It Hardly Happens To Someone

It was a very beautiful village, in the eastern part of Uttar Pradesh, having population of five hundred where I was born 28 years ago. The village had large Taal, a natural lake, on its western side. The village was basically dependant on agricultural with no other side business. No one in the village was in government service at any level. Sugarcane was main cash crop which used to provide substantial support for the livelihood to the most of the families. The land was totally fertile but rests of the crops were very much prone to weather hostility so only selective cultivations was the option. The subsistence was not a issue for even a labourer families. The sources for the trap of the debt for the daily wage earners generally were marriages, last rites & illness. The farming left not much of surplus at the end of the season and most of it was invested in next crop. All the virtues & vices of a typical village were prevalent in this village also. Addiction to the alcohol was a major problem and half of the village was having crush for this liquid-evil. This had further ramifications. The fighting amongst each other over petty issues was very common. Extra marital affairs or casual affairs between well to do family men and lower caste women or girls from the name or nearby village was another reason for the unrest in the village. There used to be severe fights over these sometimes on the line of caste or inter-village issues. The most happen part of the area was police station, at five kilometer, which minted money all along the day and night, right from filing of FIR to put someone into lockup and beating one party on the other’s insistence. This village was at the top in the list of villages which provided clients for the police station. Court cases, so were very much part of the life of few families. My family owned eight acres of land half of which used to be under flood every second or third year. Few things, like house and land holdings, were better than average family in the village. The ancestors were having good command in the past over the area and the village. But after division of the farms and households for last three generations and with abolition of Jamindari System, that was not much is the effect now. My grand father, whom I called Dada, was a very intelligent person of his time and was a noted knowledgeable person in the revenue, land or criminal cases. He had served as land accountant-Lekhpal, in sixties and much of the liabilities like daughter’s marriage, construction of separate home was met through additional money coming in form of ‘Bakhshis’ or ‘Bribes’. Bribes did not come alone to him. It brought a flurry of bad habits out of which the liquor addiction had become order of everyday. That was closely followed by the habit of paying regular visits to few errant

women ranging from nearby villages to nearest city. The only good thin going along the family was his conscience to bear the responsibilities. He tried to get good education for my father, whom I called Papa, and got the daughters married reasonably well. He exercised tremendous control over the family and made sure that house is completely in order in all aspects. Papa was reported to be a very brilliant student up to his high school but started showing declination is his orientation towards studies. He lost the track in the adolescence and thought that it was needless to continue studies when he had so much of the land for farming and to take care of his father. Soon, after Intermediate studies he had got married and was involved in looking after the farming. By that time, the grant father had lost his job due to some serious irregularities committed by him. But he continued to work as a consultant for the less educated mass and kept his earning intermittently on. Papa always obeyed the Dada and never talked face to face or even sat before him and same practice was observed by me and my siblings. Everyone was under Dada’s orders and no one ever thought to question about his habits rather addictions. Papa had started looking after the farming and also he was growing conscious of the acts of the Dada. The system of villages and surrounding areas was informative enough to put one at the end of his patience and the same is true even today. The Dadi was very simple & truly a religious lady. She had the Dada in her highest respect bracket. Whenever she tried to point out something, she was scolded and advised to remain silent. The questioning without any power to do good or bad to anyone does not have any relevance. Same was true here. The bread winning makes sometimes some one so strong that all his evils have to be buried under carpet by the family members. I was 6yrs old then with a younger sister and a younger brother. I used to play and enjoy whole day in the family and in the village. I used to observe calmly the altercations in the evening when Dada abused someone sitting in the center yard of the home. Interruptions from Dadi or Papa would only spoil the scene. Now Papa also had started questioning many of Dada’s act or moves. It was beyond bearing of grandfather. Now, the quarrel between Papa and Dada was the matter of everyday. It used to be very loud and Dada would use all his abusive vocabulary over Papa. Papa’s point was that Dada should stop having illicit relations while in return Dada would question Papa’s authority and would remind Papa’s own failures in study and other

things. Dada proudly announce all his achievement like how he as carried out all his responsibilities despite all initial odds when he was separated from family. He often threatened to sell the lands which he had created over the time. ‘You need not to sell that for anyone, it will evaporate automatically if you continue these habits.’ used to be Papa’s usual reply that threat. Getting disturbed every evening was now unbearable by Dada and the lure and lust was pulling him more and more to the nearby city where one of his mistress was living. Now he used to be absent for two to three days at a stretch. On his returns, more quarrelling used to happen. The environment at the home was totally tensed. But children has tendency to forget the things as per their convenience and so was I. Their fight affected me only for that period only, for the rest of time, I was a free bird. I remember one evening when Papa took a sharp weapon in his hand and gave the same to Dada. He bowed before Dada saying ‘Cut my throat! Why did you bring me in this world if you were to do this all?’ A big crowd was there that night on the door around 10 o’clock. Everybody there was crying with fear and shouting for the help. Things worsened day by day. Dada had started living with mistress for five to six days at a stretch. He used to come home only when he had to collect some money with his clients or money lenders. In between he took loans from Banks and other sources. Papa tried many ways to stop that but nothing was working. Now, it was Papa who had to show his part of drama to the family! One noon, he came home from nearby market with a big bottle of liquor in his hand. He sat in front of the door and kept on drinking directly from the bottle. He used to shout in between at the members from family, ‘Do not come near me. If he can’t leave drinking, I will start. If you want me not to do this, tell my father to leave the same’. This formula of some Bollywood movie was certainly not to work here. Next day when grand father came, already knowing about the event, he showed no signs of slow down. He went on, ‘You can’t change me. You have a family, go and earn some where for them. I can’t take responsibilities of your family.’ Hot exchange of words between them and abuse from grand father continued till late night. Next day Dada was again off to the mistress. A perturbed atmosphere remained in the family for around a week. Finally father decided to go after that mistress and try something different.

He knew the widow mistress’s house in a crowded Muslim locality and going there and creating scene was very risky but he was hell bent on doing anything now. That day morning events still revolve before my eyes. Papa passed the stern dictum to Amma in my presence, ‘If things do not settle by tomorrow, we all will not see the morning of the following day.’ Amma was weeping before him with folded hands and was trying to stop him while I, a kid of 7years of age, was shedding the tears not knowing much of the things though. But I had understood the last sentence. Papa went to the mistress house but found that he was not there. She had two grown up sons in their teens but what exactly forced her to do that was beyond imagination. Papa went to one of Dada’s friends who was once upon a time his colleague when he was in job of Lekhpal. Both still had good friendship. He sent his peon at one address which belonged to a common ‘Marwadi’ friend. The peon came back in half an hour saying that Dada was not there. Papa did not believe that and straightway went to the place. The Marwadi stopped him from entering his home telling that Dada was not there. Papa was familiar with the set up of his house. Papa pushed him aside and ran through stairs to the upper floor of house. He reached two a open room but could not find Dada there. On the second and top open floor there was a small store room which was used for storing junk items. Papa approached the room and peeked through the window. The mistress was standing in the corner side of the room and beside her was hiding the grandfather. The scene was so embarrassing and touchy that father could not stop her tears. He managed to utter barely, ‘Babuji!’ which he used to address him, ‘Why either of us or both did not die or commit suicide before being witness to this day?’ Dada came forth and was about to open the room. Papa continued, ‘If you do not come with me today and leave all this, either of us and this whore will die right here! But I will prefer you come with me.’ Grandfather had regained his composure by this time but sensing the anger and gravity of situation he babbled few words and came down. Papa turned to the mistress, ‘Look! My everything is on the stake, if I find or hear you meeting him again, that day will be your last one.’ She hurriedly ran away out of the door. I was playing with my friends near the road leading to the village. I saw Papa and Dada coming on a bicycle. I ran madly towards them.

