Islam And The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People

Imprint: Islam and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Title: Preface By: Ahmed Al Aawar PREFACE I am no angel! That is for sure, but what I do know now through a slow process of selfdiscovery, is that we are all looking for the ultimate fulfillment from life. Much of the time, we are not sure where to find this fulfillment and as a result, our human nature dictates we look for what we think will make us happy down the wrong avenues. My personal escapades in early life took me down the highways of lust and ego, searching for the ‘star girl’, not necessarily to satiate the newfound hormones coursing through my body, but to satisfy my over-inflated ego, which demanded a non-stop feeding program. To feed this constant desire of what I imagined was finding the route to happiness, I found myself becoming a desperate soul, searching for that fabulous being to walk by my side and look delicious. I thought that by finding this, it would solve my emotional tangle and somehow regulate my need for anything else. In fact, ‘anything else’ became ‘nothing else’, and when I look back on those adolescent days, I find myself embarrassed and quite unwilling to remember these times. I was searching for ‘surface satisfaction’, I later realized, and I fear this becomes habit if one does not catch it and squash it before it adopts its host (the human psyche) and starts to over-run it. Indeed, for a time, my whole existence ran on surface satisfaction, well past my adolescence and into my early adult life. People turned away from me and my objectionable character, so I found myself looking for new friends who would love me just for my social stature and family background. Not real friends, just people who could provide me with an easy fix to soothe my tarnished ego. I cannot emphasize enough the regret I feel from the type of person I had become at this time. It is a sad and unfortunate state, and although it has played a part in molding me into the person I am today, I still would have liked that I had not felt the need to discover this side of me. Oddly enough, although I had not established my character on any firm foundation as yet, my career path had gone from strength to strength, becoming one of the most wellregarded members of the management staff in the region for one of America’s most successful exports, McDonalds. It was only at the end of the last Millennium that I finally started turning my thoughts towards the right direction, and I feel I should give credit where credit is due at this point… Strange, you may think, that it was that very fast-food superpower that stimulated the shift in me. Their business philosophy at the time was revolutionary, and their interest in their employees unparalleled. It was because of this philosophy that I was introduced to the teachings of Dr. Steven Covey, the author of the runaway best-seller, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. I can say I owe much to the McDonalds Empire. Before reading the material given to me, I had little interest in reading anything at all, let alone anything that may actually be beneficial to me. But, let me tell you, an interest it sparked in me like a fork of lightning in the darkest of night skies. So, after making emotional decisions that took me deeper and deeper into the realm of ‘no good’, from compromising my personal integrity and values during my work

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experience with McDonalds in the Philippines, to being desperately emotionally unsupportive towards my wife after marriage, I finally arose from the depths of debauchery looking at a new and much brighter landscape. I came back to Egypt with a sincere determination to change the way I was. One of my proudest achievements to date is my bookshop, which I opened in Cairo not long after my return. It was a strange and wonderful experience and gave me my first insight as to how differently the world turns and humans interact. It is true that people can ‘detect’ and become influenced by others’ characters. At first, I thought it was going to be a long, hard struggle. Bookshops are not renowned for being a profit center in Egypt, due to the population’s general lack of interest to read, but I persevered despite the warnings of my father and others. My idea was simple. I did not want to offer a bookshop for my own financial gain. I wanted to offer a bookshop with a pleasant, clean and amicable environment (the few bookshops we do have in Egypt tend to be old, lightless, dusky, airless and dusty). I wanted to offer a bookshop with enlightening literature of an Islamic nature. I wanted people to enjoy the whole experience of buying a book. In fact, the whole process turned out to be a delight. Even when we were searching for a suitable location, we were delighted with the way people responded to us in such a charitable manner. When our landlady heard what we wanted the shop space for, she offered it to us at a remarkable rent. She had a sparkle in her eyes. We moved ahead with the project and slowly our labor paid off. We now have a fine bookshop that caters comfortably and pleasantly to anyone who walks through the door. It has become a profit center and every penny of profit we make, we turn right back into the bookstore, to improve and provide the best experience possible. It is really one of the things that has given me peace of mind. To be involved in such a thing, without intent to gain anything materially, has changed my outlook entirely. So, once I had read the literature given to us about the ‘7 Habits’, I was both intrigued and excited to read more about what this man had to say about the philosophy of living one’s life in a fulfilling and wholesome manner. So, in September of 1999, I got myself the book and sat down to read it, but when I opened its pages, I did not in my wildest dreams imagine that something could ever have such a profound effect on me! I simply could not put the thing down and it took me all of a couple of days to read it from end to end. Any onlooker, perhaps watching me read, may have been quite shocked to see such an adamant non-reader so avidly involved in the text. What can I say…I was hooked! The beauty of the text is it just makes so much sense! On completion of the final page, I was almost sad that I had reached its end. On the other hand, I was invigorated at the idea of starting to put into practice my newfound wisdom to make a real difference in both my life and the life of others. For a few days after I finished reading the book, I spent a great deal of time in introspection and reflection, digesting all that the book had said and how I was going to go about putting thoughts into action. During this time, as I flicked through the book to refresh my mind, I kept finding a sort of familiarity with the words and ideas that the words conveyed to me… and then…PRESTO! I hit on where I had seen these principles

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before like a hammer to a nail! These principles are the same principles as the Natural Laws in Islam, given to us by Allah through the Prophet Mohammed. Now let me introduce you to my faith, Islam. I feel this is an integral part to the understanding of this book, for if you do not understand the ways of Islam at all, it will be more difficult to comprehend the nature of what I am trying to convey. My intention is most definitely not to convert people or undermine anyone’s belief. In fact, I believe that everyone should be free to practice what they believe. Islam is based upon tolerance and co-existence itself and makes a point of this in the teachings of Allah through the Q’uraan and the Sunnah – the habits and religious practices of the Prophet Muhammad. What this book will hopefully show to any reader is that this is also one of the fundamental practices of any Muslim due to the very nature of Islam as a way of living a wholesome and well-rounded life. Just to explain a little bit, Islam is a faith that a Muslim experiences in all facets of life. The Q’uraan tells us how we can live our lives in accordance with principles and we are given instruction on how to do this to the best of our ability. The Christian faith, however, does not have this sort of ‘manual’ for day to day living and relies more on beliefs and doctrines. Islam, like Judaism, requires that a person live in a certain manner befitting to that which God intended rather than accepting particular dogmas. Unfortunately, most people do not understand the central tenets of our faith, as they are only currently exposed to the more incomprehensible behavior of a small few who now currently feel so backed against the wall that they despair of the future of the faith that they hold so dear. What must be understood right from the beginning is that the vast majority of Muslims are a peaceful population. A very important point is that only a tiny handful out of millions of Muslims are radical; just as, for the most part, American citizens are a peaceful people. Sometimes, however, a devastating act is committed by an American citizen, but this undoubtedly does not give Americans a bad name and nor should it. Islam’s major doctrines lie primarily within the pages of the Holy Q’uraan and the Sunna, then also from the teachings and actions of the Sahaba (the Prophet Muhammad’s friends and their followers). Throughout this book, I will illustrate the parallels between Covey’s contemporary approach to living and Islam. I feel it is important to mention that my intention is to purely draw a parallel between the Holy Q’uraan and the enlightening words of Dr. Covey. I am not trying to reinvent the wheel and I am in no way trying to rewrite Dr. Covey’s words. Not only do I not have the credentials to do so, I do not have the desire to do so. His eloquence is far beyond my reach. As such, I will be using the direct concepts illuminated in ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ so as not to tarnish the meaning of what the book declares, and incorporating teachings from Islam so as to provide a better understanding of the Muslim world. I will also use a similar structure as used in Covey’s book so that this may be used in conjunction with the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” to gain a greater insight into Islam. So in fact, I am hoping that by the time the last page has been flipped, it will be possible for you to make a more informative conclusion about a largely misconstrued people.

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Did you know that the Prophet Muhammad was hailed as the single most influential person of this century? “My choice of Muhammad (the Prophet) to lead the list of the world's most influential persons may surprise some readers and may be questioned by others, but he was the only man in history who was supremely successful on both the religious and secular level.” Michael H. Hart, THE 100: A RANKING OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSONS IN HISTORY, New York: Hart Publishing Company, Inc., 1978, p. 33.

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PART 1 – PRINCIPLES OF LIFE

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“Salvation is in sincerity” “The entire universe is not big enough to hold God, but in the heart God fits perfectly. God is closer to you than your own jugular vein and within you is a niche where you may find the beginning and the end of all your searching” - The Niche of Lights Abu Hamid Muhammad Al-Ghazzali The principles by which we live are in control of us. What we do control, however, are our actions. In other words, we can be well aware of the principles that allow us to live a positive and well-adjusted life, but we may not practice them, or put them into action. So, the outcome of our actions are guided and controlled by remembering and putting our values into action. Who created these principles? Who designed them for us to live by? Who created the world in which we live? In Islam we believe this to be the Almighty Allah – or, God. The Prophet Muhammad transcribed for Allah, 1,400 years ago, the principles and ideals that we see in Dr. Covey’s book today. These manuscripts from God became the Q’uraan; the Holy Book by which all Muslims live, and it has remained unchanged since its first transcription. It is interesting and refreshing to discover that the basic moral attitudes to live in this world comfortably and without regret have not changed through time. It is the advent of modernization and industrialism that has forced change throughout the world in recent times. The Developed World has proclaimed secularism as the only way the rest of the world can keep up with the changing climate, however, the idea of secularism in an Islamic country completely undermines the Q’uraan and the ideals of the Muslim people. Islam is in itself a democracy. It may seem that the Developed World is trying to change the rest of the world before trying to fully understand the beliefs and needs of the rest of the world. Surely in our differences are our strengths? Should we not work to advance ourselves as a race altogether, taking into account the differences between us? It is true that we must all embrace change, but we must all embrace change in our own unique ways.

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Dr. Covey tells us that the first thing we need to do to become effective and comfortable with ourselves is to work on our own attitudes and conduct. We need to change our perspective and integrate our character with our personality. Instead of merely saying the right things, we must simultaneously say AND believe the right things. This is an essential directive for Muslims. In Islam, it is believed that God is everywhere, including at the very heart of all people. No human is out of reach of the hand of God and there is chance of redemption for all. In terms of universal spirituality, God in Islam could be considered the inner self and the principled center that resides in us all. The word islam means ‘to submit’ to the word of God. If we think of this in universal terms again, we can think of the ideal of Islam as being to submit to one’s inner self, which in Islam is where God resides. Unfortunately, in the modern world people started looking for quick-fixes and looking down avenues of pure PR instead of going to the root of the problem. As a result, a rather superficial approach had developed to solve extremely deep-seated psychosomatic problems, which in turn caused these negative aspects in life to rear their ugly heads again and again. As Covey states, the focus within the last 50 years was on the Personality Ethic, which solved problems temporarily but in the end made matters worse. The Personality Ethic therefore did not focus on our internal principles but rather what other people thought we should be doing. Only by really looking into ourselves can we start to see the uniqueness and excellence of every individual and Islam makes a point of this. To use Covey’s analogy, a person is like an iceberg, which is made up of personality and character. Our character is our strength and where the bulk of our spirit and free will lies. In order to live a wholly rounded life, we must work on our character to live synergistically with the rest of the human race. The bulk of an iceberg’s mass is hidden beneath the water and only about 20% lies above the water. This 20% is the part of the iceberg that everybody sees; or the personality. The other 80% that lies hidden under the water is comparable to one’s character. The character is what makes up the majority of your being and is who you really are. So, by attaining to one’s personality alone means that you are only skimming the surface and not delving down into the roots. By doing this, it is impossible to maintain a lasting influence by using one’s personality alone because in the end there is no foundation for the personality to grow on and the seeds of distrust are planted in the minds of all whom you interact with. This duplicity will then be thought of as nothing more than manipulative tactics, causing a reverse of events that will carry you right back to the beginning. “Only those who come with a healthy and righteous heart will survive.” - Q’uraan CORRECT TRANSLATION HERE Before Islam, the Arab world was mostly tribal and the Prophet Muhammad (who had not yet started receiving the revelations of the Q’uraan at this point) belonged to one of these tribes, called the Quraish. The Quraish had become a rich and powerful tribe and Mecca a thriving city. As the tribe grew more wealthy, however, some of the old tribal values were being forgotten and the Prophet Muhammad became worried about the spiritual state of

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the community. Previous to the gain in wealth, all tribe members had been taken care of, in accordance with nomadic code, but this changed as some of the tribe members became wealthier and greedier. Across Arabia, tribes began conflicting and fighting one another endlessly, back and forth in what seemed to be a never-ending bloody cycle of tribal warfare until the Prophet Muhammad heard the first words of the new scripture from God. It was two years after he received the first revelation that he finally felt qualified enough to preach. The Prophet Muhammad never believed that he was founding a new religion, but was rather bringing the faith of One God to the Arab people through God himself. He iterated that it was wrong to build one’s own private fortune and right to share the wealth throughout the society, always assisting both the poor and the weak and treating all with equal measure. He proclaimed that if the Quraish did not look into themselves and change their ways, the society would collapse as the fundamental laws of existence could not be violated. The Prophet Muhammad gradually gained more and more followers and this new sect was eventually called Islam. To be called a Muslim, a man or woman must submit themselves entirely to Allah and behave in accordance with Islam by treating one another with compassion, empathy and justice. The 5 Pillars of Islami were brought about to serve these standards and remind the person that before God, they were nothing. Community fairness was the essence of Islam, and in order to achieve absolute community fairness, introspection and the development of the true character was essential. Due to this, the primary obligation of Muslims was to form a community, or ummah, built on a firm foundation of compassion and consideration that far overrode doctrinal teachings of God. The Q’uraan, in fact, did not endorse theological speculation, or zannah, due to the fact that it was an impossible and wasteful task to try and argue over indescribable matters that could not be illuminated or explained in human terms. It was thought of as far more important to obtain the ideal life that God had intended for all human beings. From a secular point of view, it was far more important for a Muslim to live according to the principles of life by working on one’s self and building one’s character to improve the community in which they lived. By achieving a truly islamic community, this would give the people access to a heavenly and sacred transcendence. The idea is that we must constantly feed humanity. The main beliefs of Islam, therefore, go hand in hand with the ideology of the other confessional faiths of the world. According to the Q’uraan, if a person will not live life through one’s character and be true to one’s word and the inner truth, it does not matter how many times they go to Hajj (pilgrimage), or how often they pray or perform any other of the Islamic rituals. A true Muslim can only live through his character by saying and doing only what they really believe and this is why an Islamic hypocrite in the eyes of God is far worse than a nonbeliever, or atheist. A person claiming to be a Muslim, who is not abiding by the laws of Islam, is not being honest with even himself. God in Islam respects honesty and integrity above all else, so an atheist would get the respect due to him for being true to himself. If your personality reflects your character then you are truly an integrated person. If your

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personality does not in any way reflect your character, then you are duplicitous. All of us have some aspects of duplicity, but the challenge is to strive to show what is on the inside on the outside, and as long as we are attaining to this goal, we are on the right track. Only by doing this can one reach Primary Greatness - the label given by Covey for the same achievement. “At the end of time, there will appear some people who would distort the affairs of religion in order to gain some worldly benefits. They feign congeniality while actually holding malevolent intentions, i.e. they behave like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Concerning them Almighty Allah says, ‘Do they mock Me or do they have courage to disobey Me? I swore by Myself to afflict them with a sedition that makes the meek among them headless.” - At-Tirmidhy, Hadith no. 2328 The Prophet Muhammad says, “The intention of a faithful person is better than his words.” RETRANSLATE By saying this, it is intended to mean that whatever a faithful person may say, these utterances may be relied upon due to the integrity of the character. What true people of faith may say is of lesser importance to their base integrity, because the words simply complement their actions. On the other hand, a person with little faith, and hence with little awareness of the inner self or character, becomes someone who is personality based and someone who is always looking outward. These people will say the right things in order to appease those on the outside, but will not necessarily back up these proclamations with the heart and the true self. “And how can you have patience about a thing which you know not?” Q’uraan Al Kahf 18:68 The Power of a Paradigm “He was Caesar and Pope in one; but he was Pope without Pope's pretensions, Caesar without the legions of Caesar: without a standing army, without a bodyguard, without a palace, without a fixed revenue; if ever any man had the right to say that he ruled by the right divine, it was Mohammed, for he had all the power without its instruments and without its supports.”ii Why do you think it is that the Prophet Muhammad had such a profound impact on the world? What do you think it was that made him so influential? A man not young in age and with no prior claim to anything divine yet people still listened. They did not dismiss him even though his ideas were extremely radical for that time. Why was he able to change the perceptions of so many? I will leave you to ponder this as we discover the power of the paradigm… A person’s character is slowly built and moulded from one’s knowledge, skills & abilities, and paradigms. Surprisingly, you may think, it is the paradigms that are of most importance in the development of character. But if you take a look at the meaning of

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‘paradigm’, you will see that without the ability to see through many different lenses, both knowledge, and skills & abilities become useless. One must be able to apply knowledge and the skills that have been learnt in many different circumstances, but the only way you can correctly apply your skills is by being able to read a situation correctly. You must be able to adapt and apply your skills in the correct situations. Dr. Covey explains to us that we must understand our own paradigms and learn how to make a “paradigm shift” before we can understand the Seven Habits in its entirety. The dictionary definition of a paradigm is a perception, pattern or model, but Dr. Covey would like us to look at the word in the broader sense: the way we interpret, understand and perceive the world. Understanding paradigms is made easy by Dr. Covey’s explanation: Paradigms can be seen as maps. A map is not an actual territory, but a representation of certain aspects of that territory. So, like a paradigm, it is a theory, an elucidation or model of something else. It is worth noting here that the word ‘paradigm’ is mentioned no less than 289 times in the Q’uraan. God is telling us that we must be aware of the fact that the world is different to how we as individuals see it. I see it differently to the way you see it, differently to the way he or she sees it. Sometimes, we must look at the whole picture. We must stand distant and view the world as a vista. Then sometimes, we must magnify and look at the world closely. We must adjust our paradigm to see the blades of grass, and the world under the rock. We must be able to see the bark from the trees. There is always a world within a world within a world, so the way you see things is the way you feel things is the way you think about things is the way you do things. In theological terms, paradigms are the way a person may interpret the Natural Laws of God (principles), which in turn become the person’s values. Covey tells us that if you want to achieve small changes in your life, go ahead and focus on your knowledge, skills and abilities. But if you want to achieve quantum leaps in your life, you must work on your paradigms. For the sake of continuity, I would like to incorporate a small exercise similar to that which Covey used in his book to illustrate the power of the ‘personal perspective’. On the following page, you shall see a series of pictures. I would like you to look at the group and record what you see.

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YOU WILL NEED TO GET THE HIGH RES FORMAT AND THE PERMISSION TO USE THESE IMAGES

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Many of these images are extremely well known and you may know already that different images can be seen within each and every illustration. But what do you see? In Image 1, what did you find first? Was it an old crone or a young, attractive woman demurely looking away? In Image 2 did you only see the man’s face? Or did you see the two young lovers, intertwined and kissing? What about Image 3? Some may see the face of a Native American chieftain looking up to the sky; others may see an Eskimo greeting the dawn. What did you see in Image 4? Do you see an image of a beautiful young woman or a man playing a sax? In all cases, you will have immediately seen one image first, probably depending on several factors which include having seen the image before and your own perceptions of how you view the images. The advantage you had in doing this exercise was that you were aware of the fact that it was an exercise in the first place, so your mind was able to prepare for this. In the real world, however, you do not have the luxury of knowing when another perspective may exist, but what you will discover is that another perspective almost always does exist. There is no doubt that there are two images in every one, or two alternative ways of looking at the images, so one must be prepared for the fact that there are alternative ways of looking at almost every situation in the real world. As long as we are always aware of the fact that we are only seeing the world through our own eyes, or our own basic paradigms and assumptions, we can become aware of the existence of other peoples’ perceptions to develop a larger frame of reference and more objective analysis. The Paradigm Shift “His readiness to undergo persecutions for his beliefs, the high moral character of the men who believed in him and looked up to him as leader, and the greatness of his ultimate achievement - all argue his fundamental integrity. To suppose Muhammad an impostor raises more problems than it solves. Moreover, none of the great figures of history is so poorly appreciated in the Developed World as Muhammad.” iii Covey tells us that the phrase “paradigm shift” was first introduced in The Structure of Scientific Revolutions by Thomas Kuhn. Kuhn exemplifies how almost all significant advances in science required firstly, a break with tradition and old paradigms in order to enable a fresh and new approach. It is not an easy to shift one’s paradigms to this elevated level of thinking. It can be a slow, protracted, intentional and sometimes painful process to clear the roots of the weeds and a lot of time and energy must be invested to change what is on the inside in order to be able to see what is on the outside in a new light. For me, I was knocked into feeling the need to rethink things after the death of my cousin. It was a painful, life-moving experience. He died in a motor accident at the young age of 28 and the shock rippled through the whole family. He was like a brother, a tutor and a gentleman. I was reminded that no matter who you are or what your age, this day could be your last. You simply never know what is in store for you. I suppose for many of

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us it takes a disastrous circumstance such as this to open the doors of introspection. He had left us forever, as we buried him in the earth. I wondered what had happened to him. I wondered if something would happen to me, if I would be ready to come face to face with God. Had I done well in life? Had I lived according to the Principles of Life? Had I made enough deposits? How do you feel? Do you feel that you are ready to meet God? Are you satisfied with the way you are leading your life? In order for the Quraish to survive and keep up with the changing world of Arabia, a fresh and radical approach was equally needed. God, through the Prophet Muhammad, provided the essential paradigm shift. The Prophet Muhammad felt every revelation in the core of his spirit, “Never once did I receive a revelation without thinking that my soul had torn away from me.” - Jalal al-Din Suyuti; al-iqfan fi ulum al aqram) When the Prophet Muhammad first started receiving the revelations, the force with which he felt them would cause his entire being to convulse. He would hear strange voices and murmurs and often sweated intensely, even on cool days. He would feel low and dismal at times and often felt a great weight upon him. This, of course, is an extreme example of the experience of a paradigm shift, as must be expected from one of the most influential men in history. “He (Muhammad) was by far the most remarkable man that ever set foot on this earth. He preached a religion, founded a state, built a nation, laid down a moral code, initiated numerous social and political reforms, established a powerful and dynamic society to practice and represent his teachings and completely revolutionized the worlds of human thought and behavior for all times to come.” - George Bernard Shaw This easily illuminates the Prophet Muhammad’s acute sensitivity to the deep problems that existed in his culture at the time, and how he really felt the inherent need for a massive paradigm shift. In layman’s terms, it could be said as he was so profound in nature that as he listened to the unfolding script he had to dig far down into the reaches of his soul to implement quantum change that would bring a solution for Arabia that was both politically sound and spiritually enlightening. As Covey says, “Paradigms are inseparable from character. Being is seeing in the human dimension. And what we see is highly interrelated to what we are. We can’t go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our being, and vice versa.” “Anyone’s words may be argued but the Prophet Muhammad’s” In other words, the Natural Laws of God (principles of life) can never be contested or broken, but one must always question individuals, because all individuals are looking at the world in their own subjective way. No matter how integrated a person may be, it is impossible for a human being to be purely objective. This luxury is reserved for God alone.

