FLATLINE THINKING MEDICAL EVALUATION "weirdo's, wacko's, and misfits are OUR specialty!"
D P (initials to protect patient identity)
Patient Name
65 years
DOB/Approximate Age
Weight
Danger to:
Referred by
205 Height
5'9"
Self
(own wallet)
x
Date 9/14/2009
SEX
Kfred
M
Others
Obvious abnormalities: Describe
Tested by Factorcrap
Yes
Truthometer Deluxe
No
Subject displays distinct paralysis features of entire arm area on both sides. Inconsistent behavior noted as initial test returned positive results when tested with bill or invoice sample resulting in no apparent movement of limbs. When test item replaced with $5 bill, small cookie, or any other type of positive reinforcement item, subject reacted in "blinding" display of quickness and agility.
X**
**Device began to smoke, buzz, and whir while testing subject. Devise has never exhibited such tendencies in past evaluations.
REPORT:
Subject referred for evaluation due to observation of increasingly frugal behavior and generation of odd ideas. Director has noticed subject to be highly averse to hosting events when engaged in social situations. During initial interview, subject suggested cause to be possible early on-set of Alzheimer's. Entire evaluation team feels subject is faking and rather suffers from a severe case of "CHEAP" disorder. Combined with subject's "alligator like" arm tendencies and strange appearance, medical team suggests immediate remedial therapy.
TREATMENT PLAN:
Immediate retraining and re-introduction to basic social settings. Recognition, responsibility, and reciprocation therapy recommended at this time. Suggest subject be interviewed by FTI Foodservice division to determine if any known problems with food or beverage intake noted (none suspected due to subject's weight.)
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