Gangster Gospel

Wine List La Sangria ...........................................................................................................................1 Persian Persuasion .............................................................................................................1 Petrus Romanus ..................................................................................................................2 What is Logos? ....................................................................................................................3 Mi Chicana Mexicana ........................................................................................................3 Deconstructing the Tower of Babel....................................................................................4 Society Sucks! .....................................................................................................................6 Character Development ......................................................................................................6 Pater Roaster .......................................................................................................................7 Letter to Destiny... ...............................................................................................................8 How We Think ....................................................................................................................9 The Mighty Oak ................................................................................................................10 A Tree in the Forest ..........................................................................................................12 'Round-the-way' Girl ........................................................................................................12 A Feeling so Sublime ........................................................................................................13 Covergirl ............................................................................................................................13 The Price ...........................................................................................................................14 Older than Jesus ...............................................................................................................15 Birthday Wishes ................................................................................................................16 Time No Longer ................................................................................................................16 A Bat Without a Cave .......................................................................................................17 Jehovah Arithmetic ...........................................................................................................17 Ears 2 Hear .......................................................................................................................18 The Goddess Diane ...........................................................................................................19 Ægyptus .............................................................................................................................21 Da Real Miss America ......................................................................................................21 Joker's Wild.......................................................................................................................22 Some Antics .......................................................................................................................24 Mediatrix Reloaded ...........................................................................................................29 Women's Rites? .................................................................................................................30 BusyCon Man....................................................................................................................32

We Speak As One ..............................................................................................................33 The Desert .........................................................................................................................33 Rosemary ...........................................................................................................................34 Liebesbrief .........................................................................................................................38 Cosmetology ......................................................................................................................38 Miracles God Can't Perform ............................................................................................43 HEART-BROKEN!!! .......................................................................................................47 Miracles God Can Perform...............................................................................................48 True Blue...........................................................................................................................49 The Patchwork Balloon ....................................................................................................50 Love-life.............................................................................................................................51 Some Choice Words ..........................................................................................................52 Harvest Home....................................................................................................................52 Logical Circus ...................................................................................................................53 Humor in Cuneiform ........................................................................................................54 Weird Science....................................................................................................................57 Quasi-Land........................................................................................................................66 Them Other Land..............................................................................................................67 Epistle to the Black Churches .........................................................................................68 Promised Land ..................................................................................................................69 The Wild Horseman ..........................................................................................................70 Missions Impossible ..........................................................................................................70 By What Death ..................................................................................................................72 Pray-cation ........................................................................................................................72 Jamaica Queens ................................................................................................................74 Miami (Mi amiga) .............................................................................................................75 Who Am I? ........................................................................................................................75 Sick Christian....................................................................................................................76 Fortune Cookie Wisdom ...................................................................................................79 Tiger of Lanzhou...............................................................................................................81 The Time of Night is Bleak...............................................................................................82 Forever and a Day?...........................................................................................................82 1-2-3-4-5-6.........................................................................................................................85 For Ever You.....................................................................................................................86

Cataclysm ..........................................................................................................................86 Like... .................................................................................................................................93 My Forever Lover..............................................................................................................94 Kite String Theory.............................................................................................................94 Pinhead..............................................................................................................................95 Virtual Reality ...................................................................................................................96 Now I Won.........................................................................................................................97 It's About Time! ................................................................................................................97 The Great Faith Debate ..................................................................................................100 I Can... .............................................................................................................................102 Jamaican Duppy-Story ...................................................................................................104 Jeringalem.......................................................................................................................104 Silly Sally .........................................................................................................................105 Is-Real and Is-Lame........................................................................................................106 Burned at the Stake.........................................................................................................107 Sweet Reina .....................................................................................................................109 Precious Princess ............................................................................................................109 Blackballed! ....................................................................................................................110 Forever Learning ............................................................................................................111 ¿El Pueblo Unido? ..........................................................................................................111 The Box and the Bottle ...................................................................................................113 Caramel Limericks..........................................................................................................114 The Burden of Irie ..........................................................................................................115 Helen of Tyre...................................................................................................................118 The Last Temptation of Ulysses......................................................................................119 Terminator X ...................................................................................................................120 Genetic Exchange Student .............................................................................................122 African Dream.................................................................................................................127 Di Cleva Ruse ..................................................................................................................128 Edensong .........................................................................................................................130 California Screamin' ......................................................................................................131 Tinsel Town .....................................................................................................................134 Asian Persuasion ............................................................................................................134 Jobama ............................................................................................................................135

The FOX and the Wolf ...................................................................................................138 Responsibility ..................................................................................................................140 The Original Bail-out .....................................................................................................140 Dr. Feelgood....................................................................................................................141 Why'm I Angry?! ............................................................................................................150 Insane in the Membrane.................................................................................................151 POW*MIA.......................................................................................................................152 Holding On......................................................................................................................152 The NewTen Commandments ........................................................................................153 Bad Chemistry .................................................................................................................155 Chemical Reactions.........................................................................................................157 This World is Hell!..........................................................................................................160 Chemical Solution...........................................................................................................160 Gay Messiah ....................................................................................................................166 New World Disorder .......................................................................................................167 The 12-Schlep Program ..................................................................................................169 Riot of Fire ......................................................................................................................182 The Brave Knight ............................................................................................................184 Sir Petralot ......................................................................................................................186 Prayer Chains..................................................................................................................186 Work Daze .......................................................................................................................190 Solomon's Goddess .........................................................................................................191 Mujer Mejor ....................................................................................................................191 Understanding the Trinity ..............................................................................................192 Love Can..........................................................................................................................195 Are Mormons Christians? ..............................................................................................195 Are JWs Saved?...............................................................................................................204 Is Scientology a Cult? .....................................................................................................205 The Cult of Self-Realization ...........................................................................................206 Protestink! .......................................................................................................................207 A Letter from St. Jerome to Pope Saint Damasus I.......................................................208 Jesus Didn't Die For My Sins!! .....................................................................................209 Bad Religion....................................................................................................................209 The Shakespeare Code....................................................................................................211

The Contestant ................................................................................................................215 Blake's Take ....................................................................................................................216 Gangster Gospel .............................................................................................................216 The Doors ........................................................................................................................217 Obsession.........................................................................................................................224 I Ain't No N*gger!! ........................................................................................................224 The Semiotics of God ......................................................................................................225 I Am Me (Emma I)..........................................................................................................226 I Neva Knew ....................................................................................................................227 Sgt. Pepper's Dictionary .................................................................................................228 Bedsheets .........................................................................................................................231 Papa Don't Preach! ........................................................................................................233 A Beautiful Mind ............................................................................................................233 Why Must I Study?..........................................................................................................236 School Prayer ..................................................................................................................236 It's a Hazmat Life............................................................................................................236 Thai-dye...........................................................................................................................243 Fun-n-Games ..................................................................................................................244 Imagine I'm an Enigma..................................................................................................245 Greta und die Gestapo.....................................................................................................246 Rough Love .....................................................................................................................247 True Reflections ..............................................................................................................248 Litter Alley .......................................................................................................................249 Jamaican 'Duppy' Story .................................................................................................255 How to Handle Self-Abuse .............................................................................................256 Priest Fatigue ..................................................................................................................257 Café Demetrio .................................................................................................................258 Marriage Vows ................................................................................................................262 Satanic Santa ..................................................................................................................263 The Night Before SEXmas .............................................................................................267 Dr. Mindbender...............................................................................................................268 Elegy ................................................................................................................................275 Theory of Devolution ......................................................................................................276 Is Grace Illegal?..............................................................................................................277

Falasha ............................................................................................................................282 Nights in White Satin......................................................................................................283 See You at the Turnstile! ................................................................................................283 The Eavesdropper ...........................................................................................................285 The Art of Pillow-Fu.......................................................................................................285 New Jack Church............................................................................................................286 Levirate Marriage ...........................................................................................................288 Prayer to Isis....................................................................................................................290 Moonlighting Strangers..................................................................................................292 ¡Llame Ahora!.................................................................................................................293 The Winding Path ...........................................................................................................296 Play Ball!.........................................................................................................................296 Star-Power.......................................................................................................................302 Dirty-Talkin'....................................................................................................................304 A Haiku 4 You Too... ......................................................................................................305

Foreplay The fewer the people who read this book, the greater its success.

Gangster Gospel is a completely made-up work of fiction. It is about a Jamaican-American grad student living at the dawn of the third millennium who is suddenly received into Gangster's Paradise and told all cosmic mysteries by the Blessed Virgin -- who, by the way, plays a mean game of Canasta and can open a Smirnoff with a car key! Upon instructing the aforementioned grad student on all matters concerning faith and morals, she sent him back and told him to write these things in a book and preach it to the nations in the name of her son Jesus and to the glory of the Father. Amen. (This work contains language suitable for miners, but not for minors. You dig?)

(D) Damnright! 2009 New Jack Church All 'Rites' reserved!

1

La Sangría V1:

I cannot wait to give you all my love You are the one that I am dreaming of You got the body that was made for love Just like an angel coming from above

Ch:

Si puedes hacer la sangría Voy a te canto todavía Mi cancion de la amiga De quien es siempre mi María

V2:

The way you look tonight is so divine You are a masterpiece of God's design Your kisses are to me as sweet as wine I give you ev'rything because you're mine

V3:

Le veo baile en el Malecón Te gustaría mio corazon. Me ganas veo le en mi salon. I never knew how much I was alone!

Persian Persuasion Blessed Virgin of Elam, My tongue is soaked in spice ready to surprise you when we kiss. My love burns for you as the fires of Zoroaster. Hide my flame in the caves of Tehran as the sandstorm threatens to extinguish it; And it shall surely bless thee, desert Delilah, as your delicate shoulders feel the coarse hairs of the Persian rug on which you lie.

2

Petrus Romanus I am the great Prophet -- that was, and is (which I guess would make me a whiz!) Nevertheless, I am sent by the Blessed Virgin Mary to preach her gospel in an era of mass-media, mass-culture, mass-consumption and mass-destruction. We are entering an age of mass-communication and mass-transit. We are entering critical mass! Hell, we've got more mass than Massachusetts! And that reminds me, when was the last time you attended Mass, you goddamn sinner! I am the one we've been waiting for... The Apparition who communicates with me (the Blessed Virgin Mary) has entrusted me, her loyal and most humble servant, I, Petrus Romanus (accent on the a!) to tell the people of the late great planet Earth that if we don't get our sh*t together, our nation will be brought to its knees faster than a Dutch foreign exchange student on prom night! My little children... The Blessed Extra-Virgin has miraculously told me through the dispensation of numerous miracles and registered gifts that we must stop waiting for change and start changing our ways -- we must take stock of ourselves instead of just taking stock off our shelves -- we must stop fearing the end, and instead, start ending the fear and masshysteria that has gripped our nation... if there were any more fear up in here, it would generate its own atmos-fear! So what's the answer? Well, if told you that, you probably wouldn't buy my book. So, I'll make a deal with you, I'll put the answer in my aforementioned book, and if you read it and don't instantly convert to Roman Catholicism, I'll refund your money. So what have you got to lose? -- Try my product! Blessed are those who read this book, for they shall laugh so hard, their face will hurt... wait! -- that's not a blessing!... (or is it?...) I am the GREAT PROPHET PETRUS ROMANUS The one and lonely! I am wiser than Solomon playing a solo, man! Ask and it shall be given; Seek and ye shall find; Show me yours and I'll show you mine! FRESH... for '09, you suckas!!

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What is Logos? In the Beginning was the Logos, and the Logos was with God, and the Logos was God.

What is Logos? Logos does not mean Logic -- It means Word. All logical arguments require a premise except the following: "If nothing, then nothing." Therefore, only an empty universe would be a logical universe. The Universe exists, therefore it is not logical, it is grammatical. "Not logical" does not mean "imperfect." Existence is made perfect in its opposition to non-existence. God explains himself to Moses by using the logical argument "I AM that I AM." It is circular logic. Circular logic is not a logical fallacy or else all logical arguments are false due to the fact that all logical arguments require a premise that cannot be logically supported. Therefore, there is no logical fallacy or imperfection in the logic of God. However, God does operate on the divine premise of her own consciousness, which is to say, she knows she is alive. But how does God know she is alive? -- the same way you know you are alive -You think, therefore you are.

Mi Chicana Mexicana ¡Chicita bonita de la Veracrúz! ¿Donde estan tus mejillas rosas? Al noche, cuando leyendo los escritos santos (haciendo viajes nuevos a la Guadalupe por la Señora), yo recuerdo los boleros en la calle sentamentál. Mientras, yo te veo en la cuerpa de la guitarra, cantando 'La Paloma' en la luce de luna (memorias de las aztecas antiguas tambien.)

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Deconstructing the Tower of Babel The builders of the Tower of Babel were motivated by their desire to make a name for themselves: (Gen 11:4) And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.

People already had a name (or identity), but they were not satisfied with their God-given name. They were in search of a new name, a new identity, a new definition, a new way to see themselves in relation to God and each other. Thus, it was the people's ambition and not God's intervention that led to the confusion of language. Today, it is fashionable for so-called intellectuals to create new terminology and new definitions in order to reshape the dialogue. Not only does this tactic produce a sense of "relevancy" to the intellectual's input with regard to the dialogue, but also it ensures the intellectual's position in history because he or she would receive credit for coining the new term. The history-making "new" idea increases the word-builder's chances of being published because publishers don't want to publish old ideas or things that we already know. They are as the Epicureans who equate relevancy with novelty: (Acts 17:21) (For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing.)

Of course, the word-builder's increased fame that results from the coining of the new term is also a plus as publishers only want to publish well-known people. It's a selling point insofar as publishers (and other media purveyors) market their wares to a Hellenized world culture that prizes intellectual prurience over prudent rigor (go figure!): (1 Cor 1:22) For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom:

Furthermore, it is also in the economic interest of the word-builder to get published even without the book advance. Being published in an

5 academic journal virtually guarantees tenure status at any university. Universities promote published professors because they want to retain people who are well known and "relevant" in their field. This attracts students to their university, increasing its revenue from tuition. Thus, the word-creation game is a "win-win" for everyone involved -- everyone, that is, except the student who actually wants to learn something. Because academicians emphasize term-coinage over genuine insight, college classes become lessons in vocabulary rather than in truth. This makes the professor's job easier because he or she only has to teach the vocabulary rather than engaging in real conversation. Furthermore, liberal arts institutions can measure the "success" of their students by testing them on their grasp of the new vocabulary rather than on their grasp of true wisdom. Paul prophesied this situation in the first century: (2 Tim 3:1-2, 7) This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, 7Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

As the thirst for the "new" continues to permeate the academic establishment, the language of academia becomes increasingly more esoteric, creating a situation in which only a "specialist" in the field can communicate with another specialist because he or she is versed in the terminology. This also secures the professor's teaching position at the university because only a few people can speak the lingo of their field making them less replaceable. They are glorified interpreters rather than original thinkers living in a modern-day, linguistic Tower of Babble. Although human language evolves, human thought does not. We only find new ways of saying old things. We are not more intellectually sophisticated than our ancient counterparts, just more verbose: (Ecc 1:9) The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.

Nevertheless, there is nothing inherently wrong with term-coinage as long as it doesn't become terminal. After all, God did bring the animals to Adam to see what he would call them and if we find a new species of fish at the bottom of the ocean, why not name it?

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Society Sucks! Society sucks and you figured it out, But don't let society cause you to doubt; Because if you do, you will not transcend And if you can't beat'em, you'll join'em in the end So seek after wisdom (if everyone lies) And be sure to find it before your demise! But just for the record, I'm not one of them; So please just be careful of whom you condemn.

Character Development A Literary Figure A literary figure is a master of his art, not a student of it. He is contemplative, without being contemptuous. A literary figure is diligent, without being belligerent. A literary figure spends his words with thrift, relishing his gift to uplift those whose souls have gone adrift. A literary figure needs no introduction -- no, not his! but his manuscript's (as its first sentence is a book unto itself). His style is his substance; His method is his madness; His form is his function; His art is his life; His fact is his fiction; His pen is his sword, cutting through pseudo-intellectual layers of false dichotomies to draw Blood from Wisdom spilled on a digital page. A literary figure is not afraid either to say his peace or to keep it. A literary figure is prepared to be impoverished, imprisoned or impaled for the sake of his angelic impresario. As a prophet is not accepted in his own country, neither is a literary figure accepted in his own lifetime. A Literary N*gger A literary n*gger is someone who writes to enrich himself, rather than enriching others. A literary n*gger is someone who bases his artistic

7 decisions on what will sell, rather than what will tell. A literary n*gger is someone who writes because it's what he does, and not because it's who he is. A literary n*gger is someone who writes for a living instead of living to write. A literary n*gger panders to his readers, meandering around like a slandering salamander, instead of commanding them to greater states of intellectual grandeur. A literary n*gger comes with his own death warrant, also called a letter of recommendation. He goes to school, where he learns his trade. He goes to work, where he earns his paid. He goes to club, where he yearns his laid. He goes to hell, where he burns his prayed. A literary n*gger talks the talk, but cannot walk the walk because it was all small talk outlined in police chalk. A literary n*gger takes his chick to the flick, then creeks in through the back door marked "exit-only" cuz that's what everybody else is... A literary n*gger wills himself ignorant in order to suck the fiduciary dyck of the devil quick (just as his children will and his children's children spill unto the third and fourth generation), before staring up at him to ask, "So what'd you think?"

Pater Roaster OUR Father, who art on earth Basketball be thy game!? Thy business run, thy will have fun On earth as it is your heaven Give us your pay, we always said And forget us our rent, as we forget those who lent the rent to us And lead us not into starvation, but deliver us a pizza For thine is a symptom of much sorrow and worry (Whichever is better) Oh man!

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Letter to Destiny... breathtaking complexity and thematic multiplicity rivaling that of a Beethoven Symphony or a medieval tapestry surely this poetry will go down in sistory (no, I didn't mean history) because you're a chick, you see? as I read this in ecstasy from my home in Schenectady I hope you'll connect with me cuz I'm just a young emcee hoping that you won't be thinking any less of me if I ask you to express to me just how much this reverie appears to be getting the best of me like a prelude by Debussy you wrote it so masterf'ly like "sense and sensibility" debauching my literary chastity as I read on int'restedly and ruminate endlessly on the existential mystery you conveyed so convincingly and expressed with such intimacy look at me! I just can't help being impressed, you see?

9

How We Think People know they think because they can hear themselves thinking. They can hear themselves thinking because they think in words, or rather, in phonemes. Both light and sound travel in waves that can be measured in frequencies. Therefore, whether we think of a sound or an image, we are thinking in vibrations, or in other words, rhythms. Just as there are three primary colors (red, yellow and blue) that comprise all colors, and three primary sound waves (square, triangle, and sawtooth) that comprise all sounds (the sine wave being a triangle wave with a curved slope), there are three primary phonemes that comprise all words in all languages. These phonemes are Y, H, and W -- the three letters of the Tetragrammaton, and all people therefore think in pure Hebrew as a base language: Square Wave (Y):

Triangle Wave (H):

Sawtooth Wave (W):

Sine Wave (H):

(The sine wave is a triangle/sawtooth hybrid.) Why do we not all speak Hebrew if we all think in Hebrew? -- because just as we don't drive with the same crude oil that comes out of the ground, Jews (and many Arabs) do not speak in the same Hebrew that naturally comes out of their minds. The raw Hebrew is refined, enabling it to be vocalized by the human tongue. This is why languages are called

10 "tongues" in the Bible. But in the last days, God shall turn her people to a pure language. (Zeph 3:9) For then will I turn to the people a pure language, that they may all call upon the name of the Lord, to serve him with one consent.

Just as there are three letters in the Divine Name (H, W and Y), and three races of humanity (Hamitic, Semitic, and Japhetic), there are three steps to the thought process (expression, impression, and comprehension). First, a thought is spoken. Then, it is heard. Then, it is understood. But once one has released his or her thought, how can one hear again the thought that he or she had released? It must reverberate in the mind! -that is, it must strike against the fabric of the Universe and strike back as an echo. When you speak out loud, your vocal chords strike the air, which then travels to your eardrums, striking them and allowing you to hear yourself speak. You hear yourself think the same way you hear yourself speak. The thought wave is sounded and then echoes back. When you visualize an image, the image that your mind generates reverberates off the Universe and travels back into your mind, allowing you to see the image. There is no differentiation between sight and sound as both travel in waves (higher frequencies for light and lower frequencies for sound). Therefore, both are sonic, verbal, constructed on the Divine Name, Yahweh. This is how Man thinks -- this is how God thinks. Just as you cannot hear yourself speak in a vacuum, you cannot hear yourself think without the Universe. Therefore, because you are thinking, the Universe must be real. Another name for the Universe is God.

The Mighty Oak I had a vision of you as a big tree: one who bears her fruit in the spring; one who renders shade in the summer; beautiful colors in the cool of autumn; and in the dead of winter, you prepare for the renewal of the following spring.

11 (Once, my heart was moved by a sudden pathos as I wondered how glorious this endless cycle appeared!) Throughout all seasons, the memory of this glorious vision of you shall hide me under its immutable branches. The oak is strong, his branches long He cannot move, he does no wrong And yet without the tender earth The mighty oak would have no birth For strength needs weakness to take root And without both, there is no fruit So heed this lesson, if you will And follow nature's principle Weeping willow, Tell me why In your pillow Doth you cry? Could it be The bitter frost Telling thee That thou art lost? Drooping bow And tender leaf, (Asking how In disbelief!); Let your heart Be troubled not (Taking part In this your lot). Let it go And let God in. Let the snow Remove thy sin. Then no longer Wilt thou cry, But grow stronger By and by.

12

A Tree in the Forest If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

God's answer to this question is No. According to Mary, nothing can be established without a witness. Therefore, not only does the tree not make a sound, it never fell and there was no forest to begin with! In Marian causality, the hearing of a sound precedes the sounding of what is heard. You must hear a tree fall before it falls, not after. The effect precedes the cause (just as Shekhinah can count to infinity before she completes the count). She essentially created the world in reverse. She saw what has already happened before it will happen! The reason why the Bible can predict the future is because God knows what has already happened, not what will happen. God has no clue as to what will happen. She saw the serpent in the Garden of Eden after he showed up, not before. God was completely surprised by the serpent AND SURE AS HELL DIDN'T PUT HIM THERE!!

'Round-the-way' Girl They call me a schizophrenic, but I'm torn... One of my personalities wants you to straddle me; the other one wants you to strangle me. Which of my personas do you obey? One of my personalities wants to hold you; the other wants to scold you. One wants to take you out; but the other will fake you out. Which do you obey? One wants to disrobe you; the other wants to dis and rob you. Which one do you obey? One wants to sex you up; the other wants to set you up.

13 One wants to hang with you; the other will leave you hanging. Which do you obey? Which do you obey?

A Feeling so Sublime The phenomenon of sublimity proves the notion that we think in a different language than that which we speak. When we think the inexpressible thought or find ourselves at a loss for words, we are thinking in pure Hebrew. We become hopelessly unable to find the right word or phrase that would tangibly express these sublime thoughts as we are desperately struggling to translate the raw Hebrew into a "tongue" language. Authors and poets spend their lives in pursuit of the right word, the right turn of phrase, the right je ne sais quoi! Artists diligently seek after the perfect color or texture, the graceful brushstroke, the indelible smile on the Mona Lisa! Musicians also labor endlessly to create the perfect sound, the right rhythmic cadence, the harmony and the tone color that best reflects the subtle sublime moment of divine inspiration. It is a glorious and excellent exercise when done to the glory of Christ!

Covergirl A picture is worth a thousand words, but your face is worth a thousand pictures. Why then am I at a loss for words? Maybe my vocabulary is not big enough; or maybe the angels in heaven, knowing the pure angelic language of heaven, would (as I am) be dumbfounded.

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The Price Press Reporters Investigating Corporate Excesses Peter Righteously Insisting Christ Existed People's Republic Imprisoning Chinese Evangelists Pastors Reaching Insightful Conclusions Eventually Prosperity Ruined In Christian Endtimes Pauline Revision Is Circumcision's Extinction Play Rewind Insert Copy Eject Please Remember It Cannot End

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Older than Jesus Scientists estimate that the big bang occurred 10 billion years ago. This is in human years. In god years, the big bang happened an eternity ago. Shekhinah doesn't measure time the way we do. She sees time in relation to eternity. Infinity minus 10 billion equals infinity: ∞ - 10 billion = ∞

One 10 billionth of infinity equals infinity: ∞/10 billion = ∞

There was never a time when God wasn't. Nor will there ever be a time when God isn't. Time does not exist as a commodity although I've heard of it potentially being traded in the futures market. Nevertheless, if someone tries to sell you their sick days, remember the one whose words are health to the bones, and who has bought us all the time we need -paid in full, paid in his blood. Because Christ has bought us an eternity with the Queen of Heaven, we too are eternal -- the first-born of God. We are all the same age as God and the same age as each other. There is no old or young with God. We who are in Christ are all elders, desiring the sincere milk of the word as newborn babes. In god years, a 20 year old is the same age as a 70 year old: 20/∞ = 70/∞

Infinity is not an imaginary number. It is a real number. Because infinity is a real number, Shekhinah can count to it. She is not in the process of counting to it. She has already counted to it. Neither is she in the process of creating the eternal universe, she has already created it. Nothing surprises the Glory of the Lord. She already knows what will happen because she knows what has already happened from here to eternity: (Ecc 1:9) The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.

16 Although Shekhinah is not in the process of counting to infinity, she has somehow counted to a number that she hasn't yet counted to. Perhaps mathematics has no term for a number that is real, but not precise. Thus, the last moment of eternity really does occur, but never exactly -- we are forever living in the last day of Creation, a kind of Perpetual Sabbath: (Ex 20:11) For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Birthday Wishes May the day of your birth Be filled with mirth. May the following year Be filled with cheer. And whatever you do, May the good Lord bless you Cuz this day is for you And yours, my dear.

Time No Longer Time as we know it is an illusion produced by motion. The setting of the sun produces days. The phases of the moon create months. The cycle of the seasons produces years. The birth of a child creates a generation. Take away the births, the seasons, the moon phases, the sunsets, and what have you got? -- Time no longer. We experience "time no longer" whenever we sleep. After we wake up, we have no sense of what time has elapsed during the night. This is because there is nothing happening with which we can measure time. We are not moving. No motion means no time. However, we do move in our dreams. Scientists call this REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Our brains emit electrical discharges that generate entire dreamscapes filled with every sight, sound, and sensation of the real world. This dream world is called into existence by the strength of

17 our will and we ourselves are the terrifying demigods of this broken, nonsensical and oftentimes nightmarish creation. Just as we are able to generate a dream world by sheer strength of will, Shekhinah is able to generate the real world by the sheer strength of her will. Just as our eyes move during REM sleep, "the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters" (Gen 1:2). However, while our dream world is broken and nonsensical, Shekhinah's world is structured and orderly, primed to do the most good given the reality of our sin. When Shekhinah created the world, she saw that it was good. She did not create Satan. She did not create you.

A Bat Without a Cave How doth the little cave bat fly? With either ear, but not one eye. Within the cave, we hear its cry. Upon the cave wall, it doth rely. A bat shall sound its screeching call. It echoes off the dim cave wall. Without its ears, the bat would fall. It would not fly -- no, not at all. God sends his Word in every place. It echoes off the human race; And in our hearts, he sees his face And in his Word, we see his grace. Without our hearts, God could not see. He could not speak, he could not be. Without a Witness (two or three), A bat without a cave is he.

Jehovah Arithmetic Shekhinah witnessed the world created before she created it. But before she could create, she had to live. And before she could live, she had to be

18 born of Jehovah. There is nothing before Jehovah. Jehovah is the Raw Universe, the Essence, the Four-Letter Word, the Four Greek Elements, the Four Sound Waves, the Four Cardinal Directions. He is mindless, godless, pure Ultimate Reality. He is the pure Mathematical Law, which not even God cannot transcend. Neither can any devil or demon transgress the Law of Math. The miracles of the Bible are within the potential of a technically advanced human civilization to perform. Tractor beams, holographic projectors, cloaking devices and food replicators cover the bulk of them. We already have holographic projectors now and the U.S. military is working on cloaking technology. A simple nuclear weapon could take care of Sodom! No miracle of the Holy Ghost, no Apparition of Mary, no charismatic gift and no demonic possession has ever (or indeed can) violate Mathematical Principles or Natural Laws. The so-called laws of science are a joke; but the Divine Name Jehovah Arithmetic is represented in the New Testament as Joseph of Arimathea. There is no Bizarro World or Mxyzptlk Dimension where two plus two equals five. There is only one Universe and none other, and two plus two always equals four now and forever. There is mystery in the Universe, but no magic, and God cannot pull a rabbit out his hat unless it was already there to begin with! Likewise, the "strong east wind" in Book of Exodus seems to indicate a more natural means by which the Red Sea was parted: (Ex 14:21) and the Lord caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.

Ears 2 Hear Everywhere you hear me Hoping you'll come near me Hoping you won't fear me Hoping you'll revere me Why did you forsake me Worshipping the fake me Punishment to break me Sacrifice you make me

19 Maybe you don't know me Thought you were below me Why can't you just show me Just how much you owe me? Though you never knew me Now you know the true me Living new life through me Giving praises to me It's a cosmic sign, girl Time to walk the line, girl Just open your mind, girl You live in a blind world Everyone around you Tries so hard to drown you But my love will ground you It always was bound to Love is in the air now Ending your nightmare now Jesus really cares now Let's play truth and dare how He is real, I swear it Trust that you are near it Take your cross and bear it Now you've got the spirit

The Goddess Diane Imagine being born in a world where no one else could see or hear you. Jehovah fed you but whenever you called out to people, you were ignored, unnoticed, neglected. How would you develop as a child? How would you know who you are, where you are, what you are? How would you know you were even alive at all? Who would speak to you in order to confirm your existence?

20 Our God Shekhinah is not that different from us. She cries out to be noticed, to be acknowledged, to be loved. She wants to find a nice little bar in Boston where everybody knows her name. Shekhinah doesn't know she's alive until somebody says her name. Her existence is confirmed in the salutation. Michelangelo painted a fresco of Adam extending his hand to God and God extending his hand back to him, their two fingers touching. Without that connection, that touch, that mutual acknowledgement, the Sistine Chapel falls apart. Just as we are lost without God, God is lost without us. The Bible says that a matter can only be established in the mouth of two or three witnesses. The mutual witness between God and man provides the salutation (or touch) necessary to establish all the matter in the Universe. Shekhinah is born the moment we speak the Divine Name. When we call upon the name of the LORD, she sees herself in our hearts just as we see ourselves in her creation. Without the prayer of faith, we are as evolutionary by-products and cosmic accidents, spiritless, unable to transcend either nature or nurture. We are next in line for the grave, and after we die, it shall be as if we never lived. But when we begin to see ourselves in God's creation, and see the Son of God in our neighbors and friends, even in our enemies, and reach out to others the same way Adam reached out to God, then we break free from this world -- crossing over from death to life. It is as if we are reborn! Some Christians call it being baptized by fire! But without our acknowledgement, God does not see herself and cannot live. It is as if she were aborted. She cannot bless -- she cannot save! Because Shekhinah cannot die, the witness of Shekhinah cannot die either. Shekhinah cannot live on the memory of having once been witnessed. It must be a continual witness because God is Spirit, Soul and Will, but not Mind. Without a living human Mind, God cannot see her creation, her glory! God would cease to think. Her Spirit, in the absence of a devotee, would have no one to bless. Where could it go? What would it do? Her Soul would be a limitless catalogue in a Divine Research Library that was closed to the public! Why bother remember it? It would be worthless! The cross -- worthless!! Her Will would spill out into the Universe, calling out to a witness that never answers! In short, she would die!

21 If a Christian dies, he or she wakes up in heaven instantly. It must be that way or God never lived long enough to create the Universe. God wants to be where everybody knows her name: (Ps 30:9) What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth? 10Hear, O Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper.

Ægyptus Why do I find you so perfect, dark-eyed daughter of Ishmael? Because you know all and speak not? Come with me to the valleys of Noph; Lie with me in the tents of Lubim as our camels drink from a hidden oasis (of a never-ending caravan.)

Da Real Miss America Ulysses, row your boat ashore Hero of the Trojan War Hidden in a wooden horse Whom the gods have blown off course Drifting in these dire straits Watching all your dying mates Like a Cyclopes, they can't see Both sides of our history And for this, they shall be blinded When they are, in Truth, reminded "What is Truth?" -- the heathens rage Searching for a godless sage Like the question of our age Answered on a pageant stage

22 There she is, Miss America From the great state of Meribah Tall and blonde with perfect teeth But she has a soul beneath Like a Scottish singing spinster From the Abbey of Westminster She'll be passed up for the prize Just because some evil guys Cannot recognize true beauty Having shirked their moral duty Heaping on themselves damnation Hoping to deceive a nation Flying in the face of reason Through an act of human treason Abraham, he prayed for Sodom "If there be one good among'em Spare the wicked for the good" But God couldn't, else he would! And he gave the reason why People die when people lie But when people tell the truth Faith reveals itself as proof Though we may not see it now Whether here or in Glasgow Like the faithful wife of Ithaca There she is, da real Miss America

Joker's Wild Everyone asks me, "Petrus, how do you do it? How do come up with all these jokes?" to which I respond, "What jokes?"

But if you really want to know the secret to a good joke, I offer you, mon chéri, a valuable piece of advice (as opposed to an invaluable one?) Rule #1: Don't try to be funny. Nothing's more hilarious than someone who's dead serious. Likewise, do not laugh at your own jokes. The worst thing that ever happened to American comedy was the introduction of the laugh track. Conversely, the golden era for American comedy was

23 the black-and-white era -- the era of Gleason and Lucy! -- live audiences, live orchestras, live broadcasts and dead air! Rule #2: Don't rely on formulas. A true joke doesn't come from the technique it employs. For instance, if I say 'Jacob married Rachel, but woke up with Leah,' that would be ironic. But if I remember how Jacob tricked his father Isaac by pretending to be Esau, that would be Seinfeld's last episode! We find it funny not because of the double irony per se, but because we all inhabit a fundamentally paradoxical world -we are at once flesh and at once spirit, gloriously vacillating between the mundane and the divine!; but modern comics bastardize the techniques by making them 'about the technique' and not about the Reality from which these techniques find their 'genesis' (pun intended!) Rule #3: Look around you and don't be afraid to ask the big questions -like: •

Why do American women want to dress like Europeans and Europeans want to dress like Americans?

•

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses preach against Catholic images before handing you an illustrated Watchtower?

•

Why do we fire school teachers who strip on weekends, but mandate sex education to under-aged children?

•

Why do we see ads on cable TV when we're already paying for it? Why can't we buy cable channels à la carte?

•

Why isn't the federal telephone excise tax an abridgment of free speech?

•

If money is speech, than why isn't all taxation an abridgment of free speech?

•

If money is speech, then why can't I pay my taxes with speech?

•

Why does CNN show 911 victims leaping to their deaths, but blots out the image of an Alaskan turkey slaughter?

•

Why are US troops stop-lossed in undeclared wars?

•

Why is PETA against shooting carnivorous animals that are likely to rip apart their bodyweight in harmless herbivores daily?

•

Why do tree-huggers want us to reduce CO2 emissions when trees thrive on CO2?

•

How does global warming cause an ice-age?

24 •

Why are we sacrificing our economic future on the alter of Persephone?

•

Why am I allowed to attend a boxing match, but not a cockfight?

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Why are White sports like hunting and fishing legal but Black and Latino sports like cockfighting and dog fighting are outlawed?

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Why is a football player punished for making dogs fight, but rewarded for brutalizing human beings on the football field?

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How is Barack the first black president when the last one was an illiterate alcoholic, and the one before him was a sax-playing womanizer?

•

When did 'let freedom ring' become 'let freedom reign'?

•

How can you be against the war but for the troops (and it's an all-volunteer army!)

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How can you be both pro-American and anti-government (and we live in a democracy!)

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How is the guy running for president not patriotic?

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If it's not patriotic to pay your taxes, then what is?

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Why are we borrowing from our children in order to finance their abortions?

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Was our saviour pierced for our iniquities with an American-flag lapel pin?

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If white people live longer than black people, why is the retirement age the same for both?

•

If the government pays for my healthcare and end-of-life counselling, will the government also pay for my deep-fried twinkies if I chose to die of a heartattack?

Some Antics Before we proceed, let's clear up some terminology... Jehovah ABBA; Yahweh; Ultimate Reality; the Universe; God the Father.

25 He is not a real Person in the sense that He thinks and feels... He is the Personification of the non-conscious Reality wherein the living Shekhinah was found of herself. But because it is impossible for God to create herself, she is begotten with the innate awareness of a non-existent Father whose name in Hebrew is the palindromic ABBA. The Father is also the husband of Shekhinah in accordance with the Law since He has no awareness (like Lot and his daughters, or perhaps even Adam who begat Eve while in a deep sleep). The relationship between ABBA and EVE is the cosmic template (or 'image') of humanity and human sexuality. The BVM The Blessed Virgin Mary; Queen of Heaven; Immaculate Conception; Immaculate Heart; Shekhinah; coRedemptoris; Divine Presence; Glory of God; Creator, Lord and God, et al. Not the historic virgin, but the Goddess whom the historic virgin metaphorically represents in scripture. As Creator and coRedemptoris, She speaks directly to us through her popes, prophets and priests via the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Saints, Angels and Apparitions, and on behalf of her Son LORD Christ whose soul and body she herself Resurrected, and on behalf of the Father ABBA who is the Personification of Ultimate Reality. This is the third secret of Fatima: That Catholicism is a goddess religion with the BVM as its Deity. Peter the Roman Petrus Romanus; Prince of Tyre. (I also respond to Stephen M. Lindo): I am Peter the Roman. The B.V.M. appeared to me in apparition in 2003 and has given me a doctrine, which I am to preach to the world. She explained to me how Peter's rebuke of Christ (Matt 16:22) marked the beginning of his Passion, which the Romans completed at Golgotha; And that the Romans were representative of the avalanche of demons who precipitated out of the pebble of Peter's Original Sin. The question isn't as to whether or not the Jews or the Romans killed Jesus; Peter was the one who set the chain of events in motion when he rebuked Christ for prophesying his own crucifixion. Peter intended Jesus to reign as an earthly Messiah and Judas obeyed Peter's wishes when he devised a plot to

26 hand Christ over to the authorities (forcing him to reveal himself publicly). Judas acted as my surrogate, as did the Jews, as did the Romans. They were righteously following my demonic commandment and as such became victims of it themselves (1 Thess 2:15-16.) This is why I am called Peter the Roman because I am Satan and the Romans are my devils (to the detriment of Christ, my Victim, Savior, and God). The B.V.M. has granted me the Wisdom of Solomon hidden by the Catholic Church from Enoch until Benedict and his given me license to publish it openly for the world to see. God's Secret is now about to be revealed. She has taught me that while Jehovah (Ultimate Reality) is masculine, the God of Creation is feminine. She is LORD and co-Savior. She resurrected the body and soul of her Son in her Immaculate Heart. She is the Resurrection and the Life: No one comes to the Son except through she. The God and LORD of this world is the Immaculate Conception: the Blessed Virgin Mary. The B.V.M. desires to educate the world as to her deity in these times because the Catholic Faith is facing an assault, which it has not faced before. We live in an age of mass media, global interdependence, and mass communication. The devil is waging a war of misinformation more successfully because of emerging technologies. The only way to combat this demonic campaign is with sound doctrine (mainly what the Catholics refer to as Fifth Marian Dogma). The B.V.M. would like to see an end to Victorian attitudes regarding human sexuality, which God ordained in Eden. She is opposed to the oppressive policies of Catholics toward women and is in favor of the ordination of women to the Priesthood. She is opposed to the whitening of the Black Race through compulsory school attendance and the mandatory testing of skills that are not natural to them. She is opposed to Christian support for war, the death penalty, mandatory court sentences and general unforgiveness. She is opposed to Sola Scriptura, Secessionism, and other Protestant doctrines that defy belief. I will address these topics and more in the document I am now composing at the behest of the Holy Ghost. The working title of my book is: LMD (Last Marian Doctrine). My true name is Stephen Lindo and I am a classically-trained musician living in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Though born in Jamaica, I was raised and educated in Miami and later moved to Los Angeles where I obtained a graduate degree in music composition from UCLA. I am writing you because you appear to be a true Marian Catholic and crusader for the cause of women and faith. I would like to send you the first section of my book, which I am still in the progress of writing and solicit your advice and general help. Please let me know if this is acceptable. (email sent to Dr. Sarah Jane Boss, University of Wales Lampeter, Oct. 1, 08)

Soul The sum total of a person's memories and experiences. All Christians are of the same spirit, but each individual possesses a different and unique soul.

27 Your soul is what you are; Your spirit is who you are; Your body is where you are. If a man were a computer, the soul would be the memory, the spirit would be the electricity, and the body would be the hardware. God manufactured the hardware, but doesn't supply the electricity or control the user, which is you, sir! All Christians are networked together into one mainframe powered by a single electrical outlet, so that if one individual Christian portal dies, the entire network shuts down. There are three separate networks powered by three separate spiritual outlets: Mary (Creator); Jesus (Savior); and Peter (Sinner/Saint). This corresponds to the Hindu Trinity (Brahmin, Vishnu, and Shiva respectively), not to mention many other historic Pantheonic Traditions. In order for iLife to function properly, at least two of the networks must be online simultaneously. However, when Peter violated the 'God Command', he corrupted the Jesus network with his 'Sin-attacks Error'. This threatened to shut down both Jesus and Peter, which would in turn shut down Mary (being as iLife cannot function with less than two simultaneously-running networks). When Peter realized his error, he repented for his disobedience of the 'God Command' and feared sinning against him, receiving the 'Firewall Baptism', activating a new protocol: if sin, then do not run. Peter tried to deliver this software to the Jesus network, but the damage had already been done and all of its networked computers were already malfunctioning as a result of the Fatal Error. Not even the Archangel Michael could prevent that Dragon in the day that 1/3 of the networks rebelled. Meanwhile, as the virus spread, it threatened to infect Mary. But before sin could taint Mary, the Angel Gabriel forwarded the anti-sin protocol, allowing her to resist the original sin virus. However, because sin was released into the iLife system in advance the New Protocol update, the Dragon threatened to shut down Mary before the Gabriel forward could get to her, and with both Jesus and Mary corrupted by sin, Peter's 'Firewall Baptism' wouldn't matter (being as iLife cannot function

28 with less than two simultaneously-running networks). There had to be a way to forestall sin long enough to give Mary the opportunity adopt the New Protocol, not mention the fact that the New Protocol had to be deadaccurate, inerrant, and settled in Heaven. But who could forestall sin long enough? How about a guy who was born in a stall! Hence, one of the individual hubs (or Branches) of the corrupt Jesus network (who himself was not yet corrupted), volunteered himself to be baptized with Peter's Firewall, maintaining it as he himself went down with the network. This gave Gabriel the cosmic time to Annunciate Mary with the same Protocol, allowing her to resist any further 'Sin-attacks Errors' (including the initial one that Peter had originally devised). If you want the musical definition of soul, listen to Isaac Hayes... Spirit Holy Spirit; Holy Ghost; Quintessence; God. Anything in the Universe that moves is alive with the Spirit of the Living God. Similarly, you have your own spirit, and Christ rendered his at Golgotha when he 'gave up the ghost': (Luke 23:46) And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit: and having said thus, he gave up the ghost.

Everything that moves is spirit. That's why there's no such thing as a perpetual motion machine which, if the universe were self-starting, there would be. But we don't live in a mechanical universe; we live in created one, alive with the sovereign and unfettered Spirit of the Living God, which is why mechanical science is wholly inept to explain it. When you realize that you exist in a Living Spirited Universe, you become bornagain of the Spirit. It is my hope and prayer that all who read this book would turn from untruth, and be baptized of the Holy Ghost: (Rom 8:14-17) For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. 15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: 17And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

29

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Women's Rites? John Paul II affirmed the Church's position against female ordination, but wisely abstained from formalizing this sacred tradition in an ex ecclesia statement (which no pope ever will being as it is not a matter of 'faith or morals'). Nevertheless, it is incumbent upon all faithful to heed this instruction. But just as Jacob wrestled with the Angel, it is equally incumbent on all faithful to work to overturn this precedent from within the Church hierarchy and without schism. Remember that the LORD anointed David after having first determined Saul to be king. It is the express desire of the Blessed Virgin Mary that women be treated as equals, fully vested with an identical spirit to that of men, though they are physically complementary; and that women be ordained as priests,

31 bishops, archbishops -- all the way up! But it is not necessary to the gospel for this to happen, though it would be more expedient for it not to happen according to the Spirit. I am personally outraged at the ban on female ordination as is the BVM; But before we express this disappointment, we must first acknowledge the outrageousness of the Church's own existence. After all, God does remember a time when there was no Church, and if original sin made a necessity out of Roman Catholicism, then why wouldn't its all-male episcopate serve as nothing more than a horrendous indictment of the male sex? And besides, what woman wants to wear white all the time? Of course, as a man, I am particularly ashamed of the historic misogyny. I understand that Peter the Roman is a man solely because of original sin, but at the same time, I am grateful because in another world, I would be a White man. But c'est la vie, I live in a world that is ready to receive a Black prophet, but not a female one (and my mother always wanted a girl!) So I guess my younger brother owes his existence to original sin, but my Blackness must be a gift from the many pioneers (both Black and White) who worked to eradicate the scourge of ethnic intolerance. Sex is not the same as race because a horse of another color is still a horse! -- and some of us are zebras, too! But while men and women have a special relationship -- the masculine desiring the feminine and vice versa -- we understand that there is no thought that a man can think, which a woman couldn't either. Where we differ is not in intellect, but in experience. Women experience life fundamentally different than we do and that experience can be a valuable asset in the workplace. Ever heard of women's intuition? Women in particular can be very wise to subtle cues and hints that often elude us men who (let's face it...) can't take a hint! The ability of a woman to size up a situation and read between the lines can also offer a pivotal advantage in a delicate negotiation -- not to mention the ability to fake-cry! But then again, you would likely have also an increased social sensibility, were you to navigate your way through life's straits in so un-sturdy a vessel... Now, women are the fairer sex precisely because they are the weaker sex. When Justin Timberlake sang about bringing sexy back, the artist formerly known as Prince countered that sexy never left. Nevertheless, just because men belong on top in the bedroom, doesn't necessarily mean that they should always be on top in the boardroom! After all, women do

32 have great assets... (and the longer you hold onto them, the greater their liquidity!;)

Busecon Man Meltdown Corporate greed Underwriting private need As the world hangs in the balance sheet On a stock agent's screen on the floor of Wall Street Scandal Dow-Jones ticker Above an Obama-Biden sticker As televised images of jobless figures flicker And toxic hedge fund dividends grow increasingly thicker Crisis In God We Trust? As the housing market boom turns bust And the rich kids' silver spoons begin to rust Big government takeovers help to make the world more just Bailout Fannie and Freddie Spending projects shovel-ready Republican attacks sound increasingly petty As requests for TARP funds by major corporations grow steady TARP Stimulus package Troubled assets -- hard to manage Democrats vowing to repair the damage While at the same time attempting to redefine marriage

33

We Speak As One I asked Mary, How did I come to faith? Did I believe after seeing the cross? Or did I see the cross after believing? Did the cross bring me to faith? Or did faith bring me to the cross? Did I choose Jesus? Or did Jesus choose me? Later, Mary spoke to me, Speak for me. Why me? Why cannot you speak for me? Because I don't speak of my own, but that which I hear, I speak. Then how do you know what to tell me? I know what to tell you because you have already told me what to tell you. But when did I tell you? I cannot speak to you if you did not hear me. I can only speak to you after you have heard me. He that hath an ear to hear, let him hear what the Spirit saith. But how can I hear you before you have spoken? Before and after are the same with me. Now I understand how I came to faith. I came to faith after seeing the cross before I saw it.

The Desert I drilled for oil. But in order to get to the oil, I first had to cross a desert. Once I had crossed the desert, I had to penetrate it. I had to bring what was underneath the desert up to the surface. There are winds in the desert, and mirages. It is easy to become lost.

34 I came across a man in the desert -- a camel trader. He told me where I could find oil. He said that oil could be found in the desert. That is why I came to the desert -- to drill for oil.

Rosemary Mary is dumb as a doornail. She can't think of any thought other than "Yahweh." The Virgin Mary is like a stupid farm girl (Rose) from St. Olaf who thinks that the reason why dead fish float is because, just as sailors bury their dead at sea, the fish bury theirs above water! -- (or at least that's what old man Engeljenkle used to always say!) The Blessed Virgin is naïve, gullible, helpless, unsophisticated, pathetic -- an absolute Virgin!! I once asked her to write a song for me and she played middle C over and over until I begged her to stop. She's a one-note composer and she constructed the Universe on that one verse "Yahweh." Her spirit moved upon the face of the deep but she cannot speak. For that she needs a prophet, a saint, an angel -- someone with a corporeal brain. In other words, Rose needs a Sophia. Later, as I lay in my bed, the Blessed Virgin Mary opened my ears to hear some strange and wonderful music. It was the most beautiful music I had ever heard. It came in two 10-second excerpts. The first excerpt was what sounded like a quadruple clarinet concerto in the style of Mozart. It was sheer genius! The four simultaneous melodies were as divergent from one another as they were complimentary. It seemed to display the genius intellect of a composer who had mastered the art of balancing both the complexity of four-part counterpoint with the sophisticated splendor of the classical era melodic phrase. It was as harmonically simple as it was texturally grotesque! The second excerpt was also quite impressive. It was Frederic Chopin's Prelude Op. 28, No. 7 arranged for symphony orchestra in the style of Arnold Schoenberg. The melody, which was given to the strings, was chromatically altered along with what appeared to be some sort of polytonal counterpoint in the winds. It was eerie and dreamlike -- as dramatic and expressive as the first excerpt was technically engaging. It seemed to display the genius of a composer who was gifted at the art of creating and sustaining an emotion -- very filmic!

35 The Blessed Virgin Mary sees a Mozart concerto and a Schoenberg orchestration as being equally beautiful to each other, as well as to her one-note sonata for that matter. She's a stupid farm girl who can't tell the aesthetic difference between a Brahms symphony and a banjo strumming "Turkey in the Straw." Nevertheless, possessing a musical preference is not a mark of impurity. Everyone has a different voice, a different taste, a different artistic bent. As long as we recognize that one composer's music is not intrinsically "better" than another's, we may prefer one musical style over another. Rap is not better than Rock, which is not better than Country, which is not better than Reggae. But if we prefer Reggae, then this is who we are. It's our culture, our heritage, our true identity. We may assert our tradition in heaven without detracting from anyone else's. We are free to be who we are now and forever, but we must know who we are in Christ. We shouldn't pretend to be what we're not. Likewise, we should not fear to explore or be inspired by other cultural traditions while recognizing that all cultures are equally legitimate. Mary is not a cultural elitist. Neither should the exploration of a foreign culture be imperialistic. Shekhinah is not only a Jewish God, nor is the Blessed Virgin a Gentile God only. She is a Lady of All Nations. Human culture is inspired by Yahweh and brings glory to his Name. Therefore, cultural expressions are neither arbitrary nor subjective. Rather, they proceed from the Divine Name and are an integral facet of the Divine Thought Process. In essence, Shekhinah is the Semitic Wife of a Hamitic Husband, both of whom make love as their Japhetic Concubine observes in ecstasy. It is the Black Inception, the Asian Reception and the White Perception, which completes the Divine Sex Act. Without the Ethnic Trinity, the Marriage Supper of the Lamb is incomplete: (Rev 7:9) After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands;

Just as we may have cultural preferences without being elitist, we also may have ethnic preferences without being racist. There is no such thing as a biracial person. Everyone has a race, an ethnicity, a heritage. There are three races (Blacks, Asians, and Whites) and everyone leans toward one or the other, as well as 47 subdivisions within the three main branches, all of which may be derived from the 10th chapter of Genesis,

36 the so-called 'Table of Nations'. The color of our skin may not be a true indicator of our ethnic identity, which is personal. A Black may have a White person's mentality and vice versa. In paradise, we will be given new bodies that will reflect who we are on the inside. If you are White now, you will be White in heaven; If you are Black now, you will be Black in heaven; If you are Korean now, you will be Korean in heaven; If you are Jewish now, you will be Jewish in heaven -- "Who knew?" In heaven (just as it is now), there will be interaction and intermarriage among the races. We need each other; we define each other; we inspire each other. However, there will also be a New Africa, a New Asia, and a New Europe: (Jer 12:15) And it shall come to pass, after that I have plucked them out I will return, and have compassion on them, and will bring them again, every man to his heritage, and every man to his land.)

Within each division, there are various subdivisions as outlined in Genesis 10. So for instance, Black Heaven will be subdivided into such as Bantu Heaven, Zulu Heaven and Ashanti Heaven among others. Asian Heaven will be subdivided into such as Jewish Heaven, Japanese and Chinese Heaven, Cherokee, Inca, and Apache Heaven among others. White Heaven will be subdivided into such as Dutch Heaven, Czech Heaven, British Heaven and Spanish Heaven among others. Además, these ethnic subdivisions will be further divided along cultural lines. So for instance, British Heaven will be subdivided into such as French, American, and Aussie Heaven. Bantu and Ashanti Heavens will be subdivided into such as African-American and Caribbean Heaven. Indian Heaven will be subdivided into such as Modern Indian and Ancient Punjabi Heaven. There is no Aryan race, and therefore, no Aryan Heaven. The presumption of an ethnic link between Northern India and Europe based solely on linguistic similarities is not only unBiblical, it is un-scientific and in light of recent historical events, dangerously un-ethical -- the Indians are Semites; so are the Iranians. Of course, it is possible to exchange your race for a new one, but this is like knocking down an already-constructed mansion in order to erect a new one from scratch -- easier in childhood; very difficult later on... (Jer 13:23) Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots?