‘Dada did you bring my books?’ I asked looking at Dada. As a small child, I had forgotten the happenings of yesterday’s dire events. Not getting any reply I looked at Papa. He had turned in tears. I sensed that something was again wrong. I left playing and started following the bicycle. At home, the situation was tense, Papa turned towards Dadi with a strict face, ‘I have faced the situation today which hardly any son in this world would be facing. Ask him why a person of his intelligence, caliber and reputation should resort to such shameful deeds? The prestige of this house has hit its rock bottom. Thank god, if I had any unmarried sister in this home, it could have been difficult to get those married at this point of time. We are not been able to show our face to any one anywhere.’ Dada was not so easy to be defeated, ‘You have insulted me in the city and market, I will show the real nonsense now. Let me see what and how much you can do to stop me.’ The exchange of hot and slant words continued. Papa’s face was red; he ran inside and ordered to Amma to get ready immediately, ‘We will leave this hell just now.’ Amma replied, ‘Why you are going mad? Let things slow down. Don’t do anything in hurry!’ But father was adamant on the resolution, ‘If you don’t wish to come with me, remain here. Any time you feel like coming, take children with you and come to me in Bombay. And if you find that too difficult take this poison.’ Papa had thrown a bottle of rat-poison towards Amma. Someone from neighborhood snatched the bottle from Amma’s hands. That was one of most horrible nights. I was applying my small mind as much as he could do while my siblings hardly did anything than remaining grim faced as they were hardly to understand anything. I remained scared next morning and prayed that this morning be as usual calm one. It was around 10 am; Papa came from somewhere and asked Amma to give her necklace as he was leaving the house. Again the ugly scene had erupted and everyone except Dada was weeping and crying. Dada added the fuel, ‘Let him go and see outside world. This scrounger can not remain anywhere for even a month. All heroism will fall flat on the ground and he will be coming back to fall on my feet’. I have seen a lot of such things in my life’. Now, it was turn of father, ‘I swear, I will not come back to you even if I starve and die there in Bombay. Take my words and remember, if you went back again to that mistress, you will not see faces of anyone of us’. Dada did not reply. Papa turned to grand mother and touched her feet for blessings. Like every mother, she tried to utter some words of

blessings but sat down holding the wall. This was the first time that her only son was leaving the home like this. Now, it was turn of grand father. Papa stood before Dada who was standing near the entrance stairs. ‘It was easier option to die than remain living as your son. But unfortunately, I have few kids to take care of. If your words come true and I fail in the struggle of my life, then that would be the first option.’ saying this Papa bent to the Dada’s feet. Without waiting for the response he picked up his bag and started. The grand father’s face was having mixed emotions. In front of so many people around, he did not want to show his weakness towards his son while his mind was still prevailing over heart. I ran to the end of the door and touched Papa’s feet saying, ‘Papa do come back’ as I was scared of his words. Papa, already in tears, replied, ‘Yes, I will come bank. Take care of your brother and sister.’ As young kid, I hardly knew the meaning of taking care but nodded affirmatively. After Papa’s departure, every body was sulking except Dada. He also was undergoing through the pain of witnessing the separation of his only son whom he had loved so much from inside. He went inside his room as he could not face the sad faces of his family members nor could show his sad face to them. He was recalling every moment of his past how he had a dream of seeing his son as some ‘Munsif’ or ‘Magistrate’ when he had shown the result of high school passing with good marks. He remembered how he had carried the belonging of his son on his head like a potter in the city when he got admitted him in intermediate school. How he has just lost an obedient son who did not utter a single word of abuses despite lot of nonsense being thrown upon him. He did not go anywhere for two days and in between he used to call me and my siblings and tried to chat with us. He remembered how a big party was thrown on my birth and everybody was much happier then. The past kept of hounding him throughout. Next day, he went to nearby market and brought out meat for the family, He was very found of non-veg item and many times he used to cook himself. He had also taken some pouches of liquor from the market. Sensing the mood at home that nobody would like to cook and have meat that day, with my help he cooked meat himself. He then called grand mother who was not talking him for last three days.

He started, ‘He is my son also. I also feel equal pain. Only difference is that, you can weep and I can not. But do not worry, he will come back.’ he tried to assure Dadi. ‘He will never go back on his words till you remain so’ grand mother softly replied. ‘I agree that I was on mistake. The family is on the way of collapse due to my misconducts. I will try to get things on track,’ Dada said in remorse. My closed relatives were settled in Bombay. Papa went to work on Godi, the dockyard, where he showed his skills & courage and around in a month he was given job of ‘fitter’. The salary was good and he started enjoying the job. The relative sent a letter mentioning about the job and also mentioned that Papa wanted the family there. Dada did not reply. He was having rather no words to reply. In these two months he had changed a lot. He had stop visiting mistress and was much clam now. He had kept a tutor for me. Time passed and other relatives and people going to Bombay mentioned about the changes back at home to the father. For Papa the job did not matter much at that time but the real troubles was that he wanted a word from Dada. Finally, some one brokered between both and an indirect concurrence was reached at. It was around six months after the father had left. Things were approximately normal. Barring his habit of alcohol in the evenings, grandfather have turned to very decent and his care for family was now more than ever. It was a winter evening when father appeared at home without previous information. Dada was on the door washing his bands after dinner. Papa touched his feet. Dada blessed, ‘Live long’ and called the grand mother. ‘Look! Babu has come. See if some things is remaining in kitchen there or cook for him’ he had addressed Papa with his loving word and his voice was jubilant and mixed with surprise happiness. ********************************************************************* ******************* First time in my short span of life I felt happiness at my home flowing through. Though there were a lot of accumulated dues and debts but that is of less importance once you see things in order. I was very sharp in my studies and perhaps much to be credited was the inheritance factor. Dada and Papa were equally brilliant in their initial studied and I was no exception. I used to go to the village primary school. After class 3 rd, I was admitted to a new ‘Montessori’ pattern school where ‘English’ was major attraction for the parents. The school was three kilometers from the village and a group of ten students

joined the school in first year from my village. I had tendency to prove myself in every field and never wished to be second in school or village. In the group there was a pretty girl named Priya. There were three other girls too from same village. Certain human qualities like happiness, grief, sadness, love, affection, envy, jealousy etc get set in very early age through one hardly notices these in this age. The other girls frequently ignored or separated Priya from group either due to her sharp tongue or her beauty. I used to work as a bridge between them and many times used to take her side. She was in my class and we both were very cordial and friendly with each other. I had good voice and used to sing in contemporary songs like ‘Mujhe peene ka shauk nahi, pita hoon gam bhulane ko, (film- coolie)’ and ‘Saath jiyenge, saath marenge milkar hum- tum laila; marne se nayio darna (film- laila)’. Priya was very fond of my singing and I used to have special pleasure for singing her on the way. The days were passing happily. One year passed and rests of the children of group were back to primary school and only I and Priya were left to attend the Montessori school. The reason for leaving of the other fellows was quoted that there was no dramatic improvement in the level of their knowledge as was expected by the guardians. The long distance of 3 km was another reason given but at the base was the reason of high fees being changed by school. By 1984, there was some talk about something like radio which also beamed moving pictures and that was the first time I heard its name as ‘T.V.’. In the village near school, there were two- three black & white T.V. sets in few big landlords’ home. I was too young to go and see, more over transmission would start after 6 Pm. The wards of those landlords would talk about various programmes in the class and Priya would listen to them with utmost attention. This would leave me in great despair. When Indira Gandhi was murdered in 1984, there was a holiday declared in the school. I persuaded Priya not to tell anyone at home about it and both went to see the T.V. which was relaying some ‘Bhajans’ and ‘Prayers’ during the day. We both were amused to see the live pictures. When I would go in some marriage party, I used to memorize the songs sung by the women there during various phases of marriage. I would come back to Priya and re – produce, sing and write the songs for her. I would often attempt to learn knitting of sweater and try to impress her.

