How Do You Live Your Life When Nobodys Watching

M y E n g l i s h t e a c h e r freshman year had a poster with the words “How do you live your life when nobody’s watching?” In my opinion, it is those times when you walk into a person’s home unexpectedly, the times when someone looks up from their daily habits with slightly reddened cheeks of embarrassment and gets up to greet you that you can truly see into their world. And from those few awkward moments, those brief seconds of silence, you can learn so much about a person.

T h i s w a s t h e c a s e as I walked into the home of the Martins last September. Mrs. Martin had left a message wondering if I could baby-sit their nine-year-old during Andrew’s football game. I eagerly agreed, as I was low on cash, and I didn’t have plans, anyway. Not to mention potential baby-pictures might be lying around Showing Andrew’s intense green eyes Or rugged blondish hair.

1

They didn’t have a door-bell And the door was already opened a crack So I called in, “Mrs. Martin, it’s me, Kathi” There was no reply so I walked in cautiously To see Andrew with his gorgeous hair Mangled beneath him And entangled In navy blue headsets And music so loud I could hear the base-line And I could tell that he was asleep I didn’t know if I should wake him He certainly wasn’t dressed for football Mrs. Martin did ask me to come at five didn’t she? She shuffled out of the kitchen In high-heels Her hair neatly tied back Who wears high-heels to a football game? “Oh Kathi, I thought I heard you coming, Annie’s upstairs in her room, You can head on up.” “Uh… okay” I said. Still slightly startled From my glimpse into Andrew’s living room As I took the stairs by twos I could hear Mrs. Martin calling out to Andrew That he better be ready to leave. Ha.

2

Yes my name is Kathi. And no I’m not Hindu and my parents didn’t come from the ghetto I’m not really sure why my parents named me this But that’s my name Kathi Like it or not I’m stuck with it for the rest of my life Well unless I change it or something But I don’t plan to Because wouldn’t that be kind of weird to one day Wake up and respond to some other name? I guess sometimes I think it’s almost neat to have such a strange name Except when people pronounce it with a long I Because yeah that’s my name, Kath-I

3

Annie’s room was pink And I mean really pink She had curls, and Andrew’s same eyes Green as uh…grass? What else is green anyway? She had dark black glasses Which would look emo on anyone but her with her springy blonde hair and denim skirt, she was far from emo. She gave me a big hug though I barely knew her except for some block party we had years ago Maybe nine-year-olds like to give hugs I don’t think I did It doesn’t seem that long ago Though it was almost half my life ago, actually… “Can you help me with my geography?” She asked sweetly, like sugar “Uhm I can try.” I replied. I’m not exactly an A student. It’s been B’s and C’s since 6th grade. It’s not quite that I don’t care. It’s just that I don’t care quite enough maybe. “Okay, Annie, what’s the capitol of Bolivia?” I know for a fact that I never learned this in 4th grade “Suchre.” It turns out she’s in some gifted program And they learn the state capitols next week. Some of those I actually might know. I wonder if Andrew’s secretly just as smart.

4

After about 20 other countries We plopped down on the couch Turned on the TV And ate out of a carton of ice-cream Before dinner I guess maybe that makes me a bad babysitter But my ex-boyfriend’s mother Once took us out for ice-cream in the mid-afternoon So it must be okay Yeah right, He dumped me for a girl with a motorcycle and a tattoo Of vines Going all the way down To her butt And everyone knew it because She wore these shirts that only covered her front She was deemed the “slut” of our class And sadly, I think she took pride in that.