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The measure to which we accurately view these Natural Laws does not in essence alter its existence in any way. Natural Laws are ‘woven into the fabric of every civilized society throughout history’ (Covey) and if you look at the fundamental laws of any great world religion you will see them nested there, unchanged. The difference lies in our interpretation; our personal point of view. The Prophet Muhammad understood this more than anyone. In the Q’uraan it insists that the revelations were simply a reminder of the basic principles that everybody knew already: “Nay! verily, it is a memorial; and whoso pleases will remember it.” - Q’uraan LXXX:11 This was the basic human faith that had been preached by all the prophets to all of humanity in the past. All had brought their people a divinely inspired scripture. Although there were obvious differences in the way in which God’s word was received, the basic essence of the message was the same for all. Throughout the Q’uraan it persistently points out that Muhammad had not been sent to rescind the teachings of the older faiths, or to contradict any of the earlier messengers. “Say ye, ‘We believe in God, and what has been revealed to us, and what has been revealed to Abraham, and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Tribes, and what was brought to Moses and Jesus, and what was brought unto the Prophets from their Lord; we will not distinguish between any one of them, and unto Him we are resigned.’” - Q’uraan II: 129-130 It can clearly be seen in this passage that the Prophet Muhammad knew his message to be the same as that of the earlier prophets depicted in the earlier faiths. It is often argued that had the Prophet been aware of the religions of the Far East, such as Buddhism, and the faiths of those in other unreachable corners of the earth such as the Native Americans, he would have exchanged ideas with the leaders of these faiths as well. This makes complete sense according to the Q’uraan because all rightly guided faiths that refused to worship man-made idols and submitted wholly to God, and advocated equality and justice came from the same divine source. “If greatness of purpose, smallness of means and astounding results are the three criteria of human genius, who could dare to compare any great man in modern history with Muhammad? The most famous men created arms, laws and empires only. They founded, if anything at all, no more than material powers which often crumbled away before their eyes. This man moved not only armies, legislation, empires, peoples and dynasties, but millions of men in one-third of the then inhabited world; and more than that, he moved the altars, the gods, the religions, the ideas, the beliefs and souls....his forbearance in victory, his ambition, which was entirely devoted to one idea and in no manner striving for an empire; his endless prayers, his mystic conversations with God, his death and his triumph after death; all these attest not to an imposture but to a firm conviction which gave him the power to restore a dogma. This dogma was two-fold, the unity of God and

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the immateriality of God; the former telling what God is, the latter telling what God is not; the one overthrowing false gods with the sword, the other starting an idea with the words. Philosopher, orator, apostle, legislator, warrior, conqueror of ideas, restorer of rational dogmas, of a cult without images, the founder of twenty terrestrial empires and of one spiritual empire, that is Muhammad. As regards all the standards by which Human Greatness may be measured, we may well ask, is there any man greater than he?”iv

So, as we can see, principles are inherent in all human beings. Principles are universal, timeless, external, and no matter what, demand a predictable outcome. “(They) are guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring, permanent value. They’re fundamental.” – Covey Examples of Principles: -

Integrity Honesty Fairness Growth Change Service/ Contribution Quality Patience

The values by which we live are not principles. Values are how we perceive principles and utilize them. Core principles are unchanging, but values change from person to person. To use Covey’s example, a gang of thieves can share a set of values, which may include not stealing from each other, or even not stealing from those with meagre financial status, but they are still using a basic principle to form their own values and they still violate these principles to suit them. So, the more closely in tune our values, or paradigms, or mental maps are to the basic principles of life, the better we can live as respectable human beings for ourselves and others. Using the correct maps will enhance our lives both as an individual and as a part of society far more than simply trying to correct our surface behaviour, or our PR techniques. The issue here is that, unfortunately for most human beings, we like to see instant results, instant change. We want to make a million overnight. We want to learn a language in a week. The fact remains, however, that in order to really grasp something to its full extent, you have to work at it for a very long period of time. Sure, you could learn the basics of a language for use on holiday, but in order to really gain a command over a language you must look deep into the language. You must learn the laws, the grammar, the vocabulary and this could take years. You must speak with others and listen to what they are saying;

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ask them questions, go to the country. There is no foreseeable way of learning a language without first starting from the very beginning and slowly progressing. “The Way We See the Problem IS the Problem” – Covey Very often, we will look at anxieties or problems in our lives and accuse, blame and point the finger at all external factors that we have decided could conceivably be the problem. Our lack of productivity in the workplace, for example, could be blamed on the guy sitting on the desk next to us, who nervously wacks his pencil on his computer all day long. “Oh, I am sorry, but I could not get the report in on time because I have not been able to concentrate since I have been moved next to this guy. He is driving me crazy!” It has been said that a bad workman blames his tools. He is always looking for an excuse that is preventing him from carrying out his job well. Instead of looking from the outside in, it is thought that we could achieve much better results by first looking at ourselves from the inside to see if there is anything that could be changed there first. In other words, we should look at our own paradigms to discover if there is something within ourselves that could be changed to correct the matter. By correcting our own nature, we could conceivably make ourselves much more productive and viable. In order to achieve this, we must develop a completely fresh way of thinking. We must reverse our conditioning and cease to work from the outside-in. We must, instead, strive to work from the inside-out.

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CHAPTER 2: What are the Seven Habits? “And thou (standest) on an exalted standard of character.” - Q’uraan 68:4 “Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny.” - Charles Reade, Novelist & Dramatist Notes and Queries, 1903 From this well-known quote, we can gather that our habits form our character. So what kind of habits we have denotes how effectual or ineffectual we may be. Habits affect us in the most fundamental way, because they work on us in an often unconscious manner constantly. We do not even realize, for much of the time that it is our habits that are driving us. As Covey tells us, habits have got a remarkable gravity pull. This gravity pull is far more intense than most of us would like to admit, so breaking these deep-seated habits that violate the basic principles by which we should live, such as tardiness, shorttemperedness, or laziness involves a great deal of effort and willpower. Making the first leap into trying to correct these problems takes an unbelievable amount of energy. When a spaceship ignites its engines and leaves the earth, more power is needed to break through the earth’s atmosphere and away from the earth’s gravity pull than is needed for 2 months travel in space.(FACT CHECK!!!!!!!!!) Almighty Allah says what means, “Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, Verily, in remembering Allah do hearts find rest.” - Ar-Ra'd, 13:28 Islam focuses very much on the need for habit. Good habits give you strength of character. There are two kinds of habits; the physical and the mental. We can focus for the time being on the mental habits. The Prophet Muhammad said, “Make it a habit for your children to pray.” In Islam, by praying five times a day, it gives a Muslim discipline and forms habit. The idea is that by praying five times a day, you will always be reminded of God and hence the inner being. As such, you are constantly reminded to look at yourself and your actions. As children, if we are pointed in the right direction, it is easier for us to become accustomed to developing good habits. As adults, it becomes more difficult, however never impossible, to rewrite ourselves and replace bad habits for good. The Prophet Muhammad knew this, so he tried to instil the idea of developing good habits at an early age.

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So, the Prophet Muhammad said, “At the age of seven, teach your children to pray, and seven years later, hit them to pray.” The Prophet Muhammad’s use of the word ‘hit’ here is intended to mean ‘discipline’, as opposed to actual physical notions. In Islam, physical abuse of any kind is not condoned, and to hit someone on the face is absolutely not permitted. It is thought that hitting a person on the face was to humiliate and degrade. Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire”. Desire is the focal point of these traits, because one must want in order to achieve, and as has been seen before, habits are something we do repeatedly and unconsciously. This is why they are so powerful. Because in the end, once an action becomes a habit, it is something that is done completely naturally. We must, however, have knowledge, skill and desire to make something a true habit in one’s lives. In Islam, by consistently repeating prayer to God over and over again, it becomes habit which brings belief. One could be of the opinion that this is just another form of brainwashing, but the difference is that no one is trying to brainwash you for manipulative purposes, or to get what they want. All God wants is for you to become the person which God intended you to be, which is a person of integrity and someone who abides by the true principles of life. This, according to Islam, brings true happiness and is the reason why we exist. So, by making the immediate sacrifice and allowing some potentially daily discomfort for a time, we will eventually make our lives much more fruitful and pleasant in the end. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet said, ‘Allah says, ‘I am just as My servant thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’” - Al-Bukhâry, Hadith no. 6856 In a global perspective, it could be said that the more you look into yourselves and the harder you try, the easier it will get for you to become closer to attaining a life lived by the true principles. Again, the Prophet Muhammad was trying to build habits that have a positive impact on our lives and those around us. People will not say of you that you are generous unless you are consistently generous. People will not say of you that you are kind unless you are consistently kind. You cannot say that you are faithful unless you are consistently faithful. You cannot be an honest servant of God unless you consistently knock on His door. In prayer, Muslims are in the habit of mentioning God consistently. This habit initiates the heart and the character to become stronger. As Covey says, “We are what we repeatedly to, so excellence is not an act, but a habit.” The Maturity Continuum

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Dr. Covey states that the Seven Habits are not intended to be a sort of pep rally to pump up the spirit. We are not in a race nor some sort of competition. The Seven Habits are intended to work as an ascending and complementary formula that works in harmony with the natural laws of growth to aid in the growth of personal and interpersonal effectiveness. The Q’uraan works in the same manner. It is ascending and complementary. It takes time and effort to bring your understanding to the level of the principles given to us by God in the Q’uraan, and it is important to assimilate the whole text, not just a part. By doing this, we can aim to achieve a life that is most agreeable to ourselves and all human beings that fall into contact with us. And most importantly, we can aim to achieve the life which is most agreeable to God. No matter what we may think or what we may say, like it or not none of us come into this world as fully grown mature adults. We all start our lives as tiny infants, completely dependent on others around us. Without the help of people, we would not survive past the first week of our existence. For many years, we rely on the people around us for emotional, physical, mental and financial support until we finally reach the stage where we can make it on our own as a fully capable, independent human being thanks to the help of those that have helped us to achieve this. When we are independent, this means that we are self-reliant. As we continue to gather years, we begin to realize the need for interdependence. The whole world runs on interdependence. Nature survives thanks to interdependence. A pride of lions needs sustenance to survive, so the wildebeest provides this sustenance. In turn, the lions pick the sick and the weak for its dinner which keeps the wildebeest population strong and healthy. The dependent stage is therefore the you paradigm: you feed me, you put me to bed, you educate me, you did this to me. The independent stage is the I paradigm: I feed myself, I pay my rent, I make my own decisions, I am responsible for my own actions. Lastly, the interdependent stage is called the we paradigm: we can cooperate, we can work together, we can combine the things that we know between us to create something more superior than if we worked on our own.v In order to experience the ‘we paradigm’, we must first experience the ‘I paradigm’. You must discover yourself and who you really are before you have the ability to interact honestly with others. A large issue with interdependence is that people of assert that interdependence is a glorified dependence, which is not the case at all. When people feel insecure about their own position, they often think in this way, because they believe that being in an interdependent relationship is holding them back, or keeping them from doing what they really want. The problem here does not then tend to lie in the relationship with others, but the relationship with one’s self and no matter how much running away a person does from interdependent interactions, those insecurities will always be there until we choose to look inwards and find what it is that is making us react in this way.

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A person can survive in an independent reality, but will never be able to achieve as someone who has reached true interdependence. This is because he or she does not have the ability to work in a team, interact and use other peoples’ talents in conjunction with their own to produce spectacular results. Islam is based on interdependence and has been since its initial stages of development. The Prophet Muhammad’s main objective had been to promote accord and unity among Muslims and to amalgamate the ummah so that it mirrored the unity of God. In Islam, marriage between a man and a woman is considered to be the highest form of interdependence. The smallest unit in Islam is not the individual, but the husband and wife. Islam has never been about ‘this is how it is and you must behave in this manner’. God wanted human beings to think and question things. God said through the Prophet Muhammad, “You must argue your point, but you must also always be aware of the other man’s point of view and listen. Arrogance breeds mistrust. You must never force your opinions upon others.” (RETRANSLATE) Just as you have to make the decision for yourself to become truly interdependent, so God knew that people could not be forced into believing in a faith. The decision must be made by the individual – by an independent person – to look into the inner self. Almighty Allah says what means, “There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path. Whoever disbelieves in Tâghût and believes in Allah, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break. And Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower.” - Al-Baqarah, 2: 256 In this excerpt from the Q’uraan, it is made clear that you may not force people into belief or faith. It is a decision that a person must take of their own free will; an independent person. For the person who is forced to believe will not be true of heart. It is absolutely important that you master yourself before you can influence the outside, so Habits 1, 2 & 3 focus on what Covey calls the ‘Private Victory’. This is reaching the stage of true independence. Only after private victory has been achieved, may one start honestly communicating with others. In other words, the foundations must be laid, and the structure must be built before I can paint the walls and hang the pictures. Once a person has become really independent, they then have the character foundation on which can be built the ‘Public Victory’vi. The Public Victory are the more interpersonal skills needed to be able to function as part of a team; to cooperate and acquaint. The Prophet Muhammad believed that the best way to communicate with people was on a personal level. He preferred to interact with people one-on-one, and he not only spoke, but always listened as well. Habit 7 is the habit of renewal.vii It is necessary that, as human beings, we constantly renew and restore our vital energies, of which there are four. If you do not fill your car up with gas, it will eventually run out of fuel and stop running. Similarly, if you do not change the oil, it will arrive at a similar demise. And if you do not check the tires and fill

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them with air, or change them periodically, you may end up with a broken axel and an undriveable car. You must maintain the parts to keep the whole intact and purring like a kitten. Habit 7 therefore encircles and exemplifies Habits 1-6. As you keep growing and maturing into a fully rounded individual, you will find that you will keep returning through the habits and seeing new levels of awareness as you progress. For ease of interpretation, I have included on the opposite page Covey’s diagram of the “Seven Habits Paradigm’. This clearly illuminates the progression of the Seven Habits, as well as how they are completely synergistic and interrelated. In the end, they must all work together to create the complete interdependent individual. In Islam we maintain ourselves primarily through the ‘Five Pillars of Islam’. We maintain through prayer and we maintain through fasting, during Ramadan, which occurs once every Lunar year for one month. This is how we maintain our morality and our character. By fasting it reminds us of the hardships the poor must endure, who could not eat or drink whenever they liked. Also, fasting helps us to achieve a closeness to God. Muslims also maintain by giving alms on a regular basis to the poor and needy (zakah). At this point I would like to talk a little bit about wealth in Islam. Wealth and money, in the eyes of God, is not to be kept or stashed away. It serves a purpose and that purpose is to make your life and that of the lives around you easier. In Islam, there is no need to hold on to large sums of money, because for the righteous, there will always be wealth, whether it be spiritual or material. The idea is that you must balance your life in order to reach maximum effectiveness so that it is harmony with the Natural Laws. In Covey’s words, this principle is called the ‘P/PC Balance’, and Dr. Covey illuminates this beautifully with an analogy to Aesop’s fable of the goose and the golden egg: One day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find nothing. Covey’s definition of ‘P/PC Balance’ is production/ production capability balance. So, production in the analogy given above would be the golden eggs, and the production capability in this case would be the source of the golden eggs, which in this case is the goose. One must take proper care of the goose, therefore, to carry on receiving golden eggs. A person no matter what must take care of their assets to achieve maximum productivity.

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THE SEVEN HABITS PARADIGM

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Assets The Seven Habits tells us that there are three kinds of assets: Our physical assets are our equipment. Our financial assets are our earnings. Our human assets are who we are. Our equipment, or physical assets, must be maintained and serviced in order for everything to run smoothly and to prevent illness and other such debilitations. Using the analogy of the car I used earlier, if I do not maintain the car properly and regularly, parts are going to slowly start degrading and eventually, the whole car will cease to function. Using Covey’s P/PC model, I did not invest enough time in the ‘PC’, so I cannot any longer enjoy the ‘P’, which would be the ability to drive my own car in comfort. Now, because of the lack of attention I gave to the ‘PC’, I must take public transport or rely on friends to take me places while I find myself a new car, which all in all takes up far more time than it would have just to take the car for regular tune-ups in any case. If I had just maintained the car properly, I could have been driving it to work every morning and would not have to go through the agony of shopping for a new car that was in my budget, which incidentally, is a much lower budget than that which I had for the last car, because I ran it into the ground in a year and a half. It is obvious that this is not an effective way at all to keep a car, just as it is ineffective to neglect any other physical asset. By keeping ‘P’ and ‘PC’ in balance, we can really have a positive impact on our financial assets. People often make the mistake of skimming from their income to gain a better standard of living. I have done it myself in the past. Most of us have been victim to the temptations of a credit card, spending and spending money that we simply do not have, forever in debt to faceless corporations our entire life. But in the end, you keep living beyond your means and the capital gets smaller and smaller until there is barely enough to live on. It is so easy to do, and I am sure that most of us have done this at points in our lives. Instead of doing this, it is important to invest in the PC, which is your own ability to earn at the end of the day. So, you must keep trying to improve your position in order to produce more golden eggs. Abu Juhaifah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated, “The Prophet established a bond of brotherhood between Salmân and Abud-Dardâ’. Salmân paid a visit to Abud-Dardâ’ and found Umm Ad-Dardâ’ dressed in shabby clothes and asked her why she was in that state. She replied, ‘Your brother, Abud-Dardâ’ is not interested in the luxuries of this world.’ In the meantime Abud-Dardâ’ came and prepared a meal for him (Salmân), and said to him, ‘eat, for I am fasting.’ Salmân said, ‘I am not going to eat, unless you eat.’ So Abud-Dardâ’ ate. When it was night, Abud-Dardâ’ got up (for the Night Prayer). Salmân said, ‘Sleep’ and he slept. Again Abu-Ad-Dardâ’ got up, and Salmân said, ‘Sleep.’ When it was the last part of the night, Salmân said to him, ‘Get up now (for the prayer).’ So

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both of them offered their prayers and Salmân said to Abud-Dardâ’, ‘Your Lord has a right on you, and your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you, so you should give the rights of all those who have a right on you.’ Later on Abud-Dardâ’ visited the Prophet and mentioned that to him. The Prophet, said, ‘Salmân has spoken the truth.’” - Al-Bukhâry, Hadith no. 5674 The human assets then become the assets that you have to balance most effectively since human beings are the ones in control of the physical and financial assets. The Prophet Muhammad never used coercion to gain respect or increase the numbers of the new faith. He always listened to those around him and understood what the people wanted. As such, he was investing in the ‘P’ to achieve a united ummah. He understood that it was important to nourish the goose, which in this case was the Quraish, in order to achieve the ‘PC’, which was a community that cared for each other and listened to the needs of each other. If he had just shouted doctrines from the rooftop without first investing in the ‘P’, people may have dismissed him for someone who simply wanted to satisfy his own ego. It would have put the whole population on the defensive and the faith would have died. One of the Prophet Muhammad’s closest friends and advisors, Umar ibn al-Khattab, used to go to the Prophet and explain to him certain things that needed to be done in the community. The Prophet Muhammad always sought the advice of his friends and family, and insisted that this was not a one man show. It would be impossible for the Quraish to change unless he knew what the Quraish were in need of. If there was agreement, the ideas would be transcribed into the Q’uraan. The Q’uraan insists that all people are equal in the eyes of God, and that all must share equally in the responsibilities of developing a wholesome character. Only by interacting and becoming one can people achieve true mastery over themselves. So, the Prophet Muhammad always considered himself equal to all human beings; men, women and children. In Islam, men and women are partners before God and must share equally in the responsibilities and duties in the family. “Verily, men resigned and women resigned,viiiand believing men and believing women, and devout men and devout women, and truthful men and truthful women, and patient men and patient women, and humble men and humble women, and almsgiving men and almsgiving women, and fasting men and fasting women, and men who guard their private parts and women who guard their private parts, and men who remember God much and women who remember Him,--God has prepared for them forgiveness and a mighty hire.” - Q’uraan XXXIII: 37 The Prophet Muhammad often consulted with his wives as well and it is argued that about fifteen percent of the Q’uraan was transcribed through his wives. The Prophet Muhammad used to share equally in all chores and enjoyed cooking for his wives immensely. The Prophet Muhammad, therefore invested a great deal of time into his personal relationships by constantly tending to what one would think are the little things, like consideration, and showing random acts of kindness consistently. By doing this the ‘goose’ stayed strong and healthy and the quality of all the Prophet Muhammad’s close relationships emanated strength and unity.

