Handout Knight In Rusty Armour

Turn Your Inside Out Bethany Spaulding IAF Conference June 17, 2006

Turn Your Inside Out

What’s in it for me? ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒

Enhanced career/client relationships Personal well-being Better health Enhanced personal relationships

We impact each other, and scientists and psychologists are finding out all kinds of interesting things about this recently.

What does it mean to Turn Your Inside Out? We’re all human, and thus, don’t have perfect lives. When we suffer trauma, we generally exhibit one or more natural reactions to it: ⇒ Our self-defense mechanisms kick in1 ⇒ We form deep-seated, and often untrue, beliefs about ourselves/the world ⇒ We shut down, or disassociate from parts of ourselves2 Unfortunately these reactions, while completely normal, can ruin your life in the long-term if they continue. They can affect your view of yourself and others, and keep you from being “you” so that you can really enjoy life. Not only that, you’ve probably heard many stories about how negativity, anger and/or stress can affect your health--and normal reactions to trauma that are not resolved contribute to stress and “dis-ease” in your body.3 When you start to Turn Your Inside Out, you begin a journey to find out what you really believe about yourself, and the world around you. It’s time to turn the light on!

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Ego and Mechanisms of Defense, Anna Freud Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, American Psychiatric Association You can find out more about how symptoms are linked to beliefs in Heal Your Body by Louise L. Hay

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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What is trauma? Saying that we have all suffered trauma sounds rather dramatic, doesn’t it? Traumatic events are anything that causes you to feel threatened, unworthy, unwanted…and the list goes on. This includes everything from being teased to neglect, abuse, the death of a close loved one, and many other life events.

While you might think you’ve never suffered a traumatic event; consider how a child looks at the world - it’s very simplistic. An event or threat that seems small to you as an adult might feel like the end of the world to you as a child. A childhood trauma such as divorce or emotionally unavailable parents could cause a lot of emotional “armoring.”4 We armor ourselves over time in response to repeated traumas (whether it’s the same or different events). Of course, your armor will look different than your neighbor’s some will have thin and some will have very thick armor due to our varied life experiences. We add layers upon layers as our experiences in life pile up. The trouble with armor is that it keeps others out and you inside! In addition, the level of response to a similar traumatic event in childhood (e.g. being teased at school) might be more severe for a child that is not grounded by a nurturing family/home because he or she is already on shaky emotional ground. This is also true for adults. For instance, you could experience conflict with a family member, but react differently than someone else would because you have unique life experiences and defense mechanisms. Symptoms of unconscious negative beliefs and/or armoring can include fatigue, numbness, strong emotional reactions, restlessness, sleep disturbances, memory lapses, and poor health, among others.

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For more information on armoring, see Character Analysis by Dr. Wilhelm Reich.

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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How do I find out what I believe? Our psyche is considered to consist of the “conscious” and the “unconscious.”5 Many beliefs are buried deep in the unconscious, affecting you every day without your conscious knowledge. Here are some theories about unconscious beliefs: ⇒ Beliefs could be physically stored in your cells.6 o Water and words o Neuroscience o Heart transplant studies

Tidbit: Repressed memories, anger or bitterness can lead to depression.

⇒ One well-known author, Dr. Gary Smalley, states that we have core fears that cause us to react in certain ways.7 ⇒ The unconscious may contain the “Inner Child,” where early experiences and beliefs are stored.8 In the end it doesn’t matter how you describe your unconscious beliefs - as part of your cells, as your core fears, or as your Inner Child’s beliefs - the tools to find out what you believe will work the same. Some of the tools: ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒

Journaling Emotion/event log Self-reflection Ask your family/friends Individual/group exercises

Tidbit: You can most influence what kind of day you are going to have before it starts!

You can use these tools as often as you like. For best results, it’s good to have a consistent time of reflection to use these tools, preferably as you start the day. By sticking with the process you can use these tools to discover your beliefs, as well as why you believe in them. The most beneficial of these for consistent use is journaling. Starting a habit of journaling might seem overwhelming, but considering at least starting with 5 minutes each day and increase as you can. Investing the time in finding out about “you” will pay great dividends in your life! 5 6 7 8

For more information on the conscious/unconscious psyche see The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud. The Hidden Messages in Water, Masaru Emoto; Beyond the Bleep, Alexandra Bruce; The Heart’s Code, Dr. Paul Pearsall The DNA of Relationships, Dr. Gary Smalley A Gift to Myself, by Dr. Charles L. Whitfield is a very useful workbook about the Inner Child.

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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What’s next after I know what I believe? There are two things you can do next - assess what you believe to determine if it’s true, and then if it’s not true, change it. Sounds simple, right? The idea IS simple, but it can take some effort to change a belief you have stored in your unconscious. You can assess your beliefs in many ways - here are a few examples: ⇒ Apply common sense ⇒ Compare them to a standard set of beliefs ⇒ Ask a trusted source If you find that you hold a belief that is not the truth about you (a “lie”), then you can use a variety of tools to change that belief. Some of these touch your conscious and others touch your unconscious. The more powerful tools are the ones that reach your unconscious or that combine releasing/changing memories held in the unconscious and the body. ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒

Meditate on the truth Individual exercises Visualization Bioenergetics Journal “conversation” with Inner Child Depict the truth Retreats Counseling

Tidbit: If you can worry, you can meditate!