After some time, one TV set arrived in my village also. My happiness knew no bounds. I would go regularly to watch ‘Chitrahaar’ and ‘Feature films’. On next day, I sang most of the songs for Priya on the way and narrate stories of the films. I was always imagining Priya as his ‘Heroine’ and himself as ‘Hero’. I used to even copy and practice dance steps in the room. The craze of films and songs was on the top of my mind. The days were passing fast. I was very much worried whether both could be together again after 5th class when we enter junior high school as Priya’s father was planning to send her to study in nearby city. She had her Mama’s family there and her going meant that they might probably meet once in a month when she would come back to village. There was a marriage in the village. Like other children, I was also excited to see ‘Band’ and ‘dance’ and eat lot of sweets. This was a low caste marriage where the groom was 11 years old while bride ‘Gulabi’ was around 17. The logic of such marriages was that bride would go to the groom’s house after around 7 or 9 years. Marriage party arrived in the evening and I alongwith my little friends surrounded the ‘Palki’ also called Doli in which the groom has arrived. I opined with one my friend Ramesh, ‘Hey, look ! He is so small! How he can marry at this age?’ ‘You do not know anything then. Anyone can marry any time. After marriage people grow faster. He will be as tall as Gulabi in next six-seven years and then he will take Gulabi his home.’ was the expert answer from Ramesh, 2 years older than me. I sneaked into the Doli and asked the groom, ‘do you know writing English? Do you know tables up to 20?’ I wanted set my supremacy over him. ‘No, I have studied up to 3rd in primary school’ the groom offered the excuse. ‘Will you play hide and seek with us here. I am expert in that’ was further query from me. ‘No. I will return in two days’ he smiled. I came out of Doli. Doli was taken up by four men on shoulder then and it moved to the door of Gulabi. I saw Priya along with other ladies standing there in new dress and looking like fairy. I kept on gazing at her and in between she also looked at me and smiled with shy. Having seen all the formalities and honor offered to the groom, I was mesmerized with the word ‘marriage’. I also had heard once that two married persons can not be separated.

When I came back, I went straight to Dada’s bed and asked, ‘Dada, are you tired?’ ‘Yes. Why?’ Dada questioned with smile. ‘I press your legs’ I got up and sat on the leg side. This was the technique which I used to deploy to please Dada for asking for books, copy or visit a nearby fair. ‘What do you want? Did not you get sweet there?’ Dada interrogated ‘I had sweet there’ I stopped for a pause and then continued, ‘Dada why can not I get married?’ I fired back the question innocently. ‘Yes, you also can get married. But whom you will marry with?’ Dada laughed and tried to get my nerve. ‘With Priya’ I shot immediately. ‘Oh! We can marry you with Priya but before that you have to study a lot and you should be able to get some job.’ Dada tried to turn the answer as a guardian. ‘But Dada, we can bring her at our home after 8 or 9 years, if I am that small’ I was serious in making my point. ‘I understand that, but people would laugh at you both as you are from same village’ Dada was tickling with the answer. ‘Why people from same village cannot marry?’ I was not to stop. ‘We will talk over it tomorrow or sometimes later. It is very late and you should go to sleep. You have to go school in morning’ He called Amma and I followed her up to bed. But the question remained in my mind. I did not know that this was not an easy question to answer. Next day on the way to school I asked Priya, ‘You never dress up that well for school? You were looking very beautiful. And why you were not looking towards me in the marriage?’ ‘In such functions, no girl stares at any boy. It is considered wrong’ was her small natural reply. ‘Oh, but you were laughing with the groom and talking to him, then?’ I was not to leave simply. ‘Buddhu (Mindless)! he was the groom, every one talks with the groom only’ She replied. I was to ask a lot of questions but some one from village was coming and we changed the topic. The time was flying by days and nights. Final exams of class five were approaching.. Priya many times asked where I was to study after 5th and whether I could arrange to

study in nearby city. I used to reply in negative as I was sure that I was to study in nearly market junior high school only. I used to become sad at times. Priya would then come to rescue, ‘Do not worry, I will come more frequently to the village.’ Though while replying her voice looked rejuvenated as she was going to the city but eyes were gloomy as she know both will be separated. That was pure affection as one closed friend has for the other. Our feelings were unaffected and unadulterated by the social restrictions and covenants. 5th board exam were soon over and now I was having ample time to play football which I then liked most. The cricket by that time had not invaded the rural arena. I used to go to Ramesh’s house at the other end of village to mobilize the players. Priya’s house was next to Ramesh’s home and there I used to get glimpses of Priya or some time used to have chat with her there. Priya’s father was big appreciator of my candidness in all the fields. He used to claim with other persons that there was no child there in many villages in vicinity to equal my intellect, gentility or perfection. I used to get happy over there remarks as every child of that age tends to be. But no doubt I was really best in most of the activities of my age. By the beginning of new session in following July, things had changed. Priya had gone to the city and I was admitted in the Junior High School in class 6th getting rid of primary or montersory school. Going to a new school brings enormous amount of joy in the heart of a young kid. I felt little grown up as now I had to study many subjects with lot of new students. I was happy there and got new friends in few days. But there the competition was more as many good students had arrived with different abilities. But very few had the edge of knowing English well at that level. In those days, ABC of English used to start from sixth class in Government Schools and students from Government primary school were at disadvantage though they were very good at math or in handwriting. I was introduced to the principal who was very much impressed with me having got reply to his questions. I was made monitor of class. I was sharp in memorizing the lessons in the class itself. To gain the advantage over other students I focused more on English. The English was a horror for most of the students and they were scared of English teacher who used to beat on the palm mercilessly. Papa got the job of seasonal revenue collection in the office of the ex-colleage and friend of Dada. His friend had got promotion and was now Naib-Tahsildar. He only

had suggested dada to engage Papa in the job as it was worthless to put him in the farming. Though farm produce were just enough to meet usual family requirements, still the option of local job was a better one for Papa. Papa was required to have eight to nine months of duty in a year. Papa described with great enthusiasm how he had done better than many candidates in the interview for the job. With Papa away from home most of the time now, I took full liberty of that. Addiction to the T.V. was result one of these and subsequently it spread to the video films and ‘Nautanki’ too which used to be at played during festival and marriage season. I used to escape getting any thin opportunity to the other end of the village where T.V. was there. Initially, Amma and Dadi hid it from Dada and Papa but soon it became public. I was scolded several times and was issued stern warnings not to watch T.V. except for ‘Ramayan’ serial which most of the people on Sunday morning used to watch at 9 o’clock in the morning. I followed the instructions but used to create opportunities and excuses every now and then to see the TV films & ‘Chitrahaar’. Once I was virtually dragged by Papa from the TV site to the home and was welcome with sticks and kicks at the home. But the habit never left me. I used to resume my practice sooner the memories of the beating were old. Soon there were flurry of events and disputes in the village over land disputes and Panchayat level elections. There were two factions in the village. My family was against Priya’s family. The basis of the faction was the lineage and different social interest of the groups. The faction on my family side was in better financial position and also held sizeable portion of share in village residential area and in farms. Priya’s side lacked the knowledge and understanding complicacy of the court and police handling. Situation in village was very tense. Those who used to ask about the well being of others were not even looking to each other. Air of hatred was spared over the entire village. My Dada was chief consultant in all these issues and he was main legal spearhead from my faction. Priya’s father was also very clever and minded person who used to advise his faction. Despite all these frictions; I was loved by all for my gentlemen qualities. I normally never quarreled with or abused to any boy from village nor misbehaved with any one. On the opponent side was Ramesh’s family also but I had developed very good friendship with him. We both used to go to the fields to collect cattle-feed together. The third part time friend was Raju. We all three were damn follower of the movies. We used to narrate stories of the films seen recently to one another.

