Marriage & Spousal Relations

MARRIAGE & SPOUSAL RELATIONS

Oct. 2nd, 2009 Jumu’ah Khutbah Ali Abidi

Bismillah-ir-Rahmaan-ir-Raheem – In the name of God-the Most & especially Merciful

1. - Strong Marriages are based on certain successful elements - These elements are building blocks for All Human Relations - Implementing these elements leads to successful Marriages - Implementing these elements leads to successful Communities 2. Marriage is Both Natural and Divinely Ordained: (Holy Qur’an) Wa Khalaqnakum Azwaaja (An-Nabaa: 78:8) Translation: We created you in pairs / bonded 3. Marriage is an expression of exemplary Humanity: (Holy Qur’an)… Wa Ja'ala baynakum Mawaddatan War-Rahmah Inna fi Dhalika LaAayaatin li-Qaumin yatafakkaroon … (Ar-Room 30:21) Translation of whole verse: And among His Signs is this; that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put LOVE (MAWADDAH) and MERCY (RAHMAH) between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Mawaddah – refers to a supportive (practical) love; an affection that essentially involves sincerity, action, sacrifice and effort. Rahmah – refers to Mercy and its derivatives in compassion, kindness, care, benefaction, forgiveness, etc. 4. There are a minimum of fourteen aspects of a successful marriage, as described below, categorized into five main categories. These categories were expounded in detail in the Khutbah. Here, their main points are summarized as below: A - PATIENCE (Sabr) I – Act with Lightheadedness (Not Anger) for Problem-Solving II – Kindness (Not dictatorial Brute Force/ Scolding/ Demanding) III – Giving Opportunities (rather than condemning/abandoning) (It is human to make mistakes – Give a second chance!) B - COURAGE (to get better) and HUMILITY (to not boast) IV – Courage to stand against yourself, and improve (Rather than to justify wrong actions) V – Do not show off to spouse like you are separate (God has created you in pairs as a single entity)

C - COOPERATION, FAITH and HOPE VI – Support each other - physically and especially mentally. (Be an encouragement – supportive words bring great relief) VII – Trust in Allah (swt) together, & jointly seek His favor (Two seekers are better than one, & spouses are a single unit) VIII – Be optimistic, outline joint goals, and work towards them (Have hope, work in conjunction, and keep Faith in God) D - LOYALTY and SACRIFICE IX – Appreciate Spouse's dedication of life to you (Return the favor of dedication as your stamp of Loyalty) X – Love is meaningless without Sacrifice (Sacrifice replaces imperfection to make a perfect marriage) E - COMPASSION and CHARITY XI – Hadith: Treat brethren (inc. spouse) as you'd like to be treated (Spouses are additionally our Muslim & Human brethren) XII – Imam Ali: Practice Forgiveness despite the Power to Hurt (Forgiveness is most genuine when one has power to punish) XIII – Akhlaq: Good Manners and Etiquette (Even a smile is a charity) XIV – To be pleasant & have good demeanor - goes a Long Way! (Mutually fulfill the desires of your spouses)

5. REMINDERS A Spouse is: I – A BLESSING – Treat him or her as an asset and a favor II – A TEST – Ensure that you patiently persevere to succeed in maintaining cordial, cooperative, and beneficial relations III – A TRUST from God – You must treat a Spouse well, and it might very well be your Ticket to Heaven! Several Ahadith, on the authority of the Prophet’s Family (Ahlul-Bayt), mention that the certification of a spouse, vis-à-vis the conduct of their partner, will be a great witnesses for benefaction on the Day of Judgment. 6. PRAYER Oh Allah! Bless us with strong Marriages Oh Allah! Bless us with the elements that lead to Strong Marriages Oh Allah! Bless us with those elements for Strong Communities! Oh Allah! Bless us with those elements for Best Human Relations! Oh Allah, Most Merciful, the Forgiving! Forgive us our sins,And bless us in both Dunya (World) and Aakhirah (Afterlife)!