Ilian Inquisitor 2

The Ilion

STYLE: Designer Hephaistos shows off this season’s hottest fashion necessities. Solid gold is this year’s new black and check out the latest in helmets, greaves, and shields. 2 DEATH: Soldiers on both sides fall by the hundreds. Greeks mourn the loss of Patroklos while the Trojans weep over the death of their greatest fighter Hector. 3

Inquisitor 300 B.C.E. • VOLUME 10, ISSUE 475

SPORTS: The Greeks take a break from the fighting to participate in a series of games. Judges use instant replay after Antilochus beats out Menelaus in a chariot race. 4

Trojans lose ground but slaughter Greek hero FIGHTING: Achilles’ bronze shining armor is not enough to save Patroklos and he falls at the hands of horse-taming Hector

By Sara Thede Staff Writer

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ike bees protecting their nest, soldiers from both sides fight late into the night. In what proved to be a tactical blunder, Patroklos led the Greek army, dressed in Achilles’ armor. Despite powerful thunder storms and heavy rainfall, the Greek soldiers, led by Patroklos drove the Trojans away from their ships. “It was crazy,” one eyewitness said. “One guy’s spear smashed into another guy’s jaw. His teeth were knocked out and both his eyes filled up with blood.” Along side his comrade Ajax, and led by charioteer Automeden, Patroklos forged through the sea of men. So far officials have been unable to determine exactly how

many deaths occurred, but they estimate the number may be well into the hundreds. Under the glare of intense political scrutiny, Achilles’ reputation takes a hard hit over this battle. While military leaders recognize the progress made by the Greeks, many blame Achilles for Patroklos’ death and call his strategy “too risky.” After feasting on the juicy pieces of lamb thighs and drinking wine, leaders came up with a new plan that included total annihalation of the Trojan army with Priam’s son Hector as the primary target. “I have lost my dearest companion,” Achilles said as he armed for battle. “Hector [must] be beaten down under my spear, lose his life and pay the price for stripping Patroklos, the son of Menoitios,” he said. Please see OBITUARIES, Page 3

ARMCHAIRGENERAL.COM

Soldiers, dreaming of a beautiful death, march towards what has been called the bloodiest battle of this decade long war.

Hera, Zeus in sleepy seduction OLYMPUS: With the aid of Aphrodite and Sleep, the white-armed goddess distracts her husband Zeus, while Poseidon, the great earth-shaker, proceeds to help the Greeks gain the upper hand.

WIKIPEDIA.ORG

After stripping Hector, Achilles sliced into the back of both of his ankles, inserted leather straps and tied him to the chariot.

COMIC BOX.COM

ACHILLESRETURNS WRATH: A hero’s anger is responsible for countless casualties and suffering

By Helen Tapestry Weaver

In a stunning turn of events, swift-footed Achilles agreed to fight after learning of the death of his best-friend Patroklos. Some speculate that the Myrmidon leader is really only fighting because the Trojans stole his “aweinspiring” armor, but he assures everyone that his true motive is revenge. Back in action, Achilles

proceeded to kill Trojans by the hundreds. The embittered Greek filled the river with the dead bodies of his enemies, but she, greatly offended by this action, spit the bodies back out onto dry land. Achilles relentlessly pursued Hector, and chased him around until in a final contest of strength, Achilles drove his spear through Hector’s throat where the collar bone meets the neck and killed him.

LIGHTMISSION.COM

After calling for the destruction of his own troops, Achilles decides to fight.

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dvertisers count on the fact that sex sells, and so does Hera, wife and sister to Zeus. Using her womanly assests to seduce the wide-browed god, Hera devised a plan to help the Greeks win in battle. Allegedly, the ox-eyed goddess first called in beauty expert and love guru Aphrodite. The stylista gave Hera a classic look with long, luscious curls and a traditional robe. She paired the ensemble with some chandelier earrings and strappy sandals. Sources claim they saw Hera talking to Sleep, who she convinced to follow her to mount Ida and sedate her husband. After the daughter of Cronus lured Zeus to bed, Sleep flew to the Greek emcampment, and teamed up with Poseiden to stir up the soldiers. Representatives for Hera deny these allegations.

FANPOP.COM

By Homer Singer/Song-Writer

“Women! You can’t trust ‘em. I’m gonna have to give her a good thrashing and put her in her place.” Zeus Most powerful of the Gods and selfproclaimed “chick magnet.”