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It is worth noting that the women that were a part of the first ummah had equal responsibility as men in public life, including for some, going into battle alongside the men of the ummah. The first martyr of Islam was a woman; her name, Sumayah, and the first person to convert to Islam was a woman; Khadijah. Mujâhid reported, “Sumayah, mother of ‘Ammâr, was the first female martyr in the Islamic era. Abu Jahl stabbed her with a spear in her heart.” There was no oppression in early Islam, but unfortunately it would later become more of a patriarchy, being manipulated and distorted by man for their own advantage. This is not a new occurrence in religion though and in retrospect, the same thing happened with the Christian faith. Equally, you cannot focus too much weight on the other side of the fulcrum. It would be crazy to over-accentuate the PC, because then you no longer have the time or energy to devote to the P. A friend of mine told me of an acquaintance who had this syndrome; it started off as being a concern of potential heart disease. Heart disease ran in his family and his father had died at a very early age, and he was determined that he was not going to happen to him. So he started working out at the gym and adjusting his diet to a lower fat intake. The problem was he became so obsessed with it in the end that his ‘P’, which was his health, started to suffer. He was working out 5 hours daily. His fat intake was so low and the bulk of his body so immense that he was prone to catching flu and colds very easily. He wasn’t balancing. He wasn’t balancing his diet and he wasn’t balancing his assets. Not only did his health begin to suffer, but so did the other aspects of his life. My sister grew annoyed with him and he had no time to devote to anything else but his work and his body. The worst thing was that, at the time, he did not even realize that he was spending 5 hours a day, 7 days a week in the gym to tack 10 years onto his life, which equates to no time gained and a less healthy body. Now, he is much more moderate in his routine which has resulted in a time gain, a healthier body and a longer life and a better relationship with my sister. You can see how balance is far better than extremes on either end of the P/PC fulcrum. So obtaining that balance between P and PC provides a person with the ultimate engine to become truly effective and this is the paradigm of effectiveness on which the Seven Habits, and Islam, are based. Covey explains that ‘the door of change can only be opened from the inside’. “Alike (to Him) among you is he who conceals (his) words and he who speaks them openly, and he who hides himself by night and (who) goes forth by day. For him are angels ranged before him and behind him, who guard him by Allah's command. Lo! Allah changeth not the condition of a folk until they (first) change that which is in their hearts; and if Allah willeth misfortune for a folk there is none that can repel it, nor have they a defender beside Him.” - Q’uraan XIII: 11

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It is essential that, in order to make such a drastic change in your life, you take the decision for yourself. In the above passage from the Q’uraan, God is telling us that no matter who you are, or what you believe, or how you behave, the moment you make the decision to look into yourself and reach towards God, the angels that are always following you and watching you will aid you on your way. But God will not force change in anyone, as he knows that cannot be done. The first steps have to be taken independently. The great advantage of acquiring the will to change on one’s own is that you will feel an instant change in your outlook. Your confidence will grow and because you will be working off true principles instead of mutated values, you will feel a renewed sense of self and a peace within. You will find that the comfort you will obtain with yourself stems from the fact that you no longer have to worry about what other people think of you because your very integrity will define what you think of yourself. Because you will no longer be surviving for the approval of others, you will start to concentrate more on wanting to help others to see what you see – that you must look to your inner self. Life no longer becomes a competition, but becomes a synergistic relationship and relationships get stronger while new and lasting ones are formed. Almighty Allah says what means, “After this, it is you who kill one another and drive out a party of you from their homes, assist (their enemies) against them, in sin and transgression. And if they come to you as captives, you ransom them, although their expulsion was forbidden to you. Then do you believe in a part of the Scripture and reject the rest? Then what is the recompense of those who do so among you, except disgrace in the life of this world, and on the Day of Resurrection they shall be consigned to the most grievous torment. And Allah is not unaware of what you do.” - Al-Baqarah, 2:85 The Q’uraan must be read from end to end because it is a progressive book. In all, it took twelve years for the Prophet Muhammad to complete receiving it, so throughout the Q’uraan things have been added and changed and updated depending on the circumstances and necessity. As such, some areas of the Q’uraan complement other areas. In earlier parts of the Book, things had been written about certain aspects of living and then updated, changed and altered later on. The whole of the text should be ingested in order to best grasp the full meaning of God’s word. It is not possible to read part of the Q’uraan and then claim you are a practicing Muslim. Equally, you cannot disregard parts of the book and then say you are a practicing Muslim. This is because everything written therein is intertwined and connected. Actually, I was recently reading a popular American news magazine in which the feature article was about Islam and Jihad. Of course, due to the lack of understanding of the meaning of the word, many non-Muslims have grown to fear the word, but I was disappointed to see that this particular magazine had chosen to draw on that fear, without true understanding (or care), of what the word actually defined. This is an example of screening information from a source that, in order to understand should have been put

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into context with the whole text. It is possible to pick up any reference manual or book and spotlight words or passages within it to exemplify a point from your own personal paradigms and prejudices. Almighty Allah says what means, “Verily, those who disbelieve in Allah and His Messengers and wish to make distinction between Allah and His Messengers (by believing in Allah and disbelieving in His Messengers) saying, ‘We believe in some but reject others,’ and wish to adopt a way in between.” - An-Nisâ’, 4:150 The same idea applies to the Seven Habits. You must not skip over or ignore parts. Like the Q’uraan, it works as a whole, integrated approach to changing the inner self. These books are similar in the respect that both are like permanent reference manuals. They are not just books that you should read once and then stash away in a corner to gather dust. Both the Q’uraan and the Seven Habits should be referred to again and again. Principles have to be taken as a whole. You cannot be half honest, nor can you be half fair. In Islam, God tells us that He will be waiting for us when we want to change ourselves. He believes that all human beings have the ability to turn bad habits into good, so why shouldn’t we?

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PART 2: PRIVATE VICTORY “If thou obeyedst most of those on earth they would mislead thee far from Allah's way. They follow naught but an opinion, and they do but guess.” - VI: 116 Rabî’ah bin Ka‘b (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated, “I was with the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) one night and I brought him water and what he required. He said to me, ‘Ask (anything you like)’. I said, ‘I ask your company in Paradise.’ He (the Prophet) said, ‘Or anything else besides it?’ I said, ‘That is all (what I require).’ He said, ‘Then help me to achieve this for you by devoting yourself often to prostration.’” - Muslim, Hadith no. 754 The Prophet Muhammad was saying to his servant that he must take the first steps towards attaining to his inner self and ultimate happiness. The Prophet Muhammad never claimed to be a miracle-maker. He was an ordinary man like everyone else. He was not a magician and did not desire that his followers have an easy road to take, because an easy road does not form a true character. He wanted Muslims to be aware of the world they lived in. He wanted Muslims to be aware of the differences between right and wrong. The Q’uraan is there as a guide for anyone who wants to change, but it is always the choice of the individual in the end. HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE “So set thou thy face steadily and truly to the Faith: (establish) Allah's handiwork according to the pattern on which He has made mankind: no change (let there be) in the work (wrought) by Allah: that is the standard Religion: but most among mankind understand not.” - XXX: 30 God tells us to lead ourselves according to the Natural Laws, which are never changing. In order to begin the change in one’s self, it is essential to take a look at yourself from the outside, as if you were looking at yourself from across the room. What do you see? What kind of a person do you reflect? What kind of mood are you in? How are you feeling? The very fact that you are able to take a look at yourself from another perspective means something extremely important; it means you possess self-awareness, a trait that separates us from animals. Self-awareness affords us the luxury of being to evaluate and learn from the experiences abounding in everyday life. Due to this endowment, we are also able to break habits and make habits, because we can make ourselves aware of them. From there we can discover what are turning the cogs and causing our actions. We can ascertain if our actions are caused by a conditioned response or a value formed from the Natural Laws. The Prophet Muhammad was always ingratiating people to look into themselves. He wanted us all to take a long look inward to discover what we could do to make ourselves more whole:

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The Social Mirror Hudhaifah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “You should not be a sycophant, or a ‘yes’ person, doing well if people would do well, and doing wrong if people would do wrong. But you should get yourselves accustomed to doing what is right either people do it or not.” - At-Tirmidhy, Hadith no. 1930 If we never choose to look at ourselves and always rely on the views of others to create opinions of ourselves, we end up with an extremely distorted vision of who we think we are. Human beings, as mentioned before, are never truly objective. They see things through their own personal paradigm, and the further away a person’s personal paradigm is from the fundamental principles, the more distorted their idea of you is going to be. People deal with most situations using about 90% emotions and only 10% logic (Covey), and they way a person perceives you depends on their conditioning and circumstances. It would be dangerous to allow yourself to be drawn into these perceptions. Often they are blown out of proportion, or simply projections from their own character flaws or traits. People who are insecure in themselves often like to think they have an associate to which they can attach themselves. Human beings take comfort in the knowledge that there are others who are like them. On the other hand, a slightly overweight person, for example, may envy someone of a normal weight and exclaim, “Wow! You are SO skinny!” purely because they are reflecting their own insecurities about their weight onto you. So you can see how it can be dangerous territory to look to others for who you are. Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: That he heard Allah's Apostle saying, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charge; the ruler is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian in his family and responsible for his charges; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and responsible for her charges; and the servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for his charge." I definitely heard the above from the Prophet and think that the Prophet also said, "A man is a guardian of his father's property and responsible for his charges; so everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges." - Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 46: 733 We know there are three biological theories of determinism that are now widely accepted to explain the nature of man. These are genetic, psychic and environmental determinism. Genetic Determinism is how your genes have molded you; in other words, the traits that have been passed down from generation to generation. People may think that because your Grandmother was a genius, you are a genius; or that because your aunt was always late, that is where you must have got it from. And in any case, you are an Arab and ALL Arabs are like that! It sounds rather silly when said like this, does it not? The Prophet Muhammad knew that all people had the ability to choose to change. After all, before he

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started to receive the words of the Q’uraan from God, his society was a pagan, tribal, greedy and warring society. By giving them the chance to look into themselves and realize that something had to change, the Prophet Muhammad showed them the new way of living through the ideals of Islam. ‘Â’ishah, the wife of the Prophet, narrated that she asked the Prophet, “Have you encountered a day harder than the Day of (the Battle of) Uhud?” The Prophet replied, “Your tribes have troubled me a lot, and the worst trouble was the trouble on the Day of Al-‘Aqabah when I presented myself to Ibn ‘Abd Yâlail bin ‘Abd Kulâl and he did not respond to my demand. So I departed, overwhelmed with excessive sorrow, and proceeded on, and could not relax until I found myself at Qarnuth-Tha‘âlib where I lifted my head towards the sky to see a cloud shading me unexpectedly. I looked up and saw Jibrîl (Gabriel) in it. He called me saying, ‘Allah has heard the sayings of your people to you, and what they have replied back to you, Allah has sent the Angel of the Mountains to you so that you may order him to do whatever you wish to these people.’ The Angel of the Mountains called and greeted me, and then said, ‘O Muhammad! Order what you wish. If you like, I will let Al-Akhshabain (i.e. two mountains of Mecca) fall on them.’” The Prophet (peace be upon him) added that he said, “No but I hope that Allah will let them beget children who will worship Allah Alone, and will worship none besides Him.” - Al-Bukhâry, Hadith no. 2992 The passage implies that the Prophet was never willing to give up on a people. He always had faith in the ability for human beings to change. Psychic Determinism is how our parents brought us up and what kind of influence they had on our lives as such. This conditioning makes us feel that we are sometimes unable to do certain things although we do not necessarily why. Environmental Determinism is a form of determinism residing in the present. Basically, it is the set of factors that affect you in your everyday surroundings, for example, how your boss is treating you, the current threat of war, the politics of your nation, your spouse, and even the state of your home or the happiness of your children at school. These forms of determinism are based on the stimulus/response theory first illuminated by Pavlov which states that for every stimulus there is a particular response. But how accurately does this theory reflect onto human beings? During the late 1960s and 1970s it became increasingly clear that a general theory of human learning - or even of animal learning, for that matter - was beyond the narrow range of such "stimulus-response" theories, and researchers interested in understanding the nature of mind began to cast their nets more widely. The most productive leads came from the seemingly distant fields of linguistics and computer science where seminal thinkers such as Chomsky, Turing, Newell, and Simon provided new ways of thinking about the mind. The operation of digital computers became the dominant metaphor for understanding human mentality: minds were likened to programs that run on a particular sort of biological computers called brains. Such

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notions gave rise to a new philosophy of mind, called ‘functionalism’ in which minds were defined by their functional rather than physical or experiential properties. This intellectual climate produced a paradigm shift-now called the "cognitive revolution" - in which the grip of behaviorism was broken, and new alliances were formed among cognitively oriented psychologists, computer scientists, philosophers, and linguists. So we now know that we can use the powers of our own self-awareness to choose whether or not we can allow a stimulus to affect us or not. Almighty Allah says what means, “O you who believe! Take care of your own selves, [do righteous deeds, fear Allah much (abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden) and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained)]. If you follow the right guidance and enjoin what is right (Islamic Monotheism and all that Islâm orders one to do) and forbid what is wrong (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islâm has forbidden) no hurt can come to you from those who are in error. The return of you all is to Allah, then He will inform you about (all) that which you used to do”. - Al-Mâ'idah, 5: 105 One of Islam’s leading theological scholars, Ibn Taymeyah, while he was imprisoned was quoted as saying, “I am my heaven. My garden is my heart. Wherever I go it is with me. To imprison me is to leave me alone in my garden. Exile me and I am a tourist. Kill me and you will martyr me.” By thinking in a proactive way, he did not allow external factors to influence his state of mind. He did not give the prison guards the chance to harm him. In the most fundamental way it is not what people do to us that hurts us, it is how we perceive what people do to us that hurts us. So, adjusted ideas a little toward a new model, we can conceivably see that ‘we are what we want to be’. It would be fatalistic to think that due to our personal conditions and conditioning we have no choice but to respond in a certain way. It is never just ‘either/or’; there is always another choice. So, just because you were born into a gangster family, does not mean that you have no choice but to be a gangster. Just because your parents were alcoholics does not mean that you are predestined to be an alcoholic. You always have a choice. Just because your parents were award-winning scientists, does not mean that you must become a scientist. In Islam, God will only ever hold individuals accountable for our successes and failures. We should never consider ourselves victims of circumstance. Of course there are sometimes extraneous circumstances which should be taken into account in some instances, but for the most part, a fully mature individual always possesses the freedom to choose. Almighty Allah says what means, “(It will be said to the angels), ‘Assemble those who did wrong, together with their companions (from the devils) and what they used to worship instead of Allah, and lead them on to the way of flaming Fire (Hell); But stop them, verily they are to be questioned.’” - As-Sâffât, 37:23-24

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In the above passage, it illustrates the belief that we will all be questioned for our own actions at the end of the day. There is no escaping it! So we must take the initiative to make our own decisions and bear the consequences. By reflecting on our own self and trying to discover where our values lie, we can take the steps towards living a more principle-centered and positive life. If someone were to fire a weapon at you, then, as you were born into a gangster family, it is your will to shoot back. If you are a man of the Church, you turn the other cheek. Based on what do you carry out these actions? You make a decision to shoot or to turn the other cheek. It is your own choice. And where does your choice derive from? It derives from your own personal values. From the stimulus – the person firing a gun at you – you made a decision; you chose what action to take, and then you responded. It is then not anyone’s ‘response-ability’ but your own. The choice you make should ideally be governed by principles or values that are as close to principles as possible. God tells us in the Q’uraan that if someone tries to attack you, you should not turn the other cheek. You must be proactive. On the other hand, you may also not become the judge and take matters into your own hands, deciding that he should be shot. The Q’uraan tells us that you must go to the Law to ensure he is reprimanded in accordance with the people of the ummah (community). This implies that you must always work with others, because your point of view may be different from that of others. The best course of action can be decided by pooling all the resources and making a community decision. In Islam it is believed to be unwise and wrong to turn the other cheek if someone has done something wrong towards you. By turning the other cheek, you permit similar fate to befall other people at the hands of the wrong-doer, and in the eyes of God this is unacceptable. Naturally, there are varying degrees of doing wrong towards others and one must use judgment to know when you can forgive without bringing others into it and when this is not possible. Because a Muslim is expected to lead an interdependent life within the ummah, each and every person has a responsibility: a responsibility towards themselves, a responsibility towards their family, a responsibility towards their work, a responsibility towards their community and a responsibility towards God. In life it simply is not efficient to live your life completely independently. Almighty Allah says what means, “The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof, but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah. Verily, He likes not the Zhâlimûn (oppressors, polytheists, and wrong-doers, and so on.).” - Ash-Shûra, 26: 40 Proactivity Defined Covey tells us that by developing this self-awareness we can develop the ‘first and most basic habit of a highly effective person in any environment, the habit of proactivity’. The word proactivity invokes the idea that we are not simply a function of what has influenced or what is influencing us. It means that we are responsible for our own actions

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and our own lives. In Covey’s words, ‘we have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen’. The very foundations of Islam are based on a model of proactive nature. The way in which the Prophet Muhammad lived was in itself extremely proactive, which is a large reason why he was such an influential character. He knew that only he was responsible for his own actions in the eyes of God, and that each and every Muslim was to feel the responsibilities of their own actions in turn. The Prophet Muhammad’s lifelong achievements reflected the Islamic ideal of salvation by achieving a society that lived according to the practices that God had wished for the human race. In other words, Islam was based on living in a society that lived according to the basic principles of life. On the other hand, the Christian faith is founded on more of a model of reactive nature; the redemption of the original sin perpetrated by Adam, and the admittance into heaven and eternal life. The Prophet Muhammad was never recognized as divine, however, he was in the eyes of Muslims the Perfect Man. His surrender to God in such an entirety changed the world of Arabia and transformed the society in which he lived from a tribal, warring people to a wholly peaceful society for the first time in history. The very word ‘responsibility’ was carefully chosen by Dr. Covey. If you break down the word, you see that it means ‘the ability to choose your response’. People who are extremely proactive recognize this responsibility. They can see that it is their choice and within their own power to decide for themselves how they will respond in any given situation. We are by nature proactive, so it stands to reason that if we choose to live by these conditions and conditioning, it is a choice that we have made, whether conscious or not. By choosing to live in this way it makes us reactive people. As Covey says, reactive people are often a product of external influences and environmental factors. If it is sunny and warm outside, they reflect a sunny demeanor. If their spouse is being unresponsive and moody, they become unresponsive and moody. A proactive person will have the ability to dampen the impulse to react in a given way and make a value-driven choice as opposed to be completely governed by external forces which are quite often uncontrollable. Having said this, as Dr. Covey puts it, it is not that proactive people are not influenced by external stimuli; it is just to say that a proactive person has the ability to examine the forces behind that stimulus and take a more objective action. Once we find the ability to govern how we respond to situations, we find that we can choose a response that will not allow us to feel hurt unnecessarily. The old adage ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me’ has never rung more true. If you do not allow someone to get to you and hurt you, they cannot get to you. “A'isha, the wife of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, did not have to choose between two matters, but that he chose the easier of them as long as it was not a wrong

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action. If it was a wrong action, he was the furthest of people from it. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, did not take revenge for himself unless the limits of Allah were violated. Then he took revenge for it for Allah.’” - Malik’s Muwattah Book 47, Number 47.1.2 Taking the Initiative We can create circumstances by choosing our response and taking action as opposed to be acted upon. “Said ibn al-Musayyab said, ‘Shall I tell you what is better than much prayer and sadaqa?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Mending discord. And beware of hatred - it strips you (of your deen).’” - Malik’s Muwattah Book 47, Number 47.1.7 Instead of letting things pass by us, we need to take the initiative to make things happen. This does not mean necessarily forcing your opinion on others and being pushy and arrogant. It simply means that we can take a positive approach to achieve a positive response. By doing this, it also empowers others to become more proactive individuals and gives other people a less distorted view of themselves. In Islam, God tells us that the most pure human beings are children. Indeed this is the case in almost all major religions in the world. If you analyze the decisions and choices you make, you should use the ideals of children as a benchmark to reflect on how you lead your life. According to Islam, you can discover your virtuous intentions in this manner, and if you see yourself as virtuous as a child, you are not seeing yourself in true light and you need to start to look inside yourself deeper. If you see yourself as less virtuous than a child, you have made the first step toward being proactive. “The greater I see myself, the less great I am. The lesser I see myself, the greater I become." It is extremely important to take the initiative to try to become proactive. By doing this, proactive individuals can kick off a whole proactive culture by working together to attain the shared values and ideals of all involved, whether it be in the workplace or in a more social or family environment. Listen to Your Language By thinking about the way you speak and listening to you language, you can determine how proactive a person you really are. As Covey says, people who have developed a reactive nature usually use words that free them from any responsibility.