5

Annie and I watched True Life on MTV It was about people who had OCD And I sort of wondered if My obsessive counting to 5 And flickering the light switch 10 times before Walking into my bedroom Put me on the borderline for this disease Annie seemed more interested in her ice-cream than the show But I just couldn’t bring myself to switch it to Invader Zim Or Jimmy Neutron Or whatever else was paying on Nickelodeon. Again, I think I was the worst babysitter ever. The show was really interesting, and I realized how much I liked documentaries But not the ones we watched in Latin class that made me fall asleep almost every time My best friend Sarah sat next to me And Andrew sat in front Putting me in perfect view of his just-got-out-of bed Blonde curls Not the kind of just-got-out-of-bed look they have in magazines Where people actually try to get that look. I’m sure Andrew really just got out of bed And I wouldn’t put it behind him to show up in Batman pajama-bottoms He does seem to like to sleep I bet he has Batman pajamas

6

Afterwards I got started on dinner Which was just macaroni-and-cheese But I couldn’t even think about food After half-a-pint of Rocky Road. Annie was on the phone with her “boyfriend” Another aspect of 4th grade that I certainly didn’t remember Isn’t the age of dating supposed to go up with time? Because the death age goes up too? I knew this from Mr. Frick’s history class Pocahontas was really 13 and bald too I found that amusing. And also she discovered how to grow hybrid tobacco. Try putting that in a kids movie. Annie said, “No, I love you more” Half a million times And I wondered if nine year olds could even begin to fathom what love is. And I wondered…why I’d been so lonely For so very long.

7

There were a couple of photos of Andrew around the house Mostly ones of him and Annie, dressed in black In those formal family portrait type things The kind my family never could have Since I’m the only child Though I’m not complaining Andrew was incredibly handsome Especially in the football pictures With his helmet in his hand And showing off his broad shoulders Which are only broadened with his wide shoulder-pads A guy like him would never date a girl like me A girl who snorts when she laughs too hard And likes to watch documentaries When I got to high school I didn’t think the football players date The skinny cheerleaders stereotype would be true And yet it is Sarah did date one once though And she’s certainly not a cheerleader And certainly not skinny either But he was just a punter So he barely ever got to play And I would know Since Sarah insisted on dragging me along to every single game of the season And I like football as much as the next girl Which is not a whole lot Most girls went to parties after the games Where there would be booze and cigarettes and marijuana I wouldn’t go even if I was ever invited And I wonder why Andrew would never date me

8

My mom always said I was a pretty girl But everyone knows that doesn’t really mean much of anything I have long dark hair It’s almost black And I usually wear in two braids Or sometimes I’ll sleep with it wet And it’ll be curly the next day I tried straightening it once with Sarah’s straightener and it was quite unusual since my hair is already down to my but my eyes are hazel and I often wondered what that’s supposed to mean Does it really mean they’re mostly brown with little specks of yellow and green and gray? I have a lot of freckles and I’m super-tall 6 foot 1 to be exact. Andrew was really tall though too, taller than me I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop thinking about Andrew Well I guess it was because I spent so much time in his house But it’s not like I had a crush on him or anything.

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Annie went to bed at nine Which seemed early to me, but I guess not. I took Wuthering Heights out of my book bag Which was required curriculum for all 10th graders But even my teacher hated it So basically it spanned two generations of this love triangle And people got sick a lot And there was this mean gypsy guy named Heathcliff Who bought the estate and tries to control everyone Not such an amazing plot. I, personally, liked Catcher in the Rye much better Holden was a much more believable character Even if he was a bit insane And thought everyone is ‘phony’ He could potentially have a point there.

10

Mr. and Mrs. Martin came home just after ten I guess they went out to eat or something. I was glad I hadn’t quite fallen asleep Which I often did when reading novels for English “So how much do I owe you?” asked Mr. Martin with a low grumble with just a hint of neighborly friendliness I’d never met him before. “Uhm…it’s up to you” I replied, shyly I was sort of shy though according to my mom I wasn’t when I was little “How’s $25 sound?” “Perfect.” It wasn’t a far walk home But Mrs. Martin insisted on my bringing a flashlight When I got home, my mom was asleep as she so often was My dad was sitting in front of the TV screen with a bowl of popcorn. I put my $25 into the piggy bank I’d had since I was five And put on my silk pajamas My ex had bought me for my birthday That albeit were a little bit revealing Which my mom dismissed as utterly inappropriate But they were still really comfy

