Insights For Parents 3.2 - Teasing & Name Calling

Insights for Parents Provided by D-G Elementary in recognition of your role as a partner in education

David R. Hill, Principal

Verbal Abuse & Name Calling It is far easier for teachers, parents, and playground supervisors to spot physical harassment than it is for them to notice something that can be just as damaging— slurs and name-calling. In reality, the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” has little merit. Words truly can hit as hard as a fist, and unkind labels can follow children throughout their school years. Don’t allow labels in your home. Forbidding your children to use curse words is important, but it isn’t enough. You also need to make sure they’re not using ethnic, racial, religious, or sexual orientation slurs. Explain that using labels like these is insensitive and prevents them from seeing the person as an individual. Talk about the cruelty some words convey. The phrase “That’s so gay” has become a common slur among children, although many don’t understand the cruelty that is behind these words. Help children understand the pain that slurs and name-calling can cause. Explain that being “different” isn’t justification for being harassed. Although children have always picked on peers who didn’t seem to fit in, today the abuse has become bolder and, in some cases, led to school violence. Some children, long-term targets of bullies, have turned to violence—or even suicide—in a form of sick revenge. It is simply not acceptable for families or schools to allow the harassment of children for any reason at all. Talk with them about false impressions. A girl who would rather play sports than play with dolls is not boyish; she’s just a girl who would rather play sports. The same is true for boys who may not enjoy rough-and-tumble activities. Calling children names just because they choose to follow their own interests is an ignorant choice and cannot be allowed. Help them understand when words are okay, and when they’re not. Some children may feel that it’s okay to use a slur if they’ve heard it over and over from others. Help them understand the difference between a word that is being used as a put-down and a word that is simply a description. Pay close attention to how your children—and their friends—are behaving toward others and talk with them about how it would feel if they were the targets of name-calling.

Tame the Teasing Teasing is not only unkind, but can lead to future personality or self-esteem problems for both the victim and the teaser. Here are a few things parents need to know about teasing. Observe Does your child tease a lot? Parents often overlook seriously aggressive behavior. Listening to the comments your child makes and watching your child's interactions with peers can help determine whether you have a teaser in the making. If so, take action. Talking to a counselor about how to minimize this behavior is an excellent first step. Monitor your child's Internet activity. With e-mail, instant messaging, and chat rooms, the Internet has become the newest teasing forum. Talk with your child about appropriate use of these communication methods. Is your child a silent victim? Many victims are too ashamed to tell their parents. Pay attention to changes in your child's behavior and social activities (e.g., loss of appetite, sleeplessness, headaches, nervousness) and let your child know that he or she can talk to you if someone is being cruel to them. Prevent Be prepared. Children are most likely to pick on others who come across as weaker or different. The best way to help your child be

prepared for being teased is to help your child develop strong selfconfidence and self-esteem. Strength in numbers. Boys and girls with a good group of friends are less likely to be the victim of teasing. Help your child cultivate a group of buddies. Encourage social and group activities -- from Scouts to sports teams -- to give your child peer support. Take Action Children can be very sly in their abuse of others, much of which escapes detection by adults. Teach your child to report any harassment to the teacher as soon as it happens. Schools are more aware than ever of the negative implications of teasing, and are implementing programs to address the problem. Teach coping skills. There are excellent materials written for children who are victims of teasing. Check out online resources (e.g.., www.no-bully.org, www.antibullying.net, www.bullying.org, www.ncpc.org) and books for children and adults. Role-play with your children about how to respond when they are being harassed, showing them how to come across as strong and self-confident. Above all, take action to help them realize that it is the teasers, not themselves, who are troubled. Most importantly, children need to know that their home is a safe haven, a place where they will not be teased by siblings or parents, a place where they can relax and be themselves.