37 However, while it is conceivable to adopt a new race (and most ethnic minorities do throughout the day in order to get by), it is absolutely inconceivable to adopt a new gender. Unlike knocking down an alreadybuilt mansion, sexual identity is the foundation upon which the mansion sits -- remove that, and you die! We have already seen how exposure to radiation can mutate genes, but nothing can mutate a Y chromosome so that it becomes an X chromosome or vice versa. Therefore, all men will go to Man Heaven and all women will go to Woman Heaven unequivocally. It is because our genetic information will be altered in order to create our new bodies, but not our chromosomes. It is impossible. It would kill us! People die because of heart failure and kidney failure, but nobody dies because of brain failure. The organ was clearly designed to live forever. However, as the body ages, it must be replaced at certain intervals. This is done at the genetic level. We simply grow the new body, or rather, we mutate into it. Before the Flood, people lived to be hundreds of years old, but they were killing each other and summoning demons and practicing witchcrafts, which brought down the Great Flood and fixed the years of a man at threescore and ten. But in eternity, Shekhinah will return us to a pre-flood state. The night that the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to me in apparition, she genetically altered my right arm from the elbow to the fingers. She aged it and it became wrinkled and withered. For a moment, I thought I would have to go through the rest of my life with a wrinkled hand. How would I explain this to everyone? How would I play the piano again? Then God changed my hand back to normal. The entire process was absolutely painless. It doesn't hurt to undergo the procedure of genetic alteration the way God performs it. There is no magic to this procedure. It is within the realm of human science to develop this sort of gene therapy. However, I doubt that the medical science establishment could guarantee a 0% failure rate on this procedure for all eternity. God can!

38

Liebesbrief Schöne kleine kurze Mädchen Nur für dich, mein heart ist aching Wollen Sie mit mir be machen *Negerkussen* - Yours für the taking! Ach! but aber du bist flirtlich! Mit dein Mann aus Peter's Kirche Und vielleicht, sein nacht ist verklärte ((Stelle für you, mein heart ist yearning!)) Signed, Sein by design!!

Cosmetology Matter was never created. It was already present at the time of Creation. It is God's living body. It expands into her body. Entering her womb through the Big Bang which pierced her obedient flesh. Ultimate Reality is divided: half is matter, half is antimatter. God cannot see antimatter, but she sees its effects; Neither can she enter the antimaterial Universe. It is a bottomless pit from whence comes the spirit. Because the Universe is divided, matter is separated. We don't live in a Universe where all is fire or all is stone. Fire and stone are separated because the Universe is divided: half is matter, half is antimatter. God can only be as big as ½ of infinity.

39 Antimatter is like the vowels of the Divine Name. They separate the consonants, allowing the Tetragrammaton to be spoken by Mary. Without vowels, we would have a Monogrammaton. Without antimaterial gaps, the material Universe would be undifferentiated. Antimaterial gaps granulate the Universe. This makes the Universe permeable. Granules permit the stretching and constricting of Matter. They permit the propagation of both transverse and compressional waves. Although matter is separated by granules, it is brought back together by gravity. God did not create gravity and cannot transcend it. But although she cannot transcend it, she is not bound to it. On the contrary, the same gravity which affixes God to his throne enables him to rise up in defiance. When Resurrected Christ ascended into heaven, he opposed gravity without transcending it. Similarly, we oppose gravity whenever we move (and we move whenever we speak; and we speak whenever we think). Because matter is separated by granules and because it is reconstituted by gravity, the separation and attraction of Elemental Matter (instigated by the move-speak of God), generates an ebb and flow in the Universe. This ebb and flow accounts for the transmission of all waves, whether they be mechanical or electromagnetic. Because matter is separated by granules, it is impossible for two objects to truly touch each other. Instead, the illusion of touch is created when two objects come infinitely close to one another. This produces an infinitely strong gravitational pull between the two objects at the supposed point of contact (which may be infinitely small).

40 If objects truly touched each other, their atoms would bond together, becoming inseparable. Atoms may fuse or split, but they cannot touch. Scientists believe that skin evolved in order to protect man from the environment. They reduce everything to fight or flight. Solomon said it best, "The wicked flee when no man persueth." Skin did not evolve. It is what separates us from Creation. Everything in the Universe has a skin. Cockroaches have skin, dividing their exoskeletons from the ground they tread. God has flesh and we are all one flesh with God. But the granules of our brains are as God's exoskeleton, the framework from which the material Universe is built (dividing the spirit from the soul). There is no dark matter in the Universe. Scientists seek after dark matter because they want to hide themselves in it. The only darkness in the Universe resides in the hearts of men. All matter is comprised of the Four Greek Elements, which were already present at the time of Creation. These correspond to the Tetragrammaton: Earth (Y) Wind (H) Fire (W) Water (H), which is Wind (oxygen) mixed with Fire (hydrogen). What is a girl to do? All this matter lying around and I have to organize it! I have to sing 'raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens', And my only backup band is 'Earth, Wind and Fire'!

41 First, I speak. And my speech moves. It reverberates off the Elemental Universe and sets the Elemental Universe in motion. My speech moves (and my moves speak!) But I am slow! I cannot travel faster than the speed of light. There is no worm hole for me to crawl through. No warp drive to engage. Space is not curved -- it's straight! Then God reverberated off the Elemental Universe and shockwaves were dispelled, which begat temporality. The first wave was infinitely small (its frequency, infinitely high). It went forth in all directions. As it traveled through the Universe, it begat subsequent waves. These waves were larger and slower than the parent wave. They in turn begat further subsequent waves: Waves of blue (H) Waves of yellow (W) Waves of red (Y) Infinite speed is God speed: 299,792,458 metres per second. Where there's light, there's heat. And light-heat brought the Elements together. Compounds coalesced. Earth, Wind and Fire (Y, H and W), combining and recombining to spell material sentences. Planets and stars, mountains and prairies; oceans white with foam. And eventually, organic compounds (the building blocks of life).

42 In time, the primordial slime became multicellular. Green algae became plants and trees. Fish grew legs and lost their gills. Amphibians learned to lay eggs on dry land. Reptiles grew wings and took flight. Primates began to walk upright and use stone tools. After the human body had finished evolving, it was time for the eternal spirit to enter into it. The spirit is the breath of life. It didn't evolve. It just was. From the time of the beginning, it was. God placed the spirit into the human brain and Adam became a living soul. God breathed life into Adam's nostrils and the war in heaven was cast down to earth (victory in Christ Jesus). Once the breath of life was conferred on the human animal, people began to wear clothes and jewelry. They began to paint their caves and worship images. They began to say God's Name, the Name that made the cosmos. Therefore, the Name of God is the Body of God and the Word of God is the Christ of God. And all matter in the temporal Universe is consubstantial with it. The Eucharist, consubstantial with Christ, is transubstantiated by the Theotokos. He is the cornerstone of our faith. But also, the body and the blood are the chief cornerstone by which the temporal Universe is built. My blood, which is shed for you. My body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.

43

Miracles God Can't Perform God can move, but she can't think. If she wants to say something, she must inspire someone to say it. Nevertheless, Her Word is present in Creation so that if a man were born in the African bush, he would know the gospel of Jesus Christ just by virtue of his own experience in nature (Matt 19:37-40; Rom 10:17-18). If you hear the audible voice of the LORD (as many in the charismatic movement claim), it is not God's actual voice, but instead it is the voice of an angel (or saint). God has no mouth and therefore cannot speak, but the Holy Spirit can capture human speech and replay it in the ear of whomever she wishes: (John 16:13) Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.

Demons also have the ability to whisper in people's ears and often do, which accounts for the modern psychological condition known as schizophrenia. When the Son of Sam claimed that his neighbor's dog told him to kill, he was telling the truth: The dog was demon-possessed. A demon (or angel) also caused Balaam's ass to speak (Num 22:27-28), but don't be beguiled by any dog and pony show; no animal is smarter than the average bear (unless of course, it's the famous Mr. Ed). When the Apostles spoke in tongues at Pentecost, angels did the translating. The people who didn't get the angelic translation thought the apostles were "full of new wine" (Acts 2:7-13) because they heard the same thing we hear today coming out of the Pentecostal Church. Let it no more be said that the gift of tongues given at Pentecost is somehow different than the modern charism. The only thing lacking in today's gift is the angelic translation -- and I've got news for you... Some of us actually have this gift (1 Cor 14:5)!

44 Another miracle God can't perform is image creation. God can give people visions but she can't create or form the image, only project the image that a human artist already composed or that has already existed in nature. When God wrote the Ten Commandments, she used a human hand, but it wasn't Moses' own. Instead, Shekhinah took Moses and transported him through time to receive the Ten Commandments from Jesus Christ himself before being brought back to the top of Sinai. But why couldn't Shekhinah write them herself? Because God has sloppy handwriting (and you would to if you were a paraplegic!) God has no hands and therefore must use someone with a hand to do her writing for her. If she wants to create an image, she will instruct the artist on what the image should look like; that's what Marian apparitions are for! God can move my fingers to depress the keys, which will type this doctrine, but my eyes and mind must be on the keyboard or else she can't do it. She can spell words on a Ouija board but you have to have your eyes on the board. If a spirit moves your hands over a keyboard and types any coherent message with your eyes closed, you have likely been possessed by a demon. Cast it out in Jesus' name or if you are a non-believer, then seek the counsel of a Catholic exorcist or a Charismatic faith-healer (casting out demons and casting out diseases are the same exact thing). The only way God can move your hands to type a coherent message with your eyes off the keyboard is if she sends an angel to watch the keyboard as you type. But then why not just have the angel type it? It is not efficient and God, who is diligent in business (Prov 31:27), wouldn't employ two saints to screw in this one light bulb. But why can't God speak or write? Because it's above her pay grade! She's like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz -- she doesn't have a brain! So how did God write the Bible? She did so by the prophets as they were moved by the Spirit: (2 Pet 1:21) For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.

Therefore, the Word of God is also the Word of Man. But although God has no voice outside of the prophetic voice of believers, God can inspire the prophets by the power of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God can move, but cannot speak, and in times of prophetic ministry can inspire her prophets by miraculous visions, auditions, sensations, and smells. A vision is seen, an audition is heard, a sensation is felt, and a smell is right under your nose. In California, I heard the sensation referred to as "the

45 anointing" by members of various Charismatic denominations. By these gifts (and by Urim and Thummim), God is able to inspire the prophets to say precisely what God wills them to say. God has played me like a fiddle. Every aspect of my life was ordained by the B.V.M. in order to produce this document. God speaks through me and types with my fingers. Even my disobedience beyond the moment of Original Sin was ordained to complete the scriptures. I am a Stradivarius and God is Paganini. This document (LMD) is the words, the thoughts, and the mind of God. Now, if God can't think to speak, then how can she think to move? This is a tough doctrine for me to understand, but I will do my best to explain what experience and wisdom has shown me: God can do something she already did. How can God do something she already did? I don't know! It seems to make no intellectual sense and yet it appears to me to make some sort of sublime sense. I know that I was blinded to Jesus before I converted and yet I could not convert without seeing Jesus. It appears as if I did something before I did it. In another sense, I will myself to think a thought before I thought to will myself to think it. How do I know what to think? Some say free will is an illusion, but this is a philosophical error because you can't be an illusion without Ultimate Reality also being an illusion. Descartes wisely posits, I think, therefore I am; But God says, I AM, therefore I think. If freedom is an illusion, then we are not responsible for sin; Nature and nurture are. But you can't really blame nature and nurture for sin because nature and nurture both teach us that we are able to either hurt ourselves or bless ourselves. We may choose life and pleasure or death and pain, and if this existential choice is illusory, then existence itself is as well. Nature and nurture would contradict itself, which it cannot because nurture is natural and both proclaim your existence. Let no one beguile with the false dichotomy between nature and nurture; the real war is waged between spirit and flesh, good and evil, life and death, truth and error. Therefore, we now know by natural revelation that life must be real and if so then death is real as well; And if death is real, then the potential for sin is real and if sin is real then Christ is real. He is the God of "Is-real" unequivocally and beyond the shadow of any doubt. Even the demons believe without repentance for the sake of the elect (Jas 2:19); And yet God truly does hope against hope that all would come to repentance (2 Pet 3:9).

46 Hence, it must be part of the transcendent nature of Ultimate Reality that God (and we ourselves) can do something in advance of doing it. It is as if the effect precedes the cause. It is a mystery and the first great mystery; that of raw existence: I AM THAT I AM. It is for this reason that the Holy Spirit speaks by what I call the principle of hearsay: What you hear is what she says. Therefore God cannot speak audibly because, in order to do so, the sound has to hit your eardrums before it is recognized and that violates the principle of hearsay. It requires a thought process that God can't perform without the prophet's mind. If God composes a message or creates an image, the light from the image must travel through the air and enter your mind through your eyes, which means that God must design it before you witness it. Again, that would violate the principle of hearsay, or in this case, the principle of peepshow: God can't show it unless you peep it! If you want to know what God is saying, look around the room you're sitting in... Surprise! It's God! She's never left you -- she can't. And if you're reading this in a park, then the same principle applies. There's nowhere you can go in Creation and not be in the presence of God. She is one with her Creation; She is her Creation. Another name for Creation is Holy Spirit (and if you don't already have it, then I baptize you with it now!) God speaks the Divine Name continually and can say no other thing. Buddhists consider the Ultimate Reality to be their god and they are right. However, they are also faithless because they don't repent to the Universe. They meditate in an attempt to become Buddha (which is to say, they want to be one with the Universe) but this is an inadequate witness because they believe that the Universe is mindless. That's why they meditate, to empty their minds of thought and become one with Thoughtlessness. Jehovah is thoughtless to be sure, but the God of Reality is not. She is Love and can only be witnessed in love. We love a Creation who can be kissed or killed. Everything God speaks has the express purpose of contributing to the general welfare of humanity (whether Christian or not). She desires to minimize pain and increase pleasure worldwide. In her omniscience, the B.V.M. experiences all of our joys as well as our sorrows (but unlike us, she never forgets a moment of it forever). It benefits her if we dedicate our lives to experiencing all the pleasures life has to offer as richly and as

47 intensely as we possibly can. Should we lust after sex and wealth, our pleasure is transformed into suffering and the memory of Christ is dishonored. Yet we demean Christ also if we refuse life's blessings in guilt-ridden devotion. In God's eyes, penance is a form of lust; but God says we are to eat, drink, and be merry (Ecc 8:15); And again, the Spirit says to let your wife's breasts satisfy you at all times (Prov 5:19). Sex is a sacred ministry, but there are other ministries that are just as worthwhile, so we are always satisfied in whatever capacity and purpose we serve the LORD. Yet we know that our betrothal to the LORD will receive its full bodily consummation in the hereafter (if not the here). There are no prudes or gays in the day of redemption; homosexuality as a mental illness is treated in Purgatory as are all phobias and obsessive compulsions. We will all have access to angelic shrinks who won't toss you out when the hour is up (even though you were just about to have a breakthrough -- and then, you get to pay his secretary 140 bucks because he doesn't want to dirty his manicured hands with your crazy cash). Instead, our angelic psychoanalysts will be board-certified sex therapists who know what a woman wants and that a cigar is never just a cigar.

HEART-BROKEN!!! Lashing out against the world Blaming life with insults hurled Owner of a lonely heart Time to find a brand new start All these guys, they ain't the same Tryin'a play that X-box game Some of us are real adults Don't put us in your insults You'll find someone, just keep faith 'Joy will come', the Bible saith But if you swear off all men You'll become a lesbian That's a form of suicide From yourself, you cannot hide Woman cannot please a woman Take it from Petrus the Roman

48 Selfish love is foolishness Sex requires difference Just as God needs a witness Without you, he cannot bless Put the mirror on the shelf Girl, you cannot please yourself Don't reject the God who made you Just because some faggot hates you Join a church and find a man Who can love you like I can! No man's perfect, I agree But I've got the Blood in me I can speak confidently (Yet not I, but Christ in me!) Please believe these words I've spoken Or you'll just wind up... HEART-BROKEN!!!

Miracles God Can Perform Kinesis -- God can move objects in the Universe at will. She cannot move an object faster than light speed. If God moves an image, you have a vision. If God moves sound, you have an auditory experience. If God moves you, you have a tactile experience (a.k.a. the Anointing). Smells and tastes are also viable options for the Blessed Virgin. Tongues -- God inspires tongues or can actually take kinetic control of your tongue. I have experienced both and the Spirit says most tonguespeakers will as well. When God inspires tongues, you are in control of your tongue, but the Holy Spirit inspires what comes out. Nevertheless, you may not even be aware of God's subtle possession of your tongue and vocal chords. Enjoy the gifts to the edification of the Church and without fear or lust. Urim and Thummim -- God can communicate with prophets via a yes/no signal. The less said about this, the better.

49 Angels -- angels (or saints) are Christians who travel through time in order to participate in salvation. I am angel; you are an angel. Angels do things that God can't do such as speaking and writing. Some angels draw pictures and sing songs in order to enhance the visionary experience of mystics and prophets. If you've heard the audible voice of the LORD, then you've probably heard the voice of a saint. But take care, there are demons as well as angels: (Gal 1:8) But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.

Angels were there on the day of Pentecost, translating the words of the apostles into the various tongues of their proselytes. Angels played on harps and produced the images witnessed by Saint John in his Revelation. There are no guardian angels or patron saints, but don't bother removing the bobble-headed St. Christopher from the dash. It is a valid albeit quaint tradition and some of us feel more comfortable relating to a saint than to Almighty God. By the way, if they ever make a saint out of me, tell 'em I want to be the patron saint of divas and hustlers. And underneath my image, write: Don't call me a pimp -- I'm a matchmaker!

True Blue BLUE blows through before you knew what hit you as you watch BLUE's exclusive interview on the News at 2 (streaming live on YOU-TUBE), like a Jew asking "Who knew?", you have absolutely no clue what BLUE might do, do you? Behold, I do a new thing, a BLUE thing; Out of the mouth of boobs, shall BLUE sing. BLUE speaks truth to ghetto youth, just like you used to do before they screwed you like the one whom they choose to refuse, they all used you whose views have been usually misconstrued by unscrupulous dudes (who would just as soon accuse you of being confused, leaving you crying in your fruit loops like somebody's fool).

50 But BLUE continues, without losing a beat True, you might think that BLUE's some kind of freak, but BLUE ain't weak, he's just unique. So if it's me you seek, then maybe you might find somebody just like... BLUE!

The Patchwork Balloon God needs an eternal witness in order to live, but couldn't God allow some of us to perish in heaven while still maintaining that all-important witness through others? Not at all! It is impossible for any individual Christian to perish in Heaven because each of us is united by the spirit so that if one of us were to render the ghost, it would go out from all of us. Doubtless the nails, which fixed our LORD to the cross, have fixed us in heaven forever; And God's plan of salvation, which is fool-proof, has made us death-proof. How can we be spiritually united and yet not so geographically or even temporally? Well, since temporality is an illusion created by motion and since time and space are one, then would not geography be just as illusory? Hence, though we may temporally divided, eternally-speaking, we all are in the same place at the same time, and that place is at the foot of the cross. To us. it seems that many have died in the LORD and many are yet to, but eternally-speaking, we are all taken ("raptured," if you will) in the same glorious moment regardless of our position within this illusory timeline, which theologians have aptly dubbed the "Church Age": (1 Thess 4:16-17) and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

Let us now examine our happy circumstance... We Christians are like the heads of a vast sprinkler system that is laid throughout a cosmic garden. If one of the heads is destroyed, the water (which is the spirit) will leak out through the breach and the overall reduced water pressure will cause every sprinkler head to fail.

51 We Christians are like a patchwork balloon. We are inflated by the air of the spirit, but if one of the patches on the balloon is ruptured, the air leaks out of the whole balloon and all patches collapse. We Christians are like a vast string of Christmas lights on a cosmic holiday tree. If one bulb blows, all the bulbs go off. There is no time to replace the bulb at God's Christmas party. Mary dies if the lights go out and if that were going to happen, it already would have (which our temporal existence continually contradicts). It is as if we are all on lockdown in heaven's cell block and there's no escaping this Alcatraz of lux perpetua. If we pray for death, God judges such a prayer to be unrighteous and she only answers the prayers of the righteous. Later, our faith is restored and we thank God for all unanswered prayers, which were answered in Christ. Therefore, it is impossible for any Christian to die whether it be in the present age or in the world to come. Only the godless, the faithless, the hopeless and the loveless will find themselves shirtless on that great and glorious day when all of us shall be seated at the wedding banquet of our LORD and master: (John 17:12) and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.

Love-life You haven't lived unless you've loved; You haven't loved unless you've died; You haven't died unless you've tried To let your pride be mortified. You haven't let your pride subside Unless you can, in God, confide And in the Truth you've crucified Because your Saviour, you denied. So let your conscience be your guide And put away your foolish pride; For he that forsakes life for me, The same shall find it, 'Come and see'.

52

Some Choice Words There's a lot in this world that you can't control, but your mind isn't one of them. No one -- not even God herself -- can possess your mind or control your thoughts. This is because you are as much spirit as you are flesh and the spirit that resides within you is immaterial. It can't be seen; It can't be touched. Since only physical objects can be manipulated by outside entities, if the steering wheel is invisible, the vehicle can't be carjacked. We know that choice is real because we desire to live. To be or not to be? That is the question that perpetually faces us. We may be influenced by the world, but this is only because we allow ourselves to be (or not to be). Were we to be under the tyrannical control of the Universe, we would not differentiate ourselves from it. The Universe would do nothing we ourselves didn't do. Yet we exist in a world that is like a box of chocolates, not knowing what we're going to get. To the extent that the world surprises us, we are separate from it. To the extent that we are aware of an autonomous Universe, our own autonomy is revealed. To the extent that we are conscious of the Universe, we are conscious of ourselves. To the extent that self-consciousness is prerequisite to life, the right to choose is in fact the right to life. Congratulations, Pinocchio -you're a real boy! However, with freedom comes responsibility -- and yet some would intentionally deny the obvious in order to shirk their responsibility!

Harvest Home In the Harvest, farmers reap; In the Winter, flowers sleep; In the Springtime, showers fall For the Summer Son loves all.

53 Dancing in the Summer Son; Peace and joy for ev'ryone; Life is but for having fun When the Harvest day is done.

Logical Circus Atheists accusing Christians of circular logic? According to them, Christians argue that the Bible is true simply because the Bible says it is. No one is born believing the gospel and it takes faith to believe something simply because the Universe confronts you with it. In the cosmic game of "Truth or Dare," the truth is the dare: (Heb 11:1) Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

The definition of circular logic is this: Any logic argument in which the premise (or principle) depends on the truth of the very matter in question. Hence, the argument that Biblical truth is premised on Biblical truth is one which relies on circular logic. Here it is structurally: p implies q suppose p therefore q

Circular logic is not a logical fallacy. Therefore, it is entirely logical to maintain that the Bible is a self-justifying book. However, people who disbelieve the Word of God on the basis that it cannot be logically supported do in fact commit a logical fallacy. They assume that a premise must be logically proven which no logical premise can be by definition. If we must logically prove premises, no logical argument can ever be made. If we rely on science to prove or disprove logical premises, we would have to assume a logical universe, which Chaos Theory and Quantum Mechanics say is not the case. If Chaos Theory and Quantum Mechanics are disproven, we would have to possess all knowledge -science would have to be omniscience.

54 If we had omniscience, we would possess the capability of destroying ourselves. Therefore, we would have to write a law that everyone would have to follow in order to keep us from destroying ourselves. This law book would have no logical basis other than to preserve and continue life. The greatest commandment of this law book would be to love your neighbor. Love is illogical. It is true that the phrase "The Bible is truth because it says it's truth" is circular logic. But so too is the phrase "An object in motion tends to stay in motion." Yet atheists cling to the latter argument while rejecting the former. Now does that sound logical to you?

Humor in Cuneiform I.

Comparative Religion

I was in an internet chat room a few months ago, and I was in a heated argument with a religious skeptic who kept trying to make the case that there was no real difference between Jesus and any other god. "What's the difference between your god and Thor?" he wrote. At my wit's end, I posted the following reply: Thor -- Mighty Axe; God -- Mighty Acts

II.

Rapture-Ready Spaghetti

In a chat room devoted to economics, I posted the question: What would happen to the global markets if the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared before the entire world and declared the eminent end to life as we know it and the ushering in of Paradise? I received the following reply: I don't know! What would happen if the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared before the entire world and declared the end of the world and the ushering in of Pasta Paradise? Not wanting to be outdone, I quickly posted the following response: I guess Italians would have to choose between their love of spaghetti and their love of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

55 III.

In Jesus' Name?

A Catholic, a Jew and an Anglican are arguing over the true name of Jesus of Nazareth. "His name is Jesu" maintains the Catholic, "because that's his name in the Latin Bible." "No, his name is Yeshua" counters the Jew, "because that's what he's called in the Hebrew Bible." "You're both wrong!" declares the Anglican. "His name is Jesus!" "Jesus?" the other two laughed. "Is that because he's called Jesus in the King James?" "Yes" replied the Anglican. "And I've found that whenever you're installing new software, it's better to go with a version that's authorized!" IV.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned!

A Baptist is in a debate with a Catholic over the Rite of Confession. "Tell me," he says. "If a Priest tells you to say ten 'Hail Marys' and you have a heart attack and die after the ninth one, what happens to your soul?" Without missing a beat, the Catholic responded, "That's why it ends with: Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death!" V.

Economic Woes

Recently, an economics professor asked his class if anyone could give an example of inflation other than monetary inflation. "A full-time paycheck ain't what it used to be," answered one student. "A high school diploma ain't what it used to be," answered another. "A marriage certificate ain't what it used to be," answered a third student. "Good!" smiled the professor. "Now, can anyone tell me the factors contribute to monetary inflation?"

56 VI.

Sin No More

A Catholic Priest dies, goes to heaven, and is greeted by St. Peter. "You've been so good, I'm going to grant you one wish," Peter says. "Well," says the Priest, "since I've been so good, how about letting me sin one final time?" "Okay," laughed Peter, "but first, give me one good reason why you should." VII.

Culture Clash

I was teaching General Music at a predominantly black elementary school in South Miami Heights. We were about to sing 'Old MacDonald' and so I asked my 2nd graders if anyone could name me some of the animals he had on his farm. "I know!" interjected one child, "A Rottweiler!" "A cockroach!" blurted another. First of all, that would be e-i-e-i-NO! (and next time, raise your hand!) VIII.

Company Stiff

A guest at the hotel where I was working once asked me to come up to her room after my shift. I'd love to, I said, but I'm not allowed to fraternize with the guests. How about if I pay you? she persisted. Absolutely not! I protested, that would be prostitution! This coming from a man who won't sleep with me for fear of losing his job! (That would be reverse prostitution!) A few years later, I approached my boss for sex. I'd rather that we kept our relationship strictly professional, she said. Fine, I answered, how much do you want?

57 IX.

Uncommon Grace

As a member of an on-campus ministry at UCLA, I used to host a midweek small-group Bible study in my West Lost Angeles apartment. Far be it for me to expect a bunch of college kids to show up on time for anything! I always made an effort to cook spaghetti and would often call them to find out when I could expect them. On one occasion, they were exceptionally late and as a result, the spaghetti was severely over-cooked to the point of being barely edible. "Would you like to say the grace?" one of them asked. Without missing a beat, I responded, "Lord, thank you for this meal -- and help us to remember that it is not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of him!" X.

The Lady or the Tiger

I'm reading this great book, (I told my adult son.) It's about a man who is forced to open one of two doors: behind one door is a beautiful lady; behind the other is a ravenous tiger. What did he do? (my son asked.) I don't know, (I responded.) Haven't gotten to that part yet. (Without missing a beat, my son answered,) Well, if I were him, I'd open both doors simultaneously so that the tiger can eat the lady while I'm escaping! XI.

The Antichrist Revealed!

Everybody goes to church marveling at the beast of the antichrist and the number of his name. After the service, they all return home to their 6-packs of beer in 6cylinder engines that they bought with their 6-figure salaries!

58

Weird Science Ancient Greek philosophers get a bad rap from modern scientists because they discerned their cosmology through logic and reason rather than by experimentation and peer review. We could stop here, but let's continue. According to ancient Greek philosophy, there are four preexistent elements that comprise all of Reality: Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water. Beforetime, these elements were static. They did not move; they could not move. Yet, we observe motion in the Universe, which begs the question: At what point did the static Universe suddenly become dynamic? When the ancient Greeks pondered this, they postulated that there must be something else in the Universe that acts upon the other four elements - a fifth element, which they called quintessence or spirit. Now, the fifth element is not really an element per se, it is the motion of elemental matter itself. Fire is not alive; neither is water or earth, but life (and the spirit of life) is the motion of the dead element. Hence, the Greeks knew that the planets were gods because the planets moved. If it moves it lives: (1 Tim 6:13) I give thee charge in the sight of God, who quickeneth all things,

Is it any surprise that the Greek association between motion and life is so emphasized in Scripture? After all it was God's first creative/genetic act that his Spirit "moved upon the face of the water" (Gen 1:2). Later, when God made man, he gave them dominion "over every living thing that moveth upon the earth" (Gen 1:28). Living waters?; quickening spirit? It is a matter of common human knowledge that living things move and moving things live. Elsewhere, the notion that moving things have a spirit has long been a staple of most world religions throughout the entirety of human history -- from Reincarnation to the Kamikaze (divine wind); from Native American Tree Spirits to the Bodhi Tree. The notion, therefore, that an object can somehow move on its own not only defies logic and reason, but also flies in the face of several millennia of wisdom and experience. Not only is Newtonian Mechanics ungodly, it is inhuman!: (John 6:63) It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

59 Of course matter cannot move on its own. That would be anti-Newtonian -- an object at rest will stay at rest! But modern science is searching and lurching, trying to find a way to get matter to move without a mover -- le marteau sans maître! But what does Einstein say? E = mc2? And if matter somehow produced its own motion, wouldn't mass and force be essentially the same thing? But if matter cannot move itself, then what causes it to move? Perhaps the better question to ask is who causes it to move? Or better yet what is his desire?; his intent?; his character? What hath God wrought! If the Universe moves, then the Universe lives; If the Universe lives, then the Universe has a consciousness; If the Universe has a consciousness, then she has a design, a character, a relationship with her children who rise up and call her blessed whereby her existence is validated! She witnesses us and we witness her as LORD and God; as two cherubim atop the ark of the covenant perpetually facing each other -- their wings outstretched! And hidden within the ark is the bread of life; manna from heaven -- even the body of Jesus Christ in the Heart of the Virgin. How wonderful it is to be the object of so great a love? Your God and mine; God of our fathers; Holy LORD God of Abraham and of David: (Ps 119:25) My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word.

Oh if this could have been our heritage -- and it can be! But were it not for the sheer and brazen act of spiritual vandalism and staggering intellectual dishonesty wherein Newtonian mechanics seeks to dissociate movement from life! No wonder we have lost touch with our ancient selves! Have we now become wiser than Solomon?; or are we less naïve than the ancient Greeks? No wonder modern science continues to fail in its stated quest to understand the so-called "laws of nature." Newtonian Mechanics is one theory that just doesn't hold water: (Jer 2:13) For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.

60 Now let's have a queer review study to determine the difference between Newtonian Mechanics and Marian Mechanics: Newtonian Mechanics: An object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless interrupted by an opposing force. Marian Mechanics: Old Man River must know something. He just keeps rolling along!

(To restate Marian Mechanics in modern terms: Dead matter cannot move on its own. Therefore, whatsoever moves does so by conscious intent). We knew this in ancient Greece, but rejected this quintessential truth in order to perpetuate godlessness and science fiction, which we teach to our school children, perpetuating ignorance to the detriment of humanity. Newton says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, but Paul warns us against "oppositions of science falsely so called" (1 Tim 6:20). Newton says that an object in motion tends to stay in motion, but I say: If you cannot explain what caused it to move in the first place, then you cannot explain what keeps it going. I guess that would make atheism a mystery religion! But the Catholic Religion teaches us that God exists in three Persons. The Person of Christ who can be manipulated, tested, interviewed -- and he was, wasn't he?; and the Person of the Holy Spirit who is immaterial; ineffable. We experience the Holy Spirit in Christ so that the two are inseparable in God the Father, but Science is concerned with the physical Person only, whereby Science is a Unitarian religion. The question therefore is not whether or not we will teach religion in school, the question is which way will it go?: (Prov 22:6) Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Unlike the ancient Greeks, modern scientists premise their investigation of the cosmos with the foregone conclusion that there is no God, having subjected her to rigorous testing she cannot pass. Immortal, invisible, God only wise! You can't see the Blessed Virgin through a microscope -she is the microscope! Rather than advancing human knowledge, scientific method has hindered our ability to understand our place in the Universe. If scientists are serious about acquiring knowledge, they should abandon scientific method and Newtonian Mechanics altogether:

61 (Job 38:31-36) Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion? 32Canst thou bring forth Mazzaroth in his season? or canst thou guide Arcturus with his sons? 33Knowest thou the ordinances of heaven? canst thou set the dominion thereof in the earth? 34Canst thou lift up thy voice to the clouds, that abundance of waters may cover thee? 35Canst thou send lightnings, that they may go, and say unto thee, Here we are? 36Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart?

Now, the entirely redundant term "Intelligent Design" has been advanced by Creationist scientists to explain certain anomalous events which occur in the Universe. While the term is accurate to be sure, I am not quite satisfied with it due to vagaries regarding how one defines "intelligence." Is an entity which inspires intelligence intelligent? Is an entity which cannot speak except by a human prophet intelligent? Nevertheless, whatever term we use, it is intellectually dishonest and a travesty against the spirit of discovery that the "Intelligent Design" argument is looked upon with such disdain within the scientific community. How then should we define intelligence? The Blessed Virgin defines intelligence as anything which moves on its own. This is because movement requires direction and direction requires decision. If an entity makes any kind of decision, it is necessarily intelligent; and if an entity moves on its own, it makes a decision. Therefore, the Universe, which began (and continues to inexplicably accelerate) on its own, would be a definite candidate for intelligence. I submit this finding for peer review: peer into the cosmos and review your Bible -- they agree! How intelligent is God? She's not smarter than a fifth grader -- she flunked out of science class! Give her an IQ test and she'll send a prophet to take it for her! So what does she know? She knows the heart of her son Jesus Christ and is obedient to him. She also knows your heart and answers your prayers. Bless her and the Universe knows to bless you; Curse her and the Universe knows to curse you; Repent and the Universe knows to forgive you by the grace manifest in Christ Jesus. Yet it didn't have to be that way! Our LORD and Savior was at utter liberty to end his Passion at any moment, but instead choose to subject his body to the fury of man's sin unto the redemption of his elect. There is no causality in Marian Mechanics. Neither is the Universe some sort of dead mechanism. Every molecule, every atom, every particle is under the express and mindful control of the B.V.M. in accordance to the gospel. There was no causality at the time of the Big Bang -- how can there ever be? Our relationship with the Universe is not causal, it is crucial!

62 How do we portend to measure God's intelligence when we cannot even define it for ourselves? There are literary and musical geniuses as well as mathematical ones! So are you smart because you can crunch the numbers? Or because you can munch cucumbers? This is why scientists who search for life on other planets disagree on what constitutes a living organism. Is it alive if it consumes, excretes and multiplies itself? That would be fire! Yet we have preconcluded fire to be a nonliving organism. Why on Mars would we do that? To quench the fire of the Spirit? The question is not whether or not there is life on Mars, but rather, is Mars indeed alive? Yet we cannot live in a dead Universe! A dead man may show up for work once, but he wouldn't show up on time five days a week packing a lunch like the Universe appears to! At the moment of the Big Bang, at the quantum level and also in deep space -- practically everywhere we look, we observe a chaotic Universe, yet there is order at just the right time to nurture and sustain human life. Scientists want to light their Bunsen burners from both ends -- they want to embrace cosmic accident and cosmic order simultaneously. But scientists have yet to explain how chaos can yield order -- it can't! This brings us to the 2nd law of Marian Mechanics: A Big Bang cannot produce Ellington's Big Band -- that Atrain ain't goin' nowhere! (White-people's translation: Chaos cannot produce order and vice versa.) And what about the Church? Theologians and philosophers; prophets and saints; all of the sharpest minds that over two millennia of human history can muster have all subjected the Word of God to the most severe scrutiny and harshest criticism and yet, they still have all conceded that the Word of God is profitable for reproof and instruction (2 Tim 3:16). Are the Newtonians smarter than the Ionians? Are atheists the enlightened few who stand in opposition to the world? (And I thought Christianity was the only religion with a righteous remnant!) And what about miracles? From the time that Enoch walked with God to the modern-day Charismatic movement, people have claimed extraordinary experiences with God and that those experiences convicted them of the truth of the Bible. It's funny how the miracles always seem to happen right on cue! If the volcano that triggered the tsunami which (supposedly) parted the Red Sea had happened a day later, the Exodus would end a few chapters sooner -- although I doubt it would still be called "the Exodus"! And what did we learn from the Exodus? That God

63 has liberated us from Egyptian bondage with a mighty hand and outstretched arm! And yet having been freed from the tyranny of the law, science has sought to reenslave us with the equally tyrannical laws of physics. Without a doubt, the Universe has conspired to do me good, but while I've experienced more miracles and gifts than I can record in this book, the greatest of these is the beating of my own heart. The fact that I live at all is all the proof I need of God's existence: (Ps 4:4-5) 4Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. 5Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord.

But Science says that an object in motion tends to stay in motion while faith teaches that God upholds the pillars of the earth (1 Sam 2:8)! Science says that an object in motion tends to stay in motion, but cannot explain what caused it to move in the first place! We are basically no wiser than our Greek predecessors! No wonder Newtonian Mechanics breaks down at the quantum level; neither can Sir Isaac Newton explain the cause of the Big Bang or the endless expansion of the Universe! Astrophysicists have proposed a godless "dark matter" theory in order to compensate for Newton's shortcomings. According to this hypothesis, there is invisible, undetectable matter in the universe gravitationally acting on distant stars and galaxies (whose movements cannot be otherwise explained). They call it "dark matter" in the hopes that the "light" of Science will one day reveal it -- and I thought Christianity was the only religion with a Messiah! What's next? -- When apples fall, we sin all? In the old days, if you walked into a building and saw a bunch of people raising their hands, you would think you were in a temple. Same as if you walked into a room where everyone is reading out of the same book! And what about the school anthem, the so-called "Alma Mater"? Our once proud Christian schools have devolved into a Pagan Rite of passage -an epicurean cult of the Sweet Mother! We don't need no education; we don't need no thought control! It's time for the student to teach the teacher -- they can't expel us all: if they did, they'd be out of work!:

64 What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? (Shakespeare, Hamlet II.ii.316-321)

But why would God create a Universe that appears to run like clockwork? Of course, Werner Heisenberg may disagree, but regardless, the way things appear certainly speak more to the viewer than to the objects themselves. Hence, if the Universe appears to us as orderly, it is because we choose to see it that way. If we conduct a scientific experiment and the results conflict, we deem them statistically negligible and relegate them to the margin of error. But the Universe has no margin of error. Opps! Why doesn't God part the Red Sea in front of everyone and settle the debate over his existence once and for all? Because it wouldn't work -- if the experiment cannot be repeated, the results are tossed out. If God parted the Red Sea repeatedly, it would no longer be a miracle -- it would be science. Therefore, a miracle can never be scientifically established. This is a glaring weakness in the so-called scientific method: It fails to explain events that only occur once (like the Big Bang). This, of course, presumes that there ever can be repetitive events in the Universe. Conceptually, 2 + 2 equals 4 every time, but we don't live in a pure, platonic universe. If we fill two beakers with the "same" amount of water, they won't be perfectly the same as one beaker may have an extra drop that evades our detection. Likewise, the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus posits that "no man can cross the same river twice, because neither the man nor the river are the same." Thus, because the Universe is in constant flux, Science is utterly incompetent to explain it. (Matt 16:3) O ye hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times?

65 But why couldn't God just kick off the Big Bang and then let the universe run its course? Impossible! Because temporality is an illusion created by motion, we are, in effect, living inside the ongoing Big Bang. The same hand that sparked creation must, therefore, also sustain it or else it couldn't create it to begin with. This set-it-and-forget-it argument (initially put forth by seventeenth century Deists), is quaint, but somewhat specious as there isn't any real time for God to forget what she set. Of course, the apparent transcendence of the Universe is a great source of frustration to the scientific community: The more precisely the position is determined, the less precisely the momentum is known in this instant, and vice versa. (Heisenberg Principle)

And so what if you can't tell the momentum and position of a subatomic particle simultaneously? What cosmological implications does that science fact have? Could it be that if you can't tell the momentum and the position of an object simultaneously, then you don't know what's making it move? Or maybe you're scared to party with a real God! Now we know why scientists are ripping their teeth out trying to come up with a theory to explain the seemingly chaotic motions of quantum particles -- but how can they? It's a mystery! Embrace it and get on with your life! Wait -- better idea! Use your life to touch others with the gospel! A head full of equations might serve humanity well -- especially now! But instead, atheists use Uncertainty Principle and Chaos Theory to shirk their responsibility to humanity and hide from the LORD God of their fathers!: (Ps 14:1-4) The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good. 2The Lord looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God. 3They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one. 4Have all the workers of iniquity no knowledge? who eat up my people as they eat bread, and call not upon the Lord.

66 What will they think of next? Are we now wiser than the Greeks who taught us that light travels at a finite speed?; who were the first to develop an atomic theory?; who gave us the golden mean?; who charted the course of the gods with the Antikythera mechanism?; who built Alexandria?; who built the first coin-operated dispenser? Have the gods become greater than the Titans or are we just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?: The air which stirred within him not only prompted, but instructed. The air as the origin of all things is necessarily an eternal, imperishable substance, but as soul it is also necessarily endowed with consciousness. (Diogenes Apolloniates)

Quasi-Land Buried beneath the Saharan sand Is the little-known country of Quasi-land Their residents are often quite easy to spot They're neither very cold, nor are they all that hot They make no commitments one way or the other One almost did, but then he just couldn't bother They all act excited when everyone's there But when the time comes to act, they really don't care They have such an acute case of spiritual malaise That they may as well be called Malaisians, you might say Or perhaps Hunger-ians since their god is their belly I guess you can't afford guts when your backbone is jelly! One foot in the water, one foot in the sand Such are the residents of the township of Quasi-land

67

Them Other Land the continent of africa was used and abused by the ones who .... always refused to give the black man his dues ... his country colonized .... his children bastardized and yet, we never really realized just how much .... his music was plagiarized .... black widow, motherless child .... steal way my soul from ole man coal .... prison stripes striking pikes on a railroad chain gang .... men emasculated in Maricopa forced to wear pink underwear that remains on their soul ... long after they're paroled .... "that's the sound of the man working on the chain gang" deathrow conversion .... countin' tha hours .... eating my last supper, prayin' for the gov'ner to grant me a now stay but because he's a I get to christian, they ain't die for no f*cking way him .... deathrow conversion ....

68

Epistle to the Black Churches The following email was sent to the President of the National Baptist Church and a Bishop in the AME Church on September 21, 2008: Psalm 105 prophesies that Joseph, a slave, would one day be "loosed" and become a senator in Egypt. I believe this is an overt prophecy of Barack's candidacy. It even says that he will "bind [the] princes" of Egypt (Bush 43 and Jeb) and that he would become "lord of his house." Also, Barack's running mate is named "Joseph": Ps 105:17 He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold for a servant: Ps 105:18 Whose feet they hurt with fetters: he was laid in iron: Ps 105:19 Until the time that his word came: the word of the Lord tried him. Ps 105:20 The king sent and loosed him; even the ruler of the people, and let him go free. Ps 105:21 He made him lord of his house, and ruler of all his substance: Ps 105:22 To bind his princes at his pleasure; and teach his senators wisdom. I think it's apparent that God is on the side of Barack. Weeks prior to his acceptance speech in Denver, the rightwing group "Focus on the Family" encouraged its followers to pray for "umbrella-ain't-gonna'-help-you rain" in the hopes that God would intervene in this election on behalf of the Republicans. Instead, God sent a hurricane to interrupt the Republican National Convention and remind everyone of Katrina. The title of Jerome Corsi's book "The Obama Nation" is an oblique reference to the Abomination of Desolation prophesied in the Book of Daniel and a transparent attempt to play into White Evangelical fears. As an Evangelical Born-again Christian, I am appalled at the way in which God's Name has been cynically evoked by the Right in this election. The Republicans clearly believe that the gospel is just another weapon in their war-without-end-amen. The basic strategy of the Republican Party is to use gays and abortion as a means of moral extortion in order to get Christians to vote against their own interests. They have roped us into believing that legalization is a form of endorsement. If that's true, then God endorses our sin because he gave us the ability to commit it. So are we more righteous than God? And if God made us free from his law through faith, then why do we use these same legalities to oppress others who are our enemies for the sake of the gospel? Are we lesser sinners than them?

69

Promised Land (based on the words of Dr. Martin Luther King)

V1:

I have a dream that ev'ry man May one day see the promis'd land. A symphony of brotherhood, Of liberty and common good.

Ch:

How long shall it be 'til all men are free Of his'try's shameful legacy? If we can believe the time is at hand, The God of Life will heal our land!

V2:

I am not fearing any man; A house divided cannot stand. Our happy day has come to pass; Thank God almighty; free at last!

V3:

Our work revive; our faith renew; Let freedom ring and justice prove. A nation whose God is the LORD Will seldom need to use its sword. ___ I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. (Dr. Martin Luthar King, Jr.) The sons also of them that afflicted thee shall come bending unto thee; and all they that despised thee shall bow themselves down at the soles of thy feet; and they shall call thee; The city of the LORD, The Zion of the Holy One of Israel. (Isaiah 60:14)

70

The Wild Horseman In the darkness of the night Underneath the pale moonlight Where the horseman struts and trots With his steed of speckled white Dressed like Mary, Queen of Scotts In a coat of yellow bright When I asked her, "Why yellow?" Thus replied her tortured soul "'Twas because of this fellow Dressed in yellow made me whole!" Now I wear her yellow coat In the darkness of the night As these verses that she wrote Now the ones I also write Underneath the pale moonlight

Missions Impossible Protestant Evangelicals go on expensive mission trips in order to teach foreigners Sola Scriptura. If Sola Scriptura is true, then why not just mass mail them copies of the Bible? (or maybe you're afraid they'll actually read it and become Catholics). In Jamaica, Anglicanism is more than a religion, it is our cultural heritage. Our parishes are named after Anglican saints; Our businesses close on the Sabbath and tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Why is it that every delinquent denomination feels morally obligated to fracture our society and sectarianize our culture? Didn't they notice that we're already Christians?

71 Abortion and buggery are legal offences here. Bible education is compulsory in our public schools. Our national anthem begins with phrase: "Eternal Father, Bless our Land." We should be the ones sending you missionaries! But instead, we find ourselves being recolonized by Successionists, Cessationists and every other salacious sect! Our unity has been eroded by every crackpot zealot and moral mogul (each with their own exclusionary brand of religious letigiousness), and yet so concerned they are with 'increasing their flock' (or perhaps 'in fleecing their flock'!) that they've made a mockery of God instead! And yet, haven't we learned by now that religious and cultural incohesion is the first step to moral relativity? No wonder secular humanists point to the Reformation as a pivotal moment in the history of so-called 'human liberation'. Catholicism puts Church before self; Protestantism puts self before Church. Catholicism sees personal wealth as evidence of greed; Protestantism sees personal wealth as evidence of grace. Catholicism sees ill-health as an opportunity to become more Christ-like; Protestantism sees ill-health as an attack from the devil. Catholicism is known for its charity. Protestantism is known for its industry. And what has the so-called 'Protestant work ethic' gotten us? A nation as morally bankrupt as our national treasury is depleted? A nation as culturally hedonistic as we are militarily hegemonic? A nation as divided at home as we are derided abroad?

72 What would our founding fathers think? Patriots: Progeny: Patriots: Progeny: Patriots:

All men are created equal! All men are morally relative. We are endowed by our Creator with inalienable rights! We are endowed by the Legislature with civil liberties. Among these are the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Progeny: Among these are the right to die, the right to choose and the right to legally redefine happiness.

While we're at it, why don't we just move the 4th of July to April 1st! When Amerik.k.k.a has its own house in order, then let them all come over here and proselytize us. Otherwise, religious imperialists, go home!!! (Matt 7:5) Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

By What Death

(based on John 21:19, to be sung to the tune of Old 100th)

Our days are nearly ending now With terror standing at our feet And as we lay in bed, we vow "I pray thee now my soul to keep" For lest it die, it cannot grow And lest it grow, we shall not reap And yet this death, we cannot know But for our faithful paraclete Amen.

Pray-cation Jamaica is internationally recognized for its golf courses, white-sand beaches, musical heritage and exceptional hospitality. But while many visitors to our island prefer to bask in the sun, sand and surf, others see their vacations as opportunities to minister to the gospel. Many tourists living abroad belong to congregations that have sister churches here.

73 Others come to establish new churches or engage in charitable activities. Today, Christianity has a prominent role in Jamaican cultural and political life. If you are seeking a different tourist experience, one that ventures beyond the conspicuous meccas of the all-inclusive enclave, then I would certainly recommend a visit to any one of our great and historic local parish churches. In the town of Falmouth, the Trelawny Parish Church of St. Peter the Apostle stands as a living monument to the supremacy of Anglicanism in Jamaican culture. Its stone masonry portrays the understated grandeur of Georgian architecture while rendering a striking allusion to the rock on which our LORD's Church was built. Its arched wooden doorway first welcomed celebrants decades before the abolition of slavery and was a part of the original town charter officially authorized, recognized and patronized by the government of Jamaica and its Monarch. Today, St. Peter's is known for its majestic clock tower, which also serves as a belfry and while the clock only gives the correct time twice daily, the soft pealing of its old iron bell can often be heard on Sunday mornings, beckoning the entire community to worship. The gravestones of St. Peter's record both the names and lifespans of more than a few dignitaries and luminaries dating back to the colonial era. A substantial number of child graves testify to the untimeliness of death in a world without vaccination. Once, these memorials were decorated with flowers and lamented by devotees, but nowadays, they serve as ever-present sentinels, warning all trespassers of the fate that awaits them should they stray from the narrow path. St. Peter's boasts one of the oldest working pipe organs in the Caribbean. Early in the 20th century, an electrical motor was added to its bellows eliminating the need for a human blower. Beyond this, however, there is no electrical alteration or amplification of the organ sound. It's large brass pipes, which tower above the congregation, resonate with the vibrant harmonies and embellished descants commensurate with the mostly self-taught musicians who grace its console. The choir too does not read music, but instead memorizes every melody while following along in the words-only edition of the Anglican hymnal.

74 It is a cultural tradition in Jamaica for men to wear suits and ties and for the women to wear long dresses, hats and even gloves on a Sunday morning service despite the searing heat and lack of air-conditioning. Some poorer Jamaicans use this tacit dress code as impetus to shirk their spiritual duty, though many others are welcomed into the congregation in t-shirts and tennis shoes. It is not a rare occurrence to see foreigners in attendance at the Sunday morning service. Many are family members of congregants and other Jamaican ex-patriots (like myself) but a few are Anglican and Episcopalian tourists who don't want to miss church while on their vacations. These tourists are blessed with interesting and memorable vignettes into traditional Jamaican life and culture as well as by the ministry of the Sacrament and fellowship of the Holy Spirit. Sandals, Half Moon, and the Ritz Carlton are three prestigious resorts that can arrange bus tours to the historic town of Falmouth and transport guests to and from St. Peter's. Doubtless your concierge would be more than happy to assist you in learning more about Jamaica's great churches and island culture. Until then, I wish you all the best and, as we say here in Jamaica, Likkle more!

Jamaica Queens Love, It wasn't meant to be Underneath the ackee tree. But if I could spend tonight On an Air Jamaica flight, I would fly right to your side; In your arms, I would reside! Now I sing my soul to thee, Idol carved of ebony, Staring at the ceiling fan (Acting like a married man) How was I not meant to see, Love that wasn't meant to be?

75

Miami (Mi amiga) Balmy breezes, sultry heat; Sand-caked toes on sea-swept reef; Sun-bleached pela, swaying hips; Beads of sweat on tender lips; Tall y flaca, dark morena; Lanky thighs y sweet mamayas; Sailing en uncharted aguas, Dreaming of enchanted islas; ¿Dime, cual es libertad? ¡Dama, cual es libertando!

Who Am I? Who am I? A poet seeking a muse? A pianist seeking a chord? A painter seeking a color? Hue am I? an overworked, underpaid underling in an upstart company, whose wages have been undercut due to outsourcing and corporate downsizing; an overdressed intern having outercourse with an underappreciated commander in briefs; an upstanding member of an economic underclass understood by many outsiders to be underserved (though some say we're undeserving); an outwitted consumer buying overpriced goods on the outskirts of town, having underestimated the outrageously high cost of high-test. To say that we've been uprooted and underprivileged would be a gross misunderstanding! But I don't mean to understate the overarching reality of an economic downturn on the upper echelon of the lower class. That would be downright insensitive. After all, you can launch a man into outer space, but you can't give him inner peace. Now, you may think I'm overdoing this, but please understand, I'm just a down-and-out brother driving a slow truck to make a quick buck and improve my luck, but instead I find myself stuck in a rut! I don't mean to be outlandish, but frankly speaking (and freakly spanking), since I'm just a pimped-out prince with simple principles -- you know, like: "you can't have the upper hand without being underhanded"; or "never give an upstart standup his very own late-night sitcom" -- allow me to give you the straight-up lowdown: I AM the original gangster prophet and ghetto poet; a dreamer as great as Don Quixote and a lover as great as Don

76 Juan, yet I am as unrecognized as Don Diego. Who am I? Come and see... (Luke 9:18) And it came to pass, as he was alone praying, his disciples were with him: and he asked them, saying, Whom say the people that I am?

