Issue 21

Interview With Terry

Word From Our Leader Well gents that’s January over with and what an eventful one it has been, again not a very good start to the year. The accident to Gary Johnson which shocked all of us, apart from thanking God he is on the mend, it highlights the need for all of us to be aware of the dangers surrounding us. I would also like to say thank you for the swift action of the people who attended to Gary and who carried out the emergency procedure very effectively. So please be vigilant and do not take unnecessary risks. Production for period 1 is a mixed bag with Green Production up by 40k and fired down by 18k. This is mainly due to shattered bricks and troubles on the dehacker, but, be under no illusion that we have to get these bricks back and maintain budgets. Also our quality took a nose dive last year so please remember that quality is everyone’s responsibility like health and safety, the consequences of people walking by without saying something could result in dyer results. e.g. Loss of customers or loss of life with regards to the latter. Gentlemen, please remember it’s a team effort; we cannot or will not tolerate people not pulling their weight. After Period 1 results the spotlight is on us, we need to rise to the challenge 1of6

Hi, my name is Terry and I work down near the Auger, As time passes, the memories of long ago tend to diminish, some dwell in the mind more vividly and longer than others, some pleasant and others not so pleasant, that's life as we all know it from personal experience. As opposed to this day and age of radio and television, there was no such thing then, other than an odd crystal set with headphones. We had our first such set about 1925 and it could only receive the local station - Leeds 2LO. We were quite happy with our lot - we could play hopscotch and roll bowlers (iron hoops) down the road quite safely. We made huts in the woods, went fishing - no charge in those days and fishing clubs were never thought of. Every day was an adventure, rain didn't bother us much, there were always farm buildings or someone's shed to play in. In wintertime there was more snow in those days and we used to spend hours tobogganing down to the pools in front of Swillington Hall and on the Downs Banks. There were activities after school, especially round Christmas time. We walked miles with lanterns, carol singing. I remember going to Temple Newsome apart from all the other big houses in the village, we were given mince pies, lemonade and sweets. I can't remember receiving money and we never expected any. Church Services and Sunday School in our best clothes was a ritual we enjoyed, but we weren't allowed to play outside on Sundays - just walks with our parents on Sunday afternoons. In the summertime especially, everyone was out in their Sunday best. The only game that was allowed to be played on Sunday - was bowls by the men at 'The Plume of Feathers'. Education was very personal, not regimented like it is these days. All children walked to school -

some quite long distances - in all weathers. Apart from the attendance officer from Bradford and the school dentist no one ever came near from one year to the next. In those times we had no pavements or road lighting - for there was no electricity or gas, and only oil lamps and candles in the home until about 1926. There was also no plumbed water to our cottages - only one outside tap by Oram's shop for five Cricket Field Cottages and one tap at the rear to serve five of the Queen's Row Cottages. Before we went to school on Mondays, we had to carry the water in buckets for 'washing day'. We played football and cricket, we danced until the early hours, went to the cinema on Saturday night - usually 'The Regent' in Garforth where we would often queue for two hours to get in sometimes in the rain! Life was good. I left school during the recession in 1930 following the 1926 General Strike and it wasn't the best of times to look for a job. After a while I eventually found employment as a Garden Boy at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Frank Wedgwood at 'The Lea', which was off The Green, Swillington (near to the present new Parish Church). My wages were eight shillings a week, which included daily duties like stoking the boilers, cleaning boots and shoes, gardening, watering the greenhouses and washing cars etc., and working every other weekend. After two years I moved to another job at 'The Oaklands' where my wage doubled to sixteen shillings a week with similar conditions as 'The Lea'. I stayed there until the outbreak of the Second World War in 1939, and I was conscripted into the army in April 1940 for the duration of the war until 1946 The years between 1930 and 1940 were as you might say filled with work and pleasure and I can only describe them as being as near Paradise as one could wish. We didn't have much money but every day was an adventure which stays in my memory to this day. I started at Swillington in 1946 and my first job was as a picker packer, packing bricks in the yard and later in the pan house. 2of6