This discussion will not describe all of these tools, but instead will describe a select few to peak your interest in pursuing some of these tools on your own. The tools tend to work best when used in combination over a period of time to address a particular belief or set of beliefs.

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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Meditating on the truth is very effective and is a method used in many religions and self-help venues. It’s not as complicated as it sounds - it’s focused thought.

Speak it out!

For instance, to address the belief that people don’t like you, start telling yourself consistently that you are likeable. You can put notes around your home, read statements aloud, write a poem about it, or talk to yourself while driving! (I find speaking a truth out loud really helps because you hear it from the outside AND the inside.) The key is to be consistent and stick with it until you sense a change.

Another tool is to do individual exercises. For example, you can write a farewell letter to the lie that you believe and write a welcome letter to the truth. Guided meditations and/or visualization exercises are also helpful. These can be on retreats in a group setting or on your own through tapes or CD’s. They vary, but tend to be imagination exercises that help you access your unconscious. We often need extra help getting to our unconscious because we tend to live in our heads! Bioenergetics is another method that uses body movements and verbal statements to access your unconscious. This is generally done in groups. One tool you can use is to get to know your Inner Child by journaling with him/her. It sounds silly, but it is effective! ⇒ Start by writing “How is it with you today?” and respond with your non-dominant hand. This is hard to do and/or read but it distracts the ego to allow your unconscious to form the thoughts. Keep going until you run out of things to say. Be reassuring and repeat the truth often to your Inner Child. (Ambidextrous? Use both hands.) Guided meditations/visualization, bioenergetics and working with your Inner Child are all effective tools I’ve experienced at retreats. You can get more information about them from Treehouse.9

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Treehouse - 10909 St. Henry Lane, St. Ann, MO 63074-2439; 314-427-7768

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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Tips ⇒ Invest periodically in attending a retreat or bioenergetics session. ⇒ Find a non-judgmental environment or a trusted friend with whom to share. o Consider finding a group where you can share your experiences. A good resource for a group is the eight-week video healing clinic available from Treehouse (their website is located in the Resources section at the end). ⇒ Stick with your journey - if you have lots of armor, it will unfold slowly. The more opportunities you give your unconscious to be heard, the better! Even if you feel “nothing” is happening, stick with it, because things are moving around inside you in preparation to become known to your conscious. o It takes time to create a safe container for buried memories and beliefs. Being consistent provides assurance to your inside self (Inner Child) that it will not be rejected (or ignored) after allowing memories/beliefs to be known to your conscious. ⇒ Anger can get in the way of hearing from your unconscious - try writing a letter to someone with whom you are angry (but don’t send it!), or beating a pillow with a plastic bat. Verbalizing the anger as you strike the pillow gives maximum effectiveness, and bad words are OK here! One rule – don’t hurt yourself, anyone else, or damage property.

Tidbit: If you are feeling “blocked” or tense and can’t move forward in an exercise, it’s probably anger needing to come out.

⇒ It’s a completely normal reaction to trauma to have no conscious memory of certain blocks of time. If this is true for you, consider working with someone familiar with Inner Child work. You can access some of the memories on your own, but an experienced person/professional can really help your journey.

Tidbit: If you have suffered severe trauma, abuse, or have no memories of your childhood, seek out someone very familiar with Inner Child concepts and work with that person during your journey.

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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Summary Your beliefs impact you! Your career, relationships, health and a host of other areas of your life can be improved by taking time to Turn Your Inside Out. You have a choice to address your beliefs, or to just address the symptoms that can result from your hidden negative beliefs. Choosing to address your beliefs is an investment in your quality of life. Consider using some of the tools described today to help you implement a new cycle in your life.

What’s the Lie?

Tell Me the Truth

Become the Truth

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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Resources Below are some resources to help get you started on your journey to Turn Your Inside Out! On the first two websites you will find information about retreats, workshops and related books, tapes and videos, so those resources are not listed individually. Websites: ⇒ www.treehouseministry.org ⇒ www.linnministries.org ⇒ www.theophostic.com

Books: ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ ⇒

A Gift to Myself, Dr. Charles L. Whitfield Healing Life’s Deepest Hurts, Edward M. Smith Deadly Emotions, Dr. Colbert Knight in Rusty Armor, Robert Fisher Why am I Afraid to Love?, John Powell, S.J. Heal Your Body, Louise L. Hay Beauty for Ashes, Joyce Meyer

Healing our Beginning, Sheila Fabricant Linn, Dennis Linn, and Matthew Linn The DNA of Relationships, Dr. Gary Smalley Why am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, John Powell, S.J. Breaking Free, Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life, Beth Moore The Healing Path, Dr. Dan B. Allender Unlocking the Secrets of Your Childhood Memories, Dr. Kevin Leman and Randy Carlson

. Bethany Spaulding P.O. Box 2023 Saint Louis, MO 63158 314.504.3429

© 2006, Bethany Spaulding

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