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A proactive person might say, “Let us look at the alternatives” while a reactive person might say, “There is nothing I can do about it”. A reactive person may say, “There is nothing I can do” while a proactive person may say, “Let’s have a look at the alternatives”. A reactive person could say, “He makes me mad”, while a proactive person could say, “I am in control of my own feelings”. Get the picture? God created us with the power to make decisions, so why choose to not have a decision? Almighty Allah says what means, “And surely, We have created many of the jinn and mankind for Hell. They have hearts wherewith they understand not, they have eyes wherewith they see not, and they have ears wherewith they hear not (the truth). They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those! They are the heedless ones.” - Al-A‘râf, 7: 179 Why have the tendency to choose emotional paralysis or victimization? Reactive language then starts to control the psyche since it reinforces a person’s conditioned paradigms that they have no choice in the matter. External influences are blamed for the misery a person may be feeling inside and they feel mistreated and helpless to change their own circumstances. Almighty Allah says what means, “Read! In the Name of your Lord, Who has created (all that exists), Has created man from a clot. Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous, Who has taught (the writing) by the pen, (He) has taught man that which he knew not.” - Al-‘Alaq, 96:1-5 (this does not make sense to me at all…why do we want this quote here?)

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Circle of Concern/ Circle of Influence We all have concerns in our lives, from being able to afford to send our children to a decent school, how well we are doing in the workplace, to the state of our health and the politics of our country. Covey illustrates for us that the best way for us to separate the things that concern us from the things that have no particular emotional or physical impact on us is by creating a ‘Circle of Concern’ for ourselves, as illustrated below:

Circle of Concern

No Concern

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Within our Circle of Concern, there will be events that we really have no control over, for example, threat of war, and events that we can control, like making sure the kids are getting to school on time every day. In order to distinguish between the events that we can and cannot control, Covey suggests a circle within the circle, if you will, illustrating the events when can control. This is our Circle of Influence:

We can determine our level of proactivity by discovering in which sector we tend to focus our attention.

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Narrated Ibn Umar: I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "All of you are Guardians." Yunis said: Ruzaiq bin Hukaim wrote to Ibn Shihab while I was with him at Wadi-al-Qura saying, "Shall I lead the Jumua prayer?" Ruzaiq was working on the land (i.e farming) and there was a group of Sudanese people and some others with him; Ruzaiq was then the Governor of Aila. Ibn Shihab wrote (to Ruzaiq) ordering him to lead the Jumua prayer and telling him that Salim told him that Abdullah bin Umar had said, ‘I heard Allah's Apostle saying, “All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care. The Imam (i.e. ruler) is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband's house and is responsible for it. A servant is the guardian of his master's belongings and is responsible for them. I thought that he also said, “A man is the guardian of his father's property and is responsible for it. All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care.”’ -

Sahih Bukhari Book 13:18

The Q’uraan tells us that we are all responsible for the things that we have direct influence over. Covey tells us that if you are a proactive person you should be focusing your efforts on your Circle of Influence. By working on the aspects in your life that you can do something about, you create a more positive energy around you and your Circle of Influence expands. A reactive person tends to focus their efforts on the Circle of Concern, the things that cannot be altered and the things they have no control over. This focus diminishes one’s Circle of Influence due to the negative energy it creates. The negative energy occurs because their focus is on the external factors such as other peoples’ weaknesses and surrounding factors. This leads to pointing the finger and laying the blame on others. So you can see how important it is to work on the things that are within your reach and within your control.

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PROACTIVE FOCUS +where the positive energy expands+ +the Circle of Influence+

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Shaddâd bin Aws (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “A wise person is that who blames himself and concentrate in undertaking deeds that would benefit him in his life after death, while a deficient person is that who follows his vain desires while still wishing for goodness from Allah.” - At-Tirmidhy, Hadith no. 2383

REACTIVE FOCUS -where the negative energy reduces-the Circle of InfluenceBy working to try and accomplish change in the Circle of Concern, we drive those factors within it to control us because we are not taking the initiative to change the things that we are in control of.

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In some circumstances, some people’s Circle of Influence is larger than their Circle of Concern due to social stature or, particularly in the Middle East, family pressure and demand. This in turn causes the development of a more insular attitude, focusing directly on the Circle of Concern. In my opinion, this is caused most often when an individual has not been allowed to experience true independence and has leapt straight from the dependent stage to the independent stage. Families in the Middle East have a lamentable habit of not allowing their children full freedom, so there is a tendency for members of the family to stay in the parents’ home until they get married. This is not unique to women in the family. As such, they are expected to assume huge responsibility in the family, including taking care of the family business and making sure that potential husbands and wives of siblings are ‘suitable’ and so on before they have had the chance to assume responsibility for themselves. In Europe and America it is considered essential for elder children in the family to take the initiative to move out and start making a life for themselves as soon as they are able. In the Middle East they have yet to recognize the importance of becoming a self-reliant individual before contemplating an interdependent lifestyle.

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Proactive people always have a Circle of Concern that is at least as big as their Circle of Influence, according to Dr. Covey, and although they may have to prioritize, the feel responsible to use their influence effectively. Covey tells us that each person encounters problems in three main areas: Direct Control – the problems involving our own actions and behaviors Indirect Control – the problems involving other people’s actions and behaviors No Control – the problems we can do nothing about to solve, such as our past So, by placing these problems in our Circle of Influence, we can take the first steps to becoming more proactive. Direct Control problems are quite obviously within our Circle of Influence and are the ‘Private Victories’ of Habits 1, 2 & 3. The Indirect Control problems are solved by changing the way in which we deal with people and how people perceive our influence upon them. These are the ‘Public Victories’ of Habits 4, 5 & 6. Most people, after trying first to use reasoning in a situation, hit a brick wall within their minds if they find that the person will not listen to reasoning. So from that point they are prone to move onto the unsuccessful flight or flight. Well, you will be glad to know that there are many, many other ways of dealing with a situation that does not require any use of negative energies at all. No control needs a different approach that involves what I would like to call the ‘grin and bear it’ approach. You have no control over these problems, so you need to genuinely accept it and see that there is nothing you can do about. You need patience. Instead of expending all that energy concerning yourself with things that are beyond your control, think of how you could use that energy to increase your Circle of Influence. In Islam, these ‘no control’ issues are thought of as the issues designated to ‘fate’. There is nothing we can do about it, so we must show strength and patience. Almighty Allah says what means, “And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).” - Al-Baqarah, 2:155 It is refreshing to know that by having the ability to choose your response, we all have the power to influence the circumstance. By being proactive and working on ourselves, our Circle of Influence becomes larger and our character becomes more integrated simultaneously. The Prophet Muhammad lived his life according to the inside-out principle and look at the influence he had on the world. Fifteen-hundred years later and he has been acclaimed as the most influential man in history. Abdullah b. Mas'ud reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying, “Whom do you count as Raqub amongst you? They (his Companions) said: One who has

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no children (the children are born unto him but they do not survive). Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said: He is not a Raqub but Raqub is one who does not find his child as the forerunner (in Paradise). He then said: Whom do you count as a wrestler amongst you? We said: He who wrestles with persons. He said: No, it is not he but one who controls himself when in a fit of rage. - Sahih Muslim, Book 32: 28: 6311 What we must also remember always is that every response invokes a consequence. By thinking about the consequences, we can make a conscious decision to make a proactive response so that we can expect the quality of the consequence to reflect our response. To use Dr. Covey’s analogy, “When we pick up one end of the stick, we pick up the other”. So if we over-react in any given situation we must accept the consequences, and instead of allowing things to fester we must admit our mistakes immediately so that we may move on and empower ourselves once again. Almighty Allah says what means, “Every person is a pledge for what he has earned.” - Al-Muddathir, 74: 38 A very important ideal to attain to in becoming a proactive person is the ideal of keeping one’s promises and obligations to the best of your ability. By doing this you are invoking a sense of trust in others and this in turn widens your Circle of Influence. The following excerpt is taken from a story about the day that Abu Sufyan bin Harb, one of the Prophet’s adversaries, was called before Heraclius, who wanted to know more about the Prophet he had heard so much about: He said, ‘Are his followers increasing decreasing (day by day)?’ I replied, ‘They are increasing.’ He then asked, ‘Does anybody amongst those who embrace his religion become displeased and renounce the religion afterwards?’ I replied, ‘No.’ Heraclius said, ‘Have you ever accused him of telling lies before his claim (to be a Prophet)?’ I replied, ‘No.’ Heraclius said, ‘Does he break his promises?’ I replied, ‘No. We are at truce with him but we do not know what he will do in it.’ I could not find opportunity to say anything against him except that. Heraclius asked, ‘Have you ever had a war with him?’ I replied, ‘Yes.’ Then he said, ‘What was the outcome of the battles?’ I replied, ‘Sometimes he was victorious and sometimes we.’ Heraclius said, ‘What does he order you to do?’ I said, ‘He tells us to worship Allah and Allah alone and not to worship anything along with Him, and to renounce all that our ancestors had said. He orders us to pray, to speak the truth, to be chaste and to keep good relations with our Kith and kin.’ 1 1

If you would like to read the full story, please refer to Appendix I.

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- Sahih Bukhari, Book 01:01:06 As it can be seen, even the enemies of the Prophet Muhammad could not find negative things to say about him. He worked on himself and increased his Circle of Influence to such an extent that he had an affect on all that came into his company. He kept all commitments and was true to himself.

HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND Almighty Allah says what means, “And I (Allah) created not the jinn and humans except they should worship Me (Alone).” - Adh-Dhâriyât, 5:56 Almighty Allah says what means, “And whatever you have been given is an enjoyment of the life of (this) world and its adornment, and that (Hereafter) which is with Allah is better and will remain forever. Have you then no sense?” - Al-Qasas; 28:60 The Prophet Muhammad tells us that we need to realize the importance of becoming proactive before you get to the point where it is almost impossible, or in some cases, not at all possible for you to make the effort to change. The Prophet Muhammad warns us of seven instances that we should not allow ourselves to reach before becoming proactive: -

Absolute Poverty Great Wealth Old Age Terminal Illness Death Final Judgment Doomsday (TRANSLATE 7 INSTANCES!)

Absolute poverty denies us of our will and if you are unable to even feed yourself it can be very difficult to retrieve one’s self at that point. In Islam it is considered that there is a thin line between poverty and atheism (or poverty and loss of one’s inner self). By not having the basic provisions of life available in order to survive, and can be very difficult to try and find the will to survive. Extreme wealth has the ability to effect people in a negative way in that their ego can become so magnified that they think they can buy everything, happiness included. But as most of us know, happiness and peace with the inner self cannot be bought. In Islam, it is believed that people of extreme wealth should be pitied and not admired, because they have lost their inner being.

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By the time a person reaches Old Age, it is very difficult to start changing your approach in life, so the Prophet Muhammad urges us that we should start becoming proactive before you get to this stage. It is likewise if a person were to acquire some sort of Terminal Illness. If you have not become a proactive person and a physical disaster should affect you, it would be very hard to maintain a positive outlook. After Death, Final Judgment and Doomsday, you are no longer corporeal, or of this world, so it stands to reason that at this point, it is too late to become proactive. The entire meaning behind the quote, however, implies that you must always remember our position on this planet. We have only got a certain number of days on this planet and I am sure that each and every one of us would like to leave something positive behind. As such, it is essential to always begin with the end in mind. We should all have a clear vision of what we want to achieve and what our destination is. You cannot build a house without first drawing up the blueprints to know where all the rooms are going to be, where the walls will go and so on. It would be terribly unwise to try to make a shirt without a pattern. Why should your life be any different? When you begin with the end in mind, you start with an advantage because you gain a whole new perspective. This leads on to the principle that all things are created twice; the mental creation and the physical creation. You first conceive something and then you make it happen. Or, first, you ‘put it on paper’. Things are borne of thought, so mental creation precedes physical creation. We must realize the importance of the principle and take responsibility for both, for if we do not, we will soon diminish our Circle of Influence. It is true that although all things are created twice, not all things occur by conscious design. We must find ourselves responsible for the first creation, otherwise we find that we are allowing external factors and other people to shape our lives and form our first creation, which means that we end up leading most of our life by default. We live by other people’s agendas and we live within other people’s realities instead of our own. Your life then starts to be run according to other people’s standards and not according to principles. As humans, we have the unique characteristics of self-awareness, imagination, consciousness and human will, which allow us to become the master of our lives and take charge of the first creation. Covey tells us that Habit 2 is based on the principles of personal leadership. So, we can consider that leadership is the first creation and management the second creation, which will be covered in Habit 3. Before management must come leadership. “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right thing.” - Peter Drucker & Warren Bennis

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A manager does not question what he is doing; he just does what he is told to do in the right way. For example, especially here in the Middle East, people very often go to a school and study a particular subject according to their grades. They do not question if they are studying what they really want to study; instead that attend their classes and get the grades they should be getting then graduate and start work in the field of (quite often) their father’s work. Never did it occur to them to question if that was the right place for them to be. Never did they think they might be barking up the wrong tree. The person has become a victim of external influence and has permitted his life to be led according to someone else’s agenda. Leadership means that you are planning what you want to do, where you want to go and who you want to be with. What may most likely happen to the person in the example above, is that eventually he will turn around and look at his life and wonder what he is doing and how he got there. What he really wanted to do was be an artist, but now he is working in a huge corporate company and feeling lost and insecure. So, before we make our first steps towards our destination, we need to know where we are heading. If we do not know where we are heading, how will we know how to get there? It is expected that the path to our destination will have its ups and downs; its potholes and nice smooth parts, but the point is, regardless of how we get there we need to know what the destination is. Once we are secure in knowing what we want, we can be prepared for the ups and downs on the way, and no matter what the obstruction in our path, we will be able to find a way through. Almighty Allah says what means, “He grants Hikmah (wisdom) to whom He pleases, and he, to whom Hikmah is granted, is indeed granted abundant good. But none remember (will receive admonition) except men of understanding.” - Al-Baqarah, 3: 269 By looking into yourself and trying to live life according to your own agenda (and therefore God’s agenda), you are being proactive. In Islam God ingratiates you to be proactive and live life according to His basic principles. Why? Well, if you think in terms of the ultimate end, this is your death; Muslims believe that after death is the afterlife. This is your greatest target so one must think in terms of achieving admittance into heaven. All too often, people become trapped in the management paradigm of efficiency, control and regulations instead of direction, purpose and seeing (not just looking at) the other angles. The problem is that a person could be the most efficient manager in the world, but without knowing in which direction they should be going, they could be heading for the polar ice cap instead of the Caribbean.

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Rescripting We need to use the four basic endowments given to each and every one of us in order to be proactive and create a more accurate script that abides by our own personal desires. These four basic endowments as mentioned earlier, are: self-awareness, imagination, our conscience and our independent will. According to Islam these are the four basic endowments given to us by God. Our self-awareness allows us to look at ourselves and ask what it is that we really want to achieve. Our imagination provides us with the ability to visualize all our untapped potential that lies within us. Our conscience we can look at the fundamental principles and see how we can develop our own personal talents and resources according to our values. Our independent will is what pushes us to achieve our goals, so combining these endowments empowers us to start writing our own script. In fact, however, as we already are living with many scripts, it is more a process of ‘rescripting’ or paradigm shifting. We need to look at ourselves to discover our ineffective paradigms and work to replace them with more effective ones. All Muslims should start the day at the break of dawn with the first prayer (Salatul Shuruq). This affirms and reminds every Muslim of God and His principles by which we live, and from there a Muslim can continue the day knowing that decisions can be made with those principles in mind. The values in the heart are clear and any challenges can be faced with a clear mind. Covey as well advises that one should begin each day with one’s deepest values in mind, so that as challenges are faced, a person may make a decision based on those values. They can respond with integrity because their values are clear.ix Personal Mission Statement The Seven Habits advises us in order to make an effective plan for our lives, and rescript ourselves we should write a personal mission statement based on our vision and values. It is important that it focus on what we want to be and what we want to do. In other words, it needs to focus on how we want our character to evolve and what our contributions and achievements will be. Very importantly, it must include the values on which we work to achieve these things. You could say that the personal mission statement is somewhat like the Q’uraan, which is fundamentally changeless, and has not been changed at all since its first inscription 1400 years ago. The Q’uraan is the standard by which every good Muslim lives. It is the foundation and the hub of Islam which allows people to survive catastrophes that are beyond their control. The Q’uraan provides a solution for just about every problem in life. It is the standard by which all Muslims live and try to achieve and it is the absolute decree against which everything earthly is evaluated. It survives in its original form because it is based on the core principles that are unchangeable and this provides a

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comfortable security for all Muslims. Did you know that the Q’uraan is the book most committed to memory in the world today? It is an amazing feat that 15 million Muslims can recite the Q’uraan from memory! Your personal mission statement, then, is something that should be based on correct principles and should become the standard by which you live. Like the Q’uraan, it will empower you to make major, life-directing decisions and should invoke that same timeless strength while in the throes of change. My wife and I have taken quite some time to write our mission statement. It took a lot of introspection and sharing of ideas, and finally we managed to get into our mission statement everything we feel is important to us and God. We now have it hanging in our kitchen as a constant reminder to us of what we want to be: We will by God’s will be the best possible role models for our children by practicing with persistence the proper ethics and values dictated to us through the Principles of Life, so that our children may always look to us and find an honest and trustworthy reference. “And when Our clear revelations are recited unto them, they who look not for the meeting with Us say: Bring a Lecture other than this, or change it. Say (O Muhammad), ‘It is not for me to change it of my accord. I only follow that which is inspired in me. Lo! if I disobey my Lord I fear the retribution of an awful Day.’” -

Q’uraan X: 015

People must have a changeless core within them in order to have the ability to accept change. Without the security of being sure of your unchanging values, or God, or Buddah, or Allah or Yahweh residing within you it is impossible to come to terms with change. Almighty Allah says what means, “And to Allah belongs the Ghaib (unseen) of the heavens and the earth, and to Him return all affairs (for decision). So worship Him (O Muhammad, peace be upon him) and put your trust in Him.” -

Hûd, 11:123

Once you have obtained that sense of mission, you have captured the very essence of your own proactivity. You have established the vision and values that direct your life, and you have formed a plan that includes your personal direction and aspirations. You have the power of a personal constitution based on correct principles and you can always return to it to gauge how effectively you are using your time, your talents and your energies. At the Center

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So where does our vision come from? Our vision comes from our inner self and the values which reside therein. It comes from the very center of our Circle of Influence, says Covey. It is the nerve center of our being. It is here that we use all of our personal endowments to examine ourselves and ascertain if what is driving us is based on values that are based on principles and reality. It is here that we use our conscience to detect our own unique talents and it is here that we use our imagination to mentally foresee the end that we aspire to. It is also here that we can focus our efforts to achieve the most stunning results and discover, potentially the elusive key to true happiness. According to Covey, whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power. These for factors are not independent of each other; they are interdependent of each other.

(Security + Guidance = Wisdom) = Power When these four factors are present and work collectively, they create a balanced character and a wonderfully integrated human being. If one of the factors is weak, because they are all so interconnected in nature, it can cause a person to be less integrated. If you think of it as a chemical equation, then the weaker factor will make the whole equation weaker. Most of us do not have the perfectly balanced center, in fact, it would be egotistical to assume that it was something that was easy or common to achieve. Each of us has an alternative center which reflects on the outside and governs every aspect of our lives. These alternative centers affect each of the four factors in different ways, so you need to obtain a greater understanding of how you are affected by them. As Covey tells us: WORK CENTERED The Prophet said, “Verily Allah loves (most) that when anyone amongst you undertakes anything that he undertakes it as perfectly as it should be.” These people base their identity and self-worth on their ability in the workplace, so their sense of security is vulnerable to anything that prevents them from doing it. Their guidance is a function of the demands of work. Their wisdom and power are drawn only toward work effort, which makes them unproductive in other areas of life. MONEY CENTERED These people tend to put money at the forefront of their thought and put family or other priorities on the back burner, thinking that everyone will understand that making money to support the family comes first, so extreme and unnecessary neglect of other areas that need attention occurs. Almighty Allah says what means, “The life of this world is but play and pastime, but if you believe (in the Oneness of Allah, Islamic Monotheism), and fear Allah, and avoid evil, He will grant you your wages, and will not ask you.”