We, all three, were big fan of Amitabh Bachchan and his films like Pukar, Mard, Coolie, Sholay etc used to be the main topics for discussion. The friendship was on such degree that it seemed that it was going to end never. I was always curious about the new coming films. In school’s office during interval, I used to see the film column of newspaper. The star cast of any movies being released was on my finger tips. I was considered the best person to recognize the Heroes and Heroines during Chitrahaar and TV Feature Films. Telling names of the actor, during TV shows was one of popular thing there in the rural audience and I was the final authority to pass the decision. The films had occupied bigger space of my mind and occasionally I paid the price for it. The video halls were popular those days having tickets prices at Rs. 1.50 to 2.00. It was off season and four month had passed since I had watched any new movie. The main occasion for such opportunity used to be the marriage season. We three young friends, while cutting grass in the fields, planned to go for a video movie in the nearby market where very few familiar faces from the village were expected. Any leak of the news was going to be catastrophic on them and especially on me. The other two were not much grilled by their parents being average performs in their study and also were much of help in day to day farming activities of their families. I was now under continuous scanner of my Papa and Dada for all of my activities. They always used to control me for everything and would tell me to read and read only. None of both the guardians would ever sit with me to be involved with my study through they were able enough. They worked more as regulators than facilitators. They had their own share of other ‘important’ issue like discussing village level partisan politics, plan the moves and spend hours sitting around the open fire in the evenings. As per the plan, we were to take bicycle from our home on any pretext we could manage and move to video centre together around 11:00 AM. There we were to have cold drinks which we viewed as one of the most luxurious things to have luckily a few times in a year. Thus the celebration of this new found friendship was all set to start next day. I asked my mother, ‘Amma, there are few washed clothes lying here, shall I take these to market to get ironed’? ‘But what if the bicycle is needed by Papa or Dada?’

‘O.K., then I will go on Raju’s cycle and would come back in 2-3hours.’ I told in expectation of getting her approval. ‘Right, but come back soon as they may get angry over this.’ cautioned Amma. I took a ten rupees note which some relatives had given me and I had not told anyone about it. Amma also gave two rupees extra to eat something there in the market. I was the happiest man on the earth with 12 Rupees in my pocket for me. I calculated and murmured, ‘ Two rupees for tea, snacks, two rupees for movie and four ruppes for cold drink; total 8 Rupees. Still I can bring four rupees back, wow!’ What a great treasure I owned. We moved like free birds allowed to fly on their own first time singing songs of film Sholay, ‘Ye dosti hum nahi todenge ........’ That followed many other songs of Amitabh. The movies and films were flowing in our blood. Next part of the plan was to tell a lie back at home that bicycle got punctured and we went on foot upto the market and, of course, washer man did not deliver clothes in time. This all to get a leverage of extra 1-2 hours to make up for movie time! We handed over the cloths to the dhobi shop which he told to come and collect in 15 minutes. Not bothering to his words, we approached the video hall in the next street. ‘Oh no, the hall is closed today!’ I uttered with the shock. I then enquired with a nearby shop where I was told that for some technical snag hall was closed since last two days. ‘But you can go to other hall in Kotwa market. That is four kilometer from here’. Shop owner suggested. I checked my Nepali digital watch, there were 30 minutes left. I proposed ‘We can’t get this opportunity again so let us go there.’ ‘But let us have some tea and snacks first. We will have at least some energy to sail through further.’ Raju suggested holding his stomach. We entered the main road side tea stall. The market was a stop for buses connecting the nearby city. After having breakfast quickly, we came out of the tea stall. Someone was washing his hands and I started pumping the water for him from the hand-pump. I kept on talking, ‘Ramesh, we have to move fast otherwise we will miss 12-3 show in Kotwa market.’ ‘Yes, It is too far and road is not good. We will have to speedup’ Raju agreed. The man who was washing his hands in bending position, stood- up and seeing his face I was in the state of shock.

‘Fufa? Namaste!’I touched his feet, he was my relative. ‘Rajiv?? What are you doing here?’ he asked smiling, though he had overheard the chat. ‘Nothing, I had come to get clothes ironed’ I replied in meek and trembling voice. ‘I am going to your home only. You can come on with me on motorcycle’. I nodded in acceptance. I had sensed the damage. I told Raju to bring the clothes from from the shop with him. On the way, I thought several time to request Fufa not to tell anyone at home about my movies plan otherwise all the hell will break loose upon me. But I could not. I kept on saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to his certain irrelevant questions on the way. Reaching home, I had left myself to my destiny. I went inside and brought sweet and water for him. I was filling up the glass with water when he told Papa looking at me, ‘Rajiv met me on tea stall. He and his two friends were planning to go to Kotwa video hall.’ Dada was also present there. In a fraction of moment, a strong hand fell on my face and water mug fell apart. My mind was numb. Before I could touch my paining jaw and try to cry, other side received a stronger blow. By the Newton’s third rule, perhaps Papa’s hands were feeling the pain of hitting hard. He took a thick bamboo stick from nearby abundant stock and started thrashing me. My mind was already out of sense, and now after few hits my body also stopped sensing the pain. Actually, every new blow overtook the pain of previous hit. Some one from the family had come for the rescue. My other two friends arrived to handover the clothes. Papa abused them a lot and warned not to try to spoil me thereafter. They soon fled from the scene. Papa turned to me and shouted, ‘If you have decided to do this, better you join farming. Once you will feel the punches of hardships of that, your mind will be alright.’ He told me to take a spade and to follow him. Amma and few neighbors tried to stop Papa but he was not in control. It was a burning afternoon of May. Papa took me to nearby Sugarcane farm and pointed towards a large chunk of farm, ‘complete the work of cutting soil by the evening and then come to home.’ I was very much in anger from inside. In my view, the punishment was too harsh and I was very sad for being beaten like a beast. I robotically nodded to his command.

The sooner Papa left I started cutting and destroying the crop instead of putting the soil over it. Fifteen minutes had passed and a complete line of crop was vanished. Soon, I saw Amma coming near me. I broke into tears seeing her. She was shocked seeing the damage, ‘What have you done? If your papa comes to know, he will be angry again.’ ‘I will tell him that I did not know how to do it properly and if again he beats me, let that be.’ I vented my anger. On the way, Amma asked, ‘Why did you tell a lie? You should not have cheated us like this to go for movie.’ I was prompt, ‘I am good at study. I do all other works at home. Is a movie so harmful? Or is it equal to some theft or burglary? He beated me like a beast’ Amma looked at the oblique red rashes on my arms. She held me close to her and put arms around me, same way as a bird covers its egg under its feather.

*************** My annual result was out. I stood first in the class even though I was not paying much attention towards study. Whatever little I studies was under pressure and fear. He had learnt new games by now like playing marbles, Kabaddi, Wrestling, Volleyball, along with already favourite game Football. Volleyball I used to play at school while other games I played in village time to time. By the end of the academic year, I had learnt playing cards by standing near the senior folks. Practically, a little space was left for study. The reason for standing first was that others did worse than me despite their best efforts. Perhaps, my quick picking brain was the main factor behind the compensation of the lost time in games. Priya had come four times during last nine months. Every time I heard the news of her arrival, I invariably went to her home or to Ramesh’s home to talk to her. Priya had lot many things to discuss about city Kushinagar; schools, shops, vehicles, busy roads etc. I had nothing much to share with her except my study and boasting of my monitoring of the class. Things would end after talking few issues of here and there. Another restraint was growing bitterness between the two factions in the village. I would try to ask some academic questions in hope to spend sometime with Priya in explaining and tutoring her. But a bit of city smartness had gone into her. She would carefully skip the topic as it was like an insult to her now. How a village school boy

