Extracurricular - Sitcom About Teenage Life

EXTRACURRICULAR Episode 1 Written by Harry George

16 st Johns rd Clifton Bristol BS8 2EX

SCENE 1 CLOSE UP OF MIKE (15) STANDING WITH HIS BACK TO AN EMPTY ROAD TALKING TO THE CAMERA, YOU CAN JUST SEE THE BACK OF THE GIRL’S HEAD TO THE RIGHT. MIKE: Tom? No no no, when you get to know him you realise he’s really not that childish. He’s a good guy. He’s mature, funny, not that bad looking and an honestly decent guy. TOM (15) COMES DOWN THE HILL ON A THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE CHILDS TOY AND PASSES BEHIND MIKE. YOU HEAR A LOUD CRASH. TOM: (O.O.V) I’m ok

MIKE: So do

TOM: (O.O.V) I think

MIKE: So, do you want me to introduce you to him… Please! CUT TO: INTRO

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SCENE 2 CLOSE UP OF A MATHS TEXT BOOK WITH A HALF FINISHED EQUATION AT THE TOP AND THEN SPED UP “EXTRACURICULAR” IS DOODLED IN AN EXTREMELY FANCY WAY.

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SCENE 3 SOFA SHOP WITH THREE PEOPLE SITTING DOWN: TOM, MIKE, AND SUZY (15)

SUZY: You certainly have a way with the ladies Tom

MIKE: Suzy’s right Tom, smooooth

TOM: Yes Mike, because the girls are streaming all over you

MIKE: I know a girl

SUZY: What’s wrong with her?

MIKE: Why do you think something’s wrong with her?

SUZY: Well for a start, she must be stupid because she’s talking to you

MIKE: That’s not fair

TOM: Girls have a sixth sense for nerds

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SUZY: It’s true

MIKE: Oh come on, you’re over-reacting

TOM: Remember when the new girl came CUT TO: COMMON ROOM IN PAST

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SCENE 4 GIRL IS STANDING ON OWN, LOOKING LOST, MIKE WALKS OVER

MIKE: Hi, I’m Mike, what’s your name?

SOPHIE: Hi, my name’s sophie . . . you don’t get out much do you?

MIKE: LOOKS AT WATCH 5 seconds . . . a new record. The last girl noticed in 3. So, do you want me to show you around?

SOPHIE: Are you coming on to me?

MIKE: What?

SOPHIE: Well, you seem incompetent with girls, and unable to flirt, so I wasn’t sure.

MIKE: I can flirt

SOPHIE: FOLDS ARMS Go on then -5-

MIKE: Ok CLEARS THROAT AND STRAITENS CLOTHES So, how about you show me your USB port, and I’ll show you my hardware, if you know what I mean RAISES EYEBROWS, JESS JUST STARES USB, universal serial bus

SOPHIE: Ok . . . I just remembered I need to be over there right now WALKS AWAY, TOM COMES OVER

TOM: Smooth

MIKE: Think I was too forward? CUT TO: COMMON ROOM PRESENT

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SCENE 5 SOFA SHOP, TOM AND SUZY WATCHING MIKE

MIKE: Oh come on, we’ve all done worse

SUZY: True . . . hi Fina FINA (15) WALKS OVER AND SITS DOWN.

FINA: What are you guys talking about?

SUZY: Mike has a new lady friend

FINA: Oh really, what’s wrong with her?

MIKE: Why does everyone assume that I’m like IE to a Mac, when it comes to girls!? Anyway, she’s not my lady friend, just a friend who happens to be a lady

FINA: Because you’re a nerd

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TOM: You got PWND

FINA: Like you’re any better

MIKE: Name one time that we’ve done something ridiculously nerdy.

SUZY: I’ve got one. Remember when I came round your house last week?

MIKE AND TOM: OBVIOUSLY LYING No

SUZY: Well I came round after Ella’s party and

MIKE: Wait a minute, did you leave Ella’s early?

SUZY: I never leave early

MIKE: But you came round Tom’s at 20:01 and Ella’s finished at 20:00

SUZY: You just need to be organised

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TOM, MIKE, AND FINA EXCHANG CONFUSED GLANCES And I went to your room and CUT TO: TOM’S ROOM

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SCENE 6 TOM’S ROOM IS COVERED IN GAMES MAGAZINES, GAMES, DISMANTLED HARDWARE, AND A PC TOM AND MIKE ARE SINGING THE ORIGINAL POKEMON THEME SONG, HALF-WAY THROUGH SUZY COMES INTO THE BACKGROUND, OBVIOUSLY TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO LAUGH WHEN MIKE AND TOM FINISH, SUZY CLAPS

MIKE: Oh, hey Suzy, I didn’t see you there

SUZY: LAUGHING You guys are so goddamn cool

TOM: (V.O.) Wait a minute CUT TO: COMMON ROOM

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SCENE 7 TOM: That’s not nerdy, that’s just sad

MIKE: Well I have to go and shout at my graphics coursework some more

TOM: How bad can that coursework be?