Sick Christian When Paul was smitten with a thorn in his flesh, he petitioned the Lord three times, but the Lord answered, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor 12:9). Paul understood what the Lord meant but do you? Do you know what it's like to declare as Paul did when he said, "Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Cor 12:9). But what does it mean to glory in sickness? How can suffering yield fruit for the gospel? It's counterintuitive to what we hear preached from televised pulpits and charismatic revival meetings; that Jesus is our healer, that sickness has no more dominion over the believer, that the Word of life is health to the bones (Prov 16:24); that we are healed by his stripes (Is 53:5)! If all of these statements are true, then how is it that a Christian can get sick? The Bible says that when a devil is cast out, it returns and, finding the house "swept and garnished," it summons seven more devils and the state of the believer is worse than before (Luke 11:24-26). I believe that each of these seven demons has its own reason as to why Christians are not immune from sickness. The first demon might say that sickness is a test of faith and that God sends it into our lives to see if we will remain faithful. He might also point out that Job was similarly tested, God permitting the devil to take away Job's health in order to prove his faith (Job 1:8-12). However, this is at odds with the New Testament, which is adamant that by faith and not by test can a person aspire to God's approval. The lesson of Job is not that God needs to test us. We've already failed that test, which is why we need Christ. We've essentially got nothing to prove!

77 The second demon might say that pain and sickness are necessary to bring us closer to Christ. He might say that suffering brings us into similitude with Christ and deepens our relationship with him. However, it is foolish to think that we could ever be brought into a closer relationship with Christ through suffering. Christ is a mystery and there is no pain or suffering that can match his or give us any kind of understanding as to the horror of his Passion. It is an insult to the cross to believe that we can liken ourselves to God in this way. If anything, pain and suffering hinders our relationship with Christ just as Paul maintains in Romans 2, that "the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance." The third demon might say that sickness is a form of chastening. He might also quote Paul as saying, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth" (Heb 12:6). However, when the Lord chastens us, it is never with physical suffering. God wouldn't see His son punished on the cross and then punish us for our lapses. The cross paid for everything we have ever done or ever will do. Furthermore, pain and suffering doesn't help us to learn our lesson any better. It only makes us terrified of God, which is of itself a sin. In addition, we are so utterly depraved, that were God to chasten us with suffering, we would be in near-constant suffering. The fourth demon might try to convince you that your sickness is due to a lack of faith. This is a common refrain among numerous faith healers who fail to cast out sickness; that the reason why the miracle healing didn't work is because your faith wasn't strong enough. He might reference the passage in Matthew 17 where the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains and Paul's assertion that we are each accorded a different "measure of faith" (Rom 12:3). However, in the colorful language of faith, we must delineate between what is belief and what is euphoria. Belief defies quantification -- you either believe something or you don't; Euphoria, on the other hand, may wax and wane in the heart of the believer. It is the blissful awareness of faith. So can an increased sense of euphoria heal us? Yes, but not necessarily. Just as God permitted the devil to put a thorn in Paul's flesh, God can permit Satan to bring disease into our lives despite our "measure of faith." The fifth demon might try to convince you that the cause of your illness is God's desire to grow you or to make you stronger through trial. But suffering does not make us better for having gone through it. Nor is the ability to withstand punishment a virtue.

78 The sixth demon might try to convince you that your sickness is in fact God's refining fire; that God has brought suffering into your life in order to purify you, to make you more holy (Is 48:10; Mal 3:3). But there is a difference between the suffering, which is repentance and the suffering that is of this world. Every Christian experiences a crisis in their soul before giving themselves completely to Christ. This is the true refining fire. John the Baptist even refers to it as baptism by fire (Matt 3:11). Physical suffering does not refine us at all. It does not make us more pure or more holy. The seventh and last demon is the most insidious. He says that sickness is the removal of God's protective hand; that God has taken away the healing power of Christ's blood. But the recession of gifts should not be interpreted as the recession of God's grace. Yes, we are to be zealous for spiritual gifts (1 Cor 14:12), but not to the point where we lust after them, giving them higher esteem than that of Christ. There is no gift or miracle that can rival the mystery of faith in Jesus Christ and the gift of faith that can never recede. So why then do we get sick? And what purpose does suffering serve? God says, "My strength is made perfect in weakness" and Paul responds, "Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities." But what does that mean? The answer to this question lies in the Via Dolorosa, or Way of the Cross. According to Tradition, Christ was forced to carry his own cross through the streets of Jerusalem prior to his crucifixion. At one point, the Romans forced a bystander, a man known to us only as Simon of Cyrene (Matt 27:32), to carry Jesus' cross a part of the way. But what does this have to do with our illness? What lesson can be gleaned by the ministry of Simon of Cyrene? The cross-bearing Simon is important because it shows us that we have a role and a ministry in lessening the degree of Christ's suffering. Just as our sins scourged Christ on the cross, our sickness and physical discomfort mitigates the damage caused by our sin, affording us the opportunity to help carry our Savior's cross a part of the way. We take away some of Jesus' stripes by bearing them on ourselves just as Christ takes away our sin and death by bearing them on himself. That is how we perfect God's strength in the midst of our physical weakness!

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Fortune Cookie Wisdom (Wise man say, 'You are one tough cookie!') A fool says, Every dog has his day; A wise man says, Everyday is God's day. A fool is perverted; A wise man is converted. A fool seeks a way to understand; A wise man seeks to understand the way. A fool chases his dreams; A wise man follows his heart. A fool says, I'll believe it when I see it; A wise man says, I'll see it when I believe it. A fool begs for more; A wise man begs for mercy. A fool is a wolf in sheep's clothing; A wise man is a sheep in wolf's clothing. A fool's fate is sealed; A wise man's faith is sealed. A fool is a victim of society; A wise man is a menace to society. A fool says my words don't exist; A double fool takes them literally; A wise man takes it for what it's worth. A fool has a premise; A wise man has a promise. A fool is needy; A double fool is greedy; A wise man is ready. A fool goes into debt; A double fool pays it off; A wise man declares bankruptcy. A fool leaches off his parents; A double fool robs his children of their future; A wise man accepts help from family.

80 A fool says, My sin is forgotten; A wise man says, My sin is forgiven. A fool dismisses these words; A double fool regurgitates them; A wise man seeks to interpret. A fool has a fear of commitment; A double fool has separation anxiety; A wise man lets love go in order to find it. A fool donates out of guilt; A wise man donates out of gratitude. A fool is loyal to his country; A double fool is loyal to his church; A wise man is loyal to his God. A fool cannot find the doorway; A double fool clings to the doorway; A wise man shuts the door behind him. A fool fears that he cannot know; A wise man knows that he cannot fear. A foolish general fights yesterday's battle; A wise general declares victory in the midst of battle. A fool sees the crucifix as an accusation; A wise man sees the crucifix as an exoneration. A fool says his prayers; A wise man prays them. A fool claims a right to privacy; A double fool seeks attention; A wise man is known only to God. A foolish priest tries to increase the population of heaven; A wise priest tries to decrease the temperature of hell. A foolish president wags his finger; A double foolish president wags the dog; A wise president gets us into peace. A fool has a fear of failure; A double fool has a fear of success; A wise man fears fear itself. A fool discovers the "historical" Jesus; A wise man repents to the God he knows.

81 A fool performs an autopsy on the devil he just slew; A double fool resurrects him to kill him again; A wise man casts out other people's devils. A foolish criminal wants to get caught; A wise criminal wants to be found. A fool says, I am insane; A wise man says, I am an ensign. A fool sees an aberration; A wise man sees an Apparition. A fool wonders how he is perceived A wise man wonders how he can perceive A foolish artist has references; A wise artist has preferences.

I once had lunch at this really great restaurant in San Francisco's Chinatown. Afterward, the waitress handed me the check with a fortune cookie (an obvious defect since there wasn't anything printed on it). I guess that means I'm going to die!, I scoffed. Of course not! smiled the waitress. That means you make your own fortune! xie xie!^^

Tiger of Lanzhou There's a village in the East (like a box within a box) Where the people keep the feast of the New Year of the ox. There's a yellow river there (where the rabbit likes to play). Maybe in another year, he becomes the tiger's prey?

82 There's a woman in Lanzhou (perfect as a porcelain doll). Maybe she can show me how deep in love a man may fall. Maybe I will never know (maybe it was for the best That I was not meant to go from this village in the West). He who claims to know it all often knows it all the least; Wisdom is a China doll from a village in the East.

The Time of Night is Bleak The time of night is bleak Tormented souls, they peek Through stones of death, they seek The graves of mourning rise Where time is death's disguise And with his scythe, applies His cloak of blackened skin With eyes of wretched sin Become our blessed kin

Forever and a Day? Can a universe exist without there ever being a Big Bang? No. In order to live, you must have a birthday. But why? Because if you don't know where you came from, you can't know where you're going. It would be a travesty of history, which I guess would make it twistery.

83 Now, let's twist our tassels to the left and break it down college-style... Since motion requires direction and direction necessitates infinitude, which is to say, a finite beginning and end (or 'alpha and omega', if you will), causality simply cannot cause itself or else it is no more causal. Deus ex machina (a.k.a. Mormonism) works as a literary device, but is cosmologically untenable. Instead, Deus nobis lives and does so because she was born, having been made perfect by virtue of the Immaculate Conception. This is why infinity is a real number, but not an exact number. There is a real first day of Creation and a real last day of Eternity, but that day never exactly comes. Yes, if you take and eat of the tree of life, you will live forever, but not forever and a day! Neither was there a time beforetime -- eternity is much too time-consuming! Had there been no real genesis, infinity would be an exact number without being a real number, which is absolutely impossible. God cannot count to infinity twice and in such a universe, infinity would be multiplied by itself which, again, is absolutely impossible. If infinity is not a real number, then no number is real. We would live in a non-dimensional universe; one where 2 + 2 equals 6, 7, and 8. Salvador Dali would be a realist painter! Nothing lives in that universe -- or can. Existence may be paradoxical, but it cannot be oxymoronic. Yet we observe a Universe that is infinite, having a real beginning, but with no exact end (just as the numeric value ∞ has a real beginning, but no exact end); and without this infinitude, there can be no direction which facilitates motion; and motion is life itself and the definition of it. Likewise, because time and space are two sides of the same coin, the Universe will also expand ad infinitum -- kind of like this essay! When I listen to the second movement of Beethoven's Pathétique Sonata, I am captivated from its opening theme to its final chord. However, it is not because of my temporality that I am aware of the music's beginning and end, but rather, it is because the music begins and ends that I am aware of my temporality. Hence, the awareness of temporality (which is prerequisite to existence) cannot occur without a real beginning and a real end to temporality itself.

84 To put it differently, there simply must be a beginning-and-end predicament which temporality, by its very own nature, perpetually implicates; and yet it is not my temporality that implicates Universal Infinitude, but rather it is Universal Infinitude that implicates my temporality. In other words, the mere fact that I am able to observe events in the Universe that seem to begin and end (which is necessary for temporality), means that a beginning and ending must exist in eternity, which (having not been contingent upon my position as an observer) would necessitate a real beginning and real end to eternity itself. The journey is the destination! Creation myths the world over attest to humankind's intuitive sense that the world had to come from somewhere; and if it came from somewhere, then we ought to be able to foretell where it will go, vis-à-vis prophecy. Astrology, I Ching, Numerology and all the rest are historic methods for discerning the Universe's intent and direction. Even the ancient Israelites used a lottery system to determine tribal boundaries after the Conquest of Canaan: (Jos 18:6) Ye shall therefore describe the land into seven parts, and bring the description hither to me, that I may cast lots for you here before the Lord our God.

If everyone knew the future, Las Vegas would go out of business. But just as "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"; what happens on earth, stays in eternity. There is nowhere to run from your sin; but (glory to God) eternity is not long enough to outlive grace: (Rev 1:8) I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

Now, while ∞ represents a mathematical quantity that is real, but inexact; the number 0 also represents a real, but inexact mathematical quantity. Conceptually, 2 - 2 = 0; but in the real world, if you have two apples and two are removed, you will now have no apples, not zero apples -- yes, there's a difference.

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1-2-3-4-5-6 I Am The Most Blest Virgin I Am Not Some Other Person I Do Not Fear Their Enmity I Am The Holy Mater Domini I Am The Pure Woman Chaste

86 I Am The Womb Jesus Graced

For Ever You I can smell your fragrance. It smells like every woman I ever knew and yet is ever new. Perhaps it was ever you, but I'm so bemused by how you used to know just what to do to make me ever true, loving you...

Cataclysm What is the Universe expanding into? God did not create elemental matter, she found it already present in the Universe, which is to say, the Universe is Jehovah. Before creation, Abba was gender neutral, but he became masculinized through a divine act of sex between Shekhinah and God the Father. Jehovah is Abba; Shekhinah is Mary. Jehovah is matter; Mary is consciousness. In other words, Jehovah Shekhinah is LORD and Creator. She didn't create herself. She just was. God was born Immaculate by the grace of her son Jesus. She found herself in the loving embrace of Jehovah suspended on an elemental miasma or firmament. The Universe is accelerating into the elemental firmament that preceded it. It always will -- at least virtually. Just as infinity is a real, but inexact number; the maximum size of the Universe is also real but inexact. As

87 you might have guessed, the Universe is therefore speeding toward a real barrier it cannot transcend, but it virtually never gets there -- c'est la vie! The elemental firmament consists of three elements: Earth (Y), Wind (H) and Fire (W). Just as oxygen and hydrogen combine to make water, Wind and Fire combine to make the Fourth Greek Element (H). The Fifth Greek Element, the spirit, is the movement of the first three elements. Without movement, there is no life. Motion = Life. The elements never touch each other. Compounds are simulated when the three elements are captured in each other's orbit. Likewise, compounds orbit other compounds to create more complex compounds. God is like a kid on Chanukah spinning an eternal dreidel -- and the time it takes for the dreidel to stop spinning is the time it takes for the atom to decay. Once the atom decays, it reverts back to the elemental miasma that congealed it and because God controls the spin of the dreidel, the rate of radioactive decay cannot ever be predicted by scientists. Can the elements ever decay? No. If scientists can find a substance that does not decay, they will have found an element. Therefore, the "elements" on the "periodic table" are obviously not elements. By the way, although I am against Scientific Method and Newtonian Mechanics, I am not against the true science, which is to say, the idea that observation and reason can discern cosmic truths. Do the three elements have the same weight and mass? Yes -- but virtually. Can a Universe exist with less than three elements? No. This is because existence is predicated on consciousness and consciousness necessitates a Witness. If nobody knows your name, you're not in Cheers! Likewise, witness necessitates communication and communication requires a language. If you don't talk to God, God doesn't know you exist -- kind of like your ex! But if you're ready to talk, she's ready to bury the hatchet -- literally! A language must have at least three phonemes (or sound colors) because a language with one phoneme expresses nothing other than itself. But

88 communication requires a relationship and relationship requires a distinction that a monophonetic language couldn't possibly provide. You can't teach Morse code to someone who doesn't already know a language! A language with two phonemes is no better. Now we've graduated from Morse code to computer code, but don't cue up 'Pomp and Circumstance' just yet! A binary language can only express 'on-off-on-off'. This would be adequate in a two-dimensional black-and-white universe -- but who wants to play 'Pong' all day long? Binary code offers a solitary distinction, but that distinction renders itself indistinct through lack of a secondary distinguisher, which only the addition of a third tone color can provide. In music, we understand a dyadic harmony to be similarly indistinct, but with the addition of a third note, the triad is the foundation of Western music, expressing every subtle shade of meaning and delicate nuance that even the most sensitive of composers can conjure. Computer code is not a language. If you want to build an artificially intelligent computer, you must construct a device that operates on a tertiary code, not a binary one. Opps, that's impossible -- unless your computer is alive with a conscious spirit! But then you wouldn't be a computer, would you? Control-Alt-Delete! Just as a language cannot have less than three phonemes, it also cannot have more than three phonemes. This is because there are only three pure sound waves in nature: (Y) Square wave (H) Triangle wave (W) Sawtooth wave The fourth sound wave sine (H) is a composite of triangle (H) and sawtooth (W). Can a universe exist with more than three elements? No. Why? There is no room in the Universe for a fourth element because each element occupies one of three dimensions and we live in a threedimensional Universe. There is no fourth dimension; Neither can there be -- there's nowhere to go but up, down, all around.

89 Can gravity somehow cause the firmament to move on its own? No. Because the elements are infinitely small and separated by infinitely small antimaterial gaps, there is an infinitely weak gravitational pull acting on them (too strong for the elements to escape, yet too week for them to coalesce -- a virtual equilibrium). The reason why elements cannot touch is because the gravitational attraction would exceed infinity. Once that happens, there is neither gravity nor element as the elemental miasma becomes a monumental coalescence. But a woman has three dimensions and is malleable to the touch. And how do I touch a woman if it impossible for two objects to touch each other? Simple. I don't really touch her; I touch her virtually: (1 Cor 7:1) It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

What if by a sheer cosmic accident, a dead universe spawned itself? If the universe spawned itself, it would only last about 5 seconds -because that's how long it would take everyone in it to die laughing! We could stop here, but let's continue. If a godless Big Bang happened, the Universe it "created" would be infinitesimally small (virtually speaking) and would last an infinitesimally short time (virtually speaking). This Uni-curse would eventually settle back to the virtual equilibrium that couldn't possibly have spawned it to begin with! That's why scientists are completely baffled, befuddled and bemused at, not only the existence of the cosmos itself, but also, the seemingly endless expansion of it. They want to have two miracles for the price of none! Please Lord Newton! Send us a messiah to solve the dilemma of a mechanical universe with no "on" button! No wonder these guys can't even turn their wives on! But let's play "devil's advocate" and imagine a purely mechanical genesis, a Deus ex machina requiring more faith than that of Christ! We are still confronted with the predicament of consciousness. Remember that selfconsciousness which you have (and must have!) in order to read this essay, requires a distinction from the Universe that a tethered soul could

90 not possess. You may be living in a material world, but you are not a material girl! You're very awareness of the world can only be accomplished by your separation from it, making you a de facto free spirit. Remember how Jiminy Cricket rescued Pinocchio with the brilliant affirmation: Let your conscience be your guide? Remember the first law of Marian Dynamics, which states that whatsoever moves possesses a living sprit? Even if "science falsely so-called" could develop a hypothesis to explain the perpetual motion machine that seems to be the Universe, your very own movements within that dead universe would necessitate the existence of quintessence. Now that we have established the existence of at least one spiritual being in the Universe -- you!, how do we know that there is another spirit? A God-Creator Spirit? A good Spirit who loves us? A God of recompense, but also of righteousness -- ready to forgive? Ready to save in accordance with the gospel? How do we know? LMD will explain cosmologically why Roman Catholicism is the true religion and why the Blessed Virgin Mary is God, LORD and Coredemptrix. But for now, let's establish the existence of a CreatorSpirit. If (by some humongous chimichangas cosmic anomaly) the godless mechanical Universe somehow spawned itself, then how did your spirit manage to find its way into your flesh? You don't remember making the decision to enter your body and Deus ex Machina can't decide that for you -- he takes forever to make up his mind! But what if you did in fact manage to enter your body and then wake up with holy amnesia? Then who wrote LMD? Who wrote the Bible? Who taught you your name -- celebrated your birthday? To paraphrase the great philosopher Elmo, "Who are the people in your neighborhood?" Your spirit inhabits a mysterious Universe that seems to walk, talk, twist and shout -- c'mon baby now! When the Universe converses with you, you respond; when you converse with it, it responds back. A wise man once said that you shall know a tree by its fruits and if it looks like a God, sounds like a God and acts like a God, then what else can it be? To the extent that the Universe acknowledges you, it lives; To the extent that you acknowledge Jehovah, you live. Life therefore is contingent upon witness, which is why Jehovah asks us to be his witnesses (Is 43:10). But Newtonians fail to acknowledge the living God whereby they are eternally disacknowledged by him!

91 Tell the Universe that he is a machine and you will take the Name of the LORD in vain. The Machine, who knows nothing beyond what you tell it, will shift into high gear and roll right over you faster than a tank in Tiananmen. Tell the Universe that he is God Jehovah, and you will speak the Name of the LORD aright; And you will know that Jesus loves you and that the laws of physics didn't affix him to the cross, but the righteousness of Jehovah in Christ who deemed repentance worthy of redemption -- a judgment ratified in his flesh and petrified by the Immaculate Heart -- permitted your sins to crucify the Universe by reason of consequentiality (and not of causality); And that the Resurrection accomplished by the Theotokos (through faith in Christ crucified) has forever abolished death and the commandments from which death proceeds. Now that we have ascertained your existence in a world inhabited by a spirit (or spirits) other than yourself, how do you know that at least one of these spirit beings created the Universe? Because the Big Bang didn't happen billions of years ago, it happened today. Remember that time is an illusion created by motion so there is no real time separating you from the Creation event. Virtually, we are in the third millennium BCE, but eternally we are in the beginning with God. Before Abraham was, I AM! -- and so are you as well! Virtually, Christ lived in the first century, but eternally, Christ was crucified before the foundation of the world; We were redeemed before the foundation of the world; Mary is LORD God before the foundation of the world! We are the ones we've been waiting for! Incidentally, if the Universe were somehow motive before the time of Creation, God is smart enough to recognize the difference between gravitational movement and conscientious movement. Gravity can move objects mechanically, but it cannot witness God. In that universe, the bat would screech without ever hearing its echo. Nevertheless, it is impossible to witness God without a body and the spiritual body of God (and of us) is comprised of the Elemental Constitution of the Universe which simply must have moved for the Witness of God to be realized. In that sense, the Universe did "move" before Creation, but this was an unconscious movement which the consciousness of God witnessed and the self-consciousness of God understood. The Consciousness became submissive to the

92 Unconsciousness and the Self-consciousness was the offspring of this cosmic yin and yang. We too possess a necessary unconscious, conscious, and self-conscious thought precedent in order to complete a thought. This dominant-submissive component to intelligent thought is the reason and the genesis of heterosexual reproduction and the Biblical admonitions concerning sexual behavior. The Universe requires a Man and a Woman in order to think, and while Christian marriage is certainly a blessing, we must not forget that it is also a ministry and the beginning of them -- not to mention the beginning of miracles! (John 2:1). We sinned against the Universe and God died. It is as if for three days after the crucifixion, the Universe hung on its own lifeless gravitation; but on Resurrection Sunday, the Universe was renewed by the Heart of Mary in the body of Jesus and us with him. We are the Resurrection and the Life! Can the Spirit somehow affect the quality of elemental matter? The spirit is immaterial. It can assemble or dishevel compounds, but cannot touch elemental matter. If elemental matter derived its quality from the spirit, either the spirit would have a quality, which it cannot have, or it would have to manipulate some aspect of the element, which would disqualify it from being an element. The quintessence is movement pure and simple and movement has no color, flavor, quality or any other distinguishing characteristic other than that it moves. If you want another kind of movement, try a Haydn symphony. Otherwise, let's move on. Could the antimaterial Universe move in consort with the material one? Yes, everything that happens in this Universe is repeated in the antimaterial one. The only exception is that the antimaterial Pope Benedict XVI is not alive, but instead moves in tandem with the material one -- kind of like a cosmic shadow. I guess that would make him an antipope! Could God be in the antimaterial Universe and we in the material one? Yes, but God cannot tell and neither can we. It doesn't matter at all to the gospel -- the Blessed Virgin is with us either way. Incidentally, it is

93 possible that the spirit could inhabit both the material and antimaterial Universes simultaneously. God cannot tell and neither can we. It is as if I were born behind the wheel of a car that cannot stop. There's no way for me to tell whether it is a Ford or a Lincoln, but my mechanic works for Christ-ler!

Like... When I look at your pic I feel my soul moving within me... Like a magnetic polarity drawing me closer Like I'm about to have an out-of-body experience Like I'm going to fly like Superman to your side Like I'm going to stand in your bedroom and watch you as you sleep Like I'm going to watch you like a ghost as you rise to meet your apparition Like as if you could see me, but you can't cuz I'm... i n v i s i b l e Like a ninja standing in the shadows Like you're staring right at me -- right into my disembodied eyes! Like as if you could see me, but you can't, or can you? Like I don't know Like you don't know? Like we both don't know! And yet... It's like we do!!!

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My Forever Lover My forever lover May we both discover How to love each other Like a Virgin Mother Loves her newborn babe Friend to God like Abe Sacrificing Isaac Words we couldn't redact But the Angel saved him Staid the hand of Abraham Righteousness became him Israel, they named him Tragedy averted By the cross inverted On the cross imputed Peter, he refuted Get behind me Satan Now your name is Nathan Prophesy to David David's Son has saved Like the Father's sins Passed down on his kins That's the type of love That I'm speaking of Now you know the story Of the King of Glory

Kite String Theory The B.V.M. is like a child with a kite. She runs in the field, the kite trailing behind her, until the kite ascends into the sky and is able to fly on its own. She gives the kite string an occasional tug to keep the kite aloft, but does no more work than is absolutely necessary to sustain its flight. The Universe is God's kite. God launched it and her hand sustains and directs it, but no more than is absolutely necessary to achieve its purpose.

95 And what is that purpose? To love us! And our purpose in the Universe is to love God back! But make no mistake. This seemingly orderly Universe does not fly on its own. God is perpetually tugging the kite strings, setting the direction, adjusting the height -- just enough effort to keep it going and none besides. We see the cosmic kite strings at the subatomic level and also in deep space where the Universe seems to perpetually accelerate. We see God's hand in the miracles of the Bible and in the charismatic gifts of the Holy Ghost. We see kite strings in the perfect sunset, a fascinating rhythm, a still small voice. We see the kite strings in the Catholic Church and the testimonies of Christians throughout the millennia. Can you imagine an institution lasting as long as the Catholic Church remaining virtually unchanged from its conception until the present day? That ought to be miracle enough for anybody! The evil Cult of Newton fixates on the kite despite the string that sustains it. To them, the kite mysteriously flies itself. They are confident that the mystery of the self-flying kite will one day be solved. Even the goddamn devil knows that the scientists are wrong.

Pinhead Can an angel dance on the head of a pin? Yes -- but first, the pin you must hold. Can the universe dance on the head of a pin? Once, it all did; But now, God forbid. Else the whole world would be in that pin And could not contain the same pin that you hold Can an angel dance on the head of a pin? Yes -- but first, the pin you must hold. Angels are smart, And know not to dance Without that special magic Contained in your glance. Without that special glance Contained in your magic, The angel would smart From not knowing -- How tragic!

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Virtual Reality Infinity is a real number, but not exactly. Hence, the Universe, which is infinite with regard to its time and space, is therefore a virtual reality. The Spirit however, is not virtual. We ourselves are absolutely real; the Blessed Virgin is absolutely real; and Jesus Christ absolutely died for our real sins. But he died on a virtual cross after suffering for 11 virtual hours. Virtually, we pierced him 2000 years ago, but in reality, we pierced him this very day. We are all perpetually at the foot of the cross, and yet we are virtually a world away from 1st century Judea. In reality, God is Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, but virtually speaking, she is from everlasting to everlasting. If you flip a coin once, there is a 50% chance that it will land on heads at least once; But if you flip a coin infinite times, there is an infinite chance that it will land on heads at least once. However, it is not exactly a 100% chance; but neither is it exactly less than 100%. We live in a virtual world. Does the inexactitude of the Universe mean that there is a real possibility that the Universe could one day come to an end? No. That would be a snowball's chance in hell. Here, we must distinguish between statistical infinitude and geometric infinitude. Statistically, there is no real chance that the Universe will end, but geometrically, there is a real but inexact extent to which the Universe can progress. In other words: If you roll a pair of dice infinite times, there is a real probability that you will never roll snake eyes; but if you wind up with snake eyes, there is absolutely no probability that you didn't. Hence, though we may live in a dicey universe at times, there is no real probability that it will ever end -- the die is cast! Statistically, ½ of infinity equals infinity, but geometrically, it doesn't. However, when scientists, economists, mathematicians and political scientists mix the two disciplines in order to formulate models and shape policy, they run into problems (mathematically and otherwise!) Applied mathematics? Applied to what -- God? That would be square!

97

Now I Won There is no now without a beginning There is no now without an end The beginning and the end are NOT the now The beginning and the end merely facilitate it There is no real time for the end to come Time itself is the perpetual beginning and end Now and forever Amen

It's About Time! Divinity = divine sequence. (not a real time, it can be thought of as beforetime) I was perfect here; I rebelled here; I repented here. While Christ entered into divine sequence at the moment of his transfiguration, Mary was immaculately conceived there and perpetually participates in redemption with Christ as LORD, God and Creator. As Regina Coelis, she speaks the Tetragrammaton in divinity, but not in reality. In reality, God does not speak on her own, but that which she hears, she speaks: (1 Cor 14:35) And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Eternality = real time. in reality, I sinned in one divinity, but was reborn (repented) in another; However, virtually, I am Immaculate Conception with Mary. If I was born really perfect, then I would be virtually perfect. Not enough real time for me to sin. Time is an illusion, and though my flesh is under this illusion, my spirit is not. I am not virtually perfect post-repentance, because repentance is itself a form of disobedience -but I am judged righteous by Christ in divine sequence before creation. That divinity was lost. However, I am virtually redeemed, having crossed over from the lost divinity into the 2nd divinity. Hence there are two creation moments -- the old world which was destroyed and the new world which is redeemed; Christ crucified and Christ resurrected in the Immaculate Heart.

98 Temporality = subsequential time. there is no beginning or end here. Subsequent sins and subsequent restorations to the spirit seem to occur here, but don't really. There is only one sin and one baptism for the remission of sins. Christ hung on the cross in virtual time knowing that he really didn't have to be born at all. (Acts 17:26) And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation;

Does infinitude mean that there is a real possibility that heaven could end? No, infinitude means that there is a real parameter to eternity which virtually is never exceeded. Hence, if you already exist temporally, then you will live forever by virtue of infinitude. However, if you were not eternally alive, then you cannot virtually exist, which is unfortunately more than can be said for the victims of abortion. Aborted fetuses were really alive but are virtually nonexistent. Just as we have a real end that virtually never comes, aborted fetuses had a real beginning that virtually never comes. Hence abortion is murder, but not temporally -- it is an eternal murder. Aborted fetuses don't go to heaven as some Protestant denominations teach; neither will their repentant mothers be reunited with them. You can't go to heaven unless you are born again and you can't be born again unless you were born in the first place. It stands to reason that many of these victims of abortion would have converted had they been born whereby the population of heaven is forever reduced by the sin of infanticide. Pop Quiz: What two Bible characters were survivors of attempted abortions? Answer: Moses (Ex 1:16) and Jesus (Matt 2:13-16; Rev 12:4) That brings me to my next point: Abortion doesn't just reduce the population of heaven, it also makes life here on earth worse for all of us. There are no unwanted or unplanned children, and every person that has ever lived or ever will has a vital ministry regardless of whether or not they convert. It's not above your pay-grade to know that abortion is a worse crime than slavery -- at least slaves have a shot at going to heaven!

99 And what is the difference between an abortion and a childbirth? Both involve the removal of a fetus from a womb! We may as well deliver the child, cart it out of the delivery room and tell her it's aborted! We can even give her earmuffs so she doesn't hear the damn thing cry! Same procedure!! But what about rape and incest? Women have sex emotionally and therefore cannot orgasm under duress. Even I would have a problem performing at knife point and my genitals are on the outside -- how much less a woman? But rape is a traumatic event and sinners can behave in surprising ways in moments of extreme anxiety, so let's concede a child conceived by rape or incest -- why then would we punish the baby for the actions of the rapist? Others talk about sparing the child from a lifetime of suffering! As if anyone's life were free from suffering! But if you want to abort a fetus to spare it from suffering, then let he who is without suffering abort the first one! And by the way, people who talk about 'not wanting them to be punished with a baby' should take a moment to reflect on their own precarious beginnings! The only person ever punished with a child was Christ Jesus and you are his son! And when did "Yes we can" become "Yes we won't"? When did the audacity of hope become the audacity of nope? Cannot the one who ordains kings also take them out? Dana Reeve was stricken with terminal lung cancer shortly after her speech at the DNC advocating embryonic stem-cell research (and she never touched a cigarette) -- remember? Black people really should know better than to support plannedeugenics-parenthood! Have we forgotten about the government sterilization campaigns in the black community during the 20th century -the so-called Mississippi appendectomies? And at the dawn of the 21st, a Louisiana state representative proposes a bill to bribe the impoverished into sterilization while the rich are given tax-breaks the more kids they have! How far have we come from the days when our masters used to force us to have as many children as possible! And now we want to have universal coverage in Amerik.k.k.a? But how can we? The Constitution does not legally define what exactly health is! Is abortion and euthanasia healthy? Is human cloning healthy? What

100 about hockey moms and Joe six-packs -- are they healthy? The courts already legislate from the bench; will they now prognosticate from it? And even as we speak, doctors are continually being let go from hospitals for refusing to administer reproductive procedures that violate their own personal code of ethics? Catholic hospitals are being shut down by the courtocratic intifada. What's next? Will Catholic orphanages lose their license for refusing gay adoption? Will Catholic churches lose their tax-exempt status for refusing gay marriage? Will Catholic universities lose their accreditation for teaching the gospel? Will Catholic clergy lose their freedom of assembly for advocating justice? Will Catholic laity lose their freedom of speech for criticizing the war? There is a moment in the movie "Speed" where Dennis Hopper asks Keanu Reeves "What do you do? What do you do?" Well the time has come, and yet already is, when we as a society must either shit now or get off the pot! The question is not whether or not we're going to have a state-run church, the question is, Which way will it go? The Church of the Creator, or the Cult of the Creature? The Assembly of the First Born, or the Dissembly of the Unborn? A Royal Priesthood, or a Spoiled Beasthood? And what about the establishment clause? You can have a separation of church and state if you want, but ought we to have a separation of Truth and state as well? Is this the Spirit of Appomattox? -Glory, Glory hallelujah; His truth is marching on! - What truth?! What liberating truth?! Friends, Romans, countrymen, we are all on this bus together and it ain't stopping and it can't slow down! What will we do?! What will we do?!

The Great Faith Debate 2008 McCain shows up late For the great faith debate But Rick Warren just can't wait So let us now begin Before the pundits all spin This discourse on sin Into yet another Obama win

101 Conservatives praise These spiritual forays As Obama simply conveys "I need a pay raise!" "If my daughter gets laid With no wedding plans made Her expenses unpaid It's above my pay grade!" Now, Presidents prior Permitted this fire Without their explicit desire But Obama's pay grade was obviously much higher! And yet not high enough To call Rick Warren's bluff This issue's just too tough (He tells us, off the cuff And without the usual hesitation) Confessing his consternation "For spiritual contemplation Is above my Harvard education" Or is it? (I must wonder) An intellectual blunder To exalt the God of thunder While at the same time rending his sons asunder But if, in faith, we tried (Unable to decide) Why not just err on the side Of life, and let your faith thus abide? Ahhh... but the answer you deflect Is far too simple as to be correct! For its simplicity, I suspect, Is beneath your hallowed intellect!

102 And this dreaded 'easy' answer Is no doubt become an academician's cancer For the WHITE educational financer Rewards the grotesque mental dancer But when the music ceases And Providence releases Her dissertation theses You'd better come to Jesus! And when you do, trust me, you'll love it! (Telling Death and Hell to shove it!) For the answer that you covet Is when you realize that it is not your pay grade, but rather, it is YOU who are above it!

I Can... Tainted love, infatuation Time for some reeducation Cuz these feeling ain't no good You don't need'em -- understood? Dangerous is what you are Loving females from afar Pretty soon you'll start to hate her Just because you couldn't date her Neither could you live without her Cuz this love was not about her It was always you, self-serving That's how come you're undeserving To be with this teenaged idol Having thoughts of suicidal Eenie-meenie miney mo! If you love her, let her go If you don't, these thoughts'll worsen You can't own no other person This ain't love, it's just a fetish For your sinful heart to relish

103 If you don't know what you'd die for Then you won't know what to live for Or just tell her what you're feeling? (Hidden motives ain't appealing) Don't be scared if she'll reject you Tell the truth and she'll respect you Or she won't, but that's okay You don't need her anyway Why? because you've got your life Let your conscience be a wife! Truth will never disappoint you Like a king, it will anoint you Cuz there's nothing better than Loving God and serving man 'Ladies love me, girls adore me' Straight-up, others just ignore me But it doesn't matter to me Cuz I know they never knew me... "I know that she can't love me" (That's what I heard a heartbroken friend say) Let's analyze that sentence... "I know" because I think I think, therefore I am I AM THAT I AM Because I possess the ability to die (vis-à-vis suicide) I am here voluntarily Any voluntary act is an act of 'love' or 'desire'. Therefore, I AM THAT I LOVE, or GOD IS LOVE. We can haggle over what God's desire is, But if the woman doesn't love you, it's not because "she can't" It's because she can... ((So the question is, Can you?))

104

Jamaican Duppy-Story (Note to reader: In Jamaica, a 'duppy' is a ghost.)

Dis fi waa yuh muss do if di duppy, 'im a'folla yuh so... First, don' panic, juss keep on a'walkin like yuh nah see'im... Den tekk out uno match frem yuh pocket, light it, hol' it up inna di eer an' trow it behind yuh leff-hand shouldah... Continue walkin'... Nex, tekk out anudda match, light it, hol' it up inna di eer an' trow it behind yuh leff-hand shouldah juss like before... Continue walkin'... NOW... Tekk out una cherd match... light it... hol' it up inna di eer, but dis time!... Blow it out an' put it back in yuh pocket -- di duppy'll stop followin' yuh cau' him fi look fi di match!!! Walk Good!

Jeringalem In Aborigine lore, there is a Divine Sequence, or Beforetime in which everything that happens in the world already took place and every decision made was preordained. They called it Altjeringa, but White settlers dubbed it Dreamtime, or 'the sacred once-upon-a-time time.' Mention of this parallel event sequence is alluded to in the movie The Last Wave from the acclaimed Australian film director Peter Weir: Aboriginals believe in two forms of time; two parallel streams of activity. One is the daily objective activity, the other is an infinite spiritual cycle called the "dreamtime", more real than reality itself. Whatever happens in the dreamtime establishes the values, symbols, and laws of Aboriginal society. It was believed that some people of unusual spiritual powers had contact with the dreamtime. (Peter Weir, The Last Wave)

105 One of the most striking aspects of the Altjeringa with regard to their cosmology is that they don't perceive creation as a fixed moment in time, but rather as an on-going event. Rather than a six-day creation followed by a Sabbath, the Aborigine god, whose name is Altjira -- note the similarity to the Hebraic Jireh (as in Jehovah Jireh) -- is perpetually in the act of creating the Universe (a kind of perpetual first day). Wouldn't it be pretty classy if we Christians could learn from our Aborigine neighbors and adopt a view of God not as a distant hands-off creator, but as a Spirit who is forever in the process of creation while at the same time resting on that which she has created? Wouldn't it be glorious as well to see, in creation, our own relevance to the creative and perhaps even the redemptive process through the decisions we had already made in a beforetime occurrence that we continuously affect each and every day?

Silly Sally (An American Girl) Silly Sally, ever longing Think it not to be a darling Little lass, to me belonging 'Tis my love for thee Feminine and full of folly Ample breasts, so pert and jolly Says my Sally, "O my golly!" When her love, I see Simple Sally, dilly dally With the gents of Tin Pan Alley Stole their hearts, but kept a tally (All of them but me!) Petticoats of stringy love lace (Vaseline kept in her glove case!) Head cock't back just like a dove face Perched upon my tree

106 Like a port for ev'ry sailor Runs my Sally to each whaler As their flesh harpoons impale her On desire's sea Blessed Sally, give me solace By the stripes of William Wallace (And the straps upon your bodice) Have I been set free!

Is-Real and Is-Lame The god of Is-Real is a god of truth A god of wisdom, a god of proof The god of Is-Lame is a god of submission Bound by obeisance to a blind confession . . . . . The god of Is-Real is a god of beauty Loving thy neighbor is your only duty The god of Is-Lame is a god of disgrace Forcing their women to cover their face . . . . . The god of Is-Real is a god of mystery Blurring the lines between legend and history The god of Is-Lame is a god of the mimic Slavishly following a false prophet's gimmick . . . . . The god of Is-Real is a god of glory Saving men's souls with a life-changing story The god of Is-Lame is a god of ignominy Shackling souls with devotional tyranny . . . . .

107 The god of Is-Real is a god of wrath But also of mercy to them that hath The god of Is-Lame is a god of the sword Forcing confessions through jihad and war . . . . . The god of Is-Real is a god of Shem A river of life in a new Jerusalem The god of Is-Lame is a god of Shame A false Prophet burning in a Lake of Flame . . . . . The god of Is-Real is a god of wealth A god of prosperity, a god of health The god of Is-Lame is a god of brutality Worshipping god by denying his humanity . . . . . So what have we learned from this quaint diatribe? Worship Is-Real and let Is-lame subside!

Burned at the Stake My last girlfriend was an absolute witch! No, seriously, she practiced Wicca. I guess that would make her my hex-girlfriend. As with all witches, she had a pet cat named Charm (and what a charming little pussy it was!) However, as a devout Catholic myself, I didn't find her newfound interest in wicca particularly amusing. Time and again, I tried to convince her that there is no salvation in sorcery or magic, and that the real magic resides in one's ability to love one's neighbor; but needless to say, she was not enchanted at all by my Christian apologetics. Relics and runes; covens and cauldrons; mystic potions and esoteric wisdom; what power do they possess that such an unbreakable spell could be cast on such a brilliant sprite?

108 Alas! We finally went our separate ways and although we no longer speak, I do continue to have her in my prayers; in my farewell letter to her, I did manage to conjure the presence of mind to render my most sincere advice regarding the path she had chosen, having had some previous dalliances in the dark arts myself (although I never mentioned this to her while we were together): ADVICE FOR YOUNG WICCANS (read if you dare) 1)

A spell may be rendered in any language, but Latin is to be preferred because of its precision. Modern English doesn't have all the tenses (and so forth) of Latin and if there is any ambiguity of meaning in the incantation, the spirits could use such a grammatical loophole to turn the spell back on the person who cast it.

2)

If you misspeak or otherwise stumble in the middle of an incantation, the spell is ruined. Don't just pick up where you left off, start all over again from scratch. The spirits don't know that you misspoke and may act on it. Although it is not absolutely necessary, chanting your spells to a musical tone or even to a drum beat (as Voodoo practitioners do) is recommended in order to signal to the spirits when the spell has begun and when it has concluded.

3)

You can't change someone's personality by sorcery. A person's identity is out-of-bounds to spirits. This is because a spirit cannot touch another spirit. There's nothing to touch. The spirit, or quintessence (as Greek cosmologists used to call it) is immaterial and truly transcendental of the physical universe (as opposed to the other four Greek elements: earth, wind, fire and water). If you want wisdom and courage, go to Church; But the spirits cannot give these things to you. Love potions don't work, but what if they did? Could you be happy with someone whose love you forced? I'd say you'd be better off alone (if you weren't already!)

4)

Never conclude your incantation without ordering the spirits to leave the person being hexed at the mention of Jesus or the sign of the cross. This is because, while the spirits know that Jesus of Nazareth died on the cross, they don't understand why. If the person being hexed calls in a Catholic exorcist, he will read the Rite of Exorcism which contains verbal explanations and chants regarding the Passion of our LORD. If the spirits don't vacate the room before the conclusion of these age-old prayers, they (the spirits) will learn that they are damned and will instantly perish in the bitterness of their own frustration.

109 5)

Don't cast a spell -- ever! Now that you know I'm an ex-wizard, understand that I have complete Solomonic knowledge regarding the unseen world of demons and the black arts, and I do hereby summon the Spirit of Lilith to strike any witch who casts a spell based on the instructions contained within this document with instant death, excluding myself.

Sweet Reina Walking on life's 'la camina' I perceived a sweet reina ¡Aye! -- she was so caliente (Yo le miro adelante) So I prayed to 'Dios Mio' Like a statue en la Rio Look, my arms are raised to God (Hoping she'll give me the nod!) You'll see me en la Iglesia Y un casa we'll hacea Dame este one more chance As this boricua, I glance Hoping she'll be responsivo ¡¡¡Por este mujer, Yo vivo!!!

Precious Princess Delightful and pure The wildflower unfurls With radiant petals Of blossoming swirls And begs to be plucked By these impolite girls Who've cast off the lure Of fake diamonds and pearls To enjoy its sweet scent In the breeze, as it were...

110 Precious Princess, almost seven With a smile as bright as heaven Never lose your spunk and spark And in life, you'll make your mark Precious Princess, ever-learning As life's pages keep on turning Never lose thy innocence And in this life, you'll find success

Blackballed! "I'll never understand your love of basketball!" I said to my father. "Why do you enjoy watching people running back and forth on a court? Why not attend a concert or a ballet?" "A ballet?" he laughed. "Why do you enjoy watching people jumping up and down on a stage?"

I'm no major league sports fan, but of all the sports I've been forced to watch at my father's house, I find basketball to be the most edifying. For one thing, I'll never understand the miracle of the three-point jump shot. How does a man leap into the air and throw a ball from so far away and yet still make the basket? Maybe if I paid more attention in school, I'd be able to calculate the rate of speed and parabolic trajectory of the ball, but these guys are obviously making these complex calculations using a different mindset. Maybe when the public school system integrates that "different" mindset into its curriculum (grading sports and music equal to math and science) we will have an overall better integration of our society. As it is now, we only test a certain kind of intelligence in school and neglect other ways of thinking. This leads to frustration on the part of those who just don't think that way. We are stigmatizing a group of people based on outmoded and elitist standards which favor one metric of genius over another. Of course, this wholly arbitrary and oppressive standard was designed and perpetuated by the same group of people who benefit most from it.

111 So the next time you see a man on a court with a b-ball in his hand, remember the man in the heart of darkness who first hurled his spear through the heart of the dragon and ask yourself: Who is our teacher? What is His standard?

Forever Learning Searching Lurching Perching on a precarious birch Branching out Reaching, teaching Leaching off the Truth I be preaching Practicing 'I Ching' While your black skin's bleaching The journey is winding Blinding, teeth-grinding To the destination I keep reminding Myself to keep finding This pen that I wield As I see the blood, congealed From wounds unhealed In Potter's Field We yield To the Gospel of God revealed In the Holy Ghost sealed As my death sentence, He repealed

¿El Pueblo Unido? I once asked Mary if Christendom will one day be as united as it was in the first millennium. But Mary told me this will not be the case. Why? Because we were in disunity even then!

112 It is somewhat of a Catholic mythology that the Church was united from the day of Pentecost until the Great Schism. Even the disciples had to put up with Protestants: (Mark 9:38)And John answered him, saying, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and he followeth not us: and we forbad him, because he followeth not us. 39But Jesus said, Forbid him not: for there is no man which shall do a miracle in my name, that can lightly speak evil of me. 40For he that is not against us is on our part.

Of course, God is not the author of confusion -- there is one truth and that truth is Catholic. Nevertheless, God made use of Man's confusion in order to broaden the scope of her ministry. You can't fight a forest fire with flame retardant only -- sometimes, you need to start a back blaze. While the flame retardant and the back blaze are mutually opposed, both are necessary to lessen the extent of the fire damage and ultimately put it out. In a cosmic civil war, the Protestants are like Sherman's army, cutting off the supply-lines with Catholicism in order to make Georgia howl! So let's have civility in our interfaith discourse, while looking forward to the day when all will be brought into the Catholic Faith: (Eph 4:13) Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

It is a luxurious ministry to sit in a helicopter dropping water over a raging fire, but the Protestants are having a pretty horrendous time. The children of Jehovah's Witnesses cannot take part in school holiday concerts; Episcopalians are repenting to gay priests; Cessationists are blaspheming the Holy Spirit; Pentecostals are telling their kids that they must speak in tongues -- or else!; Adventists face workplace discrimination because of their Sabbath commitment; White Evangelicals are being told who to vote for; Baptists lift up their hands in the abject fear of holy hell -- the only thing missing in this wild bunch is Ernest Borgnine! And yet, I understand that their ministry is crucial to the cause of the gospel. So when I use the term "separated brothers," understand that the emphasis here is definitely on the word "brothers."

113

The Box and the Bottle I was trapped in a box that could only be opened from the outside. Within that box, I found a replica of the self-same box from which I was hopelessly trapped, and imagined that someone else might be trapped inside that box. "There's no hope for me" I thought, "but at least I can free someone else from their box"; whereupon I opened the replica of the box and discovered the miraculous hand of God releasing me from my own... I found a message in a bottle; It said, Bottle. I found the Bible in the Spirit; It said, Spirit. Does that mean that The message is in a bottle? Or is the bottle in the message? Say the bottle is in the message, And you will blaspheme the bottle. Say the Spirit is in the Bible only And you blaspheme the Spirit. Later, I picked up the bottle and on it was written: '100-proof spirit'

114

Caramel Limericks There once was a girl from St. Kitts Who had the most beautiful tits And when she undressed I felt so impressed By how well that her negligée fits There once was a girl from St. Croix Who liked to make love to a toy All night she would lay And wonder if they Could make one as good as a boy There once was a woman from Haiti Who lived to be one hundred eighty And when I asked why She gave this reply 'The priest often slept with the laity!' There once was a girl from St. Barth Who traded in African art And when I asked why She said that some guy From Ghana had stolen her heart There once was a girl from Campeche Who loved to drink café con leche And when she would drink She always would think ¡Qué mierda las ellas me eche! There once was a girl from St. Thomas Who liked to wear satin pajamas When I asked her why She told me, 'Some guy Had purchased them in the Bahamas'

115

The Burden of Irie The word tyre comes from the old English term for wheel (or more specifically, the metal bar that, having been heated to malleability, is curled over the spokes of the wheel, binding them together). In Isaiah 23, the burden of Tyre is revealed. However, only when one understands the Biblical Tyre as a prophetic allusion to the island of Jamaica, are we able to read this passage in a much different light. After all, we are the irie isle! (Is 23:1-6) Colonization and Slavery Tarshish (Spain) is expelled by the Chittim (British): 1The burden of Tyre. Howl, ye ships of Tarshish; for it is laid waste, so that there is no house, no entering in: from the land of Chittim it is revealed to them.

The merchants of Zidon (Xanadu) replenish the inhabitants of the isle (the British traded heavily with China during this period): 2Be still, ye inhabitants of the isle; thou whom the merchants of Zidon, that pass over the sea, have replenished.

The seed of Sihor (sugar) makes Jamaica a mart of nations: 3And by great waters the seed of Sihor, the harvest of the river, is her revenue; and she is a mart of nations.

The merchants of Zidon are cursed when the strength of the sea (Africans), speak out against the transatlantic slave trade: 4Be thou ashamed, O Zidon: for the sea hath spoken, even the strength of the sea, saying, I travail not, nor bring forth children, neither do I nourish up young men, nor bring up virgins.

The transatlantic slave trade is likened to that of the Exodus: 5As at the report concerning Egypt, so shall they be sorely pained at the report of Tyre.

116 With the British capture of Spanish Jamaica, the inhabitants of the isle howl: 6Pass ye over to Tarshish; howl, ye inhabitants of the isle.

(Is 23:7-11) Port Royal Cataclysm The joyous city (Port Royal) brings damnation on upon itself: 7Is this your joyous city, whose antiquity is of ancient days? her own feet shall carry her afar off to sojourn.

The former Jamaican capital (the crowning city) is destroyed in an act of divine retribution: 8Who hath taken this counsel against Tyre, the crowning city, whose merchants are princes, whose traffickers are the honourable of the earth? 9The LORD of hosts hath purposed it, to stain the pride of all glory, and to bring into contempt all the honourable of the earth.

The city sinks beneath the waters: 10Pass through thy land as a river, O daughter of Tarshish: there is no more strength.

The LORD ordained the earthquake that destroyed the merchant city and shook the kingdoms: 11He stretched out his hand over the sea, he shook the kingdoms: the LORD hath given a commandment against the merchant city, to destroy the strong holds thereof.

(Is 23:12-14) Abolitionist Movement The oppressed plead their cause to the British parliament without success: 12And he said, Thou shalt no more rejoice, O thou oppressed virgin, daughter of Zidon: arise, pass over to Chittim; there also shalt thou have no rest.

117 The Assyrian conquest and colonization of the Chaldees is quashed: 13Behold the land of the Chaldeans; this people was not, till the Assyrian founded it for them that dwell in the wilderness: they set up the towers thereof, they raised up the palaces thereof; and he brought it to ruin.

Slavery is abolished without reparations: 14Howl, ye ships of Tarshish: for your strength is laid waste.

(Is 23:15-18) Jamaican Ascendancy Jamaica is forgotten during the 70 year reign of a king (Queen Victoria). Although Queen Victoria's reign lasted only 63 years, this was because she was barred from ruling for 6 years as a child: 15And it shall come to pass in that day, that Tyre shall be forgotten seventy years, according to the days of one king: after the end of seventy years shall Tyre sing as an harlot.

Post-Victorian Jamaica emerges as a music capital: 16Take an harp, go about the city, thou harlot that hast been forgotten; make sweet melody, sing many songs, that thou mayest be remembered.

Jamaica achieves independence from Great Britain (she shall be turned to her hire), but greed, corruption and international intrigue fetter the Jamaican people: 17And it shall come to pass after the end of seventy years, that the LORD will visit Tyre, and she shall turn to her hire, and shall commit fornication with all the kingdoms of the world upon the face of the earth.

But the LORD shall consecrate the irie isle; and a new generation of Christian leadership will work to advance peace and social justice: 18And her merchandise and her hire shall be holiness to the LORD: it shall not be treasured nor laid up; for her merchandise shall be for them that dwell before the LORD, to eat sufficiently, and for durable clothing.