11

My Sundays were always really lazy days After coming home from church Of lounging around in my pajamas Renting movies to watch by myself And making Latin flashcards No one ever called me on Sundays And I never called anyone else either So I was slightly taken off guard when the phone rang And I answered after my standard three rings To head Mrs. Martin saying how much Annie enjoyed last night And wouldn’t I like to come over again next Saturday too? “Why yes, yes I would, Mrs. Martin.” “I’ll see you then.” “Goodbye” Yet another chance to be catapulted into the world of the Martins With all their green-eyed splendor This I was looking forward to Even if it did involve Rocky Road and True Life marathons And rather than brainstorm ways to memorize the declensions of ‘omnis’ for Latin I brainstormed ways of learning more about Andrew, Though no, I did not have a crush on him I was simply interested.

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On Monday I saw Andrew at school And I swear he looked at me for a second longer than seemed normal but I’m not saying I minded much I was very unprepared for my Latin test And I had to make up the declensions for third person adjectives My mind was elsewhere And Sarah kept asking me if I was alright “Yeah, of course.” History and algebra, and gym and even lunch seemed to drag on forever and ever and ever I couldn’t wait for Saturday though it was still Monday And Saturday was a long way away After school Sarah and I went to a track meet It was at home We don’t actually know any of the athletes personally But a lot of them are pretty attractive And sometimes, if we get really, really lucky They walk around shirtless The most fun to watch is the hurdles They seem so high So insurmountable And yet there they go Jumping over each one with ease.

13

On Thursday I had a meeting for our school’s literary magazine It’s called “Flying” It’s basically a bunch of teenage-angsty poems with a picture or A drawing Interspersed. I’m the ‘literary editor’ but I usually have to take over at the meetings Because the ‘editor-in-chief’ is rarely there And even when he was He really didn’t have a clue what he was doing. He’s wasn’t there that day, not to my surprise We started by reading a poem about a homemaker who gets abused by her husband We read each poem three-times, I guess so that it sinks in. The principal probably wouldn't have let us put that one in the book But I figured let’s vote on it anyway. I gave it a 1 out of 3, because it seemed a little violent And I really hoped it didn’t make it in Because I really didn’t want to have to talk to Mr. Liam Almost everyone else gave it a 3. Almost everyone else was dressed in black and had side-swept bangs, though. Except Sarah, who rolled her eyes at a chorus of “3”’s She doesn’t know much about poetry But even she knew why I wished “The Darkest Night” Was getting a much lower score.

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At long last Saturday came And throughout school I could think of nothing more than going to the Martins After school I made myself a turkey sandwich on rye bread And packed my bag Then I headed over to the Martin’s, remembering to bring back their flashlight And hoping they at least closed their door this time But sort of also hoping they didn’t. They didn’t. “Annie, Mr. and Mrs. Miller? It’s Kathi…” “Oh hi, Kathi.” It’s him. Andrew. Who I did not have a crush on. Wearing boxers. I felt like I just died and went to heaven. He didn’t seem to be too expedient in getting ready for football games. I could see his cheeks slowly turn a deep shade of pink. Didn’t he know I was coming? Besides his cheeks, he didn’t show any other signs of embarrassment And didn’t bother to make any excuses. “Um…hey Andrew, is Annie upstairs?” “She’s down in the playroom.” “Okay.”

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Down in the playroom Annie was sitting cross legged with her geography notebook. This kid was really studious, studying on Saturdays and all. “Capitols again?” “State capitols this time.” “Let me see.” “Louisiana?” “Baton Rouge.” “Kansas?” “Topeka.” “Maine?” “Augusta.” “Kentucky?” “Frankfort.” “Great job.” Then I saw the home movies sitting in the open cabinet. Andrew’s first birthday. Trip to Cape Cod. Annie’s dance recital. Andrew’s pre-school graduation. Andrew’s pre-school graduation. That was a movie I wouldn’t mind seeing. “Hey, Annie, you think we can watch one of those home movies?” “Oh those are boring.” “Please?” Worst babysitter. Ever.