could teach a city school girl! She would often turn the focus to city events. For her, city was most glamorous place now and she was not ready to take any thing from this part of world except basic necessities for survival like water, air and food. The city had effect on the top of her mind, as generally it happens to any village boy or girl going city first times. She was doing it inadvertently but that was very hard on me. I took everything in strife but always try to impress her. While paying visit to her, I would wear the best available clothes and ready myself from all the angles. Priya too appeared prettier at her every next visit to the village. This appearance was natural or because of my impatient wait for her, I was never able to distinguish. Next one year passed with similar occurrences with only addition in the frequency of my getting beaten by the Papa. The offences included skipping from home in the evening for TV feature film, getting caught red handed playing marbles, overdose of football and volleyball etc. The worst perceived habit of playing card, as it was seen as basic step for gambling, was another major reason. The playing of cards was out of bounds in village area so for younger ones. I along with my two old gold friends and others was pursuing the same in farms or mango garden. Along with all things to my credit, I was known in the village for getting harshly beaten though usual frequency of two months for that big bang was enough to forget the last pain. The acts of mischief would run to the peak by the end of next two months and again I used to be caught for one or other reason. In school I was loved by all teachers and fellows. His vengeance for all other activities could not let me down though I could have performed far better in academics had I been without those adopted evils. In pursuing craziness over movies, many times I tended do funny things. Though many adventurous boys of that age commit mistakes but I was ways ahead. Once I got information that a full night video show was going to be there in nearby village. I tried to persuade Amma for the same but Papa had already warned her to have watch over me. I did not get green signal finally. In those summer nights I used to sleep on the rooftop of the building along with my younger brother. I was determined to go for the show that night. When it was just dark in the evening, I managed to keep a bamboo ladder on the top and made sure nobody notice that. My younger brother, who used to watch me being beaten often helplessly, smelled the

plan. At the time of going to the bed, he pleaded me not to dare but I did not agree. After all how I could three movies that night! I loved my younger brother a lot but it was time to show my convincing skills to him. After around an hour when everyone was asleep I landed the ladder and started getting down. Hardly had I crossed two steps down when the ladder slipped. It was very big ladder and I fell flat on the ground vertically along with ladder making big bang at the ground. I had hurt badly my right leg and right arm and face. Fortunately, I felt the pain from these organs which was immense. I was less worried about this pain as I was going to received larger blows having been caught in this situation. I just kept lying on the ground effortlessly. As it was the first hour of sleep, nobody noticed the sound. Stray dogs however had noticed the movement and two dogs started barking near the scene. But sooner the dogs had come to know that this was a regular burglar and night wanderer, so they returned to their business. Younger brother woke up and came to the edge of the roof and whispered, ‘Bhaiya, are you O.K.? Shall I come for the help?’ ‘No, I am alright. You please sleep and I will return soon’ I knew that he could not come down for help even he wished as there was only one way to reach me and that was the main door through staircases. As rest all members were sleeping in the home, it was not possible to open the door without a waking them up. I got up checked up my body parts except pain every where. I moved my arm and leg to check for any fracture. Fortunate it was not there. Things were in their place and sense of victory and joy of watching the movies that night overcame the feelings of the pain. Darkness was never the issue in passing through narrow streets. The fear of snakes was there but I hardly thought about that while going to such missions. After all nothing is achieved without taking risk! I came having seen three full movies when it was just dawn. I quickly placed the ladder at safer place and pulled it up after reaching at the top. Soon I fell deep in sleep. In around half an hour, Dada’s call woke me up and I was told to go and call some one from nearby village. I understood and nodded in half sleep, with eyes open. I rode the bicycle and started. The impact of sleeplessness was that I was going in that direction likes a robot. My mind had refused to work. As soon as I approached the village, I struggled to recollect the task given. I stopped and even after lot of pressurizing the mind, I could not recollect for what I was sent there. I was afraid of returning in such a situation. Even I

could have lied about the outcome of my visit but the basic premises to lie should exist there. I thought to approach some of my friends who would go to my home and secretly ask my Dadi about the task given. But most of the friends were in night-company and it was not proper to disturb them. I caught hold of a small boy and explained the things to ask from Dadi. The little boy looked up at my face as I was the stupid most fellow in his view, he really could not understand the situation. It was difficult for him to digest how such a grown up boy can forget something in minutes. The confused boy followed the advice. Luckily, Dada was not there on the door otherwise the boy was certainly to ask the question to Dadi in his presence. He was just to execute the instructions and the conditions were not explained to him. Dadi was surprised to learn that I had forgotten a simple one line instruction. Just not wasting any more time she explained the task which the boy conveyed me. I kept on chanting the task on whole route till I executed the same. The while coming back also I remembered the outcome same way. Dadi had noticed that ladder was not in its place and she started searching. In moments, she saw the long scratches on the ground near the wall. My younger brother who was a truth speaking boy narrated the episode. Dadi and Amma were in shock after learning the accident and deeper agony was on my determination to proceed despite the acute pain. While ladder was being brought down, I appeared at the door. Dada was quick to ask why the ladder was placed on the rooftop. Dadi immediately covered up by saying that she had told to place it there because of some work. Thus I was saved from the probable wrath and aftermath that would have happened to me. Both the ladies at home would try to save me many times. It was my bad luck rather misadventures which often put me in trouble. My body had also been accustomed to getting beaten and I often could not remember the number of hits and mode of thrashing. Only my paining parts of body and scars would tell the story to me internally and externally. I loved my father otherwise; but after getting beaten up I could no more afford to remember his straight, stiff and butcher like face. On one occasion, after getting beaten without much of my fault, I decided to commit suicide and end my life to curtail further insult and helplessness I was subjected to. I ran away from the home with a rope to hang my self. I went up to the road which led

to the city and there I thought about the options. One was just to hang myself from a tree’s branch and other to leave the house forever. I first thought to runaway as better option but I had no money to pay the fare on the way. I thought to return home and take some money but soon I remembered that I had only fifteen rupees at home in my bag. This option did not seem feasible. Now, the only option left was suicide. He started thinking about the further options as hanging seemed to be painful. One option was to jump in nearby big canal which was very deep. But I knew swimming and this plan could not work. A big mango tree was there before me at some distance. The idea of hanging me from tree firmed in the mind as the rope I had taken for such a use only. I went there and climbed on the tree and looked around, no body was there. The height was very frightening. Suddenly I saw Papa rushing on bicycle and asking every passerby on the road about me. I saw Papa with restlessness on his face and in his voice. I felt amused seeing Papa searching me. I asked myself, ‘Why does he then beat me at all if he has that much love or worry for me?’ I remembered him saying in anger that he did not want to see my face anymore. ‘Now what to do?’ was the next question. I thought to just wait and see Papa returning and getting the pleasure in seeing him coming back empty handed. I saw Papa coming pushing the bicycle and looking around with dim face expressions. For a moment another question crossed my mind, ‘Papa loves me much that is why he is so much worried about me.’ I also remembered my younger brother who used to refer himself as ‘Laxman’ and me as ‘Ram’. ‘What about Amma, my sister and Dadi? Every one loves me so much. I should not put them under any pain. Rather, I would try to be a good boy.’ I said to myself. But the question was how to go back to village. I slept on a cot lying in a hut where many people used to come and chit-chat. Some body informed at home and with some persuasion and sorry words I was taken back to home. Since then I exercised a lot of caution but could not avoid all the situations leading me to saddle. But the frequency of getting beaten or scolded was reduced is a respectable level.

