AM LISTENING.” Why do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue? asked the son. Because a father so seldom gets a chance to use it, replied his dad. Mother: I sent my little boy for one kilo of plums and you only sent 800 grams. Grocer: My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy?

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Misc AN A–Z OF BRAIN-BASED APPROACHES TO LIFE AND WORK A Asking for help is essential or you will get stuck. Your brain likes to be Adventurous. It is also constantly Adapting. B You need to get the Big picture or you will not be able to connect to what you are learning. Brainstorming is good for suspending judgment early in the creative process and tends to produce more original ideas toward the end of the session. C Chunking your learning helps you to deal with it in manageable bits, and builds in lots of beginnings and endings so you will remember more. Curiosity is essential, as is Challenge, on which your brain thrives. D Dialog is one of the most effective ways of communicating and engaging with people. E Unless you are emotionally ready to learn, the learning will not stick. Exercise is important, both physical and mental. The Environment dramatically affects how you learn. You learn through Experience. F Feedback is very important. Without it your mind cannot be sure how it is doing! Failure is an important and necessary element of learning. It is a kind of feedback. G Generosity is an important attribute. In a generous culture, selfrespect grows, creativity is encouraged, and experimentation is seen as part of the process of learning. H Hydration is essential to the effective operation of the brain. Humor helps people to relax and improves your ability to think and remember. I Your brain is programmed to Imitate others. Creative Imitation is an essential part of learning. The caliber of your role models is very page 15

important. J Joy is essential in life. Without it there is no purpose to living or learning. K The Kinesthetic or physical approach to learning and the taking in of information is much underused in the workplace. Getting up off your seat also has the effect of energizing your brain. L Listening is an important skill for learners. Learning practitioners can help you to learn more effectively, and knowing about your preferred Learning style will help you know what you can do to become a more developed learner. M Music aids relaxation and can improve memory. Mistakes are an inevitable and helpful element of learning. Your own Motivation is a critical element of your success as a learner. N Your “Natural intelligence” is your capacity to learn how to learn. As such, it is your most important asset! O Optimism is an essential attribute and can be learned. P Practical intelligence is an under-rated commodity. Praise helps you to remain motivated. Your brain loves Patterns. Q Questioning is an important skill. You need some Quiet in your learning life. R The 5Rs are Resourcefulness, Remembering, Resilience, Reflectiveness, and Responsiveness. S Sleep and Stretch breaks keep your brain healthy. Exploring your Spiritual intelligence may help you to gain control of your life. Selfesteem is essential in the learning process. T As well as a full Toolkit of techniques, you need Time to reflect and process your learning. U Sometimes you have to Unlearn what you learned in school and elsewhere. V About a third of us prefer to take in information Visually, a third, page 16

with our ears, and a third through direct experience. W The Web is a source of great learning and great confusion. X There must be a good use for X-rays, but I haven’t thought of it yet! Y Learning to learn is about You and your success in life. Z Z is for Zaniness, essential in today’s business world. A Friend.... (A)ccepts you as you are (B)elieves in “you” (C)alls you just to say “HI” (D)oesn’t give up on you (E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts) (F)orgives your mistakes (G)ives unconditionally (H)elps you (I)nvites you over (J)ust “be” with you (K)eeps you close at heart (L)oves you for who you are (M)akes a difference in your life (N)ever Judges (O)ffers support (P)icks you up (Q)uiets your fears (R)aises your spirits (S)ays nice things about you (T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it (U)nderstands you (V)alues you (W)alks beside you page 17

(X)-plains things you don’t understand (Y)ells when you won’t listen and (Z)aps you back to reality AMERICANIZATION u don’t open a telephone conversation with a HELLO but with a “Hi” The telephone is never “engaged”, it’s always “busy”. U don’t “disconnect” a phone, U simply “hang-up”. U never “mess-up” things, U only “screw them up”. U never have a “residence” tel. no., U have a “home” no. U don’t stop at the “signals”, but halt at the “lights”. U don’t “accelerate”, U “step on the gas”. Your tire never “punctures”, U may have a “flat”. The trains have “coaches” or “boggies’ no more but “carriages” or “boxes”. There R no “petrol pumps”, but “gas stations”. “I don’t know nothing”, 2 negatives don’t make a positive here. U no longer meet a “wonderful” person, U meet a “cool” guy U don’t pull the switch down to light a bulb,rather flick it up. There’s no “Business Area” only “business districts”, and no “districts” but “counties”. No one stays “a stone’s throw away”, might”a few blocks away”. There’s no “Town Side”, it’s “Down Town”. In hotel U no longer ask for “bill” and pay by “cheque”, rather ask for “check” and pay with (Dollar) “bill”s. There R no “soft drinks”, only “sodas”. Life’s no longer “miserable” it “stinks”. U don’t have a “great” time, U have a “ball”. U don’t “sweat it out”, U “work U’r butt off”. Never “post” a letter, always “mail” it and “glue” the stamps, don’t page 18