STYLE

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HARKWHOGOESTHERE.WORDPRESS.COM

Skin is in

ILION INQUISITOR • 300 B.C.E

Guys better hit the gym and ladies get ready to feast your eyes on some tasty treats ‘cause this season’s style is rough, rugged and manly over came with leg guards fitted with silver ankle clasps, glittering, starry body armor, silver-riveted swords and a great heavy shield. Tie it all together with a well-made helmet with a horsehair crest, the plume nodding frighteningly from the top. While most designs guard the chest and stomach, many still leave some areas of the body vulnerable. For

instance, “Hector’s body was completley covered by the fine bronze armor he had taken from Patroclus when he killed him, except for the flesh that could be seen at the windpipe, where the collar bones hold the neck from the shoulders, the easiest place to kill a man,” according to Homer, singer and story teller. Regardless, good armor can save your life, so look for quality in the design.

GREAVES

HELMET

These sketches are of Hephaistos’ latest design in leg armor. For Achilles he has created these shin guards out of pliable tin. They come equipped with clasps for the ankles, but remain open in the back for better mobility. The renowned blacksmith of the strong arms and his crew of twenty bellows, hand crafted these greaves especially for Thetis’ son over a blazing fire, with a pair of tongs and a hammer.

Protestors surrounded the imperishable, starry, shining bronze home of the lame-footed designer accusing him of animal cruelty. While Hephaistos admits he does use real horse hair in his creations, he claims that no animals have been harmed. In fact, his horses are fed only natural, organic grain to ensure a shiny coat. “They are pampered,” he said. “I anoint them with lavender and oil daily.”

WEB.MAC.COM

ARMILLUM.COM

KULTOFATHENA.COM

You can’t die a beautiful death if you don’t look good while you’re doing it. If you want the next generation to sing about you after you are gone, there are a few essential items you will need to add to your wardrobe. Achilles is always out in front with the latest innovations in fashion. His style is fierce and intimidating. The prized gear that both sides fought viciously

SHIELD Hephaistos shook the fashion industry with his new five-layer shield. This revolutionary design includes bronze, tin, gold and silver. Each intricately crafted piece tells a different story. Images of hate and confusion come along side those of peace and happiness. Although the device is completely wireless, buyers can listen to a boy playing the song of Linus on a tuneful lyre.

OBITUARIES

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ILION INQUISITOR • 300 B.C.E.

Achilles mourns over death of best friend

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Trojans and Greeks play tug of war with slain body

deadly trifecta of man and god attacked Patroclus on the battle field outside the walls of Ilion. First Phoebus Apollo struck the doomed soldier in the back and stripped him of Achilles’ glorius armor. Then as he stood there, dazed from the blow, Euphorbus, the best spearman, runner and horseman of his age, threw a spear through the middle of Patroclus’ back. Finally, Hector stabbed the wounded Greek in the belly and sent him to Hades. Menelaus, son of Atreus, brother of Agamemnon, and husband of Helen, was the first to try and protect the fallen hero’s body, but he was overpowered by Hector and the Trojan army. They attempted to drag the naked corpse back to their camp, but as Hippothous wrapped his belt around Patroclus’ ankle and pulled him through the dirt he was killed by Ajax. Prolonged by the interference from the gods, the two sides battled all day over the body. Eventually Menelaus and Meriones carried Patroclus from the battlefield and back to the ships.

Echepolus killed by Antilochus from a spear in the head 4.529 Elephenor killed by Agenor from a spear in the side 4.543 Simoisius killed by Ajax speared in the nipple 4.549 Leucus killed by Antiphus speared in the groin 4.569 Democoon killed by Odysseus spear through the head 4.579 Diores killed by Peiros hit with a rock, then speared in the gut 4.598 Peiros killed by Thoas spear in the chest, sword in the gut 4.608 Phegeus killed by Diomedes spear in the chest 5.19 Odius killed by Agamemnon spear in the back 5.42 Phaestus killed by Idomeneus spear in the shoulder 5.48 Scamandrius killed by Menelaus spear in the back 5.54 Phereclus killed by Meriones spear in the buttock 5.66 Pedaeus killed by Meges spear in the neck 5.78 Hypsenor killed by Eurypylus arm cut off 5.86 Astynous spear in the chest 5.164, Hypeiron sword in the collar bone 5.165, Abas 5.170, Polyidus 5.170, Xanthus 5.174, Thoo 5.174, Echemmon 5.182, Chromius 5.182, Pandarus spear in the nose 5.346 All killed by Diomedes Deicoon killed by Agamemnon spear in the stomach 5.632 Crethon killed by Aeneas Orsilochus killed by Aeneas Pylaemenes killed by Menelaus spear in the collar bone 5.675 Mydon killed by Antilochus sword in the head, stomped by his horses 5.680 Menesthes killed by Hector 5.714 Anchialus killed by Hector 5.714 Amphius killed by Ajax spear in the gut 5.717 Tlepolemus killed by Sarpedon spear in the neck 5.764 Coeranus 5.783, Alastor 5.783, Chromius 5.783, Alcander 5.784, Halius 5.784, Noemon 5.784, Prytanis 5.784

