Doctrine Of Polygamy

The Problem of Polygamy Claire Zulkey The First Wife

Being the first wife means that everybody hates you and those other wives are just waiting for you to fall from your perch, silently praying every day that you do. They won’t take any steps themselves to be rid of you but they won’t cry if you do go. Nothing good is ever said about you and nobody will ever back you up. You know this and you don’t like it, but the worst part is how cheated you feel. You originally married one man, not a man and several other women. But you wouldn’t give your spot up for the world. In a strange, small sense you nurture your bitterness and hurt. Being the victim can be a sweet pain. He treats you with extreme care and buys you nice presents. You’re the first, you know you’re the benchmark, and in the end, he always comes back to you. You’re the queen bee: the rest are just wannabes. You sleep in the big bedroom, you make the shopping lists and you have control of the money. You have his ear and ultimately, the final word on everything. Well, almost everything.

The Second Wife The problem with being the second wife lies in a misplaced sense of entitlement. You feel like you are the one he really wants, you are the one who really understands him and if it weren’t for that first wife, you would be exactly where you should be in life. You’re two steps away from killing her except you know that you’d be breaking apart that whole twisted sense of ‘family’ that he keeps talking about and you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you disappointed him. Crack the veneer of the family and the whole thing falls apart. The others hate you almost as much as they hate the first wife, as you are loud and defensive. He loves your mind, he tells you, and you mistakenly think everyone else does, too. You’re rather obnoxious. You’re the first to decry the first wife as unsatisfactory and the other wives as unsavory. You’re in so much pain from loving someone you can’t have to yourself that you don’t even think about it anymore. But you’re satisfied with your role. After all, if you weren’t there, it wouldn’t be polygamy. The Third Wife When you’re the third wife you realize what a pointless battle you’re fighting. Sharing part of a person is so ridiculous, but a third is such an absurdly small share. You can’t unseat the first wife and the second wife is just waiting to

eliminate you quickly and cruelly if you move in on her. So even though you believe in following your heart you see what a stupid exercise this is. You don’t know what you’re doing but you do know that if you weren’t part of this, you wouldn’t be doing anything at all. …He always seems relieved to be with you. Except for when he seems to act like you’re wasting his time. You often wonder at what point this stopped being fun and started getting too serious. One day you were temping and the next day you realize you’ve been working at the same job for five years. … The Fourth Wife The problem with being the fourth wife is that you’re no longer part of the party. It’s a little boring. Who cares about the fourth-stringer? But on the other hand, you’re so removed from the fracas that at least you maintain part of your dignity. You feel like you’re watching the parade and you don’t mind at all. Little effort, little drama, plus a husband and family. Not bad! The other wives are just baby making satellites, but annoying and painful ones nonetheless. He collects them almost by accident. The husband’s responsibility, meanwhile, is to keep everyone happy…. He rarely succeeds. He is a very happy, very nervous man. He has to remember that Wife Three is kinder to Wife One than Wife Two is, but Wife Two and Three get

along better than Two and Four. He knows that Wives Three and Four actually enjoy each other’s company but they will tease the younger wives mercilessly. It’s like chemistry. The husband occasionally makes attempts to bring the wives together, because he doesn’t like conflict and mistakenly thinks that he can have them be friends. For instance… The husband thinks that it would be nice if he and all the wives went to the library together, on an excursion. “Isn’t this fun?” he asks weakly, and they all have to agree through clenched teeth because if they don’t, then they’re not team players. Wife Two makes a point only to check out books that are classics or the … newest, hottest books on the market. Wife Four checks out Oprah books and she doesn’t care when Wife Two makes fun of her. Wife Three would also like to check out Oprah books but she does care when Wife Two makes fun of her, so she selects some esoteric books that she knows she’ll never read. She wishes she could throw them at Wife Two’s head. The other wives run around the library giggling and shrieking because they’re practically still children. Wife One doesn’t even stay at the library: she has no time for this. She goes grocery shopping. The husband hides in the periodicals section and reads newspapers…. The husband made the mistake of spending time with only Wife One and Wife Two once, and he felt ill for weeks afterward. He has the most fun when he’s

with Wives Three and Four, because they are eager to please, but so much less competitive. They relax him. Being only with the young wives, however, makes him feel old. Sometimes he thinks about giving the whole thing up, starting again with One, but he knows how much less fun that would be. He would miss the other girls. His girls, he thinks. He would think about them all the time. The trickiest, always, is his birthday party. Every year he invites more and more friends to dilute the tension but they always show up to watch the tension unfold. Seeing Wives One and Two standing fiercely on either side of him as he blows out the candles alone is worth it, they say. Each wife spends all day preparing for the festivities, and when he makes his appearance, it’s as if the gun is being fired at a race, each posing, vying for attention, playing aloof, constant competition. Wife Four chats prettily with strangers. Wife Three rolls her eyes and sits on the stoop and smokes and waits for the husband to furtively (secretively) pop out and see her…. The husband makes sure to kiss all the wives goodnight and tell them how special they made his birthday. Each wife, except for the young ones, falls asleep either congratulating herself or cursing herself for that night’s performance.