I think over the years at Swillington there is a lot less people working here My best memory was when Armitages, who were the first owners of the company sent me To Germany to visit the Lingl Factory with some test bricks My worst memory was getting made redundant in 2000 Early in the 1970s me and Steve Todd used to work in the old kilns pulling the old carousel cars out and shovelling the hot ashes away, after work I would give him a lift home on my motorbike which wasn’t as hard as it seems since he was perhaps unbelievably only about 8 stone back then. When I first started here Mick Brayford was a rather clumsy fitter, here I have heard he has got this space bug that’s been going round, come from a comet hasn’t it? Hey did you get that picture I sent you, don’t tell him was me will you. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would honestly keep working here but I would go on a long holiday and do a round the world cruise. Oh Life after death, you ask everyone this don’t you, well nobody has ever come back to tell us about it, well that’s if you don’t count that finger that keeps popping up in your staff toilets. My nickname is “Tuts”, which I was called for donkeys years, I am not sure how I got the name but the name predates working here, I think I was about 10 or 11 years old when I acquired it. My favourite all time song was “Bob The Builder (Can You Fix It)” which was No1 around Christmas 2001, I love that song and I like most music but I do think a lot of the latest rapping is total crap. I like to spend a lot of my spare time on my computer, in them chat forums talking about, well nothing really; I also read quite a lot the book I am reading at the moment is Sir Elton Johns Autobiography, “Widening the Circle of My Friend”. I would love to walk to the North Pole but I don’t get enough time because I got married nearly 2 years ago and this marriage came with a ready made family.

NB according to Andy Smith Terry has been made redundant from Swillington a record breaking four or five occasions, I don’t know how true this is

Jokes Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China? Everybody won. What had 3 legs and lived on a farm? The McCartney’s But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever find another woman to fill her shoe? A man is in a queue at Tescos and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving. 'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says. The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'F*cking h*ll are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?' 'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!' What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair? Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists. A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'. He says 'that’s alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'. She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan ! I also received this following email last week Hoax Warning Hoax warnings don't usually scare me, but this one is VERY important. 3of6

Please send it to everyone on your email list. If someone comes to your front door and says they are conducting a survey and asks you to show them your arse, DO NOT show them your arse. This is a SCAM, they just want to see your arse. I wish I'd got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap

Bike Ride This Summer? Hi Guys, I was just wondering who would be interested in a sponsored bike ride (as in cycle) from Southport to Hull this summer, me and some of the lovely young sales girls who used to work at Howley Park have done this every year, I have arranged a date from Thursday evening on 12th June until Sunday afternoon on 15th June, deposits of £25 are needed by 10th May to confirm a place then I will book all the hostels, if you are interested please contact me Paul Crew c/o Stairfoot Brick Works

Gossip January has been a strange month, I think everyone was brought on a real downer with that accident with the overhead crane and Gary Johnson so there hasn’t been that much in the way of laughter round the plant. It has been rumoured though that the new plant is very far advanced so advanced that it was leaked to me by an anonymous source that Steve Todd will be needing a computer implant that will allow a central computer to report all the details of the new plants operation, kiln temperatures, dryer temperatures, production rates directly into the field of vision and which will do this by fooling the brains neurones that the information is in fact there in space in front of them a bit like the T800 in the Terminator trilogy

The information will be fed wirelessly to him and the chip will have an aerial a bit like the teletubbies and he will probably have the chip inplant fitted at the same time has his new hip which was in fact kindly donated by a Rhino who died carrying a donor card. Lee says I need to get a picture of Nak as Dr Grinch, that Gary Is Peter Pan and also that an intelligent rat with tin opener managed to break into the canteen the other day and escaped with 3 tins of tuna, a load of chicken, 20 mars bars and 6lb sugar Don went down to the old house at the bottom of our lane the ones that were prematurely boarded up in preparation for the imminent arrival of the new plant the other week and found evidence of some form of devil worshipping cult going on. He said inside one of the rooms a load of chairs were arranged in a circle with candles dotted about, in the centre of the circle sat a 2ft purple rabbit Alf was off ill again mid january, apparently it was rumoured that he caught a bug which had come from Space, it seems according to the source that when a certain comet floats by the sun melts some of the ice which releases these bugs which have been frozen for many millenia and they fall to earth and are responsible for outbreaks of flu and cold other more down to earth rumours was that he was off ill after purchasing a Cornish pasty from Naks shop Ian Lund got the pod on because he didnt want to go on the Confined Space Training said Steve Todd so we are seeking lottery donations to make him smile and Darren Bell has joined Canibals Anonymous. Anyway I have ordered our leader Mr Lardners XXXL Sweatshirts and the bloke at the suppliers made me aware that they were doing up to quintuple XL, that’s XXXXXL, when I told my manager this he boomed, "who is the cheeky sod on the other end of that phone", The gentleman I 4of6

was talking to did actually sound a bit inebriated and piped up with, "well we could send 3 mediums and a copy of the Cambridge diet". Anyway it was agreed he wanted XXXL and the gentleman said that the courier "fast weight" delivered to our postcode and were substantially cheaper than pallet force, he then erupted into laughter, our managers’ sweatshirts are due anytime. When Steve came back from his christmas break he found his fleece, coat and sweatshirt in a plastic bag in the corner of the office surrounded by that red and white health and safety tape with skull and crossbones signs on the perimeter. I told him it wasn’t me so he went to complain to our manager who tried his hardest to keep a straight face but it was Mick Brayford who did it just before Christmas and he went and had a quiet word with the Honeymonster to explain about the strange odours that were emanating from his area leading up to the drastic action he had to take (Censored By Mr Lardner)