“stick” them. U no longer live in “flats” or “blocks”, find an “apartment”. U don’t stand in a “queue”, you are in a “line”. U no longer “like” something, U “appreciate” it. “#” is not “hash”, it’s “pound”. U R not “deaf”, U have “impaired hearing”. U R not “lunatic”, U are just “mentally challenged”. U R not “disgusting” U R “sick”. U can’t get “surprised” U get “zapped”. U don’t “schedule” a meeting, U “skejule” it. U never “joke”, U just “kid”. U never “increase” the pressure, U always “crank” it up. U never ask for a pencil “rubber” U ask for an eraser. a rubber is a condom U don’t try to find a lift U find an elevator. U no more ask for a route but for a “RAUT” U don’t ask somebody “How r u ?”, U say “What’s up dude?” U never go to see a game U go to watch a game. If U see “World” champions(or Series),read “USA”champions(or Series). There’s no “zero” but “o”, no “Z” but “zee”. There’s no FULL STOP after a statement, there’s a PERIOD. If someone gets angry at U, U get “flamed”. You don’t say “How do you do”, you say “How you doin” In short U don’t speak English, U speak American. Well u dont’ say life is boring u say LIFE SUCKS !!!!!

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Proverbs Live and learn. Live and let live. Live not to eat, but eat to live. Long absent, soon forgotten. Look before you leap. Look before you leap, but having Doing is better than saying. Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched. Don’t cross the bridges before you come to them. Don’t have thy cloak to make when it begins to rain. All is well that ends well. All lay load on the willing horse. All doors open to courtesy. All things are difficult before they are easy. All truths are not to be told All promises are either broken or kept. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst Confession is the first step to repentance. Brevity is the soul of wit. Beware of a silent dog and still water. Better be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. Best defense is offence. Beauty lies in lover’s eyes. Be slow to promise and quick to perform. Appetite comes with eating. An unfortunate man would be drowned in a teacup. All truths are not to be told. All men can’t be first. All men can’t be masters. After rain comes fair weather. page 20

Actions speak louder than words. A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will. A stitch in time saves nine. A man can do no more than he can. A good Jack makes a good Jill. A good example is the best sermon. A friend to all is a friend to none. A forced kindness deserves no thanks. Creditors have better memories than debtors. Cross the stream where it is shallowest. Don’t cross the bridges before you come to them. Every man has his faults. Every why has a wherefore. Far from eye, far from heart. First deserve and then desire. First think, then speak. Handsome is that handsome does. When you educate a man you educate an individual; when you educate a woman you educate a whole family Make money: make it honestly if possible if not, make it by any means Be it ever so humble, there is no place like home. Pareto Principle The Pareto Principle states that in almost anything in life 80% of the consequences result from 20% of the causes. The principle was named after the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto,who observed that 80% of property in Italy was owned by 20% of the Italian population. The implication of this principle is that the outcome is almost alpage 21

ways determined by a small number of causes, which has been found to be true in many fields, such as sales. “20% of clients are responsible for80% of sales volume.”22 Guidelines for workout warm up always work larger muscles first pair your exercise use variations carefully work slowly and steadily breath evenly and not hold for more than 2 sec use a full rage of motions cool down keep track of the progress • Sleep, a short nap; 20 minutes, 10? In a special position, sitting? • Deep breathing exercises; as in inhale, hold, exhale, hold, each to a count of 10, for example. • A special workout; something like 7 pushups, or a minute-long wall chair,2 or a wrestler’s bridge3 or two. Please note that the exercises are not meant to challenge you physically, instead, they are intended to help you regain mental focus. No competition here. • Meditation; bring your favorite thought exclusion technique. • A certain environment or location; this is a rather immobile means, although you can abstract and use, for example, a window of any shape or form, in any location, as your reference point. • Certain people or the absence of them; again, please do not depend on specific people in or-der to function well or to concentrate properly, on the other hand, the general concept of being alone or not alone, does in fact, work very well. • Real world or animated imagery; invoke your rest through your personal moving pictures page 22

inside your mind. Create your very special mobile home theater. • A string of words or a melody; make up your secret activation code. It really works; think lyrics, for example. Usually the world would proceed with telling you something like,

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