Healing The Rift

Healing the Riff Dear Rambling Situationist Jester/19thcentury Dandy walking his turtle along a Parisian Boulevard /sweet Stefánia tortaphile, Such fantastic news that we thought it deserved a round robin christmas/thank you/hannukah lettercard. We know you’re going to love it too, so why wait any longer for the one you love, When it's Stanley.... in front of you? First, and we can’t hold this a minute longer, we’ve been looking at leylines and we’ve found just three that seem to connect nearly all our friends and relatives. 1) In the screengrab below, you’ll spot that San Diego, Danes Road, West Dorset and London are all more or less on a HUGE leyline. If you just extend it a little, it takes in Colorado. 2) Then, if that wasn’t enough, another line goes through most of England (including all of Shropshire) from Ireland to Paris.

Follow it down, broaden it a bit (this isn’t shown) and it includes all of Kenya. 3) Finally, a third line goes from England (including parts of East Anglia) to Switzerland, the Wiener Stadtverführung and Bulgaria and then – amazingly – to New Zealand. That covers almost everyone at our wedding or who might have been there. But it doesn’t stop there. You’ll see the three lines cross in the Channel, which is the mark of the ancient rift between Britain and Europe which occurred during the second age of the ascended pearl. Where they cross could be the point where the great healing begins for 2012 and the beginning of the golden age. Also, and this is really wyrd, if you look really closely you’ll see that, when we took the screengrab, the ad showing just below the map was for ‘hymen reconstruction’ – which is like a practical and rather earthly version of the kind of rift healing that we’re seeing coming in a psychospiritual sense from the crossing of the leylines.

Final bit of good news on that front: have you seen how white Greenland is? That’s just loads of snow and ice. Couldn’t we offset some of our carbon warming for some of their ice? Even Iceland is quite white in spite of them bringing down the colossal global banking system at a stroke. Bastards. Now wait, it’s going to get even odder. This satellite map of Exeter shows two paleolithic whorl mounds dating back to yesteryear. "Whose car is that in our drive, darling?"

Not very interesting in themselves, you may say. But rotate the map, join them, follow though and what do you find?

Yes, my lord be strewth. That line is one of the most ancient ever drawn by Von Danneken (the old grey goose is dead).

Hope you’re ready for this….

This map shows perhaps the most astonishing of the French line networks - one that is centered on the tiny village of Alaise nestled in the foothills of the Jura mountains of eastern France. Can you see that one of the lines goes through the Howell Road whorlmounds. More or less. Then, finally, looking through the fantastic wedding photos that people took at the wedding with the lucky table cameras we saw another related phenomenon.

When we first saw the photo on the next page we thought that some of the guests were just tired or bored or tired and bored. But no, at the same exact moment in another part of the tented ceremony, other people were smiling and happy.

We could hardly believe it – but actually the leylines had come into the yurt and they had made people they passed through into happy little spuddlies alive and all simmering with fermented contentment whilst others were lost in a kind of ectoplasm. OK, here are the chronically happy people.

Now we really knew we were onto something, but the best had been saved for last, just like in the Bisto ad, because

looking through the rejected photox we found this:

Can you see the amazing glow on the plates? They haven’t even been washed but they look like they’re straight out of a toothpaste ad. We checked. The table they were on is on the same leyline as Fishpond Bottom and those parts of North America that voted for Barakabarmer but not the creationist bits. What remains? Well what remains is… CENSORED, which goes to show that, as always, the unexamined life is probably best left under a damp stone.