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- Muhammad, 47:36 The Q’uraan provides very specific details on how you should use money. The Prophet Muhammad knew the importance of respecting money to acquire one’s needs, but knew that you should not let it drive you. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Of the dinar you spend as a contribution in Allah's Path, or to set free a slave, or as a sadaqah (charity) given to a needy, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spent on your family.” SPOUSE CENTERED Being spouse centered means you are emotional dependent on your husband or wife. Guidance is based on the emotion of the moment. Wisdom and power are lost in counterdependent negative reactions. FAMILY CENTERED Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated, “When the verse that means, ‘And warn your nearest kindred (Ash-Shu‘arâ’, 26:214) was revealed, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) called the Quraish; so they gathered and he gave them a general warning. Then he made a particular (reference to certain tribes) and said, ‘O Banu Ka‘b bin Lu’ay, rescue yourselves from the Fire; O Banu Murrah bin Ka‘b, rescue yourselves from the Fire: O Banu ‘Abd Shams, rescue yourselves from the Fire; 0 Banu ‘Abd Manâf, rescue yourselves from the Fire; O Banu Hâshim, rescue yourselves from the Fire; O Banu ‘Abdul-Muttalib, rescue yourselves from the Fire; O Fâtimah, rescue yourself from the Fire, for I have no power (to protect you) from Allah in anything except this that I would sustain relationship with you.’” - Muslim, Hadith no. 303 The family in Islam is considered to be one of the most important units of interdependence in life. It is important that you see your family and try to help all the individuals within to accomplish a true and honest character. Family should never become an extension of your ego, to parade amongst others and exemplify what an outwardly ‘perfect’ unit you are. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated, “A man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘Your mother.’ The man said, ‘Who is next?’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘Your mother.’ The man further said, ‘Who is next?’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked for the fourth time, ‘Who is next?’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘Your father.’” - Al-Bukhâry, hadith no. 5514 (I think this is a nice quote, but I am not sure it is really apt for the book. Are we not supposed to be demonstrating equality of all humans – male, female, child, etc.? At this

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time, men were out and not taking so much part in family life, but Covey repeats throughout the book that all members of a family should take equal part in bringing up achild. What is the quote? “It is not what you do for your child, it is what you do with your child.”) As a center, it destroys the very elements essential for family success. People who are family centered get their feeling of security or personal worth from the family tradition or reputation. As such, they may tend to invest too much time in the ‘proper’ growth of their children and the way the family appears as a successful unit, as opposed to caring about what is really going on with the individuals within the unit. Due to this, it can cause the family to break apart as children lose faith and trust in their parents. POSSESSION CENTERED Possessions, whether material or intangible, quite often become the driving force of a person, but this is a fragile situation to be in as possessions can always disappear as quickly as they were acquired. PLEASURE CENTERED A close ally of possessions is that of fun and pleasure. If a person is pleasure centered, they try to find where they are going to get their next high from, and they live from one exciting moment to the next. But gradually, the person will come to realize that they have wasted their life and that all their talents remain dormant and unseen and their heart is unfulfilled. So then, there is no security, guidance, wisdom or power. FRIEND/ENEMY CENTERED Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “The man embraces the religion of his friend (resemble him very much). So choose your friends carefully.” - Ahmad, Hadith no. 7685 The Prophet Muhammad tells us that we are all affected by our friends to a certain extent, so you should make sure you choose the right friends. In any case, however, it is a mistake to make friends, whether singular or plural, the center of your life. Someone who is friend/enemy centered possesses no real security. Feelings of self-worth are in constant fluctuation and guidance comes from the person’s perception of how others will respond. The individual therefore has no power, while others pull the strings. CHURCH CENTERED Covey illuminates the Church centered individual, but since I am uncovering the ideals of Islam here, it is unnecessary for me to go into the details of someone who is Church centered. Islam does not possess the same hierarchical or social structure as the Christian faith, and in Islam as the very nature of our religion is a way of life and a way to reach one’s inner self, it would be wrong of me to draw an analogy here to Islam.

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SELF CENTERED In my opinion this is probably the worst center. There is little security, guidance, wisdom, or power in the limited center of self. One of the thongs the Prophet Muhammad really worked on was the dampening of the ego to release people from their own private prisons. Prayer was a way of reminding Muslims of how insignificant they were compared to the larger scheme of things. The old tribal ethic had been egalitarian; Arabs did not approve of the idea of monarchy and it was abhorrent to them to grovel on the ground like a slave. The prostrations, however, were designed to counteract the hard arrogance and self-sufficiency that was rapidly developing in Mecca at the time. The postures of their bodies would re-educate the Muslims, teaching them to lay aside their pride and selfishness, and recall that before God they were nothing. Asmâ’ Bint Umais Al-Khath‘amiyyah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “How a miserable servant is one who feels himself superior to others, and forgets the Greatest and Most Sublime One (Allah); How a miserable servant is the one who transgresses all bounds and considers not the Highest Compeller (Allah); How a miserable servant is the one who forgets (the hereafter) and forgets death and tombs; How a miserable servant is the one who spreads evil, forgetting his beginning and end; How a miserable servant is the one who sells his religion for some worldly benefits; How miserable is the one who distorts his religion by following the doubtful matters; How a miserable servant is the one who is led by his greediness; How a miserable servant is the one who follows his whims; How a miserable servant is the one who is humiliated by his vain desires.” - At-Tirmidhy, Hadith no. 2372 Self centered, however, does not have to be taken in the negative sense. If you are self centered in the respect that you are paying attention to the positive development of yourself by improving your ability produce, serve and contribute your assets in life, this can give rise to spectacular increase in the four factors. From here, Covey tells us that it is important to identify our own center. More often than not, we will discover that our center is usually a combination of these and/or other centers (the centers illustrated above are the main centers by which most people are governed and are by no means all the centers that influence us). Due to this, we are constantly in a state of flux. Ideally, we need to discover one clear center from which we can derive our security, guidance, wisdom and power from to empower our proactive instinct and provide harmony within every aspect of life.

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Principle Center If we center our lives on the Principles of Life, we can achieve a firm foundation on which to grow the four life-support factors. By centering our lives on ageless and fixed principles we create a fundamental paradigm for us to live effectively. This is the center that puts all other centers into place. Almighty Allah says what means, “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our Paths (i.e. Allah’s Religion - Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allah is with the Muhsinûn (good doers)” -

Al-‘Ankbût; 29: 69

Writing and Using the Personal Mission Statement Once we start to discover who we really are by delving deep inside our inner self, we can start to uncover and realign our paradigms and bring them into agreement with the Natural Laws. Then, as proactive individuals we can begin to breathe life into what we want to be and do in our lives. Covey tells us that a mission statement is not something you write in a day. It takes deep thought, reflection and introspection and many rewrites before you reach your final draft. Even after you think you have finished your private constitution, you will find that as you grow and learn more about yourself and your internal mechanism, you will feel the need to make minor changes to it. The Seven Habits tells us that it is important that we use the whole brain when we write our statement. The left hemisphere of our brain is the logical, analytical side, while the right side is the creative, emotional side so in order to really write a fully rounded constitution for ourselves, we must use all of ourselves. Covey illustrates in detail how we can tap into the right side of our brain, which is generally the lesser used, and I would suggest you practice using the techniques described in his book. You would be surprised what powers can be unleashed.

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HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “If the time of the Hour become due while one of you is having a (shoot) palm and he has ability to plant it, let him do so.” - Ahmad, Hadith no. 12512 Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least (Goethe) THE PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL MANAGEMENT Habit 3 is the practical fulfillment of Habits 1 and 2.x Habit 1 tells us that we are the programmer. We are the ones in control of our lives. Habit 2 tells us we need to write the program. We need to determine our goals. Habit 3 tells us we need to apply the program. We need to run the software. Habit 3 cannot be utilized without first performing Habits 1 and 2. There is no possible way that a person can become principle centered if they do not even know what the concept of being proactive is. Equally, a person cannot become principle centered without being aware of your personal paradigms and understanding how to change them to bring them into line with principles. You can no less become principle centered if you do not possess a vision and a focus on what contribution you can make in the world. With the foundations of Habits 1 and 2, however, you can become that principle centered person every day of the year by practicing what Dr. Covey calls effective self management. As we learnt in Habit 2, management is quite different from leadership; it is doing things right while leadership is doing the right thing. Management then is the analysis, the sequencing and the application of performing effectively. Management is the left brain aspect, while leadership involves the more creative right brain. Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, “Allah said, 'Spend (O man), and I shall spend on you.” He also said, “Allah's Hand is full, and (its fullness) is not affected by the continuous spending night and day.” He also said, “Do you see what He has spent since He created the Heavens and the Earth? Nevertheless, what is in His Hand is not decreased, and His Throne was over the water; and in His Hand there is the balance whereby He raises and lowers (people).” - Volume 6, Book 60: 206: The endowment of independent will is what really makes effective self-management achievable. This endowment, a gift from God, is truly an incredible thing. Due to our will, we have the ability to defeat all odds and rise up above seemingly extraneous circumstances, triumphant. Integrity measures the degree to which we have developed our independent will. It is our ability to make and keep commitments to ourselves; to ‘practice what we preach’, if you will, in other words walk your talk.

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Effective management is putting first things first. You must prioritize and discipline yourself. The word discipline, in fact, derives from the word disciple. The dictionary definition of disciple is ‘a follower of the doctrines of a teacher or a school of thought’. Therefore, if you have become an effective manager of the self, your discipline is coming from within because you are following the principles that are governing your paradigms. You have developed the will to not allow your moods and impulses affect your overall capacity to be effective. Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, ‘Allah said: “The son of Adam hurts Me by abusing Time, for I am Time; in My Hands are all things and I cause the revolution of night and day.”’ - Volume 9, Book 93: 583 In order to manage yourself effectively, you must prioritize and allocate time accordingly. Covey tells us that there are four generations of time management that progressively increase your level of productivity as you achieve them. The first generation could be thought of as checklists, notes and the like that remind you that you have demands on your time. There are things that need to get done! The second generation could be characterized by calendars and appointment books. This stage shows an attempt to look ahead, schedule events and think about activities that you are planning for in the future. The third generation characterizes the current time management field. This is when you start to prioritize, assess the values and calculate the comparative worth of activities based upon their relationship to those values. It also focuses on setting goals and includes the concept of daily planning, of making specific plans to accomplish those aims and activities that are of greatest value. The problem with third generation planning, though, is that there becomes a lack of spontaneity in life, which is required to a certain extent to provide richness in life. Now we come to the fourth generation which tells us that it is not in fact time that we should be managing, but ourselves. Satisfaction is a function of expectation as well as realization. Both expectation and satisfaction lie in our Circle of Influence. Fourth generation expectations focus on preserving and enhancing relationships and on accomplishing results. In other words, fourth generation management focuses on maintaining the P/PC balance. I will not go in depth here on the details of Covey’s model of the time management matrix, but will instead leave that in his capable hands. I will, however, devote some time to briefly illustrate his ideas. The time management matrix is split into four quadrants and can be seen below:

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In simple terms, we spend our time in one of four different ways. Some of our activities require our urgent attention and others are not urgent in the least. People are usually blatantly aware of urgent situations; the doorbell ringing for example. Importance, on the other hand, has to do with results. If something is important, it contributes to our mission, values and high priority goals. So in brief, what Covey is telling us is that no matter what your are doing in life, whether you are a professor, teacher, housewife, student, sportsperson, and so on, if you ask yourself which of your activities lies in Quadrant II then become proactive and chase after those activities, your effectiveness would increase exponentially. You would start to be able to handle crises more easily because you would find that they would significantly diminish, and you would find that less crises would develop because you had tackled the issue before it became critical. One massive dilemma I have experienced time and again in my own country, Egypt, is that far too many Egyptians seem to be incapable of using the word ‘no’. ‘I can’t do it’ simply is not in the vocabulary. As a result, business dealings can be terribly frustrating at times because they affirm that they have the capability and the time to do things. Instead of making their lives easier, as well as the lives of the people they are doing business with, they end up taking on far too much work then cannot get it all done in time. They are living in a permanent crisis situation. According to Dr. Covey, a person must be proactive to work on Quadrant II since Quadrants III and IV are working on you. You must learn to prioritize and learn when to say ‘no’ to some activities. Quadrant II is at the core of managing yourself effectively and as such you need to find a tool that will relocate you into Quadrant II. Covey gives you some excellent tools that can help you on your way to becoming an effective self-manager and having tested them myself I thoroughly suggest reading through them and trying to incorporate them into your day-to-day living. In short, effective time management is accomplished through effective weekly management and by assimilating this into your long-term goals and your values you will be able to upgrade your effectiveness unrecognizably.

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To function at our highest efficiency level, it is important to delegate to other people or to time. This increases our effectiveness and our efficiency respectively. By doing this, it frees up time for us to dedicate to other important activities. This increases both the P and the PC.xi Using Covey’s model of the difference between the role of manager and independent producer, a producer will do whatever is necessary to accomplish the required results, in other words, to get the golden eggs. When that producer starts to work with a system, using other people to get golden eggs, they then become a manager. Producers can invest an hour of effort to produce one unit of results with no loss of efficiency, however, a manager can invest one hour of effort and produce ten-fold, as an example, through delegating effectively. The diagrams overleaf best describe this proposal:

PLEASE INSERT DIAGRAMS HERE

According to the Seven Habits, there are two types of delegation: ‘gofer delegation’ and ‘stewardship delegation’. Gofer delegation involves ordering people to do things. The problem with gofer delegation is that it does not put any imaginative demand on the people who are being ordered. This is not a particularly empowering approach and, on top of it, could give the delegated a diminished sense of self. Stewardship delegation, on the other hand, focuses on the results as opposed to how it is going to get done, so you basically allow the person to use their own imagination to get the job done in their most efficient manner. After all, as long as the report is on your desk

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at the time you said you wanted it there, it shouldn’t really matter what methods were used. Stewardship delegation requires that you clarify expectations in five areas: _Desired Results. In other words, what needs to be accomplished. _Guidelines. Here it is important that when giving guidelines you emphasize what not to do as much as possible to prevent falling into the ‘gopher mentality. _Resources. It is always helpful to give the person ideas for resources to help them get the job done efficiently and well. This includes human, financial, technical and organizational resources. _Accountability. Establish standards of performance that will be used in evaluation and set the deadline. _Consequences. What will happen based on the work that has been done. Narrated 'Umar bin Al-Khattab: People were (sometimes) judged by the revealing of a Divine Inspiration during the lifetime of Allah's Apostle but now there is no longer any more (new revelation). Now we judge you by the deeds you practice publicly, so we will trust and favor the one who does good deeds in front of us, and we will not call him to account about what he is really doing in secret, for Allah will judge him for that; but we will not trust or believe the one who presents to us with an evil deed even if he claims that his intentions were good. - Volume 3, Book 48: 8 ibn abbas narrated”when the prophet sent mu’adh to yemen, he said (to him).”You are going to people of a (divine) book.First of all invite them to worship Allah(alone)and when they come to know Allah , inform them that allah has enjoined on them five prayers inevery day and night; and if they start offering these prayers, inform them that allah has enjoinedon them the Zakah(obligatory charity). And it is to be taken from the rich amongst them to be given to the poor amongst them, and if they obey you in that, take zakah from them and avoidthe best property of the people as zakah” bukhary hadith no.1365. *** Here it shows that the prophet did use the stewardship style, he taught principles more than practices, really invested time to develop his friends who in terms carried his message throughout the world. By putting your trust in someone and allowing them to believe that you think they have the ability to carry out a task without being incessantly monitored invokes the highest level of human motivation, and brings out the very best in people. It empowers them to take initiative allows a person’s creative skills to develop. To build up a level of trust, however, takes time and energy, but it certainly pays off in the end. I have seen it myself and it is immensely satisfactory to watch a person grow in this manner.

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Prophet Muhammad always urged his friends to think and initiate through consulting them a giving them corrective feedback. PART 3: PUBLIC VICTORY Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated, “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘The signs of a hypocrite are three: (i) Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; (ii) whenever he promises, he always breaks it (his promise); and (iii) If you trust him, he proves to be dishonest, (If you keep something as a trust with him, he will not return it.)’” - Al-Bukhâri, Hadith no. 32 Chronic versus acute Pain that we suffer due to wrong doings in our inside disregard of habit 1, 2 and 3 or pain caused by our selves is the chronic pain. Pain that we live with, thus, we don’t try to cure or walk on, we tend to only tackle the headache not the tooth causing the headache. Acute pain (Headache) which is caused by others needs to be tackled right away forgetting the real problem is within us a covey says:” Its not what people do to us that hurts, its how we take it that hurts us “ Ibn El Qayem (Islamic Scholar) divided the heart disease into two kinds: The chronic disease: He mentioned that this type of disease doesn’t cause instant pain but rather an ongoing chronic pain caused by …….” The Instant Disease: Is that sadness of sadness, fury/rage and melancholy ‫غم و غيظ‬ Paradigms of Interdependence Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said, “Beware of suspicion, for it is the worst of false tales and don't look for the others’ faults and don't spy and don't hate each other, and don't desert (cut your relations with) one another. O Servants of Allah! Be brothers.’” - Al-Bukhâry, Hadith no. 6229 Abdullâh bin Al-Hârith bin Juz narrated, “Never did I see any one smile more than the Prophet.” - At-Tirmidhy, Hadith no. 3574 If we remember what has been said already, we can recall that effective interdependence can only be built on a solid base of independence. The most important aspect of any of our interactions with people is not what we say or do, but what we are. So if what we are saying and doing are not in harmony with what we are, then this duplicity can be sensed and real interdependence cannot be sustained.

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The Emotional Bank Account Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Do you know who is broke? They (the Companions of the Prophet) said, ‘The broke man amongst us is the one who has neither dirham nor any property with him.’ He (the Prophet) said, ‘The broke of my nation would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers, fasts and Zakâh, but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others and brought calumny against others; unlawfully consumed the wealth of others, shed the blood of others and beat others. His virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his (the victim’s) sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the HellFire.’” - Muslim, Hadith no. 4678 In Islam, God is the all powerful and all knowing. We must always be aware of God’s Word and live by His principles. By doing this, we can make deposits into His Emotional Bank Account, which you will later learn, can be a form of spiritual renewal. But he tells us that we must always try and do good deeds and act in accordance with the Natural Laws. We must always make deposits into other peoples’ accounts. Almighty Allah says what means, “Not a word does he (or she) utter, but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it).” - Qâf, 50: 18 The most important account is between you and God in Islam. Naturally, if you are not making frequent deposits into His account, you are not acting according to the basic principles. In Islam we believe that God is always watching us and we will always be held accountable for the right things we do and the wrong things we do; for no matter whom on earth does or does not see your actions, God is the one that sees it all. In my humble opinion, I believe this concept is a stroke of genius and I take my hat off to Dr. Covey for this metaphor. An Emotional Bank Account is basically the amount of trust that has been built up in a relationship. In other words, it defines how safe you feel emotionally with another human being. By being kind, generous and courteous towards another human being, for example, I make deposits in their Emotional Bank account and build up a reserve. I am basically increasing the wealth. That person starts to trust me more. Even if I make mistakes and small withdrawals are made, if I have made enough deposits, it will compensate for them. Once the trust account reaches a high level, communication becomes effortless and effectual. True interdependent communication is achieved, leading the way to a wholesome and highly fulfilling relationship. If I have a tendency, however, of being discourteous, rude, disrespectful, mean, unresponsive or in any way reflective of negative behavior, the Emotional bank account will eventually become overdrawn and the level of trust becomes very low.

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Our most constant relationships, such as those which we have with our spouse or partner, require the most constant deposits so it is essential that we always pay attention to the smaller details in life. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever amongst you has ability to benefit his brother (Muslim fellow), let him do so.” - Muslim, Hadith no. 4077 The intention of this above quote is not merely to tell a Muslim to help his fellow people on a physical or material level, but also from an emotional or spiritual level. There are six major deposits that build up the Emotional Bank Account, according to Dr. Covey: Understanding the Individual “He granteth wisdom to whom He pleaseth; and he to whom wisdom is granted receiveth indeed a benefit overflowing; but none will grasp the Message but men of understanding.” - Q’uraan II: 269 You must really seek to understand the individual in order to have the ability to make any deposit in their account. It stands to reason that if you do not understand the needs of the person, there is no way you can possibly know what would be considered a deposit and what would be considered a withdrawal from their standpoint. For example, perhaps you are having lunch with a money-centered person. You forget your wallet and ask him if he wouldn’t mind paying for lunch. You tell him you will pay him back the next time you see him but you forget. Maybe to you this incident is not a big deal. To him, it may be a huge withdrawal and something he will never forget. So you must try to become aware of how people are. We must not forget that not everyone has the same outlook and ideals as ourselves. Once a person feels that you understand them, it makes a huge deposit into their account and from there the trust starts to build. Understanding the way of God is the greatest deposit you can do for yourself. Attending to the Little Things The Prophet said, “Let anyone amongst you who loves his brother (Muslim fellow) inform him of that.” - At-Tirmidhy, Hadith no. 2314 Simple and Clear! People often forget about these little kindnesses and courtesies, especially as a relationship starts to mature (from a timeframe point of view). It often occurs that people start taking those that are close to them for granted, and forget to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’.