MIKE: Well it’s the blue book of doom that does it

TOM: Blue book of doom?

MIKE: It tells you what exactly needs to go on each page

SUZY: So what’s the problem

MIKE: Well it isn’t always crystal clear CUT TO:MIKES BEDROOM

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SCENE 8 MIKE FINISHES PLAYING ON HIS CONSOLE AND STARTS LOOKING AT HIS COURSEWORK WHICH IS IN A BIG PILE ON HIS DESK MIKE: Ok, what do I need to do? PULLS OUT A COUPLE OF A4 SHEETS OF PAPER STAPLED TOGETHER WITH A BLUE COVER AND FLICKS THROUGH IT Page 13, corporate identity. Show the different CAD techniques you used to create your corporate identity and how you linked them using CAD and CAM using the CAMM2 for manufacturing…. LOOKS BLANK Oh yeah, border FADE TO:MIKE FINISHING OFF AN OVERLY FANCY BORDER, CLOCK HAS GONE FORWARD 10 MINUTES Ahh perfect… ummmm… MIKES PHONE RINGS, HE SHUFFLES THROUGH THE MANY SHEETS ON HIS DESK TO FIND IT AND ANSWERS IT Hello?... Oh hi Luke… what, you couldn’t work it out!? Its simple you muppet. All you need to do is explain the whole CAM and CAD aspects of your corporate identity linking it through to the CAMM2…. Not a clue either no, sorry… you too…. Bye.

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HANGS UP, PUTS PHONE DOWN, LOOKS AT WORK, SIGHS AND LETS HEAD DROP ONTO TABLE. CUT TO:SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 9 FINA: Sounds fun

MIKE: Oh it really is, like running through a field of cacti blindfolded

FINA: No bitterness there then, well I’m off to see Lucian what are you guys up to?

MIKE: Tom, you still up for coming round mine and playing some Halo?

TOM: Sure, but I’ll have to leave early because I have to come up with a good excuse as to why I haven’t done my coursework for tomorrow

FINA: Wait, instead of staying up tonight and working out a good excuse as to why you didn’t do your coursework, why don’t just do the coursework?

TOM: . . . but that might involve actually doing the course work. FINA ROLLS HER EYES AND SIGHS FINA: Might? I don’t know why I try anymore.

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TOM: Nor do we. Hey, how come we’ve never met your friend Lucian

FINA: Umm, because he’s an old childhood friend, and you’ll probably scare him off with your sad nerdiness

MIKE: Oh come on, we could be worse . . . CUT TO: PARK

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SCENE 10 LUCIAN (15) AND FINA ARE WALKING ALONG THE ROAD AND MIKE AND TOM JUMP OUT OF A TREE, THEN IN SLOW MOTION, MIKE THROWS A GRAPHICS FOLDER AT FINA, AND LUCIAN DIVES IN FRONT OF THE FOLDER WHILE SCREAMING “NO!” AND TAKES THE BLOW, BACK TO NORMAL SPEED, TOM AND MIKE RUN AWAY, WHILST LUCIAN LIES ON THE GROUND CHOKING, FINA CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM AND SUPPORTS HIS HEAD FINA: Lucian, are you, oh no SHE OPENS HIS JACKET, TO FIND BLOOD

LUCIAN: My queen, I have failed you, I am so COUGHS UP SOME BLOOD So sorry

FINA: No, you haven’t failed me, you saved my life, for that I am forever in your debt

LUCIAN: Smile for me, one last time, and I’ll consider the debt paid FINA TRIES TO SMILE, AND LUCIAN SMILES BACK You are as beautiful as the day I met you

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LUCIAN REACHES UP, AND STROKES THE HAIR OUT OF HER EYES Goodbye, my love LUCIAN GOES LIMP. FINA CLOSES HIS EYES, AND PUTS HIM DOWN GENTLEY, TAKES A DEEP BREATH, THEN LOOKS STRAIGHT UP, AND SCREAMS “NO!” CUT TO: COMMON ROOM

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SCENE 11 FINA GIVES MIKE A STRANGE LOOK, SUZY HAS DISAPPEARED

MIKE: What? It could happen . . .

FINA: What? A mad man jump out and kill him with a graphics folder?

MIKE: Remember Timmy? THEY ALL LOOK AT FLOOR, AND SHAKE THEIR HEADS

TOM: Poor Timmy

FINA: He was so young MOMENT OF SILENCE Well, I should go, I’ve got coursework to do

TOM: Eugh!

