How To Stop Becoming A Perfectionist

How to stop becoming a perfectionist? Perfection, the technical Who would not want a perfectionist? I wonder what would happen in this world without them -- the engineers, the scientists, technology designers, developers, inventors, chemists, astronomers, doctors, and a lot more, even cooks. They set the standards the rest of us enjoy and rely upon. They build perfectly round wheels, perfectly vertical columns, perfectly squared corners, perfectly fitted joints, perfectly timed combustion, perfectly aligned components (to the laser – point). In beauty and the arts, they produce perfectly balanced color and tone, texture and shade, darkness and contrast, shapes and sizes, etc. Every kind of material and chemical inventions of man are perfectly measured in various aspects – length, angle, temperature, speed, volume, weight and mass, computer units, time, area, energy and work, power and pressure, using perfectly exact quantities in units ranging from the micro (or even lower) to the giga (or even higher). Products tested below set standards are regarded as low quality outputs, rejects or failures and are subjects for re-design/ development and/or re-cycling. Perfection, the practical Which publisher would not want a perfectly edited magazine? Which Architect would not want a perfectly-lighted, perfectly-ventilated, perfectly-safe building structure? Which musician would want to play an instrument that is not perfectly tuned? Or who would ride a vehicle that is not in perfectly good running condition. Would you rely on an imperfect blood pressure monitor, weighing scale, thermometer or wrist watch? The best of cooks have their own set of perfect saltyness, sweet-ness, sour-ness, bitterness, and/or spiciness preying on their customers’ sensation and enjoyment of taste. Somehow, somewhere, the rest of us strive to do more, better and quicker in order to keep up, get at par with the standard or at the least -- plan to survive. I did not fully realize the personal benefits of targeting a 100% test score (just bare targeting) until I became no.1 – the peer acceptance, leadership credibility, and the numerous windows of opportunity that have come my way. From then on, I was never half-hearted in everything I did – just striving for excellence, not superiority – just targeting success, not recognition. Perfection, the spiritual “Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.” – Lev 19:1 “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” – Mat 5: 48. Since I became a Christian 29 years ago, perfection appeared to me with an even deeper meaning. From various Scriptural references, “perfection” is equated with “holiness” - as in completely and totally godly, honest, truthful, trustworthy, blameless etc. at all times. As there is no such thing as “part-time Christian”, one cannot be “thou art holy” on Sundays and be a liar on week-days. I know I cannot oppose graft and corruption, and then cheat on my own office time or bribe a traffic officer for my own violation. In the beginning I thought, such spiritual perfection was an impossible feat to make. I learned soon that it is practically achievable, if I do it with dependence on God not on myself. I came to the point that I succeeded in not telling a lie even when it meant my own failure, and defended the cause of “righteousness” even when it meant my own humiliation. Somehow, the feeling of being guiltless, conscience-clear and able to please God (not men) is more than fulfilling enough. Perfection, the relational “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” – Phi

3:12 So what’s the problem in being a perfectionist? I had posed this question a thousand times to myself and in prayer, since I was struck with trials at work five years ago. As the key responsible person, I press on with project management to the best of my intentions, against my colleagues and staff. When the project ended, my company also closed down and with it, I lost some of my closest friends. Yes, even Christians are not immune to these. The “blow” to me was far more devastating emotionally than financially. After five years, I have a good job now but I know restoration of friendships would take a longer time to heal. Because of the experience, this I am sure to say and confident about --“Perfection imposed on oneself is excellence. Perfection imposed on others is his own imperfection (weakness, flaw or failure).” Yes, it is good and admirable to excel and do all things according to set rules and standards. But when mutual love and respect starts to weaken, the accomplishment becomes less important than the relationship. As Rick Warren wrote, “God did not put us on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what we are than what we do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” – Phil 2:3 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – 1Cor 13: 13 “Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” – 2Cor 13:11 “We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.” – Col 1:28