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Abu Dharr reported, ‘The Messenger of Allah said to me, “Don't belittle (or consider insignificant) any act of goodness, however small, even if it is that you meet your brother with a cheerful countenance.”’ - Muslim, Hadith no. 4760 This is more important within marriage than in any other relationship and you would be surprised at what a difference it makes. As Covey says, the little things are the big things. If you neglect the little things you will find you are making huge withdrawals and from there it takes some time to build up your deposits again. The Prophet Muhammad was well aware of this and he made a point of mentioning time and again that a good Muslim should always look out for and attend to the ones closest to them: Narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed a single one of them”. Allah's Apostle cast a look at him and said, "Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully." - Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73: 26 All relationships need planting of deposits to grow healthy, “What you plant is what you harvest “, if you plan onions don’t expect cherries!! The only natural relationship by God’s will is that of a mother to a child where as soon as he is born ( He as if the child has made a billion dollar deposit to his mother unlike a father where deposits must be constantly made for the relationship to sustain . As covey mentions a father to son dialogue especially during the teenage period is mostly, “Clean up your room”, “Comb your hair”, “Don’t be late….etc.” daily withdrawals with no deposits to balance. Keeping Commitments Anas bin Mâlik (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to say in every sermon “There is no religion to the one who has no trust and there is no religion to the one who has no pact.” - Ahmad, Hadith no. 11935 Breaking a commitment or a promise is a huge withdrawal while keeping a commitment or a promise is a huge deposit. Apparently, there is no bigger withdrawal we can make by making a promise to someone that is important to them then breaking it. This is particularly true with children. The Prophet knew that by not upholding your integrity in the face of children, those children could grow up with an inherent lack of trust for those around him: Abdullah bin ‘Âmir narrated, “One day, while the Messenger of Allah was sitting in our house, my mother called me and said, ‘Come here and I shall give you something.’ The

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Messenger of Allah asked her, ‘What did you intend to give him?’ She replied, ‘I intended to give him some dates.’ The Messenger of Allah said, ‘If you were not to give him anything, a lie would be recorded against you.’” - Abu Dawûd, Hadith no. 4339 Ibn ‘Abbâs (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet said, “Do not dispute with your brother (Muslim fellow), nor joke with him (in a manner that may harm him) nor breach your promise to him.” - At-Tirmidhy: 1918 Almighty Allah says what means, “O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allâh that you say that which you do not do.” - As-Saf: 2-3 Clarifying Expectations Narrated by Anas, this quote gives us some insight into the importance the Prophet Muhammad placed on delivering with clarity his word: “Whenever the Prophet spoke a sentence (said a thing), he used to repeat it thrice so that the people could understand it properly from him and whenever he asked permission to enter, (he knocked the door) thrice with greeting.” - Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 3: 95 Narrated by Ibn Abu Mulaika: “Whenever Aisha (the wife of the Prophet) heard anything which she did not understand, she used to ask again till she understood it completely. Aisha said: ‘Once the Prophet said, “Whoever will be called to account (about his deeds on the Day of Resurrection) will surely be punished.” I said, “Doesn't Allah say: “He surely will receive an easy reckoning.” (84.8) The Prophet replied, “This means only the presentation of the accounts but whoever will be argued about his account, will certainly be ruined.”’ - Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 3: 103 It is extremely important that when anyone has to deal with a new situation, they lay all their cards out on the table and clarify what all their aspirations and expectations. Because people often assume, for some unfathomable reason, that the people on the other side of the table will ‘pick up’ or understand what exactly your expectations are without having to convey them, negative situations often arise due to having crossed wires. People do not automatically understand and they cannot possibly be expected to since the only one who can ever truly understand your point of view is…you! Thus you should feel obliged to make an attempt to allow others to understand what it is you are really expecting from them. This involves communication and explanation. Of course, this takes more time and effort than just assuming the other party knows what you want, but in the end, it will all be worth the effort. Not only will it be much more efficient, but it will save a lot of anguish and annoyance down the road. If there is not a complete understanding,

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when things start getting confusing, people have a habit of becoming defensive and emotionally involved. Small misunderstandings become wide chasms of intolerance and annoyance, which leads to a complete communication meltdown. To clarify one’s expectations is not an easy thing to do, and even if wide chasms do open up between people, they often hope that by burying the offending topic, things will be okay. But the fact of the matter is, the more you bury, the higher the pile, and pretty soon it is going to overflow and you will burst. One thing God did to us clearly was clarify his expectations from us through Holy books and Prophets. Showing Personal Integrity Narrated by Abu Said Al-Khudri: “Ali bin Abi Talib sent a piece of gold not yet taken out of its ore, in a tanned leather container to Allah's Apostle. Allah’s Apostle distributed that amongst four Persons: ‘Uyaina bin Badr, Aqra bin Habis, Zaid Al-Khail and the fourth was either Alqama or Amir bin At Tufail. On that, one of his companions said, ‘We are more deserving of this (gold) than these (persons).’ When that news reached the Prophet , he said, ‘Don't you trust me though I am the trustworthy man of the One in the Heavens, and I receive the news of Heaven (i.e. Divine Inspiration) both in the morning and in the evening?’ There got up a man with sunken eyes, raised cheek bones, raised forehead, a thick beard, a shaven head and a waist sheet that was tucked up and he said, ‘O Allah's Apostle! Be afraid of Allah.’ The Prophet said, ‘Woe to you! Am I not of all the people of the earth the most entitled to fear Allah?’ Then that man went away. Khalid bin Al-Wahd said, ‘O Allah's Apostle! Shall I chop his neck off?’ The Prophet said, ‘No, for he may offer prayers.’ Khalid said, ‘Numerous are those who offer prayers and say by their tongues (i.e. mouths) what is not in their hearts.’” - Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 59: 638 Without Personal Integrity, there can be no trust. If you do not really mean the things you say; if you are just pulling the strings of graciousness without really believing what you are saying, deposits will never be made into the other person’s account because there is no integrity with which to back it all up. “Lo! those who believe and do good works, their place of entertainment shall be the Gardens of Paradise.” - Q’uraan 18: 107 Covey puts it in a nutshell for us: “Honesty is telling the truth - in other words, conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words - in other words, keeping promises and fulfilling expectations.”xii As is said to us in every religion in the world, you must treat everyone by the same set of principles, which at the end of the day, is most likely how you would like to be treated yourself. By treating people in different ways, you are undermining your own personal integrity. If you gossip about someone behind their back, the person to whom you are

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gossiping will be weary of telling you anything about themselves. You may think you are gaining favor, but you are not. They will be wondering if you might turn around d and do the same thing to them. Of course, by being honest and forthright, you would be taking a leap of faith. People are generally not used to such upfront candor, but in the end, people will grow to appreciate the quality and will turn to you before they turn to anyone else. Narrated by Abu Bakra: ‘Allah's Apostle said thrice, “Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?” We said, “Yes, O Allah's Apostle”. He said, “To join partners in worship with Allah: to be undutiful to one's parents.” The Prophet sat up after he had been reclining and added, “And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false witness; I warn you against giving a forged statement and a false witness.” The Prophet kept on saying that warning till we thought that he would not stop.’ - Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73: 7 Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal Narrated by Said bin Jubair: ‘AbdurRahman bin Abza said, “Ask Ibn 'Abbas about these two Q’uraanic Verses: “Nor kill such life as Allah has made sacred, except for just cause.” (25.168) “And whoever kills a believer intentionally, his recompense is Hell.” (4.93) So I asked Ibn 'Abbas who said, “When the Verse that is in Sura-al-Furqan was revealed, the pagans of Mecca said, ‘But we have slain such life as Allah has made sacred, and we have invoked other gods along with Allah, and we have also committed fornication.” So Allah revealed: “Except those who repent, believe, and do good.” (25.70) So this Verse was concerned with those people. As for the Verse in Surat-an-Nisa (4.93), it means that if a man, after understanding Islam and its laws and obligations, murders somebody, then his punishment is to dwell in the (Hell) Fire forever.” Then I mentioned this to Mujahid who said, “Except the one who regrets (one's crime).”’ - Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58: 194 The importance of knowing when you have done wrong and admitting to it is exemplified in the teaching of the Q’uraan over and over again. Granted, the quote I have given above is an extreme example, but the idea is that no matter how great the withdrawal, and in a sense, the greater the withdrawal, the more important it is to repent, or in less theological terms, apologize. We must be aware of our mistakes and make sure that the other party is aware that we are aware of this. God knew how important this is and made it clear to us that if we do something wrong, then realize it and repent (apologize to God), He will accept our apologies if they are sincere. God promises us that if we repent and are sincere, he will turn all our bad deeds into good deeds. Umar Khattab once said he was the one who had the greatest number of good deeds to his name, because he was the one with the most bad deeds to his name and he turned to God and asked forgiveness. Almighty Allah says what means, “Accept those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”’

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- Al-Furqân, 25:70 If we were to take action, be proactive, and apologize as soon as we had overreacted, or lost our temper, or any one of a million other things, we could be surprised that a potentially huge withdrawal would turn into a large deposit. Many people, however, find it remarkably difficult to utter these simple words and mean it. Only a fully integrated character can find an instant apology borne of absolute sincerity from one’s heart; and a fully integrated character finds its security in its values, which could only be derived from fundamental principles. The sign of faith is to stick to telling the truth even if it would harm you and keep away from telling a lie even if it would benefit you. Another sign is to have one’s deeds better than one’s speech and to fear Allah when talking about others. Diagram of a bank account

Laws of Love and the Laws of Life Almighty Allah says what means, “And when they are angry, they forgive.” - Ash-Shûrâ; 42:37 Covey tells us that by loving someone unconditionally, this is perhaps the greatest deposit a person can make. It builds trust in the other towards you and as such, develops a bond between you that is out of this world. If a person knows that, whatever they have done, they will be able to turn to you and you will counsel them without reproach, they will feel a sense of absolute security, which in turn can affirm their own sense of integrity, worth and identity. By making it easy for a person to be honest with you, you make it easier for that person to reaffirm themselves in the Laws of Life and develop a principle-centered character. P Problems are PC Opportunities If you have developed a principle-centered character and you have the ability to direct yourself with honesty and integrity, Covey tells us that every P problem is a PC opportunity. In other words, every situation, if dealt with in a correct manner, can evolve into an opportunity to increase the trust coefficient and increase PC. The Habits of Interdependence Narrated by Abu Musa: That when Allah's Apostle sent him and Mu'adh bin Jabal to Yemen, he said to them, “Facilitate things for the people (treat the people in the most agreeable way), and do not

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make things difficult for them, and give them glad tidings, and let them not have aversion (i.e. to make the people hate good deeds) and you should both work in cooperation and mutual understanding, obey each other.” - Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73: 145 Now that the idea of emotional withdrawals and deposits has been established, it is now time to look at the habits of Public Victory and what the Q’uraan has to say to us about living interdependently in a truly effective manner. As I mentioned earlier in the book, Islam’s very foundations are of interdependent nature. The Prophet Muhammad’s first action was to form a completely interdependent society that could rely whole-heartedly on one another without second thought. It will soon become apparent that in order to achieve a solution where both parties come out on the winning side, or to have the ability to use personality-based techniques, the character must be firmly rooted in the principles paradigm…

HABIT 4:Think Win/ Win The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever amongst you has ability to benefit his brother (Muslim fellow), let him do so.” - Sahih Muslim, Hadith no. 4077) Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor, the moment you step from independence into interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role. You are in a position of influencing other people. And the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is Think Win/Win. Six Paradigms of Human Interaction Narrated by Uqba:

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One day the Prophet went out and offered the (funeral) prayer for the people (i.e. martyrs) of Uhud as he used to offer a funeral prayer for any dead person, and then (after returning) he ascended the pulpit and said, “I am your predecessor before you, and I am a witness upon you, and I am looking at my Tank just now, and I have been given the keys of the treasures of the world (or the keys of the world). By Allah, I am not afraid that you will worship others besides Allah after me, but I am afraid that you will compete with each other for (the pleasures of) this world.” - Bukhari: Volume 5, Book 59: 411 According to Covey, Win/ Win is not a quick-fix personality based solution to get what you want; it is an ideology of the way humans interact with each other. There are six paradigms in total, which are: _win/win _lose/lose _win/lose _win _lose/win _win/win or no deal Win/Win To achieve Win/Win, it is important that both parties see that it is not my way or your way; it is the better way. In other words, as the words ‘win-win’ imply, both parties stand to benefit from the interaction. It implies that a decision can be reached where both parties are in agreement and both feel equally committed to carrying the plan out to the end. What does it really mean to be a Muslim? Muslims believe that the most important thing is to ensure that all other Muslims should benefit equally. The Q’uraan speaks to us of the unification of the whole of human life. This meant that all societies and individuals within those societies should be submitting to God’s will. By submitting to God’s will, we are able to see that God had provided enough for everyone in this life. We do not have to gain at the expense of others. We can work together as a united front to arrive at a solution where we both stand to gain. The most important aspect about Win/Win is the idea that there is enough for everyone. We are not living in a world where someone has to lose out and there is no need for competition. It means that there is always another solution to make something work out for the good of both parties; there is always another way to tackle a problem. Win/Lose Narrated by Al-Miswar bin Makhrama: That ‘Amr bin Auf, who was an ally of Bani ‘Amir bin Luai and one of those who fought at Badr in the company of the Prophet , said, “Allah's Apostle sent Abu ‘Ubaida bin AlJarrah to Bahrain to bring the Jizya taxation from its people, for Allah’s Apostle had made a peace treaty with the people of Bahrain and appointed Al-‘Ala’ bin Al-Hadrami as their ruler. So, Abu 'Ubaida arrived with the money from Bahrain. When the Ansar heard of the arrival of Abu 'Ubaida (on the next day) they offered the morning prayer with the Prophet and when the morning prayer had finished, they presented themselves before him. On

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seeing the Ansar, Allah's Apostle smiled and said, “I think you have heard that Abu ‘Ubaida has brought something?” They replied, “Indeed, it is so, O Allah's Apostle!" He said, "Be happy, and hope for what will please you. By Allah, I am not afraid that you will be poor, but I fear that worldly wealth will be bestowed upon you as it was bestowed upon those who lived before you. So you will compete amongst yourselves for it, as they competed for it and it will destroy you as it did them.” - Bukhari Volume 5, Book 59: 35 People often think of things in terms of win/lose. “There is not enough to go around, and if I win, you gotta lose; and I am not going to be the one to lose.” People thinking in terms of the win/lose paradigm tend to gain their emotional security from having power over others. They are in a constant comparison battle of who has done better and who has achieved more. These people do not think in terms of their own private victories; they care about how much more they have achieved compared to everyone around them. Granted, there are situations in life that demand a win/lose paradigm, such as participation in sporting events and competitions labeled as such. But in general, life is all about living interdependently with others, so the win/lose paradigm becomes moot and wasteful when trying to achieve cooperation. Lose/Win The lose/win paradigm turns the win/lose paradigm on its head, and people who think in accordance with the lose/win paradigm basically are saying, “Okay, you take that and leave me with nothing. That’s okay, as long as you are happy, I don’t mind.” These types of people seek favor and popularity by being the nice guy; by giving in and letting the other party win. The most severe disadvantage of looking at things through this paradigm is that many unresolved feelings and emotions are buried deep within the mind and eventually, these feelings will resurface to cause all kinds of mental instabilities later in life. These people will start to become emotionally hotwired and seemingly small incidents of provocation may spark a fury of emotion that relates to all the stored defeats of the past. Lose/Lose The lose/lose paradigm occurs when people become so obsessed with personal revenge or the like, that they are so determined to undermine, or even ruin, the other person, they will do anything within their power to ensure the other party loses. I like to call it the ‘cut off your nose to spite your face’ paradigm. As Covey says, lose/lose is the philosophy of war and battle, as well as the philosophy of people with no inner confidence who rely entirely on other people. Narrated by ‘Aisha: Whenever Allah's Apostle was given the choice of one of two matters, he would choose the easier of the two, as long as it was not sinful to do so, but if it was sinful to do so, he would not approach it. Allah's Apostle never took revenge (over anybody) for his own

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sake but (he did) only when Allah's Legal Bindings were outraged in which case he would take revenge for Allah's Sake. - Sahih Bukhari Vol. 4, Book 56: 760 A clear example of a lose/lose mentality is obviously satin. Win The win paradigm implies that all a person is thinking about is how to get what he or she wants. It does not really matter what everyone else wants and it is up to them to get what they want. “As long as I have got what I want, who cares if they haven’t got what they want?” Which Option is Best? Well, nobody can tell you which option is best and it will always depend on the particular circumstance you find yourself in. As Dr. Covey says, you must use your insight to read the situation and decide for yourself what the best option would be. Once you are aware of the fact that there are other ways to look at a situation instead of using the same paradigm that you have been scripted to use in every situation all the time, you have the luxury of being able to use your self-awareness to examine the situation and apply one of the six paradigms of human interaction to achieve a most effective outcome. It is true, however, that most interdependent situations in life should be looked at from one of the win/win paradigms. Messenger of Allah said, “Beware of suspicion. Suspicion is the most untrue speech. Do not spy and do not eavesdrop. Do not compete with each other and do not envy each other and do not hate each other and do not shun each other. Be slaves of Allah, brothers.” - Malik’s Muwattah Book 47: 47.4.15 Win/Win or No Deal This idea implies that if a solution cannot be reached that is fully satisfactory for both parties, then the people involved can simply go for a sympathetic alternative of ‘no deal’. Simply put, this means that both parties have agreed to disagree and can shake hands on it, leave each other’s company and feel none the worse for wear. This way, you never have to compromise your integrity or your values for the sake of anything. You have maintained a good relationship with the other party involved which leads the way to possible partnership down the road. Naturally, there are situations where No Deal is not an option; usually within the circle of your closest relationships. Compromise must be practiced instead, which as Covey says is a ‘lower’ form of Win/Win. Five Dimensions of Win/Win Using our human gifts of conscience, imagination, independent will and self-awareness, we can develop the habit of interpersonal leadership. By doing this we can achieve leaps and bounds in our interpersonal effectiveness. In order to obtain this, we need to use all the ability and strength we have developed and embrace five interdependent aspects of life. As Dr. Covey says:

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“It begins with character and moves toward relationships, out of which flow agreements. It is nurtured in an environment where structure and systems are based on Win/Win. And it involves process; we cannot achieve Win/Win ends with Win/Lose or Lose/Win means.”xiii Character Abu Hurairah narrated, “Prophet said, ‘I have been sent just to perfect noble traits of character.”’ - Ahmad, Hadith no. 8595 Strength of character provides the foundation on which all other aspects are built. There are three character traits needed to achieve Win/Win – integrity, maturity and having an abundance mentality. Of course integrity is needed in any interaction in life and you need to have the maturity to not allow your ego to get the better of you. It is important that you balance yourself between speaking out and saying what you feel and showing consideration for the others who you are interacting with. If you have achieved balance, then you will have the ability to understand and listen to the other side while at the same time finding the courage to speak your mind and tackle the issues at hand. In the Q’uraan it warns us about being duplicitous in character and we need to work to allow our personality to shine from our character. Personal integrity gives us the foundation to build on establishing a fulfilling interaction with other human beings. Hudhaifah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “No one amongst you should be a sycophant or assenter, doing good if people would do good, and doing evil if people would do evil. But you should habituate yourselves to do right either people do it or not, i.e., if people do good you also do good and if people do wrong, you don’t do wrong.” - At-Tirmidhy, Hadith no. 1930 By having an abundance mentality, as opposed to a scarcity mentality, you are of the mind that there is plenty to go around for everyone. It is important to remember that in most circumstances in life, there is no need to compete for the spoils. According to Covey, the abundance mentality takes the feeling of personal accomplishment and fulfilment of Habits 1,2 and 3 and radiates it outward. It is important to remember that Public Victory does not mean that you are victorious and everyone else has lost. Public Victory means that you have achieved a fully synergistic, interdependent reality with those who you interact with. Almighty Allah says what means, “And whosoever is saved from his own scarcity, such are they who will be the successful.” - Al-Hashr, 59:9

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God exhibits the ultimate abundance mentality. He is all-forgiving and always accepting of those who choose to follow the faith. There is always enough of faith and God to go around for all who choose it. Abu Dharr narrated, “The Messenger of Allah said that Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said, ‘My servants, I have made oppression unlawful for Me and unlawful for you, so do not commit oppression against one another. My servants, all of you are liable to err except one whom I guide on the right path, so seek right guidance from Me so that I should direct you to the right path. O My servants, all of you are hungry (needy) except ones whom I feed, so beg food from Me, so that I may give that to you. O My servants, all of you are naked (need clothes) except one whom I provide garments, so beg clothes from Me, so that I should clothe you. O My servants, you commit error night and day and I am there to forgive your sins, so beg forgiveness from Me so that I should grant you forgiveness. O My servants, you can neither do Me any harm nor can you do Me any good. O My servants, even if the first amongst you and the last amongst you and even the whole of human race of yours, and that of jinn even, become (equal in) God-conscious like the heart of a single person amongst you, nothing would add to My Power. O My servants, even if the first amongst you and the last amongst you and the whole human race of yours and that of the jinn too in unison become the most wicked (all beating) like the heart of a single person, it would cause no loss to My Power. O My servants, even if the first amongst you and the last amongst you and the whole human race of yours and that of jinn also all stand in one plain ground and you ask Me and I confer upon every person what he asks for, it would not, in any way, cause any loss to Me (even less) than that which is caused to the ocean by dipping the needle in it. My servants, these for you I shall reward you for them, so he who find that his deeds are righteous should praise Allah and he who does not find that should not blame anyone but his himself.”’ - Muslim, Hadith no. 4674 Relationships Anas bin Mâlik narrated, “When an old woman from amongst the people of Medina HELD the hand of the Prophet, he used not to take his hand away until she fulfilled her need.” Lasting relationships are established through trust, and as we know, trust is established through a slow process of making deposits in the other person’s Emotional Bank Account. If a person has already made several deposits in the account, the trust level is so high that a person’s credibility is no longer in question, and this paves the way for a highly focused and productive interaction. If you find yourself to be in a new situation where this trust has yet to be established, it is up to you to use your Circle of Influence to establish a trust by making deposits in the other person’s Emotional Bank Account. Agreements