FINA: I know, but what are you gonna do? See you guys tomorr… where’s Suzy

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MIKE: CHECKS WATCH She has a rehearsal now

FINA: That girl scares me, well see you around

CUT TO: STREET – NEXT DAY

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SCENE 12 TOM AND MIKE ARE WALKING ALONG, MIKE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A RANT AND IS SPEAKING VERY ANIMATIDLY. MIKE: each other but then ZOMBIES will take over the world and we will be the only 4 survivors but we won’t cooperate because were not talking to each other and as a result we will split up into 2 different groups but because we have split up we don’t have enough man power to stop the zombie onslaught ending life as we know it and dooming the human race forever.

TOM: You finished yet?

MIKE: Just about

JESSICA: (O.O.V) Mike Mike, wait up, Mike

MIKE: QUITELY TO TOM Don’t turn around

TOM: Isn’t that Jessica?

MIKE: Im really not in the mood for

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JESSICA: RUNS UP TO THEM AND GRABS MIKES SHOULDER PULLING HIM AROUND WHILST SHE CATCHES HER BREATH Wait… we

MIKE: Fuck off Jessica

TOM: Mike?

JESSICA: I know its been a while since we last talked and we didn’t exactly leave it the best possible way but.. Im so sorry Mike, please just hear me out, wh…

MIKE: Hear me out first, fuck off, go away, goodbye. MIKE WALKS OFF TOM: Im so sorry jess, hes just had a really bad day, are you ok?

JESSICA: Im fine, I just remembered I need to be somewhere WALKS OFF QUICKLY IN OPOSITE DIRECTION TOM: Sorry

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RUNS TO CATCH UP WITH MIKE Mike, don’t you think you where a little harsh on her back then

MIKE: nope

TOM: I know the whole Eleanor situation is complicated but…

MIKE: Im not using Eleanor as an excuse, even if it wasn’t for Eleanor I would still feel the same way about her THEY ARE OUTSIDE THE SOFA SHOP AND TOM GRABS IS SHOULDER AND STOPS HIM FROM WALKING IN TOM: Mike, every guy in our school wants to go out with her, why wo

MIKE: Because she knows it, alright? TAKES A DEEP BREAK THEN WALKS INTO THE SHOP AND SEES FINA AND SUZY Alright?

FINA: Alive, you?

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TOM: Just about THEY BOTH SIT DOWN ON THE SOFA SUZY: So how did your um… TAKES OUT NOTEBOOK AND FLICKS THROUGH IT Halo, that was it, strange mental block, game go?

FINA: Do you take notes on everything??

SUZY: I kind of do yeah….

FINA: Creepy… anyway, how did it go?

MIKE + TOM IN UNISON: Great!

FINA: I bet it was really REALLY nerdy

TOM: It wasn’t THAT nerdy GLANCES AT HARRY CUT TO: TOM’S ROOM

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SCENE 13 WHEN MIKE OR TOM SPEAKS IT CUTS TO A HEADSHOT OF THEM, THEY ARE WEARING XBOX HEADSETS AND THE ONLY LIGHT SOURCE IS THE MONITOR THERE STARING AT (OUT OF SHOT) SO THAT BEHIND THEM IS ALMOST COMPLETELY BLACK. TOM: MAKES A FAKE STATIC SOUND Come in blue eagle this is dark arrow do you read me over FAKE STATIC SOUND

MIKE: FAKE STATIC SOUND This is blue eagle I hear you load and clear over FAKE STATIC SOUND TOM: FAKE STATIC SOUND Blue eagle, we are pinned down behind Enemy lines and are in need of supplies over FAKE STATIC SOUND MIKE: FAKE STATIC SOUND Roger that dark arrow, hold tight, supplies are on their way over and out

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CAMERA ZOOMS OUT TO SHOW MIKE AND TOM SITTING NEXT TO EACHOTHER AND MIKE PASSES BISCUITS OVER TO TOM CUT TO:SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 14

FINA: The height of cool really

MIKE: Go on then, what amazingly cool thing did you get up to?

TOM: You and Lucian go to a nightclub and like totally rock it out dude HIGH FIVES MIKE YEAH!!!

FINA: STARES AT TOM FOR A SECOND Oh you’re so unsophisticated, we went to a poetry reading

MIKE: Scrubs box set marathon with popcorn?

FINA: LOOKS AT FLOOR SHEEPISHLY Maybe….

TOM: So Suzy, what you been up to?

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SUZY: LAUGHS EVILY Same old same old CUT TO: SUZYS ROOM

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SCENE 15 OVER HANGING LIGHT WITH A MAP ON THE WALL WITH THINGS CIRCLED AND PHOTOS ON IT, BROWN FOLDERS MARKED “TOP SECERT” EVERYWHERE AND SUZY IS SITTING THERE WITH BACK TO CAMERA, YOU CAN SEE OVER HER SHOULDER THAT SHE HAS A FOLDER OPEN WITH INFORMATION AND A BLACK AND WHITE PHOTO OF TOM LOOKING TO THE LEFT. SUZY: Got him! LAUGHS SOME MORE, LEANS BACK ON CHAIR AND OVER-DOES IT AND FALLS OFF CUT TO: SOFASHOP

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SCENE 16

TOM: Why is it always me that’s in your evil plots?