For all, each day is like starting a race, and each day they vow that they will either drop out or win this race. It’s excruciating, the things that they go through but you can’t help it when you’re in love and in need. After all, there are plenty of men in this world, but only one husband. Divorce, of course, is out of the question.

Mormons and Polygamy 1. A lingering consequence of polygamy as practiced by the saints in the Bible is that it has encouraged this sin to be practiced down through the centuries. 2. One of the distinguishing doctrines of Mormonism is polygamy. 3. In direct opposition to the teaching of Jesus Christ in Matthew 19:4-9 and the divine pattern established in Genesis 1-2, the Mormons embraced polygamy. 4. Mormons were required to multiply wives in order to reach the highest heaven. 5. Joseph Smith at Nauvoo, Ill., on July 12, 1843, made the following "revelation" concerning polygamy from the Lord: For behold, I reveal unto you a new and everlasting covenant [polygamy]; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my [Lord's] glory (Doctrine and Covenants 132:4). 6. Not only was a Mormon permitted to have multiple wives, it was demanded to progress into the highest heaven (Mormons believe there are three heaven- kingdoms and three levels in the highest of three heavens). 7. Ironically the “revelation” of Joseph Smith contradicted the Bible and also the Book of Mormon (Jacob 1:15; 2:24; 3:5; Mosiah 11:2). 8. In 1847 the Mormons entered the Great Salt Lake Valley in an effort to escape persecution for their views and practices. 9. Utah was owned by Mexico and would be ceded to the United States in March 1848 in accordance with the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. 10.The Mormons organized their own government, and on March 10, 1849 they drafted a constitution.

11.This constitution formed what was called the "State of Deseret" with Brigham Young as governor (Marguerite Cameron, This Is the Place, Idaho: The Caxton Printers, Ltd. pp. 154-255).

12.The Mormons dwelt rather independently of federal law until the Organic Act of 1850 created the Territory of Utah. 13.Mormons were free to engage in polygamy as required by Joseph Smith and they did until they petitioned for statehood in 1849 and 1856. The petition was denied largely because of the practice of polygamy. 14. In 1882 the Edmunds Bill was passed by Congress making polygamy illegal. 15.When the Mormons failed to comply with the law, the United States threatened to send the U.S. Cavalry to confiscate all their property and disperse them. 16.Ironically, the leader of the Mormons, Wilford Woodruff, had a relieving "revelation." 17.On Sept. 29, 1890, Woodruff issued a Manifesto, which was approved (voted on) by the general conference on Oct. 6, 1890. 18.The Mormons cited Doctrine and Covenants 124:49 as a loophole for getting out of the revelation of Joseph Smith (as well as other false prophecies of Smith in the past) (Marguerite Cameron, This Is the Place, p. 131). 19.The Mormons were no longer required to keep the everlasting covenant of polygamy. The cavalry left, and the threat of invasion was over. Six years later, Utah became a state.

Koran and Polygamy 1. The verse that allows polygamy in the Koran "was revealed after the battle of Uhud in which many Muslims were killed, leaving widows and orphans for whom due care was incumbent upon the Muslim survivors." 2. The translation of the verse is as follows: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then (marry) only one…" (Qur’an 4:3) 3. From this verse a number of facts are evident.  That polygamy is neither mandatory, nor encouraged, but merely permitted.  That the permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of. Rather, it is associated with compassion towards widows and orphans, a matter that is confirmed by the atmosphere in which the verse was revealed.  That even in such a situation, the permission is far more restricted than the normal practice which existed among the Arabs and other peoples at that time when many married as many as ten or more wives.  4 That dealing justly with one’s wives is an obligation. This applies to housing, food, clothing, kind treatment…etc., for which the husband is fully responsible. If one is not sure of being able to deal justly with them, the Qur’an says: "then (marry) only one." (Qur’an 4:3) 4. This verse, when combined with another verse in the same chapter, shows some discouragement of such plural marriages. 5. The other verse plainly states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if it is your ardent desire…" (Qur’an 4:129) 6. The requirement of justice rules out the fantasy that man can "own as many as he pleases."

7. It also rules out the concept of a "secondary wife", for all wives have exactly the same status and are entitled to identical rights and claims over their husband. It also implies, according to the Islamic Law, that should the husband fail to provide enough support for any of his wives, she can go to court and ask for a divorce. 8. The verse says "marry," not kidnap, buy or seduce. What is "marriage" as understood in Islam? Marriage in Islam is a civil contract which is not valid unless both contracting parties consent to it. Thus, no wife can be forced or "given" to a husband who is already married. 9. It is thus a free choice of both parties. As to the first wife.  She may be barren or ill and see in polygamy a better solution than divorce. 

B She may divorce him (unilaterally) if he is married to a second wife provided that the nuptial contract gives her the right of unilateral divorce (ismah)

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C She can go to court and ask for a divorce if there is evidence of mistreatment or injustice inflicted upon her.