Here We Go

Bree says (3:36 AM): Cait? Caitlin says (3:36 AM): mhm? Bree says (3:37 AM): Okay, I know I've been really, really, ridiculously bitchy to you lately Caitlin says (3:37 AM): Mhm? Bree says (3:37 AM): I'm not quite sure why, but it's like whenever I talk to you, or you talk to me, whatever you're saying comes off as really insulting to me, and I immediately get defensive even when I know you aren't trying to attack me Caitlin says (3:38 AM): There's really not much I can do about that. oO At first, nothing I said was meant to attack you. That's not who I am. But the more defensive you got, the more defensive I've gotten. Bree says (3:39 AM): Really, it's not your fault. It's completely on me, because this is like... the fourth or fifth time this has happened. Caitlin says (3:39 AM): -shrugs- I'm apathetic toward it. I'm not one to take being bitched at lightly. So.. Bree says (3:40 AM): I'm just really sorry. I don't want to be that kind of person anymore that cycles through friends like they're toys. I don't want you to think that I hate you or anything, because I really don't. Caitlin says (3:40 AM): I just don't understand what I would have done to deserve such rudeness and bitchiness. Bree says (3:40 AM): I'm just struggling to not be so... vindictive. Bree says (3:41 AM): It's just, when you do very small things that annoy me, I bottle them up. So, over time, one very small thing will just get me to completely snap and be like "OMFG. Fuck her, I hate her" Caitlin says (3:41 AM): Well, Bree, that's a lovely way to maintain friendships. Bree says (3:42 AM): I'm trying to fix it I know it's not fair of me to expect you to know when something irritates me, especially when I don't communicate very clearly Caitlin says (3:43 AM): You communicate just fine. I've learned to just stay away, honestly. I don't take being treated like I'm dispensible well. I don't like being stepped on or condescended toward. I just don't do it. Caitlin says (3:44 AM): It's as if everything I said to you was trivial and unimportant. As if you didn didn't* take my feelings into account. And that hurt. Caitlin says (3:45 AM): Snapping at me. -shrugs- Just kinda made me stay away even more. Bree says (3:46 AM): I know. I brushed you off, and it wasn't fair because I never really knew why. I just did it. I mean, sometimes I got a bit short when I was busy and just didn't have time to talk, but most of the time I felt this aggression and didn't really know where it was coming from. The things you said to me weren't trivial and unimportant, I just didn't know how to completely and honestly tell you how I felt about things. Bree says (3:47 AM): So I just lashed out. I felt horrible every time afterwards, but I felt like I couldn't just apologize after I'd attacked you. Caitlin says (3:48 AM):

Which just kind of makes me wonder how horrible you could have felt? I don't understand it, Bree. Friends don't treat friends like this. And treating others like you do might get you so far, but it won't get you far with me. As far as I'm concerned our friendship can't be mended. -shrugs- Lashing out at me was undeserved and unfair. I'm not risking it happening again Bree says (3:50 AM): I mean, I won't lie, it took me a day or two to realize that I might have upset you for no reason, but I'm just too proud of a person to say "You know what, I was wrong" unless it's really a big deal, and during those times, it didn't seem like a big deal to me. Bree says (3:51 AM): I know that this isn't what friends should do to each other, and it'd be pretty shocking if our friendship could go back to the way that it was, but I just don't want it to be even worse by leaving off with you misunderstanding me and me misunderstanding you. Caitlin says (3:51 AM): Right. It wasn't a big deal to you. Problem there. A friendship isn't just about you. It's about both of those in a friendship. Not just the person who did the upsetting. I didn't misunderstand you. I knew what was going on. Bree says (3:52 AM): I know that's a problem, and I know that a friendship isn't just about me, which is what I'm trying to fix. Bree says (3:53 AM): I don't think you really did know what was going on. Did you know that I never wanted you to make Thumbelina or Dazzle? Or that I didn't want Cricket to leave the Invisibles and change in the way that she did? Or that I didn't like the way that