Homecoming '06

Homecoming Skit RICO IS THE NARRATOR 1. Mrs. Burt: The Holy Hand Grenade of Peyton Manning 2. Mrs. Day: kayaks and organic food. Organic noodles from the deep attacked by a steak (SDOT) 3. Scotty J: 4. Coach K: the fatso who steals all of our food 5. Mrs. Davis: “The Kitty Queen” she sicks cats on the ship 6. Fergy: Captain Ferguson comes to take over the ship, we bomb, he sinks, we leave 1. Mr. Carroll – Pirate 2. Ms. Day – Nice voice (falsetto, then mean angry voice *demon like* 3. Coach K – Smiegel 4. Mrs. Davis Four seniors are sitting at a table in the senior lounge being a “happy family” eating lunch and talking about the first day of their senior year. There is a box next to the table that says “Senior Lounge” Rico: *MP* One bright and sunny day, the seniors were enjoying a nice dinner in their senior lounge. The birds were singing, the skies were clear, and everything was right with the world. *pirate voice* Until all of a sudden… Cue thunder and lightning sound effects, startled sound effect as well The lights start flickering and Admiral Johnson appears with a parrot on his shoulder and his voodoo medicine woman Mrs. Donna. Rico: *pirate*The dreaded Admiral Johnson and his voodoo priestess Mrs. Donna appeared out of nowhere and stole the senior lounge! The lights continue flickering. Mrs. Donna makes weird hand motions Mystical sound effect plays The 4 seniors stand up and start spinning around (they have senioritis). Rico: *innocent children* What is happening!? *MP* They exclaimed. Soon, the members of the Happy Family felt a strange sensation. The lights stop and lightning strikes etc. and now the seniors have turned into pirates and the “senior lounge” sign is gone. Mr. Carroll appears.

Rico: *Monty Python* Just then, Captain Carroll appeared and explained what had just happened. *Pirate*“The Voodoo Priestess Donna has cursed you all with senioritis!” *MP* he said as he stroked his beard. *pirate* “The only way to remove this curse is to travel with me to the ends of the Earth and to face the unending trials and tribulations of the merciless deep. Rico: *MP* And with that the seniors embarked on their treacherous journey aboard their feared vessel, the Happy Family. The ship comes up and starts rocking back and forth, as well as the waves. He’s A Pirate starts playing as well. Rico: *MP* The Happy Family was sailing merrily along when it passed a woman in a small kayak. Mrs. Day and kayak come up next to the ship Rico: *Mrs. Day* “Good day pirates! The friendly woman said. *pirate* “Good day lass!” *MP* said a sailor, who was incidentally holding a rather large piece of meat. It was at this time that the friendly lady became a very unfriendly lady. *pirate* With hatred in her eyes she summoned the great organic green beans of the deep to attack the Happy Family! Mrs. Day makes crazy hand motions/strange dance and giant green beans attack the ship Rico: *MP* Luckily for the crew, the chef of the Happy Family was quite experienced in fighting off giant organic vegetables and fended them off with a rather large steak. *pirate* “Take some steak you healthy organic vegetables!” *MP* The cook growled as he launched a particularly juicy cut at the oncoming beans. Steak is thrown at the green beans and they die. Mrs. Day rows away in the kayak. Rico: *MP* After overcoming this first of many ordeals, the Happy Family sailed along once more. The pirates are asleep as Coach K climbs into the ship and proceeds to take the food.

Rico: *MP* Days later, Special K, the gigantic mooch monster with well endowed calves boarded the boat while the crew was sleeping and raided the galley. An hour later, the gigantic mooch monster hissed *Smegal* “Ohhh, my precious foodses,” *MP* to himself, and made away with the rest of their food. Seniors wake up and scurry about the boat looking for food that is no longer there. Pirates make hungry motions. Rub stomach, groaning noises, etc. Rico: *MP*The seniors woke up that next morning only to discover that the mooch monster had taken all of their food and that they were all very, very hungry. Enter Mrs. Davis with her herd of cat minions. Pirates and cats act outcome a very complex battle scene. Rico: *MP* Soon after, The Dread Pirate Davis laid siege to the Happy Family. Running out of room on her ship, the Kitty Caravel, The Dread Pirate Davis tried to take over the Happy Family with her herd of cat minions. After a long and intense battle, the seniors emerged victorious… Mrs. Davis and her feline forces were made to retreat, and the pirates, still famished, were able to satisfy their hunger by devouring the kitty corpses that were left behind. The pirates were now full, but the battle had made them incredibly thirsty. Boat crew acts really really thirsty. Pirates come across floating snack bar. Rico: *MP* Just then, the seniors spotted a floating snack bar where they could stop and purchase beverages. *SBL* “Avast pirates, how may I be of service?” *Pirate* “We would like to kegs of root beer.” *SBL* “Will you purchases any food with that today?” *Pirate* “No thank you.” *SBL* “Then off to the coke machines with ye.” *Pirate* “But we’re in the middle of the-” *SBL* “COKE MACHINES!!!!” *Pirate* “Curses!” *MP* The pirates said. *MP*Days later, the pirates found themselves floating through the fogs of Faygo where they spotted an enchanted ice chest. They brought the ice chest aboard and each pirate took his pick. *Pirate* I’ll have an orange Faygo!. *MP* One pirate said, *Pirate* I’ll have a grape Faygo! *MP* Said another. *MP* Then the fog guardian, who also happened to like The Notebook, emerged from the deep and said *SJ*“I’ll have them all!”