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If you have established a good relationship with someone, from there you can form agreements that point in the direction of Win/Win. You have to use your power of understanding as well as your power to clarify expectations to establish the basic five elements from both parties’ points of view: _Desired Results _Guidelines _Resources _Accountability _Consequences

HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD Almighty Allah says what means, “Those who listen to the Word (good advice and Islamic Monotheism, etc.) and follow the best thereof (i.e. worship Allah Alone, repent to Him and avoid Tâghût, etc.) those are (the ones) whom Allah has guided and those are men of understanding.” - Az-Zumar; 39:18 It is important to note that the Qur’ân used the word Istimâ’ which means ‘to listen’ rather than the word Sama which means ‘to hear’. The Arabic morphological stem Istimâ’ implies a sort of interaction, although not necessarily verbal, on the part of both listener and speaker; a concept not conveyed by the other word. PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC COMMUNICATION It was said, “Many are those who regret talking but few are those who regret silence.” The more you speak, the more you lie; the more you swear, the more you sin; and the more you dispute, the weaker is your religion. It was said that wisdom is divided into ten parts: nine parts are to keep silent from vain talk while the tenth is to avoid the evil ones. Whenever someone comes to us with a problem or a situation, our instant desire is to spew forth advice and instruction before we have really got a true grasp of the situation at

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hand. We cease to really listen and sometimes before the person has even finished telling us what it is they have to say, we have already abandoned listening and are well on the road to thinking of a suitable response. So how can we come up with a suitable resolution if we stopped listening after the first sentence had been spoken? As Covey puts it, you must take the time to diagnose first. Character and Communication Well, let us see here… we know that there are four basic ways in which we have learned to communicate, and these four basic ways are – reading, writing, speaking and listening. If you think about it, we are actually using at least one of these four forms of communication most of the time, all day long. We must have a firm grasp on how to communicate in order to be able to do well in life and it is true that for the most part, we have had quite substantial training in the areas of reading, writing and speaking. But how many people do you know that have extensive training in ‘how to listen’. Indeed, it almost sounds absurd, it is such an irregular occurrence, but it is paramount if you want to be truly effective in interpersonal relationships. Gods says what means,”that we might make it a remembrance for you, and the keen ear (person) may(hearand) understand it.” (al haqqah 69:12) Here the holy Qur’an tells that those with good /considerate ears are the ones who will be “ aware” and understand. Covey tells us that unless we feel that others are influenced by our uniqueness, we will not be influenced by their advice. This means that it is imperative to develop the skill of listening empathically. In other words, you must listen with feeling and sincerity in order to open the two-way highway between you and another human being. Empathic Listening It is true that most people like to be understood first. They do not listen with the intent to really listen. They are preparing a response before they have heard what it is the other person fully has to say. They do not try to understand the position of the other person; instead, they are merely transcribing that person’s situation into their own life history so they can respond according to their own personal experience. The idea of empathic listening is that we do not read our situations into theirs, we do not formulate responses that we think they would like to hear, we do not think of a response at all until we have all the facts the person is going to give to us. We listen. It is as simple as that. We listen to gain an understanding. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. The power of empathic listening is phenomenal. Because you have made the effort to really listen to the other person, you have gained an insight into what that person is really in need of. You are looking at things from their perspective and not your own. As such, you have gained the ability to communicate properly and in tune with their intents. You have also gained the ability to make large deposits into their Emotional Bank Account.

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Why? Because you have listened and understood what it is that person really needs emotionally. Dr. Covey explains to us that the act in itself of empathic listening is a huge deposit in the Emotional Bank Account, because it gives the person ‘psychological air’. The meaning of ‘psychological air’ is the feeling of validation, being understood and appreciated. Physical survival is obviously the most important need for a human being, but second to that is the need to feel affirmed in who we are; the psychological survival. Listening is an attitude: Iceberg Illustration Missing ( 20 % skill ; 80 % Attitude) Listening as such is 80 % attitude (Character), you have to realize that you are in need of listening to people in order to understand them, and that of course if you are willing to adopt the win/win paradigm. 20 % is then skill , “ the tip of the iceberg” where you will also have to show some interest to listen through proper eye contact body language. Diagnose Before You Prescribe Almighty Allah says what means, “O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah and be just witnesses and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety…” - Al-Mâ’idah; 5:8 Covey tells us that although it is difficult to change the urge in you to respond autobiographically or transfer everyone else’s thoughts into your own autobiography, it is important to always try to seek first to understand. As Covey puts it, we must diagnose before we prescribe. Four Autobiographical Responses We tend to listen according to our own personal experiences and paradigms, and due to this we generally respond in four ways: _probing: using our own frame of reference _advising: we give council based on our own experiences _interpreting: we are trying to figure out where they are coming from. We explain and theorize. _evaluating: we are complying or contending All these responses get in the way of our ability to really understand. Much of the time, people will say things that do not validate an instant response. In fact, people very often have issues which they are not particularly intent on divulging at first. They are not getting to the real problem. Perhaps they are testing your emotional ground. Can they help me? Do they have the ability? No, there she goes again telling me about her

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experience with so-and-so. She is not listening. She doesn’t care. I’ll just shut up and keep it to myself. As Covey says, if you are simply there as a listening ear, much of the time a person will solve the problem themselves. There are other times where a person will be seeking your advice, but if you are really listening empathically, you will know when a person wants advice. You cannot rush a person to come to a conclusion; you must let them work through it at their own pace. Understanding and Perception Once you have discovered the ability within you to be able to listen empathically, you gain a far greater depth of understanding. The world no longer revolves around your own personal paradigm and you become more aware of the unique attributes of each individual on the planet. Your perception becomes more embracing of other people and you begin to realize the impact of the advantage of pooling human resources. By using our differences to fortify ideas, we can produce astounding results, beyond the capability of any individual. Empathic listening is the highest form (paradigm) of listening; people tend to be either of the following stages: Ignoring Stage: They do not listen at all “totally ignorant people “. At the day s of the prophet Muhammad, some use to put their fingers in their ears in order not to listen to good words. Pretentive Stage: (Hypocrites) At this stage, people show that they are listening, but the fact is that they are not listening at all. Like the hypocrites who joined the early Islam and just acted as if they were listening to the prophet. Selective Stage: Where most of the people fall, it is the stage where people listen to part and not the other or to only parts of their concern. Attentive Stage: is more of a professional listening to words not beyond words i.e., listening at the court ….Where you can only quote words, where the fact is that people tend to rarely express themselves in words, mostly they do non-verbally. Empathic Listening: is really being a faithful translator as Covey quotes, taking real time in listening to understand people, the highest form of listening. Levels of misunderstanding I would also like to call them pre-judgment traps, due to the fact that we again interact /listen to people through our own paradigms/glasses. We tend to pre-judge people and this hinders the process of real understanding.” If I hate men(generally) and at the same time seek to understand him (I really do), I will have to neutralize myself in order to really understand. Forget the fact that he is a man “ The levels of misunderstanding are: Appearance: It all starts by appearance, where our computer software is programmed that certain traits must equal certain characters i.e., his clothes – “the better he is dressed up; the better his character is!”

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Age/Sex/Language: Age: Old are experienced! Sex: Women are …..Men are…! Language: Americans are …..Japanese are …Arabs are …..British are…… And I just did not interact yet!!! Association: Then we start to talk to the person: Home: Where he lives. You are from New York!! You are from Los Angeles! You are form Egypt.. And on goes the judging . Career: What do you do for a living? You’re a Doctor. Wow!! You’re a Policeman …oh, well… You are a writer... Groups/ Clubs: Where and who do you know? Interest: Hobbies… You don’t like baseball!! Oh God Values and Beliefs: Are you a Muslim!!! Don’t tell me Iceberg Illustration Missing (20 % skill; 80 % Attitude) Abu hurairah narrated,”the messenger of allah(pbuh)said,”verily allah does not look to your images (ie., the way you look) or your wealth but he looks to your hearts and your deeds.” Sahih Moslem hadith no.4651 Anas bin malek said,”the messenger of allah (pbuh)said,”there might be someone with disheveled hair, a body covered with dust, two worn garments whom does not catch any attention (yet) if he makes an oath on god he will respond to him. One of such a person is AL BARA BIN MALIK” (tirmidhy hadith no.3789) Then Seek to be Understood If we want to achieve Win/Win, we must both seek to understand and seek to be understood. In order to be understood, the key is to show one’s inner self; to show who you really are and what it is you want. It is scary, no doubt about it. Human beings like to protect themselves from potential damage whether it be physical, or in this case, mental.

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Covey tells us about the Greek philosophy of ethos, pathos and logos,xiv which basically enshrines the spirit of seeking first to understand: Ethos are our ethics; our standards by which we live. These are our values which have been derived from the basic Principles of Life. It is the trust that people place in us due to our integrity. Pathos is the emotional side. It is the side that affirms your responsiveness and appreciation for what the other person is trying to do – make you understand. You are on the same page as the other person and you are open to the meaning behind that person’s words. Logos is the logic. These are the facts and the ‘market study’ of what you are presenting. This is the justification of ideas. The problem is that people tend to jump straight into the Logos before first establishing the Ethos and the Pathos. This is obviously a flawed plan as it is quite ‘logical’ to assume that if a person has no knowledge of your personal worth or integrity, they are not going to care two dimes as to the volume of facts you pour out over them. Concurremntly, if you are not taking into consideration their trepidations and paradigms, you will be undermining your own presentation and they will feel you do not understand nor care to understand. They will feel that all you want to do is get your thing done.God all mighty in the quraan gave us a lot of miracles building the credibility with all mankind ie.anticipating fall of the roman empire, and also proving scientific facts discovered only in the 21 st century (the earth being an eggshape and many other facts).this all was some of many miracles to proof to the arabs and nowadays and the quraan is the word of god thus building the ethos factor.and since god knows the human nature he almighty talked a lot about him being merciful and forgiving fulfilling the pathos factor.as for the prohet (pbuh) god says”By the star that vanishes, your companion (Muhammaad)has neither gone astray nor has erred.Nor does he speakof his own desire.It is only an inspiration that is inspired.” (al najm 93:1-4) This verse addresses the ethos factor along with that the prophet has always been known as the “honest” never has he shown lack of integrity. As inregards to the pathos factor almighty god says what means”invite(mankind, o muhammad) to the way of your lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly , your lord knowas best who has gone astray from his path, and he is the best aware of those who are guided.” (al nahl 16:125) And again almighty god clearly tells us what means, “and by the mercy of allah, youdealtthem gently.And had youbeen severe and harsh-hearted, they would have moved away from you; so forgive their faults against you,and ask forgiveness for them.” Al imran 3:159) Prophet muhammad was never harsh on his people, always maintained the bank of trust. So, Habit 5 elevates you to a greater perception that allows you to present your opinions in a manner which shows greater integrity and precision. Since people will know that what you are presenting is something you really believe in and you are open and inviting to their needs as well, it will open avenues of understanding and achievement that previously was not there. One on One

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Anas bin Mâlik narrated, “When anyone used to come to the Prophet and shake hands with him, he used not to take his hand away until the person took his hand, nor did he (the Prophet) use to turn his face from the other’s until he (the man) turned his face. Besides, the Prophet had never been seen stretching his legs while setting with anyone (as a sign of respect).” - At-Tirmidhy, hadith no. 2414 In Islam we are told that the first step in the journey of knowledge is to keep silent; the second is to listen carefully and to keep by heart what he says; the third is to work according to your knowledge; and the fourth is to spread it through teaching others. As you seek first to understand, you work directly on your Circle of Influence. If you worry about the other issues within interdependent relationships such as how other people are acting and dissent, you will find yourself focusing on subjects that are in your Circle of Concern, and you will find you expend a lot of energy achieving very little positive effect. Again, we are talking working from the inside-out. If you really choose to listen empathically, you are working on your Circle of Influence; as you work on your Circle of Influence, the breadth of your Circle of Influence becomes wider and you start gaining the ability to become an influence. And by becoming an influence, you can influence many of those irritants residing in your Circle of Concern. The more you understand people, the more you will want to reach out to them because you will be grateful for who they are. Very importantly, you can use this tool to attain to listening empathically at all times when a situation requires. Then, you can avoid nasty circumstances before they happen. The best medicine is prevention. By taking the time to listen to your partner one-on-one, for example, and making the attempt to understand their needs to the best of your ability, you can talk things out before they become big problems. As Dr. Covey says, if you have an open relationship where the roads of communication are free of clutter, problems simply do not have time to develop and grow. Issues are immediately dissipated and the little tiny snowball that was sitting at the top of the hill was never able to gather any momentum and make itself into some icy monstrosity. The sun came out and the snowball melted away. HABIT 6: SYNERGIZE Abu Mûsâ (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad said, “A faithful believer to a faithful believer is like the bricks of a wall, enforcing each other.” While saying that, the Prophet (peace be upon him) clasped his hands, by interlacing his fingers. - Al-Bukhâry, hadith no. 459 syn·er·gyxv n. pl. syn·er·gies 1. The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

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2. Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect. Synergy tells us that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. We experience synergy in all areas of life. We see synergy everywhere around us. Synergy is how the massive diversity on this planet is kept alive. The left and right sides of our brain work synergistically to allow us both creative and logical thought. A man and a woman interact synergistically to bring new life into the world. So the essence of synergy is to value the differences; to respect them and build on the strengths and compensate for the weaknesses. Synergy of Man and Woman I mentioned earlier that in Islam the smallest unit is not the individual. The smallest unit is man and woman. Marriage is the essence of interdependence and is perhaps the biggest test of one’s strength to being interdependent. I once had the privilege of gaining knowledge from one of the esteemed Islamic scholars who said that, ‘MAN + WOMAN = 1’. You need the difference to make the whole. An atom requires one electron and one proton. An electron has different properties to a proton, and without these differences, an atom does not exist. In Islam, a man is created from mud; a woman from his rib. They are different but without these differences, we do not survive scientifically things created from different raw materials cannot be the same. So we must respect these differences. It is apparent that men are more mathematical and scientific in their approach to life, whereas women are more artistic, emotive and expressive. Men are in black & white. Women are in color. We need these differences in order to make the partnership between man and woman work. Women need their emotions and their strength of love to survive the pain of birth and love the child that follows. Men could not cope with the pain of childbirth.Literally speaking if a man is to bring a child to world he’d probably kill him after birth due to the pain he caused him. They do not have the emotional tools for it. Men have attributes and women have attributes and all these attributes come together in the union of the sexes to complete the set. Most of God’s Law, revealed by the Prophet Muhammad was therefore mostly targeted toward the protection of the family and not just the individual, since the family is the priority far and above the individual. God made it easier for us to overcome our differences by creating sexual desire. This gave us the instinctual need for each other. This gave us the platform from which to jump into union and partnership. It is important to realize that sexual desire is purely a platform, though. If we turn this platform into a reason to live, then we never complete the whole, and we go through life fulfilling our selfish sexual desires, never finding true happiness or peace. We have forgotten that we are only half. If we do this we are no longer human; we are animal. In Islam, sexual relationships are very sacred. That’s why its strictly prohibited to practice sexual intercourse with someone other than your wife(maintaining the family unity and identity. Synergy in Communication

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If you apply synergy in your communication, it means you have opened yourself up to the possibility that there are new options and new ideas. By doing this, the opportunity to brainstorm in the true sense of the word is most definitely there, and by unleashing this unrestrained interaction, it is possible to create, learn and grow beyond what you could ever have expected. Achieving a synergistic communication highway, results in groups of people becoming highly interactive and honest with each other. Trust and respect amongst members of a group is so high that if disagreements occur they can be quickly dissipated through a group’s willingness to understand the other party’s point of view. Covey gives us a graphical example to illustrate how trust is so closely related to the different levels of communication: DIAGRAM PAGE 270 When trust is low, cooperation is low resulting in defensive attitudes, confusion and resent. People like to cover their bases and in business, this is when, as Covey puts it, the legal mumbo jumbo starts to come out. The other party feels insecure about their position because not enough effort has been made to warrant any trust. As there is no P/PC balance, this sort of communication can only produce Win/Lose or Lose/Win. This can potentially lead to Lose/Lose. When a certain amount of trust exists between two parties, you obtain the lower form of Win/Win, which is compromise. Because they have not truly taken the time to establish what the needs are of the other side, and laid everything out on the table to make way for complete synergistic interaction, they communicate respectfully and politely. They do not communicate empathically, however. Covey tells us that this respectful communication works in independent and even in interdependent situations, but the full scope of creative possibilities has not been cracked open. Compromise means that 1 + 1 = 1.5. Neither side walks away fully satisfied with the outcome. If you are communicating synergistically, the sky is the limit, and 1 + 1 may equal just about anything above 2. The reason why synergistic communication produces such astounding results is for the simple reason that people have tapped into a resource and creative cohesion that had not been realized. The creative energy that abounds is enjoyed by all because everyone has the opportunity to be a part of it. Fishing for the Third Alternative It is important if you want to maintain true synergy that you always look for the third alternative. There almost always is one. If you find yourself in a situation with another person where needs clash, a suitable alternative should be discussed. In order to efficiently come up with a solution that is good for the both of you, it is essential to have a high level of communication between you. If you have developed a high level of communication, they will have a high Emotional Bank Account. There will be a great deal of trust between the two of you and you will be able to form an in-depth picture of the whole situation. If you are thinking Win/Win, then you know there must be a third alternative that can satisfy both your needs. When you have all these traits behind you, you are well on the way to creating synergy.

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Slowly, you can listen to the person’s pressing needs and you in turn can communicate your deep-felt needs. Understanding develops and from there a solution is found. You synergize and you both walk away feeling satisfied and good about it. It is better than just going one way or the other (Win/Lose or Lose/Win) and it is better than compromise, where neither you nor the other person feels satisfied. So what comes out of it in the end is an increased wealth within the relationship, as well as both sides getting what they really want. Valuing the Differences “I am the closest of all people to Jesus, son of Mary, in this world and the Hereafter; for all the prophets are brothers, with different Mothers but one religion.” -The Prophet of Islam (Peace be Upon Him) It should go without saying that you must value the differences between people in order to achieve synergy. As Jodie Foster’s character, Anna, in the film ‘Anna and the King’ so eloquently put, “Most people don’t see the world as it is; they see the world as they are.” If all I can see is my own personal paradigm, and that anyone who differs in opinion to me is insignificant, then I can never have the ability to be truly interdependent. If I am the one that sees all and everyone else sees very little, then I am forever lost in the magnitude of me. I am forever limited by the paradigms of my own conditioning. Of course in Islam, we are humbled by God and reminded that nobody has the ability to see like God. Only God sees the whole picture. Islam tells us that we should always be aware of our own humbleness and be aware of our own perceptual limitations as an individual. We should be able to appreciate the differences of others so that we can tap into the resources available to us through interaction and interdependence. We are not in competition. We should be working together to achieve the much greater results brought through real synergy. If there were no differences, where would our opportunity to gain knowledge and grow arise from? If we all thought the same, where would our artists and Pulitzer Prize winners come from? We can think of the human race as a basket of fruit. A bite of an apple gives us a different sensation to the bite of a pear; the texture, taste, feel, shape of a banana is different from a grape. Placed in the basket together, they give us a feast for the eyes; every piece of fruit different and every piece with something unique to offer. Now consider we take that fruit and stick them all into a blender. Sure, it might taste nice for a while, but day in and day out you would eventually want some variety. There is one consistent color, one consistent texture and one consistent taste. What a bore! Force Field Analysis

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Almighty Allah says what means, “Help you one another in Al-Birr and At-Taqwâ (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is Severe in punishment.” - Al-Mâ’dah; 5:2 Synergy can deal with negative forces working against growth and transformation very effectively within interdependent situations. The sociologist Kurt Lewin developed a model that illustrates how any current level of being or performance is in a state of equilibrium between the driving forces that encourage upward movement and the restraining forces that discourage or deny it. Covey tells us that the driving forces are the positive, reasonable, logical, conscious and economic forces, while the restraining forces are often the negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious and social/psychological. INSERT DIAGRAM The prophet said what means”a faithful man should not huliate a faithful woman(wife) if he dislikes a certain trait in her , let him search for a trait in her that he likes.(compromise) In other words build on strength and compromise on weakness. I would like to take an excerpt directly from Dr. Covey’s book, the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People to explain how synergy can be applied to work through difficult and negative situations to obtain a positive conclusion. “…I received an early morning phone call from a land developer desperately searching for help. The bank wanted to foreclose because he was not complying with the principal and interest payment schedule, and he was suing the bank to avoid foreclosure. He needed additional funding to finish and market the land so that he could repay the bank, but the bank refused to provide additional funds until scheduled payments were met. It was a chicken and egg problem with undercapitalization. In the meantime, the project was languishing. The streets were beginning to look like weed fields, and the owners of the few homes that had been built were up in arms as they saw their property values drop. The city was also upset over the ‘prime land’ project falling behind schedule and becoming an eyesore. Tens of thousands of dollars in legal costs had already been spent by the bank and the developer and the case wasn’t scheduled to come to court for several months. In desperation, this developer reluctantly agreed to try the principles of Habits 4, 5 and 6. He arranged a meeting with even more reluctant bank officials. The meeting started at 8 a.m. in one of the bank conference rooms. The tension and mistrust were palpable. The attorney for the bank had committed the bank officials to say

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nothing. They were only to listen and he alone would speak. He wanted nothing to happen that would compromise the bank’s position in court. For the first hour and a half, I taught Habits 4, 5 and 6. At 9:30 I went to the blackboard and wrote down the bank’s concerns based on our prior understanding. Initially the bank officials said nothing, but the more we communicated Win/Win intentions and sought first to understand, the more they opened up to explain and clarify. As they began to feel understood, the whole atmosphere changed and a sense of momentum, of excitement over the prospect of peacefully settling the problem was clearly evident. Over the attorney’s objections the bank officials opened up even more, even about personal concerns. “When we walk out of here the first thing the bank president will say is, ‘Did we get our money?’ What are we going to say?” By 11:00, the bank officers were still convinced of their rightness, but they felt understood and were no longer defensive and officious. At that point, they were sufficiently open to listen to the developer’s concerns, which we wrote down on the other side of the blackboard. This resulted in deeper mutual understanding and a collective awareness of how poorly early communication had resulted in misunderstanding and unrealistic expectations, and how continuous communication in a Win/Win spirit could have prevented the subsequent major problems from developing. The shared sense of both chronic and acute pain combined with a sense of genuine progress kept everyone communicating. By noon, when the meeting was scheduled to end, the people were positive, creative, and synergistic and wanted to keep talking. The very first recommendation made by the developer was seen as a beginning Win/Win approach by all. It was synergized on and improved, and at 12:45pm the developer and the two bank officers left with a plan to present together to the Home Owners Association and the city. Despite subsequent complicating developments, the legal fight was aborted and the building project continued to a successful conclusion.” Synergy works because it is a good principle. It invokes teamwork, development and full realization of an interdependent reality. It works because it is nature. A solution can always be found that will be good for both parties. We do not need to lose and nor does anyone else. We can strive for the third alternative and think Win/Win. We can truly seek to understand and synergize.