Pixie jumped ten years two times? Or even that I didn't like that your characters had close relationships with each other? Caitlin says (3:54 AM): Yep. I knew all that. You don't give me enough credit, Bree. Bree says (3:54 AM): I never talked these things out with you like I should I have, I just bottled them up, and I shouldn't have. Caitlin says (3:55 AM): But here's the thing.. they were ultimately my characters. If I wanted to jump Pixie, it was my choice. You could tell me no, but I probably would have left. Cricket leaving the Invisibles. Siberia screwed her over. It would have been completely out of her character to stay. I wasn't about to alter how my character felt or responded to something to suit your wants. I don't see why I couldn't take Dazzle OR Thumbelina considering I was one of the most active members on the site around the time I was creating them. As for my characters having relationships with each other, it had to be done. So, while I mightn't understand why you had such a vendetta against my characters... I understood you didn't like them. Bree says (3:56 AM): Jumping Pixie pretty much screwed over the entire board and messed with the whole fabric of it. You don't see people in real life going from ten to twenty to thirty. Caitlin says (3:56 AM): How did it mess up? That's a weak thing. I made sure all the irons were wrinkled out. She's a completely different person now. Bree says (3:57 AM): As for Cricket, I mean the fact that instead of becoming more frightened like a normal person would after being attacked and blown up, she became more ballsy and extroverted. That's what I didn't like. I only didn't like her leaving the Invisibles because she was a canon. Caitlin says (3:58 AM): You're telling me that all people who nearly get blown up...will respond the same way? Bree says (3:58 AM): It's just completely ridiculous. I could understand the first revamp seeing as she was limited as a seven year old, but the second one "just because" was a little bit harder to understand. Bree says (3:59 AM):

No, I'm telling you that it's highly unlikely that someone who is already described as being scared and anxious is going to suddenly man up after being attacked. Caitlin says (3:59 AM): It wasn't "just because." But if you happened to talk to me at all, you would understand that I was having trouble writing her as 17 year old. But you hadn't bothered. It wasn't suddenly, Bree. God, you think I'm some dunce or something? I'm a writer. I've been doing this for years. Her entire Nevada post was supposed to explain her transformation. Bree says (4:00 AM): Then why did you delete her? Caitlin says (4:00 AM): Because she was the reason I'm beginning to despise Running Scared. Bree says (4:00 AM): See, that's what I just can't understand. If you go through all of this effort to change her, you suddenly delete her, and that's why I'm mad about it. Because it's like it was all for nothing. Caitlin says (4:00 AM): It's my character. Why should it matter to you? Bree says (4:01 AM): I didn't /want/ to move her for you to the NI, but since you said that you'd had the canon for so long and that it was just hard because nobody had ever had a canon for so long, I trusted you and I did it. I didn't see exactly how all the development was going to happen, but it looked like you had a plan so I was going to see how it would go along, but then suddenly, out of the blue "Oh hey, can you delete her for me? Thanks." Bree says (4:03 AM): I mean, if you were unhappy with what was happening, you should have told me. I didn't think you would personally be upset by all the plotting Jenn and I were doing, I just thought you'd be okay with it. But since you weren't, it offended me that you didn't want to say "Hey, I don't really like this idea, can we rethink it?" Caitlin says (4:04 AM): Yes, I understand you didn't want to move her to NI. I was afraid to ask you to. But, I didn't see her staying in the Invisibles. And at the time, I had every intention of keeping her. Tonight, I just had enough of her and decided to delete her. I had to PM you before I changed my mind. I had a plan, I had it all marked down and everything, but she just flipped a switch in my head and I couldn't do it anymore. That is why the sudden deletion. Caitlin says (4:05 AM): As for telling you about it, nothing would've gotten done. I was an innocent bystander