Great Depression

The One………The Only………Eighty-One (81), As you embark on the next leg of life’s silly journey, I can only hope that you carry with you the very ideals that epitomize the true meaning of your alias. For it is you, oh Ambassador of the Eighties, Titan of the Times Tables, Sultan of Subtraction, that has been chosen to carry on the proud legacy of Eighty…….Fricken…….One (81). I can still remember your “birth.” On that momentous occasion I assigned to you a great power—a power that many wankers strive for but few ever get, a power to transcend one’s being from mere mortal to one of true awesomeness, the power to be cooler than Miles Davis. But with that great power came great responsibility, and you knew that. The way you’ve handled yourself from conception until now—fightin’ off dumb hotties, slangin’ them dope rhymes, slammin’ 40’s left and right, and beatin’ arse when needed—I couldn’t be more proud. This tomfoolery even brings a tear to my slightly almond-shaped eye. The truth is “Josh”, that it is now your time to pass the torch of badassness, if you will, to someone whom you feel embodies the next Uniter of the Unit Circle, Non-Neanderthal of nine times nine, the Lynch-Pin of Linear Regression. Choose with caution, choose with care, choose a winner. So let this be said, the gauntlet has been thrown down but the faculty have answered the challenge and answered with vigor. (not completely sure what that means) Your Predecessor,

K Fricken Jew