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PART 4: RENEWAL Ibn Abbâs (may Allah be pleased with them both) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “A well-versed man of knowledge is stronger to Satan than one thousand saints.” - At-Tirmidhy, hadith no. 2605 HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW Habit 7 is the habit that makes all other habits possible. It is the habit of renewal; the habit of ‘sharpening the saw’.

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Maybe you remember the days of college cramming, where you stayed up all night to prepare for a test you hadn’t been bothered to prepare for efficiently in advance. I am sure that after 20 cups of coffee and a night of manic flipping through books, by the time the birds were awakening you were taking in very little of what you were reading and trying to learn. I remember myself in that position, curing myself and wondering why I had done this to myself again; reading the same block of text over and over again to try and get it to lodge in my brain. Not only was I killing my mental adeptness, by my body was about to keel over, my vision was failing, my palms were damp and my hands were shaking and I wondered how on earth I was even going to manage to hold my pen, let alone answer a question coherently. Without taking time out to renew yourself, your production capability goes down dramatically. Four Dimensions of Renewal There are four dimensions of your nature that require renewal. These four dimensions are the physical, the mental, the spiritual and the social/emotional. No matter what religion you practice, or what philosophy you go by, they all pretty much insist on the importance of renewal. INSERT DIAGRAM HERE To Sharpen the Saw, you must basically balance these four dimensions and practice them consistently and regularly. Covey tells us that ‘sharpening the saw’ is absolutely a Quadrant II activity, and as such must be acted on. It is not urgent but important. Habit 7 could be called PC for Self. It is sometimes difficult to become consistent in exercising Habit 7, but it is so important for the overall fitness of a human being. It is at the center of our Circle of Influence so nobody can do it but ourselves. We are a sensitive biological instrument, so we really need to recognize the importance of renewal in these four different aspects: The Physical Dimension We must constantly care for our bodies by eating good and healthy food, exercising regularly and giving ourselves time to rest and relax. In recent years, the importance of exercise has been stressed time and again to combat sickness, stay healthy and keep yourself in peak performance. By exercising and renewing the physical self, you in essence also are renewing your emotional and mental self. We often feel in our lives that doing exercise can take a back seat while we spend our precious time on work and what little appears to be left on play. We feel we cannot afford the time to renew our physical selves. This is simply absurd! By effectively managing yourself, you can see that there is time for you to exercise and for such a small price, it is worth it; heightened metabolism, enhanced energy, and you are preventing many serious health problems from arising as a result of our neglect. By working on your physical dimension, you are being proactive. You are acting before you get to the stage where you need to react. This feeling of being proactive will positively influence your self-esteem and the views you have about yourself.

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In Islam, the importance of eating the right way and taking care of the body is vital. Muslims believe that by eating correctly, it provides is with a key to enhanced spirituality. We are reminded that we should never eat to the point of fullness. This keeps our bodies healthy and our mind from atrophy. It is believed that greed and gluttony will lead us down the path of spiritual disaster since by letting ourselves, in essence, become foodcentered (or materially centered) we are denying ourselves of the spiritual and principlecentered dimension. The Prophet Muhammad said, “The son of Adam does not fill a pot worse than his stomach. So it is sufficient to him a little mouthful of food just to enable him to lead his life. But if he desired to complete his meal, let him make one third (of his stomach) for food, the second for water, and the third for breathing.” - Ibn Mâjah, hadith no. 3340 The Prophet Muhammad said, “We (Muslims) are people who do not eat until we become hungry and if we eat, we will not eat our fill.” The Spiritual Dimension Almighty Allah says what means, “O you who believe! Let not your properties or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whosoever does that, then they are the lost.” - Al-Munâfiqûn; 63: 9 Islam tells us that if we do not renew our spiritual dimension, we are of little use to those around us. We need to revitalize our spiritual side so that in the material and physical words we can reach our true potential. Covey tells us that by renewing the spiritual, we are providing leadership in our lives, which is highly related to Habit 2. The spiritual dimension is what exists at your very center. This is who you are and how committed you are to your own system of values. Your spiritual side is both very private and profoundly important. In Islam, we know how important it is to renew the physical dimension, and we renew through prayer five times daily. It reaffirms who we are and what our commitments are. It allows us to forget the rest of the commotion for a short while so we can focus on the spirit. We leave prayer renewed and fortified and ready once again to serve.

The Mental Dimension Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever goes in a way through which he seeks knowledge, Allah would facilitate for him away to Paradise.” - At-Tirmidhy, hadith no. 2750

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Almighty Allah says what means “And has subjected to you all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth; it is all as a favor and kindness from Him. Verily, in it are signs for a people who think deeply.” - Al-Jâthiyah; 45:13 Most of us let our minds go to pot once we have left the confines of formal educational institutions. This is particularly true in many of the Middle Eastern countries. Most of us do not have the inclination to read, or learn a new subject, or expand our knowledge in any way. We do not like to read, because it takes such an effort, so instead we gawp in front of the television for hours on end. Covey tells us that in the United States, the television is on an average 35 to 45 hours per week. Take into consideration the number of hours you are going to work, and the number of hours you ‘do not’ have the time to exercise, and you are wasting much of your week watching pointless material on the TV. Sure, television provides us with some great entertainment programs and some wonderful educational programs, but the majority of the TV that most of us watch is pointless filler that we are really not all that interested in, in the first place. By utilizing Habit 3, it is possible for you to manage yourself and schedule your TV viewing so that you are watching things you actually want to watch as opposed to whatever happens to be on at the time. Continuing our education is of paramount importance. It is always necessary to work on expanding your own horizons. We shouldn’t forget that there is a whole wealth of knowledge out there and by increasing our knowledge, we gain new perspectives on life and other people. “Mind is the best of all wealth, while folly is the worst form of poverty, self-admiration is the worst kind of loneliness, and good morals are one’s noblest value.” (Please note this is a quote I got from your sheet, please get source) Writing has a remarkable ability to renew your mental dimension. I have personally been writing in a journal since I can remember and it has given me an outlet for me to sort out mental anguish, plan my future, clear my head and has allowed me to look at myself and laugh at times. This brings us to taking the time out to organize and plan. This is a form of mental renewal that is attached to Habits 2 and 3. We must begin with the end in mind in order to be able to plan effectively. So by spending about an hour at least per day on these three dimensions, you will find a renewed sense of self. You will achieve an enhanced quality in your life and you will sleep much more fitfully when you lay your head to rest. And when you have to face a difficult challenge in your life, you will be more prepared to take it on and come out triumphant. Almighty Allah says what means, “He it is Who sent down As-Sakinah (calmness and tranquility) into the hearts of the believers, that they may grow more in Faith along with

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their (present) Faith. And to Allah belong the hosts of the heavens and the earth, and Allah is Ever All-Knower, All-Wise.” - Al-Fath; 48: 4 The Social/Emotional Dimension Almighty Allah says what means, “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” - Ar-Rûm; 30: 21 The essence of the social aspect of your life is obviously focused more in Habits 4, 5 and 6 due to the fact that it involves interaction with others. It works on the principles of interpersonal leadership, communicating empathically and creative cooperation. The reason why Covey has attached the social to the emotional is because they are intertwined. According to Covey, our emotional dimension is developed through our relationship with others by a large part. Renewing the social/emotional dimension does not require putting time aside as in the other three dimensions. We can achieve renewal in our daily lives and interactions. Success in using Habits 4, 5 and 6 is highly related to our sense of personal worth and security, and our personal worth and security comes from our values and the extent of our own personal integrity. If we feel we are acting in our lives with integrity, we automatically feel a much greater personal worth. The Five Pillars of Islam In Islam, part of our faith involves what is called the ‘Five Pillars of Islam’. These five practices are the basic and essential customs that all Muslims should perform. These five tenets renew and invigorate so we may live our life in accordance with God’s principles: “Islam is built on five (pillars) testifying that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, performing the prayers, paying the zakah, making the pilgrimage to the House, and fasting in Ramadan.” - The Prophet's Hadith Islam is holistic, so the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Muslims must have iman, or faith, and the following five tenets provide each and every Muslim with the directive to renew and maintain the faith and the heart. In brief, every Muslim must solidify their Ibada, or service to Allah through their deeds, words and conduct. God’s word, as given to us in the Q’uraan, tells us we must perform good acts and be good people and renounce evil in all its forms. We believe that this corporeal life is just a journey and our eternal energy (soul) will be placed before the Almighty on the Day of Judgment where all our good and bad deeds will be brought before Him. Reward and punishment will be designated in heaven and hell, but we know that God is always

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merciful to those who repent. The great overriding themes of Islam are repentance and mercy. 1_Shahadah Saying the Creed. Muslims say the creed several times every day, "There is no god but Allah, and Muhammed is the messenger [prophet] of Allah" (La ilaha illa Allah, Muhammad rasul Allah). Shahadah means bearing witness; it is an affirmation of one's faith. The Shehada is said to be the key to Paradise, but although it could be argued that many modern Muslims take this literally and use it as an excuse not to do much more for society beyond this, the Q’uraan states that although it is the key, it is most definitely not redeeming if it is said without love, respect and truth. In fact, the hypocrites used to make this statement quite often. God knows who is true to their heart and who is not, though, and he describes them as liars and says that these souls shall abide in the lowest abyss of the Hell-fire. The Islamic scholar Wahb ibn Munabbih was once asked, “Isn't the statement of la ilaha illa-llah the key to Paradise?” He answered, “Yes, but every key has ridges. If you come with the key that has the right ridges, the door will open for you. Yet if you do not have the right ridges the door will not open for you.” 2_Salah Daily Prayer. A Muslim is supposed to say prayers (these are special prayers revealed through Muhammad) at five specified times of each dayThese times are at dawn, midday, midafternoon, sunset and nightfall. Muslims must cleanse themselves before saying these prayers and then face towards Mecca to offer their prayersxvi. We kneel down and touch our heads to the ground at various times during the prayers as a sign of our submission to God. In this constant reminder of the presence of God, every day of our life should be filled with the Word of God and our acts in day-to-day life should reflect this.In prayers you have the privelidge of being in the hands of god 5 times a day knocking on his door asking his guidance and forgiveness.

3_Zakah Giving of Alms. Muslims are expected to give approx. 2.5 % of their (savings that has not been used for a year (still money) ) to support the needy and to fulfill other objectives of the community. While this can be rightly equated to a combination of taxation and charity, zakah is different from sadaqa – charity - which is equally directed by the Q’uraan but left to the discretion of the individual Muslim, depending upon circumstances. The literal meaning of Zakah is purity. Zakah does not only purify the property of the provider but also purifies his heart from selfishness and greed. It also purifies the heart of

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the beneficiary from envy, jealousy and hatred. Zakah has a deep humanitarian and commonwealth implication; it frees society from class welfare, from ill feelings, distrust and from corruption. Although Islam does not hinder private enterprise or condemn private possession, it does not tolerate selfish and greedy capitalism. So Islam is moderate yet effective in its delineation between materialism and spirituality; individual and community. We are constantly kept on our toes and reminded of our own wealth and the lack thereof of the people around us. We are in constant reminder that there is always someone who is worse off than us. 4_Sawm Fasting. Muslims observe the month of Ramadan, the ninth month in the Islamic lunar calendar, by fasting during daylight hours. This is in remembrance of the gift of God’s revelation to Muhammad (the Q’uraan). It is an inimitable Islamic institution which teaches human beings the principle of sincere love to God. Fasting shows us a renewed sense of hope. It renews our devotion to God and renews our will to be patient, unselfish, moderate and mature. It gives us a renewed sense of unity and belonging.In the month of Ramadan we have the chance to rest our stomach(annual leave)supposidley which is not whats happening now and also to focus our prayers heavily as in recycling. 5_Hajj Pilgrimage. Each Muslim should go to Mecca at least once in their life if at all possible. The pilgrimage is performed during a special month and there are a number of practices expected during the pilgrimage, in which the pilgrim venerates the sacred shrines of Islam. Peace is the dominant theme; peace with God, the soul, every person and all living creatures. To disturb the peace of anyone or any living thing in any shape or form is firmly forbidden. Muslims from all walks of life and from every nation amass in Mecca in response to the call of God. There is no hierarchy but there is devotion of the entire to God. It is to venerate the Divine rituals observed by the Prophet Abraham and his son Ishmael, who were the first pilgrims to the house of God on earth: the Ka’bah. It is also to remember the great assembly of the Day of Judgment when people will stand equal before Allah. It is remembrance and in remembrance is renewal. “Let there be no no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God heareth and knoweth all things.” - Q’uraan 2:256 “The best of you are those who have the most excellent morals.” - The Prophet's Hadith Scripting Others

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Usâmah bin Zaid (may Allah be pleased with them both) narrated, “The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to put me on (one of) his thighs and put Al-Hasan bin ‘Aly on his other thigh, and then embrace us and say, ‘Allâhumm irhamhumâ fa-inny arhamhumâ (O Allah! Please be Merciful to them, as I am merciful to them.)’” - Al-Bukhâry: 5544 Most people have been scripted in a certain way by the people around them. They are a function of the social mirror, but as interdependent people, we are aware of the scripting and the social mirror. It is therefore our responsibility to make the decision to reflect back to others as clear and undistorted a vision of themselves as we can. If we treat them as responsible people, we can aid in rescripting them as principle-driven, value centered people. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “The believer is the mirror of a believer. The believer is the brother of a believer; so he should save his money and protect his back.” - Abu Dawûd, hadith no. 4272 It is important to always see the potential in people. By doing this, we affirm their worth and help them to become interdependent, satisfied human beings. Almighty Allah says what means, “Allah will exalt in degree those of you who believe, and those who have been granted knowledge. And Allah is Well-Acquainted with what you do.” - Al-Mujâdalah; 58:11 Balance & Synergy in Renewal Balance is the key to all life. In order to make ourselves as effective as can be, we need to balance the four dimensions of renewal. If you are balancing these four aspects, you are creating an environment for optimal synergy. By sharpening the saw in one dimension, you are making an impression on your ability to renew the other dimensions as well. Renewal in any of the dimensions means that you are increasing the ability you have to live by at least one of the Seven Habits. Due to this fact, and the synergy of the seven habits, you will find yourself closer to having the ability to live the rest of the habits.

The Upward Spiral “Renewal is the principle – and the process – that empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth and change, of continuous improvement.”xvii In order to consistently progress along an upward spiral, we must use our sense of self and our conscience to allow us to move in accordance with the Principles of Life. If we lose our self-awareness, we will no longer be living and we will ‘be lived’ instead. We

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will lose all purpose and direction and will become reactive creatures whose true potential remains latent and untapped. To move along the upward spiral it is essential that we always learn, commit then do, and we must permanently practice this in order to achieve our greatest heights. We cannot choose to ignore any one of these actions. In order to progress, we must always learn, commit, do again and again. If we can put this into practice we can reach heights so dizzying that we will not want to retract from the elation. One of our great theological scholars once said, “Know what is right, and only then shall you know who is righteous.” Almighty Allah says what means, “Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, Verily! in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. - Ar-Ra‘d; 13:28

CONCLUSION “It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces to the East and the West; but righteous is he who believeth in Allah and the Last Day and the angels and the Scripture and the prophets; and giveth wealth, for love of Him, to kinsfolk and to orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and to those who ask, and to set slaves free; and observeth proper worship and payeth the poor-due. And those who keep their treaty when they make one, and the patient in tribulation and adversity and time of stress. Such are they who are sincere. Such are the Allah-fearing.” -Q’uraan II: 177 . The ideals of Islam are in essence the ideals of democracy and we all need to find the desire and faith to step out and embrace our fellow human beings. We need to rejoice in our differences and form a world that feeds off those differences so that we may be able to live in respect of the many unique talents that lie within each and every one of us. We are all individual. We are all exceptional. No matter what you call God, God lies within us.We must delve into our souls and take a purposeful look at who we are and where our values lie. I feel it is our duty to mend this ruptured chasm of hatred between the nations of the world with love and understanding and growth. How can we do this? We work on what we can mend. We work on ourselves and show others who desire it how to work on themselves. By doing this, our influence can grow. Our influence will grow and then the human race will achieve the dizzying heights which God has destined for us. Ibn ‘Abbas narrated that whenever the Prophet offered his Tahajjud prayer, he would say, “O Allah, our Lord! All the praises are for You; You are the Keeper (Establisher or the One Who looks after) of the Heavens and the Earth. All the Praises are for You; You are the Light of the Heavens and the Earth and whatever is therein. You are the Truth, and Your saying is the Truth, and Your promise is the Truth, and the meeting with You is the

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Truth, and Paradise is the Truth, and the (Hell) Fire is the Truth. O Allah! I surrender myself to You, and believe in You, and I put my trust in You (solely depend upon). And to You I complain of my opponents and with Your Evidence I argue. So please forgive the sins which I have done in the past or I will do in the future, and also those (sins) which I did in secret or in public, and that which You know better than I. None has the right to be worshipped but You.”xviii Abdullah ibn Abbas narrated that the Prophet used to supplicate Allah: “My Lord, help me and do not give help against me; grant me victory, and do not grant victory over me; plan on my behalf and do not plan against me; guide me, and made my right guidance easy for me; grant me victory over those who act wrongfully towards me; O Allah, make me grateful to Thee, mindful of Thee, full of fear towards Thee, devoted to Thy obedience, humble before Thee, or penitent. My Lord, accept my repentance, wash away my sin, answer my supplication, clearly establish my evidence, guide my heart, make true my tongue and draw out malice in my breast.” xix

“Say, Oh Muslims, we believe in Allah and that which is revealed unto Abraham and Isma'il and Isaac and Jacob and the tribes and that which Moses and Jesus received and that which the Prophet received from the Lord. We make no distinction between any of them and unto them we have surrendered. (We are Muslims.)” - Qur'an 2:136

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See Appendix I for a more in-depth explanation of the ‘5 Pillars of Islam’ Bosworth Smith, Mohammad and Mohammadanism, London 1874, p92. iii W. Montgomery Watt, Mohammad at Mecca, Oxford, 1953, p. 52. iv Lamartine, Histoire de la Turquie, Paris, 1854, Vol. II, pp 276-277 v Covey “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” p.49 vi Covey – Seven Habits of Highly Effective People vii Covey – Seven Habits of Highly Effective People p.52 viii i.e. Muslims ix Seven Habits of Highly Effective People p106 x Seven Habits of Highly Effective People p146 xi Refer to p xii Seven Habits of Highly Effective People p195-6 xiii Seven Habits of Highly Effective People p216 xiv Seven Habits of Highly Effective People p255 xv The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition ii

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In early Islam, Muslims actually turned to pray towards Jerusalem, the city of the ahl al-khittab, but the Prophet Muhammad changed the direction to Mecca; thus reverting to the purity of the one God before monotheism was split into warring groups. xvii Seven Habits of Highly Effective People p304 xviii Sahih Bukhari Vol.9, Book 93: 593 xix Abu Dawud Book 8: 1505