SUZY: ‘cus you’re cute

FINA: Awww, Tom’s gone all red!

TOM: Damn you! Now you’ve said it it’s going to happen isn’t it?

MIKE: Judging by your face I’d say yeah

TOM: Well why don’t you tell them what happened when the power went out!? MIKE LOOKS AT FLOOR AND STARTS TO GO RED Now who’s going red?!

FINA: Oooh I’m intrigued, what did happen?

SUZY: We don’t need to know OPENS NOTEBOOK ON A BLANK PAGE AND GETS PEN READY -29-

NOW we need to know

MIKE: Well…. CUT TO: TOM’S ROOM

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SCENE 17 TOM AND MIKE ARE SITTING THERE PLAYING HALO. THE POWER THEN CUTS OUT, MAKING EVERYTHING COMPLETELY BLACK, AND YOU HEAR THEM TALKING THROUGH THE DARKNESS MIKE: What happened?

TOM: Must be a black out

MIKE: I can’t see a thing

TOM: Here

MIKE: What’s this?

TOM: Just put it on

MIKE: Ooh, shiny TOM’S ROOM COMES BACK INTO FOCUS, COMPLETELY GREEN, AS IF LOOKING THROUGH NIGHT-VISION, TOM AND MIKE ARE WEARING CRUDELY HOME MADE NIGHT-VISION GOGGLES Ok, you bought some night-vision goggles?

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TOM: What do you take me for - someone who isn’t cheap? I made them myself.

MIKE: You made your own night-vision goggles, how?

TOM: Was easy, all I needed was an old Winders box, some toilet rolls, and black paint

MIKE: NODS UNDERSTANDINGLY Cool, so what do we do now?

TOM: I don’t know, there’s no leccy, what can we do?

MIKE: Up for some Halo?

TOM: Mike, leccy!

MIKE: Fine, I’ll just check my email, then go on Unification Wars for a little bit and…

TOM: Ummm . . .

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MIKE: Red vs. Blue? Invader Zim? Television? Online comics? No! this is so horrible! God it sounds quiet in here.

TOM: Probably due to the fact that none of the computer fans are on

MIKE: FIGHTS BACK TEARS I miss them already, I’ll cover it up with some music. PRESSES BUTTON ON MUSIC PLAYER Noo! RUNS OUT OF ROOM, TOM FOLLOWS, AND SEE MIKE RUNNING BACK TOWARDS STAIRS, HITS LEG ON FIRST STEP, AND FALLS BACKWARDS, THEN GETS UP AND RUNS UPSTAIRS WITH TOASTER

TOM: What are you doing?

MIKE: Don’t try and stop me Tom, I can’t go on without electricity MIKE PUSHES PAST TOM AND GOES INTO BATHROOM, YOU HEAR WATER RUNNING

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TOM: So, you’re going to kill yourself instead of spending a couple of hours without electricity?

MIKE: Yep

TOM: With a toaster?

MIKE: I’m going to electrocute myself and there’s nothing you can do to stop me

TOM: You’re going to electrocute yourself?

MIKE: Yep

TOM: Without electricity?

MIKE: No! CUT TO: SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 18 SUZY Wait a second, weren’t you going to go to Mike’s house?

TOM: We decided mine was easier because you have to go up a hill to get there

SUZY: You really don’t, it’s COMPLELTY flat!

TOM: No it’s true, and ill prove it CUT TO: OUTSIDE ROAD

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SCENE 19 TOM IS THERE WITH A LEVEL GAUGE ON THE PAVMENT AND POINTS TO IT TOM: See, Mikes house IS uphill CUT TO: SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 20 SUZY: Oh hardly, but I’ll give it to you

TOM: Thank you FINA AND MIKE LOOK AT EACH OTHER FINA: I think I missed something

MIKE: Me too

FINA: So what did you guys do to survive the power cut?

MIKE: What makes you think we survived? FINA DOES A SWEEPING HAND GESTURE TO INDICATE THAT HE’S RIGHT HERE Technicality. Fine, well Tom came up with most of the ideas CUT TO: TOM’S BEDROOM

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SCENE 21 MIKE IS WEARING A BLANKET, AND SHAKING. TOM OFFERS HIM A MUG

TOM: I’m sorry it’s cold, but you know . . . MIKE JUST GLARES You know it’s not all bad, people used to have a fun time without electricity.

MIKE: Lies, all lies!

TOM: No, seriously, we could play some none leccy games, like . . . .