in what was being plotted. I had no say in anything that was going on. Personally, I was upset that I had no clue it was going to happen when it did because even if it was minor.. it did affect my character.. enough to make me have to rethink how she'd respond to certain things. Bree says (4:07 AM): But since it affected her at all, you should have told me that you didn't like it, or at least have told Jenn about it. Caitlin says (4:07 AM): You guys were too far gone in the plot for me to have said anything. It was done. Bree says (4:07 AM): I mean, the entire thing gave me a great new outlook on Siberia and I love how she's turning out, but I didn't honestly think that it'd cause you to be upset, or change Cricket so dramatically Caitlin says (4:07 AM): By the time I realized what was happening, it would have been pointless and more work. It would have disrupted. Caitlin says (4:08 AM): You're serious? You didn't think that it would cause Cricket to change? Bree says (4:08 AM): No it wouldn't have. If you would have said that you didn't like it, I would have said no. *no to the plot

Caitlin says (4:08 AM): It was already in mid-swing. You couldn't say no to it. Bree says (4:09 AM): I didn't think it would cause her to change so /much/. I knew it would change her, but not in the ways that occurred. Caitlin says (4:09 AM): So, wait, let me get this straight - you knew it would change /my/ character, even minutely, and you didn't think it a good idea to talk to me about it? Bree says (4:10 AM): I thought you knew about it as Jenn and I were going along Caitlin says (4:10 AM): So, I should have come to you, is that it? Bree says (4:10 AM): The entire time, I thought you were okay with it. Not until recently did I get even a hint of an idea that you didn't like it. Yeah. Since I wasn't coming to you, and you still didn't like it, you should have at least put your foot down. It was /your/ character. Caitlin says (4:11 AM): But it wasn't /my/ plot, Bree. That's the problem. Cricket and Simba were very briefly involved on RS. I had no right to step in and say 'hey, I don't like this cos Cricket likes Simba.. can you not do this whole thing?' It wasn't my place. I had no stake in the plot. It would have felt /wrong/. Which is why I didn't do it. Bree says (4:12 AM): I still would have listened. I mean, that plot that we had for Simba and Siberia could have waited until you got time to flesh out Cricket with him to see if things would have worked or not. Bree says (4:13 AM): You didn't have any right to say what we could and couldn't do with our characters, but you could have reminded us that yours would be affected too... in ways you didn't like Caitlin says (4:13 AM): And I would have felt like an imposition. It was easier to just let you guys go with it and attempt to change Cricket enough that it didn't bother her. It was a case of lesser of two evils. I was thinking about you and Jenn and how you wanted the plots to work out. Bree says (4:14 AM): The plots being the big plots? Caitlin says (4:14 AM): No. There shouldn't have been an S there. It's late. I'm tired. My nerves are shot. I worked and I have to get up early tomorrow. So, I'm having a rather.. hard time controlling my fingers. Caitlin says (4:15 AM): Any typos, please ignore. :] Bree says (4:15 AM): oh Caitlin says (4:15 AM): But if there's something you wish to say about the site plots, do feel free. So long as we're talking about things. Bree says (4:15 AM): No, those are fine Bree says (4:16 AM): I just wish that you could have been clear with me about the whole Cricket, Simba, Siberia thing, as opposed to me sifting through RPG-D and finding out about it that way. Caitlin says (4:17 AM):

It didn't appear to me to be that big of a deal to bring up to you. Yes, I was bothered by it - particularly because I was having a hard time transitioning Cricket. Thus, why I went to RPGD for help; no one understood what I was saying though. Bree says (4:17 AM): yes, I noticed xD Caitlin says (4:18 AM): But, as I said, it was a lesser of two evils. It was easier to let you two do the plot and me change one character, than to explain to you that I felt like it wasn't thoughtful of Cricket. Mhm. It's hard to explain. :] Jenn understands it, but no one else apparently. oO I felt like a loser though after I posted it. Bree says (4:19 AM): Did you think I'd attack you or