Eliot Spitzer Olympic Skating Champion

ELIOT SPITZER OLYMPIC SKATING CHAMPION My disdain for Eliot Spitzer is well-chronicled in these pages. It is no secret that I despise the man as a glass jawed fraud. But after this last week’s installment of Albany incest – coups and rebellions aside, I literally have to hand an Olympic gold in skating to the former governor. Luv Gov, your blades are sharp. The money laundering and Mann Act violations aside, Eliot Spitzer actually had the gall, after his resignation as governor, to complain that his patronage of prostitutes was not dismissed fast enough while the very woman who supplied him with hookers sat on Rikers’ Island for four months. That in and of itself merits some sort of shitbag award. But now, the walking indictment-waiting-to-happen has managed another miracle on ice and his name is Michael Cherkasky. Let us review. Back when Eliot was the crusading Attorney General of New York, he had the insurance firm Marsh McLennan by the balls. In return for their release, he forced the firm to install Mike Cherkasky as its CEO, which Marsh McLennan swiftly executed. Standard operating Spitzer. Enter Eliot the governor, who allegedly uses the State Police to stalk his premier political nemesis, Joseph Bruno Majority Leader of the Senate, and an investigation ensues by the Commission on Public Integrity. That investigation yielded a few scapegoats and then folded. It was widely rumored that Spitzer meddled heavily in the Commission’s investigation ala Nixon and the Watergate Commission. Spitzer’s whore habit then surfaced and the investigation receded from public view. But then the Inspector General of New York Joe Fisch poked around and concluded that the Commission’s head honcho, Herb Tietelbaum, was improperly leaking information, to wit, confidential testimony, to the executive chamber. Governor Paterson promptly and properly called for the resignation of all members of the Commission. Tietelbaum eventually left, and Paterson replaced him with Mike Cherkasky. Unfortunately for David Paterson, Cherkasky’s link to Spitzer went unnoticed. Someone failed to inform the governor that Mike Cherkasky was Eliot’s former boss at the Manhattan DA’s office. Someone failed to inform Mike Cherkasky that his severe conflict of interest precluded his qualification for heading up any investigation of his old pal Eliot Spitzer. The media dutifully praised the appointment. Now comes the bullshit. Cherkasky issued a statement last Thursday that so whitewashes the ethical issues of Spitzer’s administration that it burns the eyes to read. Three paragraphs in, he informs us that he is “a man with no ax to grind.” He’s not friends with the governor or his staff, or the IG and his staff, or anyone on the Commission, he assures us. He is however, admittedly, friends with Eliot Spitzer, which he somehow deems irrelevant as if he’s suffering from lack of oxygen. Even if it is relevant, he claims that “proof of a relationship is not proof of bias.” Ok Mike, you umpire Albany.

Strike One: “Just because the Governor appointed the majority of the members of the Commission in no way means that their actions were biased.” Of course not, for Christ’s sake, this is Albany, land of objectivity where even Prime Minister Berlusconi would feel right at home because there is just no such thing as a conflict of interest. And certainly the man tasked with investigating his own friend cannot be deemed biased either. Strike Two: “People may think they know what happened, but the Commission quite properly based its decisions only on the record evidence.” It’s almost as if Chairman Cherkasky has completely disregarded the fact that the evidence on record was a product of manipulation between the Commission and the Governor’s Office that led to his appointment as Chairman to begin with. “Things are not always as they initially appear,” Cherkasky tell us though. No Chairman, things are exactly as they appear. Strike Three: Leaking confidential information didn’t really matter anyway. Need we proceed any further with this farce? “The information – the fact that the Commission had consulted with the District Attorney about a possible perjury committed by an individual formerly in the Governor’s employment – was simply not significant.” Translation: Herb Tietelbaum leaked to Spitzer that the District Attorney was going to bring perjury charges against Darren Dopp. Significance: Put the squeeze on Dopp to take the fall and governor, you skate. This type of shit is not important in Albany though.