All killed by Odysseus Teuthras 5.811, Orestes 5.811, Trechus 5.812, Oenomaus 5.812, Helenus 5.813, Oresbius 5.813 All killed by Hector Periphas killed by Ares 5.970 Acamas killed by Ajax spear in the head 6.9 Axylus killed by Diomedes 6.14 Calesius killed by Diomedes 6.21 Dresus killed by Euryalus 6.23 Opheltius killed by Euryalus 6.23 Aesepus killed by Euryalus 6.24 Pedasus killed by Euryalus 6.24 Astyalus killed by Polypoetes 6.33 Pidytes killed by Odysseus with his spear 6.34 Aretaon killed by Teucer 6.35 Ablerus killed by Antilochus with his spear 6.35 Elatus killed by Agamemnon 6.38 Phylacus killed by Leitus 6.41 Melanthius killed by Eurypylus 6.42 Adrastus killed by Agamemnon spear in the side 6.76 Menesthius killed by Paris 7.8 Eioneus killed by Hector spear in the neck 7.11 Iphinous killed by Glaucus spear in the shoulder 7.13 Eniopeus killed by Diomedes spear in the chest 8.138 Agelaus killed by Diomedes spear in the back 8.301 Orsilochus 8.321, Ormenus 8.321, Ophelestes 8.321, Daetor 8.322, Chromius 8.322, Lycophontes 322, Amopaon 8.323, Melanippus 8.323, Gorgythion 8.353, Archeptolemus, 8.363 All killed by Teucer with an arrow Dolon killed by Diomedes sword across the neck 10.546 Rhesus and twelve sleeping Thracian soldiers killed by Diomedes 10.579 Bienor 11.99, Oileus spear in the head 11.103, Isus spear in the chest 11.109, Antiphus sword in the head 11.120, Pisander spear in the chest 11.160, Hippolochus sword cuts off his head 11.165, Iphidamas

nationalgalleries.org

Achilles lamenting over Patroclus, George Hamilton “I just want to die,” Achilles said of his friend’s death. “I could have saved him, but I just sat here in my ship. I still blame Agamemnon. It’s all his fault really.” The soldiers death has been followed by more fighting and death on both sides. sword in the neck 11.27, Coon spear in the side 11.295 All killed by Agamemnon Asaeus 11.341, Autonous 11.341, Opites 11.341, Dolops 11.342, Opheltius 11.324, Agelaus 11.325, Aesymnus 11.325, Orus 11.343, Hipponous 11.325 All killed by Hector Thymbraeus killed by Diomedes spear in the chest 11.364 Molion killed by Odysseus 11.366 Two sons of Merops killed by Diomedes 11.375 Hippodamus killed by Odysseus 11.381 Hypeirochus killed by Odysseus 11.381 Agastrophus killed by Diomedes spear in the hip 11.384 Thoon 11.481, Ennomus 11.481, Chersidamas spear in the groin 11.481, Charops 11.485, Socus spear in the back 11.506 All killed by Odysseus Doryclus 11.552, Pandocus 11.553, Lysander 11.554, Pyrasus 11.554, Pylartes 11.554 All killed by Ajax Apisaon killed by Eurypylus spear in the liver 11.650 Damasus spear through the cheek 12.190, Pylon 12.194, Ormenus 12.194 killed by Polypoetes Hippomachus spear in the stomach 12.196, Antiphates struck with a sword 12.198, Menon 12.201, Iamenus 12.201, Orestes 4 12.201 All killed by Leonteus Epicles killed by Ajax rock in the skull 12.416 Alcmaon killed by Sarpedon spear in the body 12.434 Imbrius killed by Teucer spear in the ear 13.198 Amphimachus killed by Teucer spear in the chest 13.227 Othryoneus killed by Idomeneus spear in the gut 13.439 Asius killed by Idomeneus spear in the neck 13.472 Asius’ charioteer killed by Antilochus spear in the gut