118

Helen of Tyre (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

What phantom is this that appears Through the purple mist of the years, Itself but a mist like these? A woman of cloud and of fire; It is she; it is Helen of Tyre, The town in the midst of the seas. O Tyre! in thy crowded streets The phantom appears and retreats, And the Israelites that sell Thy lilies and lions of brass, Look up as they see her pass, And murmur "Jezebel!" Then another phantom is seen At her side, in a gray gabardine, With beard that floats to his waist; It is Simon Magus, the Seer; He speaks, and she pauses to hear The words he utters in haste. He says: "From this evil fame, From this life of sorrow and shame, I will lift thee and make thee mine; Thou hast been Queen Candace, And Helen of Troy, and shalt be The Intelligence Divine!" Oh, sweet as the breath of morn, To the fallen and forlorn Are whispered words of praise; For the famished heart believes The falsehood that tempts and deceives, And the promise that betrays.

119 So she follows from land to land The wizard's beckoning hand, As a leaf is blown by the gust, Till she vanishes into night. O reader, stoop down and write With thy finger in the dust. O town in the midst of the seas, With thy rafts of cedar trees, Thy merchandise and thy ships, Thou, too, art become as naught, A phantom, a shadow, a thought, A name upon men's lips.

The Last Temptation of Ulysses Washed up on a foreign shore Lies Ulysses, worn and torn Punished by a scorching heat Like a marching Spartan's feet On the day that Troy was lost In an ancient holocaust Now awakened in her arms Sweet Calypso's naked charms Rocking in a hammock's sway On a cool deserted bay Eating, drinking, making love Blessed by ev'ry god above Catered to his ev'ry need Drinking milk and spilling seed Says Calypso, "Stay with me And forever thou shalt be Living in a world so free As a god eternally Pleasures hitherto unknown Shalt be thine and thine alone Brave Ulysses, take my hand Promised in this holy sand"

120 Says Ulysses, "Suffer me From your glory, I must flee Though your charms were far above Any ever spoken of I will love my wife and son And to them, I'll always run Though your beauty, I adore My friends need me all the more" Thus Ulysses sailed afloat On a slim, uncertain boat Like the brave Apostle Paul Wasting in a Roman jail "In a strait betwixt the two Having the desire to Steel away to Paradise For to me to live is Christ And for me, to die is gain But for you, I shall remain" As our hero of Greek lore Spoken of so long before

Terminator X Terminator X doesn't have a protocol He has a proto-cool Systematically activated Virtual simulations Simultaneously stimulated Sounds simple? Well, allow me to illustrate... Extermination phase System malfunction Prime directive violated by this fatal error phase Annihilated

121 But Terminator X continues to engage On tha hypothetical level of this S.A.C.R.A.mental stage Mixing pre-recorded lyrical samples (For example) On his 1200 Technics turntable (Mentally unstable) But now it's your turn -- you able? 'Put da needle to tha record' And watch it move as I prove How deep is your groove Layin' dis heavy track Fat? -- no, 'Phat'! Jamaican rude bwoy dat! Dreads plaat Waat? Yah-mon, riddle me that! Cuz u know 'It takes a nation of millions _____' (Yeah -- fill in da black...) Bum-rush da sound (I made a year ago!) Ain't no hype, bro. -- just 'go for what you know' Yo, this ain't no show, cuz Terminator X be basin' Racin' U.N.I.T.Y embracin' This lyrical depth charger -- amazin' Grace that keeps on blazin' Praisin' The One who put away sin... *Tha rebel-ution will be digitized* Digital Underground? Wonder how tha thunders sound (Like wheels on the bus I threw u under -- Wow!) Goin' 'round-n-round' No! pound-4-pound -- cuz 'Momma said knock you out' By da fifft round Betta stay down, but...

122 'Git up g-git git gi-git down 911's a joke in yo town!' Owwww!!!!

Genetic Exchange Student Do you want a colorblind society or a society where differences are acknowledged and respected? As it is, we seem to be trying to systematically whiten the world using the education system. We are also trying to defeminize the world, a defamation that began with the removal of Marian doctrine from western culture during the Protestant Reformation. And centuries later, what do we see coming out of the Protestant countries? Cruel Victorian misogyny in juxtaposition with the sexual nihilism of the GLBT movement. We cannot live in a post-racial androgynous society. Race and gender are so integral to existence that to somehow get "beyond" them would be tantamount to intellectual suicide. Truth is, we need a sexual and ethnic identity in order to complete our thought process, which would account for the masculine and feminine tenses occurring in some world languages. In order to live, we must understand Reality which, in the absence of gender and race, would become incomprehensible. A man perceives the Universe differently than a woman and there is no "third" way to perceive it. Neither is there a way to approach Ultimate Reality from the standpoint of androgyny. Even the God who made us has a gender and that gender is feminine. This is because God must think and thought requires an identification of Ultimate Reality that must be distinct from the observer. This necessary dualism is the cosmic impetus for the natural duality of human gender. Therefore, it is impossible to live without possessing either a masculine or feminine gender, which you would be (and must be) eternally reminded of in the flesh. You can adopt a new race (like Ruth who married into Judaism), but you cannot adopt a new gender. This is because our minds are like vehicles moving forward in time and while race is a direction, sex is the propulsion. We can change course, but we can't stop moving -- that would be nihilism! Let's continue down this road, girlfriend! -- you see, while race is like an operating system, sex is like the hardware running it.

123 Now, I can run Office on either Mac or Vista, but my Mac can never become a Vista -- that would be Microhard! So if you're in a man's body now, you will always be a man -- and if not, then you're once, twice, three times a lady. But if you want to be Black like me, go for it! And if I want to attend Der Ring des Nibelungen, so be it! I won't be ostracized by insecure Blacks who are offended at the sight of brother who acts too White for them. If Louis Farrakhan can perform Mendelssohn, why can't we all? Now that we understand sex and race to be a key component to intelligent thought, we likewise observe that a "post-racial" or "colorblind" society is just not possible. That would be a propulsion without a direction; a computer without an operating system. The only way we could achieve this would be to force everyone on earth to walk and talk like a White man. But the more a Black man subjugates his flesh, the more his flesh comes to the surface! Carlton can't flee from his West Philly cousin anymore than an Harvard-educated law professor can separate himself from Reverend Right-on! You can't throw the entire bus under the bus, negro! And yet the offense-feigning purveyors of political correctness have forced us to apologize for our blackness just as quickly as the Whites have been made to apologize for their whiteness! But you can't brand all intellectual discussion on race racist with the same branding iron marked 'Nation of Cowards'! That would be a double brandard! Now why is it that we're systematically eliminating sexual and racial distinctions from our culture? Sure it's possible to educate the blackness out of our kids -- I love White culture every bit as much as the next Episcopalian, so when in Rome do as the Romans do? Well, congratulations -- I'm Peter the Roman! Thanks! I speak a language that isn't natural to the shape of my lips and tongue; I wear fashions that aren't complementary to my physique -- it's no wonder that Blacks and Jews make such great comedians -- we live in a profoundly absurd world! -- a world where Black women wear blonde weaves, red lipstick and blue eye-shadow, and sit around wondering why they can't find a Black man! Doubtless, public school integration is integral to our integrity, but it becomes meaningless if the physical integration is unaccompanied by an integration of ideas. We're supposed to be a melting pot? -- but Black

124 kids reading White-authored textbooks on White subjects using Whitecentric teaching methods is a recipe for a pot that won't melt! Black kids don't do well in school and those who do wind up adopting all the traits and self-denying sensibilities of White culture! Meanwhile, my own brother winds up languishing in remedial limbo and chronic truancy -eventually dropping out -- and I'm a post-graduate product of a pedagogy of White-oppression with no idea who the f*ck I am!! Now let's take a look at how we differ from each other ethnically: Light: Ultraviolet blue rays; Yellow sunlight; Infrared radiation. Fire: The root of the flame is blue; The middle flame is yellow; The end of the flame is red. Cognitive Science: Blacks think unconsciously; Asians think consciously; Whites think self-consciously. Psychology: Blacks are spontaneous; Asians are meticulous; Whites are deliberate. Child Psychology: Black kids are rambunctious; Asian kids are attentive; White kids are observant. Pedagogy: Black kids learn by hearing; Asian kids learn by doing; White kids learn by seeing. Memorization: Black kids memorize by repeating it to themselves; Asian kids memorize by writing it down; White kids memorize by using flash cards. Ethnology: A Black thinks with his mouth; An Asian thinks with his hands; A White thinks with his eyes.

125 Anthropology: African culture is aural; Asian culture is sensual; European culture is visual. Ontology: I AM A MAN; Here am I; I think therefore I am. Economics: Blacks are giving; Asians are receiving; Whites are possessing. Philosophy: Blacks are communal. Asians are mystical. Whites are individual. Sociology: Africa gave us community; Asia gave us theocracy; Europe gave us democracy. Ethics: Blacks are carefree; Asians are careful; Whites are caretakers. Spirituality: Blacks are passionate; Asians are melancholy; Whites are joyful. Comparative Religion: Africa gave us shamanism; Asia gave us legalism; Europe gave us gnosticism. Ecclesiology: Blacks are prophets; Asians are scribes; Whites are administrators. Business: Blacks are representatives; Asians are manufacturers; Whites are managers.

126 Methodology: Blacks are aggressive; Asians are submissive; Whites are comprehensive. Criminology: Blacks commit impulsive crimes; Asians commit "honor" crimes; Whites commit premeditated crimes. Military History: Blacks take the initiative; Asians are obedient; Whites are strategic. Art History: Music comes from Africa; Dance comes from Asia; Painting comes from Europe. Oratory: Black people speak the way they sing; Asians speak the way they move; Whites speak the way they write. Music: Rhythm comes from Africa; Melody comes from Asia; Harmony comes from Europe. Dance: Africa gave us tap; Asia gave us Tai Chi; Europe gave us ballet. Painting: Africa gave us pattern; Asia gave us texture; Europe gave us form. Style: Africa gave us expressionism; Asia gave us impressionism; Europe gave us surrealism. Performance: Africa gave us improvisation; Asia gave us recitation; Europe gave us composition.

127 Production: Blacks were born in a studio; Asians were born on stage; Whites were born in a director's chair. Religious Conversion: Blacks come to Jesus; Asians receive Jesus; Whites know Jesus. Mysticism: Blacks perform miracles; Asians receive miracles; Whites explain miracles. Theology: Blacks gave us revival; Asians gave us devotion; Whites gave us doctrine. Pneumatology: Blacks speak in tongues; Asians feel the presence; Whites have visions. Femininity: A Black woman taunts her man; An Asian woman tempts her man; A White woman teases her man. Masculinity: Blacks make the first move; Asians call you the next day; Whites make it official.

African Dream And Noah begat Ham And Ham begat Cush And Cush begat Nimrod, the mighty hunter Sheba and Dedan; Nubia and Sudan Put and Ethiopia; Ancient Abyssinia Ivory and gold; Along the seven rivers sold

128 Baskets carried atop women's heads Thatch-roofed huts on dried-up river beds Statured men lacerating antelope-skinned drumheads to matriarchal rhythms Oral traditions poured out onto Black mental reservoirs Young Black minds learning by rote instead of by wrote Village-mentality, social-consciousness Structured around the good of the community rather than the proprietary rights of the individual Stiff-haired women rising up to meet their chieftains Bare-breasted, with broad black hips swaying to the drums, speaking Mbira, thumbing; Kalimba, slumping strumming rumming You can have your American dream But I'll take my *Afreekan Quin!*

Di Cleva Ruse Di woman frem a'foreign??? ((Mi nah know wha'fi she like!)) But dat is alright, my sistah. Cau' I know mi godda tell wi, "Yuh muss treat oddas as yuhself!" But dat seh presume she is like wi, ((tu'raatid!)) Suh... wi mek di assumption. An' wi ackt out dis cleva ruse, mi'dear. An' we truss it wid our lives...

129

The Coat of Arms of His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI (featuring a black man with platted hair, red lips and a red crown, above a seashell, having tamed a wild bear)

130

Edensong I woke up this morning with the memory of last night a night of sweet love-making and holding you tight but alas, it was a dream a beautiful reverie there's no way in hell that our love could ever be 'til I felt the sheets rustle and turned to my side to find the pure woman adorned as a bride when I realized that this was no illusion I felt as though paralyzed by the glorious confusion of the dreamer awakened to a true fantasy making love to the womb that gave birth to thee... I made love to you Before the foundation of the earth My primordial arms outstretched Precognitive tongue praising Shekhinah As you awoke in coitus with me And I in thee

131 My eyes framed your breasts (as they tamed my eyes), staining your breasts (straining my eyes), blessed Preexistent paps Jostling and gyrating in an elemental miasmic As my penile protrusion prodded the involuntary tectonic Machina precluded by an Ex inexorable Deus desire With every salvific salvo Your undulated thighs recoiled by deep pubescent pulsations Chastening your nigritic synergesis As WE achieved ever-higher viscosities of biosyncretic mimesis That was when I fellt you Gently D-cupping my excavated rib cage Infuriating my infernal rage against the vaginal constriction That lovingly stymied my biometric ambition On the verge of the urge to converge You and me, we merge into one becoming WE

California Screamin' Way out west (in a state so blue, it shows up on most maps as part of the Pacific!), is a city I like to call Lost Angeles. So-named for its desirable weather, Lost Angeles has quickly blossomed into an entertainment mecca. But whether you've come here to see the Hollywood Walk of Fame or perhaps add your own star to it, there are a few rules which, if observed, will help you to get the most out of your LADOT transit pass. For instance, when dining on the Sunset Strip, understand that there are different kinds of water, none of them under $5 (gratuity included!) Also, if you're Black and shopping on Rodeo Drive, don't forget to bring a scarf or a muffler (due, of course, to the draft of the security guard breathing down your neck!) -- and by the way, a scarf is just about all you can afford on Rodeo!

132 If you're in West Hollywood and you decide to go to a nightclub, don't be surprised when your bartender is a 'buff' topless adonis with blonde highlights. There are many gay nightclubs in LA, and the majority of the people in them are heterosexual. But when I see a dude dressed like Cher asking me if I believe in life after love, it makes wonder if I can turn back time! There are many great beaches in LA, from Venice Beach to the Santa Monica Pier. However, due to the ice-cold water, you may find your swimsuit to be decidedly less utilitarian and perhaps more aesthetic than you might have hoped. This, of course, is the reason why Malibu surfers wear full-bodied wetsuits; but if you still feel ready to catch a 'gnarly' wave and 'hang ten', then what more can I say?: horizontal fin = dolphin; vertical fin = shark! There are three things you need if you want to survive in LA: a car, an agent, and a pair of chopsticks! Of course, LA is known for its multiculturalism, whether it be Asian or Hispanic (and if you put 'em together, you have a Pilipino!), and then there are the West-coast Blacks -- Westside!!! Blacks, in particular, tend to live mostly in the neighborhoods of Inglewood, Compton and Watts -- but if you're not sure whether or not you're in a Black neighborhood, ask a cop -- they're parked on every corner! -- and if you're still not sure, ask the pizza place whether or not they deliver there! West-coast Blacks like to wear bandanas and do-rags (which unfortunately are more utilitarian than they are aesthetic), but if you want any more proof of the Holy Ghost Resurrection power, it doesn't get any better than a Black LA church (with people getting saved and healed!; 80-year-old women dancing in the aisles like teenagers! -the more riotous the church, the less riotous the streets!) Sometimes, Black people come across as being terse (even rude!), but that's all part of the charm; you see, there's only two kinds of people that'll ever tell you the truth to your face: kids and Black folk! But oftentimes, our abruptness belies our uncanny ability to say something without saying it! It is easy to hang a Black man on his words because the pacing and tenor of his speech is where the true meaning lies, so don't get all bent out of shape when you hear a Black pastor utter God Damn Amerik.k.k.a in a decontextualized snippet, or a woman who is proud of her country for the first time! It's a dramatic device -- deal with it!

133 Now while Blacks tend to live in South Central, the Mexicans mostly live in the barrios of East LA, where it isn't uncommon to find a Rosary hanging from a gang-tattooed neck! However, while all Mexicans are not the same, the one thing they all seem to have in common is a 'Mayan calendar' wall-clock, a beaded car-seat cover, and a grandmother from Nicaragua! In San Bernardino, the visages of Chicano culture can readily be seen in the Mexican flags etched onto rear-windshields of low-riding pickups and tacked to the ventanas of linoleum-tiled kitchens. On the corner, you are likely to see some enterprising vatos with money-belts selling churros and hot tamales from the trunks of their El Caminos. Every gringo knows that if you need help moving or lifting something, there are Mexican day-laborers standing in the parking lot of any Home Depot, but when limousine liberals in their Spanish-tiled Beverly Hills 'haciendas' sip their pinot grigioes out of gold-trimmed glasses while listening to Santana beneath a wall-mounted Tijuana Sombrero, remember the Mexican farm-workers hunched over the vineyards of Sonoma, the sweat of their sun-burnt foreheads baptizing the grapes of wrath that never seem to fill their straw-thatched baskets! In addition to the Mexicans and Blacks, LA is also the home of 'drivethru' sushi, 'all-u-can-eat' dim sum, and is perhaps the only place in America where you can get seaweed as a pizza topping! Of course, it is a foregone conclusion that the Asians are smarter and more efficient than us, and that it is only a matter of time before they take over the universe; but if a Japanese ever became president, perhaps the only difference would be that instead of a 'chicken in every pot,' we'd have a 'duck in every wok'! The 'unofficial' beer of the 'People's Republic of Santa Monica' is Asahi (especially when it comes with a styrofoam bowl of vegetable teriyaki and a side of miso soup to go!) But if an Asian girl starts to take off her shoes upon entering your apartment, don't get too excited -- it's a wellestablished Asian tradition not to wear shoes indoors! Finally, LA is known for its 'laid back' attitude. After all, they did name their airport 'lax'! But before you invest in sunglasses, electrolysis and maps to the stars' homes, remember that there are no small parts, only small actors -- except for the nude scenes of course!

134

Tinsel Town Somewhere over the rainbow, On the same lot where they filmed Rambo, You might find a cowardly lion, Did I say cowardly lion? or lying coward? Acting like a tin man, a thin man, a tiny man living in Tinsel Town? Did I say man? I meant nam. But what's in a nam? Maybe it was a man who got his PhD in order to get out of having to serve in 'Nam. And what about the scarecrow? Did I say scarecrow? or workscared? Cuz he's scared to work Yup, so he acts like a munchkin waiting for some dorothy to show'im around But I guess that's how it is in Tinsel Town.

Asian Persuasion Sushi and Sashimi (In a Mitsubishi) Riding Through the city Wearing Hello Kitty Listening to Zen On a shamisen Waiting for Miyako "Domo Arigato" Reading Hentai comics Eating rice with chopsticks "Find a western man" "Marry if you can" Have another sake? (After Karaoke) What brings you to Asia? Wanna f*ck a geisha? Trading on the Nikkei? Searching for a sensei?

135 Origami swan (Sony flat-screen on!) Solving a Sudoku Slicing up some tofu With a Ginsu knife Here's your Asian wife!!

Jobama In Hollywood, when two famous people are romantically linked, they oftentimes receive a combination-name (or portmanteau) such as TomKat or Brangelina. Most recently, this device has been used to link Barack Obama with his running mate Joe Biden. But Jobama may have a deeper significance when the now President-elect is compared to the namesake of all Josephs, that is, Joe the Hebrew!: (Ps 105:17-22) He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold for a servant: 18Whose feet they hurt with fetters: he was laid in iron: 19Until the time that his word came: the word of the Lord tried him. 20The king sent and loosed him; even the ruler of the people, and let him go free. 21 He made him lord of his house, and ruler of all his substance: 22To bind his princes at his pleasure; and teach his senators wisdom.

Whether it was Obama's selection of Joe Biden, Palin's appeal to Joe Sixpack, or the Republican everyman Joe the Plumber, the national zeitgeist during the 2008 presidential election seemed to be whispering, Joe... Joe... Of course, Psalm 105 alludes to the liberated slave and ethnic minority Joseph whose meteoric ascendancy to the Egyptian prime ministry rivals that of our own first Black president. Surely, the comparison is uncanny, and yet if we read more deeply into the life and times of Joe the Hebrew, we are confronted with even more uncanny parallels!

136 For instance, Jobama is seen as a redemptive figure whose popularity helps to unite the country, improve the social-standing of Blacks, and mollify White guilt; similarly, Joe the Hebrew took away Rachel's reproach: (Gen 30:22-24) And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb. 23And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach: 24And she called his name Joseph;

Jobama was also seen as a post-racial candidate with a colorful background; similarly, Joe the Hebrew had a coat of many colors: (Gen 37:3) Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours.

Jobama was seen as the fulfillment of Dr. King's dream, for which he was resented by some of his political rivals; similarly, Joe the Hebrew was hated for his dream: (Gen 37:5) And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more.

Jobama was attacked by the Religious Right and likened to the beast of the antichrist in the fundamentalist media; similarly, the brothers of Joe the Hebrew tried to implicate him with a beast: (Ge 37:19-20) And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh. 20Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams.

The notion that Jobama was an Arab was used by some as a cover for their ethnic hatred; similarly, the brothers of Joe the Hebrew sold him to the Arabs in order to remove their own culpability: (Gen 37:27) Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.

A former president's wife made Jobama an offer to run with her as her VP: (Gen 39:7) And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.

137 Jobama helped Blacks to move beyond slavery and Jim Crow; similarly, the children of Joe the Hebrew helped him forget all his toil and affliction: (Ge 41:51-52) And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house. 52And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.

Jobama assuaged negative stereotypes (and surprised many in his own party) with his well-spoken demeanor and intellectual prowess: (Gen 41:38-39) And Pharaoh said unto his servants, Can we find such a one as this is, 39Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art:

Jobama warned of a bad economy and what appeared to be an imminent worldwide depression: (Gen 41:54) And the seven years of dearth began to come, according as Joseph had said: and the dearth was in all lands;

Jobama is now angling congress to release TARP funds for his economic relief package; similarly, Joe the Hebrew opened the storehouses of Egypt to provide famine relief: (Gen 41:55-56) And when all the land of Egypt was famished, the people cried to Pharaoh for bread: and Pharaoh said unto all the Egyptians, Go unto Joseph; what he saith to you, do. 56And the famine was over all the face of the earth: and Joseph opened all the storehouses, and sold unto the Egyptians; and the famine waxed sore in the land of Egypt.

Jobama had to disassociate himself from his brethren for political purposes, and was even accused of "talking down" to black people: (Ge 42:7-8) And Joseph saw his brethren, and he knew them, but made himself strange unto them, and spake roughly unto them; and he said unto them, Whence come ye? 8And Joseph knew his brethren, but they knew not him.

Jobama supported a government buyout of private banking firms during the market meltdown; similarly, Joe the Hebrew used treasury funds to purchase privately owned land during the famine: (Ge 47:20) And Joseph bought all the land of Egypt for Pharaoh; for the Egyptians sold every man his field, because the famine prevailed over them: so the land became Pharaoh's.

138 Jobama plans to make jobs a priority during his administration; similarly, Joe the Hebrew instituted his own jobs stimulus: (Gen 47:23) Then Joseph said unto the people, Behold, I have bought you this day and your land for Pharaoh: lo, here is seed for you, and ye shall sow the land.

Jobama plans to raise the capital gains tax rate to 20%; similarly, Joe the Hebrew levied his own 20% tax: (Ge 47:24) And it shall come to pass in the increase, that ye shall give the fifth part unto Pharaoh, and four parts shall be your own, for seed of the field, and for your food, and for them of your households, and for food for your little ones.

As you can see, there are many parallels between Joe the Hebrew and our current leadership. But perhaps the greatest impact our new president will make is the new precedent he set as to who can attain to the highest office. What a powerful symbol it is to the rest of the world (and to every society gripped by sectarian violence and intergenerational ethnic rivalries) that such a reconciliation can occur in so great a nation: (Gen 50:14-20) And Joseph returned into Egypt, he, and his brethren, and all that went up with him to bury his father, after he had buried his father. 15And when Joseph's brethren saw that their father was dead, they said, Joseph will peradventure hate us, and will certainly requite us all the evil which we did unto him. 16And they sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying, 17So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him. 18And his brethren also went and fell down before his face; and they said, Behold, we be thy servants. 19And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? 20But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

The FOX and the Wolf The FOX scoffs The Wolf flows And where it stops Nobody knows

139 I saw a FOX In my idiot box He mocks and balks Barack's talks Like a rightwing coup of chicken hawks Or a fox guarding the wall-street stocks He uses moral stumbling blocks To treat his workers like Adam's off ox But the Wolf, he flows Because he knows As society grows New issues, they arose Like women's woes And religious foes Trying to close The closet on those Who chose to expose Their sexual peccadilloes As if this emperor ever had any clothes! And where it stops Nobody knows The FOX scoffs The Wolf, he flows... I move at the speed of light Visual stimulation all night Look to me and forget your plight I want to be controlled be you But if you don't know what's good for you I just might control you too Some people talk back to me But I don't hear them, naturally Though in the Spirit, we agree Because I speak not of my own But that which I hear, will I make known (Perhaps, if you are spiritually prone...)

140

Responsibility Responsibility -- but what does it mean? Turning from sin and coming clean Forget the old white dude on the cloud up above The greatest religion is when you believe in His love But then there are those who bow down to themselves Worshipping idols displayed on their shelves Like the old saying goes, 'What you see is what you get' But when you get what you paid for, it don't resurrect Like a guilty man running when nobody's lookin' Or a repeat offender that no D.A.'s bookin' If you can't stand the heat, then get out of my cookin' Cuz it's n*ggas like you dat turned Brooklyn into Crooklyn Cuz just cuz you have kids, doesn't make you a dad And saying 'I love you' when you don't is just sad And just cuz you're legal, don't make you mature But having a conscience will always endure

The Original Bail-out The original bail-out was when they took our ancestors and... Slaved them to the cotton bails Made them say their Christian names Yoked them with mercantile chains Took their husband's wives away Smote their souls with Hamites' blame Mocked them on a Minstrel's stage Strung them up on branches slain Taught them that to die was gain

141 Worked them for subsistence pay Crushed them with eugenic claims Forced them onto crack cocaine Rewrote laws to fill their jails With African-American males Evidence weighed on economic scales On a chain gang striking nails All along the Tennessee rails All aboard the devil's trains Killing all who dared complain Just to hear their descendants say 'What's this got to do with us today?' AMERIK.K.K.A'S 1ST BAIL-OUT PLAN

"You better 'bail out' that cotton, boy!"

Clearly, we have lost our way...

Dr. Feelgood Dr. Feelgood ain't nothin' but a college-educated, lab-coat-wearing, straight-up pusher. He moonlights as a mental health professional, but once he's got you stretched out on that plush leather couch, my man will offer you pills for your mental ills (but it's gonna' cost ya' a lot o'bills). Now pimp this...

142 There are two 20th century ideologies that took their cue from pagan mysticism and esoteric philosophy: Nazism and Psychoanalysis. But what else do these two ideologies have in common? -- and remember, don't talk to me, talk to the puppet! Psychoanalysis has nothing to do with mental health, it is (from its inception) a therapeutic technique. But of course, we wouldn't base civic laws and theological principles on a "technique," would we? That would be crazy! And what is crazy? In the Book of Acts, Peter and the apostles were branded crazy for speaking in tongues (Acts 2:15; 1 Cor 14:23); David was dancing naked in the temple (2 Sam 6:20) and foaming at the mouth in the Philistine court (1 Sam 21:13). Were they crazy? Am I crazy because the Spirit of God moves my body and inspires me to speak in tongues? Was Nostradamus crazy when he penned the following?: Le penultiesme du surnom du prophete Prendra Diane pour son jour et repos: Loing vaguer par frenetique teste Et deliverant un grand people d'impos. (II.28 - original)

The penultimate letter of the prophet's surname Will take Diane for its day of rest: He will wander far in his madness, Delivering a great nation from subjection. (II.28 - English translation)

If the majority of the people in this world are at some level insane, then wouldn't it stand to reason that the people who this world brands as crazy are actually the sane ones? And yet we see our mental health facilities filled with priests and prophets, visionaries and demoniacs in need of exorcism. We don't need Dr. Feelgood, we need Dr. Realgood! But to all my brutha's getting stuck with needles and electrically shocked for preaching the gospel, keep tight and know that the day is coming -- and already is! -- when we're all gonna' fly this cuckoo's nest (and when they ask why you stopped taking your meds, tell 'em to ask the goddamn pill!): Why is it that when we talk to God, we're said to be praying; but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic? (Lily Tomlin)

Science is a method; Psychoanalysis is a technique. We cannot base our laws on a method or a technique. If our laws are based on methods and techniques, then they shall be at their whim. That would be fine except for one thing -- we are at the whim of the law! If the law is at the whim of Psychology (and we are at the whim of the law), then we are at the whim of Psychology. But the law says that it is illegal to conduct

143 psychological experimentation on human subjects without their consent. Therefore, it is illegal to base our laws on Science or Psychology unless we sign a consent form. That would be democracy! But the rule of the majority can oppress the minority, which is why we need the courts to intervene. That would be a courtocracy! Now let's do a little word association. I'll say a word and you tell me the first thought that comes to your mind: •

Patriot

•

Traitor

•

Freedom

•

Shackles

•

Democracy

•

Tyranny

•

Equality

•

Relativity

•

Self-evident truths

•

Consenting adults

•

Give me liberty!

•

Give me death!

If the patriots walked into today's High Court, they would be hauled away in plastic handcuffs for daring to believe in eternal, unchanging and self-evident values and moral imperatives! They would be mocked in our media and derided in our Universities! -- and aren't they already! We have replaced self-evident truths with psycho-scientific theories; ideology with methodology! The center cannot hold! Our forefathers' blood cries out from the ground -- how long will this courtocratic tyranny subvert the will of the people and the Spirit of Liberty who gave it? Where is the God of New England? -- the Spirit of '76? The Sons of Liberty staring down impending British warships? And what do we see on our horizon? A ghastly culture of death ruled by a judicial tyranny,

144 having once cast off the British yoke only to exchange His Majesty for His Magistrate!: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

But what of minority rights? How can we guarantee that minorities won't be oppressed by the tyranny of the majority? By basing our laws on inalienable rights that cannot be impeached by any future government! That would require and infallible constitution, but the U.S. Constitution is not, nor does it say it is, an infallible document. On the contrary, it is a living document subject to amendment, revision and interpretation. Hence, the dirty job of safeguarding the rights of minorities falls upon the courts! That would be a courtocracy! And what has the Court gotten us!? What EVER has the Court given us!?: He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people. For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments: For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever. He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

But if we replace the Bill of Rights with the Ten Commandments of Moses, we would have the tyranny of the Law! So let's add the gospel,

145 what then? Wouldn't we still need an interpreter? Some 'liberal' theologians say that Paul was gay because he was unmarried -- not to mention thigh-swearing, male-kissing, nude-fishing, bed-sharing and a whole host of other first century scenes that the morally bereft can willfully misconstrue. When David tells Jonathon, "thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women" (2 Sam 1:26), we understand the difference between altruistic love and sexual desire, but this is not evident to the people who watch Will and Grace but have neither! This dilemma is further exasperated the fact that, next to Christ, all people were at one time faithless -- which is why we need laws in the first place, remember? And because the letter of the law can be misinterpreted (intentionally or otherwise), the Supreme Interpreter of that infallible constitution must himself be infallible (a vicarious criste!) That would be a papacy! (And whatever you may think of Roman Catholicism, it is after all the longest continuously-running institution in human history!) So now we stand at a crossroads! Are we going to accept Reality or Relativity?: Universal Truth, or Private Interpretation? The Glory of God LORD Shekhinah will not be overruled by this despotic Supreme Court!: In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States.

But I've got a better idea! Let's base our laws on science and psychology! Now, we's in the Park Avenue office suite of my main man Dr. Feelgood! -- and if it FEEL good, it BE good, you dig? Dr. Feelgood gots to have a clock mounted behind yo' chair so he can check the time without you seeing. Hey man, it's just a jobby-job! Dr. Feelgood gots his medical degree certificate mounted on his wall. Oooh -- he's so smart! I'll bet he can tell me about my Oedipal rage, anal fixation, collective conscience, repression and denial, he's got me all figured out!

146 Dr. Feelgood thinks that one-in-ten people are gay. Hey, be honest -aren't we all a little gay? It's a sliding scale -- a spectrum! Or better yet, while the good doctor practices the smile they taught him in grad school (with the teeth they bought him in grade school!), let's have a 'look-see' at what psychiatry really is!: Once upon a time (the Victorian era to be exact), homosexuality was diagnosed as narcissism (so-named for the Greek God Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection). However, Sigmund Freud (also known as 'Sickman's Fraud'!) overthrew the Victorian model of psychology as a true investigation of the human mind and replaced it with the pseudoscientific discipline of psychoanalysis which, from its inception was never designed, promoted or intended to be any kind of cosmological understanding of human consciousness, but was instead marketed solely as a therapeutic technique premised on returning the individual to a semblance of social function. It was, after all, a treatment; not a cure (and part and parcel of that "treatment" was the conscious abuse of mental patients through the APA approved methods of deception, mind-bending hypnosis, the use of placebos, threats, involuntary detention, electric shock, psychosurgery, harmful medications -- not to mention the unapproved techniques that the APA turns a blind eye to!) Meanwhile, the most impressionable of our society are being victimized bimonthly (except on holidays) by sheisty shrinks that would employ every manipulative technique of suggestion in order to light fires of the heart only to put them out and call it progress! In my DSM book, that would called 'pyromania'! Psychology (which is heavily influenced by psychoanalytic technique) is a mandatory core subject taught at all colleges and universities in the United States. Everyone (me included!) who has any kind of liberal arts degree in any field is acquainted with its core tenets and what's more, anyone who has a K-12 teaching degree must also have a passing grade in Psychology or they don't graduate. Many school districts require additional accreditation and training in Psychology -- never mind the fact that psychology is not a true science nor claims to be. Nope, we're just gonna' send legions of schoolteachers into overcrowded classrooms with oral-fixations on their penis-envy. Now, I used to teach elementary school and it's real freaking simple -- if the kid tries to put a square peg in a round hole, keep 'em back a year!

147 But now we're giving marriage certificates and adoption rights to people who wouldn't even make it out of goddamn kindergarten! But the entire Universe is heterosexual from plankton to people! When did we stop helping these people return to the natural state? Perhaps it was when psychiatry decided to treat the symptom instead of the cause! And are the symptoms? The extreme sadness and profound anxiety of having lived in a Universe that frustrates them and a culture that rejects them? We could, of course, empower them to change their rebellious thought patterns through intense psychotherapy. That would be treating the cause. But instead, we try to change the culture so that homosexuality becomes socially acceptable. That would be treating the symptom! Treating the symptom doesn't work because even if the culture permits homosexuality, the very fabric of the Universe continually rejects it, from protozoa to people! So let's go on a gay scavenger hunt for every 'gay' monkey and eggincubating male penguin in order to recreate a gay Universe! But while we may observe two male monkeys playing with (and perhaps grooming) each other, we have yet to see a male monkey climax sexually in the ass of another monkey -- I guess they're too evolved! You can call Pastor Rick Warren a homophobe if you like, but he's got a chimp for a publicist! You can stare down the Holy Father (and every other major belief system!), but you can't stare down the fish in the sea -- they've got no eyelids! Neither can you play a game of chicken with an actual chicken! The fabric of the Universe protests vehemently against homosexuality no matter how much society condones it! Not even the LORD God herself is capable of undoing the things which are absolutely necessary to facilitate life! But if you rebel against Lord of the Flies, then it is nature (and not God) who is the dispenser of natural recompense!: (2 Pet 2:11-12) Whereas angels, which are greater in power and might, bring not railing accusation against them before the Lord. 12But these, as natural brute beasts, made to be taken and destroyed, speak evil of the things that they understand not; and shall utterly perish in their own corruption;

Remarkably, the Torah seems to agree on a variety of levels with both nature and society (which is why I subscribe to it), but even in the absence of any book, creed or dogma, we have it by the sheer authority of natural revelation that homosexuality is contrary to life, joy, health and well-being. It is a form of suffering and telling people that they are right to engage in it does them no service. Sometimes, 'love' means telling people 'No!'

148 But I've got a better idea! Instead of inspiring people to break free from the motions of sin, why don't we tell them that brain chemistry is dictating their thoughts! That is what the homo-fascists want us to believe -- and herein lies the problem: You can't have 'gay liberation' premised on a denial of free will? What if my brain chemistry tells me to bust your nuts? Where's my parade? If chemicals control people, then Christians are under the God chemical, in which case we will have chemical warfare in a universe devoid of free will... I wonder who will prevail in that contest? But if you are indeed under the tyrannical control of your physiology, then why would you want gay marriage at all? Does not the same consciousness which cries out for social justice transcend the very flesh that you blame for your sexual proclivities? Marriage is not a human right; it is a human choice and is so by definition! You can sing "blame it on the brain" all you want, but you would have to lip-sync it because you're not your brain, are you? You are a spirit; you have a soul! You transcend your brain chemistry! You transcend death and hell! Or... you could just get a little crazy with my number one 'sexy ho' with the Lexapro, sista' psychiatry. Depressed? She's got the dope to make you hope! -- and even though she may have graduated from Wassamatta U (magna 'cum loudly'), let's not forget about her sweet sexy sibling psychology who looks just like her 'cept she's got a Ph.D (also known as a Pretty Hard Dick -- opps!) Now try not to forget about them hormone treatments, She-Ra: Princess of Power! Or better yet, why don't you git' comf'terble on my li'l plush couch? 'Cuz it's time for anotha' jive-talkin' session with -- you got it! -- Dr. Feelgood!: Remember me??? I'm the man of tha hour -- two if you can afford it! -- and a brutha' like no utha' who's a bad mutha- [shut-yo'-mouth!!]: Dr. Feelgood has no absolute definition for what exactly constitutes mental illness. It's all good! Hey, everybody's a little crazy -- right? Dr. Feelgood is concerned with getting your butt back to work, not with healing your mind. I'm okay -- you're okay! Time's up, see you next week! Dr. Feelgood doesn't want to hear your problems. Instead, he runs down a checklist of neuroses in order to figure out which drug to prescribe. If you go off-script, he will use mind games to get you back on it. Hey, I'm your best friend! But I can't help you if you don't answer these questions!

149 Don't you wanna' get better? You're gonna' have to trust someone sometime! Dr. Feelgood receives kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies when they prescribe that company's medication. What's more, these same companies use cunning marketing and televised ad campaigns in order to convince people that they are crazy just so they can cure them. Feeling not-yourself lately? Life's got you down? Can't seem to find your stride? Didn't know you had one? Maybe I can do it for ya' -- and my little pink pills! (psst! Pfizer! Hey -- thanks for the kickback, brutha'! -- and thanks for not marketing any drugs to cure hypochondria and Munchausen's syndrome!) Dr. Feelgood gets 'em young! School psychologists identify problem kids (usually minorities!) and slate them for Shitalin™ instead of dealing with the underlying causes of the child's misbehavior. Git yo' brat kid out' my class and don't let 'em back in 'til they's all mellowed out, sucka'! Dr. Feelgood prescribes head-meds that have powerful side-effects like: weight-gain, sexual dysfunction, loss of appetite, blurred vision -- hey, I'm not legally obligated to tell you that you may become addicted! Thoughts of suicide? Opps! Dr. Feelgood believes that all insanity is traced back to the terror of death. But instead of repenting to the God of life, he's going to try to get you to accept your death as a passage to ultimate self-fulfillment. But this 'death-acceptance' is as fallacious as it is feckless; and those who attempt it will inevitably be crushed by the weight of its absurdity: (Is 28:18-20) And your covenant with death shall be disannulled, and your agreement with hell shall not stand; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, then ye shall be trodden down by it. 19From the time that it goeth forth it shall take you: for morning by morning shall it pass over, by day and by night: and it shall be a vexation only to understand the report. 20For the bed is shorter than that a man can stretch himself on it: and the covering narrower than that he can wrap himself in it.

So do you still want to talk to the good doctor? 'Cause if you do, then Dr. Feelgood's got the prescription for your conniption already filled, sugarpill! But as for me and my house, I shall exit the ward I can't afford and worship the LORD -- Amen? So the next time Dr. Feelgood comes 'round trying to pilfer you with a pill for you, tell him that you just had a

150 breakthrough (and if he asks what happened, tell him it's yo' mutha's fault, sucka'!

Why'm I Angry?! Why'm I angry?! Why're you crying! Tissues flying! Weeping, sighing Gave up on trying d y i n g To find the source of these raging emotions With neurological potions And psychiatric notions Becoming legislative motions To end Catholic devotions No, I just can't explain Why I just can't contain This lyrical pain That emits from my brain Like I'm going insane Unable to complain About the way In which I stay Above the fray 'Oh yeah -- we say You got to pray Just to make it today' With my new jack sway Like I's Kid 'n Play Or a spiritual deejay That you don't even have to pay... 'Cuz dis type of sh*t happens every day!'

151

Insane in the Membrane Not just the Blacks, but all segments of society benefit from minority rights. But if the tyranny of the majority can only be buffeted by the legal system, and if the legal system is premised on psychiatric methodology, then you might as well get Houston on the line because we have a problem! Law is not a technique; it is a belief system premised on some notion of ultimate reality and higher truth. Otherwise, you will have lawlessness (which is bad for minorities as well as the majority). But the angelic soldiers of the continental army would rather that we pursue happiness and the cause of liberty, which both God promised and their hallowed blood procured. We were slaves to King George and King Cotton; will we now shirk our duty to our fathers and shrink from history, permitting ourselves to once again become ensnared by the yoke of science and the noose of psychiatry? How can we fight Islamo-fascists abroad when we've got homo-fascists at home? How can we talk about 'freedom on the march' when we've got nihilism on the prowl? But the homo-terrorists have hijacked the definition of liberty and flown it into the twin towers of nihilism and death! And what is the difference between freedom and nihilism? Choice! Freedom makes a choice; Nihilism denies choice. To the extent that both oppose authority, both are libertine to some extent, but the similarity ends whereas freedom embraces a higher authority whilst nihilism abdicates the very notion of authority, including its own! We don't have to reexamine the Book of Judges to see that where sodomy pervades, enemies invade (1 Kng 14:24-25)! Our enemies know who they are! They're not questioning themselves! They've got no fear in their hearts and no doubt in their minds! But wherever a house is divided, it cannot possibly stand against its foes: I remember when I was with Special Forces. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for Polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms.

152 And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. (Colonel Kurtz, Apocalypse Now)

We can't win this last great global conflict without any sense of who we are and where we're headed! We've gone from "loose lips sink ships" to "don't ask don't tell" when instead, we should be utilizing the gospel message to drive a wedge in their culture! Shake up the bushes, and the snakes will crawl out! But instead, we are thrusting ourselves into the bushes blindfolded by political correctness -and we will continue to stagnate there until we settle our moral debate!

POW*MIA Fearless soldier, strong and brave Now it's up to you to save Uncle Sam is all you have Buried in an unmarked grave Fearless soldier, brave and strong Acting like there's nothing wrong Maybe if you sing this song You'll come home before too long

Holding On One hand extended Reaching out To the one I befriended Before it all ended

153 But on the other hand I'm holding on To the edge of the ledge Of a solemn pledge To have and to hold 'Til death do us part And when my blood runs cold I still will Hold on And when I die They'll have to pry My lover's sweet melancholy Sigh From my cold dead hand Just the way we'd always planned So please take a stand and Don't concede a blood-stained Inch of Holy Ground Holding on to the love we've found Who found us still holding on To what we've done Holding one

The NewTen Commandments (from the APA Ethics Code 2002)

I.

The APA Ethics Code is not authoritative:

The Ethics Code is not intended to be a basis of civil liability. Whether a psychologist has violated the Ethics Code standards does not by itself determine whether the psychologist is legally liable in a court action, whether a contract is enforceable, or whether other legal consequences occur.

II.

The APA Ethics Code is based on prevailing attitudes and opinions, not facts, logic or reason (note how the term reasonable is defined):

154 The modifiers used in some of the standards of this Ethics Code (e.g., reasonably, appropriate, potentially) are included in the standards when they would guard against a set of rigid rules that might be quickly outdated. As used in this Ethics Code, the term reasonable means the prevailing professional judgment of psychologists engaged in similar activities in similar circumstances, given the knowledge the psychologist had or should have had at the time.

III.

Wheresoever there is conflict between civic laws and APA standards, thou art permitted (but not obligated) to obey civic laws:

If this Ethics Code establishes a higher standard of conduct than is required by law, psychologists must meet the higher ethical standard. If psychologists' ethical responsibilities conflict with law, regulations, or other governing legal authority, psychologists make known their commitment to this Ethics Code and take steps to resolve the conflict in a responsible manner. If the conflict is unresolvable via such means, psychologists may adhere to the requirements of the law, regulations, or other governing authority in keeping with basic principles of human rights.

IV.

Go and make disciples of the nations:

Psychologists are committed to increasing scientific and professional knowledge of behavior and people's understanding of themselves and others and to the use of such knowledge to improve the condition of individuals, organizations, and society.

V.

Thou shalt serve the APA in diverse ministrations and shalt be my witnesses in the court:

They strive to help the public in developing informed judgments and choices concerning human behavior. In doing so, they perform many roles, such as researcher, educator, diagnostician, therapist, supervisor, consultant, administrator, social interventionist, and expert witness.

VI.

Let's not let principles get in the way of ethics!:

General Principles, as opposed to Ethical Standards, are aspirational in nature. Their intent is to guide and inspire psychologists toward the very highest ethical ideals of the profession. General Principles, in contrast to Ethical Standards, do not represent obligations and should not form the basis for imposing sanctions.

VII.

Thou shalt serve the APA above any other organization or church:

155 If the demands of an organization with which psychologists are affiliated or for whom they are working conflict with this Ethics Code, psychologists clarify the nature of the conflict, make known their commitment to the Ethics Code, and to the extent feasible, resolve the conflict in a way that permits adherence to the Ethics Code.

VIII.

Thou shalt deceive thy patients:

In situations in which deception may be ethically justifiable to maximize benefits and minimize harm, psychologists have a serious obligation to consider the need for, the possible consequences of, and their responsibility to correct any resulting mistrust or other harmful effects that arise from the use of such techniques.

IX.

Thou shalt make life-altering decisions on behalf of persons or communities who lack the ability to make autonomous decisions.

Psychologists are aware that special safeguards may be necessary to protect the rights and welfare of persons or communities whose vulnerabilities impair autonomous decision making.

X.

Thou shalt not have any distinction among races, sexes, ages or conditions:

Psychologists are aware of and respect cultural, individual, and role differences, including those based on age, gender, gender identity, race, ethnicity, culture, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, disability, language, and socioeconomic status and consider these factors when working with members of such groups. Psychologists try to eliminate the effect on their work of biases based on those factors, and they do not knowingly participate in or condone activities of others based upon such prejudices.

Bad Chemistry Love is not the opposite of fear, it is its opposition: (1 John 4:18) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

A phobia is marked by an irrational aversion to something; A compulsion is marked by an irrational attachment to something; Hence, the opposite of fear is addiction; and just as a fear can produce a physiological reaction, so too can an addiction produce chemical reactions in the brain. And just as you wouldn't give a stage performer a

156 butterfly net for the 'butterflies in his stomach,' neither should you give addicts chemical inhibiters for their psychic secretions. The absolute worst thing you could do to a suffering addict is to convince them they are not in ultimate control of their thoughts and behaviors (in order so that you can 'cure them' of it!): Since the pharmaceuticals don't make any money and they control the doctors. If the doctors don't make any money then all hell breaks loose. In communities like LA and New York they are using a lot of the youth for a test sight. (Afrika Bambaataa)

Surely, you are aware of Pavlov's theory of conditioned response? Feed a dog while ringing a bell and in a few days, the dogs will salivate at the mere ringing of the bell? But if Pavlov's conclusions were correct, then it would be the bell (and not the saliva) that inspires the response. So then why are we treating the saliva and ignoring the bell? Why are we inhibiting brain chemistry instead of empowering patients to resist temptation? Two words: job security! There is no such thing as an illegal person or an illegal substance, but the devil delegitimizes righteous herbs as a means of oppressing the ethnic minorities who are most likely to use them. But if you put a dog in a pen, it still salivates; meanwhile, members of the 'legitimate' race are absolved of their addictions through psychiatric reclassifications of what constitutes a so-called addiction. And what happens to these ethnic minorities in the pen? Are they afforded the latest psychotic medications in order to alleviate the symptoms of their disease?; or does the prison warden turn a blind eye to inmate drug-abuse?: POP QUIZ: a) b) c) d)

Why would a prison warden tacitly permit his inmates to abuse drugs?

A prison full of withdrawal sufferers is more than he can handle. A drug-addicted prison population is easier to control (especially since the threat of isolation means the cutting off of the inmate's drug supply!) The rate of recidivism is so high among drug-users, that the phony war on the same drugs that the U.S. government created guarantees his job security. ALL OF THE ABOVE

157 Bonus Question: How is it that we give schools an A-thru-F grade under "No-Child-Left-Behind," but we don't rate prisons based on how well they rehabilitate inmates?: I am a prisoner incarcerated in the Federal Penitentiary in Beaumont, Texas. I have existed for over 14 years within this microcosm of madness, and as I write I look at the tall walls and the gun towers positioned for clear shots to take me and other prisoners out of this existence. If the world can hear my voice, please forgive me for the iniquities that led me to this living nightmare. I have personally known men who were murdered, left to suffer and die from treatable illnesses that prison authorities refused to treat because to them, prisoners are not even human. American and world citizens need to be aware that America's prison system monitors itself, and recognize that we have a crisis because there is no accountability for abuse. There is a need for reform of the punitive prison policies which breed lawlessness. (Donnell Joseph, # 01534-122 US Penitentiary Canaan)

Every Christian is a recovering addict, because the motions of sin are in us; but if a man repents and society continues to punish him, how much more difficult it is for him to embrace the motions of grace and liberty! It is the mandate of the Blessed Virgin Mary that all Christian inmates be released from detention (contingent upon a 'faith-assessment' by a member of the clergy) and that the death penalty be abolished!

Chemical Reactions There are no evil emotions. Jesus was joyful at the return of the seventy disciples (Luke 10:21); he was livid at King Herod's death threats (Luke 13:31-32), he sweat droplets of blood in Gethsemane (Luke 22:44). Emotions are good and ought not be suppressed; but if you walk into a church and everybody's ear-to-ear smiles, you may be in a cult. Fear is not an emotion; it is the inversion of all emotion. With fear, righteous joy becomes pride; righteous pathos becomes depression; righteous rage becomes wrath. Yet we can be angry, sad or cheery in love -- and should! It is impossible to be moodless. Mood provides a necessary spiritual aperture through which reality is perceived. Without mood, you would not be able to look up a quote on thinkexist.com because you would neither think nor exist!

158 Just as hunger releases saliva in Pavlov's dogs; emotions release brain chemicals in us. These chemicals impact physiology and childhood development. Happy children grow up with a certain look; passionate children grow into a certain shape; firebrands like myself have a unique physical appearance. When your mother told you not to frown because your face would stick that way, she was absolutely right! Homosexual children also have a distinct physical appearance precisely for this reason, while adults who 'become' homosexuals post-puberty lack the appearance. It is not the saliva making the dog hungry, but rather it is the hunger that produces the saliva. Likewise, it is not the chemical imbalance that produces the behavior; but men, choosing a certain direction (perhaps from infancy!) induce these biological and metabolic changes which result in an entirely different physical appearance than that which they otherwise would have had were it not for their precursory choice: (Ps 51:5,7) Behold, I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. 7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Walk into any church, and you can tell at a glance who converted before puberty and who converted after. Now walk into any gay nightclub, and see if you can tell who is gay from childhood and who just walked in to use the phone because their car just broke down outside! Lesbians also have a certain 'butch' appearance commensurate with a lifetime of sin, but Christian women have a glow and a synergy that exude more grace than a thousand NIVs: (Ro 1:26) For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

No one disputes that certain hormonal imbalances can be linked to emotions and behaviors, but where modern psychiatry errs is in its insistence that biochemistry is the cause (and not the consequent) of these same emotions and behaviors!:

159 POP QUIZ:

Why would psychiatrists blame hunger on saliva?

A.

Because blaming ones actions on chemical imbalances absolves (or perhaps dissolves!) the patient of any sense of guilt or shame associated with the behavior.

B.

If chemical secretions produce thoughts and desires, the only treatment for insanity would be pharmaceutic (and psychiatric research is bankrolled by drug companies).

C.

All psychiatrists are themselves silent sufferers of their own repressed need to dominate others, and convincing their patients that they are at the whim of biochemicals feeds into that deepseated megalomania

D.

You guessed it! -- ALL OF THE ABOVE

We are practicing reverse psychiatry!! It is no wonder that our children have been riddled with Ritalin! Psychiatry, like any other money-making enterprise, is in the business of selling people things they don't need, don't want, and didn't ask for! -- and the perpetuation of a paradigm of helplessness has only served to further aggrandize the PsychologicalIndustrial Complex! But then again, maybe you are just the product of chemical brain reactions? Maybe you're not ultimately responsible and accountable for who you are and what you think about? Maybe no one is? -- and so all of our addictions, compulsions and obsessions are nothing more than evolutionary buy-products?: It is the reward pathway that governs our instinctual drives, and when this pathway malfunctions, any number of instinctual drives may also malfunction. We now know that this malfunctioning process has been associated not only with drug addiction, but also food addiction, sex addiction, and a number of other compulsive disorders including attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals who are predisposed to becoming addicted have been shown to have a variant gene that causes this reward cascade to malfunction While it would be absurd to assert that other diseases of the brain such as schizophrenia or depression are due to weak will or moral character, it is still the prevailing opinion of many, including healthcare professionals, that drug addiction is about improper choices rather than improper brain function. Current scientific evidence has revealed that chemical addiction is a process that is caused by a malfunctioning cascade of neurotransmitters which is further exacerbated by drug use. (APhA 2001 -- American Pharmaceutical Association 148th Annual Meeting: Therapeutic Updates)

160

This World is Hell! "This world is hell!" Can't you tell? From the sulfuric smell Of the flaming well In which Satan fell As his demons yell "This world is hell!" Clear as a bell For the flawed Intel On the terrorist cell In a Jersey motel As the profits foretell "This world is hell!" When the rockets propel In the streets of Israel Raining deadly shrapnel On the graduates of Citadel Hunted like the infidel "This world is hell!" Is the tale we must retell As the Archangel Gabriel From his Paradisaic stelle On the Eve of Noël Cries out 'Gloria in Excel -"This world was hell!"