Dear Deardre Dear Deardre Every 350 miles or so my CLK seems to run out of petrol and it's costing me a fortune - just over £55 quid to fill it up every time. Any advice on how to stop this happening? the dealership have recommended not driving the car but since I started doing this I've lost my job as my work is over 50 miles away now buying fuel is harder than ever. Any advice? Dear Reader Don't worry, this a problem that many of us have, even if we don't all admit to it.

Relationship problems are quite normal, none less so than between a man and his car. Of course you feel cheated that your significant other should let you down in this way, but refusing to offer the sustinence they need to perform is only making things worse. Relationships are about give and take. To get

things moving why don't you suggest that if she will enable you to get to work without running out of fuel, then you will put some fuel in the tank. Rebuild the trust bit by bit, and don't be tempted to rush. Maybe just £10 or so to begin with, and slowly build up to a full tank but only when you both feel ready for it.

Statistics Po ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ > >> ▼ ▲ ▼ >>

2 8 23 16 5 NE 3 15 6 NE

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Dec-07 Name Piggys Friend Keith Chicken Wearry Willie Jerramy Rudge Tim Terapin Jager Harry Potter Jason Rudge Bruce Forcyth Lord Archer

Total 57,656 54,585 49,552 41,436 35,165 30,736 29,692 27,140 23,068 19,635

Surprise in December with “Piggys Friend” taking the lead and Stumpy dropping right out of the Top ten, sales for the whole of 2007 were according to my calculations 17,633,147 with total production at 20,186,458 and for December sales were 908,831 to production of 1,276,512. P ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ >> ▼ >> ▲ >> ▼

L 2 30 12 5 NE 1 NE 19 NE 7

T 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Jan-08 Name Keith Chicken CX55AEA / Rob Stumpy Tim Terapin Alf Garnet Piggys Friend DX05AWF / Ben Shadrack Bruce Forcythe Harry Potter

Total 72,239 67,200 62,285 52,784 38,993 34,253 32,092 31,516 30,443 23,405

Compared with January 2007 which we managed to sell 1,426,828 this January we limped home selling just 1,032,078 and this was shown in the low values in the above table with a collection driver coming in at No2 and Keith Chicken taking the pole position strangely in January Class B’s were for the first time replaced at the top of the sales with respect to brick type Lst mth ▲ 2 ▼ 1

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Top 20 For Jan 2008 pos Name 1 73 City Mlti 2 73 Class B

Quantity 219,264 198,528

▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ >> ▲ ▲ ▼

7 11 15 9 NE 14 19 3

3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

65 Man Red 65 Swale WC 73 Frmhse Brwn 65 City Mlti 65 Mix Reject 65 Red SF 65 Victorian 65 Golden Brwn

102,604 48,876 43,008 35,256 33,900 33,900 31,188 31,188

For the first time in history our stockyard during late January went past the 18 million mark, Darren reckons that we can just about hold 20 million… Week Com 03/12/2007 10/12/2007 17/12/2007 31/12/2007 07/01/2008 14/01/2008 21/01/2008

Produced 452,904 429,408 393,984 251,904 412,416 447,744 439,264

Sold 273,224 276,896 349,156 115,536 312,164 228,792 216,628

Stock 17,258,080 17,317,912 17,362,740 17,499,108 17,599,360 17,818,312 18,040,948

THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS DEC20TH It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful. DEC 24th We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as faras the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun. DEC 26th It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped

to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey. JAN 1st Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars -£500. Fell on my arse in the driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing was broken. JAN 5th Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing -£200. Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush that bastard snowplough came by twice today. Where's that bloody shovel. JAN 9th More f*****g snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car hit a f*****g deer on the way to casualty and was written off. JAN 13th F*****g b*****d white shite just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little c***s next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far up the little pricks arse it'll take good surgeon 6 hours to find it. If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the b*****d hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down the street like Michael 'f*****g' Schumacher and buries he f*****g driveway again. JAN 17th 6of6

16 more sodding inches of f*****g snow and f*****g ice and f*****g sleet and god knows what other white shite fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice - pick. Can't move my f*****g toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f*****g snow forecast F**k this, I'm moving back to London

Blonde Joke A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box. She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that. The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".

Whos This?