13.482 Hypsenor killed by Deiphobus spear in the liver; wounded? 13.488 Alcathous spear in the chest 13.514, Oenomaus spear in the stomach 3.608, Ascalaphus spear in the shoulder 13.621 killed by Deiphobus Aphareus killed by Aeneas spear in the throat 13.647 Thoon killed by Antilochus spear in the back 13.652 Adamas killed by Meriones spear in the testicles 13.677 Deipyrus killed by Helenus sword on the head13.687 Pisander killed by Menelaus sword in the head 13.731 Harpalion killed by Meriones arrow in the buttock 13.776 Euchenor killed by Meriones arrow in the jaw 13.800 Satnius killed by Ajax 2 spear in the side 14.517 Prothoenor killed by Polydamas spear in the shoulder 14.525 Archelochus killed by Ajax spear in the neck 14.540 Promachus killed by Acamas spear 14.555 Ilioneus killed by Peneleus spear in the eye 14.570 Hyrtius killed by Ajax 14.597 Morys, Hippotion 14.601 killed by Meriones Prothoon, Periphetes 14.602 killed by Teucer Hyperenor killed by Menelaus spear through the side 14.603 Phalces and Mermerus killed, death not mentioned but armour stripped 14.600 Stichius and Archesilaus killed by Hector 15.389 Medon and Iasus killed by Aeneas 15.392 Mecisteus killed by Polydamas 15.399 Echius killed by Polites 15.400 Clonius killed by Agenor 15.401Deiochus killed by Paris spear through the back 15.402 Caletor killed by Ajax 1 spear in the chest 15.491 Lycophron killed by Hector spear in the head 15.503 Clitus killed by Teucer arrow in the back of the neck 15.521

Schedius killed by Hector 15.607 Laodamas killed by Ajax 1 15.608 Otus killed by Polydamas 15.610 Croesmus killed by Meges spear in the chest 15.616 Dolops killed by Menelaus speared in the back 15.636 Melanippus killed by Antilochus spear in the chest 15.675 Periphetes killed by Hector spear in the chest 15.744 Thoas killed by Menelaus spear in the chest 16.365 Amphiclus killed by Meges spear in the leg 16.367 Atymnius killed by Antilochus spear in the side 16.372 Maris killed by Thrasymedes spear in the shoulder 16.377 Cleobulus killed by Ajax 2 sword in the neck 16.386 Lycon killed by Peneleus sword in the neck 16.395 Acamas killed by Meriones spear in the shoulder 16.399 Erymas killed by Idomeneus spear in the mouth 16.403 Pyraechmes spear in the shoulder 16.339, Areilycus spear in the thigh 16.361, Pronous spear in the chest 16.464, Thestor spear in the head 16.477, Erylaus rock on the head 16.479, Erymas 16.484, Amphoterus 6.484, Epaltes 16.484 Tlepolemus 16.485, Echius 16.485, Pyris 16.486, Ipheus16.486, Evippus 16.486, Polymelus 16.486, Thrasymelus spear in the gut 16.542, Sarpedon spear in the chest 16.559, Sthenelaus rock on the head 16.682, Adrastus 5 16.808, Autonous 16.809, Echeclus 16.809, Perimus 16.809, Epistor 16.810, Melanippus 16.810, Elasus 16.811, Mulius 16.811, Pylartes 16.811, Cebriones rock in the head 16.859 All killed by Patroclus Epigeus killed by Hector

rock on the head 16.666 Bathycles killed Glaucus spear in the chest 16.691 Laogonus killed by Meriones spear in the jaw 16.702 Hippothous killed by Ajax spear in the head 17.377 Schedius killed by Hector spear in the collar 17.393 Phorcys killed by Ajax 1 spear in the gut 17.399 Liocritus killed by Aeneas 17.439 Apisaon killed by Lycomedes 17.443 Aretus killed by Automedon spear in the gut 17.636 Podes killed by Automedon spear in the stomach 17.704 Coeranus killed by Hector spear in the head 17.744 Iphition spear in the head 20.463 Demoleon spear in the head 20.476 Hippodamas spear in the back 20.480 Polydorus spear in the back 20.488 Dryops spear in the knee, sword thrust 20.546 Demuchus spear thrust 20.548 Laogonus spear thrust 20.551 Dardanus sword thrust 20.551 Tros sword in the liver 20.555 Mulius spear in the head 20.567 Echeclus sword on the head 20.569 Deucalion sword in the neck 20.573 Rhigmus spear in the gut 20.581 Areithous spear in the back 20.586 Lycaon sword in the neck 21.138 Asteropaeus sword in the stomach 21.215 Thersilochus 21.249 Mydon 21.249 Astypylus 21.250 Mnesus 21.250 Thrasius 21.250 Aenius 21.250 Ophelestes 21.251 All killed by Achilles Information found at the Greek Mythology Link Deaths in the Iliad by Ian Johnston Reproduced and adapted by C. Parada

Hector killed

photos22.flickr.com Trojan hero Hector was killed by Achilles yesterday. The tamer of horses leaves behind his wife, Andromache, and his son, Astyanax. Achilles took the body back to his ship but then returned it when Hector’s father, Priam, king of Troy came and begged for his son’s body back.