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Papa was given area for revenue collection which was 15 kilometers away from home and he used to return after 2 or 3 days. I had entered in class eight. I noticed that papa had started taking liquor regularly. Amma used to shout at him very often, ‘Was one drunkard not enough to spoil the home that you also have become a regular addict? Can’t you come home without having it?’ ‘See, please do not shout. There are so many types of person outside I meet. I have to deal with them and it becomes inevitable sometimes to join their company, but believe me, I do not spend a single pie on it.’ Papa would reply non-convincingly. Dadi would also scold but the things were not that effective enough. The habit of liquor papa started as a mean to shed his sadness when he had scuffle with Dada few years back. The Bombay trip had only added to his freedom to drink as a lot of companions and money was available there. On return to home, he used to visit market liquor shop once or twice a week but now after getting the job he was again a free bird. Dada had come to know long back but could do nothing as he probably better knew how difficult it was to get rid off from this habit. Papa used to get some extra money as those who wanted to delay the payment of government revenue would offer some money to get some more time. Papa never used that money to meet any kind of domestic needs and most of the money was used in meeting the expenses of staying out. Dada, of course had better relations with him. But Papa still never sat before him and to talk to Dada he had to muster a lot of courage. The same respect I and my siblings used to offer to both of them. I was very often warned by Papa, ‘You have to concentrate on your study. Don’t ever think that you have a backup of farming to fall back if you failed miserably in your studies. We have spoiled our lives by becoming liquor addicts and falling prey to the circumstances. But you have to fight against all these. We may not provide a better environment at home but would sell every piece our land if you study well.’ A pain would appear in his eyes, ‘You and your brother should not bite the dust of this village like us.’ In his words, a sense of repent was always visible and he wanted to realize all his dreams through us. His hopes were rather not unfounded. My younger brother was an excellent student in studies and sometimes his teacher termed him better scholar than me. He was a complete gentle boy in all aspects. I always appreciated, loved and

helped him. For me my brother was the most lovable person in his family. Dada used to love my younger brother as he was youngest in the family. I never got so much direct love and appreciation due to my naughty acts. Both papa and Dada always maintained a safe distance from me because perhaps they thought that was better way to correct me. Once I saw someone playing mouth organ and I had strong crush for it. I wanted to impress Priya by it. But its cost was twenty five rupees and I did not have any money as my saved pocket money used to be spent in local fairs and market. I had developed the skills for emotional exploitation. One day when Amma was not well, I offered her a head massage. Having got her nod, I very softly asked, ‘Amma, shall I ask for something?’ Amma looked into my eyes with affection and replied ‘Yes, tell me’ but before I could utter any word she added, ‘But do not ask for any favour or permission for any video show, TV or Nautanki’ She was very right as I had been successful many times in persuading her on most of the occasions. In turn many times she was scolded badly by Papa or Dada. Every such time I was sorry for her but very next time I would forget. ‘No, no, not for that. Actually I want to purchase a mouth organ.’ I told though I thought that will be disapproved. I was already having so many things to distract me from studies. But Amma got sentimental as hardly I had asked for any such thing in past. She promised to arrange for money. On some pretext she collected some money from Papa. She also advised to not to show to Papa or Dada. ‘Mothers are really a wonderful gift of God otherwise this life would have been so rough!’ I had thanked her in my mind. I got the mouth organ and picked up the nodes of mouthorgan fast and in a week’s time. I played it at Ramesh’s when Priya arrived next time. Priya heard the melody as her home was next to Ramesh’s home. As expected she came quickly and appreciated, ‘You play it so well! I guessed it could be you only’. My labour had borne the fruit. Her appreciation was no less than any award for me. ‘How you are so well in everything; study, game, songs, instrument?’ was her next line.

I just wore a victorious smile. Soon Priya started for her home, ‘I have to do some work at home. I am going.’ ‘Just stop, I am also coming. I also I also have to go home.’ I requested as the route was common. We started together. ‘You know, I talk a lot about you with my friends; about your art of drawing pictures, singing, dance, brilliance, and all!’ Priya narrated looking at me. ‘Really? And I think about you all the time’ I emotionally replied. I was a fool to think that she might not be remembering there. ‘See you again’ She told with a changed voice and with a smile with mixed face expression. I soon realized that my emotional line had got her uneasy. *********************************************** Soon there was big tussle between the two rival groups over the recent Panchayat elections. The candidate from my faction had lost. His family controlled a large chuck of land in the vicinity of village. The main road to the houses of Priya and Ramesh passed through the certain piece of the land under his control. Though the passage was there since many generations, under the fit to revenge the loss his family seized the road with barrier and obstacles. As in villages ‘Might is still right’, Priya and Ramesh’s family could hardly do anything to resolve the issue. The police was not much interested to come to their help either. I criticized the move and sympathized with Ramesh and Priya’s family. I was scolded later by the Papa and was advised not to pay attention to any of these kinds of developments. Priya had grown very smart and outspoken by now and she called her father in the city. She accompanied him and her relatives to approach District Collector’s office in the city. She narrated the incident to DC and filed an application for remedial action. After her two visits DC agreed to look into the matter and promised to visit the site next day. I was not in the village that day. The DC arrived in the village with police. The main accused person fled off from the village due to fear of getting arrested or insulted. Priya led the DC to the spot and explained him everything. DC ordered for the removal of barricades and obstacles and warned the culprit family not to do that again.

Priya was instantly hit in the village. Everyone was talking about her bold moves and fluent talk with the Collector. In a village where people used to get scared from even a constable, such brave act by a young girl was definitely destined to be the talk of the village. I was very proud of her and very much happy inside. I wanted to congratulate her for this. But little I knew that that was the start of real hardship in our friendship. Amma conveyed Papa’s message to me that I was not supposed to visit her any more as that might raise eyes of our group. The people from our side were condemning her move taking it as an insult to the village as no lady from the village had ever gone to any Government office. This was being projected as biggest damage to the village’s prestige. I asked to myself, ‘But does this village have any reputation? The persons of this village hardly care for any one’s freedom or views. How can they talk of the big nose of the village?’ But I thought it pointless to argue with Amma. I could not meet Priya but my friendship with Ramesh continued. I was waiting the tension in the environment to dilute. In 9th class Papa took me along with him to another small city where he had a one room quarter. This city was quite in opposite direction to the Priya’s city. ‘Now it would be much difficult to meet Priya, as it would be difficult to match my visits with that of Priya’ I thought. But the charm of going to a city overshadowed the grief for the time being. In the city, there were two cinema halls and I was very meticulous about the monitoring of movies, posters and star casts. When papa would go home, he used to give some money to me for expenses for next or two three days. I would cut expenses and save for the movie. Though papa always appointed some observers but I was cleverer enough to dodge them. Not only that, I had all information about the videoshows from my classmates. I would often roam in the night with one of my neighbor and watch at least one movie in a night when papa was not there. I was so happy fulfilling my cherished dream. But my all joy feeling did not last long. Soon papa brought a room partner for me as he was now hardly staying with me. The partner was a student of senior class but it took only few days to get him to jump to my side. Now we both were enjoying the life!

One day my neighbor spoke about a very frightening secret. He told that my landlord’s wife had committed suicide in the same room in which we were living. He pointed towards the fan and explained that this was the same fan by which she was found hanging. My landlord was English teacher in my school only and was living in other room alone. He used to be my local guardian and observer too. As it was day time no one of us was that much afraid. I did not care about it much as I thought I was not alone and nothing would happen. But my partner who was three year older than me was losing his sleep day by day by the fear of ghost. He now would not go to toilet alone in the night. I tried to convince him but of no use. He expressed his fear, ‘Rajiv, when I see the fan moving, I feel that the dead body of the lady is rotating along with the fan. When I close my eyes and try to sleep, I feel as someone is sitting on my chest.’ He was scared a lot and soon we had to change the room. I was a good actor too. I thought one day, ‘If I did not ask Papa to permit me for at least one movie in the cinema hall, he might be suspicious over my sudden sage-hood. He may leave many spies behind me and soon I will be caught. To give evidence that I was a changed person here, I would have to do something.’ Next day morning when papa was leaving for home giving me some money I started acting looking towards the ground, ‘Papa!’ ‘Yes’ Papa responded ‘I was ……thinking to ………….’ I prolonged and cut the sentence in a soft voice. ‘Yes, tell me what?’ he asked again. ‘I was thinking to ……… go for a movie………… in cinema hall here.’ I completed the sentence looking down. ‘Oh! Which movie?’ he was sweetly surprised and happy assuming that I had not watched a single movie there in last three months. Looking at my past record of movie madness in the village, the surprise was not unfounded. ‘I will go to watch ‘Sati Anusuya’ I remembered the religious movie being run in one of the cinema halls. Papa appeared very happy to note the changes in me. He offered more money me and went. On the way, he might have been happy to give full credit to himself for his decision to bring me in the city and to a lot of his preaching too.