*MP* They were about to fight Scotty J off, when all of a sudden… cue the Notebook scene *SJ* “Oh No! My favorite part of the Notebook is on!” *MP* Scotty J returned to the depths to watch The Notebook and cry himself to sleep, as the pirates triumphantly continued on their journey with their delicious Faygo. Pirates celebrate and drink. *MP* “Soon, the seniors came out of the fog and were passing a rocky shore when they heard a beautiful…almost hypnotizing song of a Siren Called Well. *Caldwell* “Lalalalala, go to the Isles of Burt to find your senior lounge.” *Pirate* “Oh never have I heard or seen in all my days such an enchanting lass.” *MP* In a trance, they set off for the Isles of Burt. Pirates act trance-like. *MP* After three days of sailing and eating salted cat, they arrived at the Isles of Burt and set off to find the senior lounge. During their search, they encountered the cave guardian of the Isles, Burt, talking to a Bush, named George. The seniors, thinking that Burt was a docile creature, prepared to attack her. *pirate* “Wait!” *MP* Captain Carroll yelled, *pirate* “Burt might seem like a docile creature, but if you anger her she will become the most ferocious monster you could ever imagine.” *pirate* “I have no fear of that weak creature” *MP* exclaimed one of the pirates. The foolish pirate charged Burt, and just before he reached her, she flew through the air and ripped his head off. The rest of the pirate crew stood in awe as Burt drank the blood as it flew like a fountain out of his neck. *pirate* “I tried to warn him, but the only way to defeat her is to use the Holy Hand-grenade of Eli Manning.” *MP* Captain Carroll said. *pirate* “But where will we find this most powerful weapon?!?” *MP* asked a pirate. *pirate* “I just happen to have it here in my pocket,” *MP* responded Carroll. The pirates then threw the Holy Hand-grenade of Eli Manning at Burt, and she became pleasantly distracted, as they snuck by her into the cave. *MP*Upon entering the cave, the pirates finally saw their senior lounge, in all its glory, sitting in the middle of the cavern. Just as they were about to obtain the glorious lounge, Admiral Johnson and Voodoo Priestess Donna appeared behind them. Voodoo Priestess Donna was

about to cast her voodoo magic on the pirates, when a pirate exclaimed, *pirate* “Wait! Can’t we all be just one big happy family? Name your price for the lounge and I’m sure we can make an agreement.” *AdmJohn* “hmm…” *MP* Admiral Johnson said. *AdmJohn* “well, now that you bring it up, I’ve always been fond of Captain Carroll (for some reason that we will figure out tomorrow).” *pirate* “They’d never trade their fearless captain for a mere senior lounge, would ye crew?” *MP* protested Captain Carroll. *pirates* “Hmm… that be a hard decision to make.” *MP* the pirates said. *Adm John* “I’ll throw in a mini-fridge!” *MP* Admiral Johnson offered. *pirates* “Deal.” *MP* said the pirates immediately. *mp*Admiral Johnson and Voodoo Priestess Donna took Captain Carroll away, as the pirates senioritis faded away. They took their new senior lounge equipped with a mini-fridge ,put it in the old Captain’s quarters of Carroll, and lived happily ever after. Alternate ending As they were about to reach the senior lounge, Admiral Johnson, Voodoo Priestess Donna, and all of their old foes jumped out from the darkness and prepared to attack them. Just when all hope seemed lost, Mrs. Hamilton, in all her glory, descended from the sky. They were in a cave and she still came from the sky. How the heck did she do that?!? That’s how awesome she is. With one wave of her hand, all of the pirates’ enemies were obliterated and sent to Heaven where they were able to do Calculus, obviously the most wonderful thing in the entire world, for the rest of eternity. *Rico* The pirates praised Mrs. Hamilton, and Mrs. Hamilton pleased by the admiration decided to make the AP Calculus test, coming to the following Monday, extremely easy. *Joey* On second thought, she decided that it would be more appropriate to just cancel it altogether, and give everyone hundreds. *Colby* On third thought, she decided that she should cancel all of the tests of the year, and just give everyone one hundreds. *Rico* On fourth thought, she decided that the obvious course of action would be to convert the AP Calculus class, with Voodoo Priestess Donna as her co-sponsor, into the nation’s first ever Shoe Golf Team. It then became America’s new pastime, and the seniors went on to fame and glory. The end.