SPORTS

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ILION INQUISITOR• 300 B.C.E.

? ? ? ? ? ASK NESTOR

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Q: WIKIPEDIA.ORG

Racing side-by-side at break neck speeds, Diomedes is named champion, but Antilochus takes second place in surprise upset.

Dear Nestor, I have a problem with my boss. He is totally self-centered. I do all the work and then he takes all the prizes. Last week he even stole my girlfriend. Now he wants me to help him take down our competetors. If I don’t our company will go under. Should I help him or let him learn his lesson? -Spoiled in Troy

Blood, sweat, tears A: and cow dung?

Emotions run high as the physical challenges and natural elements push competitors in games played to honor fallen hero Three-time chariot race champion Diomedes was the centerpiece of the funeral games celebration in the city of Troy-- a busy and bittersweet day that marks the end of Greek soldier Patroclus’ life. Diomedes, who captured his third consecutive title on the man-made track, is the first driver in 30 years to win three consecutive series titles. He joins the horse racing legends known as the sons of Aktor, the only two drivers to accomplish that feat. The twins won their titles in 200 B.C.E., beating out Nestor with their two-to-one advantage to get in front. One did the driving while the other wielded the whip. Menelaus struggled to control his emotions after he was pushed out by Antilochus. After the first turn, the lord of Lakedaimon looked like the driver to beat, and in a longer race would have passed Nestor’s son, but in the end took third place. Although Menelaus, bitter in his heart over the loss, called on the judges to use instant replay, he finally gave the second place mare to Antilochus and walked away with his glittering cauldron. Self-proclaimed heavyweight champ Epeios, son of Panopeus, admits he “falls short in battle” but is still a substantial betting favorite. The godlike fighter thoroughly dominated his Achaian teammate, Euryalos, son of lord Mekisteus in an entertaining scrap in the unusual environment of the sandy beaches of Troy. Even though Euryalos is the undisputed champion in all of Kadmeians, he lost the fight to Epeios. He showed great determination and heart and never stopped coming forward to blast Epeios with power punches but was simply caught by a big puncher in the last round and lost a close, very competitive match. The winner goes

Dear Spoiled, I think your competetors want you two to fight amongst yourselves. It makes their job so much easier when you are not working together. While your boss has no right to take your girlfriend from you, at work you need to give him the respect he deserves. He didn’t get to the position he is in for nothing.

Q:

Dear Nestor, There is this big chariot race coming up and all the big names are going to be in it. Part of me thinks I might have a shot at winning and going home with one of the prizes, but my horses are kind of slow. Do you think I have a chance or am I just waisting my time? -Confused in Troy

BOXINGSCENE.COM

Young, precocious and full of potential, Odysseus and Ajax tie for first place in wrestling match. back to his ships with a two-handled goblet. Danaan hero, resourceful Odysseus, tried to put the smack-down on his montstrous opponent Ajax, but found himself equally opposed by the mighty son of Telemon. Both men feel passionately about competing, and Achilles, after watching from the sidelines for what seemed like hours, ruled that both wrestlers deserved first place. The irrepressible, extreme nature of Ajax and the insurmountable hunger to win of Odysseus was sure to come pounding down as the ultimate showdown between these two volatile superstars

in what onlookers anticipated to be an explosive end. Instead the match ended in a tie and Odysseus went on to beat out the other Ajax, son of Oileus, of Lokris in a foot race. Goddess favorite, Odysseus burned up the track, while Ajax had his mouth and nostrils filled with cattle dung, when Athene tripped him. Polypoetes won first place in the discus throwing contest, Meriones carried off a set of ten double axes as the prize for winning first place in archery and the games would have closed with the spear throwers, but Achilles gave the win to Agamemnon.

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Dear Confused, Although you are young you have the gods Zeus and Poseidon on your side and they have taught you all the skills of driving horses. The intelligent charioteer always has his eye on the post and turns tightly around it. You’ll know the right time to use the reins and remember to watch the man in front.