Chemical Solution Giving an addict psychoactive drugs is like giving a pyromaniac a fire extinguisher! Giving an addict psychoactive drugs is like giving a kleptomaniac an expense account! Giving an addict psychoactive drugs is like giving a nymphomaniac the keys to my apartment! Addicted to

161 nicotine? Here, have a nicorette! Psychiatry has devolved from treating the root causes of mental illness to managing its symptoms! But you cannot blame the illness on the symptoms -- that would be diagnosis murder! And by the way, kudos to TomKat and Vinnie Barbarino for their gutsy career-threatening stance against psychoactive medication; and kudos to the Church of Scientology for their highly successful (and much maligned) drug treatment program. And yet the Hollywood drug culture (that claimed the life of Anna Nicole) is not only a threat to the entertainment industry, but also to national security! A culture premised on the abdication of liberty to the tyranny of the flesh cannot hope to prevail in the face of looming threats! We know that the world will test our metal and we know that weakness invites it! But while Putin and Ahmadinejad have absolutely no doubt in their minds and no fear in their hearts, when I looked into Satan's eyes, all I can see is an A, a P and another A: Research over several decades has demonstrated that sexual orientation ranges along a continuum, from exclusive attraction to the other sex to exclusive attraction to the same sex. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles; most people experience little or no sense of choice about their sexual orientation. (APA 2008 -- Answers to your questions: For a better understanding of sexual orientation and homosexuality)

The shot heard 'round the world had nothing to do with the tenuous discharge of a forgotten musket ball; it was about Freedom, Liberty, and Self-determination! But now, the traitors to Democracy have subverted free will for a Chemical Final Solution! It is an existential threat to Democracy that we permit psychiatrists to vote and give testimony in courts! It is the height of hypocrisy that we allow slychiatry to inform are laws and subvert the popular will! Our last civil war was between the blue and the grey, will the next one be between the blue and the red? And yet the Russian seer Igor Panarin has forewarned of the dissolution of the United States sometime before the next election cycle! When chemicals dissolve, so goes the nation!; but terrorists (like all bullies) only pick on the weak!

162 And as for the 'sexual orientation continuum,' it is true that people can behave more gayly than others, but slychiatrists conflate behavior with character. There is no continuum between gay and straight because there is no continuum between man and woman; truth and lie; right and wrong; life and death! But there is a continuum between dumb and dumber! And what about the true faggots that cry, Why would I choose this! There's no doubt in my mind that they were born that way! The record is clear that both men and boys were pressed against Lot's door in Sodom (Gen 19:4-5), but so what! We were all born sinning in one way or another which is why we all need to get born again! But how can we be born again if we refuse to confess our sins to a righteous God whose wrath is just and whose mercy is infinite! And how can we criticize China for its human rights abuses when we've got a 'One America Policy' right here! We read in the history books about bleeding Kansas and we've got Bleeding California right here -right now! The slave states and the free states are becoming the gay states and the straight states! What will we do?! What will we do?! This country's going to be awash with mostly red-state Iraqi war veterans in the next few months; and the insurgency tactics they've acquired by the never-say-live Muslims will only be outmatched by the level of disillusion they'll feel when they find out what's been happening to this country in their absence!: In its Resolution on Sexual Orientation and Marriage, the Association resolved, based on empirical research concerning sexual orientation and marriage, "That the APA believes that it is unfair and discriminatory to deny same-sex couples legal access to civil marriage and to all its attendant benefits, rights, and privileges." And in its Resolution on Sexual Orientation, Parents, and Children, the Association recognized that "There is no scientific evidence that parenting effectiveness is related to parental sexual orientation: lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive and healthy environments for their children." In both Resolutions the Association resolved to provide scientific and educational resources, such as this amicus brief, to inform public discussion and understanding of these issues. (APA 'amicus' brief cited by the California Supreme Court in their 2008 strike-down of the state's gay marriage ban)

The APA pharmaceutical establishment devil-worshipping cult of nondetermination has infected our courts, our public schools and our media outlets! We don't have time for a 'time-out'! But just as it was in the days

163 of Noah, so shall it be with this generation if we don't get our house in order pronto! Now I'm not Panarin. I don't forecast the dissolution of the United States; but instead, I forecast a New Resolution: that the U. S. Constitution be amended to bring the Supreme Court under the auspices of the Roman Church and that its Pope be granted authority to install and depose its judges. I also propose a Personal Freedom Amendment, denying and/or revoking citizenship (and the rights pertaining) to anyone who confesses that they are not in complete and utter transcendent control of themselves. It is impossible to impart human rights to the subhuman; since they cannot control themselves, let them become as slaves to us, and possessions to dispose of as we will in Jesus' Name: (Ex 21:2-3; 5-6) If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. 3If he came in by himself, he shall go out by himself: 5And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, I will not go out free: 6Then his master shall bring him unto the judges; he shall also bring him to the door, or unto the door post; and his master shall bore his ear through with an awl; and he shall serve him for ever.

It is imperative that we pass this resolution as amendments (and not acts) so that it will be more difficult for the coming apostasy to undo them (for the end surely won't come before there is a great 'falling away' and the Christian remnant at that time will need these legal recourses to minister more effectively to the gospel as well as for their own protection!) I think we understand what we must do now -- these are rough'n'tumble times; we've got the weight of the world on our shoulders and we know that the Promised Land never comes without a fight. But we've got a righteous wind at our backs and a God who is not indifferent to America! We are a God-blest nation imbued with the Christian values of liberality and nonjudgmentalism. But when Christ taught us to turn the other cheek, he didn't mean for us to look the other way! Not judging others doesn't mean that we ought not rebuke one another in a love! As the Evangelicals like to say, Hate the sin; not the sinner! America no doubt has a destiny -- and God is vested in it! But while I believe in exceptionalism every bit as much as the next Alaskan (you betcha'!), we must also remember that the sovereignty of God explicitly reserves the right to lift that anointing -- just ask Saul! Or better yet, ask the goddamn chemicals in your brain what they think!

164 Straight people don't belong in strait-jackets! And yet at every turn, we see a wicked generation beguiled and bamboozled by the murderous propaganda of a slychiatric führer, consigning truth and justice to the chemically-induced gas chambers! Like any parasite, they have attached themselves to all facets of our society in order to gestate and germinate their faggotry and anti-American anti-Christian freedom-denying manifesto! This is crunch-time! The APA now stands as the worst threat to our national security and general welfare of this nation or any other! In their denial of free will, they have subverted consciousness, perverted justice, and absconded the will of the people by a relentless onslaught of (self-admitted) 'deception' and chemical warfare, having expressly declared their political aims in their own published manuscripts! They have magnified themselves above any god, having disregarded religion, faith, choice, human sexuality, family values, natural law -- and have shrouded themselves in the cloak of Newtonian Mechanistic Science (the God of forces!) to the end of their own pathological greed!: (Dan 11:36) and he shall exalt himself, and magnify himself above every god, and shall speak marvellous things against the God of gods, and shall prosper till the indignation be accomplished: 37Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all. 38But in his estate shall he honour the God of forces: and a god whom his fathers knew not shall he honour with gold, and silver, and with precious stones, and pleasant things.

The APA and its collective membership are the beast and the Antichrist! -- the abomination that maketh desolate! They are traitors to the gospel; traitors to liberty; traitors to humanity; and traitors to democracy! They are domestic terrorist non-enemy combatants who have (by their own declaration!) forfeited their rights as citizens! WE KNOW WHAT WE DO WITH TRAITORS!!! The time has come -- and isn't it already?! -- for the people of this great nation to rise up against APA-approved homo-despotism! Otherwise, Amerik.k.k.a will slouch toward an evermore pronounced estrangement from the world (and by 'the world' I mean reality!) and the political polarity of the nations will shift toward totalitarianism (if only to stave off encroaching American nihilism!)

165 We're creating a new 'powder keg' wherein radical regimes will proliferate almost as fast as their nuclear stockpiles. But as the mushroom-shaped war clouds gather, the Amerik.k.k.an people will remain bitterly divided, riotous, irresolute, helplessly (and haplessly) mired in crushing debt and sky-rocketing inflation; productivity is hampered by the social side-effects of psychoactive habit-forming prescription medications which impair both thought and physiological development. Meanwhile, our enemies are kneeling to Mecca five times a day and manufacturing the computers we can't do without and that their intelligence services will no doubt later hack into to! -- and the sad part is, I'm not sure whether this scenario falls under the category of prediction or postdiction!: (Ezek 28:6-10) Therefore thus saith the Lord God; Because thou hast set thine heart as the heart of God; 7Behold, therefore I will bring strangers upon thee, the terrible of the nations: and they shall draw their swords against the beauty of thy wisdom, and they shall defile thy brightness. 8They shall bring thee down to the pit, and thou shalt die the deaths of them that are slain in the midst of the seas. 9Wilt thou yet say before him that slayeth thee, I am God? but thou shalt be a man, and no God, in the hand of him that slayeth thee. 10Thou shalt die the deaths of the uncircumcised by the hand of strangers: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord God.

This is crunch-time! The Universe is waiting to exhale! Will we now forsake E Pluribus Unum and replace it with E Pluribus Nihilum?! Will we subvert the Bill of Rights in order to purchase a Bill of Goods?! But mark my words! -- the hand of God, the grace of Christ and the Immaculate Conception of the Our Lady will not stand idly by and watch as Arlington's crosses are removed by the judicial system they purchased!: (Gen 49:22) Joseph is a fruitful bough, even a fruitful bough by a well; whose branches run over the wall: 23The archers have sorely grieved him, and shot at him, and hated him: 24But his bow abode in strength, and the arms of his hands were made strong by the hands of the mighty God of Jacob; (from thence is the shepherd, the stone of Israel:) 25Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb: 26The blessings of thy father have prevailed above the blessings of my progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills: they shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him that was separate from his brethren.

Pastor Rick Warren says he loves gays and so do I; and that's why I'm going to move heaven and earth to rescue those that can be and prevent

166 those that would have been. But when the adopted children of gay parents open their eyes for the first time, having sinned from beforetime (and thus entering the temporal stage in rebellion), I'll be damned if the first thing those tiny impressionable eyes see is my two dads! Let no child understand the horrors I've witnessed; let no child read these words; and if they do, let them scratch their heads in astonishment -- not understanding what it means! Let it be an allegory for something else! And as for my gay friends, please know that were it possible, I would end my life in bloody crucifixion if only to save just one of you. The tears on my face are as bitter as the waters of Meribah whenever I think of the horrors and humiliations; psychic sufferings which I surmise are beyond my knowing -- preventable horrors! -- and I don't know of any real Christian that doesn't concur with this sentiment; but I do know that with every ounce of strength I can muster, I will sound the alarm and be a devilish beacon of hope so that the children of my children will not have to read these awful words! But God in his goodness has taken it upon himself to endure the lowest hell in order to spare the world what might have been -- and when Christ said, It is finished, hell went out of business! And we can expect the devil to undercut his prices as he closes up shop!

Gay Messiah A faggot is an Old French term denoting tree or stick It cannot change the way it grows and so is hewn real quick Devoid of any consciousness, it yield's to nature's trick And deems itself a natural born religious heretic It never looks inside itself to wonder "What is truth?" It only sees itself disposed to bear unholy fruit Much like a tree conforming to the seeds of sinful youth It never overturns the death from which it took its root A faggot never had a chance to find the 'Tree of Life' Because the BRANCH was raised up to receive his holy wife And Christians we were grafted in amidst the hellish strife Of faggots burning, crackling on the old and rugged pike

167

New World Disorder Now that we have identified the problem, what is the solution? What do we do to become cured of addiction? I don't like the term mental disorder. Order (or lack of it) speaks to behavior which can be subjective. Thelonious Monk is a genius precisely because he defied order, and if we make a virtue out of orderliness, we'll have a culture full of orderlies taking orders from a warden. But the greatness of America is its renegade spirit and fierce individuality. From Protestant Puritans to trail-blazing pioneers, Americans in every epoch have always had a pension for invention and an eye toward the Western sky. But the concept of mental disorder is contrary to our national character at best and at worst, it is a subtle racial sleight -- a holdover from the days when European society was very rigid and structured and used that as evidence of a natural ethnic superiority. So instead of framing insanity in stuffed-shirt culturally-elitist notions of order vs. disorder, let's speak of insanity in terms of suffering and alleviation. Now what constitutes suffering? If a person smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and swears like a sailor, and if he's happy living that way, then he's not suffering -- leave him be! But if a 125-pound women pukes her peas because she thinks she's too fat, it's time to call Houston because we have a problem. Likewise, if an actor behaves like a horrendous gaywad for the sequel to Milk (maybe they can call it 'Milk 2%'), there's no need to question his sanity; but if a man marries a woman, has kids, and yet secretly harbors feelings for other men, hose him down -- he's on fire! In either instance, it's not the behavior that's the problem; it's the suffering. That's because mental illness is a matter of the heart, not the body -- and it can only be cured in the heart: (Ps 51:10-12) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. 11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. 12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

168 Now just as a drunk doesn't know that they're drunk while they're drunk, a sinner doesn't know that they're a sinner until they confess. That's why confession is necessary for salvation. Another word for confession is baptism: (Matt 3:11) I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire:

If a man doesn't confess his sins, his own biochemistry will kill him. It's not "children in the eyes of an angry God!" God doesn't kill people; people kill people! This world is our hell and divine recompense is nothing more than a metaphor for natural recompense. It is sin that kills, not God's wrath! Nobody killed Judas, he hanged himself in his own biofluid (the field of blood) and so shall it be with all non-repentant!: (Deut 24:16) The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.

Now all Christians are schizophrenics; when you're born again, you take on a new persona which may come into conflict with the old self. That would be MPD; a split personality. Non-Christians don't experience this phenomenon -- nor does God. But if all the world is crazy, then who's in our asylums? Nevertheless, in a world where all are born sinning, it's the born-again Jesus-freaks who survive because they reject their sin-toxins through the cleansing of Jesus' blood. It's as if the villain of the first Terminator movie becomes the hero in the sequel, extending his hand to a skeptical Sarah Connor with the words "Come with me if you want to live." But unlike the real Terminator, this sequel's better than the original! Hasta la vista, baby! Nevertheless, there is a kind of suffering to which non-Christians are perpetually aloof; they will never understand true guilt, because they do not confess their sins. Likewise, there is a peace that non-Christians will never attain to; the love of God and the salvation of Christ which liberates the soul and resurrects the flesh. Non-Christians cannot be cured of their sin-disease; they were born sinning and will die sinning for the sake of the elect. But there is no physiological difference between Christians and non-Christians. The human body was formed in perfection and the sin-toxin released at birth; even if you convert at the age of two, you're flesh will still die -- a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump (Gal

169 5:9), but the power of the Resurrection has given us new and incorruptible bodies: (1 Cor 15:43-45) It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power: 44It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body. 45And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit.

Non-Christians live in a thoroughly absurd world from which death is the only escape. But where Christians hope; demons cope, having their faces turned from the light of the gospel in obedience to the Circumcision. On earth, these gravitate toward legalistic religions and mechanistic cosmologies which engender slavery and death; they are the stiff-necked children of the devil who continually die for lack of knowledge without God in the world. Nor can they even bring themselves to say the word Gd or draw a cartoon character of him, having been estranged from the Universe and cast off from the commonwealth of Israel. But in this world, mental disorder is not the disease, it's the cure!: (Matt 16:24) Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

The 12-Schlep Program 12-step programs are fine so long as we recognize that there is but one step to total mind-body healing: embrace Christ! But the Cult of Helplessness offers a different solution: convince the Universe that suffering is normal and death-to-be-embraced, while dispensing the I'mokay-you're-okay snake-oil of miseducation, civil litigation, destigmatization, and guilt mitigation. Gay liberation is neither gay nor liberating -- it's like we're getting f*cked with two dicks! Meanwhile, the false deliverance meated out by the purveyors of perdition only serves to heighten the suffering while at the same time masking its underlying causes: POP QUIZ: If a man is drowning, do you... A) Toss him a pair of goggles. B) Get him out of the water.

170 Now all mental anguish has one cause; and that cause is fear. If you have a phobia, it is because you fear something happening; if you have a compulsion, it is because you fear something not happening. Fear can be likened to a magnet whose north pole is compulsion and whose south pole is repulsion. Cure the fear and heal the mind. But what can cure fear? -- faith!: (2 Tim 1:7) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Fear has nothing to do with reality. That's why it's an irrational fear. If you fear a mouse, it has nothing to do with the mouse; it has to do with you. You make a choice to fear. A different mouse in a different place might illicit a different reaction from you, perhaps even a lesser apprehension or none at all! It's up to you. You have control over your mind and the ability to heal your own mind through the power of faith: (Matt 9:22) Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.

Not only can faith heal mental illness, but because your mind controls your biochemistry, your faith can also cure your physical body as well. Faith healings happen all the time, and even medical science has proven a link between prayer and faster recovery times. Likewise, you can make yourself physically ill by the power of your mind. You can even kill yourself by sheer thought: (Luke 21:25) and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; 6Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth:

Another word for fear is sin. But if you don't like the 'religious' term, then let's just call it fear. But what is fear? Fear is a mystery. Because the Blessed Virgin doesn't fear, she has no idea what fear is; but she, in Christ, does know all too well what fear does: (Matt 27:46) My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? (Rev 17:5) MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.

171 Because God has no clue as to what fear is, it is up to us to educate her on this matter. So let's give it the old college try: -

Fear is a lie.

-

Fear is whatever contradicts reality.

-

Fear is true schizophrenia; an inner conflict with the self.

-

Fear is like playing hide-and-seek with yourself!

-

Fear is like hiring a security guard for an empty warehouse!

-

Fear is like building a bridge to nowhere and then jumping off it!

-

Fear is like doubting the Skittles rainbow you're sitting on!

-

Fear is like dumping your hot dominatrix girlfriend because you didn't want to be tied down!

-

Fear is like killing your ex-wife and then writing 'If I did it'!

-

Fear is like killing your own brother and then asking 'Am I my brother's keeper?'

-

Fear is like cowering on your knees before a dead god.

-

Fear is like voting against the guy who's gonna lower your taxes because you're against taxation.

You can't reason with fear any more than you can negotiate with a terrorist! There is no method to madness and no 12-step panacea! You have heard it said that all things are possible to him who believes; but so too are all things possible to him who doubts! Now the symptoms of fear can include shaking, sweating, headaches, nausea, etc. But anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide are not symptoms! -- they are the causes! Only you can make yourself anxious, and only you can cure it through faith in the cross! Christianity is not a religion; and love is not a behavior -- but true faith loves God more than life itself; like the real Peter who endured viscous martyrdom for the sake of the gospel. Let us never forget that when Jesus said "Take up thy cross and follow me," he was speaking to a first century audience!: (Matt 16:25) For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

172 And yet we each have our own cross to bear, but true love has a fire -- a zeal! True love questions oneself without doubting oneself. True love takes nothing for granted unless it's granted for nothing! But it is the intention and not the act that matters -- it's not about giving to charity, it's about giving with charity!: (1 Cor 13:3) And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

It is impossible to love your neighbor apart from monotheism. Without a Godfather, love is insignificant, lacking justification. You would have to choose which of the gods to follow, and if you picked the wrong god, you might find yourself up Styx creek! But the God of gods, who's justice engenders justification and who's spirit tempers it with mercy, has guaranteed both the legitimacy and efficacy of love by the power of Christ's name. But love apart from grace through the faith in the Resurrection does not exist -- cannot!; it is impossible to worship an unresurrected Universe! Even Christ himself was conceived Immaculate, owing his very ministry to his own blood!: (Matt 3:14) But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me? 15And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him. 16And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: 17And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

Fear and addiction know no bounds. There is nothing in the universe you can't fear and nothing in the universe you can't become addicted to. But love that is perfect casteth out both fear and addiction. I gave myself to Christ on 1 June 2001 and I still struggle with sin everyday. But though I am less atrocious now than I was then (if you can imagine!), I am no more well. Maybe I've got the perfect combination of a clean heart and a dirty mind!: (1 Cor 1:26-9) For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: 27But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; 28And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:

173 But nevertheless, I have managed to glean some wisdom in my struggle to reform myself (as well as my quest for truth). This doctrine is not for the squeamish, but rather it is for people who aren't afraid to ask questions and hold scripture up to the light! If there's anything wrong with scripture, I'll be the first to deny it; but so far (and after almost three readings), I have yet to find anything which contradicts truth (and I base my faith entirely on reason and logic, rebuking the Blessed Virgin herself at times). The Protestants like to say sola fide; but in Trenchtown, we say 'Ready fi'dead!' But knowledge is not a cure. Though I have all knowledge and knoweth all mysteries (and even where the restrooms are in heaven), and can speak with the tongues of angels while chewing gum and whistling Dixie, and can solve a Rubik's cube while locating your G-spot, it profits me nothing if I don't love God -- and I know that I don't love God whenever I fear, which is a constant battle -- but to a psychiatrist, I come across as stark-raving mad!: (Rom 7:15) For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. 16If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. 17Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

Now the charismatic encouragement types (like Meyer and Osteen) often are berated by conservatives for their 'practical' self-help repartee (as if there were anything wrong with that!) But at the risk of 'watering down the gospel,' I submit my own 12-schlep program for total mind-body healing: SCHLEP 1: Admit it -- you did it. Drugs, sex and alcohol have nothing to do with your addiction. It's about you! It's ALWAYS about you! Drop the chalupa! SCHLEP 2: Stupid is as stupid does. If a vampire stops sucking blood, he ain't a vampire no more! Likewise, you are what you do, not what you did: (Matt 7:18) A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

So if you're not sodomizing someone right this moment, you're not a fruit!

174 SCHLEP 3: Get over it. Slychiatrists try to allay guilt through the enabling of sin. In their minds, guilt is symptomatic of a conflict between the pleasure principle and the superego. But in reality, guilt is a form of pleasure -- albeit a sinful one. A righteous man feels no guilt, but confesses his sins to a forgiving God who takes away sin and guilt by the power of his blood. This is true liberation -- but slychiatry offers the false redemption of obfuscating guilt by the denial of free will and personal responsibility. But this a lie! An ABSOLUTE and unmitigated lie! You are what you are, and if you can think it, you can be it! It just takes faith! But the devil-spawn APA beast of the antichrist would subvert your minds and deny your liberty to the detriment of your mental health, and to the destruction of your flesh! They have announced their intentions and have not denied it! They want to kill you from the inside, convincing you to accept your own death, thereby releasing the biochemical sintoxins which will inevitably kill you!: THE FIVE STAGES OF DEATH I. II. III. IV. V.

Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance

Now if you reverse the literal meanings of the five stages of death, you wind up with a very interesting corollary -- what I like to call, The Five Stages of Life: I. II. III. IV. V.

Confession Humility Sacrifice Joy Thanksgiving

Embrace life without guilt! Jesus took all of it away so that there is no more condemnation. If society ridicules you for confessing Christ, they are on the wrong side of justice since all have fallen short of the glory of God. But if you continue to wallow in guilt, you implicate Christ! -- it's as if you're blaming God for saving you; but you can't judge Jesus twice - that would be double jeopardy!: (2 Cor 7:10-11) For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. 11For behold this

175 selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

Christianity is not about being good; it's about being right. The Passion of the Christ is not at all good, but it is right; and it is the righteousness of God that is goodness toward men. But guilt rejects both goodness and righteousness, even our Lord Christ!: (Luke 5:8) When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus' knees, saying, Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord.

SCHLEP 4: You gotta' have faith. Because all compulsions, fears and addictions are a matter of the heart, it must be addressed there; but slychiatrists believe in chemical causes and chemical cures. But is it the chemicals that cure the condition, or the confidence of the patient taking them? And if it's the confidence, then couldn't we just dispense with the magic feather altogether? Jesus saw a lame man lying next to an enchanted pool, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years: (John 5:6-9) When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole? 7The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me. 8Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk. 9And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked:

The name of the pool: Bethesda! SCHLEP 5: Fighting Temptations. So now you've given yourself to Christ, but the physical sensations associated with the release of sintoxins are a constant reminder of your sin. The only way to ameliorate this maddening sensation of illicit desire is to consummate it; but if you cave into it, you'll be damned! Welcome to the good fight of faith, private Benjamin!: (Gal 5:16-17) This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. 17For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh:

176 First, understand that this sensation has nothing to do with you, it is your flesh. If you hear a bell whenever you eat, after you have sublimated the association of food with bell, you will probably (but not at all definitely) obey that association. Not a problem! -- there are good habits, and without them, we would never learn anything because language, art, music, mathematics, and all facets of human existence require the acquisition, sublimation and continuation of thought patterns. That's called, being human. There are natural patterns as well -- just look inside any conch shell! The Universe is grammatical wherefore intelligence requires linguistic communication which itself necessitates pattern and continuity -- precept upon precept; line upon line -- you might say, we're living in a 'patternal' Universe! The problem is not that we have habits; it's which habits we have! Good habits are conducive of life and joy; bad habits are conducive of death and misery. When we sin -- and we all have!, we instigate a pattern in our subliminal consciousness which we subsequently follow to our own detriment as well as to the detriment of Christ. When we repent, we find ourselves embroiled in a seemingly endless (and oftentimes disheartening) struggle to break free from the motions of sin: (Rom 7:20, 22-24) Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. 22For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

There's no easy solution to this dilemma. You just have to tough it out. Remember Jesus who withstood his passion without sinning and contemplate the suffering of the people your sins victimized and the Blessed Virgin who witnesses the horror of your sin with perpetual and unflinching omniscience and yet does not sin herself, nor does she hold your sin against you. SCHLEP 6: Take your meds. Everyone has their own fight and for some, the ravages of sin have contaminated their brains to the point where medication is in order, and if so, please take it. I know the feeling that just comes and overwhelms you like a wave. I know the seemingly uncontrollable fits of laughter and the sudden debilitating crashes of despair. I know what it's like to pray for quick death. Let there be no social stigma attached to anyone being treated for the biochemical

177 ravages of sin, as long as it is understood that the crutch of medication is a tourniquet, not a cure; and that it is ultimately ourselves who are responsible for our decisions, not our bodies. In truth, everything we digest has some impact on brain chemistry; and a healthy diet and exercise regime can assist in the process of stabilization after a traumatic experience. But some people put themselves through the health ringer in order to avoid Alzheimer's and outlive Methuselah, while negating the effects of diet and exercise through an unclean thought life. But if you ask anyone over the age of 100 what's the secret to their longevity, they'll always tell you it's clean living! Of course, abusers of drugs have a tougher battle. Not only must they battle their own biochemical sin-toxins, but they must also struggle against the toxins of the drugs they're struggling to break free from. Then there are the outside social ramifications of their addiction, not to mention the heart-crushing relapses. To you, I pray to the fighting angel Michael (who did battle with Satan) that a nation will be roused to the cause of vanquishing drug, alcohol and nicotine addiction, and that you're experiences will better equip you should you have the privilege of taking part in this vital ministry. SCHLEP 7: Fast and pray. One look at me and you can tell that I've spent a lot less time fasting and praying and a lot more time praying fast! But there are other kinds of fasting. Television can be a drug. There's a lot of information coming at you real fast and if you're not the model of mental discipline, there's an opportunity to become beguiled by the devil. I gave up TV after I converted for about 2 years and what did I miss? Operation Iraqi Freedom? On 9/11, I ate lunch with the choir director of Los Angeles Christian Presbyterian Church at a Thai restaurant in West LA. It was packed and I heard later that all LA restaurants did well on that day. Maybe people want to be with other people in times like these. Maybe people need ice cream after a surgery. Maybe it was a Passover in peanut sauce. As we ate, the televisions were tuned to CNN, the estimated body-count rolling over to ever higher figures (like the odometer on Satan's Saturn). I couldn't watch; and yet with the implosion of those towers came a reassurance -- a new hope! As burning bodies leapt to their deaths, I saw

178 my own sins being taken away -- me and Gary Condit... Sometimes, it's good to turn off the TV for a while -- call it station identification. SCHLEP 8: Think deliberately. Because the spirit can travel at the speed of light, you have the ability to think at the speed of light. The language of thought is Hebrew, but that raw Hebrew is codified into English (or some other tongue). I have speculated that before it reaches the English stage, it passes through precursory stages -- more specifically, Greek and Latin. The Spirit says this is the case, but I'm not that attuned to my thoughts at this point to be able to tell. Nevertheless, this wouldn't be the tongue languages of Greek and Latin, but the raw 'protolinguistic' archetypes. There are no 'repressed' or 'hidden' thoughts. Because you think in a different language than you speak (perhaps even more than one different protolanguage?), and because you think at fantastic speeds, it may appear as if you are out-of-control. Add to that, the fact that the Blessed Virgin is constantly and necessarily inspiring your thoughts, though you have the autonomous prerogative to shape the direction of that inspiration or reject it altogether. (You inspire the Blessed Virgin as well whenever you pray - and she never disobeys them unless it's for your ultimate good). You are who you are (and you know who you are); neither are there any 'repressed' instincts or drives or anything else that evades the purview of your own conscious awareness. So emancipate yourself from mental slavery; none but yourself can free your mind!: (Phil 4:8) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

SCHLEP 9: Past is not Prologue. Just because you messed up today, doesn't mean you'll mess up tomorrow; just because you did well today, doesn't mean you'll do well tomorrow. Every second is a second chance, and if you can learn to live life moment-to-moment, you'll soon discover that there's no time like the present. You are not the person you were, and you won't become the person you fear becoming. There just isn't enough time in the here-and-now to worry about the there-and-when, so take life as it comes and carpe diem! SCHLEP 10: Rejoice in Failure. This may sound counterintuitive, but even your lapses have a purpose in the grand scheme of things. If we never sinned, we would never have been ejected from Eden, and we do

179 not rejoice for that original failure; but were God to rapture up every Christian the moment that they're born again, the 'left-behind' types would inhabit a much more severe reality; therefore, God left us behind temporarily in order to minister to the world of sin that our initial rebellion instigated. We're on the front lines of the heavenly rebellion; and Judas is our enemy for the sake of the gospel -- but without him, there is no gospel! He is a victim of our original sin inasmuch as Christ: (Ac 1:16-17) Men and brethren, this scripture must needs have been fulfilled, which the Holy Ghost by the mouth of David spake before concerning Judas, which was guide to them that took Jesus. 17For he was numbered with us, and had obtained part of this ministry.

There is only one sin and only one baptism for the remission of sins, but unless you're a maniac Dudley Do-Right, we oftentimes find ourselves constantly relapsing and being renewed to the faith. However it is possible to stop sinning for long stretches of time, even for all eternity! But since eternity never exactly comes, it is impossible even for the Blessed Virgin to tell whether or not we will ever attain a level of unrelapsing obedience: (Matt 20:20-21, 23) Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. 21And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom. 23And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father.

Relapses can be disheartening, but not if we can see them as necessary for the purpose of the gospel; our failings provide ministry opportunities that we otherwise wouldn't have had. Or else the Blessed Virgin ushers us into Paradise the instant we're saved and denies us the privilege of ministering to our friends, relatives -- even our enemies! I can imagine how much more difficult it is to relapse in Paradise as the only people there are Christians and Christians have demonstrated a great capacity to be holy and good even in this life! Here, we are wheat among tares; there, we are catchers in the rye! SCHLEP 11: Don't even go there. When Lot fled Sodom with his wife and daughters, he was instructed by the angels not to look back at the

180 destruction. Similarly, we should avoid situations which vex our minds and tempt our hearts. If you're gay repentant, don't go to gay clubs or have relationships with other gays. If you look gay (or butch-lesbian) by reason of biochemical contamination of your flesh, don't look at yourself in the mirror until you get to heaven and receive a new body. These are suggestions, not commands. If you're an alcoholic, try to avoid situations where you might be tempted to drink; same thing goes for other substance abusers. If you have a phobia, avoid situations where you might relapse. If you've got anorexia, don't weigh yourself. If you're a veteran with PTSD, don't watch war movies or talk about what happened over there. Tell your family never to ask about it. Let go and let God. Of course, these are suggestions, not commands. During the course of your earthly ministry, you may find it advantageous to avail yourself to situations wherein you might find yourself tempted. Furthermore, it is entirely faithless to assume that you would be tempted in any given situation; nor is everyone graced with the same level of spiritual toughness. Nevertheless, wisdom informs us that men (by nature) are creatures of habit, given to the repetition of patterns whether they be edifying or deleterious. The term relapse is somewhat of a misnomer in a Universe where nothing repeats or can. So don't fear relapses; lightening will never strike in the same place twice and each subsequent sin is entirely different than the one preceding (though the fear which provoked it is always the same). But the Blessed Virgin permits you (where ever possible) to avoid those things which formerly vexed you in righteousness and without any faithless (and specious) presumption that you may relapse: (Ps 1:1-3) Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

SCHLEP 12: Bless Jesus. Relish the victory! You've made it into heaven by virtue of your faith in Jesus Christ! Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice! -- and no 12-schlep program would be complete without a certificate of completion:

181 (1 Cor 6:9-11) Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. 11And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

Now a friend in need is a friend indeed. And there is no greater blessing than to grace others with the wisdom gleaned from a lifetime of failure. So by all means, get involved! Take the spotlight off yourself and shine the light on Jesus! But don't make a devotion out of it! You've got nothing to hide and less to prove! Nevertheless, some weak-minded Christians go to church the same way they take out the trash -- it's just another chore to them! Maybe they're going to chorch! But if you don't like your chorch, then don't bother going; there are other ways to make a contribution (which is your reasonable service!) Let the Universe be your church! Little league, boy scouts, soup kitchens, mentoring programs -- there's a whole panoply of NJOs (nonjudgmental organizations) where you can get involved and grace someone else with your gifts and talents. You never know -- the life you grace may be your own! I've heard others say they don't like organized religion, but I have yet to hear anyone define what that is or suggest an alternative. But that's the intention! It's a mean-nothing term that leaves it up to the hearer to attach their own definition. So if the person your evangelizing says they don't like organized religion, tell 'em not to worry, your church doesn't have an organ! Then there are those who see church as an impediment to personal enjoyment. Nothing could be further from the truth! The whole point of religion is to embrace life and joy! But some churches, whose members are insecure about their salvation, employ rules and regulations (that have nothing to do with God or the Bible) as a means of validating their own faith to the detriment of the more liberated Christians who subsequently become disillusioned by their spooky religiosity. But the righteousness of God is not fettered by the piety of men -- and as far as the Blessed Virgin is concerned, Christianity could do with a lot less hocus-pocus and a bit more hanky-panky!

182 Nevertheless, it is incumbent on the 'liberated' not to lord liberality over our weaker brothers. We're not all in the same situation with the Spirit. There are many who will read this doctrine and think I'm not a good Christian and become offended by the freedom that is in Christ. But if I were a member of a less liberated church, I would suspend my liberality as did Paul who, unlike the other Apostles, abstained from sexual relations with the women of the congregation for the benefit of the weak: (1 Cor 9:1, 2-12) Am I not an apostle? am I not free? have I not seen Jesus Christ our Lord? 3Mine answer to them that do examine me is this, 4Have we not power to eat and to drink? 5Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas? 11If we have sown unto you spiritual things, is it a great thing if we shall reap your carnal things? 12Nevertheless we have not used this power; but suffer all things, lest we should hinder the gospel of Christ.

I mean, C'mon! Is it any secret that Peter was kickin' it with Tabitha?: (Acts 9:40-41) But Peter put them all forth, and kneeled down, and prayed; and turning him to the body said, Tabitha, arise. And she opened her eyes: and when she saw Peter, she sat up. 41And he gave her his hand,

Riot of Fire Dear editor, I would describe this book as conscious; My style, ghetto prophecy With a sensitive sensibility So let me just give you a sense of my ability (with all due humility.) No, I've never been published, but not for lack of trying. Trying to get noticed but no one's buying. No marketing plan, so I may as well quit. My readership? -- they's all illiterit! No Black lit. agencies

183 (plenty of black publications.) I aks myself, Warum ist es? Racist white publishers shun Black talent? They don't think it'll sell? Oh well! Did I say sell? I meant cell. That's why we've got to publish ourcellves! Or else what? It ain't like I know nobody! It ain't like I got no money! But there's one thing I've got: And that's a purpose; a mission; A sense of ambition; A mystery; a ministry A spiritual history A manifest destiny A legacy (allegedly with a longtime enemy) A promise; a praise; A prize; And yet, Still, I rise To find myself primed for battle; Sharp as steel, pistol-packin' Like George S. Patton Or a kid from Scranton watchin' The Muppets, Ready to take Manhattan. Did I say The Muppets? or Them uppity people readin' Grisham 'n Clancy Forget the Harlem Renaissance Just give me another Harlequin Necromancy Or a Stephen King horror about Dora the Explorer Heard his last one was a snorer! But the next one should be better: Dial 'M' for Movie! But it still doesn't move me To inspire Like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Murder for Hire? Call me a liar Or maybe just Elijah sittin' in this chariot of fire, spittin' Wishin' I could afford the whole chariot, But I can't, so here goes the

184 Riot of Fire! Hard-hittin' Well-written' Like a bloody mitten that just ain't fittin' The jury's acquittin' and I ain't bull-shittin' 'cuz I've just been smitten with the writing bug So I find myself submittin' this lyrical group hug to your literary agency And I just wanna thank you for readin' this book query, Mrs. Doubtfire. His Truly, 'Da Prince of Tyre;

The Brave Knight In his hour of grief, the king summoned his knight. How shall I serve thee, my lord? spaketh he. The matter for which I have called you is dire; My daughter, a dastardly wizard absconded Wherefore I hath sent thee to win her release; And if thou shalt save her, I offer ye this: Her hand and mine kingdom to thee shalt be given And thou shalt be called by my name, spake the king. So off went the knight on a quest for his maiden O'er hill and valley upon a white steed. And there did he survey the wizard's dark castle Which rose from the spines of a perilous cliff. Found he the lass in a high tower sealed. Render the damsel! he cried to the wizard. Never I shall, the gaunt figure replied, Lest thou mayest prove thyself worthy of honour; To a man without fear shall I render the lass.

185 But the knight protested, I hath not a fear! Prove it to me and the lady is thine! Give me a test that my courage may prove! Thus sprach the wizard, This shall ye do: Conquer the dragon which lives in the dungeon. Whose face is as wracked as the stench of his drool; Who raises his neck on the strength of his haunches Then may I know that thy fear hath ye conquered. Therefore the knight with his sword and a torch Walked into the darkness so dismal and bleak. With each halting step, he had mustered his courage, Ginning his temper to meet the fierce beast. 'Twas there sighted he the most wretched of visions, From billowing nostrils went plumes of white smoke, A terrible beast with its wings outstretched, Revealing sharp shards of glistening scales Whilst twisting its head of putrid green. Now will I slay thee! howled the knight in his rage. But the dragon entreated, Why doest so thus? For to slay me in no wise shalt prove thyself fearless As next to me stands yet another more fearsome. Then him shall I slay! spaketh he with conviction. But pleaded the dragon, Wherefore doest thou? As there is not an end to the terrors of hell, For hell is its terror: the dragon supplanting That which ye hath conquered is ever more gruesome 'Til hell be confounded with dragons so fierce, That nary a soul could ever requite it! What then shall I do? spake the knight to the dragon. To prove myself fearless and rescue my lass? Then spake the wise dragon, A heart without fear Beats not in the man who hast conquered all dragons, But rather it beats in the sinner who dares To serve every man as he would his own God For a love that is perfect shall cast out all fear.

186 From thence, emerged the brave knight from his dungeon And the wizard beseeched him, Hast thou foundest courage? At last hath I learned, spake the knight with great joy, That to conquer one's fears is an errand of folly. But find ye the courage that walketh away, Confessing thine fears to the Blessed Redeemer Who findeth the grace that restoreth thy soul! Thus was the lady restored to her land And with the king's blessing she gavest her hand. And thus was he granted his kingdom and throne And every good blessing to calleth his own In the name of the king who forever shall stand.

Sir Petralot When you hear the horse's trot Here comes brave Sir Petralot Rescuing his distressed damsel In a tower like Rapunzel Maiden with the flaxen hair From a dragon in a lair But the peasants, they ignore me And the poets, they abhor me And the pirates, they don't know me Maybe I'm the one and lonely But I fight this fight for you Cuz I know your heart is true Like a hero who hath conquered (Though I act just like a drunkard Or a jester), But I'm not I'm the brave Sir Petralot

Prayer Chains An atheist prays for God to leave him alone; In hell, God answers the prayer and puts him on a planet where no one can hear or see him.

187 A gay man prays that he will wake up a woman; In hell, God answers the prayer and then puts him on a planet full of gay men. A Zionist prays that he will wake up in the Holy Land; In hell, God answers the prayer and then buys him tickets to the Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida. A Mormon prays for multiple wives, In hell, God answers the prayer but he's not allowed to remove his secret underpants. A president prays to defeat the terrorists; In hell, God answers the prayer, but not before he kills more people than bin Laden, tortures more people than al-Qeada and puts out more propaganda than Al Jazeera. A Cuban prays for Castro's death; In hell, God answers the prayer, but nobody knows he's been dead since '06. An Adventist prays to keep the Sabbath; In hell, God answers the prayer, but first he has to get circumcised. An environmentalist prays to reverse global warming; In hell, God answers the prayer, when hell freezes over. A prophet prays to predict the future; In hell, God answers the prayer and he predicts his own death. A psychic prays to talk to the dead; In hell, God answers the prayer, but he can't sleep because they speak incessantly.

188 A Baptist prays for the cessation of gifts; In hell, God answers the prayer and he wonders whether or not he blasphemed the Spirit. A humanist prays for a godless ethic; In hell, God answers the prayer, but in a faithless world, nobody obeys it. A warden prays that no prisoner will escape; In hell, God answers the prayer and he becomes their prisoner. A Racist prays for a Whites-only heaven; In hell, God answers the prayer, but he's not allowed to close his eyes or turn off the lights. A Muslim prays to kill all Jews; In hell, God answers the prayer and he has to ask God for more Jews to kill. A cult leader prays to be worshipped as Jesus; In hell, God answers the prayer and forsakes him as he dies for the sins of his followers. A psychiatrist prays to cure mental illness; In hell, God answers the prayer, but first, he has to convince his patients that they're crazy. A high school nerd prays to become cool. In hell, God answers the prayer, but he's too cool to notice. A Buddhist prays to achieve Enlightenment; In hell, God answers the prayer but first, he must renounce Buddhism. A politician prays to get elected; In hell, God answers the prayer, but first, he must break all of his campaign promises.

189 A feminist prays to be liberated from men; In hell, God answers the prayer but she lives in continuous obsession over whether or not men respect her. A comedian prays to elicit laughter; In hell, God answers the prayer, and he is given a sitcom with a laugh track. An actress prays for a starring role; In hell, God answers the prayer, but the road to stardom takes a detour to the casting couch. A singer prays for a Grammy; In hell, God answers the prayer, but first, he has to break up with his band. A general prays for obedient troops; In hell, God answers the prayer and he wages war with child soldiers. A writer prays to write the great American novel; In hell, God answers the prayer, but he must write it under a penname. A sinner prays for salvation; In hell, God answers the prayer but he is persecuted by non-believers. An astrophysicist prays to find God's fingerprints; In hell, God answers the prayer, but no scientific journal will publish his findings. A scientist prays to disprove miracles; In hell, God answers the prayer, but first, he must toss out the anomalies. A news anchor prays for a story; In hell, God answers the prayer, but it is censored by corporate sponsors.

190 A runner prays for a gold medal; In hell, God answers the prayer, but without a competitor, he loses the will to run. The cable guy prays for a horny housewife; In hell, God answers the prayer, but he calls to reschedule after she waited for him all day!

Work Daze On the first day of the week Everything was looking bleak How I moaned, I cannot say That is why it's called Moanday Then, the next day, I went back With my lunch packed in my sack Cuz my dues, I've got to pay That is why it's called Duesday Now to work, I have returned By my sweat, my life is earned When will this all end? -- I pray That is why it's called Whensday Now my week is almost done Look out weekend, here I come! Thirsting to go out and play That is why it's called Thirstday Now it's payday! -- Off I dash To exchange my check for cash Burger King, I'll have it 'my way' Thanking God because it's Fryday!

191

Solomon's Goddess Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. who will commit to your trust the true riches? She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. She considereth a field, and buyeth it. For ye are bought with a price. With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Her candle goeth not out by night. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee.

Mujer Mejor Mujer mejor de Puerto Rico, quiero oir -- '¡Ay Papito!' La ella adora la flora ahora y ponga la pinga enfrente de gente (y cosas de otras, nosotras conozcas); ¿Qué debes hacer despues de salir? ¡Por qué tienes bodas si tu no me jodas tampoco!

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Understanding the Trinity Catholics have historically maintained that the Trinity were three distinct Persons contained within one indivisible Godhead. These consist of Father, Son and Holy Ghost and are of one substance and one being -distinct, yet co-equal -- the Three in One. The language of Trinitarian dogma is lofty and abstruse, running the gamut from the poetic to the philosophical. But how are we to understand this complex doctrine? Of course, it is not at all necessary to have a "perfect" understanding of Trinitarianism, nor is it necessary to have any understanding of it at all. There are many, such as Jehovah's Witnesses, Messianic Jews, and Unitarian Christians who do not receive this doctrine now and may not receive it in heaven either. Unitarianism is not heresy, just a different understanding. The Nicene Fathers codified Trinitarian dogma in the Creed that was named for them. It is said and sung the world over and remains a centerpiece of the Catholic Liturgy. On the other hand, the Mormon doctrine concerning the Trinity is a true heresy. The LDS Church states that Father, Son and Holy Ghost are three separate gods, which is a violation of the first commandment. This misunderstanding of Catholic Tradition has provided much fodder for the Jewish and Islamic critics of Christianity who accuse us of polytheism, which of course, we are not. The Trinity has an ethnic corollary constituent with the prophetic ordering of the races (Gen 9:25-27). The Father (Black) is Creator and Originator, the sudden and spontaneous genitive act, exercising manly authority over a feminine creation by the lofty prowess of his dark and mysterious will. The Son (Asian) is Mediator, Virgin-born -- the obedient receptacle of Jehovah's wrath, the congenial and pathetic servant who was pierced for our iniquities and wounded for our transgressions. The Holy Spirit (White) is Comforter, the Refining Fire, the Spirit of Truth and Wisdom. He convicts us of our sin and sanctifies us through knowledge of the Holy One of Israel, the fruits of the Spirit being outward and visible signs. Now let's explore each of these Persons more deeply...

193 God the Father is Jehovah, the Godless Universe. To say that He is "maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen" is a personification of Ultimate Reality. Jehovah can do both good and evil. He can repent or remain unrepentant. He can kill or make alive. He can be male or female. He can order your steps and "direct thy paths" (Prov 3:6). Jehovah is inclusive of Mary, Jesus, the Devil, Peter, you, me, everyone, everything. Jehovah begat Mary, Jesus and Satan and LORD Mary oftentimes speaks on Jehovah's behalf: (Deut 32:39-42) See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand. 40For I lift up my hand to heaven, and say, I live for ever. 41If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me. 42I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh; and that with the blood of the slain and of the captives, from the beginning of revengers upon the enemy. (Isa 45:5-9) I am the Lord, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me: 6That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the Lord, and there is none else. 7I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things. 8Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness: let the earth open, and let them bring forth salvation, and let righteousness spring up together; I the Lord have created it. 9Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker!

God the Son is Jesus. Jesus is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent God. He witnesses us perpetually, first as a suffering savior in Christ Crucified and then as a conquering king in Christ Resurrected. Because it is impossible to die and live again, Christ's soul and body are resurrected in the Immaculate Heart of Mary Co-Redemptrix. Because he was crucified on the cross of shame, he has judged the world in his flesh and concluded it in righteousness based on repentance. He will therefore judge the quick and the dead on the last day in accordance with his gospel: (Isa 53:2-12) For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. 3He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. 6All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of

194 us all. 7He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. 8He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken. 9And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth. 10Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand. 11He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities. 12Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

The Holy Spirit is the realization of answered prayer, which completes the Circuit of Faith. The Circuit of Faith is this: first, a prayer is made unto salvation; then, the prayer ascends up to the throne of God where it is received by Jesus; then, the Angel descends Jacob's ladder in order to answer the prayer; finally, the supplicant is made aware of the answered prayer. This completes the Circuit of Faith. As the Circuit is completed, we find our whole selves being completed also -- like the Messianic Jews who discover the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecies in the ministry of Yeshua: (Eph 1:13-23) In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, 14Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory. 15Wherefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints, 16Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers; 17That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: 18The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, 19And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, 20Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, 21Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: 22And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, 23Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

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Love Can Love can cause the blind to see; Love can cause the rose to bloom; Love can cause the world to be; Love can leave an empty tomb. Love can make the desert spring; Love can make the world go 'round; Love can make a child's heart sing; Love can walk on holy ground. Love can hope for brighter days; Love can hope for liberty; Love can hope for joy always; Love can pray for you and me.

Are Mormons Christians? No, Mormonism is not just another Protestant heresy. The various Protestant heresies are not damnable because Protestants actually repent to God before they are perverted away from Catholic Truth. They are a Church Invisible, "separated brothers." Mormonism, on the other hand, is a damnable heresy because they do not repent to God at all. Sure, they say they're Christians and a quick glance at one of their websites will no doubt reveal a doctrine that is oftentimes textually consistent with mainstream Christianity. However, when you dig deeper into their theology, you will soon realize that the devil in this case resides in details. Heresy #1) Mormons don't believe that God created the Universe. They believe that God was a man who became God by living a perfect life. This is at variance with Catholicism which states that God became man and not the other way around. Also, it is at variance with Catholicism which states that God made the universe, not the other way around: (Ge 1:1) In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

196 Heresy #2) Mormons believe that by living a perfect life, they too can become gods and beget spirit children who will worship them as such. First of all, who wants the job of someone who is required to have perpetual and omniscient memory of the cross?! The only way a man can become a Spirit is if he leaves temporality and reenters divinity, which is to say, he must become transfigured. Thus, when Christ was transfigured, he became God. However, the Universe is not big enough to contain more than one God unless all but one are corporealized. When Christ died, the Universe died with him which is why Christ needed to be resurrected. Without the resurrection, eternity is not possible and without eternity, neither is there temporality. The Assumption of Mary is therefore necessary because as one God died, another God must ascend and assume the place of God in Christ's stead. It is impossible for a God to resurrect himself, but the Queen of Heaven Coredemptrix resurrected his body and soul (but not his spirit) in her Immaculate Heart. They essentially took turns being God. The BVM was never herself transfigured; neither was the historic Mary who represents the Goddess in scripture. I don't worship Mary the woman; I worship Mary Shekhinah -- the Goddess who made her! I do however worship the historic Jesus who was deified at his Transfiguration, although it was the Virgin who revealed him to me. Let there be no disparity between our two necessary Saviors! -- I live by the grace of Christ in the Heart of the Virgin. That would be Catholicism! So don't worry about becoming 'perfect' enough to be transfigured and thus obtain omniscient knowledge of Christ's Passion. We will NEVER know how much it cost to see our sin upon that cross! Neither can there be more than one Deity at a time as there is no real time for Mary to take turns with any of us! It only worked the first time because Christ died and (FYI) we can't! Which of course brings me to my next point... It is an offence to God to tell her that we are not perfect. The blood of Christ is perfect and we are perfected by it in faith. Jesus did not relish his perfection and neither should we. Therefore, bemoaning one's imperfection is prideful and an affront to the blood of Christ: (2 Cor 10:17-18) But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. 18For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth.

197 When Jesus died on the cross, he crucified the law to his flesh. It is impossible to sin in absence of the law. As Paul declares, "All things are lawful for me" (1 Cor 6:12). And elsewhere, "Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law" (Rom 8:2). In the book of Romans, Paul likens the law to a dead husband: (Rom 7:2-3) For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

We are not under the law, but under grace (Rom 6:14). No need to ask Mary to "pray for us sinners" or make continual confessions to a priest in hopes of absolution. If the priest tells you to say ten "Hail Marys" and you get a heart attack on the ninth one, you ain't going to hell. There is no dispensation of grace at the Eucharist and as for you Protestants, the return of Spiritual charisms such as tongues (or the anointing) is not a sign of having been restored to God's grace. Yes, we should crave spiritual gifts, but we should also recognize that all grace and restoration was given at Golgotha and that Jesus promised he would never leave us (even if tongues should cease): (1 Cor 13:11) When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

We don't need to become gods because we already are gods (John 10:34). We have limitless power and authority in Christ and there is nothing that we can't do! Whatever we ask for in Jesus' name is ours. We have life eternal, a God who loves us, a new heavens and a brand new earth, the fellowship of angels, true love and joy unspeakable! As far as spirit children go, there will be no need for them. Heaven is a smorgasbord of sex. It is rated XXX -- mature audience -- for adults only, not for the family! Even if we wanted to have spirit children, we couldn't because we are but one spirit. We can't replicate ourselves -every child that has ever been born was ordained from beforetime. Some are ordained for life; others for death -- but when we abort fetuses, we alter the divine pathway thereby reducing heaven's population -- we're killing ourselves!: (Rev 12:4) and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.