Having got the permission for the movie I was so much happy as much James Bond would not have been on getting the ‘license to kill’. Feeling the money in my pocket, I moved to the other hall where Chanki Pandey starrer ‘Paanch Paapi’ was being run. That day I had not to scan the hall premises for any familiar faces nor I had to leave hall in haste before movie finished. I spent much time on the movies and roaming around in city. Some part of time was spent thinking about Priya and making hot future plans like becoming engineer or doctor, earn lot of money and then to become an actor. I was very fond of maintaining a list of movies which I had seen as if the distinction in the exam was going to be allotted on the basic of this list only. In three months time, I had seen fifty eight movies through all available resources. The study was more or less limited to the classroom only. Even then I had a very good impression in the class as I would often ask and respond to very tricky and important questions in the class. But that was often reflection of the mind and not of the rigour in study. Most of the my mind space was full of ex-study garbage materials. Despite my best last moment reading before the exam, finally it was garbage out on the mark sheet. I was at home in village during the summer holidays when Papa came with the mark sheet and told Dada that I had passed well. He came inside and handed over the mark sheet to me in shock and told Amma that I had become a mediocre student. For the first time I was not beaten on such a big occasion. This was of more shock to me and I sensed how much deep pain I had given to my family. I was never so ashamed of myself. The list of movies in diary had really created the ‘distinction’!.

Next academic year in class X, I promised to Papa that I would do better that year. I became regular in studies and cut most of the extra curricular activities. Mouth organ I had lost already. But I continued with singing as my favourite hobby as singing did not take any extra effort and time. The tension between the two groups was mounting on different levels. I was very much restricted to meet Priya but whenever she visited the village, I used to go to my small farm near Priya’s home. To signal my presence, I would sing songs louder. Hearing the songs, Priya would come out closer to the farm and on some pretext would remain present for some time. Amma had noticed my continued childhood affection to Priya but she would never find proper words or occasions to explain some a few things to me. One day while the discussion on Priya’s acerbic statements and acts was going on amongst few uninvited women from neighborhood, Amma started telling them in high volume, ‘You know, somebody has heard Priya saying that Rajiv has turned into a big loafer now and that he can never pass with first division in the high school.’ I was sitting at little distanced but heard this. I was in disbelief. I had full reason to believe Amma’s words. I took it to the heart. I decided that now I will talk to her only after the board results. Now I was not singing anymore in the farm nor was I giving a proper eye-contact to her even if she came across some where on the way. Though I was feeling pain in heart while doing so, but mind ruled the heart. I prepared for the exams like never before. After three months board results were out. I passed with good marks in first division and the whole family was much happy over this. Getting the result, I immediately ran to Ramesh’s home where I got Priya sitting. I instantly announced, ‘Ramesh, I have passed in first division with 70% marks in U.P. Board exams.’ Before Ramesh could speak Priya jumped in, ‘Oh very nice! It was always expected from you.’ ‘What? At least you never expected as per my information.’ I told her getting astonished. ‘What do you mean?’ Priya asked in surprised way.

I paused for a while and thought, ‘Nowhere on her face is any sign of jealousy or displeasure.’ I got the picture clear immediately. Amma had used trick to get me into full attention towards my study? I could not believe that. But that trick had really paid off. ‘ Just joking, what about you? I asked. ‘I could not do that well. I am just less than a first division’ she replied turning sad. ‘Leave that aside. But you have passed with distinction in the life exam. Remember how you delivered good lesion to those idiots by bringing Collector here in the village.’ I tried to bring smile back on her face. ‘Come on, that event got me notorious here. That was result of situational pressure and you know my tongue is very sharp as they say.’ laughed Priya loudly. ‘But the mind is blunt! Do you want to say this?’ I teased her. Ramesh went inside to for some work. Priya asked immediately, ‘You were not looking alright when we met last many times. Was the study only reason or anything else too? I thought you had joined your group men and you are angry at me.’ ‘How can you think about that? You have known me for so long. How can I do that?’ I said. Ramesh reappeared and we changed the topic. I was in very jubilant mood today as I had become winner on both the ride. I also thanked Amma in my heart for creating that story timely as my three month’s self imposed ban had paid the benefit. Priya had felt the distance. My Dadi brought a very good flute from Kumbh fair of Allahabad. She knew about my attachment to the music. I used to dream very often to play flute as most the lyrics played on flute always attracted me. I was trying hard to learn to play flute in my home for next few days but nothing good was coming out of that. One day I heard a very good song being played on flute. I came out to see. It was a Madaari, a magician, who was playing flute by one hand and dumble by other hand. During whole show, I remained focused on Madaari’s flute playing and picked up few clues. That really helped. I would take my flute to the farm too and play it there. I had learnt to play some simple songs’ lyrics after few days of effort.

It was near sunset time and I was in my farm helping few labourers. This farm was at good distance from village. In breaks, I used to play flute. I had a glimpse of Priya in her nearby farm who was roaming with one small girl. I pretended having not seen her. I started playing a totally untried and popular song from the film ‘Phool aur Kaante’‘Dheere dheere pyar ko badhana hai’. The movies and its songs were bumper hit at that time. I myself was surprised to note the extra skill and effort I was putting in attempt to deliver my best. It all lasted for around half an hour till it was sunset. That evening I played many folk songs and Priya kept on standing at some distance near bushes. I was at the seventh heaven that day. I had immense pleasure when she used to be before me. I did not remember when I had touched her last. We both were around age of 16; at the adolescence-the juncture of childhood and adulthood; the age when it is hard to forget rosy past and accept challenges of real life. But no one can teach or force the blooming buds to learn the things before time. The time is only the best instructor which takes it own time to stand in mid way and strike the minds to adopt hard paths. I was sent to Gorakhupur city, 90 kilometers from home, for my plus two studies. My Dada as well as Papa had some big dream in their eyes and high expectation from me as it happens with most of the parents at this point. A pressure and anxiety was mounting on me as they wanted me to become an IAS or IPS officer. These lucrative services were dominant part of the dreams of majority of parents from this part of world. Few parents also wanted their wards to become doctor or engineer as another good option but the ultimate combination between money and power was possible through civil services only for most of the parents. In the society where the power only was seen as the option to get equitable and respectable life, the burden of winning the race was on the young shoulders. The key to realization of the dreams of the parents demanded a high level of commitment by their sons; leaving most or all of their hobbies and get submerged in studies. In my class there were so many city boys who used to talk nothing else but coaching, tuition and competition. This world was very new for me. Most of the teacher were forcing or coercing the students to join their tuition. I couldn’t afford to have so many tuitions. I joined tuition where a single teacher used to teach physics, chemistry &

math for the price of one subject tuition. I found that reasonable and affordable. My room was nearly four cot sized room with four incumbents. The one out of three was my real maternal uncle, Mama while rests of the two were his cousins. All three were big duffers in their study and were studying to just qualify for a better deal of dowry and attracting prospective marriage proposals by getting graduate degree some how. Otherwise too, more than half of the students of such categories were taking the education up to graduation as a ritual. But my start was not going to be smooth there. My Mama Ajay used to extract some extra money from home on different false grounds used to invest in daily lotteries. The shortcut route of money and getting great returns in hours was his big dream. He would often miss his class and tuition and stand on lottery stalls for hours. His instinct for purchasing the tickets with specific ending digits was based on his closed observation on some big players. He had identified a few persons winning most of the times and simply he used to follow them. He often took me with him to get the lucky number daily results. The coloured lottery tickets would appear to us most valuable before the results. After losing these would turn into useless pieces in seconds. Of course, net result of these business would remain in little surplus or only to little loss at times, thanks to those big guessers who would apply all their knowledge of mathematics, number series and chart. Of course these gamblers did not find useful these in their young days. Mama induced me also to purchase some tickets but fortunately I used to loose badly as I had not long playing capacity. I decided to remain as companion and aid-de-camp for Mama. Though movie remained my favorite list but high ticket prices were a general restraint. There I learnt to play cricket with few class mates. Cricket was now major source of attraction in spare time and distraction from study. I did studied bare minimum required for getting some good marks in board exams. In cricket those days Narendra Hirvani was latest pick and as he reportedly belonged to Gorakhpur, most of my fellow cricketers used to cite his example for motivation. I was a good wicket keeper and batsman in my team playing with canvass ball. Getting tired used to work as sleeping pill after dinner. I had become big fan of Sachin, Kapildev and other major names in the cricket. Now along with playing cricket, staying for hours on some paan-shops or tea stall watching one day matches was another new found hobby.