something if you spoke up? Caitlin says (4:19 AM): No. If you attacked me, I'd call you out on it. That'd be a petty, selfish thing to do. I just, honestly, did not think it would be worth all the trouble. Bree says (4:20 AM): what trouble? that's what I'm not getting Caitlin says (4:21 AM): It was easier to say 'hey, okay, so Cricket gets a little heartbroken...let's use this to my advantage' than to go to you and appear selfish. It mightn't have been trouble with you. But I would have felt horrible. Bree says (4:22 AM): It wouldn't have been selfish... I mean, if something like that had happened, and I had been in your place, I would've been like "Oi, this is not what we had planned" Caitlin says (4:23 AM): But we hadn't anything planned, that was the problem. I had no reason to step up and complain because nothing was planned. You and Jenn had planned a plot, I wasn't clued in on it because I'm not a major player, therefore I really had absolutely no reason to say anything about it. I would have felt selfish because I had no real, tangible, reason to confront you about the plot. Bree says (4:23 AM): but you wanted something to be planned? Caitlin says (4:24 AM): Perhaps? I don't know. It was also a big shift because I'm used to sitting down and planning plots; but I haven't done that on RS yet. I don't think I wanted to plan anything. I just.. was blind sided. That's what upset me the most. Bree says (4:25 AM): I mean, like I said before, I never thought that the whole thing came as a surprise to you... I thought that as we were plotting it out, Jenn was relaying it to you, or had at least told you, which is why I didn't feel the need to come to you all "Lolguesswhut?" Caitlin says (4:26 AM): Jenn and I don't really talk about what you two plan. That's your guys' stuff. Not mine. It wasn't until she started catching onto me being slightly upset about it that she clued me in on what was going on, so I wouldn't feel blind sided again. But, of course, by then I was pretty much determined to alter Cricket anyway. Bree says (4:27 AM): well she rarely tells me anything, and definitely didn't say that you were upset or anything Caitlin says (4:27 AM): Because she knew that I was willing to just let it go. I had made it clear that it wasn't too big of a deal. Bree says (4:28 AM): but it looks like it was to you at least from my standpoint now Caitlin says (4:28 AM):

It was bothersome. But I'm not upset about it anymore. Especially since I've deleted Cricket and her resentment. It's all in the past now. Bree says (4:29 AM): I'm really sorry about it I mean, if I had known, I would have said to stop it. Caitlin says (4:29 AM): It's whatever. Done with. History. Bree says (4:30 AM): well, I have to get to bed now I don't know if I'll be on much tomorrow, but I'll try to talk to you if I can? if that's okay Caitlin says (4:31 AM): I won't be on at all until after work. I don't think. Unless I sign on mobile. But if you see me, you can IM me if you want. But, I don't think my opinion will have changed. You really hurt me, Bree. Not with the whole Siberia thing. Just with the way you were acting. I felt like I was probably the worst person to ever walk this Earth. And since I know you go through cycles, I don't think I can Caitlin says (4:32 AM): put myself back up for that hurt. I'm probably going to leave RS once I find another place to call 'home,' so.. I don't know how much good talking might do us. Bree says (4:33 AM): Usually I need a pretty good reason to completely end my relationships with people. Like with D, she abandoned me with a dead RS. But I really don't have a reason with you? So I think it'll stop with you. Caitlin says (4:34 AM): But.. Bree... I have a good reason to. This wouldn't be you ending it. It'd be me. It's not your decision.. Bree says (4:35 AM): Yes, but that's completely different... it's better that you be the one to be end it for a good reason as opposed to me just doing it because... because. if it's going to end at all... I'm not saying that ending it is good Caitlin says (4:36 AM): Well, I don't see us being friends. I've had so much anger and resentment built up toward you lately, I've hated it. It's stressed me out. Best to just...rid myself of being stressed. Bree says (4:36 AM): I'm sorry that I made you feel that way Caitlin says (4:37 AM): Me, too. Which is why I refuse to feel that way again.