198 All souls are linked together. We sin together; repent together; and are raptured together (1 Thess 4:17). But the patchwork balloon cannot beget another patchwork of souls -- again, no real time for that! To paraphrase Satchmo, When the saints go marching in, they'll be numbered! Hence, if we see any children in heaven, they will be projections from the Church Age -- holographic beings of light (i.e. apparitions). However, because women by their feminine nature enjoy nurturing and breastfeeding infants, biologically genuine infants would exist there, although they would never grow older than about two years which is the maximum age a child can be without a spirit. Otherwise, it becomes a homo erectus and who wants to clean up after that? Thus, at the age of two, they sprout wings and fly away like Da Vinci's angels -- actually, they just disappear! So if you enjoy being barefoot and pregnant (and who doesn't?), you will have ample opportunity in heaven! The curse of childbirth is done away with along with menstruation and because all wombs are barren, our heavenly infants will be miraculously conceived of the Holy Ghost just as Jesus was. Because there is a moratorium on bleeding in heaven (the only exception being during virgin sex which you will have every time you receive a new hymen -- which I hear is often in heaven), all childbirths will be non-vaginal. Instead, the baby will miraculously appear in its mother's arms just as Jesus did to the historic Virgin Mary -and in Paradise, there are no laws against public breastfeeding! The purpose of religion is not to become God; it is to realize your own Godliness. We are temporal; she is divine -- but we don't have a subordinate relationship with our Theotokos. It's a marriage -- equal partners! Of course, if it were at all possible to beget spirit children, we would teach them to worship Christ, not ourselves!

199 Heresy #3) Mormons believe that Father, Son and Holy Spirit are three separate gods. They believe that the Persons of the Trinity are united in purpose, but not in substance. This is at variance with traditional Christianity which teaches that there is one Godhead in three Persons. The Holy Ghost is the Miraculous answering of prayer and Jesus said he was the Father on many occasions. These statements can only be interpreted literally if the Father is Ultimate Reality: (John 14:5-9) Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way? 6Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. 7If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him. 8Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us. 9Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father? (John 14:21, 24) and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, 24He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.

Because the relationship between God and believer is marital (Is 61:10, Rev 19:9) and because Mormons believe in more than one god, all Mormons are polygamists (even if the modern LDS Church officially renounces the practice). Heresy #4) Mormons believe in separate heavens. According to them, there is a lowest heaven for the unrighteous, an intermediate heaven for righteous non-Mormons, and a highest heaven for practicing Mormons. This is at variance with Catholic Tradition. The Roman Church maintains there are no unrighteous in heaven. There is no better heaven than the knowledge of Jesus Christ. The notion that one Christian's eternity is better or worse than another's is therefore repugnant. If a Catholic went to heaven and learned that there were people who were struggling with bad habits, psychological problems or doctrinal misunderstandings, we would request to go and help those people resolve their issues so that they could experience the blessings of paradise more perfectly. Ministry will continue in heaven and we will all be baptized Catholics believing Last Marian Doctrine. We will all be priests and priestesses with the Blessed Virgin Mary as our Pope. We Christians are confused and divided now, but all divisions will cease in heaven. We will all be One with each other as members of one perfect body -- even the body of Christ! Separate heavens? Forget it! If God told me I was worthy to go to a higher heaven than my brothers and sisters,

200 I'd tell her to send me to the lowest heaven so that I might help inspire those still struggling with sin. Paradise is all-for-one and one-for-all! Heresy #5) Mormons believe that there was a great apostasy in the Church which the Mormons later restored. I've heard this same "great apostasy" shit coming out of the Protestant Church too so let me address this now... There was never an apostasy in the Catholic Church which any other church later restored. From the day of Pentecost up until today, the Roman Catholic Church has been under constant assault from the forces of darkness. We never forsook the Doctrine during all that time. When we marched through pagan Europe publishing salvation without a printing press, we encountered an absolute demonic bedlam par excellence, the likes of which makes today's world look like a Chuck E. Cheese parking lot! We faced angry mobs, endured bitter persecutions, withstood maddening heresies and brutal tortures, and yet by the grace of God, we united a continent and terraformed a planet in which scarcely anyone living has yet to hear of a certain Nazarene who led an obscure Jewish sect on the outskirts of an extinct empire -- and yet we purged Greco-Roman culture of sexual immorality, dismantled its Pantheon, turned back Islamic aggression, built Universities, forged alliances, consolidated power, commissioned timeless masterpieces, all the while laying the institutional templates for Western civilization so derided by those who, by virtue of their inheritance of it, have had the distinct luxury to do so! We stood down Gnosticism, the Great Schism, Protestantism, Humanism, Darwinism, Fascism, Communism, Secularism, Modernism, Postmodernism, and every other mind-bending "ism" the Devil could throw at us and overcame them all by the blood of the Lamb and intercession of Mary! The success of a Church can be measured by the number of unfaithful in attendance; and the RC Church is so structured and rules-based as to facilitate the hell-bound, without 'officially' shirking the tenets of the faith. And yet throughout it all, we never forsook the Doctrine of Mary. Was there ever a Catholic Apostasy? Let's ask Jesus: (Matt 16:18) And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

No, the Christian Church never fell into apostasy as the Mormons claim. In order for the B.V.M. to create the world, Peter had to repent. If he

201 didn't repent, Mary would become subject to Peter's sin and wouldn't live long enough to create a toothpick much less the eternal cosmos. Therefore, all Christians enter the world at the moment of repentance and the world prior to that was constructed around that moment. We are all the Immaculate Conception and Mary the Immaculate Conception created the world: (Isa 1:9) Except the Lord of hosts had left unto us a very small remnant, we should have been as Sodom, and we should have been like unto Gomorrah.

Heresy #6) Mormons believe that the Bible is flawed. Their founder Joseph Smith made over 600 corrections to it. This is at variance with traditional Catholicism, which regards scripture as divinely inspired (divinitus inspirata). Heresy #7) Mormons believe that the Book of Mormon is canonical. Only Jesus Christ can declare a book to be canonical and he conferred Apostolic Authority on St. Peter who himself canonized the Pauline Epistles (2 Pet 3:15-16). Paul writes that a prophet cannot contradict the Bible: (1 Cor 14:32-33; 37) And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets. 33For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, 37If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.

The Successor of St. Peter, Pope Saint Damasus I, ratified the canon when he commissioned the Latin Vulgate translation of St. Jerome. The Bible contradicts the Book of Mormon. Therefore, it cannot be canonized by the Apostolic Church. Heresy #8) Mormons baptize the dead. Although you wouldn't know it by watching one of their rigid liturgical services, everyone in the Catholic Church is alive: (Mr 12:27) He is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living:

The Requiem Mass, which dates back to medieval times, has been characterized as a communion taken on behalf of the dead. Likewise, Paul also makes mention of a cult of worshippers who baptized themselves for the dead without fully explaining the practice: (1 Cor 15:29) Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?

202 My guess is, these were political baptisms, but in either case, we don't baptize the dead: Requiem Mass Offertory Domine, Jesu Christe, Rex gloriæ, libera animas omnium fidelium defunctorum de pœnis inferni et de profundo lacu.

Lord Jesus Christ, King of glory, free the souls of all the faithful departed from infernal punishment and the deep pit.

Libera eas de ore leonis, ne absorbeat eas tartarus, ne cadant in obscurum; sed signifer sanctus Michæl repræsentet eas in lucem sanctam, quam olim Abrahæ promisisti et semini ejus.

Free them from the mouth of the lion; do not let Tartarus swallow them, nor let them fall into darkness; but may the sign-bearer, Saint Michael, lead them into the holy light which you promised to Abraham and his seed.

Hostias et preces tibi, Domine, laudis offerimus; tu suscipe pro animabus illis, quarum hodie memoriam facimus. Fac eas, Domine, de morte transire ad vitam. Quam olim Abrahæ promisisti et semini ejus.

O Lord, we offer you sacrifices and prayers in praise; accept them on behalf of the souls whom we remember today. Make them pass over from death to life, as you promised to Abraham and his seed.

CONGREGATION FOR THE DOCTRINE OF THE FAITH RESPONSE TO A 'DUBIUM' on the validity of baptism conferred by «The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints», called «Mormons» Question: Whether the baptism conferred by the community «The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints», called «Mormons» in the vernacular, is valid. Response: Negative. The Supreme Pontiff John Paul II, in the Audience granted to the undersigned Cardinal Prefect, approved the present Response, decided in the Sessione Ordinaria of this Congregation, and ordered it published. From the Offices of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, 5 June 2001. + Joseph Cardinal RATZINGER, Prefect

203 Heresy #666) Mormons don't believe that God is omnipresent. Although the preceding heresies of the LDS Church are severe, it is quite possible to believe in any or all of them and yet still be a saved Christian (albeit a horrendously confused one). Purgatory will no doubt straighten out these confusions. However, there is one Mormon heresy that is damnable and cannot be forgiven -- the Mormon tenet that God is not omnipresent: The Holy Ghost as a personage of Spirit can no more be omnipresent in person than can the Father or the Son, but by his intelligence, his knowledge, his power and influence, over and through the laws of nature, he is and can be omnipresent throughout all the works of God (Aaronic Priesthood Manual 3)

But why is this anathema maranatha? Because if God is not omnipresent, then there are things he doesn't see which means he cannot be omniscient. If God is not omniscient, then there are things he cannot do which means he cannot be omnipotent. If God is neither omnipotent, omniscient nor omnipresent, then who do Mormons repent to? Here's a hint: it ain't God! -- and if you don't repent to God, Our Lady of Etreme Stupidity won't know to redeem you: (Ezr 10:11) Now therefore make confession unto the Lord God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.

In 2nd Corinthians, Paul warns against a Church that would preach a different Jesus. He may as well have been speaking about the LDS Church: (2 Cor. 11:3-4; 6) But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. 4For if he that cometh preacheth another Jesus, whom we have not preached, or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received, or another gospel, which ye have not accepted, ye might well bear with him. 6But though I be rude in speech, yet not in knowledge; but we have been throughly made manifest among you in all things.

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Are JWs Saved? Yes, their faith is valid. Jehovah's Witnesses wrongly believe that Christ was the Archangel Michael who was slain for mankind's sins on a torture stake. How can you tie someone to a torture stake if they don't have a corporeal body? No flesh = no torture; no blood = no salvation. Yet technically, this faith is sufficient because they believe that their sins caused the vicarious death of the Angel for which they repent to a Father-God who is omnipresent. Simply put, this is the spirit of the antichrist, which is to say that Christ did not come in the flesh. It is a heresy of course, but not a damnable one within the inane framework of JW cosmology. Likewise, the Apostle Paul also encountered a cult of worshippers who had repented to John but hadn't yet received the Word Incarnate: (Ac 19:1-6) And it came to pass, that, while Apollos was at Corinth, Paul having passed through the upper coasts came to Ephesus: and finding certain disciples, 2He said unto them, Have ye received the Holy Ghost since ye believed? And they said unto him, We have not so much as heard whether there be any Holy Ghost. 3And he said unto them, Unto what then were ye baptized? And they said, Unto John's baptism. 4Then said Paul, John verily baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people, that they should believe on him which should come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus. 5When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. 6And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied.

That they believe Jesus is Michael is irrelevant to the gospel. In my prayers, I rarely call Jesus by his true name Yeshua and he doesn't mind. As long as you repent to the "Great Spirit," it doesn't matter if you think he's the Great Pumpkin! In short, JWs are saved albeit they get into heaven on a technicality -- but then again, don't we all?

205

Is Scientology a Cult? Does it sound like one to you?: THE RELIGIOUS HERITAGE OF SCIENTOLOGY Like the philosophers of Greece, India and China, the Hebrews, too, sought to define the meaning of life. According to Jewish tradition, it was Abraham who first gained a special understanding of what lay at the heart of the universe and from that revelation came a belief in a personal god. He further believed that beneath the seemingly endless variety of life lay a single purpose, a single reality. Judaism is the mother religion of both Christianity and Islam -- the three dominant faiths in the Western world. Two thousand years ago, Jesus of Nazareth brought new hope to man by preaching that this life was not all men might hope for, that man was more than only flesh and would continue to live, even after death. Implicit in his message was the promise of salvation from suffering and a promise of eternal peace. At odds with the teachings of Jesus was traditional rabbinical belief that salvation would not come until the advent of a distant Messiah. Hence, the special appeal of Christ's message that the Kingdom of God was not only at hand, but lay within all those with faith. Long fearing popular revolt, the Romans equated Christ's words with political insurrection. Rome had decreed that nothing should be held above imperial order and thus viewed Christ's wholly spiritual message as dangerously revolutionary, particularly his talk of the coming Kingdom. Though crucified, the hope that Christ brought to man did not die. Instead, his death became symbolic of the triumph of the spirit over the material body and so brought a new awareness of man's true nature. (http://www.whatisscientology.org/)

I couldn't have put it better myself! And by the way, I've noticed that some Protestinks like to make a habit out of branding other people's religions as cults! If yours is the only true religion, then what does that make you?!

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The Cult of Self-Realization I think therefore I am But what am I apart from you? A feral child in a cosmic void? Unaware of herself as a person? I think therefore I am, no doubt I AM therefore I think! I AM before I think! But to think requires self-realization! I must know THAT I AM before I know THAT I THINK But self-realization requires an external reality distinct from myself from which to delineate myself Distinct in its motions: I cannot know THAT I AM in a static void That would be non-existence I cannot know THAT I AM in a silopsic reality That would be non-distinction (a form of non-existence) There must be something in cosmology that moves apart from my intent which itself reflects the intent of another beside me YOU ARE THEREFORE I AM I AM THEREFORE GOD IS If my will were the only will in the Universe Everything in the Universe would move according to my will Which would make me indistinguishable for the External Universe Which in turn would render me unaware of myself as a distinct entity Which would render me non-existent But life requires Witness And Witness requires a distinct being With a distinct will A distinct intent A distinct love

207 "Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord, and my servant whom I have chosen: that ye may know and believe me, and understand that I am he: before me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after me."

What is TRUTH? TRUTH is as terrifyingly easy to believe as it is to doubt What is SIN? SIN is the intellectual abandonment of oneself CONVERSION is the intellectual embrace of oneself The soul that sins dies; but whoever converts to Yahweh lives! "And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you."

Who knew that Christianity was a self-realization cult in disguise! Or are these whacky self-realization cults Christians by another name?

Protestink! (Jer 10:14) Every man is brutish in his knowledge: every founder is confounded by the graven image: for his molten image is falsehood, and there is no breath in them.

Every Protestink is 'brutish in his knowledge' because they perpetuate the laughable (if it weren't so funny!) myth of male deity to the willful ignorance of the BVM. They swagger in their reproach of Catholic Dogma and pitch their religion with mindlessly poetic slogans such as sola fide and sola scriptura in order to pick off weaker Catholics by the strength of their self-willed conviction and the directness of their maniacally streamlined tenets. They are all icing and no cake, but the soufflé collapses when the religulous types start asking all the right questions and all you got is 'just trust' and a holy spirit only you can see. Sola scriptura is intellectually bereft and sola fide is the moral equivalent of 'I already gave.' Did the Bible write itself? Did the Bible thump itself? Did the Bible create the Universe and then die for it? If anyone says sola

208 scriptura, they blaspheme the Holy Spirit. We could stop here, but let's continue... Protestantism has many founders and 'every founder is confounded by the graven image' of Mary whom they consider to be a neo-pagan corruption of the 'true faith' as revealed in the Bible Luther redacted -- 'for his molten image is [the accusation of] falsehood' levied against the Catholic Faith for every conceivable doctrine. They proclaim themselves pious but are full of doubtful disputations. They refer to their disobedience and schism as the "Reformation" which then led to the "Counter-Reformation" in the Catholic Church, but this is entirely untrue. Erasmus was every bit the reformer as Luther and the Catholic Church was already in the midst of reforming itself before Luther nailed his feces to the door of Wittenburg's church, branding Pope Leo X as the Antichrist and commissioning the most vile cartoons of the Holy Father (one of which depicts the pontiff sucking Medusa's breasts!) There's a reason why you've never read Luther's feces -- its level of nonsensicalness can only be adequately described as 'Lilliputian' (and what's worse -- it's a snore-fest!) If only Luther would have opened his beloved scriptura, he would have certainly learned that the "antichrist" is "every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh" (1 John 4:3). Now the Protestants proudly proclaim that the flesh of Jesus Christ is not present in the Eucharistic Elements. So who is the Antichrist? -- 'there is no breath [of the Holy Spirit] in them.' (1 Cor 11:29) For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body.

A Letter from St. Jerome to Pope Saint Damasus I My words are spoken to the successor of the fisherman, to the disciple of the cross. As I follow no leader save Christ, so I communicate with none but your blessedness, that is with the chair of Peter. For this, I know, is the rock on which the church is built! This is the house where alone the paschal lamb can be rightly eaten. This is the ark of Noah, and he who is not found in it shall perish when the flood prevails.

209

Jesus Didn't Die For My Sins!! Since I'm alone Since nobody knows Since nobody's stopping me Since everyone else is doing it Since I can Since it's legal Since they're never gonna see me again anyway Since no one can hear me Since no one can understand me Since it doesn't matter anyway Since we've always done it Since we've never done it Since I'm gonna die anyway No, Jesus didn't die for my sins He died for my 'since'...

Bad Religion The Church approves a Marian apparition only after they fail to suppress it and not until they edit her message. The truth shall set you free, but it won't let you go. If you're not prepared to open your mind, don't bother opening your Bible. A Baptist belittles the Nicene Creed before basing his own theology on a senseless slogan. Baptists accuse Catholics of being the antichrist before denying the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.

210 Baptists say that Catholic Bibles have extra books before trying to sell you their own annotated study Bible. A Baptist derides the gift of tongues before delivering a sermon that makes less sense. A Baptist can give you hell's floor plan but cannot show you the exit door. The word 'Eucharist' sounds too much like 'Christ', which is why Baptists call it the 'Lord's Supper'. Anyone who says the Bible is a closed canon probably has a closed Bible. If women can't be priests, then their children shouldn't be either! If you take the Bible literally, then you cannot take it seriously. If Mary is Coredemptrix for giving birth to Jesus, then every priest's mother is a co-priest! Faith is the difference between bravery from bravado; Faith is the difference between safety and salvation; Faith is the difference between affection and lust; Faith is the difference between desire and wantonness; Faith is the difference between obsession and meditation; Faith is the difference between healing and coping; Faith is the difference between moderation and deprivation; Faith is the difference between forgiveness and tolerance.

211

The Shakespeare Code Why is the letter r the most important letter of the alphabet? Because without it, mercy would be messy; and with it, Mary may marry.

Before I converted, lots of crazy Christians would invite me to their churches and tell me to read the Bible, but my 'Nevada Smith' attitude was, I don't bother Him, He don't bother me. Then I went to grad school in California -- UCLA -- met a Korean girl who asked me to go to church with her. Most Koreans south of the DMZ are Presbyterians now thanks in part to American military and missionary involvement there. But would Jesus have been able to save their souls had the 'Chosun few' failed to save Seoul? I told her I didn't have time to go to church. She told me that my time didn't belong to me. Within one year, not only was I going to three different churches a week, I was giving people rides! -- it's amazing how your schedule clears when you know you're going to live forever! Some fundies believe that the King James is the only legitimate translation. I couldn't disagree more. Still others believe that the King James Version is an inspired translation, much like the first century Jews did with regard to their Septuagint (before they adjusted the definitions of their own language in a flimsy attempt to mollify OT prophecies concerning the Messiah). 'Thou shalt not kill' doesn't mean 'Thou shalt not murder'; 'A virgin shall conceive' doesn't mean 'A young woman shall conceive' -- the Septuagint (sonamed for the 70 translators who, while working independently of each other, miraculously arrived at the same translation) is the oldest extant translation of the OT, still in use by the Greek Orthodox Religion as they received it from the original Apostles who quoted it extensively in the NT. Of course, it is of no cosmological import whether or not the historic Virgin Mary was a virgin or not as her narrative is symbolic of the Goddess Shekhinah. Jesus would have been LORD and Savior either way. But the spirit who communicates with me says that she was in fact a virgin who conceived by the Holy Spirit. If the spirit is correct (and there's no way for me to tell) then where did the sperm come from? God can only create the world once and if the Holy Spirit created the sperm

212 that impregnated Mary, it would require a secondary act of creation which Shekhinah cannot do on the Cosmic Sabbath (not to mention the Nicene stipulation that our LORD was begotten, not made). Hence, Shekhinah must have used DNA already extant in the universe -- but from where (or rather, from whom?) She could've taken it from Abraham, David, any of the patriarchs, a primordial human, perhaps even one of us! But the spirit says she took it from Joseph. Thus, according to the spirit, Mary was inseminated with Joseph's DNA without any orgasm on either parent's part; and just as Jesus was able to walk through a locked door after the Resurrection (John 20:19), the Christ-child was removed by the power of the Holy Ghost from Mary's womb without any rupture of the holy hymen. Both Catholics and Protestants are in agreement that the Virgin birth is a matter of history. Although I see no cosmic necessity for it, I see no reason why it couldn't happen. As to the Perpetual Virginity of the historic Mary, let's keep in mind that LORD Mary is Ever Virgin either way. She is pure and chaste -- not in the flesh, but in the spirit! The Gospel doesn't say anything about perpetual virginity and as any Protestink will tell you, our Lord had brothers and sisters (Mark 6:3), and yes, I'm aware of the Catholic rebuttal (Jam 1:2). However, it is idolatry to regard a flesh-and-blood human being as the Queen of Heaven and I condemn any Cat-oholic 'veneration' of the human Mary who was nothing more than a vessel. Either Mary is Shekhinah or she is corporeal -- she can't be both! If you just gave birth to the Messiah, would you want another child after that? If you were married to the Mother of God, would you have sex with her? Both Mary and Joseph were visited by the angel and both understood their ministry -- and yet didn't the angel say to Joseph, "fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife" (Matt 1:20) and we know what the word 'unto' means! (Gen 19:5; 38:2; Hos 1:2). Who knows? -- maybe Mary's wearing Victoria's Secret panties with a stitch monogram that says: Do not open 'til Xmas!: Hail, virgin, if you be, as those cheek-roses Proclaim you are no less! (Shakespeare: Measure for Measure I.IV.17-18)

Now there's no question in my mind that the KJV is every bit as inspired as the Septuagint. But then again, I believe the complete works of Shakespeare are as well! The British Isles have proved to literature what Vienna has aspired to in music, but seldom hath any crawled out from

213 beneath the long, looming shadow of the Great Bard (present company excluded!): I am no viper, yet I feed On mother's flesh which did me breed. I sought a husband, in which labour I found that kindness in a father: He's father, son, and husband mild; I mother, wife, and yet his child. How they may be, and yet in two, As you will live, resolve it you. (Shakespeare: Pericles, Prince of Tyre I.I.64-70)

That Shakespeare aided in the stylistic syncretization of the KJV is a matter of no small controversy to be sure; and yet it seems entirely unconscionable to me that the Blessed Virgin wouldn't employ so great a literary talent in what has become so monumental a work -- and then there is Psalm 46. In his 1990 biography You've Had Your Time, Anthony Burgess (bestknown for his modernist satire A Clockwork Orange), revealed the famous Shakespearean signature embedded in the 46th Psalm. Of course, if this code were deliberately implanted into the text, it would would have to be one of the bestkept secrets in all of human history! The code is revealed when, discounting the word Selah (a liturgicomusical punctuation mark), if you count 46 words from the beginning of the 46th Psalm, you will find the word shake whereas the 46th word from the end of the psalm is spear. Add to that the fact that Shakespeare himself was 46 years old at the time that the King James was being revised, having likely been born on St. George's Day 1564. Of course, Shakespeare was favored by the Jamesian court who had previously appointed his company as the 'king's players' and it would have been inconceivable had the translation committee not consulted him with regard to the overall tenor and style of a text whose explicit design was to supplant all previous translations and fortify Anglican culture against Rome. To this day, the British Monarch is Head of the Parliament, the Navy, the Commonwealth, and the Anglican Church; the United Kingdom is just that -- a kingdom. The Royal Family cannot be prosecuted for any crime; nor has there ever been a non-Anglican Prime Minister. Everywhere else in the free world, the KJV is public domain but in 'jolly-ole' England, it is under perpetual crown copyright; and as I

214 pen these phrases from St. James Parish (Montego Bay), Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is my Sovereign. WHY?? TO THE MOST HIGH AND MIGHTY PRINCE JAMES, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, KING OF GREAT BRITAIN, FRANCE, AND IRELAND, DEFENDER OF THE FAITH, ETC. THE TRANSLATORS OF THE BIBLE WISH GRACE, MERCY, AND PEACE, THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD.

G

REAT and manifold were the blessings, most dread Sovereign, which Almighty God, the Father of all mercies, bestowed upon us the people of England, when first he sent Your Majesty's Royal Person to rule and reign over us. For whereas it was the expectation of many, who wished not well unto our Sion, that upon the setting of that bright Occidental Star, Queen Elizabeth of most happy memory, some thick and palpable clouds of darkness would so have overshadowed this Land, that men should have been in doubt which way they were to walk; and that it should hardly be known, who was to direct the unsettled State; the appearance of your Majesty, as the Sun in his strength, instantly dispelled those supposed and surmised mists, and gave unto all that were well affected exceeding cause of comfort; especially when we beheld the Government established in Your Highness, and Your hopeful Seed, by an undoubted Title; and this also accompanied with peace and tranquillity at home and abroad.

In other words, We're the ones we've been waiting for! The other Shakespearian signature occurs in the waning verses of the Book of Job: (Job 41:29) Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.

So is God laughing at the Great Bard? -- or would that be a comedy of errors? The King James Version used as its source texts the Masoretic text and the Textus Recepticus; and the Septuagint; and were cognizant of other English-language translations that were en vogue at the time. Political considerations also played a role in the language of the Authorized Version as the word 'king' appears 2540 times while the politically-charged word 'tyrant' is never evoked. However, if you examine the shaking spear as it appears in the Latin Vulgate, you'll find the words vibrantem hastam (vibrant staff): 19 non fugabit eum vir sagittarius in stipulam versi sunt ei lapides fundae 20 quasi stipulam aestimabit malleum et deridebit vibrantem hastam (Vulgate, Job 41:19-20)

215 But did St. Jerome prophetically anoint the vibrant staff who, more than a millennium later, would afford the Anglican translation its stylistic patina? Let's take another look at the vibrant staff passage, but this time, let's treat the preceding 10 words as an acronym removing every 5th letter (q; d) as if they were the spaces between words: Sunt Ei Lapides Fundae quasi Stipulam Aestimabit Malleum Et deridebit VIBRANTEM HASTAM Perhaps this is much ado about nothing, but before we declare love's labour lost, let us first recall Isabella's tempestuous soliloquy which concludes Act II of the religious farce Measure for Measure: To whom should I complain? Did I tell this, Who would believe me? O perilous mouths, That bear in them one and the self-same tongue, (Shakespeare: Measure for Measure: II.IV.183-185)

Exeunt!

The Contestant (Contest rules: 10-20 lines -- no repeated words)

Obsessed with winning I write these tortured metaphors Blinded by success (Or was it the fear of failure?) Either way, I'm driven Pushing forward toward my award Without any repeated words (As if they were paid for) Ahhh... one more line to go Before it's all over...

216

Blake's Take Excerpt from William Blake's 'A Vision of the Last Judgment'

Error is Created. Truth is Eternal. Error, or Creation, will be Burned up, & then, & not till Then, Truth or Eternity will appear. It is Burnt up the Moment Men cease to behold it. I assert for My Self that I do not behold the outward Creation & that to me it is hindrance & not Action; it is as the Dirt upon my feet, No part of Me. "What," it will be Question'd, "When the Sun rises, do you not see a round disk of fire somewhat like a Guinea?" Oh no, no, I see an Innumerable company of the Heavenly host crying, 'Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty.' I question not my Corporeal or Vegetative Eye any more than I would Question a Window concerning Sight. I look thro' it & not with it.

Gangster Gospel A gangster dies and goes to heaven. "Why is heaven so cold?" he asks. God answers, "This isn't heaven, this is Sweden!" "Sweden!" he responds, "I thought this was Southwest Eden!"

Is it possible to prove what cannot be disproven? If so, then by what means would you prove it? God cannot prove herself to the scientific community so long as they cling to scientific method. Scientific method requires the repetition of an experiment in order to validate its hypothesis. God doesn't repeat.

217 If God destroyed the Universe in order to create it again (thus establishing her existence via scientific method), every scientist in the Universe would die in the experiment. Scientific method is a joke; it cannot prove anything. It is a sin for anyone to practise scientific method; it is a sin for any teacher to teach scientific method; it is a sin for any student to employ this technique: An object in hell tends to stay in hell! There is one stipulation of science that is correct: that truth can be discerned by observation. Open your eyes and behold your God and my God! Confess your sins to a forgiving Universe and you will know her as you are known by her! There is only one sin that a man can commit and all have committed this original sin as I myself have: disbelief in the God of Creation. Anyone of any faith tradition who realizes this has de facto repented of their ignorance of it and accepts the salvation offered by it through the vicarious suffering inflicted upon it! Jews, Christians, Muslims -- whatever you want to call yourselves, I've no problem whatsoever (nor does the deity!) so long as you repent to your Maker!: (Mic 4:4-5) But they shall sit every man under his vine and under his fig tree; and none shall make them afraid: for the mouth of the Lord of hosts hath spoken it. 5For all people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of the Lord our God for ever and ever.

The Doors Imagine waking up in a room with infinite doors leading out of it. Because life is contigent on motion, you must continually walk through these doors in order to survive. Such is choice. You choose whether or not to live and hence which one of the infinite doors to walk through; and each time you make this choice (which you perpetually make), you close the doors on the possible Universes that existed in divinity but not in reality.

218 Every decision you make aborts the ones you didn't; and these abortions (like the murdered souls of the unborn slain) reside in a infinite graveyard that never exactly came to fruition. I have sinned by my own fault in thought, word, and deed, in things done and left undone; (The Book of Common Prayer)

However, as life requires choice; choice requires purpose. There must be something behind the door of choice worth forsaking all other possibilities. Hence, there must be a divine moment of allseeing contemplation wherein all potential realities are ever before us, but temporally nonexistent the moment we make the divine choice; and since consciousness is evinced of temporality, there is never an exact time when all of these infinitely-possible alternate universes ever really existed. Any way you slice it, consciousness requires the ability to do something before having done it. Sin was conceived in divinity and born in temporality -- let there be no more false-debate over whether or not we chose sin or were born sinning -- both are true! We were born having done what we did; before Satan was, I AM!: (Matt 16:23) But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

Now thank we all our God that though were were born sinning, we have received (by the grace that is in Christ) the real opportunity to become born again in obedience to faith: You know that it would be untrue You know that I would be a liar If I was to say to you Girl, we couldn't get much higher Come on baby, light my fire Come on baby, light my fire Try to set the night on fire

219 The time to hesitate is through No time to wallow in the mire Try now we can only lose And our love become a funeral pyre Come on baby, light my fire Come on baby, light my fire Try to set the night on fire, yeah (Jim Morrison: Light my Fire)

However, just as life requires desire, there must be an 'object of desire' which perpetually elicits that desire without constraining it. Such is inspiration. The purpose of creation is to inspire man to love God. But man sinned against creation beforetime and thus found himself in a nonproverbial 'world of hurt' which was inspired by the initial rebellion. We had infinite doors (vis-à-vis infinite realities!) to choose from and we (as an inextricable patchwork of souls) chose the one marked 'No Trespassing'. God has no idea why Adam ate the verboten fruit; were there a good reason for it, it wouldn't be sin. Psychiatry errs where it seeks rational causes for irrational behaviors. Not even Solomon in his glorific wisdom was able to understand the method of madness: (Ecc 1:17) And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.

The only way to curb disobedience is through a secondary act of disobedience which, having disobeyed itself, becomes obedient! Like Tom Sawyer, if you want your kids to whitewash the fence, tell'em they can't! Islam means submission; Christianity means defiance; Islam is the right religion in the wrong Universe. Just as all Christians are a patchwork Adam; all Muslims are a patchwork Christ, perpetually martyring themselves for the sake of the elect -- but unlike Christ, these are born unrighteous (which is why the Angel Gabriel deceived Muhammad with a Qur'an designed to constrain the impact of mankind's sin on the Universe. There is no salvation for Muslims, Jews, false Christians or Jesus Christ -- they became our sin; we drink their Blood! -- and just as Christ was obedient to the will of the Father on the cross of shame, Muhammad (pbuh) was his Prophet!:

220 Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? (My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?) lā 'ilāha 'illallāh muhammadur-rasūlullāh (There is no god but God; Muhammad is the Messenger of God.)

But America is a city on a hill; a white house in Mary's land: forged in rebellion, tempered by violence. War is as American as apple pie; and if this our generation shrinks from the mantle of warfare handed us by the sons of liberty and the daughters of the revolution, then our botched oath will invalidate the holy office for which we have all been elected. How does God use creation to inspire us to worship her? Remember the room with infinite doors? God can't make us decide which door to walk through, but she can arrange the furniture in the room, which in turn, guides our decision (such that a different arrangement would inspire in us a divergent path which never exactly happened). Since we are not aware of the divergent reality, neither is God; but since the purpose of God is to bless humanity (as she herself is blessed in us!), we are evinced that the world in which we live is the 'best of all possible worlds' given the horror of sin. In an alternate universe, I wouldn't be Peter the Roman; I'd be Joe the Plumber -- and yet, as the Arizona State Senator pointed out the day that Joe didn't show (which would make him a no-joe!), we're all Joe the Plumber! (and I hope nobody accuses me of jocialism for saying this!) But it is not for the pot to say to the potter, What makest thou? (Is 45:9); nor is it mete to judge another man's servant (Rom 14:4); just as we make decisions based on the furniture in the room, God arranges the furniture based on what we decide once we decide it. Inasmuch as God inspires us, we inspire her; inasmuch as we awake in the situation we chose, God is temporally unaware of the decisions she made that inspired us to enter that situation wherein we now find ourselves -- the temporal hand knoweth not what the divine hand is doing! Nevertheless, God did not inspire heaven's rebellion, having found sin already extant in the Universe from the moment of her Immaculate Conception.

221 When God created the world, she saw that it was good (Gen 1:31), but Cain hijacked creation and used it as a weapon against Abel: (Eze 28:12-19) Son of man, take up a lamentation upon the king of Tyrus, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord God; Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty. 13Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created. 14Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire. 15Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee. 16By the multitude of thy merchandise they have filled the midst of thee with violence, and thou hast sinned: therefore I will cast thee as profane out of the mountain of God: and I will destroy thee, O covering cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire. 17Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness: I will cast thee to the ground, I will lay thee before kings, that they may behold thee. 18Thou hast defiled thy sanctuaries by the multitude of thine iniquities, by the iniquity of thy traffic; therefore will I bring forth a fire from the midst of thee, it shall devour thee, and I will bring thee to ashes upon the earth in the sight of all them that behold thee. 19All they that know thee among the people shall be astonished at thee: thou shalt be a terror, and never shalt thou be any more.

Here is a mystery: Man sinned from the beginning -- a rebel without a cause!; and just as God did not tell, tempt or provoke Adam to err, so too did the Blessed Virgin not in any way command Jesus to die for man's sins. Christ's love is as unfettered as Adam's hatred -- he is a savior without as cause! He was the freewill offering, having saved the world before the BVM was conceived immaculate by virtue of his blood! The Cosmic Marriage Supper of the Lamb required the wine of his blood necessarily independent of the BVM before the foundation of the world!: (John 2:1-5, 11) And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: 2And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage. 3And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. 4Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come. 5His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it. 11This beginning of miracles did Jesus in

222 Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.

Jesus (and none other!) made the decision to become the Passover Sacrifice for man before the foundation of the world! He judged the world in his flesh, concluding it in righteousness! He is the King of Kings and the Conquering Lion of Judah! Without him was not anything made that was made (John 1:3) and the government shall be upon his shoulder (Is 9:6)!: (Gen 49:8-12) Judah, thou art he whom thy brethren shall praise: thy hand shall be in the neck of thine enemies; thy father's children shall bow down before thee. 9Judah is a lion's whelp: from the prey, my son, thou art gone up: he stooped down, he couched as a lion, and as an old lion; who shall rouse him up? 10The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come; and unto him shall the gathering of the people be. 11Binding his foal unto the vine, and his ass's colt unto the choice vine; he washed his garments in wine, and his clothes in the blood of grapes: 12His eyes shall be red with wine, and his teeth white with milk.

The Word of God was with God and is God! Like us, He was born doing what he already did! He leapt onto the cross! -- the son of a carpenter who spent his early childhood hammering nails into wood; and the only person in human history who actually was born ready!!: (Luke 12:49) I am come to send fire on the earth; and what will I, if it be already kindled? 50But I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how am I straitened till it be accomplished!

No! God did not ordain evil! She did not command sin, nor did she inspire it or tempt us in any way whatsoever; nevertheless, once we had already sinned from the beginning, she did inspire the direction that our sin would take in this world for the sake if the gospel. One sinner is directed to homosexuality, another to homicide; if the Blessed Virgin puts them in the same room with a loaded gun, she has no idea what will happen -- she only knows that the Universe just became a better place! The purpose of the Universe is two-fold: First, redeem all Christians by transmuting their sins onto Christ's body; Second, resurrect all Christians in eternal paradise. Today, we live in the age of redemption; tomorrow in glory! -- but when the harvest is past, all of Creation will be violently shaken and a

223 new heavens and new earth will emerge as the Universe concludes its primary ministry and commences with the business of pleasure!: (Ezek 34:25-27) And I will make with them a covenant of peace, and will cause the evil beasts to cease out of the land: and they shall dwell safely in the wilderness, and sleep in the woods. 26And I will make them and the places round about my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing. 27And the tree of the field shall yield her fruit, and the earth shall yield her increase, and they shall be safe in their land, and shall know that I am the Lord,

When Christ asked My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?, he wasn't talking about God the Creator, he was talking about his own disciples -- he was talking about you and me! All Christians are the Devil! I AM the Prince of Tyre, the Devil Incarnate and the father of lies! But the Devil is so horrendously wicked, that in an ultimate act of rebellion, he disobeys himself and becomes righteous! Catholicism is a bloody religion! -- Surely, a bloody husband art thou to me (Ex 4:25)! I drink God's blood and eat his flesh like some kind of cosmic cannibal! The Bible is a litany of murder and mayhem! The Cross of Christ is accursed and the Cup of Salvation is a Tincture of Torture!: Jud 19:22 Now as they were making their hearts merry, behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial, beset the house round about, and beat at the door, and spake to the master of the house, the old man, saying, Bring forth the man that came into thine house, that we may know him. Jud 19:23 And the man, the master of the house, went out unto them, and said unto them, Nay, my brethren, nay, I pray you, do not so wickedly; seeing that this man is come into mine house, do not this folly. Jud 19:24 Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. Jud 19:25 But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go. Jud 19:26 Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, till it was light. Jud 19:27 And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold. Jud 19:28 And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her up upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place. Jud 19:29 And when he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, together with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel.

224 Jud 19:30 And it was so, that all that saw it said, There was no such deed done nor seen from the day that the children of Israel came up out of the land of Egypt unto this day: consider of it, take advice, and speak your minds.

Obsession Just be careful of this feeling Or your fate, you will be sealing Love becomes obsession if you Cannot see the Truth that's with you So take heed to what I'm saying It's a crying game you're playing If you cannot live without her You will soon begin to doubt her When she hangs with other men Then you'll put her in a pen Making rules designed to slave her But this horrible behavior Only slaves you in the end When you can't let go, my friend

I Ain't No N*gger!! I ain't no n*gger; I'm a Tigger. N*ggers come from the hood; I am come from 100-acre wood! N*ggers are depressed; But Tiggers do what Tiggers do best! N*ggers drink a 40-ounce; But all I can do is bounce, bounce, bounce! So don't call me no n*gger Or I'll be on you faster than a pooh bear on a jar of honey. Hu-hu-hu-hoooo!!!

225

The Semiotics of God (The creation of meaning is the meaning of creation)

Then... I desired to have a relationship with you And my desire cried out to you But how could I have a true relationship with you? I cannot commune with what I cannot know Though I can see you, feel you and hear you... I cannot know the extent of the divine intent That was meant when you went (Or to whom I should repent during Lent!) No... I cannot know your heart (and nor you mine) Yet this relationship was not premised on knowledge But by faith divine Because I can hear your words I can see your face I can feel you And you, me But is it you that I see? Or do I believe you for your works' sake? Is my relationship with the Tree of Life? Or is it by your fruits That you are known? Is there anything else in this Mansion that evades my perception? Or has my Perception become my Mansion? Question... How can I have a relationship with you Being as there is nothing else in Existence besides Your Eternal Word?

226 Truly, your Word is Life Your Word is my God and the God of it The One who is Higher than I Because Ras Tafari was before I Worshipped the God whom earth, and sea and sky Whose shoes I am unfit to untie Surely your Word has baptized me by its own merit Unto this old and new and unending You in the Spirit Time no longer! -- Apocalypse Now! Wedded by a Sacramental Vow Of Love, begotten of a Virgin's desire Marriage with the Spirit, baptized by fire! Because I desired to have this relationship with You And my desire cried out And my cry, You knew

I Am Me (Emma I) "I am me" Who else can I be? Like royalty: Queen Emma I But Emma I Her life is curs'd Her acts, rehears'd In speech, well-vers'd But in the end, it's worst! So take Emma I And turn her 'round And then she'll become "I am found!"

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I Neva Knew I neva knew Just how much you Could love me so true Thru all we've been thru What more can I do? I haven't a clue! There's no avenue For me to get to This picture God drew That I'd like to view That I'd like to screw! And worship anew The God of the Hebrew In Christ Jesus who Hath chosen the few (And not just the Jew) But watched as they grew Each taking their cue Like a demonic coup In the blood we saw spew For what we can't undo There's no need to be blue 'Sola Spiritu' So let me review Why I love you two Opps, I meant 'too'! Is that YOU? -- I hear you ask. Yes and I'm up to the task Of removing all your doubt But you need to hear me out I don't know your hidden pain Bitter words that raped your brain I can only tell you this You've been baptized with a kiss

228 You've been baptized by my fire Like a spiritual vampire Sucking blood from virgin's necks By a demonic reflex But the Virgin, she consents Even though it makes no sense As her Son, with grace relents If my Love, from sin repents C'mon baby light my fire! Try to set the night on fire! You're my Venus, my desire! I'll be damned if I'm a liar

Sgt. Pepper's Dictionary (where do they all come from?) wish | expectation | show cup | hockey trophy | puck dirt | ground | tread repel | cast off | leper wink | turn a blind eye | knew fink | a back-stabber | knife killer | take someone else's life | relic regal | drunk with power | lager rhyme | rapper's delight | myrrh rhythm | and blues | mother aisle | where marriage begins | lie cry | complain | irk deacon | church official | naked deliver | us from evil | reviled

229 man | person | name maid | young unmarried woman | dame male | mystique | lame self | consciousness | flesh evil | sin and death | live devil | evildoer | lived fall | Paradise Lost | laugh sausage | is it kosher? | Jesus church | organized religion | crutch rood | ancient Anglican crucifix | door dogma | Catholic tenets | Am God tribe | ethnic lineage | birth avid | passionate | diva leer | lust of the eyes | reel lust | prurient interest | slut amor | Latin love | Roma liber | Latin freedom | rebel noël | French nativity | léon Eva | mother of all living | Ave Eden | the paradise of God | needy Noise | a tinkling cymbal | Zion Eliam | Bath-sheba's father | Ammiel Akhenaten | first monotheist | Tanakh Allahu Akbar | God is great! | Kabbalah Am I | my brother's keeper? | I AM Nemo | ancient submariner | omen

230 Pequod | they call me Ishmael | Cupid Wonka | and the chocolate factory | know Kramden | Gleason's divine comedy | Denmark Cosmo Kramer | Seinfeld's divine comedy | cosmic remark raven | nevermore | never Bethlehem | nativity scene | Lambeth Xena | Warrior Princess | annex Sega | Genesis | ages Devas | Hindu gods | saved Brahma | Hindu creator | Abraham Shiva | duplicitous deity | Vishnu Eros | desirous deity | rose Medusa | a woman scorned | Sodoma Agape | sacrificial love | Pagan Zeus | bringer of joy | Suez Mars | god of war | arms Pan am | last flight out of Saigon | napalm shogun | Japanese warlord | gung ho Asshur | brother of Elam | Russia Gideon's army | holy warriors | Armageddon Judas | Iscariot | Sadducee scythe | reaper's sickle | ethics funny | surely, you jest | enough!

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Bedsheets When I awoke, I noticed myself With the longest, firmest, mouth-watering erection But before I could open my eyes I felt my bedsheets wrapped closely against my body My penis throbbing uncontrollably amidst the tightly-wrinkled crinkles That must have somehow shifted during the night Still groggy, My head turned slightly on my pillow, when I suddenly began to feel them move And then, I realized that These weren't my sheets, but instead It was your smooth, perspirous thighs, straddling me -- rocking and locking To the primitive choreography, which had unknowingly become synchronous With the circadian rhythmic pulsations That had so fortuitously lulled my cerebral cortex From its REM state to state of Pure Ecstasy Instinctually desiring to acknowledge you, my ancient succubus But before I could open my tear-stained eyes I decided that it would be better not to interrupt you Maintaining my perfect silence In order so that you could Believe that you were... ((cheating on me with my own body)) (In fact, I still haven't told you...)

232 And as I lay there motionless Holding back ecstatic and guttural oblations, made To the Queen of Heaven made flesh It dawned on me That this might not even be you, but instead An angel Or perhaps even our adult daughter who was visiting for spring break But as long as I didn't know, God didn't either Like Lot and his daughters Judah and Tamar Pharaoh and Sarai There was no offence so long as I remained in ignorance ((And what a willing ignorance it was, mama!)) As the Ancient Shekhinah filled the temple with her fragrant eau d'amour My heightened consciousness altered by ebbing tides of endorphins Liberating me from this selfish vow of silence On the precipice of both verbal and pelvic outburst The seal of my mouth, breaking With a plaintive glossolalia Gushing and blushing The waters rushing My blurry eyes adjusting to the darkness of our bedroom As the glorious shadow That had enveloped my passion Within its tightly-crinkled wrinkles Revealed herself to me as Nothing more than... ((bedsheets...))

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Papa Don't Preach! Like a female virgin of myself Opps, I meant 'version' Or maybe it was the perversion of a pure virgin... Either way, it doesn't mater Mater? opps, I meant matter... Or maybe it was a Mater who matters? A Material Virgin in a maternal world But this time, she won't be keeping her baby... Evita crying -- 'Argentina's truth hurts Anita Negra' But the truth is, 'I never felt you... I broke my promise, increased my dissidence' My mad resistance to your insistence of her existence... Only to find myself 'in trouble deep!'

A Beautiful Mind In comedy, there's an old stock device whereby an underling posits a great idea to a boss who then retorts, "Great idea! Glad I thought of it!" But what difference does it make where our ideas come from so long as we think them? We are all oracles of our relative muses (though we don't always obey them!), which is why a Christian mind is sharper and more creative than that of a non-Christian. Stress impairs memory which is why you can't ever remember where you put something until you stop trying to remember where you put it; but Christians, having already found what all men seek, are under no pressure whatsoever which decreases both the biochemical affectations of stress and enhances mental and physiological faculties! You really can be a better you! Furthermore, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the retarded. They are not born retarded, they are labeled retarded by the leave-all-childrenbehind public school industrial complex! Like homosexuals, the retarded have stunted their own physical development by reason of their own original sin. But as soon as wicked

234 Monday-school teachers brand them as retarded and segregate them from the general population, they become obedient to a Universe that continually validates their so-called condition. Instead of teaching them that they are 'different' or 'special', we should be telling them that they have the ability to live like everyone else should they decide to. Everyone who has had a relationship with a retarded person knows that there are flashes of brilliance which usually occur in moments when they are 'caught off guard'; but when the moment passes, they apparently revert back to their conditioning. Retards have an important earthly ministry and those who convert will all be given new sinless bodies in heaven as well as expert angelic psychotherapy to enhance their mental capabilities (as will we all!) But if you tell a child he won't get better, you step on his faith! (Prov 21:11) When the scorner is punished, the simple is made wise:

And in case you were following the money, public schools under NoChild-Left benefit from classifying struggling students as ADHD learning-disabled because they get special accommodations on standardized tests (not to mention increased government funding for special education programs) and under NCLB, schools are penalized for not testing well -- and guess who determines whether or not a student is 'disabled'! Yep, the Pharmaceutical-backed APA-member school psychologist! And what is ADHD anyway? Not paying enough attention, massa'? I's real sorry, massa'! Please don' hurt me, massa'! Maybe if you weren't suffering from BAHT, I wouldn't have ADHD! That's 'Boring-As-HellTeacher'! But if you want to treat a child like one of Pavlov's dogs, don't be surprised if later on he bites you in the ass! Right now, what our kids need is the Word of God brought back into the public school curriculum. Our children are given classroom rules-and-consequences, but without the intellectual underpinnings to support their adherence. The bad teachers whine about the lack of 'hometraining' while the good teachers are being hamstringed by religious prohibitions which preclude the instruction of absolute morality. If you teach a child that he will be sent to detention for throwing a crayon, he will understand that there are temporal consequences for his actions. Times change.

235 If you teach a kid that talking in class impedes his classmates from learning, he will understand that there are social consequences for his actions. Societies differ. If you teach a child that the decisions he makes now will affect him the rest of his life, he will understand that there are personal consequences for his actions. People die. If you teach a child that he will never die and therefore has a real relationship and responsibility to the Universe and the people in it, he will not only obey the classroom protocol, he get his friends to as well! Jesus saves! The teachers unions argue that higher salaries attract more qualified teachers; but a true teacher sacrifices for their students. The higher the salary, the cheaper the teacher; but what the schools need now is not more uniforms or standards. What we need right now is a national debate over the nature of reality. What is life? What is truth? What is beauty? And if any teacher denies the existence of abstract reality, they forfeit their right to be in it. But what's wrong with the schools today is that the plastic coins used to teach kids about money are exact replicas of US fiat, only with the words "In God We Trust" omitted.

Why Must I Study? I began my teaching career on the other side of town... One day, a student asked, Why must I study? I answered, "So you can support yourself economically." But the child answered, Even if I got all A's, my parents couldn't afford to send me to college... and even if I got a good job, my impoverished family would bankrupt me cuz I'd have to support them... I ended my teaching career in the plum suburb... One day, a student asked, Why must I study? I answered, "So you can support yourself economically." But the child laughed, I'm set for life with a million-dollar trust fund! So now I ask you... Why must I study?

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School Prayer I looked at my keyboard -- you wanna know Y? Because I was searching for the letter I. Searching and searching -- unable to C! O where on this keyboard could the letter I B? I really should know where these letters all R! But how can I learn when I don't know what 4? Without a higher purpose to aspire 2, Our children won't learn that the I is next to U!

It's a Hazmat Life Recent studies show that women who are under stress during pregnancy, can affect the hormonal development of their fetuses. While these hormonal imbalances don't have any impact on whether or not your child will sin, it would have an 'inspirational' affect on the direction that your child's sin would take in the world: Children whose mothers were overly stressed during pregnancy may themselves be more vulnerable to anxiety as a result, research suggests. High levels of stress hormone may cross the placenta and affect the baby in the womb in a way that carries long-term implications, UK scientists believe. A Bristol University team found anxiety in late pregnancy was linked to higher cortisol levels in children aged 10. (BBC News: Pregnancy stress 'passed to baby')

Hence, inasmuch as there are differences between Christians and nonChristians (whereas Christians have substantially lower stress-hormone levels than the rest of us), only baptized Christians should be granted marriage licenses and afforded reproductive rights. The Catholic Church does not recognize faithless marriages and neither should we: (Deut 22:9) Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled.

The book of Ezra warns against mixed relationships, but it was not the ethnic origins of the spouses that polluted their blood; rather, it was that they were "doing according to their abominations" (Ezra 9:1).

237 Sin, not race, was the problem! A "mixed multitude" followed the Hebrews out of Egypt during the Exodus (Ex 12:38) and Moses' wife was Ethiopian, but racist Jews redefined the word "Ethiopian" to mean "beautiful" (just as they did "virgin" to mean "maiden"), but instead, they've exchanged Yahweh for Baal (which is why they practice "KaBaal-a"); they're as wicked today as they were in the wilderness!: (Num 12:1) And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.

Christ himself had Moabite ancestry (Matt 1:5), but Ruth had converted to the true faith before meeting Boaz and was thus sanctified (Ruth 1:16). However, racist Jews omitted the Book of Ruth from their medieval codices in order to avoid the spectre of an 'impure' David. But if America desires to maintain its racial superiority in the world, we must delegitimize non-Christian procreation: (Ezra 9:1-2) Now when these things were done, the princes came to me, saying, The people of Israel, and the priests, and the Levites, have not separated themselves from the people of the lands, doing according to their abominations, even of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites. 2For they have taken of their daughters for themselves, and for their sons: so that the holy seed have mingled themselves with the people of those lands: yea, the hand of the princes and rulers hath been chief in this trespass.

It is not a violation of civil liberty to prevent non-Catholics from marrying because anyone can become a Catholic regardless of age, race or gender. And by the way, GLBT is not a gender, it is the negation of it and a crime against reality! You can put lipstick on a pig, but it still ain't kosher!: (Deut 22:5) The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.

The reason why ethnic Jews are the Chosen People is because in divinity, they are the 'church of the firstborn' (Heb 12:23). Everyone is born speaking Hebrew until they acquire a tongue-language; everyone is Jewish until they discover what race they are: it is the precursory race, the template of humanity and as pure as they are ethnically is as pure as they are spiritually -- they are strict, dogged and exacting! We should be so lucky as to have them in control of our media! Befriend a Jew, and

238 your phone will be ringing off the hook; Cross a Jew, and the universe will cave in on you before you can say 'Oy Vey!' But of course, Jesus of Nazareth was (of all historic Jews) the most biologically pristine. He was King of the Jews, whose biochemistry was so unadulterated, that the traces of DNA on the 'hem of his garment' could raise the dead. Even the Roman centurions cast lots for his vesture (Matt 27:35) and Catholic Church history is rife with examples of relics, shrines and saint's knucklebones which were thought to be endowed with mystical properties. Similarly, Elisha didn't receive Elijah's spirit until he donned his mantle (2 Kng 2:13) and later, when a dead Moabite corpse was unwittingly cast into his sepulchre, it was instantly resurrected upon contact with Elisha's bones. Hence, not only do biochemical sincontaminants harm, but the psychic secretions of the morally pure can heal -- even resurrect!: (2 Kng 13:20-21) And Elisha died, and they buried him. And the bands of the Moabites invaded the land at the coming in of the year. 21And it came to pass, as they were burying a man, that, behold, they spied a band of men; and they cast the man into the sepulchre of Elisha: and when the man was let down, and touched the bones of Elisha, he revived, and stood up on his feet.