MIKE: Pac-man?

TOM: Hide and seek, I’ll go first, close your eyes and count to one hundred

MIKE: Fine PUTS DOWN MUG, AND COVERS HIS NIGHT-VISION GOGGLES, AND BEGINS TO COUNT FADE TO:

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TOM IS STANDING BEHIND THE CURTAINS, MIKE FINISHES COUNTING AND LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM, SEES TOM AND SIGHS MIKE: This sucks, there are no good hiding places at… wait a minute, ok you count!

TOM: LOOKS UNSURE ok TOM STARTS COUNTING FADE TO: TOM FINISHES COUNTING LOOKS AROUND AND THEN LAUGHS, CAMERA PULLS OUT TO SHOW MIKE IN A CORNER WITH A DUVAY OVER HIS HEAD

CUT TO: SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 22

FINA: I take back what I said before, you two embody cool TOM AND MIKE HIGH FIVE Oh dear, oh I forgot to ask, what did your excuse end up being

SUZY: I can guess CUT TO:CLASS ROOM

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SCENE 23 YOU CAN ONLY SEE THE DOOR, TOM RUNS IN LOOKING REALLY SCRUFFY AND OUT OF BREATH AND USES DOORFRAME FOR SUPPORT TOM: Bears miss, BEARS CUT TO: SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 24 FINA: Oh have some faith in him, what was your excuse?

TOM: Much better then that stupid bears one

SCENE 23. (((YOU CAN ONLY SEE THE DOOR, TOM RUNS IN LOOKING REALLY SCRUFFY AND OUT OF BREATH AND USES DOORFRAME FOR SUPPORT TOM: Bears miss, BEARS)))

FINA: Ahh, I see…so you got in trouble then

TOM: No, well yes but not for that

FINA: What did you do?

TOM: It was Mikes idea, he came up with the game

SUZY: Game?

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MIKE: Well every maths lesson some of the little kids are sent into our lesson for misbehaving, so 1point is if they are polite, 2 points for grumpy and 3 if they hit or slam things or argue back. One person guesses how many points that lesson will be, and the other person says higher or lower.

SUZY: I can see where this is going

TOM: Mike had guessed 3, and id said higher, and wed just had one grumpy kid sent into our lesson. Then near the end of the lesson a kid walks and slams the door open, and I don’t think my maths teacher appreciated me going CUT TO: MATHS CLASS

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SCENE 25 TOM IS SITTING NEXT TO MIKE ON DESKS AT THE BACK, TOM PUTS HIS HANDS IN THE AIR AND CHEARS AND MIKE THROWS HIS PENCIL DOWN IN DEFEAT CUT TO: SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 26 TOM: She seemed to think I was deliberately encouraging him, and didn’t belive me when I explained our game to her

FINE: Now that’s a surprise, it being such a normal thing to do

TOM: Exactly, on the upside however she did forget all about my bear excuse

MIKE: Well I should head off, people to see and whatnot GETS UP TO LEAVE TOM: AWKWARDLY Are you going to go see… you know?

MIKE: yeah

FINA: How long has it been now?

MIKE: 3 weeks 1 month

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SUZY: Best of luck

MIKE: Thanks

FINA: Well I should probably get going as well, I really need to get this English done

SUZY: SQUEALS AND THE OTHER 3 JUMP English I forgot, I better go now

TOM: I’ll walk you back

SUZY: Thanks THEY ALL LEAVE FADE TO: STREET

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SCENE 27 TOM AND SUZY ARE WALKING ALONG SUZY: What’s up with you and Mike?

TOM: Wada you mean

SUZY: I saw the conversation you 2 where having before you came in

TOM: Oh that, he got really would up because we bumped into Jessica.

SUZY: Im guessing there still not best of friends then

TOM: He told her, erm, fuck off I think where his exact words

SUZY: Ouch, is it just the Eleanor thing or is it something to do with the last time they spoke?

TOM: both

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SUZY: Do you have any idea what happened? all I know is they where really quite close and then suddenly they weren’t speaking anymore

TOM: Youd have to ask them, I wonder if she even knows about Eleanor?

SUZY: Unlikely, unsurprisingly he does what he can to avoid talking about it… anyway, on a hopefully happier topic, how goes you

TOM: Could be worse I guess

SUZY: Tell me about it

TOM: I guess I cant really complain, I could be as short as you SUZY HITS TOM ON THE ARM AND TOM RETALIATES BY FLICKING SUZYS LEG WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND. SUZY: OUCH! TOM LOOKS QUESTIONINGLY Its just a bit sore from netball is all

-48-

TOM: LOOKS UNCONVINCED Hey suzy, umm, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up some time, as in just me and you

SUZY: Why?

TOM: Well in a big group we never really get a chance to talk THEY STOP OUTSIDE SUZYS HOUSE SUZY: This is my house

TOM: Wada you say?