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The movie we saw was entitled “Christmas with Gran.” It was no “Andrew’s pre-school graduation” But it was still pretty amazing As Annie tore open an oddly shaped present that turned out to be a doll Andrew was spinning in circles His blonde curls flying about And his eyes, piercing “My turn!” he shrieked with delight He got some G-I-Joes And I have never seen a kid happier, Smiling from ear-to-ear So maybe I had a teeny-tiny crush on him. When Annie went to bed, I popped in “Andrew’s pre-school graduation” As he accepted his diplomas in his gown and hat He looked so cute Adorable. And then he was standing behind me “Um…” was all he said Well, this was awkward Now my cheeks were the pink ones Just in the nick of time, Mr. and Mrs. Martin walked in I slid the $25 into my pocket and walked home No flashlight this time.

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I couldn’t look at him in school Monday And when we got assigned a project together in history I could absolutely die. Research the industrial revolution. Do an oral presentation. Oh God. He looked at me nervously as he turned his desk towards me “Where do we start?” “Well, we need a topic I guess.” “How about medicine?” I asked, looking away from him “Cool, I want to be a doctor so, that’s cool.” Wow, he wants to be a doctor How about that secretly smart theory of mine We read about small pox, and vaccinations, and Edward Jenner And the bell rang. And that was day one. Not so bad.

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But I still dreaded going to history For every minute of economics The teacher was talking about supply and demand The teacher is always talking about supply and demand. We broke of into our partners in history And started writing our speech “So should we read every other card?” he asked gently and tapped my shoulder, because my mind was elsewhere I’ll never wash this shoulder again. Okay so that’s a bit of an exaggeration So we wrote and we practiced “Uh, my mom was wondering if you could come Saturday again.” The thought of another Saturday after last, itself, was embarrassing “Yeah, you have another football game?” “Uh no…a party. And my parents are going out for dinner.” “Oh okay.” I wondered if he got drunk, or did pot Maybe. I had the burning desire to ask him But didn’t. He must think I’m the biggest loser ever to not be going to the party. I had heard about it, Julie Schmitz’s 16th birthday. I actually was invited; I’d be surprised if there was anyone in the school not invited. Well except Eddy Jansen, who picked his nose Or the girl who wore the shirts that only covered her front But I didn’t like getting drunk or getting high.

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Sarah on the other hand was a bit of a different story. She could drink herself into oblivion when and if she wanted to. Which was frequently. She was always begging me to go to these parties. And I never did. She hooked up with guys while she was buzzed sometimes. That’s what she called it- buzzed. Because four beers was not ‘drunk’ to her. Andrew didn’t strike me as the kind to drink. Though most football players did. Not to mention the cheerleaders. If I went to one of there parties I would find out if he did. But I didn’t plan on it. I planned on babysitting for Annie. And working on the history presentation while I was there. Who would want the feeling of not knowing what you’re doing. Of complete inhibition. And waking up the next morning. Hung-over. With an awful headache. And not passing dad’s sniff test. That’s not exactly my idea of a good time.

20

Saturday came quickly And I was faced yet again with the open door of the Martins This time Andrew wasn’t in sight And I breathed a sigh of relief Though I’m not saying I would have minded seeing him in his boxers again I could hear Annie upstairs so I went on up Calling a “Hello” to Mrs. Martin I was feeling more comfortable in this strange house by now There were no capitols to memorize this week So I got started on dinner, which was spaghetti We rarely ate spaghetti in my house My mom is ‘carb-conscious’ So it was a treat I got even more of a treat when I was wondering the upstairs halls After Annie had gone to bed early 8:00 My god, she was an angel child Then I saw it Andrew’s bedroom Navy blue walls, band tee-shirts strewn about, and an autographed football Oh God, I shouldn’t go in. Talk about being a bad babysitter This was worse than perusing the medicine cabinet, Which I never quite understood the purpose of I went in; I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it The walls looked bluer inside, but I didn’t dare turn on a light There was a dim light from the moon Making the small locked book at his bedside unmistakable Next to a book entitled “How to Get a Date in 20 Days,” was the key. That book would be great blackmail Not that I had any reason to blackmail Andrew