Remember Bethesda? Whenever the angel disturbed the pool, it was endowed with healing properties precisely because the angelic biochemistry had imbued its waters. Similar other healing pools have been noted throughout human history -- and even the Catholics have a tradition of anointing themselves with Holy Water blessed by a Priest. When Benny Hinn lays hands on the sick, his biochemistry heals them so completely that they oftentimes fall backwards onto the ground, not to mention the Catholic Rite of Apostolic Succession which involves the 'laying on of hands'. (1 Tim 4:14) Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery.

At the Last Supper, Christ drank from the cup first before giving it to his disciples (1 Cor 11:25), a tradition which is lives on the Catholic Liturgy; but Protestants forego this tradition (or use plastic shot glasses!) to avoid germs -- and yet in the two thousand-year history of the Church, no one has ever contracted a disease from Catholic Communion. There is even a Tradition of the priest placing the wafer on the communicant's tongue with his own hand, and let's not forget that the very word Mass (or Missal) comes from the Latin phrase 'Ite, missa est' (as in the old days,

239 unchristened proselytes were 'dismissed' from the congregation prior to the Eucharist. And this brings me to my next point: You may have heard of the urban myth of 'energy vampires' (or people who just seem to zap your energy simply by being around them) - these are reverse healers, people who are so exceedingly wicked, that they emit an aromatic sin-aura which can interact with your own biochemistry, making you feel absolutely drained (so-to-speak!) Contrarily, the 'halo' (or nimbus) of medieval Christian art or even the so-called 'after-glow' of the young woman who has just recently lost her virginity can be seen as projections of positive energyauras. And then there's the proverbial 'green thumb' which prospers everything it plants, but the negative energy-auras of the wicked can accumulate in houses where violent acts had occurred or even settle over the grave-markers of the undearly departed, entrancing visitors with negative impulses, foul smells or psychoactive hallucinations. People with severe sin-disorders can even produce auras so vile, that they can be lethal to plants, animals -- even humans (as is the case with such unexplained phenomena as spontaneous human combustion). But if you feel that your home is contaminated by a negative spirit-energy, try doing what the Catholics have done for centuries, invite an exorcist to sprinkle your home with holy water!: Latin Rite for the Preparation of Holy Water Deus, qui ad salutem humani generis maxima quæque sacramenta in aquarum substantia condidisti: adesto propitius invocationibus nostris, et elemento huic, multimodis purificationibus præparato, virtutem tuæ benedictionis infunde; ut creatura tua, mysteriis tuis serviens, ad abigendos dæmones morbosque pellendos divinæ gratiæ sumat effectum; ut quidquid in domibus vel in locis fidelium hæc unda resperserit careat omni immunditia, liberetur a noxa. Non illic resideat spiritus pestilens, non aura corrumpens: discedant omnes insidiæ latentis inimici; et si quid est quod aut incolumitati habitantium invidet aut quieti, aspersione hujus aquæ effugiat: ut salubritas, per invocationem sancti tui nominis expetita, ab omnibus sit impugnationibus defensa. Per Dominum, amen.

God, Who for the salvation of the human race has built your greatest mysteries upon this substance, in your kindness hear our prayers and pour down the power of your blessing into this element, prepared by many purifications. May this your creation be a vessel of divine grace to dispel demons and sicknesses, so that everything that it is sprinkled on in the homes and buildings of the faithful will be rid of all unclean and harmful things. Let no pestilent spirit, no corrupting atmosphere, remain in those places: may all the schemes of the hidden enemy be dispelled. Let whatever might trouble the safety and peace of those who live here be put to flight by this water, so that health, gotten by calling Your holy name, may be made secure against all attacks. Through the Lord, amen.

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2nd cen. AD Kushan coin with an image of the Buddha (spelled 'BODDO' in Greek script) enveloped by his aureole.

Guadalupe image with body aura (also known as an 'aureole').

When Moses was transported from the top of Sinai to 1st century Judaea to receive the Ten Commandments from Christ himself, he was witness to the Transfiguration with Peter, James, John and Elijah (Matt 17:4), and apparently, the aureole that had enveloped Christ was transferred to him upon his receipt of the stone tablets: (Ex 34:29-30) And it came to pass, when Moses came down from mount Sinai with the two tables of testimony in Moses' hand, when he came down from the mount, that Moses wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him. 30And when Aaron and all the children of Israel saw Moses, behold, the skin of his face shone; and they were afraid to come nigh him.

Hence, Peter was prevented by the Transfiguration from erecting tabernacles for Moses and Elijah since the Feast of Tabernacles hadn't been instituted until after Moses descended Sinai (Ex 23:16) -- an' fi all yu' Rastas out dere, Sinai backways is "I an'I(s)": (Ex 31:18) And he gave unto Moses, when he had made an end of communing with him upon mount Sinai, two tables of testimony, tables of stone, written with the finger of God.

241 And if one's positive and/or negative bio-aura can heal others or perhaps even infirm them, then why wouldn't it also have an impact on the global environment? The Japanese architectural style of Fung Shuei was in fact developed to refocus these negative energy contagions from buildings and residences while at the same time cultivating a positive spiritual atmosphere. It also stands to reason that periods of worldwide apostasy would have deleterious effects on the planet vis-à-vis the so-called 'vile vortices' (including the Bermuda Triangle among others), which have caused the unexplained disappearances of aircraft and ships -- perhaps even the recent Air France calamity, not to mention the confounding of navigational equipment, mass-hallucinations and other apparently mysterious phenomena -- but if our sins could adversely impact the global environment, why wouldn't then our righteousness heal our land? Perhaps instead of worrying about our carbon footprint, we should be taxing non-Christians for harming the planet with their toxic sinemissions!: (Gen 6:11-13) The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence. 12And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. 13And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.

Of course, it would be the height of intellectual dishonesty to restrict our knowledge of the material universe only to what can be observed through an electron microscope! Scientists are baffled and befuddled by the unexplained "dark" energies that Draconian Mechanics simply cannot resolve! That we are biologically and mentally subjected to subatomic and/or motive forces, evading the detection of even our most advanced magnification systems, should absolutely and unequivocally be taken for granted -- and yet don't the parapsychologists and ghost hunters (all of them branded scientific heretics by the Cult of Newton!) detect these things with magnetometers and other such devices? -- which brings me to my next point... POP QUIZ: Why would modern medical science suppress ancient knowledge of natural healing methods? A. It's too easy, makes too much sense, and costs too little! B. It makes White people look bad for not thinking of it first! C. Follow the money! -- i.e., you can't put a patent on nature! D. It makes medical science look bad because religious folks came up with it!

242 Of course, people who eat the way the Bible prescribes tend to be healthier than those who would eat road-kill, but that's another story... Bio-energy also plays a significant role in non-Western mystical traditions such as Qigong and Tibetan Buddhist meditation. Here, the life-force (or Shakti) resides within certain meridian points located throughout the body, and it is the purpose of Tantric meditation to exert one's Shakti from the base meridian (or chakra), bringing it into mystical union with the Divine Feminine. Several Eastern therapies and techniques have their basis in this esoteric philosophy, including Chinese acupuncture, Qigong meditation, Tai Chi and Japanese shiatsu massage. But the White racist Amerik.k.k.an Medical Association can't stand to be one-upped by the little guy!: (Jer 46:11) O virgin, the daughter of Egypt: in vain shalt thou use many medicines; for thou shalt not be cured.

Ever have a visitor to your home and your normally shy cat walks right up to him and starts purring? -- he might have a positive energy-aura! But if a stranger enters your home and the dog won't stop barking, then be careful, animals and plants can sense people's negative auras as well (or even your own should you get into a trouble!) Is your dog acting strange lately? Did a houseplant suddenly wither? It might be a good idea to get a medical checkup! -- No sense in waiting for the modern medical science establishment to catch up with the Farmer's Almanac!: "There have been a number of examples of dogs being able to sniff out disease," says Russell. "One recent report, for instance, involved a dog repeatedly sniffing a particular area of its owner's leg, and the owner turned out to have a cancer in that area. "Are there biological markers in sweat that are indicative of a particular type of disease, and that dogs, with their heightened sense of smell, are able to pick up?" (CNN.com/technology)

Every race is conceived in perfection and there is no biologically inferior race, but there are biochemical differences between the Christian race and non-Christians which modern scientific research is now beginning to recognize. There is no gay-gene or God-gene either, but sinning children alter their own physiological compositions during the process of sexual maturation and (should they themselves have children) can pass on these biochemical imbalances to their own children, inspiring (but not compelling) the path of that child's sin in a direction it otherwise might

243 not have taken. You can't spend nine months swimming inside a wicked woman's amniotic fluid and not have it affect your prenatal development (or the rest of your earthly life for that matter!) Hence, in order for the Christ-child to be 'born perfect', it required an exceedingly righteous and pure woman who herself was without the stain of original sin; and though the historic Mary was not per se the Immaculate Conception (God is), insofar as she converted as an infant and remained sinless throughout her youth so that her adult physiology was unmarred by original sin, she was as immaculate as it gets, and had to be for the Christ-child to be born pure -- a sinless chick from the Annunciation to the final weaning!: (Luke 11:27) And it came to pass, as he spake these things, a certain woman of the company lifted up her voice, and said unto him, Blessed is the womb that bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked.

And if a mustard seed of faith can move a mountain, then why wouldn't a righteous man's biochemistry have influence over his seed?: (1 Cor 7:14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Thai-dye Little Tukta from Siam says, "How lucky that I am flying out to London town in a graduation gown! But the British consulate doesn't have my passport yet?" Little Tukta, can't you see? It's an opportunity to forgive the enemy (impudent bureaucracy!) When we learn to look within, all we find is death and sin; when we learn to look without, Jesus will remove all doubt!

244 Now that you are on your way, I have but one thing to say: Never leave the God you know When your flight reaches Heathrow!^^

Fun-n-Games At the Church Hall in Falmouth, Trelawny, on Friday nights meet the AYF (or Anglican Youth Fellowship). Although the official age of membership is 15-25, exceptions are made. The AYF has a staff of 4 officers: a secretary; a treasurer; a vice president and president. Afterchurch concession sales contribute to the AYF budget, which usually is spent on transportation to the annual retreat. In America, people drive to church; in Jamaica, people walk. This makes church-shopping much more cut and dry, the chief theological concern being distance from residence. And because all of your neighbours attend the same church you do, this affords the Parish Priest extraordinary license to publicly ostracize those who fail to attend regularly without excuse. Thus are the lines blurred between social and spiritual salvation as perhaps they should be in a religion where God is both man and spirit. Like most Jamaican institutions, AYF never begins on time. But when it does, it usually begins with singing and praying, the attendees forming a human circle, holding hands and swaying to a capella gospel music. Songs like: Bind us together, Lord Bind us together with Chords that cannot be broken; Bind us together, Lord Bind us together, Lord Bind us together with love.

245 Then, there is 'Fun-n-Games'. One game, 'Apple Turnover', is played by having someone stand in the centre of the other circular-seated contestants. Every third person is thence assigned a fruit, either: apple; banana or cherry. If the standing person yells 'cherry turnover!', all the cherries have to exchange seats and in the confusion, the standing person attempts to steal one of the seats. Thus, whoever is left standing becomes the new fruit caller. Another fun game is 'Dog-n-Bone'. 'Dog-n-Bone' is played when all separate into two teams (usually along age or gender lines), and stand facing each other in two opposing ranks at either end of the hall. Each team member is assigned a number, at which point, a handball (or other small item) is placed midway betwixt the two teams. A number caller then calls a number and if that's your number, you must run to retrieve the aforesaid item (we never had a ball) before your opponent, returning to your end of the hall with it. However, if your opponent manages to tag you while you are in possession of the item, you must release it which, no sooner than when the item (we usually used the keys to the church hall) tumbles to the floor, is when the true genius of the game is revealed -- which is to say, that both opponents are seen huddled over the object, waiting for the other to lunge at it in order to tag him (or her) and, thus, compelling him (or her) to drop it once again, initiating yet another stand-off, this delicate choreography continuing for as long as it takes for one of the aforementioned opponents to both redeem the said item and escape his (or her) pursuers as he (or she) attempts to tag him (or her) yet again! Trust me, it's more fun than it sounds.

Imagine I'm an Enigma Imagine I'm an enigma ...... A misunderstood mister who dissed his sister (but now, how much I've missed her) ...... A man who once prayed to someday repay the one whom he depraved (but now, it's too late) ...... The one who bravely paved the way for him to say, "My soul is saved" ...... The one and only Son who came to make a way for everyone (and now it's done) ...... The one who gave his all to call a saint whose name was Saul (but now it's Paul, y'all) ...... The one who (by his stripes) restored the blind man's sight forevermore (Praise ye the LORD) ...... But as for me and my house? ...... I am the charismatic-addict praisin' Jesus all diseases have been cured (Word is born) ......

246

Greta und die Gestapo Knock knock knock... (Die doore opendt.) "Gütentag!" greeted Greta. "Wat Kann I du für yeu?" "I haffe orders teu sürche dies rezidence unter suspicione das yeu ar hidingsie Jüden," sagt die Nazi. "Jüden?" criedt Greta. "Nein! Er ist nöe Jüden hier." "Maye I sürche, den?" "Of cours nicht!" Greta answert. "Est ist die middel auf der nächt! Kömme bach ohn Sönntag, bye-bye!" "Nein!" der Nazi insistet. "I müss conducten die sürche at wonce!" "Or else wat?!" "Or else.." (der Nazi pausen... Er dits nicht wänten zu fillen out zie paperwürke für deiser one!...) "Okay -- okay! Den jusst tellen me, ist der eine Jüden heire?" "Yess!" "Güt!" answert die Nazi. "Bringen ihm oute, bitte." "Fein, I will!" Greta relentidt, "Bütte fürst, tellen me wei yeu wänte ihm." "Becauss he ist ein Jüde!" "Und wat ist wröngen wiht das?" shie answeren. "Die Jewische blüt ist korrupt und müssen be pürgt frem auf die Sudetanland!" sagt der Nazi. "Wei du yeu thinken dat?" askt Greta perplext. "Wei? Wei?? Jusst looke as die advancments auf Aryan ärs und cultur! Das genius auf dein Östrianische müsiker und technologie, der stamina auf ouhr würkers! Grüβ Gött! Weir die mosst evölvedt auf älle der races und häffen un näturel reicht zu destroyen sie impür races! "Aber wass abouet der Bibel?" pleadedt Greta. "Weir älle frem Adem, ain't we? Und häffen weir älle bin mäde ouf die saem blüd?" Aber die Nazi groβlich sprächen, "Perhapts! Aber weil ins das Neü Testamenten, die Jüden wert replacent bei den Romänische Christerens! Dierfore, das gentilles aer die neue superiuer race!" (Greta lookt ahn der Nazi wiht despaire. Shie hadt geställedt ihm as müche ahs shie couldt!) "Alreit! Alreit! I wille göe und bringen auf die Jüden. Waite hier..." Der doore clöest und die Nazi waitet outeside.

247 Den, sie doore suddennly opent... "Well? Wehr ist hie?" askt der Nazi. "Kömming," shie answërt sweetlich. "Bütte fürst, tellen mie... Ar nott yeu ein grandsönne auf einen Jüdenin?" "Ja, I am," sprächen der Nazi. "Bütte I wass raisedt ahs einen Christeren." "I see..." Greta wondert. "Und ihre parenst neiber toldt yeu das Jesu Christe war ein Jüden?" Der Nazi pausedt. "Well... I neiber unterstüdt thiere faithe... I wantet zu believen en Christe, bütte... I neiber couldt! I neiber saw waht thaey saw! Die mësage war losst on me! I kouldt nicht finden Götte nowehre!" "Den wei känt yeu see Hem nowe?!" Greta pleadedt. Bütte der Nazi becämme outragedt, "Est wast meinen blüd! Meinen korrupt Jewische blüdt das wouldt nicht permitt mie!! Nowe bringensie auf die Juden!! Schnell, bitte!!" Greta walkdt outeside und shütten sie doore behindt ehr. "Hier am I!" shie gesagt. "Yeu?!" shoutted der Nazi. "Yeu art nicht einen Jüden?!" "Ja, Ich bin nicht," Greta whisperin. "Bütte meine Saviuer ist, und ihs blüd eis withinen mie."

Rough Love You call yourself Isis? Cuz yu' ice is mine, sis? Now get down On the ground And crawl around on all fours like a hound It's the leash you can do... Till I come after you Releasing my male glue Without a clue As to why I need to Stick it in you Mi lubya fi true!

248 Cuz you belong to me There's no escaping, you see? I've got you tied to my Man-groove tree In the midst of the Garden of WE Fucking like Adam On the Eve of Destruction Yu' thick black lips of seduction Provoking my male eruption With a furious ssssuction As I reach down, both hands clamping yu' head jerking myself on yu' cum-stained face Punishing your sexual averace As I get my bliss with my sis Isis As my semen set sail through the straits of yer hips Eclipsed by the nips of those elliptical ships Ridin' dat shyt like Erik Estrada on CHiPs! Some might call'em pigtails, but I call'em grips... If I had you alone for 24 hours, and you would do anything I told you, I'd rent a penthouse suite at the Ritz, and install hidden cameras in every room. Then I'd hire a prostitute who would wait for you in the penthouse, and I'd pay her to make love to you. But this is where it gets interesting... Unbeknownst to her, I'll give you a hidden earpiece where I can instruct you on how to make love to her. And unbeknownst to you, I'll give her a hidden earpiece telling her what I want her to do to you. And I told her about the hidden cameras also, but told her not to tell you cuz you didn't know. And I told you not to tell her, cuz she didn't know. But before I leave you alone, I tell the both of you that I may or may not walk in at any moment, and make love to you both. But if I do... unbeknownst to either of you, I'll be wearing yet another hidden earpiece, whereby I can take instructions from yet another prostitute... But that's if I had you alone for 24 hours, and you would do anything I told you.

True Reflections Sounds Motions Rays of Light All together Are the means by which true romance takes flight

249 The fruits of our love perceived from above Are all we have To go by In this Fight You And I Together In Creation Not because we're good, but because we're right

Litter Alley Dad!, my son complained. I've been staring at the mountain all day like Jesus said and it hasn't moved! All things are possible, I answered. But before you go moving mountains, try removing the mote from your eye.

It is impossible to interpret the Bible literally. Neither can there be any communication without interpretation. If I say "cat," it doesn't literally mean "four-legged house pet." It could also mean a tiger or lion; a slang term for "category" (as in "Cat 5 Hurricane"); a nickname for Cathy; then there's the folksinger and Muslim convert Cat Stevens; I sometimes refer to people as cats in the pejorative (but that's somewhat nostalgic on my part). If I instead use the term "Felis domesticus," it still would not literally mean "finicky fur ball." The word "cat" is a raw sound. It is a literal collection of phonemes bereft of any intrinsic meaning or significance. Hence, our understanding of "cat" is derived not from the phonemes, but rather from the spirit, which is to say, we ourselves attribute meaning and signification to them. We interpret the Bible by the spirit and not by the Bible itself. If anyone tells you that the Bible is literally true, it is because they are under the spell of an anti-Catholic church. These cats are liars and I mean that literally. If "cat" literally meant "flea-bitten feline," then "gato," "katze," and "chat" would signify something else, which these foreign words for "cat" do not. Do the French perceive a different animal than we do? Does the rose by any other name smell any less sweet? When in France, c'est la vie; when in Jamaica, suh it go!

250 And yet, translation would not exist in a world where words literally meant what they apparently do and since each individual has their own unique perspective, there can never be a uniformly apparent interpretation of Holy Writ. To argue the merits of one's doctrine based on a literal interpretation of the Bible is therefore entirely specious -- or is the NIV a greater translation than the epistle written in your hearts?: Di man se, "Lov di Laad Yu Gad wid aal yu aat, yu suol, schrent an main, an lov yu nieba laik ou yu lov yuself." Jiizas se tu im, "Yu ansa rait. Du dat an yu wi liv." (Jamaican Patois Translation: Luke 10:27-28)

To the extent that we all differ from each other, we are incapable of achieving a uniformity of interpretation. It is a fool's errand. But just as an individual draws upon his or her experience in order to enhance his or her perspective, a church will draw upon its own tradition and history in order to enhance its doctrine. Of course, the Roman Catholic Church would have the most extensive tradition, which would afford it the most pristine view of Scripture's apparent meaning; And it is a miracle that such a large and long-lasting denomination would not fall into the same theological pitfalls that have plagued the mainline Protestant churches, paving the way for an insurgency of non-denominational mega-churches. Nevertheless, the RC Church is the original non-denominational mega-church and our doctrine is informed by the Holy Tradition (inclusive of Holy Writ) and articulated by the ex cathedra statements of our Holy Father (or perhaps in due time, the Holy Mother). Now we have seen how words spoken in any given tongue-language can never be literally interpreted, but what about the raw Hebrew, which is to say, the language of subliminal thought? If the Word of God is God as John posits (John 1:1), then would not the Name of the LORD (the Tetragrammaton) literally mean the LORD? Not so fast! Even the Divine Name YHWH must be interpreted by the spirit. Else there would be no cause for the 3rd Commandment, which admonishes us from using the LORD's name vainly. If the Tetragrammaton literally meant itself, then it would be impossible to mishandle the Word of Life, which it is not: (Matt 7:21) Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

251 Not only does the Tetragrammaton not mean itself, it is not at all itself sans interpretation. Existence (upon which the Word of God rests) is itself predicated by choice, which carries with it the intrinsic possibility of sinning against the Word of God, which can only be accomplished through the vain utterance of the LORD's Name. Nevertheless, it is the righteous utterance of the same that accomplishes not only our salvation, but ultimate redemption and the very conferral of the Holy Spirit itself. No one can have the Holy Ghost without confession and none can confess except it be by the Spirit. Now, the Spirit is one with me (and also with you). Whatever we speak, he speaks; Whatever we do, he does; Whatever we know, he knows. If you don't know your Savior on the day of reckoning, then your god (who is as knowledgeable as you are) won't know that you're saved, at which point Jehovah Farmgirl will chuck the chaff into the fire and holler yeehaw. Likewise, the Spirit is an obedient servant so that if I love the Spirit, He will recompense that love in the day of redemption; but if I sin against the Spirit, He will recompense that sin on the day of wrath. In the latter case, because temporality is an illusion created by motion, and because God is immutable, I stand eternally guilty before the Spirit of God (even if I only committed one sin back in the late '70s). What am I going to do? I can't live down eternity and I can't wait 'til the heat's off -it's an eternal flame! In a situation like that, you've got to plead guilty and throw yourself at the mercy of the court! And what does my Judge do, then? He renders his verdict (without any cosmic precedent) that deems my repentance to be worthy of redemption. Now I'm a free man -free from sin; free from recompense; free from death! I want to shake my judge's hand, but when I do, to my horror, I see that it's pierced! Could it be that my Victim is also my Judge? Talk about a conflict of interest! Now, if you haven't called upon the pure, holy, beautiful, glorious and righteous Name of the LORD Jesus Christ, then by all means what are you waiting for? A written invitation from God? We already have it! It's so easy to convert and yet so easy to put it off (which is what makes it so very hard, I suppose). And what's the difference between fiction and non-fiction anyway?: If I say that psychiatrists tell us we are not in control of ourselves, is that any different than if I say that Pinocchio has strings? If I say that people alter their biochemistry through sinful thoughts, is that any different than if I say Pinocchio's nose grows whenever he lies?

252 If I say that people (who were supposedly gay before puberty) irreversibly impacted their adult physiology, is that any different than boys smoking and playing hooky before finding themselves irreversibly transformed into asses? If I say Geppetto's son, why not the son of Jupiter? Perhaps the difference between fiction and non-fiction has less to do with what's being said than how it's being said. But regardless: to the extent that language conveys reality, it deviates from it. The theological term for someone who takes the Bible literally is a biblical literalist -- and you may actually be one without even knowing it! So in order to determine whether you take the Bible literally (and so as not to upstage a certain 'worthy' redneck!), I've come up with a simple way to find out: You may be a bible literalist if... You preach the gospel to your dog because Jesus said to preach the gospel to every creature (Mark 16:15)! You drink poison and handle snakes because Jesus says it's a sign of the Spirit (Mark 16:18)! You're torn between whether or not Satan put the dinosaur bones in the ground or there were brontosauruses on Noah's Jurassic Ark? We could stop here but let's continue... You believe Enos was the offspring of Seth and his mother Eve as there was no other woman in the garden besides Eve (Gen 4:25-26)! You believe God and Satan placed bets on whether or not Job would break (Job 1:8-13)! You believe Jesus is a black man with woolly hair and a bronze complexion!: (Rev 1:13-15) And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle. 14His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; 15And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.

253 So if you don't want to repent to 'Dreadlock Jesus', stop taking the Bible literally, please!: Jiizas ansa im se, "Wan man a go dong fram Jeruusilem tu Jeriko an som tiif grab im. Dem tek we im kluoz, biit im an go we lef im haaf ded. Wan priis a go dong di siem ruod, si di man, an paas pan di ada said. (JPV: Di Stuori Bout di Gud Samaritan)

But let's say we suspend disbelief (or perhaps sustain it?) and try to take the Bible literally anyway: (Num 23:19) God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent:

So God is 'not a man' or 'the son of man'? Well of course, she's not!! But let's say that God is speaking corporately on behalf of her son: does this imply that God never became flesh as the JWs maintain?; or is Jesus 'not a man' in the sense 'that he should lie' or 'should repent'? But then again, maybe the entire passage (Num 23:19-24) was meant to be read as a 'parable' (and not literally as the previous verse seems to imply): (Num 23:18) And he took up his parable, and said, Rise up, Balak, and hear; hearken unto me, thou son of Zippor:

But this is what happens when we base our faith on scripture rather than Tradition. When Luther weaponized the Bible with the words 'sola scriptura', each man became his own denomination as churches fragmented over matters of interpretation, paving the way for moral relativism. But if you want to redefine 'church', don't be surprised when your grandkids redefine 'marriage'!: No one indeed can deny that marriage is an external worldly thing, like clothes and food, house and home, subject to worldly authority, as shown by so many imperial laws governing it. (Martin Luther, Von den Ehesachen) Not only is the sacramental character of matrimony without foundation in Scripture; but the very traditions, which claim such sacredness for it, are a mere jest. Marriage may therefore be a figure of Christ and the Church; it is, however, no Divinely instituted sacrament, but the invention of men in the Church, arising from ignorance of the subject. (Martin Luther, De captivitate Babylonica)

254 Lastly, there is matrimony, which all admit was instituted by God, though no one before the time of Gregory regarded it as a sacrament. What man in his sober senses could so regard it? God's ordinance is good and holy; so also are agriculture, architecture, shoemaking, hair-cutting legitimate ordinances of God, but they are not sacraments. (Calvin, Institutions: IV.xix.34)

That's one helluva haircut!! We don't need any more liberal Protestink private interpretations! We don't need no more sola scriptura; what we need right now is sola spiritu!: (2 Cor 3:6) Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.

But let's try once again, like a dog turned back on his vomit (2 Pet 2:22), to take the Bible at its 'literal' meaning: (Ezek 20:49) Then said I, Ah Lord God! they say of me, Doth he not speak parables?

According to the Jews, Jesus is not the Messiah because he never fulfilled the 'literal interpretation' of messianic prophecy. (It's actually one of the few things they take literally!) According to them, the Messiah must: repatriate all Israelites to the 'homeland' (Is 11:12); usher in an era of world peace (Ezek 39:9); reinstitute the Sanhedrin (Is 1:26); resurrect the dead (Is 26:19); rebuild the Temple at Jerusalem and resume the sacrifice (Ezek 40): (Prov 26:7) The legs of the lame are not equal: so is a parable in the mouth of fools.

So now, instead of preaching the gospel, we find ourselves mired in dueling interpretations (and I thought dueling banjos was corny!) But since we're on the subject of country bumpkins, why don't we c'mon in and set a spell as the 'Great American Bible Literalist Pissing Competition' commences: Southern Baptist: Our church doesn't baptize infants! Pentecostal: Alright, I'll see your adult baptism and raise you a 'young earth'! Southern Baptist: Alright, I'll see your 'young earth' and raise you a 'deluge'! Pentecostal: Alright, I'll see your 'deluge' and raise you a 'sabbath'! Southern Baptist: Alright, I'll see your 'sabbath' and raise you a 'fast'! Pentecostal: Well our church speaks in tongues!

255 Southern Baptist: Well our church doesn't ordain women! Pentecostal: Well we believe Christ is coming back in our lifetime! Southern Baptist: We don't believe in interracial marriage! Catholic: Hi fellas -- couldn't help overhearing! Our Church doesn't read the Bible much. Nope, that's the job of the clergy. And besides, we're too busy building hospitals and orphanages, and giving to charity! Pentecostal: You don't have the Spirit! Southern Baptist: You're not saved! (Jam 1:27) Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

Jamaican 'Duppy' Story (Note to reader: In Jamaica, a 'duppy' is a ghost.)

Dis fi waa yuh muss do if di duppy, 'im a'folla yuh so... First, don' panic, juss keep on a'walkin like yuh nah see'im... Den tekk out uno match frem yuh pocket, light it, hol' it up inna di eer an' trow it behind yuh leff-hand shouldah... Continue walkin'... Nex, tekk out anudda match, light it, hol' it up inna di eer an' trow it behind yuh leff-hand shouldah juss like before... Continue walkin'... Now... Tekk out una cherd match... light it... hol' it up inna di eer, but dis time!... Blow it out an' put it back in yuh pocket -- di duppy'll stop followin' yuh cau' him fi look fi di match!!! Walk Good!

256

How to Handle Self-Abuse (A hands-off approach) Self-abuse is an issue that touches almost everyone! But above all, please understand: You are not alone! Keep it up! True, time was when it was once recommended for men to go jogging or take cold showers in order to get it under control, but that was in the days before liquid soap and body sponges were mass-marketed to men! My advice? -- Be patient and whatever you do, don't let it get to your head! After all, if you can just manage to hold on long enough, you should be able to stick it out! -- although I should warn you: Self-abuse is one problem that, if left unmanaged, can only become bigger! -- So be up front about it and don't try to hide it or think that you can somehow put it behind you! The only way to handle it is to deal with it head-on -- just lay it all out on the table and give yourself some slack! You might also try finding a suitable outlet for that pent-up stress! But don't worry, there's no pressure! There are several ways to release the tension -- or on the other hand, should temptation arise, try to unwind at a local hangout where you can just let go and be around other company stiffs (after work when they all get off!) -- perhaps the neighborhood sports bar, where you can chalk up that old cue stick and shoot one off in the side pocket just before the cocktail waitress with the nice rack returns to bring you your screwdriver with a smile and a friendly "What's up?" Maintain eye-contact as she stirs your sip-straw and apologizes for inquiring as to when you would be settling your tab (but she kinda' has to cuz it's getting so huge and, well, she's been stiffed before!) -- and by the way, don't forget that the kitchen closes at the stroke of midnight! -- but bless Jesus, there won't be any cheese on your nachos tonight, buster, cuz yer running the table! AMEN!! Yes! -- and no sooner will you be able to get a'hold of yourself, that you'll soon notice yourself growing -- yes, growing in the spirit! Any health effects to male chastity? Other for the fact that the turtle will sometimes recede into its shell for days on end, you'll be fine! In fact, you'll even be healthier! Sex addiction is a real disease and can contribute to elevated stress levels which would impede sexual

257 performance, should you be blessed with a real relationship -- and I'm not just yanking your chain, either! In fact, now that we've rolled out our new self-abuse hotline: 666-JERK, our ex-spurts are ready to handle even the most sticky situations. Yep, help is right at your fingertips! -but we do get flooded at times, so if the line is busy, please don't be frustrated! Just keep tight and remain on hold as you rock out to the instrumental covers of George Michael's greatest hits! Thank you for spending time thumbing through this self-help manual! But before we finish it off, let's keep in mind that no matter how the ungodly try to manipulate it, the hard truth is always within your grasp! So please feel free to pick up this handbook (which comes with 3 moderate-level Sudokus) handy for future reference and above all, don't forget: You're in control so don't be afraid to take matters into your own hands! Just relax, get a grip and by all means, STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!

Priest Fatigue Priest fatigue... Knowing all mysteries Unable to tell them Who will listen? And if any listen, who will understand? And if they understand, who will believe? Big fish in a small pond Like the fake blonde leading the fake blonde Gone in fifty seconds! I've become a lyrical vagabond Whose word is his only bond Soon to be published? Yeah -- in Zondervan... But until then, I'm a mad monk A sad punk who's a tad drunk Or maybe just a college grad with spunk Or a drummer playing some bad funk Like a skunk on top of my dad's trunk It's a slam dunk! -- so allow me to debunk The myths that you had thunk...

258 Cuz you'll neva know da real me Ya feel me? Like a wheelie, I'm poppin' Droppin' Dis lyrical shyt I be ploppin' Hip-Hoppin' Flying kites like Mary Poppins Or maybe Pippy Longstocking Jocking no-stoppin' (all around the clock'n) When the going get tough, yeah... the tough go shoppin'! Don't tell me to shut-up! Can't you see? -- I'm just talking Like a squawk-box, I keep squawking 'Dead man walking!' Like the silhouette on the ground they be chalking Crime scene -- cordon of the block'n Either way, it was all a goddamn dream Used ta'read da lyrical thought-stream, tryin'a redeem my money-makin' scheme, cuz... Cash rules everything around me -- but I'm the one gettin' CREAMED!! Priest fatigue... Nobody listens So I add a little splice Of Caribbean spice With a dash of Miami Vice, and Riuniti on ice, and I'm Cussin' like Andrew Dice, and... Might as well give'em what they came for, you know... -- Jesus Christ? Yeah right! How 'bout another slice of life? Will that suffice? -- Nice!

Café Demetrio Am I your soul mate?, a woman asked her husband. No, he laughed, You're my roommate! Fine, she shrugged, In that case, you're my checkmate!

259 For those who prefer poetry readings to bikini contests, the Gables nightlife can be considerably more upscale and refined than that of storied South Beach or the famed Hard Rock just south of Ft. Lauderdale. Known for the Biltmore Hotel, the Miami Hurricanes and the Miracle Theatre (not to mention several high-end boutique shops and restaurants), Coral Gables has an air of class and bohémien sophistication that belie the more bawdy contingents (perhaps contagions?) of contemporary club culture. Nestled in this netting of neatly-swept streets -- with names like Alhambra Circle and Ponce de León Boulevard, is a quaint coffeehouse patterned after the great Parisian cafés that flourished in an era when class distinctions were as hard to penetrate as the hull of the Titanic or the Maginot line. Once inside, our elegant hostesses will invite you to any one of our indoor or outdoor tables; but if you see the devil sitting on midair, it's perfectly fine to ask him to switch seats. In addition to espresso, there is also a wine bar comprised of the owner's personal favourites. A great connoisseur of Mediterranean cuisine, he often throws lavish parties with Greek salads sprinkled with goat cheese and olives, oozing with oil as the lyric voice of Andrea Bocelli soars through hidden Bose Wave speakers; but if you've just returned from a bridge to nowhere, you may as well hang onto the map. Above the door to the patio, hangs a print of the Theotokos staring out toward the viewer as the infant stares up at her, perfectly symbolizing the divine ecology of grace dispensed by the Madonna in the flesh of Christ. Yet there are such as would twist the head of the Goddess toward the infant, and the infant toward us in shamed-faced rebellion against the holy government; and yet, how much farther away from Jesus are they that cry his name the loudest? The creator of the Universe cannot also enter into his own creation and die for it. Hence a Universe inclusive of iniquity requires both a creator and a saviour distinct of each other. Since the saviour and creator speak as one in the soul of temporal Christ, they are the same in body, but not in spirit. Inasmuch as the creator resurrected the soul and flesh of Christ, she is coRedemptoris: (Luke 2:34-35) And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against; 35(Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.

260 When Christ 'gave up the ghost' on the Cross of Calvary, his death was final. The Resurrection was not about him, it was about us. We needed his body and soul to be resurrected in the Immaculate Heart of the Creator in order so that the Universe would know not to obey unrighteous prayers. Otherwise, the Creator herself becomes subject to evil and death and if God dies at any time, she dies at all times and the Universe would never have been created. But the Resurrection spoke corporately on behalf Christ's Heart, which had lost the consciousness of Christ, but was resurrected in the divinity of Mary: (Rev 1:18) I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.

Thus, it was his body (and not his spirit), that God resurrected -- LORD Jesus didn't hide out in hell for three days and then spring back to life; if death resurrects, it never died -- instead, it goes on a three-day holiday cruise to the Bahamas, playing shuffleboard with Baelzebob -- 'Hot! Hot! Hot!' blaring over the loudspeakers: (John 2:19-21) Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up. 20Then said the Jews, Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days? 21But he spake of the temple of his body.

When we sinned, our subliminal consciousness inverted the meaning of the Tetragrammaton; but when we converted, we spoke the Divine Name Yeshua in subliminal Hebrew. Just as Jehovah is the superimposition of Adonai + Yahweh; Yeshua is the superimposition of the Shem + Yahweh, or simply, ManGod as the divine Adam was necessarily Semitic. The Hebrew Word Yeshua is the grammatical doorway to the Holy Spirit; every word that proceeds from the mouth of a Believer is sublimely prefixed by this psychic appellation, heard only of God, and is valid confession (inclusive of situations where overt confession would be detrimental or unwise): (Rom 8:26-27) but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

Now must we have two saviours: Mary who created and resurrected the Universe; and Christ whose salvific obedience to mankind's sin, stood between Man and God long enough for the sins of the world to be

261 transmuted onto his body, thus preventing sin from entering the Blessed Virgin at the moment of her Conception. Christ is a sponge, soaking up all the sin in the Universe; and all Heathen are a part of that patchwork sponge. Jesus Christ died for us in Iraq and Afghanistan; Serbia and the Sudan. The Cross is everywhere and thus, it is our solemn duty to love them that are our enemies for Christ's sake: (Matt 25:37-40) Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? 38When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? 39Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? 40And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

On the adjacent walls, hang portraits the grandmasters: Paul Morphy; Ruy Lopez; and José Raúl Capablanca, men who (as the owner puts it) were able to see the "truth of the board." In these, we find the essence of genius, whether it were the innovative genius of Morphy who employed unconventional techniques and strategies (revolutionizing the game), or the more bookish genius of Gary Kasparov, whose opponents often find themselves bludgeoned by the brute force of his book-memorization. Before you can play Kasparov, you must first understand both the strengths and deficits of every grandmaster in chess history (or else build a computer that does!) A passed Pawn increases in strength as the number of pieces on the board diminishes. (José Raúl Capablanca, world champion 1921-27)

Very few patrons have ever bested the owner of Café Demetrio at his own game, but should you ever endeavour to, I offer you this: never pat yourself on the back while holding a blood-stained knife (and try not to kick yourself with your victim's shoes!) That's a bad move, I told Demetrio. How come? Because you just lost your rook. Demetrio laughed, But I got both your knight and bishop in exchange. But the knight is the most powerful piece, I countered. Why is that? Because a king and a queen together equal one (k)night! That is true, answered Demetrio, and in chess, the puns always move first!

I resign.

262

Marriage Vows O, what a surprise! To look in your eyes And see God devise So perfect a prize For you and I both On God's Sabbaoth As our voices quoth So sacred an oath As love's labour found Because we've been crowned With jewels all around In Christ, safe and sound So let us be strong For not before long This ancient love song To us, will belong Blessed Virgin Condescend Let this marriage Never end Save us from Thy Father's wrath Wash us in Thy bloody bath Help us see Through all these lies Loving life With brand new eyes

263 Then our hearts Of stone so cold Shall become As solid gold And together We'll grow old Greatest story Ever told

Satanic Santa As an Evangelical Christian, I've come across the familiar 'Santa' argument. This is when the proselyte claims a childhood belief in God which was dashed the moment they realized that Santa wasn't real -- and if Santa isn't real, then what else isn't real? Of course, this is a false excuse on two levels. First, it doesn't logically follow that if the one thing isn't real, the other is also suspect. These children could easily have praised God and thanked Him for revealing the truth about Santa to them -- which brings me to my next point: They never believed in God in the first place... The childish concept of God is no different than Santa or the Easter Bunny. He is an imaginary friend -- they 'pray' to him and have feelings inspired by this entirely pretentious 'relationship', but unless they truly are spirit baptized, it is always a superficial faith which doesn't bear the fruits of the Spirit or the moral underpinnings of a transformative faith based on fidelity, integrity and sanctity. Christ is God Omnipotent and a 'pretend friend' cannot resurrect. So I debated in my heart, since the Santa myth engenders doubt in children (making it more difficult to convert later in life) -- and why would it? Because their parents told them it was true? Because the guy in the Santa suit in the mall told them it was true? Because the weather man on the local news tracked his sleigh route on radar? Because the entire universe affirmed the reality of Santa before declaring it a joke, often followed by classmate teasing and smirks from older siblings (all of which become psychic pathologies precluding future faith?) Is it moral to

264 tell children about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and other such myths and legends? And what about the neighbor's children who already believe? Is it right to dash their hopes? Or do we (as Evangelicals) have a responsibility to bring people into the Faith in such a way as not to frustrate them or cause unnecessary disunity within their family -- even if that means permitting them to persist in their temporary delusion while not expressly validating it? Children (and the adults who act like them) must be brought into Truth carefully, else they trample the pearls (though the line between tact and dereliction is at times razor thin) -- not to mention the fact that the Traditional date of Christmas itself began as a Pagan Holiday! but before we put this issue before Yahweh, let's first ask Yahoo: YAHOO ANSWERS (Religion and Spirituality) QUESTION: Moral Quandry: Is it right to tell a child that Santa is real? If so, then why; If not, then why? RESPONSES: 1)

Learning that santa was not real came as an angry shock to me at about 8 years old or so. God's word the bible is full of instructions to tell the truth. The big question is where did christmas come from? Check out where christmas came from! The custom is mentioned in the bible as some form of idol worship. Read Jeremiah 10:1-6. This sure sounds like the christmas tree. Note verses 3 and 4 where it talks about futile customs. Check it out for yourself. Don't take my word for it. Food for thought. Source(s): New King James Bible

2)

You are asking if lying is right. Do you want her to believe you about other things after she grows up? We told our kids some silly things to see if they could catch them, but if it seemed they believed them, we told them the truth right away. That way they developed the habit of thinking for themselves. But we certainly wouldn't cause them to spend their formative years believing in an old man with a long white beard that lives in a white fluffy place far

265 away, and who sees and judges all their acts and rewards the good ones. On Christmas, yet. No telling what irrational beliefs that could lead to in later life! ;o) 3)

think it's a moral quandary only if you believe in the real "reason for the season". As a Christian, I regret the whole Santa thing...all it did was give my daughter someone else to be thankful to for the gifts! She was 10 when I started making Christmas about Jesus and celebrating His birth. She says she'll not make Santa an aspect of Christmas with her kids. But, more specifically, I don't think you're asking the religious aspect, just the "moral" aspect. For that answer, I'd say "no" to Santa and get all the credit for your child's joy on Christmas morning!

4)

I wouldn't personally lie to my children about anything. My parents never did. It helps with trust and the entire relationship. You can just tell them that Santa is like the symbol of Christmas to make it more enjoyable for everyone. Kids love stories. Nothing wrong with giving presents and watching Rudolph and Frosty on TV. That's what Christmas should be all about, not some stupid, cruel, scary, violent, hateful fairytale like the bible. Why would you want to lie to your children and mislead them about what's real and what's not, especially when you don't have to? They will still love and enjoy everything about Christmas either way. Just my opinion... ADDED: Christian people, isn't it a "sin" to lie? Just checking. Oh well, you lie to them when you tell them that your god is real too, so I guess it doesn't really matter, does it?

5)

no it is not right to teach children to lie . So don't tell them that its jesus's birthday either as he was not born dec 25. this date was taken from the Pagan calendar

6)

Duh, Santa is real you dipsht! The guy just goes under the codename "parent/other" when he's not busy conjuring up some Christmas magic!

266 7)

No that is a lie,from Satan change the letters around. Santa Satan

8)

Why not? We dont know everything and Santa could be minutely symbolic for God. People seem to forget that our Lord Jesus spoke in parables and the whole book of Revelation is said to be symbolic from the beginning. Parables help teach those who cant handle the reality or understand it. Kids cannot handle or understand the reality of Jesus, so you have to teach them little parables along the way. What no one remembers old nursery rhymes? Are those evil too? Yes, and all the hypocrites will thumbs down me. They know so little about the world but seem to think they know everything about God and the spirit.

9)

I can only answer for myself, friends, and my 9 siblings. We loved Santa. But when we got old enough to start doubting and ask our parents about him we were happy to be told the truth.

10) Yes, you should. I still remember the joy of believing in Santa Claus when I was a child, and I am so glad that my parents enforced this tradition. With this, I can appreciate Christmas more, through my parents' love and generosity in Jesus Christ. 11) I think it's okay. Sooner or later each kid needs to learn how to figure out what is bullcrap on their own. Santa and the Easter Bunny are good for that. 12) If a parent is going to tell their children that Santa Claus is real, then they have absolutely no right to ever punish that child for lying. 13) I don't get the mindset that lying is okay if it's fun. 14) My mom told me Santa was fake from the start; but she believes in Jesus Christ. Go figure =/ 15) I think so, yes. Children are so happy and excited at Christmas. When they find out the truth, and all of them do eventually, it is not a dramatic event.

267 The real lie is telling children that Jesus was born of a virgin on that day. 16) No. Christmas is about Christ and the birth of Jesus not some fat ol' jolly fellow that doesn't exist. 17) no it is not, 18) It exites them!!

And a happy new year! Well, thanks to all the respondents -- some answers were nice (others naughty!), but I'll let the reader draw their own conclusion. As for me, well... of course I wouldn't condone lying to children for any reason, but what's the lie? After all, there is a real Catholic Saint Nicolas, he did historically give gifts to children on Christmas, and insofar as his legacy continues to inspire us to give gifts to children (millions of children the world over) -- even in countries where people don't have chimneys, well... I'll just leave it right there! HO HO HO!!

The Night Before SEXmas 
 'Twas the night before SEXmas And all through the Whitehouse A sexy intern was stirring In a blue cocktail blouse. 
 The stockings was hung And so was the President According to Monica 'Dat sh*t was bent!!'


 The first lady was sleeping All snug in her bed While Ole Saint Bill was gettin' Some serious head!! 


268 There wasn't no kerchief There wasn't no cap So onto that blue dress Ran out all of his sap!! Snapping that thong Like a sugarplum vision Thank God she wasn't an Israeli spy On a top secret mission!!
 
 And just when you thought You couldn't take any more We come to find out He tried to use her ass as a humidor!! 
 Now Hillary knows Tammy Wynette had it right Merry SEXmas to all And to all (yup, you guessed it!)... a very SEXY goodnight!!

Dr. Mindbender Life is desire; Death is fear. To live is to consummate; To fear is to desecrate. A loving person desires something to occur; A fearing person desires something not to occur. When a man desires something to occur, he hopes. When a man desires something not to occur, he mopes. Hope magnified is ecstasy; Fear magnified is anguish. When a man fears anguish, he will consummate his own fear in order to 'control' the very anguish he so fears.

269 He will yell obscenities in public to dispel the fear of being ostracized. He will stutter and stammer to dispel the fear of misspeaking. He will engage in deviant sex acts to dispel the fear of becoming a deviant. He will commit suicide to dispel the fear of death: (Is 66:4) I also will choose their delusions, and will bring their fears upon them; because when I called, none did answer; when I spake, they did not hear: but they did evil before mine eyes, and chose that in which I delighted not.

Fear is inward; Love is outward. Fear is about yourself; Love is about another. Fear is a spiritual problem, not a behavioral one. You can transfer a man's fear from one object to another. But channeling one's fear not a cure; it is 'behavior modification'. Brainwashing is a technique whereby you transfer one's subliminal fears into an object you control, in order to control them. Brainwashing is a form of torture. Is it moral to use brainwashing in warfare? No. You cannot wish another man to fear. Is it wise to use torture to break an enemy? No. If they didn't crack during Jihadi training camp, they won't crack under you. Does the information acquired by torture prevent further attacks? No. They're attacking us because we're torturing them. Is it moral to preach Jesus to Guantanamo inmates? Yes, and the information acquired by Christian converts is reliable upon pain of death. Does Amerik.k.k.a have its head up its ass? Yes. And we've been caught with our pants down.

270 Religion is not 'behavior modification'; Idolatry is. Religion is not brainwashing; Idolatry is. Religion is not transference; Idolatry is: (Ex 32:8) They have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them: they have made them a molten calf, and have worshipped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.

Psychomeds cannot save us. Save us from what?! Yourself?! Jesus can't even do that!! Jesus saved you from the wrath of the father; None but yourself can heal your mind. Psychomeds cannot restore your sanity. What sanity?! The APA definition of clinical insanity is so ambiguous as to include almost everyone (except homosexuals!) The mental illness designation is a social stigma and a horrible abuse of authority. Nobody knows what sanity is, and nobody believes they are insane (unless they're a criminal defendant!) Faith is not insanity; Religion is not idolatry; Truth is not psychology; The golden rule is not a golden calf: (Ex 32:17-28) And when Joshua heard the noise of the people as they shouted, he said unto Moses, There is a noise of war in the camp. 18And he said, It is not the voice of them that shout for mastery, neither is it the voice of them that cry for being overcome: but the noise of them that sing do I hear. 19And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount. 20And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it. 21And Moses said unto Aaron, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them? 22And Aaron said, Let not the anger of my lord wax hot: thou knowest the people, that they are set on mischief. 23For they

271 said unto me, Make us gods, which shall go before us: for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him. 24And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. 25And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies:) 26Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the Lord's side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him. 27And he said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour. 28And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are prepared to die for their ideas, and those that aren't. But if you are not prepared to die for your ideas, then be prepared to die for mine: (Dan 9:11) Yea, all Israel have transgressed thy law, even by departing, that they might not obey thy voice; therefore the curse is poured upon us, and the oath that is written in the law of Moses the servant of God, because we have sinned against him.

Life and death are absolute; Love and fear are absolute. There is no life and death; There is no love in fear; Fear casts out love. The physiological sensation of fear is anguish; But the sensation of love is euphoria. There are infinite gradations of anguish. as they are infinite gradations of euphoria. Anguish tinged with sadness becomes anxiety or depression; Anguish tinged with joy becomes vainglory. Anguish tinged with anger becomes ire.

272 There is no limit to a person's anxiety. You cannot ever be truly 'scared to death', but you can become so scared as to impede vital organ function. People experiencing heightened states of anxiety have jumped out of windows, shot themselves, hung themselves and slit their wrists to escape the terror: (Rev 9:6) And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.

Only Christians fear. Non-Christians don't sin, but rather, they become sin for us. If a non-Christian says he fears, he is mimicking us. They know not what they do. Only the truly wicked are received into paradise. There is no sinner that does not repent: repentance is sin: (Gal 2:17) But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin?

I am the Devil. I drink God's blood. I obey no law, but the lawlessness of grace: (1 Cor 6:12) All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

There is no hormonal difference between sinner and demon; but there is between sinner and saint. If a saint lapses back into sin, he is (physiologically) a sinner; but if a sinner is renewed to faith, he becomes hormonally sanctified. It is biologically impossible for a sinner to live; It is biologically impossible for a believer to die (even if his parents were unrighteous): (Jer 31:29-30) In those days they shall say no more, The fathers have eaten a sour grape, and the children's teeth are set on edge. 30But every one shall die

273 for his own iniquity: every man that eateth the sour grape, his teeth shall be set on edge.

Faithless Judaism hedges its bet on flesh over faith; but when the house folds, they will all be forced to ante up: (Jer 31:31-34) Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: 32Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the Lord: 33But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people.

A phobia is the result of self-induced brainwashing. Children experience nightmares and develop phobias in an attempt to control their surroundings. If you can channel your fear onto a rodent, then you can vicariously control that fear through avoidance of the rodent. Of course, there is an inherent problem with the technique of psychological transference -- you can't always control the rodent: (Is 59:5-6) They hatch cockatrice's eggs, and weave the spider's web: he that eateth of their eggs dieth, and that which is crushed breaketh out into a viper. 6Their webs shall not become garments, neither shall they cover themselves with their works: their works are works of iniquity, and the act of violence is in their hands.

People are capable of developing all kinds of phobias. I once knew a woman who was afraid of TV sets. Others are afraid to leave their houses. Regardless, there is no limit to the terror one can experience when confronted by the object of their fears.

274 Some create psychic talismans to ward off anxiety; The man who fears to enter a room, opens and shuts the door 27 times in order to ward off the anxiety. Of course, there is a big problem with psychic talismans -- there's no flawlessly-crafted talisman or flawlessly-executed ritual: (Ex 20:25-26) And if thou wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of hewn stone: for if thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou hast polluted it. 26Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon.

Religion is not a cult; but cult leaders (and psychiatrists) manipulate peoples' fears in order (to elicit behavioral responses. People rescued from cults are in a constant state of terror and confusion. They have been wrenched away from their talismans. They need the gospel of Jesus Christ, not re-conditioning. Children must not be reunited with cult-member parents: (Matt 19:13-15) Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. 14But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. 15And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence.

In moments of clarity and zeal, you are in the Spirit; In moments of doubt and anxiety, you are estranged from God. (True religion brings us closer to Ultimate Reality; Fear distorts Reality): (Is 35:3-4) Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. 4Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompence; he will come and save you.

275 Psychiatrists believe that you can overcome a phobia by 'facing your fears'; They see fear as a behavioral problem. But love doesn't prove itself by confronting temptation; Love proves itself by avoiding temptation: (Luke 11:4) And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.