SUZY: sure, sounds good, best of luck with your English, sounds like youll need it.

TOM: Thanks a lot, and the same goes for you to FADE TO: ROOM

-49-

SCENE 28

MIKE IS SITTING ON A CHAIR FACING THE CAMERA, BEHIND HIM IS NOTHING BUT A PLAIN BLUE WALL MIKE: Hey, it's me again, uhm, Mike. *long pause while shuffling, stares at floor* sorry, I just.. this is, well, its still really weird, d... do you think it ever gets better... uh, normal? How have i been? (quicker) how have i been... how have i been? Its been a long week *nervous laughter* Nothings happened, well, *actual laughter and a smile* there was me and Tom, the power cut you know? These little night vision goggles that he'd made, pretty cool... *pause* well yeah, anyway, we were playing hide and seek, but just in his room. So hiding places were a little limited, even you wouldn't have been able to find anywhere... well, *half laugh/change topic* and school? *mmhm noise* school, *head in hands, rubbing eyes tiredly with a resigned smile* same old really, so of course, far too much work *loud sigh*. I think Fina's having a hard time of it, ill check on her, make sure shes okay *eyes go out of focus, staring off camera* *hands do kind of shrug* *focus back on camera* i know i know, look after myself before worrying about the world, youve must have told me that a thousand times and i still wont listen. Wouldn't listen...*swallows nervously* I'm doing okay, things aren't THAT bad... well... but what ya gonna do eh? ... *breaths out loudly* what are you going to do?

-50-

FADE TO: FINAS ROOM

-51-

SCENE 29

FINA WORKING LOOKING REALLY STRESSED OUT, LUCIAN CREEPS UP BEHIND HER AND PUTS HIS HANDS OVER HER EYES LUCIAN: Guess who

FINA: Hey Lucian

LUCIAN: How did you know it was me? TAKES HIS HANDS OFF HER EYES FINA: The smell

LUCIAN: Thanks a lot

FINA: Oh you know I love you really

LUCIAN: I know HUGS HER FROM BEHIND THEN WALKS ROUND AND CROUCHES NEXT TO HER CHAIR Soooooo… what you doing?

-52-

FINA: Its this stupid work, I can’t fucking cope, I keep trying and trying to get it right but it just won’t work, I’ve done it about 100 times!!!!

LUCIAN: Oh come on, there’s no need to exaggerate

FINA: No really - look! SHOT OF HER BIN WITH A HUGE PILE OF SCREWED UP PAPER I keep trying to do this and no matter how many times I do it just sounds like a load of SHIT. I HATE THIS. It’s just not fair, sometimes I wish I could just crawl into a dark hole and waste away to nothing but I know the teachers would just come and find me in my hole and GIVE ME COURSEWORK!! CATCHES BREATH LUCIAN: GIGGLES hole FINA HITS LUCIAN Look, I’ve got something here that will cheer you up LUCIAN REACHES BEHIND FINA’S EAR AND PULLS OUT HER EARING AND HANDS IT TOO HER Tada!

-53-

FINA: This is MY earring, I was wearing it just then, all you did was take it off my ear.

LUCIAN: Or did I WAVES HANDS MYSTICALLY FINA: Yes you did

LUCAIN: Fine, have this instead PULLS A CHOCLATE BAR OUT OF HIS POCKET AND HANDS IT TOO HER Your friend is coming so it’s time to make my exit SHIMMYS ALONG THE WALL (FOR NO OBVIOUS REASON) THEN DIVES ACROSS THE FLOOR AND LANDS FLAT ON HIS STOMACH AND ROLLS OUT OF SHOT, FINA SMILES AND GOES BACK TO HER COURSEWORK THEN MIKE WALKS IN MIKE: Hey, how’s things? FINA POINTS TO THE HUGE PILE OF COURSEWORK So, good then? FINA GLARES I just thought I would pop round and give you this

-54-

MIKE PASSES HER THE SAME TYPE OF CHOCOLATE BAR FINA: Thanks… Lucian gave me the exact… STARTS LIFTING UP PAPER TO LUCIAN’S CHOCOLATE BAR WHICH HAS GONE MISSING I swear my coursework has developed sentient life and is eating all my stuff

MIKE: Don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’ll turn up MIKE SCRUFFLES FINAS HAIR AND TURNS AROUND TO WALK OFF WHEN SHE RUGBY TACKLES HIM TO THE FLOOR