21

Monday, October 5th Dear Diary, (Oh my God, how cute.) Today was fairly uneventful. Latin was boring as ever and I can’t believe my mom won’t let me drop that class. (My mom won’t, either.) Tom and Angelica seem to be moving pretty fast for two weeks into their relationship. He told me they went to second base already. She was drunk though, I’m assuming. (That’s gossip to tell Sarah on Monday.) We got partners in history, and I’m with Kathi, this really pretty girl. (I guess my mom was right.) (Oh my God, did Andrew Martin just say I was pretty?!) She’s one of the smart kids and would never date someone like me. (That’s not true.) I mean I may not know how to prove theorems in geometry but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. (Theory= correct.) I guess it’s just the whole football players are dumb stereotype. Write more tomorrow. (Who actually says that?) Imagine him walking in now. I would die.

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I fell asleep on the couch, but woke up to the sound of Mr. and Mrs. Martin bursting through the door They were certainly drunk Mr. Martin at first gave me a hundred dollar bill instead of a twenty, which I corrected And Andrew was still out partying Which I was partly disappointed about But partly I knew I wouldn’t have been able to face him after Reading his diary Bursting in to his secret life How he lives when no one else is watching I had put everything back exactly where it had been And I walked home, no flashlight Mom asleep, dad on the couch, Just as always, With a new thought in my head about Andrew The boy who thought I was pretty.

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I must have slept with my braids in that night because as I woke up for church Sunday morning, my hair was tousled And curly And almost looked okay So I put on some brown pants And a pink shirt There was a possibility of seeing the Martins who sometimes went to service, so I wanted to look my best And not for Annie. So I put on some eye-liner And lip-gloss And got in the car. We always sat next to Sarah’s family, they were usually there earlier So they saved us part of their pew Our moms had been friends for as long as we were Sarah’s hair was messy, and she sort of had bags under her eyes She definitely had been drinking Did she go to the party last night and not tell me? That wouldn’t be like her The priest started his sermon and I whispered to her, “Did you go to Julie’s party last night?” “You could tell? Didn’t I mention it to you?” “Um...no” “Well anyway, I hooked up with that ex of yours, Peter” Sarah!! I wanted to scream at her. Then I regained my composure. This was church after all “Tell me everything.”

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“Well I was drunk, obviously. And he came on to me. I swear. And as soon as I have time to realize it, we’re kissing in some room I think it was Julie’s parents’ bedroom.” “Dear Lord…” I probably shouldn’t say that in church… “And then he took my shirt off.” “My God, Sarah” Oops, again I mean I knew she wouldn’t have sex or anything though “We just went to second…and third And he tried to get my pants off- but I finally came to.” “Uhm, good thing” “And he drove me home, though I doubt he was more sober than I was” Sarah never gets ‘drunk’ “I can’t believe you hooked up with my ex I just can’t believe it.” “I’m sorry, it’s not like you still like him though, right?” Ew, no I wanted to tell her about Andrew, find out about his night But I didn’t.

25

Our history presentation went alright We got a B I always get B’s Our points off were for eye-contact No one wants to be looked at anyway With the exception maybe of the teacher But even then, I wondered Oh, and he started talking to me in Latin class Mostly about how much we hated it, or what the homework was But every once in a while, I saw his cheeks flush And I remembered that this was the boy Who said I was pretty Or told his diary so. I often twirled my hair, unintentionally I guess you could say I was flirting Until Mr. Ashton told me to stop picking up boys He thought he was a wise-ass

And that snapped me back to Latin class.

26

Sarah wanted me to go to a party with her on Friday Mrs. Martin hadn’t asked me to baby-sit so I didn’t have that excuse I didn’t really have much excuse at all Except reading Wuthering Heights And something told me Sarah wasn’t exactly going to buy that So I finally caved and decided to go with her How bad could it be? I guess Not that I was looking forward to it But it was a sure bet that Andrew would be there The boy who thought I was pretty Okay The boy who I had a major crush on. I thought about dancing with him And being close to him And maybe even kissing him I thought about it All the way until Friday night Well he probably wanted to kiss me too Didn’t he?