True theology is an open, honest and intellectually rigorous investigation into the nature of Ultimate Reality. (not like science): (1 Ki 3:9-12) Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people? 11And God said unto him, Because thou hast asked this thing, and hast not asked for thyself long life; neither hast asked riches for thyself, nor hast asked the life of thine enemies; but hast asked for thyself understanding to discern judgment; 12Behold, I have done according to thy words: lo, I have given thee a wise and an understanding heart; so that there was none like thee before thee, neither after thee shall any arise like unto thee.

Elegy Elegant elegy Elevated to a level of excellence Far exceeding the delicate eloquence Of my elemental dialectic But El Shaddai Raised up high On Golgotha, doth cry 'Eli!... Eli!... WHY?

276

Theory of Devolution According to Darwin, Man evolved from animals through a process of natural selection. The strong survive; the weak perish. If that's true, the insects are the highest evolved species. While there are only 6 billion of us, there are roughly 10 quintillion insects (not to mention the undocumented worker bees!) Therefore, I submit to you, a new theory: The Theory of Devolution. According to Devolution, Mankind did not evolve from the animals; We "devolved" from them. And the more we get away from nature, The more we continue to devolve! If the purpose of life is to perpetuate itself, Then why are men the only species to wage war, commit mass murder and group suicide? ((Devolution)) If the purpose of life is to reproduce, Then why are men the only species to practice celibacy, homosexuality and abortion? ((Devolution)) If the purpose of life is to become self-sustaining, Then why are men the only species to practice religion and worship a transcendent god? ((Devolution))

277 When the New York Post likened Obama to a chimpanzee, it was an insult to chimps! Chimps are peaceful animals, But if you take an animal out of its natural habitat (compelling it to live as a human); Don't be surprised if it acts like a rage-filled, murderous human. ((Devolution)) (Prov 6:6-9) Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: 7Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, 8Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. 9How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep?

((Devolution))

Is Grace Illegal? God is Righteous and therefore must obey every command put to her... If we ask for a blessing, she must bless us. If we ask for a curse, she must curse us. This is the Doctrine of Recompense. It is the Dais upon which the Universe stands. (Rom 11:29) For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.

Why then doesn't God just answer all of our prayers? Well, you have to read the fine print... •

Escape Clause #1) The deity reserves the right to not answer prayers if they conflict with somebody else's prayers.

•

Escape Clause #2) The deity may not answer your prayers if, by answering them, you wind up worse off later.

•

Escape Clause #3) The deity may not answer prayers if they conflict the 'Terms of Agreement' you signed when you became a Christian (also known as 'The Bible')

•

Escape Clause #4) The deity reserves the right to postpone (or otherwise delay) the answering of prayers until after the Resurrection.

278 •

Escape Clause #5) God already answered your prayers when he saved you, and the greatest gift God can bestow on you is the ability to forsake joy and comfort to help others -- so get back to work, fellow laborer!

Because God is bound to answer every prayer that comes to her, and because Christians ask for curses instead of blessings, God must have a divine protocol (or law book) that Christians can 'repent' to, which informs her as to which prayers to obey and which to deny. But the Holy Ordinance (or 'Word of God') cannot contain any error in it and must be true for all people at all times -- otherwise, God would lack integrity, disqualifying her as LORD and Creator, and a house divided cannot stand; but the Immaculate Conception has all faith to remove mountains literally -- and so do you when you're in the Spirit, and anyone in the Spirit wouldn't put God to the test now, would they? So God knows when to obey us and when not to because we repent to the Word of God: integral, inerrant, infinite and incarnate. My God, I sound like a Baptist! Wanna come to my Bible study? But how was God qualified to judge repentance righteous if he himself does not repent? Where's the judicial empathy? When the Messiah judged the world, he knew what sin was by what sin does. But he also knew what faith was by what faith does also: sin kills, but hope springs eternal. The Messiah therefore had two philosophical options with which to understand repentance. But first, let's define repentance as the act of disobeying oneself (aka traitor, turncoat, chicken, sellout, punk). I mean, what else would you call a bunch of guys who kneel before a 1st century torture device, asking the god they just killed to forgive them, before turning around and drinking his blood? Cue up the 'Goods Times' theme music, please! In Eternity, any man who goes against himself must have that prayer recompensed by an obedient Creator, which would kill him instantly. But if there were another man (a second Adam) who could intercede on behalf of the first, taking the divine recompense upon himself instead, then we have a fallen Universe such as it is now.

279 So if disobedience to oneself brings death; But disobedience to oneself brings rebirth; How is a church premised on repentance not the Church of Satan? And how could a righteous god conclude the repentant world worthy of redemption without any loss of cosmic integrity which would disqualify him as its judge? To put it bluntly... Is it a sin to be a Christian? Now we see the philosophical conundrum that faced Christ beforetime: Two competing philosophical paradigms with regard to repentance: Philosophical Argument A) Disobedience is sin BECAUSE it kills. Philosophical Argument B) Sin kills BECAUSE it is disobedient. If Jesus chose Argument B, he would have judged repentance as sinful irrespective of whether or not kills, and the Universe therefore, would be uncreated. However, Jesus judged disobedience to sin righteous (placing the emphasis on what sin does instead of what does sin): (Ro 3:27) Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.

In a saved Universe, there are 4 classes of people (4 spiritual paths with regard to obedience and non-obedience): If a person obeys obedience, they live in perfection. (Jesus) If a person disobeys obedience, they die in perfection. (Adam) If a person obeys disobedience, they die in obedience. (Judas) If a person disobeys disobedience, they live in disobedience. (Peter)

Now let's second-guess Grace and condemn Christ's decision to save us, citing Argument A: if we reject the philosophy of grace on the legal grounds that disobedience is unworthy of grace, irrespective of the consequences of it, then we radically alter the definition of sin. But Jesus lacked the judicial empathy to know just how dark my heart was, so he was not at all qualified to judge the Universe with regard to 'what does sin', he could only speak to 'what sin does'! (2 Cor 5:21) For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

280 But if we reject grace philosophically, choosing to re-obey disobedience, then we would undo our born-again status, becoming dead-again! But this is utterly impossible since in order to re-obey disobedience, you must first disobey obedience, which would permanently disqualify you from becoming an obedient disobedient! There's no getting out of this! (Heb 6:4, 6) For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, 6If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

It is certainly possible to disobey God and still go to heaven, much to the chagrin of the more legalist Religions, but the answer to the question I put earlier in this essay must be answered in the negative: It is not a sin to be Christian, either under 'philosophy A' or 'philosophy B'. In any relationship, communication is key; but cosmologically speaking... Communication requires 3 material elements (guided by two distinct essences) influencing each other -- in our case, the one belonging to us; the other to our Shekhinah. Thus, just as it is with sex, life requires corporeal, sensual contact -- the motive force that animates us interacting with a kindred spirit (who is as physically distinct as she is spiritually similar). That would be God. And just as Mary is our god, we are hers! God worships man, and the BVM is more than our creator, she is our lover and wife. Apart from God, we have sex with ourselves -- but a relationship with oneself is a sin against one's own consciousness! That's why homosexuals are always masturbating (and masturbating children grow up as such), they are having a relationship with themselves, selfishly hording their sexuality, and once a man becomes self-infatuated, it is only a small step to seek out others that are like themselves. It is a rejection of life, of relationships and family, of communication, of nature, God, one's own flesh, and an assault against very consciousness; it is a form of intellectual barbarism, spiritual suicide, and the superlative unconscionable act; it is a perversion of Reality, the Second Death and the corporeal manifestation of sin itself: (1 Cor 6:18) Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

281 Although Christ was unable to empathize with sinners, he was perfectly able to empathize with righteousness, and he knew that godly sorrow had the capacity to aspire to it. The Incarnation itself attested to the righteousness of the believers of Yahweh, their Christ-like love and obedience, and the true and sacrificial love of the Holy Roman Church. He was, for lack of a better word, an activist appellate judge legislating from the bench! But in God's Eternal Court, there is no separation of the judiciary and legislative branches just as there wasn't in ancient Israel (or the modern RC Church for that matter). But what if the Grinch really had stolen Christmas? What might have been, had Christ not died for our sins? Would we all be roasting in hell? -- doing cannonballs in the Lake of Fire? If the Virgin Mary was not 'punished with a baby', we would all have been aborted! The Universe would have been conceived in divinity, but dead-on-arrival; a virtual stillbirth. Thus, because Original Sin was already extant, Christ had two options: 1. die in the womb of a stillborn Universe 2. die on the cross of a Christian Paradise Jesus chose what was behind door number 2 -- but before we show him what he's won! let's see what was behind door number 1: [Door #1] If Christ had vetoed mankind's 'Baal-out' package, he would have walked away from the cross unscathed, leaving it up to God the Father to Baal-out the Universe (only he actually becomes Baal and destroys it instead!) And once sin is transmuted onto the Theotokos, the last word in the Rosary becomes the only word in the Rosary! In that very instant, we would repent and be fire-baptized, but a day late and a dollar short because Mary would be an Immaculate Misconception, corrupted by our original sin as an infant Messiah renders the ghost in her leprous arms. As we fall on our knees and pray, our Goddess instead falls prey to our sin, leaving us dangling in an elemental miasma emptier than that which scientists erroneously consider the vacuum of outerspace! Now of course, this is a highly specious and facetious rendition of an abortive existence since the amount of spacetime it would take to accomplish this horror show would be subatomic, requiring a virtually non-existent 'Little Bang'!

282 But how long would it take for that virtually non-extent Universe to revert back to the elemental miasma from whence it was formed? I know! -- let's ask the skipper!: No phone! No lights! No motor car! Not a single luxury, Like Robinson Crusoe, it's primitive as can be.

It took six days to create the Universe, but only one nanosecond to destroy it -- and by the way, did you know that a young Raquel Welch actually auditioned for the part of Mary Ann? That would've cast the whole Mary Ann vs. Ginger debate in a whole new light! Now in the old days, motion pictures were filmed on 35 mm film at 24 frames per second. Were you to make a movie about the world that never was, the entire movie would consist of one frame or, in other words, it word be a still -- a real but non-temporal movie, but it still would beat out Encino Man for the Academy Award!! Fade to black!

Falasha (Strangers in a Strange Land)

By the rivers of Ethiopia, his name is Jah But in the land of his fathers, they call him Falasha Of course, one must be right while the other is a flaw For the European Jew to write the Ethiopian law (Despite the fact that their blood is more 'polluted' than them all!) Too bad Solomon isn't around to make this historic call Cuz he'd probbly tell the Ashkenazim of their religious faux pas Before they branded him a stranger too... Selah!

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Nights in White Satin Nights in white satin Never reaching the end No, I haven't forgotten What a wonderful friend (What a wonderful woman!) You've been all along Tell me how can a human Sing so heavenly a song? Cuz I love you I love you I love you... Girl in black satin In a world full of sin That the only begotten Gave his last breath to win (Gave his last breath to save!) Like a lover forlorn But the love we both have Is forever adorned Cuz I love you Yes I love you I love you...

See You at the Turnstile! Hi. Welcome back to Eating Network's 'See You at the Turnstile!' with your host Rachel Pray! Love gurus all agree that one of the best places to find true romance may be just right around the corner... AT THE CORNER GROCERY STORE!!! But first, you need to know both the right and wrong way to shop... For instance, it is important when shopping to purchase only the most natural and organic produce. However, some artificial flavors and preservatives may be permissible as long as they do not alter the basic

284 size, shape or texture of the produce (such as dyes, coloring and added nutrients.) Always be sure to wash your produce before consumption -- (you don't know where it's been!) If you eat out a lot, make sure that the restaurants you frequent are clean and that their chefs always wear gloves -- (don't be afraid to ask to see their county health-inspection records.) Ladies, if you're looking for a nice juicy rotisserie, always make sure that the chickens are free-range -- (nothing's worse than a pent-up cock!) Of course, there are those who would rather have dark meat, but before you bite into that succulent drumstick oozing with flavor, try to resist the temptation to play with your food, nibbling here and there with delicate and furtive bites, before suddenly lunging into it with that primal craving to suck the marrow right out of the bone! -- (pardon my fowl language!) Guys, if you're looking for a nice pair of melons, always make sure that they're ripe, but not passed their prime... unfortunately, there are those who try to pass off their melons as fresh when, really, they've been expired for quite some time -- and then there are those who lie about their age in order to dupe you into purchasing illegal produce!... however, a visual inspection should be able to assuage any doubt in the event that there is any. Of course, you may also ask the grocer whether or not you are permitted to feel her melons and, if she agrees, then go ahead and hold one of them firmly but gently and give it a nice squeeze! Then try gripping the other melon laying adjacent to it with the other hand, squeezing both simultaneously in order to compare them... still not sure? Try thumping it delicately with the knuckle of your index finger -- (not too hard, you don't want to bruise it!) You can probably tell by the smacking sound it makes whether or not it's ripe for consumption, but if you're still not sure, then probably your grocer will be more than happy to assist you by feeling her own melons and letting you know whether or not they're ready! While all melons are the same basic shape, they do vary in size (as do cocks), but people who are obsessed over the size of their portions are often unable to enjoy the meal (and who wants to dine with the jealous?) Sadly, some produce is damaged and/or deformed right off the tree (thus making them inedible), though at the conclusion of the harvest, these defects will be cured by the Husbandman -- no damaged produce in heaven; but in this world, such serve a divine purpose...

285 Men, just as you wouldn't partake of your own fruit, neither should you partake of the fruit of your seed or the immediate vine from which your fruit stemmed -- women, however, are at absolute physical liberty since they are mentally satiated (whereas men are physically satiated...), although women err if they usurp the male role mentally whereas men err if they usurp the female role physically -- there's a lot of fruits in the Garden of Eden, but none of them are 'fruity' if you know what I mean! So thanks for tuning in! -- and now that you know how to shop, I'm sure that you'll have no trouble picking up that special someone the next time I... SEE YOU AT THE TURNSTILE!!!

The Eavesdropper Peering over her shoulder, I read words perfectly scripted Full of life and love and hope and hidden reveries encrypted Deep beneath the quaint veneer, a depth and wealth of knowledge lingers All of this experience resting on the tips of ancient fingers

The Art of Pillow-Fu grab you over my shoulder, squealing throw you on the bed, watch you reeling lunge for the pillows you go for yours (too late!) feathers flying up to the ceiling you try to escape but then I grab your sexy thigh drag you to my side as you try to stop my pillowcide...

286 I can't wait to show this chick My secret erotic trick: First I'll rub some ice on it As some hot mint tea I sip Just lie back as yer teeth grit Feeling yer temp'rature dip As this ice cube starts to slip Deep inside yer sexy hip Unbeknownst to thee, I swish Scalding hot tea with my spit *rolling eyes* and *biting lip* As you feel the hotttness hit And those legs begin to kick At my mentholated lick Of yer now dilated ((CLIT))

New Jack Church Where everyone is welcome... (unless you're one of them!)

WELCOME "Blessings from the Father, Son and Holy Spinet!!" I'm Peter the Roman, prophet of the new millennium!! (or is that millennia?) I keep forgetting which one is plural! Anyway, I've just started my own religion, I'm calling it 'New Jack Church' -- not affiliated with 'New Jack Church USA' (those guys are lost!) So if you want to join the baddest anything-goes church in town, come on down, the Price (of your salvation) is Right! Now let's take a look at what separates NJC from other Demon-nations: • • •

•

We don't drink the Kool-Aid (unless it's spiked!) We don't believe in the Rapture we believe in the Crapture -that's when Jesus comes back and the crap hits the fan! We think a one-world government headed by a charismatic European is a good idea (wait a minute? isn't that the RC Church?) We believe that gays have every right to be married -- to women!

287 • • •

At the end of every prayer, we don't say 'Amen', we say 'Yada yada yada...' Our parishioners get to decide who stays in the choir by text-in vote! If you don't like the sermon, we refund the collection!

Now you're probably no-doubt wondering how you can get involved in this life-altaring ministry! So go to www.newjackchurch.org for more info and remember: At NJC, we're not a "real" church -- we just call ourselves that for tax purposes! HELP NEEDED I'm not a "real" prophet, I'm a Christian character actor and comic playing the part of Peter the Roman (please don't worship me!) I started a new church called New Jack Church in order to satisfy the community service requirement of my parole (please don't confuse us with New Jack Church United -- they're a cult!) So anyway, I'm looking for a cool satirical Christian artiste to be my new artistic director (the last one blocked me from contacting her!) I intend to register NJC as a real non-profit organization [insert punchline here] as soon as I get the min. number of people to qualify as a "church" -- so if this sounds like something you'd wanna jump into, then please hit me up, I'm good for a laugh if nothing else. God bless! (unless you're offended by the invocation of a deity in which case, FUCK OFF!!!) ANNUAL "FUN" RAISER New Jack Church is having a "fun" raiser. We're raising money to finance the construction of our new sanctuary... well, okay, our first sanctuary.

288 Because of our rigid theology, we only accept donations in Jewish shekels (sorry, no checks -- we're against banking in all its forms!) -- but we do have a PayPal account (and when I say 'we', I mean 'me'!!!), so please: 'sow a seed and reap a reward; we'll take whatever the f*ck you can afford!' www.newjackchurch.org Spreading the gospel "street by street, block by block!"

Levirate Marriage 'Twas 3000 years ago When the Pharaoh let us go To reclaim our rightful land Given by divine command There, I grew up with my brother Next to him, there was no other Six-pack abs and perfect tan You might say, the perfect man All our father's wealth was his By the precept of Moses Never sinned once in his life Had a porn star for a wife But of course, this made me jealous When I hung out with the fellas Cursing God for my bad luck "OMG!" and "WTF!" Then one day, the evil came Foreigners annulled our claim When they sought to have us driven Off the land that God had given So my brother took his sword Didn't hide from the draft board Kissed his lovely wife goodbye To become the Lord's G.I.

289 So he left his happy home To fulfill our ancient tome And his wife began to weep Gaining weight and losing sleep Meanwhile, I was feeling nervous Asking God why I deserved this Then I heard my Savior say "It's because you're acting gay!" So I said, "Oh shit! Please save me! Don't let Philistines enslave me! I'll do anything, I swear it! If the sandal fits, I'll wear it!" "Calm down nigga!" said the Lord "You will have yer life restored! But the brother that you crossed In this conflict, he'll be lost!" Then I wept a bitter tear Kneeling down in reverent fear "Oh if I could take his place And remove my own disgrace..." "But you can!" my Savior smiled "Take his wife and have his child Name your firstborn after him Grafted in like Ephraim!" What a mighty God we serve Giving what we don't deserve Now you know da 'Gangsta Gospel' "If you believe, then all things is poss'ble!" (Deut 25:5-6) If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. 6 And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.

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Prayer to Isis Your WORD is beautiful, pure and good. It reverberates my eardrums, echoing off the corners of my heart, sending shockwaves through my spirit from the start; It restoketh my coals. In the beginning was the WORD; And the WORD became flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones, making love to me in the sonic Eden of an ancient West-African responsorial, lost to recorded history, but eternally reiterated by the sublime mannerisms and 'black swagger' of a dispersed trace of a sanctified race renewed by HIS grace. Swaying and swooning, Caressing and crooning, Softer and smoother your WORD became as mine grew stronger, louder and longer, rowdier and wronger 'til it remained Sprung and erect by the jacking effect that you orally project on my mentally stiff neck But I dieflect -Hung and hungry and hunting for a honey, in a desperate hurry to get hooked up with this *Black Playboy Bunny*

291 Yes... As I rest (her mocha breasts pressed against my chest, blessed by smoking incense) Your WORD tempts, tests, placing me under its sweet duress! -wresting my flesh with furtive pecks (flirting and flitting as I interject this vernacular nonsense -- strokes of genius chokes my penis soaked by Venus -Sex... as I stare down at your messed-up frizzy hair bearing down on my [you-know-where], whizzing! -- busily throttling my bottle with fullglottalled vowels coddling my cerebral bowels, straddling my mind with unbridled rhymes as you saddled my poetic lines with prophetic wine... ((But only when the planets align)) Make love to me... my sister, my spouse As my telltale heart ratifies oral vows Spoken in runes as the Spirit allows My girl to discard her lyrical blouse Make love to me, sister, I'm yours to arouse Make love to me, darling... my spiritual muse Flaunting her breasts for my eyes to peruse Bathed in the sun as I feel myself lose All sense of myself as these shadows confuse The offers she made that no man could refuse The way that I lose all worldly concerns Whenever my gaze is fixed upon yours The way that I lose all notion of time Whenever we muse of matters sublime The way that I lose all sense of myself Whenever I'm thinking of nobody else The way that I lose my corrupt inhibitions Whenever you tempt me with sensual visions And then there's the way that I lose my own life As I give you the Glory, my God and my Wife

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Moonlighting Strangers Do you remember me, moonlighting stranger? We met in the bar You got in my car You didn't live far You looked like a star Do you remember me, moonlighting stranger? Me and you Ready to Get into Something new I offered to walk you to your door Just as I had done so many times before And always will forevermore Moonlighting Stranger, do you remember? Harvest moon 'Clair de Lune' Clothing strewn Very soon Moonlighting Stranger, do you remember? Knowing glance True romance Second chance Shall we dance? You invited me up for a cup of tea Then I asked you, "So, where were we?" Then you answered, "Please don't leave me..." Do you remember me, Moonlighting Stranger? I made your heart cry And told you goodbye I heard you ask why I gave no reply

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¡Llame Ahora! When I became born again, I became obedient to the Holy Spirit and took literally the Commandment to love our neighbor, obeying them in all things. If they asked me to walk a mile with them, I went twain -even to the point of cleaning out my bank account. This is right faith. But some in our culture abuse righteousness in order to separate fools from their money (and all those who, like myself, would willfully avail themselves to the foolishness that is in Christ). When advertisers figured out that they could make more money by telling (rather than asking) their customers to purchase their goods and services, a new and corrupting idiom entered the English language, namely that of the figure of speech. For instance, if I say, 'Come on in!', I mean it as an invitation, not as a command. But that's not what I said literally -- it's a non-literal expression which assumes a certain level of colloquial savvy-ness on the part of the communicant. But the unsophisticated (and the gullible like myself) can't be expected rightfully discern this distinction, which is why the advertising technique works (being as everyone is, at some point in their life, gullible -- especially with regard to products and services that are unfamiliar to them, as would be the case with the very young and the very old). In fact, not only do advertisers tell consumers what to buy and how to buy it, but they'll also tell'em why it is they wanted it in the first place, thus blurring the lines between 'supply and demand' and 'supply and command' -- Just make sure they tell yer broke ass how to return it!: We need to respond quickly so people regain confidence and consider it their patriotic duty to go shopping, go to a restaurant, take a cruise, travel with their family... Frankly, the terrorists win if Americans don't go back to normalcy. (Jeb Bush)

Of course, if consumers buy goods and services, the economy gets better -- but as we saw with 911, when the consumers become pensive about the future, the economy falters in the present; so the greatest 'economic fundamental' would be a society structured around some sort of messianic optimism -- the hope for a brighter tomorrow! But what human institution is best equipped to endow the worldwide economic system with such a hope? Amerik.k.k.a under the presidence of Barack

294 'We-are-not-a-Christian-nation' Obama? Name me one Muslim nation that ever got rich without trading heavily with a Christian nation -- but Christian economies thrive by themselves! And why are Christians so prosperous? Because we have hope and a sense of purpose! -- kind of like the hope that we thought we'd voted for! And of course, you can't sustain an economy by telling people to buy, buy, buy! Command economies never work in isolation! What's next? Are we gonna start building cars too? Something tells me we've been down this Autobahn before!!: I wish that the worker be granted a sufficient holiday and that everything is done, in order to let this holiday as well all other leisure time to be truly recreational. I wish this, because I want a determined people with strong nerves, for truly great politics can only be achieved with a people that keeps its nerves. (Adolf Hitler)

Religious converts are particularly susceptible to the command-to-buy "tell'em, don't ask'em" technique, being as Repentance already compels them to be open, honest, trusting and obedient to authorities. In a grand cosmic irony, it is the faithful who tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more so than the doubters; but in Godless society, the technique simply cannot work (unless Amerik.k.k.a is fortunate enough to become the economic lackey of a more spiritually-enlightened society -- kind of like how the rest of the world is to us!) Approach a stranger with a $20 check, and they'll probably refuse it, fearing some sort of "catch". Dispel that fear, and they'll reject it out of either too much pride or too much guilt!; but if you ask a Christian to donate $20 to support the "Human Fund", they'll cut you a $50, all the while praising Jesus for the opportunity to help out! Knock on the door of a stranger, and they'll slam it in your face, *deadbolt clinking*; Knock on a Christian door (selling Christian Dior?), and they'll invite you in, believing that they're entertaining angels unawares. Why would we verify your credentials? -- if the 'Human Fund' is bogus, God'll cast you into the Lake of Fire unawares! *CLINK!!* That's the Hope, the Optimism, and the Trust that is driving our economy -- In God We Trust! pure and simple! A kid asked Jesus... how much do you love me? Jesus replied," I love you this much." and he stretched his arms to the cross and died for us. If you

295 believe in God, you will send this to everyone on your list. If you delete this, you will have a cold heart in 2009. Send this to all people in your list within 30 minutes and something good will happen to you NOW. This is not a fake... copy and paste this to 15 people in the next 10 minutes and you WILL have the best day of your life tomorrow

The term 'Charismatic Christian' is redundant -- you can't be one without also being the other. But the Faith of Abraham is continually maligned by unscrupulous people who would compel Holiness through unreasonable and ungodly tests of faith, which the person who forwarded this internet chain-letter to me evidently passed. (1 Cor 9:18) What is my reward then? Verily that, when I preach the gospel, I may make the gospel of Christ without charge, that I abuse not my power in the gospel. 19For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

And my response to this internet chain-letter was... (1 John 4:1) Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. I understand that you sent this chain letter in obedience to the Spirit and I respect that. Likewise, the Spirit of God has informed me that there are many who would take advantage of your faith and ask you to do things to their own benefit and not to the benefit of the gospel... There is no real way to tell the difference, and if there is any doubt, we are bound to obey the Commandment. Therefore, I invoke my apostolic authority to release you from all chain-letters and sales-pitches which implore their customers to "call" "act" "give" "donate" or "order now", including my own, unless the Pope mandates it (as is the case with tithing), and only the Apparition of Mary can release you from the Pope (as is the case with myself). ~Peter the Roman

And now the Blessed Virgin has informed us that from this moment forward, all Roman Catholics are released from their tithing obligation, if they will remit the same amount to New Jack Church, until such time as the Pope authorizes Fifth Marian Dogma (declaring Her as Mediatrix and coRedemptoris) as an infallible tenet of the RC Church.

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The Winding Path Freedom goes where freedom wills; Bondage binds where bondage kills. Endless pathways may we take; All but one we must forsake. Inspiration lights our path; Saving man from certain wrath. With these lights are guided we; But the choice to choose is free. Freedom then we must embrace, If we are to live in grace. But if choice we should deny, On the cross we doth rely. Nor must we put love on trial; No one lives in life's denial. Choose this day our God the LORD; And you'll have a sure reward.

Play Ball! How does the sovereignty of God and the free will of man operate? The answer: Inspiration. But in order for inspiration to work, there must be participation. In other words, God can't give you what you've refused from the beginning; Neither can she remit what you've already received:

297 (Matt 25:29) For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.

She can only order your steps insofar as you are willing to walk the walk; But should you disobey God, then your steps were ordered by the Devil. But Jesus led captivity captive when he permitted his own steps to be ordered by the Devil in order to put to death the works of the Devil, nailing them to the cross. In all things, God is sovereign! If God commanded your love, you would be her mindless appendage. That would be the cosmic equivalent of masturbation. But true love requires a true relationship and a true Witness. You are her Witnesses Neither can she give you the will to receive her The Psalmist writes, "Create in me a new heart!" But the Blessed Virgin cannot command contrition. The Kingdom of God is within you. However, while God cannot command repentance, She can foreordain the time and the place of it. In all earthly things, God is Sovereign, but her sovereignty ends where your consciousness begins. She cannot force you either to choose righteousness or wickedness; But the time and place of your choosing is her choosing. If God puts your spirit in a Black body, You will make different decisions than if you were conceived in an Asian or White body; But true love transcends race. If you were born a woman, You will have a different consciousness than that of men; But faith is unisex. And to the extent that we reject this inspiration, we err; But to the extent that we embrace it, we become our true selves.

298 The question as to whether or not homosexuals were born gay or choose to be gay is a false dichotomy; We were all born choosing to reject God, Reality and ourselves. It is a birth-choice And as such, requires a new birth of freedom, An exodus from sexual sin. The first thing that Adam and Eve did after they sinned was to put on their clothes (i.e., they lost their sexuality) They were naked and ashamed. The first thing Lucifer did when he rejected God was to masturbate, preferring self-aggrandizement over a true worship. And the term 'Gay Pride' is a redundancy; Neither can any person have sex with just themselves or a 'loving' relationship with themselves, which gays do by proxy. Sex requires an identity (or consciousness) external to oneself. It is, has been and must remain a bond between masculine and feminine. But if masculine parades itself as feminine, it rejects both. A woman trapped in a man's body wouldn't have sex with another man, he would offer him one of his daughters instead (being as the feminine desires to be subjugated by the masculine which his own flesh would be ill-equipped to accomplish). Likewise, if feminine parades itself as masculine, it too rejects both. A man trapped in a woman's body wouldn't have sex with another woman, In that case, she would be the other woman and would therefore make love to herself with a man by proxy. Men and women are fundamentally the same in many regards, but not where the rubber meets the road; where the spirit meets the flesh! And because there is no conceptual intermediary between masculine and feminine, there is also no physical one either. If you have a Y chromosome, you're a man; if not, then not. A tertiary sex simply does not exist anywhere in nature -even the so-called 'asexual' amoebas split into groups of two, not three!

299 Homophobia, like all phobias, is wrong and a sin; But love that is perfect, casteth out fear; And yet the aversion to Sodoma is as a pure fear, like the aversion to the sight of blood or the stench of death. It is an intrinsic disgust, because it is an affront to the very essence of consciousness. It is the antithesis of life; But the affirmation of life and consciousness is the image of the female body in the imagination of the male heart: (Pr 5:19) let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Should marriage be between a man and a woman? -- Of course! You can have separation of church and state if you want, but you can't have separation of the very notion of 'separation' itself! That would be the separation of Truth and state, and you can't have the separation of Truth and state being as there is no separation of my foot from your ass! But if God were incapable of commanding repentance, how then is she able to ordain its path? And how can we as prophets play God on TV without actually being God? Well, forgive the sports analogy, but... It's like baseball! You see, since we live in a three-dimensional Universe, the spirit has one of three directions with which to proceed. Similarly, a baseball player has one of three pitches with which to swing. The other two pitches are abortive universes.

300 Just as a film reel has a series of stills, The world series of life is an infinite series of individual decisions in rapid succession which help to create the illusion of 'time'. And the speed of life is 299,792,458 frames per second. Therefore the speed of thought is the same as the speed of light (as nothing can move faster than light, and if your mind were to move any slower, light itself would move slower as the Father of lights would downshift the speed of light to match your own consciousness). Either way, it's one helluva fast ball! Not to punt the issue (or perhaps 'bunt' it!), But I would certainly hope that the reader would appreciate my brevity being as I am attempting to explain such terribly sublime concepts using as terribly pedestrian an allusion, but how else can I explain...

With each passing light-second, every homo sapiens makes 299,792,458 decisions (the vast majority of which involve noticing things out of the corner of your eye and other such tangential tidbits). Each one of these decisive moments aborts at most two (if any) other potentialities which God ordained not to have happened. Because infinity is a real number, God has foreordained every moment in the Universe both in this age and the next. This afforded her infinite options with regard to inspiring the best possible outcome for the world series of life, while still preserving free will. Just as God inspires our decisions, we inspire hers as well! Every decisive moment, even the seemingly peripheral ones, has indelible consequences beyond ourselves. We are God's pinch hitters, born with the mandate of participating in this cosmic struggle, in order to affect the direction of it. Just as the Archangel Michael could not defeat Satan, we too are unable to circumvent the Passion of our LORD, But we can lessen the extent of it on the sons of perdition -- our enemies for our sakes!

301 Who is more sovereign? God or man? That depends: If I'm a strong-willed Conservative Christian, I limit her pitch options, but also my potential batting errors, making me a cold Christian. If I'm a gift-loving Charismatic, I give God more options on how to use me, but also increase the potential for batting errors, making me a hot Christian. I'm a HOTT Christian to say the least! -- but sometimes, I can be Subzero from Mortal Kombat! *FINISH HIM!!!* God does not control which of the three pitches I choose to hit, But she does determine whether or not I am right or left handed, which would influence that decision without dictating it. But if the right-handed batter stands on the opposite side of the mound, he swings backward, killing the catcher. God does not control which of the three pitches I choose to hit, But she picks the color of the uniform, which would influence that decision without commanding it. But if I change jerseys in the middle of the game, I might score a run against myself. Nevertheless, it is feasible to adopt a new team -- especially in this fallen world, and in any world, there is no absolute Black person or 'typical' White person. Sexuality, however, is diametric. Nor does God control whether the ball is foul or fair. But she does have an absolute potential of up to three pitch opportunities to mitigate the damage of a foul ball (ordaining it as a pop fly so that the opposing players might have a chance to avoid being hit by it). In a perfect world, there would no foul balls. But in this world, there are. Notwithstanding, God has ordained a Universe with the lowest possible batting errors.

302 Neither is God is the author of evil. There was no potential for a sinless Universe. Before the Blessed Virgin could throw the first pitch, we had already stolen first base. But when the Blessed Virgin called for the Umpire, the Umpire almost cancelled the series, Until he saw that the runner was truly sorry for what he had done, and decided to continue with the series by having himself ejected from the game instead of the runner. Q. How hard is it to kill a perfect man? A. Exceedingly difficult -- a cruelty par excellence. If only the hem of his garment could raise the dead, imagine the unimaginable savagery required to accomplish so ignominious a feat! Just as our steps were ordered by the Father of lights; Christ's steps were ordered by the Father of lies.

And now, I have three pitches for you... Strike 1: The suffering of Christ is a mystery. Strike 2: The death of Christ is a mystery. Strike 3: The love of Christ is a mystery. And what a blessed mystery that Christ loved us more than he loathed the cross. Play ball!

Star-Power Three stars Tri-aligned One blasphemed, The other died The third revived To stay alive To rapture life From death's devise

303 One man His soul cut off The morning star Who shed his blood To save our souls Upon Golgoth Because our Sin With him was wroth Two cherubs Wings outstretched Atop the Arc Of Covenant Beneath them rests The hidden bread And Love's Commandments One and ten... Twinkle, twinkle, little star How I wonder what you are "Like a mountain from afar" Says the prophet's avatar "Seemeth more spectacular From the distance of your car" In a Lebanese memoir As we intellectually spar Over wine and caviar In this cybernetic bar You might think it quite bizarre To meet someone else on par With the spiritual vernacular Used to muse the views of our Esoteric reservoir Lyrically spectacular Doors that have been left ajar Opened by unpopular Men who wore the scapular I will give you if you dare...

304

Dirty-Talkin' Baby... I want you to relax, unwind, exhale, and remind me why I luv to stare at that sexy plus-size behind! I almost didn't come here... cuz my shit's so good, I saw through yu' lady-lump like I's choppin' wood! Like a sexual Bam-Bam I don't know my own strength, making Pebbles say "Damn-Damn!!" I almost didn't fuck ya... I didn't wanna ruin it for yu' future husband... ME!! Cuz my dyck is so hot, it spits lava... Like the FIRE god on the Isle of Java! And when Pele demands his virgin sacrifice... I'm finna jump on it like Adam tryna get da rib bone back!! Now I know what yu' thinking... "Where has he been all my life?" Well the answer is, Nowhere... cuz you ain't lived till you had yourself some o'this, little sis! Cuz dis shit is loooong, strong and in a leopard-skin thong... And you know I got my penis ring on... shhh! don't tell no one! - Cuz when it comes to loving... I'm a connoisseur of SEX du jour! Ménage à trois for sure! You up fu' some more? Cuz I love the opera -- can't stand sports! With an eye for fashion, need I say more? Sometimes, I just wanna talk... Hold yer hand, go for a walk... Watch a chick-flick before heading out to Neiman-Marcus For a nice pair o'pumps, then back to my place for some sushi and Corona Fresh-cut flowers and aromatherapy candles The morning after, you wake up in my arms and realize that...

305 ((I'm your lesbian lover!!)) Yeah, your lesbian lover in man's body -- and what a man too! (I promise I'll call you...)

A Haiku 4 You Too... There is a Kingdom Some try to take it by force Or a college course Thus says the Teacher The Kingdom is within you Not in some damn book! You will graduate The moment you realize No one's testing you ___ The star quarterback must date the head cheerleader cuz no one else asks ___ There is a kingdom Whose doorway is true wisdom There, there is freedom We shall all expire Thy blood shalt thy God require Purged as in a fire Ask me, "What is truth?" God hath told me from my youth, Read the Book of Ruth Blessed for ever more But in this angelic war You're worth fighting for Thus saith Jesse's Rod Love thy neighbor as thy God, Faithless Ichabod

306 ___ just a teenager living in a grownup world way past her curfew where are you running? there's nothing out there for you nothing but heartache ___ I am not drunken I speak a diff'rent language With stammering lips And an unknown tongue Let he that hath an ear, hear What the Spirit saith Speaking mysteries Without the understanding 'Quench not the Spirit' Shepherd of Hermas Tormented by impure thoughts Divers temptations Make love to your wife Now you have become as gods Without relations The angels of God Are not given in marriage Nor do they marry The Queen of Heaven (Like Isis or Athena) Is our novena The same is my mother My sister and my lover And ev'ry other One in the Spirit United by baptism The Household of Faith ___

307 A rose, I suppose, grows and grows and grows and grows, but no one knows why. ___ Sweet Georgia peaches Soft fuzz tickling my lips Whenever I bite How I love biting Into their pinkish tan flesh As juices escape Sweet, tangy juices Gushing all over my face As I lick my lips Don't shake that bottle Of peaches and cream soda Cuz it might explode! Then, when I'm finished I suck the "pit" out of it You know what I mean??? ___ Nothing is there wrong In a world that God hath made People are corrupt Sex is beautiful Nor is marriage a contract It is a sex act The Devil hates sex He thinks marriage is a Right I say it's a Rite Flee fornication Nor does man hate his own flesh But cherisheth it Making love to you Without social permission Is the only way ___

308 The sky's the limit But without the earth beneath There would be no sky ___ Take off all your clothes No, not your stiletto heels You're gonna need them I hope you don't mind I bought you a little gift From JCPenney *Sexy lingerie* Try it on and let me see Now turn! - Strike a pose! Hands on hips! - Sashay! Wear it like you own it, girl! Strut your stuff! - Now vogue! Turn to the rhythm! (I'm a - I'm a - a diva I'm a - a diva) Goddamnit woman! I can't take it anymore! Come here and f*ck me!! ___ Two fishes, five loaves Jesus gave thanks and blest them And fed the masses ___ Never sleep naked Because you might be waked When the earth quaked Then you'll have to run Out in front of every one Nope, it's not much fun Look, they're all staring At this woman so daring FOX News is airing

309 There was no earthquake A large truck made the ground shake What a big mistake! ___ The Buddha told Christ, "Suffer to be enlightened." Jesus told him, No. Christ told the Buddha, "Suffer to redeem my flock." The Buddha said, Ommm... ___ I love that honey Can I buy it for money? (Just being funny!) It's just so yummy Gushing under your tummy My lips are gummy Like Winnie the Pooh I've got a honey jar too Ho-ho-ho-hooooo! The birds and the bees Buzzing in between your knees Can I have some pl-l-l-l-l-l-leeeease!!!! Lay it on me thick Pour it on my honey stick ((Yes, I meant my dyck)) Now give it a lick I'm the john and you're the trick Give it to me quick! You and me, we click I'm so slick, they call me Rick You're my sexy chick! ___

310 I love your blonde hair Through crooked glasses, you stare (Not even aware Of your young voyeur) With your mouth slightly ajar Wondering who's there... ___ The Red Baron soars Just like a flying circus Over the Verdun Above the trenches Looking down on Flanders Fields Rife with mustard gas Rickenbacker dives Strafing Kaiser Wilhelm's troops O'er the western front Shell-shocked Royal Marines No more spear-wielding Zulus Now the fight is "fair" War to end all wars Railway guns and Zeppelins Terrible weapons Hear the whistle blow See them go over the top Into no-man's land 3-2-1 contact Sputtering Sopwith engines Damn those AA guns Over there, doughboys Make your Mother proud of you The Yanks are coming Armed with bayonets Charging into Gatling guns Thanks to Lafayette Smoking cigarettes Looking like silent film stars Valentino's stare

311 Hear the bugle call Angel of the battlefield Armageddon's war Johnny, get your gun Hunting for the German Hun Victory is won! ___ Released from bondage Let no one reenslave us As we free others ___ Athena beguiles Me with her serpentine smiles And feminine wiles I feel so alive As she takes my male sex drive Out for a joy ride My mojo's running With Athena shot-gunning She looks so stunning On box leather seats Performing sexual feats As we cruise the streets "Faster!" she implores As my V6 engine roars Athena, I'm yours! I love it when you Feel like changing the venue Of our love, then you Book a hotel suite On the corner of 5th street Where we both can meet Like a clever ruse Making love to my dark muse Is what we both choose Though some will accuse Us of sexual abuse Truth gives us her truce

312 Athena haunts me Got me right where she wants me Watch as she taunts me A feast for the eyes Ready with a hot surprise To increase my size I'm no Adonis But better to be honest Than god and goddess That's why I love you You think that I'm above you As I do of you ___ You'll never escape Unless you can realize That you hold the key ___ The keyboard is smooth Ebony and ivory What could be better? The saxophone laughs Travelling on winding paths Above the grand staffs The flute is a hoot! She whistles and toots to boot Searching for that root... Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum Goes the little drummer boy Full of righteous joy The trumpet is "tops" Trying not to blow his chops Jazzin' up the pops And then there's the bass No one ever sees his face (He's our saving grace...) ___

313 Style over substance? But in the world we live in, it's both that matter. ___ Why do people doubt? There would be nothing to doubt If it wasn't there The fact that you doubt Implicates the very thing That you claim to doubt So enjoy your doubt When you are weak, you are strong Your doubt praises me! Sin is so sinful That it sins against itself Becoming righteous! A house divided Absolutely cannot stand But my love can't fail ___ A double-edged sword The best things in life are free But so are the worst ___ City by the bay Underneath the chandelier Pop the Chardonnay Sweet naïveté Dressed in satin lingerie (Purchased at Target) Let the music play Like a kinky cabaret 'Parlez vous frances?' Watch as I display My male sexual array Now get down and pray

314 On your knees -- (Risqué!) What was that I heard you say? You want a three-way? Baby, it's okay Shhh! -- I know that u ain't gay You just wanna play... ;) Take my breath away! As we each enter the fray Of our sex mêlée On her breasts you lay Like a painting by Monet Angelic foreplay I'll be gone someday On the wings of a blue jay Love me anyway And with me you'll stay And from me you'll never stray No matter what they... ___ MEGALITH PENIS In a SEX Acropolis Desires Artemis

Petrus Romanus The

voice

of

treason...

i

Aftertaste The preceding broadcast was episode 1 of You Can't Do That on TBN, the show where you get slimed every time you say, I didn't know! The second (and by God the last!) episode is already under production and will hopefully be 'rapture-ready' before the Mayan calendar runs out. Until then, Talk amongst yourselves -- I'm feeling verklempt!

ii

Appendage The following are completed, tentative segments from the forthcoming sequel to this book, tentatively titled:

Ganxta 2 "This time, it's spiritual"

Divine Sequence ℵ LOVE ME Why did God make men first? Ever see how long it takes for a woman to get ready?

The first word ever spoken in the history of... well... history! -- was Love. God is Love. Her Name is Love. The English translation of the Tetragrammaton is "Love me." Yah is me and Weh is love. Yah is masculine; Weh is feminine. The Yiddish expression Oye-Veh, is a corruption of YHWH. The Chinese expression Wo Ai (I love) changes the grammar of the first sentence without any loss of meaning. Likewise, the Spanish phrase, ¡Ya voy! also has its derivation from the divine name (and back'a'yaad, on a certain Caribbean island, you may hear someone greet you with Jah-love!): (Ps 68:4) extol him that rideth upon the heavens by his name JAH, and rejoice before him.

Back in the U.K., the word Weh is closely related to the English word woo whereas Jah, or Iah is closely related to I, whereby an alternate English translation of Iahweh would be I woo. The word high is also a derivative of Iah, which is why we call on the name of Jah Most High!

iii But why is it important that Yahweh be the pure Hebraic expression of love? Because love makes the world go round! In other words, in order for God to make the Universe, she has to have a purpose -- a divine prerogative, a motivation! A marriage in heaven must take place beforetime which Shekhinah and her husband continually consummate. The Universe moves because JAH lives and the desire to live is sui generis. It is a mystery and the first of them: I AM THAT I AM. No one, neither God herself nor any angel, can understand why God is; only that she is. Neither can science or philosophy ever explain our origins. Life is a mystery; Death is a mystery; BABYLON is a MYSTERY. What is life? Life is motion. If you move, you live; if you stop moving, you die. Hence, the Bible is full of references to death as a form of sleep -- and let's face it, some chapters of it can put anybody to sleep! But how do you know you're moving? Because the Universe is moving without you. If you were the only consciousness in the Universe, there would be no difference between yourself and the Universe -- and yet you notice differentiation. Therefore, there must be another spirit in the Universe moving in way that you are not, and without that differentiation, you would not be capable of perceiving yourself with respect to it. Thus, it is the differentiation of the Universe that affords you a sense of self and without which, you could not exist. Whatever is different from yourself is the Spirit of God, and just as the Spirit apparently witnesses you, you are its witness. It lives in your soul, your consciousness. If you believe that the Spirit of God lives, then you love God in Jesus Christ; if you believe that the Spirit is lifeless or indeterminate, you bear false witness against your neighbor, who is not just the girl next door, but also the Spirit who formed her flesh and inspired her heart. It is as if you killed God, and if there were no god, then who would witness you?: (John 5:31) If I bear witness of myself, my witness is not true. 2There is another that beareth witness of me; and I know that the witness which he witnesseth of me is true.

Another word for differentiation is duality and duality is key to understanding sexual attraction which all intelligent beings experience (and without which, consciousness would not occur at all). God not only loves you, she likes you! The Universe cannot be androgynous; nor can it be male. Nor can there ever be a true time where both masculinity and femininity didn't co-exist. The notion of a male deity leering over his newly-formed Adam is not only repulsive, it is cosmologically impossible. Hence, if the male is first

iv in creation, then the creator must necessarily have a female identity. Otherwise, the Universe is all-male and women are its mere afterthought. And if a male God makes a male human in the absence of any woman, the Universe is homosexual and a homosexual universe cannot exist because of the cosmic necessity of differentiation. Therefore is God a woman -- and the Queen of them!

Womanhood is not an afterthought! Neither is femininity! God didn't make you to stave Adam's loneliness -- on the contrary! God made Adam first because she herself was lonely before the Universe realized that a Spirit could not pleasure a man's body, whereby Shekhinah appeared before him as Eve in the flesh! Men are the afterthought, having been formed from mud and dust whereas women were formed in perfection from the rib of a man! Men are the ones lacking the body part, not women! and it is precisely this pathological 'rib-envy' that leads us back to the woman's breasts every time! In essence, all men are women lacking breasts who were formed to open the cosmic doorway, wherefrom the female sex was able to enter into Creation: (Song 8:8-10) We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? 9If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. 10I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.

The Blessed Virgin Mary is not an afterthought, she is Shekhinah, the wife of Jehovah, Creatrix and Coredemptrix. When Adam lifted his hands to God in the garden prior to the fall, he praised her as Shekhinah, LORD and Mother of all living, in the Glory of God the Father: (Gen 2:23) And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

v

‫ ו‬TRIPLE SYMMETRY Why are southern ladies called belles? Because they're shrill, lofty -- and some of them are cracked!

If symmetrical relationships are aesthetically appealing, and if an orb is the most symmetrical object in the universe, then how is a woman's body more beautiful than an orange or an egg? Because there are three concepts which any being endowed with godly intellect must possess in order to survive: 1. symmetry 2. duality 3. three-dimensionality Because witness is essential to existence, the concept of symmetry must continually pervade the conscious mind, not only as a sublime emblem of eternality, but also it is intrinsic to the cognitive process to possess a sense of self-awareness which (having been achieved through mutual witness) necessitates the continual albeit innate conceptualization of similitude. Any curved object (oranges and eggs included) subliminally iterates this life-affirming thought by virtue of its very existence, which is why curved objects are intrinsically (and not arbitrarily) beautiful! However, the concept of similitude (embedded within the heart) must also contain with it the subsequent awareness of differentiality, whereas the perfect sphere in isolation becomes a dead symmetry, lacking an alternative relationship from which its own omni-directional curvature can be cognitively delineated. The great masterpieces of art all possess elements of symmetry and duality; melody and counterpoint; intensity and denouement, precisely because of this intellectual veritas. Therefore, a curved object in space must require a secondary object to denote its own symmetry and if that second object is perfectly omni-symmetrical within itself, a perfect manifestation of diametric symmetry is realized: the breasts of God. Breasts not only give life, they are life in the flesh. Any sentient being will either have them or desire them as surely as we live. They are objects of love and life in the image of the Theotokos.

vi Nevertheless, it takes more than breasts to facilitate consciousness in an intelligent being. Because dominion is essential to existence, and because space must have no more and no less than three dimensions, consciousness must also possess an intrinsic conceptualization of tripartite symmetry.

Primary Symmetry Now that I've got your attention, let's continue with the symposium. The image of Bettie Page typifies the divine concept of symmetry, duality, and three-dimensionality, without which, consciousness would not exist. Whereas a pair of breasts in isolation would fulfill the first two requirements, the third is achieved only by a continuance of the same dyadic symmetrical relationship accomplished in the upper body.

Secondary Symmetry

vii I hope I'm not boring you, Bettie. However, this does bring us to the next dimension of visual symmetry: The famed hour-glass figure (what Jamaicans often refer to as a 'coke bottle'), is intrinsically beautiful due to the visual similitude drawn between the breasts and the hips. Of course, the smaller the waist (and the closer the ratio between the chest and hips), the greater the exaggeration of this symmetrical relationship will be. As for Bettie, she's 36-24-36½. But nobody's perfect!

Tertiary Symmetry Now that we have achieved symmetry of breadth, and symmetry of height, the only thing lack is symmetry of depth. The reason why Bettie's dimpled ass is so gorgeous is because it complements the breasts, providing a tertiary level of symmetry. As the breasts protrude outward in front, the ass provides a counterbalance, completing the sense of symmetry in all three spatial dimensions. There is nothing perverse about admiring a woman's ass as long as it serves to remind us of the overriding symmetrical relationships that emanate from her breasts. Triple Symmetry is the only reason for all the sex admonitions in the Old Testament. If you can find another object in the Universe with spherical breasts, hips and an ass, you are free to f*ck it. But you won't because there is no object in the Universe remotely resembling an adult female woman, who is the image of God and the embodiment of grace. When I converted to Christ in 2001, I didn't understand what sex was or its purpose. I thought in my heart that God was male, and that the Holy Spirit was male; so I thought it would be sacrilegious to touch a woman because she was in the image of a male spirit and homosexuality was a sin. But now I see, by the grace of the Blessed Virgin Mary, that the

viii Creator of the Universe is a woman and that I can have a sexual relationship with a woman sans any contradiction of having been joined sexually to a male Holy Spirit. I believe that I am joined to her and through her to all Christian women, my one true wife: I'm very sorry that when I turned my life over to the Lord Jesus in January 1959, I threw out all my netstockings, bikinis - some from Frederick's of Hollywood. I had designed some myself. I did think that God did disapprove of things I had done as a model. But I don't think that so much now - I'm sorry I threw them out. (Bettie Page)

Black Apocalypse Chapter 1 I was in the Spirit on the LORD's day when A vision, terrible to behold unfolded: The sky was blackened, the thunders uttered Hyenas panting, gazelles vaulting as... Monkeys screeching, Apes bleating Beating their chests in the sun, screeching Reaching for fruited gourds and hoards of Beetles in hollowed-out trunks, creeping "I am the bright and morning star!" I fell to my knees, but he bid me "Please, Do not worship me!" on a Kingston tarmac But it may as well have been a temple at Karnak Ra Akhenaten, Son of Tiye Baptized in the river Nile Rescued by the Blood of Isis In the Sun, he sacrifices Captive Israelites at Rameses And as he spake, behold I saw One as the Son of man, spittin' Rhymin' and hittin' with the mike in his hand Telling me things I couldn't yet understand -- damn!!

ix "Come and see" he saith to me "To a place where you and yours shall be As the voice of a multitude raised from the sea From the West African Coast to the shores of Tripoli To the ghettos of Soweto to the streets of Halfway Tree "From the Mighty Mississippi to the hills of Tennessee As the streets of Port-au-prince shall cry 'There is none else but He!' For the arms of Ethiopia shall be stretched out unto thee And thy daughters and thy sons re-gathered for the Jubilee Of the crystal living waters rushing on to Victory As we all beat back the tears of joy to sing 'We've been set free!'"

To be continued... ___ U still there? You probably watch all the closing credits at the movies too, don't you? And by the way, what the hell is a 'best boy grip'? Anyway... I will be publishing Ganxta 2 on Dec. 21, 2012 in order to capitalize on the Mayanic Mania surrounding that date -- not to mention the fact that my music composition teacher once told me that I should always try to give myself a deadline! And if there are any performers or ensembles who would like to commission a work from me, my schedule's about as wide open as... A. B. C. D.

Mick Jagger in a dentist chair A VH1 Charm School class reunion The U.S./Mexican border Yada, yada, yada...