CUT TO:MIKES ROOM

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SCENE 30 MIKE IS LIEING IN BED ON HIS FRONT WITH HIS JEANS STILL ON. ALARMCLOCK GOES OFF WAKING HIM UP, HE GROANS, HITS THE ALARMCLOCK STOPPING THE ALARM AND THEN HE PICKS UP HIS HEADPHONES, PUTS THEM ON AND PRESSES PLAY AND IT STARTS PLAYING SANDSTORM BY CAST. HE SITS UP, SIGHS AND RUBS HIS FACE, GETS UP, WALKS OVER AND HITS THE POWER BUTTON FOR HIS LAPTOP. PICKS UP SOME PAPER, PUTS IT IN AN EXERCISE BOOK AND PUTS THE BOOK IN HIS BAG. GRABS THE T-SHIRT THAT’S ON THE FLOOR AND WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY PUTS IT ON, DOUBLE CLICKS ON HIS LAPTOP AND FLICKS THROUGH HIS EMAILS. SHUTS THE LID.AND HEADS OUT THE DOOR. COMES DOWNSTAIRS AND WALKS PAST THE DINNING ROOM ELEANOR (VIEWERS DON’T KNOW WHO SHE IS YET) IS SITTING, SHE NODS AT HIM HE NODS BACK, WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN GETS OUT A BOWL, SMASHES IT, SWEARS, SWEEPS THE REMAINS INTO A BIN AND GETS OUT ANOTHER BOWL, GRABS A SPOON AND GOES BACK TO THE DINNING ROOM WHERE THE GIRL IS NOW GONE AND POURS HIMSELF BREAKFAST CUT TO: SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 31 ALL WALK IN LOOKING TIRED AND MIKE AND FINA ARE WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES AS YESTERDAY BUT MUCH SCRUFFIER. THEY ALL DROP ONTO THE SOFA AND SIGH FROM EXHAUSTION FINA: Well it’s in, done and dusted, finished, complete, other words that mean finished…

TOM: Yeah, we get it

SUZY: Are you two wearing the same clothes as you were yesterday?

MIKE: Yea, I feel asleep in my cloths and was too tired to find new ones

TOM: How is it he has a girlfriend?

SUZY: Magic, that or drugs, and lots and lots of alcohol

FINA: I fell asleep on top of my work as soon as I was finished I had to print off another copy because the one I proof read had a hole in it where I had drooled through it

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MIKE: Very sexy

FINA: Damn right

TOM: Eugh! I might as well be hung-over considering how I feel.

SUZY: Because you two are such heavy-weights.

MIKE: Oh yeah.

FINA: You seem to be forgetting that me and Suzy bought the AIR QUOTES “Alcohol” for Suzy’s new year party, you two were totally trashed

TOM: We were so not!

SUZY: Do you remember ANY of that party?

MIKE: Yeah, we were all exchanging witticisms whilst making new acquaintances

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CUT TO: BALL ROOM

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SCENE 32 CLASSICAL MUSIC IS IN THE BACKGROUND, TOM AND MIKE ARE IN TUXEDOS SURROUNDED BY A LARGE GROUP OF FORMALLY DRESSED PEOPLE, MIKE IS HOLDING A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE. MIKE: And he thought that the 1787 Chateau Lafite was a Bordeaux! THEY ALL LAUGH CUT TO:SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 33 SUZY FINA AND TOM ALL STARE AT HIM FINA: When has that EVER happened?

MIKE: It could.

TOM: You had one chance to cover for us and that’s the best you could do!? Go on then, how bad were we?

SUZY: It was quite comical really CUT TO: SUZY’S HOUSE

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SCENE 34 TOM AND MIKE ARE SUPPORTING EACH OTHER AND ROCKING SIDEWAYS, MIKE HAS GOT A STICKER STUCK TO HIS FACE TOM: Suzy, thanks for the party, was brilliant!

MIKE: Yea great, great like Tom’s girth! TOM PUSHES MIKE SLIGHTLY AND HE FALLS STRIGHT OVER, TRIES TO GET UP, FALLS OVER AGAIN, THEN MANAGES TO GET UP But yeah, like thanks totally and all but it’s getting late so we should head off

SUZY: Firstly, its 11am, you stayed the night remember? Secondly, CAMERA PULLS OUT AND PANS SLIGHTLY TO THE RIGHT SHOWING SUZY IS LYING DOWN ON A SOFA NEXT TO THEM BUT BEHIND THEM, FINA IS ON THE FLOOR SLEEPING IN A VERY UNATTRACTIVE WAY. That’s a photo of me CUT TO: PHOTO OF SUZY ON A WALL THEN BACK TO MIKE AND TOM MIKE: Sorry photo Suzy

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TOM: Yeah, sorry TOM AND MIKE TURN ROUND TO FACE SUZY Thanks for the party

MIKE: It was brilliant! CUT TO: SOFA SHOP

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SCENE 35

SUZY: You two are the height of cool you know MIKE AND TOM GO TO HIGH 5 EACHOTHER Don’t high five THEY BOTH FREEZE THEN LOOK DOWN DISAPPOINTED Do you remember how much you had to drink?