It was long vacation of Diwali. By now I had mastered the art of playing flute by only practicing. The tension in the village between rival groups had diffused to large extent. From the top of my home, the stair case of Priya’s home was clearly visible. I went up at the end of my staircase and started playing flute. Normally in the evenings Dada and Papa used to be out of home. I guessed Priya would come for sure. I was right, within five minutes, she was on her staircase sitting and looking me. I stopped to tease her and taste her impatience. Priya was waving her hands signaling to resume. I entertained her till sunset. Now this had become regular feature for next many days. I had learnt many new lyrics to play. Amma had noticed this silent Krishna-Radha type affair but did not have enough ground to embarrass or comment. She also liked my playing of flute. When I and Priya used to face each other, we would just behave very formally. One of other reasons was that we both were growing up and our consciousness and terrible attraction prevented us from talking anything serious. One day in routine discussion Ramesh’s sister told me, ‘Bhaiya, when you play flute Priya becomes restless and leaves this place immediately to go and on staircase to listen you. She is your very big fan. You play so well after all.’ I smiled on this complement. Of course after that I tended to think more passionately of Priya.

The movie ‘Maine Pyar Kiya’ was creating big success and its heroine ‘Bhagyashri’ was known to most. The village now had many TV sets. The movies and songs used to be regular topic among my friends in village. One day I found that many girls including Priya were looking on some photographs. These were photos clicked in the farms and gardens. I also started scrutininzing the photos and kept on praising Priya’s ones specially. One of the Priya’s photos was very beautiful. It was in yellow background of mustard flowers where she was standing in coloured suit with unlocked hairs. I somehow managed to steal the photo but one of the young girls present there perhaps noticed that. All other pictures were kept back in packet later.

I was so happy as if he had managed to steal some treasure. In the night, I looked at the photo several times keeping it in between the books pages. Priya’s smile and beautiful face was engrossing me more and more. She had grown so beautiful in past few months. I wished not to sleep all the night and kept on looking at her photo only. I was remembering each and every past moment with her and in back of my mind the running pictures were being flashed. The sounds were still alive in my mind and his ears helped me in hearing those voice waves being replayed by long term memory. But at the end, I had lost the track in the game of opening and closing of the eyes and fell asleep. The book was open with photo placed in it. The lamp was on till last drop of oil. In the morning I woke up on the call of Amma and it appeared that someone has interrupted me amidst the dream. I quickly closed the book but soon opened to see it in morning light same way as some one looks at a deity’s picture to find a happening day ahead. In the noon I rounded Ramesh’s home. I would often cross Priya’s home and many times after seeing me going she would reach in the shortest time there at Ramesh’s home. I generally sat at Priya’s home only when his father called me for general chats. Priya was emerging out from Ramesh’s home at that point of time and we encountered each other at little distance from entrance. ‘Rajiv, do you know about one of my pictures?’ she asked looking at me. ‘Which one ? I don’t know about any.’ I tried to keep the face straight. ‘That one, in which I am standing in mustard field’ she explained. ‘Oh, that photo was excellent. You know in that one you look like actress ‘Bhagyashree’. I did not stop looking in her eyes and smiled. ‘That is why you kept it with you?’ Priya asked with naughty expression. ‘I cannot tell lie to you. Yes, I have kept it. Let it be with me, please.’ I pleaded. ‘I could but you will have to return that photo as that girl had seen photo in your hand and now she has come to know that photo is stolen.’ Priya justified with lot of efforts. I thought for a moment and reverted back, ‘Ok, I will return it, but can you give me other one?’ ‘I will see. But why do you need a photo, can’t you remember my face?’ she smiled. I was in a sticky situation, ‘You have a very sharp and tricky mind!’ I complemented. I went back and brought the photo. ‘Take this.’ I gave the photo.

‘Are you angry?’ asked Priya, ‘I may give you another one.’ ‘I do not a photograph to remember you anyhow’ I did not stand there for more. I looked back from a distance. She appeared sad. Of course I also was sad as if I had been robbed of. And really my first tangible treasure had gone at blink of eyes. ********************************************************************* ******************* Rajiv Kept on moving with his feeling for priya, love of cricket , pressure of study along with occasional distraction. The room where he was living was In a two storey building which housed six rooms. Two at ground floor and four on first floor one of ground floor room was rajiv’s one. All the rooms were suitable for student only as all six rooms shared single toilet. On first floor a total of six students of A.M.I.E.(engineering) used to stay while in one room which was bigger one and with kitchen inside, one police constable was living alone the constable was known as ‘Mishraji’ and was above 50 years of age. He was very corrupt policeman and big drunker. Out of six students one was state level weightlifter and was known as Yadavji. There was in final year of Engineering while others Ajay Dhiraj & Virendra and other were students of initial years of engineering. These used to study at some tutorial centre in Gorakhpur and used to appear for semester exams conducted by Institution of Engineers (India) at Lucknow. There six students were sort of small at times though each one of them would consider himself as of some heroic character. They used to talk of their bravery and used to boast about their acts of address while fighting with some rival group. They used to have late night noisy parties and high volume music very often. They were also in possession of sharp weapons. Constable mishra was also a negular member in their parties. One day Mishraji came with one women aged about 30 years and introduced her as her daughter. He used to address her as Beti very often before others. He told that she has come for short time for some treatment. Everyone respected her But one day Ajay happened to see mishraji and lady in objectionable state Ajay exploited her to his advantage and got into illicit relation with her. This confirmed for a month but Mishraji become suspicious actually, she was not mishraji’s daughter. She was from the town of his sarural (house of father in low) and due his relations with her mishraji was boycotted from his family One day Mishraji caught Ajay and the lady in Ajay’s room and threatered Ajay of dire sour sequences. Ajay narrated boldly of want he hadseen. There was big tussle and mishraji finally changed the room and left. The lady perhaps pleaded her as prey

of blackmailing by Ajay, though that was not the case. As a meighbour, Rajiv and his partners used to maintain Hello Hi relationship with this group and used to play role of Yes man group would often insist to join the dinner party which Rajiv & co. used to avoid on some grounds. The friendship and cohesiveness among the six members was extra ordinary and every one of them used to quote to go to any extent for other members of group. The level of commitment used to increase in the evening under influence of liquor. Perhaps most of them were from well to do families or even if not they tried express so. Only change in the environment used to happen when some guardian or family member used to visit them. They had very good strategy. Before they guardian every one used to hold book in his hand and would go in such study mode that it would seem as if they have deep and long association with books and study. Every one used to appreciate the person who had visiting guardian. Guardians would go back happily. This building was named as Lucky by the land lord and the same was embossed on a marble on the face of building. Landlord used to stay in other part of the city. Just in front of the building across the road these was house of a schedule caste family which appeared to be a normal and stable one by all means. In the family lives a beautiful and smart adult girl in her graduation final year. Each one of these six heroes were trying all means to schedule her from their rooms. Her name was Anjana. She would often stand hear boundary wall and look to the passers by one the road. Rajiv’s room being on the ground floor, was closest and in direct line of right but none of Rajiv’s room members ever dared or mustered courge to look at her. The feeling that she was very no nonsense and decent girl further kept them away from any advancement. Brenda was in the from runner position in the virtual race of trapping her. He would often miss the tutorial classes and try all means to impress her. As it happens in group, these candidates also were not that sessions towards her as a lover or so. She was much matter of a fun and a landmark for creating a sense of achievement among friends actually, establishing a contact with a girl itself used to be considered a big thing in such small