That thought was just about enough to kill me.

27

Friday couldn’t come soon enough. I had picked out a little black skirt and bright blue tank top Sort of turquoise Sarah claimed it wouldn’t be too fancy But I wanted to look nice I pulled my skirt down a little bit as I saw Sarah’s mom’s gray sedan roll down the driveway “Bye, mom!” I called out as I locked the door behind me “Bye, sweetie…” She replied, sleepily I plopped down in the back-seat Eyeballing Sarah’s tight black pants And too-casual tight tee-shirt This was going to be one hell of a night I didn’t intend on drinking And I most certainly planned on not getting high Well at least I kept one of those promises.

28

The party was at a big house With streamers and loud music And booze I’ve never really liked to dance Because I always feel like people are looking at me To my surprise I saw the girl who only wears half-shirts across the room But no sign of Andrew. Sarah headed right for the beer with a quiet “Be right back.” So there I was, All alone, Cast aside, I almost felt like crying. Then I saw Andrew and my heart lit up. When Sarah came back with the beer She could tell I’d been staring “Kathi, Are you eying up Andrew Martin?” She asked suspiciously “Well…” I replied He was walking towards me I was sure he was going to talk to some pretty girl behind me But I was wrong. “Hey Kath,” he started, confidently I was the pretty girl. And no one ever calls me ‘Kath’.

29

I Was Paralyzed By emotion As Sarah handed Me a beer it all seemed So natural, like I went partying Every weekend. Always drank Bud Light Always talked to boys who were football players With gorgeous green eyes and beautiful blonde hair Who think I’m pretty. “How’s it going?” he asked. “Good, you?” “Good, so this is pretty boring, right?” “I guess so,” I said softly and wonder if that’s really the right answer. “Do you think we can turn on the TV in the other room? Or is that like rude or something?” He asked. He had the cutest smile. “Nah, I think that’s perfectly acceptable.” I replied, and I couldn’t believe What I was doing. Sitting on The Couch That’s worn out With Andrew Martin Drinking a beer And watching True Life.

30

“You like True Life?” I asked. “I love documentaries.” This is too good to be true. “It helps me get out of my world and realize that everything doesn’t revolve around me.” “Mmhmm,” I replied, dreamily. This is too good to be true. And he inched closer to me on the couch And I could have absolutely died. His hand slowly crept on to my knee. This is too good to be true. The topic was sex-addicts Which made it sort of awkward. It didn’t show anything too graphic, But it was certainly enough to laugh over together. This is too good to be true. I had sort-of a buzz at this point And I felt sort-of guilty But it felt sort-of good And I felt his hands on my shoulders This is too good to be true. And he leaned in And I felt like I was lifting off the ground As his soft, delicate lips hit mine And he closed his beautiful green eyes And kissed me The gentlest, most tender kiss I have ever received. This is way too good to be true. 31

Sarah Walked in And we weren’t Kissing right then but We were cuddling and He had his arm around me And we were giggling about True Life And we were talking about football and “Flying” And I resented Sarah for walking in on this picture-perfect Moment between me and Andrew Martin. The couch was comfy But even comfier was his soft warm hand on my shoulder. Sarah said her mom was there so I had to go. So I kissed Andrew on the cheek and said “hope I see you tomorrow in your boxers, again,” because Mrs. Martin had asked yet again for me to baby-sit the next day. And he snapped back, “Have fun watching my pre-school graduation.”

And I knew my cheeks were turning red, but somehow I didn’t care quite so much.

32

My dad was out, so I didn’t have to deal with any sniff tests Luckily And my mom was asleep, of course Not that she would care too much I picked out an outfit for tomorrow Just a tee-shirt that was slightly tighter than my others But still not as tight as Sarah’s last night She told me it was a rather uneventful party for her “I knew you had a thing for him,” she accused after she saw me kiss him on the cheek The car-ride home I had felt comfy, And warm, And in love With this boy I barely knew, Besides the feeling of his body near mine. The boy who loved documentaries.