MIKE: About a bottle of vodka each wasn’t it?

TOM: Yea, and a couple of bears on top, oh and that wkd, so yea quite alot

FINA: Really?

MIKE: Yea….

SUZY: I was hosting the party, I know how much alcohol we bought

MIKE: LOOKS AT TOM Fine, a glass of cider each.

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SUZY: Each?

TOM: Between us then, happy?

SUZY: very

FINA: You guys still up for tomorrow?

MIKE: Always

SUZY: So, what you got planned?

TOM: Oh you’ll see….. CUT TO: BENCH AT CABOT TOWER

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SCENE 36 TOM, MIKE, SUZY AND FINA ARE SITTING ON A BENCH LOOKING OBER THE BIG HILL CHATTING MIKE: I was talking to tom about this, I’m so bored of the idea that wearing a hoodie makes you evil

FINA: It does

MIKE: And without it you can’t do anything against the law

SUZY: Physical impossibility

TOM: Almost as though it was illegal

MIKE: So the logical assumption is you must have “youths”, because we all know how bright the majority of the population is, going, Tom mind helping TOM AND MIKE STAND UP SUZY: Ooooh, I didn’t realise your rants came in play form

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MIKE: We had those customer evaluation forms and its what people unanimously requested

FINA: I requested more puppies

MIKE: Aaanyway, STROLLS SLOWLY TOWARDS TOM IN A RIDICULOUSLY MELODRAMATIC WAY, THEN STOPS INFRONT OF TOM, CORRECTS CROTCH THEN SAYS IN A BAD ACCENT Yo shop keep dude man mate like innit bled proper like sick mate

TOM: Yeah?

MIKE: PULLS OUT SPORK Give me all your money

TOM: LOOKS HIM UP AND DOWN But that, you…

MIKE: PATS HIMSELF DOWN Ahhh fiddles, I forgot my hoodie, damn it! This is so embarrassing, first time you see, oh I’m so

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sorry, do you mind if I quickly pop home and grab it?

TOM: No problem mate, want me to get the money ready whilst you’re gone?

MIKE: Would you mind? Thanks a lot, I’m really sorry about this

TOM: Don’t worry about it, everyone messes up their first time.

MIKE: How long do we go until we are completely sure we’ve killed this joke?

TOM: I’m pretty sure we crossed that line along time ago

MIKE: And with that, the end FINA AND SUZY CLAP AND TOM AND MIKE BOW, BLOW KISSES, AND SIT DOWN. FINA: What drugs are you two on?

TOM: Oh, all of them

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MIKE: Definitely. That and all the sex.

TOM: Oh all the time, I’m having sex right now

MIKE: I’m currently in a threesome and it’s unprotected, such a lightweight Tom.

TOM: Ahh, but I’m videoing myself on my camera phone that I of course stole so I can put it on youtube

MIKE: Touché

FINA: Are you two quite finished?

TOM: Mike is because he has no stamina.

MIKE: I blame the junk food.

TOM: Ruining today’s youth

SUZY: It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?

TOM: Oh yes

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MIKE: You ready tom?

TOM: Bring it FADE OUT.CUT TO:

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SCENE 37 CLOSE UP OF SOMEONE PUTTING ON BIKE GLOVE FADE OUT.CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF SOMEONE PUTTING ON OTHER GLOVE FADE OUT.CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF SOMEONE DOING CLASP OF HELMET UP UNDER CHIN, HAS A COUPLE OF ATTEMPTS THEN TAKES OFF A GLOVE AND MANAGES IT FADE OUT.CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF HAND TIGHTNING GRIP ON A PINK HANDLE BAR GRIP FADE OUT.CUT TO: FINA AND SUZY ADMIRING MIKE AND TOM ON KIDDIE BARBIE BIKES FULLY GEARD UP ONTOP OF A BIG GRASSY HILL SUZY: I love you guys, I really do

FINA: Every week you just have to raise the bar on each other don’t you

TOM: Yep

MIKE: What else would we do?

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TOM: You ready?

MIKE: Bring it biatch SUZY AND FINA RUN TO THE EDGE OF THE HILL TO GET A GOOD VIEW, MIKE AND TOM GET ON THE BIKES AND CYCLE AS FAST AS THEY CAN, JUST BEFORE THE BIKES GO OVER THE EDGE IT CUTS TO THE CREDITS WITH STILLS OF THE SHOW, SOME REAL OTHERS BEING MADE UP (SUCH AS SUZY FIGHTING A GIANT SQUID) THEN IT CUTS TO THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL RIGHT BEFORE THEY REACH THE EDGE AND TOM AND MIKE GO DOWN THE HILL AND PAST THE CAMERA END OF EPISODE

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[THERE ARE NO JOKES PRINTED ON THIS PAGE]

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