33

As soon as I walked into the Martin’s house I didn’t ask for Annie, I went looking for Andrew. He was sitting on the living-room couch in his football gear And he looked incredibly cute Before I knew it I was right there next to him, And with a simple “Hey, Kath” My lips and his are one And I am wishing that I could stay there forever Until his parents walk in We weren’t kissing anymore, fortunately Though we were sitting awfully close But luckily Mrs. Martin didn’t even give me so much as a suspicious look. “Annie’s downstairs tonight, Kathi” “Okay” There is no need to remind myself how bad of a babysitter I am, I thought as I inconspicuously wiped the dampness from my lips As soon as she left, Andrew grabbed his helmet and gave me A sweet kiss on the forehead And I winked, in a strained attempt to seem cute or cool or something And took the stairs down to the playroom two at a time Feeling particularly lighthearted.

34

It was later than the time I usually got there So within a few minutes I had to get started making dinner which was chicken nuggets that had cheese in them That was definitely something you would never find in my freezer in a million years We ate and watched Full House and I then attempted to read Wuthering Heights, to no avail, while Annie instant messaged her friends She eventually went to bed which meant full reign of the house which was a frightening thought as this was now my boyfriend’s house. Well, was he really my boyfriend? I didn’t know. In my mind I rushed upstairs, unlocked the diary and read all about our “hook-up” at the party. I found out whether he considered me his girlfriend, and I left no question unanswered. In reality, my eyes were glued to Andrew’s First Birthday which was an exciting adventure about a one-year old getting cake all over his face, and his parents helping him open presents. Half of which were wooden blocks. But damn, those eyes.

35

And then there’s Trip to the beach Vacation with the cousins First day of school Andrew’s fourth birthday Andrew’s first tee-ball game The Christmas Pageant Wait, what time is it? I grabbed the phone with my feet And dialed the emergency number Mrs. Martin had given me, that was Neatly tucked in my pocket “Hello?” answered a voice that seemed rushed and nervous “Hey, this is Kathi, I was just wondering what time you’d be back” I responded, trying to sound as calm as possible to balance out Mrs. Martin’s rushed tones. It’s 12:37. “Oh honey, we’re at the hospital,” was all she offered, still sounding uneasy I hoped Andrew was okay Sports can be so dangerous “Oh okay,” I responded, equally uneasy at this point, “I can stay the night if you want” “Oh honey you wouldn’t mind?” “Of course not” “You can grab some pajamas from my room if you’d like. Oh Kathi, thank you so much, this makes things so much easier for me” “No problem” “I’ll be there first thing in the morning. Bye” Click “Uhm, bye?”

36

I phoned my mom who inquired about where the Martins had gone But didn’t seem to mind or worry about my spending the night I tiptoed up the creaky wooden stairs, slowly As to not wake Annie I opened Mr. Martin’s drawer first, by accident, and then Mrs. Martin’s I saw some lingerie that I could have done without seeing But then found a pair of flannel pajamas that looked comfy If not entirely too large. I decided to keep my tee-shirt on because it Was comfortable enough, and to be perfectly honest it was Flattering in case Andrew was to see me in the morning. I went to bed thinking up every possible injury That could happen to my Andrew A broken foot, a twisted wrist And soon I was Asleep. I Woke Up with the Print of the couch on My arm, and a slightly worried Feeling, though I knew the Martins had Returned, for I could hear Mrs. Martin cooking. Andrew was sitting in the dining room, unhurt, doing algebra homework It seemed he did have the same work-ethic as his baby sister. Mrs. Martin Offered me pancakes, and though I told her I couldn’t say, her begging, and the amazing aroma, and okay, Andrew’s pleading looks Enticed me to stay for breakfast. I wondered Where Mr. Martin was, or maybe if He had a job where people Worked on Saturdays. Breakfast was Dismal. Except for the kiss that Andrew and I snuck in right before I left. 37

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